Soldier of Spira Repost
by rr1963
Summary: Auron is a hard man in a hard world. He has a job to do and he can't let anyone or anything get in his way. Can anyone bring light back into his dark world? Now aurikku. Follows the game, but pretty AU now.
1. The Storyteller

Well, here we go with the repost. Everything new and clean, bright and shiny.

Let's see. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku (didn't start that way) but they don't even meet until chapter 7, and don't speak until chapter 8. This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Um, haven't _really_ got a handle on the ratings, yet. I'm pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less. I'll probably dedicate the story when I see if anyone likes it. Probably a pain to have a story no one likes dedicated to you. Guess that's it.

Well, twenty chapters in and a few people do seem to like the story, so I am dedicating it now. Well actually, I'm dedicating the first twenty chapters.

You know, as soon as this turned into an Aurikku there were a couple of people I had in mind. So, the first twenty chapters of Soldier of Spira are dedicated to Gining, because she's done so much for the pairing and the idea that Auron maybe deserves a little happiness, and that Rikku isn't just some teenager. And also for Gabi-hime for, bar-none, the best Rikku characterization I've ever seen. It's supernatural.

Well...

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

It's a shame about the city.

Passion lived here for a long time. Misery too. Love and loathing lived here. Hate, hope, and joy. Anger, envy, despair. Sorrow and grief lived here.

And seven thousand kinds of pain lived in this city.

I counted.

I lived here for ten years. In a way.

* * *

**The Storyteller**

* * *

**Auron:**

From up here, from this roof, standing this high at night between the sky and the sea, the city truly was beautiful. Spreading out, soaring up, lighting the heavens, filled with people...of a sort. Zanarkand. The city that never sleeps.

Ironic really, considering.

The city was awake now, from the high and the mighty, to the poor and the desperate. There was a game on—blitzball. You know it? It was all anyone talked about for days, even the killers and rapists.

New to the list, number 43 on the List of Things I Loathe and Despise, killers who insist on talking sports to me.

It seemed like a calm night. It wasn't. I stared into the wind. Out at sea—out past the stadium—I watched a bulge form in the water. Something huge was coming to the surface. It became a tidal wave rushing at the city. Behind it the water kept rising. It didn't stop. I watched it become a dome, then a globe, vast and cryptic. It rose in the air. It hung in the sky.

There was something inside, watching.

It was change. It was death and destruction. It was madness. It was nightmare. It was the end and the beginning.

It was an old friend. I raised my jug. Here's to you, Jecht.

You finally made it home.

The tidal wave smashed the city. Probably killed hundreds. I doubt anyone noticed because that's when Sin cut loose. Bolts of energy shot from the globe and smashed through the skyline. Buildings fell to the street, cut to pieces.

Not the one I was on.

Other buildings.

I knew people down in those streets.

Don't think about it. That part is over.

It was time to pick up the boy. Down on the ground the city was starting to come apart. It was dying. Maybe already dead. Sin can do that. People were running. Weeping. Screaming.

It wouldn't help.

It wouldn't hurt.

Don't listen to the ones calling your name, Auron. Pretend you don't hear them. Auron help us. Auron save us. Can't stop today, too busy.

Auron the hero.

Hang on. I like this song.

----Auron walking the disintegrating streets of Zanarkand----_Sounds of Silence----_Simon and Garfunkle----

* * *

**Auron:**

"Auron! What are you doing here?"

That was him. Tidus. Young star-player of the Zanarkand Abes. A good-looking kid in really good shape. He was going to have to be.

Unique dress sense, too.

Got it from his father.

"I was waiting for you."

"What are you talking about?"

I was leaning against rubble that used to be a wall, looking at crumpled shapes that used to be people.

Good people.

Bad people.

In-between people.

I pushed off and started walking back into the city. I didn't really need to. Sin would find us. But it would probably calm the boy to be doing something. He followed me. Halfway across the bridge I could tell someone was playing time-tricks nearby.

Not important.

As I walked I could see in the distance the Hall of Justice was still standing. Looked like the Fighter Guildhall was gone.

Was Emma in there, I wondered. Where was Willa?

Don't think about it.

Will the Cage hold?

Not important. Not anymore.

The Trade Rep building was gone. So was the Old Museum. There was something going on around the Hall of the Summoners. Vedec's old place was burning.

"Hey, not that way!" He caught up.

"Look," I told him. He followed my gaze out over the fires and the missing buildings. He saw the immense globe in the air. It was hanging over the city now. The boy stared at it, eyes wide, mouth hanging open.

Yeah. First time took my breath away too. I gave him a moment, then said, "We called it Sin."

"Sin?"

We watched as giant tentacles shot out of the water, crashing into different parts of the city and shooting out scales. Weird, even for Sin. One crashed into a building nearby and scales showered down around us, shaking themselves out into small fiends. These were nothing. Pests. I think Sin must have dropped them from sheer habit. But the boy would still need more than his hands to handle them. I reached under my coat and brought out a sword. I handed it down to him. "Take it. A gift from Jecht."

"My old man?"

"I hope you know how to use it."

He didn't know it, but he had two gifts from his father. The sword was from Jecht. He asked me to pass it on when the moment came. It was a good enough sword, but the boy would probably find better in time. The sword was from Jecht—his other gift was from Sin.

I pulled him to his feet. There were a couple of small scales in front of us.

"Those ones don't matter. We cut through." We cut them apart and ran on. Easy. There were more in front of us, behind us, all around us. "Don't bother going after all of them. Cut the ones that matter, and run!"

We cut down those in our way and kept going. Then we ran into a tentacle.

"Get out of my town!"

That was the boy. Kind of a fatuous thing to say.

"Some can't wait to die!"

Now that had some style. We had to get to the tentacle before it Demi'ed us to death—a spell that would hurt both of us every time it was cast. We needed to get through the scales between it and us. This was almost getting serious.

Every fighter knows a few tricks. One of mine I call the Dragon Fang. I was younger when I named it. It's a twisty little move designed to suck multiple opponents in close then cut them all with one sweep of the sword, and it worked fine against the nearest scales. It cleared the way to the tentacle and the boy and I pounded on it until it dissolved in a mass of pyreflies. I pulled out a couple of potions, one for me and one for the boy, and then we ran on, past the face of Jecht on the side of the Sports Authority building. He yelled up as we passed, "What are you laughing at, old man?"

Kid has spirit. He'll need that too.

"Auron! Let's get out of here!"

I had stopped almost at the end of the bridge.

"We're...expected."

"Huh?" He didn't understand. "Give me a break, man!"

No way he could understand, really. The world isn't what you think it is, boy. That's when the scales showed up. Lots of scales.

"Hm...this could be bad." Time was starting to be a factor. Sin would wait, but I was getting impatient now, this close. Besides, it was possible this many scales could actually hurt the boy. Mentally, I took a step back and scanned the immediate surroundings. "That—," a huge piece of damaged machine hanging over the edge of the bridge, "—knock it down!"

"What?"

"Trust me. You'll see." Four blows severed the connection hanging it up and sent the machine over the edge, followed by an explosion that brought the building down on the bridge ahead of us. No more scales. Also, no more bridge.

Well, that's what impatience buys you.

"Go!" I sent the boy jumping over the gap. He was game, but impulsive. He leaped at the widest point and barely caught the edge with his fingertips. I leaped the narrower part and walked over to him. I stood on the broken bridge and looked up at a great whirling hole in the sky overhead. It was Sin.

"Auron!" I looked down. Yes. The boy was still hanging there. "Auron!"

Around us, the entire city was unraveling, spinning, falling up into Sin. I looked up. "You are sure?" I asked. This is the way? This is the time? I looked back down at the—at Tidus.

"This is it," I told him. He wouldn't understand now, but he would remember later. I got a hold of his shirt and pulled him up. "This is your story. It all begins here."

We were pulled into Sin.

Shame about the city.

* * *

**Auron:**

There was a blinding white light. When I could see again, I was standing on a featureless plain, silent and alone. There was no sign of the boy. There didn't seem to be anyplace worth walking to, so I just stood and waited.

I thought about beginnings.

For me this all began with promises to two dead men from two different worlds—depending on just what you mean by "worlds" and "dead" and "began." When it really began depends on your perspective. So does being dead, I guess. None of us was exactly alive, but we were not-alive in different ways.

And even I don't know what I mean by worlds.

But promises...I know promises.

Tell you a story.

Once there was a man whose life was made of broken promises. He promised his parents he would be good. Say his prayers. Protect his mother and his sister. He vowed to serve Yevon. To defend the church. To obey his orders. He swore he would save Starfall Village. He would love her forever. He would guard his summoner's life. He took an oath to defeat Sin. He always failed. And after every broken promise his legend grew, and the people cheered him louder. Then he died, and went away, and never broke another promise.

I saw three figures walking toward me.

They were three young women. Dark haired. Attractive enough. They looked like sisters.

They made no noise. No footsteps, no rustle of clothing. The only sound on that strange plain was their voices.

I would have expected them to say something more profound.

"Go to Luca," they said.

I waited, looking at them, to see if there was anything more.

"Go to Luca."

Then the world shattered.

* * *

**Auron:**

It was cold. I heard wind roaring. I smelled snow and rock.

Yes, snow and rock have smells, especially when they're wet.

I opened my one good eye. I didn't really want to, but I had been doing things I didn't want to do for a long time. I opened my eye and looked around.

Snow. Rock. Sky.

Mount Gagazet.

I should have known. This is where I came to leave Spira ten years ago, to be carried to Zanarkand by Sin. To where else would I have returned?

That huge ball of fayth was around here somewhere. So was that bitch's pet guardian.

And a truly unholy number of fiends.

Welcome home, Auron. We missed you.

Should I have set the logic bombs while I had the chance? Who knows when I'll be in contact with Sin again. No, Auron, I sighed. You don't know enough about Spira to act blindly. It's been ten years. Anything might have happened.

Reassured in my own mind that I had made the right decision, I slowly stood up and looked around. I didn't see the boy. I didn't really expect to. Sin could have dropped him anywhere.

Great.

First day and already The Plan is shot to hell.

I wasn't really that worried about him. Two reasons—first, Sin doesn't really want him hurt. It won't put him down anywhere too dangerous—nowhere like the Alpha or Omega dungeons. Second, the boy has a gift—a special gift that others don't. One of the things that make fiends so terrible is their violent hatred of the still living. They relentlessly pursue any man, woman, child, pet, or farm animal that tries to run away from them. Some fiends are slow, but many are fast, and in the military annals at Bevelle there is not a single confirmed record of any true fiend ever fleeing battle. They always attack until killed, and they NEVER give up.

But they wouldn't chase Tidus. They'll attack. Fiends can't really do anything else. But they won't like it, they won't like his smell. They'll be nervous, and if the boy has sense enough to run, they won't follow.

Just a little gift from his father, Sin.

Tell you a story about it later.

I stood up and took stock. Even for one like me, it was cold, but my old, red coat was well-made and warm. It also had a few Zanarkand improvements. I had some potions, a sword, some gil in my pocket, and my jug. As long as there's somewhere to buy some food, a man doesn't need much more.

Except someplace to go.

Well, I had that. Luca was as good a place as any.

Just before I started out, I stood tall for a moment, there on top of the mountain, looking up, and out.

I was close to the summit.

It was...clean.

I have always loved the high places. Except for the wind, it was quiet. The sky was a deep, deep blue that almost shaded to purple overhead. I could have stood for hours watching it.

I swear, sometimes it feels like...

Never mind.

I started down the mountain, keeping watch for fiends. Fiends were rare in Zanarkand—the monsters there were men. There would be many more in Spira, and I was ten years out of practice. When I arrived in Zanarkand, I had to start over and teach myself how to fight again with only one eye. I know I could do things ten years ago that I would have to relearn now.

The wind picked up and the snow flew around me. It was cold, but I ignored that. I'm good at ignoring things that aren't important. Soon I reached the caves. That was a problem. For one thing, the Gagazet caves were full of water obstacles.

Number 7 on the List of Things I Loathe and Despise, water obstacles. Heavy fighters are not at home in the water. There's no way to get leverage behind your swing. On our pilgrimage ten years ago, Jecht had done all the water fighting for us. He was also our anti-flyer specialist. We kept him busy on our journey. He was incredible in the water. I never saw anyone to match him.

For another thing, the cave was full of fiends, strong fiends.

The first time I came down Mt Gagazet, stumbling and falling back from Zanarkand, coughing blood and bitterness...well, I don't really remember how I got through the caves. I just remember putting one foot in front of the other. Pain and promises were the only things in my world.

One foot—next foot—one foot—next foot. You just have to get up one more time than you fall down.

Easy.

I stopped, sniffed.

There was something in the air. Something in the wind. Trouble was coming fast. A mountain yeti erupted out of the snow under me. I rode him up, flipped off, and rolled to my feet. This wasn't good. I wasn't ready for this, not yet. Skills deteriorate in ten years. It was coming at me, slashing, roaring. I dodged and hacked at it, trying to cut through its thick coat. I had to be careful, the footing was treacherous. It was strong. I needed to concentrate on defense, I couldn't afford to let it land even one blow. I tried to use armor break, one of the ki-break techniques the temples teach the warrior monks. They're special spirit attacks heavy fighters can use to weaken an enemy. But it wouldn't come. It had been too long. I never needed them in Zanarkand.

The simplest attack—the first you learn—was power break. It worked. I cut the beast, and I could feel my ki-energy pouring through the sword into its body. I abandoned defense and attacked. Now my blows were landing. Now the blood began to fly. It reached for me and drew back a stump. I dodged a blow and threw myself sideways to hamstring it. It went down in the snow and I took its head. It erupted into pyreflies. A mountain yeti. I was lucky there was only one.

Welcome home, Auron.

I stood on a ledge near the top of Mt Gagazet and considered my position.

The cave was ahead of me, filled with water obstacles and strong fiends. I was no good in the water, and out of practice fighting fiends.

Looking down the mountain, I could see the Calm Lands spread below me. Even past the caves the mountain was probably crawling with fiends.

I didn't have time for this. I had promises to keep. I needed to find Tidus and Yuna.

Well...there was another way. Something I had done once or twice in Zanarkand.

All right, once.

I took a potion from my coat and slipped my glasses into a pocket. I didn't want to lose them. They were an expensive gift from people who never had much.

I looked around. I stepped off the cliff.

You only die once, right?

* * *

**Auron:**

Falling. Plunging. Smashing, crashing against the mountain, tumbling over and over. Red sprayed against the white. Ribs splintering, coming apart. Legs broken, and broken again. Drink the potion while I can. Almost. Almost. There. The ground, coming, growing, waiting.

PAIN!

Breathing is hard...it hurts...

Vision is blurred...my one good eye...

Colors...pyreflies...me...

Can't move...have to move...have to get to Luca...

Hold it together, Auron...promises to keep...have to get to Luca...

"Ooh, Sir Auron!"

Can't turn my head...a woman?

"You only had to wait a little bit."

My body being lifted—pain! Going higher. Look down—that's easy. The ground rushing past. A shadow racing the clouds. Wings? Look up—that hurts. Colors. Red, and blue, and gold. Before it all goes black.

**Next: Al Bhed Princess**


	2. Al Bhed Princess

Still major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX still isn't mine. Still follows the story, but still kind of AU. It's still an Aurikku (still didn't start that way) but they still don't even meet until chapter 7, and still don't speak until chapter 8. This is still about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Um, still haven't _really_ got a handle on the ratings, yet. I'm still pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less. I'll still probably dedicate the story when I see if anyone likes it. Still probably a pain to have a story no one likes dedicated to you. Man, I'm having trouble drawing lines across the page. That's how I break chapters up internally. Also can't get it to put two spaces between words. Oh well. Guess that's it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

----Rikku----_Pon the Replay Radio Edit----_Rihanna----

**Rikku's Diary:**

Wow! We've been so busy I haven't had time to write here for weeks. Did'ja miss me? Of course you did! Everybody misses me. No place is the same without me. Sometimes I think of all the poor people who've never even gotten a chance to meet me! It's sad, but Spira's a sad world.

* * *

**Al Bhed Princess**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We just got back from the old temple our people found near Baaj. Dad put me in charge of a salvage team for the first time. "Rikku," he seemed to be saying, "This needs your delicate touch." And was that ever a lucky break, cause the guys they sent with me...uh... Look, I love us Al Bhed. Heck, I'm an Al Bhed princess! No, not that kind of ABP, an actual princess. Well, close anyways, since my dad is Cid, leader of the Al Bhed. So I really like Al Bhed. I like our clothes, our food, our music, the way all the young Al Bhed girls are beautiful and talented. And I'm CRAZY about our machina! But still, even with all that going for us, I'm forced to admit that a lot of our young men are thicker than Macalania mud. Good with machina, mind you, but dumber than a pregnant shoopuf spokesmodel.

So we're at Baaj. We got all the old components we went there for, so we decided to spend a little time treasure hunting. We killed a few small fiends and picked up some gil and weapons. Nothing too exciting, but better than a frog in your ear (I know). And we get to the doors of a big central chamber, but they were closed tight. Just stood there, refusing to open, laughing at us. Well hey, the Al Bhed motto is "fire in the hole!" We always have some Go Boom stuff on us. We piled bombs, grenades, and gimmicked power packs against the doors, stood back, and let'er rip. Big Flash. Big Noise. Big Smoke. Big Zero. Big Zip. Big Zilch. When the smoke cleared those mean ol', big ol' doors were still standing there looking all smug and superior. Well hey, the Al Bhed motto is "if at first you don't succeed, triple the charge!"

We piled it higher and deeper. We probably weren't going to make any profit on this trip, but we wiped that smug look right off those door's faces. Hey, waitaminute they seemed to be saying. We can talk about this! Let's reason togethe_—-_**KA-BOOMO**! Ha! Teach them to trifle with an Al Bhed princess.

So anyways, we get into the chamber and there's a blond kid in there fighting a fiend, a big, wicked-looking bug thing. Oh, it was a horrible sight—-he had some leather doohickey hanging off one pants leg, and he was wearing the tackiest piece of jewelry around his neck. I'm gonna have nightmares, I know it! Some nice, bright colors, but jeez, get a fashion sense.

Alright, I decide to help a kid out. I shift up next to him and dare the king of the bugs to strike. I have to stop doing that—-it hurts! The big bug started slashing at both of us. The kid flashed in and out swiping with that sword of his. "You on my side?" he asked. "Cool!"

He was actually pretty fast. I'm fast myself. I had a claw, a kind of thief-type weapon. Why would I need a thief-type weapon, a nice girl like me? Um, uh, okay. So besides being an Al Bhed princess, a kick-ass mechanic, something of a linguist, and an all-around bright spot in the lives of the people around me, I also happen to be a thief. But hey, I only steal from fiends! That's not wrong, is it? And Al Bhed haters. It's okay to steal from Al Bhed haters, right? Of course it is. They have it coming. And sometimes Yevonites in general. And maybe occasionally a Guado, or Ronso, or Hypello. But only when I really need something, and I never steal from another Al Bhed! Unless they're being mean. Or they're probably going to be mean in the future sometime. And I'd never, ever steal from a friend. Again.

So you can't really call me a thief, can you? Although I'm really, really good. Anyways, so I have this claw, but why get close when you have grenades in your pocket? Grenades—lets hear it for explosives—yay! So the kid is slashing, and I'm tossing grenades, when I see a flash of something. It seems to be just beneath the fiend's shiny bug hide. Fiends form around weapons, items, gil, or gather them from people they kill. Sometimes a thief can get in close, kind of feel around, and try to pull something out, but you have to be really fast. Quick as quick I rush in, grab it, and I'm back out. (Some people say I love shiny things. They say I'm easily distracted. Then they're all surprised when their stuff goes missing!) I look down real fast to see what I've got, and it's...uh...oh...damn. It's a grenade. That means... The only people who carry grenades are the Al Bhed, so guess how the bug got one. Now the fight was personal, and I took some real satisfaction from seeing the bug grand poobah turn into just a bunch of pyreflies when we finished it off. All hail Rikku, Al Bhed princess and master exterminator—we don't just kill bugs, we make them suffer! (By the way, has anyone considered a mass pyrefly eradication program? Maybe stop the fiends at the source? Or is it just me?) I also grabbed the two spheres and the gil the bug dropped.

Hey, what was the kid going to spend it on, anyway?

Okay, so here's where the lucky-I-was-in-charge thing comes in. The guys I was with (they were actually my distant cousins) they thought the kid was a fiend. (Breaths a big sigh-o. Dumb as Gagazet rocks.) Digalt (we called him Mopey) comes up and grabs the kid by his hair, and the other guys all point their weapons at him. They're going to cut his throat then and there. "Guys," I said, "What if it's human?"

Cutyi waves his knife at me and says, "They're all the same in death." Where do boys pick up stuff like that? Who actually talks like that? Dumb as Djose dirt. So I put my little foot down, and tell them we're taking the "fiend" back with us. "Sorry," I tell the kid. I guess we're not making the best first impression, and it doesn't really help when I knee him in the stomach.

----Background: Al Bhed Ship----_Zydeco Gris Gris----_Buckwheat Zydeco----

We get back to the boats and pull for the ship. It's a really nice night. You can see a bajillion stars in the sky. Well, you could if it wasn't for the clouds. Hey, I saw them yesterday! Anyway, any night without a storm is a good night at sea, right? (Or anywhere.) When we finish stowing the stuff from Baaj in the cargo hold, I come up on deck and see the kid's awake. He starts to get up and one of the boys pushes him back down and tells him not to move. I mean, hey guys, it's not like he doesn't speak our language or anything. My brother's with me. His name is...uh, Brother. Funny story about the name. Not so much funny, really. More kinda disturbing. Some other time.

Brother isn't exactly the sharpest claw in the arms locker either, especially around women, but at least he realized the kid didn't speaka the Al Bhed. He used sign language. It wasn't great sign language, and it never got the point across, but he was in there trying. The kid didn't understand. Big sigh. Time for little Rikku to step in and solve everyone's problems for them. "He said you could stay if you make yourself useful," I told him.

"You...you understand me?" Well of course I do. I talk Common Spiran real good. The kid agreed to work with us. You see, Baaj Temple was just a side trip while we were in the neighborhood. The real prize was under us, ancient ruins from before the fall of Zanarkand. I was supposed to go down and try to get the power turned on, like look for a great big on/off switch or something. But there were fiends underwater. They didn't want me to go alone (they love me), so I said I'd take the kid. He was pretty good with that sword, and he looked like he wouldn't slow me down too much underwater.

So there we are in the water, swimming down, down, (voice getting deeper) down, following the guide line to the bottom. Then, we see it! A huge complex built into the side of an underwater mountain. It's all dark and mysterious. The only lights are the ones set up by our salvage teams. Kind of spooky and shivery, ya know? Like when you were a little girl and you bury your face in your daddy's coat while he tells you stories about Zanarkand before it was all dead.

We get to the power control facility and swim in. There's a closed lock at the far end. That's the first problem. No one has been able to open it. That's why they sent their best. There's a control panel, but before I can do anything, the kid goes up and starts beating on it! He's just whaling away. The control panel is just looking at me, saying Save me!Save me! I'm starting to think it might be grenade time, when the panel surrenders, the lights go on, and the lock opens up. The kid got lucky. Okay, that's fine. Luck is good. Getting it done is what's important, not who does what.

We swim through a big central chamber, around a big pylon, and down another corridor. This is the main power station. There should be enough reserves to activate the complex if I can just figure out how to turn it on. This was a sophisticated piece of machina, it would be a delicate—

He was doing it again! He just swam past me and started beating on the power station! What did that kid think he was doing? Just because he got lucky once with a door didn't mean...uh...okay, power's on now. Jeez, where is this kid from anyway? I thought only us Al Bhed knew anything about machina, but now here's this blond kid with horrible dress sense and a Beat-On-it-Til-it-Gives-In repair technique previously known only to highly skilled Al Bhed mechanics. You gotta respect that. And again, not important who does what as long as the job gets done. No egos here, please. I stole twenty gil when he wasn't looking.

Job accomplished, we headed back out, but I guess we musta woken something up when we turned the power back on, cause it was waiting for us in the central chamber, and it was grouchy.

The kid's ahead of me as we swim in, when suddenly big tentacles are swiping at him. He's knocked end over end, while I see it's a big octopus thingy! The kid pulls himself together and cuts at the fiend, while I throw a couple of grenades. That must have been more fight than it was used to from its meals, cause it took off around the central column. The kid took the opportunity to potion up while I tossed another grenade. I'm looking around for a way out when he starts pointing. I look up and El Grande Calamari is back doing some sort of super-blender attack. More grenades, more cutting, more potions, before the thing slinks away again. The kid is making signs that we need to go after it this time—he'll go one way and I'll go the other. Decisions, decisions. What the heck, he's not that good with machina. I go around the other way and we catch the thing between us. Cut cut, boom boom, dead dead. I pocket some more gil and a couple of items. What?

We swim back out, and gee, you should see the ruins now! They're all lit up, like the place is coming back to life. I shake my head and wonder if this is just a little bit like what Zanarkand looked like back in the day. We can head back up now, but I want to see the big prize they've all been talking about. We swim down past other Al Bhed salvage workers, past the ruins, down into a great big trench. There at the bottom, there it is—an ancient airship! It's gi-normous. And it's beautiful! I don't care what the Yevonites say, machina are wonderful! Okay, so it's covered in a thousand years' worth of ocean crud, but if anyone can make it fly again it's dad and his people back at home.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Back on board, everyone congratulates me on getting the job done quicker than anyone thought I could. There's a reason the Al Bhed motto is "leave it to Rikku!" I tell them, Hey, I just got lucky (I'm so modest) and the kid didn't slow me down too much. Gotta remember to feed him later.

Finding the airship is really great, but I don't think it's going to be ready for Operation Mi'ihen.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I carried a tray out to the deck. "He followed you home, Rikku, so you feed him." Thanks guys. Way to really treat a superintelligent Al Bhed princess who just saved your project by finding the big light switch. The kid's lying on the deck. No ambition at all. "Here's some food," I say politely. He musta been real hungry cause it's like he just leans back and starts throwing the food down his throat. Of course he starts to choke. Good old Rikku to the rescue, I throw him some water and some advice about eating too fast. Okay, to non-existent fashion sense, add substandard table manners.

He gets up and starts laughing and stretching, then he looks right at me and says, "Hello there. What's your name?"

He has blue eyes. He's not really that young. A year or two older than me. Suddenly I'm having trouble thinking of anything to say. Tell him you're an Al Bhed princess! No. Wanna see some cool machina? No. Ask if he wants to see your spheres! Agk! Double no! Ask him about his big sword! Stop it! Name! What's my name? Rikku. "Rikku."

"Whoa! You really do understand! Woo Hoo!" And he starts laughing and dancing around. Okay, so maybe he can carry the conversation for the both of us. He's kinda nice looking, in spite of what he's wearing, but he's sorta weird. On the other hand, if I were stuck with a bunch of people whose language I didn't know and I found someone I could talk to, I might be so happy I'd start shaking my dance thing too. And he sure didn't speak Al Bhed. He didn't even know who the Al Bhed were! Who was this guy?

"Where are you from?" I asked him.

"Zanarkand." Well, ask a silly question. "I'm a blitzball player. Star player for the Zanarkand Abes!"

Okay, Rikku, no sudden moves. Step slowly away from His Blondness. "Did...you hit your head or something?"

"Um, you guys hit me." A fair point.

"Oh, right. Do you remember anything before that?" So we lean on the rail and he looks out at the ocean and starts telling me all about his life, except it can't be real. It's all about living in Zanarkand, but it's alive and full of people. And he's a big star. He's famous. And he talks about how Auron took care of him after his parents died. You know, Auron-the-Legendary-Guardian-who-brought-the-last-Calm-with-Braska, Auron? It all sounds like the kind of story an orphan would make up, or a sad little boy, whose life is so tough they just go away to a better one inside their head. Then the kid talks about Sin.

He turned to me and asked, "Did I say something funny?"

Not really. I look over at him. "You were near Sin. Don't worry, you'll be better in no time. They say your head gets funny when Sin is near. Maybe you had some kind of dream?"

"You mean I'm sick?" Okay, maybe my comforting reassurances need some work.

"Because of Sins's toxin, yeah."

"You sure?" He didn't seem convinced.

"Yeah, there is no Zanarkand anymore. Sin destroyed it a thousand years ago. So...no one plays blitzball there." Should I have told him that? Did he really, really need to know, or did I just take away the best thing in his life, even if it wasn't real? Maybe it wasn't Sin's toxin at all, just something he needed to believe because his real life was so bad. I've seen people like that, people who've lost so much, lost their families to Sin, or to fiends, and it hurts so much that they just go away somewhere inside their heads where there is no Sin and they're with the people they love and they're happy. But they're not really happy. It's a fantasy, it's not real and it's sad, and when I'm around them I get the creeps, and I wish I didn't but I do. Really, they hurt so much that they've given up. It's not like having a dream. A real dream is something you can really hope for and work for. Dreams that can really happen are what life and hope and the future and music and love are all about.

Sometimes I think it's worse killing someone's dream than it is killing them. That's what Sin has done. People dream about finding someone, building a family, growing up, a life together. But they know that Sin is always out there, ready to take it all away. We're afraid to dream now, and all we really hope for is that someone a lot braver than us will come along and buy us a little peace with their lives.

He wasn't giving in, anyway. He didn't want to believe me. "What do you mean, a thousand years ago? But I saw Sin attack Zanarkand! You're saying that happened a thousand years ago? No way!"

Well, good for you kid! Don't you let some bony-hipped, fast-talking Al Bhed chick take your dream away from you. I bounce from gloomy all the way back to Princess Cheery. I do it all the time. Sometimes I don't know I'm a glum person trying to act happy or a kumquat. Dad just calls me bi-polar and stays out of my way when I get down. Okay, now what do we do with this kid? So he probably does play blitzball. That would explain why he's so good in the water. So... "You know, you should go to Luca."

"Uh huh."

"Someone might know who you are, or you might find someone you recognize." Hey! Rikku to the rescue once again. Tell me I'm not the cutest little genius you've ever seen. Course he didn't even know what Luca was, but that's just the toxin. We'll get this kid back to his people in no time, and doubtless they'll present me with some little token of their appreciation. No, I'll say, I couldn't possibly. But they'll insist. I just need to convince the others to take us to Luca. No problem—they love me here. "Leave it to me," I told him, "I'll get you to Luca, promise! What? You'd rather stay here?"

Oops, I thought. I turn back to the kid. "Oh, and one thing. Don't tell anyone you're from Zanarkand, okay? Yevon says it's a holy place. You might upset someone." I rush off to the main lounge. Fearric's there. He's my father's cousin, and he's in charge of this operation. I'm like a niece to him. I can always wrap him around my little finger.

"Please!"

"No, Rikku."

"Pleeeeeease!"

"NO, Rikku!"

"Oh com'oooonnnnnnnnn."

"We don't have the time."

"I'll be your friend..."

"Rikku..."

"You're mean!"

"Yep."

"I hate you!"

"It won't last."

"I'll give you back the keys to your speeder!"

"You don't have my keys!"

"I will."

"Rikku!"

"I love you!"

"(Sigh.) Oh, damn, Rikku..."

Hahaha! I had to hug him. Had to! It's in the contract when a favorite uncle does something really nice just for you. So just as we get to the happy ending, something typically Spiran happens. The ship starts to shake, and leans over. My fanny hits the deck and there are crew running all over. It's Sin. It's underneath us, and it's coming up. Maybe Sin really is attracted to machina.

We didn't lose any of our people. I guess Sin was just passing through. But the kid was gone. I saw him go overboard. We looked for him for a long time, but we never found anything, so maybe he made it. I hope so. I am so sick of losing people.

**Next: Do Not Go to Kilika**


	3. Do Not Go to Kilika

Same stuff. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku (didn't start that way) but they don't even meet until chapter 7, and don't speak until chapter 8. This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Um, haven't _really_ got a handle on the ratings, yet. I'm pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less. I'll probably dedicate the story when I see if anyone likes it. Probably a pain to have a story no one likes dedicated to you. Guess that's still it. (Still having trouble with the lines across the page.)

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

I still try to open both eyes. I don't know why, and I don't suppose it matters. But even after all these years when I wake up, I open one eye, and then before I remember I try to open the other.

It never works.

I opened one eye. I was in a rough bed in a small room. It hurt to turn my head. I turned my head, and looked around. The place was simple, with only a single door and window. There was a crude chair by the bed. My red coat was slung over the back. My sword stood in the corner.

I looked down at myself. My ribs were tightly bandaged, but otherwise I seemed alright. I wasn't tired, but I felt a little weak. Patience, Auron. I sat up and waited. After about an hour a man came in, saw me, and smiled, "Ah, you're awake."

He was a priest of Yevon.

* * *

**Do Not Go to Kilika**

* * *

**Auron:**

We were sitting across the table from one another sharing a simple but pleasant meal. Outside, I could see people finishing up the day's tasks as the light faded from the sky. I was in Mihen Low, one of the small villages off the Mi'ihen Road that runs from Luca to Djose. How had I gotten here, thousands of miles away from Mt Gagazet? Apparently, I flew.

"You caused a great commotion. It isn't everyday a battered, bleeding legend descends from the sky carried by an aeon. At least, not here. Maybe in Bevelle," he smiled.

Father Mott had a good smile, kind and firm, like anyone's father should have. He was a healer, of small power. He had done what he could for me when the aeon—Valefor, I suppose—dropped me in the yard in front of his small church. I gather I made an impression. Dozens wanted my autograph, others just wanted to see me. Many wanted to know how I was hurt. I admit the trip down the mountain did more damage than I expected.

"Oh yes, there are many people who would like to see you, or even talk to you, Sir Auron. There is a woman in the village, her son-in-law is from Ocean's Point. She especially would like to see you and thank you."

Ocean's point. Maybe you know I saved Ocean's Point and all of its people years ago, single-handed. It's part of the legend. You never meet anyone from Starfall Village. No one made it out of Starfall Village.

"I don't want to see anyone," I told him.

"They'll be disappointed."

They live in Spira. They're used to disappointment.

The Father was a man of easy and reasonable conversation. While we ate our meal, the talk turned to Yevon and the church. Natural, I suppose. He was disappointed, but unsurprised, to learn of my break with the church. He was a quietly devout man, totally committed to the welfare of his flock. He had absolute faith in Yevon.

"Perhaps," I told him, "Perhaps I know the church better than you, Father. It isn't worthy of your devotion."

His eyes were bright as he leaned over the table and answered. "The church is an illusion," he said. "Merely a collection of buildings and traditions. I don't worship the Church."

"I also know Yevon much better than you."

"I don't worship Yevon, either. Yevon is just a word. We don't even know who Yevon is, or was. At least, I don't. Yevon might have been a man, or a place, or an event." He looked at me, eyes gentle, but filled with faith. "I worship what Yevon stands for to me—hope, in the face of despair. Only fools worship words."

I nodded slowly, and took a few bites of my meal. "I suppose Bevelle is full of fools, then," I said.

He grimaced at me. "You know better than that. In Bevelle, they worship power, not words. They may not be pious men, but they are certainly not fools."

He was right. I looked at him, and wondered how many simple village priests like him were out there, across Spira. How many who see the true nature of Bevelle's Yevon, and find their own to follow instead? He sat there, quiet and dignified in his simple robes. Are you a new hope for Spira, I wondered, or a subtle trap? You with your faith and your purpose, your composure and gravity, you sit there across from me and almost make the Church into something real and good. In my ten years in Zanarkand, I forgot about men like you, the good men in the Church. The people in this village have a good and decent man for their priest. The people in this village will never turn against Bevelle, because they have a good and decent man for their priest. You are part of the problem, Father. Do you even see that? You see Yevon clearly. You see the Church clearly. But you still don't know what I know. The world is not what you think it is.

Perhaps killing you would be my best gift to Spira, I thought, then hunt down all the good men in the Church. There couldn't be that many. I would never do it, of course. They were the idle thoughts of someone like me, brutality my everyday tool.

We stayed up far into the night, talking about the nature of faith, contrition, and redemption. I was ready to leave the next morning. I felt a little better after talking with Father Mott, better about Spira. Perhaps when this story was ended and a new one began, there would be a place in it for priests like him and for a greatly changed Church.

I still have no faith in Yevon. I don't know what I have faith in.

* * *

**Auron:**

It was early when I walked away from the village of Mihen Low, but there were already a few people around, and I was asked for my autograph. Merely annoying. What disturbed me were the mothers who held up their children and asked for blessings. I muttered something to satisfy them and walked faster. Auron the holy fool.

By midday I was well away from the village, and making good time. The sky was clear and the sun was pleasantly warm. I thought I could be in Luca in twelve days. There were other travelers on the road. I kept to myself, and never slowed or stopped, but I could see them looking at me, staring at me. Occasionally I heard someone say "Auron" or "guardian" or "death walking." It was Kinoc who came up with that one years ago, who first started calling me Death Walking Among Men. I wanted to kill him, but it would only have proven his point.

I had to fight a few fiends on the road. The worst was a flyer that I just couldn't touch. Finally a kid with a slingshot had to help me out. Add a story to the legend. Actually, it was...all right. I guarded the kid and he took potshots at the bird-thing. When the fiend erupted into pyreflies the kid had a smile big enough for two people. He had fought alongside Auron. It really made his day.

It was close to dark when I met a party I couldn't avoid. It was a summoner and her guardians. Red-haired, with a spray of freckles across her nose, she was perhaps twenty-five years old. Old enough to die. Far too young to die. There were three men with her, two obviously guardians, the last an elderly man they had been speaking to.

"Oh, oh! Are you...Sir Auron?" She was blushing and stammering. The young men were staring, mouths open.

There I stood, one arm hanging out of my sleeve, red coat waving in the wind, sword slung over my shoulder. Totally at my ease, inspecting them over the tops of my glasses. The legend. Sometimes I wonder about me. It's not like I crave attention.

"Lady Summoner, I am."

"Oh, Sir Auron! It is a very great honor to meet you! I am the summoner Ingrid, and these are my guardians." She was almost bouncing up and down. Her two guardians were a well-built warrior and a young black mage. All three wanted autographs. Look into their eyes, Auron. What they really want is your approval. They were on pilgrimage, to gather aeons and defeat Sin. Maybe they were childhood friends. They were on the last trip they would ever take together. They were excited, caught up in the drama, dreaming of being heroes, champions, martyrs, fools, rushing towards their deaths, eaten by fear and second thoughts, wanting desperately to give up, turn back, let someone else kill the monster. They were young and they wanted to live. They needed me to tell them that they were doing a good and great thing, that they were Spira's light and hope. I was proof standing in front of them that it could be done. They stood there, looking at me, wanting me to tell them it was worth doing.

What could I say? Go back! I shouted in my head. Give up this quest, go home, marry one of these young men, have children! Have hope! That's how you fight despair!

I couldn't tell them that.

Summoners and guardians. Guardians and summoners. The light and the hope of Spira. At any given time there are twenty to forty summoners all over Spira in various stages of training. When a Calm ends, one to two dozen will immediately set out on pilgrimage to acquire aeons and eventually battle Sin. Some of them will be killed by fiends, some will abandon their quest, a few will be rejected by the aeons for some reason. One or two or three will reach the city of Zanarkand and face the bitch's judgment. If one of these defeats Sin, then a new Calm begins. If not, then new summoner parties will set out as their training is completed until one of them succeeds. The Calm starts. It lasts for nine, or ten, or twelve years, and more summoners start to train for Sin's return. This is the sick cycle of life, sacrifice, and death that has chained Spira for a thousand years. And we feed this twisted pattern our best people, like this young girl and these two young men standing in front of me, staring at me with bright, shining eyes. Blind, clueless people.

Like me.

You wish, Auron.

What could I tell them?

"Once, a summoner named Braska went on a pilgrimage to defeat Sin," I began.

"Once, a summoner named Braska went on a pilgrimage to defeat Sin. Lord Braska often thought of turning back. _**A blatant lie. Braska never for one moment considered giving up his quest. **_He had a daughter. If he died without defeating Sin, she would be left alone for no good reason, for no gain. She had already lost her mother. Everyday, he looked into his heart, searching for the truth—did he have an honest chance to defeat Sin, or was he merely fooling himself. Many summoners die without ever reaching Zanarkand. They could have turned back and lived. They should have turned back and lived. Braska was never certain. **_Braska was always certain._** But every morning when he asked himself if he should turn back, he saw in his heart the right thing was to continue. His two guardians would have followed him anywhere, but he was the summoner. If any morning, or the middle of any night, he decided to turn back, they would have followed, because it would have been the right choice. But they never turned back. Braska was the one destined to defeat Sin. And his heart knew."

There. I looked at their shining faces. Maybe I could have done better, said something better, but there it was. How many summoners want to turn back, but go on to their deaths because they're too embarrassed, too ashamed, too frightened of what people will think, how people will look at them? They took up the quest and they were treated like heroes, now turn around and say Sorry, too hard, changed my mind.

Better to die.

It isn't, really.

Men and women will march knowingly to their graves to avoid a few days humiliation.

There are times I hate people.

If these three were bound and determined to keep on, then the story I told them will probably sustain them. But if ever they decide they want to turn back, then maybe my story will help them accept the loss of pride: I don't care what you think, it was the right thing to do, Sir Auron said so!

They were making camp. I could have stayed. They would have loved me to stay with them and tell them stories of Braska and Zanarkand, Klannathe and Ocean's Point. They would have told me about their lives, and where they were from, and funny things about each other, trying to see who could make me laugh first. I told them I had to go on. I told them I had promises to keep.

I look at their faces, young and laughing, and see death.

The old man swung in next to me as I walked away from them. He had glasses and a long white beard. He said nothing until we were far enough away that the young people wouldn't hear us. Then he spoke.

"I am Maechen, a scholar. I study ancient relics and records to try to discover Spira's true past."

"And what have you found?" I asked after a moment.

"Oh, a great many interesting things," he smiled. "But we can talk about that later. You and I have mutual friends, and I have news from them."

"All of my friends are dead."

"Then, shall we say acquaintances," his voice came out of the growing dark.

"Who are these acquaintances, and what do they have to say to me?"

"The boy and the girl are together, and on their way to Kilika Island. When they are done there they will come to Luca."

I frowned, thinking. "They are on their way to Kilika now?" I believed this scholar was telling the truth. I can smell an agent of Bevelle.

"Actually, they will leave for Kilika in the morning."

I swung right and plunged into the woods.

"Wait! Where are you going?" he cried after me.

Kilika. If that's where Tidus and Yuna were, then that was where I needed to be, as quickly as I could. I needed to join them if I was going to protect them. I walked west through the woods most of the next day. I met few fiends, and they were rather weak. Late in the afternoon I broke out of the trees. I could see the ocean, and a small fishing village not too far away. These are common up and down this part of the Mi'ihen coast. There was a woman waiting as I stepped into the open.

"Auron," she said, "Do not go to Kilika. Wait for them in Luca." Did her voice sound familiar? Had I met her before?

"I have promises to keep," I said. "They are going to Kilika now, and that is where I will go."

"No, Auron. Do not go to Kilika."

I walked past her and down to the village.

* * *

**Auron:**

I stood as close to the front of the boat as I could, as if that would make it go faster. I had spent the night in the village. The people were thrilled to have me. They stammered as they brought their children close to see me. I was an excuse for a celebration, with food and music. They were even happier when I told them I wanted to hire a boat to take me to Kilika. It paid better than fishing. We left a little before dawn the next morning—something about tides.

It was a pretty boat, even if it smelled of fish. I've gotten used to worse odors. (Twelve days sharing a pit with a dead chocobo comes to mind. It stopped being fun after Day Three.) The sun was bright and the air was sharp with salt. The wind was with us and we were cutting through the water. We would reach Kilika a day, perhaps two after Tidus and Yuna.

But I had a feeling I didn't like. There was something. I could smell it. It smelled like...Sin! Sin was behind us, following me—I was leading Sin straight toward Kilika!

"Turn!" I cried. I had the crew turn 90 degrees, taking us away from Kilika. From the mast, one of them spotted Sin. They put on all the speed they had. Sin wasn't following us. I could sense it. It was on the scent of Kilika now, of the living people it hated and craved. Sin wasn't paying any more attention to me.

"Turn back!" I told the crew. We needed to cut back at an angle, get close enough to Sin that I could attack when we passed. We had to distract it. They didn't understand what I wanted at first, then they did, and they refused. They wouldn't turn back toward Sin. I raged at them. We had to turn Sin away from Kilika. They didn't care about Kilika, they cared about their lives and their boat. I cut the captain in half, and roared at the others to turn, but they just stood there staring at me, at the sword, at the body. I killed someone else and told them to turn the boat, but they wouldn't. They scattered, they hid. I hunted them, pulling them from their holes, ordering them to the lines to turn us around, cutting them down when they wouldn't. When only six were left they finally turned the boat—too late. Too late. We had lost too much time, and they were too few now, and too clumsy.

And now what, I asked myself.

I could sense Sin drawing away in the distance. Kilika's fate was sealed. The woman had been right. I should have gone to Luca. I stared after Sin. I stared toward Kilika. I could still go. I would get there long after the attack, far too late to help, or do anything useful. Kilika needed healers now, and summoners, and carpenters, and stonemasons. Not fighters. But I could still go.

Every fighter, and every leader of men, has to know when to stop, when to cut their losses, when to say, I've lost good people trying to do this, but if I keep trying I'll only lose more. It was time to give up, time to move on. Going to Kilika now would gain me nothing. I turned to the remaining crew.

"Clean this up. Head for Luca."

**Next: Luca**


	4. Luca

Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku (didn't start that way) but they don't even meet until chapter 7, and don't speak until chapter 8. This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Um, haven't _really_ got a handle on the ratings, yet. I'm pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less. Still having trouble with the lines across the page. Given up on the double-spaces between words, but I need the lines. Also, didn't like this chapter title, but couldn't think of a better one. Anyway...

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Luca.

The big city.

We limped into port on the day of the tournament that opens the blitzball season. Mika and the teams had already arrived. Maester Mika in the city. I wondered if our paths would cross. The last time we spoke had been...unsatisfying.

We tied up at an empty slip. I checked my jug and settled my sword across my shoulder. The boat's crew looked at me anxiously. There were four left—they had tried to murder me in the night. The youngest one was fourteen. His father was dead. Now they were afraid I would want to leave no witnesses behind. None of the crew ever understood that they had committed the crime. I stepped to the side of the boat, then stopped.

"You men," I said without turning. "You can tell your story, how death rode with you to Kilika, and you escaped Sin, but not steel. Tell people the price you paid for your fear. It matters not to me. It will become just one more story in the legend.

"But for your own sake, I tell you make something up. You were attacked by Sin, or by fiends, or by pirates. You were caught in a storm, or a sudden sickness swept your boat. Do not tell them I had to kill you one by one before you would try to save Kilika.

"That's not what people want to hear. Try to tell people a truth they don't want to know, and they will destroy you."

* * *

**Luca**

* * *

**Auron:**

I stood on the pier taking deep breaths. I preferred the slightly stale air of the city—any city—to the sea air just then. It wouldn't last, but for me the sea smelled like corpses. A small boy ran up and shoved a note in my hand. He stared up at me for a moment, then took off. It was the name of a tavern. It was more than ten years since I had been in Luca, but I could find the place. I left the boat, the survivors, and my latest bloody, heroic failure behind.

The city seemed small as I walked the streets. Zanarkand had changed my perspective, but Luca was a large city on Spira. It was the heart of the blitzball world. They willingly withstood attacks by Sin, then tried to rebuild in time for the next games. I've never understood blitzballers, and I've known two of the best. And again, eyes watched me every step of the way. There were whispers. People pointed. If it weren't for the blitzball tournament, I suppose I would have been the talk of the town that day. Yes, I am a legend—the red guardian, death walking, savior of Ocean's Point (don't ask about Starfall Village), hero of Klannathe, greatest warrior of my generation. But this was out of hand.

Just what had the Church been saying about me these last ten years?

I found the tavern near the edge of the city. I'd never been there, but it was a decent place. I knew a hundred like it, and a thousand worse. They had blitzball on the screen of course. I stepped inside and the conversation stopped, then started again. I could hear the words "Auron" and "guardian" over and over. Maybe it's the coat. My eyes were drawn to three people sitting at a table in the corner—the woman I met when I came out of the woods near the sea, the old scholar that spoke to me on the Mi'ihen Road, and an Al Bhed merchant I knew slightly years ago. Interesting. I sat down at their table.

"You were right," I told the woman. "I shouldn't have gone to Kilika."

* * *

**Auron:**

I was headed for the stadium at the center of town. The team from Besaid had made it into the finals. Apparently this was a surprise. I knew I would find Yuna and Tidus with the team. The information came from my new associates. We had come to an understanding. They would help me in various ways, and I wouldn't trust them—the merchant had smiled, the woman had laughed, and the scholar had frowned. Their enemy was my enemy, yes, I accepted that. But then, they were all playing their own games as well. So was I. Perhaps I would trust them in time. Until then, they had given me much to think about.

Little Yuna was a summoner. It didn't really surprise me that she wanted to follow in her father's footsteps, but she was so young. Still, it fit well with The Plan, so well that I wondered if I hadn't somehow known it already. It would certainly be easier—I felt a slight tugging. I looked down to see a small girl pulling on my coat.

"Can I have your autograph Mister Auron?"

"You want my autograph?" She was no more than six-years old.

"It's for my sisters," she pointed. Three teenaged girls looked quickly away and burst into giggles. Number 9 on my List... Oh, well...no harm. I sigh and sign the autograph, and hurry on to the stadium—yes, fine, give me a senior's discount—and up into the stands.

Yes, there he is—the boy. I actually smiled to see him. Naturally, he not only found his way onto a blitzball team on Spira, but into a championship game. (How long since I last smiled? A month? A year?) I sat down to watch. While blitzball isn't on my list of loathed and despised things, it is far from my favorite pastime. But I enjoyed watching Tidus play. The fans always loved him because he was young, because he was the best, and because he honestly loved to play the game. He relished it, and appreciated it, and they could feel that. When he was in the water, passing, or scoring, or defending, he brought his whole heart into it. He held nothing back. He died inside when he missed a shot, and the fans ached for him. When he scored, they went wild. He had always loved blitzball. When he was in a funk, and nothing else would cheer him up, blitzball would. When nothing else would convince him to mind me, I would threaten to take away his blitzball privileges. It never failed. I've never loved anything that purely. I don't think many people have.

The local team had scored a goal, and were leading one to nothing. Tidus took three shots, but each one was blocked. Even I could tell they were desperation efforts. Besaid was behind at halftime by one goal. The teams came out for the second half and Tidus immediately attacked the opponent's goal. There were three blockers plus the goalkeeper. Another desperation shot, as the announcer noted.

"It's the Besaid left-forward taking another shot on goal into the teeth of three of our Luca Goers...it looks like Besaid is just unable to—WHAT! What was that! Folks, the ball just took out one of the Goers—THERE'S ANOTHER ONE! Fans, the Besaid shooter has ju—GOAL! GOOOOOOOOAAAL! The Besaid Aurochs are on the board and two Luca Goers are trying to shake off the effects! What WAS that shot?"

That was the Jecht Shot. I saw Jecht practice it at least a hundred times. He would have smiled with pride to see Tidus now. Or not. He was a strange man in many ways. Perhaps he would have been annoyed that his son was using his shot.

"I'm still recovering from that shot folks, and so are the Goers, they haven't managed to retake the lead. And now the fans...the fans seem to be calling for Wakka!"

I saw Tidus listen to the crowd. I saw him sink slowly through the water, and swim off the field. A little later I saw a man with red, improbable hair take his place. Now, Jecht. Be proud of your son now. He stood aside from the game he loves, yielded his place to another player. Five years ago he never would have done that—given up the thrill, the adulation. It would never have occurred to him. He's grown, and I am proud of him.

I'll tell him one day.

This man Wakka who took his place seemed competent in the water. That would be an advantage later. He scored some sort of shot, raising the crowd and the announcer to new heights of hysterical enthusiasm. In the last seconds of the game the local team had the ball.

"It looks as if Luca has one last shot at tying up the game! The Luca right-forward shakes off one defender, now another! There's no one in front of him—HE KICKS! IT LOOKS GOOD! IT'S GOO—TIME! TimetimetimetimeTIME! Besaid has taken the cup! Besaid has taken the cup! Besaid has taken the cup! Besaid has taken the cup!"

I looked down and saw Tidus swimming out to congratulate the team.

"Besaid has taken the cup! Besaid has taken the cup! Besaid has taken the cup! Besaid has taken the cup!"

People are running. People are screaming. There are fiends in the stands. There are fiends in the water. Interesting.

"Besaid has taken the cup! Besaid has taken—-hey, what! Stop that! Get out of here! Yaaa!"

I get up and walk toward where it looks like Wakka and the boy will exit the water. A vouivre gets in my way. My greatest danger is from its wretched breath. These are not Mt Gagazet fiends. Tidus and Wakka run up to me.

"Auron!"

"Sir Auron!"

Before I can congratulate them on the game, another fiend shows up, this one a garuda, not only more powerful, but a flyer. Wonderful. The blitzballer pulls his weight. He hits the fiend with a dark attack. Handy. Then we all hit it until it dies. Then another shows up, along with a dingo and another vouivre. Not actually dangerous, but tedious.

That's when a really big anchor fell out of the sky.

* * *

**Auron:**

So, that was Seymour, a half-Guado maester playing his own game in addition to Bevelle's. That's what the three in the tavern told me, and I have no reason to doubt what they said. I had never seen his aeon Anima before. My associates had only a few meager clues of its origins, but it was powerful. It had eliminated all of the dozens of fiends with waves of its own incredible pain. It would have fit right in, in Zanarkand.

Seymour was strong, I could sense that. He was also a rising power in Bevelle. We would need to keep a careful watch on him. Because one of the most interesting questions of the day was, where did all the fiends come from? Not from Sin. Sin was nowhere near—I could smell it. So, what game are you playing, Seymour Guado?

In the aftermath of the battle, the introductions to Yuna's party were hurried. The heart of the party, the one who kept it moving forward, was the black mage Lulu. She was the de facto leader, quiet and sensible, making their decisions. Then there was the blitzballer, Wakka. He was their anti-flier specialist. His accent was certainly from the small islands around Besaid, but from his skin coloring and his hair I thought he must come originally from one of the tribes in the western islands. Perhaps when he was young. I knew he was capable enough for the moment, but I distrusted his focus. Would he concentrate on Yuna's safety, or on his game? My first instincts told me that it would be...disadvantageous...to The Plan if either died anytime soon. I was pleased. If things changed later...well, time to think about that later.

Kimahri was there. I hadn't seen him in ten years. I could hardly believe the Ronso was still keeping watch over Yuna after all of these years, keeping MY promise to Braska. I was humbled.

And was this my little Yuna, this young woman in blue and white, all poise and grace? She was only six or seven when I saw her last. She had been a quiet, obedient child. If you told her you would play with her in a little while, she would wait patiently. She seemed to have grown into a quiet, tranquil young lady, a little melancholy, but it was a melancholy world, and she was on a bleak journey.

I needed to talk to Tidus.

"All of this is your fault!" he shouted. We were down by the docks. "It's all your fault!"

My fault. Sin. Not being able to go home. It was all my fault, he shouted, he roared. He always had passion. He got it from his mother.

Well. Who else could he yell at?

"Who are you, anyway?" he asked me. A reasonable question. He had only asked me once before, when he was seven, and met me for the first time. I didn't answer him then. I didn't answer him now. When I find out, I'll tell him. After a moment, he went on, "You knew my old man, didn't you?"

So I told him the bare bones of the story. Defeating Sin. My promises. Going to Zanarkand. I left out a lot. Then I told him the hard part—the part about Jecht. Sin is Jecht.

"No!" he said, his eyes filled with horror. "That's ridiculous! No way! I don't believe you!" But he did believe me and we both knew it. He had touched Sin. He had felt Jecht too.

"Come with me," I told him. He would see the truth for himself.

"What am I supposed to say? You tell me it's my decision but I don't have a choice, do I? I have to go with you! I have to! You're the only one who can tell me what's going on anyway."

He bent over, his hands on his knees, like he did when he was small and wanted to shut out the whole world. We both knew it was true. I needed to go with Yuna. I needed Tidus to come with us. I needed the two of them together—it was the key to The Plan, now that Yuna was a summoner.

"Irritating," I replied, "I know." I thought for a moment. "Or are you afraid?"

He knows it's all right to be afraid. Life can be a frightening place, especially a life turned upside down, into a place you never really knew. And you're still young, I thought. Tidus, I wish we could give you more time, but Yuna needs us now, and I made promises to her father too. I put my hand on his shoulder, and I tell him it will be all right, as I did the night his mother died of fever. As I did the night he almost died in a crash. As I did the night he found me on the doorstep, bloody, not moving, not breathing, the night Sector D burned. The night of the Madman's Ball.

"Auron," he asked quietly, "Will I ever go home? Back to Zanarkand?"

What do I say? If you ever get home, it will mean I've failed, The Plan in tatters, Spira still an open wound bleeding away the lives of its young?

"That's up to Jecht," I told him.

It was true enough. We stayed like that for a moment. Then I pulled him to his feet. It was time to talk to Yuna.

* * *

**Auron:**

When I heard that Yuna's mother had died, I left for Bevelle within the hour. I ate on the move. I never stopped except to sleep a little. I covered seven hundred miles in twelve days. When I reached the city, they told me Braska had dived into a bottle. Neighbors took Yuna in.

She was five. She was sitting on a stone ledge, looking out at the sea the morning I came back to Bevelle. I sat down next to her, and after a while she looked up at me, and I looked down at her. She never cried, they told me, the people taking care of her. She never cried, and seldom spoke, and she never asked where daddy was anymore. I looked at her small, empty face. No tears. Then she turned back to the sea. I watched with her for awhile, then I reached out and wrapped my arms around her, pulled her into my lap and I hugged her very tight. For a long time she just sat there, never moved as I held her against my chest. Then she began to shake softly. She was crying.

----Five-year old Yuna crying in Auron's arms----_No One is Alone----_Mandy Patinkin----

I held Yuna for a long time. She would cry a little, then later a little more. She asked for her father. When it seemed she was cried out, I held her a little longer, then I stood up and put her on her feet.

"I'll go get your father," I told her.

People had tried to talk to Braska. He didn't listen, if he even heard them. He was in a small shack in back of his home. It was dim when I entered, and reeked of sour liquor and unwashed bodies. There was rubbish on the floor. Braska was slumped on a stool in the corner. They were wrong. He wasn't drunk. He was sober, and empty. He never looked up when I came in.

I had always envied him his family.

"Braska," I said. No response.

"Braska!" Nothing.

I felt helpless. He was my best friend. He hurt so bad that he went away somewhere inside, somewhere he didn't feel anything at all. He didn't need to drink, just to stop feeling. I walked over to him. What was I supposed to do, pull him into my lap? I crouched down until we were face to face. I gave him a right cross that took him down to the ground.

Perhaps I shouldn't comfort people.

He sat there on the floor, blinking up at me. At least he was paying attention. "Braska!" I said. "You have to snap out of this! Yes, I liked her, she was pretty, and a good mother to Yuna, but are you going to let this ruin your life? She was just an Al Bhed! Get another one! Aggh—"

He plowed into my belly, and we crashed into the wall. He was clawing at my face. Then his knee came up between my legs. It lifted me three-inches off the ground. I head-butted him twice—hard!—picked him up and threw him across the room, before I sank to my knees clutching myself, "Mommy..." Damn, that hurt. I still wince when I remember. I had to get up—Braska was crawling toward me, blood streaming from his nose. I didn't make it before he grabbed me and we went at it, rolling on the floor. Braska took more damage, but I took one more shot almost between the legs. I broke his arm, he bit a piece out of my shoulder. In the end we were both lying on the floor shouting vile insults at each other until we ran out of breath.

I lay on my back for ten minutes just breathing in lungfuls of wonderful, stale air. "Braska," I called. "Are you back?"

"Yes," he gasped. "I'm back...I'm back... Let's go get Yuna... Bring her home..."

And he was back. There were bad days, and better days, and some bad nights for both he and Yuna. But Braska never went away again inside his head, to that empty place. Every now and then Yuna cried for her mother. And Braska and Yuna loved each other even more.

Then one day he decided to become a summoner.

Idiot.

Now here was his daughter, standing straight and slim in front of me, a summoner. Why, Yuna? Did people compare you to your father so much? Did he set some impossible ideal for you to live up to? Or do you just want to be like him? Lord in heaven, Braska, what we do to our children. What this world of Spira does to our children.

She seems surprised when I offer to become her guardian, but she accepts. It will certainly be easier than sneaking around after her. The boy will come, too. It will take some effort to keep these people alive until we reach Zanarkand. That will have to be my first priority—training them, teaching them. I think I can count on the mage to handle most of the day to day details. I ask her about the party's plans, as Tidus and Yuna talk. The boy is still a little foolish sometimes, but she can use some foolishness in her life. Then he runs past me, up the stair to the Mi'ihen Road. It's time to leave Luca behind.

I sling my sword over my shoulder and check my jug is secure. A young boy runs up and pushes something into my hand. A note from the Al Bhed merchant—rumors in the city. A story circulating that the Red Guardian boarded a pirate ship, and killed the pirates because they refused to help him hunt down Sin. Three men badly beaten in a waterfront bar for slandering a legendary hero.

As I turn to follow my new companions out of the city and into their story, I think about my meeting with the three people in the tavern. "Auron," the woman had said, "We have a great deal to tell you."

Sit up straight, Auron. Look at the board, Auron. Be sure you take notes. In fact, they did know a great deal that I was interested to learn. They will be very helpful to me, and to The Plan. Why, and why, and why? Why will they be useful? Why do they offer to help? Why do I accept?

These three people—this ancient, bearded scholar, this wealthy Al Bhed merchant, this enigmatic, unknown woman—they are different from other people, set off from the rest of humanity. The world is not what people think. These three know the truth.

They know what I know.

There is a war in Heaven.

**Next: Besaid Djose Kilika**


	5. Besaid Djose Kilika

Went to see _Narnia_. It's gotten mixed reviews, and I see why, but I liked it a lot. Course I loved the books. Had good music and some really good combat scenes. Anyway... Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurriku, eventaully. The story in this chapter is a kind of homage to a much better story in a book by David Gerrold in a series I ended up not liking.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

We swung out on the Mi'ihen Road, leaving Luca behind us—Yuna, so young and so serious, the black mage Lulu, the silent Ronso, two blitzball players, and one legendary guardian bringing up the rear. I wasn't sure what to make of these people, this group. It was strange to think that before everything was over I would know each of them almost as well as I knew Jecht, or Braska. They were so young, even the Ronso, and if The Plan should come to pass, they would grow, mature, and change, and they would inherit a very different world. It was the start of our long journey together. We would travel the length and breadth of Spira, see and do things that few others ever would, and they would learn truths that would scar their souls.

And my soul?

Expendable.

* * *

**Besaid Djose Kilika**

* * *

**Auron:**

The road was crowded. Many had come into the city to see the tournament and now they were traveling home. Not far from the Luca end of the road there is a statue of Lord Mi'ihen, founder of the Crusaders. There was an old man standing there as we came up to it, an old man I knew.

He turned and spoke to the group.

"Ah, summoner Yuna. I am Maechen, a scholar. I travel Spira to try to learn about our past."

"How do you do, sir?" Yuna said with a small bow. "Have you any wisdom from the past that could aid us on our pilgrimage?"

"Ah, I may. Indeed, it is the present that is more interesting right now. This is a strange season, full of stories, of Crusaders working side by side with heathen Al Bhed, of summoners on pilgrimage gone missing, of legends from the past returning. But the past can hold lessons for us today."

He turned back to the statue.

"This is a statue of Lord Mi'ihen," he said to them, and told them how Mi'ihen had started a legion eight hundred years ago to battle fiends, and even Sin. But as the legion grew more popular the Church grew nervous and prepared to suppress them. Then Lord Mi'ihen walked this road, his road, to Bevelle, to speak with the maesters, and they listened to him, and accepted the Crusaders into the Church.

If you know Bevelle, it's easy to read between the lines. Bevelle is about power. Bevelle seeks to control all aspects of life on Spira. It actively tries to keep any other possible sources of authority or influence from arising. For example, they marginalize the Al Bhed because they refuse to convert to Yevon. (Marginalize is a nice, clean word.) And also because the Al Bhed want to introduce the widespread use of machina. The Church resists this because it could lead to changes in society. The Al Bhed have been a thorn in the side of the Church for a long time, and the Church tries to keep them an isolated, pariah people. You've heard the stories. The Al Bhed kidnap Spiran children to raise as Al Bhed, or to use in their experiments with forbidden machina, or to sacrifice in secret rituals where they worship Sin. The Grey Court hardly needs to encourage the rumors. People spread them enthusiastically enough on their own. Of course, that's merely the most indirect of Bevelle's methods.

But if they can't contain something, then Bevelle co-opts it. Take the Ronso. The Ronso were strong, and had powerful magic, but they lived outside the influence of the Church. Yevon couldn't allow that, so they introduced the worship of Yevon to Gagazet. They only had a few converts at first, but those few were honored, rewarded, brought into the power structure of the Church. A Ronso maester was appointed. At the same time a subtle campaign was launched to pressure the leaders of the Ronso people to convert to the worship of Yevon. Vague threats were made, hints of a holy war. The most vocal Ronso opponents disappeared. This carrot and stick approach succeeded. Eventually, the entire Ronso people came under the authority of the Church. The agreement was clear, if unspoken: Accept the rule of the Church and you will have a voice in the Church. And survive. More recently, and more blatantly, the same deal was brokered with the Guado.

The Crusaders weren't the first private group formed to protect the people of Spira, but they were the most successful. People began to look to them instead of the Church. Yevon couldn't allow that, and began to lay the groundwork for sending the warrior monks against them. Then Mi'ihen offered a practical compromise. Yevon is nothing if it is not practical, and the Crusaders continued to exist under the ultimate authority of the Church. The Church's actual control over the organization changes over time. There are periods when the Crusaders are almost independent, and others when they are completely under the Church's thumb. Before I left Spira ten years ago, the Crusaders were pushing to assert more control over their own activities. There was tension with the Church. The situation...deteriorated in the years just before I went to Zanarkand.

Bevelle must be the only source of protection to the people of Spira, so they must control the Crusaders. Bevelle must be the only source of hope to the people of Spira, so they seek to control the summoners through their control of the temples, and other, fouler means. They co-opt high officers and any individuals who gain prominence or power, tying them to the Church through arranged marriages. They even co-opt their own priests. There are really two churches—one high, one low. The high Church in Bevelle offers an implicit bargain to local priests like Father Mott in Mihen Low. If the local priests don't challenge the power structure, Bevelle will leave them alone to tend their flock, and even help them with protection from fiends, and with supplies if their crops fail.

The single exception Bevelle allows in this complete control of people's lives is Luca, and blitzball. They tried to control blitzball in the beginning. They didn't want people to have any heroes outside of the Church.

It...didn't work out. Now they allow the people to have their beloved sport without any interference. Bevelle doesn't even have a team. It gives the people of Spira a release mechanism. And the Church produces its own heroes to compete with the blitzballers.

We need a hero, Auron. The people seem to like you, Auron. Be a good boy, Auron. Do what you're told.

* * *

**Auron:**

Another damn citizen, so pathetically grateful to Yuna for trying to bring the Calm, stopping her on the road to give her a present like this was some twisted birthday, instead of a death march. Braska had gotten them too. I don't know when the tradition started. I remember back when I thought it was fitting—people should be grateful. Now it sickens me. And if Yuna did defeat Sin and bring the Calm, they'd put up a statue and offer thanks. What about the summoners who fail? They're just as dead. So sorry, no statue for you.

We need the space.

It was two days after our meeting with Maechen, and we were marching down the road. We left the scholar and the statue behind, keeping each other company. Even Maechen praised Yuna for what she was trying to do. He told me he was "staying in character" as he passed me answers to some questions I had asked about conditions elsewhere in Spira. But I wasn't thinking of Maechen as I walked, or of local conditions, or even of sick, disgusting traditions. I was thinking of my companions. I had had a couple of days now to observe them and form preliminary conclusions. As I followed them I found myself studying them one by one, trying to judge their strengths and weaknesses. Where would they need to be propped up? How could they be put together to work best as a group? What should their training priorities be?

Yuna was already diligent in her habits, despite her loss to Belgamine. The woman had met us by the side of the road the second day and challenged Yuna. No, that's not quite... She offered Yuna an aeon battle, to help prepare her. Yuna did well, but she obviously had less experience than the older woman. So I know now that Belgamine is a summoner, and one that will be a great help training Yuna. She doesn't know it, but I even know where Belgamine's hidden home is. But I feel that there is much more to find out about her. She has secrets.

I'm the last one who should complain about people keeping secrets.

Our party would stop for a couple of hours at midday to eat and to train. We needed to keep moving if we were to reach Zanarkand alive, but we also needed to improve our skills. Yuna trained hard as a summoner and healer, although she could probably benefit from some light guidance. She mostly needed to practice teamwork, acting as part of a group. Sometimes she got distracted. It was understandable in such a young girl accepting this burden, but I wasn't sure how much of it I could allow.

It was obvious the black mage was dependable. She could sometimes be a distraction, especially to the males. After a battle she would lean forward and sort of sway from side to side. The effect is hard to describe, but she knew exactly what she was doing. However, she could be counted on to deal with the day to day needs of the party, arranging schedules and itineraries, handling finances, dealing with supply issues. She showed great responsibility in this, but it would all take away from the time she needed to study her magic. I knew it takes hours of concentration to master a new spell, and we needed her to do more than maintain her skills. We needed her to vastly improve them. I would point this out to her, but I could already see that she was one who would try to do everything perfectly, and without help. I had known young officers like her in the monks and Crusaders. Brand new commanders with their first leadership responsibilities always make the same mistakes—they think nothing will be done correctly if they are not the ones that do it. There simply wasn't enough time for the mage to do it all herself. She would end up going without sleep to squeeze in the extra study. I would have to watch for this, and manage it.

The Ronso practiced religiously with his weapons. Too much. I had other plans for him. The Ronso are strong, but they are also noted workers of magic. I had very definite plans for this Ronso. I would have to bring this up delicately. Perhaps some night, when we had the watch together.

I found the blitzballer somewhat lackadaisical. He practiced, but I could see that he and I would not agree on just how much practice was enough practice. There are a hundred ways to deal with this type. For instance, I thought perhaps our black mage might need an assistant to help her cope with supply issues and such, since he had so much free time.

Then there was Tidus. He was young, quick, passionate, arrogant, talented, smart-mouthed, energetic, frivolous, persistent, and alarming. The boy had so much potential, yet needed more lessons in basic combat. He was fair with a sword, but I had taught him to fight men. Fiends were rare in Zanarkand. He needed to be able to tell armored fiends from jellied fiends, and a hundred other things. But he would learn, and in the meantime, he brought a very special resource to the party.

It was time to demonstrate it to the others.

It was about an hour later when I smelled trouble. People began to run past us on the road. There were screams from up ahead. The usual thing. They were fiends—four bombs. We ran to confront them. Yuna tried to take a position in the front rank before I roughly waved her back. Kimahri, Tidus, and I faced them. Tidus raised his weapon, ready to dart in for an attack, but I stopped him.

"We're not going to attack," I said, "We're going to run."

"What!" "Sir Auron!" "You're kidding, man!" "Whoa!"

"Yes, run."

"But, Sir Auron—" Yuna began.

"You can't just run from fiends!" Lulu interrupted. "They chase you down! You have to know that."

"They won't chase us. Now, Tidus. Stay where you are. Kimahri, back away slowly. The rest of you start moving away." Perhaps they wondered if I was sane, but they did back away from the fiends, leaving only Tidus and I. "Tidus, I'm going to start shifting back now. You stay until I tell you, then move away carefully.

I took one slow, cautious step back, then another and still the fiends didn't follow, only waited there in the air, steadily looking at the boy, and now Tidus was facing them alone. He was frightened, but in control. I was proud of the boy. He was the master of his fear, not the other way around. When the rest of us were well away, I called to Tidus. He came slowly, and the fiends didn't follow. They simply waited where they were, watching him go.

"Amazing," Yuna said, as he joined us.

"I don't understand," Lulu added, "Fiends always follow and hunt their victims down if they can."

"They won't follow Tidus," I told them. "This is a very special ability that—as far as I know—no one else has, and it will come in very useful on this journey."

"Hey, ya, I'll say!"

"We need to start moving again. We'll tell the next group of Crusaders we see about this bunch. It's the sort of thing they love taking care of."

None of the others were happy leaving the fiends behind us on the road, but they didn't object out loud. As we resumed our voyage, Tidus dropped back to walk beside me. He was covered in sweat.

"Were you really sure it would work, old man?"

"Yes."

I was sure, boy. You don't remember, but I tested it, in Zanarkand. Walking behind the rest of the group, I smiled a hidden, crooked little smile, remembering.

Once there was a man who needed a fiend in order to answer a question. One day word reached him of a fiend in a park. The authorities let him handle it, as they always did. The bookmakers rushed to set odds, as they always did. The fiend was armored and powerful, just what the man wanted. The bookmakers set the over/under at sixty seconds, but the fight went on past one minute, then past five minutes, then past ten. The man avoided the fiend's rushes, but his blows didn't penetrate its armor. The combat spilled out of the park, into the street, then six blocks west, then north for ten long city blocks, snarling traffic horribly in all directions. Finally man and fiend crashed through the front window of a Guado pizzeria. Diners scattered left and right. A young boy and girl, thirteen or fourteen, stood to one side, gaping. The man took the boy by the shoulder, pulled him forward, put a sword in his hand, and walked away murmuring, "Tag." The fiend rushed the open-mouthed boy, who managed to dodge the attack. "Run," the man suggested, leaning against a nearby wall. The boy ran. "Take the girl," the man added. The boy grabbed the girl and they both ran. The fiend didn't follow. His question answered, the man dispatched the fiend and left the pizzeria.

The first legal papers were served within six hours. The bookmakers claimed the fight was fixed and refused to pay out. They were sued by the big winners, the ones with a hunch who played a long shot. By morning the pizzeria was suing the city saying they hadn't done enough to protect citizens from a public menace. Thousands of citizens who had been caught in traffic or were just near the action also sued the city for emotional distress. The bookies sued the city for failing to regulate the fight. The city countersued the bookies claiming they promoted a public gaming event without the proper permits, they sent every kind of inspector they could find to the pizzeria, and began towing and impounding thousands of vehicles as "material evidence." The pizzeria sued the bookmakers claiming they provoked the fight, and also various outlets of the media, claiming that they encouraged it. The bookies countersued the pizzeria for defamation of character and the media went into a short frenzy covering themselves and denouncing attacks on the public's right to know.

Then things got complicated. The fiend had dropped a rare sphere when it died. The College of Summoners gained temporary custody of the sphere for study. That launched a new round of lawsuits by the bookies, the ad-hoc citizens' action committee, the pizzeria, the successful betters, the College of Magic, the Old University, the New University, the Sports Authority, the Department of Parks, and an Al Bhed group who tried to claim the sphere was a sacred relic of their people and had to be ceremoniously reburied. The dark magician who originally summoned the fiend came forward claiming both the sphere and damages for the loss of a cherished—-and harmless—-family pet. Daytime interview shows were clogged with all the people involved. By that time _The Last Sphere_—-a movie based on the events—-had been made and broadcast with great success, triggering lawsuits against the production company over who owned the actual rights to the story. They countersued everyone, including the publishers of various popular books about the events, about coping with the events, about the religious interpretation of the events, and about how to start a profitable small business based on the events in your spare time. The pizzeria in the meantime had reopened as a theme restaurant based on the fiend attack, with nightly reenactments and special theme dishes. Diners could have their images taken with greeters in fiend costumes. The pizzeria was sued, it countersued, and offered special discounts to anyone who could show their name on any legal document connected to the situation. The bookmakers turned on each other, thinking someone had to be on the inside. Several new faces replaced old, and were replaced in turn. The dispute swept into the rest of the criminal underworld and widespread gang warfare erupted, leading to loss of life, property damage, and more lawsuits. Criminal, civil, contractual, intellectual property, and family court cases stemming from the fiend attack were eventually taking up one fourth of all court-time in the city.

Of course everyone involved was suing the man who fought the fiend in the first place, but he remained largely unaffected through a combination of treats, bribes, evasion, extortion, larceny, mild irritation, and a strict cash-only policy until Sin came and attacked the city. Sometimes he felt bad about the boy's first date.

* * *

**Auron:**

We met Crusaders soon enough, and told them about the fiends. They said they would send a bomb disposal squad to deal with them. The Crusaders were thick on the road. Most of them were young, and they kept dropping heavy hints about a mysterious operation. While the others wondered what was going on, I knew all of the details from my new associates. It was one of the first things they told me—Crusaders and Al Bhed working together, with the tacit permission of the Church.

This isn't what I had in mind twelve years ago.

Most of the Crusaders we talked to were innocently confident of victory. They were so certain that they had finally found a way to defeat Sin. I spoke to one older veteran who knew better, who wasn't so sure of winning and knew that even victory would come with a high cost. I wondered if the Al Bhed were as confident. I suppose their enthusiasm was commendable. A good attitude and sheer aggression make up for many deficiencies in a fighter. But their operational security—as Tidus would say—sucked. On the other hand, who were they really trying to keep it a secret from? The Church already knew about Operation Mi'ihen, and it isn't as if they were worried Sin would find out. I suppose they were only keeping up a pretence of security out of habit. Or possibly to keep the young Crusaders' minds off the upcoming battle. We spoke to two Crusaders from Besaid, old friends of Yuna, the mage, and the blitzballer. We also spoke to some Chocobo Knights patrolling the road. I have never really cared for the company of Chocobo Knights. I find them rather self-important and humorless.

I think the blitzballer was still hurt from his injuries in the games, so we stopped for the night at an Al Bhed travel agency. It was owned by Rin. They were all owned by Rin. The merchant had his fingers in many pies across Spira. Yuna and the others could also use the rest. Often the choice is between stopping early at an inn or travel agency, or pushing on for a few more hours until dark. Spending the occasional night under a roof can refresh a party for several days, and can often be more useful than those few extra miles. There are always trade-offs in life.

Rin was there at the travel agency. I spoke to him briefly. I had now met all three of the Luca group on the Mi'ihen Road. I wondered if I would find one or all of them turning up wherever we went from now on. Rin gave me a few more details about the Crusader/Al Bhed operation. He felt the idea was as ill-considered as I did, but he wasn't the leader of the Al Bhed, and I wasn't the leader of the Crusaders, and it was too late to do anything about it now.

Years ago, I killed the leader of the Crusaders.

I don't know why I told you that.

Forget I said it.

The sunset that evening was arresting. We all went out to watch. Tidus and Yuna sat talking for some time. Their relationship was progressing better than I could have hoped. The black mage was sniping at the blitzballer, who was accepting her barbs. I would need to be sure that their complicated relationship did not become a weakness within the party. Then there was the Ronso, silent and watchful. Without a word, he was always where he was most needed. In the dusk, I took the opportunity to speak with him. I stood beside him, both of us looking out to sea.

"Ten years ago," I said, "I met you outside the city of Bevelle. Coughing blood, weeping sorrow, bleeding pain and foolish laughter, I told you my story. I promised Braska I would take his daughter to Besaid. I would watch over her. I didn't think that I could fulfill that promise. I met you, and asked you to keep part of it for me, to take Yuna to Besaid. You did that, and did much more. You have kept watch over Yuna for ten years, keeping my promise to Braska.

"Thank you."

He turned, and his cat-eyes looked at me. He replied simply, "Was good promise. Kimahri cares about Yuna."

There is a Ronso term, which translates loosely as, Brother-in-Honor. I extended my hand, and he took it. Then we turned back to the sea.

* * *

**Auron:**

We passed a tranquil night at the agency. The next morning, while the others were still asleep, I sat in the common area, reflecting. My life is not a quiet one, but it is punctuated with quiet moments. I treasure these.

Sitting at the table, my thoughts kept going back to a child we met on the road, a young girl named Calli. She was with her mother at one of the small roadside shrines and Yuna stopped to talk to them. The child was perhaps ten, bright and as innocent as any Spiran child can be. She asked Yuna if she was going to bring the Calm soon. Yuna assured her that she would, and the girl began to run around and around, happy the summoner would soon bring peace to Spira. Did Calli know the price of peace? Did she think that the woman she was speaking to would be dead if the Calm came?

I sat at the table and thought about the children of Spira, our own tiny walking wounded. They grow up knowing Sin can come anytime, told from birth that it's their fault, because they don't love Yevon enough, they're not humble enough, they're not good enough.

There is a game the children of Spira play. Two or three, or four, or five or six of them hold hands and walk in a circle as they sing a little song.

Besaid Djose Kilika,

Bevelle Macalania,

Go find Sin in Zanarkand,

Go fight Sin like Ohalland.

Then they all fall on the ground, laughing. Do they know that they're acting out the death of a summoner and her guardians? They must realize as they grow up. Children's games celebrating sacrifice and martyrdom. Their heroes always die.

Welcome home, Auron. Spira missed you.

Something is attacking the chocobos.

**Next: The End of Stories**


	6. The End of Stories

Same stuff. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurriku (didn't start that way). Getting close to their meeting. This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. I'm pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less. I think--I think--I'm starting to get a handle on the lines across the page.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

I have traveled far and seen many things.

I have seen brilliant colors carving the far northern skies, and the dying sunset on the westernmost ocean shore. I have seen the absurd underwater cities of the Hypello in the shallow eastern seas. I have seen the legendary Phoenix Flower bloom on far Vadaka, and I have seen mighty Evrae in flight, playing in the air over Bevelle.

I have seen the towers of Zanarkand blazing with light. I have seen machina that fight, laugh, and make love. I have seen the Zanarkand fayth dance in the Hall of the Summoners. I have seen horrors walk the streets, worshipped by the people. I have seen the virtuous fall, and the wicked sacrifice themselves to save the innocent.

I have seen the fury of the Thunder Plains, the peace of the Calm Lands, the mysteries of Macalania Woods. I have seen the sky from the top of Mt Gagazet, so blue it hurt.

I have seen the fiends break like glass on our shield wall at Klannathe. I have seen the subtle, secret phases of the Farplane Gates. I have seen the bitch goddess Yunalesca in her cold lair. I have seen Guado laugh and Ronso weep. I have seen one Sin die and another Sin born.

I have seen a generation of young Crusaders butchered.

I have seen the last charge of the Chocobo Knights.

* * *

**The End of Stories**

* * *

**Auron:**

We run from the agency to the corral. The fiend is behind us, on the roof, with a terrified chocobo screaming in one claw. It jumps to the ground and we rush to get into formation. Once again, Yuna tries to step into the front rank before I stop her and send her back. I definitely need to start more regular training sessions.

The fiend is huge, and yes, it is the same kind Braska, Jecht and I fought years before. Perhaps the same one? We had killed tha-- The thing claws me across the chest. I need to pay attention. I am still woefully out of practice at fighting fiends this powerful. I have the blitzballer use his Dark ability, and the fiend is momentarily blinded. I quickly motion him back and the Ronso forward. Tidus leaps in to land a quick blow. In a battle like this everyone has to work together.

I've seen it happen where two young fighters both stepped forward to strike at the same time, then each stopped, waiting for the other, then both started to move again. While they tried to sort themselves out the fiend took off one of their heads, then swarmed the other before I could do anything. They should have been able to take it easily, but they were inadequately trained. My fault. I should have trained them better. Attoc, a brown haired boy who fought left-handed. He had a sweet tooth. He loved the pastries the kitchens made at week's end. Elma, black hair and deep blue eyes. She was ticklish, and horribly embarrassed by it. She loved the smell of wildflowers, and wore them in her hair. They were best friends, maybe more. They died at Klannathe. I should have been harder on them. My fault.

The fiend will try to push us from the cliffs to the old roadbed below. That knowledge, from the last time I fought it, is precious. I know what to do from the start—-powerful blows to knock it on its back, then push it further from the edge. We are all Hasted by this time, and I have Lulu and Kimahri pounding the fiend, bringing the blitzballer in to blind it as needed. We finally have it up against the edge, and I call in Yuna. This is what she's been waiting for, training for. She steps up as we withdraw, and performs a series of stylized moves. A feathered dragon drops from the sky and finishes the fiend with one mighty blast. It will take time for Valefor to prepare another, but this is why we have them ready.

They remembered their lessons. They did well, Yuna in particular, and I tell them so. I move aside to let Tidus add his congratulations to the young summoner. For the moment, I am well pleased. After the battle, Rin was gracious, and the chocobo trainer was almost pathetically grateful. I closed my eye and mentally sighed. I knew what was coming, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Wait for it. It's coming. Wait...

"Please," Rin said, "Use these chocobos free of charge in gratitude."

There it is.

The others quickly accepted, delighted by the offer. We spent the next hour recovering from the battle and loading the birds. I am not comfortable on chocobos, but I am a tolerable rider. We mounted up and moved out on the road north.

I will say this for chocobos—they are fast. They can outrun almost any fiend. It's a wonder that they don't trample more innocent travelers. We sped past people on the road. I think we may have passed Maechen. In less than two days we were almost to the Mushroom Rock gate. There I pulled to a stop. The others looked at me in surprise. I spoke to Yuna. "I've been told of an object nearby that could be of use on the pilgrimage. If you are willing, it shouldn't take too long to collect with these chocobos."

"Oh. Of course, Sir Auron. Whatever you say."

I looked around for the side-trail that Rin had told me was around here. When we found it, it led us down to the old, original road that ran beneath the high road we came in on. We rode down through heavy woods, the walls of the gorge rising to either side, then came to an open area where a woman was training chocobos. We plunged back into the woods and down a narrow, twisty path, finally ending in a cramped little clearing. There was something half-buried in the dirt there. We dismounted, and Tidus rushed past me to open the old chest. He reached in, then held something out to me.

A wave of anger washed through me. The Mars Crest! I brought these people here for this trash! I pulled it from his hand and threw it as far as I could. Sigils, crests, legendary weapons, all useless! What wins battles, what keeps you alive when others would die, is skill and training! Trust in your comrades! Swift and appropriate response! Nothing—nothing!—that comes in a chest! You live because of the tedious hours you spend preparing for a few extreme moments of combat. When the fiends are coming closer, when all you can hear is your heart drumming in your ears, there's sweat in your eyes, blood in your mouth, fear in your veins, and it's now! It's here! And you're doing everything right, and so is everyone around you, and you're not even thinking but your arms and legs are moving, hacking, slashing, blocking, and you're covering the people around you, and they're covering you back because that's the way you trained! Hours and hours and hours of training! A lifetime of training. That's what will keep these young people alive, not...

They were staring at me. "I was...misinformed. I apologize." We remounted the chocobos. I do not anger often. They all kept their distance on the ride back to the gate. The trip was not a total waste of time. They explored a bit, and found some useful items in hard to reach areas—some weapons, and a sphere. But I would need to have a word with Rin, or Maechen, or whoever I next met, over just what is vital, and what is not.

We returned to the gates to find them closed to traffic, even summoners. The guard there finally explained to the others what was going on. Operation Mi'ihen. It was a joint Crusader/Al Bhed plan. The Crusaders had been gathering live fiends from the entire region, hoping Sin will be drawn to the concentration. Their role was to lure Sin to the op-area then pin him while the Al Bhed attacked with powerful but not-very-mobile weapons they'd salvaged from ancient ruins. They believed that if they could get Sin into just the right range and hold him there, they could kill him. It would be tricky. The kill-zone was apparently pretty tight. It wasn't a bad plan as far as it went. But it wouldn't work. They didn't really understand what Sin was. Of course, some people already knew that. There was more than one plan unfolding here.

Well, well. Here's Maester Seymour.

"So we meet again, Lady Yuna." The man's hair fascinated me—-was it a statement of some sort? A protest? Lose a bet?

"Y-Yes?" she stumbled.

"You look troubled. Is there anything I can do?" Would it stay up in a wind? How did he put a shirt on over it?

"Well..." Yuna replied, glancing at the gate.

"I see." Obviously he couldn't wear a hat. How did he sleep? Special pillows? Seymour ordered the guard to let us pass. We followed him through the gates and he stopped to address a group of Crusaders that were formed up on the other side. "Brave Crusaders of Spira, protectors of all Spira. Believe in the path you have chosen, let faith be your strength! I, Seymour Guado, maester of Yevon, will bear witness to your deeds today."

How does he wash it? Perhaps he uses a team? Would he pay by the hour, or by the yard? The young Crusaders he was addressing responded to his words enthusiastically. Wakka was less impressed. "What's goin' on? Why's Maester Seymour backing the Crusaders, eh? They're using Al Bhed machina! They're violating the teachings!"

Good questions, blitzballer.

"Even going against the teachings," Yuna answered, "They're willing to risk it for the greater good. Wakka, I think Maester Seymour sees that too."

Not even close, Yuna.

"Ask him yourself," I said. He was coming over. He walked up to me.

"Ah, Sir Auron. It is an honor. I would be most interested in hearing what you've been doing these past ten years."

Well, of course all of my charity work keeps me pretty busy, you—

"I've got nothing to say about it." I walked away, leaving Wakka and Seymour to their doctrinal discussion.

* * *

Alternate answers to Seymour's question: 

World Poker Tour.

I sold propane and propane accessories.

Kicking ass and taking names, _Seymour_.

Holed up in a cabin in the woods writing Snape/Hermoine fanfic.

Seymour, I _am_ your father.

* * *

When Seymour left, the party started up the Mushroom Rock road. There were a lot of Crusaders rushing around. Many of them stopped for a moment to say a few words to Yuna, and even give her little gifts. This didn't bother me as much as it had before. Perhaps because, while these Crusaders appreciated what Yuna was trying to do for them, they also held the thought in the back of their minds that if Operation Mi'ihen succeeded, Yuna wouldn't have to try to sacrifice herself. There was a kind of innocent hope in these young warriors. 

Your cadets had an innocent hope at Klanneth, Auron. How did that go?

Mushroom Rock was a region of strange, twisted stone formations. The area was unpopulated, and there were fairly strong fiends wandering about. We had encounters, and I could already see some results from my training program. The young people knew what to do. They were beginning to foresee what would be needed from them, starting to follow the combat as an unfolding process, anticipating rather than merely reacting. They showed promise.

Your cadets showed promise, Auron. Too bad so many of them died young.

Shut up.

The road wound back and forth, up and down, but generally northward, and upward. Every now and then a runner or a chocobo rider would pass us. I called regular breaks to rest and heal up. I didn't want to arrive anywhere near Sin tired and unprepared.

Not good to be unprepared, Auron. Ask any of your cadets.

Just shut up!

We reached the command area, and found Yuna's two Crusader friends there, arguing. "Why only you, sir? I want to fight, too!"

"Orders are orders."

"I'm not a cadet anymore, sir! Let me go with you, and I'll prove it to them!"

"Guarding the command center is important too, you know."

"But I came all this way from Besaid to fight Sin, sir!"

Lord in heaven, the boy wanted to fight Sin. Of course he did. Sixteen years ago, all the cadets I was training wanted to go defend Klannathe, and I was ordered to take them. Young fighters—always afraid that combat won't wait for them, as if there will never be another fight after this one, never another chance to lose their lives. I knew without asking, knew almost without thinking, knew in my bones, that the older Crusader had arranged this post for the younger. It almost made me smile. Old soldiers take care of young soldiers. Teach them to keep their heads down. Stay alert. Stay alive.

Huh. This old soldier was on the ground. The blitzballer had punched him, and now Tidus was holding him back. I ran back over the last bits of conversation that I had heard without listening to. Ah, the man convinced Wakka's older brother to enlist in the Crusaders, then he was killed. Yeah. It happens.

"When we used to play blitz, together," Wakka spat, "Chappu used to say... He'd say that—when we won the Cup, ya?—he'd propose to Lulu. And then one day...he goes off and becomes a Crusader. Just like that."

The Crusader stood. "Chappu also said to me...that being with your girl is good...but keeping Sin away from her is better."

Wakka turned to Lulu. "Lu, you knew?"

"Luzzu told me...before we left."

"She hit me, too," the Crusader said.

A chocobo knight rode up and ordered all Crusaders to the beach.

"That's my cue," the Crusader said, and walked away.

Wakka let him walk a moment, then called, "Luzzu! Don't die out there."

"So you can hit me more?"

"Lots! Lots more!"

Interesting. This blitzballer shows more depth than I expected. He is willing to let go of some of his anger. The Crusader turned away, and Yuna stepped in front of him. "Sir Luzzu, please! Please, don't go!"

"I have to, Yuna."

The man had to go. "Let him go," I told her. "The man has already chosen his path... As you did when you became a summoner." She understood that. She looked at him a moment, then looked down, and stepped out of his way. The man walked away, and we went to the command post. We passed massive Al Bhed cannon positioned on the cliffs. Down on the beach were sinspawn in cages, and lines of Crusaders and knights.

A knight rode up to us and spoke to Yuna, "Lady Summoner! There you are! The command center is that way. Maester Kinoc is also there."

Kinoc? I looked down at beach again, at the way things were laid out, and I knew. Of course, Kinoc was here.

The young Crusader was guarding the entrance, unhappy with his lot in life. The others tried to cheer him up. I told him to do his job.

In the tent, Kinoc stood and embraced me. We were students together, then warrior monks, then young commanders. He was the best friend of my youth. He's changed over the past ten years. He's out of shape. He doesn't spend much time in the field with the troops anymore.

"I'd heard from Seymour, but I didn't know if we'd actually meet. Good to see you Auron! Ten years, is it?"

The young Crusader ran in and reported to Kinoc that the troops were ready. Kinoc nodded and dismissed him. He turned back to me.

"Tell me, Auron. Where have you been the last ten years?"

What an interesting question, Kinoc. Seymour Guado was watching closely. When Seymour asks me that, it's a ploy. He knows where I've been. His masters have told him. But he doesn't know that I know that he knows. But what do you know, Kinoc? How far up in the power structure are you, really? Kinoc was head of the military arm of the Church, the warrior monks, the Crusaders, and the Special Temple Guard. He was a maester, one of only four. He earned his position with both ability and loyalty. But does he know the truth? Does he know what really lies at the heart of everything?

Does he know about the war in Heaven?

"We don't have time for this now, do we?" I asked.

He leaned in closer. "This plan won't work, you know that. We'll just let them dream a little longer."

But Seymour called, and Kinoc went with him to start the operation.

"That Kinoc," I murmured, just loud enough for him to hear, "A maester?"

He turned back. "I heard that, Auron. A lot has happened the last ten years. What were you doing, and where?"

"Fulfilling a promise I made to a friend. I still am."

He walked past me, stopped just behind me, asked without turning, "Just tell me one thing. Have you seen Zanarkand?"

How much do you know, Kinoc? Zanarkand is a battle zone, the Farplane is restless, and there is turmoil even in Sin. The fayth rebel, the aeons plot, and armies of the dead will try to force the Farplane Gates. There is a war in Heaven, Kinoc. What do you know? I turn away without answering him.

* * *

**Auron:**

I stand with the others at the top of the cliff and look down at the beach below, at banners brave with bright colors, at masses of Crusaders and knights drawn up in lines, waiting, at frantic activity in the Al Bhed pavilion, as they struggle to bring their weapon online. The defenders will meet the sinspawn at the water's edge—no, you fools! They're water fiends! Meet them further up the beach! But the knights need the room for their charge.

Kinoc, what have you done? This is your plan, isn't it? It has all the earmarks. You put them on a beach that's too narrow. There's only one small, steep path up to safety. Did you tell them it will be easy to defend if they have to retreat? But they won't all be able to fit, will they? So they'll be pinned to the cliffs, crushed up together, most of them unable even to swing a sword, trapped and picked apart. You didn't tell them that. And the Crusaders and the Al Bhed, both perfectly placed to carry out their own missions, but completely out of position to provide mutual support. Sin will be able to destroy first one, and then the other. Small shifts would have let them cover each other, and still been almost optimal for their own roles.

And I don't know for sure, but in that command post, I didn't see any Al Bhed. There's no communication between the forces, is there? No way even to talk to each other directly. Are all the messages going through your staff, Kinoc? So neither Crusaders nor Al Bhed will retreat, because they can't warn the others, and they won't abandon their allies without warning. And even if they wanted to retreat, neither has any clear line of withdrawal.

They were always going to fail, Kinoc. You've managed the battleground to multiply the dead. The Crusaders will be a generation recovering, and much more obedient to the Church. The Al Bhed will be weakened, and blamed for the debacle. And the Church will be proven right all along.

Kinoc, we stood together at High Reach. You risked everything for me at Oconal. Your face was the first I searched for after the carnage at Klannathe. I look down at the beaches of Mi'ihen and wonder what you have become.

I'm distracted when one of the larger fiends escapes, and the party has to dispatch it. I almost smile at how much better they work together, cycling in for Tidus' Haste spell, Wakka keeping the head busy while we attack the body. The fiend isn't quite reduced to pyreflies as I hear shouts from the beach. We rush to see. Something is reaching into the narrow bay, like a black web spreading under the surface of the water. Like contamination. Like corruption. I can feel it. I can smell it. It's Sin.

----Battle of Mi'ihen----"_O Fortuna" (Carmina Burana)----_Carl Orff----

Sin erupts from the waves, rising up and up, towering above the water! Now the cannons are firing from the cliffs, they strike Sin, and pieces fall from its skin into the water. They turn into fiends and race for the shore. Now a thousand more drop from Sin. The beach is a heaving chaos of flashing blades, of courage, of fear and desperation, but a trained eye can see—on the left the line bends, men are going down, going under, the spawn are breaking through. The Crusaders commit their reserve. The horns blow, the lances come down, and the Chocobo Knights charge home! There's blood in the water, blood in the air! The ground shakes, chocobos are screaming, cannons roaring, men and women are yelling, crying, praying, dying.

Sin! Sin is...

"Look out!" I cry, and throw myself and Yuna to the ground. There's a white flash, and I lose consciousness for a moment. I come around and stagger to my feet. Behind me I can see Seymour Guado confronting the fiend our party failed to finish off earlier. But my eye is drawn to Sin. Sin is surrounded now by a shield of energy. I had seen the beginning of a pulse, just before I moved. I looked down on the beach. Crusaders, knights, fiends, chocobos, all are just...gone.

Behind me, Seymour is throwing spells at the fiend, and Yuna has almost recovered. She will insist on helping him. I turn and take control of the battle, eliminating both shield arms, then calling on Seymour to use this special attack of his—Requiem. He doesn't want to, but I have heard of it and want to see it. I insist.

It is certainly...colorful.

When the fiend is dead I turn once again to the beaches of Mi'ihen, Sin is approaching the Al Bhed pavilion. The Al Bhed weapon fires. It's powerful, it bends back Sin's shield, it inches closer to Sin itself, and for a moment I allow myself to hope.

I should know better than to hope.

Sin's shield is stronger. It rebounds, it expands, it reaches out toward the weapon. They touch. There's a flare, and a flash, a massive blast. The weapon is falling in pieces, explosions rock the Al Bhed pavilion.

It's over.

It's finished.

Hundreds of stories have ended today.

* * *

**Auron:**

Who will write the letters?

**Next: Big Smile!**


	7. Big Smile!

Same same. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurriku (didn't start that way) but gradual. This is about characters and the building of a relationship. I'm pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

I look down and wonder who will write the letters? Commanders died with their men down on that cold beach. Who will write the letters starting, I thought you would want to know that your son died bravely—I want you to know that your daughter never suffered—I need to tell you that your father's last words were about you—?

The letters are a trust, a covenant, a promise that soldiers hold with one another. That we will bear witness. We will not fail each other. We will hold true. These Crusaders and Al Bhed that Sin killed, that the Church murdered today, who will say a few words for them to the ones they left behind?

Who will keep their promises?

* * *

**Big Smile!**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I can't stop crying. Mi'ihen was a disaster! We lost over a hundred people! The Crusaders lost five times that. Mopey's dead, and Cyrl, and Lindu, and little cousin Zik. Just gone, like the little tin warriors they used to play with when we were kids—knock them down, put them away in their box. Uncle Fearric's hurt, and I don't know if he'll make it. Dad's blaming himself for trusting the Crusaders and the Church. Mi'ihen is a catastrophe, Home is vulnerable, and Yevon will be blaming everything on the Al Bhed, whipping people up against us. Dad's taking it hard, carrying the whole weight of our people on his shoulders. Dad's got big shoulders, but no one's shoulders are that big. He's not showing it. He never does. He keeps it all inside, all macho stoic and it's-just-a-little-sand-wolf-bite-I'll-be-fine. Not like me! Little Rikku runs and cries and screams her broken little heart out. Sometimes it helps a little. But not in front of Dad. No crying in front of Dad. He needs me now. So suck it up, weepy Rikku. Dad needs chipper, peppy, it'll-be-better-tomorrow Rikku.

They all do.

So I bounced around Home like a cactaur on a sugar high. I was everywhere a twitchy little thief could make herself useful, counting stock, loading supplies, helping repair critical machina, running hot meals to the workers, listening with wide eyes while people explained what they were doing, holding the little ones' hands. Oh, that was the worst. When they looked at me and asked when Mommy or Daddy was coming home, and I smiled, and said I don't know and let's play a game and what games do you like to play, then I'd go and cry some more, but only in my room, not where anyone could see me, especially not Pop. The only one that I ever let see me cry was Brother, but he was away—not at Mi'ihen, thank all the ancestors!—and I couldn't sob all over him. So I smiled and cried and screamed through the bloody, messy leftovers of Operation this-is-going-to-save-stupid-Spira-so-it's-worth-the-idiot-risk Mi'ihen and it's a good thing I don't wear makeup cause I'd have been a mess, I can tell you! Smile, Rikku! Then the bodies started coming home. Oh-damn-damn-damn-damn-damn. I loved the idea of Operation Mi'ihen! Loved the idea of using machina to kill Sin, to show up the Yevonites, rub it in their faces when it all worked just the way it was supposed to! I told Dad he should do it and I couldn't smile when the bodies started to come, I couldn't even look sad and solemn and comfort the people the way little Rikku is so good at. I had to run away and throw up and run away more, and the bodies were just lying there dead, and I still couldn't outrun them, and I'm not a grownup, and it's not my fault, and I didn't kill you, and dammit I want Daddy to hold me tight and make it better!

And in the middle of all this, something strange and kind of weird happened. A few days after Mi'ihen, the Church released a statement, all hypocrisy and more-in-sadness-than-in-anger, welcoming all of the "misguided" Crusader survivors back into the arms of Yevon, hinting that they'd been "led astray by unhealthy influences." Seymour Guado put out his own statement praising the Crusaders' "unwise, but brave and well intentioned efforts."

Well, that's not strange. Disgusting, yes. Utterly predictable, yes. Strange, no. The strange, weird part was three or four days later, when another letter was posted on the public net. No one knows how it got on. Here, I have it here! Listen.

_-Djose-_

_To you who want to know how your sons and your daughters, your husbands and fathers, your loved ones and friends died on the beaches of Mi'ihen._

_They died bravely—moving forward, always holding their line. They died swiftly, and did not suffer. They died with the hope that they could bring a new peace to Spira, and to you. The people of Spira are afraid to hope. Crusaders and Al Bhed together tried to build a world of hope on that bitter and terrible day at Mi'ihen._

_They fought with hope that they would live, but they offered their lives if that was the price of a chance to defeat Sin. Respect their choice. Honor their sacrifice. Cherish their memory. Value their effort. There is worth in trying._

_I saw not one among them run. Your sons and daughters, your husbands and fathers, your loved ones and friends died faces to the enemy, and thinking of you._

_Auron, guardian to the summoner Yuna_

A letter from Auron. An open letter from I-brought-the-last-Calm-with-Braska Auron, about Mi'ihen! In a million years I wouldn't have expected that. And, you know, it made me feel a little better. Just a little bit.

I forgot the bodies for a moment and remembered the people—walking, laughing, hiding Rikku's cupcake from her when we were all little. I remembered that the people at Mi'ihen died trying to do something great, trying to break us out of our Yevon-begotten death spiral, for us, but for them, too. They had hopes and dreams, and were willing to risk their lives for them. It doesn't make them any less dead, and it doesn't make anything any less tragic, but...I don't know. I'm not a kid, and I supported Mi'ihen, and I'll carry my piece of responsibility for that with me, and live with it. Like a grownup.

I still cry a lot.

Yuna! Yuna's a summoner, remember! Jeez, we gotta get with the Program!

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We got back Home after the Baaj mission and just threw everything we had into Mi'ihen. Hey! The Al Bhed motto is "don't hold back!" Whatever was left over, we poured into getting the airship ready. (The crews were insane to be operational in time, but there was just too much that needed doing.) So with all that, there wasn't too much laying around to put into the Program. I guess we sort of let it slide. It's a desperation measure anyway, trying to kidnap summoners, keep them prisoner here at Home so they don't get to Zanarkand and sacrifice themselves. What do we do with them? Keep them here forever? Rehabilitate them and release them into the wild? Reason with them?

If we had captured Braska and kept him forever he'd still be alive, Yuna would still have a father, and I'd still have an uncle. I don't know! I don't know what we do with them, but we don't just let them keep wrapping great big bows around their lives and giving them away to Sin, or to Yevon, or to Spira, while we all stand and applaud AND SIN ALWAYS COMES RIGHT BACK!

No more! We have to save them! We've got to save Yuna. (Won't be easy, with that Auron guy guarding her.) I start to work on Pop, to let me be the one to snatch Yuna. I love that word, snatch! I tell him it's basically a theft, so send a (super-intelligent, talented, knockout of a) thief! See, Yuna's like the Great Pink Pearl of Vadaka, guarded by a thousand warrior-type monks! So what do you want? Do you want to fight the monks, or do you want to get the Pearl? Right, so you don't send fighters, you send a cute, blonde, twitchy little thief! It's brilliant. Pop doesn't see it. I tell you, the man's not stupid, but he does have some blind spots. I won't be alone. I'll have the entire support team. Rin backs me up. Why? Must be cause he likes me. Rin's always been like an uncle to me. Or maybe because I'm right. Don't know, don't care. The important thing is that Rin is someone Dad listens to. So, he reminds Dad how well I did on the Baaj mission. He also points out that we're sorta short-handed right now, on account of the whole Mi'ihen thing. Rin was against Mi'ihen from the start. Dad's face sort of tightens up and I'm afraid Rin might have blown things, but he gets Dad to admit it's either send Rikku, or wait a few weeks to try and grab Yuna.

Pop always sort of blamed his sister's death on Uncle Braska. I'm not sure why. Sin killed her. Anyway, he blames Braska now for Yuna becoming a summoner. (FYI, Uncle Braska, not one of Dad's favorite people.) So Rin and I are both working Dad, and he hems and haws, but finally he gives in. Kinda sorta. If we come up with what we think is a good plan, he'll look it over and let us know.

Hey! Thinking up plans is my specialty! What could go wrong?

Huh. Ask Mopey.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

It's a week later. We have word through Rin's contacts that Yuna's left Djose Temple and is on her way to cross the Moonflow River. That's when we'll strike! I mean, snatch! I have a good, solid plan. Well, okay, Rin helped. Or mostly put it together himself, with some input from Dad. But they told me all about it, afterward. They're really worried about that Auron guy. I told them, no sweat! Let me at him! I'll run rings around this guy! Well, I didn't tell them, but I thought it. You know, in that I'm-not-really-nervous way that people do. Anyway, if it makes the two of them happy to come up with a plan that keeps me far away from the "legendary guardian" then I'll humor them. Gotta do that sometimes with old guys and their whims. That's the Al Bhed motto, you know.

So anyway, the one thing that we know about the Red Menace is that he's practically useless in the water, so that's when we strike, er, snatch! We wait til they're crossing the Moonflow, then we nip up quick and pull Yuna over the side. Coat boy won't be able to do a thing! I won't actually be pulling Yuna out. (For one thing, she's bigger than me. Everybody's bigger than me.) But I'm in charge of the operation. I'll be waiting in the water with insurance in case Yuna's other guardians come after her. Then it's back home to Bikanel, and who knows? Maybe Yunie will listen to reason.

Okay, okay, here they come, steady, Rikku, it's just like picking a pocket. We're in the Moonflow, hanging just under the surface. Blix is ready in the water. I can see the shoopuf swimming toward us. I'm in a modified Extractor we pulled out of the ruined city below. Our scout teams found it a few years ago and marked the location, and a salvage team came up the river with us and did miracles getting it ready in time. Hey! Now there's a church I can get into, with a god that helps us work machina. We need that kind of help sometimes. I bet I'd end up Saint Rikku, call on me when you're surrounded by idiots! On the other hand, there's a lot of idiots out there. Do I want to be that busy? I'm babbling. It's time! They're here!

Now, Rikku! Release the mines! They're to give Blix a diversion to get aboard. This is the tricky part! If the legendary guardian catches Blix out of the water he'll turn him into Blix-kabobs! BANG! All right! BANG! Go Blix, go on! He's here! He's got her! Slick as grease! Smooth as my—well, pretty damn smooth, anyway! Blix quick stuffs her in the collector pod up top that the guys modified for prisoners, then he gets out of Dodge. His part is over. I turn the extractor for the bottom. I wave to Yunie, HI YUNIE! She can't see me.

Damn, two guys are in the water. Must be guardians. Right, guardians—protect her from everything, right up to the day she dies. You're not guardians, jack, you're the guys that deliver the animals to the butcher. Well, not this time.

This thing is kind of hard to see out of, but neither of them is wearing red. That's one worry gone. Okay, this was never really a fighting machina, but the salvage team put in a couple of weapons systems. The standard is the aqua shooter, pounding out concentrated slugs of water. Pretty effective at close range. I send one at the guy on the left. He takes a big hit. He starts fighting back with—a blitzball? You see something new everyday. What's his partner going to use—a hula hoop? Nope, just a big, sharp sword. Wouldn't bother me so much except for all the exposed wiring on this crate. It's still basically a patch job.

I hate to say it, but these guys are good. They're absorbing damage, and dishing it back out. I need to end this thing. I ready the second weapon system, depth charges. Damn I love things that go boom! I notice the guy with the ball is up to something. I don't like the look of the indicators on my board. Suddenly he throws his ball and it's like I've been hit by lighting, LOTS of lightning, lots worse than that idiot spell of Brother's. There are shorts everywhere, warning lights and buzzers are going off, I'm coughing on smoke. The depth charges are off-line. Jury rigged piece of crap! I've lost half the controls. Whose plan was this, anyway? I have to go back down and take them out quick with the aquagun, or little Rikku is in trouble.

I'm potshoting the guy on the left, when I start to get some strange readings coming from the other guy's sword. Before I can do anything he comes in and slices deep into the body. I lose the other half of the controls. I'm going down! Rikku's going down! I can't see. I can't get a breath. My hand is searching overhead for the emergency pod release. I'm not dragging Yuna down with me! I find it and pull. Yuna away! Now, I'm all about saving little Rikku! I've got my mask on. I'm fumbling for the emergency straps, hoping the guys paid more attention to the ejection seat than they did to the depth charges. There's fire in the cabin! I'm not going out like this! What would the Al Bhed do without me! I pull the straps!

**Auron:**

The boy and the blitzballer pull Yuna back onto the shoopuf. She's all right, thank heaven. I'm going to have to work those two harder on water fighting, since we're going to have to depend on them for that. The shoopuf continues across the river while the others discuss the motivations of the Al Bhed kidnappers. For Wakka, it is enough that they are heathens. I will suspend judgment in the absence of known facts.

We land on the northern shore of the Moonflow and prepare to continue the pilgrimage. Lulu and I discuss the supply situation as Tidus runs ahead, eager for new sights. It will take us some days to reach Guadosalam, the next stage in our journey.

Hm. The boy seems to have found something.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Wow! Almost getting killed will really get your heart pumping! Mine was going and least six or seven hundred beats a minute as I climbed out of the river. I flipped the catches on my wet suit and started to shimmy out of it. That was one good thing, getting out of the suit. It itched! I thought I was done for, back there. Did I say that out loud?

"Rikku!" someone said. "You're Rikku! Hey! You're okay! How you been?"

"Terrible."

I look up. Hey! It was the Tacky Blond, still wearing that awful outfit! He was alive, standing right in front of me! He made it after all. We both did! Well, take that, Spira! That's two you didn't get! Whataminite, sword, water, those people headed this way...this guy was one of Yuna's guardians. He destroyed my extractor!

"Yeah, you don't look so good," he said, "What happened?"

What happened!

"You beat me up, remember?"

"Huh? Oh! That machina... That was you?"

I manage to get to my feet.

"That really hurt, you know. You big meanie!"

Meanie. That's what I used to call my cousins when they hid my cupcake.

"W-Wait! But you attacked us!"

Jeez, now the kid sounds guilty. Lighten up.

"Nah-uh. It's not exactly what you think," I tell him, as the rest of them come up. Yunie was there, young-lady proper, looking just like a summoner doll standing on a shelf in your room back at Home. There was a magic-user, all white skin and black leather. I just bet she drives the boys crazy. One guy with weird, sticky-up red hair carried a blitzball. There was a Ronso, with only half a horn, but a great big spear. Uh...and there was the man himself, mister legendary hero, death walking, letter-writing, red guardian Auron. Big smile, Rikku!

"Pleased to meet you," I chirped to them, "I'm Rikku!"

So, maybe the kid did know Auron. But, Zanarkand?

I had to talk to Yuna. She wants to talk to me, too. After the introductions, I manage to pull her and leather girl aside. "Girls only. Boys please wait over there!" (I can't believe that worked.) I tried furiously to think what I would say. Let's see, how about_, We tried kidnapping you, but that didn't work, so now I have to ask you to come quietly_. Noooo, I don't think so. How about, _You know Bikanel Island? There's a hidden temple there with lots of cool aeons! I'll show it to you!_ That's closer. Or I could just wrap my arms around her legs, crying _Please please please, Cousin Yunie, don't die!_

Okay, let's go with that one. Big smile. I turn and face her. "Cousin Yunie! Do you recognize me? It's me, Rikku!"

"Rikku!" she said, gentle eyes wide, "I haven't seen you since I was ten! What are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" miss vision-in-black said, "She was with the Al Bhed who tried to kidnap you."

Well, sure, but not as obvious as you're trying to make those chest pillows of yours! "Uh, okay, yeah. We tried to kidnap you, Yunie. But it's only because we don't want you to die! I already lost an uncle! We don't want to lose you too." I didn't do it on purpose, but I started to cry a little. I still had hundreds of tears left, for Operation Mi'ihen, and from way before that, for my mother, for people I lost to fiends, all the way back to Uncle Braska. Sometimes I cried for Dad, losing a wife and a sister, and a brother. Sometimes at night, lying in bed, I even cry for all the people who've ever lost someone, or who ever will, people who aren't even born yet, but they will be, and they'll lose someone they love. I know it's silly, but I don't think I ever finish crying, I just stop for awhile. And now I'm looking at Yuna, and all of the tears start to leak out, just like Yuna's life, leaking away from all of us.

Goth-girl-mage turned away with a "hmph." But Yuna put her hands on my shoulders and said, "Don't you see, Rikku! I'm trying to make it so that no one else has to lose anyone! That's what trying to bring the Calm is all about!"

"But Sin always comes back!"

"But maybe he won't, this time."

I looked down, closed my eyes, and shook my head. Damn Yevon! The Church has brainwashed her.

"Rikku," she said, all soft voice and gentle eyes, "I haven't seen you in so long. I want you to come with us! We'll get to know each other on the pilgrimage. Please come!"

I scrunched up my face, "You mean like a guardian?"

"Yes! I want you to be my guardian, keep me safe!"

Guardian? Little Rikku? Who would have thought? But... If I wanna help Yunie what else can I do? I need to stay close to her, don't I?

"Okay, Yuna, but I'm still gonna try to find another way!"

I will, too! I won't let Yuna die. I'll be a real guardian!

"And I'll try to convince you that I'm doing the right thing!"

Fat chance, Yunie!

The low-cut goddess shook her head.

"Yuna, do you really think this is wise?"

Hey, do you really think that shade of lipstick is wise?

"It's what I want."

"All right, but I can see a couple of problems. First, there's Wakka."

"Oh dear," Yuna said, turning to me. "Perhaps you'd better not mention that you're Al Bhed."

"Oh, an Al Bhed hater, huh? No prob, unless maybe he's really sharp?"

"Uh..." "Well..."

"Okay, no problem at all for little Rikku! So, what else?"

Mistress-sexier-than-thou said, "Ah..." and they both stare over my shoulder. I turn around and I'm looking right at the man in red.

Big, big smile, Rikku!

**Next: I Laugh**


	8. I Laugh

Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Do you capitalize Aurikku?) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. I'm sure this is all -T- for right now, or even less.

Just noticed--just now noticed--that the doc manager isn't indenting. That's going to get annoying.

* * *

**Solider of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Al Bhed eyes.

What do I see in her green, Al Bhed eyes?

I see youth. She is young, and her fire burns bright and pure. Too young? But what is too young, on Spira? I was a trained warrior at her age. I have trained younger recruits. I have lost younger recruits.

I see laughter and music in her eyes. I see flowers and smiles. I see hugs and kisses. I see hopes and dreams. But I also see tears, and a deep well of sorrow inside. She hurts for this world. She cries alone. Her little heart is full of joy and pain. What will this journey bring her?

And I see a purpose, not so terrible as mine, nor so single-minded, but nonetheless strong and sure. She clings to life, not death.

I see no meanness in her Al Bhed eyes, no cruelty, no spite, and no unkindness.

She says she is certain.

I can use this young Al Bhed.

And so we are seven.

* * *

**I Laugh**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

He was standing there, looking out over the river, but I knew he knew we were coming over to him.

He's just some old guy in a red coat, Rikku. You twist old guys around your little finger. No problem, here. Keep telling yourself that, Rikku.

"Sir Auron," Yuna took a deep breath, and said to him, "I would like Rikku to be my guardian."

He looked at her a moment, then turned and walked over to me. I put my face down. If he's an Al Bhed hater, he won't let me join the party. Even if he's not, I don't think he'll have a sense of humor about it if he figures out I'm the one who tried to kidnap Yunie. Uh, snatch. I sneaked a look at him from under my lashes. He wasn't really that tall, or that big. And he only had one eye. I'm sure he was a good fighter, but Spira's full of good fighters. He didn't really seem like anything special.

"Show me your face," he said.

"Uh,"

Okay, his voice was kind of special, low and smooth, like mist in the morning, covering the ground.

"Look at me."

"Oh, okay."

I lift my face and all I could think of was to keep my eyes closed. Not a great plan—right up there with Mi'ihen—but you come up with a better one when a legendary guardian is looking right at you and talking with his voice that you could use to sell machina to Yevon.

"Open your eyes," he said.

Well, I saw that one coming. I open one eye, and look at him.

Have you ever stood at the edge of a really high cliff? And you're standing there and you know that if you step off, you'll be dead. Just one step, and you'll fall and you'll die. Your life will end. Over. Finished. And the cliff isn't shouting at you, or being mean to you, or trying to scare you, or anything. It's just there. And you know it can kill you.

Looking Auron in the eye was like looking over the edge of a tall, tall cliff. It wasn't anything he did, or said. The man was just dangerous.

"As I thought."

My heart sank.

"Um... No good?" I asked, clasping my hands in front of me, digging a toe in the sand. Be cute, Rikku. Cute, cute, cute! And hope!

"Are you certain?"

A wave of relief swept through me!

"A hundred percent!" I said. "So, anyway...can I?"

"If Yuna wishes it."

"Yes, I do!" Yuna smiled.

He turned and walked away, while the others came up to welcome me to the party.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"So," I asked Yuna brightly, "What's the next stop?"

We were following a road through the woods. Sir Legend sent the kid up ahead to scout, while he kind of held back, walking last. I had a feeling that scouting would be Rikku's next job, just as soon as Auron found out how quick and quiet I was.

"We're headed for Guadosalam, first," the black mage Lulu answered for her, "Then we cross the Thunder Plains to Macalania Woods."

Hang on.

"Macalania is the next temple we come to," Yuna added,"But I very much want to visit the Farplane while we're in Guadosalam."

Waitaminute...

"Sir Auron sets a fast pace," Lulu said. "I hope you enjoy walking."

Hold up, there! Where did she say we were going? No, before that. No, after that. That's the one! No! Nope! Not the Thunder Plains! Not little Rikku! Nuh uh! No way! Lightning is something to be avoided! I turn to make this perfectly reasonable point, only we're suddenly attacked by fiends—a big wolf-thing like the sand wolves back home on Bikanel—they called it a garm—and two big walking boulders that kept trying to flatten us! They called those bunyips.

Wow, these guys are good. Everyone seemed to know just where to go and what to do. No wasted motion, no wasted time. Captain Coat was in the middle of it, swinging the biggest sword I've ever seen, and when he called for something from the others it was like they expected it, like they were just waiting for the word. No wonder those two guys beat me if this was how they operated. They had the garm and one of the bunyips down in no time. Well, hey! Al Bhed princesses have a few tricks, too.

"Send me in, coach! Have I got something to show you!"

He looked at me for a split second before he waved Kimahri back and I jumped in and took his place. Give him this, the man doesn't hesitate.

I'm crouched over, I'm twitching from the top of my blonde to the tips of my toes. Gotta show these guys what I can do. I see it! Kind of floating just under the Bunyip's skin. I look at the man, he nods his go-ahead, and I nip in and out, quick like a cactaur!

"Look at that," I said, holding out a hi-potion. "Tell me that won't come in useful!"

"Hm. Could be advantageous, if you're good enough," he said, dodging a bunyip rush and nodding to the kid.

IF I'M GOOD ENOUGH! He just saw with his own two eyes—I mean...his own...ooh! You know what I mean!

WHOA! The kid hit me with a Haste spell! It was like fifteen double-lattes all at once! My pulse is racing! I feel like I can run a hundred miles! I'm bouncing up and down like crazy! My fingers and toes are tingling, even my nose is twitching! Why do people drink? Why don't they just do this? Good enough, he says!

"Watch this!" I yell.

I pull out two bomb cores I've been saving for a rainy day, slap on some solder and a little battery acid, just there, then I turn and fling it at the bunyip—BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! PYREFLIES!

"How's that!" I yell at him, bouncing, twitching, bouncing, twitching!

"Good enough," he nods.

**Auron:**

Mental note. Reconsider Haste spells for the young Al Bhed girl.

**Rikku's Diary:**

After the battle they all come up and congratulate me and sort of welcome me to the group. I mean, they did that already, but it's different now. It's like I'm not just some tag-along who's here because Yuna wanted me. They know I can pull my weight.

Well, except for the guy with the shades. I'm not sure what he thinks. He said, Good enough. But that's not exactly, Hey, Rikku! You're a little firecracker, and we're sure glad to have you along!

So we walk on, and it's getting toward midday, and I find out just how these people got so good.

"Shift right! Shift right!"

The voice is still smooth, but it ain't low!

"Push up the hill, now! Push up! UP!"

Auron's got us practicing what he calls immediate action drills in a clearing. We stand around in place like we're on the road, then he calls out some order that we all respond to instantly, facing around like a fiend is attacking us, or pulling back the way we came, or blasting ahead through an ambush. Everyone knows just what to do. Then we go through the motions of a battle, following his commands. We practice switching in and out. Lulu rolls out of formation to her left while Wakka shifts in from the right. She doesn't even see him, but she knows where he'll be, so they don't get in each other's way. Sometimes it's all of us in there, sometimes it's only three of us. But it's always little Rikku! Okay, I'm new, I get it, I'm the one who needs the most practice. The others are doing the right thing almost without thinking. Fine. But then, he lets the others sit and rest while he drills me personally! Mostly speed drills. Ooooohh! Speed kills, Rikku, speed kills! Faster, Rikku, faster, faster, faster! I'm wiped out! I'm panting, sweat's burning my eyes. Finally I stop, I sit on my heels with my arms around my legs.

"Hey!" I tell him, gasping for breath, "You could be nicer, you know! Tell me I'm doing a good job or something! You don't have to be mean all the time."

Oh, oh! He's walking over here. The others are all looking at us. He walks right up to me. Do I run? Drop and play dead? Start to cry? Crying works sometimes! Yunie, you can have my sphere collection...

"Rikku," he said, all low and smooth, and looking at me, "You did well in your first battle with us. I was impressed when you waited until I told you before you rushed in. You will be a very valuable member of the party. I'm sorry if you thought I was being mean to you."

"Uh... Oh, I..." I got that far and ran out of steam.

"But Rikku," he went on, crouching down, putting his face level with mine, "You must train hard. You have to get much, much better. We all do, if we are going to reach Zanarkand, and keep Yuna safe. Will you do that?"

I'm all dirty and sweaty, and my hair is plastered to my face, and I probably need to brush my teeth, and he's all crouching there, reasonable and patient, explaining things and asking instead of ordering, and it's all to keep Yunie safe, so what do I say?

"Uh, yes sir."

And he nods, and we start the practice again.

**Auron:**

They respond well to the drills, especially now that they have seen how much better it makes them in combat. But I forget sometimes that these are not my cadets, not young warrior monks or Crusaders in my training. They remind me so much in so many ways of the young people I trained at Bevelle—the young people I led to Klannathe. The people I lost at Klannathe because I didn't train them hard enough, because I thought there was time, and it turned out I was wrong. There was no time. I led seventy-two cadets to the defense of Klannathe. I lost twenty-five, and they called me a hero. I should have trained them harder.

I will NOT make that mistake with these people. No one else dies because I didn't teach them what to do.

But I need to remember these are not cadets. They are not training to be soldiers. They have their own motivations. Take the blitzballer. He cares about Yuna, yes, but he is here because of his faith in Yevon, and somewhat for the black mage. She is driven by memories of her lost love, and of the two failed pilgrimages the Luca Group have told me of. Tidus is here because we are the only people he knows on Spira. My Brother-in-Honor is here simply to keep watch over Yuna. Yuna is here... Why is Yuna here? For now, just say she is here to bring the Calm. Their relationships overlap, and form a complicated pattern, even mine. Tidus is like a son to me in many ways, Yuna a long lost niece, and the Ronso is my Brother-in-Honor. I know the mage and the blitzballer not at all, but Yuna and Kimahri do, and the relationship between Yuna and Tidus is deepening.

Connected and interconnected.

However, this young Al Bhed girl, who is here for Yuna's sake, she is very like the young cadets who came to the training halls of Bevelle, fifteen, fourteen, even thirteen years old. They were far from home, or family, or anything they knew. She is far from home, far from her family and her friends, the people who care about her and protect her. We are strangers to her, even Yuna. She is frightened. It is not unreasonable to be frightened. Yet she will not show it. She will do her best to be the mascot, the happy one who cheers up the others. Most squads have one—the clowns, irritating and exasperating.

Bless them.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We got done practicing. We were all cleaned up and getting ready to move on. Zanarkand was still far away, and Wakka and Tidus were horsing around, while Yuna smiled and Lulu rolled her eyes. It was just a light moment, you know? I think I even saw a tiny grin on Kimahri's face. But the big guy wasn't joining in. When I looked around for him, I saw him on the other side of the clearing, just standing and looking down the road. Waiting.

Well, I'm the party's morale officer, right? Might as well start with the BIG jobs. I walked over to him.

"Sir Auron?" He turned and looked at me. "Don't you ever laugh?"

**Auron:**

The girl comes over to me on the road. She asks if I ever laugh.

What an odd question.

Of course I laugh. I laughed the night I executed my only friend for crimes against the state. I laughed when I woke up chained in a madhouse and they told me I thought I was Auron. I laughed like a fool when I learned that I killed Jecht's wife. I laughed standing over my mother's body, just before it all went red.

I laugh.

She waits for an answer, looking at me with her green, Al Bhed eyes. Tell her the simple truth, Auron. She won't believe you.

"I laugh too much."

**Rikku's Diary:**

He didn't have to be sarcastic! All I did was ask a simple question, and he gives me some smart answer and walks away! Well, I tell you what, mister legendary meanie, one day I'm going to make you laugh even if I have to pay two big Ronso to hold you down while I tickle you! Then I'm going to run, sure, but you're gonna laugh!

So anyway, we spend the next few days on the road to Guadosalam. We practice every day and every evening when we stop for the night, team drills at noon, individual skills at the end of the day—faster, Rikku, faster! Speed kills! We have some fiend encounters, and Auron gets me involved in every one of them. I'm really starting to work with the group. It's like I'm beginning to see what's going to be coming next, and I know just what all of them are thinking, and what they're ready to do.

Sometimes, when they're just weak fiends, Auron yells for someone to take over, then you have Tidus or Wakka or whoever running the battle. Not me, not yet, but even Yuna is learning to command. Wakka is actually pretty good. After one encounter, Auron walked with him, pointing out the mistakes, and the things he did right. (I was kind of tagging along behind.)

"Wakka," he said to him, "I think you're something of a carpenter?"

"Uh, yeah, I like to build stuff, fix stuff, like."

"A carpenter once told me that one of the greatest joys in his life was using the exact right tool needed for the job."

"Yeah...hey! That's right! I mean, good enough is good enough, ya? But having just the right saw for the cut you need, hey, that's just great!"

"Battle tactics are like that. When you run a battle, Wakka, you do it like you're coaching a blitzball game, and that's fine. It works. But keep the carpenter in mind, also. Think in terms of the right tools for the job. We'll talk more, later."

"Hey, all right, Sir Auron. Thanks!"

I was slowly getting to know the others. Tidus was kind of cute and nice and goofy, but he paid all of his attention to Yuna. Well, who wouldn't? We all loved her. Yuna is soft, and gentle, and really beautiful, and ready to sacrifice herself for Spira. Everything I'm not.

I'm gonna save her. You watch.

I couldn't really figure Lulu out. She was always sarcastic and throwing little barbs at people, especially Wakka. But I couldn't tell if she was serious or not. Maybe she didn't even know. I think maybe it's going to be almost as hard to cheer her up as Auron. Wakka was already pretty cheerful, but he had this prejudice against the Al Bhed that was a mile wide. One day he's gonna find out about me, but by that time the others will love me so much that he won't be able to do anything about it!

Kimahri didn't talk much. I can't even tell if he needs cheering. I'll ask him to tell me some Ronso jokes! That should get the ball rolling.

But I wasn't really getting to know the man in red very well. He wasn't real chatty, and it was kinda hard to tell what he was thinking. I'm not sure I ever saw his expression change all the way to Guadosalam. I'm saying the Auron-edition mister potato head only needs one set of features, you know? Sort of above-it-all, mixed with some impatience, and a little judgmental.

No one came right out and said it, but it was pretty easy to see that he was kinda in charge on the pilgrimage. They always sort of looked at him for the final yes or no on things, like when Yuna said she wanted me to come along with them, but it was really kinda a question—-please Mister Auron, she followed me home, can I keep her? And even stopping for the evening, they would all sort of look sideways at him to see if the place they picked was all right. I mean, he always did his share, and more. Like on night watch. They broke the guard duty into three pieces. Everyone always hates the middle watch, where you sleep for a few hours then have to get up, then try to get back to sleep for a little while before it's morning. So Tidus, Kimahri and Wakka traded off shifts. The man didn't let Yuna or Lulu or me take guard duty. Yuna was the summoner, and he said our job was to be in the tent with her just in case something happened. And maybe he didn't trust me yet. Anyway, the three guys took it in turns, each had the early watch one night, then late watch the next night, then a night off.

Auron always took the middle watch, every night.

I guess we didn't actually have much in common. I was the youngest one in the party, and he was the oldest, I was an Al Bhed, he was a former monk, yatta yatta yatta. Maybe we would get to the end of the whole journey, get to Zanarkand, and he'd wave to Yuna as she went off to die, then we'd all go our own ways, and I'd never understand him very well at all.

(Not going to happen—not to Yuna!)

He never really said that much to anyone, but the last night before we reached Guadosalam, he talked to me. Everyone was kind of giving me a hard time because I had cooked that night, and the Al Bhed food I made was different from what they were used to, lots of spices and all. Wakka especially was talking about why I was making "heathen recipes." They were just teasing, but still...

I didn't expect Auron to come over and sit next to me. He never started conversations with me. I always started them.

"New girl," he said, in a low voice.

"Uh, me?"

"Tidus doesn't know."

"Huh?"

"He doesn't know what will happen to Yuna at Zanarkand."

"Well he needs to know!"

"Not yet. If you care at all about Yuna, do not tell Tidus yet."

"Why not?" I asked, but I was talking to his back. He was walking away.

He stopped and said without turning, "The food is fine, Rikku. I like Al Bhed cooking. There was an Al Bhed restaurant around the corner from where I lived in Zanarkand. I ate there two or three times a week."

That man! He just stands there and says these incredible things, like they were nothing! Like he doesn't even realize! There were Al Bhed in Zanarkand! And then he walks away while we all look at him!

AAAHHHH!

Well, at least it shut Wakka up.

The next day we reached Guadosalam. Hey, that is one BIG tree!

**Next: Treasure**


	9. Treasure

Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (You know I've been misspelling that?) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still all -T- right now, or even less.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Seymour—Zanarkand—marriage—Jyscal! And no practice tonight! Whatever else you can say about it, Guadosalam wasn't boring! While the others are all at the inn getting ready to leave tomorrow, I thought I might as well slip back to the city's entry chamber and see what might be lying around in those dark corners.

Only when I get to the chamber, the man is there. He gave us the night off, but I guess he didn't mean him. He's swinging that huge sword of his, whipping it around his head, slashing and stabbing, flashing from one position to the next, his coat whirling around him like red smoke.

I forget about treasure chests and just watch him, and whenever I think now he has to be about to stop, he starts to move just a tiny bit faster.

And then it changes, and it's like it's not a drill, it's a dance, and his sword isn't something for killing, it's a part of him, and close as I watch I can never guess how he's going to move next.

I know he knows I'm here, and I remember just about the last thing he said to me this evening.

He needs me.

* * *

**Treasure**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, there are trees, and then there are TREES! And there are BIG trees, and then there are FREEKIN' GREAT BIG TREES! Well Guadosalam was bigger than that! It just kept growing and growing as we got nearer. I leaned back, and it seemed to go up forever. We all went down into a tunnel that led deep under its roots, me first, then the others, the man last. There was a big chamber, but it was empty. I wanted to poke around a little in the dark corners and see what careless people might have left behind, but the others were all, Never mind, Rikku, Let's get going, Rikku.

Well, fine! See if I vote to stop the next time they want to check out blitzballs or low cut dresses in the stores!

**Auron:**

We entered the Guado stronghold. It had never been my favorite place, and I didn't like it any better now that Seymour Guado called it home. We went down through the large central entrance chamber. I idly wondered if any of the others noticed the murder holes placed every few feet, to allow defenders to stab at invaders in safety, or the openings in the ceiling through which the boiling water was poured. Perhaps my brother-in-honor, the Ronso, did.

Through another tunnel, and the city proper came into view. There were openings that led off to all sides, and branches that formed living roads, carrying traffic and supporting homes and shops. Everything was well lit by light spheres. And very clean. The Guado are somewhat obsessive about neatness. Maybe some of it will rub off on Tidus.

The Guado are obsessive about many things.

The place was busy with Guado and others—tourists, come to visit the Farplane, Guadosalam's chief claim to prominence. An elderly Guado was waiting for us.

"We have been expecting you Lady Yuna. Welcome to Guadosalam. This way my lady. This way."

The Guado reached out to take her arm, but the blitzballer knocked it away.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

I begin to like him a little more. The Guado was named Tromell, and he worked for Seymour. He informed Yuna that Seymour wanted to see her at his home. Of course, Yuna agreed. Seymour lived in a large manor near the center of town. As we passed through the foyer, I quietly told Tidus to stay close to Yuna. I didn't know what Seymour was up to, and I didn't like it. I didn't like the smell.

"I wonder what smells so nice," the Al Bhed girl said, crossing to the large double-doors. Hm. Actually, it did smell...interesting. We passed into a large room elaborately decorated for a feast. The tables were almost hidden under the food. All right, Seymour. What's your game? I leaned up against the wall to wait for developments.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Guado sure know how to eat! The place is all laid out fancy, and food is just hanging off the tables. I wonder what all this is for? It's kind of exciting. Back on Bikanel we don't really do "fancy." We're more the grab a sandwich while you work type. The room's really elaborate, there's a pendulum swinging on one side and three great big globes are hanging overhead. I think I'm the only one eating. The others are just standing around looking nervous or impatient, except for Tidus, who's walking around talking to everyone. Jeez, guys, I'm nervous too—I'm an Al Bhed about to meet a maester—but you can't let it ruin your appetite!

Finally that Tromell guy comes back. Hey, if I ever have a servant, I wonder if he'll go around talking me up like this guy does Seymour. This guy loves Seymour, going on and on about what a great guy he is.

"That is enough, Trommel. Must I always endure such praise?" I guess that's him. Um...interesting hair.

"Welcome," he says, doing the Yevon prayer thingie, and I can't help wondering if Seymour is just another victim, just like all of us here, or is he something a lot nastier. Does he maybe help keep us trapped in this big, hopeless death loop we call Spira?

"You wanted to see me?" Yuna asked, kind of nervously. Hey, Yuna! You don't have to kowtow to this guy!

"Please, make yourself at home. There's no rush."

"Please keep this short," Auron said, not very politely, "Yuna must rush."

Gee, in a hurry much to see Yuna sacrifice herself? Take all the time you want, Yuna. I know, I know, I'm on both sides here. Or against both sides.

"Pardon me. It's been a long time since I've had guests." Seymour held his hand out to Yuna and led her to the center of the room. "Lady Yuna, this way."

Then the three big globes started to glow overhead. The lights seemed to go out. Everything went black, then there were lights all around us! What's going on?

**Auron:**

We stand on stars.

We fly through the heavens. Comets, ringed planets, and even whole galaxies race past us. The others exclaim and look about in wonder. The blitzballer and the Al Bhed girl put their arms in the air, turning.

Now the scene shifts. We are far above a city at night, one that I know well. We are looking down at the great illuminated towers and boulevards below, bursting with a light that hurts the eyes. It is built from the land and the sea and the sky all together, as much a labor of art as a place to live and to work. I recognize buildings and parks and streets, places I spent the last ten years, and where I fought secret, unknown wars.

Now we are at ground level.

"Zanarkand," Tidus breaths.

"Correct," Seymour answers, "Zanarkand...as it looked one thousand years ago."

It is Zanarkand. They stare in admiration and amazement, the black mage is silently taking it in, the Al Bhed girl is bouncing up and down. Tidus...says nothing. What can he be feeling? Crowds are passing through and around us. It is Zanarkand as I know it, my city, cultured and sophisticated, intoxicating and dangerous, never asleep, full of possibilities and pain. I half expect to see someone I know on the street, or one of those idiot Tidus bobbleheads in a shop window.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Is this really Zanarkand? The city I dreamed of, the city we tell stories about? It's bigger and more exciting than I could have imagined. Is this what we could be if it weren't for Yevon, and Sin? Could that be us on those streets? I look around wildly to see if there are any Al Bhed, Auron said there were Al Bhed! But the scene changes, and we're looking at some woman in a bikini.

"Lady Yunalesca!" Yuna says. Huh. Well look at that.

"She was the first to defeat Sin," Seymour says, "And save the world from its ravages. And you have inherited her name."

Hey! I don't have any reflection! That's so cool! I wave to myself. Nothing! Oops. Some guy in armor just came in right through Yunie, and now he and the bikini model are hugging. Hey! What's that? Seymour is whispering something to Yunie—no fair, I can't hear! Boy, does she look surprised.

Whoop, we're back again, back in Seymour's house in Guadosalam. Yunie kind of staggers over to a table, grabs something to drink, and gulps it down. She comes over and we all gather around her (except for guess who, who just keeps standing right where he is).

"Wow," I tell her, "Your face is beet red!"

"You okay?" Tidus asks.

"He...he asked me to marry him!"

**Auron:**

Marriage. What sort of stunt is this? I expected something serious, and I don't like not understanding what's going on. I face Seymour, telling myself to ignore the hair.

"You know what Yuna must do."

"Of course. Lady Yuna—no, all summoners—are charged with..." I tune him out as he blathers about summoners having to make the people happy. Hey everyone! Let's put on a show, a great big show for the people of Spira!

A tragedy.

"Spira is no playhouse," I answer him. "A moment's diversion may amuse the audience, but it changes nothing."

Yuna is standing almost between us now.

"Even so, the actors must play their parts." He says, and walks over to her. "There's no need to answer right away. Please, think it over."

"We will do so then," I said. Time to get Yuna out of here. "We leave"

"Lady Yuna, I await your favorable reply." As I'm walking toward the door, he speaks to me. "Why are you still here, sir?" He adds, "We Guado are keen to the scent of the Farplane."

Oh, Seymour. You know what I am. The sick thing is that you envy me.

The boy comes up and sniffs me. I know him. He felt the moment needed comic relief. I shove him away, and walk through the foyer and out of the home of Seymour Guado.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Wow! For a moment I thought those two were going to go at each other right there next to the appetizers. (I don't know Seymour, but I've seen our guy in action. I think the Church would've ended up short one maester.) So we got out of there and Yunie sat down right in the courtyard outside of Seymour's house. We all started giving her advice. Lulu seemed to be for the marriage. Wakka surprised me. He was against it. Tidus didn't surprise me at all. He was against it, too. I think he was jealous! Yuna...kinda seemed to be leaning towards it.

"If my getting married would help the people of Spira," she said, looking at her feet, "If I could make people happy..."

I crouched down in front of her. "You could always just quit your pilgrimage and get married," I said. I mean, Seymour wasn't the guy I'd have picked, but if it'll stop Yunie sacrificing herself...

**Auron:**

My mind was working at a feverish pace, churning through the potential ramifications—if Yuna gave up her quest in favor of getting married, if Yuna got married and did not give up her quest, if she rejected Seymour, if she couldn't make up her mind. What would Seymour do in all of those circumstances? What would the Church do? What would Tidus do? What would Jecht do?

Seymour, if your idiot scheme, whatever it is, interferes with The Plan, I'LL KILL YOU SIX TIMES.

Hm. Yuna wishes to go to the Farplane. Well, that was always going to happen.

* * *

**Auron:**

We leave the tunnel and climb the stairs to the entrance hanging above us. I stop on the second landing while the others go ahead. I won't go to the Farplane. The boy asks if I'm afraid. Few people tease me. Emma did. Willa did. One or two others. Tidus is one of the few. I should remind him not to cry, but I simply tell him to get going.

The Farplane holds no fear for me. In the fourth year that I lived in Zanarkand, the summoners of Zanarkand discovered what I was. In the fifth year that I lived in Zanarkand, they decided that I must be sent. Summoners of all the factions agreed, they did not want me to corrupt and tempt their young. In the sixth year that I lived in Zanarkand, my war with the summoners of Zanarkand ended.

----The last night of Auron's war with the summoners of Zanarkand----_Boadicea----_Enya----

It was drizzling in Zanarkand, the night I walked down the Street of the Fayth to the Hall of the Summoners, past the storefront churches and back-alley temples. I could feel the force of their efforts as I neared. It hurt. Cultists and heretics, holy prostitutes, and late-evening worshippers stared as I went by, pyreflies already leaking from my body. (But there are always more.)

My sword over my shoulder, I passed through the triple gate, and down the Long Corridor, to the Chamber of Silent Music. The pain grew. Pain is weakness leaving the body. I stood in the doorway of their place of power. In the stands they were gathered in their hundreds, dancing, chanting, waving their staffs, more than six hundred of them, sending. One hundred paces to cross the Chamber of Silent Music—I walked out under the dome, stained glass all in blue and green, like walking through light.

Sixty paces—they're sending, tearing off small pieces of me.

Forty paces—don't let them see weakness, Auron.

Twenty paces—the colors of circling pyreflies filled the air. How many can I have within me?

Ten paces—don't worry, Auron. Pain and pyreflies, there's always more.

Two paces—I lift my sword from my shoulder.

One pace, and I gently lay the tip of my blade on the collar of the Lord High Summoner, Drake. The edge touches his throat. "This ends now," I tell him, pyreflies escaping with every word.

He swallows, and nods, gestures to the stands. Almost all of the summoners fall motionless and silent.

And the fayth come.

The fayth of Zanarkand came to the Hall of the Summoners, and danced in the blue and the green beneath the dome. They flew, they dove, they raced from one corner to another and gathered the pyreflies. I turned and walked away, across the Chamber of Silent Music, down the Long Corridor, out into the street, and into the city. The fayth followed me, returning the pyreflies to my body, one by one. And my legend grew.

* * *

**Auron:**

Six hundred Zanarkand summoners could not send me against my will. The Farplane does not frighten me.

But...there's no way I could keep the others from seeing what I am. This isn't the right time for that. I will not go to the Farplane.

The Al Bhed girl is also staying behind. She keeps her memories inside, she says. A good policy. She has fit in well, so far. She has been useful. She will be even more useful in the future.

We sit in silence. She's perched on the rail, her leg swinging idly. I sit on the steps, my mind wandering the years, revisiting Ocean's Point, Starfall Village, and Klannathe. The past is the past, but I do not like this Guado city.

"Sir Auron?" the girl said.

"Yes."

"Can I ask you a question?"

She asks me more questions than the others put together.

"You can ask."

"And you'll tell the truth?" she asked, slyly.

I suppose she could be an irritating little girl at times.

"If I answer you at all it will be the truth."

"Do you promise?"

I idly reconsidered how much use she would be on our journey.

"Yes."

No harm. I doubted I would answer her anyway. She just sat there, swinging her leg, humming and smiling.

"Ask your question," I said.

"Oh no," she laughed. "I'm not going to ask it now. I'll wait 'til there's something I really want to know!"

Damn. Outsmarted by a twitchy little thief. She wilted a little under my eye before I turned back to the horizons. Neither of us said anything else, but I could hear her nervous little laugh, "Heh heh heh."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Ha! Got you, mister legendary clam! Now he owes me an answer, a truthful answer. Okay, okay, if he answers me at all. But still, don't try to tell me I didn't win that one!

Hey, the others are back. I guess Yuna's ready to give her answer to Seymour, when suddenly everybody starts gasping and pointing. I look around and something's trying to follow them out of the Farplane.

"Lord Jyscal!" some Guados yell. Huh, Seymour's father? He doesn't look so good.

"It does not belong here," Auron said, "Yuna, send him."

Good idea! We all follow Yuna up the steps. Yuna says, "Lord Jyscal..." Like she wants to tell him something, or ask him something. Lulu tells her to get on with it and send him. So Yuna does, and he turns into just another bunch of pyreflies. Really, guys. Pyrefly eradication program. Think about it. Hey, did he drop something? DID YUNA PICK IT UP! ISN'T SHE GOING TO SHARE?

No fair!

Everybody starts talking at once, but Auron's voice cuts through, "Talk later. We leave now."

We get back into the tunnel and head back into the city. Wakka wants to know if it was really Seymour's father.

**Auron:**

The blitzballer wants to know if that was really Jyscal. Yuna wants to know why he wasn't sent. The mage says he probably had something binding him to Spira, and wants to know what it was.

I want to know what Seymour knows.

Up until now, I have been treating Seymour as an irritation, like Mika, like Kinoc. I didn't underestimate him. I know he is a major player. But I didn't think he would become fully involved in my plans until a later date. This early, the only possible trouble I expected to have from the Church would be priest-assassins from the Grey Court. We have a rather tangled history, they and I. (Did I ever tell you how I first met Braska? Another time.) Now I am starting to feel that Seymour may become a part of this story much earlier. There is too much that I do not know about him, and that my Luca associates do not know.

For a moment I wonder if he played any part in the Guado/Church confrontation twenty years ago, but no. He is far too young.

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we get back to Seymour's house, and Yuna says she's going to go in a give him his answer.

"Yuna!" Auron says to her, "Jyscal is the Guado's problem, not yours."

She doesn't answer, just goes on inside. Everyone sort of breaks up and goes their own way. I decide to stick with the clam. Hey, if there are dead people wandering around who don't know enough to just lie down and let the rest of us get on with things, I don't want to be alone!

It's not like he ever tells me to go away, or Be quiet Rikku. He just doesn't say much, the clam.

"Don't," he said.

"I WASN'T!" I blurted, pulling my hand away from a Guado's pocket. Honestly! The Guado kind of turned and looked at me. I hurried around to Auron's other side.

"Uh...Sir Auron?"

"Hm?"

"Why don't you want me to tell Tidus about Yuna dying at Zanarkand? He's going to be really hurt when he finds out, you know."

He didn't say anything. We walked slowly around the courtyard, my hands behind my back, his arm slung out of one sleeve.

"I think...I think he's kind of falling in love with her," I whispered. "He should know...that it...might not be a good idea. To fall in love with Yuna.

"You should tell him," I said. "Don't you care at all about him!"

Now he stopped and looked at me. Ooh. It was like looking down a really deep well. "Tidus will suffer pain no matter what. I can't change that. We all have parts to play. I'm afraid Tidus' part is to be badly hurt. All I can do for now is try to make it mean something, to matter. For that, I need you not to tell him yet. Lulu, and Wakka, and even Yuna tell themselves that they keep silent because there is no good reason he has to know yet. They fool themselves. They're ashamed. They know that when he learns the truth, there will be horror in his eyes. They don't want to see that horror looking out at them."

Horror.

Here's horror—I need to warn Tidus that he shouldn't love Yuna, because in Spira, love is hazardous to your soul. But I can't, because Auron—the closest thing he has to a father—wants to use his pain. And I'm going to let him. We don't need fiends. This is what we do to ourselves.

"Uh..." I ask, "Do you want them to see the horror in his eyes?"

He turned without answering, and we slowly walked on.

"Oh! By the way," I said, perking up, "There's something that I wanted to show you. I kind of had to wait until Wakka wasn't around."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Seymour's gone! Tidus ran up and told all of us that Seymour had already left for Macalania Temple—he didn't even wait around to hear Yuna's answer. Most of them wanted to go after him right away, but Auron decided that it would be best to restfirst.

"It's been a long and eventful day. Yuna should rest at the inn for the night. We'll start out early in the morning. No practice this evening."

Boy, that last bit really seemed to lighten the mood. I was already happy. One more night before we reach the Thunder Plains! I don't know how I'll ever make it across, but I have to. It's either that or leave Yunie alone with a group of people that either want to escort her to her death, or don't have a clue what's going on, or—

Um, or...

Let's face it. I have no idea what he's really thinking.

* * *

**Auron:**

Various thoughts slipped through my mind as I performed my drills that evening. (I told the others that they didn't have to practice. That didn't mean that I wouldn't.)

I went through water forms, flowing from one attack to the next in continuous movement, never stopping. The new information that I received from Maechen at the inn was useful, but more important were the questions I had given him. I wanted all the information that my associates could gather on Seymour Guado, even the smallest things. I especially wanted to know his movements. Would he be waiting for us at Macalania Temple?

And still none of us knew Yuna's answer.

I switched to the fourth movement, swinging my weapon in long, wide arcs. Tidus told me about seeing his mother on the Farplane. What did it mean? How could a dream exist in that afterlife? I admit that being close to the Farplane affected me more than I thought it would. But... If I had gone in, who would I have seen? My mother. My father. My sister. Braska, of course. But, would Vedec be there? Did I send him to the Farplane when I executed him that night in Zanarkand? What a joke that would be. Would I see Willa or Emma? Did the Cage hold? Were they still alive?

Were they ever really somehow alive?

I changed to the pure power exercises of the fifth movement, blows designed to pierce and break. The Al Bhed girl was a mix-smith! This really was wonderful. It meant that she was skilled in the combination of materials to form new items with entirely new properties and special protections. This is an Al Bhed craft, one they've studied for hundreds of years. They know exactly what raw materials—many of them rare—to combine for different effects. Not even the craftsmen of ancient Zanarkand could match them in this endeavor. The girl could alter weapons, armor, items. This young Al Bhed truly was a treasure—linguist, skilled thief, mechanic, and now a mix-smith. She actually beamed when I told her so.

So often it takes so little to make the young happy. Appreciate their worth. Show them they have value. Let them know they are important to you.

I can sense her out there now, in the dark, her Al Bhed eyes watching me. I appreciate you. I value you more than you know. I treasure you, but I cannot yet tell you why.

When that day comes and Yuna stands in Zanarkand, when she learns the truth, and must choose between comfortable, familiar death and confused, frustrating life, between the certainty of the Calm and the uncertainty of true hope, who will be standing beside her? Two that she has known since childhood, who will expect her to follow in her father's footsteps. And now, two new friends, people she will love, who want most of all for her to live.

I need you with us because you love life.

Now I move in the sky forms, always my favorite—totally unscripted, reacting ever to the moment, forever altering and adapting, never quite the same.

The essence of art is knowing all the rules.

Then you can start to break them.

**Next: I'm Scared All the Time**


	10. I'm Scared All the Time

Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (If it was I think I'd have done a better X-2.) Follows the story, but kind of AU. Itsy-bitsy AU. Mainly motive changes, especially this early in the story. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less.

My original idea was to post a chapter a week until I ran out, then whenever I finished a chapter. For whatever reason, I went ahead and posted ten chapters in two weeks. Well, that'll run me out of chapters fast, so I guess I'll start with the one a week now.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

A cadet once asked me, What is courage? What is bravery? I couldn't tell him. I don't suppose I really know. I thought I did once. But I only know that courage—whatever it is—can't be taught in the abstract. You can't learn it in a lecture hall or from a book. There is only one way to teach courage. By example. Courage must be shown. Then others will say, See that? That is courage.

And I know that courage can live in the littlest heart.

* * *

**I'm Scared All the Time**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Oh no. We're here.

I hate lightning! I hate thunder! What am I doing here? Hey guys! It's not too late? We could go around! I hear they're planning to start a regular ferry service to Macalania in a few years? We could wait!

Boom! "Ahh!"

They're actually headed out into that storm!

"I think I left something in Guadosalam!" I tell them. My good shoes! My good sense! I wanna go see the Farplane!

"Nice knowing you," the man says.

Well fine!

"Okay, okay! I'll go!" So much for needing me! Meanie.

Okay, Rikku-girl, you can do this. This is nothing.

CRASH! "Ahh!"

**Auron:**

Before we started across I gave them one piece of advice. I told Lulu to hold up her cactaur scope. She did, looking puzzled.

"If any of you sees anything like this," I told them, "Run."

None of us was really ready to face 1000 Needles.

We headed north, threading the way between the towers. We met few travelers, but we did find Maechen, who gave the others a lecture about the Plains and the towers. I learned that he'd sent my request about Seymour to the others in the Luca group, but there hadn't been enough time for any reply. He gave me the other information he had for me. Sin hadn't been spotted recently. The Crusaders were practically out of action for now, concentrating what resources they had on patrolling the Mi'ihen Road. That would leave people more vulnerable to fiend attacks. The Al Bhed were frantically shoring up their defenses, a good idea. Conditions in Macalania Woods were as strange as ever, but no stranger than usual.

We also met a serious young acolyte of Yevon, who was bursting with the news that Yuna and Seymour are going to wed. I looked at Yuna. It's an obvious, but still effective ploy. Seymour is trying to preempt Yuna's reply. If the people of Spira start to look forward to the wedding, how likely is Yuna to disappoint them?

The Al Bhed girl concerns me. The first day she cowered at every lightning bolt and every crash of thunder. I tried to shake her out of her fear by using her heavily in the battles with the Plains fiends, but after each she would almost collapse, panting and sweating. I doubt that she slept at all that night. The next day it was hard to get her to move. Yuna finally coaxed her into walking. That second day I stopped putting her into combat, it seemed to be having a bad effect on her.

The third morning she wouldn't leave Yuna's tent. No one could talk her out. It was not an acceptable situation.

"I'm really worried about her, Sir Auron," Yuna said to me. "She doesn't seem...well."

I ducked into the tent to try and reason with her. "Rikku," I told her, "You need to get up now."

"Gotta get up, Rikku," she said, in a horrid little whisper. "Gotta get up, we need to go, need to get to Zanarkand, need to kill Yunie..."

"Rikku," I reached down to feel her forehead.

"Don't touch me!" she cried. "Get away! You're a guardian! Legendary guardian! You guarded Uncle Braska to death, and now you're doing the same to Yunie! She's going to die!" she sobbed.

"We're all going to die," she whispered, crying, sobbing.

This was bad. This was more than fear, more than even a phobia. This was a spiritual crisis. There was some conflict deep within this girl. The constant, draining fear of lightning and thunder had simply let it out from wherever it had been buried.

I was unsure what to do. I didn't want to abandon her here, in the middle of the Plain.

But I would.

I think...I will miss her.

Braska. Yuna. Twelve years ago I held Yuna in my arms. I leveled Braska with a right cross. Hm. I leave the tent, and snap "Lulu!"

"Sir Auron?"

"Thundera the tent."

"Whoa!" "Hey, wait..." "Sir Auron!" "I... I..."

I looked her in the eye and said softly, "Now."

She swallowed, brought out her doll and threw the spell.

"Aaaaah!" Rikku struggled out of the now burning tent, and cried, "What the HELL was THAT!"

I stepped right up to her and said clearly, "That was Thundera, and now we are going to move out, and anytime you stop moving without permission Lulu is going to Thundera you again.

"Let's go," I said, and walked away.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I couldn't believe he was doing this to me! I looked at the others, but they wouldn't meet my eye. The one-eyed, coat-wearing bastard started walking, and the others followed him without a word. I stayed where I was, and he called out "Lulu!" and she raised her arm!

All right, all right! I'm coming! I caught up with them quick. I can't believe how mean he's being! How cruel!

**Auron:**

It worked. If someone punches you hard on the nose, you forget for a minute that your house is on fire. She was so scared of the lightning that the spiritual crisis had passed for now. I don't know if we can keep this up all the way across the Plains, but we might as well try.

There was a travel agency roughly halfway across that we would reach the afternoon of this third day. I had been planning to stop and rest the party there, but now I think that it would be best to push on and get us out of the Thunder Plains as quickly as possible.

Things didn't work out that way.

* * *

**Auron:**

We reached the agency without too much trouble from fiends or Rikku. Lulu only had to Thundera near her twice. The girl had complained incessantly at the start of the day, but had grown quieter and quieter. Then...

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh..."

All right, that wasn't a happy sounding laugh. It's the girl. She's stopped. Lulu looks at me, but I shake my head no.

"Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh..."

""Heh heh heh,"" Tidus echoed, "You're givin' me the creeps!"

Lightning strikes a nearby tower and the girl drops to all fours and skitters around like a water bug, finally grabbing hold of Tidus' leg. "I wanna go home! I hate lighting! I hate thunder! Let's go rest over there! Please!"

The travel agency, naturally. The girl had been holding it together, until we reached someplace that looked like safety to her. But of course, it wasn't.

"This storm never stops," I told her. "Better to cross quickly."

"I know, but...just for a little while?"

Tidus looked at me. "Heh, well? What now?"

I close my one good eye, and sigh, and start walking.

"Pretty please?" she cries after us. "Just a few minutes? I'm scared of lightning! Let's rest, please? Pretty please? I'm too young to die! You're mean...cruel! Your moms would be ashamed of you!"

My mother has other reasons to be ashamed of me.

I can feel the others behind me as I walk, looking at my back. I can sense them start to slow down. They stop. I turn and look at them. They want to go back for her.

They aren't doing her any favors.

They don't know that. They've banded together to defy me for her sake. It's a positive development. I turn and walk a little back the way we came.

"Are you having fun doing this to me?" she yells, and runs into the agency. They're looking at me.

"Fine," I say, "We rest. She's worse than the storm."

Bitch, bitch, bitch, Auron.

We enter the agency. It's clean and well organized, typical of Rin's places. The girl is actually cowering under a table. We really should have pressed on, but I have been pushing them hard, and Yuna and the others could use the rest. We engage two large rooms, and Yuna goes to hers immediately. Tidus and the others talk with Rikku, learning why she is so afraid—water fiend, spell gone wrong, idiot brother. The usual thing. Rin comes into the lobby.

Knock me over with a chocobo feather.

Huh. He and the girl seem to know one another, but don't say anything. Interesting.

Uncle Braska?

This bears thinking about.

Rin comes over to me and makes a big production of how we met ten years ago, when I was badly wounded. Are all merchants such terrible actors? How do they fool their customers, then?

I do owe the man for trying to help me all those years ago, trying to save my life. Trust is another matter. He gives me information. Still nothing about Seymour, except that his party came through here, apparently on their way to Macalania Temple. They were still talking up Seymour's marriage to Yuna. The Hypello are nervous, many of them moving back to their underwater towns. Bevelle is quiet. There seem to be Guado everywhere. Still no sign of Sin.

One by one the others drift to their rooms for the night, but the Al Bhed girl still trembles on the floor. I don't know for certain when she last slept. I walk over and crouch next to her. She looks up. She's curled almost in a ball. There are dark circles under her eyes. She's too worn even to be angry with me.

This won't do.

I reach out and gather her close. Her hands wrap around my neck, and she buries her face in my coat. She's trembling. I stand up, lifting her easily, and carry her down the hall to their room. I enter and cross to the bed where Yuna and the mage are already asleep. I gently lay the little Al Bhed down next to Yuna. She doesn't want to let go.

I straighten and look down at her. She stares up from the bed with wide, fear-haunted eyes.

My fingers reach down and softly brush her neck.

"Auron?"

I concentrate, press lightly, and her eyes close. I look down at her, lying there, and I lean over and murmur in her ear, "Sleep, little thief. The lighting will not harm you tonight. I will watch over you."

Her face relaxes, and she snuggles closer to Yuna. I rise again and see that the black mage's eyes are open, and she's watching me. I wonder what it is that she thinks she sees.

It's pointless, of course, but I said I would do it, so I prepare to spend a sleepless night keeping watch in the hall outside of their doorway.

* * *

**Auron:**

The next morning, for as much meaning as that phrase has on the Thunder Plains, we were gathered in the lobby, trying to convince the girl that it was time to go. She was once again cowering on the floor, emitting little screams every time the thunder sounded. Finally it seemed obvious to me that she wasn't going to move on her own. The only thing we could really do now was force the issue. We would leave. If she came with us, then good. If not, then...

Well, what could we do, carry her?

**Rikku's Diary:**

"It's not stopping, is it?" I ask someone, anyone.

The man walks past me, stops, says without looking at me, "Don't tell me you were hoping it would."

Thunder crashed just outside, and I'm back on the floor.

"Fine," he says, "Stay here."

And he just walks out the door. Like he's really going to leave me here, all alone in the middle of the Thunder Plains. And the others all look at each other, and shrug, and follow him! Hey! Where are you all going? You're not going without me?

"All right already," I sigh, straightening up. "But...

"You didn't have to say it like that, you know!" I shout after him...them. "You could be more comforting or something! You know, try to cheer me up?"

Hey! I've worked my little fanny off trying to cheer them up ever since I met them! I've been laughing and teasing and making little jokes and smiling for all I'm worth even when I don't really FEEL like smiling because who smiles at a funeral anyway and that's what this really is, just one long, really inconvenient, boy-this-is-really-taking-me-out-of-my-way funeral march! And after all that, he's just...they're just going to leave me!

"You just don't get me at all, do you?" I yell. "Hey! Are you listening?"

**Auron:**

I walk away from the agency. The others are a little behind, walking slowly, reluctantly. She's shouting at us now. I hope she can find the courage to follow. She has already become important to The Plan. But if she cannot, then we must leave her behind after all. Perhaps...I could get another Al Bhed to travel with us. I might speak to Rin about finding someone.

But I will miss this little blonde Al Bhed girl, this talented thief, bright and cheerful, with well hidden depths and sorrows. Thunder roars like Al Bhed cannon, and I hear her shouting at me, or the lightning, or herself, "I'm not scared! I'm not scared, you hear?"

Then from the corner of my eye, I see her burst from the agency, race past the others, and storm up to me.

"Hey!" she yells at me. The others have stopped not too far away. "Hey, mister legendary rock! Mister I'm-a-legend-so-I-don't-have-any-human-feelings!

**Rikku's Diary:**

I'm looking right at him, and he's just standing there in the rain, drops of water sliding down the lenses of his sunglasses and who the hell wears sunglasses in the rain anyway?

"Hey! You're just going to leave me there, abandon me in the middle of the Thunder Plain! I thought you said I was important! I thought you said you needed me!"

"We do need you, Rikku," he said calmly. "I need you, and Yuna needs you. But the party has to keep moving. We can't just stop, even if that means leaving you behind."

He's being all reasonable, with his low, smooth voice, explaining things calmly, and doesn't he realize THIS ISN'T ABOUT REASONABLE! THIS ISN'T REASONABLE!

"HEY!" I yell at him, "Do you think this is fun! Do you think I'm just acting like this to bother you, and that I'm fooling, I'm really laughing—tee hee hee hee hee—behind your back! I'm SCARED! I know you don't know what it means to be scared, so scared you can't think, can't breath, you think you're gonna die, YOU WISH YOU'D DIE JUST SO IT'LL BE OVER!

"YOU DON'T KNOW! You've never been scared of anything, so let me tell you what it's like! It's worse than pain! It's like a cut deep inside you, deep in your heart and your guts, and it's cold, and it's FREEZING, and IT DOESN'T EVER STOP! That's what it's like, AURON!"

And I realize I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. I run out of breath, and I just stand there panting and looking at him, and maybe crying but it's raining so no one can tell, not even me for sure. He's looking at me, maybe waiting to see if I'm finished or if I have some even more incoherent tirade to yell at him. Well, what does he know about it? He's a legend, legends don't know what it's like, what it feels like when your blood is freezing in your veins and your mind goes blank and you WANT to be brave, but just tell that to the back of your brain, the part that doesn't care what you want but just goes ahead and cowers and shakes and screams and even pees in your pants sometimes because that's how afraid you are, but you can't explain it to him, standing there, looking at you and judging you, cause he's a legend.

Okay, so I am crying a little. And trembling. I just hate this place so much. I don't LIKE to be scared.

Then the legend speaks.

"Rikku, I'm scared all the time."

Huh? I'm standing there, crying in the rain, shivering, and what did he say? I blink up at him, standing there straight and calm, looking at me.

"Rikku, I am afraid every moment of every day, and I have been all of my life.

"All men are. Most never even realize it, would deny it if you asked them, but all men live surrounded by fear from their youngest days. When you are young, you measure yourself against other boys, push each other, pick out the strongest and the weakest, afraid in your heart that you won't be strong enough. You grow older and find other fears—that you won't be able to have all the things that you want, that you will be embarrassed, that you will fail, that you will be alone. Sometimes these fears go away, but the true fears of grown men are fears for others, for the ones that you love. You can't watch them always, you can't protect them every moment, you have to let them go, and hope—just hope—that they will be safe, that they will be all right away from your sight. And in your heart you know that sometimes they won't be. You know that terrible things happen every day. And you are afraid.

"You are afraid at night, lying awake in your bed. You are afraid in the morning, smiling and eating breakfast with your family. You are afraid during the day, while you work, or study, or train. You are afraid even as you hug your children in the evening, safe in your arms, because you know that even then, they are not really safe.

"You are afraid, Rikku. But you find your courage, and you go on. You live with the fear, because there is nothing else to do."

He falls silent, and I just look at him. My brain is numb. My mouth won't work. I don't know what to say. What do I say?

What do you do, what do you say, when you've just poured out your worst fears like dumping a bucket of slop and a legendary guardian is standing there in front of you, his brown eye suddenly soft and full of concern and not at all like looking over the edge of a cliff, the rain dripping from his red coat, standing there without an ounce of ego or pride, and he tells you he's afraid, like he was telling you the time? What do you do?

"Auron..." I start, but I can't think of anything else...

"Find your courage, Rikku, because we do need you with us. I want you with us. Try."

I swallowed, and whispered, "I'll try."

"Good," he said, and smiled. He actually smiled! Then he took something out from under his coat and handed it to me. It was a targe, and it was yellow! Part-yellow! My favorite color! "We bought this for you from Rin, hoping you would come with us. It will help to protect you from the lightning."

"Auron! Oh, thank you, that's so nice!" I said with a big smile, starting to feel a little better.

"It isn't a gift, Rikku. It's to help you be an effective part of the team."

Well! It isn't a GIFT, Rikku. Welcome back, Auron! He didn't have to say it like that! So I'm getting ready to tell the legendary meanie that in polite society you're supposed to care more about other people's feelings, and maybe he should take some lessons in manners, and I bet he could get them by correspondence, cause really everybody being nicer to each other is really just good common sense, but some guy runs up to the others, takes their picture, then runs past Auron and me. Before I can say anything, Auron turns and starts walking, and the others all follow him.

Yuna and Tidus tell me how happy they are that I'm still with them while we start out over the Thunder Plain. Lightning crashes nearby. I shut my eyes, but keep walking. I can do this! I can!

**Auron:**

I look at her and names flit through my head—Anicke, Elma, Delisa, Jilly, Frieide, Serrah, Rilianna, Deetok Lal, and dozens of others, young girls I've trained over the years. I stare at her standing in front of me, the rain plastering her blond hair to her head. Young cadets, always so sure that no one else has ever felt the fear that they feel. So sure that they are all alone in the night with the terror that cramps the belly, loosens the bowels, paralyzes the brain. I tell her what I tell the cadets. You are not alone. We all feel fear. The danger is real, after all. Anicke died at Klannathe. So did Elma. Delisa died on the Mi'ihen Road. Deetok Lal died in Zanarkand, arresting a killer. None ran. They died faces to the enemy. They controlled their fear. And they all learned the lesson that this young Al Bhed girl learns now, one of the oldest lessons that soldiers know.

Sharing your real fears with others makes them easier to face.

And the girl was better after that. The next few days crossing the Thunder Plains, she was constantly nervous and on edge, quite a change from the cheerful Al Bhed girl we had grown used to. She wasn't sleeping very well, and she still jumped when lightning struck nearby, but she held it together. She even asked me to put her back into some of the battles. In camp, I watched her play with the electro marbles she stole from fiends, flinching as they threw sparks, but slowly teasing out their secrets, learning how to activate them. In my day I've seen warrior monks and Crusaders who didn't do as well.

I kept up a fast pace, almost brutal, both to get us through the Plains faster, and to help wear her out. I concentrated on her training at midday and the evenings, working her hard, until she was too tired to be scared.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Oh damn, I hurt... No, I'm too tired to hurt... He's working me on speed drills and strength drills and reaction drills, endurance drills and balance drills and believe it or not on luck drills... What? You think luck just happened? I know, I know... He's wearing me out so I don't have the strength to be scared... And it works... I'm so beat I'd jump under a falling Iron Giant if I could get some rest, and just bury me right here on the Thunder Plains... When thunder crashes at night I just roll over and cover my ears, I don't even have the energy to stick out my tongue...

And we're almost out! We're almost across!

Oh hell. Yuna wants to say something.

What now?

**Next: Days of Hope and Butterflies**


	11. Days of Hope and Butterflies

Eh, couldn't wait a week. Maybe I'll try posting twice a week for a while, see how it goes, work my way down to one a week. So, major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX? Not mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-or even less.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yunie's getting MARRIED! She stopped us right there on the edge of the Thunder Plain and told us! (She couldn't have waited just a BIT!) Usually a wedding's supposed to make people happy, isn't it? She says it's to make all of Spira happy, but I don't think she made any of us happy when she told us.

Tidus was really upset, and so was Wakka! Tidus wanted Auron to stop her, but he wouldn't. Auron wasn't happy, anyone could see that, but all he cared about was the stupid pilgrimage.

Yuna's so sweet and selfless. She cares so much about everybody else that she's ready to marry SEYMOUR to make them a little happier and she's even willing to die to bring the Calm for everyone! She's already given her father for Spira, and now she's giving everything she has, everything she is, until there's nothing left!

Sometimes I could just slap her!

* * *

**Days of Hope and Butterflies**

* * *

**Auron:**

There are rules. Once Yuna declared the marriage a private matter, there was nothing else to be said. The boy doesn't understand. How could he? He still knows nothing of Yuna's fate at Zanarkand.

"You're worried about Yuna," I say to him.

"Course I'm worried about her. What is she thinking?"

She's thinking that she's a match for Seymour in whatever game he's playing. I think she's wrong. But I won't stop her. I have to let the game fall out, and be ready to pick up the pieces later. It's her story. I see him standing there, fuming. The boy is angry at me. He will be far, far angrier one day, and I will use that anger, and his pain.

Auron. Sometimes you make me sick.

"Stand by her," I tell him, "Always."

It's all part of The Plan.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Oh what a wonderful day! Well, it's kind of overcast, and a lot colder than Bikanel, but it isn't thundering or lightningninging (ha!), and that's plenty good enough for me! Yeah!

The clam and the Blond Wonder were hanging back, slowpokes! I run back and get them, all serious and talking! I practically have to drag them along.

I made it! I really made it across the Thunder Plains! I never, ever, ever would have thought that I could, but I DID! You helped, I thought, looking at the clam, but he was looking straight ahead. Doesn't matter, doesn't matter! Because it was a beautiful, wonderful, incredible, fantastic, magnificent, splendid, absolutely positively FABULOUS, GLORIOUS, DAZZLING day!

**Auron:**

I watch with real—if quiet—pleasure as the Al Bhed girl utterly transforms from the nervous, miserable creature that had crossed the Thunder Plains with us, to a dancing, bouncing, twitching, candy confection of smiles, laughter, and fun.

"Hey Wakka, what kind of tool does a carpenter use to hammer under water?"

"Uh..."

"A blitzball-peen hammer! Ha!"

Her crisis on the Plains still worries me. Perhaps when we reach Bevelle I can speak with the healers there. In the meantime, I look at the others, and see how they react, and realize that we have all been traveling these last days with something absent, as if there were something important that we had misplaced. It's her.

"Hey Tidus! What do you call a flying fiend that's all beat up and run down and just looks terrible?"

She doesn't even give him a chance to answer.

"An evil eyesore! HA!"

In the short time that we've known her we've all grown used to her smiling face, her little jokes, her mirth. We missed her, and didn't know it until now. Even Lulu smiles slightly at her antics as the girl releases days' worth of pent up nervous energy. She can be tiring to be around, but...

"Hey everyone! Let's all sing the _chim-chim-chimera_ song! And a one, and a two..."

Welcome back, Rikku. We missed you.

We all missed you.

* * *

**Auron:**

Macalania Woods. Enchanted. Mysterious. Treacherous.

People tell stories about Macalania Woods. They say that there are flowers deep in the forest that play the most beautiful music ever heard, to lure unwary travelers near enough to devour. They say that the oldest fiend on Spira dwells in these woods, and that it knows all of the secrets in the world. There are stories of hidden temples, lost aeons, entire fantastic cities held within tiny golden spheres.

They say unsent wander the forest

I suppose they're right.

Strange and curious fiends haunt Macalania Woods, attracted to the pools of memory water. Bridges and roads of light cross the place. People walk into the trees and never return.

Of course, people walk down the Mi'ihen Road and fail to return. It happens when fiends are around.

We step into the blue green light beneath the forest canopy, and walk ancient wooded trails. Dark trunks rise on every side, and very soon the sky is lost to us. Despite the girl's best efforts to keep the party's spirits up, Yuna says little as we travel, wrapped in her own thoughts and cares. Tidus and the others look at her often with concern. They should be watching their surroundings—they are guardians first, concerned friends second.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Boy! Did Auron rip into us for not paying attention! He reamed every one of us up and down for letting down our guard, even Kimahri! Even Yuna! And he never even raised his voice! He said maybe we needed some refresher training, maybe skipping that workout in Guadosalam had made us all soft, and he looked up at the branches over our heads and said it looked like noon to him, and then he drilled us for hours! He even bullied Yuna a little, when she tried to say it was really all her fault, and he never does that. He just totally shut her down, and had her summon aeons and switch them out over and over as fast as she could, while Tidus and me were running sprints, Wakka was running laps, Kimahri was lifting huge rocks, and Lulu was snapping out spells as fast as Auron could call them! I think I heard Yuna mutter "Meanie" under her breath! Some fiends actually wandered by and lasted about two seconds being hit on all sides by spells and swords and spears and blitzballs!

That seemed to calm the man down a little, and soon we started walking again. But you can just bet that we were ALL keeping a close eye on the woods around us, and maybe letting Auron alone a little. No one wanted to set him off again!

Hey, it was still better than the Thunder Plains.

I guess he was right. We needed to be careful and take care of Yunie. You know, the next day while we were walking a big young man with muscles on top of his muscles came running wildly through the forest, not looking where he was going and bumping into trees. They all knew him, his name was Barthello. He was a guardian, but he got separated from his summoner, a woman named Dona.

I thought maybe Auron would just tear him apart for losing his summoner, but he didn't. He calmed the boy down, and even offered to help him search, but I suppose Barthello felt like that was his responsibility. (Men!) He thanked Auron and ran off to look for her.

I felt kind of bad for him, because I think I know where Dona is. She's on her way to Bikanel Island, to the Summoner's sanctum, where we're keeping the summoners we, um...snatch.

Only...what if she wasn't? It's really just a guess. She might actually be in trouble somewhere, or even already dead, killed by fiends. Spira really is a dangerous place, especially if you're on pilgrimage. We really do have to keep Yunie safe, until...

I don't want to think about that.

Hey look! BUTTERFLIES!

**Auron:**

Oh damn... Number 27 on the List of Things I Loathe and Despise...butterflies. These butterflies.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yuna was snickering behind her hand, Lulu was looking away, but her shoulders were shaking, Wakka was just openly grinning at them, and even Kimahri was huffing with Ronso laughter. And I was just rolling on my back holding my stomach! Ha! We were all laughing at the two of them, standing there in the middle of the road arguing about butterflies!

Poor Auron, here he is trying to herd a headstrong young summoner (that's Yuna!) and her loopy group of guardians along on their pilgrimage, and he's keeping secrets, dealing with Guado maesters, Al Bhed panic attacks, marriage proposals, and even this Barthello guy running through the forest, and here's Tidus, who wants to stop and chase butterflies! Hahahahaha!

"Ah come on, old man!" Tidus smiled hopefully. "It won't take long!"

"I said no," Auron glared.

"But the guy says we can win some cool stuff! I'll bet it could help us on the pilgrimage."

"We don't have time to go chasing butterflies," the man said, turning away.

"Hahaha! Sure we do!" Tidus said, running around in front of him. "We can just skip one midday drill. Think of it as on-the-job training."

"THAT TRAINING IS KEEPING US ALIVE!" Auron yelled.

"I'll bet you chased them when you came through here with my old man!" the boy said.

"We did no such thing!" he snapped back.

"Hey, you're scared of butterflies! Hahah!" the kid laughed, dancing backward and pointing. "Hey, old man, don't worry! Only the red ones are dangerous. We'll stay away from those. Hah! Okay? Huh? All right?"

"Tidus, I am not SCARED OF BUTTERFLIES."

Watching them like that I could just see them back in Zanarkand, and little Tidus is all "I wanna go to the circus" or "let's go see blitzball" and Auron just wants to stay home and train or read or something, but the kid JUST WON'T STOP. So the man is standing there in the road fuming about butterflies, with a scowl that could maybe frighten a chimera to death, but Tidus is just looking at him with the most irritating smile plastered all over his face, wheedling and coaxing.

"Ha ha! Hey! Shouldn't we ask Yuna? Huh? It's her pilgrimage, right? Right?"

"Yuna has more than enough on her mind right now, and she doesn't need us to bother her about BUTTERFLIES!"

I sat on the grass with my arms around my knees and watched them yapping at each other, and it made me feel kind of glad to see it, remembering that the two of them really were like family, just like Pop and Brother and me. I know Tidus was mad at Auron for not stopping Yuna getting married, but that didn't mean they stopped being family. I get mad at Brother, but he's still my brother. Just like us, Tidus and Auron must have little family jokes, and stories, and family traditions. Like this fight. And they had each other.

Hey, it looked like Tidus was going to win!

**Auron:**

He's a good boy, and he's done well here on Spira. He's going to be hurt here on Spira.

Let him chase butterflies for a little while.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We did okay with the butterflies. Tidus got a goldeny sigily cresty type thingy. Auron had a disgusted look on his face, but I think it's kind of pretty. Now if I can just keep the kid from wearing it around his neck!

It took us about a week after that to get almost out of the forest. We trained hard every day (I think Auron was still a little annoyed) and fought some pretty weird fiends. I got some cool stuff. The nights were quiet. We didn't talk much in camp at the end of the day. I guess everyone was still thinking of Yuna's marriage. So I would just lose myself staring into the campfire, watching the flames until it was time to go to sleep.

I know it might sound strange, but I kind of liked it in there, in that strange, shadowy, magic forest. I know, I know! Me from the desert, and not a piece of machina in sight! But...to me it seemed like a place where anything could happen, where anything was possible.

Do you know how rare that is on Spira? Dad's worked for ten years to try to build a place like that.

I guess it could just have been getting off the Thunder Plains. That would make anyplace start to look special to a girl, even if it's just a little Mi'ihen Road village or the old sandbox back of Home. What happened back there on the Plain...I don't know. I'm not sure I even remember some of it. Was I in a tent, whimpering? Was Auron holding me, carrying me? I don't even remember what all I shouted at him that time! But I remember what he said to me.

He said he was scared all the time.

Tell you a secret. So am I.

I'm here with these people, and we're fighting fiends every last day, and they're just getting stronger, and they're going to keep getting stronger, and do you know how many summoners and guardians die before they even reach Zanarkand? I'm afraid for me, and I'm afraid for them, just like he said! And if we all live, then we get to face Sin, but if we're lucky then maybe only Yuna will die, and late, late at night when I can't sleep and I lie there shivering because I'm so afraid, a tiny, disgusting, little piece of me...wants Yuna to just go ahead and die so I can live.

And most of the time I can keep it all together, keep THAT fear deep inside where no one can see, while I'm happy Rikku, chipper Rikku, it'll-all-work-out Rikku. But not on the Thunder Plain. I couldn't on the Thunder Plain. It was too hard on the Thunder Plain. And I dumped all that out all over him. And he told me that he was scared all the time. He told me to find my courage. And I did. And I got through! I made it! I'm here, on the other side, in this mysterious, exotic, outlandish forest where I think ANYTHING could happen! And I've found my hope again, from wherever it went to hide while we were crossing the Plain, and we'll find a way! Yuna's not going to die, she's going to live! We all will!

Of course, it isn't little Rikku-girl in there on her own under those trees! That would be dangerous. Nope, it's Rikku in there with six other people that she knows would go to the wall for her! And she would for them. I may not like where we're going, but I've started to care about all of these guys, even Wakka. It isn't going to be fun when he finds out about me, but I guess this isn't all about fun, after all.

Anyway, I don't know how the others are going to remember these days traveling through Macalania Woods, but I'll always remember them with a smile, days filled with hope and butterflies.

So, we're getting to the end of the woods, when Auron stops, and starts to look around. He mutters "It's around here somewhere..." to himself. We've all stopped, and we're just watching him.

"Uh...what's here?" Tidus asks.

"Something you should see."

He seems to find what he's looking for, although it looks like just one more tree to me. He throws off one side of his coat and draws that huge sword of his, and I'm telling you, three blows and the trees are gone. Now, little Rikku's a pretty good thief, and mechanic, and mix-smith, and one or two other things, but...there are some days when I just wish I could haul out my mighty sword and level whole buildings with one great swing. Oh well. The Al Bhed motto is "do whatcha can with whatcha got." One day I'll blow up something really huge, and then I'll have it stuffed and mounted on my wall. Anyway, there's a path now, and we all walk down it to a blue lake, with a big tree growing in the middle of it. It's really beautiful, you know? The lake is memory water, Auron tells us, the stuff you make spheres out of.

Something's coming out of the water.

"It also attracts fiends," he says.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"It's a spheremorph!" Lulu shouts. Showoff. Auron snaps out orders and I find myself in the front rank along with him and Tidus. The man often puts me in first, has me steal whatever little things I might be able to get my hands on, and then gets me out of combat. I know it's what I do, but I can do more! Gotta point that out to him, I think to myself, darting in and out. Hey! I got an ether!

Sure enough he pulls me out and has Yuna step in. Huh, let's see. He's going to have Tidus cast Haste on himself, then on Yuna, then him, then switch out Lulu for Tidus, have Yuna cast elemental protection spells, then switch her out for Tidus, have him Haste Lulu, then switch back! Hey, I'm getting the hang of—

"Rikku!" he calls, "Take over!"

Huh? Who, me?

The man's just standing there! He takes a big hit from the spheremorph. "Rikku!" Lulu yells. They're all looking at me!

Okay! Okay! What moves did I just map out? Haste! "Tidus! Haste yourself! Then Yuna!" Okay! It's okay, I start shouting out orders...maybe they're not always the best orders, but I'm getting the job done! I'm switching in Wakka and Kimahri and all of us. In Rikku's World everybody plays! It means Yuna doesn't have to heal so often, and she can concentrate on casting protection spells.

Gee, Auron, throw me in the deep water, why doncha?

So I'm switching the boys in and out—

"Nothing to fear, the hero's here!"

"Wakka's back on the field!"

—and they're hitting the thing to get it to show Lulu what spells to cast—

"Burn."

We're hurting it, I know we are! Every now and then I nip in quick and try to grab something else, and eventually I score another ether!

We're beating it! We're beating it! Okay, so do I go for style points, or a good workmanlike finish? I look over at the man. He's watching me like a judge in an Al Bhed spelling bee, and he's waiting to see if I get "overconfidence" right. Is this a test? Okay, so workmanlike it is. The surest, easiest way to get this over with is, "Yuna! Aeon!"

Flash! Bang! Bu-bye!

**Auron:**

She showed good sense using the aeon.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Everyone's congratulating me on running my first battle, and doing so well. Almost everybody. You know, now I have time to think about it, it was kinda fun, giving those orders, having everyone do what I said. I wonder if I could've ordered Auron to take off his shades! Or even his coat! I could've ordered Wakka to sing Al Bhed love songs! Ordered Lulu to cover up!

Ordered Yuna not to die.

Okay, this isn't fun anymore.

Anyway, it really did feel good, little Rikku making the decisions, seeing it all go right, coming together. Winning. I really liked the winning. I think I'm going to ask Auron to let me run more battles. I want to get better at it.

Hey, what are they all looking at now? OH Sheesh! I got so wrapped up in beating the spheremorph that I didn't even notice what it dropped afterward! That is way not like me. Guys! Hey guys! What have you got there? Guys?

**Auron:**

I hold the past in my hand. This is the reason why I brought them to this place. I want Yuna and Tidus to see it. They're all gathered around now, looking at the old, battered message sphere as I hand it to the boy.

"Jecht left it here ten years ago."

Voices from other days. Their eyes are wide. Except for Tidus. His eyes are shadowed, annoyed, angry. They always are, when I talk about his father.

"Play it back," I tell them.

They start the recording. There we are, the three of us, younger, here in the woods, at Lake Macalania, in Bevelle. I realize that but for my memories and dreams, I haven't seen them in ten years. Of course, Jecht's picture was all over Zanarkand, but this is Jecht in Spira, and Braska, and me. I should be observing Yuna and the boy, gauging their reactions, but...I study us...then...

"We shouldn't be wasting our time!"

"What's the hurry, man?"

"Let me tell you what the hurry is!"

"Auron!"

That was the three of us on our pilgrimage. Jecht, larking and trying to have fun, never taking anything seriously, even teasing the fiends as we fought them. Me, taking everything seriously, annoyed with Jecht, furious at the Church, angry at the world. And Braska, always even tempered, always between the two of us. He was the one that kept us moving steadily forward. Towards Zanarkand.

That was us then. We changed on the pilgrimage.

I pull the others away. The next part is for Tidus alone.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I don't know what Tidus was hearing from his father, but it didn't seem to be anything he wanted to hear. Wouldn't you think after all these years, after ten years, he'd be just a little happy to find a message, a little piece of his Dad here in these woods? I said they were a place where anything could happen.

I wish I had found a sphere from my Mom.

I don't think Yuna knows what to think, seeing her father like that. And Auron...

"Sir Auron?" I ask him. "Are you all right?"

He seems to come back from wherever he was, inside his head, and looks at me. He starts to say something, then stops. Then he says, "Rikku, you did very well fighting the Spheremorph. You should try running more battles."

Then he gets us moving again. Tidus is through with the sphere, whatever it said. Kimahri goes first, followed by Yuna, then Wakka and Lulu. Tidus and the man hang back, talking, and I'm the scout!

Next stop—Lake Macalania!

**Auron:**

"Jecht loved you," I told him when they had gone ahead. "He just didn't know how to express it."

"Enough about my old man, Okay?" He was angry, and didn't want to hear it.

"I just thought you should know," I said, and we followed the others into the woods. I felt bad for Jecht, and I felt bad for the boy, but I don't suppose it really was my business after all.

The Plan doesn't care if Tidus hates his father.

**Next: Even a Legend...**


	12. Even a Legend

Uh, guys? Don't try to smell a willow tree. Won't really work. I needed a smell and couldn't think of anything else. The actual smell I had in mind is a kind of willow bush, but that doesn't sound as good.

Also, you can get the three Carbon Leaf songs in this chapter as free MP3 downloads from Amazon Music.

Kind of a short chapter.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T- right now, or even less. Same old.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Once there was a man who went to Zanarkand to keep a promise. He said he would keep watch over his friend's family, but his friend's wife died and there was nothing the man could do. He wandered the streets angry and alone, looking for a fight, or a bar, or a woman's bed, or anything, wondering what good he was doing, why he was even there, what was the point. He fought. He drank. He slept. And in the night while he slept his friends came to him, and explained to him what he was doing, and why he had to be where he was. They told him the appalling truth that was hidden behind all of the lies, all of the death, all of the useless, worthless sacrifice.

They told him about the secret war being fought in Heaven.

It was the first time Braska and Jecht came to me in Zanarkand.

* * *

**Even a Legend...**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Coming out of the woods, we stop for the night at the Macalania travel agency. Boo-oring! Yunie's still acting weird and isn't talking. Lulu isn't talking. Kimahri isn't talking. Wakka is confused. Tidus is really upset that Yuna decided to marry Seymour. He's mad at Auron, and I think he's starting to suspect that there's something important he doesn't know.

And Auron never says much.

But, you know, for a closed-mouthed guy, Auron actually talks to a lot of people. The others don't notice, but just about everywhere we stop, on the road, in a shop or travel agency, the man kinda goes off a little ways and after a while someone will come by and slip something to him, really pretty slick. Most people wouldn't see it. Sometimes he even wanders off by himself, and if you follow him (what?) you see him talking to someone, all low and suspicious and why didn't little Rikku ever learn to read lips?

So I'm outside trying to get to an interesting looking chest, but there's a chocobo in front of it that doesn't want to share. I'm just starting to think grenade and fried chocobo, when I see a skinny guy coming down the road, one that I remembered passing us in the woods a few days earlier and quietly giving something to Auron. So I sort of slide over, and we end up going in through the door at the same time, kind of jostling each other. Inside, the guy heads towards Auron, reaching into his pocket all casual. Then he stops, and starts going through his clothes looking for something. After a minute, he goes up to Auron, but Auron just says something sharp and walks away. The guy leaves with his face red. I sit in a corner and make sure no one is watching me, and open the note that I lifted.

_"The Crusaders are rebuilding their ranks with direct transfers from the warrior monks. The Chocobo Knights are rebuilding slower, but with their own people. Seymour is at Macalania Temple. We are still searching through his past. Kinoc remains at Bevelle. Benefice sent another team into the Omega Dungeon. Kilika rebuilding is on schedule."_

Huh. So what does all that mean? Auron is getting secret reports? From who? I look over at him. Gah! He's looking at me.

**Auron:**

So, little thief. Did you take my letter? From the innocent look on her face I would say that it's likely. One more thing to deal with. But not today. Today I'm busy with other thoughts. I turn away, and in my mind I wander back to the pond in Macalania Woods.

Back to the sphere.

We looked so young—Braska, Jecht, and I. To hear their voices, see them clearly after all of these years—Braska, so certain of the path he chose, Jecht, before he realized the true nature of our pilgrimage. And I... Was I really so arrogant and self-righteous? Why in heaven did people ever follow me? Auron the legendary prig. No wonder Jecht was always playing his jokes on me, telling that Ronso in Luca that I wanted to arm wrestle, edging behind me on Besaid and pushing me off that cliff into the water.

I wanted Yuna and Tidus to see their fathers, to try to reconnect with them. I didn't think it would affect me like this, seeing that sphere, seeing them. They were my friends. We traveled together for almost a year, counted on each other, trusted one another, watched each other's backs, saved each other's lives, fought fiends, fought Spira, reached Zanarkand. We won.

Now Braska is gone, Jecht is Sin, and I...

I want a drink.

* * *

----Bar Songs----_Mary Mac, On Any Given Day, The Boxer----_Carbon Leaf----

**Rikku's Diary:**

I went looking for Auron. I found him sitting at one end of the bar in the small tavern attached to the agency. Rin doesn't run the place, he just rents the space to someone. I walked in past two Al Bhed talking at a corner table and hopped up on the stool next to him. I've never really had much luck cheering him up. It's like he doesn't even like my jokes! I listened to a local band in the corner singing a silly song about getting married. I knew the man had to be hating it. He was staring into his drink, not saying anything, looking all harsh and brooding. Sometimes I think he works so hard at being The Legend, even when he's just drinking, or standing, never for a moment forgetting who he is, and the part that he's playing. And then sometimes I think he doesn't even realize, and that it all comes from inside, from the promises he's made, to himself, to his friends, to Spira, to all of us. Just like Pop, I think he tries to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, and I keep telling them that no one's shoulders are that big. Let the rest of us help you, we've all got shoulders. But they're all, This is how Men do things, Rikku, and I have to sit down hard to keep from just knocking them in the head with a wrench for believing something so STUPID, but I love them anyway. Pop, I mean. Cause what else can you do? No one can carry the whole weight of Spira on their own. It's impossible, it'll break you, but they keep trying, and it has to hurt to try. It hurts to watch. I look sideways at him. Was he broken, yet? Spira's full of broken people. Dad and Rin. Yuna, so worried she won't be able to die for the rest of us. Tidus, who's just so lost, and who's gonna be really hurt one day soon. And even Seymour. And me. And I'm starting to think that Auron might be the most broken of all. I looked sidelong at him, wondering what deep, bloody, stupid, I-have-to-save-the-world-all-by-myself-because-I'm-a-man heroic thoughts he was thinking, looking that deep into his cup.

**Auron:**

—idiot band—corner table, behind me—two Al Bhed—too loud in here—center table, two men—silly song—big one's drunk—lousy nog—can't see little one's hands—costs too much—other corner, one Guado—he and Al Bhed could go at it—weak as water—far side, sitting at bar—quiet guy—stool's wobbling—can handle trouble—lousy stools—won't start it—dirty floors—bartender nervous—dirty bar—has something behind counter—stays near it—dirty cups—Rikku behind me—Back me up?—yeah, trust her—lousy nog—against Al Bhed?—pretty sure—sat down next to me—crummy stools—blocking my draw—bartender looks—doesn't move—Al Bhed louder—quiet guy doesn't look—complain to Rin—Guado still sitting—lousy nog—big drun—

"Sir Auron...uh...Auron?"

I look at her. Way too easy to focus. Need to drink more. Lot's more. Lousy nog. "Hm?"

**Rikku's Diary:**

I don't know how to ask what I really want to ask. But he's looking at me now, waiting. I have to say something.

"Uh... Why are you drinking so much?"

Oh, way to go, Rikku! Hey, that's just the kind of really personal and private question that you want to ask a legend. Why don't you ask him if he ever misses his eye while you're at it?

**Auron:**

No one else but Tidus would even consider asking me, and Tidus asked a long time ago. I look over at her. She wants to know why I'm drinking so much. I suppose it's a fair question. You can ignore her, Auron. She'll probably just keep asking. You can give her a smart answer, turn her face red, and she'll turn around and go the way she came. But at this exact moment you can't think of one. You can haul out your sword and cut her in half. She'd just be twice as annoying.

Tell her the truth, Auron. She won't believe the truth.

You're drinking because even a legend gets tired of pushing boulders uphill, of trying to turn the tide of a thousand years, of oh-so-quietly sheparding good, young people away from death and martyrdom, toward life and hope.

But mostly, Auron, you're drinking because seeing that idiot sphere and the friends you used to have touched something inside you. And because sometimes—not often, but just sometimes—when you get blind, stinking, falling-down-but-not-quite-passing-out drunk, then sometimes...

Sometimes Braska and Jecht come and talk to you.

I look over at her. The truth, Auron. Even a legend...

"I'm lonely," I tell her, looking away.

"Ooh..."

Damn. I think she believed me. Lousy nog.

**Rikku's Diary:**

What do I say? What do I say to that? He's looking into his drink again, and I'm sitting there like a turnip with nothing to say. Turnips never know what to say. They can't comfort worth a damn. All a turnip can do is sit there on a barstool next to him, feeling lumpy and yucky and tongue-tied.

The band starts a new song. I smile brightly in desperation, and blurt, "I love to dance! Do you want to dance?"

Ahh, damn! Just where did that come from, Rikku? Uh oh. His head turned, and his one eye looked at me. I felt like a turnip—turnip Rikku. I could feel my face going red as a beet. And now he's going to say something sarcastic that'll peel me like a potato, that'll grate me like cheese, that'll dice me like fennel! (How long since I've eaten?)

Was he going to look at me over the tops of his glasses and say the exact thing to make me feel small and stupid?

Was he going to laugh at me?

"Thank you, Rikku, but not right now."

**Auron:**

The Al Bhed girl asked me to dance. That was...kind. I remember everything I saw the first time I looked deeply into her Al Bhed eyes. Words can hurt, Auron. Careful what you say. I thank her, and tell her not at this time. She smiles brightly at me.

"Well, okay. I think I will. If you change your mind you know where I am." She hops off the stool—crummy stool—and walks out onto the floor. And she starts to move with the song. In combat the girl is all arms and elbows, knees and legs, almost awkward, fighting from a sort of bouncing half-crouch. But in here, in this dirty, run-down, backwoods bar, she's grace and style moving to the music. There's a little smile on her face, and her eyes are closed as she sways a bit from side to side, nodding her head, she turns, turns again. She opens her eyes, and beams at me. I turn back to my drink. It's why I'm here, after all. Because drink is the one weakness that people will allow their heroes, so long as it's clear that the bottle doesn't rule them.

Lousy Nog.

Behind me the Guado says something. The Al Bhed are out of their chairs. Everyone is up. The quiet one slips out. The bartender reaches down behind the bar.

Suddenly I'm completely sober.

All that nog, wasted.

**Rikku's Diary:**

The music isn't fast, and isn't slow, and I'm moving with the beat. I close my eyes, lift one arm over my head and turn, turn, turn with the notes. I open my eyes and smile at Auron, but he looks away.

Grouch.

Clam.

Uh oh!

The Guado says something, and suddenly the two Al Bhed are out of their corner, shouting at him! I think they think they're defending me. The band stops. The guys at the center table are standing up now and yelling insults back at us, and some locals have come in. They don't know who's who, but I guess they're always up for some Al Bhed baiting. I'm getting shoved back and forth now. The big drunk is bellowing at us while the locals egg him on. The Guado is up to something—his hands are moving. I palm a grenade. I don't want to use it, but things are going bad fast.

Dammit, where's Auron? I look around. He's not at the bar. Where is he? There he is, by the band? He's coming over now, and the people part in front of him, just backing away, leaving a clear space. He's standing in front of me, not looking at them at all. The band starts playing a new song, the music upbeat and catchy. He's holding out his hand.

"Rikku, you said you would dance with me."

Low and smooth, like mist in the morning.

**Auron:**

Once there was a young warrior monk who waited anxiously for his first real combat. The day came and he went out with his comrades to fight a fiend swarm. Monks died that day, but he lived. He was joyful and grieving at the same time, sorry for the monks who fell, he could not help feeling elated that he was still alive. He went that night with his surviving friends to a tavern, where he was knifed in a pointless bar fight and died.

I don't want to kill anyone in this bar.

Perhaps I won't have to.

**Rikku's Diary:**

No one said anything. They were watching. He was facing me, one hand held out to me, the other out of his sleeve and behind his back.

I take his hand, looking into his single brown eye, and he takes five slow steps back, leading me, to the catchy music...

_Couldn't ask for a better day, two by two_

_To the ring to the right point of view_

_Each retreat to the corner that's defined by you_

_To the ring to the right point of..._

And he raises our hands, and I twirl, and look at him, twirl, and half again, now facing away, and he brings our hands down to my waist, and we half turn, and turn back...

_Lonely Reign_

_She is the Boxer, she knows_

_When and where to strike_

_He is the Boxer, he knows_

_No peaceful sleep tonight_

My back is pressed against him, my hand is holding his in front of me, and he pulls me backwards into a turn, following the feel of him, turning...

_Caught the downfall of Pete and May, Ryan too_

_(He did not approve of Callie's mood)_

_Doctor Mike was "fight or flight" at Dundrum school_

_To the right to the right point of..._

And he puts his other hand on my waist, and guides me forward five slow steps, and we move from side to side...

_No return, no passion left to burn_

_The Boxers grow weary_

_Their eyesight...blurry view_

I feel his breath, soft on my neck, stirring hairs, and he pulls, and we turn, my back still against him, turning...

_Lonely Reign_

_She is the Boxer, she knows_

_When and where to strike_

_He is the Boxer, he knows_

_No peaceful sleep tonight_

And he steps back, away, and lifts our hands, and I twirl, and look at him, twirl, twirl, twirl again, and I'm facing him once more...

_All's quiet on the front, Smokey room_

_Boxer standing tall, peering through_

_Finding no one left to fight_

_What to do?_

_To the ring to the right point of view..._

He takes my other hand and slowly pulls me close, and we turn in place, sway and turn, and he pulls away again...

_Lonely Reign_

_She is the Boxer, she knows_

_When and where to strike_

_He is the Boxer, he knows_

_No peaceful sleep tonight_

And he lifts our hands up, and I twirl once, and again, and once more...

_Lonely Reign..._

_Lonely Reign..._

_Lonely Reign..._

As the last notes die, we stand holding hands. He glances around the room, and looks back at me. "You dance like it's what you were born for. Thank you, Rikku. But Yuna and the others will be looking for us. We need to get back."

"Al-" I swallowed, "All right, Auron."

"You go too," he says to the two Al Bhed. One of them wants to say something, but the other pulls him away and they leave. We follow them, and I see Auron nod to the band as we go out the door.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I'm sitting on the lobby floor, my back propped up against the front desk. We're all there. We're all wondering what we're doing there, what we're waiting for. I think we just want to get to the temple, just get on with it, get it over with, but the man decided Yuna needed rest and we should stay the night. He's sitting in a chair across the room. He never said anything as we walked away from the tavern, never said anything as we entered the agency, hasn't said anything to me since.

How do you win a fight just by being Auron, and dancing?

I close my eyes and I can feel my back against him, remember his breath on my neck. I slowly inhale. He smelled like a willow tree. I never expected that. Considering he never takes it off, fights in it, trains in it, I would have thought his red coat would smell like old sweat. But it didn't. It was soft and clean. And his arms were...

My eyes snap open. Whoa, hold up there Rikku-girl! What are you thinking? Where is this going? This is just some old guy in a red coat. Rikku doesn't get interested in guys old enough to be her father! Rikku acts cute and asks innocent questions and listens to the answers with big, wide eyes, and even pouts sometimes, and twists old guys around her little finger, so why are you all of a sudden the one who's feeling all twisted up?

Oh-no-no-no, this would not be a good choice for little Rikku to get one of her Rikku-crushes on! Don't even start thinking it Rikku-girl, he's too old, too hard, too dangerous. He can be ruthless, and coldhearted. He has too many secrets, too much hurt. He's too broken inside, too alone, he's too lost, trying to fix Spira all by himself.

I sneak another look at him. He's sitting quietly in his chair, just like Yuna's not about to marry Seymour, like she's not on her way to Zanarkand to die, like Tidus isn't going to get badly hurt one day, like this isn't Spira at all. Does he truly even care a little?

Who is he, really?

Now it looks like he's reading something, maybe another top secret note. What is it with those anyway? Where do they come from? Why doesn't he tell us about them? How many secrets is he keeping? Just what's really going on around here?

And anyway, when did someone slip him another note?

HEY! I check my pockets! Is that MY note?

DID HE STEAL THAT NOTE BACK FROM ME WHILE WE WERE DANCING!

**Next: Friends and Enemies and Strangers**


	13. Friends and Enemies and Strangers

Major spoilers, right from the start Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less.

Hey, anyone know anything about beta readers they could e-mail me? Can't find any doco.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

In my head I play with a chip from one of the Zanarkand casinos. I flip it out on the table and it rolls back to me. I catch it and walk it across the back of my fist.

I've never been much of a gambler. Poker sometimes, but I don't play games against the House. I can't seem to make that mental leap and believe that I can beat odds that are stacked against me. At the same time every fighter is a gambler sometimes. You have to know when to toss the dice.

Right now I'm gambling on this journey, on The Plan, on these six young people traveling with me, on Braska and Jecht, and on hope. The last is the hardest, gambling on hope. What are the odds? Unclear, but the House has never lost. What are the stakes? Not much—my honor, their lives, and the future of all Spira.

* * *

**Friends and Enemies and Strangers**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We left the next morning headed for Macalania Temple. I'm kinda looking forward to it. It'll be the first temple I've ever seen. I like seeing new stuff, new places. It keeps me young. (As long as it's not the Thunder Plains.) Of course, Seymour will be there, waiting for Yuna. No one was talking much today, still. (But you can bet we were all keeping an eye out for danger—don't want to tick off Auron again!) Yuna was all wrapped up in her thoughts, and I guess they weren't the normal sorts of things a new bride's going to be thinking about, like invitations or flower arrangements or how to keep Uncle Al sober through the ceremony. Even walking in the middle of all of us she seemed so alone! I wished someone would at least try to talk to her about it, but she said it was private and the man said that was that, and so no one did, not even me.

Boy, it's getting COLD! I can see my own breath! That's kinda cool, but I'm not really dressed for cold, more like for the desert, or poolside. There's this white stuff on the ground, I wonder what it is (wide eyes)! Ha! Just kidding. I HAVE an education. I know it's snow, but I've really never seen it before. Touching it feels a little like getting burned. That's strange, isn't it? In books they talk about snowballs! Do you think maybe... Nah, he'd pull out his big sword and chop me in half.

We've only gone a short way when that Tromell guy shows up, you know, Seymour's servant?

"Lady Yuna, we've been expecting you. We were surprised you decided decide ded de de dum dee de dum hey hum de dum dey..." I tune him out and listen to music inside my head. Are all Guado so long winded and boring? Do you think...

**Auron:**

...maybe that's how they control fiends, just talk them into submission. Or perhaps one Guado speaks, and while the garuda or whatever is just stunned by boredom the other Guado sneak up behind it and...

**Rikku's Diary:**

...club Seymour to the ground! Well, if he—hey! What! Huh? Goodbye? Yuna's going with the guy? How come? And they're all just letting her go? I really am not getting this guardian stuff! She turns around and looks back as the Guado is leading her away, and opens her mouth like she wants to say something, but doesn't know what.

"We're all with you," the man tells her. "Do as you will."

"Thank you," she says, and she maybe looks a little less snowed under. Okay, it could be there's more to being a guardian than just fighting—I don't know. I just sort of fell into the gig. Maybe I need a copy of Guardians for Dummies?

So we're watching Yuna and the Guado walk away, and the man turns to Tidus and apologizes for stepping on his line, and the kid runs after Yuna and whistles. I guess it's a joke between them, cause she looks almost happy for a moment.

So now what? We just wait here? Until they call us? Until Yuna's married? Until the Besaid Aurochs win another Cup? We couldn't have been somewhere else? It's SO boring here! Maybe I can talk them into waiting back in the forest? Maybe I could ask Auron if he wants to dance, or go ahead and tell Wakka I'm an Al Bhed, or kiss Lulu right on the lips! Or SOMETHING!

Hey, don't look at me that way! It was Tidus' idea.

Oh oh! What is that! Gee, looks like it's gonna be something after all.

**Auron:**

Looking out over the lake I see three Al Bhed on snow cats have come over the far ridge and surrounded Yuna and the Guado. I cast a glance at the Al Bhed girl. Could she have...?

Later. "Come on!" I yell, and we rush forward. We reach the scene and the Al Bhed abandon their cats to confront us. We have them outnumbered, but I'm wary of the powerful effects their mixtures can produce. I tell the Guado to go, but Yuna pulls away from him and joins us. Typical.

And exactly what I should expect from Braska's daughter.

The three Al Bhed pull away. I don't think the numbers have driven them off. Maybe it's the coat? A young Al Bhed with tats, a mohawk, and a loud mouth appears on top of the ridge and starts shouting in Al Bhed. My Al Bhed can charitably be called rusty, but he seems pretty confident.

Aha. A Mk.12 Gatling Canon (Anti Personnel) (Self Propelled) (All Terrain), Zanarkand Defense Force (ZDF), manufactured by Troykill Arms, Sector D, Zanarkand. Manufactured at least a thousand years ago, in fact. Troykill built them to last. Inch and a half collapsed steel armor, but vulnerable at the joints and belts. Hit it where it moves, they used to say. Troops called all of these all-terrain guns "crawlers." I wonder where the Al Bhed dug this one up. These were designed to patrol the wastes surrounding the city, essentially to keep the area clear of wandering fiends. Level 4 guidance program, always a bit twitchy in very hot weather, not an issue here, but you really didn't want to be in front of one in the desert. Let's see, this one has a flashing light at the top of the muzzle, kind of pink, two vents on either side to the rear, and a simple three-cross grate along the sides. That's a mark twelve all right, and that means...

"Oh no!" the girl says, as the mohawk shouts something about precious magic and crayons.

"Translation?" the boy asks her.

"He's gonna use an anti-magic field on us!"

Yep. See, the mark twelves were a sort of experiment back in Zanarkand. There are always trade offs in systems designs between anti-magic and anti-physical loadouts, since you might need either against fiends—-some fiends are hard to hurt with magic, others are hard to hurt with steel jacketed rounds. The only sure way to solve the problem is a combined arms approach that pairs a strong magic weapon system with a strong physical weapon system and patrols in pairs. Of course, that either cost twice as much, or was half as effective against either, so some VP at Troykill came up with the mark twelve.

The idea was to put something in the field that could handle any physical threat, and toss in the negator to just short circuit any magical threat. Everyone knew it wouldn't always work, but if it worked often enough, the program could be called a success. They planned an initial run of 125, but only twenty were ever made. As I recall, the Defense Forces were happy enough with it.

Well there you go. It's always tactically interesting to fight the Al Bhed. You just never know what they'll come up with.

**Rikku's Diary:**

It was a great BIG freeking gun! And they were blocking our magic! No Lulu! No healing! No Hasting! No AEONS! How the hell come was Auron SMILING!

**Auron:**

Primary weapon was the gatling gun. Secondary was a mana beam, a big punch but a real power hog, so it's a GOTH sequence that only triggers if the negator goes down, unless the Al Bhed tampered with primary programming. Unlikely. So...

Straight up fight, no magic. Lulu's out. So is Yuna. The Al Bhed girl is the key. "Tidus! Rikku! Up front!" I leap in a land a blow against a joint. "Rikku..."

"Steal something?" she yells. Well, why not? She darts in and out. She really is the quickest thing. "I got a lunar curtain!"

I'm glad she's enjoying herself. Here comes the pain.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Um...shouldn't Auron be pulling me out right about now? Getting Wakka or Kimahri in here to hit the thing? Auron?

Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!

AHH! Potions!

**Auron:**

"Tidus! Help her!" He pulls out some hi-potions and rushes over to Rikku. I leap in for another blow against the crawler. "Rikku! You back up?"

"Oohhh, yeah...I'm here, boss."

"Good girl! You still have all those electro marbles you picked up on the Plains?"

"OH! Yeah!"

"USE them!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Well, yeah! I pull out that bag of electro marbles and shake one out into my hand. Tingly. Okay, Rikku-girl, squeeze it just a little, roll it between your fingers, feel when it's just...about...ready... Now! Throw it! Zap-Bang! Little sparks play all over the crawler, and it shudders a bit! Take that!

Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!

AAHhhhh! Potions!

After that the battle became a blur, throwing marbles, Auron running in for a cut, me getting potions from Tidus or Wakka or Kimahri, or even Yuna or Lulu, but always me and Auron, then the gun fires and fires and fires! Again and again and again, over and over. Did I really want Auron to use me more in these battles? Why did I want that? Then I reached into the bag, and didn't find anything. "Auron! I'm out of marbles! I still have a couple of lightning marbles!"

"USE them! Wakka! Potion!"

I pull a lightning marble out. It vibrates in my hand. Okay...okay, rub it with my thumb a little there, roll it in my fingers, feel the charge building...now! Throw it!

It hits, and lightning pounds the crawler. It's shaking, it doesn't stop, it shudders, and little explosions are popping inside it, then...

**Auron:**

I straighten up, rest my sword on my shoulder, and wipe my forehead, watching the crawler explode. The Mk.12s were solid systems, but not up against a party that I've been training for months. They're good kids, all of them. I look over at the girl. She's bent over, panting, hands on her knees, covered with sweat, but she smiles up at me, a sparkle in her eye.

We again say goodbye to Yuna.

"Rikku!" It's the mohawk again. They're shouting back and forth in Al Bhed. I don't think we're going to be attacked again immediately. I listen with half an ear while I watch Yuna and Tromell disappear in the distance. I really don't feel like waiting until they send for me.

Those snow cats are still here.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"This is great!" Wakka said. "I can't believe I've been traveling with an Al Bhed! A heathen!"

"You're wrong!" I told him, "We have nothing against Yevon!" Well, maybe...

"But you Al Bhed use forbidden machina! You know what that means? Sin was born because people used machina!"

"You got proof? Show me proof!"

"It's in Yevon's teachings!"

**Auron:**

I'm looking over the Al Bhed snow cats while the girl and the blitzballer shout about Yevon, machina, heathens, Sin, the Church. Another doctrinal discussion. I might need to add that to my List. Let's see...number 44...

Enough.

"Rikku!" I call to her, "Will this move?"

"Yes!" she chirps, seeming to perk up. She runs over and starts poking around the workings.

"We're not using that, are we?" the blitzballer asks. "Wait... Sir Auron isn't Al Bhed too, is he?"

His attitude was beginning to annoy me. He should be worried about Yuna. The others continued to talk as I watched Rikku work on the snow cat. She seemed to be ignoring them, but I saw tension in the set of her shoulders. The blitzballer finally walked off in apparent disgust. The boy started after him. "Let him go," I told him. "Give him time to think."

The girl stood up and murmured "Sorry."

"You've done nothing to apologize for," the black mage answered her.

"All right!" Tidus said. "Let's ride!"

"Are you sure you know how to drive this?" the girl asked him. The Ronso flipped an overturned snow cat, got on, and drove off as we all watched.

"Better than Kimahri does!" He got on the second cat and followed, the black mage seated behind him. I hoped someone thought to pick up the blitzballer.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I looked at the man, and he looked back at me. "Well," I said, "Looks like it's the two of us."

"Are you sure you know how to drive this thing?"

"You'd rather walk?" I asked him, shutting the engine panel and getting on. I think he sighed a little, but he got on behind me. Okay, set the throttle, hit the ignition, squeeze the—

"WHOA!" We started just flying across the frozen surface of the lake! We were skittering a little from side to side, and maybe spinning out just a little bit, and the man grabbed my waist to hang on. "Okay, okay...it's fine! I got it! I got it!"

I got us straightened out, and we zoooooom over the ground, throwing up a big spray of ice and snow on either side! I LOVE MACHINA! Ha! I'm getting the hang of the thing, and I set out to follow the others, concentrating on a smooth ride. OKAY! So I maybe hit a few bumps and shoot us right up into the air! It was fun! Ya gotta have a little fun, right? There's something in the Al Bhed motto about that.

We swooped through a stand of frozen trees, over a ridge, and down a hill. We hit the trail to Macalania Temple and settled in for the ride, racing the wind, and he was behind me, holding on but not saying anything, and neither did I. And there wasn't anyone to cheer up. I was kinda...alone with my thoughts.

We're roaring along the side of a mountain, the path dropping away to one side, and above us and beneath us and all around we're wrapped in shades of white and grey. On Bikanel Island the land is all browns and yellows, and even reds, but you should see the colors in our sunsets, and in our homes. But here we're riding through a whole world without color, and wouldn't you think that a world without color would be bleak and dreary and just blah? But it's not. It's really beautiful in a quiet kind of way. I've never seen anything like Lake Macalania.

He has.

I know he has. He's probably seen a lot of places I haven't, but I know he's seen Lake Macalania. He was here with Uncle Braska, ten years ago. And now Yuna's here, and he's here, and I'm here, and even Tidus is here and what are we all doing here, I wonder? I've been wondering that for a while. I thought I knew, but now I think that I don't know anything, really, and it's important! It's life and death, it's Yuna's life and death, and all of ours', and there's nothing more important than that, is there?

The air is rushing past us. I can feel him behind me as we ride, and sometimes my back is pressed against him like we were still dancing together in that dirty little bar where he turned his face away before he told me he was lonely, and where he somehow won a fight that he didn't even fight, and he did it without a sword, just music.

I let pressure off the throttle.

The cat coasts slowly to a stop on that snowy, gray path. It's quiet. And cold. I'm shivering. I sit there. I don't turn, don't look back at him. He doesn't say anything, doesn't ask me why we've stopped. After a moment I feel him stand up, and walk a few steps, his boots crunching in the snow. I turn, and he's looking up, into the sky. Just...looking.

I watch him standing there, while I try to collect my thoughts. I thought I knew why I was here. I'm a guardian. I'm guarding Yuna, keeping her safe. Aren't I? That's what I told my brother. But...why did he let me join? Just to humor her?

He said he needs me.

Why am I here?

Why am I here, why can't I tell Tidus, where is Tidus really from, what's going on between Auron and Seymour, why is he getting secret notes, what's really waiting for us at Zanarkand?

What is he doing here?

Who else is going to ask? Lulu? Wakka? I can just see it, Hey mister legendary-guardian-who's-actually-done-what-we're-all-just-trying-to-do, what are you really up to anyway? Yeah, that's going to happen. They haven't even noticed all the odd little things that I have, all the stuff he keeps hidden from us. And Yuna? Confront the man who guarded her father? Kimahri? Just can't see it. And Tidus won't. They're family. So who else is there?

"Rikku."

Huh? He's looking at me, talking to me.

"Rikku, don't worry about Wakka. He will come around, or he can leave the party. It isn't a problem, you being Al Bhed."

I feel a flash of anger. "I don't need you to tell me it's all right to be Al Bhed!"

"No, you don't. No one does. I'm sorry." He turns his face back to the sky.

Dammit, Rikku! What was that? He was only trying to be nice, or something. Where's cheerful Rikku? Where's chipper Rikku, huh? I look down at my feet. I guess here, here with him in this cold, snowy place, where Yuna's preparing for her sad little wedding before we restart this deadly pilgrimage, this really isn't the place for chipper, peppy, it'll-get-better Rikku. This is serious time. This is time for...who?

Me, I guess.

"Auron, I'm sorry."

He looks at me. "It's all right, Rikku."

And I lick my lips, and swallow, and I ask him the question I wanted to ask him back in that bar. It wasn't right then, but now somehow it is. "Auron...?"

He looks at me.

"Auron, I want to trust you, but...what's really going on?"

I meant, we all think we know what's happening, but we don't really, do we? Me, and Lulu, and all the rest, we're all as clueless as Tidus, and even Yuna doesn't know what her own pilgrimage is actually about, does she? And here's you, with all of your secrets, and your reports that are coming from somewhere. There's something else going on here, and I know that you know what it is. Tell me. Please! I have to know, are you really guarding Yuna to her death at Zanarkand? Or... Or maybe...

Tell me...

Please...

He knew what I meant. He closed his eye and turned away. He didn't answer for a few moments, and I just waited, shivering, listening to the wind.

"Rikku," he said, and his voice was crawling under my skin, wrapping itself around my spine, curling up somewhere near my belly. "Rikku, my life is made of secrets and promises. I promised Braska I would watch over Yuna. I promised Jecht I would watch over Tidus. The secrets... Some are personal and private. Others are not my secrets to share. And the rest..." He turned and looked at me, and it was like looking into the shadowy depths of Macalania Woods.

"My problem is the same as yours, Rikku. I like you. But I don't know if I can trust you."

It was like a blow to the stomach. Like a physical blow, and I had to back up and sit down on the cat, and bend over and try to breathe. Stupid Rikku! Brainless Rikku! Of course, you don't trust him, why should he trust you? Why open up and tell you all his secrets just because you ask! He stood there, without saying anything, and it felt like the cold and the ice of Lake Macalania was finally creeping into my body, into my muscles and nerves and bones. I felt very cold inside.

"So we don't trust each other," I whispered through numb lips. "What do we do?"

"Guard Yuna."

"...who...do I guard her against?"

"Everyone. Anyone."

And I closed my eyes, and nodded. Anyone...

There didn't seem to be anything else to say. After a couple of minutes I turned and swung my leg over the cat and took the handles. He got on behind me, his hands on my hips. Just before I started the cat, he said softly, "I can tell you two things, Rikku. The first is I do not want Yuna to die."

For just a moment I leaned back into him. It was warm against him. "What else?" I asked in a whisper.

"The world is not what you think."

I start the cat, and we race after the others, following their tracks in the snow. I've only known the man a couple of months, and we were never exactly pals.We didn't braid each others hair or rebuild machina or just hang out in the Market Square back home. So why did it feel so empty, like I had lost my best friend?

His hands on my waist are strong. Guard Yuna. From anyone. Could I, if I had to...? I'd have to take him by surprise, hit him with my strongest mix, and then whatever items I have, petrify could work, maybe someplace near the water...

It's starting to snow, and little bits of ice are stinging my face, making my eyes tear. Where are my damn goggles, anyway? Oh, around my neck. Stupid place for them.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Neither of us said anything the rest of the trip, and soon enough we arrived at the temple. Well, the gate I guess. The others had all gone ahead. We passed through the gate and onto a huge ice bridge! I've never seen anything like it, and the temple itself is gigantic, hanging inside the cavern. I love to see new things, and all I felt seeing Macalania Temple was, Well, that's kind of pretty. There's a little Al Bhed boy waiting there. Guess who he had a note for. That's funny, huh? It's funny. Why don't I laugh? We crossed the bridge without speaking. I wondered if we would ever speak again. Oh, I knew we would, but what would we say? Please pass the salt, Auron. Put that back in his pocket, Rikku.

The others were waiting by the temple. It helped a bit to see Tidus and Yuna again, and I kind of raced Tidus to see who would be first inside. I got to the door first, of course, but a priest-type guard stepped in front of me.

"The likes of her are not welcome in this hallowed place," he said. He actually said that. To my face.

Okay. Okay. Yuna getting married to Seymour. Fighting off my own family. Taking a load of crap from Wakka cause I'm Al Bhed. Then Auron...what we said. Okay. Fine. I can handle that. I can handle all of that. But now this...this...this...

GRENADE TIME!

"She is a guardian."

It was him. He said it. The man said that. I turn, and he isn't looking at the guard, he's looking at me. The guard is sputtering something I don't even hear, because I'm looking at Auron, standing there in his red coat and shades looking back at me. And I want to say something back but I don't know what, and then my mouth opens and I say, "I've decided to be Yuna's guardian. And that's all I want."

"And that's all one needs to be a guardian," he says, striding into the temple.

Somewhere inside me a belt that was tied tight around my heart loosens a little, and all my cold bones and nerves and muscles start to warm up, and I race in past the guard and past Auron. I can't wait to see the inside of my first temple!

**Auron:**

She runs past me, full of life and energy. I have started to feel a real affection for this young Al Bhed. She has true convictions, and courage.

She never spoke on our journey to the temple after I refused to trust her with my secrets. I suppose she was very angry with me. I understand, but it saddens me, and I hope that she'll forgive me one day. Something within me grows a little darker when I think that I've lost her regard, a little harder and harsher when I think she might hate me now. But...she smiled at me as she ran into Macalania Temple, bright and sunny in this cold place. So, perhaps...

Of course, we may yet end up at odds. I see now that this teenaged Al Bhed girl has enormous potential to harm or to help The Plan. Can I take the risk? Should I start to ease her from the party? (For the barest instant I consider something more...terminal.) I need to be ready, at least, need to lay plans. And yet...

And yet...

Auron, will you bet everything there is on a hunch?

Every fighter is a gambler sometimes. You have to know when to toss the dice. In my head, I sit up, I weigh the odds, and I make my decision, and push my stack of chips forward on the table.

**Next: Within the Temple of Yevon**


	14. Within the Temple of Yevon

Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. For a minute last week, I thought... But no, still not mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less.

Changed the title of the first chapter. Never liked the old one but couldn't think of anything better. I like the new title, I think it says a lot about this Auron character and about the story. Also, after like a dozen chapters playing around with ways to put a line across a page, I noticed the little button up there that let's you put a line across a page. (Sigh.)

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

In many ways the five Temples are the heart of the Yevon Church. They house the fayth, the aeons, and statues of High Summoners. If Sin symbolizes our ultimate shortcomings, then the temples stand for our ability to overcome those flaws within ourselves, if only for a short time.

What hope the people of Spira have flows from the temples and the pilgrimages that are cast around them. They are special, and the people hold them in a quiet reverence and a rather well-mannered respect.

Most people.

The young Al Bhed girl is running back and forth, practically dancing from one new sight to the next. Every now and then she stops, and tosses a happy smile in my direction.

Very inappropriate behavior in a temple of Yevon. Of course, many inappropriate things go on within the temples of Yevon.

* * *

**Within The Temple Of Yevon**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Wow, are all the temples like this? There were huge pillars and columns, and tapestries and banners hung from the ceiling, and mosaics on the walls, with one big one in blues and greens and yellows on the floor! There were ceremonial musicians there to play at the wedding, I guess, and it smelled like they were getting a lot of food ready somewhere, and I even saw some real interesting looking chests (what?). There were also statues of High Summoners, with weird moving ice sculptures in front of them. Auron was sort of looking at one. Uncle Braska.

I was bouncing from place to place, trying to see everything at once, as full of energy as a five-year old on a birthday sugar-high, and I felt better than I had in a while, days at least. And I kept catching myself smiling at the man. He never smiled back, but it's okay. I had finally talked to him, asked the questions I had to ask, and...

And he doesn't hate me. And it looks like I don't hate him. Maybe we don't exactly trust each other right now, and wouldn't you think that respect would require trust? But I guess it doesn't. I don't even know what our relationship is, what you would call it, how you would describe it in a personals ad if you ever went looking for one just like it, and maybe it's even dysfunctional, but I know the reason I feel so much better now is that I'm relieved that it's not over, whatever it is, and that we're still...friends?

So anyway, Yuna's in the cloister of trials with Seymour already, and it doesn't take an Al Bhed super-genius to see the man isn't happy about that. Neither was the kid. Or me, for that matter. I don't think anyone was happy about it, even Wakka, but the man was fuming! I doubt anyone else could tell, except maybe Tidus. It only showed in small ways, but he was just seething. Uh, in fact, the man was all of a sudden climbing the stairs! Hey, hang on! Wait for us! I'm right on his heels—no telling what trouble he'll get into without me!—and Kimahri's right behind us.

A guard at the top of the stairs steps in Auron's way. Bad, bad, bad, bad move. I can tell the man's about to do something precipitate (my word for the day), when we all hear a woman yelling.

Boy, never a dull moment in one of these temples!

"Lord Jyscal!" the woman said. "A sphere in Lady Yuna's belongings..." Then she collapsed. We all ran into the summoner's room where Yuna was staying. The man picked a message sphere up from the floor and looked at it for a moment then handed it to Tidus as he came in.

"This may well answer a few questions," he said.

**Auron:**

It's Jyscal. He stands there in the sphere, and spins us a story of madness and patricide, cruelty and chaos, the pain of children, the obsessions of manhood, and piss poor decisions that are paid for with the blood of the innocent.

It made me quite homesick for Zanarkand.

I couldn't find it in myself to feel pity for Jyscal and I didn't look too hard. He wouldn't have wanted it from me anyway. The man caused the deaths of thousands in the Guado's secret confrontation with the Church. I knew and cared about many of them. I hoped this Guado burned in some richly deserved Hell, but I knew that in fact he probably held some rank in the Armies of the Dead in Service to the Dead. There was a bargain made, once.

"But whoever is watching this," his image in the sphere concluded, "I implore you to stop Seymour! Stop my son."

Jyscal, you bastard. Wreck your own life and the lives around you, then whine into a sphere for someone else to fix your mess, and leave it where anyone can find it. Like Yuna, a headstrong young girl with a martyr complex a mile wide, who feels she has to save Spira.

"Wonderful," I mutter.

The Al Bhed girl looks around, eyes wide with concern. "Will Yuna be all right?" she asks.

"Without us, no," I answer her, leaving the room.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"No," he says, and walks past us! Hey, wait up! Kimahri and I follow the man out and up the stairs, past the woman who's still on the floor. The guard opens his mouth to say something, but Kimahri just picks him up and throws him down the stairs! The three of us go through into a long, icy tunnel. Kimahri runs ahead while the man turns to me and asks, "Where are Tidus and the others?"

"Uh, I think they're coming."

He nods and turns back, to wait for them I guess. I dither a little, then run after Kimahri.

**Auron:**

The Ronso and the Al Bhed girl run ahead to the cloister, while I wait for the others. Tidus comes in and I send him after them. Wakka and Lulu follow. It is they with whom I need to speak.

"We will protect Yuna from anyone," I remind them calmly. "Even a maester."

"This can't be happening," the blitzballer moans.

"If he truly is at fault," the black mage muses, "It must be done."

Of these two who are both strong in their faith, she is the more flexible. And perhaps the most dangerous to The Plan. As we follow the others I remind myself that I need to keep a close watch on the two of them on our journey and in this battle.

We catch up with the others trying to force open the cloister doors. The blitzballer and I add our efforts and the doors open. Seymour Guado is there, across the room, with two of the elite Guado Guard.

"Seymour!" the boy shouts. So much for the element of surprise.

"Please be silent," the Guado answers. "Lady Yuna prays to the fayth."

"Make me."

Make me? Will the boy never learn a bit of style?

**Rikku's Diary:**

Talkie! Talkie! Talkie! Boo-oring! Make with the fighting already! Let me at him! What? We all know that's where this is heading! Hey, here's Yunie. HI YUNIE! I guess she got the aeon she wanted. Boy, does she look surprised to see us here. So they tell her about the sphere, and she admits she came here to punish Seymour (all by herself, mind), and they all talk some more, then...

"Tidus!" That was the man, snapping out assignments! "You and Yuna in the front rank. Now!"

All right people, time to kick a little Guado tail!

**Auron:**

I pull Yuna and Tidus up front with me. Have to change things up a bit this time. Tidus and Seymour are talking, maybe it'll distract the Guado maester. Seymour's two guards move up on either side and cast protection spells on themselves. No one's going to distract them. I know professionals when I see them. If there is one thing the Guado are good at, it's team tactics. Those two are going to be a real pain if we don't take care of them. Well, that's why Yuna's here. "Yuna! Aeon!"

They were surprised. Usually I like to keep Yuna's aeons in reserve, ready for key moments or bailing us out of trouble. Standard approach. But that's why books don't run battles, tacticians do.

Yuna danced, and Valefor came down to play.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, I think I see... The target here isn't Seymour, it's his support guys.

"Blast them!" the man yells, and Valefor drives an energy beam right through all three of them. It staggers Seymour, but cuts down the other two. So, don't got to worry about them any more. But I guess Seymour just doesn't like dancing alone, cause he makes some moves and suddenly a really big anchor falls out of nowhere.

I think the others have all seen Anima before. I've heard them talking about it, but this is my first time, and frankly Anima creeps me out! This anchor falls out of nowhere right through the floor, and starts dragging up something by the neck, something big and ugly and hurting like nothing I've ever seen. I feel something bad crawling up my spine and into the part of my brain that says Okay, Now This Is Scary! Okay coach, you can leave me on the bench for this one, I don't mind. Really.

"Yuna, dismiss Valefor and get back! Rikku, get in here!"

Ooh, poop...

**Auron:**

Someone else might leave Valefor in, but I want him back in my pocket for now, even if it means some of us will take a hit. I cycle Rikku in and out as quick as I can. I don't even know what she picked up.

PAIN! The next thing I know I'm on my back and the girl is leaning over me, a used phoenix down in her hand, saying, "Auron, get up!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was crying, "Get up, Auron! Please be okay, Auron, you have to be okay! Auron, please be okay..." over and over and over. First I have to feel around inside that Anima thing, and it was like...like you're swimming in old memories, and they're crawling all over your skin and slithering into your heart and your head, but only really, really bad ones, like when you were attacked by a water fiend and your idiot brother hit you with a lightning spell by mistake, or when you got lost out in the desert when you were six years old and you thought no one would ever come find you. Or when the bodies started coming home from Mi'ihen.

Or when your Mom died.

But I get my hand around something anyway, and I pull it out—I think maybe it's a farplane shadow, and that's really cool and all, but it still isn't worth it. And then I see Auron go down like someone cut his strings, and he's lying there not moving and not breathing, and dammit not now, not when we're friends again now, and it's like I'm not breathing either. Like I never really thought it could happen to him. Then his eye finally opens and he looks up at me. "Rikku," he says raggedly, "You have to get back. Call Yuna up here."

**Auron:**

I get up. It hurts. A lot. I send the Al Bhed girl back and call Yuna up again to start casting Shell. I've badly underestimated Anima's pain attack.

The body remembers. My mind only knows that there was pain, a lot of pain, but somehow my body, this body that isn't even real, remembers what Anima shared with me—Anima's own terrible torment. I look up at the aeon, and feel a dreadful kind of...kinship. We are friends of a friend, in a way. Pain is an old friend to us both.

The party manages to get into a rhythm, Hasted now and protected by Shell, Healed by Yuna as needed. Anima strikes me again, but the pain is only a shadow of what it was before. Tidus and Wakka and I are pounding the aeon. We're hurting it.

Of course, that's what Anima wants. This is where the information that I received just before we entered the temple will be vital. It's a nice judgment call. I know that the aeon is building power for a devastating attack, known as Oblivion to the few who know anything at all. It needs pain, and the more we hurt it, the closer it comes. I depend on Yuna for this, on her summoner's training and her sensitivity with aeons. It's hard on her, to open herself to Anima's pain and gauge it, but she never falters. Finally she nods to me. Anima is close to its threshold. I bring her in, and she summons Ifrit. The fire aeon appears, and I call for its most powerful attack.

**Rikku's Diary:**

It's really something when aeons battle! Yuna called the fire aeon Ifrit, and the man ordered up it's biggest punch, which involved a LOT of fire, but it seemed to be some sort of psychic fire, because it only hurt Anima. And then it was Anima's turn. And there was a lot of light, and a lot of screaming, and then Anima just took Ifrit away someplace. I don't know where, and I don't know what happened there, but I know if it wasn't an aeon in there then Anima would have taken us instead. I think maybe I've found a new number one fear in life. Lightning or Anima, let me think. Then Ifrit comes falling down to the ground from who knows where, and it looks almost dead, and really, REALLY, uh...annoyed.

It launches ANOTHER huge fire attack like the first, and Anima goes down! And then Seymour blasts it apart with ice, and we all rush back in. Well, the man and Yuna and Tidus do. Seymour hits them with Multiple Waterga. Even without Anima, the guy has some strong magic!

"Yuna," Auron calls, "Cast NulBlaze!"

Yunie casts the protection from fire spell just before Seymour casts Multiple Firaga!

"Rikku! Get in here!" I rush in to replace Tidus, and manage to steal a turbo ether! It was a lot easier trying to pick Seymour's pockets than Anima's. It was easier on my soul.

And we just whittled him down. The man made it look easy! He called for the right protection spells from Yuna before Seymour even began to cast. He went in and hit Seymour with magic break, and I went back time after time looking all through Seymour's pockets (the man had a lot) until I found another turbo ether! He couldn't touch us. Even his multiple Thundaga didn't bother me too bad. I only screamed a little scream! Then finally one time, Auron landed a big hit, and Seymour just kind of crumpled to the ground.

Just like that.

**Auron:**

I watched Seymour Guado sink to the floor. This time, this once, the Luca group had truly come through. Rin's people must have worked miracles to pull up information on Seymour's combat style and get it to me in time. I knew in advance what to expect from Anima's Oblivion attack, how the Guado guards had been trained, and the sequence of Seymour's elemental attacks. Good, solid intelligence that made the difference between winning hard, and winning pretty easy.

Yuna ran up to the Guado maester just as he fell back, and died. She passed a hand over his face, closing his eyes. I think she may have grieved a little, if not for him, then for what she was forced to do. She is...softhearted.

Guado burst into the chamber, Tromell and others, and everyone began to talk, the air filled with accusations and counter-accusations. But there was only one thing that mattered.

"Yuna," I said. "Send him"

"No," Tromell cried, "Stop! Stay away from him, traitors!"

Yuna, I thought, SEND him, but it was too late, the Guado carried the body from the chamber. Not sending Seymour is something that we will all regret in time. But the others weren't thinking of that.

"Traitors?" Yuna asked no one in particular.

"We're finished," Wakka moaned.

"Now hold on a minute," Tidus argued, "Seymour's the bad guy right? We'll just explain to everyone what happened!"

Perhaps I should have exposed the boy more widely to the facts of life in Zanarkand. "It won't be that easy." I tell him. "Let's get out of here."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Whoo, okay...teenage Al Bhed thief helps kill maester of Yevon. There's a headline I'd rather people on Spira not read. And Dad... Ooh, daughter of Cid, leader of the Al Bhed, helps kill maester of Yevon. Yeah, that's worse. Hey, Rikku! You wanted to be a grownup! Make your own decisions, take responsibility. How's that working out for ya?

I follow the others back the way we came, thinking, thinking, thinking... I absolutely cannot let anyone know who I am, who my Dad is. Things are already bad enough for us with some people blaming the Al Bhed for Mi'ihen, and now this? Damn! So what do I do? I guess I stick with Yunie. I made a promise, to be her guardian, I can't just desert him...her...them. But it's all gotten more complicated than I could have imagined. I wish I could talk to someone about all this, but who? Yuna knows who I am, but let's see, she's recently killed a maester that everyone was expecting her to marry, and if she can just get past that, she gets to sacrifice her life in Zanarkand. Yuna might just have enough on her plate right now. I could talk to Rin, maybe, whenever I see him next.

I know who I wish I could talk to...

You still don't know what he's really planning, Rikku, and he still won't tell you. You know he can be hard. You know he's keeping secrets. Can you trust him? You want to trust him. You want to trust him because he said he liked your cooking, and he told you he was lonely, and he danced with you, and he smells like willow trees. He's happy that you're here. He said he needs you. (But not because you're getting a crush on him, nuh uh, no way.) And...

...he told you he was scared when you were scared...

But if you trust him and you're wrong, how many Al Bhed will die? This is real life, Rikku-girl, no do-overs. Just dead. Remember Mi'ihen.

The others have stopped and I bump into Wakka. "Hey, watch it when you put on your brakes like that!"

"Hey, listen, you Al Bhed..."

"We've stopped because the tunnel is gone," Lulu interrupted.

"Oh, so what do we do?"

"We're going to have to solve the cloister trial," the man in the coat sighed. I wonder what he's so teed off about. He's the only one really dressed for this place. It's probably the whole dead maester thing. He looked back at me. "Rikku, you're in charge. Figure it out, tell them what to do. Lulu, you help her."

They were all looking at me now. Lulu looked kind of, I don't know, ticked off? I sidled over to Auron, and said softly, "Uh, that's fine boss, but maybe Lulu should be in charge? Or you?"

"You're smarter than me."

"Uh...oh, I...huh."

Articulate, too.

He waited til I was finished, then added, "You're smarter than Lulu, too. And she knows it. But it's probably not a good idea to go around bragging about it where she can hear you."

Well duh! Someone who can cast Thundera anytime she wants! "No lie, boss," I told him.

Smart, huh? Okay, well...those columns look kind of interesting, and that sphere over there. "Lulu, let's look at that. You guys spread out and see what you can find!"

**Auron:**

I sat on a block of ice to think while the others worked on the cloister trial. Cloister Trials. Number 21 on the List of Things I Loathe and Despise. Hate them now, hated them ten years ago. For a while I considered giving each cloister trial at each different temple its own number on the list, but I decided that would really just cheapen my loathing for everything else on the list.

They were making steady progress, the girl with all the ideas, the mage to keep her grounded, and everyone else for the grunt work. They were moving about twice as fast as I would have expected. Which meant I needed to think if I wanted to have some sort of plan ready when they finished.

Yuna now has one last aeon to gather, and it's in Bevelle. Probably a bad idea to go there right now. The news of Seymour's death will reach them before we could get there. We can sneak into Bevelle later. I know the place quite well. So, if not Bevelle just yet... We can go back to Macalania Woods, or even the Thunder Plains. Of course, that puts us close to Guadosalam, probably also better to avoid. But if we skirt the woods, then we can reach the Calm Lands. Wide country, sparsely settled. It would be a good place to stay low for a time while we rest and gather information.

They're done, and I watch the final section of the ice tunnel reappear. It's time to leave.

**Rikku's Diary:**

That was kind of fun! Sort of like one of those puzzle boxes from Kilika, where you have to push just there, and press here, and twist that twice if you want it to open. And I...we...got a LUCK SPHERE! Do you know how rare that is?

So we head back up the tunnel to the big chamber, but that guy Tromell is waiting there for us, and it looks like he brought a whole lot of fiends. I mean friends. Uh, maybe not.

"Give us a chance to explain," Auron said. Am I the only one that heard the amused irony in his voice? He wasn't expecting much.

"No need, I already know what I will tell the other Maesters."

Hm. Don't really like the sound of that. Looks like we're all gonna be declared guilty without bothering with silly stuff like evidence. Of course, we did kill Seymour, but...

Aren't they all kind of overlooking the obvious here? "Wait," I said, "Wait! Jyscal's sphere! We can show it to them!" Ha! Hey, the Al Bhed motto...uh yeah, that's the sphere, the one the guy is holding...uh, crushing...in his...hands. Well, hell.

Okay, so I'm out of ideas. Anyone?

"Away!" Swift thinking Kimahri!

"Run!" the man agrees, and we barrel out of the entrance and back across the bridge headed for the hills.

Sooo, I think as we run from the temple. No marriage for Yunie cause we killed the groom, but it's okay, because he killed his father, but we can't prove that, so now we're running for our lives from a bunch of homicidal Guado and their fiends. And I got a luck sphere and 5,000 gil! (What?)

"Hey Auron," I panted, jogging up next to him.

"Yes Rikku?" He wasn't even out of breath.

"These Yevon temples might be a little too exciting for me!"

And HE LAUGHED! Maybe only I heard it, but he really did.

**Next: Moving Targets**


	15. Moving Targets

First day of class done. If you guys think it's a hassle taking them, try teaching them. Shouldn't say that. Teaching's fun, mostly. Grading has no redeeming features whatever.

Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Can't talk. Fighting.

* * *

**Moving Targets**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, so we just killed Seymour and we're running from Macalania Temple. Does anything about that sentence strike anyone else as just wrong?

I'll say this for the Guado, they can run! Seymour's guards keep catching up while we're crossing this—uh oh! Evil Eye! In front of us! We skid to a stop, another Eye appears in back of us, and a Guado Guard runs up.

"Rikku! Wakka! With me!"

Okay, Rikku, easy as pie, we've already done this a half a dozen times. I run in and grab the guy's potions. They all just keep them hanging from their belts. Then the man goes in and just crushes him with his big sword, and Wakka punches out the flyers. Aaah! Blizzaga! Ow ow ow cold cold cold! When my vision clears, the bad guy's are all down and we're running again, (ow ow cold) and Yunie casts Cura while we're moving, one of the things the man has had her practicing and isn't it coming in handy now?

We get up the stairs and through the gate, and we're running in the snow. Does anyone know where we're going? Away, I guess. Away sounds good! Maybe the Western Isles, I hear they're nice this time of year...

**Auron:**

...beautiful sunsets, warm beaches, the people are friendly. Dream on, Auron. You have things to do, and so do they. I'm leading them back toward Macalania Woods, dodging fiends that refuse to chase us because of Tidus. I know the Guado are still around somewhere. The Guado Guard don't give up. They're obsessive.

They were waiting for us in an open area, two Guado Guard, and something...something I didn't like the smell of...a wendigo! It jumped from the ridge and landed with a crash between them. Damn! It must have taken several of them to summon a fiend this strong, perhaps they even did it days ago and brought it with them to Macalania for some reason. We didn't have time to play around. Other Guado would be coming.

"Yuna! Aeon!"

"Yes, Sir Auron!"

"Get'im, Yunie!"

This time she knew what was needed. She used Grand Summon to call Valefor, and he launched his energy beam at the trio. The Guado were blasted back, but with their last breaths they cast protection spells and Berserk on the powerful fiend. You can say many unpleasant things about the Guado Guard, but they always know their duty.

In the grip of an uncontrollable rage, the wendigo rushed forward and smashed Valefor to the ground. Tidus and I ran in to stand by our summoner.

"Yuna! Dispell his Beserk!"

"Yes, Sir Auron!" she said. "Light shine strong, our woe begone!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

What?

**Auron:**

What?

Whatever. While Yuna quickly cast Esuna, I summoned my ki-energy and launched a successful Power Break attack. It was weakened now, but still very dangerous. I saw it shake off the effects of its killer rage, and raise its massive paws. It was a counter-punch technique I've seen before. It was on the defensive, it wouldn't come out to fight, but would retaliate instantly to any physical attack. Before I could stop him the boy darted in and slashed with his sword, and the fiend smashed him to the ground.

"TIDUS!"

"Yuna, Cura!"

"Oooh, man, what hit me!"

The only reason we didn't have to waste a phoenix down was that the fiend was weakened somewhat. It lowered its fists and looked at the injured boy and the summoner kneeling over him. The beast was thinking of coming out to finish them, but I stepped forward, my sword raised, waiting, and it thought again, moving back. It was wary of me. It was cautious. I kept it at bay while Tidus Hasted Yuna and I, then I sent him back and brought up Wakka.

"Hey, yo, boss?"

"Dark attack! Now!"

"Ha! Take that!"

The blitzballer neatly blinded the fiend temporarily. It had no choice but to fall back and raise its paws in defense once more. It was ready for physical attacks, but wendigo can be confused by magic.

"Yuna, get back! Lulu, you're in. Fira, as fast as you can! Wakka! Back! Tidus! In! Haste her!"

"Gotcha, boss!"

"Whoa, got'im good, Lu!"

"Still clear this side, Sir Auron, no Guado coming!"

"Watch him, Auron! He's coming out! He's coming out!"

They were getting rather chatty, but they weren't warrior monks after all, and they were moving like the well oiled parts of some precision machina—switching places, launching attacks, casting spells, no one bumping into anyone, no wasted effort, no wasted motion.

"Tidus, back! Wakka, in! Dark attack!"

"You got it, ya!"

"Yeah! That got him!"

"Wakka, back! Tidus, up! Lulu, fall back! Kimahri, get in and Lanchet! Tidus, Haste him!"

"He's putting up his fists!"

"Kimahri, back! Lulu, in! Fira!"

"Hot damn! Good one, Lulu!"

They had learned a great deal since I first started their training, and it showed in this battle. It was simple, hitting the beast with magic when it was in its defensive position, going in to attack when it wasn't, Yuna healing as necessary. The wendigo—a truly powerful fiend—was never a serious threat. Finally, enraged, hurt, blinded, it did the unexpected. It raised its huge paws, and smashed the frozen sheet beneath our feet.

"Watch out!" some one shouted as we fell through the ice.

They never taught us that one on the sand tables at Bevelle.

* * *

**Auron:**

We fell through the break and slid down a frozen incline, dodging an avalanche of ice as best we could. I could see flashes of the others tumbling beside me before we finally fetched up along the bottom.

Actually not the bottom.

"Ah man, that sucked!" I heard the boy say. I couldn't really disagree, although at least Yuna was safe from the Guado for the moment.

Tidus and the Al Bhed girl were the least hurt, and they passed around potions to the rest of us. Soon enough, Yuna was the only one still unconscious. The potions healed her obvious hurts, but didn't bring her out of her sleep. I think it may have been overwrought nerves as much as anything. The girl had been trying to carry an awful load the last few weeks, all on her own. It took a toll on her, and perhaps her body simply picked this moment to demand rest.

I scanned our immediate environment. We were actually standing on a second sheet of ice some distance below the top one. I think there was water beneath us, but it was hard to tell since a low mist covered the surface. The tops of a few buildings were protruding through the ice. I suppose the lake covered some ancient city. There didn't seem to be any fiends in the area. We were safe until the Guado Guard figured out where we were and found a way down. Or stayed safe above while they simply filled this space with swarms of summoned fiends.

Young summoners are magnets for trouble.

**Rikku's Diary:**

This place is fantastic! There's a whole ancient city under here that no one ever knew about! I have to tell Pop or Rin or someone so the Al Bhed can get teams down here to start looking for stuff—all kinds of stuff! And hey, a finder's fee is only fair, isn't it? Sure it is! The Al Bhed motto is...uh, lessee..."finders keepers!"

So, I've just finished looking over Yunie. I'm no healer. The only healing spell I know is the one all girls use, uh, you know, once a month. Boy, life would be pretty miserable without that one. But I'm a pretty fair medic, and the man told me to take care of her, but aside from just waiting for her to wake up there's really nothing to do. Wish I had some Al Bhed potions, but she's okay. The kid comes up to me and I ask him how Wakka and Lulu are doing.

"Well, Wakka's in shock. Can't blame him either." Sure, right, the whole dead maester thing. "And Lulu, well, she's just the same as always."

Yeah, she would be. Lulu never loses her composure. She mostly runs the party day to day while the man keeps his eye on the big picture. She doesn't complain, just takes care of things, studies her magic, and turns heads. Nothing fazes her. Not like some other people. She's not afraid of lightning, and I bet she doesn't get twisted up inside because some guy dances with her and smells like willow trees. She wouldn't be all confused and paralyzed by stuff. Lulu would know what to do to protect your family and who to trust, and how to get him to trust you.

"She's so together," I murmur. "All grown up I guess." Not some twitchy little teenaged thief in over her head.

"I guess," Tidus said. DID HE LOOK AT MY CHEST! Hey! Okay, so I might not have LULU'S great treasure chest, but I'm doing okay!

"Well," I told him, running my hand up my shirt, "Just give me five or six more years." Hey! Where you going? So there I am talking with Tidus and Kimahri about growing up (and out) to be like Lulu, when Yunie wakes up!

We all gather around her, and she's explaining her...I guess you would call it a plan? In exchange for marrying Seymour she wanted him to turn himself in? I don't know about the others, but somehow I don't think the man will be too impressed.

**Auron:**

This plan does not impress me.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Now," Yuna said looking at the ground, "Now I don't even think it was worth it. I should've told you what I was going to do."

"Enough," the man said. Yep. He wasn't impressed. "Dwelling in the past is futile."

Damn him! He really can be mean, cruel! Yuna's just standing there all sorry and apologizing to us and he's practically shouting at her! "Hey!" I turn and say to him. "You don't have to say it like that!"

"You want to waste time listening to her regrets?"

Not really, but I don't want to bully her either! I feel a flash of real anger shoot though me! Doesn't he know how much his opinion means to her! How much he's hurting her? I don't think he means to be cruel, but sometimes he's just thoughtless! He doesn't care enough about people's feelings! Maybe he worries so much about Spira, or about promises or honor or secrets that he just forgets about people! About just being nice to people, just caring about their feelings! Well I'm not going to LET him forget!

I turn my back on him and back to Yuna. She looks miserable. "You don't have to say it like that."

He can be kind. He's been kind to me. Auron can be gentle and kind and caring, but only if you stand up for yourself and tell him he's being mean, and Yuna won't! She's too selfless and gentle, she'll just think she deserves to hear whatever he says to her, and WHY AREN'T THE OTHERS STICKING UP FOR HER! HOW COME IT'S ONLY ME, HUH? Whatever! I'm not going to let him bully her!

"Our immediate concern is Yuna's pilgrimage," he says. "Are you willing to go on?"

Dammit dammit dammit! Doesn't he care about anything other than the pilgrimage! If he doesn't want Yuna to die than why is he always pushing us toward Zanarkand! How can you trust him, Rikku? And she's just as bad, just can't wait to save all of us by sacrificing her life!

"Yes," she answered him. "But then, do you think Yevon will allow it?"

**Auron:**

Just wonderful. Too soon, Auron. Much too soon for them.

Try, Auron. What else can you do?

"The fayth are the ones that give power to the summoners," I tell them, "Not the temples or the teachings. If the temples try to stop us...then we will defy Yevon if we must."

"Whoa!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

I can't believe he said that! Doesn't anything stop the man! Doesn't anything intimidate him! Doesn't anything scare him?

Oh yeah. Of course it does. And he keeps going anyway.

**Auron:**

It's a debacle, Auron. It was much too soon. Even Tidus and the girl are shocked, and the others just won't do it. The blitzballer in particular refuses to defy the Church. They even speak of deserving punishment.

Too soon, Auron.

Auron. I told you so.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I don't know what it all means, and the others don't even know as much as me! They don't know about all the secrets he's keeping. In any case, it's not working. Hey, I'm all for defying the Church, and I don't think Tidus cares, and I'm not sure about Kimahri, but Lulu and Wakka and Yuna won't do it.

"We must go to Bevelle," Yuna says. "We must speak with Maester Mika and explain what has happened. There is no other way, I think."

"I agree," Wakka said, and Lulu nodded.

Bevelle? Kill a maester and go to Bevelle? Is that really the best plan anyone can come up with here? Auron, help!

**Auron:**

They're looking at me now, waiting.

Bevelle. They want to go to Bevelle, to explain to Mika. Just tell them, Auron. Tell them that Mika is unlikely to be sympathetic because he died a long time ago and is himself unsent.

That'll work.

For a moment I consider leaving the party. I can rejoin them later, and it would leave me free to act if—if?—something went wrong in Bevelle. I did a silent calculation of their odds for survival in Bevelle without me. Not good. I did a silent calculation of their odds for survival in Bevelle with me. Not good, but better.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yuna's looking at Auron. We all are. I really think he'd just leave Lulu and Wakka or any of us, even Tidus. But Yuna is the summoner, and she's going to Bevelle.

"So it is decided," he says.

"Will you come with us?" she asks him.

"I am the troublemaker, after all."

A wave of relief washes through me.

"Yeah," the kid yells, "That's right! You can always count on Auron to complicate things!"

"Yeah!" I yell. I'm still mad at him, but I think now we might just survive Bevelle after all. "Kimahri roars, and Auron runs off, and..."

"I never asked you to follow me," he says. Grouch. Clam.

"Hey, but that's what friends are for," the kid says. "Right?"

"Yep," I tell them. The man just turns and walks off. Grouch. Clam. "Friends, huh?" I murmur to myself.

**Auron:**

I like these young people in many ways, but all of my friends are dead.

* * *

**Auron:**

So they decided. It's to be Bevelle. It'll take a lot of planning, and preparation, and a lot of subtle manipulation to get these young people in and out of there alive. I start to think, people I know can be blackmailed or bribed, little used passageways, important individuals to use as hostages...if we captured Mika, threatened him with sending, then perhaps...

The air felt strange. The fayth was singing. We should be discussing ways out of this place, but everyone was standing around lost in their own thoughts, except for Tidus and the Al Bhed girl who were running from place to place. Tidus came over to speak to me.

The girl didn't.

Then the singing stopped, and there was something in the air that I didn't like.

"There's something here!" the blitzballer cried. He was right. There was something, but where? The ground! Under the ground! It was Sin, floating in the lake underneath us!

"The toxin!" the mage shouted. "Watch out!"

Where was Yuna! The girl! I ran—

There was a blinding white light, and I was pulled away from the world.

The light faded, and I found myself standing on a city street. Not Luca or Bevelle. Not Zanarkand. There weren't many people around, and those didn't seem quite...right. I couldn't tell where the light was coming from, and it seemed wrong as well. Sounds were oddly muffled. I turned around. A man was standing in the street there, wearing only cutoff trousers and a headband, his chest covered with tattoos.

He looked tired.

I said, "Hello, Jecht."

He answered, "Hey, Auron."

* * *

**Auron:**

We were sitting at a battered table at some sort of outdoor café. There wasn't anyone else eating, and the waiter didn't seem quite right.

"So, Auron," he said. "How you been?"

"Dead. You?"

"Heheheh. And people said you didn't have any sense of humor."

"Who said that?"

"Mika. Drake. Benefice. Laci. Jyscal. Should I keep goin'?"

"No, it's fine. I get your point."

"You should show more people."

"What?"

"Your sense of humor. You should show those guys you're traveling with."

"I could tell one of them a joke, but then I'd have to kill them."

"Hahah. So," he looked at me, "How you been, really?"

"Tired. And you look tired too, Jecht."

He looked haggard. There were dark circles under his eyes. "It's getting harder. I've held out for almost ten years, but I'm getting weaker, or the bastard's getting stronger."

"Yu Yevon?"

"Yu Yevon. He's got control of most of Sin most of the time now. And the pyreflies are greedy. Kilika and then Mi'ihen is the only reason I have as much control as I do right now. It satisfied them for a little while. This whole area was Yu Yevon's a month ago."

Yeah. Kilika. So, just as well then, right Auron? It's an ill wind, eh Auron? At least they didn't die in vain, don't you agree, Auron?

Damn damn damn damn damn.

"What is this place, anyway?" I asked him. "I haven't been here before."

"City of Dying Dreams. They got a real flair for names around here."

"Reminds me of Sector D."

"Wouldn't surprise me, it's all built from my memories and Yu Yevon's. And we're both from Zanarkand."

Yeah. Neither of us said anything for a moment. "So Jecht, heard from Braska?"

His face crumpled a little, there across the table. "Nope. He sent a message, told me it was time to bring you and Tidus to Spira. Nothing since then. Yu Yevon was fighting me all the way, didn't even have time to say howdy to you. Since then he's just gotten stronger and I haven't been able to get any messages through to anyone. And if Braska sent any, they haven't reached me."

"Hm. Listen," I said after a moment, "I never thanked you and Braska...for your gift a few years back..."

He shook his head. "Hey, Auron, look, we know you hate that sword, but..."

"It's the thought that counts."

"Yeah," he said with a small sigh.

"By the way," I said after another pause, "Who were those three girls on the plain that time? After Zanarkand?"

He slowly grinned, "Those were the Magus Sisters."

"Those three?"

"That was them. That woman Belgamine sent them."

"They seemed so normal."

"Looks aren't everything," he said, smiling.

"Yeah. Belgamine. What can you tell me about her, about all of them?"

"Not too much about Belgamine. She's on our side, but I don't know why. The big news is, she's like you. Unsent."

That rocked me back into my chair! It answered some questions, but raised many, many more.

"Who all else do you mean?" he asked.

"Rin. Maechen. Seymour, I really want to know about Seymour. Mika. Jyscal. Anima. Anything else you can think of that would help me."

"Huh. Never even heard of Rin. Maechen, he's some kind of scholar, somehow made contact with the Farplane and found out a little about the war. Decided to sign up with our side, and they put him in contact with Belgamine. They trust him, mostly. Seymour. A real nut job. He was on the other side, but he was a loose cannon, you never knew what he was going to do next. Don't think he knew either. Even bumped-off his old man without permission from the higher-ups. I heard about you killing him—one of his dead Guado Guards passed through here. You actually did the other side a favor. He's a lot easier for them to control now. Didn't do yourself any. You really screwed up not sending him, Auron. That's going to cause you real problems."

Tell me about it.

"Lessee, what else?" he said, leaning back and scratching his chin. "Mika, still in firm control of the Church, especially now that Jyscal's dead. Doesn't mix much in the war, he likes his job grinding Spira down. After 300 years he doesn't want any changes. Wants you dead. More dead. Getting kinda obsessed with the Al Bhed. Jyscal. Jyscal was just starting to maybe challenge Mika for control, before he got offed by his kid..."

He looked sideways at me. Yeah, pretty convenient for Mika, Seymour killing his father like that.

"...dead and sent now, of course, he's holding down some position in the Armies of the Dead on the other side. Anima. Lotta people want to know about Anima, and we got nothing. Came outta nowhere a few years ago, scares the crap outta everyone, not the most cheerful aeon you've ever seen, and that's it.

"Oh yeah...and far as I know the Zookeeper's the same. Lost his fiends."

"Again."

"Again. And if you believe that...heheh," he rubbed his chin. "Can't really think of anything else, except...

He looked at me. "It's getting hard, Auron. Hard for me to keep any control. Getting hard to see...hard to see things outside of myself. Yu Yevon's taking over more and more. Right now we're fighting over control of the Tower of the Dead, and all over Sin.

"He's winning," he said quietly.

His eyes were haunted. I said, "Maybe I could take a look over your defenses, your plans..."

"It's not that kind of battle, Auron. This is about him tearing down my soul."

Yeah. I know that kind of battle too. It's a little like torture. Eventually even the strongest man will break. And being Sin was torture.

Tell me what to say when your friend is sitting across the table from you, across the table in a strange little café in the City of Dying Dreams somewhere inside Sin, and he tells you that he's losing his own private war, that he's spending his soul fighting and he has almost no soul left?

What do you say to the man who is Sin?

I suppose...you promise to kill him.

"Jecht, hold on as long as you can. We will reach Zanarkand. We will go beyond Zanarkand. We will end all of this. You are not alone."

"Yeah," he whispered, looking down, and no one said anything for a while.

"So," he finally said, "How's Tidus?"

I thought about it for a minute. "Lend me some pyreflies and I'll show you."

"Huh." He cocked his head to one side, and we were suddenly surrounded by color. I concentrated, and images began to form. Sunshine. Crowds. Water...

"Hey!" he yelled. "That's the blitzball stadium at Luca! Don't tell me—!"

"Championship game, Jecht. The Besaid Aurochs against the Luca something-or-others."

"Well, all right!" He had a real smile on his face—more than that, a grin, and we sat back at the table, Jecht with a beer, me drinking nog, and watched the game as it was called from my memory.

"Aw com'on!" he yelled, throwing empty peanut shells at the image. "Takin' a shot into three defenders! What's that about! Get back, get back! Defense! How did these guys get to the championship anyway!"

I smiled as the second half started, knowing what was coming. "Oh man, now he's shooting into four guys! He's supposed to be my son, he should—WHOA!" He was out of his chair and on his feet, "That's MY shot! That's the Jecht shot! Where'd that little punk learn my shot!"

"And he does it well," I said.

"Yeah, well..." he said, scowling, sitting down again.

"Huh," he said later, watching Tidus swim off to be replaced by Wakka, "Don't know if I'd a done that."

The old Jecht wouldn't. The Jecht I first met in that jail cell in Bevelle wouldn't. But the Jecht in Zanarkand who asked Braska to allow him to sacrifice his life and become the final Aeon...that was a different Jecht. I don't know either about that Jecht. Maybe.

"Wouldn't have minded having the hair guy on the old Abes," he said, watching Wakka play.

"I've had a few problems with him as a guardian, but he has the makings of a pretty good tactician."

"Good game," he said, sitting up and stretching as play ended. "Hey Auron, those fiends there at the end, that wasn't me, you know."

"I know."

"So, you know who it probably was."

"I know."

"Okay, just wanted to be sure.

"Shouldn't a had that beer," he muttered, looking down at the empty bottle.

"Been attacking more shoopufs?"

He smiled a little sadly. "Drinking makes it harder to keep control. And when I lose control...things like Kilika happen."

I looked down at the scarred surface of the table. Kilika.

"Hey, Auron," he said, "Kilika, that wasn't you, man. That was me."

"It was both of us Jecht, and Yu Yevon, and Mika and Seymour, and the war in Heaven, and all of it. But I can't dodge my share of the responsibility."

"Fine, so long as you don't try to take it all.

"So, how's Braska's girl," he asked, changing the subject.

"Young. Impulsive. Determined. Headstrong. Stubborn. Obstinate. Willful." I called up her image through the still present pyreflies.

"Whoa, she's hot!"

"Jecht..."

"I'm just sayin'."

"Must run in the family," I muttered, and called up a series of images showing our travels.

"Huh," he said, sitting back again. "Tidus and Yuna. I guess, you know, after all this, that would be kinda..."

"He doesn't know about Zanarkand."

"Which one?" he asked with a smirk.

"The real one. He doesn't know what will happen to Yuna there."

"'Cept it won't, right Auron?" he looked over at me. His grin faded. "Hey, RIGHT, Auron?"

"Jecht," I said slowly, "The Plan is The Plan, but...on that day to come in Zanarkand, Yuna will have to choose between life and death on her own, between the Calm or hope. I can do what I can, but the choice has to be hers."

"Yeah, and if she chooses to die, then what Auron? You gonna let her? Auron? Auron!"

I sat for a moment watching the still flowing images, then answered, "The Plan is The Plan, Jecht."

"Huh. Same old Auron," he muttered. "Always knows best for everyone.

"So," he went on after a bit, "That's a pretty little girl you've hooked up with."

"The black mage? Watch out. She bites."

"Yeah, right, Auron. You don't know who I'm talkin' about. You got no idea."

"You mean the Al Bhed girl."

"She's cute."

"She's smart. Smarter than me. She's very talented, a mix-smith and a thief. She's fast. Very fast. She has hope, and a good heart. She has courage."

"Cute, too."

"Jecht..."

"And I think she's getting a crush on you. Look at that! Look at the way she's looking at you there."

"Could be. They never last. She's mad at me right now."

"So, just another fangirl, huh, Auron?" he asked, grinning. "Nothing special."

"She's a teenager."

"What was Willa?"

Image of a girl in the pyreflies, small and dark, grey eyes and shoulder length hair, her left ear always too full of piercings and studs and earrings, and a crooked smile that hit you somewhere inside and lifted your heart in the night. "That was different," I insist softly.

"Why? Cause she was a whore?

"Auron!

"Auron, stop! Hey, I'm sorry Auron, don't go! Auron, for God's sake, you know me! I say things! I didn't mean it like...! Auron, stop! Auron, please!"

I stopped and closed my eye, turned, and slowly and carefully returned to the table and sat down, and brought my breathing under control. The pyreflies returned timidly from wherever they had scattered. After a few moments I nodded to Jecht.

"I'm sorry, Auron. I shouldn't have said it.

"But listen to me Auron," he went on, leaning forward. "Cause right now, I'm goin' to be serious. Auron, none of us knows how much time we've got, but...we both know you haven't got much. If you have some chance of a little happiness, or just a chance to be a little less lonely, I want you to grab it, before... Auron, I had a wife, I had a son. All you've had is this war, for years and years, since you were what, twelve? Auron..."

This was going nowhere.

"Maybe we should just drop the—"

"What are ya goin' to do? Kill me? No, wait. Just hear me out, just let me say this one thing. Just...just don't close off the possibility. Okay, Auron? Don't close off the chance for something good to happen. Okay? Do it...do it for your friends."

I didn't say anything, looking away. What was there to say?

"Ah, have it your own way," he said, shaking his head with a sigh. "Who could ever tell you anything?"

Wife and child, he said. "Jecht...Salli—"

"NO, Auron!"

"Jecht..."

"NO! I don't need this crap right now! You didn't kill her! It wasn't your fault, you didn't know, we talked this out at the time and I DON'T NEED THIS NOW!" He was breathing hard, not looking at me.

"Okay," I said.

"Jecht," I said after a minute, "Tidus visited the Farplane in Guadosalam."

"Yeah? Okay, and?"

And he saw Salli, Jecht. He saw his mother on the Farplane, and what could it mean? Damn it, Auron, don't do this to him! He won't know anyway. Look at him! Sitting slumped in his chair, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. He doesn't need this now. He's fighting for control of Sin, hanging on by his teeth and his fingernails, and he doesn't need another distraction now. He didn't need me apologizing again for killing his wife, and he doesn't need me asking whether somehow, someway, the people of Zanarkand, his Zanarkand, my Zanarkand after all these years, could be real.

Don't do it to him, Auron.

"He saw Braska there," I said. "With Yuna."

"Hey, that's great," he said, a little puzzled.

Was Willa real, I wondered for the hundredth time since leaving Guadosalam. Was Emma? Image in the pyreflies, a strong and beautiful young woman, hair like fire, like flame, to match her temper. She moves like fire, holding two swords in a lethal, graceful dance.

"Yeah, Emma," Jecht said, looking at the image. "She was in her twenties. You should have gone with her, not Willa."

"She told me she didn't want to see me."

"She knew you were going to pick Willa, but she'd have crawled to you on her knees if you'd said the word."

"Damn it, Jecht! Emma would have died before she crawled to anyone!"

"Maybe, Auron. And maybe she wasn't right for you after all, and maybe Willa wasn't right either. But," he shook his head, "Just don't close off the chance."

We looked at each other across the battered table, then both pushed back our chairs and stood. "I guess it's about that time," he said.

I nodded. "So, where are you dropping us off?"

"It's a surprise," he said, with half a smile.

I shook my head. "You haven't changed at all, have you?"

He turned away for a minute, and said in a muffled voice, "I really have, you know." When he turned back he was grinning again. The old Jecht I once knew. "Trust me, Auron. You're going where you need to be."

Neither of us moved. We stood looking at each other. "You're wrong, you know," I told him. "You said I don't have much time. I don't have any time. My time ran out ten years ago, when my life ran out."

"Have I ever told you, Auron," he asked me with an exasperated look, "How truly stupid that was, attacking Yunalesca alone and without a plan?"

"You've mentioned it once or twice," I answered.

"Okay, good. Just making sure. It was good to see you, Auron." He put out his hand.

"Me too, Jecht. Nice to have someone to talk to." I took his hand, and the world shattered.

* * *

**Auron:**

I was lying somewhere, face down.

Rough sand. Blinding sun. Scorching heat.

We weren't in Macalania anymore.

At least the logic bombs are planted now.

I wonder if Jecht knows.

**Next: Picture of a Girl**


	16. Picture of a Girl

Hey Ruki. Are you mad at me? I just meant that I wish you'd update because I'd like to read more of your story.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Sometimes I think it never will be. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-. Hopefully it'll stay -T-.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

The desert stretched all around me, out to the distant horizons, finally meeting the empty sky at the farthest edges of the world. The heat from the sun struck like a hammer, and light blasted the senses from all sides, even straight up, reflected from the sand beneath. The air shimmered, and small dust devils played with the scorpions among the nearby rocks.

"Sir Auron!" It was the black mage, struggling up the dune behind me. I didn't turn. I was in a strange mood after speaking with Jecht. I stood unmoving on the crest and watched the boy as he fought the zu below, flashing in to land blow after blow on the powerful aerial fiend.

"Sir Auron—Tidus!" the mage gasped as she joined me and saw the boy. She took a step before I caught her by the arm. "Sir Auron! We have to help him!"

I finally turned to look at her. Her white skin was covered with a light sheen of perspiration, and her chest heaved with exertion, straining against their...its...coverings. Her extraordinary eyes were wide, looking back at me.

"S-sir Auron...?"

"Watch," I said, turning back to the battle below. The boy's tactics were solid, his very first action to cast Slow on the creature, then Haste on himself. He used a skill Emma taught him once to delay the creature's attack, a useful light fighter's trick. He was landing eight blows for every one of the zu's, and had ample time for potions. I smiled slightly as the fiend soon burst into pyreflies. The boy needed no help from us.

He has grown, matured, here on Spira. He is becoming a fine young man, I thought. Like a son to me, in many ways. I'm proud of him.

I'll tell him one day.

"Sir Auron?"

I turned to her, my hand still on her arm.

"Lady Mage," I said to her, "Shall we go down now?"

With interesting questions dancing in her wide eyes, and a small ironic smile curling her lips, she inclined her head, and we descended arm in arm to join Tidus.

I didn't know where Jecht had dropped us, but I had suspicions. In any case, the first thing we needed to do was to find Yuna and...and the others.

* * *

**Picture of a Girl**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Rock. Sand. Heat. Home! Hot, sweaty, sweltering, blistering, baking, boiling, stifling, searing, scorching, blazing, burning Bikanel Island! It might have been any desert anywhere, but all I had to do was take a deep breath, and I knew it was Sanubia. It smelled like home! My home! Dry rocks, bright colors, and a little motor oil! I stood up straight, beads of sweat running down my back and under my shirt, and spread my arms wide and felt the heat just soak into me. Oh, it felt good! I was home.

Hey! Any place that wasn't the Thunder Plains and wasn't Bevelle would've looked good to me at that point, but I was home! Pop's gonna be mad that I became Yuna's guardian instead of kidnapping her, and he'll probably yell a lot, but I'm family and he's gotta love me!

Really, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me. I felt light as a kite! I still had some big decisions to make—trust-type decisions—but soon I'd have people I could talk to about them, ask advice, ask their opinions! Just talking to Dad or to Rin, or Aunt Juhsa, or even to Brother would make me feel better. Not so alone, you know? Or, not alone, I guess. Alone with my problems, I mean.

And just hearing people talk some Al Bhed, you know? Being around people who don't dress in solid colors all the time! Hearing some Al Bhed music! Maybe getting some Al Bhed cooking!

He likes Al Bhed cooking.

This was going to be lot's better than going to smug, sanctimonious old Bevelle. Bet he agrees. Things were really looking up.

Okay, first things first. First, find myself, then find the others. I put on my goggles and scrambled up the side of a dune. From there it was easy to spot a large pile of nearby rocks, and when I reached the rocks, I found Al Bhed symbols pointing me to a desert aid station, one of the places we Al Bhed have stocked with food and supplies for people who get stuck out in the desert. I set up the tent I found there, and ate, and drank some water. There was a supply of Al Bhed potions, special one-shot aerosol mixtures that heal damage and a lot of ailments when you pop them open. I felt a lot better when I got my hands on those Al Bhed potions.

All right, so that's little Rikku taken care of, now what about the others? Three choices. I can either stay right here and wait for them to find me, or I can go look for them, or I can get home and organize a search and rescue.

Will they sit tight, or come looking? Right, Rikku, Auron is just going to sit there and wait for someone to find him. That's real likely. Kimahri too. And the kid's probably too impatient to wait around.

So, too much chance of missing them in passing. Better stay here, run up a red flag or something they can see for a distance, sing real loud, let them find you. I know this is the southern part of the island. They almost have to pass this way. If I don't see them in, say, three days, I'll head for Home to set up the S and R.

And hope it's still in time.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

One day gone, Rikku. One day walking out on the tall dunes, straining for a glimpse of a red coat through the heat shimmer. (Because red is easiest to spot, not because he danced with you or because he smells like willow trees and not not not because you're getting some kind of stupid crush on him.) One day of looking for a red coat and almost hoping you don't see one because they really should be traveling at night and what the hell would he be doing still wearing a red coat in this heat anyway, but somehow you know that he is.

One day of thinking. You'll have to tell them about Home, you know. And when you get there they'll find out who your Dad is. And probably even about the Summoner's Sanctum. And Bang! There go all of your secrets, Rikku. But...you were never really about secrets, were you? Are there any of those secrets that you really want to keep from...from all of them? Not really. You're no clam. More like a scallop, actually. So that's all right, but you still have the same old problem, don't you? Can you trust them with your secrets? Can you trust that Wakka won't go tattling to the Church first chance he gets, or even Lulu? Can you trust Auron not to sacrifice your people for some private, hidden, greater purpose that no one else even knows about?

Do you trust them? Wrong question. Do you trust them to keep your secrets? Um, still wrong question. Do you...trust them to keep their word! Yes! I absolutely trust their words of honor. So, you get them to promise not to say anything, or you don't take them anywhere near Home. That's got it. That'll work!

So all you gotta do now, is wait.

I sit kicking my bare heels on top of a rock, looking for them, humming and daydreaming about being back Home with all of them. I know we still have problems—dead maester and all—but I'm really looking forward to showing them my home, showing Yunie my room where I grew up, and my sphere collection, and my pictures of her and Uncle Braska and my Mom. I can introduce her to all her relatives on her Mom's side, family she doesn't even know about, all of them ready to love her. I'll take her and Lulu shopping in the Market Square. Maybe we can find Lulu something less prim and proper to wear. I can show all of them the sand sculptures and the desert gardens, and maybe even the workshops. Tidus would maybe like those. He's from Zanarkand—the old Zanarkand. And even Wakka, show him the parks where families hang out together and the public pools where the little kids play blitzball. Show him that Al Bhed are just people, like everyone else.

And...

And...

He likes Al Bhed cooking. I'm still mad at him, but... I'll cook a meal, I'll make a family dinner for him and me, and Pop and Brother, and Tidus and Yunie. I really want to do that.

All you gotta do now is wait for them.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Another day gone, the sun going down. They've all been out in the desert more than a day now. In that coat! Okay, I'm still mad at the guy, and I still don't trust him, and I'm definitely not not not getting a crush on him, but that doesn't mean that I'm not worried about him, especially in this heat and I'll bet he never takes that stupid coat off! Do any of them know how to survive in a desert? Well, Auron probably does, warrior monk training, but what about the rest of them? Should I go look for them after all?

Tidus was never out of Zanarkand before this, what would he know about a desert? And Kimahri comes from Mt Gagazet! Wakka and Lulu and Yunie grew up on a tropical island. They could all be wandering around in the middle of the noonday sun just getting crazier and crazier from the heat! Or maybe they're sitting there, waiting for someone to come and find them! And you're sitting here waiting for them to come to you!

No! No, Rikku. You have a plan, stick to it. They're probably headed this way, you need to make sure they don't get past you, that you don't miss each other. And if worse comes to worse, you have to be ready to get back home to organize a search.

And you know he's all right, Rikku. You know he can take care of himself. He's not lying facedown somewhere passed out from the heat, sand caking his lips, slowly dying of dehydration, getting weaker and weaker, fiends crawling closer to his helpless body all cause he wouldn't take off that STUPID RED COAT!

That's it! I'm going out looking for them at first light!

* * *

----Rikku waiting in the dark (0 sec), dawn breaks (20 sec), she sees figures, it's them (45 sec), their journey through the desert starts----_Theme from "The Mission"----_Ennio Morricone----

**Rikku's Diary:**

I'm standing on a rock near the tent, squinting out into the breaking dawn. There's a smile spreading all over my face. There they are. He's there, wearing the stupid red coat, in this heat, and looking cool as Lake Macalania. And Kid Fashion Disaster is walking right next to him, waving and breaking into a run, and Kimahri's there, and everyone!

Oops. Not everyone.

**Auron:**

The girl is safe. We are safe. Everyone is safe, except Yuna. Six guardians, eleven eyes between us, and we can't keep track of one rather unsophisticated teenaged summoner.

Auron, this is pathetic. Where's your Plan now?

Shut up, Auron. Give me a minute to think.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yep, Yunie's missing, except I think I know where she is. Well, here goes. "Umm. There's something I wanna tell you, but promise not to say anything. I know where we are. We're on Bikanel Island. There's a place us Al Bhed call Home near here. Yunie's there, I'm sure of it! Other Al Bhed must've come and rescued her!"

"Rescued?" Wakka said, "You mean kidnapped!"

Jeez! Well, split the difference—snatched.

**Auron:**

Bikanel Island, as I suspected. Not sure why, just a hunch. The girl says she'll lead us to this Al Bhed Home if we promise to keep it a secret.

What's one more secret among so many, Auron? One more promise? But if Yuna isn't there...I'm not sure what I'll do next. Find her. Somehow.

If I have to take Spira apart, stone by stone.

The others give their word readily enough, and pressure the blitzballer to do the same. So, the girl has secrets as well, that she didn't trust me with. I respect her for that. She's a complex little person, a bewildering mix of childish enthusiasm and hardnosed practicality, switching unpredictably from one to the other.

She had her secrets, but she'll trust my word.

Would I trust...

**Rikku's Diary:**

Well, at least I got promises out of them, and they'll keep their promises. We waited through the heat of the day under the tent. Auron and I talked while the others slept. I told him all about Bikanel, and about Home, and about my family (but not who my Dad was). I was still mad at him, but it was nice, talking like that.

**Auron:**

The girl and I took a double watch together so I could question her about local conditions, the fiends we were likely to meet, what we could expect when we arrived at the Al Bhed Home, and so on. Local area expertise is always welcome, and she was a treasure trove of useful knowledge.

I wasn't sure whether she was still angry at me because of the way I spoke to Yuna a few days before. I know that I can be thoughtless. Others have told me before this.

I know that people have feelings.

But a seventeen year old girl is wasting precious, irreplaceable time spewing angst and regrets, time that's running out for my friend, who's turning into a monster and who's desperately trying to stay human as long as he can. Time is running out for all of us.

How could I explain that to her? I can't. She's too young, and the world is not what she thinks.

And I have promises to keep.

As our watch came to an end, and Kimahri prepared to take over, the girl stood to make a last scout around the area before sleep. She looked a little worn, even her tireless energy a bit low. I didn't know how much rest she'd had the last couple of nights, but I knew the heat affected all of us, even a native of Bikanel.

Auron, go on. It's surely the smallest of your secrets.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We're all talked out, yawning, and about to get some rest, but I want to have a quick look around the area first. Boy, it looks HOT out there. Then Auron stands up AND TAKES OFF HIS COAT! I can't believe it! His COAT! Off! I'm so surprised I barely notice his ARMS, but then he holds it open and says, "You had better wear this."

"Uh..." I'm already hot and sweaty, and I'm about to go out into the desert in the middle of the day, and he wants me to put on his heavy red coat! I want to say something, but the part of Rikku's brain that's thinking No freeking way in this heat! comes into violent contact with the part that thinks Oh what a thoughtful gesture Auron! While Rikku's brain is trying to clear up the traffic jam, he hangs the coat over my shoulders.

IT'S COOL! HIS FREEKING RED FREEKING COAT IS FREEKING AIR-CONDITIONED!

**Auron:**

Zanarkand tailors offer surprising alterations.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So anyway, we left as soon as the sun went down. It was still hot, but it would get cooler soon enough.

"Are you sure this is the way?"

"Yeah, Lulu!" I think.

I was in the lead. Wakka followed close enough behind that he could send little anti-Al Bhed digs my way, and Lulu followed close enough that she could send little anti-Wakka digs his way. But she was also trying to stay close to Auron, and I wasn't sure I liked the way she was looking at him, and neither was Wakka. Tidus was clueless—

"Isn't there an easier way?"

"No complaining!"

—and Kimahri was Kimahri. I know Auron noticed, but I don't think he was paying attention. He was so anxious about Yuna that he even cancelled all the midday drills. Well, midnight, I guess.

I knew where to go, and we made pretty good time across the desert. I set a course for the aid station called Yellow Rock. Auron had asked my advice about the route, and we decided to travel from one Al Bhed station to another. It would take a little longer, but I argued it would be surer and safer in the end. It would also let us get more Al Bhed potions. They seemed to fascinate Auron when I explained them.

"Rikku," he had said, looking out over the sands, "Without Yuna, we don't have a healer. I need you to take that responsibility. These Al Bhed potions of yours are a key. They let you heal the entire party at once, and your speed gives you more chances to use those and the regular potions. That could be the difference in a battle here. I'm going to keep you close. Even when you're not up you have to be ready to come in at once. You can still steal when you get a chance, but your main job is to keep us alive."

You know what it reminded me of? It was like the way he and Lulu talked some evenings, about where the party was, and what it would be doing the next few days, and what the supply situation was like. He was...I don't know. I guess, he was treating me like a grown up, with real responsibilities, asking my advice and taking it, leaving some things up to me. He had told me before that he needed me, and I know I've been useful on our journey, that he's been glad to have me, with my stealing things from fiends and mix-smithing new weapons and items for them. But, this is the first time that I've really felt like he needed me. It was kinda as if he was treating me like an equal.

I liked that. A lot.

I can tell you one thing, I was NOT going to mess this up.

You know what I think really impressed him? A little way out we ran into some Al Bhed guard machina, just standard stabber-type machina. I had told him all about them. Of course I didn't have any of the current idents, so they attacked us. There were two of them guarding a narrow canyon.

"Uh, let me handle the machina," I told Auron.

He looked at me, nodded.

I rushed in, sort of twisted outside it's blade arm and felt around in back of it, then rushed back out. It started to quiver and shake, and then just fell apart. I opened my hand and showed Auron the cylinders I'd pulled.

"Power packs!" I told him. We mount them on the outside, kind of where a person's shoulder blades would be. Easier to get to and fix or replace. He looked at them, then rushed in and turned the other mech guard into scrap with a blow from his sword.

Then he looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I smiled at him, "But I can use these power packs to make grenades!"

THAT impressed him.

We reached Yellow Rock by dawn, and settled in for the day. Auron and Lulu were talking about some kind of magic training when I walked up to them after dinner.

"...beyond what I can teach. It's really a very different kind—"

"Oh, excuse me, Lulu, but, Auron, can I talk to you about tomorrow's route? There are a couple of decisions to make."

"Of course, Rikku. Excuse me, Lulu." She...didn't look too happy as we walked away together. Well, gee, Lulu, (wide-eyes, innocent voice) I think Wakka is free, if you just want to talk. So we traveled from Yellow Rock station to Red Sky station the next night (awesome sunsets from there) to Bitter Water station the night after, to Cat Black station after that. Every day in camp Auron and I would talk about the journey ahead, and the supplies we could remove from the station, and the party's condition. I noticed I wasn't making as many jokes as I used to, trying to keep everyone's spirits up. It was like I was busy doing something more serious. Is this what he feels like all the time? Or Lulu? Anyway, Tidus filled in as class-clown. We fought a few nighttime battles with zu and sand wolves and that kind of thing, but mostly we just used the kid's ability to duck fights. Auron really didn't want us slowed down. I didn't have to do the potion thing very often.

A few hours after we left Cat Black station we came to a big sign in Al Bhed. You could see it clearly in the moonlight. Auron came to the front to examine it.

"Rikku," he asked me, "What does this say?"

"You know," I told him, "You should learn to read Al Bhed."

"I'll put it on my list. What does it say?"

"It says there are weaker fiends to the right, and stronger fiends to the left," I answered, cocking my head right, then left. "They say learning a second language can expand your horizons."

"My horizons are already quite expansive. Which way is quicker?"

"Well, if you can get through the fiends, the left way through the Valley of Ruins is shorter. I bet there are all kinds of books in Al Bhed that you'd like to read."

"Arowr hass gahh," he said. I heard Kimahri huffing behind us.

"What was that?" I asked him, puzzled.

"Something I can't repeat, in Old Ronso. Do you know the way through the valley?"

"Sure do!" I chirped. "Uh, about learning Al Bhed..."

"Rikku..."

"I could teach you," I said, not looking at him.

**Auron:**

I stood for a moment.

"Maybe, Rikku."

"Okay!" she smiled, then began to swing a little from side to side, digging one toe into the sand, her hands behind her back. "Uh, you know, there's a lot of good treasure down in the valley, too."

I just looked at her.

"What? I'm just saying."

I didn't speak.

She stuck her face up at me, throwing her fists down at her sides and coming up on her little toes, "Okay, fine! We won't even look for treasure! We won't even open any chests we come across!

"Big meanie," I heard her mutter, crossing her arms and marching down into the valley.

Behind my cowl where no one can see, I smiled a little. She wasn't mad at me any more.

Of course, she still doesn't trust me. Behind her smiles and laughter she watches me closely for some sign of betrayal. I am growing fonder of this brave young Al Bhed, who keeps her sorrows hidden and does her duty. I know she hates this pilgrimage and must hate herself for being part of it, must hate every step that brings us closer to Zanarkand and Yuna's fate, but she took the guardian's oath and she will keep it. She will continue to protect Yuna from everything and everyone, including me. She will do her duty.

I look at the girl and they seem to be standing behind her, all of the cadets that I've trained over the years. They were fired with energy and enthusiasm and a passion for life, but they were all willing to risk that life to keep others safe. They were the best people I ever knew, and teaching them was the best part of my life, and she stands well among them.

I've been in a strange mood in recent days, ever since my conversation with Jecht. I don't know why. I feel lighter. I seem to take more pleasure in the company of others, in certain voices, and faces.

Perhaps it's the toxin?

From time to time I have thought that it could be useful to know Al Bhed.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we march single file through the narrow canyon that leads down into the Valley of Ruins. It really IS a good place to find treasure, you know. I'm talking about useful things, stuff that could come in handy on the pilgrimage. Or, we could sell them! Gil always comes in handy. That's not the Al Bhed motto, it's mine!

Auron's behind me (that's odd—he usually hangs out near the rear) and Tidus is behind him, then the others. Things are really quiet. I can hear small rocks falling from the sides of the cliffs above us. Then some bigger rocks, and I can feel the sand underneath us start to shift!

"Rikku," the man says, "What is this?"

Oh damn, I think I know!

"Sand Worm!" a high-pitched scared sounding voice shrieks.

It's me.

The sand worm—a big one, at least 150 feet—heaved up out of the ground, filling the canyon in front of us, spilling sand in all directions, and we don't have anyplace to run! This is as bad as it gets on Bikanel...and I freeze, filled with dread, staring at the huge fiend! I feel a fear that's somewhere south of Anima but way north of thunder grab my bones and something in my brain just goes –click- and turns off! Sand worms have killed my friends. Sand worms have killed my family. Sand worms—

Oooo! A chest!

I turn to Auron, pleading with my eyes.

He looks at me with a certain amount of disgust, then flicks his head toward the treasure chest!

Quick as a wink I nip in and out, just before the worm rolls over the chest and crushes it.

I scored an elixir! Sweet!

"Tidus, back!" Auron yells, "Kimahri, up! Demi!"

Demi! Demi's a major spell! Kimahri can't do magic! Kimahri does big spears! The Ronso rushed up, took a stance—major attitude—then pointed at the worm, and there's a bunch of light and noise and it curls up like someone just dumped a load of salt on it! When did this happen? I have no idea what's going on! Why don't people tell me things!

"Rikku!" That's me! "Steal!"

Anything you say. I take a deep breath to steady my nerves, then rush in, stick my hand under its skin, grab a couple of something, and pull back. I look down and smile wide. A couple of shadow gems! Do you know how cool these are? I turn to show Auron, and...hey! Uh, okay, so why is he just standing there, posing? Hit it! Yell at it! Make a face, something! But he doesn't, and now it's the worm's turn, it rears up and up into the sky, ready to punish anything in front of it, and it looks like little Rikku's drawn the short straw! Rikku thoughts are running through my brain as I stare up at the huge head starting to swing down at me—I'm a twitchy little teenaged thief, not a big, strong warrior, or a big, strong Ronso, or a big, strong blitzball athlete, or a mage with big, strong breasts! What am I doing here! Help me! This thing is going to kill me! I'm the backup healer! Who's going to revive me when I'm dead! I'm going to die. I'm going to die! I'M GOING TO DIE! And my mind just freezes and I seem to be watching in slow motion that's getting faster and faster as the giant head stabs down to crush me! Is this the last thing my friends saw just before the end? I'm screaming and my last two coherent thoughts are I never learned to play the banjo! and AURON!

"AAaaaaahhhh!"

"Uhngh!" He was there! The sand worm's head slashed down, and he shoved me aside in a flash of red and black, and it smashed him into the ground.

The ground shuddered! I heard the bones breaking, and felt drops of blood splatter my skin! And he starts to stand, to climb to his feet! Potions! I scramble to pull potions out, and use them on him, and he begins to look a little better.

"What the hell do you think you were doing!" I yell at him, furious.

"My job..." he rasps. "Kimahri! Demi!"

He staggers to his feet as the Ronso casts another spell, and I pull out more potions. His JOB! It's his JOB to jump in front of a sand worm blow, to be hurt so I won't be? But I guess he thought it was, because he just kept doing it, shoving us aside at the last moment when it was too late for the worm to follow and too late for him to get out of the way, just kept breaking for the rest of us when the worm hit him, and I could SEE the bones sticking out of his skin, and I think maybe I was crying, but he never saw cause he never even looked at me, just kept watching the worm, knowing that I'd be there with the potions.

Then the worm raised its body off the ground, and I knew what was coming, and knew we were all going to be hurt this time. Auron couldn't protect us from an earthquake. And the huge body comes down, and we're all flipped into the air and land HARD, and it hurts pretty bad, but I'm happy because it's better than him just throwing himself between the worm and me, or the worm and Kimahri, or the worm and Lulu, just taking it, giving up his poor body time after time like it didn't even matter, like it was just his job—get up in the morning, have breakfast, go to work, get your bones broken and smashed over and over and over diving in front of blows meant for other people, an hour for lunch, then more broken ribs, collapsed lungs, torn hearts, throwing up blood, and home in time for dinner! Stop it stop it stop it, I wanted to yell, and maybe I did, but it didn't do any good. He wouldn't let any of us get hurt, and all I could do was keep throwing potions and maybe steal some shadow gems now and then.

He had a plan. He had Kimahri Demi three times, then Lancet, and switch with Lulu, and she took the worm down the rest of the way with Watera while he just kept leaping in and taking punishment and I healed us. I guess it was a good plan. It didn't take too long until Lulu finished it off with one last spell, then she bent forward and did her little victory sway while the boys watched. Get a trampoline, I thought tiredly.

I walked up to Auron with potions in my hand. "Auron...?"

He looked dead on his feet. "Rikku," he said looking up at me, "You did very well. That's just what we need you to do in these battles."

Yeah. And we're headed straight through the Valley of Ruins, full of worms and zu.

Treasure isn't everything.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Well, we got through the Valley, and we got some good stuff—x-potions, elixirs, ethers, and things. But it wasn't worth seeing Auron getting smashed up over and over and getting up to do it again like it was nothing. It just wasn't.

Wakka got swallowed a couple of times, and Lulu once. That helped.

We got to the other side of the Valley, and there was a sign. I walked up beside Auron.

"It says—"

"Wait," he said, and studied it. "Something to Home."

**Auron:**

"Shortcut," she said, smiling.

I nodded and we left the Valley, marching under a clear sky full of stars. "Now that we're past this area," I asked her, "What else do we have to worry about?"

"Well," she said, "There are a couple of things..."

Wonderful.

We reached a place called Cactaur Station before dawn and settled in to wait for nightfall once more. My concern for Yuna was growing, but I was able to distract myself somewhat discussing our situation with the girl, and planning our next moves.

"Okay, we saved a couple of days taking the short route," she said, as we sat together, looking out onto the sun-blasted landscape. "But there aren't anymore shortcuts. Now we just have to slog. It's about three days across the next expanse and then we reach Home."

"And what can we expect to find out there in this expanse?"

"Well, mostly more of the same, except maybe fewer worms..." for which my aching muscles are thankful "...but there is one fiend that has a lot of nests ahead. It's called a sandragora. It's a kind of powerful plant fiend that waits at the bottom of a shallow hole for people to slide in. We can probably avoid most of them, but there's one right by the other end, just before you get to Home, that's kinda hard to avoid. It's tricky, like."

I think I recalled these fiends from my lessons at Bevelle.

"We'll go around where we can, and fight where we must, Rikku. But I will be happy to hear everything that you can tell me about these sandragora. Then we can design tactics to defeat them."

"Well...they have really good treasure. What! That's something I can tell you about them!"

"What else lays ahead, Rikku?" I asked with a sigh, shaking my head.

"Well, there's this big sandstorm that never stops, but that's all in one valley to the east, so we shouldn't have any problems with that. So, tomorrow we reach Sand Devil Station, then Crazy Bone Station day after that, then we should get to Home around dawn the next day."

"All right. How many Al Bhed potions do we have?"

We discussed logistics for awhile. I noticed she seemed a bit flushed. She was our guide as well as our healer—involved in almost every battle—and the strain could be catching up to her. I imagine the blitzballer's constant comments don't help. I had spoken to Lulu, asking her to help curb his tongue, but I was coming close to speaking with the man myself. Fifty words to admonish him. A dozen words to flay the meat from his bones. Two words to near enough kill him. Words can be weapons.

(Auron, is anything not a weapon to you?)

I stood and took off my coat. "Here," I said, holding it out to her. "You need it more than I do right now."

She looked surprised. I had stopped offering the coat to her some days back. I had already caught her trying to take it apart twice, and no matter how talented she was I knew she would never be able to get the printed circuitry back the right way.

She didn't say anything, so I hung the coat over her shoulders, but she shook her head and shrugged it off. "We'll share," she said, looking up at me.

I suppose...that's sensible.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I'm sweaty, and my hair is a mess. I got up and slung the coat back over his shoulders, then sat close and leaned back into him as he wrapped the coat around us both. It was nice and cool, and he was nice and warm, and I closed my eyes, and we just stayed there for awhile. "Auron, how come Kimahri's such a hot shot magic user now, even better than Lulu?"

"The spheremorph at the pool in Macalania Woods dropped a key sphere, a powerful one. You know about key spheres?"

"Yeah." Key spheres come from ancient times. No one knows how to make them anymore. They open up new areas inside people's brains, giving them access to new abilities, or even making them stronger or faster. You still have to learn the things, but using key spheres lets you learn them.

I've always wanted a powerful one for my sphere collection.

"I've been looking for one," he said. "The Ronso are powerful magic users, and that's what I need Kimahri to be for us. I gave him the sphere in Macalania, and he was able to use it. While we were looking for you and Yuna, Lulu helped him to learn his spells, even though she doesn't know them herself. More a matter of the philosophy of magic.

"The spells he uses are more powerful than Lulu's, but he is actually weaker. He can only cast a few of those powerful spells before he must rest. Her spells are weaker, but she can cast them all day."

He doesn't usually talk this much. Usually he's a clam. Eyes closed, I snuggle a little deeper into the coat, a little closer against him, and listen to his voice.

"You're making it work," I say softly.

"I've studied tactics a long time."

I twisted my head around to look up at him. "But do you have to take all of that punishment?" I asked him. "Do you have to jump in between us and every attack? Auron?"

"Sometimes I do," he said after a minute.

"Well I don't like it," I whispered.

"I'm used to it. It's fine, Rikku, as long as I have—"

"Sir Auron? Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were busy"

Have what! So long as you have WHAT!

"I'm not busy, Lulu. What is it?"

NOT BUSY!

"I wanted to go over some possible new magic strategies with you. Both Kimahri and I have spells or abilities that you don't use. If this is a good time...?"

He got up and took off the coat, and hung it back around my shoulders. "Please don't take apart my coat, Rikku."

And they walked off. Hey! Hey, coat boy! Have what! Have me? Have potions? Have a song in your heart? Have this A/C coat? What!

LULU!

**Auron:**

The black mage did give me some new ideas to play with, but nothing that looked like it would be an immediate help with these sandragora. I could see she also suffered from the heat, but refused to show it. I watched little drops of perspiration roll down her face, bead on her chin, and slowly fall to splash on her—

"Auron, I just had a thought about tomorrow night's journey! Oh hi, Lulu! Were you guys finished?"

"For now, Rikku," Lulu answered, dabbing down her front with a cloth. She smiled and I watched her walk away.

* * *

**Auron:**

We made fair time the next night and easily reached the Al Bhed station before dawn. We were slowed only by random battles, most of which we avoided, although the thief was able to steal something useful from many fiends, first.

"Watch out, man! He's trying to hit Lulu!"

"Sir Auron! Snap out of it—aah!"

"Close one, Lu! Hey Rikku, I thought you Al Bhed were supposed to know all about this kinda thing, huh!"

"Just gimme a minute, will you?"

We did indeed meet one sandragora. We were moving through the desert, the girl was scouting ahead, and we followed...

"Thank you, Rikku."

"Hey, Sir Auron! You're back, ya?"

"Auron! Watch out, old man! It's getting ready to fire again!"

Popopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopop!

"Sir Auron! Thank yo—aaah!"

"Oh no, he's gone again!"

"Rikku!"

"I'm on it! Will someone please hit that thing!"

...except for Tidus. He was impatient, anxious to reach the Al Bhed Home and find Yuna. I can't fault him for that, but he kept sprinting ahead on his own, and naturally fell into one of the sandragora pits.

"Yo! Did Sir Auron tell anyone his plans for killing these things?"

"I didn't think to, Wakka. Thank you, Rikku."

"Auron, man! What do we do here!"

"What you have been. I guard. Rikku heals me and steals when she has a free moment. And—"

Popopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopop!

"Aw man, duck Lu!"

"Aaaah!"

"Rikku!"

"I know!"

I guard, Rikku heals, and they keep a magic user in to cast fire spells until it dies. Nothing complex, and we finally straightened it out. They could have had Tidus Haste Lulu if they wanted to finish it sooner.

In any case...

"Oooo! Megalixers!"

...the girl was right. They did at least have worthwhile treasure.

I personally assured Tidus that I would put a leash on him if he didn't stick with the rest of the party. He didn't take me too seriously until I told him I would give the other end to Lulu. There were no more incidents before we reached the station and settled in for the day.

Oh yes. We also found the Mercury Crest.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Only a couple more days until we reach Home! Boy am I looking forward to it! I've seen a lot of new stuff since I threw in with these people, and new places, and done new things (like kill a maester of Yevon), but it's also the longest I've ever been away from my family. I wanna see Pop and Brother and my aunts and uncles and cousins.

I guess I'm Homesick.

One thing's been worrying me. If I'm right, and Yuna was rescued by the Al Bhed, then she's probably in the Summoner's Sanctum right now. And how are they all going to feel about that? I think I know. I think I know. I still can't be sure what Auron's really thinking or planning, but I gotta believe it probably doesn't involve leaving Yuna with the Al Bhed forever.

They're gonna try and break her out.

And what is little Rikku going to do?

If Yunie is in the Summoner's Sanctum, then it's my duty to rescue her, isn't it? Is it? Rescue her so she can go to Zanarkand and sacrifice herself? Even if it means fighting my own family?

Was life always this complicated?

Why do I somehow think Auron would really laugh at me if I told him my life was complicated?

* * *

**Auron:**

"Aaaah!"

It was the girl, she was in a sandragora pit! I snapped orders and we rushed down to surround her.

"I'm sorry, Auron! I just slipped!"

"Tidus back! Kimahri up, Firaga! It's alright, Rikku. Get ready to heal."

Popopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopopop!

I don't really remember the battle too well, but there doesn't seem to have been any problem once they knew what to do. The truth is that we could have cleaned out the entire area of sandragoras if we didn't have more pressing issues.

It didn't cost us too much time.

"Oooo! Spheres!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, okay, I didn't really trip, but I had a really, really good reason for pretending to fall into that pit!

TWO teleport spheres!

I need them!

**Auron:**

We faced one more march under the stars, and a battle with a sandragora that we couldn't avoid—its pit filled the entire canyon. By that time everyone knew what to do, and the battle was not difficult. Perhaps it was fortuitous that we fought the first two after all. Past this last fiend the path opened and rose to a crest a few hundred feet away.

"We're almost there!" the girl cried. "Just over that hill! Com'on!"

She ran, almost skipping with joy, and we followed. Just before reaching the top, she turned and waved to us.

"Over here!"

* * *

**Auron:**

Snapshot of a young girl waving. She's wearing tee-shirt and shorts, goggles are hanging around her neck, and her blond hair is up in a ponytail. She's standing just below the crest of a sand dune, framed by a blue sky. Her face is wreathed in smiles and joy. She looks happy and innocent, and almost home.

I don't have that picture, outside of my memories, but I wish that I did. I would like to pull it from inside of my coat from time to time and look at it, to remind myself why I've been fighting this war for more than thirty years, and remember that even on Spira there are moments of joy and love and happiness worth fighting to protect.

When my road grows hard, and the way seems dark, and I've lost my faith, and I'm nearly out of hope, I would have liked to be able to pull out that preserved image of a young girl and look at it, and tell myself that my life and death have had meaning.

I don't suppose it matters in the end. I have promises to keep and I will fight regardless. But I would have liked to have had that picture.

**Next: Who Will You Be?**


	17. Who Will You Be?

Well, I'm going to be really busy the next three or four months. I'm not going to have much time to work on this story, so I'm going to go ahead and start posting once a week. I have enough chapters written that I'll be able to post regularly for a while. The chapters are getting longer anyway.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less. Really don't want it to go -M-.

Finally gave up on any kind of bracket for the Al Bhed words. I'm using a simple --"x"--.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Frankly, as a people, the Al Bhed had never impressed me overly much. They seemed to me to be like anyone else, good and bad mixed together. I have known brave Al Bhed, and those who were not. Kind Al Bhed, and those who were not. Shrewd Al Bhed, and those who were not. They were not the demons the Church made them out to be, but truly, I thought there was nothing special about them.

Just people.

Until I saw the Al Bhed Home. Even in its death throes, it was a magnificent sight, sunlight reflecting from burnished metal, rising in huge columns from the stony desert floor, almost defying the sky and the land. That any people working together could bring something like this out of the waste, says something about that people. It says that they have hope and determination.

They are a people to be reckoned with.

* * *

**Who Will You Be?**

* * *

**Auron:**

I hear the girl scream from the top of the dune—what does she see? We hurry to catch up, but already I don't like the smell of this. This is going to be very, very bad.

We reach the crest and see the Al Bhed Home rising from the desert in great metal towers, but now smoke pours from those towers, and they're circled by flights of zu. We can hear the crash of guns and the roar of fiends. Tracer fire crosses the air. The girl is running. She's faster than any of us, but she stops to check each crumpled body in her path and we've almost caught up when she reaches the entrance.

_  
_--"Look out!"-- CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! --"Get him off me!"-- --"Will—You—Just—Die!"-- CRACK! CRACK! --"Keye! Watch out! It's coming!"-- "AUGGH!" --"Ciyyic!"-- --"Sammi! Sammi! Damn!"-- --"They're too strong! Pull back, inside!"-- CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! --"Yevon bastard!"-- --"Pull back!"-- CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

There's a firefight winding down, the Al Bhed soldiers are falling back, retreating into the massive structure, pressed by fiends on all sides. I shout at Lulu and Kimahri to give them cover, casting their spells on the run. Most of the Al Bhed make it inside but a few are cut off, outnumbered, and pulled down one by one, before the fiends—dual horns—follow the others. There's nothing but scattered corpses when we reach the entrance. I smell blood and urine, vomit and cooking meat as I run past the bodies.

Some are not quite dead. One lies on his back, clutching his stomach, trying to keep the life from draining away. The girl runs—

Rikku runs to him and falls to her knees. I suppose she knows him. It's too late for potions. Perhaps, if there was a healer...but there isn't.

He shudders, straightens, and lies still.

"Keyakku!" she cries, as I walk up.

The black mage is there before me. "A war?" she says softly. "Between Yevon and the Al Bhed?"

I don't know why that would surprise her. Hasn't she been paying attention? Someone is shouting something in Al Bhed. It's a man. He's bald, short but strong. I can't decipher what he's saying, but I know who he is, and I can make out what Rikku says to him. This is Cid, the leader of the Al Bhed, and Rikku called him father.

I will need to think on this.

Later.

The man checks the boy's pulse. He won't find anything. He closes the boy's eyes, kisses his forehead, then straightens up and turns to us. Strange given our long history that we've never actually met.

"You Rikku's friends?" he almost bellows. "Well, don't just stand there, come on! Let's go kick those Guado out of our Home!" He turns and runs toward the door and we follow him. In the Chamber of Unheard Secrets in the Grey Court in Bevelle, there is an extensive dossier on Cid. He hides a shrewd mind and a keen intellect behind the rough façade of a common man. He likes to play dumb. He can be stubborn, and reckless, and those can be a bad combination—witness Mi'ihen—but he is not dumb.

It also says he has a daughter named Rikku. Your mind has turned to porridge, Auron.

Rikku...I hope...

Later, Auron.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Keyakku...my cousin. He's dead. I look around. They're all dead.

Yevon killed them.

"Who...?" It was the kid. I mean it was Tidus.

"Cid," I told him. "Leader of the Al Bhed... He's my Dad."

Not much point keeping it a secret now.

"Let's go," he said as the others followed Dad inside.

Yeah. Gotta go. Still gotta save Yuna. That's why we're here right? Took an oath. Told him...told them...that all I wanted was to be her guardian. And they trusted me, trusted me with Yuna's life.

The rest of this...turn it off, Rikku. Turn off the part of your brain that's screaming, the part that knows these people lying right here, remembers when they were alive, a million years ago, and they don't look peaceful at all, don't look like they're just sleeping. They look dead. Turn off your stomach that wants to throw up because they're cramming DEATH into all of the places where you used to run and play and laugh and jump and dream and hope and HOW DARE I HOPE ON SPIRA! Turn off your HEART that's breaking because it knows they're killing your family, all the people you love. Turn off your soul that feels like someone who's really having FUN is tearing it up into little pieces and throwing them on the ground, throwing them away, BECAUSE IT'S YOUR HOME! WHERE YOU GREW UP! IT'S YOUR PAST! IT'S YOUR LIFE! IT'S...

...it...

...it's the last place you ever saw your Mom.

I was gonna cook him a meal, for him and me and Yuna and our families.

I was gonna show Yuna where I grew up.

Keyakku was her cousin too.

Turn it off, Rikku! Just turn it off!

"Yeah," I answer him. "We have to save Yunie."

"Not only Yuna. Right?"

I turn and look at him a minute. Maybe...

"Right!"

**Auron:**

Tidus and Rikku caught up with us in the corridor as Cid ran off to the right. I held the others back when they were going to follow him. He had his priorities and we had ours.

"Rikku, where is Yuna?"

"This way!" she said, heading straight.

"No time to waste. Let's go!" We followed Rikku deeper into the vast structure, past running Al Bhed and scattered piles of bodies.

Wait, Auron! Stop, Auron! What's that? What's that you smell? The Ronso and the blitzballer followed the girl, Tidus and the black mage hesitated, looking at me.

Damn! What do I smell? Ignore it, Auron! You have to get to Yuna! Save Yuna! Damn! Damn! Damn! Your oldest promise, Auron! Remember? Your life for others! No time to think, Auron! "Stay with her!" I snapped at the two of them, and they ran ahead.

What do you smell, Auron?

Death.

Death.

Life! Where? There, under there! Dig Auron, no time to respect the dead, toss the bodies aside, there she is, potions, use potions, pull her out, shove her at some passing Al Bhed. Who else, anyone else! No...yes! Yes! There, very weak, a child, almost gone.

No...too late.

No regrets, Auron, no time for regrets. Who else? Deep breath...no one. No one else. Run after them, Auron, run! There they are, facing a Guado Guard and three bombs, Wakka's there? And Rikku? And Tidus? No, no, no! Who put that together! "Wakka! Tidus! Back!" I shouted, running toward them. "Kimahri, in and Demi!"

"Rikku! Get his potions!" I yell throwing myself between her and a bomb. "Uhn!"

"I did, Auron. I have them," she said, pulling one out.

"No time now—get back! Tidus, in for Rikku, take out the Guado!" I snapped, getting to my feet and back on guard, watching the bombs closely for signs of movement. Tidus came in and slashed at the Guado, Kimahri cast another Demi as the Guado Guard cast NulBlaze and Reflect. The tactical situation was coming under control. The Guado hit Tidus with Blizzaga while the Ronso cast one last Demi, bringing the bombs into the range of the blitzballer's damage. A final attack by Tidus disposed of the Guado. I was feeling the effects of the bomb's attacks, and I moved him back and Rikku up to heal me while I kept up my guard. I sent Kimahri back and called up Wakka to go to work on the fliers. He staggered one as I sent Rikku back and called Kimahri in again. "Kimahri, Lancet that one!"

The Ronso's lancet finished the first bomb even as it replenished some of his expended magic energy. Demi was a useful spell, but carried a heavy price. Wakka's next shot took out the second bomb, and I had Kimahri Lancet the last before the blitzballer completed the job.

A nice exercise in tactics.

I wonder if that's what the Guado are calling it too.

**Rikku's Diary:**

This is terrible! They're destroying Home, just to get to the summoners. That's what Dad said, anyway. I run into the D-ring and the man is right behind me, the others following. Smoke is filling the air, more than the scrubbers can handle. Are those bodies, more bodies? Don't look at them! Just don't look at them! I'm running past shapes on the ground—just shapes. I turn and run through a cross-corridor then down a hall into the C Ring.

--"This bites!"-- I hear my father's voice say over the public talker. --"Rikku! You read me? You go under, too! I'm leveling Home! And the fiends with it!"--

Oh no!

"What'd he say?" Wakka shouted at me.

"We have to get underground," I told them, running to the nearest stairs.

"Where's Yuna?" Auron asked from behind me.

I turned and said, "The Summoner's Sanctum! This way!"

I saw his eye widen, and then he was swinging his sword right at me, shouting, "Down!"

I threw myself flat and his sword smashed into a dual-horn right over my head! It was knocked into the wall, but another one came up the stairs, with a Guado right behind it.

"Tidus! Wakka! You're with me!" the man shouted, leaping right over me, landing between me and the fiends. "Rikku," he asked softly over his shoulder, "Are you all right?"

"Uh, yes, Auron."

"Thank the Lord..." I almost didn't hear him whisper...I don't think I was supposed to hear him whisper. "Tidus, target the Guado! Wakka, dark-attack the dual-horns!" As I got to my feet they got into a rhythm, and the battle was never in any doubt. They took out the Guado, Auron guarded from the fiend attacks, throwing himself in between them and us again and again, but not getting too hurt because Wakka kept the dual-horns blinded, and then they just whittled them down while I healed and stole a little.

"Rikku," the man said afterwards, "Yuna!"

Right. Yuna!

"Over here!" I said, leading them down the steps toward B Ring. We reached the main B Ring intersection, the sanctum was to the left, but...

"Auron..." I said, slowing.

"Which way?"

"Auron, listen..."

They were all looking at me, waiting. "Auron, my room is close, and my sphere collection is there—"

"Ah MAN! Sir Auron, ya gonna listen to her? We gotta get Yuna, ya?"

"No, Auron, it's important! I have some really rare spheres! They could really help us!"

"Sir Auron, maybe we could just go pick them up," Lulu said.

"Auron, no! We gotta find Yuna!"

"Auron," I said, ignoring Tidus, ignoring all the others, looking straight at him, "Please...trust me!"

Give him this. The man doesn't hesitate.

"Hurry."

I turned and ran down the right side corridor, with them following.

"Aw man, we shouldn't be doin' this!"

"Argue later."

I skidded to a stop outside my door, my own little door, keyed it open and ran inside.

**Auron:**

The girl opened the door and ran in, then leaped back out. She was wide-eyed and staring, but retained the self control to report clearly.

"Guado," she gasped. "Two chimera!"

Formidable. "Kimahri, Rikku! With me!" The Ronso rushed into the room before I did, and the girl nodded weakly and followed me in. The Guado cast Fira on Kimahri as we entered, and I knew the fiends would follow its lead, concentrating on the Ronso. "Rikku, be ready to heal!"

These were strong and unusual fiends, with three heads and a snake's tail, each using a different attack. I would be unable to guard the others from their magical attacks. So... "Kimahri! Death! On a chimera!"

They seemed a little surprised, but the Ronso didn't hesitate. He cast the powerful spell, whose only drawbacks were its energy cost and the fact that it sometimes missed.

It didn't miss. A specter of death appeared and stabbed the nearer fiend, transforming it to a mass of pyreflies, while the lion's head of the remaining chimera generated a Megiddo fireball and threw it at the Ronso. I rushed in to strike the Guado Guard while ordering Rikku to heal Kimahri, and the Guado in turn cast Fira on him.

I sent Rikku in to steal whatever the chimera might have, while its snake tail cast Thundara at the Ronso. If I recalled the sequence properly from my lessons...why guess?

"Rikku! What attack is next?"

"It's gonna charge!"

Right. I assumed guard stance, ready to intercept it. While the Guado again Firaed Kimahri, and Rikku used a hi potion on him. "Kimahri! Death the other chimera!"

The Ronso cast the spell, the specter appeared, and stabbed at the fiend. And missed.

Well, that's why I was on guard. The Guado Firaed Kimahri, and the chimera bull head roared, and I threw myself between the fiend and the Ronso. "Ughn!"

Rikku opened an Al Bhed potion, something she hadn't been able to show any of us the trick for. I felt an immediate relief and the Ronso looked better as the healing mist settled over us. Kimahri cast Death again, and this time it didn't miss. I had him lancet the Guado, then I rushed in to smash him to the ground. I raised my sword to finish him, but Rikku threw herself on top of him, slashing at his face with her claw.

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM! GET OUT OF MY HOME! GET OUT! GET OUT!" she screamed over and over, tearing at the Guado soldier's face.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I couldn't see...I couldn't think...I didn't want to think! I just wanted to tear his face off! They're killing my family, they're destroying my home, and now they're in my room! My ROOM! This is MY place. They've got NO RIGHT! And I'm slashing at him! I'm slashing at his eyes, and I CAN"T REACH HIM! I'm flailing with my arms and legs and WHY CAN'T I REACH HIM?

"Rikku! RIKKU!" It's Auron! Auron's holding me back!

"LET GO!" I scream! "IT'S MY ROOM!" and I slash at Auron's hand.

He grabs my face in his hands and pulls me an inch away from his. "RIKKU!" he roars, "STOP IT!"

**Auron:**

"Rikku!" I yell at her, "This is not a fiend! This is a person!" She's stopped struggling. She's listening to me, her eyes wide and angry.

"He attacked us!" she shouts at me through her tears.

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM, RIKKU! I CARE ABOUT YOU!"

Her strength seems to leave her all at once—just runs out of her. I take her by the arms. Her lips are trembling. She's shivering, and if I wasn't holding her up she would fall. She and Tidus and I are alone in the room with the Guado. I've sent the others out. The air is harsh with smoke as I lower us both slowly to our knees.

"Rikku," I say to her, "You have never killed another person, Rikku, only fiends. Listen to me, Rikku. Listen. It is a profound thing to kill another person, any person. No matter how right the cause, no matter how just, to take a life...it leaves a stain on your soul, Rikku. And it is something that you can never, ever take back."

I'm whispering to her now, and I can't see anything but exhaustion in her face, but she's listening to me. The boy is backed against the wall, watching wide-eyed.

"I don't care about this Guado, Rikku, but I care about you, and you are at a crossroads. This is not about him, it's about you and who you are going to be. Rikku, if you choose to take this Guado's life, then I will try to help you live with that decision. But, Rikku, it will be a decision. I will not let you kill this Guado in a fit of rage, without thinking, on an impulse."

I slowly release her, and lean back, and she slumps, huddled into herself, and we stare at one another, knees almost touching, while small fires throw odd shadows across the room.

"There. Now if you want to execute him, no one will stop you. Look in his eyes, Rikku, and choose.

"Who will you be?"

But she doesn't look into his eyes. She looks into mine. I don't know what she sees, but in her sad eyes I see the dark recede, a little. I see life start to return. I see the slow rebirth of hope in her green Al Bhed eyes, before she throws herself forward into my arms, sobbing, and I hug her shuddering body tight, whispering that it's all right, it'll be all right.

I hold her for a few moments, as long as we can spare, then pull both of us to our feet and I hand her to Tidus, nodding toward the door. I stand and look around the room as they go.

This was her room. She grew up here. That was her bed. I think the covers were yellow once. There's a poster on the wall—the Al Bhed blitzball team. There's a table, with a mirror, and...

I step closer. Photographs, around the edges of the mirror. I reach out and take one. Braska. And this one, Yuna, perhaps six or seven years old. Here's little Rikku with other Al Bhed children. And this one must be her mother.

I think they're far enough down the hall, and I turn to the semi-conscious Guado to do what has to be done.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yeah, Rikku, I think to myself, wiping the tears from my face. That was...intense. We're following the others back to the B Ring intersection, and I feel physically worn out, like I could barely put one foot in front of the other if Tidus weren't helping me. Back there, in my room, I really wanted to... I really would have... And what about tomorrow? What would I have thought tomorrow? Who would I have seen looking back at me from the mirror tomorrow? Rikku? Or just some soul-stained killer, someone who's taken a life? I wanted to kill him, I still want to kill him, but what the man said...there are no do-overs if I change my mind. I look back to tell Auron...I don't know...

Something.

"Auron..."

He isn't behind us. Where is he? Still in—"

"AURON!" I cry! "AURON! NO!"

I tear myself away from Tidus and race back into the room. He's kneeling, one hand clenched in the Guado's hair, the other about to pull a knife I've never seen before across his throat.

"Auron," I plead softly, "Auron, don't do it...please don't do it." Tidus is behind me in the doorway, the others in the hall. I'm barely able to stand.

He looks up at me. "Rikku," he says in a gentle voice, "It has to be done. But I didn't want you to do it."

"Auron," I fall back against the wall and slide slowly to the floor, and I hug my knees and start to shake. "Auron, it'll stain your soul."

"My soul has many stains," he answers, knife in his hand. "You...should go."

"Auron, please don't..." I whisper, tears in my eyes, tears in my voice, in my heart, in my soul. "Do you want me to beg?"

"...Rikku,"

"Auron," Tidus said in a shaky voice, "You told me, if there's a question, if there's even a chance to be merciful, then choose mercy. Remember when you said that to me? Auron, don't do it. Just...let him live."

**Auron:**

When did this happen? The boy I understand, but when did the girl start to care about me so? There was a crush, I know that. But I don't see a crush now in her tired eyes. I see a desperate concern. For me. In the middle of this, of this attack on her home, she worries about me.

I am no criminal, and I believe the laws of war allow summary execution in this case. But...

But they want me to let this Guado live. Not for him. For my soul. Too late, but... Once, there was a moment—a choice—for Tidus too. I told him then, if it's close enough to question, then choose mercy. I don't care about this Guado. But I care about the two of them.

I break both of his arms, and one of his legs, crush the bones of his right hand, and let him live.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was going to kill that Guado without even thinking, because I was angry. He didn't let me. He saved me. He was going to kill the Guado because he thought one more stain on his soul didn't matter. We stopped him. Maybe we didn't exactly save him. Maybe you can't save someone like Auron all at once, but it feels like Tidus and I made a start today.

It'd be nice if one good thing happened today.

**Auron:**

We headed back to the intersection, down the left-hand path and through a doorway. We were on a landing, with stairs leading down. The alarm was constant in our ears. There was smoke and fire, and the ground was shaking a little.

"This place done for," the blitzballer said. He didn't seem pleased.

"You're right," the girl said sadly, not looking up. "You're right, Wakka. We Al Bhed, we...we weren't always like this. Sin destroyed the island where we all used to live. After that, we were scattered to every corner of Spira. But then, my Dad brought the Al Bhed together again. If we put our minds to it, and worked together, then we could make a new home."

I could see the blitzballer listening to her. Perhaps really seeing her for the first time since he found out what she was. This is his story too. For him it is a challenge to the beliefs that he has never thought to question. On this journey he has seemed reluctant—but ultimately willing—to accept that the world might not be what he thought. Both his faith and his spirit were going to be greatly tested in the future.

I watched the blitzballer closely, because I didn't want to see the girl's pain.

"Everyone worked hard," she said. "We had our Home back again... But now... Why did things have to turn out this way?"

"Rikku..." he said, and she turned, and then she was crying into his shoulder as he held her. "Damn those Guado! What were they thinking?"

I believe I no longer need worry about Wakka's prejudices weakening the party.

We still had to reach Yuna. Even if Home was being destroyed. Even if her home was being destroyed. I started down the steps, past another torn body, and the others joined me. The girl rushed ahead to the next landing, then stopped, huddled, face down, miserable.

"Rikku," the black mage asked her, "What is the Summoner's Sanctum?"

**Rikku's Diary:**

It's the place we keep the summoners, Lulu. The cage where we put them because we just weren't smart enough to figure out any other way to...

"The Summoner's Sanctum is where we keep the summoners," I tell her...them..., not looking at them. "We keep them safe there."

"You kidnap them," Wakka said softly.

I nod, miserably, and turn. "I know it's against the teachings and all that..."

"I get why you did it, but..."

"Well, I sure don't get it Wakka," Tidus said.

**Auron:**

Of course you don't, boy. My fault. The girl could have told you. She thought she should. I told her not to. I could have told you, but I didn't. All for this. All for this day.

"If guardians do their job well, summoners will be safe," he said.

"Right?"

What was there to say?

"Right?"

The Ronso turned away and walked down the steps. After a moment the blitzballer and the mage followed. I walked after them, leaving the girl and boy behind.

* * *

**Auron:**

YUNA ISN'T HERE.

I look around the chamber, filled with smoke and fire. The girl... Rikku is kneeling, sobbing in front of another body. There are many bodies. She has many tears. There are summoners here—that woman Dona, and Isaaru, that we met in Djose, and a few others, but not Yuna. Not Braska's daughter.

While the summoners perform the sending for the fallen, while the mage and the blitzballer look on, while Rikku weeps, and the Al Bhed home dies over our heads, the youngest guardian, Pacce, runs up to Tidus.

"Hey, what's sacrificed?"

And the tissue of half-lies and truths-unsaid that was so delicately woven around the boy begins to come apart.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"You know, don't you?" I ask through my tears.

He...he really didn't. Auron told me but... How could she? How could Yuna spend all those weeks with him, and I SAW her start to fall in love with him, and how could she not tell him? Didn't she CARE?

"With the Final Aeon, she can beat Sin...but then..."

Why didn't she tell him? Why didn't he tell him! Someone's gotta tell him! Someone has to tell him the whole sick story, a Spira bedtime story, let me tuck you in and then I'll tell you about Ohalland and Yocun and maybe one day you can grow up and kill yourself for all the rest of us, just like they did.

"If she calls it, then the Final Aeon's gonna kill her. Even if she defeats Sin, it will kill Yunie too, you know?"

**Auron:**

I silently watch it unfold.

I see her fall to her knees, chest heaving, head hanging down, desperately, wildly miserable, as only the young can be. Her heart is breaking today, over and over again. She was our happy clown. Did they even see how hard she worked to cheer the rest of us up, how much effort she put into being carefree? I'm sorry it hurt her so much to say it, sorry I added that much to her pain. It should have been me. It would have been me, later.

And I see him, a look just beginning to form in his eyes. He stands there now, turning one way, then another, not knowing where to look, not wanting to believe what he's heard. He's lashing out at those around him, falling to his knees, beating the ground. Go ahead and rage, boy. I wanted this. I wanted you to care more about Yuna so you would hurt more. So pain and horror would pour from your soul in a flood, and wash over her, over all of them. Wash away their illusions.

I wanted them to see Spira through your eyes.

Except that Yuna isn't here.

She was supposed to be here, here in this room that large as it is still seems too small for all the death and sorrow that fill it. She was supposed to be here to see the truth of her pilgrimage reflected in your eyes—not the light and the hope of Spira, not heroic, not noble, not honorable, not poetry. Just murder.

Just one young girl, murdered by the whole world.

And she isn't even here to see it.

There are many stains on my soul.

"Lulu! How could you?" he cried in anguish. He rages at the mage and blitzballer, and they offer their little excuses.

"That's just totally wrong!" the girl said through her tears, looking up from the floor, "Summoners shouldn't have to sacrifice themselves...just so the rest of Spira can be happy, right?"

"But that is our choice," Isaaru said, walking up to them.

A little song runs though my head.

Besaid Djose Kilika,

Bevelle Macalania...

Your choice, summoner? Is it really? When all you've been told from childhood is that true heroes always sacrifice themselves? That we caused Sin because we don't love Yevon enough? That giving your life to defeat Sin is the finest thing that anyone can do for Spira and for our god?

When a seventeen year old girl decides to kill herself and people cheer?

Images of fiends play in the pyreflies. Images of aeons. Do I see Braska and Jecht shaking their heads sadly from the corner of my eye? Summoners and guardians. Guardians and summoners. The light and the hope of Spira.

"I can't let her die!" the boy yells. "I'll find her!"

It's time to leave.

We need to find Yuna.

* * *

**Auron:**

I thought the Al Bhed were nothing special as a people, until I saw the Al Bhed Home. Now I know they are a people to be reckoned with. For many years I thought the growing Church obsession with the Al Bhed was irrational. But perhaps Mika is right to worry about a people who could bring something like Home out of the desert. Deserts breed tough people.

But...as we run from the dying Al Bhed home, I'm not thinking of great metal cities rising from the sands. I'm not thinking of pain, or of death, or of tears. Oddly, I'm thinking of flowers.

Flowers that grow in deserts.

Small, and beautiful, and strong.

**Next: To Sail the High Places**


	18. To Sail the High Places

You know, the game still has little bits and corners that surprise me? I never used overdrives much when I was playing. It never seemed worth the trouble. Well, I'm writing a combat scene now and I really needed Auron to kick it, so I went ahead and gathered all the jecht spheres and then found some monsters and used tornado, and got the sequence right. HOW COOL WAS THAT ATTACK! Best looking attack in the GAME!

Anyway. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

What is a story?

Sometimes just a simple tale told to entertain, or to inform, or to pass the time.

But a man's own story is something more. It's made of the important things in his life, rendering all of his days and years and everything that he is into just a few evocative words.

Stories have an enormous potential to change the human condition. The very greatest stories can turn the tides of history. I'm sure if you try you can think of some stories, some lives, that have done that.

Spira's story is Yevon, Sin, and the summoners.

I have to change that story.

I need a story to put in its place.

* * *

**To Sail the High Places**

**

* * *

**

**Auron:**

The girl led us...

Rikku, Auron. Her name is Rikku.

Tears in her eyes, Rikku led us from the Summoner's Sanctum, led us through dark, smoky tunnels, and out into a huge underground workshop. Then my perspective shifted, and I saw...no, not a workshop—a hanger! It was a vast airship! I stopped for a moment and stared. Its lines spoke of speed and enormous power—it rivaled anything I ever saw in Zanarkand, far larger than the ZDF defense cutters, with their five-man crews, or even the passenger carriers that constantly moved from one part of the city to another. Where could they have found it? Surely it cannot fly.

"Sir Auron?"

The black mage called me back to reality. The girl...Rikku...was leading the party—summoners and guardians and a few stray Al Bhed—over a long catwalk, and then up a narrow set of steps and into the ship. The mage waited as I hurried to join them.

When we entered the hatch, Al Bhed crew took charge of the summoners and refuges. Tidus and the mage, the blitzballer, the Ronso and I continued to follow Rikku through a confusing twist of corridors and passageways.

"Rikku," the mage asked, "Where are we going?"

"The bridge," she answered, softly.

"Whoa, hey! There's a bridge down here underground? Can't be no river, ya?"

"It's not that kind of bridge, Wakka. Wait, you'll see," she said, turning another corner.

Tidus was silent, following without speaking. He hadn't spoken since we left the Sanctum. In that room full of smoke and blood and pain and death, he had finally learned the truth about Yuna's pilgrimage, and the price that summoners pay to bring the Calm to Spira—part of the truth. He was soul sick. He was in pain.

Just the way you planned it, Auron. A tactical masterpiece, Auron. Here's a medal for you, Auron—most pain caused to young people for no damn reason.

Yuna wasn't even there to see it.

It happens. Pick up the pieces, Auron. What else can you do? Cut your losses, find Yuna, and get The Plan back on track. Sorry Tidus, sorry Rikku. Just something I wanted to try. Collateral damage. Just one of those things.

We turned down one last short corridor, and a door...a hatch...opened and we stepped onto the bridge. I closed my eye and took a long breath, and realized what I had been thinking all along. It smelled like Zanarkand. I was suddenly struck by an intense pang of homesickness for the great city. Funny. Sometimes there, I was homesick for Spira.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We got to the bridge. No one tried to stop us. Pop and Brother and one of my cousins was there, pounding consoles, flipping switches, and trying to prep the airship. Tidus ran in asking where Yuna was. He even picked Dad up and held him against the wall.

Dad just looked down at him, and asked, "What'll you do when you find her, eh?"

**Auron:**

I don't really know if the boy was threatening Cid, or apologizing to him. I don't think he knew. He was still in shock, still heartsick, still in pain, and not thinking clearly. Either way, the Al Bhed leader wasn't impressed.

"You're all the same," Cid roared, throwing him to the deck. "Let the summoner die so we can live in peace!"

"No!" Tidus yelled up at him, "I'm not gonna let Yuna die!"

I close my eye. I want to make that same promise, but I can't. There's more at stake here than even the life of Braska's daughter. I can do what I can, but on that day to come in Zanarkand it must be a real choice that Yuna makes. It's their story, his and hers. It must be their true story, or everything is meaningless. I can prod, and push, and bully, and keep secrets, but I can not make their decisions for them.

If Yuna decides to die...

...if that is how her true story ends...

...then I can still use that story to finish this war on Spira.

That's more important than one teenaged girl's life, isn't it, Auron?

Auron?

**Rikku's Diary:**

I love machina. I'm a great mechanic...I really am. I love to tear things apart and put them back together again good as new, or even better. Dad has a picture of me when I was twelve working on my dirt bike, smiling at the camera with a wrench in my hand and a smudge of grease on my nose.

I guess it's probably back at Home.

So, I love machina. I loved this ship ever since the first time I saw it in the waters off Baaj. I dreamed about the day that it would fly for the first time. Literally dreamed about it. There would be fireworks and food and music and games and prizes—Dad isn't much for speeches—and all the Al Bhed there that day would be so proud of what we had accomplished. And we'd all hold our breaths when the airship rose into the sky, looking up and shading our eyes with our hands.

It was going to be one of the best days of my life, one of the days you just hold onto tight, and when bad things happen you pull that day out again and remember it and know that life can be good.

--"Father! Ready to go!"--

--"Yeehaa! A flight 1000 years overdue!"--

But this is Spira.

**Auron:**

The ship shuddered under us, and through the ports I saw sand and sunlight pouring down. Enormous blast doors were sliding open above us.

And the great ship lifts into the sky.

**Rikku's Diary:**

--"Whoa! It moves!"-- my brother said.

--"Risk big, win big!"-- Dad answered him.

The Al Bhed motto.

**Auron:**

When the crew began to sing the Hymn of the Fayth, I turned to look at Rikku. On this day I had seen her sobbing with grief. I had seen her insane with heartache. But what I saw in her face at that moment was the bone-tired, quiet sadness of despair.

"What's goin' on?" the blitzballer asked.

So many ways to be unhappy.

"We're...we're going to blow up our Home," she answered quietly.

So many ways to hurt.

I didn't feel like watching anymore, didn't want to see her face when it happened. I turned away and drifted to an unused station. I idly called up what unclassified data I could on the ship's armaments.

Missile broadsides. Specifically, All-purpose Missile (Air) Killer v12/13 (APMAK 12/13) missiles. Good old Troykill, I thought. Still in there dealing death and destruction even a thousand years after they're gone. There were a dozen smaller defense firms in Zanarkand, but Troykill's only real competition was Albok Arms. Troykill concentrated on physical systems, while Albok controlled the magic arms market.

Behind me, Cid gave some sort of order, --"Ready? Fire!"-- and I felt the deck tremble underneath my feet. On the screens I could see a full broadside of missiles pour from the ship and speed toward the Al Bhed Home.

Don't look at her face, Auron. Don't look in her eyes. Watch the screens, and all the pretty missiles.

They struck, and a huge fireball erupted where the Al Bhed Home had stood, the blast wave exploding out, catching up to us. That wasn't just a blast wave—it was an overpressure wave, engulfing the airship, rocking us from side to side before it began to recede and we shot out into clear sky once more.

Total destruction.

Even a broadside of APMAKs didn't do all of that. They must have breached the reactor core, or holed the boiler of the giant steam engine, or hit whatever it was they used to power that place.

"Gah-hah-hah-hah-hah!" Cid was laughing. --"Return to sand!"--

He said something about sand.

I was sick of the whole business, and I turned and left the bridge. As the hatch was closing behind me, I heard the blitzballer trying to comfort Rikku in his clumsy way. I value his effort. There is worth in trying.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, so...no more Home.

I guess it's like Dad said. It's just machina. It can be rebuilt.

It's just machina. And my memories. But I keep those inside, right?

I'm okay. I'm fine. Really.

Just a little tired.

* * *

**Auron:**

I spent a few hours exploring this marvelous airship. I lost myself, I forgot my war, the girl's sadness, the boy's pain, lost in the wonder of this incredible vessel. It truly was vast. Even the large numbers of Al Bhed refugees didn't really crowd it. There were lounges and staterooms, crew quarters and cargo holds. I found a porthole and just stared out, for I don't know how long.

A ship that sails the high places.

I have always loved the high places.

I finally left the view, and returned to wandering the seemingly endless compartments and corridors of the airship, and I eventually met Tidus, restlessly roaming the passageways, trying to burn off his nervous energy.

"They're using some sphere thing they don't even understand to try to find Yuna," he told me, frowning as we came to a dead end and had to turn back.

"It could work," I said. "The people who built this ship were very advanced."

"What if it doesn't?"

"Then we will find Yuna another way. We will find her, Tidus."

If I have to appeal to Jecht, or to Braska, we will find her.

"Yeah," he breathed, looking down.

We made our way gradually upwards, and eventually came to a large compartment lined with windows. We circled the cabin slowly, mingling with the Al Bhed refugees, looking out at the sky, and the sea far below.

"How's Rikku?" I asked him.

"She says she's fine. But...I don't know."

"Yeah..."

Here and there someone in the crowded cabin showed energy and life, busy with some task. Many more sat apathetic. In the faces of the Al Bhed we passed I saw shock, and fear, and anger, but mostly a kind of weary surrender to fate. It was the face of war, and I had seen it many times before. They sat silently clutching their belongings, while a vigorous few mustered the energy to look out the windows. In time, many of them would recover their spirits. But not all.

We walked without speaking for a few minutes, then Tidus just slowed, and stopped. He stood for a moment, then his knees buckled and he sank to the floor, and buried his face in his hands, while curious Al Bhed passersby looked on.

His muffled voice was barely a whisper.

"All the things I said to her, about what we would do after we defeated Sin...and she never told me. None of them ever told me. Auron...why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly.

You've been waiting for the question. You've never lied to him. Tell him the truth, Auron.

The truth.

"I wanted you to hurt more."

He didn't say anything for a moment. Didn't look up. It didn't seem to surprise him, or anger him. He just sat there on the floor of the cabin while Al Bhed passed by on either side, and then he shook his head.

"So...why, Auron?"

"When we get to Zanarkand, then you'll know."

Still, he didn't look up. I could hear his ragged breathing. He might have been on the edge of tears. "You're asking a lot."

"I know."

"Okay," he said, simply.

"Tidus..." I didn't know what to say next.

"It's okay, Auron. It is. But...right now...would you just, please...go away? Please...?"

I put my hand on his shoulder, then turned and walked away, leaving him sitting alone in a crowd of Al Bhed.

* * *

**Auron:**

I returned to roaming the airship, and eventually found myself back near the bridge. And what did I see? An old acquaintance. The Al Bhed merchant was there.

"Ah, Sir Auron," he said. "We have been out of contact for a while. If only we knew you were on Bikanel. We have a backlog of notes for you and need your instructions on many things. Uh...what?

I had taken a small wooden dowel from my coat while he was speaking, and with it in my hand, I took him by the elbow and applied a slight pressure.

"Aaahhh..."

"Cid's daughter, Rin," I said to him. "Someone should have told me."

"It was—aah!—a private matter," he said.

"How many other private matters are there, Rin?"

"Sir A-aah-uron, I have known the girl all her life—"

He was interrupted when the girl herself erupted out of the bridge.

"Hey Rin! I need—oh!" she said, skidding to a stop in front of us. "Auron, uh...hi!" she smiled at me brightly.

"Rikku," I asked her, "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Really. I'm okay."

"All right," I let go of the merchant's elbow. "You stay, Rikku. Rin, we'll speak later."

"No, that's okay! I'll come back. Thanks anyway, Auron." And she flashed a tired grin at us and hurried away.

The merchant and I watched her run down the corridor and through the hatch, staring after her even then, as if we could see past the steel bulkheads, as if we could still see that twitchy little form racing down the passageways. She was always running, always full of energy and cheer.

"You've known her all her life?" I asked him quietly, still looking down the corridor where she had disappeared.

"Yes, Sir Auron."

"Tell me how she is, really."

"I cannot tell you that. She is a very open person in most ways, but there are parts of her life that she keeps hidden from other people. Even her family and closest friends."

I waited a moment, and then asked, "Is there anyone...is there anyone that she talks to? Anyone that she...confides in? Shares her pain with?"

"There is her brother, perhaps. But he is flying the airship. Her aunt. Some cousins. I think she confides in me more than anyone else. But, Sir Auron, I have seen her sad, but she has never let me see her cry. Not since she was eight years old."

I didn't know what to do. It's not good for young people to keep all of their pain inside, and in a few short hours this day had brought her a lifetime's worth of pain. When the sun rose this morning she was almost home, thinking about seeing her family and friends once more. Now it wasn't even noon and her Home was gone and so many of the people she loved were dead. If Yuna were here... But Yuna wasn't here.

I finally turned and looked at the merchant.

"Where's her cabin?"

* * *

**Auron:**

It wasn't far. I suppose it made sense for the Captain to be close to the bridge. Some Al Bhed actually tried to stop me entering the passageway. I left them doing pushups and counting at the top of their lungs. I found her door—labeled simply Rikku, one of the few words of Al Bhed I was sure of—and knocked. I heard her cheerful, happy voice answer, "Busy! Come back later, please!"

I'm no thief, nor am I a priest-assassin, but Braska taught me a few things, and it only took me a few moments to open the lock.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was sitting on my bed—

—huh, my bed...a bunk with covers...they were brown...they were dark brown...ugh—

--so I was sitting on my bed when whoever-it-was knocked on my door. I told them to go away, but I guess I forgot to lock it because whoever-it-was just came right in. I swiped at my eyes and looked up, ready to tear their face off, except I don't think I could have. It was Auron.

"Hey!" I tell him, angry at him, "I coulda been naked in here!"

"You aren't naked."

"That's not the point!" I yell. "I can be naked in my room if I want! It's MY room! Mine! You can't come in here...no one..." I'm having trouble catching my breath, "...no one...can just come into...my room and...and start..." my chest is heaving, and I feel like I'm going to throw up, "...killing people...killing my...family..."

Suddenly tears are running down my face and WHY DO I CRY SO MUCH IN FRONT OF HIM! I don't cry in front of ANYBODY, and it's like I've been crying in front of him since the day we met!

I don't want to see him, I don't want to see anyone, I just want...

I curled up into a ball, just pulled my knees up to my chin and buried my face in my arms, and said, "Get out...just go away, Auron..."

"I will. I only came to bring you these."

I don't want anything but to be alone, in my old room back at Home, but I looked up. "What...?"

He was holding out...it was a little hard to see, my vision was blurry...what was it he had...?

In his hand...pictures.

I reached out and took them—carefully—like they might crumble into dust and blow away, and I looked at them. Uncle Braska. Yunie. Dad and Uncle Ferric. Me and Brother and Keyakku and Mopey when we were kids.

Mom.

My pictures. From my room.

And I start to cry...really cry, like my heart is breaking, like all of me is breaking, right there on my bed in that crappy little cabin. Not quiet, girly crying like Yuna would, or a single perfect tear like I bet Lulu would. My whole body was heaving with gut wrenching sobs, and loads of snot and tears are running down my face, and I'm rocking back and forth, hugging myself, and hiccupping. That's how I cry, really cry, and it's not pretty at all. I'm crying because my Home, and my own little room—my real room, not this pathetic little brown CUBE—are gone, and because Keyakku's dead, and Uncle Ferric, who was getting better after Mi'ihen, and all the others are dead, and all our sad little dreams of a home for the Al Bhed are dead too. I'm crying because it's Spira, and it's never ever going to get better, cause that's what Spira means!

And he's holding me tight. Just holding my shaking, sobbing, wretched, miserable, shuddering body tight, as I cry my tears and snot and grief into his shoulder. This isn't me, I want to tell him. I'm not the Rikku from the Thunder Plains, not the Rikku who tried to kill that Guado! I'm happy Rikku, cheerful Rikku, I'm it'll-be-better-tomorrow Rikku, telling jokes and making up little games. This is some other Al Bhed girl crying and getting mucus all over his coat (but that's okay cause it's self cleaning) crying because her room is gone, her Home is gone, her hope is gone.

I wanted to tell him, and maybe I did, cause I think I maybe heard him say softly, "Rikku, you are strong. You are strong enough to hope."

**Auron:**

I held the crying girl in my arms.

We never do this for the new recruits, the young ones after their first combat, when they've lost friends for the first time. Soldiers have to be strong. Soldiers can't show weakness, can't show emotion. We never hold them when they're hurt and the healer's dead, when it's too late for potions and their lives are pouring onto the earth, spilling out in the dirt, and they cry for their mother and their mother isn't there. We don't hold them as hard as we can so their last few moments aren't so terribly alone, so they know it matters, that someone cares. Do you feel me! I'm here! I care! I won't forget you!

We're too proud for that.

Is that what you think?

You don't know soldiers.

I held the sobbing girl in my arms for the second time today. She cries with all her heart. She does everything with all her heart. She's so young, but so brave. Like the cadets that I've trained over the years, ready to go out and face their worst fears, ready to be hurt, and to lose friends, and go out again.

Do you feel me, Rikku? I'm here! I care!

And I realized that I do care. In just the short time that I've known her I've come to care for this youngest guardian, this smallest soldier, perhaps more than anyone else on Spira except for Tidus.

Rikku and Tidus.

As her sobs grew quieter, and her uncontrollable shaking became trembling, and then shivering, I thought perhaps...if some things work out as I hope, but others don't...then, when all of this is over...when I am...after I am...

If Tidus is here, but Yuna isn't, then maybe...Tidus and Rikku...

I would like that.

Idle thoughts...idle hopes...for a future I won't see.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

After I had stopped crying, I gave Auron a real earful about barging into a woman's bedroom without permission, and he apologized, and I washed my face real quick and we went back to the bridge to check on the search.

Really. Correspondence course in manners. Think about it.

Before we left, I said, "Auron, thank you for saving my pictures," and pulled down his cowl and kissed him on the cheek. I think it really surprised him, but he didn't say anything.

When we got to the bridge they were still looking for Yuna. Pop and Auron didn't really get on together as well as I'd hoped. Auron went up to him to talk about Yuna, but Pop beat him to the punch. He wanted to talk about me.

"And while you're sloping off all over the whole world, fighting Guado, killing maesters, getting hijacked by Sin, who's keepin' my little girl safe, huh? Tell me that!"

"Rikku is a guardian. People do not become guardians to be safe. Guardians are called to keep others safe, to keep Yuna safe."

"Safe all the way to Zanarkand, right? So she can die like all the other summoners. No chance! Not my niece and not my daughter. Rikku is staying right here."

Hey! Rikku is standing right here!

"If that is her decision."

Damn skippy! Just try to keep me aboard this tub! Uh, if I want to get off, that is. So I'm leaning up against an unused crew station listening to all of this. You, know, it's just bad manners to talk about someone like they're not even there. Rikku Says, correspondence courses all around. (We even had to step over some red-faced guys doing pushups in the middle of a passageway. That can't be proper shipboard etiquette.)

"I'm the captain, I make the decisions on this ship."

"Yo, Pop!" Time to get into this. I pushed myself off the consol and walked over to them. "Speaking as the Rikku involved here, let me say three things. First, you thought I was old enough to send to the Moonflow to kidnap Yunie—snatch, I mean."

"Yeah, and how did that go?" he asked, as Auron moved away a little.

"Never mind. Second, staying at Home really doesn't look like it was so much safer than fighting Seymour."

"Yeah, maybe," he crossed his arms. "But where they're going, it just keeps getting more dangerous."

"Okay, that's valid. Which brings me to my third point."

I stepped right up to him and put my hands on his arms. "Yunie. When she gets to Zanarkand, maybe I can talk her out of it, convince her not to do it. Or maybe I can even think of another way."

I saw his face soften a little.

"Someone oughta at least be there to try," I added.

"She has the heart of a true guardian," Auron put in.

"OH YEAH!" Dad roared at him. "And do you know how big that little heart is? How soft? How easy to hurt? While she's guarding my niece who's going to be guarding her! Tell me that, and don't give me any bull about guardians not being safe!"

Dad, he's already saved me!

That's what I wanted to say. He's saved me again and again—on the Thunder Plains, and after the fight with that Guado—but the words won't come, and now Auron's getting angry. Well, not angry. Now I think about it, I've never seen Auron angry. Mostly he's irritated a lot. He looked really irritated with Dad. He opened his mouth, then closed it, and I saw him take a breath, then lean over and say—

Hey! No fair! I can't hear! He just kept leaning over and said something into Pop's ear!

Wonder what?

Pop's face changes a little, like...I don't know. Like he just bit into a lemon when he thought he was eating eggs? Kind of unexpected, you know? Pop doesn't get afraid of people. He stood up to the whole Yevon Church. He's not scared of Auron. But it's like...

Like...

Oh.

It's like he suddenly realizes he maybe needs to be kinda careful, cause he didn't know he was standing on the edge of a tall, tall cliff.

"And after rescuing Yuna, then what?" Auron went on and asked him as Tidus came running in. I hadn't seen much of Tidus today, really we hadn't talked since he found out about Yuna and Zanarkand. I remember he asked me if I was all right. I wonder if he and Auron have talked. Maybe not, cause when he came onto the bridge, Auron left.

" Father! " my brother cried, " We found Yuna! "

They actually found her! She's in Bevelle! She...looks like she's getting married...to Seymour?

Uuhh, dead maester...

* * *

**Auron:**

Bevelle. Inevitable, I suppose. I knew I would have to return there one day, but I thought I would have more time to prepare. (Auron, why do you always think there'll be more time?) I should have laid firm plans months ago for returning to the city.

Now I'll be forced to...improvise.

In the meantime, some of the Guado Guard evidently snuck onto the airship, and were releasing fiends. It was annoying to track them down. They posed no real challenge. But I think the battles, as tactically uninteresting as they were, helped to settle the nerves of the young people, especially Rikku and Tidus, but also the mage and the blitzballer. The scene in the Summoner's Sanctum had been emotionally draining on them as well. Even my brother-in-honor probably welcomed the distraction from worrying about Yuna. Hard physical activity is often the best remedy for emotional distress. I saw some return of enthusiasm in all of them. It was a welcome sight. After the "battles" we all went our own way to prepare for the assault on Bevelle. My weapons and armor are always prepared, and seeing to them was no effort at all.

I spent the next morning going over the pile of notes from the Luca group while I was waiting for the others in the lounge where we arraigned to meet. I was jotting down instructions, questions, and advice as I read. Sin still hadn't attacked another settlement yet, but I knew it was only a matter of time. There was political intelligence on the Guado, the Ronso, the Al Bhed—yes, the Al Bhed—and the Church. The Hypello were keeping their heads down. The Crusaders were a spent force, and would be for years to come, and I'm not sure I would like their look when they were rebuilt. Too many monks in the ranks.

What else? A summoner party dissolved on the Thunder Plains when their summoner was killed. At least five summoner parties missing in whole or in part. Well, they were in the Sanctum, although the news hadn't caught up to the Luca Group yet. Except, come to think of it, Rin must have known, and never passed on the information. Another "private" matter. Let's see. Of seventeen summoner parties known to have set out on pilgrimage when Braska's Calm ended, five were missing and were now on this airship. Four were known lost, in whole or in part, one abandoned their journey, and one rejected by the aeons. Of the rest, one was last seen entering Macalania Woods, one was at the temple in Djose, one was in Luca (and having a pretty good time—they might end up abandoning their pilgrimage), one was on the seas, and one...dear lord, one was last seen entering the Omega Dungeon. Say goodbye. I noted with a quiet sigh that the summoner Ingrid's party was the one in Macalania Woods. (In my memory, a flash of red hair and freckles). Let me see, that's five and six, and one and one...hmm, sixteen. I've missed one somewhere. Or miscounted. I'm a tactician, not a mathematician. Four and five and two and...sixteen. All right, I didn't think it was really important, but...Four plus five is nine, plus two is eleven, plus five (Macalania, Luca, Djose, at sea, Omega) is sixteen. Not important, but it was bothering me. Where was the seventeenth...? Could it be important? Perhaps there's something about that seventeenth summoner. Perhaps I would ask Rin to check... Wait... Hang on... The seventeenth summoner...was...in Bevelle...getting married to-a-dead-maester-Auron-your-brain-has-turned-to-pudding.

I wasn't counting Yuna.

Oh well. I said it wasn't important. I went back to my notes—

Kilika rebuilding pretty much finished. The Calm Lands were...well, calm. Information about Seymour was finally starting to dribble in

—until the others started to drift into the lounge, and I put the notes aside. Tidus seemed almost back to his old self now that we actually knew where Yuna was and we were on our way. He was always happier when he was active. He seemed willing to put aside for now my knowledge of Yuna's fate in Zanarkand. Good enough...for now. The girl came in and smiled at me. She smiled at everyone, back to her old ways. The happy clown.

"Sir Auron...?" the black mage called quietly from the window. I turned and saw...

"Huh," I said, "Now there's a rare sight."

"Whoa," the boy said. "That's huge!"

"What is it?" the girl asked, wide-eyed.

Mighty Evrae, legendary guardian wyrm of St Bevelle.

* * *

**Auron:**

We ran from the lounge to confront mighty Evrae, but Rikku grabbed my coat with both hands as we hurried through the door.

"Wait! Auron!"

"Rikku...?"

"Come to my room, real quick!"

"Rikku, we have to be ready when—"

"Auron, please! Trust me!"

She ran off toward the bridge, and I followed, twisting and turning through the maze of corridors.

"Rikku, what—?"

"Wait-wait-wait! Almost there! Wait-wait! Here!" She ducked into her room. When I followed, she was on her knees pulling something from under her bed. It was a sword, almost as big as her.

"Rikku...?"

"Here, Auron," she smiled up at me, trying to lift it. "It's for you. I made it for you. Well, I got the sword from Rin, but then I worked on it all last night."

I took the sword from her hands, and held it. I closed my eye, and I felt...

"Rikku, what have you done? What have you made? This is superb! I feel...lighter...quicker..."

I looked at the girl. She sat on the edge of her bed, grinning from ear to ear, looking so proud of her work, proud of this magnificent blade I held in my hands. Once before, a lifetime before, I had a weapon like this. It never failed me. I failed it, at Starfall.

"I used the teleport spheres from Bikanel, remember?" she said. "From the sandragora nest. It's to help you evade attacks! All those times you leap between the fiends and us, so that...

"...so you won't be hurt," she finished quietly.

"Rikku, I... Thank you, Rikku."

She stood up and put her hands on her hips, and cocked her head to one side. "It's not a gift, Auron. It's to help you keep all our behinds safe! You know. Be an effective part of the team?"

"Oh. Of course," I said. "I should have realized."

"So, okay," she said, throwing an arm in the air, and bouncing on her feet. "What are we waiting for? Let's go-go-go! We've got a date with a worm!" And she ran out, and again I followed.

She was a blur of limbs dashing down the passage in front of me, blonde hair and blue jesses flying out behind. As I ran after her I found myself remembering my earlier conversation—my confrontation—with Cid on the bridge of this airship. I thought about the odd words that had passed between us.

Who's going to keep Rikku safe, he asked me. I couldn't make the man understand that we will all watch out for one another, but guardians are called to keep others safe, not themselves. I take a breath, and lean over to make this point one more time, and murmur just loud enough for him to hear, "I will slit ten thousand throats to keep Rikku safe."

Now that can't be right.

That can't be what I meant to say.

**Next: Fallen Legends**


	19. Fallen Legends

All righty. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) It's all about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-.

You know, I had stuff to say, but I can't remember any of it now. Oh yeah. Avelera mentioned anon reviews. I told her I had no idea how to do that, but I played around and now they're enabled. Don't really expect any, though. Oh yeah again, found one more thing the editor drops--percentage signs.

Uh... Wear your seatbelts.

Guess that's it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

When I was a young boy in Bevelle, training to be a warrior monk, there were men I respected—instructors, veterans, commanders—and I showed a due deference to the officers of the Church. But if that boy had a hero, one who was everything that he wanted to be, it was the legendary guardian of St Bevelle—Evrae Aerial, last of the great wyrms. Evrae Valorous, honor and power in the service of duty.

The morning I turned thirteen, a year to the day after I buried my family on the side of a nameless mountain between Macalania and the Calm Lands, I climbed to the top of the tallest tower in Bevelle, and out onto the roof—not to be with my memories, but to run from them. I have always loved the high places, and I came to lose myself for a little while in the sky.

I don't know how long I sat looking out over sea and sky and land before I turned, sensing I wasn't alone. Mighty Evrae hung silently in the air not thirty feet away, almost motionless, riding the thermals of the city without effort. The great wyrm slowly drifted nearer, and before I could blink, wrapped its long body around the tower and brought its head close to mine. I could have reached out and laid my hand on Evrae's lustrous hide.

Ancient eyes looked at me, and I heard a voice ask, Do you know what it is that you want?

Did I?

What did I want? Revenge for my family? Justice? Did I want power? Death? Peace? Purpose?

I wanted...

"I want to live with honor."

Evrae Aerial did not mock a thirteen year old boy who spoke of honor. Evrae Valorous looked into my eyes and asked, What is honor?

I couldn't answer. I didn't really know. We speak of honor, write about it, even kill and die for it. But what is it, truly?

Here is what mighty Evrae said to me.

No man is born with honor.

Honor must be taught. But every man must decide for himself what is important. Then he will know who he is.

To live with honor is never to betray yourself.

And mighty Evrae slowly let loose of the tower, spread radiant wings, and fell back into the sky over Bevelle.

* * *

**Fallen Legends**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We rushed past Rin, who was trying to make some last minute sales—hey, that's why he's the most successful merchant on Spira—and joined the others out on the upper deck. The wind wasn't too bad. I guess Pops had slowed down a little.

Wow! That is one BIG reptile! It was bigger than the ship! All long and snaky, with big colorful wings. And I bet it was tough. You don't get to be called "legendary guardian" unless there's just something about you. I know. I sure hope someone has a plan. (Yeah, like someone would be caught dead without a plan.)

"Rikku, Tidus! You're with me!"

Dad came over the intercom to tell us we had to give him the word when to pull back and when to move closer.

"Roger," the kid said. "I'll give the commands!"

Huh. Boys! "Not alone, you won't!" I told them.

Auron turned and looked at me.

"That's fine," he said, "But remember, Rikku. You're our backup healer. That's your primary responsibility."

"Sure thing, boss!" I chirped. "No problem."

"And hey, you'll still be stealing, won't you?" the kid asked.

Uh, okay...

"And maybe using items," Lulu put in.

Hey, hold on...

"Healing, Rikku," the man said. "That's your main job."

Okay, I smiled. Nothing like clear lines of responsibility.

So while we're all talkie talkie, the flying lizard takes the opportunity to swoop in real close and take a swipe at us, but I get in first and steal TWO water gems! Tidus Hastes himself, then me, then Auron. Man! That HUGE head and those HUGE claws are just hanging over us (all of us, at the same time, that's how huge) and then it just reared back fast and clawed me in the side and I went down bleeding!

"DAMN!" I heard Auron shout, and I knew why. Because he hadn't been set to defend me...us...yet. "Rikku!"

"I'm okay, Auron..." I gasped. I really wasn't, but then Tidus hit me with the Haste spell, and I popped a potion, and it was better. I even got a chance to go in after another water gem. (No joy. Poop!) "I'm all right, Auron."

Then the claw was coming at me again, but this time he was right there, a red/black blur jumping in-between the hammer and me, and THIS time no one laid a glove on him! He danced out of the way and then unleashed a massive counterattack! POW!

Yeah! THAT'S how it's done! Hey! Hey, you! Lizard! You're gonna make an awful pretty pair of shoes when this is all over! And maybe a matching bag!

The man sent me back and started cycling in people to get Hasted by Tidus, then we all saw the flying twelve-piece luggage set just rear back and take a DEEP breath. The man had told us what THAT meant, so we knew what was coming.

"Kimahri, back. Rikku, in."

Gee, thanks, boss.

As long as I was there, I scored another water gem. Then the head came down. Gah! Talk about morning breath!

"Rikku!"

On it! This is why he wanted little Rikku up front. I quick popped the top on an Al Bhed potion and it sprayed into the air, settling over all of us, antidote and healing all in one—pick up some at your local Al Bhed druggist today! And then I threw another up for good measure! Good thing we had plenty.

And then we just took him down. Her? Whatever. The man guarded, twisting out of the way and counterattacking, Tidus cut at it again and again, and I stole. Whenever it inhaled for a poison breath, Auron would leap in and land crushing blows, and afterward I'd use Al Bhed potions. The only thing that caused any problems was sometimes he would turn someone into stone, but we'd just unturn him, reHaste him, and get back into rhythm. It cast Haste on itself, but it was kinda too late. It actually got sorta...well, boring. Especially when I couldn't get any more water gems. I think I got them all. (Six!) I asked Auron if I could start throwing grenades and things (just like Lulu said) and he told me to go ahead as long as I healed us when needed.

But one thing that never got boring was watching Auron spin away from those claws, over and over. When he was protecting Tidus I could see how his whole body moved and flowed, his red coat swirling around him. I saw his grace and his perfect balance, like he was dancing...like when we were dancing. And then when he was right there, right there in front of me, protecting me, I could see the strength and the iron discipline, the tightly controlled power in his arms. I could see how his upper body only moved a few inches, only as much as needed, not one inch more, and his legs would shift, and he would lean forward just enough that a claw would flash over his head instead of into his chest, and instantly he would be back in position, uncoiling into a massive counter. Power and grace, like seeing an Al Bhed bulldozer suddenly stand and bow and start to perform a perfect kata.

I never got tired of watching it and I was never happier or prouder of my work as a smith.

We could all tell when it was almost gone, and I turned to Auron, wondering if he wanted to make the last hit on it, but he just stood there with his sword on his shoulder, looking at it.

Was he...humming?

So I took out another grenade, but he turned to me and shook his head and then sort of pointed at Tidus with the hilt of his sword, and then to the lizard. So Tidus went in for one more blow, and all of the color seemed to go out of Evrae, and it shook a little and then slowly fell out of sight.

It was...I don't know...kind of sad, somehow. You know, that dragon never really stood a chance against us.

**Auron:**

I feel like a butcher.

**Rikku's Diary:**

He hadn't moved. He was just standing there staring out into space with his sword—the sword I made for him—over his shoulder. He looked sad, or depressed, or maybe just tired, even though we had just won a battle and we were all okay. No one was hurt. And he had been so pleased when I had given him his new sword.

"Auron...?"

"Once," he said quietly, "Mighty Evrae was kind to a lonely young boy."

Oh, Auron...

"Auron, I'm sorry..."

"It had to be done."

"Uh..." I wondered what to say. "Do you need me to cheer you up?"

I think he might have smiled a little, behind that cowl. You can kinda see it in the corners of the eyes.

"Things aren't quite that desperate, but thank you, Rikku." He sort of shook himself, took a look around, and said, "We have to get ready. Bevelle won't be so easy."

Yeah.

Then things just went to pieces.

* * *

**Auron:**

Damn damn damn! The wind is rushing through my hair, my coat is flying out behind me, tracer-fire is whistling past. What am I doing sliding down a harpoon cable into the middle of an armed camp? This is not how I planned to sneak into the city! Ahead of me Tidus leaps in a summersault and comes down still sliding. He and the girl are having fun, and so is the blitzballer, and who knows about the Ronso, but I'm too old for this, and not dead enough! And where's Lulu, anyway?

We defeated Evrae, but somehow the ship was damaged, and we barely held on as it went into a nosedive. Cid brought us out of it, but I guess he wasn't left with much control because he just managed to pull up in front of the temple, and while the guards were firing up at us, and we were wondering how to reach Yuna, two harpoons shot from the airship dragging cables behind them and smashed into the walkway. The boy yelled Yeah and hopped on one, and the others followed.

As a plan it ranks right up there with Yuna's I'm-going-to-marry-Seymour-so-he'll-turn-himself-in.

How am I going to keep these children alive through the next hour?

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hey, that was fun! We oughta build something permanent like that and charge people to ride it! Gotta remember to talk to Rin. Does fifteen percent commission for thinking it up sound about right?

There's Yunie. HI YUNIE! She probably doesn't hear me. She's pretty far away, and there's a LOT of guards between us and her. Kind of a skimpy outfit for a wedding dress, too.

Well, now comes the fun part for Auron, getting us through them.

**Auron:**

This is NOT fun.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Ha! He loves it.

**Auron:**

So how does the next hour look, Auron? Best guess?

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 13---Death in Party: 78---Death Entire Party: 40---**

Not good.

We hit the ground running. All right, Auron. You're here, you take your best shot. Speed kills. Speed kills! More guards are rushing up from behind us and all around. We need to reach Yuna and the others in the Tower of Light. I see the first guards in our way as we run forward. These aren't regular warrior monks, these are the Special Temple Guard, responsible for the security of Bevelle. They're fanatically loyal, either to Yevon or to their comrades. It doesn't really matter which. Either way, they're hardcore. They're also armed with weapons forbidden to anyone else. Crappy weapons—big bored, wildly inaccurate, slow loading. I've seen twenty times better in Zanarkand. But still effective enough at close range, if there are enough of them. I wonder if I should have warned the others about the flamethrowers.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Are you KIDDING me? Flamethrowers!

**Auron:**

As we run forward I'm thinking we'll try to take them by surprise, a pretty trick considering our entrance. I snap out orders and drift back as we fan out to meet them, sort of hiding behind Kimahri as Rikku tosses a grenade to distract them. The two riflemen bring their weapons to bear and I pull Tidus back and leap through the gap, evading their fire and smashing into them with this marvelous blade, and they go down. That worked rather well. Even as I'm moving, my mind races through the options for the flamethrower. We could simply accept the damage as we attack him, or I could have Kimahri take him out with a spell, but I might need his magic later. I could have Rikku use sleep powder or something like that, but I've never liked substituting inventory for tactics. I'll try something. The second rifleman hasn't hit the ground before I'm throwing out orders.

"Rikku, back! Tidus up! Delay attack!" Move! Move!

"All right!"

He used Emma's trick, and the Temple Guard was staggered and my sword flicked out sideways and finished him off as I ran past—twenty seconds start to finish. Hurry! Faster! Don't stop! Speed kills! More guards in our way. It worked once. Try it again. Grenade, Tidus back, and I leaped through the gap. But this time it was a different kind of fire team, two flamethrowers guarded by a YKT-63 fighting machina, not the kind Rikku could disable.

"Hey!" I heard the blitzballer say somewhere behind me. "What are all these machina doin' here?"

No time to answer him I cut down one of the flamethrowers, and the YKT-63 aimed a powerful kick at Rikku, who was able to dodge. I got back into guard position and called Lulu up to replace Rikku. The YKT-63 was an odd machina, and would start to behave very erratically if it was ever fighting on its own. We had to take it out before the flamethrower. We did, but—

"Auggh!" "Owww!" "Ugghn."

—that meant we took a shot from the fire before we finished it. Too long, forty-five seconds, it was all taking too long!

"Potions!" I called on the run, and Rikku tossed them out. We used them just before the next group reached us. Another two riflemen and a flamethrower. Same as before except that this flamethrower was quicker and got a shot off.

"Potions!" Not fast enough, the reinforcements were closer! Another YKT and two flamethrowers in our way, and after that a YAT-99 mortar machina, guarded by two riflemen. Not a problem if you can get to the mortar. So, not a problem. Grenade, guard, evade and counter, and we closed in on the mortar. The boy hit it, the girl stole, and I guarded, thirty-three seconds!

I smashed through the last guards and reached the bottom of the steps, and—

Not good enough. The reinforcements were right there behind us, and there were a dozen guards in front of us. Forty seconds to break through uphill. If we try...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 24---Death in Party: 97---Death Entire Party: 46---**

Not good enough.

Kinoc is there. He steps forward as the Temple reinforcements close in on all sides. "This has gone far enough."

Tidus is beside me, and he starts up the steps, but I put out my arm to hold him and the others back.

"Stop," I tell them.

I look around. There's time for an enhanced assessment. I see at least forty Special Temple Guards now in our immediate operational area, plus their combat machina. There are fifty priests and at least a quarter of them will be priest-assassins from the Grey Court, maybe half. Then there's Seymour, and Anima. And Mika, who'll probably summon Bahamut. And that doesn't even take into account the snipers I can see posted in the surrounding buildings, and their weapons won't be junk. They're the elite. So...attacking now...uphill...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 64---Death in Party: unity---Death Entire Party: 86---**

Worse than I thought.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Everyone's looking at Yuna and Seymour, except for me and Auron. I'm looking at him, and he's looking at...I follow his eye. It's a bright, sunny day, and the sunlight is glinting off something...a lot of somethings, in the windows of surrounding buildings almost as tall as this one. Okay, that's not good.

So...what kind of rabbit is he going to pull out of his hat?

**Auron:**

Yuna, Mika and Seymour are having some sort of byplay, and I desperately use the time to work out some options. If I try to cut down Seymour, then negotiate with Mika...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 78---Death in Party: 88---Death Entire Party: 37---**

Not good enough.

If...if I tried to reach Mika, carry him through, get close to Yuna, eliminate hostiles in the area, get Yuna to threaten him with sending, then maybe...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 38---Death in Party: 94---Death Entire Party: 69---**

Not good enough.

If...if I could somehow...cut down Seymour and reach Mika...

If I try...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 77---Death in Party: unity---Death Entire Party: 89---**

There are no good options.

But Yuna's best chance for survival is if I try to take Mika hostage. If we can take him, and hold him, the Church will be very careful. The problem then is Seymour. Seymour's insane. He won't care about Mika. He'll summon Anima, and this rooftop will turn into a free-fire zone, and...

And some of our party will die. Even if everything goes right.

Tidus.

Rikku.

I'm Yuna's guardian, not theirs.

...I'll watch over your son, Jecht...

...I'll slit ten thousand throats...

Don't think, Auron. Be ready. Pick your moment. Don't telegraph your move. Isolate your first target—that guard just ahead, and your second—that priest, and your probable third—the priest next to Mika.

That priest, next to Mika...did he wink at me?

I look closer. Is he wearing some sort of disguise? HELL! Benefice!

That changes all the odds. If the chancellor of the Grey Court is here, that means all of these priests are from the Grey Court. Fifty priest-assassins, forty odd Special Temple Guards and machina, snipers in the surrounding buildings, and Seymour will summon Anima, Benefice will summon Kali, and Mika will probably summon Bahamut. I don't want to meet those three in a dark alley. Even if Yuna can summon an aeon it'll be three to one, and all of them are more powerful than her aeons. And then, even if I can take Mika, I'm not sure what Benefice will do. With the uncertainty...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 50---Death in Party: 99---Death Entire Party: 75---**

All I can do is wait. Be ready to act if somehow, for some reason, the odds improve. And if they don't, I can always act later.

Patience, Auron.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Uh, Auron? Things are starting to get tight here. If you've got a plan, now's a good time! Yuna tried to send Seymour, but the old guy threatened us, so she stopped, and now it looks like...like they're gonna get...

Auron...?

**Auron:**

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 52---Death in Party: 98---Death Entire Party: 72---**

Wait, Auron.

**Rikku's Diary:**

It's NOT going to happen! It CAN'T happen! I look over at him and he's still just standing there, like he's going to let it happen! Auron, stop them! I know you have a plan! Do something!

**Auron:**

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 49---Death in Party: 99---Death Entire Party: 74---**

Wait, Auron.

**Rikku's Diary:**

It can't happen! It won't...

It...

They...

Yuna's married...

...I really...didn't think...it would happen...

**Auron:**

"Kill them," Seymour says, and Kinoc turns and points a weapon at my face.

"I am sorry," he says to me with a smirk, "But it is for Yevon."

"Aren't those weapons forbidden by Yevon?"

"There are exceptions."

Doubt not Kinoc's nerve. He knows that if I decide to kill him here and now there's no power on Spira that can stop me—not Anima, not Sin, not Yu Yevon. But he thinks I have larger goals in mind, that I'll either let myself be killed in hopes of saving some of the others, or that I'll target someone else.

He's right. It's time to toss the dice.

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 51---Death in Party: 99---Death Entire Party: 73---**

Not Rikku, I pray. Not Tidus.

I'm ready. And it's—

"No!"

Yuna?

"Throw down your weapons! Let them go, or else..."

Yuna is backing toward the ledge. Everyone is watching. The odds are changing...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 68---Death in Party: 40---Death Entire Party: 37---**

Seymour gestures for the guards to lower their weapons...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 47---Death in Party: 58---Death Entire Party: 21---**

Tidus and Rikku run up to Yuna...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 14---Death in Party: 51---Death Entire Party: 9---**

I climb to the top of the stairs...Tidus, Rikku and Yuna are isolated...Seymour is distracted...the guards have weapons in their hands but they aren't ready...Mika and Seymour are side by side, near the ledge...Benefice...I've lost track of Benefice, he could be any of the priests...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 53---Death in Party: 7---Death Entire Party: 11---**

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yunie's standing on the rail now! She wouldn't really do it, would she? Just jump off and sacrifice herself for us, she wouldn't...she can't!

"Don't worry," she tells Tidus and me, "I can fly.

"Believe."

**Auron:**

Yes! I see it! I know what she's going to do!

**Rikku's Diary:**

And then she just fell back, off the ledge. She's gone...

Yunie...

HOW COULD HE LET THIS HAPPEN!

Then there's a flash of light in the sky and Valefor rushes past us straight down, and we run to the rail and we can see...

She's alive!

Yunie's alive! She safe! And I'm smiling, and I can breath again. Yunie's safe.

And, uh...I guess that's more than you can say about the rest of us right now.

Okay, Auron, last chance! Start snapping out some orders! Get us outta here!

**Auron:**

Everyone is distracted. Mika and Seymour are together, only yards away. There'll never be a better time to take one of them out. Mika or Seymour? Where is Benefice?

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: null---Death in Party: 41---Death Entire Party: 12---Death Seymour/Mika: 30---**

**Rikku's Diary:**

He's just standing there staring at Seymour!

Well, dammit, Auron! I'll do it myself! I pull a flashbang out of my pouch and yell, "Cover your eyes!"

**Auron:**

I hear the girl shout to cover our eyes, and I throw my arm up over my face. There's a roar and a blinding flash. Blinking rapidly, I can see that most of the immediate Temple forces are incapacitated. If I attack now...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Death in Party: 48---Death Entire Party: 12---Death Seymour/Mika: 72---**

But if we run...

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Death in Party: 5---Death Entire Party: 1---Death Seymour/Mika: null---**

Time to go. The girl and the blitzballer rush past me. I catch the Ronso's eye, and nod towards Tidus. No time to argue. He picks the boy up and carries him down the stairs, followed by Lulu. For just a second I consider staying behind.

I could still...

No, there's too much they don't know. They still need me more than they need to be rid of Seymour or Mika. I turn and leap down the steps, put on a burst of speed and race ahead of them, leading the way.

Don't stop!

----The party running down the walkway, Auron bowling over guards, Rikku spreading confusion in their wake, they arrive at the Cloister of Trials----_The Jellicle Ball----_Andrew Lloyd Weber----

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Lemme go!" the kid is shouting, "I'm gonna kill that Seymour"

"Yuna said leave!" Kimahri answered, carrying him. "We leave!"

"We'll join up with her later," Lulu added, running by.

The man just flies past the rest of us, and I hear him shouting, "Break through! Don't stop! Don't stop for anything! Rikku! Slow'em down! And keep moving!"

Well, HEY! It's the breakout-from-ambush immediate action drill! I love these! Special extended version!

We hit the first group of guards and Auron doesn't even break stride, doesn't pull out his sword, just puts out his arms and rushes between two of them—clothsline!—and keeps on going while Kimahri knocks the other one head-over-heals with Tidus! One of them is getting up and Wakka tries to stop but Lulu smacks him in the back of the head and they keep going! Hey, Wakka! Leave 'im to me! That's my job! "Nighty-night!" I shout, running past, scattering fish scales and sleeping powders right and left!

Auron blasts through another bunch, and another, and another (!) never slowing down, never losing a step, never looking back, just shouting, "Don't stop! Don't stop for anything!" Whee! Smoke bombs away! Arctic winds and silver hourglass, poison fangs and a chocobo feather! Chocobo feather? Oopsie! Well, petrify grenade! Ha! Fastest statue in the garden!

Yeah!

"Lemme down! Put me down! And stop swingin' me at people!"

We duck through a doorway and down some steps, taking them three or four at a time, we turn a corner and the stairway below is chock full of guards! Auron tucks into a ball and just rolls over them, scattering them and knocking them every which way, and just keeps on going! He never even looks back! Wakka wants to stop and play, but Kimahri just picks him up by the belt and tosses him over the whole squirming, Yevon-kissing pile, then tucks Lulu under his arm (the one not holding Tidus) and jumps after. I follow them, running on all the backs and fronts and heads...

"'Scuse me. Pardon me. Sorry. Hot stuff. Oopsie. Comin' through. My fault. That'll leave a mark."

Smoke bombs and sleeping powder for everyone!

Auron takes us through some twists and turns, and some doors I swear weren't there, and we seem to lose the guards. So, where are we headed?

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Uh, hey Rikku?"

Okay, so maybe I drooled a little...

"Yo! Rikku!"

IT WAS SO COOL!

We rode down to the cloister on a moving platform and there was machina everywhere, more than I've ever seen in one place before! Even more than at Home! Lights were flashing and blinking at us, and I could almost hear the deep thrum of power shunting through cables! And the cloister! When we got down to the cloister trial it was all made from light and energy, I think, in colors that you never ever see in nature! REALLY PRETTY COLORS! And they formed all these moving slideways that just hung in the air, supported by a huge grid and disappearing off into the distance! Where were all of them going? There were more lights and sounds and a vibration under our feet and it smelled a little like ozone! This was even more exciting than that image of Zanarkand we saw in Guadosalam! My eyes were wide and my mouth was open, and I was just drinking it all in! I wanna play! I wanna play! Iwannaplay!

"Hey, Auron? I don't think she's gonna come out of it."

"Hm? Oh. Look, is that a chest?"

Oooo! A chest!

...uh, what? What chest...? Where...?

"Rikku?"

"Oh, uh...yeah, Auron?" I blinked at him.

"Cloister Trial. You're in charge."

Oh, well, yeah! Sure! Okay, Lulu! You and me! The first thing we do is check out these walkways. Comge on, leff goe! (Stupid drool!)

**Auron:**

The girl is happily solving the Cloister Trial. How can such a chore for me be such a delight for her? Meanwhile, the blitzballer is devastated to see the true face of Yevon. He's coming to his own crisis of faith, which may end up being just as crushing to his spirit as the destruction of the girl's home was to her. And there's worse to come for him and for all of them, more of Yevon's lies. They don't know the worst. Not even close. The black mage seems calmer but I know her emotional waters run deep. She could feel turmoil within and never show it. And I don't know when they will have to face more of Yevon's truth. Perhaps they will have a chance to regain their emotional balance before their faith is further tested.

Would that be better or worse for The Plan?

It wasn't like this for Braska and Jecht and I, all those years ago. Braska and I had long known Yevon's nature, and Jecht couldn't have possibly cared less.

The girl is calling me now. We need to get on some platform and go somewhere and do something with globes and pedestals and glyphs. When I was commander of cadets here I wrote an official paper (on a bet) proposing we replace these cloister trials with rock-paper-scissors. Years later, when I left Bevelle for the last time, the proposal was still making the rounds of the chancelleries and departments for comments and suggestions and had grown to over two thousand pages.

There's a story in there somewhere.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I...we...scored some sort of rare sphere and something called a Knight Lance—looks like it could be worth a few gil. Ha! Love these cloister trials! So we get done and head on down to the chamber, and I guess Yunie is in there praying to the fayth, or praying with the fayth—I still don't quite get it—and I know that we're all just supposed to wait out here for her, but Tidus isn't gonna. He goes and tries to start prying up the door to the chamber, and then Kimahri goes over to help him, and Wakka and Lulu don't say anything. Tidus slips under the door into the chamber, and then the man follows him in.

I'd kinda like to see the chamber, and maybe even the fayth, but I don't quite have the nerve to go in after them. Maybe when they come out. So Kimahri and I are just looking at the chamber but not going in, waiting for them, and Wakka and Lulu are talking quietly.

"Get your hands up!"

Suddenly the room is full of guards, and that Kinoc guy is there. I barely have a second to think, when Auron walks back into the room.

Wait," I cry! "Don't come out!"

But it's too late. Tidus carries Yunie out too. I see the man looking around.

"That's the last of them," Kinoc says. "You are to stand trial."

"I expect it will be a fair trial," the man asks.

"Of course it will," Kinoc answers with a laugh.

Talkie! Talkie! Talkie! Com'on! Let's cut through these guys and get out of here! We're almost safe, now!

And Auron drags out his sword—the sword I made him—and throws it on the ground...

"We surrender."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I don't want to think about it.

I finally got Yunie to sleep, here in this cage that we're sharing that looks like a lamp hanging from the ceiling. She was really worn out. Well gee, Seymour's proposal in Guadosalam, sending Jyscal, killing Seymour, getting caught on Bikanel, getting married, escaping, getting a new aeon, then getting arrested. This jail cell is like the first moment she's had to catch her breath!

So her head is in my lap and I'm stroking her hair and she's sleeping, and now what? Now I'm sitting here with nothing to do in this cage except think, and I don't want to think about it! I don't want to think about the trial we're facing, or about Yunie being married, or about Yevon, or Sin, or any of it! I don't want to think...

...don't want to think...

...about him.

...I really thought he wouldn't let it happen, up there on that roof today. I thought he'd stop it, or something. I never even thought that...maybe...he...couldn't... Never thought that maybe there wasn't anything he could do. I think...I think I really started to believe that Auron was superhuman. I think I've built him all up inside my head now until I just assumed he could do anything, fix anything. Dammit, Rikku-girl! First you get a Rikku-crush on him because he danced with you and he had cool secrets and he always seemed to know exactly what to do when everyone else was all confused and running around in circles, and... And because he told you he was lonely. And he told you he was scared when you were scared. And he's hurt inside. You can feel it. So you get a crush on him and then in your head you just keep making him stronger and faster and smarter than anyone you've ever known...than anyone could ever be. But that's not real! You should know that! And you can't blame him for not living up to those impossible standards!

Huh. Watch me.

Hey, Rikku! There were like a hundred guards out there plus all the snipers you saw, PLUS Seymour! What was he supposed to do, huh? For heaven's sake, he's just a man, Rikku! He's not this war god that you've made him into inside your head! He's not Death Walking! Not the Red Guardian! Not THE LEGEND! Not really! He's just Auron. He gets scared! He gets lonely! And you're being childish, Rikku!

Don't care. He shoulda FIXED IT! With his magic coat and his shades and his secrets and his SWORD THAT I MADE HIM! He shoulda FIXED IT! Shouldn't of let Yuna get married to a DEAD GUY, shouldn't of let her JUMP OFF A ROOF! She shouldn't of had to SAVE HERSELF! That's his JOB! It's his JOB to save us, to jump in front of a sand worm for us! He's AURON! THAT'S WHY I MADE HIM THE SWORD! If he didn't want to do the job he shouldn't of been doing the job! And hey, what makes you so sure he couldn't of fixed it, huh? That he's not a superman? Maybe he coulda stopped it, but he decided not to. I dunno why. Maybe to try to break us all away from the Church and Yevon. You remember how he tried to do that back under the ice in Macalania? But YUNA and WAKKA and LULU wouldn't do it, wouldn't go against the Church! So maybe this is all like just one big I-TOLD-YOU-SO from Auron to all the rest of us! The next time Auron tells us that the Church can't be trusted, you think maybe we'll listen to him? Huh?

Crap, Rikku! You'd really rather believe that Auron was hard enough to sacrifice Yuna to make a point than believe that there was something that he just plain couldn't do? That's really twisted, you know that?

Can't help it. And it's not just the roof, either. WHY AM I IN THIS CELL, HUH? Why am I here and why's Yunie here, huh? Okay, sure, up there, up on the roof maybe there was nothing he could do, but what about in the cloister? No more than twenty guards, no snipers, no Seymour, no machina even! We coulda broken out easy, and then the way Auron was taking those twists and turns on the way down, don't even tell me he couldn't have gotten us out of there! Hell, he grew up here! But instead, he just threw...throws down...just throws down his sword...the sword that I...he just throws it down on the ground like it was nothing and tells us to surrender... So, how come?

Dunno. But he musta had a good reason.

Hey! That's just putting him up on a different kind of pedestal! Saying that Auron would always do the right thing every time? What you think is the right thing? How about how he didn't tell Tidus about Yuna? That hurt the kid, and Auron did it anyway!

That's different.

How?

Just is.

Who's being a kid now?

Shut up, Rikku.

Just...shut up.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Aw dammit, Auron...dammit...dammit...dammit...

I think I was starting to trust you. And now...

Either you really wanted to do something up there on that roof, but there wasn't anything you could do...

...or you could have done something but for some secret reason of your own you didn't do it. You let Seymour marry Yuna when you could have stopped it.

And I don't even know which one I want it to be.

**Next: The Things We Leave Behind**


	20. The Things We Leave Behind

Huh. Twenty chapters in. Well, some people do seem to like the story, so I guess I will go ahead and dedicate it now. Well, the first twenty chapters, anyway. As soon as this turned into an Aurikku there were a couple of people I had in mind. So, the first twenty chapters are dedicated to Gining, because she's done so much for the pairing and the idea that Auron maybe deserves a little happiness, and that Rikku isn't just some teenager. And also for Gabi-hime for, bar-none, the best Rikku characterization I've ever seen. It's supernatural.

So.

I'll go back later and add that to the first chapter.

Okay. Well. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-.

You know I got an anon review? (A nice one. Thanks.) I guess the only problem with them is I can't reply to thank them.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Bevelle is a whole world of intrigue and double-dealing, of private understandings and ever-shifting alliances, of influence peddling and heads-up power games, of sex and murder and jealousy, of old scores and old secrets and old slights remembered forever, of favors for favors and nothing for nothing. Everyone wants something. Everyone has a price. And one wrong step, one bad decision, buys you a little land—six feet long and six feet deep.

It's like a little piece of Zanarkand right here in Spira.

* * *

**The Things We Leave Behind**

* * *

**Auron:**

The second time I dreamed of Braska and Jecht was the night I executed Vedec for the state. Just before the end he looked up and asked me, "Auron, do you think there's an afterlife?"

Did I think...there was an afterlife? Ha. Haha. Did I think there was an afterlife? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha I couldn't stop hahahehehehahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! And Vedec laughed. He threw back his head and roared. We were laughing like fools when I took his life.

I walked out of the justice building, across the street and straight into a bar. I had the two thousand gil they paid me—the standard fee—and I decided it was a fine idea to spend it on drinks for me and for anyone else who wanted to drink. It wasn't easy. The bar was filled with law enforcers and people who worked for the courts. They were happy to drink when they heard where the money was from, but then they would take turns buying rounds. They tell me it turned into a pretty good party. To Vedec. (Don't say that out loud.) (To Vedec, the Fiend Killer. Last of his clan. Hero. Madman. Friend.)

Lord, I was tired. I spent two years tracking Vedec's crimes back to him, and another two off and on in the trials. (To Vedec. To the afterlife.)

I woke up in a small room in back of the bar. I suppose they had put me there because they knew me, knew that I had caught Vedec. Knew that I executed him. It was a sign of respect. I had a hangover the size of Mt Gagazet, and not much memory of the night before, but I didn't have any trouble remembering the dream.

They came to me. Braska and Jecht. Jecht didn't say much. He never says too much in these dreams, but this time he didn't say anything. He just smiled—or sneered, it was hard to tell—and nodded to me. It was Braska's show. In the dream I followed him to Spira, to the high courtroom in Bevelle. There was a trial taking place. I knew it was Yuna on trial even though she never turned around. I never saw her face. "This is something that might be," Braska said. "It is important."

Then he looked at Yuna and smiled.

That's it. That's all. That was my dream the night that Vedec died, the second time Braska and Jecht came to me in Zanarkand. That's why I let them take Yuna.

I will trust Braska.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I like seeing new things. It keeps me young. But there might be such a thing as too much of a good thing. The High Court of Yevon was huge. It was a dome, really elaborate, kinda like the images we saw in Seymour's house in Guadosalam, with stars overhead instead of a ceiling, and the symbols of Yevon all over the place, and blue mist rising from somewhere below. All four maesters were there. That Kinoc guy was to one side, and Seymour the dead maester was on the other. Mica and an old Ronso were in the middle, and they were all looking down at Yuna, who was all alone. The rest of us were together sort of in the back.

He was there. I hadn't seen him since they separated all of us, when he threw his sword down on the floor and just let them take Yunie. Now there he was standing to one side only a few feet away and I didn't look at him, didn't want to see him.

**Auron:**

I watched the Ronso without really listening to what he was saying. Of all of the maesters I've known, Kelk Ronso was the only one for whom I had ever felt any true respect. Years ago it seemed to me that he had managed to become a maester without compromising his principles. I thought—

Wait. Yuna is pleading with Mika.

"Your grace," she said, "The real traitor is Maester Seymour! He killed his father Jyscal with his own hands!"

"What is this!" the Ronso maester asked.

Seymour didn't deny it. "Hmm? Hadn't you heard?"

"Not only that," Yuna went on. "Maester Seymour is already dead!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yeah, Yunie! Go on, you tell'em!

"It is the summoner's sacred duty to send the souls of the departed to the Farplane," Lulu put in. "Yuna was only doing her job as a summoner!"

Yeah, I nod! You tell'em too, Lulu! Yunie was only trying to send Seymour cause he was dead! Of course, we killed him. Better not bring that part up. Let sleeping dead maesters lie.

"Send the dead...hmm?" the old guy chuckles. Okay, so why's he laughing? I don't see where the joke...uh, are those...pyreflies?

"You would have to send me, too," he says.

Uuuhhhh...oooh...dead maester plus dead maester...

**Auron:**

And so they know. Another piece of the mask is pulled away from the true face of Yevon.

**Rikku's Diary:**

HE KNEW! He knew Mika was dead and didn't tell us! Just let us all walk in here like FOOLS! Like all Yuna had to do was tell them that Seymour was dead and she'd be a hero and someone would send Seymour and that would be that! Everything would be all right! But it's NOT, cause Mika's DEAD! He's unsent! The head of the Yevon Church is unsent, and I feel sick to my stomach! I have to swallow hard to keep from throwing up right there in the High Church of Yevon!

SECRETS! They're all keeping secrets! Mika and the Church and Seymour and HIM! Why didn't he tell me...us...ME! Maybe YUNA wouldn't have listened, or WAKKA or LULU, maybe they wouldn't have believed him, but why didn't he tell ME! I'd have believed him!

I would have.

And now Yuna's all PISSED, and she's yelling at them about Sin, and all the summoners who've died, and what does it all mean? And they're all, Oh well, at least it gave the people of Spira hope. HOPE! Well, hey! That's sure worth Uncle Braska's life! That's sure worth killing Yunie for! Hope! Based on one huge lie!

And I hear the man murmur something I can't make out but I still won't look at him cause I swear if I looked at him now I'd see all the secrets he wears like some kind of spiky armor to keep people away, or carries like weapons to punish them and make them do what he wants!

And meanwhile, Yuna's all, That can't be right! And they're all, We sentence you to death! And the guards come and take us away.

DAMMIT, Auron! Why didn't you trust me?

What else do you know? What other secrets are you keeping from us?

**Auron:**

I thought that Kelk Ronso might not know about Mika. I hoped that he didn't know.

Kelk Ronso no longer lives in honor.

The guards came to return us to our cells, while the maesters decided how they would execute us.

She never looked at me. Not once.

* * *

**Auron:**

Bevelle is a rat's nest of spies and corrupt officials. The Church is everything in Bevelle. The city exists to serve the Church. Not Yevon. The Church. There are roughly four hundred departments and committees in the hierarchy of the Church. Many of them are utterly unimportant. They exist only to provide soft jobs for the friends of the mighty. But others are critical, and the men and women who control them are among the most powerful in Bevelle. Benefice has run the Grey Court for over thirty years, starting out as a cocky young priest-assassin. Control of the Church's assassins and spies gives him power. He is one of the six or seven most powerful people in the city. Kinoc is powerful because he holds the reins of the military—the warrior monks, the Crusaders, and the Special Temple Guard. Both Benefice and Kinoc have an obvious kind of power. But how much use are soldiers if they aren't paid? So the chancellor of Yevon's Bounty, a quiet man named Harcourt who is seldom seen by anyone, is also powerful. Money is power. And information is power, too, so the head of the Church's intelligence service has a place among the mighty. Benefice's job is directed intelligence. He sends his spies somewhere to learn something specific. Ophelia's job is to know everything. Her quiet spies are everywhere, could be your next-door neighbor who's lived in your village for twenty years. But he works for her, and anything he knows, she knows.

Under these six or seven princes of the Church are perhaps a hundred major players, not as powerful, but still quite important. These are the heads of lesser departments, or useful specialists. Or heroes. Taken as a group they wield much more power than, say, Kinoc, and most of them owe their allegiance to Mika as titular head of the Church civil service. That's how Mika keeps control. Yet there are always plots and intrigues and men and women selling their various favors. People scheme their little schemes, and gain just a little more influence and power. And every year some reach too far, and are not quick enough, or careful enough, or lucky enough. There's a grand ball in Bevelle that marks the end of the year and the start of the next. It also unofficially applauds the year's winners, those who gained in stature. Few ever remember the losers, or drink to their memories.

In such an atmosphere it hadn't surprised me that Rin would have agents in Bevelle. Everyone has agents in Bevelle, everyone who cares. There's a story that once for a class project, some schoolchildren in Luca raised money by baking cookies, selling papers, walking dogs and so forth and bought themselves an agent in Bevelle, bribing him to add an extra holiday to the calendar.

It never happened, but it shows what the city was like.

But Tidus and I were in the custody of the Special Temple Guard, and they're different. They're fanatics, either for Yevon or for their unit. They are much harder to influence or bribe. Nevertheless, if they were loyal, they were not necessarily competent. I was first able to pass some things through the kitchen servant who brought us our meals. Sloppy security. And from my cell I began to swim through the waters of intrigue that flowed through the city like blood through a body. I spent Rin's money freely (it wasn't really his, of course) and information came to me in a growing stream and instructions left the same way. I made contact with our agents, modified standing orders, activated plans I had put in place months before. I knew where Kinoc and Mica and Seymour were at all times. (And of course, they knew that I knew.) I knew when a guard tried to assault Rikku. I knew that he was pulled away by two others, and that there were two more ready in case those hesitated. They stopped it before it began, as they had been paid to do, and hopefully she never even realized what was happening. I knew when that guard was found in a stall, his throat cut and his tongue pulled down to hang through the slit, and the word went out that the women were not to be touched. That was enough—that and the men still in my pay—for the regular guards, but the Special Temple Guard wouldn't be intimidated that way. However, they would follow orders, and when Kinoc woke up one morning and found three twigs on the floor of his private rooms twisted in the odd little pattern that meant "life in immediate danger" in the old bush code that we used to use, he sent out strict orders directing how the prisoners were to be treated. It took half-a-million gil to put those twigs in his room, and I ordered it without a qualm, letting them see the extent of my resources. We were all professionals. Old hands. We all knew how the game was played.

The others were safe for now. And while it was possible that I might escape, as things were I couldn't take anyone but Tidus with me. And something told me that it would be better not to act now. Not a dream, not a tactical analysis of the odds, not even a hunch. I just...smelled it.

So once again, a waiting game.

Patience, Auron.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I have a headache. I never get headaches. Pop says I don't get them, I give them. And Brother always laughs. They brought us back to our old cell, and Yuna just paced around as best she could and fumed over what we had learned.

"It's lies! It's all lies!"

So that's what Yuna looks like mad.

So what does Rikku look like mad? Got a mirror? And I'm not even thinking about the fact that they're going to execute us, or all of Yevon's lies, or what'll happen to all our money and stuff, or even about dead maesters. No, I'll give you two guesses what I'm thinking about.

Only needed one, didn't ya?

And still, with all that, I can't help wondering...

...if he's thinking about me.

I've got a headache.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, what's the Via Purifico? They came and told us they had decided how to execute us. I still wasn't worried—I don't think it seemed real to me, yet. Not until they pulled Yunie out and took her one way and then took me the other.

So they pull me along—Hey! Hey, that's an arm, not a...not a...something you pull hard! Anyways they drag me along until we get to a room with a pool.

And why do I keep expecting him to suddenly break in here and just demolish these guards and fix everything? Haven't I gotten over that by now? He can't, or he won't, but mad as I am, I really expect it, and I'm really surprised when it doesn't happen. But it doesn't.

Instead the guard pulls me over to the edge and says, "She's first."

But just before he pushes me in, he squeezes my arm hard, and I look at him. I can't see anything in his face, but his eyes dart to one corner of the pool, and back to mine, then back to the pool. I'm still wondering what it means, if it means anything, when he shoves me in. Uugh! The water's cold, but at least it seems mostly clean. I don't have anything better to do, so I swim over to the corner the guy was looking at. There doesn't seem to be anything, but it's kinda dark. I swim in close and sort of feel around, and... It's our stuff! It's all of our stuff, our weapons and armor, potions and our inventory of items!

I don't think they do this for everyone they execute. I don't know exactly what's going on, but the Al Bhed motto is "never look a gift chocobo in the beak!"

Then there's a big splash and when everything settles I see Wakka in the water. We can't talk underwater, so I swim over to him and grab his arm and he starts trying to hit me, like he thinks I'm a fiend or something! Anyway, I get him straightened out and drag him over and show him where out stuff is. Then there's another splash and we can see that it's Tidus. Wakka swims up to the surface where he can talk and I follow him. He and Tidus high five-each other. I think it's a blitzball thing.

"Where's Yunie?" I ask him, but he doesn't know. I'm not sure if we should wait for them to throw her in after us, but her stuff isn't here and Tidus says we should wait for her at the exit. It's probably a good idea.

If there is an exit.

**Auron:**

I hate this place.

And when did the Special Temple Guard get so young? They were children who came to drag the boy and me off to be executed, barely any older than him. Twenty of them armed with rifles, carried at their sides, not at ready arms in case they were needed. Some were too far away to be any use, while others were bunched together chatting, easy to take out as a group. They didn't impress me. Their officer didn't exercise control. The quality of the Special Guard has always been spotty. Some were professionals totally dedicated to their unit. They were cold, hard men who trained intensely every day. The snipers were drawn from those. But others were more dedicated to Yevon than to their comrades, and spent more time in prayer than on the practice field.

It worried me when they separated me from Tidus, taking him off one way while I was led another through the dank passages underneath Bevelle. I almost broke away then, but no. I didn't need to escape, I needed to find Yuna and the others. It would have been easy enough to kill a few guards and slip away in the confusion. I know Bevelle. I spend years of my life here, the high places and the low. There's a tradition among the cadets that the most foolhardy will sneak through the cloister trials and see the fayth. Kinoc and I did that in our first cadet year. I don't think the fayth minded. I think it was lonely, and welcomed the visits of brash children training to be fighters. We explored the rooftops at night, and these passages deep under the city, and even went a little way into the Via Purifico.

Here's irony. I was going to sneak in to the palace through the Via.

The light grew less and less as we walked, until they finally called a halt and dragged open a grate in the floor that I almost hadn't noticed. If they expected me to go down there it was going to be a squeeze.

It was.

I dropped into the dark tunnel and heard them close the grate over my head. If Yuna was down here, I would find her. I was unarmed. I would have to pummel the fiends to death until one of them dropped a sword.

"Hahh!"

I tripped over...a sword? I picked it up. It was my sword! It was the sword Rikku had made for me—I knew the feel of it in the dark. Feeling around I found my backup weapons, and my bracers, and items and potions. Someone had found out where they were going to drop me into the Via and had gotten here first and left my possessions. It was one of the contingency plans and someone had activated it. This time the Luca group had proved useful. While I was concentrating on keeping us safe and other things, they must have been doing this. If they had gotten the others their weapons as well I would admit that their help had been vital.

I began to wander the passages, letting my nose lead me. I smelled...

"Sir Auron!"

Yuna! Thank the lord, she was safe. And my brother-in-honor was with her.

"Yuna, are you all right?"

"Yes, Sir Auron," she answered, "But the others...?"

"We'll find them," I told her. I noticed... "You also have your weapons and supplies?"

"Yes! I don't know what it means! It must mean something."

"I suspect it means we have people who wish us well, even in Bevelle."

"Oh, that would be wonderful!" she smiled gently, her eyes wide. It reminded me of how she used to smile as a child. She never smiled often.

As she turned to go I said, "Yuna..."

"Yes, Sir Auron?" she asked, turning back.

"Yuna, the way you used Valefor up on the roof, to escape..." I took a step closer to her, "It was...inspired. It was daring and original, and well carried out. You were impressive, Yuna."

I expected her to be looking down at the ground, embarrassed, but she wasn't. She was standing there with her hands clasped in front of her, looking up at me with bright, shining eyes.

"Braska would be proud of you, Yuna, and so would Jecht be, and so am I."

"Oh, Sir Auron..."

I heard a little tremble in her soft voice, as I took another step and slowly wrapped my arms around her, and pulled her to me and hugged her like I did when she was small.

"Uncle Auron..." she whispered, hugging me back hard.

"Your father sees you, Yuna, and he loves you. We all do."

I have stayed aloof, and somewhat apart from Yuna on this journey so far. I had reasons. For one, I hoped she would grow closer to Tidus. I didn't want to interfere, didn't want to push. I just wanted it to happen. Then, for another thing, there's every chance that Yuna will choose death in Zanarkand, and I will have to let her, because I've decided that her story is more important than her life. And if I grow close to her, then on that day to come, in that dead city in the North, will I be able to stand aside, and let it unfold? And if I can, if I'm willing to sacrifice her that way, then the truth is that I don't really deserve her regard.

But as I hug Yuna tight, I know that there's another reason—one that has nothing to do with policy, or The Plan.

Holding Yuna tight...I inhale.

Ever since I died, and became unsent, I've been able to sense things...things that others cannot. It's like a smell, but not really. A smell is just the closest I can come to describing it. I can smell when something isn't right, or when someone is lying. Lies smell like something burning. And I can smell violence coming the way others can smell rain in the air. Violence smells like blood tastes—a sort of hot metal copper smell. And the smell I've always gotten from Yuna, ever since I first found her in Luca, is death. Yuna smells like death. I hate that smell. The mage and the blitzballer smell of it too, but not as much. I can also smell her melancholy, and his devotion, as much a part of them as the color of their eyes. (Devotion smells like fresh sawdust in a woodshop.) But the smell of death just rolled off Yuna in waves, covering anything else.

Except now...I inhale, hugging her tight...now it seems a little less, and I think maybe I can smell...I don't know, something else.

I let Yuna go, and she smiles up at me, wiping her eyes. This is Braska's daughter, this is little Yuna, and I was foolish to think that I could keep my distance from her all the way to Zanarkand.

Enough. It's time to find the others. There must be an exit somewhere. We search! She nods crisply, and turns to go.

You know, the Al Bhed girl...

Rikku smells of life—kitchen smells and bubblegum, dry earth when it's just starting to rain. Deep sadness, too, but not the slightest whiff of death. And she also smells like hope. It's one of the rarest scents I know.

I love to smell her.

The true fears of grown men are fears for others.

I hope they're safe.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Wakka was running the battle of course, but halfway through I suddenly realized something. There was a taste in the water that I didn't like, it was kind of foul and...corrupt. Then I went in to steal something (water gem!) and while I was feeling around it kinda reminded me of Mika and Seymour, only not quite. That kinda thing, you know? And I had a hunch. I pulled out a potion and threw it at the big water lizard, and hurt it!

Wakka and Tidus were looking at me like I'd gone crazy, and when I pulled out a phoenix down and went to throw it Wakka tapped the side of his head and Tidus was shaking his and waving his arms, No.

Well, hey! Unauthorized brilliance, Rikku! No saving our behinds allowed! I tossed the phoenix down and the lizard took a BIG hit.

Then they got it, and one more down finished it off. Ha! Not so tough after all!

**Auron:**

I have to say it.

Yuna runs like a girl.

I followed her and Kimahri through the catacombs looking for the others and for the way out. We were stopped now and again by fiends, and without Tidus we were forced to fight. There were strange fiends down here not found anywhere else, like a type of flying eye I've seen named Bat Eye in old records, and Cave Iguions, and an Aqua Flan. I wondered idly what the Zookeeper wouldn't give for some of these specimens.

Yuna ran ahead of me, taking small strides because of her long skirt, and holding her hands to her sides. Very ladylike.

I smelled...

"Yuna, stop."

She turned and faced me, waiting. I inhaled. I smelled...dust and faded perfume, not too sweet. The smell of melancholy.

"Yuna, try down this way."

We found Lulu down a short cul-de-sac, standing next to a chest. (In my head I heard someone squeal, A chest!) Yuna tried to find the words to apologize to the mage, but Lulu wouldn't let her. (The love of sisters smells like clean linen, dried in the sun and freshly folded.)

We went on, exploring some teleport pads, finding some useful items—spheres and whatnot—but not the others and not the way out. (When Lulu runs she seems to glide, her legs all but invisible under her full skirts no matter what. An image comes to me, a moving blur of arms and legs, blond hair and blue jesses.) We ran into many fiends, dispatching most of them with Yuna's aeons. Without our equipment and supplies we would have been in real danger. I did indeed owe the Luca group. They had been invaluable today.

Ah. The summoner Isaaru is here.

* * *

**Auron:**

Isaaru is a traditionalist. He follows the old way of giving his aeons unique names. Some scholars believe that it makes them more yours, and willing to fight harder for you. He summoned the fire aeon, which he called Grothia, and Yuna summoned Valefor—an interesting choice, in many ways the weakest of her aeons, but fast. Both were ready with their strongest attacks. Yuna used Valefor's speed, ordering him to shield himself, and when Isaaru's aeon launched its Hellfire attack Valefor was not too badly hurt. Then Valefor's Energy Beam sliced through Isaaru's Grothia.

As I watched their aeon duel progress I realized that Isaaru never really had a chance. I think that he's only used his aeons against fiends, not other aeons. In fact, I'm sure of it. Aeon duels are rare, and between the general training I've given Yuna in battle tactics and the experience she's gained from aeon duels with Belgamine, she simply outclasses the other summoner. The key was in her skillful use of her aeons' ability to shield. I could see that Isaaru must have worked hard to make his aeons strong, but in combat he essentially just summoned them and let them fight. Yuna directed her battles, sometimes with my advice, but often on her own.

When Grothia fell, the two switched, Isaaru summoning the flying aeon, which he had named Pterya, and Yuna countering with Ifrit. Pterya was much stronger, absorbing Ifrit's Hellfire attack without apparent effect and launching viscous counterattacks, but again Yuna skillfully used Ifrit's fire magic to heal her aeon, and had him shield when Pterya used its Energy Beam.

I considered the possibility that Yuna might be one of the most talented summoners in Spira today. It was even likely that she's surpassed only by the likes of Mika and Belgamine, and perhaps Seymour. Certainly she was better, stronger, surer than any summoner now on pilgrimage. I suppose...

I suppose she's better now than Braska was.

It was an oddly disturbing thought. As if I was being disloyal to Braska.

I looked up from my thoughts in time to see Isaaru's last aeon fall, the one we call Bahamut and he calls Spathi. Yuna defeated his strongest aeon with her weakest, Valefor. I wondered if Braska would have done as well.

Isaaru fell to the ground exhausted by his defeat. Yuna would have gone to him, but...

"Stay away," he spat at her. "There is a way out up ahead."

Of course there is. He didn't come here through the Via. The Via would have eaten him alive. I approached him as the others went ahead. I looked down at him, and inhaled. The scent of the fayth was gone from him. The aeons had deserted him. He was a summoner no longer.

"Your pilgrimage is over," I told him. I turned to follow the others and then paused a moment, and without looking back at him, I said, "Tell Mika to leave the beach alone."

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"Tell him to leave it alone or the real war starts now. It's not the right time, but I'll do it." I turned. "Look at my face, Isaaru."

"I..."

"Tell him," I said, and walked away.

* * *

**Auron:**

We exited in the same way that we entered, through a grate. When we had climbed out I found that we were in one of the ceremonial areas of the city, busy enough during the day with constant rituals, but little used at night. The immediate area was empty. Almost empty. I sensed someone to my right and pulled my sword, but the small man who came out of the shadows held his hands in the air, empty except for what seemed to be a folded note. He came closer, stopping just out of reach and slowly held it out. He waited until I had read it, then nodded to me and silently ran off. I turned to the others who were looking on with curiosity in their eyes.

"Rikku and the others came out at another exit. It's not too far away." I knew the quiet back ways to take between here and there. We had to hurry. The man who had delivered this note was unquestionably on his way to sell the information to someone else. (Only Yuna's presence had kept me from...dealing with the matter.) "No time to waste. Let's go."

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Yunie!" I run up and hug her HARD! Yunie's safe! They all are, Lulu and Kimahri. And him.

"We were so worried," I tell her. "It's good to have you back!"

"Thank you," she said, and hugs me back.

The kid starts to say something, but then he stops and looks around, and we all look. It's Seymour and Kinoc!

Uh...Kinoc?

Um...dead maester?

**Auron:**

Kinoc...

Kinoc...we snuck out of cadet barracks together to see the fayth. We fought fiends side by side at High Reach. You risked everything at Oconal, disobeyed your orders and marched our men to Starfall Village. You were the best friend of my youth...

And you're dead now...

Kinoc, I'm sorry.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Seymour is talking about...I don't know, about how he saved Kinoc by killing him? Some people might think Seymour's deep, but I think he's just nuts.

"You're totally nuts!" the kid says.

I look over at Auron, and he's just looking down at his...friend, I guess...not saying anything.

And suddenly Kimahri just runs up and jabs his big spear right in Seymour's chest! It was the last thing I expected, but it really doesn't seem to bother Seymour much. He just looks down like there's a bad smell under his nose, then he holds up his rod and Kinoc's body and the three Guado and the soldier (did I mention them?) all turn into pyreflies! And the pyreflies kind of go into Seymour and he changes, he grows and gets all white and gets some kind of freaky wings growing out the back of his head, and he's got some dead thing hanging off him!

That's it. Pyrefly eradication program. I'm starting a petition.

"Run!" Kimahri yells, "Protect Yuna!"

Yeah, right! Like we're just going to run off and leave him here alone!

"Go!"

Auron?

"No way!" the kid tells him. "I'm fighting!"

And Auron's sword is suddenly at Tidus' throat. My sword, the sword I made him. He wouldn't really...

**Auron:**

No one. Not even Tidus. I will not let anyone dishonor my brother's choice.

"I said go!"

They look at my face, then at each other, and go. I look quickly one last time at my brother-in-honor, spear in his hands, facing the unsent Guado maester alone. I want to carry that image with me. He will live on in that stark memory. (Honor smells bright and clean, like the air after lightning strikes.) I turn and run.

I catch up with the others and we run down one of the bridges, with the city spread out before us, lit up in the night. Then Yuna stops.

"I won't leave Kimahri behind!"

How can I make her, and them, understand that some people choose how and when and where and why their story ends. The Ronso has chosen this time and this place.

"He is a guardian," I try to explain. "Protecting you is everything."

"Auron!" she pleads.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Auron's trying to tell us why we should leave Kimahri behind to be killed, but he's not getting through, not to any of us. Then the kid says, "That's right! We're all guardians! Yeah, and you know what that means? Yuna...anywhere you go, I'll follow!"

**Auron:**

Wait a minute...

**Rikku's Diary:**

And Yuna says, "Anywhere I go?"

**Auron:**

I don't like...

**Rikku's Diary:**

And the kid says, "Yeah, anywhere!"

**Auron:**

...the way this seems...

**Rikku's Diary:**

And Yuna smiles all over her face, and says, "Well, then!"

**Auron:**

...to be going!

**Rikku's Diary:**

And they're both just grinning at each other, and then they say together, "Let's go!"

And they start running back the way we came!

**Auron:**

I'LL KILL THEM!

**Rikku's Diary:**

And Wakka says, "Hey! Wait for me!"

Well, hey! Me too! And I run after them. I don't look back. I don't have to! I know he's coming.

**Auron:**

The black mage, the only one of these children I thought had an ounce of sense, turns and says, "I'll go, too!"

Well...

Perhaps I'm not too angry with them after all. I shake my head and run after them. I wanted to avenge Kinoc anyway, and I'm happy that we won't lose my brother-in-honor.

Always assuming we survive.

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we run up on either side of Kimahri, and he just sort of looks at us and shakes his head. Well, hey! We love you too, big guy! And then Lulu comes up behind us, and...

And there he is, just walking up and throwing out orders right and left, shaking us into a battle line, kind of shrugging at Kimahri, and...humming?

What is it with the humming all of a sudden?

"Although he was not the man I once knew," he said, pulling his sword (MY sword!) and striking a pose, "Kinoc was still my friend. You will pay for his death, Seymour!"

Gee. (Wide eyes!) I'd be worried, Seymour.

He set up the front line like he always does—me, him, and Tidus. So we're in combat now, fighting for our lives, again, and I feel better than I have since we got to Bevelle! (Well, the cloister trials were fun.) Some people say I'm an adrenaline junkie, and that I live for crazy, frenzied moments like this where one wrong step will cost you everything. I don't know. Maybe. But that's not it, not why I feel so good right now. It's him, and it's me, and we're right there side by side, and I don't have to think about all the rest of it, don't have to think about whether I can trust him, because we're fighting and I know! I know he's going to be right there and that he'd never run and leave me. And I know he trusts me, trusts me to be there with a potion, or an item, or stealing something, or whatever he calls for. I'll be there for him, like he's there for me, and we're all there for each other! It's strange, but when we're all in the middle of a fight for our lives is when I feel closest to all of them.

And it might be the only place I trust him, but here in combat I trust him utterly.

And I like trusting him.

Tidus wanted to talk with Seymour, too, but the man cut him off and told him to start making with the Haste spells. I went in to steal and scored TWO tetra elementals! COOL! Seymour and his little dead buddy started casting elemental spells so Auron moved back and sent up Yuna to cast protection spells, and pretty soon everyone in front was Hasted and element protected. Hey! When you got a plan, things just go—

OW! OW! OW! Desperado! What's a Desperado?

"Haste is gone!" the kid yelled. I looked around. Aw, man!

"NulBlaze is gone, too!" I yelled, "So is NulTide! NulEverything is gone!"

Crap, Auron. Time for a new plan.

**Auron:**

That's why plans don't run battles, tacticians do.

All right. Desperado doesn't really hurt all that much. The problem is it cancels Yuna's Nul spells and Tidus' Haste. Okay, don't cast them. That'll neutralize Desperado. Wait. Haste the girl, then move her back out of range, move her in and out quick to heal or whatnot as needed with her Al Bhed potions. (Love those.)

So, new front line, me, Kimahri, and...Lulu. Time to start using some of those abilities she told me about back on Bikanel.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Tidus, Haste Rikku and back!" he said. "Kimahri up and Demi! Rikku back! Lulu up and Focus!"

Focus! What the heck is Focus?

**Auron:**

It isn't working. We're taking damage too quickly, spending all our time healing. And Demi didn't work. Change things up. "Kimahri back! Rikku in, and heal as needed!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, so Seymour and his MortyBuddy are still dishing out the elemental hurt and Auron calls me back in to do the healing thing more or less full time. I also go in to steal from time to time, but I don't get anything but lint. Think the lint might be worth something? Do you think Seymour has groupies somewhere who'd shell out the BIG gil? Or maybe I could use it to customize something? Let's see, lint from a dead maester's hip pocket. Put on a weapon, adds the "creep people out" auto-ability.

"Rikku!"

On it! Al Bhed potion-y goodness coming up!

**Auron:**

Yes, this was working. With Lulu's constant Focus, the power of Seymour's elemental attacks seemed to get a little less. I was hurting him and the girl was keeping ahead of the damage. If needed, I would bring Tidus in to reHaste her. The girl was fast. She had a lot of free time, and I let her toss grenades, too. Couldn't hurt.

Then Seymour gestured, and Lulu turned to stone.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Seymour turned Lulu into stone! And then his little dead sidekick tried to dust her, but I guess Auron must have had a hunch cause he was already in Guard mode and he jumped between them, twisted away from the attack, and just pounded him in return! I threw soft at Lulu and the man sent her back and called Tidus up.

**Auron:**

Take a chance.

"Tidus, start Hasting!"

Maybe we're past the Desperado stage.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I see Seymour gesture and—-

**Auron:**

HE TURNED RIKKU TO STONE! And that dead little postscript hanging off him tried to shatter her! I jumped in between them and fended it off, landing a crushing blow, and it scuttled back to Seymour and chewed off a little piece of his sorry unlife.

"Tidus! Soft!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

What...what happened? OH! Uh, I guess I was...

Okay, so Tidus hit me with another Haste spell and we all went back to work, Auron guarding us and Tidus and me Hasting and softing as needed. Every time the man hit it with a counterattack Seymour's little friend would go back and drain some of Seymour's life, so we were still taking him down. The only real bad part came when Seymour turned Auron to stone, then before we could turn him back the tiny terror attacked. We got lucky and he came at me instead of Auron (I ducked) and we threw a soft.

"Wakka!" I heard the man shout, shaking his head and getting back into Guard position. "If he turns me to stone and breaks me, call in the aeons and just pound him! He should be low enough to take down that way!"

"Then how come we don't just do it!" I yell at him.

"We don't know what else we'll meet on the way out."

Uh, okay. Makes sense. I guess.

Then the half-pint horror goes and launches a Desperado attack and there goes Haste, but that's not the bad part. The bad part was the Flare.

**Auron:**

The battle changed again as Seymour started to cast Flare after Flare, while his little dead accessory started to Cura him.

Pathetic.

It took a little juggling but I brought in Yuna and got everyone Shelled and reHasted, and then we just went back to straight up attacks...

**Rikku's Diary:**

...and one time Seymour kind of staggered, and then he just burst into pyreflies...

**Auron:**

...and I thought, YUNA, SEND HIM!

But it was too late. He was gone.

It's time to leave Bevelle.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We're leaving the city now, where so much happened and so much changed, and I think we're all leaving some little pieces of ourselves behind.

Yuna and Wakka and Lulu leave behind some of their faith in the Church. The things they saw in Bevelle shook the foundations of what they believe, the things they were taught as children. I mean, Yuna's own dad was a priest. Tidus leaves some of the simplistic ideas he had about Spira. Spira isn't a simple place, and saving Yuna won't be simple either. It's all more complex than he or any of us thought it was. Kimahri? Kimahri is leaving behind the end he thought he had chosen—facing Seymour alone. In a way, he must feel cheated. We didn't let him write the end of his own story.

Auron...

Auron is leaving pieces of his past. He grew up here. He and Kinoc were friends here. Evrae was kind to a lonely boy here. Auron taught young people with his whole heart here, in Bevelle.

Me? I feel like I'm leaving behind Childish Rikku, who thought that Auron could do anything. Yuna and the others lost some of their faith in Yevon here in Bevelle. Up on that roof when he let Yuna get married, I lost some of my faith in Auron. Which is good. Cause after all, he's just a man, and I should know that. But I think I lost too much. And then in the fight with Seymour, seeing how he ran things, and how much better he made all of us, I got some of that faith in him back.

But that wasn't a LEGEND throwing himself between us and harm over and over, it was a real man who feels real pain, and feels lonely sometimes, and scared, but never, ever lets it stop him.

I know that now.

Who wants a legend, anyway?

And now whatever it is that's going on between us, it isn't about Childish Rikku hero-worshiping a Legend. Not anymore.

Now it's about a woman—okay, a young woman—who's maybe just starting to get to know a man.

**Next: Faith, Hope, and Trust**


	21. Faith, and Hope, and Trust

Hm. Fair warning. Plot's going to start getting thin in the next bunch of chapters. We're coming to the Calm Lands, and that's where the game opens out for the first time, letting you do different things before you head up Mt Gagazet and plunge back into the linear storyline. There were different things I could have done. Explore the AU storyline, the war in heaven. Or just hurry them right on through the Calm Lands and get back to the story. What I decided to do was concentrate on the relationship for a while. Great. They were fun chapters to write, but I thought there would be like four or five of them. Huh uh. They go on for a while. And I had what I thought was a cute idea, but it may have gotten out of hand.

Oh well. Fair warning.

ps. Next chapter title is all the flowers of the calm lands. I'll go back and put it in the usual place later. Okay, did it.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (Maybe by the time I finish.) Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. (Real gradual.) Still-T-.

Geez, this is getting long. But one more important thing. Last time I dedicated the first twenty chapters. I'm going to be dedicating this next bunch of chapters too. So, this chapter and the next one are dedicated to Paper Parcel. Thank you for your nice reviews and your support. By the way, still waiting for some profile info from you. Anyway, hope you like them.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Do I trust him?

Sometimes, sure. Sometimes I trust him more than any other person alive. But is trusting someone sometimes enough? Like, he says he doesn't want Yuna to die, and I believe him. He doesn't. But that's not the same as saying he's gonna try and stop it. Why doesn't he say he's going to try to stop it?

Some things I trust without him saying anything. He cares about me. I know that. He's shown it again and again. But that doesn't mean he won't hurt me. He hurt Tidus, and I know he cares about him.

And I know he knows things that the rest of us need to know, but he doesn't tell us. He keeps them secret, like Mika being unsent. I mean, I'm sure he thinks he has a good reason. I guess I can't really picture Auron doing something NOT for a good reason, but...

Would I agree if I knew? Do I trust Auron's motives, and his priorities? What if there's something he thinks is more important than Yuna's life? What if...what if there is? What if he's right? I don't know what it could be, but I don't know cause he won't tell me. He doesn't trust me and I don't trust him, right? That was the deal. That was the arrangement. It was the understanding that we had, but not trusting him is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Do I trust him?

I have to decide, because...

I think I know how to force his hand.

* * *

**Faith, and Hope, and Trust**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we killed Seymour again. Hope it takes this time, cause frankly we've all got enough to worry about right now without more dead maester problems. Like getting out of the city.

From the air Bevelle looked neat as a pin, all laid out in a grid and everything in order. Up close the place was more of a maze, with lots of narrow alleys, but Auron seemed to know every twist and turn. He took us over fences and through deserted courtyards with old, dusty fountains, and even through a couple of smuggler's tunnels, I think. And sometimes people would come out of the shadows and he'd talk to them quietly, and then we'd run off in a different direction than we had been going. Sometimes he seemed to sense something, turning a different way on a hunch, or even doubling back to avoid something that was out there. Sometimes he'd make us all stand absolutely still for five or ten minutes and other times he had us running down streets flat out, and all I know is whoever it was that was after us never even got close enough to smell us.

Damn! The man coulda been a thief!

We were in an alley waiting for who knows what while Auron was talking to a short, stocky man.

"Lulu," he said, turning to us. "I need 25,000 gil."

"Oh, uh..." Lulu started, with all of a sudden frowny eyebrows. Gotta say, that girl is tight, and I don't just mean her dress! She could squeeze a gil til it cried for mercy. That's why we let her do most of our bargaining. But I don't think the man was in the mood...

"Now, Lulu."

"Oh, yes, Sir Auron."

She counted it out. In fact, she counted it out twice. And Auron turned and gave it all to the man, and he took it and left without a word, or a nod, or anything.

Well what the heck was that all about?

**Auron:**

Lud and his crew are freelancers, one of maybe a dozen teams in the city. They work for whoever pays them. The powers in the Church allow this because they're so useful to anyone who wants something done discreetly. If Mika or someone wants information they can ask Benefice or Ophelia or their own staff. But then the whispers start to fly and soon many, many people will know what he wants to know. Or he can hire Lud or someone like him, and everything is kept quiet.

Lud and his people would cover our tracks and spread false reports and false rumors and run some diversions—generally muddy the waters. No doubt Rin's people were doing the same, but having an independent backup under my own control just gave me a warm feeling. The members of the Luca group have been extremely helpful, but that still didn't mean they could be trusted.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Well, we made it out of the city, but I can't exactly say that things got easier. We started a game of cat and mouse in the rich farmlands surrounding Bevelle, hiding during the day, keeping constant watch and never moving or speaking unless absolutely necessary. We traveled at night, going slowly and cautiously, sometimes circling miles out of our way to avoid a patrol or checkpoint manned by warrior monks.

"Can't we just take them out?" the kid asked quietly one time.

"That's what they want," Auron explained to him patiently. "Once they lose a team, then they'll know where to concentrate their forces. If we can avoid eliminating their people, they won't know where we are."

Maybe it worked. I sure didn't know where we were, and I don't think the others did either. So we spent like two weeks covering a distance that would normally have taken two or three days. It was nerve-wracking, but we gradually left Bevelle behind us.

There was one time...

We were more or less out of the farmlands and going through some hills one night when I noticed that the others were watching Auron kind of sideways. I mean Lulu and Wakka and Yuna were. The kid was still just clueless, but I even saw Kimahri looking at Auron once or twice as we walked. I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then I guess Lulu noticed me noticing them, and I saw her mouth two words silently to me in the moonlight.

Oh.

Then I understood, and I knew what they were all thinking. It was around here somewhere. The road that led down to the coast, and Ocean's Point.

Where he became a legend.

Would he want to stop? Would he want to go down that road, down to the little village that became such a big part of his story? If there was anyplace on Spira that would take us in, take him and anyone with him in and hide us, it was there. Would he lead us down there? And so they snuck looks at him as we got closer to the turnoff to the coast. And then we were there, and then we were past, and he never stopped, never slowed, never even turned his head.

Ocean's Point. I'd like to have seen it.

* * *

**Auron:**

The man Rin sent had all the proper identifiers—passwords and such—but I would have trusted him by his smell in any case. Betrayal smells sort of bittersweet. Very, very bitter, and far too sweet. The notes he carried told me that Bevelle was shutting down the active search for us. They knew that we had gotten away. We had reached the edge of Macalania Woods, and I had left the others camped near the pool where we had fought the spheremorph a little more than a month before.

Lord, it seemed longer than that.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I'm not a pervert!

Okay, so we made it to Macalania Woods, back to the pool where I ran the battle against the spheremorph. (It was only five or six weeks ago. It feels like years!) The man went back to check our trail, and Yuna went off alone to think. I mean Kimahri followed her, but he was giving her some space. It was really the first chance she'd had to be alone, since...well, Bevelle, Bikanel, Macalania, really since before Guadosalam and Seymour's proposal. Back when all she had to worry about was staying alive long enough to die. Guadosalam is when it all got so complicated for her. She's gone off now to think and the rest of us are kinda eyeing each other, exchanging looks and glances and raised eyebrows and shaking heads and shrugging shoulders like we all forgot how to talk the last couple of weeks when Auron wouldn't let us. And what we're all wondering is, Will Yuna want to continue with the pilgrimage?

I guess we were all shaken by the things that had happened in Bevelle, but I think Yunie was most of all, even more than Wakka. The Church is a big, fat lie! Their Church, I mean, and Wakka believed really deeply in the Church and Yevon, and he sure didn't know what to think about dead maesters and temples filled with machina, but Wakka was kind of an optimist. Yuna was strong inside, but she was kind of quiet by nature. I sure hoped she would decide to quit, and I know Tidus did too. And I think—I think—the man would want her to quit, too. Or at least he'd support her if she wanted to quit. Or, at least not try to stop her. Or...

Wishful thinking. I haven't got a clue.

He came walking up.

"Well?" Wakka asked him.

"We're all clear," he said. "We'll have to avoid Bevelle in the future."

I hadn't followed him this time. I just didn't have the motivation. And I really didn't have to. I'll bet groundhogs to gil that he met someone, a secret someone who gave him a secret report from...somewhere.

That's Auron.

"Yuna?" he asked.

"She said she wanted to be alone," I said.

"Of course."

**Auron:**

Their faith has been shaken. Not only their faith in the Church, and not only Wakka and Lulu and Yuna, but even Kimahri and Rikku and the boy. They're all just starting to understand that their world, this world that they thought they knew, isn't what they think. It was... It all came more suddenly than I had hoped, for them. They had to know the truth, at least some of it, before Zanarkand, but I didn't want so much truth coming so hard and so fast that it could break them. So, are they broken? I'm sitting next to the blitzballer. His head is hanging down. Wakka is angry. He's been angry for days, but what does that anger cover? Fear? Denial? Confusion? All of them? Wakka doesn't hide his emotions.

"Wakka," I say softly.

"Eh?" he looks up.

"Wakka, mighty Evrae once said to me, every man must decide for himself what is important. Then he will know who he is."

"Uh...okay? Sure."

"Wakka, what is more important? Your faith, or their hypocrisy?"

"Sir Auron..."

He stopped and took a breath, then shook his head, looking down at the ground between his feet.

"Auron, they lied to me. They been lying to me my whole life, and I believed them. The way I treated Rikku, because of what they said about Al Bhed, ya? And Luzzu, and what I said to him. And this whole pilgrimage..."

"Yes."

"So now, it's like, Who am I? Huh? What does anything really mean? And everything I thought I knew—"

"Yes..."

"So, you know, I don't even know where to start! It's like... It's like, anyplace I try to stand starts to sink right under me, ya? There's no place solid for me to stand and look at things!"

"Wakka," I paused, "Wakka, what is the most important thing in your life right now?"

"Blitzball," he said with a tired smile.

"Don't joke, Wakka. Look inside yourself and answer me. Tell me what part of you is most important to you."

His hung his head and swallowed, but didn't say anything. I saw his fists clenching.

"Wakka," I said softly, "If it's faith, say Faith."

"But it can't be." He said, looking down. "Not now!"

I stood up, and looked down at him.

"Will you let them choose what's important to you and what isn't? Who is going to decide who you are, Wakka?"

And I put my hand on his shoulder, and walked away. (I think...it might be the first time that I've touched him.) Wakka will have to find his own way, as we all do. But if he can ever accept that his faith has worth even if the object did not, then he will find within himself that solid place on which to stand.

Lulu. I glance at the black mage as I walk by. Lulu doesn't show her feelings. I don't know how upset she is, won't know if she's about to break until it happens, suddenly one day and without warning. She could be at the very ragged edge, and no one would ever notice, never see anything past her calm face. Mentally, I inhale as I pass, trying to get some sense of something through the death smell and the melancholy, but it's hard. Maybe... Maybe...the softest whiff of...desperation? No. No, I can't be sure. And I don't know how to talk to her, how to approach this subject with her. I can ask if she's all right, and she'll say that she is.

I can—I don't want to, but I can—start to push her. I can start to run her, put pressure on her, more and more. If I think she's close to the edge...I can push her over. It has some advantages. I'll know it's coming, and be able to decide the timing somewhat. It could provide a distraction to the others if I should happen to need one. And when the crisis is past I can count on her to be a stabilizing element in the party once more. And...she'd be less likely to try and confront me in the future, if some disagreement between us came up.

I don't want to do it. But I'll keep it in mind.

The Ronso isn't here. He'll be watching Yuna, of course. Of all of them, he might be the least affected by Bevelle. He decided long ago what was important to him. But even he has to wonder what else that he thought was solid and settled actually isn't. He has to rethink things he thought he knew, but he'll do that slowly and calmly. There will be a period of uncertainty, but I don't think there will be a crisis for him.

Yuna herself. I just don't know. In many ways I know her the least of all of them. I know she's strong, but I don't know how she's going to use that strength. She's strong enough to quit her pilgrimage, but she's also strong enough to continue without the support of the Church.

If she quits, what do I do? Start over, somehow? Pick some other summoner party to join? I don't know. The Plan is open ended enough that the blow wouldn't be fatal. I can build the story I need around other people, even at this point. Perhaps even a better story. It's the nature of stories that such things are possible. But...Braska's daughter and the son of Jecht? Build a better story than that?

Do I want her to quit?

Don't ask that question, Auron.

They do. The boy and girl. No question, no hesitation. They want Yuna to quit. They want Yuna to live. The two were talking together and I saw the boy finally shake his head and go after her. Yuna, I mean. Good luck, Tidus, with...well, I don't know what. Just, good luck.

Rikku and Tidus. You might think that they'd be the least affected by all of this since neither of them really cares about Yevon. But if you look at the events in Bevelle as just the latest in a long string of traumas, then both of their lives have been unraveling for months. Tidus was happy in Zanarkand. He was building a life for himself. He had friends, and a career that he loved. Then Sin attacks the city and he's pulled here to Spira, and he learns about his father, and about Yuna's fate, and he thought he was at least stating to get a handle on things, that he finally understood what was going on, when...Bevelle. They keep changing the world on him, and he can't get his bearings. Like Wakka, whenever he thinks he understands a little, the ground starts to sink under him.

And it's not like you're helping him any, Auron.

And there's worse to come, for him.

The girl...

She's an Al Bhed in a world that hates Al Bhed, and she's thrown into a group of strangers, all going someplace she doesn't want to go, to do something she doesn't want to do, but she goes along with them anyway desperately hoping she can somehow change things, and she thinks it's her job to be happy and to cheer everyone up, and she's fighting fiends and she's scared of lightning and we drag her onto the Thunder Plains, and we killed that idiot Seymour and I think that's going to get to be a habit and the Church wants us all dead and... And she lost her home, and a lot of the people that she cared about. That's broken a lot of strong men. You've seen it Auron. But she smiles and goes on. She has a pretty smile. Odd, when Spira keeps kicking her in the teeth. And Auron, you're certainly not helping her, either. She's scared, and she knows that there are things she doesn't know. Things that you won't tell her. Can't you trust her a little, Auron? Can't you take a chance? Will the world end if you're wrong?

Yes. It will.

And Hell will come and take the living.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I'm not a pervert! I just wanted to see what happened when Tidus talked to Yunie, that's all. He was going to talk to her about giving up her pilgrimage! I wanted to see how she reacted. So I waited until Tidus had gone and I could see the man was busy talking to Wakka, and I slipped casual-like into the woods. I've learned to move pretty quietly in the forest (I am a thief!) and I got to the edge of the trees near the pool where I could see the two of them talking. I suddenly realized that this was the first real chance they had to talk since Tidus learned about Zanarkand. They're standing in the pool, waist deep, talking, and I think I can tell the moment when Tidus says, Just don't do it! Just stop. And I'm rooting silently with all my heart, Yeah, Yuna! Just stop. Go home, go with Tidus, get married, have kids, have a long, long, happy life! Choose life!

And I think...! I think...they're smiling! I see Tidus smiling, and laughing! And that's gotta mean... I mean, it's gotta, right? And they're swimming and talking, all excited and smiling, and...

And...

Yuna's crying.

She's crying, and no one's smiling anymore... And Tidus goes to her, and holds her, and he leans down, and his lips slowly find hers, and they kiss... HAND ON MY SHOULDER!

"I'm not a pervert!" I blurt.

"I didn't think you were, Rikku," Auron said softly. Of course it was Auron. This was pretty embarrassing, so who else would it be? He lifted a hand to my face, and brushed my cheek. "Do perverts have tears in their eyes?"

I pushed his hand away and swiped my arm across my face. Who said he could watch me cry anyway!

"What are you doing here, Auron?" I whispered angrily. Yeah, he's the one in the wrong!

"This," he gestured toward the pool, "Is private."

"Private?" I hissed back. "It's pretty, and it's romantic, it's probably the best, most romantic day of Yuna's life, but it's not real! You set it up, didn't you? It's all a fake! It's a great, big, fat lie, just like the Church!"

I saw his mouth open, then close, and he shook his head a little and said, "I hoped it would happen. Something like this."

Out in the pool the two of them were dancing or swimming, or flying, or something. It was hard to tell, cause I still had tears in my eyes, and Auron put his hands on my shoulders and turned me around and we walked back into the woods and away from that beautiful, moonlit pool where Yuna thought she was being young and alive and maybe in love, but she didn't know she was really just a puppet and he was pulling her strings! Dammit!

A little way in I shrugged his hands off and turned to face him.

"Auron," I said, and pounded my fists slowly on his chest. "Auron, you're playing with lives and now with their feelings! That was maybe Yuna's first real kiss! And it was so perfect, because that's what you wanted. Auron! You can't do that to people! You can't play with them that way!

"Auron," I said quietly, finally collapsing against him. "You haven't got the right!"

After a moment, I barely heard him say, "No one does."

I felt so tired suddenly. Tired of fighting Spira and him both. Wasn't fighting one of them enough? Maybe it was all just finally catching up to me. We stood there under the trees, his arm around me, holding me up against his chest, in this forest where I thought once that anything was possible, and anything could happen.

"Auron...?"

"Rikku."

"Auron," I said, my cheek against his soft coat, "If you had known my home was going to be destroyed, what would you have done?"

"Save you."

It was like I didn't understand the answer. Oh, part of me took that answer and just hugged it away somewhere inside to keep and take out and look at over and over someday soon, but part of me still didn't know, would he have saved Home if he could?

"Auron," I said softly, "In Bevelle, up on the roof, you let Yuna marry a dead man. Wait, let me finish. And I don't know if it was because you couldn't do anything, that there wasn't anything to do, or if you could have done something but chose not to for some reason I can't even guess. Wait, wait. And, Auron...I don't know which I want it to be."

And I pushed myself out of his arms, and walked away, back to the camp.

He should've come after me.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, everyone raise your hands that want to stop Yuna dying.

You sir, in the red coat. Is your hand up?

Hard to tell. You know, I think that I always had it in the back of my mind that he really did have a plan. Some plan for Yuna and Zanarkand, and that was the reason that he let Tidus suffer, and kept all his secrets, and everything else. That it was worth it because in the end it meant he wouldn't let it happen. He wouldn't let Yuna die in Zanarkand. He'd stop it. Then...Bevelle. And that really shook me. And again, do I want it to be that he couldn't do anything? Cause maybe that means that he won't be able to anything in Zanarkand to stop Yunie dying. Or do I want it to be that he chose not to do anything, cause that means maybe in Zanarkand he'll let Yuna die.

And would someone in the class please tell me why it's all up to me? How come I'm always the one standing up to him? (Maybe because none of the others knows yet that he needs to be stood up to?) Why don't they ever say anything when he bullies Yunie? Or any of us? And how come no one's calling him on Bevelle? How come I'm the only one who cares that he didn't tell us about Mika? Why are they all giving him a free pass? They know that he knew, right?

And I'm starting to think that may be exactly the problem here. Why is it all me against him? Why should it be? It doesn't have to be. Because, you know, he still owes me one honest answer. Remember? He promised me outside the Farplane in Guadosalam that if I asked him a question, he'd answer honestly if he answered at all. I've never asked the question because it wouldn't have done any good.

Scenario one: Auron, are you gonna let Yuna die?

Auron: No answer.

Scenario two: Auron, what's really going on around here?

Auron: No answer.

Scenario three: Auron, have you ever pictured me...less dressed?

Auron: No answer.

See! It wouldn't have done any good to ask anything because he always had that option of not answering. But lately I've been thinking...

Why do I have to ask him while we're alone?

Not answering me is one thing. But what if I ask him why he's keeping secrets, and I ask him in front of everyone, while we're all together? Then if he doesn't answer, they're all going to start to wonder. And he can't want that. That's how I can force his hand. That's how I can get some answers out of him!

It's not like I'm betraying him.

I'm not trying to turn the others against him, or anything. I just want to know what's going on. Guard Yuna. That's what he said to me in Macalania. From everyone. From anyone. That's what I'm doing.

Thinking of doing.

Walking between the woods and the hills, on our way to our next stop—the Calm Lands—I wrestled with the idea. At least I could see where we were going now. The man was letting us move during the day again.

The others might have noticed I had something kinda on my mind. I guess I wasn't telling jokes or pointing out funny looking trees and rocks and giving them silly little names, or stuff like that. It's because I was going round and round in my head about the question, and should I ask it, and would that be betraying him, and of course not, and then so how come your belly keeps doing flippy flops and your heart feels so hollow when you think about standing up in front of all of them and asking him that question and they're all looking at me and I ask Auron why are you keeping secrets from us and they're all looking at him but he's looking at me and what is it that I see in his face and I didn't want to hurt him! Breathe, girl. Breathe.

How can one relationship between two people be such a twisted, tangled mess of secrets and trust issues? Do I trust him? I have to answer that question five times a day, and the answer changes depending on what we're doing! Are we talking about combat? Or Yuna's life? Or him asking me to keep a secret? And even those answers change! People aren't set up to work that way, deciding the same thing over and over and over! People are supposed to decide once! Do you trust him! And then it's all neat and settled, isn't it? You've got the people you trust over here and the one's you don't over there.

Wakka came up while we were walking and sort of asked how I was doing.

"Yo, girl. Whassup? You okay? You kinda quiet today."

I put a hand up flat to one side of my head, put my fist to the other and made small tightening motions.

"Sqeeak. Sqeeak. Sqeeak!"

"Oh, uh...okay...sure, ya..."

But that's the way I felt! Like my head was in a vise and it was just getting tighter and tighter until one day real soon it was just gonna explode all over everyone into one great big dry-cleaning mess! Why does he always make me feel like this! Like I'm in a moral dilemma? Like I'm trapped in the middle of some Al Bhed parable about right and wrong? I know right from wrong! I'm a good girl! So why can't I ever decide with him? Why does he make me feel like this all the time! Like there are no clear-cut answers but I still have to decide! Like my head is in a vise.

Like my heart is in a vise...

I don't want to hurt him. He's my best friend.

When did that happen? Are we friends? I've never really been rich in the friends department. Oh, I have lots of cousins and there are Al Bhed kids that I like and they like me, I think, and we hang out together, and have sleepovers and things. I mean, we did. And I have a couple of close friends. But by the time I was twelve I learned to go kinda slow, be cautious. Some of them were my friends because I was Cid's daughter. And a couple of years later some boys wanted to be friends for other reasons. I got a little hurt a couple of times and learned to be more careful. I know Auron's not like that, he doesn't care that I'm Cid's daughter, or...well, the other thing. I mean, he has to know by now the way I feel, even when I don't trust him, even when I'm so mad at him that I want to just slap those glasses right off his face! He has to know. Sometimes I think he sees more with his one eye than the rest of us do with our twelve put together. But he's never tried to do anything. I'm not sure what I'd do if he did try to do something, but he never has. The only times he's held me was when I was crying. Crying can be romantic, but not the way that I do it when I really cry. I guess...he just doesn't look at me that way. The way I sometimes see him looking at Lulu.

Not yet.

So, do I trust him? My best friend? How can I trust him, when I know all the things he's keeping from us? And none of that even touches whether he trusts me.

My heart's in a vise.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I thought about it for a few days, turning it over and over in my mind.

It's not personal.

I'm not betraying him. I'm not.

That's what I told myself sitting across the campfire from him that night. The others were eating the evening meal. I didn't eat much. My stomach was hurting. And I felt kind of clammy. They were starting to finish up. Soon they'd be done, and another night would have passed without me saying anything. I have to say it! Just open your mouth and say it, Rikku!

"Auron..."

He looked up at me, and I couldn't see anything in his face. They all stopped talking and they were looking at me, waiting and curious. My heart was pounding. I wet my dry lips.

"Auron..."

"Rikku," Yuna asked, "Rikku, what is it?"

"Ya, girl. What you got, huh?"

Say it, Rikku! Why are you keeping secrets? Don't think about it, don't look at them! Just say it! I swallowed. Say it!

"Auron...tell us a story..."

Damn! Damndamndamn!

"Rikku!" "Whoa, girl!" "Hey, Rikku!" "How...unusual."

Oh, Rikku, oh Rikku-girl...

I can't do it.

I felt that tightness that's been inside me for days like a vise around my heart start to loosen. I've been wrestling with this in my head and in my heart and they've been saying different things and maybe I'm wrong, but at least I know now. I know I can't do it. I can call it anything, explain it and excuse it any way that I like, but inside...I know I'd be betraying him. And I just can't. Whatever it is that's going on between me and him is between me and him. They all trust him, and I can't try to turn them against him. Maybe I should, but I'm not going to.

And I still don't know if I can trust him. I just know I can't do this to him.

I won't.

So I just sat there and listened to them being all shocked that I asked him to tell us a story just like we were all little kids and he had just tucked us in at night and where the hell did that come from anyway? Dunno. I had to say something, and that's what came out.

"Oh, Sir Auron, she's just a little tired. We all are!"

"No, hey Auron! Do it! Tell a story!"

"Hey brudda, shut up! No no, Sir Auron, it's all right! Rikku! What's the matter with you, girl?"

"Yuna's right. The child is just tired. Don't mind her, Sir Auron."

And he still hadn't said anything. Just sat there across the fire, looking at me. And I couldn't help thinking that he somehow knew what I had been going to do, and knew that I didn't do it, and that now he was...disappointed in me.

Tough, Auron, I thought tiredly. I'm not going to betray you for a principle. Get over it.

"Once..."

The word dropped into the space around the fire like a stone dropped into a pool of water, and seemed to send little ripples through the air. We all looked at him, stared at him sitting there in the flickering light thrown up by the flames, in his coat and his shades and his scar.

"Once," he said, "There was a warrior monk who lost his faith."

His voice was low and smooth. It made you want to close your eyes and listen, just to hear him saying words—any words. And slowly and quietly, they all sat down, settling back and shifting to see him better.

"Maybe he never had much to begin with. He saw the lies and hypocrisy and the hunger for power, but he accepted it all in exchange for the good the Church did in the world, until he saw too much. He lost his faith, and left the Church, and in a place called Zanarkand he met a man named Belloc. Belloc wasn't special. He was a rapist and a murderer who would cut a man's throat for pocket change, and there were thousands like him in Zanarkand. Belloc died going back into a burning building to rescue a girl while better men watched and did nothing. No one ever knew why. He was just passing. He didn't know them. He brought one child out of the flames, and then another. He was killed by a falling timber. And life went on. But it bothered the onetime monk. He couldn't understand, and he couldn't forget, and he didn't know why. Then one day he had to choose between mercy or death for an evil man. And he understood. Belloc had restored his faith. Just a little. Faith in what, he wasn't sure. Perhaps faith in his friends, or in the future. But he had seen one evil man one day choose to do good for no reason. It just...happened. And then he knew that people lose faith, and find it again. Because faith is easy to lose. But hard to extinguish."

And when he had finished he stood up, and looked at each of us for a moment, Wakka, then Lulu and Yuna, then Kimahri, who never said a word, and Tidus, and last of all me. Then he turned and walked away from the fire.

After Auron's story, it was kinda like we turned a corner, like we left some of what happened in Bevelle behind us. I noticed we started to smile more, and make wisecracks like we all used to. Like when we met some of those wasp things, Wakka didn't just take them out, he did it with style, you know?

"Make way," he said. "Traitors coming through!"

And I saw Auron nod to himself.

And then one day we were there! We came out of a canyon, and we saw the Calm Lands spread out below us! They seemed to go one forever! And in the distance we could just make out tall mountains. But it wasn't the view, and it wasn't the bright sunshine, and it wasn't the breeze that carried the scent of clean grass that made us all look at each other and beam. (Even he smiled a little behind his cowl. I just know he did.) It was a feeling that came from the ground itself that made you feel...not peaceful, not even safe. It made you feel comfortable, like you were in your own home.

It felt like home.

"Long ago," Lulu said, "The high summoners fought Sin here. The road ends here. Beyond, there are no towns, no villages. Only endless plains."

**Auron:**

Well, nothing except the Broken Citadel and the Dream Plain, the Al Khet lands, and about a million angry nomads, Lulu.

Keep it under your hat.

"Many summoners stray from their path and lose their way here," I said.

**Rikku's Diary:**

And Yuna just plopped down on her back there in the grass and looked up at the sky. I wondered if she'd lose her way here. I hoped so. Because no matter how calm the Calm Lands are, and no matter how wonderful they feel to us right now, we're gonna cross them, and on the other side we're gonna climb Mt Gagazet, and then we're there.

Zanarkand.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I've started having nightmares about Zanarkand.

We reach the bottom tomorrow. We reach the plains. The Calm Lands are great. I wish we could stay here forever. But we can't. I'm shivering under my blanket in Yuna's tent tonight, not cause it's cold, but because I'm scared. Not Anima scared, but it's a kind of scared that's not going away. It's always there and it really comes out to play at night when there's nothing else to think about. I'm just sixteen (seventeen in a few months!) and I don't want to die, and somewhere inside I know I'm going to. We all are, Yunie and me and all of us. And all I can do is shiver, and blankets don't help you when you're cold inside.

You know...

That night, after he told his story about losing faith and finding it again, he came up to me when I was sitting on my own, staring into the campfire.

He stood very close, and in a quiet voice he asked me, "Rikku, tonight, earlier. What did you really want to say?"

I looked up at him. I didn't smile. I didn't have the strength. I was emotionally exhausted. But I was more or less at peace with myself. And I didn't want to fight anymore. Maybe later.

I just said, "It's a secret."

And he reached out his hand, and put it for a moment on my shoulder.

Then he walked away.

His hand on my shoulder for just that minute, it made me feel better. Safer. And right now, tonight, this instant in time, I don't care about Bevelle, or about secrets, or even about trust. I always feel safer when I'm with him, and I wish...

----Rikku and Auron----_In My Head_----Anna Nalick----

What do you want, Rikku?

You know what you want.

I get up and leave the tent quietly, and pad barefoot through the dark past where Tidus and Wakka are sleeping, to where Auron is laying farther away, wrapped in his red coat.

You know what you want, Rikku. What do you say?

Tell him the truth. He won't expect the truth.

I fold my legs and sit on my heels close to him, and his eye opens and he looks up at me.

"Auron," I say softly. "I'm scared. Please hold me."

And after a moment, he silently opens his arms, and I crawl in next to him and snuggle in tight against him and he wraps his coat around the two of us, and the fear goes away. And I want this so much, and it feels so nice, but some stupid little part of me knows it's not really okay. This is what kids do, run and get someone to hold them when they're scared of monsters. I'm a grownup, aren't I?

But I'm scared.

And...so is he. He told me so.

And maybe, I think, laying there against him...maybe it really is okay, if two people...

"Auron..." I whisper. "Auron, let me hold you, too."

And after a moment his hold loosens, and I sort of scoot up until I can put my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder.

And then I put my lips close to his ear and say softly, "Auron...it'll be all right, all of it. I don't know how, yet, but I know it will be.

"Don't be afraid, Auron."

**Next: All the Flowers of the Calm Lands**


	22. All the Flowers of the Calm Lands

Well, last time, in the very last part of the chapter I messed up some names. Seven people had read it before I fixed it. (I checked the stats.) I think that really detracted from the scene. Sorry. Don't know how I missed that.

I'm glad some of you liked the chapter. Rikku worked her way though an internal crisis (she'll have others) and clarified to herself a little bit her relationship with Auron. But if you're hoping that after that last scene Auron will now realize that Rikku is his soulmate and sweep her up into his embrace, um...nope. But it was a key scene, because those last four words were the exact moment that she just wafted right through all of Auron's defenses like they weren't there. And he doesn't even realize it yet. Anyway, starting with this chapter--or maybe the next one, really--things are going to lighten up some, and concentrate more on the relationship for a while. I tend to think of these as the Crush chapters.

Anyone notice these things are getting longer?

Oh, geez. One more thing. No...never mind. Next chapter.

So, let's see. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-.

And like last chapter, this one is dedicated to Paper Parcel.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

There is a flower that grows on the slopes of Mt Gagazet.

When I fell to Zanarkand ten years ago, a few stray blossoms were caught up in my coat. I kept them, and planted their seeds carefully in little containers and managed to get them to grow. They were small and white with faint blue tints inside, hard to see on the mountain slopes. They reminded me of Spira.

Few people ever saw the places where I lived in Zanarkand, but every person that did was so surprised to see that I had flowers in my home.

Emma. Salli. Tidus. Vedec. Willa. All of them. Every single one.

I wonder why.

* * *

**All the Flowers of the Calm Lands**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_They sat together, nearly touching, but not quite. It could have been miles rather than inches. They hadn't spoken at all, just sat looking silently out over the view as the sun disappeared behind the side of the mountain. As the light began to fade they both turned to the other at the exact same time. "Auron…" "Rikku…"_

"_Oh…"_

"_You first, Rikku."_

"_Oh no, what were you going to say, Sir Auron?"_

"_Rikku, you don't have to call me Sir Auron."_

"_N-no?"_

"_No, Rikku. Just call me Auron."_

"_All right…"_

_She was gazing into his hard face, at the terrible scar, and the gentle brown eye, and she couldn't stop blinking, and she felt her own heart beating deep inside of her._

"_Say it, Rikku," he pressed. "Please. Say Auron."_

"_Why?" she whispered, leaning closer. "Why do you want me to say it?"_

"_It sounds beautiful when you say it, Rikku," he answered softly. "You're beautiful, Rikku…"_

"_Oh, Auron," she breathed, her hand finding his in the growing darkness, and the two clasping._

"_Rikku, I've tried for so long to deny my feelings for you, but I can't anymore! Rikku, I'm too old, and I'm all broken inside, and I know that I shouldn't, but I can't help it…I love you, Rikku…"_

"_Auron…"_

_They stared at each other for one frozen moment in time. She saw the tear just starting to form in the corner of his eye, and he saw her lips just start to curve up in a joy-filled smile, and then they were in each other's arms, and their lips m_

"Hey, Rikku! Whatcha writing?"

"Gah! Wakka!"

"Whoa, lost your book there. I'll get it."

"NO! You just leave it alone! I'll get it!

"Sheesh. So-rry. Just came over to tell you, look's like there's somethin' coming."

"A fiend?"

"Nooo...not a fiend, but I dunno what it is, ya?"

Well, I'm glad it wasn't another bunch of fiends. While we were traveling down the Notch this last week we'd been running into kinda weak little fiends that weren't really all that dangerous, but there were a LOT of them and it kinda slowed us down. I know the man got bored with fighting them after the first couple of times, but he and Lulu said there were also some more powerful fiends out there on the plain. But for right now it was all wolf-like things Auron called skolls and wasp-like nebriosesseses and stuff like that. I was stealing dream powders and poison fangs from them! Really useful, although the man doesn't actually use stuff like that very much. He said something about not liking to substitute inventory for tactics. And there were some boulder things that they called shreds that when I went to steal from them I got something weird. I think it's a hypello potion. I've only seen a few in some of the labs that our people brought them back from somewhere on their trips. I know they're good for something, but I'm gonna need a little time to figure it out. The man said fine, take all the time I need. (Does that sound a little insulting to you? I won't need that much time.)

Anyway, after Wakka went to talk with Auron I stood up and shaded my eyes with one hand (in the other I held my journal, tight) and looked out over the grass in the direction that he pointed. He was right. It wasn't a fiend, but there was something coming fast. It was raising a cloud of dust. Hey! I jumped up and started waving my arms. It was Rin's traveling shop!

**Auron:**

We took turns going onboard and looking around. The stock was limited but they had some interesting pieces. I half expected Rin himself to be onboard. I had run into him in almost every other place of his that we've stopped, but the shop was being run by an employee that evidently was not a part of the Luca network. It looked like I was still going to be out of contact for a while. The clerk told me that Rin had opened an agency out on the grassy plain. It was a week or two away, if we pushed. It hadn't been there when Braska, Jecht, and I came through before. And it wasn't there when I came back, afterward.

I looked around. It was in this very mobile shop that Rin himself had found me ten years before, collapsed out on the plain. I don't remember much, but I know that he loaded me onto this craft and transported me to his Macalania Agency. They did their best for me there. Not their fault that it was too late. I got up in the middle of the night, and somehow found the road to Bevelle. Just like I don't really know how I got down off the mountain, I don't really remember how I almost made it to Bevelle. I think people helped me from time to time, supporting me a little way, and then I would crawl a little farther, then someone else would give me their arm and their strength. And the last I met was a Ronso. I knew by then that I was never going to see the city alive and I begged him to keep my promise. Part of my promise. To find Yuna, and take her away from that poisonous place, to the clean, simple village of Besaid. I saw him walk off, then I crawled away into the forest as far as I could, until my strength gave out at last. Then...

I shook my head. There was no profit to these thoughts. I leaned back, putting my head out of the hatch and said, "Lulu. I need 10,000 gil"

**Rikku's Diary:**

We had gotten to the bottom around about mid-morning, and all of the Calm Lands were stretched out in front of us. There were wild chocobos running around everywhere and a nice breeze was blowing the grass. It looked like the plains went on forever, but of course I knew they didn't. We would cross them, and eventually they would come to an end, and then we'd start up Mt Gagazet, the last part of our journey. The last part of Yuna's life. Unless someone did something, and as much as I wanted to trust Auron, I just didn't know what he was planning. He didn't trust me. I don't know, maybe he was right not to. So, while a little piece of me deep inside still hoped he had a plan, that he would do something, wouldn't let it happen, I understood that I couldn't count on it. It looked like it would be up to Tidus and me to think of something, anything, to save Yuna. And we will try, we'll try as hard as we can, but I wish...

I wish Auron would just tell me that he's gonna try to save her too.

And I wish he'd tell me that I don't have to protect her from him.

I went out to him last night, out to where he was sleeping, and I told him I was scared and asked him to hold me, and he did. And I held him too. I woke up a little bit when he got up to go stand the middle watch the way he does every night, but I don't think I did when he came back, because the next thing I remember was him gently waking me up before dawn and asking quietly if I wanted to go back to the tent. He was worried that I'd be embarrassed if the others woke up and saw where I was. I wouldn't be. I don't think I would be. But I got up anyway, and I tried to give him a little kiss, just a little good morning kiss, nothing serious, but he kind of turned away. I don't know if he meant to or if it was just a coincidence that he turned right then, but...well, anyway, I changed it into sort of a good morning hug, with my cheek tight against his. And I felt...I felt his scar against my cheek, and I kind of pulled away...a little. I didn't mean to! I don't know why I did! But, I could feel Auron kind of jerk his head away, and he said I needed to go. And I said, Auron, but he said it's almost dawn, and I needed to go.

It was just a mistake! I don't care anything about his scar! He has to know that by now. I'll tell him, and everything will be all right. I'll tell him.

I hope he's not hurt. Maybe he isn't. Maybe I'm making too much about all of that. He didn't treat me any differently today. I went up to him this morning while we were walking and said hi and told him a knock-knock joke, and he just closed his eye like something maybe hurt and didn't say anything back. Just like we do everyday.

Looking around for Auron I saw him jumping down out of the shop. We had stopped to eat lunch and train at midday when it drove up to us and we all took turns going in to see what they had. I was in there earlier. The selection wasn't big, but there were some interesting choices. Of course I couldn't really afford anything, and I just didn't feel like trying to talk Lulu out of the money, so it was all look but don't touch. There was an interesting bracer in there, and I kinda wish...well, it cost 70,000 gil, and anyway, it wasn't really something he'd use. Huh. Looks like the clam picked something up. Better not be a sword!

Oh, he's coming this way! Okay. Okay. All right. All right, allllll right. Huh...

"Rikku."

"Hey. Auron!" I smiled as brightly as I could. "Did'ja get something in there? A bracer?"

"A targe."

Ohhh...!

Oh...

"Oh, Auron...!"

He held out a targe with copper and white and yellow spokes. It was the Curative Targe I had seen in the shop! I had wanted to get it so bad, but it cost 10,000 gil! I took it from him and put it on. I loved it!

"It's not a gift, Rikku," he said.

"Of course not! I know that."

"It's a Curative Targe."

"Oh, uh..."

"When you're poisoned, or blinded, or slowed, or whatever, the magic of this targe automatically triggers whatever item you have that can cure you."

Well I knew that! But I didn't say it! Nope. I opened my eyes as wide as they would go and put my head down a little so I was looking up at him and stuck my lower lip out just a little, and nodded my head that I was listening to every word, and let him explain to me all about the Curative Targe. Oh, I was adorable.

"But the magic works through you, so it doesn't work if you're confused or berserk, or sleeping or petrified."

I nodded my head with a serious listening expression on my face.

"Auron...?" I asked quietly, looking up at him through my lashes. "Why did you get this for me?"

What did I want to hear? I don't know. I guess I just wanted to hear what he answered.

"Rikku," he said with a small sigh. "Sit down."

We both sat down on the grass and he started to explain.

"Rikku, our party...one of its greatest assets is your speed."

Oh.

"You're fast Rikku. Your reflexes are fast. That means you're very well suited to give support. You can often perform three actions for every two someone else does. So you can heal us, or cure us that much quicker when we need it, and before the fiends have a chance to act. You're fast, and you'll need to be even faster, but we also need to do everything we can do to maximize your speed, and that's what this targe does. For instance, if as the result of some attack, I'm blinded, you're poisoned, and Lulu's silenced, the targe will cure your poison, leaving you free to cure the rest of us."

"An Al Bhed potion—" I started.

"It was just an example, Rikku," he said.

"Oh. Yes sir."

Too much? He shot a quick look at me. I was so innocent, playing with the targe, turning it over in my hands and trying it on and looking at it, and smiling brightly at him.

"All right, Rikku." he went on. "We're going to be moving soon. The clerk tells me there's an agency now out on the plain, and that's where we'll be headed."

"I'll be ready, Auron," I said as he started to get up.

"Auron!"

He stopped and looked down at me from only a couple of feet away.

"Thank you for the targe," I said, and I put two of my fingers to my lips and kissed them, and then lifted them slowly up to his face, and touched them softly to his scar just under where his eye had been. He didn't move or say anything. I held them there for a minute, and then lowered my hand back down, feeling a little silly, I guess.

And he finished getting up, and walked away.

**Auron:**

Have I been indulging her crush?

Why would I do that?

It's just a crush. It will pass. They always do.

But last night, the girl asked me to hold her. That didn't come from any crush. That was real, and it was deadly serious. I sensed someone near and opened my eye, and even before that I knew it was her from the smell of bubble gum, sadness, and fear. She was truly, deeply afraid. I could smell it. Not near the edge, not yet, but moving that way. The panic has been slowly rising inside her, day by day. Or rather, night by night. She is the youngest here, and the most alone, in a world that hates Al Bhed. And yet she could have denied her fear. So many men would have done that. She could have tried to keep it all inside while she smiled for the rest of us, but instead she said she was scared. She had the courage to come to me and tell me she was scared and ask me for comfort. And so I held her while she went to sleep. She's afraid. Surely I would do as much for any of the others. Well, for Yuna or Lulu.

Or could I be fooling myself? I've held Tidus while he was sleeping exactly twice. The first was three days after his mother died from the eugenics plague, and the second was the night we learned the girl he loved was dead, murdered by Vedec. But... But. Auron, if Tidus came to you tonight, his heart torn by what he now knows about Yuna, and about his father, and his home, and asked you to hold him, what would you do, Auron? Turn him away? Tell him to suck it up, and be strong? He's like your son. You wouldn't send him away. You'd hold him like you did when his mother died. And what if Wakka...

No, now I'm getting ridiculous.

It was not unreasonable to put an arm around her when she was scared.

Was it...is it...unreasonable for me to take pleasure in it? I did. There was a...purely tactile pleasure in holding her, warm and soft in the night. Also...kitchen smells and bubble gum. And hope. That's what she smells like to me. I love to smell her whenever I hold her, taking long, slow breaths. But more than that, when I hold her she feels less scared. And I enjoy the feeling that I'm protecting her. After all she's been through it gives me pleasure that I can do that much for her.

What else am I good for?

And...she held me in the dark and told me not to be afraid. And for a little while, I wasn't.

I know her crush will pass. They always do. All it takes is time.

She jerked away from the scar.

Perhaps one day soon, I need to sit down and think deeply about all of this. I wish...

I wish I could talk to Jecht. Or Braska. Or Vedec.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We headed off across the plains towards the new agency the guy told us about. We could be there in a week, or maybe more, depending on the fiends, I guess. We started running into some harder battles. There were some fiends with really strong magic called coeurls that looked like cats. They were the first fiends that I had ever seen that were really kind of...beautiful. They had soft looking white fur with black stripes, and pretty eyes, and long, long feathery blue whiskers. It was hard to believe they were fiends, until I went in to steal something. Then, groping around under the surface for whatever, I could feel all the pain that they'd caused, and all the pain that they were originally made up of, the pain that someone couldn't let go of when they died, so they stayed here, and warped into these gorgeous looking fiends that wanted the same thing all fiends want—to kill anything alive. (And they cast Thundera! Yuk!)

Auron's let me run a few battles against the small fry, but he's letting Wakka run some of the battles against stronger fiends now, when we meet them. Of course, all we really do is copy the stuff that Auron did first, but it still takes some getting used to, being responsible like that, even with the small stuff. If we survive their first rush (and of course we do) then Auron would have time to get into guard mode, and after Auron got set, they simply couldn't touch us. We could have stayed out there all day facing those small fry and Auron would have jumped between us and their every last attack, evading and countering with the sword I made him! Once Auron was guarding we simply couldn't lose. Well, we also ran into a lot of flame flans. Auron couldn't guard us against magical attacks, and the flans threw fire spells at us, but all we had to do was bring in Kimahri and he'd Blizzaga it, and it was gone. (First I'd get a chance to score some fire gems though!)

I know Auron and Lulu were starting to worry a little about Yuna's magic running low as the days went on, especially after the fight with the chimera brains. Of course we had ethers (and lixers!) but the man said something about not liking to substitute inventory for logistics.

**Auron:**

An interesting fiend, the chimera brain. Like other chimeras it used elemental attacks and occasionally physically charged. It was somewhat stronger than its Macalania cousin.

"Tidus! Cast Slow on the left one! Rikku, go ahead and steal something and then get back!"

"Sure boss! Hey you! What's the rush!"

"Okie-doky, Auron! Yay! Got an ice gem!"

"Tidus, back! Kimahri, up and Death the one on the right! Rikku, back! Yuna, up and cast nulSomething. NulTide."

"I'm gone!"

"Uh, hey, Auron? That won't work!"

"Rikku, get back now!"

Kimahri took Tidus' place and cast the powerful spell, which ran up against the fiend and simply dissolved.

"Told ya!" I heard from behind me.

"Kimahri, start Demi-ing. Yuna, cast nulBlaze."

**Rikku's Diary:**

The man liked to use Kimahri because he was the only one that could completely replenish himself on the road, using his Lancet ability. Once Tidus used Slow or Haste, his magic energy was just gone, until we reach someplace he can "recharge." Same with Yuna healing us.

**Auron:**

Problem. The two fiends were synched, using the same attacks in turn. When chimeras attack out of sync it's usually simple for Yuna to keep ahead of them with elemental shield spells. But when they're in sync...well, if each uses a water attack, for example, the first breaks against Yuna's nulTide but the other gets through before she can recast the spell.

"Kimahri, back! Tidus, in and use Delay Attack!"

One of the fiends was Slowed. I made a gesture toward the nether regions of that one with my sword and it shrank back in fright. Some fiends are arrant cowards if you know just how to intimidate them. Emma's trick also helped, and we managed to knock them out of sync, and the rest of the battle was relatively easy. Of course, a few more easy battles like that would run Yuna right out of energy to heal us all.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Easy peasy.

**Auron:**

As we took up our journey after the battle, the girl came over to ask me a question.

"Auron? How come most of the fiends here seem kinda weak, but there are a few that are stronger? And you and Lulu say there are some on other parts of the plain that are even stronger than that? Isn't that, well, strange?"

"The Calm Lands are a sort of transitional area," I told her, keeping an eye out behind us for danger, "Between the weaker fiends of the settled lowlands and the stronger fiends of Mt Gagazet and the lands beyond."

"I thought there weren't any lands beyond? Just Zanarkand."

I looked into the distance for a moment before answering, staring at the waiting mountain.

"Rikku, the world is wider than Yevon wants you to think."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_He woke her gently before dawn, as he did every time they slept in each other's arms, but this morning she didn't get up, didn't make her way back to the tent before the others could see. This morning she stayed in his arms. She felt his puzzlement in the darkness, but just shook her head, and put one finger on his lips so he wouldn't ask why. She stretched lazily, and looked into his face, watching as the light grew and his features became clear, the strong jaw, his firm mouth, the soft brown eye…and the terrible scar. But it wasn't terrible to her. That's what she wanted him to know, so she lay in his arms while the sun rose, and the others began to stir in their blankets. She didn't care what they would think when they saw where she had spent the night, didn't care what conclusions they jumped to, didn't care as long as he didn't. She only cared about him, and about the cruel scar that marked him as more than just one more casualty of Spira. Spira had many casualties, but few that had ever been hurt_ _as much as Auron, and the scar was the visible testament to his suffering._

_As night gradually gave way to morning she put her fingers to his face, and began to lightly trace the line of the scar. He tried to jerk his head back, but she twisted her other hand into his thick hair and wouldn't let him pull away. The scar drew her fingertips up to his hairline, and then down the side of his face and his jaw, to where it disappeared into his collar. Then again, more firmly, with her thumb, feeling the puckered ridges that he thought disfigured his face. But he was beautiful to her, all of him. And finally she tangled both hands in his hair and pulled him closer, and softly she kissed the scarred, empty place where his eye had been, and she heard the smallest sigh escape him, and felt the little shudder that ran through his body. Her mouth began to follow the path her fingers had taken, up and down the line of the scar on his face, and her small pink tongue peaked out from between her soft lips, and_

Hm.

_and_

Um, I guess I'll stop there and get some sleep. I closed my journal and snuggled in a little closer to Yuna. It had been a long day and a long march, and we didn't really get a chance to wash up today, but she still smelled nice. I think I smell like motor oil and sweat. Clean sweat, but still...

I lay there in the dark next to Yuna, smelling her and listening to her breathe in and breath out, and I know that I want more than anything to save her, and for her not to die. But...

I love Yunie, but I also hate her sometimes, and not just cause she's the reason that we're all out here, not really guarding her life but really guarding her death, making sure that her death goes just right, and nothing goes wrong with it, and no one interferes! I hate that! And she didn't tell Tidus, so I had to! She made me hurt him cause she didn't want to. Sometimes it's easy to hate Yuna, she's so soft and beautiful, and brave. She's not shivering and trembling in the middle of the night, and she's the one going to Zanarkand to die! She should be afraid! But it's not her. It's me. I'm afraid.

It's been over a week since that night I first went out and asked him to hold me in the dark. I've only gone once since then. But now, when I get scared while I'm lying here with Yunie and Lulu, trying to sleep, it really, really helps to know that I can go out and he'll be right there, so I don't have to go, and I don't want to go all the time, because...because I don't want it to stop being special.

Is that stupid? Does that sound stupid? It sounded stupid to me just now. He's out there right now. Right now. To hell with special. Quiet as a thief, I got out from under the blankets and left the tent. I walked past the others out to where Auron was, and I bent down next to him to ask him to hold me again. Not because of the targe he bought for me, and not because of some stupid crush, but because when he holds me it makes me feel less afraid. It makes me feel safe and warm. And loved. And when I hold him that also makes me feel less afraid, and I think it makes him feel like that too, but I wish he'd say it. So I went out to where he was lying wrapped in his coat and whispered his name, and he opened his eye, and opened his arms, and I snuggled in next to him and the fear went away. But I knew it would come back. It always comes back. And suddenly I had to tell him. I don't know why, but all at once I couldn't stand him not knowing. I don't know why! Maybe because of all his secrets! He had all of these secrets, you know! And there they were, in between us all of the time, keeping us apart, and maybe I somehow thought if I didn't have any, then we'd sorta balance out, and it'd be okay. I know it's stupid and it doesn't make any sense, but that's how feelings are! And I had to tell him.

Neither of us had said anything, and I thought maybe he was asleep, but when I whispered, "Auron...?" he answered me.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Auron," I whispered again, holding him, and being held, the two of us lying together in the dark and whispering into each other's ears. "I'm scared of dying. I don't want to die out here...not now. I'm so afraid all the time, Auron, and I'm so sure that we're all going to die, and I feel like that everywhere except when I'm here with you..."

"Rikku..." he tried to say something, but I wouldn't let him. I had to say this.

"And it's okay during the day, Auron, I'm all right during the day when the sun is shining and we're all together doing something or going somewhere and I know you'd all fight for me and I would for you and sometimes we even laugh and make jokes, but Auron, at night Auron, lying in our tent, I can't sleep because I'm so afraid, and I just shake, really shake, and..."

I felt sick in my stomach, saying this, admitting this out loud, and my heart hurt, and I thought I couldn't catch my breath, and of course the tears were coming, and I clung to him, because I knew if it weren't him, if he wasn't here, it'd be ten time worse. And I hung onto him hard, like after I said it and he knew what I really was he would try to push me away, like he wouldn't want to be near me. And I went ahead and said it.

"And I hate Yuna for doing this, and I want her to just go ahead and die!"

There, I buried my face in his coat, shaking. No secrets. No more secrets for me, not from him. And after I said it, I felt a little better. And now I'm just waiting for him to say something. What is he going to think? What is he going to say?

"Rikku...it's all right," he said gently.

"...it is...?" I asked with a little sob.

"Rikku," he said, "I'm proud that you wanted to tell me this. I'm honored that you trust me that much. And yes, Rikku, it's all right. It truly, truly is."

**Auron:**

So this was it. This was the spiritual crisis that had torn her little heart apart on the Thunder Plains. It was fear and guilt that a small part of her wanted her cousin to die. Oh, poor, poor little thief, I hugged her. I hugged her and held her while she trembled in my arms and shuddered with little sobs, until she finally grew quieter. There. See little thief? You said it, and the world didn't end. You're still here, and I'm still here, and all of the others.

"Rikku," I said quietly, "No one can be blamed for their feelings, or even their thoughts. Only for their actions, and the choices that we make."

"On the Thunder Plain—" she whispered.

"On the Thunder Plain you found your courage."

"Auron..."

"I was there. I saw. You found your courage."

"Then why am I still so scared!"

"Because we're doing something that's really, really scary, Rikku. Rikku, there are three times when this pilgrimage could have failed without you—two on Bikanel, and once after. You've done your part. You've done your share, and Rikku," I paused. "Rikku...if you want to go back, you can. You've done enough. No one can say anything, and if anyone does I will make them badly regret the day that they did. It's all right, Rikku."

"I don't want to! Go back, I mean. I don't, but...Auron, I think maybe I have to."

**Rikku's Diary:**

He held me a little tighter in the dark, like...he didn't want to let me go? And he asked me softly, "Are you afraid that sometime in the future you'll fail her? Because you're so scared?"

"Uh huh..." I sniffed. "Afraid I'll fail her, and you. Afraid one day you'll see me just break down, and not be brave enough to get up again."

"So am I, Rikku," he said. "Afraid that I'll fail you and her and the others. Afraid that sometime, somewhere, I won't be fast enough, or smart enough, or good enough, or hard enough. Or just won't be there. Rikku, I've failed so many others, time after time. Of course I'm afraid I'll fail you and Yuna and Tidus, and everyone else who's counting on me. But I go on. And Rikku, I know that you're afraid, and yet every day I see you go on!"

I saw him shake his head in the moonlight.

"Ugghh! That sounds...! I'm not saying this right! Rikku, sometimes I can't say what I want to say. The words come out wrong, so I have to change them, make them into a story. Will you listen to a story, Rikku?"

"Sure, of course" I whispered back, wondering.

**Auron:**

I lay there for a moment, thinking, and frantically putting the words together.

"Auron...?"

"Once..." I started. No. Wait. All right. "Once, there was a star that became lost in the sky. It wandered the heavens trying to find its way home, but the sky is so big... Do you remember, Rikku? In Guadosalam, when we seemed to fly through the stars? And the little star couldn't find its way home, and it didn't know what to do. So it shined. Because that's what stars do. And the people looked up at the sad little star that shined so bright in spite of everything, and it gave them hope."

"It's a pretty story," she said quietly after a minute.

"It isn't over."

"What happens next?"

"I don't know. It's still being written. Rikku, it's you. It's your story. You've lost your home and so many of the people you love, and you love so much, and so hard, and you're out here giving all of your heart to something you hate, and you feel so alone, but you continue to shine, and give us all hope."

She was trembling now, and even a few inches away I could barely hear her ask, "Who?"

"Me, Rikku. You give me hope."

**Rikku's Diary:**

How many tears can I have?

"Auron," I asked brokenly, "How can I give you hope when I'm so afraid at night that I want Yuna to die?"

"You shine, Rikku."

"What...? Auron, I don't...?"

"You shine."

What can you do when someone refuses to hate you for being afraid, and no matter how ashamed you are, he just tells you that you shine?

I just closed my eyes and held onto him as hard as I could in the dark.

"Auron...?" I said a little later.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Tell me something you're ashamed of."

After a moment, he said quietly, "I'm a better tactician than my father."

"...but..."

"You didn't say it had to make sense," he said.

I guess I didn't.

I wiped my face against his coat (self cleaning, you know) and whispered, "Good night, Auron."

"Good night, Rikku."

**Auron:**

She asks me to tell her something I'm ashamed of.

Where do I begin?

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Next morning we're on the move bright and early. It's a beautiful day and I'm on scout duty. I'm running from side to side ahead of the rest (slowpokes!) trying to flush out ambushes and maybe keep an eye out for any stray chests (What? It happens!) while the others straggle on behind. I think we're getting closer to the travel agency, but in the meantime it's bright and it's sunny and cool and did you know that there're lots of pretty flowers out here on the plains? I didn't know that! I think it's a wonderful day.

**Auron:**

We're making fair progress across the plains and should reach the agency soon, possibly even tomorrow. We'll stop there to rest for at least three or four days. I think they could all use a break after the exhausting events of the last few weeks.

The girl is dashing from side to side ahead of us, jumping and skipping under the bright morning sun, seeming more like a five-year-old on a picnic than a scout, but I trust her competence. She's so remarkable in so many ways, her talents, her intelligence, and most of all her heart, and her capacity for hope. All of these young people are remarkable, and it is a privilege to guide them, but Rikku...

I constantly scan our surroundings for danger as we walk, but every few seconds my single eye searches her out. Now she's picking flowers, all the flowers that grow among the green grasses of the Calm Lands, and she comes running up with a happy smile to show them to me.

"Auron! I picked these flowers! Aren't they pretty? There's yellow and red and white and purple and pink and another white and another yellow. Aren't they pretty, Auron?"

"Yes, Rikku," I answered the beaming girl as she lifted them to her nose to smell. "They're pretty."

"Um..." she said, looking up at me shyly. "Would you like them?"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Dumb dumb dumb, Rikku! Why, why, why did you ask him that! And he stands there looking at me and doesn't say anything and I'm holding the stupid flowers in my hand and I feel the smile start to freeze on my face, and my cheeks are just starting to turn red, and I was feeling so happy a minute ago!

And he says quietly, "Yes, Rikku. I would, very much.

"Thank you, Rikku."

Oh, isn't it a wonderful day?

**Next: Vacation**


	23. Vacation

Man, I hate being knocked off the first page. Yeah, it's petty. This you should know, I'm a petty guy. Hey! I reached one of my own little goals with this fic. Sometime last week I got more reviewers than I had chapters. It's just something I was looking forward to and I'd like to thank all of the people who've reviewed, including the anon ones that I can't reply to and thank that way.

Thanks.

So, let's see. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-. Hear that, brat! T!

Sorry. Kidding.

One more important thing. I want to dedicate this chapter and the next one to Ruki the Sake Fairy, who I think I might have insulted, or maybe hurt her feelings. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. So, if you're reading, these are for you, I hope you like them. Thanks for the reviews. If she's not, well, these are still for her.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Youth should be awkward. And she is sometimes, but not when she dances. I close my eye and see her in my memory, moving in time with the beat, full of energy and life, but also of style and confidence and grace.

And I begin to wonder, just what are my feelings for this teenaged girl?

I close my eye and see her bright smile.

That can't be good.

* * *

**Vacation**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_It was near the end of the long day's march, and they had fallen behind the others. There was something wrong with her leg, and she couldn't really keep up, but she didn't want to ask for help. Not from him. And not in front of him. They were going to stop soon, and then she could rest. They had had a screaming fight, earlier, about secrets. Their fights were always about secrets. And trust. Both felt the other was being unfair, and the fight had ended with harsh words that neither meant, and with hurt feelings that neither admitted. They didn't speak to each other afterward, they hadn't spoken for hours except for instructions and acknowledgments in combat with fiends. And in one fight she had gone in to steal something and had twisted her ankle. She didn't say anything. She knew right away that it was a mistake. Twisted ankles happen. She should have said something and gotten it healed right away, but she hadn't wanted to show weakness in front of him, and now it was too late. If she asked for help now he'd know she had tried to be strong and failed. She'd die before that happened. She just had to make it to the next camp, and she could take her cousin aside and ask for healing. It wasn't far now._

_He noticed. Of course he noticed when she couldn't keep up, when the fastest one in the party became the slowest, but he didn't say anything, didn't embarrass her by calling attention to her weakness. He just slowed when she slowed, never even looking at her, but always staying near her, a few steps ahead of her, in case. She was openly limping now. And he slowed even more. Then he heard her trip, and fall, and lie there panting. And he stopped, but didn't turn. He stood there, and waited until he heard her drag herself to her feet again, and take a step. And he took a step. He heard her take a second step, and he took a second step. And he heard her fall again. He heard her fight to get up, and fail. He heard the small sounds of pain that escaped her lips. And he never turned, and never spoke. He stood there for five or ten minutes, looking straight ahead, listening to her trying and failing to stand. She was in pain, but her tears were from anger and frustration. She wasn't weak! She didn't want to look weak, didn't want him to see her fail! Once again she tried to climb up from her knees to her feet, almost! Almost! And again she fell, and sprawled facedown in the dust at his feet. Spitting to clear her mouth she lifted her head and saw... He had turned, he had turned toward her! A wave of hot anger rushed through her. He knew she didn't want him to see! Furious, she struggled to her knees and looked up to shout at him, trying to think of words that would hurt him, and stopped, her mouth open. His head was cocked slightly to one side and he had pushed his sunglasses up on his forehead._

_His eye was closed._

_She didn't move for a moment, just stared up at him from her knees. Then she lifted her hand, and he fumbled blindly for a second before he took it in both of his and gently helped her to her feet. He never opened his eye as she wrapped her arms around him and he slipped one arm around her, and they slowly turned, and staggered after the others, her guiding him, him holding her up, and maybe they held each other a little tighter than they had to._

Hey! I like that one! Never even knew where it was going. I started writing and it just kind of happened. Auron left me wrapped in his coat while he went out to take the midwatch, and I couldn't sleep, so I got out my journal and my itty-bitty nightlight and just started writing. It's pretty, isn't it? I don't guess our real fights ever go like that. I mean, it's the kind of thing I can see him doing, but...well, when we fight we don't really scream, for one thing. It's mostly quiet. It's me asking in a soft voice if he's gonna let Yuna die, or why he has secrets, and I think we argue in soft voices so the others won't hear. I'm arguing with him about secrets, and still helping him to keep them. And sometimes I really am just furious with him, and then at night I sneak out of the tent and go out to where he's sleeping and ask him to hold me. Tell me we don't have a complicated relationship.

Last night...

Last night I told him all my horrible little secrets...and he held me tight while I cried and he told me that they weren't so bad, really. He told me that it was all right. He told me I was strong and brave. And then it was morning and he woke me up all scrunched up next to him and I went back to our tent before anyone was up. And then tonight I waited until Yuna and Lulu were asleep and came back and asked him to hold me again, and he did. I wonder if I really have to sneak out of the tent at night. I guess it's a pretty good bet that the others know I'm out here even if no one's said anything. I wonder if they think Auron and I are...you know. I wonder if Auron's told them that we're not, that he's just holding me is all, because I'm so scared. Well, he wouldn't tell them that. He wouldn't tell them how sacred I am. But would he be embarrassed if they thought we were doing something? And would I be more embarrassed if they thought we were doing something or if they knew I actually come out here at night because I'm so afraid? And is that really even still the reason that I come out here? Because I'm afraid? I still am, and holding him and being held still makes it go away, but what if I wasn't afraid anymore? Would I still come out here?

Next stupid question?

Anyway, I'm going to keep sneaking out whether I still need to or not. It's fun.

He talks to me more than he used to. Says more. He used to be a clam, and really, he still is with the others. Doesn't say something unless he has something to say. And so when he does say something everyone listens. Maybe that's why he does it. Normal people just talk, you know? They say whatever they think of just to fill up the silence, but Auron's not normal people. I think he uses words like tools to accomplish whatever it is that he wants to get done. Not talking too much is part of that. People don't take you seriously if you're always running your mouth. I know. And then there's his stories, like that one about faith.

Or about a little lost star.

Those don't just come out of nowhere. Well, I think maybe the star one did, but still, I can just see him sitting in a chair somewhere thinking, working on a story the way I work on a weapon when I customize it, and he'll rub different parts of it together scraping off a word here and tweaking a sentence there, until it's all smooth and tight and saying just what he wants it to with the fewest words possible in that low smooth voice of his, that wonderful smoky voice that I bet he had trained somewhere, because Auron just doesn't leave things like that to chance.

I thought he was a clam, but there's a reason he doesn't talk. I think he has reasons for everything he does, even if he doesn't trust me enough to tell me what they are. I guess he's...well, he's not exactly spontaneous. I mean, even if one day the two of us...well, whatever, I don't think he'll ever try to sing a love song outside my door at night. (One kid actually tried that once.)

But he talks to me. Last night, lying there holding him and him holding me, we didn't say anything at all after a while. We just lay there close together until it was time for him to stand the middle watch and I went with him to keep him company. I've gotten up and done that before, sometimes. And I sat leaning against his legs while he stood there relaxed and tall. I went with him when he walked around the camp to make sure no fiends were near, but he never really seemed to need to. It was almost as if he could smell fiends. Maybe he could.

But when I laid down next to him tonight we talked, not about anything important, just talked about this or that, about Spira, or Zanarkand. I told him how it felt to be up to your elbows in grease just happily stripping and rebuilding some piece of heavy equipment or taking some design engineer's plans and making them into real, moving, working machina and the feeling of achievement it gave you. And he told me about standing on a mountain in the far, far north and how it looked like rivers of color were running and shining through the sky all above and around him. And I started teaching him Al Bhed! I laid there next to him and talked to him in baby Al Bhed all cutesy like you'd talk to a little kid, and he tried to spoil it by asking for the words for sophisticated concepts like situational morality or social-industrial relationships. We've talked about the Al Bhed before. He never seemed to get tired of hearing me tell him about the way we lived and worked, and what we believed in and what we wanted from life. He already knew a lot, more than I thought any non-Al Bhed could know, but he was always interested to know more.

You know, for the longest time I was sort of in denial about having a crush on Auron. In the face of all evidence I just refused to believe it, maybe because it's all so complicated, because I have to save Yunie and I know I can't trust him, or maybe because he doesn't trust me with all his secrets, or maybe even because he's older than me. I don't know. And all of that stuff's still there but now here I am, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the Calm Lands, my heart torn between hope and fear, snuggled under his magic coat, writing wretched, gushy little stories about us and waiting for him to come back and lie down next to me. So, I guess I've accepted my crush. Heck, accepted it? I've EMBRACED my crushness for the man, in spite of all the other stuff. But now...now, I put my hands behind my head and look up at the stars in the sky and I shiver a little, because now I wonder...

Is this still just a crush?

Because you know, a crush is one thing. I've had crushes. But...love?

That's scary.

* * *

**Auron:**

We reached the agency two days after the morning Rikku gave me flowers. Perhaps there are better ways to mark the date, but that's how I choose to remember it. It was a typical branch of Rin's agencies. It was clean, with good food, fairly well stocked, with decent prices.

"We'll stay here at least three days," I told the others.

The news was well received. They already knew I was planning to stay, but the actual announcement seemed to lift their spirits. I saw smiles on Yuna's face, and Tidus' and Wakka's. Lulu and Kimahri both nodded quietly, and the girl gave me a quick hug. (I watched the others watching us.) They had all been through a great deal in the last few weeks. They seemed to have come through all right, but a couple of days rest would do them good, and the middle of the Calm Lands was as safe a place as we would find. Rikku went and pulled Lulu off into a huddle, worrying me a little. I found the idea of those two together a bit alarming.

Perhaps the most important thing was that I was sure I was now back in communication with the Luca network, Rin's personal area of responsibility within the Luca group. I found the courier I was looking for, an Al Bhed man that the airship had left off here in the Calm Lands to wait for me. He handed me a mass of notes.

"I'll go through these," I said, "But what can you tell me offhand? Do you know if the Church has replaced Kinoc?"

"Three times, Sir Auron. The first was Commander Fasen, Kinoc's deputy. He tried to move in and claim the position. He showed poor judgment. Kinoc was always worried about coups. He made sure his deputy was isolated and didn't build a power base with the troops. Kinoc always made sure Fasen delivered the bad news about pay cuts or hard duty. Made him the bad guy. He had no support from the men, so when three Guado forced their way into his office and threw him out the window no one tried to stop them and no one saw anything. Next was someone named Heyrt from somewhere. He was Benefice's man. He lasted a whole three hours."

Dear old Bevelle.

"Never been any love lost between the warrior monks and the Grey Court," I said.

"No, Sir Auron. Last I heard there was a man named Kilon holding the job temporarily. He's Mika's man, and Mika has sent down word that if the men like getting paid they'll keep this one alive until they find someone permanent."

Hm.

"If Mika has Harcourt on board," I said, considering the implications, "Then they can probably hold off Benefice unless he's willing to start a full scale civil war within the Church."

"Some people think it could come to that this time, Sir Auron."

I looked up sharply. "Oh? Reasoning?"

"Kelk Ronso has left Yevon and returned to Mt Gagazet."

"Ahhhhh..."

Now, that was interesting. That meant that for the first time in a hundred years two maester positions were open at the same time, and one of them the head of Forces. And Seymour's insane, which could remove him from the picture. If someone other than Mika could get control of both of those open positions, then there could be a very real shift in the power of the Church. Kinoc's death weakens Mika. They were allies. Mika could actually lose, if enough of the Church civil service think he's going to lose and start to shift sides. That's a big enough prize for which to risk big. Control of the Church is control of Spira. No wonder we got away so easily, if the lords of Yevon were busy playing world domination games. And they're just going to stay distracted.

There were opportunities here. Many mid-level priests and monks will be nervous, looking to their own positions. Of course I've made plans for the mid-game, the time when we will start to try to bring down the Church, but I haven't discussed them in any detail with anyone in the Luca group yet. I thought this would all happen later. Things are moving faster than I expected and I'm having to adjust The Plan on the fly. It all comes back to that idiot Seymour. His actions are pushing the pace of events.

Well, that's why timetables don't run battles, tacticians do. And why strategists run operational plans.

"How is Kelk Ronso's security?" I asked.

"Top notch."

"Good. I don't want that Ronso moving on to the Farplane just yet."

"We'll do what we can. Also, Benefice is calling all of the fra home."

Makes sense. In times like these he's going to need all of his priest-assassins around him. I looked at the Al Bhed.

"You seem more knowledgeable than the usual couriers," I said to him.

"Bevelle was my regular posting for five years," he smiled.

"Ah. After Bevelle, the middle of the Calm Lands must seem..."

"Calm?"

"I was going to say, boring. But we can go with calm. What else have you heard before I sit down and start going through these," I asked, holding up the wad of notes.

"A few other things of importance. Seymour is definitely still alive. Well, you know what I mean. And he has left Bevelle, and we don't know where he is. Possibly Guadosalam or Macalania. If he shows up either place, we'll know. But, he could also be looking for you."

Yes. And if anyone on Spira knows where we are, Ophelia does. But she doesn't seem to be telling anyone just yet. She has her own games, too. Could she be reaching for the prize? She's always preferred working behind the scenes, but perhaps now...

Ah, Bevelle. What does it say about a man when he feels quite at home in a snake pit?

I looked at the courier.

"I don't have to say, do I, top priority is finding Seymour?"

"You don't have to say, Sir Auron."

"What else?"

"Well, a personal message for you from Cid. One for Tidus, too."

"I think I can guess."

"I think you probably can, too."

"I take it Cid doesn't know about your work?"

"No, Sir Auron, only that I was getting off the airship here."

"All right. What else?"

"Only one other top priority thing," he hesitated. "I'm afraid it isn't good news."

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was talking over plans with Lulu but keeping one eye on the man. I saw him talking quietly with an Al Bhed I didn't know, and...

Look, I've gotten to know the guy, okay?

"Hey, Lulu, let's pick this up in a little bit, huh? There's something I forgot I have to do."

"Certainly, Rikku," she said, throwing a glance Auron's way. "I'll go get things started."

I walked over to Auron. I knew the man must've just gotten some bad news. Like I say, I've gotten to know him. No one else would've seen it, not even Tidus, I think, but I just knew from the way he was standing, one shoulder hunched just a tiny bit higher than the other, his head cocked just a little to the side like he was listening to something, the way he took half a breath and let it out slowly, the way he his left hand curled into a fist for just an instant, and twenty other things. (Do I sound like a stalker? Don't care.) He'd heard something he didn't like hearing.

"Auron," I said, walking up to him. "What's wrong?"

He looked at me over the tops of his glasses, and I looked back calmly, wondering whether he'd answer me or tell me it was a secret. I didn't really mind either way, I just hoped he would tell me and maybe I could help, somehow. He had a mass of notes in his hand, and he looked down and riffled through them, pulling one out and handing it to me.

"Sin attacked a village on the Mi'ihen coast," he said. "The men were out on boats. They came back and found their homes gone, their families gone, everything, gone."

"Oh, uh..."

It was sad, but...

"Auron, you don't think you were somehow responsible, do you?"

"Rikku, I..."

"Cause you're not! Auron, I don't know what all your secrets are, but I'm pretty certain you didn't cause Sin."

I reached up and grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and playfully tried to shake him.

"You didn't, now did you, Auron? Did you cause Sin?"

"No, Rikku, but..."

"No buts, Auron!" I slipped my hands inside his coat and around him and hugged him tight, my cheek against his chest, and whispered, "It'll be okay, Auron. Have some faith. It'll be all right."

I felt him softly kiss the top of my head, and murmur, "Thank you, Rikku. I feel better."

**Auron:**

Sin attacked a coastal village. It was the news I'd been expecting for weeks. The news I'd been waiting for. The girl must have seen something. Are my emotions so obvious? She came over and hugged me, and told me it would be all right. Who else on Spira would do that? Perhaps Yuna, but I don't think so. That isn't really the kind of relationship we have.

So then, what sort of relationship do Rikku and I have?

She told me it wasn't my fault. She thinks I feel guilty because I couldn't stop the attack. In the larger scheme of things she right, of course. I do. But in this specific case, the reason that I feel guilty is that not only have I been expecting this, I've been impatient for it.

She still made me feel better.

I shouldn't feel better.

* * *

**Auron:**

We went ahead and engaged three large rooms, the largest one for the ladies, a smaller one for Tidus and Wakka, and another smaller one for Kimahri and myself. They groaned when I gathered them up for midday drills, but I didn't work them too hard, and afterward we each had a hot bath and then their time was their own.

**Rikku's Diary:**

_The hot water felt wonderful against her bare skin after the long training session. Auron had worked them all hard, and himself hardest of all. They were all panting for breath and dripping with sweat when they were done. Typical of Auron, he let everyone else use the two rooms in the agency's bathhouse first, silently volunteering to wait and go last. Each room had two baths, and Tidus and Wakka went into one while Yuna and Lulu went into the other. Rikku decided to wait until the room was free. She had bathed with the others in streams on their journey, but she was still shy enough to want a little privacy when it was available. She sat with Kimahri who was waiting for the guys to finish and watched Auron get in some extra training. He had taken off his coat. That was rare, and she could see the sweat glistening on his tightly muscled arms, flying off into the air as he lightly swung the massive sword she'd made for him. She smiled as she watched. He loved that sword, and she loved… She shook her head slightly. She loved to watch him train. She didn't notice when Tidus and Wakka came out and Kimahri left to bathe, and it seemed like no time at all had passed when the ladies came out, twenty minutes later. Lulu had to shake her by the shoulder to let her know she could go in. She was a little sorry to leave the bench where she was sitting and watching him, but he trained every day, and she was really sweaty. Inside she stripped out of her clothing and put it into a bag that the agency people would pick up later. Another luxury to go with the hot baths and clean sheets and food you didn't cook yourself was the laundry service. She made sure there was a clean robe ready. She didn't want another mix-up like last time, sneaking through the bushes naked! Someone had grabbed her breast that time, and she didn't even know who it was that had gotten the second-base action! She climbed into the large tub and slowly lowered herself into the steaming hot water. It felt like heaven. She felt muscles start to loosen that she hadn't even know were tight. She sprinkled a handful of Al Bhed bath salts into the tub and a cloud of fragrant steam rose. She settled a little lower in the water with a happy sigh, and without ever realizing it slowly drifted off to sleep. She never heard the door open and a soft, smooth voice ask if anyone was in there. She never saw Auron come in, and stand his sword in the corner, and start to undress. He had left his red coat outside to recharge, and he quickly took off the rest of his clothes, stuffing them into one of the agency's laundry bags after he checked to make sure there was a robe available. He didn't want another mix-up like last time, sneaking through the bushes naked. Of course, he was pretty sure he'd touched a breast that night. Usually a good thing, but he'd have liked to know whose it was. He picked up his sword and waved a hand in front of his face. The air was full of some sort of scented steam. He made his way over to one of the large tubs, leaned his sword against it, and climbed in._

**Auron:**

After washing up I checked on the others. Tidus and Yuna were somewhere together. Good. Kimahri was following at a discrete distance. Good. Lulu and Wakka were working out some supply snafu. Good. I looked around for Rikku, and saw her sitting in the shade up against the side of the building and walked over to her. She was writing in her journal. I wondered idly what sort of things she recorded in there.

I needed to speak to her.

"Rikku," I said.

She looked up with a sunny smile and hugged her open journal to her chest.

"Auron. Hi."

I sat next to her

"Hm. Er...are you hungry, Rikku?" I asked her. "I was going to get something to eat."

"Oh, um, I just ate, but...can I still come with?"

"Yes, of course."

She bounced up, snapped her journal shut and grabbed my hand, trying to drag me to my feet. Didn't work, but she gave it a good try and I managed to get up in spite of her help. We went into the agency, bought some food and carried it back outside, found a shady place against the agency walls to sit and started to eat. She had decided to have something after all. Yuna is a dainty eater, and Lulu is rather elegant, even in camp. Rikku sort of inhales her food. She's also kind of messy. She actually reminds me of Tidus. That's good. It reminds me that no matter how competent, how intelligent, and how brave she is, she's still a teenager. Good to be reminded of that. It also...well, let's say that I've seen teenagers on their best behavior. I'm glad that Rikku feels comfortable enough around me to be herself.

"You know," she said, "Rin's done pretty well with this agency. I was talking to the manager. I wonder if he'll try to push one up Mt Gagazet next."

All right. I could do without the talking with the mouth full. But if it's part of the Rikku-package, I'll still take it.

"I don't know, Rikku. Maybe. There isn't much through traffic on Mt Gagazet, so it would depend on whether he could make a profit from just the locals."

"Hm. Yeah."

"And if he couldn't, then it would depend on how much money he was willing to lose to have a listening outpost to keep an eye on the Ronso."

"Oh! Oh, yeah. I didn't even think of that."

"Rikku," I said. "Let's talk about training."

"Oh, okay, Auron!" she smiled.

I played with my food, pushing it around with a fork. Unusual for me. She was chasing some last crumbs around her plate.

"Rikku, what do you want to do with your life?"

She seemed to freeze, sitting cross-legged, looking down at her plate. She lifted her eyes to mine, and then she straightened up and looked at me directly, without saying anything. The silent moment lengthened, and looking back into the spirals of her green Al Bhed eyes, I saw something...something...

Eternal?

"Auron," she said softly, "Do you really want me to answer that question here? Now? What I want for the rest of my life? I'll try, if you really want me to."

"No, Rikku," I said after a moment, and sighed. "I asked that wrong. Let me ask again. Do you want to be a better thief, or do you want to be something else?"

"Oh," she said quietly, looking back down at her plate.

"Well," she went on slowly, "I guess I never really thought about it. Actually...I guess in the back of my head I kinda thought...well, I'm a good mechanic, and mix-smith. I suppose I thought I'd probably wind up doing one of those one day."

I shook my head.

"You'd be wonderful at either of those, but I'm still not putting this right. Rikku, we need to train to get better, and be able to protect Yuna better, and each other."

"Uh-huh, I know that," she said.

"Lulu has to train to be a better mage, and Tidus has to train to be a better light-fighter. But consider Kimahri. He started out as a Ronso warrior, but he's become a magic-user. And what I want to know Rikku, is do you want to keep being a thief, or do you want to train to be something else?"

"What else could I be?" she asked, putting her head down and looking sideways at me.

"You could be a healer. You could train with Yuna. You did an excellent job for us as backup healer when we needed you."

"I did?" she asked, a little smile creeping across her face.

"You did. We're all still here."

"Healer, huh?"

"Or black mage. That would be harder, but you have the potential to be a first-class mage."

"I do?"

"That's what Lulu tells me, Rikku. Especially if we make the best use of the spheres that we've picked up."

"Lulu, huh...?" I heard her mutter as she chewed at a thumbnail. "Hey, what about fighter? You could train me!"

"Well, honestly, Rikku, if we're counting on you to fight at some point, it'll mean we're in deep trouble. It really would be the hardest path for you to follow when your talents lie in other directions."

"Oh..."

I saw her hopeful expression crumple a bit.

"On the other hand," I went on, "I do need to train you to fight better, if only in case we're ever separated again."

I wonder why I said that. It's true, but...I watched her face light up again when she heard me. Did I want to see that? Was that why I said what I did?

Smiling now, she reached out and took my hand, pulling it into her lap to hold. I...let her. Neither of us mentioned it.

Why did I let her?

"Hm, so, Rikku...what do you want to be?"

She sat for a moment without answering, her hand absently playing with my hand, spreading my fingers out, putting hers against them.

"Auron," she said slowly, without looking up, "What do you need me to be?"

"Rikku," I shook my head, "I don't want—"

"Auron...please tell me."

I sighed.

"Rikku, the world is full of magic-users, and healers and healing potions. Good thieves—good thieves—are rare. I...I need you to stay a thief."

I saw a look of relief wash across her face, and I was glad I'd chosen correctly. It was also the truth, but that was incidental. Without letting go of my hand she scooted closer, fitting herself into my shoulder and pulling my arm around her shoulders, but I was the one that brought up my other hand and completed the circle of my arms around her.

Why do I hold her when she isn't scared?

Two weeks ago, it would never have happened. I have kept a careful distance between myself and the others on this pilgrimage, standing a little apart from them all, even from Tidus. And from Rikku, even when I started to care about her, and even as I held her when her home was destroyed and she needed so desperately to be held. I comforted her, but kept all of my barriers in place. Then, she came and asked me to hold her in the night because she was afraid, and I did. And now, where is all of my distance? Where has it gone? Because of that?

No.

Not that simple.

She asked me to hold her, and I did, and that was...appropriate. It was...expected. An old story, often told. She could have been any frightened young girl anywhere asking for comfort. I know that being the youngest, and the most alone, she makes me feel protective. I know that I want to keep her from harm and I don't want her to be afraid.

I held her close, and kept my distance.

And then she asked to hold me. And I was surprised, and I let her hold me, and she told me not to be afraid. And...that was not expected. And that was no other young girl. That was Rikku. No one else. That was uniquely, distinctly, exclusively, inescapably Rikku. No one but Rikku.

And I think, perhaps...that's when our relationship changed.

This is not good. Letting her get too close to me while she has this crush is not a good idea. It will complicate this part of The Plan, and she is likely to get hurt. I was recalled to the present when she sighed and closed her eyes and snuggled a bit closer against me. It seemed like she was getting ready to take a little nap right here. Do I tell her roughly that I am not a divan? Just stand up and leave?

Well, the sun was warm and the shade was cool and I don't suppose it was the worst idea I've ever heard. I leaned back against the walls of the agency and closed my eye to think.

"Rikku," I asked without opening my eye, "Why did you become a thief?"

"I'll give you two guesses," she answered sleepily.

"Was your mother a thief?"

"See," she said. "It wasn't hard."

I sat there with my arms around her and inhaled. Kitchen smells and bubble-gum, dry earth when it just begins to rain, sadness but not despair. And hope.

"Auron," she said after a few minutes. "Auron, it sounds like you're talking about...well, that kind of training for all of us, it'll take more than a few days."

That's right, Rikku," I answered. "I think we'll stay here in the Calm Lands for a few weeks, and go ahead and train."

"Oh," she said. "Well, good."

A moment later I felt her shift in my arms, and looked down at her. She looked back at me with questions in her eyes.

"Auron. Is it because of Sin? Because he attacked that village? Is that why we're staying in the Calm Lands?"

I thought about the question. I thought about the answer. I wanted to tell her, but...every answer just leads to more questions, and soon the questions are the ones that I can't answer.

"Auron...?"

"Yes, Rikku. That's why. Because Sin destroyed that village."

"Why, Auron? What does it mean?"

Questions and answers and more questions. And secrets and more questions and more secrets.

"Auron...if you can't...if you can't tell me, it's all right. But...can you tell me as much as you can?"

Inhale. Kitchen smells. Bubble gum. Sadness. Hope.

"Auron...?"

I hear a tremble in her voice, and I feel her just start to pull away.

"Rikku...if Tidus or I stop for very long anyplace, Sin will come for us. There is...a connection. If we had stopped in Luca for two weeks Sin would have come for us, and attacked the city. But Sin, the people that it killed in that village...Sin is satisfied for now. We can stop for a few weeks, safely."

"Oh," I heard her whisper. "Can I...can...can you tell me why he'll come for you?"

"No, Rikku," I said. "I can't tell you that."

"Oh...okay. But...but Auron, are you sure?"

"Yes, Rikku. I'm sure. Rikku...when I first came back to Spira..."

"What, Auron...?"

"I... I tried..."

"What, Auron?" I heard her whisper. "You can tell me. You know you can tell me anything."

We both heard Lulu calling Rikku's name, "Rikku!" The mage was looking for her.

"You should go see what she wants, Rikku," I said sitting up.

"I know what she wants. It'll wait. What do you want to say, Auron?"

"Nothing important, Rikku," I said, standing up. "We'll talk later."

I could feel her eyes on me as I walked away. She's a teenager, I reminded myself. A teenager with her own problems, like her home has been destroyed, her people scattered, and she's desperate to keep Yuna from killing herself. You're a grown man, Auron, I told myself. Grown men don't load their guilt, their burdens onto teenage shoulders. There's no reason to tell her about Kilika.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Maybe it's not that he doesn't trust me, I thought, watching him walk away. Maybe he really can't trust me. Like he doesn't dare, because there's something so important... I don't know what I'm trying to say, here. But I know one thing. Watching him walk away I'm sure of one thing in this world, if I'm sure of any—

"Rikku! Where are you!"

Lulu again, from around the front of the agency.

If I'm sure of anything at all, I'm sure of this. He wants to trust me.

Isn't that just as good?

I know I wanna trust him, even if I can't.

"Rikku! I know Thundera and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Geez, all right! Okay, Lulu, I'm coming. Cranky, cranky, cranky. It's gonna give you wrinkles.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hey! Lulu and I surprised everyone with our special dinner. We set it up with the agency and everything was ready by the time we had all washed up after the evening drills. The tables were set up outside under the stars, and we had fancy food and plain, and plenty of both, and I made sure there were lots of jokes and laughter, and everyone was having a good time. When we finished eating, Yuna and Lulu got up and sang a song together. Yuna had a sweet voice, but Lulu couldn't carry a tune in a bucket but it was okay and really, I'm kinda glad to find something she doesn't do well, and the boys didn't mind cause after she finished the song she bent over and swayed. Kimahri did some fancy tricks with his Ronso spear that I wouldn't have believed! It seems to be a kind of Ronso pastime, like Al Bhed and yoyos. And Tidus and Wakka got up and juggled! It was something from their blitzball training. Then they asked me to sing, and I said no, because singing the _Ochu Choo Choo_ song on the road is one thing, and they said yes, and I said no thank you, and they said yes thank you and Tidus and Wakka laughed and grabbed me and lifted me onto the table and they all started chanting sing, sing, sing! Except Kimahri.

And him.

I know he enjoyed himself eating and sitting next to me, even if the others couldn't tell. And he squeezed my hand once, and told me it had been the perfect idea to do this. And then when they put me up on that table and the others were all laughing and shouting, sing, sing, sing, and my face was starting to turn red, he wasn't shouting at all. He was looking at me.

"No."

The word cut through all of the laughter and the yelling, and they all just shut up and looked at him.

"Don't sing," he said softly.

"Dance."

And then they were all looking at me, standing up on that table under the stars, but I was looking down at him sitting back in his chair, so I was the only one who saw his lips silently say the words, Show them.

And then he raised his hands and clapped them, once. And after a moment he clapped them again, and then again. Tidus was the first one to join him, and then Wakka, and Yuna, and finally Lulu. They were all clapping their hands, giving me a rhythm to dance to. And I put one arm up over my head, and began to turn, keeping pace with the beat, and I was moving both of my arms, and my hips, and I closed my eyes and listened to the clapping of their hands, and it didn't surprise me at all to find that I could pick out his from all the others. I moved with my eyes closed, arms and legs, and head and hips and shoulders, listening to the clapping, and the others would try to speed up and clap faster and faster, but he wouldn't let them, his hands stayed steady, strong and even, and forced the others to follow. And I moved with my eyes closed, trusting his hands to give me the beat, and my body began to flow to the rhythm of the clap, clap, clapping, and it started to feel like the beat was inside me as well as outside and every time their hands came together I could feel it on my skin almost like a blow and at the same time feel it inside me, wrapped around my tingling spine and deep down in my pounding belly, and after a while it seemed like instead of my body moving to their hands it was their hands that were following my swaying body and then I swear all the others faded away and all I heard were his hands, and it was just my body jerking under the feel of his hands, and his hands following the swaying moves of my body, and I lost track of time and don't know how long I danced. And then, I don't know why (I know why) I took one long step, and my foot found nothing, and I was falling, and I heard them gasp and call my name, but I smiled because I knew he would catch me, and he did, and I still never opened my eyes. And I was breathing heavy and feeling warm when he put me on my feet, and I finally opened my eyes and looked up at him, and the others were there around us asking if I was all right but I lifted my face just a little because it still would have been the perfect time for him to kiss me.

But he didn't. Instead he hugged me, and whispered in my ear, "You dance like it's what you were born to do."

And then he let me go, and stepped back, and turned away while the others were all saying how much they liked my dancing.

"Rikku! That was beautiful!"

"Whoa! I'll say. You were great."

"Thanks, Yunie, Tidus," I said, trying to push past them and follow Auron.

"It really was lovely. You're very graceful, Rikku."

"Oh, uh, thanks, Lulu. Auron?"

"Yeah, girl. Hey! Maybe you should try out for a blitzball team! Bet you'd be great!"

"Uh, okay, maybe, Wakka. Auron!" I called after him. He was walking away from the tables. He was leaving. "Auron!"

He stopped and turned back.

"Auron," I said walking up to him. "You have to do something too."

"Rikku..."

"Auron, please... We worked hard for all this tonight. Please don't just walk away."

"I can't do anything, Rikku."

"You can do lots of things!"

"But no one here needs to be killed."

"That's not funny!" I glared at him. It was a joke. It was a bad joke, and it wasn't funny.

And he put his head back and looked up at the stars for a moment, then looked back down.

"All right," he said. "I'll do this."

And he walked back to the others and stepped on a chair and then up on the table, and he turned around to face us, and then crouched down so he was almost on a level with us again.

"Lulu," he said, "Rikku, thank you for this. Everyone needed this and it was simply the best thing that you could have done."

He looked around at all of us.

"We've all been through a lot these last few weeks. We've done things, learned things, seen things that...they were hard on us. None of us has been unaffected. But we've come through, and I'm proud of all of you."

He paused, and straightened up.

"We still have the most dangerous part of our pilgrimage ahead of us," he said, looking away and nodding his head toward the northeast. "The mountain, and the city beyond. I know that mountain, and that dead city."

He turned back to us.

"And I know you. I've trained all of you over the last few months and I know what you're capable of. You can beat the mountain, and the city, and accomplish things no others would dream of. I know. But, we could all use more training. And, after what we've been through, some more rest. So I'd like to stay here, in the Calm Lands for a few weeks, to train and learn new skills and rest and prepare for the next part of the journey."

The others were listening to his every word. He didn't usually talk this much to any of them. When he said he wanted to spend time here before we moved on, they were surprised, even shocked, but I think they were also happy at the thought of a little extended rest.

"Lulu," he said, taking a few steps down the table to where she stood looking up at him. "You told me that it would be relatively simple for you to learn Bio."

"Yes, Sir Auron."

"Lulu," he said, crouching down in front of her and staring directly into her eyes, "We need you to master that spell. It's going to be absolutely key in the weeks and months ahead. All right?"

"Y-yes, Sir Auron," she nodded her head, kind of wide eyed.

"Good girl," he said, and turned to Yuna. "Yuna, do you think you can learn the spell Protect?"

"Yes, Sir Auron!" she said, standing up very straight.

"Excellent. Because we're going to need that too. In fact," he said, standing and turning to address us all once again, "We're all going to need new skills and strengths to help us succeed. I'll talk to each of you in the following days about your own training.

"Yuna," he said, turning to her. "Do you agree to this?"

"Oh, uh...yes! Yes, of course, Sir Auron."

"Thank you," he said, stepping down from the table. As he passed the two of us, Lulu and me, he stopped and looked back and forth between us and said, "This dinner truly was a wonderful, inspired idea. The two of you should be proud of yourselves and each other. Life is more than spells and stealing."

And then he walked away.

Bastard!

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I stalked through the hallways barefoot until I reached his room, and tapped on the door.

"Auron!" I whispered furiously. "Auron! Let me in! Auron!"

I had been in our room the last two hours getting madder and madder at him while I waited for Yuna and Lulu to stop singing little duets and just go to sleep already so I could get out of there. They finally drifted off and I went looking for him.

"Auron!"

The door swung open.

"Oh, uh...Kimahri...I was...uh...just looking for..."

The Ronso silently shook his head and said, "Outside."

Oh. Well, okay. Outside then. Should I go back to the room and get my shoes and socks and claw and targe? I didn't want to risk waking them and I was too impatient so I decided not to, and just went on out to the lobby, past the night clerk and out the door. It was sorta cold outside. Maybe I should have gotten my shoes. But a little cold wouldn't kill me and I should be safe enough if I don't go too far. I looked around. There wasn't any moon, so it was hard to see anything, but... No. Nothing, so I started off around one side of the building, and I kept stepping on rocks and things, and my feet were sore by the time I got around to the entrance again, and still no Auron. Well hell! Did he go off onto the plains by himself? Selfish bastard. I really should go back in and get my weapons and shoes, but...I'll just go out a little way. I pass through the gates and go maybe a hundred feet down the path, whispering his name. Dammit! Where is he!

"Rikku?"

GAH! Oh! It was him, coming up to me out of the darkness.

"Hey!" I said, slapping the side of his arm. "Don't come up and scare me like that!"

"I'm sorry."

"What are you doing out here anyway! Why aren't you in your room!"

"I'm used to waking up in the middle of the night. I was taking a quick look around. Rikku, are you barefoot? It's cold and wet out here. You're going to catch cold, and you could get cut. And where are your weapons? Rikku! You didn't come out here unarmed?"

Agghh!

"I wouldn't have had to if you'd stayed in your room!"

"Rikku..."

"I needed to talk to you!"

"All right, Rikku. Let's get back to the agency and we ca— Ow," he said calmly.

I had reached up, taken a handful of his hair, and pulled hard.

"Rikku, why did you do that?"

"Because if I slapped you you'd say I'm overreacting," I hissed.

"Rikku..."

"It wasn't funny!"

"Rikku—"

"It wasn't funny! It was just stupid and mean!"

"I'm sorry. It was a joke. I wasn't trying to be mean to you."

"Not mean to me! It was mean to you!"

He turned his head and looked away, but I just moved over where I could see his face again in the near darkness, and he turned the other way and I moved again. Dammit I was angry!

"Auron!" I said, grabbing his sleeve.

"Auron," I said, furiously. "You can do more than kill things!"

He just looked at me, not speaking. I knew that look. I've seen it in his soft, brown eye a thousand times. Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT, I was angry with him! I wanted to pull his hair out! I wanted to slap those glasses off his face! And I was angry at me, too! How could I have never recognized that look before? Why didn't I ever see the self-loathing in that eye? I grabbed him by the coat and tried to shake him.

"Auron! You are about more than death!"

He still didn't say anything.

"Auron," I pleaded, "You can do more than kill things."

"Of course, I can. But, just for the hell of it, Rikku," he whispered a little harshly, "What?"

"You can make me feel less scared, and alone."

He stood there for a moment, looking at me, and I stood blinking back at him. Then he put his arms around me and hugged me.

"Let's get back," he said.

"Okay."

"Are you still mad at me, Rikku?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"I'll stop when you stop thinking the only thing you see in the mirror is a killer."

He looked away again, and then down. Then he frowned. He was looking at my feet. He said, "You're not walking back barefoot in the wet grass," and he picked me up in his arms, and I automatically put my arms around his neck. You do that, you know, sometimes without thinking, to keep your own balance, and help...to help...him...

Hell with it. I put my arms around him and buried my head in his chest and swung my legs a little, wiggling my toes as he carried me back to the agency.

**Next: Training Rikku**


	24. Training Rikku

Okay, so a certain spunky, blond thief decides it's finally time to learn some magic and a certain older fellow guardian calls in a favor from a certain headmaster of a certain school for magic where the two of them go to live for half a term and try to avoid being drawn into a struggle against a certain dark lord and a certain potions master notices how good she is at mixes and a certain amount of jealousy ensues from a certain bushy haired girl and...hm.

Nah.

So. let's see. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. (Say, listen, about that? Some people have mentioned they'd like to know more about the AU storyline. Well, when this was just about Auron, that would probably be farther along by now. It's been pushed back by the need to develop the relationship once it became an aurikku. Now I wasn't really planning to get much into the AU stuff until after Zanarkand. That's when the game plot gets thin while you just wander around capturing fiends and catching butterflies and dodging lighting bolts and that kind of thing. That's when the story will need some plot. I dunno. Maybe I could throw in some dream sequences or something showing the Armies of the Dead in Service to the Dead clashing in front of the Farplane Gates with the Armies of the Dead in the Service of the Living, or talk about their plan for a deep strike into Hell. I guess it's worth considering. Anyway...) It's an Aurikku--guess that's out of the bag. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still all -T-. And I'm not in denial. It's all a lie.

Like the last chapter, this one is dedicated to Ruki the Sake Fairy. Thank you for your reviews, and I'm glad I was wrong.

And by the way, guys? For the love of pete., stop apologizing for long reviews. I like long reviews. It gives me something to read.

So...

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So, who is Auron?

When I first met Auron by the banks of the Moonflow all I saw was the Legend. And I tried to convince myself that he was just one more old guy for me to act all little girl cute with to get my way. But from the moment I looked into his brown eye, and heard his calm, smooth voice, I knew the stories were true. I knew he was special. And he scared me a little. Then on the Thunder Plain he opened up to me. He knew I was scared, and he told me he was scared all the time. And I was so grateful, and I liked that he opened up to me, but then I started thinking. He doesn't let it stop him, but Auron is like all of us inside, lost and lonely and scared. But scared of what? What frightens Auron? I thought I knew. He's scared for us, for all of us, for everyone on Spira, and he thinks he has to save us all by himself. I'm not sure why, but he does.

And then I FORGOT! I got this stupid crush on him and started building him all up inside my head until I thought there wasn't anything he couldn't do and I just forgot how broken Auron is. Bevelle reminded me that he's just a man, scared and able to make mistakes, carrying so many secrets that I don't know how he can stand up under all their weight. But I didn't remember he was broken until just last night, when he made that joke that wasn't funny at all because I looked in his brown eye when he said it and saw something that's hard to describe, but I suddenly realized it's what he really thinks, that killing is all that he's good for. And I think...I think Auron really hates killing things. What's it like? To hate the only thing you think you're good at, and keep on doing it because it's what you're good at, you know? And because you think people need you to do it?

So, who is Auron?

I think...maybe...the hardest, gentlest, most broken man I've ever met.

And...who is Rikku?

* * *

**Training Rikku**

* * *

**Auron:**

The next day the others were up early. They didn't have to be. They could have slept in, but no one did. They seemed to be a little lost. They weren't used to free time, and didn't really know how to handle it. Before this, even when we would stop somewhere for a day or two—at the Macalania agency, for example—they would spend the time making repairs, or buying supplies, knowing that we would have to move on soon. And except, perhaps, for Lulu, they were all active people by nature. It would take them a little while to get used to the idea of a real break.

We ate breakfast together in the agency's common room. They were all still complimenting Rikku on her dancing. She blushed redder and redder, and looked down at her plate, hiding behind her hair without saying very much, but I could see a little bit of a smile and I think she was pleased. After eating, the others started to discuss plans for their free time.

"You know," Lulu said, "We don't have to stay at the agency. There's really quite a lot to see in the Calm Lands if you want to play tourist."

"Hey, that's right," Tidus said, "You've been here before, you and Wakka."

Wakka grunted and looked down at the table, rubbing the back of his head. Lulu sat looking Tidus directly in the eye, without any visible expression.

"Uh, did I say something wrong, guys?"

"No," the black mage replied with a small sigh. "It's nothing. Yes, Wakka and I were here before, but we weren't tourists then.

"Still," she went on, "There were things I wanted to see. They say the views from the northwest cliffs are incredible. Some people call it the Edge of the World. And the Scar is supposed to be a magnificent sight. And I'd have liked to have seen more of the battle circles."

"Those big sinkhole things we passed on the way here?" he asked her.

"Yes. Those are the sites of some past battles with Sin," she said. "Some of them are quite large, like the one where legend says Ohalland defeated Sin four hundred years ago. We passed that one coming in."

"Uh, say, Lulu...," Rikku said slowly, "Anyone ever find any, you know, treasure in those circles?"

"Uh, never really heard of anything like that, Rikku," Wakka answered her, looking up. "But I heard from some guy that there was clues to some kinda big treasure scattered here and there in the Calm Lands. I always sorta thought it'd be fun to go looking for those, ya?"

"Oooo! Big treasure!" she breathed with a dreamy look in her wide green eyes.

"There are a lot of stories about legendary treasures in the Calm Lands, Rikku," Lulu said. "Don't take them too seriously."

"We'll only have one or two weeks, maybe three," Yuna said, warming to the idea. "I don't suppose we'll have time to see everything, but we should have time to see a lot!"

"Hey, all right!" the boy said. "So, what should we see?"

"I suppose we could take a vote," Lulu answered.

"I vote treasure!" Rikku said.

"Hey, I been hearing about the Scar a long time, ya? Kinda like to see it."

"We could probably see both the view from the cliffs and the Scar. It wouldn't take that long."

"No! Treasure, treasure, treasure!"

"I would like to visit the circles where the other summoners defeated Sin."

"Aurroooooon! Make them look for treasuuuuure!"

"Oh, yes, Sir Auron. What's your vote?" Lulu asked. "What do you want to see?"

But I simply shook my head and closed my eye.

"Hey guys," Tidus said. "I think there was a map out in the lobby. Let's go check it out."

They stood and drifted out of the room leaving Kimahri and I at the table. The girl slapped me lightly on the arm and muttered "meanie" before running out. Did I imagine the bemused look in the Ronso's eye? I could hear their voices through the open doorway, questioning the clerk.

"Oh, yes sir!" he was saying. "I've seen the view from the cliffs many times. There's nothing else like it in Spira."

You've never seen the world from the top of Mt Gagazet, I thought.

"And the Scar...if you have a chance to see it, you really have to. And adventurers like you, I imagine you want to see the zoo."

"Zoo?" Tidus asked.

"The monster zoo."

"Oh," Wakka said, "Hey, ya, I remember hearin' about the monster zoo last time. But it's all the way on the other side of the Calm Lands. We never got that far."

"Too far," Lulu said. "Maybe on our way out."

"Oh, you only have a few days?" the clerk asked.

"Two or three weeks," Yuna said. "But the Calm Lands are so big, we can only see so much."

"Hmm, yes. Of course, you could travel a lot faster on chocobos."

Hang on.

"Chocobos?" Lulu said. "We saw all the wild chocobos on the plains, but can we rent trained chocobos here?"

"Well, the trainer is usually here, but just now she's out catching more wild chocobos."

Just as well, I thought. Chocobos aren't exactly on my list of despised things, but neither are they on my other (nonexistent) list of the most wonderfulest things in the whole wide world.

"But I know she went north," the clerk continued. "If you wanted to go see the view from the northern cliffs you might find her."

"All right!" I heard Tidus say. "So let's go look for her, and even if we don't find her we still see the view!"

Grand.

Oh well. We're unlikely to actually find her. The Calm Lands are a big place.

"But the Calm Lands are so big," I heard Yuna say. "Do we really have a chance of finding her?"

"Well," Lulu said, "Realistically, probably not."

"We'll think of a way," the boy said.

"Hey, waitaminute!" I heard an Al Bhed voice say, just before she burst back into the common room. "Hey Auron! We need a plan!"

Wonderful.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Ha! I made Auron promise to come up with a plan to help us find the chocobo trainer. (Hey, when you have a really, really hard problem, one of the things you can do is make it someone else's problem. He taught me that! It's a tactical thing.) We all decided to leave the next morning and spent most of the day getting ready. It would take us maybe a week to get to the northern cliffs if we pushed, a week and a half if we didn't. I think we'll probably just take it kind of easy.

It was around noon and we were all outside getting ready for the midday drills when a priest of Yevon arrived at the agency. I was a little worried at first, but there were seven of us and only one of him, and then it turned out that Lulu and Wakka knew him from before. They introduced him to the rest of us as Father Zuke.

"You certainly don't look like Maester Kinoc's murderer," he said to Yuna.

She sorta gasped and asked him what he was talking about, and he told us that Mika had blamed us for killing Kinoc and told all the Yevonites to kill us! That's pretty cheeky! But I'm not sure how much danger we're in, because Auron asked him about Bevelle and the guy said things were kinda confused. Auron thinks that means that Bevelle will be too busy to bother with us right now, and I gotta think he knows more than he's telling, since he got all those notes from that Al Bhed guy yesterday.

And you know what! Later Lulu told me that the reason they know Father Zuke is because he was a summoner and they were his guardians before! Gee, you think you know a person. He decided to stop, right here in the Calm Lands. I wonder if maybe Yuna will think about that, about giving up her pilgrimage. I'd like to think so, but she is stubborn! Tidus and I talked after, and we kinda agreed that it was still up to us to not only keep Yuna safe, but find a way for her to live. I wish...well, you know what I wish, but it's just not going to happen. The man says tactics are the art of the possible. It's up to Tidus and me, for now.

**Auron:**

We're leaving for the northern cliffs tomorrow, and then we're going to look for the chocobo trainer's camp, and then to who knows where. I hoped we would stay fairly close to the agency during this break in our journey, where I would receive regular reports from the Luca network, but it appears I'll be out of contact again. The Plan has many aspects. Parts of it are unfolding in other places in Spira—in Bevelle, in Luca, and elsewhere. Other parts are being played out back in Zanarkand, and still more on the Farplane and within Sin itself. But unless Braska chooses to visit my dreams, Belgamine is now my contact to the Farplane, and through the Farplane back to Zanarkand. I don't see her very often. I can send questions to her through the network, but I have to be careful. There are secrets, and then there are secrets. Some things can't be sent through regular messengers. They have to be discussed face to face, or conveyed in person through other principles like Maechen. And besides, I still don't fully trust her. I hope that in time, after Tidus learns the truth about himself, he can be my contact with the fayth, and that the fayth can keep me in contact with all the various fronts in this war, perhaps even within Sin. Right now I have no intelligence at all from inside Sin and no way of getting any unless Jecht is able to send something out to Braska or myself. He hasn't, which almost certainly means he can't, which is intelligence in itself, of course. So I have hopes for Tidus and the fayth eventually. Almost all of the fayth are on our side, openly or secretly. But that's in the future. For right now my intelligence is limited to Spira and Belgamine, and both rely on contact with Rin's Luca network.

I would prefer to stay in touch, to know as much as I can, but of course the heart of The Plan in Spira is this pilgrimage, these young people and the new story that they are making to replace the old one. That remains my focus for now, and when I am out of touch the rest of The Plan must take care of itself.

Communications are a bugger, aren't they?

So it's just as well the Church wasn't really in any shape to move against us. This Father Zuke's words confirmed what I already knew about the state of the Church. Bevelle was fractured, in disarray and at odds with itself. It helps when the other side is just as confused as you. It was convenient now, but if it lasted for a while it would be vital for the others later after Sin was finally defeated.

Confident enough there, Auron? Just a walk in the park, Auron. Cart before the horse, Auron. First things first.

I spent the rest of the afternoon talking to the party individually as they prepared to travel north, discussing what we needed them to concentrate on in the weeks ahead. Tidus was a light-fighter, depending on speed. They train for it, but they also use spells such as Slow and Haste and special tricks and abilities like delay-attack as speed multipliers. If I strike a fiend for X damage, and Tidus strikes for ½X damage but does it three times, then he's accomplished more than I have even though my attack was more powerful. The mantra of the light-fighter is Speed Kills. Next up in the usual progression for him would be Slowga, a wider area-effect Slow spell that can catch multiple fiends simultaneously.

"So, Tidus?" I said as we walked near the agency.

"Yeah, Auron. I'm pretty sure I can figure it out. It'd be easier if someone were here to teach me. Emma or someone. Oh, hell. Sorry, Auron, I didn't mean to—"

"It's all right," I interrupted him. "You're right. She'd be a big help, and I wish she was here."

I taught Tidus the basics of swordplay when he was young, and a few helpful tricks, but there's only so much a heavy fighter can teach a light fighter. When he was thirteen I arranged for lessons for him at the fighter guildhall in Zanarkand. The trainer they assigned him was a talented young light fighter who used two swords. She had red hair, and a temper to match, and I missed her very much.

"Auron," he said slowly, starting to wander in small circles, looking down at the grass under his feet. "Auron, do you think they're all right? All of them, back there? The city was going up in flames when we left."

It's something we hadn't talked about before—the people we left behind. I know we both tried not to think about it. I looked away from him, towards the north.

"I can't say. I hope they are. But all we can do for them right now is try to finish...all this."

"Yeah," he sighed, and folded his legs to sit down on the grass. "Auron, do you ever miss Zanarkand?"

"Yes," I said, sitting down next to him.

"What do you miss the most?" he asked.

"Toothpaste."

He kind of sputtered and looked up at me, a smile starting to cross his face.

"Yeah," he shook his head, "Me too."

I left Tidus lying on his back in the tall grass looking up at the passing clouds. I knew that in a while either he would get up and go look for Yuna or she would come out and find him. I was very pleased with the way that relationship was developing, but I couldn't help remembering what Rikku had said to me weeks ago at the sphere pool. She said that Yuna was my puppet, that I was pulling her strings, and that none of it was real.

Was she right? Did it even matter? And if she was, and if it did, would that change anything? If I decided that what I was doing was...wrong...would I stop? These were serious questions that honestly had not occurred to me before, but now that they had I needed to think seriously about them, and about the path of honor.

Add it to the list.

I talked to Lulu, Yuna and the others, helping them devise training programs. It seemed that it would indeed be fairly simple for Lulu to learn the poison spell Bio. In fact, she was sure that she could match Kimahri and learn Demi, and even Death. Perhaps so, but I wanted her to concentrate on Bio. Time enough for other spells later. I needed Bio. Wakka thought he could learn Silence Buster. It wouldn't hurt, but I've never really found Silence all that useful. I told him to go ahead, but was more interested in his strength training. Yuna would continue learning to direct her aeons in combat, and would try to learn the spell Protect. If she can (she seems in no doubt) I will be personally grateful, as I'm likely to be the most frequent recipient. Kimahri informed me that Flare seemed to be out of his reach. That was disappointing but not unexpected. For now we would try to improve his capacities.

And then there was Rikku.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We started out early the next day for the northern cliffs. The Edge of the World, some people call them. I think we all kinda felt better when we were headed somewhere, had some goal. But we were taking it easy too, not pressing too hard, more like a stroll than a death march, you know? We were still walking, still fighting fiends, but it wasn't all so grim and serious. Almost like instead of a summoner and her guardians we were just seven friends. We stopped at noon to eat the meal the agency had packed for us. It was really good. There was spicy meat and fruit and cupcakes for dessert! We had enough packed meals for a week. Then it'll be back to our own cooking. Some of us are pretty good, but others...well, have you ever tasted Ronso Stew Surprise? I sat next to Auron while we ate.

"Aw, com'on," I said.

He didn't answer.

"It's not fair, Auron! You have a cupcake, and Lulu does, and Yunie does, and everyone does but me! That's not fair! Auron? Auron, do you think that's fair? Auron?"

"Rikku, you don't have a cupcake because you ate your cupcake first, before you ate the rest of your meal. It's perfectly fair."

"Pleeeease, Auron? You won't miss it! It'll make you all fat and slow in combat! Com'ooooon! I'll...I'll make you throw up! I'll turn my eyelids inside out and make you throw up!"

"Have you ever seen me throw up?" he said mildly. "It's really quite beautiful."

Huh? Okay, so what do you say to that? What do you say when the coat-wearing meanie who holds you at night so you won't be scared says something like that to you with a perfectly straight face and you have a sneaking suspicion that he might just be telling you the truth? What do you say? Tell me, cause I really wanna know.

After lunch, when everyone was sorta going off on their own, getting ready to start all their new drills, Auron turned to me and said, "Time to start your fighter training."

Oh, uh...

_He sat cross-legged, back straight, his coat spreading out around him as if he was some exotic crimson bloom among the soft green grass of the Calm Lands. Or like he was sitting in a pool of blood, she thought apprehensively. His eye was closed, and his sword was laid on the ground in front of him. She licked her lips nervously as she approached the motionless figure. She had been starting to get to know him as a man, and as a friend, but now she was reminded of the first time she ever saw him, standing by the banks of the Moonflow. That day she looked at him and saw what everyone else saw when they looked at him. She saw Death Walking. She saw the Red Guardian. She saw the Legend. It was like she had forgotten and now suddenly remembered that he was those things too. Well, why else had she asked him to train her to be a better fighter? She stopped when she was five feet from him. She knew that he had to know she was here, but he didn't move, didn't open his eye. What would he do, she wondered, What would he do if I just suddenly attacked, or threw a grenade, or—_

"_Aghh!"_

_Suddenly he wasn't sitting. He was standing only inches from her, his eye staring with intensity into hers. Without thinking she started back half a step, and he laid one strong finger on her breastbone and pushed._

_She lost her balance and found herself sitting on her backside looking up at him. He reached his hand down to her, and she took it and he pulled her to her feet._

"_Rikku," he said. "In combat, your greatest asset is speed. You are fast. But speed does no good if you lack control. We need to improve your balance."_

"_All right, Auron," she answered. "H-how?"_

"_Like this."_

_And he began to teach her the exercises the warrior monks use to learn balance. It began with a child's game, as she twirled around and around and around until she became dizzy and lost her balance and fell, except he was there to catch her. She sprawled in his arms, out of breath, laughing up at him as the world spun around her._

"_Auron," she said, spiral eyes dancing, "Do the monks really train this way?"_

"_Well," he answered, "We don't catch them when they fall."_

_They moved on to handstands and pirouettes and tumbling, his hands on her hips and on her shoulders and on her back showing her how to move, and whenever she lost her balance, he was there. He was always there to catch her, even when one spirited double handstand and flip threw them both to the ground. He ended up on top of her, the wind knocked out of them both._

"_Very…enthusiastic…Rikku," he said with a groan. "Are you all right?"_

_She didn't answer, and he looked down with real concern._

"_Rikku!"_

_And he saw her looking back, her spiral eyes staring into his only inches away. Her lips were parted and he could feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest underneath him and the puffs of her hot, sweet breath on his face._

"_Rikku?"_

_And suddenly her lips were on his and her arms were around him, and like a dam bursting, desire for her swept through his mind and his body._

"Rikku?"

"Huh?'

"It's time to start your fighter training now, Rikku."

"Oh...uh, sure, Auron. Okay. What do we do?"

"Follow me," he said, and led me over to a clear area where someone had flattened out a circle thirty feet across in the grass.

"Hey, where did this come from?"

"I prepared it when we first stopped," he said, walking into the center of the circle. I was going to follow him but he waved me back.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"You mean now? Am I ready now?"

"Yes, Rikku. Are you ready now?"

"Uh, do I need my claw and my targe?"

"If you like. The first lesson is really very simple," he said.

"Okay, well...I guess I'm ready," I said.

"All right," he said. "The lesson begins. Hurt me."

What did he say?

"Uh, what?"

"Hurt me, Rikku."

"Auron! I don't want to hurt you!"

"Then the lesson is over. It ends when you hurt me or when you acknowledge failure."

"Uh, Auron, is this one of those Try To Hurt Me But I'm Not Gonna Let You Ha Ha Ha deals?"

"No, Rikku," he answered. "Your goal in this lesson is to hurt me. It's that simple."

Okay, well then...hurt him he said. He didn't say to hurt him bad. Okay. I didn't put on my claw. Then I got down in my fighting crouch, and before I even bounced once I was rushing in to hit him with a spinning backfist. That'll leave a mark!

CRASH!

I barely set foot in the circle when something hit me. I felt burning and freezing all over my body. I heard the crash of thunder in my ears and felt my muscles spasm and seize. It was like my heart stopped, and I blacked out, and the next thing I knew I was on the ground jerking and twitching. It hurt. Auron! Where was Auron? Was he all right? What happened?

"Auron...?" I groaned.

I'm here, Rikku."

I lifted my head with an effort and looked around. Auron hadn't moved. He was still standing in the middle of the circle in the grass, looking at me.

"Auron, what was that? What happened?" I asked, rubbing my head and sitting up.

"That was Lulu casting Thundera," he said calmly. "She's going to cast Thundera on you whenever you enter the circle and whenever it looks like you're going to throw something."

What...? What? I...I couldn't think for a minute, couldn't wrap my head around it. Lulu had cast Thundera on me! Lulu! And he told her to! I might have cried, I might have started to cry sitting right there in the middle of the Calm Lands looking at him standing there in the that circle, because he knows I'm scared of lightning—not Ha Ha scared, but really scared—and he used that to hurt me! I might have cried but instead a wave of hot anger flashed through me! And now I really wanted to hurt him and without even thinking I jumped up and leaped toward him and thunder boomed and lightning hit me again, knocking me back.

"AURON!" I screamed lying curled on my side surrounded by little smoldering grassfires. "Why are you doing this to me!"

"It will stop if you hurt me."

"Hurt you!" I yelled, scrabbling blindly in my pouch for a fire gem. "I...I HATE you!"

CRACK! Lighting struck me again, and this time I just lay there, tears of hate and fear and rage leaking from the corners of my eyes, shouting things I don't even remember at him, that he never cared about me at all, that he liked hurting people and he wanted to hurt me like he hurt Tidus, wanted to kill me like he wanted to kill Yuna, that he wanted me to be as ugly as he was with his scar.

And I meant it! I was mad! I hadn't realized how mad I still was at him for stuff going back months! Bullying Yuna and all of us, and all of his secrets, and letting Yuna marry a dead guy, and the way he looks at Lulu when she bends over, and treating Yuna like a puppet, and not trusting me, and hurting Tidus, and just throwing down my sword in Bevelle, and letting us get blindsided by Mika, and the way he just kept throwing himself in front of those sand worms for us, and never telling me if it makes him less afraid when I hold him, and the way he was gonna kill that Guado after he stopped me because he thinks his soul is worth less than ours! He sees a killer when he looks in the mirror! I hate that, and I hate him, and he wouldn't even give me his cupcake when I asked nicely AND HE'S NEVER EVEN KISSED ME! HE'S NEVER EVEN TRIED!

I don't know how long I shouted at him and I don't know how much of all that I shouted out loud. When I ran down I just lay there curled up panting and hurting. I heard him sigh softly.

"Lesson ends," he said gently. "You failed."

Failed? I what...? Just like that? It's over? I shook my head numbly, I felt like someone just poured a bucket of ice water down my back.

"Auron..." I asked, hating him, "What does that mean? Are you...are you not gonna teach me anymore?"

"No, Rikku, it just means that you're not a fighter, not today. Go have Yuna heal those burns."

So I pulled myself to my feet and went and found Yuna (wasn't hard, followed the aeons) and she was all horrified and How did this happen, but she healed me right away. Twenty minutes later I was back. He was still standing in the center of the circle staring up at the sky, like he'd never moved, and I stalked right up to the edge.

"Hey!" I shouted, "I don't fail! I don't acknowledge failure!"

And he looked at me for a moment. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I wasn't going to fail in front of him!

"Lesson continues," he said, and fast as I could my hand dove into my pouch.

CRASH! Lulu hit me with lightning from wherever she was watching and I went down, but I managed to pull out a fire gem. CRACK! Lightning hit me again, but I managed to activate it—CRASH!—and lightning struck again but I held on, hating him and gritting my teeth through the pain, and I threw the gem in Auron's direction before I collapsed.

I could hear the multiple explosions going off, then nothing. I managed to lift my head and saw Auron crumpled on his side. He wasn't moving. Auron? I didn't even try to get up, just started crawling toward him on my hands and knees and I didn't even realize I entered the circle, but nothing happened. I reached him as he was trying to sit up.

"Auron," I whispered. I wanted to throw my arms around him, but I couldn't, all I could do was stare. His face and arm were covered with burns, his skin flaking away in places, and his breath was coming in rasps.

"Rikku, (huhh)," he spoke in short gasps, "Rikku, (huhh) lesson over. (Huhh.) You pass. (Huhh.) Please, Rikku, (huhh) don't (huhh) don't cry. (Huhh.) (Huhh.)"

I pulled out a potion and used it on him. He started breathing easier.

"Stay here," I said. Stupid thing to say. "Stay here, I'll get Yuna!"

I staggered to my feet and heard him call my name. I turned back.

"Rikku..." he said weakly, looking up at me. "What is the first rule...of the healer...?"

All I could do was stare and shake my head. He was lying there half dead, I almost killed him, he made me almost kill him, and he's giving me riddles! I really did hate him for a moment. I turned and ran to find Yuna.

Lulu had already run to get her. I met them coming back. Lulu met my eye without any expression at all. Neither of us said anything to the other, but when Yuna wanted to stop and heal me, each of us grabbed an arm and dragged her along. Auron was trying to stand when we reached him. Yuna gave a little cry when she saw him, and pulled away from us and ran to cast her healing spells. She healed both of us, and Auron thanked her, and then Lulu and me for going to get her, and then he said it was probably time to start moving again.

Just like that. Just like nothing had happened. All three of us were staring at his back as he walked away, and then we all just looked at each other.

Unbelievable.

**Auron:**

Fire gem. Could have been worse, but I was reminded the hard way to keep your mouth shut during a fire attack or you'll sear your lungs. Well, better relearned in practice than in combat.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we started north again. Lulu and I still hadn't said anything to each other. And I didn't say anything to Auron for a long time either, even though I was walking next to him, behind the others. I wasn't really mad, exactly, but...I was thinking, trying to understand what had happened. I didn't look at him. I looked down at the grass under our feet—at his boots, at my shoes, step, step, step.

"Auron," I said quietly, after a while. "Why did you make me do that? Why did you hurt me and why'd you make me hurt you?"

"It's the first lesson," he answered, just as quietly. "Rikku, what's the first rule of the fighter?"

"Do No Harm," I said. "Oh, wait. I thought you were gonna ask about the healer..."

"You asked Yuna."

"Well... Uh huh. After you walked away. I wanted to know what you were talking about."

"So, what is the first rule of the healer?"

"First, Do No Harm."

"Correct. So then, what is the first rule of the fighter?"

Oh. Put it like that and it's kinda obvious.

"First, Do Harm," I said.

"That's right, Rikku. So, why did you hurt me?"

"You told me to!" I shouted, glaring at him. Yuna and Wakka turned and looked back at us. I lowered my voice to an angry whisper, "And I was mad."

"Yes, but you knew Lulu would cast Thundera if you tried to hurt me."

"Yeah..."

"And you accepted that, and hurt me anyway, knowing the cost. When you did that, Rikku, when you decided that you wouldn't let pain or anything else stop you, when hurting me became more important than not being hurt, you became a fighter.

"Actually," he went on, "You became a better fighter than half the "fighters" on Spira, who haven't learned that lesson and enter combat more worried about being hurt than about bringing harm to others."

"Just like that?" I asked him.

"I told you the first lesson was simple."

"So...that's it? That's all? I'm a fighter now, and I'm done training?"

"There are thousands of lessons, Rikku, to become a better fighter. But the first one is the one that separates those who are fighters from those who are not. What makes a fighter, Rikku, is your attitude, your priorities. The goal of the lesson was for you to hurt me. The object of the lesson was for you to hurt me at all costs."

I thought for a minute, neither of us saying anything while we walked.

"So..." I said, "Now what? What next?"

"You need to decide if you want to continue with fighter training."

I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, still looking at the ground. I really was kinda shaken by everything that had happened today. Keep doing that? Everyday?

"I don't know, Auron..."

"You don't have to. You still need to train to be a better, faster thief. But...I know it will be hard, but I hope you decide to continue. Because I want you to be safe."

That put a little warm feeling in my stomach, right alongside of the anger, hurt, pain, fear, confusion, bruised pride, and a little fluttery feeling I always get now when I'm near him. I sighed and shook my head.

"Auron, I don't...we don't...I mean, I just suppose I had this idea that you training me would be, you know, us spending time together, and talking, and you showing me stuff, and maybe getting to know each other better, and...I don't know. Something else. Fun. Not this."

"I'd have liked that, Rikku. But that's just not what the first lesson is about."

"Yeah," I said softly. "I guess. Well, I suppose I should go scout."

"Rikku," he said.

"Yes, Auron?"

"Make up with Lulu. She was doing what I asked."

"Well..."

"Please, Rikku."

"Okay, Auron."

**Auron:**

I saw her later, walking next to Lulu in the mild afternoon sunshine. They seemed to be talking quietly. Then Rikku hugged the mage quickly and ran off to scout ahead of us. Lulu stared after her, looking somewhat bemused. She slowed and waited, letting the others go ahead then silently fell in alongside me. After a moment she spoke.

"Sir Auron," she said firmly, "I don't want to hurt Rikku anymore."

"All right," I answered.

She looked relieved. We walked for several minutes without speaking. Then she shook her head, her long dark braids swinging with the motion, and turned to me.

"That's all? All right? You're not going to try to talk me into it?"

"Very well."

"Wait! I didn't mean—"

"I hurt Rikku just as much as you did, Lulu," I interrupted her. "And I asked you to hurt her. Why?"

"Why? Because you were training her."

"And that was worth hurting her?"

"You thought so, Sir Auron."

"Why did I think so?"

She took a deep breath.

"You said it was to make her safer, in case she's ever attacked while she's alone."

"And you don't agree that keeping her safe is worth causing her pain?"

"I..." she paused, and then shook her head again. "There must be a better way."

I stopped walking. She went on a few steps before she noticed and turned.

"Mage," I said quietly, "Think what you are saying."

She opened her mouth, then closed it again, and stood looking at me.

"In my years," I said to her, "I have trained hundreds of cadets. And then I have sent them out into this sad, tragic world of Spira or into the dark streets of Zanarkand, and some survived, and some did not. And every one that fell was my failure. And I learned from them, because if I had not it would have been a sin, not to learn from their death how to keep others alive. For years I thought of nothing but how to keep them alive while they fought to protect the innocent.

"Lulu, if there was a better way, what would I do?"

"If..." she swallowed, "If there was something better, you would do that, and not this."

I started walking again. We didn't want to let the others get too far ahead. Again, she fell in beside me and we walked together.

"Perhaps there is a better way, Lulu," I said after a bit. "I hope someone finds a better way, and then a better way still after that. And I will always use the best way I know to keep these good, young people as safe as I can."

It was perhaps ten minutes later that she said quietly, without looking up, "I'll help you."

And it was a few minutes later that it occurred to me to say, "Thank you."

I know Rikku thinks that I don't pay enough attention to other people's feelings. She's told me so often enough. She's made it very clear that I can be thoughtless and selfish with those who care about my opinion. Others have said it before her, but...I care more when Rikku says it.

"Lulu," I said after thinking a while.

"Yes, Sir Auron?"

"I don't tell you often enough how important you are to the party."

"Oh," she looked surprised. And pleased. "Thank you, Sir Auron."

She smiled as we walked along together, through the green grass of the Calm Lands. I am fond of Lulu.

I very much hope that I never have to kill her.

* * *

**Auron:**

We stopped for the evening well before dark, to train, then eat, and then I suppose to linger around the campfire before retiring. Oh well, it was their break. Just so long as Lulu doesn't try to sing. As I was moving away to start my own drills, Rikku came up to me.

"Okay, Auron," she said. "I'll keep training...for now."

"Thank you, Rikku."

"Yeah," she said, looking up at me with a little, twisty smile, "Yeah, I'm doing you a real big favor, letting you keep trying to keep me safe."

"Yes, Rikku," I said in all seriousness. "You are."

The smile sort of slid off her face, and she stood there, swinging just a little from side to side, head down a bit, wide, green eyes looking at me from under her lashes. She slowly smiled again, and raised her little chin and looked me more directly in the eye. Then she shook her head.

"Ha. Okay, so, circle time again?" she asked, wrapping her arms around herself with an exaggerated theatrical shudder that I knew hid a small, genuine shudder.

"No, Rikku. We will come back to the first lesson, again and again. In fact, every time you spar or train from now on, and every time you're in combat the first lesson will be a part of you. But right now, we move on to the second lesson."

"Okay, so what's that? Square, triangle, dodecahedron?"

"Cube."

"Ook?" she said, raising one eyebrow.

"A small game of chance."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, so Auron reaches into his coat and then folds his legs and sits down right there. I sit down too. I can see the others not too far away starting their own drills, Yuna and Tidus and Lulu are sitting together, concentrating, and Kimahri and Wakka are sparring with each other. Auron and I are both sitting cross-legged and our knees are almost touching, and he reaches out and drops something into my hand. I look at it and it's a six sided die, kinda heavy. Made of pewter, I'd guess. He opens his hand to show another in his palm. "Lesson begins.

"The rules are simple," he says, clearing the space between us and then rolling his die on the ground. "If my roll is higher than yours, then I get a point."

He had rolled a four.

"And if my roll is higher?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Then no point is awarded. Roll."

Okay. Sounds simple. I roll the die and get a five. No point. He picks up his die and rolls again. A three. I roll and get a two.

"Point," he says, and rolls again. Six. I roll a four. "Point."

Five-three. Three-four. Two-one. Three-five. Three-one. Two-Six. Four-Four.

"Point. Point. Point."

"Auron," I said as he picked up his die and rolled again, "When's it gonna be my turn?"

"You heard the rules, Rikku. Point"

I kept rolling the die, but what the heck was this game supposed to be teaching me? That life isn't fair? I know that. This is Spira.

"Point. Point."

What a stupid, boring, pointless— Hey! HEY! The next time I rolled I barely let the die stop moving before I snatched it up again then rolled it before Auron did. Four. Then Auron rolled a one. And he looked up at me. And I smiled and said, "Point."

He nodded. Then he grabbed his die fast and rolled it again!

HA! You can only get a point if you roll first! Now we were rolling and rerolling as fast as we could, our hands getting in each others way as we grabbed for the dice and one or the other of us shouting "point", and laughing. Okay, I was shouting and laughing, but I swear he smiled!

"Point! HA! Point, Auron! HEY! Auron—haha—that's my die! Hahaheh. You've got my die! Give, give-it! Hahahaheehee! NO! That my point, you had my die! My point, Auron! HA! Six! Point! Hahahahehehee! Point! Auron! Let go! That's—that's MY--hahaheheh—my die! Point! Point! POINT! Hahahaheheh! Auron!"

It was starting to get dark, the stars were coming out overhead, and we were almost cheek to cheek now, both of us bending forward lower and lower over the dice as we threw them faster and faster cause it was getting harder to see, and finally I was just laughing and grabbing at where I thought they were, and then I grabbed them both in my hands and his hands were around mine, and I turned my head quick and kissed him on the cheek.

And he jerked away, letting go of my hands and kind of looking around like he was wondering where he was. Then he shook his head a little and said, "That's...ahem. Lesson ends. You did very well, Rikku."

Ha! Throw the poor guy a rope, I thought, smiling.

"Auron," I asked sweetly, "What's all that supposed to teach me?"

"The importance of the initiative," he said, sounding like he was on firm ground again. "Of acting first, so that your opponent is reacting to you rather than the other way around. It isn't always critical, but very often it is. So you saw that you had no chance to win the game until you started to make the first move."

He slowed down there, just toward the end, like he was maybe thinking that this might not be the best time to be teaching me the importance of making the first move. Ha! Too late! (Wanna bet his next lesson is about caution and not moving too fast?)

Time to change the subject before he gets too spooked.

"So, this is the second lesson?"

It was darker now, and I could barely see him shake his head.

"The first lesson is always the first lesson. I chose this lesson for the second because it goes well with your speed. As fast as you are, Rikku, you must use that speed to act first, whether to run, or to fight, or to steal. It can be your greatest advantage."

It was dark now, and getting kinda cool and the others had drifted back to the fire. It was time to wash up before dinner. After washing I went and grabbed his arm and dragged him over to sit next to me with Yuna on my other side. Dinner from the agency was good. It was a kind of meat pie, and cheese, and fruit for desert. (Oh well, can't be cupcakes every meal.) And I was telling Yunie and the others all about my first lesson, giving high-pitched little screams and making it sound funnier than it was, and Kimahri and Wakka and Tidus all nodded. They all understood what the first lesson was really like. And Lulu kind of put her head down and didn't look at me, but I talked right to her and made her look at me, and I laughed and smiled until she finally smiled back and I could just feel the approval radiating from the man. And then I started to tell them all about my second lesson, but Auron reached over and put his hand on mine, stopping me. I looked at him, and he nodded to Tidus, who was sitting on the other side of Yuna.

"Yeah, Rikku," the kid said, smiling. "Yeah, first lesson, all fun and games. I remember that from when he taught me like seven, eight years ago."

"Hey, that's right," Wakka added, shaking his head. "First lesson, nothin' but laughs, ya? I got that lesson from him just after we left Luca."

Kimahri just crossed his arms over his chest and nodded silently. Yuna and Lulu were watching and not saying anything.

"Well," Tidus said, "When I learned that first lesson Auron took me to a blitzball game afterward to celebrate, and, ah...recover. Maybe we can do something more elaborate when we get back to the agency, but..."

He reached behind him and brought out a box, gift wrapped all in yellow and tied with gold and blue ribbons!

"This is for you, Rikku," he said, holding it out to me. "From us. Welcome to the fighters."

"Oh wow!" I said, taking it. "This is so nice of you guys!"

And I tore it open, and looked in.

And smiled.

Cupcakes.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We sat round the campfire that night and everyone told stories about their training. Auron didn't tell a story but he threw a couple sarcastic little comments into the one that Tidus told about what happened when he was a kid and the man first started teaching him swordplay, telling him that they were special super-secret blitzball exercises. Kimahri told us how he just wasn't able to get his magic to work until he got to Bikanel Island, where it was so hot that he finally somehow managed to cast Blizzaga on himself by accident, and he could work magic after that! Wakka told about the first time he was attacked by a fiend when he was stark naked and all he had was a blitzball. (I always wondered how he got started with that. What if he had had a pogo stick instead?) Lulu told us how she somehow mixed a Blizzara spell with a Fira spell and made it rain inside the Besaid temple. She was never able to do it again no matter how hard the farmers begged her. Then she and Tidus coaxed Yuna into telling the story about when she had just started white magic training and a little girl came in crying that she'd hurt her knee. Yuna right away started running around gathering so many potions and splints and remedies and bandages and antidotes and stuff for healing magic and saying little prayers that she scared the girl, and she ran out crying for her mommy to protect her from the healer! I coulda told them about being a thief, I guess, but instead I told them about the time I was four and got into Rin's special inventory and did my first mix. I don't know what Rin had in that box, but he screamed NO and my dad and everyone else came running, if you can imagine a bunch of adults running around trying to catch a kid with Hyper Mighty Guard on her! Ha!

I was sorta leaning back against Auron's legs, and he coulda put his arms around me to keep me warm. But he didn't.

Oh well. Eventually Tidus went to take the first watch and everyone else headed for their blankets. And I...didn't. I waited until just Auron and I were left.

"Auron," I said, looking down and wetting my lips. I had never exactly put it like this before. "Let's go to bed."

-----Rikku and Auron at night in the Calm Lands----_As I Lay Me Down_---Sophie B Hawkins----

And out of the corner of my eye I could see that he cocked his head, cause he had never thought about it that way either. But how else to say it? Lie down together? Get under your coat? Go to sleep? Sometimes we don't sleep. Sometimes we talk, for a long time. I could see him thinking about it, not really liking the sound of it, but then after a minute he got up and found a spot not too close to the fire and not too far, and took off his coat and sat down. And for the first time I didn't go back to the tent at all. I just went and sat next to him, and slipped off my shoes and socks and lay down, and then so did he, spreading his coat over both of us.

It felt...different. I liked it, but I was a little nervous and scared too. I knew nothing was gonna happen (I mean, I guess I thought I probably knew, more or less) but it was the first time we'd both laid down together, at the same time. It felt like I wasn't coming out and asking him to hold me because I was scared, but that we were lying down together under his coat for other reasons, like we just wanted to be together, wanted to be close to each other. I don't know. It was different. But he still put his arm around me and I put my arm around him, and we made each other feel less afraid under all the stars of the Calm Lands.

"Auron," I said, quietly.

"Yes, Rikku."

"I didn't mean it, what I said about your scar. I don't think it's ugly. Really."

"It's all right, Rikku," he said.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay."

After a while I said, "Auron?"

"Yes, Rikku?"

"The second lesson? That's what I hoped you training me would be like."

**Auron:**

I smile a little in the dark, and remember her exaggerated shudder, and her asking, Square, triangle, dodecahedron? I remember her grabbing and throwing the dice as fast she could, throwing them and laughing. I remember smiling at her energy and enthusiasm and her wonderful bright spirit.

In Zanarkand, one of the last times I saw Willa she told me she had counted my smiles the almost-year that we had lived together. She said there had been twelve, but only five were real. She said it with unshed tears in her soft grey eyes. I'm sure she was right. I've never smiled much.

But now...

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Rikku," I heard him whisper.

"Yes, Auron?"

"Rikku..."

I could barely hear him.

"I smile more when I'm with you," he said.

Oh.

Have you ever been just so happy you thought you would pop?

**Next: Chocobo Games**


	25. Chocobo Games

Not much to say today. Maybe I'll mention that if you like the Auron/Rikku dynamic maybe you could find three books by a guy named Paul Kidd. They're not, uh, serious books. They're part of the D&D Greyhawk series, White Plume Mountain, Descent into the Depths of the Earth, and Queen of the Demonweb Pits. They feature a grim Ranger with awesome sword skills and an obsession with justice and a faerie thief/magic user with an obsession with shiny things, sugar, and fun. So, kind of like Rikku/Auron without the age difference and the, uh, dead thing. Size difference, though.

Like I say, not great literature, but fun reads.

So, major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. (Not real AU, not yet. Later.) It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. You've already figured out the gradual part, haven't you? Still-T-. Let's all hear it for -T-. Com'on, gimme a -T-!

Sorry.

Oh yeah, remember my words in Al Bhed go --"words"--.

So, one more thing. I want to dedicate this chapter and the next one to Glass Mermaid. Thank you for the reviews and for all the nice things you said about my writing. And I meant everything I said about your writing, too. Guys, if you haven't read "Bleak", read it. Well, hang on. It's -M-, so, hm, if you're old enough then read it. If you're not, then, um, get old enough and then read it.

So...

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

I sit at a table in the chocobo trainer's camp, going through the stack of messages that I brought north on this trip. I'm making notes, advising and instructing, writing orders, answering questions...giving permission. I've arranged for a courier to carry them all south to the agency and pass them on to the Luca network and to our people. I look down at the letter in my hand. It's from one of our agent leaders in Bevelle, asking for permission to deal with a situation. His reasoning is sound. The risk is low and the benefit considerable. I should authorize it and move on. But I sit there with the message in my hand.

I should sign it.

I close my eye and I remember...

"Auron," she had said raggedly, sliding down the wall to the floor, in what had once been her room, in what had once been her home. "Auron, it'll stain your soul.

"Auron, please don't..." she almost whispered, tears running down her tired face. "Do you want me to beg...?"

I held the knife at the Guado's throat and looked at her through the haze of smoke. I looked into her sad green eyes, and I lowered the knife.

Why? For her? What is happening to me? She cares so much about me and I don't want to hurt her. Does she even suspect what her caring so much is doing to me?

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hey! I got a pimple!

**Auron:**

Perhaps not.

I shake my head and sigh. Enough of this. I scrawl, Do it, on the paper and place it on the stack with the others.

And end three lives just as surely as if I held the knife myself.

* * *

**Chocobo Games**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I jumped in fast and backfisted him with my claw, and then leaped back, but he caught my arm. I pulled away, but I overbalanced and fell forward onto my knees. Instantly he was on top of me, trying to pin me to the ground, his hand fumbling at my belt. I threw an elbow back behind me and felt it hit something, but not squarely. It glanced off and I heard him grunt. He gave up on the buckle and started dragging at my belt, sitting up and trying to pull it down over my hips. It went, half taking my shorts with it, but that let me wriggle out from under him, and I turned and pushed myself away by kicking at him, getting him hard in the knees and shins and almost between the legs finally losing the belt and he flung it away. I was scooting backwards on my rear end and my elbows, trying to get away from him, kicking at his face. He caught at one foot but my shoe and half my sock came off in his hand and then he threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around my knees and then pulling his way up my body, grabbing at my arm while trying keep me pinned. I tried kicking at him again but he was between my legs, my knees forced apart.

He was panting hard and my shirt had ridden up. I could feel his hot breath on my bare belly as I swung at him with both my claw and my targe, but he caught both arms in a grip of steel. He was on my chest now, trying to pin my arms to the ground while I struggled underneath him. Then I went completely limp, and for just a moment he looked up, his head almost level with my own. And I reared back and smashed my forehead into his face. I felt his nose crunching and blood spurting and I pulled hard and got my right arm free, grabbed his other arm that was still holding onto me and pulled it close enough to sink my teeth into his wrist. I heard him say Damn, and he ran his other hand into my hair, making a fist and pulling back hard, dragging my teeth out of his flesh and then whiplashing my whole body, throwing me five or six feet away.

Instantly I leaped back at him slashing with my claw and my targe, getting him in the side of the face. His fist connected with my head and I saw stars for a minute, but I never stopped swinging, kicking, snapping with my teeth, trying to hurt him! I heard him say, Enough, but it never registered as I blindly kept attacking. I heard him say, Lulu, and suddenly there was a crash and something hit me with a huge shock. I shook my head and would have started attacking him again but strong arms were wrapped around me from behind. I threw my head back, trying to catch him in the face, but didn't hit anything. I threw myself from side to side trying to unbalance us both.

"Rikku!" he shouted, shaking me. "RIKKU! Enough!"

I realized I was gasping for breath, sitting there on the ground dazed, with his arms holding me like bands of iron. And before I could get my bearings he was asking me, "Who was that?"

He shook me a little in his arms, and asked again, "WHO was THAT?"

Wow. Oh, wow. That was me, I thought, panting. That wild hellcat was little Rikku, biting and kicking and clawing and scratching. Wow.

"Me..." I muttered through a dry mouth, my chest heaving.

"Who?"

"Me," I said, a little steadier.

"WHO?"

"ME!" I tossed my head back and shouted. "ME, ME, ME! That was ME!"

I heard Tidus say, "Yeah it was!"

I looked around, and they were all standing there watching us. Yunie had her hands up covering her mouth. When we started the exercise there had only been Yuna there to cast healing spells and Lulu to cast Thundera, if needed.

"Yeah girl," Wakka said, crossing his arms and nodding. "That was you. And hate to be the fiend that tried to eat you up, ya?"

I hadn't been able to think why we might need Lulu to cast spells, but I guess the man thought maybe I'd be out of control and they'd need some way to stop me.

Auron opened his arms and let me go, and I was shaking a little and I might have fallen over but Kimahri reached down and steadied me with his hands on my shoulders. Then Yuna was pushing him aside and already casting her white magic on me, with a look of anger and revulsion on her face.

"Sir Auron," she said through stiff lips, never looking at him, "I am the summoner, and I FORBID you to ever do this again."

Oh oh.

I looked up at Auron. He was standing there in his black armor, dirty and sweaty, hair a little wild, starting to show bruises, blood flowing from the cuts on his arms and face and from his broken nose and dripping from the bite on his wrist.

"Uh, Yunie..." I started, but the man looked at me and shook his head, and turned to walk away.

"Stay right there!" she shouted at him. "You just stand right there and don't you move!"

She got up and stomped over to him, reaching up to touch the cuts on his face, and started to cast her healing spells. The cuts stopped bleeding and started to close, and the all the bruises began to fade while she took his wounded hand in hers, turning it over and back and looking at it. When the magic was finished, she stood there a second, holding his hand and looking up at him, then she lunged forward and threw her arms around him and hugged him hard before she turned and ran back toward camp with tears in her eyes. The man took half a step after her and stopped. He looked around and caught Tidus' eye and nodded in the direction she'd gone. Tidus sorta shook his head a little, but turned and went after her.

So what was that all about?

"Lulu," I said, climbing to my feet, "Think we should see if she's okay?"

"Ah," Wakka said, grinning. "Maybe you better finish getting' dressed first."

Oops. Frowning and blushing, I tugged down my shirt and hitched up my shorts and went to go find my shoe and sock and my belt from where Auron had thrown it, more worried about mixes and fire gems and stuff than about my claw, while Lulu smacked Wakka on the back of the head. By the time I was finished, everyone was gone except Auron, who was waiting for me.

"Rikku," he said calmly. "You did very well in the fifth lesson, and I'm proud of you. You are a fighter, and we'll make you a better one."

"Thanks, Auron," I told him, stretching my arms way up and then back. Fifth lesson, related to the first lesson. Aggression. Sometimes the best offence is offence. Just forget everything and cut loose. "It was...kinda fun. So...what was that all about with Yuna?"

He sighed, and started pulling on his coat.

"Young summoners," he muttered. "She wants to keep us safe. She's the summoner, we're the guardians, and she's trying to keep us safe, like when she wouldn't leave Kimahri in Bevelle, or when she tried to deal with Seymour all on her own."

He shook his head. "She wants to keep everyone safe. She's trying to do too much. It's not her job."

Gee, sound like anyone I know?

"So, uh...? You gonna let her get away with it?"

"She is the summoner."

"Right, Auron. She's running things around here."

He looked over at me, shaking his head a little. Sure, I'm annoying, but lovable too.

"I imagine I can change her mind. But not in front of everyone."

Gotcha. He doesn't want to embarrass her in front of us. That's cool. Anyway, Yuna was really upset. Because I had gotten hurt? Or maybe, because...

Huh. Yuna? Whatayathink?

Hm.

_Her gentle two-tone eyes followed him everywhere around camp, secretly watching his every step, his every movement. She was sorry that he always stayed behind the party as a rear guard, because then she couldn't see his powerful, fluid stride, but she was also glad because she was sure that the others would have noticed. She felt a blush rising to her cheeks as she imagined what they would think if they knew about her feelings for the silent man in red. She had had a crush on him ever since she was a small girl and he would come to visit them, bringing her little gifts and spending time playing with her, playing all of her so-serious little girl games. She smiled, remembering Auron at her imaginary tea party, pretending with an absolutely straight face that he was drinking from the empty cup, and she had told him that he was doing it wrong, that he had to put his little pinky out, and he had apologized gravely and put out his little finger._

_And then he went away. They all did, her father and her Uncle Jecht and her Uncle Auron, they went away and they never ever came back. And then one day in Luca he had shown up from nowhere and become her guardian! She felt as if the fayth were rewarding her for her decision to become a summoner and fight Sin. When she decided to sacrifice herself they had given her this wonderful gift, bringing him back into her life, this man that she had loved for years. She wanted to know everything about him, hungry to know about the long years he had been away. But she was far too shy to ever speak to him for very long directly. So instead she would spend every moment with Tidus, mining him for information about those years in Zanarkand when Auron watched over him. It must have been wonderful, she thought, to grow up with Auron as a foster-father, strong and proud and gentle, watching over you and keeping you safe._

_And she would go to her tent and sleep and dream that he never went to the Zanarkand of Tidus and Jecht, that he had come back to Bevelle instead, and had gathered her into his arms and taken her away to Besaid and raised her, slowly realizing as she grew into a young woman that he was truly in love with her. And maybe she never would have become a summoner at all, she thought. Maybe he would have asked her to be his wife and they would have wed and had children, and she would have been the healer for the village and he would have been the protector, keeping them all safe from fiends. It was a wonderful dream. And then she would wake up with a feeling of deep loss, and she would sit for a while with her legs tucked under her blankets and think about the children they would have had._

_She stood in the shadow of the tent and watched him move around the camp, and allowed herself to wonder, what if there were no Kimahri, no Lulu and Wakka, no Tidus and no little cousin hanging around them. What if there were only Auron and Yuna? One guardian and one summoner? What would their pilgrimage be? And it wasn't so bad, she thought, that she had to die. Not if it would save so many others and make them happy. But...just once, before her story ended, she would like to know a man, this man. And then, when it was time, she could accept her fate and go to the Farplane knowing that he would remember her, and the happiness they had shared. She was lost in these thoughts and never even noticed he was near until she smelled the willow tree smell that she loved. Startled, she looked up and he was there in front of her looking at her with concern, silently asking if she was all right._

_And suddenly all the lonely years of wanting him flashed through her mind in a blur, and all of her dreams and memories of him seemed to blend into this one moment when he was standing in front of her and it all seemed possible. Our children would have been beautiful, she thought wildly, and then she threw herself into his arms and kissed him madly and deeply! His single eye widened in shock, and he tried to step away, but she wouldn't let him go, just kept her lips tight on his, until she realized he wasn't kissing her back. Then she let go, and looked up at him, and again she could feel the heat rising to her face, and she felt naked in front of him, completely open and completely vulnerable, but her voice was almost steady as she said, softly, "Auron, I've always loved you."_

_He looked back at her with care and compassion in his eye. How could he tell her there was someone else, someone that he loved more than life itself?_

Huh. Not bad. Maybe later I can do one where he rejects Lulu. Not that I believe Yunie feels that way, mind you. And just as well. I can just see us rolling on the ground pulling hair and trying to push each other's face into the dirt. Ha.

So I trained hard with Auron every day for the week and a bit that we traveled north, sometimes on the first lesson again, fighting my way through Lulu's spells to try to hurt him. That wasn't fun, but I did it. Sometimes on other stuff, with blindfolds and little finger games and just sitting and talking. Fun stuff, where I laughed a lot and thought about trying to kiss him again. We only fought once, about something that happened in training and I thought it wasn't fair, and it only occurred to me later that that was the point of the exercise, and we made up. We were all doing individual drills midday and evening now, trying to learn all the new things that he wanted us to. We only did team drills a couple of times. And I also did some thief drills, cause I know I've gotta get better at that too. And Auron was working hard, but a lot of it was meditation. When I asked he told me that he was trying to relearn the last two ki-break abilities that he once knew, Armor Break and Mental Break.

It was like we were all in a little bubble outside time that week, where all of us could pretend that we weren't who we were, especially Yuna, and she could maybe just be a young girl for once in her life, just for a little while. We were on vacation, playing hooky and not getting any closer to Zanarkand, and what with training together and sitting next to him at meals and walking next to him when I wasn't scouting we were spending almost every minute together, and we were getting closer and he was starting to open up to me, and Tidus had told me whose idea the cupcakes had been and I think I was the happiest that week that I've ever been in my whole life. I knew it wouldn't last. I knew I still wasn't sure how he felt about me, and whether this was all just a crush or was starting to become something more and what would I do about that, and there were still all those secrets and trust issues, and I was still mad at him about so many things, especially what he thought he saw when he looked in the mirror, and I knew one day we'd start the pilgrimage again, guarding Yunie to her death, but for now it was our vacation and none of it mattered and I didn't have to worry about any of it.

I was happy.

* * *

**Auron:**

We knew when we were approaching the Edge. We could see it in the horizon, or rather, the lack of a horizon. It was a place ahead of us where the world dropped off. The girl came to me for the plan to find the chocobo trainer. It was a trivial exercise, but I thought perhaps I could turn it into a lesson, and get some practical use out of it.

No, I don't only mean a lesson for Rikku.

"Wakka, what is the objective?"

"Uh, to find the trainer?"

"Correct."

It was midday, before lunch, and we were sitting on the grass, talking. Rikku sat cross-legged a little behind me, watching Wakka over my shoulder, her eyes slightly unfocused.

"Wakka, there are different approaches to problem solving. One of the more useful and direct is end/means, or What-do-I-have?"

"Ooookay..."

"So, Wakka. What do you have available to solve this problem?"

"Uh..."

I saw him look down to one side, frowning.

"Not a blitzball, Wakka," I told him. "Think wider."

"Oh, all right. Uh, Sir Auron, what's Rikku doing? She's sorta freakin' me out, ya?"

I heard a giggle.

"Her lesson is to watch your lesson."

"So...what you teachin' her?"

"I don't yet know."

Giggle giggle.

"Oh, okay," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "So...uh, man...this is hard."

"Start with what you can reach, right now."

"Yeah, all right. Huh. Blitzball, but you said it's not that. Uh...lessee, my clothes, hum, ah, the ground I guess...and uh, grass, lotsa grass..."

"Let's think about the grass for a moment. How could you use the grass to find the trainer."

"Well, I guess I could set fire to it?"

"Good. How could that help?"

"Well, maybe she'd see the smoke and come to try an' put it out, uh...maybe?"

Giggle giggle.

"Hey Rikku! I'm tryin', ya?"

"All right, Wakka," I said. "It'll do for now. So, how will you set the grass on fire?"

"Well, usually Lulu'll use a spell or Rikku will use her fire-starter...oh, hey! Lulu, and all-a you guys! I can use you guys!"

"And so...?"

"Okay, so, Lulu has her magic, and Kimahri has magic, and Yuna...Yuna has magic and aeons! Flying aeons! We can send her fliers out looking for...uh..."

"A crowd of chocobos."

"Yeah! That's right!"

End/Means analysis meets Socratic Method. Not precisely textbook, but it's a start. We worked out a simple spiral grid search pattern and Wakka went to inform the others, especially Yuna. I had no real doubt that we would locate the trainer if she truly were in the north.

"Rikku," I said without turning.

"Auron?" she answered from behind me.

"Did you observe?"

"Yeah."

"What did you learn?"

I heard her sigh.

"I'm still not sure what you're looking for, Auron."

I shifted around so we could talk face to face. She hitched herself a little closer to me. It made me a bit uneasy. She's been moving closer and closer to me as the days go on, sitting just a little nearer, walking so close that our hands brush each other. It seems ridiculous that it should worry me, considering that almost every night we actually sleep next to each other. But it did.

"It's a lesson in observation, Rikku. The goal was to learn something new. Anything. The color of his eyes, if you didn't know it, or the shape of his soul. The object of the lesson is to build the habit of observation and learning. The best fighters never stop watching and learning."

"Oh," she said, sliding a bit closer. "Okay, well...he has terrible posture."

"You didn't know that before?" I asked, one side of my mouth quirking up.

"Well, I never noticed it."

I sighed. It will do, for now. Then in one fluid movement she uncrossed her legs and shifted to her hands and knees, leaning close. With her face only inches from mine she said something I didn't understand in Al Bhed.

--"Kiss me!"--

"Rikku?" I asked calmly.

"Al Bhed lessons, remember, Auron?" she smiled, twisting her head and looking sidelong into my eye, "I'm teaching you, too. What does it mean when I say, --"Kiss me?"--

"You're hungry?" I answered, standing and turning towards the camp. "I think lunch is probably ready."

I heard a melodramatic sigh, and a giggle, and she said, "All right, Auron."

A moment later I felt her slip her little hand into mine. No. I scowled and shook my head. No, I've let this go far enough. Too far. I turn but before I can say anything she looks up at me from under her lashes and says, "Just for a little while, Auron? Just until we're closer to camp?"

Well, I think irritably, What am I supposed to do? Just drop her hand?

**Rikku's Diary:**

What I've learned, after weeks and months of observing Auron day in and day out, is almost exactly just how close I can get before he starts to pull away. And everyday that we're around each other, it's just a little bit closer.

* * *

**Auron:**

I don't think anyone spoke the last three hours that we approached the Edge. As we got closer, the ground in front of us fell away, and the whole world beyond grew. We thought we had to be close, almost there, but the Edge of the World just kept growing and growing. Then finally we were there, and it was breathtaking. We stared out over a series of eroded river valleys far below that faded and hazed into the blue distance. It almost seemed to go on forever, up and out and down, sweeping from one side of the planet to the other. It was like standing on the edge of the sky. We just stood and stared for ten or fifteen minutes before some of the others shook themselves out of it and started to move again. I had never seen this when I came with Braska and Jecht before, and I never saw it in all the years before and after. Should it surprise me that Spira still has sights and experiences that can touch me? I maintain that the view from the top of Mt Gagazet is the most stunning I have ever seen, but I will gladly admit that the view from the Edge of the World is one of the wonders of Spira.

The others slowly approach the very Edge. Kimahri was born on Mt Gagazet and has no fear of heights. He walks close enough to bend and look straight down. Tidus is a daredevil, he won't hang back where the Ronso goes forward. He joins him at the Edge and turns to coax Yuna closer, but she stops a few steps away smiling and shaking her head, burying her face in her hands, and the boy teases her. I'm pleased to see them so playful with each other. Wakka goes closer, but stops a safe distance away and Lulu is content where she is, as am I. Rikku dances up to the Edge, laughing and skipping, bending far forward to see what she can see, tossing a small stone and watching it fall. I know she loves to see new things. She tells me it keeps her young, but my heart is in my mouth seeing her. If she fell...

Snow. Rock. Sky. Mount Gagazet. Falling. Plunging. Smashing, crashing against the mountain, tumbling over and over. Red sprayed against the white. Ribs splintering, coming apart. Legs broken, and broken again. I shake my head, breathing a little quickly, dismissing the memories. Trauma flashback. I've seen them in soldiers before.

I've had them once or twice.

As I watch Rikku and the others ideas and images flicker though my head until finally one particular one comes to rest, and I almost smile in relief. A clear day on the highest roof in Bevelle. If anyone falls, Yuna can summon Valefor as she did that day. (Analogy method of problem solving—have you solved a similar problem in the past?) Wait, Valefor was away, searching for the chocobo trainer. Yuna could summon Bahamut who was in any case faster over short distances.

Let them play and scare themselves flirting with danger. They are safer than they think.

It was a little early, but we broke for midday drills and lunch. The girl sat next to me and babbled happily about the wonderful view and how some enterprising businessman should put a restaurant here and is fifteen percent commission for thinking of the idea enough. When did babble cease to annoy me? When did I come to enjoy it?

After lunch they sat around. They seemed to be at a loss what to do. We had been traveling north. We were north. Now what? Now, west. With moderate difficulty I got them up and moving. We had veered a little east on our journey. There was a two in three chance that the trainer was west of us. We had sent Valefor west to search. If I am wrong we would simply turn back.

"Walk farther from the Edge," I instructed them.

"No head for heights, old man?"

"I don't want to fight fiends this close to the cliff."

Their eyes went wide and they all moved father back with no more questions. A few hours later Valefor returned to Yuna. It seemed to be excited. None of the aeons actually speaks, even Shiva, who looks almost human. But Valefor opened one claw and something dropped to the ground.

A chocobo feather.

* * *

**Auron:**

As we traveled east along the edge our eyes were constantly drawn to the incredible view. I even saw Lulu stumble while gazing northward. I suppose people must grow accustomed even to this scene after a time, but none of us were. Not yet.

It was the next day that we first saw it as a speck in the distance, which gradually grew until it became a rather sizable camp. We came across two young men trying to pull a chocobo along by ropes. The chocobo seemed indifferent at best to the idea. The men recognized Yuna (and me) and greeted her warmly.

"Hey! Summoner Yuna! Are you here to see the chocobos? Are you going to see the Scar before you beat up Sin? Hey, could I get your autograph?"

"Willie! Take up that slack!" the other man shouted as the chocobo took the opportunity to jump back and almost pull the two off their feet. "Keep that rope tight!"

The news of our "treason" hadn't penetrated this far into the Calm Lands yet. The men assured us that the trainer was at the camp and we left the three of them to work out their differences and walked the rest of the way to the large enclosure. The site was obviously temporary, but still elaborate, with several corrals filled with the disagreeable birds, and tents to house the workers and facilities. There were men and women engaged in various kinds of work. They all greeted Yuna warmly and stared at me. Should I charge admission? I felt Rikku move close, and she started to run her little hand up and down my back through the red coat, and I took a breath and let go of my exasperation. How did she know that I was feeling annoyed?

**Rikku's Diary:**

The camp was great, but it smelled a little strongly of chocobos. Stands to reason, I guess. We found the trainer and she was just as happy to see Yuna as any of them, but...

"Lady Yuna, I'd love to lend you chocobos to help you with your pilgrimage, but I just don't have that many trained right now. This is a catching expedition. I would have more but all of these people are chocobo wranglers. I'm the only trainer here since my assistant left to join the Crusaders."

"The Crusaders?" Lulu asked softly.

"Yes. I didn't realize how much I'd miss him. Clasko was a bit of a goof, but he really had a way with chocobos. Anyway, now there's only me to train them and I just haven't had time. The only fully trained chocobos we have are the ones we need to transport ourselves."

"Hey," the kid said, "Why don't you let us help you train them! We'll get it done in no time!"

Tidus smiled and gave himself a big thumbs up. I was the only one that noticed the man's nostrils flare and I started rubbing his back through the coat, up and down, up and down, fast before he just exploded all over the kid! So while Auron cooled down a little (say, from pressure cooker down to rotisserie) Lulu and the trainer came to an agreement and the kid never knew how close he was to getting thrown over the edge of the cliff. If we saddle-trained enough chocobos to replace them, the trainer would lend us fully trained chocobos and finish training the others herself before they had to head back south. Anyway, none of it would happen if Tidus couldn't actually train wild chocobos, so we all went out to where they had set up a track, the man muttering Ronso swear words under his breath. I stuck close to him, rub, rub, rub.

So we all lined up to watch Tidus try to run the chocobo down the middle of the track and between the trainer and her own bird. She explained the system of reins and cords to him. I guess there's no problem getting the birds to run. They love to run all over the place. Straight is the problem. She left Tidus sitting there on top of his chocobo, and I don't know if the bird or the kid was more nervous, and she went to the other end of the track and called out asking if he was ready. I could see him thinking, Get me off this bird! But he said, As ready as ever. So while the trainer counted down, three, two, one, I turned to Auron and asked, "Do you think he'll do it?"

And suddenly Tidus and the chocobo were headed straight at us!

The man calmly said, "No," and threw me to one side as we all jumped and scattered wildly out of the way.

**Auron:**

Tidus and the chocobo slammed into the fence where we had all been standing, bounced off, and staggered on down the track. I picked myself up from the ground mentally reviewing recipes for roast fowl and saying some words from the old Ronso language under my breath. If the girl ever learns what the words mean I'll have to start swearing in Hypello. I felt her hand rubbing my back through the coat again, trying to calm me—both hands this time.

Wait... (Inhale.) Dust, and faded perfume, not too sweet. And death.

"Lulu?"

"I thought you looked a little...tense," she answered from behind me. "There, now. How does this feel?"

"Lulu, I don't—"

"LULU!"

Rikku.

"Lulu," I said.

"Yes," she answered a little uncertainly.

"Run."

"Well, I..."

"Or pray."

She didn't run, but Lulu can saunter quickly even in those heavy skirts. I caught Rikku's arm and hauled her in as she tried to rush past.

"Yeah," she muttered shaking her little fist, "She better run!"

"She knows Thundera," I reminded her quietly.

"Yeah, and I know Grenada!" she answered, locking both her arms around one of mine. She never quite let go for the rest of the day.

Why do I allow her to do these things?

Looking up, I noticed that Tidus never even crossed the finish line. A less than auspicious beginning, but he persevered, trying again and again, until the trainer judged him marginally competent to saddle-train chocobos. So, we moved into the camp, taking some of the tents for our own. As usual, the ladies shared one tent, as did Wakka and Tidus, and then Kimahri and myself. It would take about a week to train all the chocobos we needed to. One of their precious free weeks gone, but then, if we actually have chocobos, then we can cross the plain quicker when our idle was done. It would mean that I could actually let them have more weeks to rest and train. And for Yuna and Tidus to grow close. In any case, they seemed to enjoy their time in the chocobo camp.

Tidus especially had fun, even joining in their after work races, where they would see who could post the best time. The winner would get a prize, and the boy turned a steady stream of x-potions and a couple of mega-potions and ethers over to Lulu. Apparently the trainer was the best of them all, but she was too busy at present to race. Tidus was the only one that had the knack for breaking in the wild chocobos, but once he had done so, Wakka or Rikku, or sometimes even Yuna could work with them getting them more used to saddles and riders. Tidus tried to convince me to suspend training while we were there. Perhaps you can guess with what success. Then he tried to get me to agree to give up midday training at least. That didn't happen either. In fact, I trained even more than usual, not caring to devote any time to chocobos, and reacquired my lost ki-ability, Armor Break. Useful. Lulu spent most of her time reading and studying, and Kimahri watched constantly over Yuna.

The camp posted it's own guards, but I was used to getting up for the middle watch and I didn't want to fall out of the habit, so I would rise in the darkest part of the night and more often than not I would find the girl waiting for me when I left the tent. We didn't talk much those nights, she would just walk with me as I took a look around and checked the guards were alert, and I was glad of the company. It seems strange to say I missed the girl when we spent most of every day together, but I did miss going to sleep and waking up next to her. I suppose I've grown accustomed to it. When we were done she would give me a sleepy hug and go back into her tent and I would go back into mine.

And so the week passed.

And always, the Edge was there.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

HA! I was speeding along the Edge of the World on Heddy, the fastest chocobo in the stable, going flat out with the wind rushing through my hair! Heddy was breathing hard, giving it everything she had knowing we were almost home, her claws throwing up clods of grass and dirt behind us, her head reaching forward and her wings twitching like she wanted to fly. It was almost dusk and we were racing the sun to see if we'd make it back before the last little bit of it disappeared. Heddy tripped over something and for a wild moment I thought we were going over the cliff, but I leaned and pulled hard and she got her footing and took off again! I loved being on Heddy! It was like being on a dirt bike with a mind of its own!

We were only a hundred yards away and the sun was sinking fast. It was going to be close! We cut in as close to the Edge as we could, I could have leaned over and looked straight down, and we actually jumped one place where the Edge pinched in rather than go around! AND WE MADE IT! HA! We sped through the gate just before the last of the sun disappeared below the horizon! I slid off Heddy's back and hugged her while the chocobo handlers clapped and whistled, and then I waved to them as they led Heddy off to clean and feed her and I walked off toward our tents. My heart was still beating wildly and I couldn't stop smiling.

"Rikku!"

I turned and the man was stalking up to me seething and barely under control.

"Auron...?"

"Rikku, what do you think you were doing! Racing that bird that close to the Edge, in bad light, one stumble, one rock in the wrong place and you could have gone over!"

"Oh, Auron," I smiled. "You were worried about me!"

He just looked at me for a moment, and then in the coldest voice I had ever heard from him, he said, "You're laughing?"

No!

"No, Auron! I wasn't laughing at you being scared for me! I wasn't!"

I threw my arms around him and hugged him tight. I could hear his heart pounding like mine, hard and fast.

"I'm sorry, Auron... I didn't mean to scare you. I know how much you care about me. But..."

I leaned back and looked up at him. His face was in shadow, silhouetted against the last weak rays of the dying sunset, and I could feel the desperate worry for me still pouring out of him in waves.

"Auron, I'm sorry I scared you—I am—but Auron," I grinned at him, "Don't you ever do anything just for the hell of it? Just because you're...uh, alive?"

Oh nice, Rikku-girl. Way to really almost put your foot in it. You almost said young. Think he noticed? The light's going now but I can see him better, and he's looking at me kind of funny.

"I really don't," he said flatly, turning to leave.

Well, hey! There you go. Another Auron moment brought to you by the good people at Legendary Pain in the Ass, Lmt., where he starts to show some real emotions just before he says something that sounds simple but it's really all fraught and mysterious and then he walks away so he doesn't have to deal with real human feelings! Maybe this wasn't the best time for this, when he was all angry and stuff. Maybe I should have let him go cool off, but suddenly I was sick of it!

"HEY!"

I caught up to him in a few steps and grabbed him by the empty sleeve and hauled him around to face me.

"HEY! YOU! Don't you walk away from me! From this! From US!"

"Rikku—" he began, shaking his head.

"NO, Auron! You're AFRAID! You know I have feelings for you, and you care about me, too, but you're afraid of feelings like that so you run away and hide!"

"You have no idea what I feel..."

"You HIDE! You're a COWARD hiding from your feelings behind all your secrets and your promises and your magic red coat...and THESE!" I shout, swiping at his damn sunglasses! "GIMME THOSE!"

I'm quick as a thief, but he was a trained fighter before I was born, and he knocks my hand away.

"Rikku!"

"You HIDE behind those glasses!" I yell at him, furious now. "Hide from all of us, like we're not GOOD enough to really know you! We're not BRASKA, or JECHT, we're all just KIDS! We're NOBODY!"

I didn't know where all this was coming from. Somewhere inside me, I guess, where I was still mad at him for everything.

"You hide behind your smile," he answered, crossing his arms.

What? Huh?

"Happy Rikku," he says, his voice all cold, "Chipper Rikku. That's you. Cheering people up, singing and teasing, making everyone around you feel better, making them love you so they'll do what you want. But that's not you, it's not the real you. You don't show yourself to anyone either, not to them and not to me. Are we even real to you? Who's real in Rikku's world?"

NOT FAIR!

"I TOLD you I was scared!" I yelled. "I TOLD you I was lonely!"

"I'll be impressed when you tell me you're unhappy."

"I CRIED in front of you!"

I was crying now. How did all this happen! How did we get HERE? To this place where I'm shouting at him and I can hear the ice in his voice, and the few feet between us might as well be miles, and all I really want is for him to hold me but I'm screaming at him that he's a coward?

"Tell a joke, Rikku. Make me laugh. Don't show me who you really are. Don't let anyone in. You don't need me or anyone."

It was like my whole world was falling apart and I was falling too and I was yelling at him that he wasn't even human he was some kind of machine, and he was whipping me with his words and his voice that was nothing but ice and steel and barbed wire slicing at my skin. I thought he was my friend, I thought he cared about me.

"Shut up!" I yelled, "Shut up shut up shut up!" and turned and ran, just ran, anywhere, anywhere away from him and all the words he used to cut me, and all the stupid little dreams I had about us, ran away from knowing that he had never liked me at all, stupid little Rikku! I fell against a railing near the edge of camp, clutching it to hold me up, and stumbled out onto the plain carrying a cold dead lump where my heart used to be. I didn't want to meet anyone, didn't want to see anyone, didn't want anything at all. I didn't know where I was going, I was just running away from the light and the pain, until I tripped and fell to the grass on my knees heaving with wretched sobs, tears dropping to the ground while the stars turned overhead.

...he said I was a star...

I don't know how long I cried. I cried because the world was big and I was alone and he was right, I was alone because I was too scared to let people in, too scared to let them know who I really was, because if I wasn't happy and smiling why would they ever like me, because I wasn't really anybody at all, just Cid's daughter. It was all the truth and I choked on it and my eyes hurt but when I finally looked up I thought I saw a tiny bit of color in the dark, and it was a pyrefly, drifting out into the night, and without thinking I scrambled to my feet. I don't know why I followed it, I knew it was dangerous out on the plain alone, and I didn't even have my weapons, and I could meet fiends any moment, but I didn't care, I just wanted to be away from camp and them and him and everything, so I followed that little spot of light, stumbling and tripping, falling and getting up again, and desperately chasing that tiny bit of light like it might somehow save me from everything that had happened. And then I couldn't see it anymore, didn't know where it had gone, and it took me a minute to realize that a man was standing a little in front of me on the plain, his face in his hand.

"Auron...?"

He head jerked up and he saw me, and I heard him say softly, "Rikku...? I'm sorry..."

I took five long awkward steps and tripped and fell but he was coming and he caught me and I threw my arms around him and held on as tight as I could, like I never wanted to let go, but his arms around me were gentle, as if he were afraid I might break.

"Rikku," he whispered, "I'm so sorry..."

"No, Auron—"

"Rikku, I was trying to hurt you and I'm not even sure why."

"I scared you," I breathed into his chest. "I'm sorry, I won't ever do it again! And I'm always pushing you, and judging you!"

"Rikku—"

"And you never judge me! I tell you you're mean and thoughtless and selfish, and you tell me I'm smart and strong and brave! I'm the selfish one! I never thought how you'd feel if I was hurt!"

**Auron:**

Somehow she's turned this all around so she's the one at fault, never thinking that she's right when she says she's the open one, the one who told me she's frightened and lonely, the one who admitted to me that a little part of her wishes Yuna was dead. I'm the one that keeps secrets. I'm the one who doesn't trust her. I can't trust her, but that doesn't make it right. She's happy Rikku to everyone else, but she trusts me, and she cries in front of me. She deserves to be trusted back.

And loved.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We didn't go back to the camp. We stayed out on the plain all night, waiting mostly in silence for the sun to come up, his coat wrapped around both of us. You know, we've fought before. Lots, when you think about it. But somehow...

"This was our first fight."

He heard me, and held me a little tighter, and even more gently. And a little later I whispered slowly into the dark.

"Auron...

"Will...would you...please, kiss me...?"

I felt him breathing, taking long deep breaths, his face buried in my hair. I waited. A minute passed. Two.

And he said quietly, "No."

Oh...oh well...I guess...

Oh.

**Auron:**

No. I won't. I know now that I can't encourage this crush to become anything more, can't lead her on any longer. And I realize that's what I've been doing, treating her advances like some little game the two of us were playing, not like real feelings at all. And I've never really looked at my feelings for this special girl before, just assumed and accepted and even welcomed that I was starting to love her in the same way that I loved Tidus, or even Braska or Jecht. And I just never realized how much I've come to care for her, or...in what way. It all happened somehow when I wasn't paying attention, building like a wave far out at sea before crashing over me. I was always looking at the horizon, at The Plan, at the war in Heaven, and never at this small wonder that was happening so close, sleeping at night sometimes inside the very circle of my arms. I don't know what I feel for her, I only know that I don't dare feel what she wants me to. I can't hurt her that way.

Tonight after we fought, I wandered out to the plain alone, with the single bleak thought slashing through my head that I had hurt her so much. And then...

I thought that I had left all my tears in Zanarkand many years ago, but I was wrong. I had one tear left, and it turned into a pyrefly, and brought her back to me.

**Next: Bleak**


	26. Bleak

You know, one of my anxieties about writing this fic this way was trying to write from the viewpoint of a teenaged girl. Rikku really is still a teenaged girl, even if she's a really special one and not typical in a lot of ways. So, for instance, in one of those last scenes in the last chapter, I know that if a teenaged girl had been writing that scene then Rikku would have run away from Auron, not towards him. I'm not trying to stereotype young female writers, but I've just seen something like that in so many other fics that I've looked at. And I can even understand why, with all the confusion and the hurt, but I couldn't write it like that myself. Well, I mean I could have, but then in those other fics Auron would have chased her, and I'm not sure Auron really would have. She's running. She obviously didn't want to be with him right then. Wouldn't he have respected that? So the whole thing wouldn't have been resolved and would have gone on a whole lot longer and...

Well, anyway. Just thought I'd mention it.

By the way, I really considered putting in John Blunt's _You're Beautiful_ as background for Auron in this chapter. Decided against it.

So let's see. Major spoilers. (But really. if you haven't finished the game yet, well, what are you waiting for?) Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less. Pretty sure.

So, like last chapter this one is dedicated to Glass Mermaid, and I hope she especially enjoys it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Now what?

We both said some things. I think we both said things that really hurt because they're kinda true. I think he does hide from his feelings for me, or at least fools himself about what they really are because he's scared of them. I don't know why. Maybe he just doesn't want to deal with them right now, maybe because it makes things too complicated when he's got all this other stuff on his mind, like Sin and Bevelle and the pilgrimage.

And I guess...I guess I really do keep people away. I am happy! I'm a happy person, I really am, but I'm sad sometimes, too. And I never let people see when I'm sad. I run away and hide just like him. I hide in my room, or in my work, or, I guess, on this pilgrimage. So how close can anyone get when they only ever see you laughing and smiling? How can they really know you? So we said all these things to each other and we both ran away, out onto the plain, and then we somehow found one another again.

And I don't know where we go from here.

I asked him to kiss me, and he said no.

**Auron:**

"I had one tear left, and it turned into a pyrefly, and brought her back to me."

Was that me? Did I say that? How sweet.

Kill me. Kill me now.

Again.

* * *

**Bleak**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Maybe it's better that we're sleeping in tents while we're in the chocobo camp, me with Yuna and Lulu, and him with Kimahri. I think maybe we both needed a little space after the fight, to think about things. We walked back into camp in the morning, and soon everyone started to stir around and get up.

"Hey, guys!" I said, bursting into the tent all smiles and laughs and not a bit of tears. "Com'on! You gonna sleep all day? Those chocobos aren't gonna train themselves!"

Lulu threw her cactuar at me. She's not really a morning person. A definite owl on the old lark/owl scale.

"Rikku," Yunie said, sitting up and looking at me. "Did you ever come in to bed last night? RIKKU! Have you been crying?"

"Uh, no..." I told her. Damn. It's kinda hard to hide that you've been crying when you have spiral eyes. "Not really..."

"Rikku!" Lulu said, coming around and lifting my chin to look into my face. "Don't lie. You have been crying."

"Well, just a little."

"Rikku," Yuna asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!"

"Rikku!" Lulu said.

They were on either side of me and I was getting a little dizzy looking back and forth between them.

"Nothing! Really. Okay, Auron and I had a fight—"

"Auron!" Yuna said.

"—and I cried a little—"

"I wonder if our legendary guardian would like me to cast Blizzara in his pants," Lulu murmured.

"—but it's over now! It's fine! Uh, I don't think he'd like it much, Lulu..."

"I can't believe Sir Auron would make you cry like this!" Yuna fumed.

"No, it's fine!"

"What did he say to you!"

"Uh, nothing, really, Yuna..."

"Rikku, we're both here for you."

"Uh, thanks, Lulu..."

Well, I told them again that it was just a little fight and it was over now, but when we all got together for breakfast it was still a little strained. Auron and I still sat next to each other because everyone had left those spaces for us like they did now everyday. But we didn't sit too close, and we didn't say much to each other. Well, what could we say, especially in front of everybody? And Yuna and Lulu were taking turns kinda shooting little daggers with their eyes at Auron.

It's nice that they were trying to give me support, but I guess I really need to reassure them that nothing was his fault. Of course, Auron can shrug off anything they throw at him, but he shouldn't have to. After breakfast we got up to go do whatever, Tidus and Wakka and me working with the chocobos, Yuna going out to watch Tidus, and Kimahri watching Yuna. Lulu would usually find someplace to sit and read, but this time she put one of her arms through mine and went with us. Showing support, I guess. I looked back, and Auron was still sitting at the table. We looked at each other for just a moment.

I know I'm always pushing, pushing, pushing, trying to get closer to him, with little touches on the arm or leg, little kisses on the cheek. Pushing, pushing, pushing, stopping when I know he's just about to pull away. Like it's all some kind of a game. And it was fun. I had fun flirting with him all the time and I think he really liked it too, even if he never admitted it.

But...now I think I should stop for a while, just give both of us a little break. Just for a while. But...he's my best friend, and I don't want us to drift apart, either, and I wondered if we could at least get back to where we'd been before, when we were close, and spent time together, and he smiled more and even laughed a little sometimes. Lulu pulled me away to follow the others but just before I turned I saw the man raise his hand to me from the table, and I gave a little wave back.

It's a start.

**Auron:**

The girl started to withdraw on her own, pulling away from me just as I was going to push. She sat next to me at breakfast the first morning, but neither of us had much to say, and at later meals she began sitting between Lulu and Yuna. Fighter training was quietly dropped. She sparred with Tidus and Wakka but at midday and evening drills she concentrated on her thief skills. As she should. When I left my tent that night to inspect the camp she wasn't waiting for me. She still smiled and laughed, and I was pleased to see it, glad that my cruel taunts hadn't silenced her laughter. She spent most of her time with the others.

I would catch her at odd moments looking at me, but never with a smile. I would have been sad to think that she hated me, but I don't believe she did. I think that she was probably looking at me and wondering to herself where the feelings had gone. I think her crush had simply, finally, run its course. It's happened before. Schoolgirls and shop girls, prostitutes and priest's daughters have declared their undying love for me before this in wretched prose and worse poetry. I don't know why. Maybe it's the coat. Treat them gently, be kind, wait it out, and after a bit they move on to their next undying love, or grow up and find real affection and companionship with someone. Crushes end. It's no tragedy.

I suppose it was probably the emotional shock of our fight that swept away her childish attachment. It's really the best thing that could have happened. It will be easier for her pride and less painful if she is the one to end things. And easier for me as well. Yes, I will miss her company. She warmed me with her hope, delighted me with her quick intelligence, and impressed me with her courage. But I can admire all of those things from a distance. And I can hope that when all of this is done and I am gone, she will remember me sometimes and smile. I hope I have taught her some useful things. I hope she never stops learning.

In some ways these last two weeks in the Calm Lands seem some kind of dream, not from my life at all. It was as if I was...not myself. Like it was some other man, a younger and happier man who spent so much time with a pretty young girl, brave and smart and sweet.

Some other man who was still alive.

Now I'm awake again. I am myself again.

Does it feel...colder?

At least I don't need to examine my feelings for her after all, now that it's finished. I'm not sure I would have liked what I found. You know, the fear really did go away when she put her arms around me. But I have lived with fear a long time. I have lived with pain. And I have lived and died alone.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Uh, hey, Auron..."

Lulu and Yuna are pulling at me.

"Good morning, Rikku. How are you?"

"Fine..."

"Come on, Rikku. Let's sit down over here," Yuna says.

"I'm glad," Auron says, and turns away.

We don't talk about it. The fight we had and all the things we said. We don't really talk at all, now. I think it was a mistake for me to pull away from him, like letting Yuna and Lulu drag me with them all the time instead of sitting next to him, but what was I supposed to do, head butt Yuna, stuff a grenade down Lulu's cleavage, and escape in all the confusion? And then they wanted to stay up that first night and talk about boys and feelings and first kisses. I think they were trying to take my mind off things, and really it was okay because I thought I probably shouldn't go out and walk around with him that night. I wanted to give him some space, both of us really.

So Yuna and Lulu and I talked and giggled for a while and they said funny, terrible things about Tidus and Wakka and I tried to tell them about the dice game with Auron but they didn't want to hear it. Instead they talked about the times he was rude to someone, or barked out orders without explanations, like they would ever say any of those things to his face! Just like Lulu hasn't had her hands all over him! And I tried to tell them that he wasn't like that. Except, well...he actually is like that a lot of the time. But not all of the time. But they didn't want to hear that either. They seemed to think they could make me feel better by tearing Auron down and they didn't believe me when I said I wasn't mad at him. So I had to sit there for hours listening to them trash talk Auron while I just stewed, bored out of my mind, and all I wanted was to go to sleep or to get up and go find him.

But I didn't because I thought we needed some time apart. I thought maybe I was suffocating him and I didn't want to drive him away.

Okay, but then they wanted to do it again the next night, and the night after that! So we stayed up and talked and braided each other's hair and painted our toenails and I swear if they start making out I am so outta there! I should have gotten up anyway and walked out and found him but they're both older than me! They're like my big sisters and I've never had big sisters, and I didn't know what to do when they would say, Oh no, Rikku, stay here with us! Let's braid your hair, Rikku! We're having fun, aren't we Rikku? And we're supposed to be on a vacation and I want Yuna to be happy for a little while and forget for a little while! I don't want to spoil it for her! It was easier escaping from Bevelle! At least I didn't have to worry about hurting Mika's feelings.

But it's all just so...high school!

And I shoulda left anyway, and found him, or sat next to him at lunch, or something cause now it's like...like there's a glass wall between us and I can see him walking and sitting and standing but there's no sound. It's like I can't talk to him now and that isn't what I wanted at all! And I'm kinda scared because it's like he doesn't even care. I do see him looking at me sometimes, but he never smiles. Well, he never smiled much anyway, but...he used to smile at me, sometimes. And what's wrong with liking him and wanting to be a little closer to him, huh? Why is that so bad!

So I decided I had to talk to him, to try to reconnect, but it was a strange conversation that just went nowhere. I dodged around a corner to give Yuna and Lulu the slip and went out to where you could almost always find him, out near the Edge, looking north. Sometimes he just stood there for hours looking at the far horizons the way he always used to look up at the sky. And that's where he practiced his drills, away from everyone else. This time he was meditating, I guess. Anyway he was sitting cross-legged facing north with his eye closed. I stood there for a few minutes, and then I said, "Auron...?"

He didn't open his eye, didn't turn to look, didn't smile or anything, he just said, "Rikku."

"Um...Auron, can we talk?"

"Of course, Rikku."

I sat down a little way from him.

"Auron, we had a fight, but I don't want...I mean, we..." I didn't know how to start to say I wanted us to be friends again.

"I understand Rikku," he said. "Feelings change. It's all right."

"Huh?"

"Things...end. It is the natural course. You know that I care about you and Tidus very much, and I am happy that I spent so much time with you, and knew you a little bit."

What things end?

"Um, well, I like spending time with you too, Auron."

"I'm glad. And glad that you don't hate me."

"Auron! I don't! Auron, I—"

Then we heard Yuna and Lulu calling for me, and I turned to look and there they were coming full steam to rescue me from evil Auron.

"You should go with them, Rikku," he said. "They care about you very much and are only trying to help."

"Uh, yeah," I said, standing up. They sure looked determined, anyway. This conversation hadn't gone at all the way I planned. It didn't settle anything. Everything was still all up in the air between us, and all my feelings were a jumble.

"And Rikku," he said as I turned to go. "Always remember that you are strong. You are strong enough to hope."

He never opened his eye, never even turned his head.

**Auron:**

The girl came to...say goodbye, I suppose...in person. She showed great maturity. I'm proud of the grace with which she has handled this situation, including choosing to come explain in person that she no longer has those feelings for me. I will miss her, miss the closeness, but it truly is for the best.

I inhale as she walks away. Kitchen smells and bubble gum. Dry earth as it just begins to rain. Sadness and hope. Fading in the distance. Fading away to nothing.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We finished training up the wild chocobos the next day. The trainer thanked us, and gave us the chocobos she promised, and also a couple of key spheres as a kind of thank you for stuff like Yuna taking care of any injuries her people had and Auron tightening up their defenses against fiends and giving them advice on better ways to catch and transport chocobos. We had gotten together the evening before to decide where we should go next. We were originally going to go see the Scar. That was the plan, but it turns out that there are all kinds of canyons and things in the way and by the time you've gone south around them you're almost back at the agency. (Tidus can't really read a map worth a darn and Auron hadn't bothered.)

So like I said, we got together to talk it over. Wakka was the one who really wanted to see the Scar. Yuna wanted to see some of the battle circles but Tidus wanted to go to the monster zoo, and Yuna switched over to support him, and then Lulu sided with Wakka. Huh. I thought we were being all girl-power these days, but I guess not. Wakka looked kinda happy and suspicious at the same time that Lulu was on his side. I looked over at Auron, but he shook his head that he didn't care, and Kimahri just looked bored as far as I could tell, so it was up to me, and maybe you can imagine how interested I was in places where summoners had defeated Sin.

"Woohoo!" the kid yelled. "We're goin' to the zoo!"

We packed up and left that same day. This time Auron looked at a map and we figured that riding chocobos, and using a couple of shortcuts through some battle circles we could get there in maybe a week and a half or two weeks. That's not bad to cross most of the Calm Lands. I was riding Heddy again. I really loved riding her, she was so fast and loved to run flat out, but I never rode her too close to the Edge, just like I promised Auron. Chocobos are fast, and they're fun, and you mostly don't have to worry about fiends when you're on them, but you can't really talk when you're riding a chocobo.

You can't hold hands.

So we took off south across the Calm Lands, racing through the grass all day. Lulu and Yuna were still being all cold to Auron when we stopped for meals or for the night, ignoring him and not talking to him but he didn't even notice, and that just made them madder. Boy, were they annoyed with him. Steam just came out of their ears whenever they looked at him, but the ones who really suffered were Tidus and Wakka cause they're the ones they took it out on. Yuna was all the time asking Tidus sweetly if he could please get her a book or a scarf or a cool drink or something to write with and they were never quite right, it was the wrong book, or the drink wasn't cool enough, or she didn't need the scarf after all and would he please be a dear...? And then she'd lose something and could he help her find it please, please, please, and maybe she left it in the tent or packed away on a chocobo or maybe Kimahri had it and could he run and ask him, and oh, there it is, isn't that funny, she had it all the time.

Lulu would just pick, pick, pick at Wakka's clothes or his posture or table manners or his hair or his blitzball or his chocobo or his cooking until the poor guy was just sitting in a half-crouch afraid to move. The meal and rest breaks kept getting shorter and shorter as the guys would hurry to get back on their chocobos, so we were making really good time. I missed walking next to Auron, but being on the chocobos all day gave me time to think. What did he mean when he said that things end? And why was he being all past tense? We're gonna get past this, the two of us.

Aren't we?

_The blond woman who stood to greet them when they entered the room was in her mid-twenties, dressed in yellow, her hair a mass of braids. She smiled brightly at the representative of Luca, a beautiful woman only a couple of years older._

"_Yuna!" the leader of the Al Bhed cried and stepped forward to embrace her._

"_Rikku," the dark haired woman smiled as the rest of the delegation filed in. "What happened to Yunie?"_

"_Hey! If I called you Yunie, what would I call my daughter?"_

_Yuna smiled again, pushing away the pain that came with the reminder that she and Tidus hadn't yet managed to have children._

"_How are they?" she asked._

"_Fast! And wild to see their Auntie Yuna," Rikku answered as the last of the Luca trade delegation filed into the large meeting room. Then the smile froze on her face as the last man appeared in the doorway. A figure in a red coat. She was staring at him, the man that she had once been closer to than anyone else in the world._

"_Rikku, you remember Auron, of course," Yuna said as the man joined them._

_He nodded to the Al Bhed leader. She looked at him, seeing the familiar features, including the prominent scar that was all so many people ever saw, never looking past it. But not her. He still wore the sunglasses that she remembered wanting to tear from his face so many times. In fact, he seemed almost unchanged, only a little more grey in his hair to mark the passing of the years._

_She blinked. He had said something, but she had missed it. Probably something like hello._

"_Sir Auron," she said, forcing a smile onto her face, "How wonderful to see you again."_

_Her cousin was looking at her a little strangely, and the former guardian and summoner glanced at each other._

"_Um…it's really important, Rikku," Yuna said._

"_What is?" she asked blankly._

"_The private meeting with your security that Sir Auron asked for."_

"_Oh! Oh, yes. Of course. We'll get this meeting started and then we can slip out," she said._

"_Very well," he replied, turning away._

_She remembered, he was always turning away._

_Later, at the ball that was being held to celebrate the start of the negotiations for a new trade agreement between Luca and the Al Bhed, she wandered into the sand garden to be alone with her thoughts. Behind her couples were dancing. She remembered dancing with him in a dirty little bar in Macalania. She used to remember it every time she danced. And she remembered one night in the Calm Lands when she had danced, and fallen, and he had caught her. He always caught her when she fell._

_They had been close once, even falling asleep in each others arms night after night, to take away each other's fear and pain and loneliness. She was falling in love with him and then one day they just began to drift apart, and she didn't even know why, but they had lost the closeness they once shared. They still traveled together, and fought together, and together with the others they had found a way to defeat Sin, without Yuna dying and without Sin coming back. They returned on the airship to Luca for the great celebration and she was determined to speak to him one more time and rekindle the feelings they once shared, but he wasn't there. They told her he had gotten off the ship at Mt Gagazet, never telling anyone, and never even saying goodbye._

_She was stunned, but determined that she would find him. She went to Gagazet, and used all of her father's and her friend's influence, all of Rin's connections. She looked for a year, but she never found the smallest trace of him. Finally she had accepted what was, and returned to the Al Bhed. She threw herself into the work of building the new Al Bhed Home, and the pain went away a little. She was lonely, and she found and married a good man._

_She had three wonderful children now, and friends, and important work that she enjoyed and was good at. And she thought she had finally forgotten him, finally stopped turning to look whenever she saw a flash of red from the corner of her eye, finally stopped dreaming not of his face but of his voice, until today when he had walked through the door as Yuna's head of security, determined to keep her safe._

_She thought she saw a flash of red now, and turned, but it was only a stray pyrefly. Without thinking why, she walked toward it, and began to follow as it drifted away down deserted paths, and she wasn't really surprised to find the former guardian staring up at the stars from the out-of-the-way corner of the garden where it had led her._

"_Auron," she said._

"_Rikku," he answered, looking at her._

_She had only been a teenager when he saw her last, thin and gawky, an adrenaline junkie getting her kicks stealing from fiends. Now she was a young woman, her body fuller and richer, her hair a thick mane of braids, and her face confident and beautiful. But she didn't feel beautiful here with him. She felt like that teenager once more, risking her life daily on a deadly pilgrimage, her heart torn with hope and fear until he held her and the hope soared and the fear went away._

"_Auron," she started, just as he said, "I'm leaving."_

_She could only stare at him, stunned. Leaving? She hadn't seen him in ten years, now he was here for one day, less than a day, and he's going?_

"_You're going…?"_

"_We've found the threat and eliminated it. Yuna and the negotiations are safe now."_

"_Was that the only reason you came?" she asked in a whisper._

"_The agreement between Luca and the Al Bhed to introduce new machina is vital," he said. "It will help the people of Spira and reduce prejudice against the Al Bhed. That's important to many people. It's why I went to Yuna when the threat emerged. It's gone now."_

"_That's not what I asked" she said._

"_I came to do a job. It's done, and now I'll go."_

"_A job!" she cried, "Auron, what happened! Why did you go away ten years ago, leave the ship without telling anyone? Where did you go? How could you just leave me? Didn't I mean anything to you?"_

"_Rikku," he said, "You know I've always cared for you."_

"_Then why did you leave!"_

_He didn't answer for a moment. He looked up at the stars the way she remembered from their journey, and then he faced her once more._

"_It's a secret," he said._

_His head jerked back under the impact of her hand, his glasses hanging from one ear. She had slapped him and now she stood glaring at him, breathing heavily._

_He calmly replaced the sunglasses and a small part of her mind couldn't help but wonder if they were the same ones he wore all those years ago._

"_I was happy to hear that you married, and that you had children." He paused for a moment before asking, "Are you happy?"_

"_I love my children," she answered quietly._

_He nodded._

"_Auron," she said miserably, as he turned to walk away one final time. "Would you…kiss me? Please?"_

_He stood for a moment, not facing her._

"_No," he said gently, and was gone._

_When the tears had stopped she slowly returned to her ball, and to her husband, and her children. Her husband was a good man, and she loved her children, but…_

_They could have been our children, she sent the thought into the night. Why weren't they? For the rest of her life she always thought that was the saddest part. She had never even known why._

NO!

NO! It's NOT gonna happen like that! That's NOT what I want! Hey! All I want is for Yuna not to die, for Sin to go away forever, for people to stop hating the Al Bhed, for him to love me back, and to have his kids! Is that too much to ask?

Huh. Well so far, he won't even kiss me. I don't care! It's NOT gonna happen like that! Okay, maybe it's really too early to think about that kids thing, but it's NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN. LIKE. THAT!

And FYI? Writing on the back of a running chocobo? NOT the easiest thing in the world.

**Auron:**

I observe with some amusement that the two ladies are still annoyed with me for my crimes against the sisterhood. I continue to ignore them, and they continue to vent their anger on their young men.

Young drama, young angst. It can be mildly amusing or vaguely tedious, but either is a thousand times better than young ennui, than teenaged world-weariness, and hip, sarcastic boredom. Enthusiasm should always be encouraged. Guided and restrained sometimes, but never punished.

We're making good time toward the damned zoo. We start earlier each morning and stop later each evening as the men try to avoid their ladies. Our stops are getting shorter as well, and Tidus actually whimpered like a hurt puppy trying to convince me to cancel midday drills so we could just keep riding, perhaps even eating in the saddle. I verbally smacked him on the nose with a rolled up paper. I did this much, I put him in charge of Rikku's continued fighter training. It gives him an excuse to avoid Yuna, and there's much that he can teach the girl. And I think being in charge of someone else's training will help steady him a bit. He thanks me profusely and runs off happily wagging his tail. Without thinking I turn with a half-smile to make some little comment to the girl, but of course she isn't there.

When did I get so used to her being there.

It seems colder now. I don't think it's the weather.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Rikku! Hey Rikku!" the kid came running up to us.

"Oh, Tidus," Yuna started, "I was just wondering where you were. Would you be a dear, and—"

"Oh hey, sorry Yuna," the kid interrupted her, "But Auron just put me in charge of Rikku's fighter training, so I can't really get into anything else right now."

What? Auron's not gonna train me anymore? I mean, I know we haven't been training at all these days, but I thought...

"But I just need help finding my silver ring," Yuna said sweetly, smiling with ALL of her teeth, "And you're so good at that!"

"Uh, sorry, no can do. You know Auron, all hard on the outside but if you don't do what he asks he just breaks down and bawls like a baby. Don't want that. Com'on, Rikku," he grabs my arm and starts dragging me away. "No time like right now time."

"But Tidus," Yuna started.

"Hey brudda," Wakka asked with quiet desperation, "You need a hand?"

"YOU," Lulu said, "Can barely coach a blitzball team. If you think anyone's going to let you participate in training a young girl—"

Her voice faded out as Tidus quickly pulled me away while smiling brightly and pretending not to hear Yuna asking for a pillow.

"Whoo," he said, as we got a little further from the others. "I'm sorry we had to abandon Wakka, poor bastard. I don't know what's gotten into those two, but I hope they get over it soon."

"Uh, yeah. Hey Tidus?" I asked slowly. "Why'd Auron turn my training over to you? How come he's not gonna teach me himself?"

We were still walking, and he turned and looked at me.

"Well...partly to get me away from Yuna," he said. "But, also...well, I kinda thought you two were...I dunno, avoiding each other. Yuna said something about a fight, and tears, and legendary pigs, and some other stuff after I stopped listening."

"Oh man..." I said. "Tidus, we had a fight, but we made up, even if Yuna and Lulu don't believe me. At least, I thought we did. But now, he doesn't talk to me. And I'm scared...that..."

I trailed off. We had stopped now, and he put one hand on his hip and rubbed the back of his head with the other, looking at me.

"Gee, I dunno, Rikku. It looked to me like you weren't talking to him either. You both weren't talking to each other."

Huh. I hadn't thought about it, but I guess he's right. How could I be thinking about him all the time and not noticed that?

"Like, you used to sit next to him all the time," he went on, "And now you don't."

"But that's Yuna and Lulu," I said. "They always pull me over to sit with them, and I don't want to hurt their feelings!"

"Okay, so, does he know that's why you don't sit next to him anymore?"

Well...maybe not.

You know, Tidus is the other person that loves Auron. I mean...when I say love, I mean he cares a whole lot. We're the two people that care most about him in the whole world, and he knows Auron. I really should have talked to him before this. Maybe he can—

"Ha!" He said, dropping to one knee and sweeping my legs out from under me. I fell on my back with a thud. "Fifth lesson! Attack from unexpected angles!"

"I already HAD a fifth lesson," I yelled at him, "You hair-gelled piece of—"

"Sixth lesson, then," he said grinning down at me from just out of range.

"I already had a sixth lesson! It was about defensive space!"

"Geez, seventh then! Will you just get up so I can train you? Or would you rather go back to Yuna and Lulu?" he shuddered.

Not really.

I got up and he tried to sweep me again, but this time I jumped over his leg! Ha! And he just kept sweeping and caught me when I came down.

Anyway, the rules were pretty simple, you could attack the other guy from any direction but directly in front, so from the sides or the back or from above or below. It sounds easy, but it involved a LOT of trying to make the other guy think you were going to one thing while you did another to get him to turn the wrong way. It was actually fun, and I hadn't had a lotta fun recently. The lesson kinda ended when we both tried something at the same time and both ended up on our backs on the ground.

"Okay, Rikku," he panted. "That's enough. I think you've got the hang of it now."

So we both sat there huffing and puffing and getting out breaths back, and I started thinking again about what I was saying before. Tidus and I are the two closest people to Auron in the world. I should have come up and talked to him before this.

"Tidus..." I said. "I don't know what to do. Auron and I were getting close..."

"You got a crush on him."

"Gee, ya'think? Duh. But...it was more than that, too. I mean, I don't know if my crush would have led anywhere. I guess...I hoped it would. I thought it might," I took a deep breath. "I...I write these silly little stories in my journal, where Auron discovers he's in love with me, and we kiss, or sometimes we're, uh..."

"Ha. Hey, can I read them?" he asked smiling.

"NO! And DON'T tell Yunie about them. Um...maybe. I mean, maybe you could read them. I mean, most of them are just horrible, but a couple are kinda good. Let me think about it, okay?"

"Sure, Rikku," he said. "Whatever you say. So, it was more than that?"

"Yeah, I think. I mean, we were getting close the way you and him are close. I think he really, really cared about me. Like, you remember when the Guado destroyed my Home? And I was gonna kill that Guado soldier? Remember?"

"Yeah," he said quietly. "I remember."

"And what he said, and he wouldn't let me do it because he cared about me."

"Yeah," he said, looking away. "Hey, Rikku. Listen. Just cause Auron cares about you, doesn't mean you won't get hurt."

"Oh Tidus! I know he hurt you! We all did! I'm sorry. I mean I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, about what was gonna happen to Yuna at Zanarkand, but Auron? I'm sure he had a good reason."

"Me too. Auron always has a good reason. And people still always get hurt." He sighed. "He says I'll know why when we get to Zanarkand."

"He said...he told me not to tell you if I cared at all about Yuna," I said quietly.

"So...maybe he does have a plan."

"Maybe, but we can't count on that. You and I still gotta try and think of something."

"Yeah," he shook his head. "Anyway, what were you saying?"

I took a breath.

"I was saying we care about each other, and I liked spending time with him and learning things from him, and I think I was good for him too! He was talking more, and I think he was thinking more about others people's feelings!"

"Whoa," he said all sarcastic like, "That would be something to write home about."

"If I still had a Home!" I snapped.

He winced.

"Sorry Rikku. I shouldn't have made fun of you. It's just...I've known some women who thought they could change Auron. It never seemed to work out."

"I don't want to change Auron! I'm just saying I saw him start being a little nicer to people."

"That's cause he was teaching you. Auron always acts nicer with his students. He likes teaching."

"Whatever, Tidus," I said shaking my head, and he was shaking his head too.

"Yeah. Whatever, Rikku."

I started pulling up blades of grass and throwing them up into the wind.

"Anyway, all I'm saying is we were close, and I liked that. And then we had that stupid fight, and we kinda pulled away from each other, and we can't seem to get back. Or I can't, and I'm not even sure he wants to."

"Maybe he's protecting you," he said slowly. "Maybe he doesn't want you to get hurt. I've seen some women get hurt, mostly when he didn't love them back."

"Yeah," I said, gnawing my thumbnail. "That would really bite. But then...then he's already hurting me."

"Huh?"

"Tidus, you and him are close, aren't you? I mean, under all the teasing and stuff, you're really close, right?"

"Well, yeah. He raised me when my mom died. We didn't get along at first, but he's always been there for me. Like with blitzball. Auron doesn't like blitzball at all, but he always encouraged me, ah, in his own way. He signed me up for little league and came to the practices and the games. Haha! You should have seen Auron out there with all the other blitzball dads. And after a while they just stopped asking him to bring the snacks. Actually they asked him not to."

He looked down at the ground between his knees. "You know, I was just a kid when my Mom died. I didn't sleep that night, and then the next night I couldn't sleep. I mean, whenever I drifted off I'd be in the middle of this nightmare where my Dad was trying to kill me. Funny how things work out."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Anyway, by the third day Auron could tell something was wrong. I didn't want to tell him, but...well, you know Auron. So I did, and he wrapped his arms around me and told me to sleep. He said he wouldn't let anything hurt me. He promised. And I was able to sleep. We buried my Mom the next day," he said quietly.

When I think about Auron raising Tidus, I always think about Jecht being gone. I guess I'd forgotten that Tidus lost his mom too, like me.

"Okay," I said after a minute. "Okay, so you're close. So how would you feel if one day you just stopped being close, and he started cutting you out of his life?"

"Uh..."

"And say you didn't have Yuna or anyone else? How would you feel?"

"Crummy. But Rikku, you've got all of us."

"Yeah, but it's not the same. Tidus, he was my best friend. And I know it doesn't make any sense, and I can't tell you all the reasons and everything we've been through, but he was. And now..."

"Huh," he said. "Hey, Rikku, I, uh, I remember back in Guadosalam that time. I mean, how you said you wanted to get married soon and have a lot of kids..."

"Um, yeah..." I said, looking down at the grass between my legs.

"To the first person you fell in love with, really fell in love with."

"Well...uh huh," I said, not looking up.

"And, um, you think Auron's the guy? I mean, the guy for you? For the kids, and all of that? Really?"

I took a deep breath.

"Well...maybe. I...I've had crushes, Tidus. Lotsa them. Crushes are kinda fun even when you feel all torn up inside."

I looked over at him shyly. "I, um, I had a little crush on you when I met you."

He looked back at me and smiled, and I looked back down, my face getting all red. It really seems strange now, and sort of weird, remembering that crush on him, cause now we feel so much more like a brother and sister.

"So, so anyway," I went on after a minute, "I've had crushes before, and I had a crush on him, but now I think about falling in love, about really falling in love with him like that, like what we talked about in Guadosalam. And, and...it's kind of scary, and I know there's the age thing and people won't like it but it's not that important, not to me, and I know he doesn't care what people think, and...and if he's willing to wait a couple of years I'm sure it'll be okay with Dad. And if he...if we...don't want to wait then Dad and people can just get over it!"

I shook my head. "But all that's not even what I'm talking about right now. Right now I just wanna be friends again, like we were before all this, but I'm scared now that he doesn't want to.

"You know," I said to him slowly, "You know that I went out at night and slept with him, wrapped up in his coat?"

"Yeah," he answered quietly. "I knew."

"We weren't...doing anything, you know. We just...I went out one night and asked him to hold me because I was so scared of Zanarkand and of dying, and he did. That's all. Like you when you were little."

Huh, it wasn't so hard telling Tidus I was scared. Maybe it gets easier the more people you tell.

"But we stopped when we were in the chocobo trainer's camp, and now, these last couple of nights, I haven't tried to go back, haven't asked him to hold me cause now I'm all scared he'll say no. And I'm not sure why this all happened! We had a fight but we made up!"

"Hm," he said, putting his hands behind his head and lying back in the grass. "You know, Rikku, it's not all his choice."

"Huh?"

"What you said about being friends. It's not all his choice."

I leaned back on one elbow.

"What do you mean?"

"A long time ago, in Zanarkand," he said, looking up at the clouds, "MY Zanarkand, Auron and I were talking about blitzball. I was trying to make him understand why it's so important to me. And I asked him what he thought was important and he said, People. Well, that's not what I meant, of course. I know people are more important than blitzball, and he knew what I meant, but he was trying to make a point. You ever seen Auron when he's trying to make a point? You can't stop the guy. I've seen crooks run and turn themselves in to just to get away from Auron making a point and they serve their time and when they get out there's Auron right there waiting to finish the point.

"Anyway, Auron said, let's see, how'd he put it? He said, beyond simply life, there's how you live your life, and how you fill it, and how you touch other lives. And he told me that after thinking about it for years, he figured that there are three important things in life: Love; honor; and courage."

I was listening to every word. I really wanted to hear this. I don't know if I would have months ago when I first joined them at the Moonflow, if I would have been interested then in what some old guy thought about life. But that was then, and maybe that was a different Rikku.

"Well," Tidus said, "The thing is they're all different. Like, you have to teach someone to be honorable, and you have to show someone to be brave. And love..."

"What?" What does Auron think about love?

"He said love has to be given."

"What?"

"That's what I said. But what he thought was that love, you can't buy it or trade for it. Like, you can't say, I'll love you if you love me. Love doesn't work like that. All you can do is love someone, whether they love you back or not."

Huh. So...

"The thing is, Rikku, he also said friendship, real friendship, is a kind of love. You can't trade for it, all you can do is be someone's friend, whether they're yours or not.

"Uh...wait, so..."

"Let me put it this way, Rikku," he said sitting up. "Like, I'm Auron's friend. That's my choice, and he doesn't really have any say in the matter. He can be my friend or not, but I'm his friend regardless. And I'm Yuna's friend, too."

He looked at me.

"And I'm yours." He said. "And you don't have any say in the matter either."

"None?" I asked, sitting up.

"Nope. You're stuck with a friend whether you want one or not."

I jumped up and hugged him hard.

"I'm your friend, too, Tidus!" I told him.

"It's entirely up to you," he said, hugging me back.

Ha! Okay, so even if he doesn't wanna be my friend I can still be his. I can do that, and not as some kind of trick or anything, but because...cause I care, and cause I think Auron really needs a friend. I have to talk with Auron again!

Except that I didn't get a chance to that evening. We got back on our chocobos and just ran to the east. The guys just kept pushing us even after the sun went down until Auron put his foot down and made them stop, but I was already exhausted. Maybe it was nervous exhaustion from...I dunno...everything. I could barely get down off my chocobo and someone else had to clean it and unsaddle it and all that for me. I think Auron made Wakka do it. I was too tired to eat. I could barely keep my eyes open, and after washing up I think I kind of drifted off while the others were eating.

Then...

----RikkuXAuron----_Your Body's a Wonderland_----John Mayer----

And I didn't know how but he was holding me again in the night, and his lips were finally on mine, burning, searching, hungry, and we were moving together, his arms around me like steel, his hands clutching my back, my fingers in his hair, our mouths tasting each other...we rolled on the ground, he was under me and then on top of me and I arched my body up into him...he was calling my name as we kissed and I was panting, moaning, gasping Auron...Auron...!

**Auron:**

I stood on my own, well away from where the others were gathered around the fire. This is how I was before, always standing a little apart from them, before the girl came and started to draw me closer. Now I'm as I was again, pure of purpose.

I am cold. And comfortable.

I was looking up into the sky. The stars were quiet. They had no words for me tonight. I sensed the Ronso approaching, leaving the others around the fire, and I turned. I saw him look back at them, and then at me, and then shake his head.

Odd.

I drifted back toward the fire. Everything seemed all right. They were smiling. Rikku was asleep. She had been exhausted when we stopped for the night. As I came closer I heard her murmur softly.

"...Auron...oh...Auron..."

The others heard her too.

And they smirked. They giggled. They shared sidelong glances, and tried not to laugh.

And I heard my own cold voice say, "It amuses you?"

They jump, and look at me with wide guilty eyes.

"Oh! Sir Auron!" "Uh, hey, boss..." "Whoa, uh, I..." "No, Sir Auron, we only...!"

"You have nothing better to do?" I ask through tight lips.

They scattered like insects, scurrying away to whatever place miserable, little COCKROACHS go when someone turns on the light. THIS was the hope of Spira? These...snickering playground BULLIES! I was deeply, bitterly disappointed in all of them! These were the heroes who would heal Spira and end the endless cycle of death? These were my SOLDIERS? These were the CHAMPIONS on whom I was betting EVERYTHING THERE WAS! Betting THE WHOLE WORLD! These NASTY little CHILDREN!

I fought to bring my emotions under control. Loathing and utter contempt for them all raged through my soul. I tasted bile rising in my throat and I was two inches from following and descending upon them like the hammer of heaven itself! I looked up at the stars to try and calm myself, but they were silent no longer, they winked and twinkled with glee, they sparkled and chuckled at each other. That blue star on the left! Was it LAUGHING AT ME?

I closed my eye and took a deep shuddering breath.

I opened my eye and the stars were quiet once more. I looked up at the stars as I stood over the girl. She was breathing quickly now in her sleep and calling my name. Slowly my breathing grew more controlled, my hands unclenched, and as I stood sentinel and considered my feelings, I was finally forced to wonder...

Was I...overreacting?

**Rikku's Diary:**

Wow! What a GREAT dream! I've heard of dreams like that—well, I've heard of dreams BETTER than that, but...WOW. I'm awake now, and I stretch and open my eyes. The fire's burned down, but by the last embers, I see...

Boots.

Gee, Rikku. Who wears boots in the party?

And—eyes wide—I follow the boots up and see the hem of a red coat. (Whisper.) He's standing right there. Well...poop. Did...I mean, do you think...

Did he hear me!

Well, what do you think, Rikku? Ohhhhh no.

So...so then, how come I don't feel my face turning all red? How come I don't feel...embarrassed...at all? I don't. I pause, lying there, and take a quick look all around inside Rikku, and I realize I'm not the slightest bit embarrassed, even though he was right there and had to hear me moaning and calling his name. He has to know what I...well, he has to know. Right? So how come I don't want the ground to open up and swallow me? How come I don't want to just crawl away and hide my face for a thousand years where no one can see me? I roll slowly onto my back and look up at him.

How come I just feel...comfortable?

I can barely make out his figure, standing outlined by the stars, but I can tell he's looking up and I can tell when he turns away from the sky and looks at me, and then he bends his knees and crouches down, and reaches out his hand and gently brushes a few stray hairs off my forehead. And then without a word he stands back up and looks up again at the stars.

_His face to the stars, his senses extending outward, he keeps watch over the party, and over one young girl in particular._

What did I ever have to worry about? I don't have to be embarrassed with him. Not really. I don't think Auron has that part in him that takes pleasure in someone else's pain, laughs when someone else falls, or feels superior when someone else tries something and fails. I think he lost that part somewhere along the way of all he's seen and all he's done. He might turn all that into a lesson but he'd never turn it into a joke.

I roll back and reach out to touch the hem of his coat. Just touch it. Don't know why. I think I'm going to try to get back to sleep. Maybe I can get back to my dream. I curl up on my side and close my eyes and drift away thinking about his lips on mine.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Auron...?" I heard her soft voice say hours later.

It was the midwatch, and I was still standing over her, watching the stars slowly turn overhead. Perhaps she had gotten used to waking up for the midwatch the way I have.

"Yes Rikku?"

"Sit down, Auron."

"It's my watch, Rikku. I have to stay ready."

"Oh. All right."

She sat up and then got to her knees and shifted closer, then sat down again leaning against my legs like she used to. Neither of us spoke, and after a couple of hours the Ronso walked up and nodded at me before marching off into the night.

"Now, Auron?" she asked out of the dark.

"All right, Rikku."

I sank down and sat next to her.

"Auron...?" she said slowly. "Don't you wanna be my friend anymore?"

"Rikku," I said, "Of course I'm your friend."

"Then what's going on?" she asked. "Are you trying to punish me?"

"Rikku?" Now I was confused. "I don't...?"

"Have I done something wrong?"

"No, Rikku...of course not."

"Cause if I've been bad, I guess...you could spank me," and in the dim starlight I saw her hook one thumb under the waistband of her shorts.

"Rikku!"

"It was a joke, Auron!"

"A joke?"

"Yeah, Auron! A joke, like we used to make with each other before! Before it all got so weird! I was trying to joke with you like I used to all the time when we sat next to each other and walked next to each other and TALKED, and you shoulda smiled a little and shook your head, or pretended you didn't understand what I'm saying, and I would have hugged you and everything would have been fine again, the way it used to be before we had that stupid fight, and before we ever got to that stupid camp with those stupid chocobos, and Auron I'm sorry I scared you! I AM!"

She threw herself forward and hugged me anyway, hard.

"Auron," she whispered, "I'm scared, please hold me."

"Rikku...I..."

"I'm not scared of dying, or of fiends, or of Zanarkand, not tonight, Auron, tonight I scared I'm losing you! You're my best friend, Auron! Did you know that! You've saved me again and again, and held me when I was sad or scared, and taught me everything you could, and you don't trust me, but it's okay, really, because I know you want to! And now I can feel you drifting away and I don't WANT that! If you didn't want to be my friend then you shouldn't have BEEN my friend!"

"Rikku..."

"Auron, please don't leave me! Please don't go!"

I seem to hear echoes in time, not from the past but from the future...please don't leave me, please don't go...will she say these things in another time and place? And when I have to go, will she be hurt even more?

"Rikku," I tell her softly, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Life is pain," she answered, not letting go.

"Who told you that, Rikku?"

"An old, old Al Bhed man. He was blind, and he hurt all the time, but he said life is pain, and kept on going."

From the first moment I looked into her green Al Bhed eyes on the banks of the Moonflow I admired her courage most of all. She was brave enough to live, brave enough to love, brave enough to hope, and at that moment under the night sky of the Calm Lands when she hugged me so tight and told me that life was pain...there was nothing in me that could say to her that she was not brave enough to hurt. It was the first lesson of the fighter. She accepted that she would be hurt. And she went on.

"Please hold me, Auron...I'm scared..."

**Rikku's Diary:**

And he put his arms around me, and we wrapped ourselves in his magic red coat, and lay down to sleep.

**Auron:**

And just before she drifted off to sleep, I heard her say, "I'm your friend, too, Auron."

"Rikku, I..."

"I'm your friend, Auron," she whispered. "You don't get any say."

* * *

**Auron:**

I awoke before her, as I always did. In the dim light of pre-dawn I saw that she was smiling as she slept. How did this happen, I silently asked myself. Before I could answer, her eyes opened, and she was looking into my face, searching for something. Perhaps she found it, because she hugged me suddenly, her cheek soft against the puckered ridges of my scar. Then she threw off my coat, found and pulled on her shoes and socks, and leaped with youthful energy into the new day.

I rose and followed at a more sedate pace. The others bustled around the camp at their morning chores, packing up the tent and bedding, seeing to the chocobos, and the other things we do before breakfast. I watched the girl as she dashed happily around camp taking care of her own chores, lending a helping hand to everyone, greeting the chocobos with scratches under their neck feathers. I wasn't alone. Except for the Ronso, all the others also followed her with strained guilty expressions, even Lulu, whose face usually reveals nothing.

I saw Tidus especially, watching her as she happily went about her morning routine, humming, singing, smiling. To my eye he looked more and more miserable as the moments passed. Finally he walked over to me.

"Auron...?"

I waited.

"Auron, I'm sorry. She didn't deserve that from us. From me. We shoulda had more respect."

I looked at him a moment, then nodded.

"Accepted, on her behalf," I said quietly. "Because she would accept it. She's a very forgiving person."

"Yeah," he said, looking down. "Auron...should I, apologize to her?"

I only had to think a minute.

"No, Tidus. Right now she can pretend to herself that no one else knows. Leave it alone. Let it...fade."

He nodded, and seemed to want to say something else, but he closed his mouth and walked away. He truly is a good boy, and he's growing into a fine young man. Once Tidus showed them the way, the others also came over one by one to apologize. I wonder if it would ever have occurred to them on their own. I admit I was curt with them. Lulu and Wakka accepted that. Yuna was the most difficult. She found me just before breakfast, last thing before leaving.

"I'm sorry...Sir Auron..."

She stood in front of me, her head hanging down, a perfect picture of contrition.

"We...we didn't mean...we didn't mean anything by it, really!"

"Lady Yuna," I said softly, "Does Rikku believe in this pilgrimage?"

"Well, no," she answered, not looking up. "Not really."

"Does she love Yevon, or Seymour Guado, or constant attacks by fiends?"

"...no..." she whispered.

"She could be with her family, she could be helping to rebuild their home. But she's not. Why is she here, on this pilgrimage, risking her life for something she hates?"

"For me," I barely heard her answer. "To protect...me."

"Close, Lady Yuna," I said. "Very close. She is here because she loves you. No other reason."

She still wouldn't look up, still wouldn't show me her face, but I could see her tears falling and her shoulders softly heaving.

"I..."

She choked, and couldn't go on. After a moment she tried again.

"I should apologize to her..."

"No."

She finally raised her head, her face filled with a kind of soft anguish, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I HAVE to!"

"You. Will. Not."

"Sir Auron!"

"You will not make yourself feel better by making her feel worse."

She threw her head back down, and whispered brokenly, "...no, Sir Auron..."

She looked up at me again.

"Sir Auron...? Will you..."

"I'm really very busy right now, Lady Yuna. If you will excuse me?"

"Yes, Sir Auron," she said quietly, and turned away.

"Yuna," I said.

She stopped where she was, not looking back.

"You are a good person," I went on, "And this is really a small thing, if because of it you become a better friend."

She didn't turn, but she nodded, and stood a little straighter, and walked away.

I sit thinking for a few minutes, wondering now about these people on who so much depends. Overreacting or not, my faith in them has been badly shaken. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I get up to walk the perimeter of the camp to pass the time and check for fiends, but two small arms encircle me from behind in a tight hug. The girl grins at me and grabs my hand in both of hers, pulling me to sit next to her at breakfast, so close that our arms constantly touch, and the others—even Yuna and Lulu—are smiling at us, with shy approval and fondness as the girl laughs and jokes with her mouth full.

How have I arrived back at this place? I was determined to push Rikku away, to stop leading her on. I remember that distinctly. It was for her own good. Then, she stepped away first. She came to me at the Edge to say goodbye, to explain that her crush was over. It was such a mature thing for such a young girl to do. And she avoided me after that. I thought...I thought this was all settled. And just what was the girl saying last night? That she missed my company, or that she still has a crush on me?

I look over at her sweet face, and she smiles at me.

This "break" has become very complicated. I will almost welcome our arrival at the monster zoo.

**Next: Not Pretty Enough**


	27. Not Pretty Enough

Hey. Couple of things. (This is going to be kind of a long author note. And for me these days, that's saying something.)

First thing, Jinjer pointed out in a review that there wasn't too much Auron POV in the last chapter. I went back and rough counted, and she's right. (I'm assuming She.) There were about 16 full pages of Rikku POV to about 8 of Auron POV, leaving aside the story in Rikku's journal. It wasn't that bad in the previous chapter, "Chocobo Games". That was roughly 11 pages Rikku to 8 pages Auron, again leaving out the journal story, which wasn't that long anyway. The present chapter's more even, 11 pages Rikku, 14 pages Auron, without the story. (Say, you remember I said I had what I thought was a cute idea? But that maybe it was getting out of hand? It was those stories, Rikku's little aurikkus in her journal (which in my head I've started calling rikaurikkus). Cute idea, but they're getting longer and more elaborate. In fact, in an upcoming chapter...never mind.) Chapter 28 has 13 pages Rikku POV to 19 for Auron, but it's really more even than that sounds. Chapter 29 is a problem, 16 pages for Rikku, 5 for Auron. Hmm. Gotta think about this.

Anyway, the other thing. When you post one of these the site lets you put it in two categories. This was always an action/adventure so that was the first. Then it became an aurikku, so the second was romance. But if they allowed a third category, it would have been angst. I just wanted to give you a head's up that there IS going to be angst coming up in this story. That back there wasn't angst. That was a fight and a misunderstanding. It would have been angst if Rikku had been so hurt and confused after the fight that she had ended up sleeping with one of the Chocobo wranglers (or maybe Wakka) and woken up horrified at what she'd done and she got back to her tent and found a letter from Auron saying how sorry he was and he realizes now that he loves her and could she come see him because there's something important that he wants to ask her and she goes wondering every step if she should confess what happened and terrified that he'll hate her and it'll be over between them and she decides that she just can't risk it so she lies to him but he already knows and he's almost destroyed by it and can't forgive her or trust her and she...well, that kind of thing.

So, just letting you know, there's going to be angst in the story.

Hey, you know I had a spelling mistake way back in chapter 2? Waaaaaay back in chapter 2! Why don't people tell me these things? Thank you, fyre byrd. Also fixed one from last chapter.

Okay. Let's see. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story (really guys, it'll eventually get out of the Calm Lands and follow the story again) but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Still don't know if that should be capitalized.) (Still didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-. Um, well, you'll see.

And last thing. I want to dedicate this chapter and the next chapter to Kitsu Kurasei. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Don't let the bugs get you. 63.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

I have ended up hurting every woman who has ever been seriously involved with me. Is Rikku seriously involved with me? It's a crush. Crushes end. Crushes always end, in time.

I remember when I was a little amused by all this. I thought it was...cute. I'm not amused anymore.

And I don't want to hurt Rikku.

And I'm unsure what to do.

**Rikku's Diary:**

So, why don't I just jump him? I mean if I really want something to happen, why not just, you know, take off my shirt one night, or he comes back from the midwatch, gets under his coat and finds me naked? Why not give it a try? What's the worst that could happen? Well, aside from the fact that I'm not entirely sure that I'm ready, he could say no. That would hurt. But I could live with it, and maybe I'd think about risking it considering that he might say something else. I mean, you know, if I was sure I was ready. But that's not the worst thing that could happen. The worst thing that could happen is he might look at me with care and concern in his soft brown eye, and say gently, Rikku, you've gotten the wrong idea and I don't think you had better come out here anymore.

I almost lost him once! I mean, lost him as a friend! I don't want to lose him forever and I'm not gonna risk scaring him away again. He knows how I feel about him. So, now I'm not gonna try something like THAT until I know he wants it too (and that I'm, you know, ready). Not until he does something—anything—to show me that he maybe wants to move our relationship in that direction. Maybe as a first step I could get him to kiss me, already! We don't have to jump right to that other stuff! We could maybe wait til after we're married or something.

And I think that somehow Auron has managed to convince himself that if he doesn't kiss me, I mean really kiss me, then nothing is really happening between us. So he holds me sometimes in the night and I hold him too, and maybe we even cuddle a little, but he tells himself that it's not anything romantic between us, even if I know that it is, and that he's maybe finally starting to look at me that way. I feel it when his arms are around me. I felt it when he held me so tight and so gentle after we had that fight. But that kiss has become some kind of symbolic thing to him, some kind of line that can't be crossed or Something Will Happen.

I just wanna kiss!

So, so I'll still flirt with him, and hug him, and maybe try to give him a little kiss sometimes, and just be there, near him, so he can really notice me, or notice that he's noticing me, or...whatever. And I know how far I can go with all that. I think. Maybe I'll press just a little. MAYBE. And, I guess we do need to have one serious talk sometime. That's gonna be tricky, trying to get through that without him trying to do something all noble and stupid and stuff.

But the Big Show? Nuh uh. Not gonna try it.

So, what happens when we get to Zanarkand and he hasn't noticed me, hasn't made a move? Well, maybe I decide that having him as a friend is enough. Or maybe I decide to take the risk and go for it. Or maybe I change my mind altogether and don't even wait for Zanarkand.

I dunno. I'm making this up as I go.

* * *

**Not Pretty Enough**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_Rikku opened her eyes and gasped for breath. She was lying in bed in a room she didn't recognize and with no memory of how she got there._

"_You are better," she heard a voice smooth and almost deep say._

_She turned her head on the pillow and saw the red guardian himself sitting by her bedside._

"_Auron? What happened? Where are we?"_

"_How much do you remember?"_

"_We were fighting some kind of fiend in the woods..."_

"_You were poisoned. We gave you an antidote and Yuna healed you and we thought you were fine. Then in the night you took fever. We did what we could, and decided this agency was near enough for us to bring you here to recover. That was three days ago. We were afraid you weren't going to survive."_

"_Well," she smiled weakly, "A miss is as good as a mile, I guess."_

"_No, Rikku," he shook his head gravely. "There is a lesson here. Life is short, we must make use of the time we are given."_

_She was still a little foggy, and trying to make sense of what he said, when the red clad man suddenly leaned forward and put his lips to hers._

_Her eyes went wide with shock and she jerked her head back and scrambled away from him on the bed._

"_AURON! What the HELL!"_

_He still sat there in his chair looking at her calmly._

"_I was never going to tell you, Rikku," he said. "But then you were hurt. You almost died. And life is short."_

"_Auron, what are you saying? That you've got those kinds of feelings for me?"_

_She quickly got up, putting the bed between her and the seated older guardian. Blood rushed from her head, and she grabbed at the bedpost to keep from falling, but he didn't move to help her._

"_Since I first saw you on the banks of the Moonflow."_

"_Well you gotta get over it! Cause I just don't feel that way back! I mean, you're all old and stuff! No offense," she added hastily._

"_None taken," he answered calmly, and stood._

"_I mean, I'm sorry, but..."_

"_You've done nothing wrong, Rikku," he said. "And neither have I. Things happen. Feelings...happen. Or don't. Don't worry, Rikku. I won't mention it again, and I won't let it affect the pilgrimage. I will go now and tell the others that you're awake."_

_And he never had mentioned it again, and he didn't let it affect the pilgrimage. She still tried to avoid him when she could, not sitting next to him or walking near him. She had always been a little afraid of the silent man, and now finding out that all those months they had traveled together he had been thinking about her that way, gave her the creeps. He never did anything she could object to. He didn't try to hang around her at all. He didn't try to avoid her, but he treated her like every other member of the party, which meant that he held himself somewhat apart._

_She was still nervous about the whole thing. After all, they were traveling out in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes they would probably be alone together, and who knew what he might try? He was lots stronger than her. She started to watch him to see if he was ever watching her, but he never was. He didn't show any signs of any feeling for her at all. He still threw himself between her and fiends, of course, but he did that with everyone._

_They camped one day in the woods and the women went to a nearby stream to wash up. She stopped to examine an odd plant, wondering if it might have some special helpful properties, and saw Auron slipping through the trees. She was instantly suspicious. Was he going to try to spy on her bathing, or perhaps do even worse? Quiet as a thief, she slipped after him. She lost sight of him once or twice, but stayed with him. She saw him enter a clearing, and pushed silently forward to observe. She saw…_

_Lulu! And Auron! Both of them bare to the waist and in each other's arms. She stared for a moment as they twisted in each other's embrace, then turned red faced and raced back to camp. Later, after the others had gone to bed she sat by the dying campfire. She thought she had to say something, but didn't know how to approach Lulu. Finally she got up and walked out to where she knew Auron was standing watch._

_He looked at her in surprise. She had never initiated a conversation with him._

"_So, uh, you and Lulu," she said uncomfortably._

_He looked at her sharply._

"_I don't want that to become common gossip," he said a little coldly._

"_No no," she smiled. "It's just, I, uh, guess you're over your crush on me."_

"_Crushes never last," he said._

"_Okay. I'm glad."_

_It's a relief, she thought going back to her tent, that things were over, and she didn't have to worry anymore. In the weeks and months that followed, she noticed the way they acted together, the way he would always heal her first with potions when they were injured, the way he would help her to her feet, the way they sat next to each other as often as not. Little things that no one would notice if they didn't know to look. The two often stood apart from the others having long, quiet conversations. They were very discrete, slipping away at odd moments on the journey to be together._

_I'm happy for them, she thought to herself. Just because I didn't have feelings for Auron doesn't mean I don't want him to be happy. It's not his fault he had those feelings for me. I just didn't feel that way back. They make a good couple. They're both quiet and calm. She's not that much older than me. Still kind of young for him, but if they're happy then what does age matter?_

_And finally the great day came. They defeated Sin forever, and without Yuna having to die. The party traveled back to Luca for the great celebration. The city was turned over to a week of music and dances and fireworks. The first night Rikku was surrounded by handsome young men eager to dance with her, and she had a fine time. Later, smiling, she let one of them lead her out into the gardens under the moonlight. She let him kiss her as they strolled the pathways and he told her how beautiful and brave she was._

_They turned a corner and almost ran into another couple locked in a fierce embrace. They automatically turned to give them some privacy and to find some of their own, before Rikku's brain sorted out what she had seen._

_Lulu and Wakka!_

_Without thinking she turned back, took Lulu by the arm and dragged her off a short way, leaving two very confused young men behind her._

"_Rikku! What are you doing!" Lulu demanded._

"_Me! What are you doing with WAKKA! What about Auron!"_

"_Oh," Lulu said. "Yes, he told me that you knew. You were very discreet, Rikku. I want to thank you."_

"_Never mind that," the young Al Bhed answered hotly. "What's going on!"_

"_Nothing's going on, Rikku. Auron and I...it was something we had on the pilgrimage, and it's over now. It has been for a while. It ran its course. We said goodbye to each other before he left."_

_LEFT?_

"_What do you mean left!"_

"_He's gone, Rikku. Dances and speeches were never his sort of thing. He left just a little while ago."_

_Rikku grabbed the mage by the shoulders._

"_Where, Lulu! Where did he go?"_

"_I don't know, Rikku. He didn't say. But I suppose he must have either gone down to the docks and boarded a ship or he left down the Mi'ihen Road."_

_And then Rikku was running, back inside and through the crowd of dancers and out again, slowed by shoes made for dancing. She impatiently kicked them off, and ran up the long bridge from the sphere theatre to the city._

_Docks or road, she thought to herself wildly, docks or road! She made her decision and turned left, racing madly up streets and staircases, finally reaching the start of the long road._

_No fiends, she thought as she ran, please no fiends!_

_Perhaps some kinder god than Yevon heard her, for she encountered no fiends, nor anyone at all, until she finally saw the tall red coated figure walking ahead of her in the moonlight. She never slowed, just ran. He heard something and began to turn at the last moment, and she slammed into him. He was staggered, but he didn't fall, and he put out an arm so that she didn't fall either._

_As soon as he knew she could stand he removed his arm and said, "Rikku? What are you doing here? Has something happened?"_

_He was no longer touching her, but she still clung with both hands to his coat, gasping for breath. Her mind was blank. She didn't know what to say, she had only known she had to find him before he disappeared forever._

"_Rikku?"_

_She jerked him closer and covered his mouth with hers. She was short of breath and could only kiss him for a moment before she had to break away._

"_Rikku!" he said. "What…?"_

"_Auron," she said, still taking deep breaths. "Auron, life is short. Too short for regrets."_

_He looked at her for a moment, and then nodded in agreement._

"_Life is short," he said, and put his arms around her in the moonlight._

Huh, I thought to myself as I wrote the last words. That's kinda nice. Sort of sweet. Different, but I like it. I thought I'd try writing one where he had a crush on me for a change. Course, I still ended up chasing him. Hm. Should I put THE END at the bottom?

"Hey, Rikku! Whatcha writing?" Tidus asked, walking up to me.

"NOTHING!" I said, slamming my journal shut.

We had stopped for the midday break. Auron figured we were pretty close to the zoo now. He was busy arguing with a chocobo, and I was just killing time until we started out again.

"Ohhhh, one of those stories, huh?" the kid smiled.

"NO," I said, and stuck out my tongue. He thinks he's being so clever. "Well, okay. Yeah. So?"

"So," he said, flopping down on the grass next to me, "Can I see'em?"

"Wellll...I guess, if you really want to..."

"Sure!"

"Okay," I said, smiling and throwing open the journal and handing it to him. "See! I've got them all divided up by category."

"Whoa. Organized. So, what do the colored tabs mean?"

"Yellow are the ones set on the Thunder Plain, you know, where I was so scared that time? Blue are the ones where he's hurt and I nurse him back to health, or I'm hurt and he discovers he can't live without me. Silver are the ones where, um, I die, and, uh, go to the Farplane or whatever, and he misses me forever. Those can be kinda depressing, but sometimes you want to be depressed, you know? And the green are where the two of us get separated from the rest of you, by a blizzard, you know, or we fall down a mineshaft or something like that. The white are for miscellaneous stories that don't fit anywhere else."

"What are these red ones," he asked, flipping through them.

"Uh," I blushed, "Well...those are kinda...r-rated. Maybe -x-."

"Hah, yeah?" he said, going right to them of course! Boys!

Hey, they're tasteful! Mostly.

"Uh, my spelling can be pretty bad until I get a chance to go back over it."

"That's okay," he said without looking up. "Huh. They have machina to do that?"

I chewed on a fingernail while he read. He's the first other person to see them, you know.

"Hm. Rikku, I've seen Auron. You're kinda overestimating him."

"Oh, okay, I'll tone it down a little."

"Not too much," he said, turning another couple of pages. "Hm. I'm not sure this is legal."

Have you ever just sat and watched someone read something you've written? I mean, even if it is just Tidus?

"Hey, Rikku? Just a suggestion, but maybe you could find another way to say rear end. You have it like twenty times on this page."

"I thought it'd sorta start to fade into the background and you wouldn't notice it after a while."

"Huh. Maybe," he said, turning more pages. "Boy, you think about this stuff a lot."

"Duh. I'm a sixteen year old girl."

"Um, say, Rikku? In most of these you, uh, start out a virgin."

"Yeah, so?" I asked, raising my chin. "That's nothing to be ashamed of!"

"No," he said, "It's just...you know Auron's not, right?"

"Gee, I kinda figured," I said softly, looking down.

"Hey, it's not like he hops from bed to bed, either," he said. "I just thought...huh, anyway."

Well, I never really thought that Auron was the type to carve notches in his bedpost. But it was still good to hear Tidus say it.

"You call him Daddy?" he asked looking up.

"Hey, shut up! I was trying something!" I said defensively. "It's a work in progress!"

"Oooookay," he said, rolling his eyes.

What are YOU looking at!

"Auron and you and Yuna and Lulu?" he asked, grinning.

"It was his birthday," I muttered.

"Hm. Whatever. Just, don't use Yuna too much, huh? Auron and Yuna," he said to himself, turning the page. "Huh uh. Never going to happen."

Sitting there I wondered a little glumly if Auron and Rikku would ever happen. Hm... No Auron and Yuna, huh? I looked over at him, sitting there reading. So, what about Yuna and Tidus? Did that ever happen?

"Hey, Tidus...?"

"Hm. I saw that once at a bachelor party for one of the Abes. Yeah Rikku?"

"Um. So. Have you and Yuna...ever, uh..."

"Oops! Forgot that Yuna needed something from her tent! Thanks for reminding me," he said getting up.

Hey, hang on.

"Hey, Rikku?" he said looking back. "Your stuff's really good. I'd like to read some of the other stories. Yellow and blue and all. Maybe you could do one about me and Yuna. I bet you get published one day."

What a nice thing to say!

So I settled back to get in some serious editing but soon I heard Wakka calling me that we were getting ready to go. When I got up and walked over to the others Yuna and Lulu were there asking if there was anything they could do for me, anything I wanted. They've been acting that way all morning. Wakka too. I don't know what's going on but everyone's just sorta been extra nice to me today for some reason.

You know, that can get on a person's nerves after a while.

But Auron wasn't treating me different, he was treating me the same again! I mean the same as before we had that stupid fight. I'm still not sure exactly what was going on, and he still seems a little skittish (no one else would notice) and I guess we're going to have to talk about it one day, but for now we're hanging out together again, and sometimes he makes these wonderful dry jokes to me, and we sat together this morning and at noon, and...

And last night we slept next to each other again under the stars.

Okay, maybe I do want more one day, but that's plenty enough for now.

"You finished with the chocobo?" I asked walking up to him and slipping one of my arms through his. He cringed a little, but he didn't pull away.

"It needed an attitude adjustment."

Sure. Cool. Whatever.

**Auron:**

Sometimes if you ignore a problem it actually does go away. It's how I've always dealt with crushes and it always worked before. I thought that it had worked with Rikku, that her crush had finally simply worn off. But it seems now that it hasn't. Yet. I suppose it still could. The only other thing I can think of is sitting the girl down for a talk, and the chances of that going well...

I just don't know. I tried keeping my distance and she thought I was rejecting her friendship.

I wasn't happy keeping my distance in any case. I enjoy the girl's company. And there are still things that I can teach her.

If this crush would just END then there would be no problem.

Perhaps...I'll give it a little more time.

* * *

**Auron:**

Approaching the East Wall on our chocobos we finally saw the small break in the cliffs that housed Mi'ihen's monster zoo. We rode into the canyon, eventually reaching a clutter of outbuildings. A small crowd of men mainly dressed in loud clothing watched us pass. The actual entrance to the zoo was at the very back of the canyon, dug into the mountain wall. The sight of it always chilled me. The remains of a young wyrm were wrapped around the entrance. To go in you have to step over the body. We climbed off our chocobos and Tidus went up to take a closer look. Before I could stop him, he reached up to touch the beak, which reared out and snapped at him.

"It's alive!" he cried, jumping back.

Yeah.

"Is...is it one of the exhibits in the zoo?" he asked.

"It isn't really a zoo," Lulu said. "They say Lord Mi'ihen had an arena constructed as a place where the Crusaders could hone their skills against captured fiends."

"Yep," said an old man in old clothing, coming out of the entrance. "That's surely what they say, miss. How do? I'm the caretaker."

"They also say that Mi'ihen became obsessed with the place when he got older," I said.

The man scowled at me.

"I never heard that," he said, turning to the others. "Come in! Come in!"

He led us inside. I steeled myself to step over the body of the creature, as I had to every time my business brought me to this place. It wasn't Evrae. It was only young. But it was a wyrm, and deserved more respect than to be treated as a doorsill.

I shook my head. I'm not here to right all the world's wrongs.

We stopped inside the small lobby. There was a counter area, a few chairs, and a rack of brochures that I didn't remember being there before. A small gift shop on one side of the lobby was closed.

"Say folks," he said, walking behind the counter. "I'm sorry as can be, but we're really not open right now."

"Aw man!"

"Whoo boy, all this way for nothin', ya? Told you we shoulda seen the Scar."

"Oh well. May I ask why you're closed?"

"Well miss mage (I noticed the doll) the truth is, I, ah, screwed up. And so all the fiends got away. Can't have an arena without fiends, can you?"

Well, spank me with a fish and call me Shirley.

I knew a man once who said that all the time.

ALL the time.

It's a wonder that I wasn't the one who killed him.

Heads were shaking in frustration or exasperation or resignation. The girl wandered off to look through the gift shop window and riffle through the brochures.

Wait for it.

"Say," the man said. "I sure hate for you to come all this way for nothing. Tell you what! You can catch fiends for me! I'll pay a bounty for all you catch! Uh, up to ten of each kind of fiend. That's all I really need."

There it is.

"And then you'll reopen the zoo?" Tidus asked.

"Well, sonny. When you catch all the Calm Lands fiends, I'll reopen that section and you'll get a special bonus. Then when you or someone else catches more fiends, I'll open more sections."

"All right!" Tidus said, and turned to the rest of us. "Let's DO it!"

"Hey, I'm in," Wakka said.

"It would be a shame to come all this way for nothing," Lulu added.

"It would help the Crusaders to train here again," Yuna smiled. She turned to me. "All right, Sir Auron?"

"As you wish," I replied.

It's their break.

"Just one thing," the man behind the counter said. "You, ah, need special weapons to catch fiends instead of killing them. They absorb the pyreflies instead of dispersing them. Kind of hard to find, those weapons. But I just happen to have a stock right here. Now, consider this. They'll pay for themselves in no time, and with each purchase you get one of these."

He held out a book. Lulu took it and looked at the cover, and then handed it to me. Catching Fiends for Dummies. Hm. I know the guy who wrote this.

"Deal with Lulu," I told the man, turning to see where Rikku was.

"Uh, Sir Auron? What weapons will we need?" the mage asked me.

"Wakka, help her."

"Uh, sure, Sir Auron."

I went to join Rikku where she was standing in front of the brochure rack.

"Rikku," I said. "Did you hear what they decided?

"Uh, sure. Catching fiends. Cool. Uh, Auron?" she said. "Look at these brochures."

"What about them?"

"Well, some of them are sorta normal, like this one for the Scar, and this one for Rin's agency. (It has some coupons. We should take a couple.) But what about this one? See the World Famous Secret Cavern of the Stolen Fayth." She turned to me. "If it's secret, how can it be world famous?"

"Practice."

"Huh?"

"Sorry." I sighed. "The cavern is probably the worst kept secret in Spira. Which is saying something. Honestly, Rikku, it's not worth seeing."

"Oh. Well, what about this? Tour the Hidden Temple at Remiem? It's blank! Or this one about the Great Chocobo Race?"

"That used to be a days long chocobo race across the whole expanse of the Calm Lands. People all across Spira used to place bets, or even come watch. The start was something to see, anywhere between 500 to 1000 chocobos and their riders running full speed across the plain, birds crashing and fighting."

"I never heard of it."

"Back at the chocobo camp, I heard them say they haven't run it in five or six years. You would have been pretty young the last time."

"Not that young!"

"You know the chocobo trainer? (Why can't I ever remember her name?) She was the last one to win. She's won five times, more than anyone else."

"Huh. Would've liked to have seen that," she said half to herself.

"Seeing new things keeps you young?" I asked.

"Yeah!" she smiled up at me.

"Take the brochure anyway," I said. "It has a map of the Calm Lands on the back."

I turned back to the counter. The others had finished up and gone out.

"Hey, Auron?" I heard her say.

"Rikku?"

She put her arm around my waist and gave me a quick hug.

"I'm glad we're friends again."

A dozen answers went through my head before I settled on the simple truth.

"Me too."

"So, innkeeper!" she said.

"Zookeeper," he corrected.

"Whatever."

"Actually, custodian."

"Whatever. So, where do we find all these fiends?" she asked. "I mean, we've seen some, but others we haven't seen at all. How many are there, anyway?"

"Well," he said. "You can find some of the weaker fiends right outside our doors—skolls and flame flans and such. As for the stronger fiends, well. Some say this, and some say that. I'm not one to take a man's livelihood away from him."

"What?"

"That crowd of men you passed coming in? Professional fiend hunters. And each of them has their own ideas of the best places to catch fiends. I can't tell you their secrets, but they might just be persuaded to share their favorite spots with you."

"Um..."

"They're touts," I told her. "They all have tipsheets they sell to people who want to hunt fiends."

"Oh! Like at the Al Bhed dirt bike races! Okay!"

"Ask for Marty," the zookeeper said.

I wondered how much of a kickback he gets from Marty as the girl squeezed my hand and hurried out the door, leaving the zookeeper and myself alone. His habitual mournful expression slowly transformed into a vicious little smile.

"How do, Auron?" he said.

"Zookeeper," I answered.

"So. Going to stick around and help me out, eh, Auron? Couldn't be bothered last time, I seem to recall."

"You know how it is. Things to do. Balance the checkbook. Pick up dry cleaning. Fight Sin."

"Well, tell you what, Auron," he smiled. "Since you're going to lend a hand, I might just have a special something for you this time around."

"Seriously doubt you've got anything I want, zookeeper," I said.

"I didn't say you wanted it, I said I have it for you," he cackled. It turned into a coughing fit. I watched, hoping he would choke, but of course he didn't. Enough of this. I turned away. Even I had had enough of trading mysterious little barbs for now.

"That's a pretty little girl you got there, Auron," he said to my back as I walked out.

So, the zookeeper lost his fiends.

Again.

It seems that every time Sin reappears the zookeeper loses his fiends.

Now that's just careless.

Of course it means something. Of course he's up to something. It could be any number of things, and if you've picked the worst possibility and think that's the one it probably is, then you aren't paranoid enough. It's probably all of them. Of course he's up to something, but I don't want to get caught up in whatever it is. I'm busy. I wasn't brought back to solve all the problems in Spira, I was brought back to save the world and one day when this little vacation is over we're going to have to get back to that.

Outside I looked around for Rikku. And the others. I found Wakka and Tidus examining their new weapons. Between them, they lifted mine to hand it to me, but I shook my head and moved on. Next I found Yuna and Lulu, watched over by the Ronso. They looked like they were simply waiting for the rest of us. I reached the crowd of uniquely dressed men and found Rikku there talking with one whose outfit was so garish the Church of Yevon might have condemned it as a crime against nature. This had to be Marty. Rikku ran up to me smiling.

"Hey look, Auron," she cried waving a handful of brightly colored papers. "I got all the tip sheets that'll tell us where to find the fiends!"

Then she stood on her tiptoes and leaned close to me.

"And MAPS!" she whispered. "TREASURE maps!"

She threw her arms around me in a hug.

"We're gonna have so much FUN!" she said, and ran off to share her joy with the others.

It always seems colder to me when she goes. It's not always a bad thing. Some things are easier to do in the cold. I turned to the tout. I smiled a little.

"Marty," I said.

"Marty!" he smiled back broadly, showing me a mouthful of gold teeth.

The man wore a jacket that would have shamed a blind Al Bhed, mainly yellow and green checks, with untidy splashes of red and large gold plated buttons. I was glad I was wearing sunglasses. I reached into my coat and removed a small wooden dowel.

"Ah," he said, stepping back. "Ain't no need for that, Sir Auron! I have your messages right here! There's a small handling...well, no. Never mind. No charge to you at all!"

I stopped, nonplussed.

"You're my contact from the Luca network?"

"We do what we must to keep body and soul together."

I shook my head.

"Marty," I said, taking a step forward. "I have a message for you before we go on."

"Uh, yes, Sir Auron," he said taking another step back.

"It makes me unhappy when hucksters try to bilk my friends."

"Oh, say, no, Sir Auron. It ain't like that!"

"No? Treasure maps?"

He was on his toes now, pinned against the building by my hands at his collar.

"Uh, hey, maybe you could be careful a little bit? This shirt ain't new, but it's one of my favorites. No, hey, Sir Auron, I'd never try to scam Rikku. Rin's put out the word about the two of you."

"Has he now?" I asked him quietly.

"Uh, yeah. So...so, anyone who messes with Rikku, you got Cid down on him, the leader of the Al Bhed. You got Rin after you, and that guy can afford to hire the best of the worst, you know what I mean? And now you got Mister Red Guardian, Death Walking, Traitor to Yevon, Auron himself after you. Say, I wouldn't be surprised if fiends start having second thoughts about attacking Rikku."

Hm.

"Hey look," he said smiling. "If Rin got it wrong about you two, just tell me and I'll pass the word."

"If...did Rin say something like if anyone hurts Rikku I'll turn them into bite-sized bits and feed them to the zookeeper's fiends?"

"Something like that."

"Then it's fine," I let him down and patted him on the arm. He cringed back. "He was telling the truth."

"Uh, yeah, sure," he said nervously.

"So, the maps you sold Rikku were good?"

"Well," he was sweating. "I don't know if they're right. But they're real maps. They were in a temple library, then suddenly somehow they ain't, then some people had them, then some other people, and maybe a few more after that, and then me, and I sold them to her. Everyone benefits!"

He beamed. I didn't bother to assail the logic.

"And the tip sheets?"

"Oh well," he said, spreading his hands. "They're as good as any tip sheets. They're all right as far as they go, but you get what you pay for."

He leaned in closer. He had eaten onions for lunch.

"If you have trouble finding all the Calm Lands monsters you want," he said in a low voice, putting one finger on the side of his nose, "Come to me. You know my name!"

"Marty," I said with a small sigh.

"Marty!" he said with a smile.

* * *

**Auron:**

Now that we were officially fiend hunters the others asked my advice about how best to proceed. I suggested we return to the agency and use it as a base camp, going out on hunting trips from there, and they agreed it was a good idea. I was glad. I wanted to be in more regular contact with the Luca network than I have been these past weeks running around the Calm Lands on chocobo back. I expected Rikku to pout because we weren't going to immediately go treasure hunting, but she simply smiled and hummed.

Now I'm worried.

Her chocobo and mine ran frequently side by side as we raced across the plain. I would often see her trying to work on her journal while riding or with her nose buried in Catching Fiends for Dummies. It took us about a week to get back to the agency. A week of Rikku hugs and almost-kisses, of her pulling me down to sit next to her at meals while the others smiled at us, of sleeping next to her under the nighttime sky.

Kitchen smells and bubble gum and hope. Tidus still handled her fighter training, but otherwise things were almost the way they had been before we arrived at the chocobo camp. That seems so long ago.

She smiles and says she's my friend, and I don't have any say in the matter. She's been talking to Tidus.

All of my friends are dead.

The real fears of grown men are for others, and I am more and more afraid for Rikku.

* * *

**Auron:**

It was early morning when we arrived at the agency. Along the way we had managed to capture some skolls, some shreds, ten nebrios' and one flame flan. Only small fiends, but it let us grow used to the catching weapons, and Rikku was stealing useful items.

We engaged the same rooms we had before and Kimahri and I easily put away our few belongings before stepping outside. I heard crashes coming from Wakka and Tidus' room as we passed, and I assumed they were tossing a blitzball around. They've been trying to come up with some form of the game to play on dry land. I went on outside while Kimahri settled down in the common room to wait for Yuna. I spent the rest of the morning talking over training schedules with the others.

I was speaking to Wakka when Rikku finally came out of the agency and walked over to join us, smiling and bringing with her the scent of flowers. I was moderately pleased with the blitzballer's progress and I was telling him so, but we both turned when the flower smell became much more pronounced as Rikku approached.

"Hey, guys! What's up?" she asked cheerfully. The strong scent seemed to roll off her.

"Rikku...," I began, just as Wakka waved a hand in front of his face and said, "Whoa, girl! Wha' happened? You smell like a flower shop exploded all over you. Man, my eyes are watering."

The girl's mouth dropped open and her eyes went wide as her cheeks flushed deep red. She stood stock still and stared at us for a few seconds then she turned and ran back into the agency with her face in her hands.

"Wakka," I said mildly, "I've been neglecting your training. We're going to spar together later."

"Oh, ah...gee...that's good...ya...?"

**Rikku's Diary:**

I sat on the bed in our room alone hugging one of Lulu's spare moogle dolls. I wasn't crying, but I was just feeling so STUPID and DUMB and CLUELESS and RIKKU! When we got back to the agency this morning I went inside and I saw that bottle of perfume on the shelf and it was called All the Flowers of the Calm Lands and it reminded me of that morning that I picked a bunch of flowers and gave them to him and it made him HAPPY, I know it did! And back before we had that stupid fight he told me he smiles more around me and ever since then I've been trying to make him smile.

So I thought, Well, if I buy it, and wear some, he'll ask what's that nice smell? And I'll tell him and remind him about that day, and he'll smile.

But THAT didn't HAPPEN because it STUNK!

Stank?

Uh, stinked?

Whatever. Ask Wakka, he's the expert.

There was a knock on the door.

"Go away!" I called. I didn't want to see anyone.

"Rikku."

Auron. Well, I thought it would be him, but it could have been Wakka. Auron might have made him come apologize.

"Go AWAY, Auron!"

So I went back to feeling alone and ugly and sorry for myself. I moped for twenty or thirty minutes, sniffing a little. Everyone needs a good mope every now and then. Then I lifted my cheek up from the moogle and looked at the door.

"Auron...?"

"Rikku," he answered from the other side.

"Come in," I said in a voice even I thought sounded sulky.

He came in, leaving the door open behind him.

"I told you to go away," I said to him.

He nodded his head, looking at me.

"You stayed and waited?" I asked.

He nodded again.

"Thank you, Auron," I said quietly, and scootched over to make room for him to sit next to me.

He sat on the bed and put his arm around my shoulders. That annoyed me and I wanted to shove it off, but that was just dumb. I wasn't really annoyed at HIM. So instead I leaned into him, hugging the moogle.

"Auron," I asked, "Does it really stink?"

"It's...strong," he answered.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit," I said. "I saw that bottle of perfume on the shelf, and I opened it just to take a quick sniff and it smelled NICE and I know I always smell like grease and sweat and funk, so I went ahead and bought it and then I waited til Yuna and Lulu left and I put some on and it smelled GOOD! It really DID! And I thought I'd go out and find you and maybe you'd say Rikku, you smell so nice. I just wanted to feel PRETTY. I just wanted to feel like a GIRL and maybe make you SMILE! And instead I end up almost GASSING you all to death. AND it cost ten gil and all I got was a quart!"

"Rikku," he said, "You put on a little perfume and it smelled nice, correct?"

"Uh huh," I nodded into his coat.

"But after a while you couldn't smell it, so you put on some more."

"Uh, yeah..."

"And it happened again and you thought it was wearing off fast, so you kept putting on more and more."

"Oh geez," I said. "I'm so STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!"

"Yes, Rikku," he said, a little irritably. "I was looking for a stupid Al Bhed girl to help us on the pilgrimage. That's why I let you join us, I thought that a party with both Wakka and Tidus in it was too intellectual and I needed someone to bring down the average."

"Are you trying to cheer me up, Auron?" I muttered into his chest. "Cause you're not doing a very good job..."

After a minute he said, "I'm going to spar with Wakka, later. He'll have a few interesting bruises when we're done."

Okay. That made me feel a little better.

"Thanks, Auron," I said with a small smile.

"And you don't smell like sweat and whatever else it was. You usually smell clean. Like soap. Sometimes you smell like bubble gum. Sweet and fun."

"Thanks, Auron," I said again.

Well, hey. Deep breath. Okay, so I tried something and it didn't work. That's not the end of the world, right? Tomorrow's another day and all that. You can't let things get you down. I could feel myself start to swing back towards cheery on the ol' Rikku-meter.

And you know, now that I wasn't so totally miserable and mopey, I was suddenly really, really aware that we were both sitting on the bed together with his arm around me, and I don't know what he was smelling—a mess of flowers or bubble gum or what—but I was smelling willow trees and I could feel my heart beating a little faster. Not a lot, just a little faster.

"Um...Auron?"

"Rikku."

"I...um, feel better. Thanks. I, uh...I guess I'll go take a bath now, get all this flower stink off me."

"It doesn't stink, Rikku. It's just...a little strong," he said.

"Okay. Thanks," I said getting up and walking slowly to the door. "Hey, Auron...?"

"Yes?"

I spun around and smiled at him.

"I wanna be there when you and Wakka spar!"

"Of course."

HA!

**Auron:**

I should have sent Yuna or Lulu to talk to her, but I didn't know where they were. So I sat on her bed and watched her dash from the room, her spirits high again. I was satisfied that she really was happier now, not just pretending as she does so often, acting cheerful to cheer up others. Kitchen smells and bubble gum. Dry earth when it just begins to rain. Sadness and hope. I stood up and took a deep breath. Mistake. I cracked a window before I left.

I saw her later in a fluffy robe and slippers on her way back from her bath. She seemed cheerful, and as far as I could tell spent the rest of the afternoon flying around the agency taking measurements. (I didn't ask.) She did take a break to watch me spar with Wakka. I had to make up a lesson about the importance of his being able to focus through the pain of a hard shot to the groin.

* * *

**Auron:**

I got up during the middle of the night as usual to have a look around. The night clerk looked up sleepily as I passed her counter to step outside. I found nothing of note in the dark until I made my way back to the entrance. Rikku was waiting there with two shovels. Five bewildering minutes later I somehow found myself digging spadefuls of dirt out of a patch of ground just behind the main building.

How did she talk me into this? Who else could talk me into something like this? If Seymour could see me now he'd fall over dead again from laughter.

"Rikku," I said for the seventh time, "Just what are we doing?"

"Treasure, Auron," she breathed, jabbing her shovel enthusiastically at the ground and accomplishing absolutely nothing. "We're digging up the treasure from the map!"

"Here? Right behind the agency?" I asked skeptically.

"Ha! Yep!" she answered, eagerly scattering tiny scraps of dirt all over, some back into the hole I was steadily digging.

"Rikku..."

"When we first got back I thought they might have built the agency right over the treasure! I was afraid we'd have to break through the floor in one of the rooms! Ha!"

"Rikku," I asked as she flailed her shovel excitedly, almost knocking mine out of my hands. "How much did you pay for those maps?"

"Only 2500 gil..." she muttered.

"Twenty-fi— Rikku, how did you even have that much?"

"Well, I didn't really. I put it on credit."

"Marty struck me as the cash only sort," I said dryly.

"Not with him! I used my credit/debit account with Rin! I get the maps, Marty gets the money from Rin, and Rin takes the money from my account. Easy!" she smiled, nearly giving herself a black eye with her shovel.

"Rin doesn't give credit either."

"He does to a few people! Like Cid's daughter!"

I thought about it a moment while I dug a few more spadefuls and ducked under the handle of Rikku's shovel.

"Rikku," I finally said. "Is any of that true?"

"Uh..."

"It's not, is it? You don't have any sort of account with Rin."

"Well, Marty doesn't know that."

"Rikku..."

"Auron, I'll pay him back when we get the TREASURE!" she breathed, her eyes wide.

I sigh and bend over my shovel. I'll send word to Rin to pay the man. The party can't afford to get a reputation for not paying our debts.

Of course, Auron. Certainly, Auron. That's why you're doing it.

I was thinking unkind things about thieves, touts, zookeepers, and chocobos when my shovel hit something under the dirt with a dull thud. The girl squealed and dove into the hole, grabbing dirt and throwing it out by the handful. I reached down, pulled her out, and finished uncovering the box while she bounced with impatience. But when I was done she turned as serious and professional as I could have hoped while she minutely inspected the chest for traps.

"Okay!" she said and before I could stop her she hauled back on the lid.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Oooo! A key sphere! Pretty powerful, too! It was a deep blue! Well, it's not thousands and thousands of gil, but it's not a bad start! Of course Auron's looking all irritated while we refill the hole and put up the shovels but that doesn't fool me cause I know he'd do anything for me and I give him a quick hug goodnight before we go to our rooms. I thought about trying to steal a little kiss, but decided it wasn't the right time. Anyway, no holding me tonight. We've never lain down together in a bed, you know. That's a line we haven't crossed.

Yet.

Back when we were...what would you call it? Broken up? Whatever. Back when we weren't hanging around together anymore and I wasn't going out and asking if he'd hold me cause I was all scared he'd say no, I was still afraid at night. I mean, I was still afraid of Zanarkand and of dying, but it was like those fears faded into the background a bit, and what I was REALLY afraid of was that I had lost Auron.

It's different in the agency. I'm not so scared at night. Maybe because we're not on our way to Zanarkand right now, and maybe because I know if I'm really scared I can find him and he'll hold me tight. So I hug him goodnight and slip back into my room and climb into bed next to Yuna, careful not to wake her up. Lulu is on the other side, snoring softly. Ha! Bet she doesn't know she snores! Who would tell her? I get out the key sphere and look at it for a while, turning it over in my hands.

I guess I'm kinda wired, and I don't feel like going to sleep right away, so I get out my journal and write for a bit, working on a story where Auron and I are off on our own, just the two of us, hunting for treasure. It's not really going very well, and I'm doing a lot of crossing-out and restarting. Eventually I put my things away, turn off my itty-bitty night-light, snuggle in a little closer to Yuna under the covers, and drift off to sleep. The last thing I remember is wondering what Auron looked like without his shirt.

Oh, I got it bad.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

It was nice being back at the agency. I slept late and had a big breakfast with muffins and then we all spent the morning just goofing off, really. It's not like we've had a lot of chances to do that on this journey. We didn't even go hunting fiends. Tidus and Yuna spent the time together, talking. Kimahri just sort of stood around doing nothing. Maybe he was keeping an eye out for trouble. Wakka tried to get up a game of blitzball, which would have been a real trick on dry land. I think Lulu might just possibly have mentioned that to him.

She and Auron spent some time talking about our supply situation, while I kind of hung around and listened. I've started to catch myself following Auron around without thinking. Unless I'm doing something, whenever he goes somewhere I'll just get up and follow. It's kind of embarrassing, I guess. Not with him! He'll never say anything sarcastic or all witty/cruel. But I see the others smiling in our direction sometimes.

Well, let'em.

At midday we did individual drills, same as usual. Auron insisted we keep practicing at noon and in the evening, but still mostly individual stuff, and the rest of the time was our own. No fighter training for me today. I was doing speed drills. He loves my speed, really loves how quick I am. Speed kills, he says. Tidus and Wakka were sparring, which looks kind of ridiculous when you're talking about a sword and a blitzball. Lulu and Kimahri were casting elemental spells one after the other, and Yuna was casting healing spells standing on her head! I'm not sure why the man had her doing that, but she was getting pretty good. Probably shoulda changed out of the skirt, though. And Auron...

I stopped for a moment, wiping my sweaty face and watched Auron practice. I think he was going through what he called the sky forms. He told me about them one night, speaking quietly while we lay close together in the dark. They didn't have a set pattern. It was never the same. They always changed and reacted to the moment. I think he really enjoyed that. I think it might be the only time I've ever seen him really enjoy anything at all, the times when he could totally lose himself practicing the sky forms. Well, that and running some really tough battle just right.

And maybe sometimes when we were just talking, just the two of us. I think sometimes he enjoyed that. I know he smiles more when he's around me. And I realized that I was smiling. I enjoyed watching him practice those forms, flashing and whirling, slashing and dancing with the sword I made for him in his hands. I liked seeing Auron almost...happy, for just a few moments. Everyone should be happy. At least a little. I smiled and waved at him once, but he didn't see me, I guess.

He never looked my way.

---- Rikku watching Auron train----_Not Pretty Enough_----Kasey Chambers----

I know we're friends again, and hanging out together, and I know he cares about me a lot. He's shown that again and again. He comes out with me in the middle of the night to dig up treasure, and I think he might do anything to save me if I was in danger, maybe. But I guess that's kinda also the way he feels about Tidus. And that's great and all, but that's not what I want. I want...

I just want to see him looking at me the way I sometimes see him looking at Lulu, especially after a battle when she sort of bends over and sways. Watch it lady, you could put an eye out with one of those things. I don't sway. All I can do is bounce and twitch. Even that would be okay if I had a little more to bounce, I guess. Let's face it. The fatty tissue gods have been kind to Lulu. There's another religion I could get into. Lots more useful than Yevon.

Auron was moving even faster now, and never doing what I expected, always moving some other way than the way I thought he would, turning when I thought he would swing, jumping when I thought he would turn.

I don't know how long I watched him before someone said, "He's impressive."

"Oh. Hi, Lulu," I said. "Yeah, he's impressive."

You don't know the first thing about it, I thought. Auron's ten times more impressive on the inside than on the outside.

"He's very dedicated," she added.

"Yeah. He is."

But not too dedicated to sneak a look at you every now and then. I wish...

I stole a quick look at her sideways. (There's a lot of her to see, sideways.) But, you know, sure she had a couple of real lulus up front, and she put them out there every chance she got, but that's not the only reason the boys all look at her. It's more than that. It's her hair, and makeup, and even the way she walks and just stands. Okay, the lipstick and the rest aren't the shades I would pick, but she knows how to put it all together. It's a look.

I guess I could try that. I mean, if I want him to notice me one day I need him to at least start thinking of me as a woman. I know I'm CUTE, really cute even, but I'm not sure that's enough! So maybe I could try that, but I don't know how. Want your snow cat fixed? Hey, come to me. I know machina. I've been rebuilding stuff since I tricked out my own baby stroller when I was three. I used to smile at the girls who played with makeup and changed clothes four or five times a day while I was scavenging the motor from a thousand year old who-knows-what. It didn't seem very Al Bhed of them.

And hey, I mean that's great! The man really respects what I can do. Do you know how that feels? That Auron respects me? That he asks my advice about stuff and listens to me? I'll bet those girls would be in some real trouble if they were here now. He'd dump them the first chance he got. I know that, I know he's glad I'm here, sure, but now there's this stuff, this other stuff, not petrify grenades or fire gems but blush and lipstick and eyeliner! I don't know anything about eyeliner! Who knows anything about eyeliner! I tried the perfume! That didn't work. Oh, he didn't laugh at me. He'd never laugh at me if he knew it would hurt my feelings. But that's not GOOD enough! I bought the DAMN perfume and it cost me ten gil and I went looking for him and I was hoping for MORE than he didn't LAUGH when I made a FOOL of myself!

I guess most girls...well, their moms help them out. Or their big sisters.

Hey...

Well...

"Lulu," I say slowly, turning to her. "Lulu, would you give me some advice?"

And for once she didn't make a witty, catty little comment. She just looked at me for a moment, then said, "Certainly, Rikku. Anything at all I can do to help."

**Auron:**

Doing the sky-forms used to give me pleasure, and I suppose it still does. But they're not easy to perform when you have things on your mind. I have many things on my mind today. I think...I think that I've lost my edge these last few weeks in the Calm Lands. Something inside me that's usually cold and sharp and sometimes dark has been asleep while we wandered through this sea of green grass. I've been aimless and unfocused. Now the visit to the zookeeper has woken me a little. When I stepped into that place all of my instincts sang with the feeling of danger on every side, with the knowledge that my survival depended on my skill and my strength and maybe a little luck.

That was me. That was who I was. That was Auron. Not the Legend. Me. Auron. That was Auron before we came to the Calm Lands, it was Auron in Bevelle, and Bikanel, and Macalania. And Auron in Zanarkand before that. The very day I fell to Zanarkand I killed a man who attacked me because I was wearing red. That started a faction war that lasted two years before I destroyed the last of them. Alone.

And yesterday I went digging for treasure behind the agency in the middle of the night because a little blond Al Bhed girl smiled at me and said please, please, please.

She asked me to hold her because she was scared. That was not unreasonable. She asked me to train her to be a better fighter. That was not unreasonable. She asked me to be her friend because she needed a friend. That was not unreasonable.

It is NOT unreasonable for me to care about Rikku!

I think I've gotten used to her being around. I missed her when we were—what? Distant? Avoiding each other? In any event, in the last day or two, wherever I went, she seemed to be there too, and I started to look for her, to expect her to be there, and then when she's not I feel a little...off balance. Has she become such an important part of my life just when I was determined to push her away?

By the way, how did that work out for you, Auron?

She isn't here now, but I know where she is. That's another thing. I've found myself starting to keep track of her, so that even when she isn't around I know where she is and know that she's all right. Is that normal? I know that part of it is that I want to keep her safe, that I feel responsible for her, the youngest and loneliest.

The others have even started telling me where she is without my asking.

Hey, Sir Auron. We'll be ready in a minute. Rikku's up at the agency.

Oh, Sir Auron. Lulu wanted to speak to you. Rikku's down looking at the chocobos.

Hey, Auron. Have you seen Yuna? Rikku's in the tent, resting.

So I know that she's been with Lulu most of the afternoon, shopping. In fact, there they are. I see them and I breath just a little easier when I can see her and know that she's all right. I observe that they both seem happy. Women love to shop. I've never seen the attraction. When you need something, logically the more time it takes to find it, the more annoyed you should be. (Doesn't apply to weapons, by the way. Of course all weapons need to be minutely scrutinized and compared, sometimes more than once.) The two looked pleased with themselves. Lulu and Rikku together have always vaguely alarmed me. I look at them closely. What are they so satisfied about? And there was something about Rikku, something different, hard to put my finger on. I don't usually stare at her. It's enough to know that she's there, but as they got closer...

Was Rikku wearing makeup, and...

...a pushup bra?

Better not look, Auron.

**Rikku's Diary:**

HE LOOKED!

**Next: Leaving**


	28. Leaving

Geez, you guys want angst for Rikku and Auron? Huh. Harsh. Well, not that soon, but before they reach Zanarkand.

You know, I was thinking that later when I had more time, maybe I'd go back and play the game through as a Rikku/Auron thing. I think it'd be fun. (No aeons, though.) Maybe even use it for a new story sometime--the first Al Bhed summoner, a young girl who not only has to face the dangers of the pilgrimage, but also the hatred and prejudice of the Yevonites and the schemes of the Church, and even the disapproval of her own people. But as a favor to her father, a legendary guardian will come out of retirement to accompany her on her journey. What will he be like, she wonders. One summoner, one guardian, one story.

Huh. Maybe.

Hey, what is the deal with songfics now, anyway?

Let's see. Major spoilers. Uh, Auron's dead. That's one. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. But you can probably get a copy for about $9.99 these days. Deals like that don't come around every day. Follows the story, but kind of AU. That's not confusing, right? It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-.

Lastly, like the last chapter, this one is dedicated to Kitsu Kurasei. Thank you for the nice reviews, and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

"Are you an angel?"

When I fell to Zanarkand ten...no, eleven years ago now, fell to my face in a shower of pyreflies in that dark and dirty little alley in the depths of that city of light and sea and sorrow, I looked up through my pain and my grief and saw a man and woman. She was torn and bleeding and I broke his arms and then I broke the rest of him and Willa looked up at me from the ground and asked, "Are you an angel?"

She thought I was an angel.

What does Rikku think I am?

* * *

**Leaving**

* * *

**Auron:**

Phase I operations in Luca were on track, and we should be ready to commence Phase II within four months. The turmoil in the Church has wrecked havoc with the Bevelle timetable. Some projects there were behind, some were very behind, and a few were actually ahead of schedule. Hypello were becoming rare as more and more of them returned to their underwater towns. On the other hand, Guado were everywhere. Still no sign of Seymour, though. He wasn't in Bevelle, wasn't in Macalania, wasn't in Guadosalam. No sign of Sin. I don't expect any very soon. Our budget for operations so far was 4 percent over what I projected for this stage, but a lot of that was Seymour pushing the pace of things, and we had saved money because Rin already had a network in place and I didn't have to build one from scratch. We needed a rebudget analysis to see where we really were and whether we would have to arrange supplementary funding. I didn't have the time, so I'd have to leave that to Rin, who I still didn't trust. He's been keeping things from me.

Another summoner party disbanded. That leaves seven, including ourselves, except that there are two new ones, both from Kilika. Seventeen summoner parties formed immediately when Braska's Calm ended. Two were rejected by the aeons, including Isaaru, three abandoned their quest, including Dona, and five dissolved due to casualties. Of the others, one was actually ahead of us, up on Mt Gagazet, one was approaching the Calm Lands, one was on a ship to Besaid, one had stopped their journey for some reason in Djose, possibly to rest, and two were in Bevelle waiting to see the fayth. Because of the troubles the Church has temporarily sealed off the cloister, outraging many people. Nothing is supposed to interfere with the pilgrimages. I don't think the fayth is too happy either.

Thinking of the fayth reminded me that one day soon I needed to sit down and do an analysis of the disposition of the aeon fayth, the dreamer fayth, and the fayth of the Farplane and see how it compared to the estimates I came up with in Zanarkand. A soldier's paperwork is never done. Offhand, I think I came pretty close. Shorthand, most of the fayth are with us, for their own reasons.

It is a quiet evening and I am sitting in the common room finally going through the backlog of notes reaching back weeks. I'm writing instructions, answers, and questions, and triaging, seeing what has to be done immediately, what has to be done soon, and what can wait. The others were there as well. Tidus and Yuna were talking softly in the corner, with Kimahri sitting motionless not too far away. The Ronso is always close to her. His job is to be the first line of defense if any sudden attack comes, selling his life for time, time for the rest of Yuna's guardians to act. Unless she is sleeping, then the first defenders will be Lulu and Rikku. That's the reason I make them share a room and a tent, although Yuna is happy enough to do so.

The blitzballer is at a table with paper and pen, sweating over a tactical exercise I've set him. I've decided to formalize his training a bit. Given sub-optimal terrain (flat as a pancake) and limited personnel (one black mage, one white mage, one light fighter, and one heavy fighter) and limited materiel (10 hi-potions) employ tactics to contain and defeat one chimera brain and one ogre.

The black mage Lulu is in a corner, reading a history of the battle circles. She has almost mastered Bio, casting the poison spell successfully four out of every five times now. You know, I've spoken with the Ronso, described to him some of the less obvious dangers Yuna faces, and how he might be able to spot priest-assassins from the Grey Court, kill-teams from the Guado Guard, or even fanatics from that small cult of Sin worshippers no one ever talks about. But I've never talked to Lulu or Rikku about such things. Perhaps I should.

The girl is sitting on the floor, leaning up against the counter with her open journal on her knees. It's almost strange to see her sitting quietly. We've been back at the agency less than two full days and she's found and dug up a treasure chest, tried to come up with rules for dry-land blitzball with Wakka and Tidus, written a detailed business prospectus to convince the manager here that live music every night would be profitable, snuck pastries out to her favorite chocobo Henry...

**Rikku's Diary:**

Heddy.

**Auron:**

...Heddy several times, even though the chocobo wrangler complained to me that too many weren't good for the bird, started a petition calling for a mass pyrefly eradication program and run around pestering people until they signed it, (I doubt Mika will be any sort of enthusiastic supporter) and gone...shopping...with Lulu.

She's laying on her stomach now, kicking bare heels in the air, her little toes clenching and unclenching as she concentrates on her journal. Every so often she blows the hair away from her face and scribbles something quickly, the tip of her tongue peeking out from the corner of her mouth.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hmmmm. I'm thinking of putting all the first kiss stories in their own category (maybe pink!) but there are so many I'm not sure it's practical. It'll almost empty out some of the other categories. Even some of the r-rated stuff (maybe -x-) starts with a first kiss. Uh, a lot of it, actually. Man, there's WAY more first kiss stuff than r-rated, too. (Maybe –x-.) Wonder what that says about me. Wonder what I'll write about after we HAVE our first kiss. Our first date, maybe? That'd be fun.

I glance up at him through my hair and then back down quick, wriggling my toes and chewing on my pen. He's going through all his notes, but I think he's looking at me, too. He's hiding behind his sunglasses again—inside, at night—but I think he keeps looking at me. That's good, isn't it? Sure it is!

I suck on my pen. Hm...first kiss...first kiss...

----Rikku Songfic----Kiss Me----Sixpence None the Richer----

_Kiss me out of the bearded barley_

_Nightly, beside the green, green grass_

_Swing, swing, swing the spinning step_

_You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress_

_The blond girl and the man in red walked behind the others, drifting together through a sea of bright green grass stretching away under a cool, sunny sky. They didn't speak and didn't have to, but sometimes he would turn to look at her and she would turn and smile back, and for just a moment his breath would catch in his chest. She had happily gathered all the flowers of the Calm Lands as they went and then, open as a child, she had offered them to him and he had taken them and one by one, whenever she turned to face him he had carefully put them in her hair so when he turned to look at her now he saw deep green eyes and a wide bright smile surrounded by color. Then she stopped and when he turned to see why, she took one quick step and a little jump and her arms were around him, pulling him down. She half-closed her eyes and pouted her little red lips and pulled him close. Almost. But he closed his eye, and shook his head, and pulled away, and started to walk. After a moment he felt a small hand in his and he turned to see her smiling back at him, her face wreathed in color, and he knew the smile meant, One day..._

_Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight_

_Lead me out on the moonlit floor_

_Lift your open hand_

_Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance_

_Silver moon's sparkling_

_So kiss me_

_Angry eyes followed them as he led her out onto the dance floor, the eyes of all the men who had been crying for her blood only moments before. Now they were silent as the two started to move with the light, soft music. As they turned and she swirled she could see all the faces surrounding them, watching. Tight, hard faces, full of confusion, wondering what was happening, and how they had let one man face all of them down that way, even that man. He pulled her back into his arms and she saw that he wasn't looking at the faces, he was looking at her, looking into her green swirled eyes. She remembered the first time they had looked into each other's eyes on the banks of the Moonflow, and she swallowed and closed her eyes, trusting him to lead her, and he did, his hands gently guiding her through the movement, through the song. Her eyes opened and all the faces seemed to blur and go away because she knew she didn't have to worry about them, shouldn't be thinking about them, should just be living this moment as hard as she could. They danced while the band played and she let the sound and the movement and the feel of him take her to another place where they were alone with the music and dancing forever. The song ended and they stood looking at each other, and then she took one small step and slowly lifted her face to his, but he turned a little and shook his head. So she smiled and hugged him tight instead, and he thought he heard her whisper softly, One day..._

_Kiss me down by the broken tree house_

_Swing me upon its hanging tire_

_Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat_

_We'll take the trail marked on your father's map_

_There had never been any Guado attack. They had reached her Home, and found Yuna there waiting. There would be trouble when they tried to leave, but for now, she showed them all the places where she had grown up. They went shopping and exploring, and they all got to know the Al Bhed a little. She was so proud of her people. She introduced her cousin to the rest of her family and they all loved her. He met her father and the two men liked one another, and now she had made a dinner with her own two hands, a family dinner just for them and she wore a pretty dress and they all talked and ate and laughed and even he had smiled. She cleaned up after, and they all stared wide-eyed when he got up and started to help her, but she wasn't surprised at all. He stood his sword in the corner and she would wash the dishes in the soapy water and hand them to him to dry, and their hands would touch, and give her a little thrill. She could have used a machina that cleaned with sonic waves, but she preferred this, preferred to stand next to him, doing the dishes and talking about anything and everything and nothing at all, and when the last dish was cleaned and put away she suddenly grabbed a handful of bubbles and pushed then into his face. He smiled just a little, then put his hand in the soapy water ready to return the favor, but before he could she was in his arms and her lips were reaching up for his. And maybe, just maybe this time..._

_Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight_

_Lead me out on the moonlit floor_

_Lift your open hand_

_Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance_

_Silver moon's sparkling_

_So kiss me_

**Auron:**

She's been looking up at me and smiling for a while now, sucking on her pen.

I think I'll go take a look around outside.

* * *

**Auron:**

The mech scouter was simple. The girl ran in and wrenched the power packs from its back and it collapsed. The shred was no more difficult as I evaded its attacks until it was near death then switched to the capture weapon to finish it off. And the flame flan was downright tedious.

"Auron, man, I'm telling you we're not hurting it!"

"Just keep hitting it Tidus. Yuna, back. Kimahri, up and Demi!"

"It's like eating soup with a fork, Auron!"

"Tidus, we are hurting it!"

"Not much! Okay, eating soup with a spork!"

Tidus notwithstanding, with the Ronso's aid we quickly reduced the flame fiend to pyreflies and watched as they were slowly sucked into the sword and presumably transported to the arena. Or perhaps stored in the weapon. I wasn't really sure.

"Hey, yo man," Wakka said walking up to us. "That's our limit on the shreds, you know? Not gonna get paid for no more."

"And the flame flans?" Lulu asked.

"Uh, lessee. We got six, ya? Four to go, then we done with the small stuff."

Tidus and I left the two of them going over the fiend list. He went to join Yuna and I looked around for Rikku. I saw her a little way off, looking at a piece of paper and twisting her head from side to side. (She was wearing the push-up bra today. Never mind, Auron.) She turned to me with a look of great indignation on her face.

"Auron!" she said, looking all around and waving the paper in the air. "The yellow tipsheet says there should be ogres all over this place!"

"Rikku," I said. "Did you buy tipsheets for your Al Bhed dirt bike races?"

"YEAH!"

"And how often were they right?"

"Uh...well, sometimes," she muttered digging a toe into the dirt.

I didn't say anything as we turned and walked back to the chocobos.

"Auron," she said squinting up at me, "Are you sayin' these tipsheets are worthless?"

"How much did you pay for that, Rikku?"

"FIVE gil!"

"Then I'm saying it's worth five gil. To someone."

She stomped off to her chocobo snarling something under her breath. Lulu joined me and we both watched her climb on the bird's back.

"Did she really think those tipsheets were reliable?" she asked me.

"She's an exceedingly innocent young girl in many ways," I said.

"If I were you I wouldn't underestimate her, Sir Auron," the mage said with a small smile.

Underestimate?

"Lulu," I said to her, still looking at the small blond girl, "Do you understand how hard it is to stay innocent on Spira? How much effort she must put into it? It's something to admire."

She listened to me with an odd expression on her face, but didn't say anything as we mounted our chocobos for the ride back to the agency. This had only been a short day expedition. Rikku had insisted that one of the tipsheets said we could find ogres not too far from the agency. So far, we hadn't seen a single ogre anywhere in the Calm Lands.

Usually that would be a good thing.

We returned to the agency and found the chocobo trainer had returned. Wakka, Tidus, Yuna, and Rikku all went down to her camp to visit, with Kimahri trailing after. Lulu and I stayed behind.

"Lulu," I said when we were alone. "Are you having fun?"

"What? Sir Auron?"

"Are you having fun? We stopped here in the Calm Lands to rest and train after Bevelle and Bikanel and Macalania, and all of it. So, are you resting? You and Wakka, Tidus and Yuna, all of you, are you having fun, are you...enjoying your vacation?"

She walked over to sit on a bench, and I sat next to her. I suppose I surprised her with my question, but it was always Lulu with whom I talked about the party, its progress and well-being.

"Well, Sir Auron, I think...yes. Yes, we are having fun, and we're all recovering from what happened to us and what we learned." She shook her head. "I look at us now, and I remember what we were all like just a few weeks ago. All of us were nervous and on edge. We felt like our whole world was crumbling around us and there wasn't anything we could be sure of. Now...I think we've recovered our balance. We have confidence in ourselves and each other again. I think we even trust each other more than we did before. And we're all getting enough food and sleep and exercise, and we've been able to forget the real world and our real worries for a while. Yes, Sir Auron, I think this stop has been very good for us."

"And you, Lulu?" I asked her. Faded perfume, not too sweet, and death. And...desperation? "How are you?"

"Fine, Sir Auron."

Nothing showed on her pretty face. She looked calm.

"Good."

Lies smell like something burning.

The mage and I talked a bit about the future, and what preparations we would need to make when the time came to continue our journey. After a while the others came back, talking and laughing. The girl was in high spirits once more, and she tried to pull me up to join them all in a game of dry-land blitzball. Few things may be said with complete confidence in this world, but here is one...I will never participate in the silly game that she and Tidus and Wakka eventually came up with.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I almost fell over laughing when Auron just dragged out his big sword and LOOKED at Wakka and Wakka just turned blue and froze in his tracks with the ball! Auron was on my team of course, and so was Lulu. Did the man want to play? Guess. But he'd play for ME. So the ball came loose and Lulu threw her cactaur scope at it and the little guy took the ball all the way down to the goal line, but Tidus chased it down and took the ball away and threw it to Yuna and I pointed up at the sky and said, "Hey look, it's an aeon!" and snatched the ball when she looked. HA! I ran down the field with the ball and Wakka and Tidus tried to tackle me but the man was guarding and he threw himself in their way and they all went down together and I scored! One–nothing! And we woulda won, but...uh...well, I was kinda doing a cheer—a really good one—and Wakka kinda got by me and scored when I wasn't paying attention. But we didn't lose!

* * *

**Auron:**

It started with a brochure.

"GO ON, KID! HEY KID, YOU CAN DO IT! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!"

It was a brochure Rikku had picked up at the Monster Zoo, and we brought it with us because it had a map of the Calm Lands on the back. As I understand it, the chocobo trainer walked by one morning while Rikku, Tidus, and Yuna were in the common room with the brochure and all of Rikku's tipsheets. They were trying to figure out where to go next to try and capture an ogre. The trainer saw the brochure and smiled. It was for the Great Chocobo Race that used to be run across the Calm Lands, the race that she had won the last time it was run. She sat down and they talked about the race and what it was like in the old days.

"YOU CAN DO IT, TIDUS! I BELIEVE IN YOU! NO TIDUS! GET THE BALLOON! THE BALLOON! NO, DON'T GO BACK! IT'S TOO LATE! GET THE NEXT ONE!"

The next thing anyone knew Tidus was on Rikku's favorite chocobo, Harvey...

**Rikku's Diary:**

Heddy.

**Auron:**

...Heddy, racing neck and neck with the trainer across the Calm Lands...

"OH MAN! WHERE'D THAT BIRD COME FROM? HEY, BRUDDA, THA'S GOTTA HURT!"

...racing somewhat behind the trainer across the Calm Lands. Just a sort of get-to-know-you race. They went through a big turn and came down a straightaway to the finish...

"YOU CAN DO IT KID!"

"TIDUS! YOU CAN DO IT!"

"HEY, BRUDDA! YOU CAN DO IT!"

...and after everything was tallied up he lost by more than twenty minutes. The boy promptly asked for a rematch.

"YO BRUDDA! YOU GONNA GET HER THIS TIME, YA! THAT WAS JUST BAD LUCK, MAN! SHAKE IT OFF!"

"Wakka," I said. "Stop cheering and start observing."

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. Okay, Sir Auron," he answered, rubbing the back of his head. "Huh. Observing...right."

Tidus lost by twenty-six minutes and challenged the trainer again. They raced twice more. Give the boy this. He's no quitter. After his fourth loss they took a short break. I called him and Wakka over to me while Rikku stomped off to pay Lulu.

"Hey man," Wakka said as the boy trotted up to us. "You think you gonna win anytime soon? I'm losin' all my spending money to Lulu."

"Oh man, Lulu's betting against me?" he asked, still trying to catch his breath.

"Yeah, she's the smart one, ya?"

"Enough," I said. "Wakka, advise him."

"Uh, well...okay, the balloons? And the birds? Each worth three minutes, ya? But the birds not only cost you a penalty, they also slow you down! So, more important not'ta get hit by no birds than to get balloons? Okay?"

"Sure," Tidus panted. "No getting hit by balloons."

"BIRDS, man! Hey, focus!"

"Birds. Birds. That's what I meant."

"Very good, Wakka," I told him.

"Auron," Tidus said. "Any advice?"

"There are always five balloons on the slope. Ignore the first, especially if it's on her side, but try to get at least two. Steer small. Don't try to over-control your bird coming down the slope, just nudge it. When you come around the corner, four birds will be waiting for you. Avoid them. I suggest you go hard right then cut across them to the left when they commit. Then go ahead and drift left. Try to hug the left edge of the course, not too close, sort of bounce off it. Be ready to swing all the way to the right to avoid four more birds when you're coming to the big turn. At the turn, drift inside a bit, it's hard to see the birds coming off the cliff at that point so you need to be moving to have a chance of dodging them. You'll get a feel for it. Past the turn you're on the straightaway. Get back to the left, play off the edge of the course, bounce in to grab balloons and dodge birds. Go all the way right if you have to. If you don't get hit by too many birds you should have a decent time and she'll eventually have a bad race. Shouldn't take you more than three tries."

"Huh. Anything else?"

"You're trying to get the bird to go faster," I told him. "Don't bother. It's going as fast as it can already. Just concentrate on steering."

"Okay, boss. So. Back to the races," he said, and turned and walked back to the chocobos.

"Huh," Wakka said. "Nothin' else, he might just wear that trainer out. Hey, I gotta go get some more bets down with Lulu."

A few minutes later I watched with Rikku as the two of them raced their chocobos down the slope. Tidus didn't try anything fancy and he didn't over-steer. He stayed in his lane and got two balloons while the trainer got two of the others. They came around the turn with Tidus slightly in the lead and he went right then left and dodged the first four-bird group. She went down the middle of the course picking up balloons but also getting hit twice.

"GO ON!" Rikku shouted next to me. "GO ON, YOU CAN BEAT HIM! WHO'S HE! HE'S NOBODY! YEAH!"

"Rikku," I said, "Did you bet against Tidus?"

"Well, duh! With Lulu. Did you see him in those last races? NO! NO! GO AROUND THE BIRDS! GO AROUND!"

Tidus hugged the left all the way through the big turn and got hit once. After the turn he drifted into the middle and picked up two or three balloons, getting hit once more, and raced to the finish. The trainer came in after. She had more balloons, but had also taken more hits. After everything was tallied Tidus won by two minutes. While the others cheered, Rikku stood beside me with her fists clenched. She turned slowly to look at me, brows drawing down.

"Auron," she said in a small, tight voice. "Did you tell Tidus how to win?"

"Of course."

I saw her trying to find some reason to object to that.

"Without telling me?" she finally asked.

"I didn't know you wanted to know."

She squinted her eyes.

"And did you tell Lulu?" she asked.

"No, Rikku."

She threw her arms around me.

"That's fine then," she said. "Well, guess I gotta go pay the piper."

A little later, Tidus came up to speak to me.

"Hey, Auron! Look what I got," he said, holding a key sphere out to me. "The trainer gave it to me for beating her."

I looked at it closely. Most key spheres are dead black. The powerful one that I gave Kimahri in Macalania shaded into a deep, deep blue. This one had hints of a dark, cherry red. I hadn't seen many like this. It was a rare and powerful sphere.

"Very good," I said, handing it back to him. "I'm sure this will come in handy on our journey. You can give it to Lulu to keep."

"Uh, well...I sorta had something else in mind."

Hm. Or someone.

"Technically, this belongs to the party," I said. "To the pilgrimage. But we can stretch a point. Would you like to give this as a gift? To Yuna?"

"Well, actually...I thought, to Rikku. For her sphere collection."

The boy and I looked at each other for a moment. I knew we were both thinking of Rikku's dream a few days back, the night they were all laughing at her.

"I think it's a fine idea, Tidus," I finally said. "Go ahead and give it to her. You'll make her very happy."

I was proud of the boy.

"Uh, I was also kinda thinking, maybe you could give it to her, boss? I mean, I can't even tell her why I'm giving it to her."

I shook my head.

"No Tidus, it's your prize, and this is yours to do. Tell her...tell her the truth. Tell her you're giving it to her because you're her friend and you want her to have it."

"But, you and her..."

"Your sphere. Your gift."

"Well, okay. Thanks, Auron."

For what? I watch the boy walk away. Is he still a boy? He apologized like a man. He did something wrong and he wants to make it up. It's what I taught him. It's how I raised him.

I take a deep breath. It started with a brochure. Then there was a race. And then there was a gift. And now...

I turn and look back to the southwest, back the way we came into the Calm Lands.

This is something that I've been thinking of for a while.

I have to say I'm sorry.

I have to leave.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I paid off Lulu, and now I really don't have much cash. I tried to tell her about my debit account with Rin, but she wasn't buying it. Hey, shouldn't this guardian stuff pay a little something? Got to bring that up with someone. Maybe start a petition. Do we get any benefits? Is there a union? If we went out on strike would they bring in non-union guardians to replace us?

After I settled with Lulu I went to find Tidus and congratulate him. I don't guess it's his fault that he won. But he found me first.

"Hey, Rikku!" he said. "Rikku, look what I won!"

IT WAS A KEY SPHERE! A really powerful one, even more than the blue one I got from the treasure chest! Oh, I've always wanted one for my sphere collection!

"Oh wow, Tidus," I said turning it over and over in my hands. "That's really great. And you ran a really great race."

"I want you to have it," he said.

"Huh?" I asked, my eyes going wide.

"I want you to have it, for your collection!"

Oooo! So shiny! Now I feel really bad that I bet against him.

NO! No, Rikku, be good.

"Uh, gee, Tidus," I forced out. "Maybe you should give it to Yunie..."

"Nah, she'd want you to have it. And Auron already said to go ahead and give it to you."

"But..."

"Because you're our friend, Rikku, that's why."

HA! I hugged him hard and then ran to show Auron! He looked at it as we went to sit with the others and said it was Indeed a Wonderful and Powerful Sphere.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do with it eventually," I said. "But I'm not gonna use it right away, cause I've wanted one of these for my collection for a long time. I guess I'll probably use it one day, or even give it to one of you guys if you really need it, or I might trade it. Oh wait, I can't do that, it's a gift. I mean, I could do that. I belong to this sphere collecting club, and we trade spheres though the mail all the time, and I know a guy that'll give me a return sphere and something else like a special sphere or a skill sphere for a level 3 key sphere (that's what we professionals call these reddish ones) and an HP sphere. We could really use a return sphere cause I could use it to put first strike on a weapon for you, but then we wouldn't have the HP sphere, and I was kinda thinking that maybe you could use that. Maybe I could talk him into a magic sphere instead, but there's this other guy that has an HP sphere he wants to trade, but he doesn't have anything else worth a level 3 key sphere. Maybe we could take, like, the HP sphere and a black magic sphere and a white magic sphere and, I dunno, maybe he has something else. Then we'd have TWO HP spheres for you. I'd LOVE to get a luck sphere for me and an HP sphere for you. Maybe I'll just send out some posts just to see what people have got out there, you know? Hey Yunie! Have you seen my new key sphere!"

So I was showing my new sphere to Yunie and Lulu and Wakka and Kimahri and Tidus (cause I didn't remember for a minute that he'd seen it already). The man wasn't saying much, but he didn't usually say that much unless it was just the two of us so I didn't think anything about it except I kinda wondered if there was anything on his mind,  
then...

"Yuna, I have to leave you."

WHAT!

WHAT did he say!

"What! Sir Auron...!" Yuna started, her eyes wide.

"Not forever," he said. "Not for long. But for now, now that there's time to spare. There's something that I must do. Someplace I must go. Alone."

FAT CHANCE!

"Will you agree to this, Yuna?"

HELL NO!

"Uh, um, well, I suppose...it's all right..."

WHAT! HAVE ALL THESE PEOPLE TURNED INTO IDIOTS!

"AURON!" I said, all polite and reasonable, and the others all suddenly remembered they had places to be and got out of there, leaving us alone.

"Rikku..."

"You can't go!"

"Rikku, I..."

"YOU CAN'T GO!"

"Rikk—"

"I FORBID IT!"

He raised one eyebrow. The one without the scar.

"Forbid...?"

"Yeah, FORBID! Do you see me riding any chocobos near any cliffs? HUH! DO YOU!"

THAT shut him up! He didn't have anything to say to THAT!

"Yeah, how about that!" I said. "You were SCARED because I was riding Heddy so close to the Edge, SO I STOPPED! I just STOPPED, so you wouldn't be worried, and we're not married, or boyfriend/girlfriend or anything, but I CARE about you and you were SCARED so I STOPPED!"

Then I was hugging him tight, tight, tight!

"Auron, don't go! Don't you leave us! We're only safe if we stay together! You showed us how much better we all are together!"

"Rikku..." he started, then stopped, and then started again, "Rikku, you stopped riding near the Edge. For me. Because I was scared."

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me too.

"Rikku," he said, "I have to do this. I have to go, Rikku. But...if you say no, if...if you forbid me to go...I won't go. But Rikku...please..."

"I don't want you to go," I said in a small voice. "I have a bad feeling..."

"...please, Rikku..."

"...Auron...I...you..."

"...please..."

"Auron..." I whispered after a minute, "Auron...be careful..."

**Auron:**

I'm shaken. She tried to forbid me. And she could have forbidden me. She had the right. She stopped riding her chocobo near the Edge because I was afraid for her, and so she had every right to turn around and ask me not to go. How did I not see that? How did things come to this? Somehow she can talk me into digging up treasure chests with her in the middle of the night, convince me to play in their infantile dry-land-blitzball game, move me to bitch-slap Wakka for making her feel bad, and now she could have forbidden me to go do this thing that I have to do.

How did this happen? I'm Auron.

Yeah. So what?

Auron, you never believed your own legend.

I sigh a little and shake my head. It's time and past time to sort a few things out. She did give me permission in the end, and this will be a good time to think about things, on this trip into my past. Away from her and away from them. Alone with my ghosts.

In the meantime, there are things to take care of before I leave. I went to look for Wakka. I found him throwing a blitzball around with Tidus.

"Wakka."

"Oh, ya, Sir Auron? Whatcha need?"

"Wakka, while I am gone you will be in charge."

"Uh, me?" he asked, pointing at himself.

"You."

"Um, but Lulu..."

"Yuna is the summoner, Wakka, and Lulu takes care of the details. But neither has the tactical or leadership skills to be responsible for the day to day, minute to minute, life and death decisions for the party. Neither does Rikku. Kimahri is too caught up in his role as personal bodyguard. Tidus could do the job, but you are simply better."

"Oh, uh, well...okay," he said, rubbing the back of his head and looking over at the boy.

"I'll speak to Yuna and Lulu, and all of them," I said. "Wakka, I trust them in your hands. Take care of them."

He took a deep breath, straightened his back, and squared his shoulders.

"You got it, Sir Auron. They'll be safe. I'll keep them safe for you. You don't hafta worry, ya?"

"Thank you, Wakka."

"Hm, yeah. Hey, Sir Auron? Don't talk to Lu and Yuna. I guess, I will."

Oh, very good blitzballer, I thought, as he nodded to us and walked away. Very, very good.

The boy and I watched him go. The young, red-headed man had always had the qualities to be a leader. On this journey he has started to learn the skills. I wonder if he has found his faith once more. Faith in himself, perhaps, or in his friends, or just in the belief that there is something more to life. That there is some larger meaning to creation, even if the Church is a fraud.

"Tidus," I said without turning, "I need you to support Wakka. The responsibility will be his. It's not an easy burden."

"Sure, Auron," he said. "Not a problem. It'll be okay. We'll all be here when you get back."

"And, watch out for Rikku. Be a friend when she needs a friend. Be a friend even if she doesn't."

"Hey, Auron. Don't worry. I'll take care of her. We all will. Everybody loves Rikku."

"I... Nothing. Thank you."

After a minute, I went on.

"Tidus, if Seymour enters the area a man will come to you. If that happens, tell Wakka, and then you must all get on your chocobos and ride for the monster zoo as fast as you can. I don't believe he'll bother you there. That's where I'll come if I don't find you. Wait for me."

"Uh, okay, boss. Can do."

Neither of us spoke for a moment. We stood looking at the agency in the distance. Then he shook his head and asked me, "Auron, why are you doing this? Where are you going?"

"I'm going to say I'm sorry to some people I knew once. And I'm going because of you."

"Me?"

"I've owed these people an apology for a long time, but I've always had other, more important things to do. But when you apologized for laughing at Rikku the other day, for demeaning her, and then you won that key sphere and gave it to her, you reminded me. I have time now, and few excuses, and I owe it to them."

"Huh."

**Rikku's Diary:**

So, of course I told him he could go.

I mean, here's a legendary guardian, and I mean, sure he's my friend, he's my best friend, but he was a legend even before I was born, and he's asking my permission to go somewhere. He said please. And I didn't want him to go, but what could I say? He said please! And Yuna gave him permission to go before that, when he asked her in front of everyone and shocked us all.

But neither of us said he could go alone!

"Yunie!" I caught up to her on her way to midday drills. "Hey Yunie! I'm gonna go with him, all right? Someone needs to go and keep him safe, you know?"

She smiled at me and said, "Rikku, I think that's a fine idea! He needs you."

"Maybe we should both go," Lulu said, coming up on Yuna's other side.

"Hey, Lulu!" I answered. "Gee, you're swell for offering! But I just don't think Auron would go for it. It'd kinda leave Yuna short on guardians, you know? Hey, you understand. But, really. Thanks."

"But perhaps if Yuna asked him to take us both..."

"Rikku's right, Lulu. I need you here to protect me and be my big sister," Yuna broke in.

"Oh, very well," Lulu pouted. (Boy! Does she pout good. I gotta remember that!)

Thinks, Yunie, I smiled at her. Isn't she the best cousin? You know, aside from the whole wanting to die stuff? So, Auron was gonna leave. I mean, just walk out, then and there! Didja hear me? He was going to WALK. You know, for a tactician, not so much on the planning ahead there. I think maybe he has a mental block about chocobos, but Yuna and the others convinced the man that the best thing would be for all of us to take the chocobos as far as we can and then he can leave from there and we'll come back in a couple of weeks to pick him up. I really think his plan was to just start walking, but Yuna tells him that this will get him back to his guardian duties the fastest, and so he agrees.

So we all pack up and spend the next couple, three days traveling to the southeastern edge of the Calm Lands, right where we first entered them. We weren't stopping to hunt fiends or anything, so we were making pretty good time.

"Okay, Lu! Get in an Bio! Kimahri, brudda, get back! Yuna, get in there an Cura Tidus! Com'on people! Hustle!"

We were doing team drills again when we stopped to train at noon and in the evenings. Wakka would run things and the man would stand to one side watching him and everyone, then when we were done they would go off to one side and talk quietly. I guess the man was, like, grading him. I was still kinda following Auron around without thinking, and I heard them talking after lunch when we were getting ready to start out again.

"Wakka," he said. "Don't try to catch the strongest fiends until I get back. Particularly the malboro."

"Huh, you got it, Sir Auron. No ogres, either."

"Good. So Wakka, how would you handle it if you ran into two anacondour?"

"Uh, well...we only need one, ya? So, I guess I'd get brudda Kimahri to come in and lay a Death on one a them, then Demi the other, and then all hit it til we catched it."

"Are anacondour immune to Death?"

"Hum, uh, I, uh...I dunno."

"Find out."

"Oh sure," he said, and walked over to Tidus. "Hey brudda, you know anything about anacondours?"

I'll lend him Catching Fiends for Dummies.

No one said much around the fire that first night. We had all been having a nice break from the pilgrimage and from being traitors and from all the lies and stuff, but Auron's mysterious journey kind of put a damper on things. It sort of reminded us of what we were really doing, and that the world really is a dangerous place, and in the back of our minds I guess some of us were nervous about Auron leaving us alone and going out on his own, cause you know, we really are safer and stronger when we're all together, and maybe we were wondering if we'd ever see Auron again.

Yuna wanted me to sleep in the tent with them since I was going to be leaving, so I did, even though I was afraid again and wanted to be with Auron. No one had told him yet that I was going.

Hey. Protect Yuna, he said. Remember? In Macalania? Well I think the best way to protect her right now is to make sure her number one legendary guardian gets back to her in one piece!

I wonder if I should have seen this coming. Lotsa times I would see Auron staring northeast at Mt Gagazet, the mountain that we were all eventually going to have to climb. It was our destiny, I suppose, but it was also his past and I always wondered when I saw him staring at the mountain whether he was thinking about the journey to come or remembering the journey he'd already made. I didn't ask him. I don't know why. I've never been shy about asking him questions. But I just didn't.

Maybe there was something in the way that he stood when he was staring off at the far horizons that just kept people from asking. I know the others noticed sometimes too. I know Tidus noticed, and none of us asked. But the last couple of days before all this started I began to notice him at odd moments staring back the way we had come, to the southwest. And I asked him once what he was looking at, and he said, "The past."

Everyone seemed loosened up a little on the second night. The others were talking about what they would do while Auron was gone.

"Perhaps we shouldn't go back to the agency at all," Lulu said. "We could just wait there at the edge of the Calm Lands with the chocobos. We can hunt fiends for the arena there as well as anywhere."

"I dunno, Lu," Wakka said. "Mosta the fiends we still need, I don't think they hang out around there. Probably won't find much."

"Hey," Tidus said, "Since we're right there anyway, maybe we could go into Macalania, or even the Thunder Plains, just a little way. We could find some new fiends there! And then we get back in time to pick up Auron."

The man looked up at him all sharp like, like he didn't think that was such a good idea, but Wakka said, "Hey, Sir Auron. My decision, ya?"

And Auron nodded. Wakka's decision.

I don't know if they maybe had set it up, but it really seemed to seal the idea that Wakka would be making the decisions while Auron was away. Tidus smiled and I saw Lulu and Yuna kinda looking at Wakka like they hadn't ever seen him before.

That second night Auron and I slept next to each other under his magic coat. We didn't say much. He said not to worry, that he was coming back, and I said I know.

We reached the southeastern cliffs, and then the top of the notch late the third day and set up camp. In the morning Auron would go on and the others would go back, and I was a little nervous because we still hadn't told him that I'm going with him. Might as well wait until just before he leaves. He'll have less time to kick about it. I spent that last night in the tent with Lulu and Yunie. We talked about boys again, and hair and makeup. Lulu's been teaching me and really she's been teaching Yuna too. It really was fun. At least this time they weren't trying to run Auron down. Except...

"Rikku," Yuna said slowly, all concerned and caring. She's really good at that. You have to see Yuna's concerned and caring face to believe it.

"Rikku," she said, brushing my hair. "Are you sure you're going to be all right alone?"

"I'm not gonna be alone, Yunie," I said, trying on some cherry lipstick and looking in the mirror, "I'll be with Auron. We'll be fine. Don't worry about us."

"I meant...you're going to be all alone...with him."

"Hey, Yunie," I said, turning to look at her. "What are you saying? You're not...you're not trying to say something bad about Auron, are you?"

"No! Of course not, Rikku," she looked away. "Not bad! But, well...I've just been thinking...I know you two have gotten very close, and now you're going to be alone together, and...you know Rikku, you're very young."

"Yunie! I'm ONE year younger than you!"

"Uh...oh, well..."

She looked over at Lulu, who was sitting right there, looking at us, but painting her toenails and not saying anything. She was leaving this between Yuna and me.

"You don't mean I'm young," I said. "You mean he's old."

"Well, he is a lot older, Rikku..."

"And I should care, why?" I asked a little sharply.

"Please don't get mad Rikku! I just care about you, and I don't want you to get hurt."

"Yeah," I said, starting to get a little mad, "Well the LAST time you cared about me it almost cost me my best friend!"

"Rikku!"

"Just what are you saying, Yuna? That he's too old for me? Huh?"

"No! Yes! I don't know, Rikku. I just...I just want you to be careful! Don't do anything without thinking about it first. Please. I'm just...I'm just trying to be a better friend to you than I have been, Rikku. I know you're only out here because of me, and I know I said it was a good idea for you to go with him, but then I started thinking, and...Rikku, I just want you to be okay."

I looked down between my feet and took a deep breath. All right. Okay. I know she's only saying these things cause she cares. Gee. I thought I'd be having a relationship discussion sometime soon, but I thought I'd be having it with Auron, not Yuna.

"Yunie...Auron and I...it's kind of hard to explain everything we've been through. But he's always been there for me, every single time I've needed someone. And yeah, I've got...well, a crush on him. I guess that's obvious. But there's a lot more than that too. I really care about him. REALLY. And he cares about me, too."

I hugged my knees to my chest and stared at my toes.

"At first...well, it's pretty obvious that when he saw me...I was a kind of a, well, a sort of stand in for all the young kids he's trained over the years...all the young cadets. He talks about them. To me, I mean. He remembers every single one of them, you know? Remembers their names and their faces, and what they were like. And how they died, some of them. He hasn't forgotten any of them.

"And sure, that's still a part of it. But it's more than that now. He cares about ME! About RIKKU! And maybe I've got a crush on him, or maybe it's more than a crush, or it will be. And maybe he doesn't feel that way back and maybe he won't ever feel that way back. But maybe he will. And if he does..."

I looked up at her.

"I think I'd be lucky if Auron was interested in me."

No one said anything for a minute, then Yuna shook her head.

"Rikku, I just want you to be careful!"

"Yuna," I said slowly. "You and Tidus are kinda...together, now. Right?"

"Y-yes, I guess..."

"What's he like? What kind of man is he? Is he a good man?"

"Yes!"

"Kind?" I asked. "And polite? And gentle? And brave?"

"And funny and considerate and he cares about people," she smiled.

"Yuna?"

"Uh, yes?"

"Who raised him?"

And she just sat there for a minute with her mouth open and nothing coming out. Then she shook her head again and looked at me all soft and caring.

"Rikku, I'm not saying Auron's not a good man! I know he is. He's wonderful. But that doesn't mean—"

"Yuna?" Lulu said.

"Yes, Lulu?"

"Rikku can make her own decisions."

What...?

"What? But..."

"She is old enough to risk her life every day, and mature enough to listen to advice and learn everything she can, and she's old enough to make her own decisions. You've asked her to be careful. Now let it go."

"Uh, well..." she hesitated.

"Yeah, Yunie," I said. "I heard you. I did. I'll be careful. So...let it go?"

"A-all right," she frowned.

I threw a little thank you smile at Lulu. You know, she's...I mean...I just cannot figure her out. So anyway, pretty soon after that we all went to sleep, and it seemed like just two minutes later that someone was shaking me awake.

"Rikku!"

Who...? What...? Lulu...?

Whatever this was it was way too early for it.

"Go away," I said, rolling onto my stomach and putting the "pillow" over my head. "It isn't even light out yet!"

"Rikku, get up!"

"Nuh-uhhhhhhhhhhgggnnghh...hmmmm...hhhhhgghhh..."

"Rikku! Get up! He's going!"

What?

"He's going! Auron's leaving! NOW! He's already left!"

WHAT!

"Going!" I said, springing up, snapping fully awake.

"Yes, Rikku! He's going! Now, get up and go after him! And take this."

I threw off the blanket, leaped up and grabbed my shoes and socks and my stuff and the little bag she threw at me, and raced out of the tent.

"Thanks, Lulu," I called behind me. "You're a peach!"

"A what?"

The moon was pretty bright when I ran down the path after him. Did anyone ever mention that I'm fast? After about twenty minutes the sun was coming up and then I could see him there ahead of me, running slowly. (If you could call that running! It was more like jogging, I guess.) I catch up to him and pass him then hop on one foot while I start to pull on a sock and call to him as he runs past.

"Hey! Hey you! Hey coat boy! Hey, I'm TALKING to you!" I shout at his back.

And then I run and catch up again and pass him again, and stop and finish pulling up my sock, and yell at him again as he runs past. Jogs past. Whatever!

"Hey you! Hey mister just-out-of-the-blue-I've-gotta-LEAVE-YOU! You think you can RUN from me! Think you can run away and HIDE! Well, YOU THINK AGAIN!"

And then he's past and I have to run and catch up to him again and run past again then hop on one foot again while I start to pull on my other sock and he jogs by me again.

"Sneaking off in the middle of the night!" I yell at him. "And what happens to us if you get HURT! Did you ever THINK of that! We NEED you!"

It's a kind of a strange conversation. I run past him then stop to put on my shoe.

"Hey! Hey, are you LISTENING to me! Hey! HEY!"

I run and catch up with him again, and run alongside waving my other shoe in his face to make my point.

"Oh, not talking, huh? Think you can ignore me, huh? Well, we'll SEE about that!"

Try to ignore Rikku at your peril!

**Auron:**

I set out before daylight, running at a steady six miles an hour, the old pursuit pace. It wasn't fast, but a trained monk could keep it up forever. The Crusaders never could keep up with us and we could even run the chocobo knights into the ground over a distance.

It was obvious what she planned. I hoped to leave the girl behind by slipping away as soon as Kimahri took over guard duty after the midwatch. This was a private journey. And I was also wary of spending days alone with her. The dynamic between us has been changing in strange ways, from allies of a sort, to something else. She's become more and more open about her feelings toward me, this crush. And I've realized that over the course of our journey I've come to care about her so much that things have become complicated.

It's the last thing I ever expected.

When a heart like Rikku's aims itself at you...

She caught up with me before I'd gone two miles.

"Hey! Hey, you!"

She was mad at me.

"Hey!" she yelled, running easily alongside. "You think you can ignore me! Just not talk to me! You arrogant, silent, stuck-up, mean, grouchy red-coated CLAM! SNEAK! COAT-HOG!"

Yes, I think I can ignore her, perhaps get her angry enough to turn around and go back while we're not too far from the others. I'd have to follow her at a distance, of course.

"Think you can OUTRUN me?" she shouted. "Think you can give me the SILENT treatment! We'll SEE about that!"

And she ran circles around me. She literally ran around me in circles while she sang at the top of her lungs—_What do You do With a Drunken Maester_, and the _Cho Cho Chocobo_ Song. Then she settled into a steady lope beside me, and then things took a grim turn.

Brand spanking new to the list, number 44 on the List of Things I Loathe and Despise...

"So the league season has ten rounds, but there's four of us, see? So if we each play the others once, then that's three games. So we skip the first round of the season, and start with the second and each play each other three times!"

...blitzball fantasy leagues.

"But I told Wakka he couldn't name his team the Aurochs cause that was the name of a real team and we'd get all confused, and he said if Tidus could call his team the Abes, well, then that's the name of a real team, and so he should get to name his team the Aurochs if he wanted to, but he knows it's different! So he had to pick another name and he chose the Behemoths but I said, No fiends! and he said, Boy I've got a lotta rules for naming teams considering the silly name I gave my team, but I like the Lady Rikkus! I think it's a pretty name, don't you Auron? Auron, don't you think it's a pretty name? Auron? So he finally chooses the Aeons. (Kimahri called his team the Lances.) And then we had our draft right after the first round of the season finished up in Luca, and that was all right, that worked out fine cause we all got a chance to see how the players did, and that's always different from the preseason, you know, cause it's just different when it's really for real! So Kimahri had the long straw and he went first, and of course he chose Eigaar! Eigaar's the best player in the game, and I'm not just saying that because he's Al Bhed and plays for the Psyches. He knows Sphere Shot and Volley Shot and a really good Nap Shot and all kinds of shots! I mean, he's like the league scoring leader year in and year out! (And I think he and Judda might have a little thing going on, too!) So, like I say, Kimahri goes first and he takes Eigaar, and I was second, so I took Bickson, and that's, you know, okay. I mean I like Bickson, but it was just a numbers thing. There are three or four players all just about the same after Eigaar, and Bickson didn't have the best first round this year, but he had the second best stats overall last season, so I took Bickson with my number one pick. Then Tidus went, and he took Argai Ronso, and he's another one in that same group with Bickson, and then Wakka went last and he picked Graav, and him too, you know? He's another one like Bickson and Argai Ronso. So then Wakka had first pick in the second round cause he went last in the first, so he takes Abus, and he's another good player from in that second group. You know, really, Wakka got lucky picking last in the first round because he got two players from that second group, so it's really like, sure, he went last but it's like he got TWO first round picks. Does that sound fair to you, Auron? Auron? Does that sound fair? Auron? Course it doesn't. It doesn't sound fair at all! I think I'm going to write a letter to someone, or maybe start a petition. Maybe we need to change some of these draft rules."

I realized I was gritting my teeth as I ran, and consciously made myself stop. Ignore her, Auron. Concentrate on something else, anything else. The fiend known as dark flan is highly resistant to physical attacks. Elemental attacks are only semi-effective. It uses non-elemental magic such as Flare, Drain, and Bio. It is immune to petrification, poison, confusion, berserk, sleep, and death. Vulnerable to armor break and zombie. The fiend known as mandragora is vulnerable to fire magic but absorbs water magic. Its ochu dance...

"You know, if you had played with us we'd have five teams and we'd have spread out those top players more. Or Yuna or Lulu, I suppose. Anyway, Kimahri went second in the second round and he took Larbeight, and that was an all right pick, I guess. I mean, he's not up there with Bickson and Abus and them, but almost. Then I took Vilucha with my second round pick, and Wakka was all laughing at me because I took her instead of Giera Guado. Well, Wakka can have the Guado if he loves them so much! (Actually, Tidus took him.) But I mean, Wakka thought I was just taking Vilucha cause she's a woman and she plays for the Psyches, and because I didn't want any Guado on my team, but that honestly wasn't it at all! Vilucha's a great shooter, almost as good as Eigaar! She's got Volley Shot and Sphere Shot and a really wicked Wither Shot! She's going to surprise a lotta people this season. Hasn't done it yet, but she will. In fact, you know, none of any of our high picks have really had a breakout game yet. That's kinda strange, but that's the way it goes sometimes. Oh yeah, so like I say, Tidus took Giera Guado, with his second pick, and that was it for the second round. So in the third round Tidus picks first, and he takes Barrik. I don't know about that one, but it's his choice. Wakka went next and he took Nav Guado. (Guado sucking Guado lover!) Then Kimahri took Basik Ronso and I took Isken. Isken was a pretty good pick, I think, for the last pick of the third round. I took him mostly cause he knows Tackle Slip (and also Brawler, but of course that doesn't help with scoring) and so I finally get to pick first when we get to the fourth round, when all that's really left are the trash players. And of the ones that are left I figure Vuroja's probably the best, so that's who I take. Woo hoo. First pick, fourth round. Then Tidus picks after me and he takes Nedus. So okay, so maybe Nedus is a little better than Vuroja, and maybe Wakka would laugh at me for letting things get personal, but no way was I going to take an Al Bhed who played for the Guados! I mean, what's he thinking, Auron? Auron? After they destroyed our Home! After they killed so many of us, and he just ups and signs to play for them? Auron? Isn't that just sick? Doesn't that make you sick, Auron? It makes me sick! Anyway, then Wakka takes Gazna Ronso and Kimahri takes Blaapa, and we start the fifth round, and now we're really talking bout trash. There just simply is no one good left at that point, so you're just choosing from players that at least took a shot last year, even if they never scored. And I don't know, I chose second again, after Kimahri took Miyu (who the heck is Miyu!) and I went ahead and took Brother. I don't know. It's not like there was anyone good left. At least I can tell him that I have him on my fantasy team, and maybe he'll try a little harder."

Ignore it, Auron! Concentrate. The Just War tradition holds that in order to be just a war must meet seven criteria. Jus ad bellum refers to conditions prior to engaging in war: Right Authority; Just Cause; Right Intention; Reasonable Chance of Success; and Proportionality. Jus in bello refers to conduct while engaging in war: Noncombatant Immunity; and Proportionate Means. To these, some add an eighth and ninth, ad bellum: Last Resort; and Aim to Achieve a Justly Ordered Peace.

"Then Tidus took Mifurey and Wakka took Kiyuri, and that was it. We don't pick goalies, you know. We get one assigned randomly to us each round. So they play the second round in Luca (and that's our first round, remember) and poor Kimahri! Eigaar goes out for the season! Oh, that's gotta hurt! I mean, it isn't anything too too too serious, but he's out for the rest of the season and they hire a guy named Wedge to replace him, and according to the rules, that guy takes Eigaar's place on Kimahri's team now, so we'll just have to see. He did score in the latest game, and twice in the one before that. Anyway, getting back to round one (our round one, round two to the league in Luca, remember) well, I was playing Kimahri in round one (ours) and the Lances didn't get a single point, and I only got one, but that was enough. Vilucha scored that one point, and you know, I gotta think that with Eigaar off the Psyches for now, she's gonna get more shots, don't you think? Auron? Doesn't that make sense, Auron? So neither of our goalies stopped anything that round. (I had Keepa and he had Raudy.) The way it works is, you take all the shots your players made that round and then you subtract the shots the other guy's goalie stopped, and then you either win, lose, or tie. So the Lady Rikkus won in the first round (ours) 1-0, and I got three points. Three points for a win, one point for a tie, and zero for losing. And Tidus' Abes were playing Wakka's Aeons and Wakka won 2-1. Argai Ronso, Graav, and Gazna Ronso each scored a point, and neither goalie stopped anything. So after our first games Wakka and me were tied with three points each. Then in round two (our round two, real world round three) it was my Lady Rikkus against the Aeons and Kimahri's Lances against the Abes, and damn! Abus just had a monster game! He scored five shots for Wakka, AND Graav got a point AND Gazna Ronso got a point, AND Wakka's goalie Noy Guado stopped a shot! I did all right, Vilucha got two goals and Isken got one, but that's still a 7-2 skunking. Kimahri and Tidus tied 1-1. So after round two (ours) Wakka was in first place with six points, I was in second with three, and Tidus and Kimahri were tied with one point each."

It's a passing dream, Auron! Nothing more! Giving a katana three separate magic attack bonuses produces a Djinn Blade, but adding a magic booster produces a Mirage Blade. Both together would form Matoya's Blade, but four magic attack bonuses produce the Master Djinn. Adding elemental damage to a katana produces a Water Blade, Thunder Blade, Frost Blade, or Fire Blade, but adding any two produces a Dual Blade, while adding three...

"In the third round (ours) it was Tidus and me, and we tied 2-2. Argai Ronso got both of his for the Abes and Vilucha and Isken each got one for me. You know, Vuroja's been kind of a disappointment, even as a fourth round pick, but what really bugs me about him is that I think if he took care of the ball better then Isken would get more shots! I mean Isken and Larbeight are the best shooters on the Kilika Beasts so I thought they'd be getting lots of shots, but not if Vuroja keeps giving up the ball! So, Tidus and I tied and got one point each, and the Lances beat the Aeons. (Seven goals in round two, zip in round three. Go figure.) So it was still Wakka and the Aeons in the lead with six points, me and Kimahri tied for second with four points each, and Tidus and the Abes in last place with one little point. So that was three rounds and everyone's team had each played everyone else's team once, and now we started over again with me against Kimahri, and that Wedge guy scored once for Kimahri, and Vilucha scored once for me, and Vuroja finally got off his ball-coughing-up rear end and scored twice (!) for me, so that was good, but what really sucked in that round was that NEDUS scored five times for the Guado playing against Kilika! Ooh, that makes me mad, him scoring like that for the Guado! Doesn't it make you mad, Auron? Auron? Doesn't it make you mad, like me? And Abus scored three times for Wakka, but he still lost to Tidus so after four rounds the Lady Rikkus and I took the lead with seven points! And Wakka still had six, and Tidus had five, and Kimahri had four. And that's where we are now! I'm in the lead! We're winning! Ha! Show that Wakka a thing or two about drafting! We got a little side bet going, too! If the Lady Rikkus do better than his Aeons this season then he has to go up and grab Lulu's rear end and kiss her right on the lips in front of everyone! With tongue! Ha! Course, if his team does better, I...uh...nevermind. So...uh, so anyway, they're gonna start playing round six in a few days (their round six, our round five) and it'll be my team against the Aeons again, and I'm feeling pretty good about my chances. Vilucha's been scoring steady, one or two goals a game, and Isken scores pretty often, and I got Nimrook for a goalie, and that's okay. He isn't rated very high but he has a lot of talent, so I'm thinking the way it looks, is..."

Patience, Auron. Patience.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, well that was fun, for about the first twenty miles. And he never did say anything, the clam. I thought maybe for now I'd just save my breath for running and stuff. Auron didn't run fast. I could run two, three, four times as fast as he was running, but he never stopped! Never stopped to rest, or eat, or anything, just kept running hour after hour! He ran all day and never slowed. It started to wear me out. I tried running and getting ahead of him so I could rest while he caught up, but it just kept getting harder and harder for me to get started again. So I just concentrated on keeping up. We ran for miles and he actually started to pull ahead of me, and he wasn't going any faster so I guess I was starting to slow down, and then after a while I couldn't see him anymore, but it was getting darker now and my vision was kinda blurry, and sweat was all in my eyes, so maybe that was it. My throat was dry too, probably because I was panting for breath, and I had started to weave a little, and stumble some. And then I fell.

Hey, people fall, right? And they get up again. I got up again and started running, and I wasn't even sure right then what direction I was going, but I guess I wasn't thinking very clearly, and I wasn't really going straight anyway. There was a pain in my side, and there was something wrong with my eyes, I could only see right in front of me, everything else was dark and blurry. And I fell again, and again a little later.

And finally one time I tried to get up, and I couldn't.

So I crawled...even though my head was kind of foggy and I didn't really remember why I was crawling or where I was going, but I knew I couldn't stop and I could ignore the sharp pain in my hands and in my knees, cut up by all the stones, but it was so hard to catch my breath, and I couldn't hold my head up and I couldn't see where I was going, and then I put my hand down and there wasn't anything there and I was falling and rolling, and then sliding to a stop...and...and...

Auron...

I'm sorry...I thought I could come with you. I thought I could keep up...I'm sorry I made fun of you, Auron. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough...

Auron, I'm sorry...

I'm so sorry...

And I was dreaming that he was holding me again, holding me tight and making all of the fear and the pain and the loneliness go away...and I opened my eyes. He was carrying me in his arms.

I guess I fell back asleep. I woke up when he was pulling off my socks and they came away from my feet and all the cuts and sores reopened and started to bleed again. It hurt a little, but I mostly couldn't feel anything, until he poured out a potion and started to rub it and kneed it onto my foot and onto all of the cuts and the blisters, and it was cool and the pain started to fade, and it felt so good, and his hands were so strong, his fingers working into my sore little heel, and my soles and my arches and in-between my toes.

And I fell asleep again!

The next thing I remember, I woke up when it was dark, and there was a small fire going. I was lying down wrapped in his coat and I didn't have to turn my head to look for him because I could feel him sitting right there next to me.

"Auron...?"

"Sleep, little thief," his voice came to me out of the darkness. "We won't move again until morning. And..."

He paused.

"Auron...?" I whispered, "What?"

I felt him brush a strand of hair from my face.

"I think the Lady Rikkus is a very pretty name."

And I sighed happily, and scootched a little closer to him, and snuggled deeper into his coat, and went back to sleep.

* * *

**Auron:**

I moderated my pace, but stayed silent as she began to stumble and weave. I slowed to a walk, then stopped and turned and watched without speaking as she fell and couldn't get up and began to crawl. There was blood on the ground where she put her knees and hands. I cocked my head to one side and closed my eye and listened to her labored breathing, almost sobbing. I opened my eye and walked quietly behind her as she struggled and then I saw as she finally slipped and slid unconscious to the bottom of a small gully. After a moment I stepped to the edge and looked down at her. She was cut and bruised and bleeding. She had collapsed, exhausted.

But she hadn't given up. She never gave up. I climbed down and knelt by her side. I gave her potions, got her to drink a little bit of water, and picked her up in my arms carefully, trying to hurt her as little as I could. I carried her until I found a place to camp and laid her gently down. She had scratches all over, and her knees and palms were slashed and raw. Her shoes were filled with blood, and she woke up as I peeled the socks from her feet, reopening the cuts.

"Auron...?" she said in a tired little whisper.

"Shhh, Rikku... It's all right. Shhh...sleep..."

I rubbed her poor torn little feet with healing potions, narrow heel and little toes, and the cuts began to close. I watched her face grow peaceful. No more pain, as I washed the blood away and began putting potion on her other cuts and bruises.

"Auron...?" she breathed.

Not asleep. Not quite. Her eyes were closed and she was on the very edge of drifting off and I barely heard her little voice as she murmured softly,

"...I love you..."

* * *

**Auron:**

I took a deep breath, and closed my eye, and slowly shook my head. No.

You didn't hear it, Auron.

She never said it.

**Next: All the Broken People**


	29. All the Broken People

Huh...

(Sigh.) Jinjer, your pleas have touched my heart. So...an early chapter, just once, just for you.

But really though, things happen. I need a cushion, some chapters in the bank in case stuff comes up or I get writer's block or something. Knowing that I have a little slack sooths me. So don't...well...heck, ask all you want, but I'm not going to do it again. I'd run myself out of chapters and then it'd be two or three or four weeks between updates. That'll probably happen anyway, but I want to put it off as long as possible.

Next chapter on Friday as usual.

You know, I wanted to work in either _Citadel_ or _In My Head_ by Anna Nalick, but I just couldn't quite make them fit here. Maybe later. I am going to use Rob Thomas' _Ever the Same_ soon. I really think it's perfect for them. I'd like to use a Hoobastank song sometime. I like the idea of Hoobastank, but the actual songs... Could still happen. I'm slowly coming around on Gwen Stefani. (Hey, I know most of you don't care about the music notes. But it's my AN.)

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (I keep telling you.) Follows the story, but kind of AU. (Think I should change the summary?) It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship.(But almost out of the 20s now.) Still-T-.

So--out of sequence--for Jinjer. Thank you for reviewing.

And really guys. Wear your seatbelts.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

This was supposed to be a journey into my past. A kind of act of contrition for my failures. But at least one other reason that I came on this trip was to be away from the girl. I wanted to be away from her so that I could begin to sort out just what my feelings are for her, and then consider the appropriate response. I thought it would be easier when she wasn't around, that I could think more clearly. But it looks as though I'm not going to have that luxury. She followed me. And I believe now that this has become a sort of journey of discovery for the two of us. At the end of it we will both know more about the other and about both of us together.

It's not what I meant at all.

Am I happy she came?

I shouldn't be. But I am.

* * *

**All the Broken People**

* * *

**Auron:**

"Hey, Auron," the girl smiled, walking beside me. "What's Seymour's favorite kind of sandwich?"

We were moving steadily uphill. It was midmorning, a cool, sunny day on a mountain near Macalania.

"Guadosalami! Ha!"

She had been telling me horrible jokes for miles.

"Hey, Auron," she grinned, "Knock knock!"

She seemed happy and cheerful. I didn't say anything. She stepped closer and bumped me with her hip.

"Com'on! Knock knock!"

Frantically happy.

"Okay, you big meanie! Knock knock! (Deep Voice.) Who's there? Welc. Welc who? Welcome to Rin's, may I help you? Ha ha!"

Desperately cheerful.

"Hey Auron! What HUGE fiend did the guardian meet on the golf course?"

"A nine-iron giant."

"A nine...oh, uh...yeah. That's right."

"Rikku. Stop."

"Stop what?" she asked, looking down at the ground as she walked with her hands behind her back.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Don't," he said.

"What?"

"You don't have to cheer me up, Rikku," he said. "You don't have to try so hard."

I felt the smile kind of fall away from my face while we walked. It felt a little strange, not to be smiling, but...also, sort of a relief, in a way. I guess...it really isn't all that easy, to be cheerful all the time.

But, I've been doing it for so long. It's hard now to do anything else.

So I didn't say anything for a long time after that, and neither did he. And I wasn't trying to be perky and upbeat and I didn't tell any jokes, or even sing. We just quietly walked next to each other up the side of the mountain, looking at the view sometimes, watching out for fiends, and just sort of keeping each other company. And you know, I guess it was kinda nice. We'd been walking for hours. And sometimes I'd look up at him. No reason, I just wanted to, and sometimes he looked at me.

I still didn't know where we were going, but we were together. And he let me hold his hand some of the time, like when we would have to climb over something and then he wouldn't let it go right away. That was nice.

You know, I had a dream last night, after I collapsed on the road and he carried me and cared for me and wrapped me up in his warm coat to sleep. I dreamed that I told him I loved him, and in my dream he said he loved me too. And I was the happiest that I've ever been in my life. Isn't that funny? The happiest I've ever been was in a dream. And being that happy didn't feel at all like I thought it would, but it felt amazing. And I know it was just a dream, but...

I glance over at him, and my heart skips, and I wonder...am I really falling in love with my best friend?

I woke up this morning wrapped all comfy in his big red coat. He was already up. I don't know if he had slept beside me or not, but I had a dim memory of something warm next to me in the night. Maybe it was just another nice dream. He was making breakfast, and he didn't even let me get up right away. He brought it to me while I was still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, like breakfast in bed. I guess it wasn't much, really. Just mush, but he'd mixed some berries in with it. Anyway, it tasted wonderful to me. While I was eating he pulled up the bottom of his coat to look at my feet, holding them and turning them in his strong hands.

"They're better," he said.

"Well, I hope they didn't get any worse," I smiled, wagging my big toe at him.

He pulled the coat down to cover me up again, and said, "You rest a little, Rikku, then we'll get started."

"Both of us?" I asked quietly.

He nodded, sitting down next to me.

"Both of us."

Yesterday I had been so mad at him, because he had tried to run off and leave me behind. I suppose he guessed all along that I'd try to follow him. And I sorta thought it was FUNNY. I was mad, but I was also feeling all superior and smug and thinking he was being kind of a DOPE because he was trying to outrun me! I'm FAST! I'm a hundred times faster than slowpoke Auron! So I ran around him in circles. I ran around him singing. I ran backwards. I guess I wanted him to feel stupid for thinking he could outrun me and maybe I wanted to punish him a little for trying.

And then he just ran me into the ground.

"There's a little more, Rikku," he said, looking over at me. "Are you still hungry?"

"Huh?"

I saw that I had emptied the bowl, and I looked up at him and nodded, and he took it and got up to refill it and brought it back to me.

Yesterday he ran and ran for hours and never stopped and I know that if I wasn't here he'd run like that again today. You know, I thought I had Auron's measure, physically. Oh, not inside! I know the man has depths, and under those, more depths. And he'll always be able to surprise me with the things he knows. Auron's like an onion. Not stinky! I don't mean he's stinky. I mean there are layers to the man, and you peel off one and you find something even more interesting underneath. I think it might take someone a lifetime to get to know everything about Auron.

The little blonde girl that lives in the back of my head was jumping up and down, waving and shouting, Me, me, where do I sign up?

But that's inside Auron. On the outside I thought I pretty much knew all there was to know. He was a tough, strong fighter, with a few special ki-abilities. And that's about it. I didn't think there were any more surprises there. Certainly he wasn't fast. That just wasn't part of the Auron package. And I never would have thought that I would ever underestimate Auron. But I guess I did, and then he just ran me into the dirt.

I sat and ate my mush and watched him moving around, packing things up and getting ready to go. I guess...I really am going to slow him down after all. I didn't think I would, but I guess I will, but he hasn't said anything about it.

He turned and asked, "Are you finished, Rikku?"

And I looked down and saw that my bowl was empty again, so I guess I was.

So he picked up the big pack and I pulled on some new socks and my old, bloodstained shoes that he had tried to clean up while I was asleep, and I handed him his coat and we started up the mountain. I didn't ask where we were going. I guess I'll find out when we get there. And it was really kind of quiet on the mountain as we walked, with just the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves, so I did what I always do. I tried as hard as I could to fill up the silence with chatter and jokes and riddles and songs and smiles smiles smiles!

What do you call it when you have a little accident riding a chocobo? A chocobooboo.

What's black and sticky and all full of needles? Qactuar.

What do you call it when a jelly fiend is throwing flame spells at you? A flame flan fling.

And then he told me that I could stop. He said I didn't have to try so hard. I didn't have to entertain him. I didn't have to be so Rikku. I could just be...me. So I stopped. And after that we walked through the quiet together. I never really liked the quiet. I never liked being around quiet people. They made me nervous. I thought that if people were being quiet it meant they were sad and you had to cheer them up or who knows what might happen, you know?

And then I met Auron, and he scared me a little at first, and he was always quiet, and I think he was sad sometimes, so that's like three strikes, but now here we are after everything that we've been through and we're walking together up the mountain all quiet and not smiling, just together and quiet, and it's kinda nice.

A little past noon we stopped to rest. I know he wouldn't have stopped if he was alone, but he didn't say anything. He just put down his pack and sat against a rock and said we should rest for a while and probably eat a little something. So he made a little fire to brew some tea, and I made some sandwiches. (Guadosalami. Ha.) And then we sat for a little while eating and looking out over the view back the way we came from. Auron pointed out the spot down the mountain where we spent the night. We'd been walking for hours and it still seemed so close!

I took a big bite of my sandwich and said, "Auron?"

He turned and looked at me.

"Auron," I said, swallowing. "Do you ever sing?"

He cocked his head looked at me. I waited, and after a little while he said, "I sing too much."

Well sure.

Of course.

Naturally.

I shook my head.

"Auron, what does that mean?"

He turned away, and I heard him sigh, and after a minute he said, "I sang the death song for my parents and my sister. And for Braska and Jecht, and Vedec."

Oh.

He looked up at the sky. Neither of us said anything, and after a while he said, "I sang the death song for Mighty Evrae. And For Kinoc."

Oh. The humming.

And then he looked at me and said, "And I have sung the death song for too many of the young people that I've trained in my life."

I sat there next to him while he stared out over the mountain. Then I shifted a little closer to him and slowly laid my head on his shoulder, slow so he could pull away if he wanted to and I could pretend that it wasn't what I was going to do at all. But he didn't pull away, and after a moment his arm came up and wrapped around me. I sat there with my head on his shoulder, breathing in the willow tree smell of his coat and looking into the small fire. When I was little my mother used to tell me I had to be careful staring into the fire or tiny red flame fiends could pop out and burn off all my eyebrows. Then the fire would snap or crackle, and I'd jump, and she'd laugh and hug me.

"Auron," I whispered, "Do you ever get tired of being who you are? Tired of being the person you've spent your whole life becoming? And do you ever wish you could run away, Auron? Like it's all just too much, and you wish you could just go somewhere where nobody knows you and nobody wants anything from you and no one expects anything? Auron...?"

I waited. And after a while he answered softly, "Sometimes, Rikku. Yes."

I sat there against him with my head on his shoulder and thought. I've been Rikku so long. And it's not like that's a bad thing, but...

"Auron, I've tried so hard. I want Yuna to be happy. I want to save her, but if I can't, I at least want her to be happy, just a little. So I joke and laugh and tease, but Auron, sometimes I get so tired. Are teenagers supposed to get this tired?"

I heard him take a breath, and he looked up into the blue sky above us.

"She is...happy that you are with us, Rikku. You make her happy just by being there. You shine, for all of us."

Then he cocked his head to the side so he could look into my face.

"But Rikku, you don't have to do that with me. Not here. You don't have to try to cheer me up."

"No...?" I breathed.

"No. You can...rest."

I sat watching the flames dancing in the small fire where we made our tea.

"You know," I said after a minute, "I really am a happy person...most of the time," I told him, "I really do like to laugh and sing and make people smile. And I really do love to dance.

"But...when I was eight..."

I grabbed his arm and pulled it tighter around me.

"...my Mom died," I said softly.

I heard him take a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

"Fiends?" he asked gently.

"Everyone always asks that," I said. "As if there wasn't any other way to die on Spira. No, sometimes back then some of the machina would just go berserk. No one ever figured out why. But one of them...caught Mom, and she was killed."

Auron didn't say anything, but he held me a little closer. I couldn't stop blinking, and I closed my eyes for a moment.

"I guess when you're eight, your parents are your whole life. I stayed in my room and cried for weeks. I screamed and broke things and even prayed. I'm not sure to who. I was so messed up, so miserable and alone and caught up in my own pain that I didn't even realize how messed up Dad was. He and Mom really loved each other, you know? She was a thief, and they met when he caught her trying to pick his pocket. She had to pick his pocket five times before he finally caught her. They were married a month later. Well, that's the story they always told me.

"Auron..." I said, my breath catching in a little gasp, "It's getting harder for me to remember her."

I shut my eyes tight and tried to concentrate. What did her nose look like? And her chin? And her hands? Were they small?

"I know she was really pretty, and soft, and she smiled all the time, even when brother and me fought. And I remember she took me shopping and showed me the things she stole from fiends and she made me cupcakes. I remember that. When I finally came out of my room, when I just stopped crying because I finally realized she was dead and she was never ever coming back no matter how much I cried, they took me to see my Dad. He was in his office. He used to hate his office. It made him feel cooped up. Dad always wanted to be out doing things, checking projects, overseeing repairs, inspecting plans. Now, he never came out.

"They sent me in, all the cousins and aunts and uncles sent me in, I guess to see if I could maybe shake him out of it. Stupid plan. He was sitting behind his desk. He had some papers in his hands, some project reports or something, but he was just sitting behind the desk not looking at anything. I walked up to him, and he finally noticed I was there after a while. He hugged me, and patted me on the head, and told me I looked like I needed to go get some rest, and then he turned away and looked down at his papers like he was reading them. But he wasn't. I didn't know what to do, so I left.

"He was crying."

Suddenly, sitting there on the mountain, I felt like the whole world was closing in on me, shrinking, pressing me and squeezing me. I tried to move a little closer to Auron, and I couldn't really, but he noticed and put his other arm around me too and both of them held me tight. Then it was better, but I had to stop a few minutes before I went on.

"It was the only time I ever saw Dad cry, and it really scared me. I had lost my Mom and now I was so scared I would lose my Dad that my heart just sort of froze up inside me, so I started to do everything I could to cheer him up. I laughed and sang and skipped and baked cookies, and all the time inside I was just begging please please please be my old Dad again. Sometimes I'd feel like I couldn't breath, couldn't catch my breath, and then I'd run to my room and just lie on my back on the floor trying to breath in and out."

I breathed in and out, sitting there with Auron's arms around me, remembering those days as I told him about it. I've never told anyone all this before. About back then.

"But it worked, you know? Dad came out of it, bit by bit. He started laughing at my jokes, and smiling when I sang or showed him a picture I drew. I even burned some cookies on purpose, and he'd still eat them and tell me how good they were. I still cried, cause of Mom, but I cried in my room, never where Pop could see me. I never cried in front of Dad, or anyone else except Brother, sometimes."

It wasn't cold, but I was shivering as I talked. Talking about it seemed to bring those days right back, the desperate fear and the feeling of being alone because I couldn't show anyone how afraid I was cause then Daddy would worry and I didn't want him to worry, I wanted him to be happy and smile and be my Dad again, and that's when I started writing in a diary, writing to get the pain out before it could just tear me apart, writing to try and remember the happy times, writing to just try and work things out and try to think and figure out who's Rikku before I just got lost forever and faded away.

And now, talking to him, telling him, now those feelings were sharp and clear like it was only yesterday and not years ago and I felt like all that kept me from just shaking apart into a million pieces were Auron's arms around me holding me tight, holding me together while I remembered those days.

"And now I'm Rikku. And I bounce around and laugh and sing and dance and joke and cheer everyone up because what else am I for? And I know I really am good at stuff, lots of stuff, and I know I have family that loves me, and I really am happy most of the time, I AM, and I want other people to be happy too...

"But not always," I whispered, my head against his shoulder, "And the rest of the time...I don't let people see."

Neither of us said anything for a while. I hugged into his chest, clutching him, and he looked up into the sky, his arms around me, his chin resting on the top of my head. Maybe he was trying to keep me warm. Or maybe he was trying to protect me from the bad memories. I don't know. It kinda worked, a little. He was all warm and solid and his coat was soft and comfortable and I wondered what Auron would think of me now that he knew how broken I was. I wasn't worried. I knew how much he cared about me. I knew he wouldn't turn away from me because I wasn't really happy all the time. I was just curious. I wondered what he would say. Then he was speaking. His voice was like mist in the morning.

"I was born on our family homestead," he said. "On the side of a nameless mountain between Macalania and the Calm Lands. My family are the hereditary keepers of the first celestial weapon, Masamune. In the hour that I was born my father took the sword from over our fire and put my hand on its hilt, so that we would know each other."

His voice was soft but clear, smooth and steady, only inches from my ear, and the words caressed me, stroked my cheek, and gently crawled inside me and settled feathery and warm in my stomach. I think I could dance to his voice. I closed my eyes to listen.

"My parents loved me," he said, "And my childhood was spent in hard work and training. I was six when they had my sister Mari. It made my mother very happy. The day before I turned twelve, I was gathering wood in the forest with my father when we were attacked by a fiend swarm. There were at least thirty, all of them powerful. My father shouted for me to go and warn my mother and sister, and take them to safety while he held the creatures off, but there were too many for him to stop, and they were behind me as I reached our home.

"I yelled for my mother and sister to run. I had a good sword but I ran into the house to get Masamune. When I got back outside my sister was already dead. They were playing with her body, tossing it back and forth until it came apart. My mother was still alive, running toward me. They pulled her down in front of me and tore her to pieces, and I stood there and laughed, and everything went red."

"The next thing that I remember is lying on the ground, the morning light in my eyes. Nothing moved but a few pyreflies, and I was the only thing alive. I was hurt, but there were potions scattered nearby. I went into the woods and brought out my father's body and buried him and my mother and sister in the small family graveyard just down the mountain. Then I took Masamune to the highest cliff that I could find and threw it as far away as I could. It was my twelfth birthday."

Oh Auron, I thought. Oh poor Auron. No wonder you're broken too. No wonder you want to save us all.

"I lived on my own," he went on. "Caring for the homestead, tending our gardens, and training. None of our animals survived the attack, and I preserved the meat as best I could. After a couple of months a wandering summoner and his guardian came by on their pilgrimage. They had come to speak to my father. They stayed for two days, and when they left they convinced me to go with them. At age twelve I became guardian to a summoner for the first time. I don't know if they thought they were just helping an orphan, or if they knew I was a trained warrior. They had known my father after all.

"We traveled to Macalania Temple, and then on to Bevelle. We stayed in Bevelle a few days, and I saw the young warrior monks training there. Before we left, the summoner released me from my vow, and told me I should stay with the monks if I thought that it was the best way I could serve Spira. I stayed, and they went on without me. The summoner Mark died later on the slopes of Mt Gagazet. I sang the death song for him."

He stopped talking, and we sat there a long time with his arms around me. Then I sort of pulled away from him and he let me go, and then I wrapped my arms around him and pulled his head down to rest on my shoulder, and he let me, and I held him tight, and we sat some more in silence.

"Is that where we're going?" I asked him quietly, holding him. "To your home?"

"No. I've never been back."

"Auron, you never wanted to visit their graves?"

"I keep my memories inside."

"Auron—"

"It's getting late," he said, lifting his head. "If we want to go any farther today we need to start."

"Um..."

I didn't want to leave yet. I just wanted to stay here with him, close to him, holding him. I wanted to close my eyes and listen to his words.

He started to get up, but I didn't let go of him.

"Not yet, Auron..."

"Rikku..."

"Please..."

So he settled back and we sat there a little longer, talking about nothing at all—isn't it a nice view, and can't you see a long way, and I wonder what the others are doing right now—and after a while he stood up, and this time I let him. He stretched out his hand, and I took it and he pulled me to my feet, and he picked up the pack and we started up the mountain again. I wasn't smiling, or laughing, or joking. I was thinking about him. Sometimes he is the Red Guardian, implacable, unstoppable, Death Walking Among Men. And other times he's just Auron. Quiet Auron.

...my Auron?

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_We ran! To hell with the pilgrimage and to hell with Sin and to hell with Spira! We ran away, the both of us, and we never looked back! We ran from the others and from everything they wanted and expected from us because it's NOT supposed to be that HARD! We ran from them and from ourselves, we ran from red guardian Auron and from cheerful, little Rikku, we ran away from them both and we ran toward US! The two of US! The both of US, together! I knew I loved him. I loved him from the moment I first saw him, and he..._

_Without his summoner, and without his secrets, and without his legend, and without everything else that had ALWAYS gotten between us, when we ran away from ALL of that and there wasn't anything else in our way, then then THEN...at last he loved me BACK!_

_We finally kissed, really kissed that first night, slow at first, and even clumsy, but eager and real and in love. His lips on mine were warm and firm and I loved the taste of him. It was wonderful but I wanted more, and he said, Wait. Wait one more night, he said, Tonight was just for kisses. And so we held each other and kissed each other as the moon rose and swung across the sky, and then we slept, and woke and kissed some more, and he was right, because I will always remember that night of nothing but kisses under the stars, our every heartbeat a perfect moment in time stolen from that bitch Spira...it was the night he first said he loved me._

_On the second night we made love, our hearts beating/pounding/racing in rhythm with each other. It was my first time, and it hurt a little, but soon the pain was washed away in feelings of pleasure and completeness and, yes, love. Always love! I loved him and he loved me, and I've never had sex with anyone else so I guess I don't know but I really don't think sex without love could be as good and I really, really, doubt that it could ever be better!_

_He took me to his home. On the morning of the third day we reached the clearing on the side of a nameless mountain between Macalania and the Calm Lands. A ruined stone house was there, and the remains of a kitchen garden, and a small graveyard down the mountain. It wasn't much perhaps, but it was his family...it was OUR...family home. We started cleaning the house out. The walls were still standing but there was no roof. When we replace it we'll live here the rest of our days, and love each other, and raise brave sons and talented daughters. Maybe one day my father would come and visit us and see his grandchildren, and maybe Yuna—_

_No. Don't think about Yuna._

_The first day we started cleaning out one room so we could move indoors, but we slept and made love outdoors that night. We moved in the next day. We were home. And no, we weren't married, not officially, but in our minds we were. We belonged only and completely to each other. We made love every night, but also in the morning when we both woke up, and at noon sometimes, or whenever the fancy struck us. He would be working without his shirt in the hot sun, and he'd glance up from his labor and see me standing there looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes and a wicked, little smile and he would smirk a little and drop his work and pick me up and lay me down and we would lose ourselves in each other for a while. Over the next few days he split his time between helping me clear out more of the house, working on the roof, and working on the kitchen garden. It was all hard work, but it was work we were doing for ourselves and one day our children and that made it good._

_The first week passed, and I was even happier. I didn't think I could be, but I was, and part of it was that I knew I was making him happy as well. He smiled more, and even laughed sometimes. And when the day's work was done we would sit together and talk quietly about our lives and our past. We wanted to know everything about each other, and there wasn't anything, not one single thing that I wanted to hold back from him. And he told me about his childhood and young adulthood, and all the secrets that he had to keep from me once. We talked about everything. Except..._

_Sometimes, he would start to tell a story, and then he would stop, abruptly. And I knew he had been about to mention Tidus. He never mentioned Tidus, and I never mentioned Yuna, and we never talked about any of the others that we had left behind. Sometimes, we almost did. Sometimes, one of us would almost mention one of them, but at the last minute we would stop ourselves, just shut our mouths tight and not let the words out. And we both knew, and we wouldn't say anything for a while, and then we would take off our clothes and lie down together and make ourselves forget._

_But it got harder._

_It's been almost two weeks. They would be there soon, waiting for us. Might be already if they came early. They would worry about us, might look for us. Of course they would look for us. They might look for months, and finally when they couldn't find us, they'd shake their heads sadly and say their goodbyes and go on without us. They would finally leave us alone._

_They'd go to face Sin without us._

_NO! Don't think about them! I'm here, with him, and I don't HAVE to be Rikku, and he doesn't HAVE to be Auron, and we're happy and in love and building our lives together! Don't we get to do that? WHY DON'T WE GET TO DO THAT!_

_He found me crying. He came home and found me crying and he put his arms around me. He didn't ask. He knew why. We stayed one last night, and tried as hard as we could to forget and to pretend that we would be here tomorrow and the next day and for years after that, and the sounds of our family would fill the place. And the next morning we wandered hand in hand around the house and the garden and the yard, saying goodbye, I guess._

_And then we started down the mountain to meet them where they would be waiting for us, counting on us, depending on us. And yes I cried, but it wasn't all sad. We were still best friends, and husband and wife even if no else knew it, and maybe even mother and father before our journey is done. But I cried because for a little while we had been us. Just us. Just him and me, together._

_Now we were going back to Spira. People needed us._

_Grim Auron and cheerful Rikku._

* * *

**Auron:**

"Ouch...!"

I stopped and the girl bumped into me.

"Hey! I hit my dose! Auron, why'd you stob?"

"It's getting dark, Rikku. This is a good place to stop for the night."

"Oh, all right then," she said, rubbing her face.

It was a tiny hanging meadow, with only one way in and cliffs falling away to three sides. We would be able to defend it easily, and if we had to retreat we could go over the side on ropes that we would get ready before we slept. I had stayed up and watched last night, and if I had to I could go any number of days without sleep, but I would pay a price later. This would be safe enough if I set tripwires and left the coat and glasses on sentry mode. It's not something I do too often. Not good to get dependent on machina.

Also it's a real power drain.

We set up the camp, moving some branches and gathering enough wood to keep a small fire going through the night. We brought water from a small stream nearby and washed up, and then I started getting the meal ready. It was a kind of oatmeal. Very convenient, it was filling and easy to carry. It was all that I needed, but I think Rikku was going to become extremely tired of it before our trip was done. Strictly speaking, of course, I didn't actually have to eat at all, or drink, or sleep. I do grow hungry, but only because I continue to eat. If I were to stop, the hunger would eventually fade.

Unsent don't really have those needs, but I continued to do all of those things that others do. To feel hunger, and thirst, and weariness—it's all a part of the human condition. And that's important because, simply said, I have found that the more human I act, the more human I feel. There was a period in Zanarkand where I began to wall myself off from people, even from Tidus and others who cared about me. And I found my thoughts starting to drift in...odd...directions. I believe now that it is when unsent start to lose their connections to humanity that they drift towards...

It's not...

I wasn't becoming a fiend. I think that has more to do with strength of purpose. How else has Mika lasted so long as an unsent? But Mika has drifted far from human nevertheless. And in that period of time in Zanarkand, I was becoming less human. I was becoming something else, something like Mika and Seymour. And I knew I didn't want that.

So I reforged my connections with the world and the people that I cared about, and I continue to act as human as I can. I continue to eat, even though I don't really need to, and because I continue to eat, I continue to feel hunger. Yes, sometimes it can be useful to go days without sleep, for instance, but it is not something I do normally. Instead, I eat, and drink, and sleep, and shiver as though I were still alive. I choose to continue to feel hunger, and thirst, and cold.

And pain.

And loneliness.

It is the bargain that I make to retain my humanity, and I make it gladly, and with gratitude.

I looked at the girl sitting next to me in the firelight. She was very quiet as we hiked up the mountain. I was pleased. I think her nerves were a bit stretched, and she could use the rest. Every so often during the day, she would reach out and touch me, like she was reassuring herself that I was still there.

I always was.

I watched Rikku play halfheartedly with her food while we ate. She would scoop a big spoonful, and hold it and slowly turn it over until it plopped back into her bowl.

"Rikku? Are you all right?"

"Oh, yeah Auron," she said. "It's just, well, I guess...you said I didn't, you know, I didn't have to be so Rikku with you, not all the time. And so I'm not, and it's a relief, it is, but..."

She shook her head. "I guess I'm just not sure who to be if I'm not always joking and laughing. And sometimes I used to feel like I had to keep moving all the time because if I ever stopped I thought I'd maybe just collapse and never move again. And now here I am all sitting and quiet, and I just...I'm just not used to it, is all."

"It's no wonder you were tired," I told her. "Trying to act happy when you're not is one of the most tiring things anyone can do. Rikku, you are a happy person, and you can joke and laugh when you want to. It's all right to BE cheerful, Rikku. But you don't have to be cheerful all the time if you don't feel like it."

"Thanks, Auron," she smiled. "I know. I'm just, I dunno, trying to find a balance."

She stopped playing with her food and started eating, staring into the fire. She does that a lot. Of course, I probably shouldn't say anything, as much as I stare up into the sky.

"Auron?" she said after a while. "Are you ever going to train me again?"

I ate a couple more spoonfuls before I answered.

"Yes, Rikku. There are still things that I can teach you, and I enjoy teaching you. But Tidus will still handle most of your training. It's good for both of you."

"Because he's a light fighter?"

"Yes, and he's really very good."

"But you're better. So shouldn't I train with you?"

"Rikku," I said. "Why do you think I never spar with Tidus in training?"

"Uh...no challenge?"

"Exactly, Rikku." I saw her nod to herself, then I continued. "No challenge. In any kind of fair fight, Tidus will beat me five times out of five."

"Huh?" she asked.

"It isn't even close. The first thing he'll do is cast Haste on himself, then Slow on me, then he'll hit me five or six times before I can move."

"Uh..."

"And when I do move, I can either use a remedy to unSlow myself, and he'll simply recast the spell, or I can attack, and miss."

"Miss?"

"Almost always. Then he attacks five or six more times and it's over. As I said, not even close. And that's what I want for you, Rikku," I went on. "That's what I want him to teach you."

"Auron, I thought you were the greatest warrior of your generation?"

"Fair enough."

"But if Tidus can beat you, shouldn't HE be the greatest?"

"He can beat me in training, Rikku. He can beat me in a fair fight. But I have never in my life been in a fair fight, and I never will be. And in a real fight, Rikku, would you bet on Tidus or on me?"

"Huh," she said, smiling. "Next stupid question? So, you want me to be able to beat you up? In a fair fight?"

"Using all of your skills, and everything you know, I want you to be able to beat up anyone, anytime, including me."

**Rikku's Diary:**

We finished eating and just sort of puttered around camp, not wanting to go to sleep too soon. You know, this is what I wanted. What I always wanted really. I was spending time with Auron, and we were getting to know each other. I opened up to him today, and told him things I'd never told anyone, and he opened up back to me. And I just had this feeling that this wasn't over. That before we got back and rejoined the others we'd talk more and share more, and I'll probably know Auron better than anyone else. Not that it would be difficult. No one else really knows him at all, except Tidus.

Ha. The only fly in the potion was the food. It was okay this morning, and we had some sandwiches for lunch, but we didn't have that many sandwiches, and mush for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, not to mention those odd little snacks during the day, didn't sound too tasty. Hey, I'm still a growing girl! (Mental note. Don't put it that way to Auron.) And I was planning to bring some stuff cause I just had an idea that Auron wasn't really going to bother, but the way it worked out there wasn't really any time.

So I'm pulling stuff out of my pack, looking for something else to eat sometime, even my emergency rations, when I find the little bag that Lulu threw at me just before I left. It's a small velvet bag tied with a yellow ribbon. I hold it up to my ear and shake it a bit. I can hear a kind of clinking. I notice Auron's looking at me kind of strange. I smile and shrug at him, What, and he turns back to the fire. I pull off the ribbon and open the little bag.

Oooo! Spheres! I shake them out into my hand, wondering where they came from!

**Auron:**

I heard a happy squeal from the girl and looked around to see her staring at something in her hand. She turned and held it out to me, wide-eyed.

"Auron, look!" she breathed. "Spheres! There's a luck sphere, and a fortune sphere, and an HP sphere! Hey! Hey, these are our spheres. I mean, they're spheres that the party's found. Lulu's been keeping these."

"Hm. Where did you find them?"

"They were in this bag that Lulu gave me just before I left."

"She didn't say why?" I asked as she handed me the bag.

"I was kinda in a rush," she answered wryly. Fair enough.

I turned the bag inside out. A piece of paper fluttered out and she caught it in her free hand.

"Oh, Auron!" she said, looking at it. "It says, Be safe. Signed, The Gang."

The Gang?

"I, uh..." she said. "I don't think these are for my collection."

"No Rikku," I said, slowly. "I think they gave you these because they wanted you to use them. To make you safer."

"Us safer, Auron," she said, looking up at me. "They wanted us to use them to make us safer."

"No, Rikku. They gave the spheres to you."

"Yes, Auron. The luck sphere and fortune sphere for me and the HP sphere for you."

"Rikku..."

I heard her sigh and mutter something under her breath about some legendary pigheaded male.

"Auron, if you're harder to kill, I AM safer. You know it's true. Auron, think tactically. That extra protection could make the difference some day when a fiend hits us with an area effect spell. You could survive it and then revive me. Right? Right? Or when you're guarding us, taking hits for us, you can't do that if you're dead, right?"

I suppose she's right. It's hard to keep others safe when you're out of action.

"All right, Rikku," I said, handing them back to her.

She smiled and took them, and then cocked her head all the way to one side and looked at them for a while, a puzzled expression playing across her face.

"Auron..." she said, slowly, pushing the small spheres around her palm with a finger. "It was awfully nice of them to give us these spheres, Auron. You know, everyone's sorta been extra nice to me lately. I mean, Tidus gave me that key-sphere that he won. And Yuna and Lulu and Wakka are always asking me if they can do anything for me, and the other day I asked Lulu for kind of an embarrassing favor, and she did it without making a single smart-ass Lulu comment."

She raised her head a bit and looked at me sideways.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Auron," I asked him. "Do you know what's going on? Why they're all being so nice all of sudden?"

"They like you, Rikku."

"And they didn't before? Come on, Auron. I know there are some secrets you have to keep, but is this really one of them? Tell me."

It's...a little embarrassing, Rikku."

Embarrassing? Did he mean embarrassing to him? No, he doesn't get embarrassed. So...?

"Auron?" I said. "To me? You mean embarrassing to me?"

He looked at me and nodded. I looked down at the ground and thought for a minute, blowing loose strands of hair away from my face.

Huh.

The only thing I can really think of...

"Uh, Auron," I asked slowly, "Was it...I mean, a couple of weeks ago, my...uh..."

I could feel my cheeks getting red. I lifted my head just enough to peek at him through my hair. "Auron," I said, scrunching up my face. "Do they know about that dream I had...you know, with you and me? Do they know?"

He looked back at me calmly.

"Yes Rikku."

Aw, man...

I hung my head back down again, and he came and put an arm around my shoulder and I leaned against him and kinda hid my face in his chest and I just bet the blush on my cheeks was redder than his coat.

"Did they hear me?" I asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Did they hear me?" I asked, pulling my face away from the coat. "Did they hear me moaning and calling your name?"

"Yes Rikku. And panting."

Poop.

Not being embarrassed cause Auron heard me is one thing, but all of those guys?

"Hey Auron?" I said.

"Rikku."

"Were they...laughing at me?"

After a minute he said, "The Ronso didn't. They didn't mean any harm, Rikku, and they are all very sorry."

"Really?"

"Believe me," he answered, in a cold, distant voice. I did.

"So..." I sighed. "I guess I might as well face it, everyone knows, huh?"

"Yes."

They already knew I had a crush, really, but now...now everyone knows I've got a great-big crush, a big, huge, shoopuf sized, Take Me I'm Yours crush on him.

Well. That's kinda humiliating, but I'll get over it.

Hm.

"And...well," I said, sorta hiding behind my hair a little. "I guess...you know, right?"

I heard him sigh.

"I...know there's a crush, Rikku. And I know that aside from that you also truly do care about me, and I know that you know that I care about you too. And I know that crushes end. And I know that when this crush ends, I will still be your friend."

Huh.

"Auron," I said slowly. "You know, I've had crushes before. Lots of them. I've never been in love for real, but I've had plenty of crushes. I know crushes. And I'm starting to think that this is no crush, Auron."

I turned and looked him full in the face.

"And if it isn't a crush, Auron," I said to him, "Then what do you think it could be?"

And he looked back at me, looked into my eyes for at least a minute, before he said,

"Trouble."

But he smiled.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We didn't say much after that. I thought that this was going to be, you know, The Talk. I mean, it's been a long day, and we've said so many things, that I guess I just thought we'd naturally have The Talk now, about sex and love, and he's too old and I'm too young, and everyone's broken, and the pilgrimage comes first, and he still has secrets, and I could live with all of that, really, so long as he doesn't say, Rikku, we'd better stop hanging around together. And I don't think he would say that, I really don't, and if he did I think I could change his mind.

But I guess he just didn't feel like having that conversation tonight, cause he said we should sleep. He said we have a long way to travel in the morning. And I said, All right, Auron, and climbed under the blankets next to him. Blankets because he had laid his coat on the ground a little way away.

I thought you could see a lot of stars in the Calm Lands, but up here on the side of this mountain when I lay down next to Auron and looked up, it seemed like there was a river of light running through the sky. There had to be millions of them.

He called me a star, once.

"Auron?" I said when I had gotten under the blankets, "Auron, I... Good night, Auron."

"Good night, Rikku."

We both lay there for a long time, not saying anything, looking up with wonder at all the stars in the sky.

Or maybe he had just fallen asleep.

"Auron...?" I said softly.

He didn't answer. But he put his arm around my shoulders and sort of squeezed to let me know he was awake and listening. I swallowed.

"Auron," I said slowly, "Do you think Yuna and Tidus have...you know, done it?"

**Auron:**

Oh lord.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Well that sounded silly, and he tried to pull back his arm, but I got hold of his hand and wouldn't let him. I went on in a rush before he could say anything.

"I mean, back there at the sphere pool, when we got out of Bevelle, it kinda looked..."

I ran down, and heard him sigh.

"I don't know, Rikku," he answered quietly after a bit. "That was a private moment, just between them. Tidus never said anything. I wouldn't expect him to. And I didn't ask."

Now I barely heard my own voice asking, "Do you think she loves him?"

"I just don't know, Rikku."

"But Auron," I said. "I don't know if Yuna had ever had...sex...before. I mean, we never talked about it. Maybe Lulu knows. But, if she hadn't, well then, she's on her way to Zanarkand. And maybe she just wanted to do it at least once before she died. And Tidus was there, and he's nice, and he's good looking, and there because you keep putting them together. Isn't it important to you Auron? Doesn't it matter to you to know whether they've done it and why? If she loves him or she just...just..."

He sighed. I felt his chest expand next to me as he drew in the breath, and I felt the breath stir my hair as he exhaled, and I heard him murmur, "...puppet..."

"Auron," I said to him in the dark. "You put them together. Don't you feel any responsibility?"

"Of course I do, Rikku. I care about both of them. But all I did was put them together. Their ultimate decisions are their own."

"Auron, if...if they were in love, and they...you know, would...would you be happy...if they did? And...and would you be happy for them?"

He answered me slowly. He really seemed to be thinking the answer through, working it out as he said it.

"I... Rikku, you know I want a relationship between them, even if you don't know why. But, aside from my reasons for that... The best answer I can give you is if it made them happy, then I would be happy for them."

"And, Auron..." I whispered. "Even...even if they weren't in love, or, or weren't sure they were in love, but if Yuna just wanted to...to do it at least once before she...dies, doesn't want to die a virgin, and she liked him, really liked him, even if she wasn't sure she was in love...Auron, would that be all right too? Would you still be happy for them?"

He didn't answer for a while, and I thought maybe he really had fallen asleep. But finally he said quietly, "Yes, Rikku. If it even gave them one moment of happiness, then I'd be happy for them both."

I lay there in the dark, next to him, with his arm around me.

"Auron..." I said in a whisper. "I'm a virgin..."

And I waited for him to say something.

"...Auron...?"

"Auron?"

Huh. Hey. Would he...? Do you think...?

Would the legendary red guardian Auron pretend to be asleep just so he didn't have to have this conversation?

**Auron:**

Yes.

**Next: Starfall**


	30. Starfall

Whoa, finally out of the 20s. Man, those were some long chapters. And stuff has started happening again. Gotta love that. So, uh, there's something in this chapter that's a little like something else, but not enough to make a big deal over, I think. Some of you will see what I'm talking about. By the way, title for the next chapter? Not a great title, but the best I could think of.

Hey, guess I'll take a second and just say something about how the two of them sometimes seem to answer each other's POV. That's just something that happened in the writing. Generally, neither knows what the other is writing or thinking, but just occasionally they sort of seem to step outside of the story for a moment and do, when it serves to carry the story along a bit. I don't know. It's a writing device. It'll never be a plot device. Like, he'll never say to the reader, I'm dead, and Rikku spit-takes and says, What! He's dead? Never happen. Well, I hope it doesn't bother anyone.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. If FFX is yours, please contact me. I've got a couple of ideas. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It'll be more AU later. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship, but I haven't totally forgotten the plot. Still-T-. Right?

And finally (coincidentally) this chapter and the next one are for Sitaloire. Thank you for the nice reviews, and especially for saying you appreciated some of the music notes. I put a lot of thought into those. I know that lately it's been all sort of top-40 pop, but that's what was called for in these chapters. There'll be some more interesting stuff coming up later. (Sigh.) If I have time.

Anyway, for Sitaloire, hope you like them.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

There's a sculpture. I guess you've seen it. Everyone has. It's a bunch of people, just regular men and women, seven or eight of them carrying the broken body of a man. The artist was really good. You know the man is alive. Dead men don't feel agony. His skin is frayed, and every inch of him is cut and torn and bleeding. You don't really see that much detail in the little replicas they sell in the souvenir shops in Luca and stuff, but you do in the big copies they put up in some parks.

The people who were there that day say he did things that men just flat out can't do. But he did them, again and again. The artist went there and talked to them and then he worked for two years on the piece, and when he was done they didn't put it in the center of the village. They put it near the bridge, sort of to one side, so that people would know where it happened. People go to that village to see that statue and to see the place where it happened.

The statue is called simply, Ocean's Point.

* * *

**Starfall**

* * *

**Auron:**

----Auron and sleeping Rikku----_Wake Me When September Ends_----Greenday----

I woke up and saw that we had both turned on our sides during the night, and she had curled up tight against me, her back to my chest under our blankets. Somehow, my arms were around her, holding her close. I closed my eye for a moment and listened to her snore softly. I won't tell her. In all the recorded history of Bevelle and Zanarkand no woman has ever reacted well to being told that she snores. But I don't mind it at all. It isn't often, and in any case I find it endearing.

Auron, you think she's adorable when she snores.

You are in deep trouble.

So I held the gently snoring, sleeping girl in my arms and finally asked myself the question that I never wanted to ask.

How do I really feel about her?

I look at her, lying next to me. Her eyes are closed, and she's facing away from me in any case, but if they weren't and if she wasn't, if they were open and looking at me they'd be deep green, and swirled. Al Bhed eyes. I saw that she wasn't wearing the padded bra. Just as well. She didn't really need it. She was perfectly Rikku just the way she was. She looks younger when she's asleep. Which means she looks about twelve years old.

All right. Let's start there. She is too young for you Auron. She's a teenager.

What was Willa?

Older.

Not much.

A couple of years. And if you don't think that's important then make Rikku a couple of years younger and see how that looks. She's a child.

No she's not. She's a young woman. And one that you respect deeply.

She's both, but it's the child part that matters.

She wouldn't agree.

That's because she's a child. I'm the adult. I'm the responsible one.

Stop it Auron, you don't care about the age thing.

No, Auron?

No. You would, but there's something else. Something larger.

You're talking about the dead thing.

Yeah, Auron. The dead thing. That's what you really care about. You saw how she reacted to Mika, and when Seymour married Yuna. She thought it was unnatural, a crime against nature, disgusting. She was right, by the way, and now you think that she'll hate you when she knows. And if you and she have become anything more than friends, she'll also hate herself, and hate you even more.

Well, she will.

Maybe.

No maybe. She will hate me.

Ask her now. Tell her now. And if she hates you then she does, and it's over. But if she doesn't...

I can't tell her.

Don't you trust her?

The stakes are too high, and I've made promises. I decided The Plan was important enough to let Yuna die if necessary. Now should I risk everything for the hugs and kisses, the smiles and the laughter of one little blond Al Bhed?

Her name is Rikku.

Shut up.

Tell her.

I can't tell her about the dead thing. At least I can talk about the age thing.

Yeah, but she won't care about the age thing.

She might, if I put it right.

Auron, you'll never convince her that you're too old. She doesn't care. You'll have to say that she's too young. It'll hurt her, Auron.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

And Auron? You never answered the question. What do you feel for her?

I'm too old for her, and too broken, and far, far, too dead for her.

Don't sidestep it, answer it.

She's a teenager. She's untidy. She leaves things all over camp, clothes and hypello potions and chocobo feathers. She's a messy eater. She talks with her mouth full.

Well she's a teenager, Auron.

That's my point.

Right. Messy. Hey, there's a reason not to love her. Auron, she puts her arms around you and tells you not to be afraid. When has anyone ever done that for you, Auron? Has anyone ever done that for you? And yes, she's a greedy little thing, but she's never selfish. She wants more for everyone. And she's twitchy, and rarely sits still. Yeah. So? She has hope, and a good heart full of love for you and everyone. She has courage and strength. You called her a star, Auron. I thought you had no pride left. Was it a lie? Are you too proud to love this girl?

No!

Are you afraid? She called you a coward, once.

I...maybe.

Well. All right. That took courage to admit. So, what are you afraid of? Maybe.

Perhaps I'm afraid that her love isn't real, that it's just a crush and it'll end and it'll hurt. Maybe I'm afraid that loving her will complicate things, and risk the success of The Plan. Or maybe that I'll lose the closeness that I have with her now. Or that her love will turn to hate when she knows. And most of all, I am afraid that I will hurt her very badly. Do I hold her little heart in my hands? I never wanted that. And when did this skinny, twitchy little blond thief sneak into my dead heart?

Well. All of that still doesn't answer the question. But it's a start.

I shift away a bit, and open a space between us so that she rolls toward me onto her back, pulling the covers up under her chin in her sleep. I lie there looking at her, looking into her face, trying to see...

I'm not trying to see anything. I'm just looking at her because I want to look at her, and then her eyes are open and she's looking back at me. She rubs the sleep from her eyes with one hand. She stretches, and smiles at me, and then she reaches out from where she's laying and twists her fingers in my hair and gently pulls my face toward hers, but I pull away. She won't let me pull away, and now she has both hands tangled in my hair and she leans toward me.

"Rikku," I say, trying to shake my head. "No."

And she lets go of me, and looks at me, and then she pushes herself up and sits with her legs crossed and shakes her head a little bit.

"Auron," she says, quietly, "I guess, we're gonna have to talk about...all this...sometime..."

I sigh a little.

"I suppose we will, Rikku," I say, looking up at her.

"...about love and life and sex and ages and secrets and everything..." she said, looking down at the ground between her knees.

I nodded. About all of that.

"And Auron? I know you think this is all a crush, and I know you think it's cute and all..."

"No, Rikku, that's not—"

"...but I think I'm falling in love with you for real, and I know you don't want to hear it right now, or maybe ever...so okay. So we'll have The Talk later sometime. But Auron...?" she said. "I just wanna say two things right now."

"All right, Rikku."

"First," she said, turning and smiling down at me, "If the next fiend we meet winds up eating you, you're gonna feel pretty silly that you never kissed me."

"Probably," I said, my lips quirking up. "And second?"

The smile faded from her face and she looked at me for a moment without speaking, then she turned away and started pulling on her socks and shoes, and said softly, "I really, really like you Auron, and I really, really care about you, and I think I always will.

"But I won't wait forever, Auron."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_It was raining, big fat drops falling from the sky like divine tears. She supposed that was appropriate. It should be raining the day that you bury a legend. She wasn't crying, and it surprised her a little that she didn't have any tears for him at the last. She had come to say goodbye to someone who had been an important part of her life, once._

Aw, screw this!

Start over!

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_Is that thunder I hear? Well, gee, Rikku. Let's see. We're on the Thunder Plain, so one might reasonably assume—_

_CRASH! "AAAaahhhHHH!" CRASH! BOOM! "AAahH!"_

_Okay! Okay! Sarcasm? Does NOT keep the thunder away. Okay. Okay. How about begging? Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh—_

_CRACK! CRASH! "AAaahhAAaaaHHHHH!"_

_When did I sign up for THIS?_

_Oh yeah. Moonflow. Had to save Yunie. Stupid Yunie. She wants to save Spira. Stupid Spira. Drag me onto the Thunder Plain! Bunch of MEANIES! Stupid meanies!_

_CRACK! "AAAAAAHhhhhh!"_

_No no no! NICE thunder! Nice and loud! Smart, good-looking thunder with winning personality and a good sense of humor!_

_CRASH! "AAAhhhHH!" CRAAAAASH! "AAAhhhHH!" CRACK! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! "AAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"_

_Mind turning off now. Click._

_Big. Warm. Solid. Nice. Me hugging big, warm, solid, nice. Smells nice. Solid. Big. Warm. Hug hug hug. Hug hard._

"_Rikku?"_

_Big warm solid nice talking to Rikku?_

_Opening eyes now. Big. Yes. Warm. Yes. Solid. Yes. Smells nice. (Sniff.) yes. Red. Yes._

_Red? Oopsie._

_Looking up now. Big red old guy mean mean mean. Poop._

"_Rikku, please let go of me."_

_NO! BIG WARM SOLID NICE!_

"_Rikku..."_

_CRASH! CRAAAAAAAAACK! "AAhhhhhhHH!"_

_Blacking out now. (Fade.)_

_Coming back around. Curled up. Movement. Big warm solid nice? Feeling around. YES! Open eyes? No. Cuddle into big warm solid nice._

"_Someone else could carry her." Red meanie voice._

"_You're the strongest, Auron." Nice Tidus voice._

"_The Ronso—"_

"_She really seems to like your coat, Auron. I don't think she'd let go."_

"_Hmmph."_

_Meanie._

_CRAACKKKK! "AAAaahhHH!" Cuddle closer big warm solid nice! Hold on tight tight tight!_

"_Hey Auron? Lulu says there's an agency ahead. Maybe we could stop there for a while so she can rest."_

_YES! AGENCY! STOP! GOOD GOOD GOOD!_

"_We don't have time, Tidus."_

_YES! AGENCY! STOP STOP STOP!_

"_We'll go on and camp on the Plain."_

_NO! No camp! Stop AGENCY! STOP! STOP! STOP!_

"_If you say so, Auron."_

_AUGGHH! NO CAMP! STOP! MAKE STOP! TALK! Talk? Uh...talk and make stop. I gotta talk. Okay. Okay. So. So, uh...snapping out of it now. Mind restarting. No error messages. Okay. Rikku's back now. Ready to open eyes. And, openiiinnnggg..._

_I'm curled up in Sir Auron's arms. He's carrying me. I'm kinda wrapped up in his coat, keeping the rain mostly off me. It's all soft and dry._

"_Uh...Sir Auron...?" I say, looking up at him._

_He opens his arms and I drop to the ground and I land in a puddle SOAKING MY SHORTS ALL TO HELL!_

"_HEY!" I yell up at him._

_He looks down at me through his shades with his hands on his hips._

"_You're awake. You can walk now. Or am I supposed to give everyone a turn? Do I carry Wakka next?"_

_Huh! Legendary meanie! I scramble to my feet and start walking, following the others. I don't speak to him. I'm never going to speak to him! Or even tell him any more jokes! Huh!_

_CRASHHH! "AAAaahhHHH!"_

_I straighten up from my cowering half crouch and notice the big red grouch has also stopped and he's glaring at me. Why? Oh. I'm clutching the coat again. (Warm. Nice. Stoppit!) I let go and he turns after the others._

"_Um...Sir Auron," I say. "Could we please stop at the agency? Just for a little while? Sir?"_

"_You're afraid," he says, coolly._

_Gee, ya'think?_

"_Nooooo, Sir Auron," I scowl up at him through the rain. "I just wanna stop and have a little picnic out here under the—"_

_CRACKKKK! "AAaahH!"_

"_The storm doesn't stop," he says, not looking at me. "Best to cross quickly, and get it over with."_

_NO! STOP AGENCY! Sarcasm no work! How about beg?_

"_Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please..."_

_Twenty minutes later..._

"_Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please..."_

_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! _

_OOOOOooooOwwwwwWWWW! OW! OW! OW!_

_LIGHT! HEAT! COLD! BIG BOOM!_

_OW! OW! OW! HURTS! OW! OW! OW!_

_Going away again. Click._

_Mmmmmm._

_Coming back now. Big warm solid nice? YES! Ahhhhhhh..._

"_Uh...she really seems attached to the coat." Tidus voice. "I guess you could just let her have it. Only for the night I mean!"_

"_The coat stays with me." Meanie voice, cold cold cold!_

"_Well, then I guess it's just you and her right now. Your room's down the hall. G'nite."_

_Moving. Big warm solid nice carrying me. Smells nice. Putting me down. Soft. Bed? Big warm solid nice pulling away! NO! Hold on tight tight tight!_

"_Rikku!"_

_Uh...okay. Opening eyes. Big. Red. Meanie._

"_Auron...?"_

_I look around. We're in a comfortable looking room and I'm in bed, clutching Auron's coat, while he leans over me._

"_We're at Rin's agency, Rikku. We stopped for the night. You were hit by lightning. Yuna healed you and we brought you here. You can rest now."_

_Rest?_

_And he starts to stand, pulling his coat out of my hands. Well, I mean, my hands don't seem to want to let go, really, but I guess...it's his coat, so—_

_CRACKKKK! CRASHHH! "AAaaahhHHH!"_

_I clutch at his coat so hard that he overbalances and falls into bed on top of me. Oof!_

_He shifts mostly off me and I hear him mutter, "Maybe I'll just leave the coat."_

"_No Auron," I say to him, "Please! Stay here with me? I'm so scared and you're so..."_

_Big warm solid nice. Nice smell._

"_Uh...you're so, uh..."_

_CRASH! BOOM! "AAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhHHHHHHH!"_

"_Rikku!" he says. "All right, Rikku, I'll stay for a while, until you go to sleep, but you have to stop screaming. You're going to wake everyone up, all the guests here. At least scream quieter."_

"_I will, Auron..."_

_BOOOOM! "AAAaahhHHH!"_

"_Rikku! You're going to wake everyone up!"_

"_I know! I know! I just—"_

_CRAASHHH! BOOM! BOOOOOOOOOOOOM! CRACK! "AAAAaaHH! AAaaaaahhhHHHH! AaAaaaMMMMMMMmmmmhghhhhh?_

_"Mmmghh!"_

_Auron's clamped his hand over my mouth!_

"_Rikku," he says, "You need—OOOWWWWW! DAMN IT, RIKKU!"_

_Ptui! Tastes like chicken._

"_Hey!" I say. "You keep your hands to yourself—"_

_CRAACKKK! "AAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhMMMMMMMMMmmmmggggpphhhhh...!_

_"Mmmmhhph?"_

_Auron's leaned over and locked his LIPS on mine! I try to pull away—_

_CRAAAASH! "Ammmmghhhph...mmm...mmmmmmmmmmm..._

_"Hmmmmmmm..._

_"MMMmmmMMmmmmmmmmm..."_

_And, well, it does keep everything quieter. I notice the smell of him and how close I'm clinging to him and maybe my tongue is just flicking out to slide over his lips when he pulls away, and I look at him in the dim light, unsure what to say or do. I've always been kind of scared of him because he was always so big and grim and he never laughed and smiled at me like the others, like even Kimahri did a little._

"_Auron...?" I whisper._

_He shakes his head._

"_I'm sorry, Rikku..."_

_Sorry?_

"_I didn't think. I was just trying to keep you quiet, and I didn't think before I, uh...well, I'm sorry."_

_And he got up to go._

"_Auron," I said, "Don't go. Please. I'm still scared."_

"_I'll leave the coat," he said with a crooked little smile._

_Uh..._

_Um..._

"_Hey Auron?" I said quietly. "I...I don't want to wake everyone up. I, uh, I know Yunie needs her rest, and we're, um, we're her guardians. So, um, maybe...you could help me? I mean, help me not to scream? So Yunie can rest?"_

_I looked up at him from under my lashes, and he was looking back without saying anything, and I could feel my face starting to get red..._

_BOOOOOOM!_

_And I was clutching his coat and he was back in the bed and his arms were around me and I was screaming little screams right into his mouth because our lips were all mashed together!_

_"Mmmmmmmmmmm..."_

_And I guess no one heard after all, cause no one came in to check on us for the whole rest of the night._

_"MmmMM! MmmMMmmMMMMMmmMMmmm..."_

_You know, we're gonna go to the Calm Lands next. Um...I wonder if I ever told Auron how terrified I am of chocobos?_

_"MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm..."_

_Really!_

_"MMMmmmMMmmMMmmmMMmmmmMMMmmmmmmmmm..."_

_Just terrified!_

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Well, that was fun. I dunno. I just felt like something cheerful, and I didn't bring any pie.

We walked for hours up the trail. It was sorta hard to follow and sometimes it seemed to disappear, but Auron always seemed to know where we were going. We stopped kinda late for lunch, and I was really ready for the sandwiches we ate, and the tea. And the break.

We sat close together and neither of us said much, just looked out over the view. All this time and it still didn't seem like we'd come very far at all when you looked back. I guess that's just how it is in the mountains. And then we were finished and I guess we were ready to go, but we didn't stand up. We both just sat there, and I was sorta leaning against him. It was cool, and I had goose bumps on my arms and I shivered a little, and he noticed and shifted around so he could open his coat and wrap it around us both, and I tucked up my legs underneath it.

It was nice.

"I'm sorry Rikku," he said. "I should have thought you'd be cold."

"It's all right, Auron," I told him. "I guess I could have said something."

After a while he said, "You haven't asked where we're going."

"Um...no," I said, looking down. "Well, I know I kinda forced myself onto this trip when you wanted to be alone. So, I figured I'd find out when we got to wherever. And really, I only came to be with you. Uh, you know, to protect you I mean. And...and we're together, so that's okay."

I shrugged, wrapped inside his coat.

"Hm. Rikku," he said quietly. "Do you know why I'm a legend?"

"Uh..." Was this a trick question? "Well, because of Ocean's Point, and, well, Klanneth. And being Uncle Braska's guardian, and, uh...I guess for being such a good fighter. You know, greatest warrior of your generation."

His arms pulled me a little tighter into the coat.

"Rikku, how do you know about Ocean's Point? About what happened there?"

I thought his voice was like mist in the morning, low over the ground, thrilling and mysterious, sending shivers up you spine when he was close and speaking almost right into your ear and you closed your eyes to listen.

"Well, everyone knows," I said, maybe a little puzzled. "It's a legend, how you stood off all those fiends all by yourself years ago. You saved the whole village."

He shook his head.

"I had all the advantages at Ocean's Point, Rikku. With the sea on one side and cliffs on the other, and a small stream that the fiends had to cross over on one narrow bridge. There were many strong fiends, but not many fliers in the swarm, and no water fiends. And the people of the village were prepared and ready to defend themselves if they had to."

"Well, so everyone should know about it." I said softly, leaning back against him. "Auron, it was a great thing, saving all those people like that.

"Wasn't it?" I asked, twisting around to look up at him.

"Maybe Rikku," he answered, closing his eye. "But the reason that everyone knows about Ocean's Point is because the Church did everything it could to spread the story."

"Uh...?"

"They spread the story over the comm system, including interviews with some of the villagers. They hired people to talk about it in taverns and restaurant bars and around campfires and in the stands of the blitzball stadium. They hired people to write books about it. Rikku, they commissioned a statue," he said bitterly. "The Church needed heroes.

"Yevon needed a legend," he said quietly.

"But..." I said after a minute, "But it really happened, didn't it, Auron? Oceans' point, I mean? You really did save it, all by yourself, didn't you?"

I felt him sigh, his chest lifting and falling.

"Rikku, have you ever heard of Starfall Village?"

I scrunched up my face and thought for a minute.

"No, Auron, I never have."

"No one has," he said softly.

I was shivering again, even next to him and wrapped in his arms and his coat. Or...maybe it was...was it...him shivering?

Anyway, I guess he was done talking. He squeezed me in a big hug and lifted us both up and put me gently on my feet. He looked to see if I was ready and I nodded and we started back up the mountain.

We kept climbing steadily higher and higher as we went. It was late afternoon when the trail we were following opened into a canyon with trees and brush and a little stream running to one side. We stopped and drank and the water was cold and pure. Then we pushed on through the trees and after a while we came out into a small, barren valley high up on the mountain, kinda shaped like a bowl or a cup. The cliffs rose up steep all around and a little waterfall fell not too far away and became the stream that ran through the canyon, and soon we were walking through a large field full of broken stone and rock that stretched from one side of the valley to the other. It all seemed pretty bleak.

I saw something shiny on the ground and pounced on it.

"Auron, look! It's a bracer! And there's a ring! And there's a sword! And GIL!"

Suddenly I noticed gil all over the ground, and spheres, mostly trash spheres, but maybe some rare ones too, and lots of weapons and stuff all over, just lying there!

"Auron, look!" I said, bending down to pick up one thing after another. "Where did it all come from!"

He stopped walking, and just stood there in his red coat, one arm hanging out of his sleeve, looking straight ahead out over the field of broken rock. The wind blew a few stray hairs around his head.

"Auron?" I asked, looking at him, puzzled.

His voice didn't have any emotion at all when he spoke.

"There was a large fiend swarm in the mountains," he said, looking straight ahead over the tops of his glasses. "It might have gone down to the coast to attack the village of Oconal, or up the trail to attack the village of Starfall. Kinoc wanted to meet them on the trail. I wanted to be tricky. But it didn't matter because the priests ordered us to defend Oconal. I had sworn to obey and they called me to my oath. Many high priests and maesters had summer homes and other property in Oconal.

"They ordered me to send every man I could to Oconal, and I obeyed. But I went to Starfall Village.

"I saved Ocean's Point single-handed once, and I thought maybe...

"But it was hubris.

"The fiends came, and killed all the people, and would have killed me if Kinoc hadn't disobeyed his orders and followed."

He looked around at all the stuff lying everywhere on the ground.

"We buried the people. All of the weapons and spheres and gil that the fiends dropped, we left where it was. No one ever touched any of it. We left it all behind us on the ground when they carried me out of Starfall Village."

I looked at all the stuff in my arms. I carefully bent down and piled it all on the ground. After a moment Auron started walking again, and I followed him.

"And no fiends ever formed around them either? All the stuff?" I asked him.

"I don't suppose so, Rikku, and I don't know why."

And he didn't sound like he much cared.

"Huh. Okay," I said. "Um...but, Auron? Where's the village? There's just all this rock here. There's nothing here."

I guess we were about in the center of the valley when he stopped.

"These piles of broken rock used to be homes," he answered quietly.

"Auron...?"

"We're here. This is it. Welcome to Starfall Village."

I looked around, shivering a little. The sky above us was grey now, not blue, and the mountain walls swept up to the heights on either side and the piles of rock spread out all around us. All I could hear was the wind blowing. There weren't any birds, or even insects. Just a few weeds. And the cold wind, and the cold, broken piles of stone, and all the cold dead treasure on the ground.

I didn't like this place.

"Auron," I said quietly. "Why did we come here?"

"I came to say I'm sorry, Rikku," he said, not looking at me. "I'm sorry that I couldn't save them. Sorry that I didn't have the courage to break my oath. I'm sorry that..."

He stopped and shook his head. "I came to say I'm sorry."

I didn't know what to say. I opened my mouth to say something, probably the wrong thing, but nothing came out and before I could think of anything he turned toward me without looking at me and said roughly, "I want...I need a little time alone, Rikku."

I really wasn't sure that was a good idea. I wasn't sure he should be alone. Not here. Not like this.

"Auron..."

"Please, Rikku," he said, closing his eye. "Just for a few minutes."

I've never seen him look...tired before.

I finally said, "Sure, Auron," with a fake little smile, and I could feel all the jokes and songs bubbling up inside me, desperate to get out and cheer him up, but that was just old habit. I knew it wasn't the right time for all that and I swallowed them all back down again and said, "I'll just walk around a bit. You take your time."

I left him standing there, alone with all his ghosts from the past that had lived here once and worked here once and raised families here once upon a time, and I guess they weren't so different from us Al Bhed, the people who had lived here.

And Auron...

I've never seen Auron look tired before. Not when we were marching in the desert or running from the Guado or scrambling to escape from Bevelle or even in that bar in Macalania, not really, and he was always carrying the weight of the world all by himself but his shoulders never slumped before. And maybe he hid from us behind his glasses and his collar but he always stood up straight and looked Spira right in the eye before this. He never looked...defeated. And I wanted to turn right around and go right back and put my arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

But he wanted to be alone, so I walked away.

I wandered through the rubble, looking at all the spheres and weapons and things, but not touching. It was getting dark now and I didn't know if it'd be okay to light a fire, and I didn't want to go ask Auron. He'd asked for privacy. I'd already forced my way into this journey with him when he had wanted to be alone, and I've been pushing, pushing, pushing for weeks to try to get inside his shell, and the least I could do now was give him some space when he asked. I found a flat rock not too far away, but far enough that I wouldn't bother him, and I jumped up on it and crossed my legs to wait.

I'm not sure how much time passed. I watched the last rays of the sun disappear and the stars come out, and I saw the moon rise and move across the sky. I guess I should have been bored, but I really wasn't. I'm always rushing here and there, afraid, really, to stand still. But on this trip, alone with Auron, I've started to change my pace to his. Not because he's making me and not just to be like him but because...because, he said I could, and I thought I'd try it, try slowing down a bit, and maybe I kind of like it now. Not for always. But maybe sometimes. Maybe sometimes I could just sit and look and listen and let some things happen without me.

My chin was resting in my hands and my elbows were on my knees, and I think I might have fallen asleep a couple of times, because every now and then I would sit up with a little jerk. Someone walked past me in the street. What? I blinked and lifted my head and looked around.

I think I was dreaming, because now there wasn't any rubble, no stuff on the ground, no remains of a doomed fight. I was still sitting on a rock, but the sun was shining and around me was a pretty little mountain village, and people were walking in the rough streets, dressed in warm clothes, stopping to talk to one another. No one seemed to be in a hurry. I couldn't hear anything, but I got a sense that these people were as happy with their lives as anyone on Spira could be. Children and a couple of dogs chased each other past me, and a woman was working in a kitchen garden nearby.

It was a very peaceful scene, but all I felt looking at it was really, really sad, because I somehow knew what was going to happen. It seemed like I sat there for hours, or even days watching the people live their lives, and I got to know them a little bit, the man with the limp that always got up before anyone else, the tiny girl who was always carrying a rag doll, the young woman who liked to smile and flirt with the man. I saw them living their lives in front of me.

But it also seemed like no time at all passed before I saw him. I saw him come running up the path and into the village square shoving people out of his way, his red coat flying out behind him. He looked younger than I was used to, but not too much, really. There wasn't any grey in his hair, and both of his deep brown eyes were open, looking out from a face without a scar. He was out of breath but still shouting something to the villagers, telling them to run, I think. They were coming out of their homes and shops to listen to him. There was confusion on their faces and they were throwing questions at him, starting to get mad, and a couple were even shaking their fists at Auron. I could tell he was arguing with them, getting angry, losing his temper.

A wolf-like skoll ran past me to leap on a small man and tear out the back of his neck in a horrible shower of blood. And then the people were running and I think they were screaming, but I still couldn't hear them or anything else. There were fiends all over the village and everywhere I looked they were pulling the people down and tearing them apart, and I lost track of Auron in all the blood and the pain, and I wanted to cover my eyes, but I couldn't.

I'm glad I couldn't hear them.

All around me the little street was full of men and women and children frantically trying to outrun the things that were killing them one by one. A young woman in a torn blue dress was running toward me and suddenly there was a spike sticking right out of the front of her chest and blood was pouring from her mouth and I think she looked right at me and I saw something go out of her eyes and then she was on the ground and dead right at my feet, and I saw the nebiros wasp jerk it's spike out of her back and turn back toward the center of the village. I jumped when I felt a hand on my arm and when I looked up I saw the woman in the blue dress standing next to me and smiling sadly. Her face was pretty when it wasn't all full of fear.

But wasn't she dead? I looked down, and there she was, lying there in a pool of red that was spreading towards my shoes. I felt the woman pulling at my arm, and then it was like we were rising into the air, floating up and over the village. I looked back down at the ground. I looked for Auron.

And I saw a slash of red cutting through the heart of the madness, cutting from one fiend to the next, cutting and never stopping, always moving, running, spinning, twisting, turning, jumping, dodging, and wherever Auron went, fiends died. I wanted to shout. I wanted to help, but all I could do was watch. He told me once that I danced like it's what I was born to do, but I watched while he danced with all the fiends that surrounded him and he was more graceful than I'll ever be.

He was moving fast, under some sort of Haste spell I guess, and they rushed at him from all sides, throwing themselves at him by twos and threes and tens and he danced away from their claws and under their blows and he danced back from the wild attacks of xiphos and chimeras and then he danced in close and wherever his sword touched a fiend it left nothing but pyreflies behind. No physical attack ever touched him, but there were so many now all around him that I thought they could simply pull him down but he never missed a step and he never put a foot wrong and he killed some and he danced away from the rest.

But the people were dying. He tried as hard as he could—I saw him—but he just couldn't be everywhere and the fiends were everywhere. There were flans throwing their spells at people, or at animals, or anything--ice flans and water flans and fire flans--and parts of Starfall were burning. I felt helpless and heartsick because I couldn't do anything, couldn't help them, couldn't protect them, and somehow I knew that it was a hundred times worse for Auron, and that he was dying inside because as hard as he fought he still couldn't save them!

They were dying faster now. I saw one young boy pulled apart by a pack of skolls, but then...I seemed to see him whole again, and he looked up at us, and he rose slowly into the air and came to us and I watched the woman in the blue dress open her arms and gather him in and hold him and comfort him.

I looked around me and for the first time I realized that we weren't alone, there were other villagers there with us, sitting up in the sky and silently watching. And even as I looked around I saw that others were joining us up here as they were hunted down and killed in the village below. It was like we were sitting in seats, looking down at something happening on a stage. Here was the woman who liked to flirt, not too far away from me, and there next to her was the man with the limp. They were holding hands.

Beneath us, the villagers were almost gone, the fiends starting to fight over the few that were left. I saw some of the last survivors trying to stay behind Auron, to hide from the fiends, but the fiends were all around them and the people died one by one. I saw Auron go into Guard stance, and he threw himself between a chimera brain and a small boy, but the boy was torn apart by two other fiends from behind. Auron tried to save a woman, but she ran away from him, scared out of her mind, and a flying eye bit off her head before she'd gone ten steps.

And suddenly...it was over. I saw the last villager die. He was an old man, and he was running toward Auron with a horrible look of fear on his face, and he was yelling something when he suddenly seemed to catch fire and burn away to nothing. And I saw the wispy shape of the man come out of his charred body and join the rest of us. He sat down near me in the sky over the village where they had all lived, where they had been alive just this morning, just an hour ago, and now they were all dead and sitting up in the sky and watching and I was sitting with them and it was only Auron who was left alone with the fiends down below.

I saw him cut down a chimera, and look up when no other fiend came to take its place, and he saw the old man's body. There were still maybe a hundred fiends all around him, all through the village, but they all stopped for a moment right where they were and looked at Auron. He was breathing hard, and he took a few small steps towards the burned body lying there in the street, and he looked at it and then he looked around him at all the dead bodies and the fiends were watching him. Nothing was moving but Auron.

And I heard him start to laugh.

It was the only thing I heard the whole time. His legs folded slowly and he sank to his knees and then he fell to his side and his head rolled back and he laughed and laughed and laughed. It hurt to hear, and my heart was breaking for him as he lay there on his back and laughed his guts out like he'd just heard the greatest joke ever told, and his laughter shattered the silence, and I could almost see it run out in waves that crashed against the walls and echoed back and slammed into the mass of fiends like a blow.

They hesitated. They stood where they were as Auron lay there and his laughter trailed off into horrible little titters that climbed up my spine and made me feel cold and sick inside. And after a while he slowly sat up and shook his head a little and then he climbed wearily back to his feet. He looked so tired. I've never seen him look so tired. He staggered just a bit and caught himself, and then he spread his arms wide, his sword in one hand, and with the other he motioned for the fiends to come. But they didn't.

So he went to them.

He swung his sword and smashed into a group of ogres and they exploded into pyreflies, and suddenly all the fiends were moving, hopping, crawling, flying, slithering, surrounding him, fighting other fiends to reach him and he cut wide around to clear a space, and an eye tried to hit him from above but he dodged under it and a shred tried to knock him off his feet but he jumped over it and he reversed his sword in the air and stabbed straight down and I thought he had missed the fiend but instead he drove the point deep in the dirt and suddenly all of the fiends near him were burning and Auron was running past them to hit the next group before they were ready.

He slashed at an anacondour then rolled under an ogre's swing and came up with a potion in his hand. There were potions and remedies and spheres all over the ground. He carved open an armored kusariqqu and the flans and coeurls and red and blue and gold elements were starting to hit him with spells but as near as I could tell they were all reflected back to themselves. An ochu rumbled round the corner and flailed Auron with its whiplike vines, but he caught them in his hands and when they snapped back he rode them up into the air and swung himself onto a roof.

The air all around was thick with pyreflies drifting upwards. Auron had to have killed at least fifty fiends by now, but their numbers never seemed to go down. More crowded into the village, pressing tight around that house, some climbing on each others backs to try to reach Auron, and spells still sparked around him, bouncing off. I looked toward the edge of the village to see if even more fiends were coming and I saw there were people out there. At first I thought they were villagers that were still alive somehow, that had gotten away, but...

Spiky hands and spiky hair. I saw one of them gesture, and a dual-horn appeared and charged into the village.

They were Guado.

I turned back to the roof in time to see Auron climb to his feet and drink a potion while he looked down over what was left of Starfall Village. His face was calm, almost peaceful, and I didn't know why he wasn't crying, or screaming, or swearing, or something! But he wasn't. The sun was setting now, and the fiends flicked in and out of the long shadows thrown by the sun and by the fires that were burning all over the place, and smoke was rising here and there.

An iron giant lumbered up and swung its massive sword but I think Auron barely noticed, he just sort of absentmindedly dodged the blow and swiped the fiend out of existence. But now fliers were coming-eyes and wasps-and a group of bombs were drifting nearer, and I spotted a zu in the distance. And Auron stood on the roof as calm as anything while deadly spells bounced off him and fiends climbed the walls to reach him, like he was just in the Calm Lands or something, watching a storm roll in, or in Luca, just watching the people walk by.

Then he tossed aside the empty potion and took his sword in both hands and crouched a little, with the blade cocked to one side. A few strands of hair had come loose from his ponytail, and they blew around his face in the breeze. I didn't know what he was doing. The fliers were closer, almost there. And I saw that the wind was picking up, blowing faster, and then even faster. The wind was blowing all around him, bending around him, and then I saw him start to turn, and he gathered the wind somehow and wrapped it tight around himself and then he threw it out and it became a tornado crashing through the fiends surrounding him, tearing through their ranks, ripping them to shreds that became drifting shoals of pyreflies.

He must have killed half the fiends in the village, and then he reversed the sword in his hands--point down--and jumped from the roof, skewering a dazed iguion and twisting to kill two more fiends. Do fiends feel shock? Or even fear? They didn't run away from Auron, but they didn't rush to attack him either. They seemed almost confused. Ogres wandered aimlessly like they didn't know what to do. Skolls just shook their wolf-like heads as if they couldn't understand what had happened to them. And Auron moved among them, sword flying, harvesting them.

The light was starting to go but from where I was I could see the Guado out past the last homes summoning more fiends and sending them into the remains of the village. Did Auron see them? Did he know that his real enemies were out there in the dark? I opened my mouth and tried to scream, to warn him, but nothing came out, and I felt a hand on my arm. It was the woman in the blue dress, holding the little boy in her lap and sadly shaking her head at me.

It was night now, and Auron killed by the light of the moon and the fires that were burning. He ran from one small group to the next, sending tornados to rage whenever more fiends gathered together, and it was Auron who finished the destruction of Starfall, the winds blasting apart homes as well as enemies. He called the storms again and again until the fiends were broken and there wasn't a home left standing. The stars were hidden by clouds of pyreflies rising all around us.

The Guado were staying back, still trying to hide, and they weren't sending the fiends forward when they summoned them, and my heart was pounding because I knew that they were gathering a horde and when they had enough fiends they would just send them in a wave that would roll right over Auron, and I knew it wouldn't be long.

And then they were coming, five huge fiends I think they call behemoths, and a pack of ogres and three-headed chimera brains. Nothing would be able to stop them. Even a tornado wouldn't kill enough of them, and the others would reach Auron, and he knew it, but he crouched anyway and he twisted and gathered the wind and turned and threw one last tornado out at the Guado and their fiends. They were going to kill him and all I could do was watch him die. I saw him pull out his jug and I thought he was going to take a drink before they pulled him down.

It would be such an Auron thing to do.

But instead, he gave a lazy, underhand swing and tossed the jug up into the air in a high, wide arc that went up, up, up, and fell down, down, down, until it met the tornado and FIRE exploded across the sky! Behemoths and other fiends were sucked up into the firestorm and burned to cinders that became pyreflies, and before it fell apart the storm went on to hit the Guado.

I never really understood what they meant before.

The greatest warrior of his generation.

I saw the Guado survivors try to pull themselves together. Auron was still badly outnumbered and he had to be exhausted and they only had to get lucky once. I saw a Guado gesture and a chimera appeared, but two men were attacking it from behind while another stabbed the Guado in the back, and then more men were coming through the trees in the dark and I realized they were warrior monks, and they were cutting down Guado and fiends and the last few Guado tried to run, but they didn't get far.

The monks didn't take prisoners.

Auron stood there and watched, swaying a little on his feet. Three monks jogged over to him. Was that...Kinoc? And as they reached him the sword slipped from his hand and fell to the dirt and he collapsed into their arms.

And then everything began to disappear. It all just sort of hazed away, and the monks were gone and the fires were gone and that younger, exhausted Auron was gone, but I was still floating in the air over the village. The woman in the blue dress was still here, with her hand on my arm and the boy in her lap, and I looked around and saw that they were all still here, all the people from Starfall Village all still sitting here in the air over the place where they had died that day.

I looked at them, and I suddenly realized why. I suddenly understood that they had been waiting here all of this time for Auron to come back. And the woman in the blue dress smiled a little, and nodded to me, and looked down. And I looked down, and there was Auron. Not that younger, more angry, Auron, but older, quieter Auron.

My Auron.

But he wasn't alone.

* * *

**Auron:**

I was surprised when they stepped out of the dark, a priest of Yevon and a warrior monk. I should have heard them. Or smelled them. But I was too caught up in the past. Perhaps the girl is right, and I do need a keeper. I'm glad she isn't here. The monk was large and the priest was small and he smelled of Bevelle and death.

"Fra priest," I said, nodding my head.

He smiled.

"You are polite, Sir Auron, and know the proper means of address. This pleases me. A man should be dignified in the last moments of his life."

Fra is the proper form of address for a priest-assassin of the Grey Court.

"I am Semdek, and this is Merreck, and you know why we are here."

"I suppose I do."

In truth I expected it long before this. But it surprised me now, with the situation in Bevelle the way it was. If it came to open warfare with the monks or with some other faction, Benefice would need all of his people to protect the Grey Court and his own position. I knew in fact that he was calling all the fra home.

In addition, for all practical purposes the two of us had a truce at the moment, based on the fact that we were both busy with other things, he with Bevelle and I with the pilgrimage. If he tried to kill me and failed he would have one more strong enemy at his back when it was the last thing that he wanted. This made no sense now. So what was this fra doing out hunting me?

"I'm a little puzzled, Fra Semdek," I said. "I would have thought that Benefice had other things than me on his mind right now."

"Oh the chancellor did not send us, Sir Auron. He called us back from straggler duty on Gagazet, and we decided to seize the opportunity."

"Ah. An unauthorized excursion," I said. "Naughty. Benefice doesn't like it when one of his little puppies goes off the reservation."

"Oh, I think he'll forgive us when we bring him your skin," he answered. "He can keep it in a drawer, and take it out and look at it when he's feeling blue."

I turned to the silent monk.

"And you? You're also unconcerned with the idea of acting without orders?"

His mouth curved in a cruel smile, but he said nothing. Not a talker, that one.

"Oh, Sir Auron," the priest said, sounding hurt. His voice was wispy and insubstantial, but clear nonetheless. "Sir Auron, how often did you and Fra Braska break the rules? And the two of you were probably the best warrior monk/priest-assassin team Bevelle has ever had. You are legends within the Grey Court. How many times did you go into Guadosalam itself after a target, or into the Alpha and Omega dungeons, or into the nomad lands? You have to risk large to win large. Would you deny us our chance?"

Legends.

Until Braska was expelled for wedding an Al Bhed girl, and until I began to butcher the fra.

I shook my head.

"All of us tell our own stories," I said with a small sigh. "Let's see whose story ends tonight."

The monk was fast. He pulled out a short sword and leaped at me. As big as he was, he was a light fighter, and it surprised me. His weapon probably had Deathstrike, but I had the girl's sword in my hand, and he didn't touch me. I twisted to one side, let him slip past, and kissed the edge of my blade across the back of his neck. I felt his spinal cord separate and he went down. But I was too late. Even as the monk fell I saw the priest pull a knife from under his robe.

It wasn't for me.

He made a quick gesture in the air, said a Word, and slashed the blade across the inside of his arm. Blood spurted out and fell to the ground, and the clear, cool night suddenly became colder and darker. All the stars went out overhead and a freezing wind crashed over me and all I could smell was death. I looked up and saw the night-black figure of a great beast towering over me. Then it flickered, and became a woman of terrible beauty, and flickered again and it was a twisting column of nothing at all, light and hope and pain and humanity all falling into it and becoming nothing as well.

Kali.

The aeon of death.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I saw everything and I heard everything they all said, and suddenly the monk was attacking Auron, and then he was dead on the ground but the priest was doing something and I could feel that it was something bad! Really bad! Like, Anima bad! Something was coming! And then things got all dark and cold and then there was something there, and it kept changing, from a horrible, beautiful woman to an animal to a great big patch of nothing and I know that doesn't sound right, and it wasn't right, it was all wrong the way Anima is wrong but that's what it was!

AAhhhH! My leg was BURNING. No, something in my pouch was burning, and suddenly I felt something in my brain unlocking, and I knew that somehow the level 3 key sphere that I got from Tidus had been activated and it was doing something to me.

Auron! I didn't have time for this! What about Auron! I looked down and it was the woman standing there in front of Auron. She was dressed all in black and her skin was dead-white and she held a cruel looking whip and she smiled at Auron and lashed it at him. And he tried to dodge away, but the very tip of it caught him on the shoulder and he went down! He just fell down to the ground and I knew he was dead and I screamed, "AURON!"

And then I was right there, right there with him and I didn't bother to ask HOW or WHY, I just pulled out a phoenix down and threw it as fast as I could and I felt my heart give a great big THUMP when he started to climb to his feet.

"Rikku..."

"Auron!"

"Well, well," I heard the priest hiss.

I turned to look at him but the woman was looking at me and her eyes caught me and I couldn't look away, and she didn't look very happy. Then she vanished, replaced by the animal. It was big and it was black and it had way too many arms and legs and it was getting ready to do something, and I was sweating and my stomach was starting to cramp and my brain was shutting down because I was so scared and Auron was still getting to his feet and what do I do what do I do what DO I DO?

And then she was standing in front of me, the woman in the torn blue dress—standing between the thing and us—still holding the little boy, and she smiled and nodded her head at me like it was all going to be all right and all I could think of to do was to look at her and ask, "Help us..."

And then they were standing around me, the woman in the blue dress, and the little boy, and the man with the limp, and the girl that liked to flirt with him, and the old man, and even the tiny girl with the rag doll, and others from the village were all standing around me and they started to glow until I couldn't see them clearly, I couldn't even look right at them, and then they were bars of pure light shooting up into the sky and up and out and then back in and they CRASHED through the beast-thing, and their light shattered its dark!

It howled! They had hurt it! But it wasn't finished, and I felt...I don't know. Not tired, or hungry, but somehow drained like there was something less in me now.

"Rikku," Auron asked raggedly, "Where did you learn Holy?"

I turned to him and opened my mouth but nothing came out. My mind was blank. I didn't know what to say.

He shook his head, and asked, "Can you cast it again?"

I took a breath.

"Maybe," I said, "Maybe once..."

The beast reared up in front of us, and Auron said, "Do it," and then it was slashing at me with two huge paws but Auron was there, throwing himself in front of me and taking the blow meant for me and he went down again, just fell down to the ground and didn't move. Auron...? And I looked up at the sky, but that wasn't right, so I closed my eyes, and tears were leaking through to run down my cheeks, and I looked somewhere inside me and asked, Please...

And they were there, and I saw them for just a moment as people before they turned into bars of light and raced into the sky and spread out and rushed in and smashed through the beast again, and it screamed and flew apart into a million pyreflies scattering into the night.

Auron...?

"Oh well done, little girl," I heard the priest say. He was standing there now, blood running from his arm, down his hand, running down the blade of the knife and dripping to the ground.

"Very impressive," he said. "I'm sure Auron would be proud of you. Too bad he's dead and you're out of magic."

I looked at him. To the Al Bhed, this was the face of Yevon, this murderous priest with his face full of hate, wanting nothing more than to kill us all. This is what Yevon means to us.

And one other thing about smug, sanctimonious, self-righteous, holier-than-thou YEVONITES. They love to hear themselves TALK, and I truly enjoyed the look on the idiot's face when Auron climbed to his feet. Hey motor-mouth, it's called phoenix down!

And Auron cut him down in one blow and then I took two steps and he took one and I was in his arms and we were holding each other tight.

"Auron," I choked, "I...you...you were..."

"Shhh, Rikku," he whispered, holding me. "Shhhhh, it's all right. We're all right. Shhhhhhhhh..."

After a while I stopped trembling, and I heard my own heart slowing to match his, and I felt our hearts beating together while his arms locked me tight against him and I didn't say anything, because I knew anything I said would be wrong, would change this and I didn't want it to change, not yet. I just wanted to stay there in his strong arms as long as I could, as long as he let me, pressing into his shoulder while his cheek rested in my hair. I just closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of him until he finally said softly, "Rikku, let's go."

And I nodded, and stepped back, but my hand slipped into his and he didn't pull away. Maybe he needed the simple human contact as much as I did. Maybe he wasn't willing to give it up yet either. We walked away from the pile of rock and fallen treasure that had been Starfall Village and headed down the mountain. We wouldn't get too far in the dark, but far enough that we would be someplace else and not here.

I turned once, and looked back.

"Auron, shouldn't we...well, bury the bodies?"

He stopped, and then walked on, pulling me after by the hand.

"No, Rikku. I don't think we will."

And as I let him pull me away, I saw a flash of light from the corner of my eye, and when I looked it was the woman in the blue dress, holding the little boy. She smiled, and waved, and I blinked, and she was gone.

**Next: Ghosts of Past and Future**


	31. Ghosts of Past and Future

Hey. I think this'll be kind of a long AN. Oh well.

Some of you probably realized that the thing I was talking about that was kind of like the other thing was the little story set on the Thunder Plain that was kind of like a Rikku stream-of-consciousness on the Thunder Plain story that Spazkit wrote, but I don't think it was enough alike to be a big deal. Hope you don't disagree.

So, in that battle in Starfall? The way I pictured Auron set up was, sword with Piercing (I never saw one without Piercing. If you can get one from Wantz I don't want to know. I didn't give Oaka enough money). Start over. Sword with Piercing, First Strike, Counter and Evade, and Deathstrike. Bracer with auto-Haste, auto-Reflect, auto-Regen, and Stoneproof. Overdrive set on Loner. Set up this way, the only real danger to him is status ailments. Confuse can be deadly. I had one slot to protect him and I took Stoneproof.

So, I'm glad ya'll liked the chapter. It was one of the key chapters in the story, slated in from the beginning. (Other key chapters were the Thunder Plains where Auron and Rikku start to make a special connection, and the destruction of Home, same thing.) This was a chapter for Rikku to get to know more about Auron, but also for the reader to do the same. Like, instead of just me saying all the time he was the greatest warrior of his generation, this helped show it to the reader and maybe made it more real to ya'll. And it brought out a little of what Auron thinks about himself and about his legend, and stuff like that.

So, here's a look into the process. I wanted Rikku to have Holy, to give her a little more offensive heft and add some flexibility to the plot. But I didn't want her to just, you know, say, Hey guys, finished my mail order course and I know Holy now. I wanted it to have some meaning. (When Yuna gets it it'll probably be from praying at a temple or something, but that's not right for Rikku.) So, I thought, hey, what about if it happens at Starfall? That's good. That'll work out. I can do it this way, and use the people there, and she can use it right away when she fights Kali, and it all falls together. Great. But first, she needs a lvl3 key sphere. So first, Tidus has to beat the trainer. And then, why would he give the sphere to her? Oh, hey, I already have that thing where they laugh at her while she's asleep, I'll have him give it to her cause he's sorry, but that means that has to happen first, and I've already kind of decided that it was going to happen after the fight and help the two of them get back together so that means the fight has to be first but that means that all the relationship stuff that comes before the fight has to come before the fight and where and when well I guess while they're looking for the chocobo trainer but when will they visit the zoo and what about the...

Well, all of this to explain why they've been in the Calm Lands so long. They were only supposed to be there a few chapters, originally. But that's how it happens. For me at least.

Anyway. Major spoilers. Yuna's pregnant in Kingdom Hearts 2. (I may have made that one up. Not sure. Never played it.) Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (Don't feel smug. It isn't yours either.) Follows the story, but kind of AU. (Hey, none of my characters are idiots. That alone makes it pretty AU from a lot of other fan fics, at least.) It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. (They haven't even kissed.) Still pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less. (See last comment.)

So, last thing. Like the last chapter, this one is dedicated to Sitaloire. It isn't a key chapter like the last one, but I still hope you like it. Thanks for all the reviews and comments.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

My legend is a gift of the Church.

My faith is the gift of a murderer.

My hope is the gift of a thief.

I said I would try. I would try for her.

And so I will.

For her...I will try.

* * *

**Shadows of Past and Future**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was awake for a long time, even after we got away from that village and found a place to camp a little down the trail. Auron and I lay down together and he didn't say anything when I pressed up as close to him as I could under the blankets. He just wrapped his arms around me tight and held me when I got an attack of the shakes, just trembling uncontrollably. I haven't done that in years, but seeing Auron go down like he did, realizing that he could have died for real, that I could have lost him just like that...

I've lost so many people.

After I stopped shaking I just lay there clutching him, and he lay there next to me, maybe even on top of me a little, just holding me tight and making me feel safe. And that's all that I wanted right then, just for him to make me feel safe, and he did, and I just lay there for a long time, just feeling him and breathing in the smell of him and maybe even trying to burrow under him a little deeper like I was trying to get under a thick warm blanket on a cold, cold night.

"Auron?" I said a little later.

"Yes, Rikku."

"I...I'm sorry about your friend Kinoc...that he got killed, I mean."

I could feel that he was surprised.

"Thank you, Rikku," he said. "He was...a good friend, once."

Yeah.

Neither of us said anything for a long while, then...

"Rikku," his wonderful, low voice came close out of the night. "Are you awake?"

"Yes, Auron."

"Rikku," he asked softly. "Where did you learn Holy?"

"Um...well," I shifted a little, and he moved like he was going to give me more room but I never let go of him and just kept him close and he settled back next to me and I went on.

"You wanted to be alone," I said, "Back in the village, so I went and sat down to wait..."

And so I told him. I told him all about how I sat on a rock and I saw him come running into the village and saw the attack, and how a woman in a torn blue dress was killed right in front of me, and then she took me by the arm and pulled me into the sky...

I felt him trying to look into my face, his cheek brushing against my hair.

"Rikku," he said, "It was a dream. You fell asleep and dreamed about the attack, about what I told you happened that day."

"No, Auron," I shook my head, and I think some of my hair got in his mouth cause I could hear him blow it out, and I almost giggled, but...

Instead I started to shake again. A little.

"No, Auron..." I said. "I was there. I saw it. I saw all of the people pulled down in spite of anything you could do, and I saw you running from one fiend to the next—"

"Rikku—"

"I saw the Guado, Auron. And I saw you call the storms! And Auron! I heard you LAUGH!"

He didn't say anything. Just held me. And after a moment I felt him nod in the dark.

"Well, the villagers were dying," I went on. "And...and when they died, they, they kind of came out of their bodies, and they came up into the sky where we were and sort of sat down and we watched while you fought the fiends. Auron, we saw you on the roof when you sent the first storm, and we saw when fire exploded across the sky, and then the other monks came and it was over. Auron, we sat up in the sky and we watched it all."

"Rikku," he said slowly, "We had summoners. They did a sending. Why would all of those people still be there, Rikku? After all these years?"

"They..." I wet my lips, "Auron, they were waiting for you."

I felt a little shock run through his body.

"Auron," I said softly, "They were waiting for you to come back."

He didn't say anything for a long time. I think maybe I heard him swallow a couple of times.

"Why, Rikku?" he asked after a while. "Why would they wait all that time? Just to hear my apology? Or did they want to judge me?"

"No, Auron," I whispered. "They...I think they waited, I think they wanted to...thank you..."

In one sudden move he let go of me and sat up and I could hear him breathing hard in the dark...

"Thank me..." he said in a quiet, bitter voice. "Thank me. Rikku, I let them die!"

Auron," I said, struggling upright, "You tried! You tried to save them! You tried your very hardest! No one else did!"

His voice came flat and cold out of the dark.

"I failed and they died. They all died."

"Auron, you cared! Sometimes that's all you can do when it's all too late, is let people know someone cares!"

"That's not good enough," he rasped.

Oh Auron, I thought. Auron, what can I say to make you understand, to stop blaming yourself? They don't blame you, Auron. I sat in the dark next to him feeling miserable because I could feel how alone HE felt, even though I was right there with him, and I didn't know what to do or to say...

Except maybe...open myself up...?

"Auron," I said slowly, "Auron, I never told you how much your letter meant to me. The letter you wrote after Operation Mi'ihen."

In the dim starlight I could see him turn and look at me. I guess...the only times I've ever really reached him was when I opened myself up first. I told him I was scared, and he told me he was scared all the time. I asked him to hold me in the dark, and he did, night after night. I asked him why he didn't wanna be friends anymore and now we're friends again.

I told him about my Mom, and he told me about his family.

"Auron," I said, "I supported Operation Mi'ihen. I thought...I thought we Al Bhed would help defeat Sin forever, we'd show everyone and people would stop hating us. I talked about it with my cousins and they all wanted to go, and I laughed and hugged them and supported them!

"Auron..." I whispered, "I made jokes, about how the Church would be so sick when we beat Sin, and how they'd all be heroes..."

"Rikku," he started to say, "You..."

And then," I interrupted him, "Then when the bodies started to come home, Auron, all the bodies, I thought maybe I was really going insane. All my cousins were just lying there dead in their boxes, and I was never gonna see them again, and I couldn't catch my breath, Auron, just like when my Mom died, I had to run to my room and lie on the floor and cry and make myself breath IN and OUT..."

I was shaking again, and my breath was ragged, and he moved over and held me again and I was almost all right, in his arms.

"And then your letter came, Auron, posted on the net, and what you wrote, that they died for hope, trying to give us all hope, and themselves too, and that it all meant something, even if they failed. Auron, you said there was worth in trying, and that meant so much to me right then. It helped me to get through it. Auron," I whispered, shaking inside his arms, "You said there's worth in trying! Didn't you mean it?"

"I...Rikku, I... Yes, yes, there is worth in trying Rikku...but...Rikku," he whispered, "...I should have saved them. I should have found a way, Rikku."

"And Mi'ihen should have worked...but it didn't, and I hated myself for it. And then your letter said there was worth in trying, and I believed you, and I started to feel almost...okay...again. Auron," I asked him softly, "Auron...do you think you're better than me?"

"RIKKU..." he jerked. "No, of course I'm not..."

"Auron, doing your very best, trying your very hardest...why is that good enough for me and for everyone else but not for you! Auron, that's hubris!

"I...I don't know why, Rikku...and I'm not better than you, or anyone...but..."

"Auron, what else could you have done! What more could you have done than what you did! Auron, I SAW you and I KNOW! Auron, what else could you have done?

"I could have disobeyed my orders and taken my men to stop the swarm!"

"You took an oath, Auron."

"Rikku," he rasped. "What's more important, my honor or their lives?"

I thought I knew, once. I was really sure that I knew, once. I guess I always thought honor was just a word little boys used to justify doing what they wanted to do anyway, but it's different when it's his honor and you know how much it means to him and he's sitting there next to you, holding you so tight now that's it's almost hard to breathe and you're holding him just as tight and you can feel the desperate unhappiness coming off him in waves and how much he hates himself, and that he's tearing himself into little ragged pieces inside.

"Auron," I said, and there was a big old lump in my throat but I swallowed it back down and said, "I don't know...I don't KNOW what's more important, but I know your honor IS important. Auron, I thought honor was just a word, but I was wrong. It means as much as people want it to mean, as much as they make it mean! And Auron? They don't blame you. They stayed all these years to thank you, for trying. They don't blame you, Auron. Can't you stop blaming yourself?"

"I...should have found a way..." he whispered, raggedly.

"Auron, stop blaming yourself...please," I begged him. "Can't you try? Try...try for me, Auron. Can't you try for me?"

I know it didn't make any sense.

"I...I'll try, Rikku."

But, well, it kinda worked.

So we sat there in the dark with my head on his shoulder and our arms around each other while he brought his ragged breathing under control and I stopped shaking little by little, and I knew—I KNEW—that if I leaned in close and tried to kiss him right then, he'd let me, and he'd kiss me back, and...and then...

But...I don't know. It just wouldn't be...fair...I guess. To take advantage like that, of his feelings being so mixed up, of his being so hurt and off-balance and alone. So I didn't. I wanted to. I felt flushed and hot and my whole body wanted to, but I didn't.

I hope I don't regret it one day.

And after a while I started the story again. How all of us sitting up in the sky saw the battle end, and then we were back in the present, and we saw the priest and the monk talking to Auron, and then the big monk attacked him and Auron put him down but we could all feel something coming, something bad and then it was there—that THING—and I was so scared for him, facing it all alone, and then my LEG was burning, but not really, it was something in my pouch.

"It was the key sphere, the one that Tidus gave me. Somehow it got activated and I could feel it doing something inside my head but I didn't know what until I fell down beside you and that...thing...was looking at me and the woman in the blue dress was there and she smiled at me and I...I don't know, I kind of...I don't know, asked for help, I guess. And then they were all there, all around me and then they turned into light or something and flew into the air and just crashed into that thing."

"And then you asked me if I could do it again, and I didn't know, but I thought maybe...and you said do it and jumped in front of me and that thing...killed...you..."

I was shaking again. I haven't gotten the shakes like that since Mom died...not even after Mi'ihen. Not even when Home was destroyed. Maybe...maybe it's that I didn't dare get the shakes, because there wasn't anyone around that I trusted enough to hold me together, but now there is. Does...does that sound right? Like it might be why?

"So...so I kinda, looked somewhere inside me, and said, please. And they were there again, and they all flew into that thing again and killed it. Auron," I said, "What was it? What was that thing?"

"That was Kali, the aeon of death."

"I've never heard of it before."

"It's only used by the priest-assassins of the Grey Court."

"Huh. Well, so, anyway...I guess, I mean, I think, I think that's how the people are thanking you Auron. They somehow gave me that spell Holy, and they, they somehow became part of it. To help you...us...I don't know, like you helped them, or tried to."

He didn't say anything for a long time.

"Auron...?"

"I'm, just thinking, Rikku. It's just...hard for me to accept the idea."

"Is it really so hard to believe that they want to help you for trying to help them, even if you couldn't?"

"Yes, Rikku," he sighed, his breath stirring my hair. "For me, it is."

I sighed with him.

You know, I remember back when Home was destroyed, when he stopped me from killing that Guado. He saved me. And then Tidus and I stopped him too, and I remember thinking that us saving Auron would be harder than him saving me, but that maybe we at least started that day. And now I'm starting to realize that saving Auron's gonna be harder that I ever thought. Maybe even harder than saving Yuna.

But I'm gonna.

"Auron," I said finally.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Is it my turn now, Auron?"

I felt him nod, the side of his face caressing my hair. There was so much I wanted to ask about, like about the Guado, and what they were doing there, and what it all meant, and how come I never saw him use those powerful attacks before. But most of all, I think, I wanted to know...

"Auron? Fra Braska?"

He didn't say anything for a moment.

"It's...too long to go into right now, Rikku. What if I tell you tomorrow? And we try to sleep now?"

I was kind of tired.

"All right, Auron."

And we lay back down, and I had to let go of him so he could gather the blankets and cover us up, but I kept hold of his coat until he took it off, and then I grabbed onto his pants leg and then when we were both under the blankets I clutched him again, and he held me close, and tight, and I held him too.

Isn't that better than a kiss, really?

"Auron...?"

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Auron, will you talk to me? Just about anything? Until I go to sleep, Auron? Please, I just wanna listen to your voice..."

"All right, Rikku."

And he did.

And I listened to his wonderful voice in the dark, and it wrapped around me like his arms were wrapped around me and swirled inside my head like smoke and made me feel safe. He told me stories from when he was a young kid, like when his father took him to Lake Macalania to show him the fiends there. It was the first time he'd ever seen snow. He made a snowball and put it in his pocket to show his sister. When he got home he couldn't figure out where it had gone and why his pants were wet.

I love his voice.

I love...

"Auron...?" I whispered.

"Rikku?"

"I know that killing someone puts a stain on your soul forever. You said that, and I believe you, Auron. But...that priest, Auron? If it had been a choice between him and you...I wouldn't have hesitated. Not for one little second, Auron."

And I could feel his breath soft on my hair when he said, "I know."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I can't tell if Auron looks younger when he's asleep. I don't see him asleep very often. He almost always wakes up before I do, or anyone. Sometimes I open my eyes and find him looking at me. Just laying there next to me, looking into my face. Should it make me feel self-conscious? It never does. Other times he's moving around the camp doing whatever has to be done.

But that morning he was still asleep when I woke up our faces only a few inches apart. I guess the last couple of days have been kind of hard on him—wore him out, sorta. Gee, Rikku. Ya'think? Anyway, when he's asleep some of the lines in his face sort of smooth out, but I don't know if that makes him look younger or not. Sometimes I think one thing, and sometimes the other.

I know it doesn't matter, like the scar doesn't matter. I guess sometimes I wish he was younger, or even maybe that I was older, so that the age thing wouldn't matter so much to him. I know it's one of the things he worries about. And the scar. I reach out a finger and run it softly over the puckered ridges on his face, just barely touching.

**Auron:**

I wake up to find gentle, green, Al Bhed eyes looking at me, and a little finger tracing lightly the lines of the scar on my face.

**Rikku's Diary:**

He's awake now, but I keep running my finger over the scar, looking from it into his eye and back. Neither of us says anything. I think about going back to sleep. Just snuggling in close and closing my eyes for another little catnap, but before I can he sighs and begins to get up. Oh well. I guess we do need to start the day. I sit up and start pulling on some clean socks and my shoes while Auron builds a small fire and starts the breakfast mush. We hadn't bothered with a fire the night before.

"Auron...?" I say. "Fra Braska?"

He didn't say anything for a while. I just waited.

"Rikku," he said. "Are you sure you want to know?"

HEY!

"Of course I am!" I said. Was he trying to get out of telling me?

"Rikku, secrets are burdens, not prizes."

"Auron," I growled.

"What will you tell Yuna?" he asked softly.

Oh.

Uh...

"I, uh, I...can't decide that until I know, Auron," I said to him in a small voice.

I think he might have closed his eye, and he sighed, and shook his head a little.

"I was a training officer in Bevelle," he started. "I worked with the cadets, the young monks and crusaders. This was before I was Commandant of Cadets. One day the Commandant called me into his office and told me that the Grey Court had requested my services. I didn't like the idea. Few of the warrior monks ever cared for the Grey Court, and we didn't like working with them, but I was a soldier and I had taken an oath of obedience. I never took the other oaths, poverty and chastity and the rest. But obedience was the one they really cared about. They sent a clerk to show me the way."

**Auron:**

I didn't need him of course. I knew where the Court was. Not that many people did, but I did. Nevertheless, I followed the man as he took a long, roundabout route with frequent stops. After a while it dawned on me that he was trying to see if we were being followed, probably worried about Ophelia's people. Paranoia is a way of life in Bevelle, and given the nature of the place it only makes sense, really, but Benefice's Grey Court and Ophelia's Office of Inquiry truly raise paranoia to the level of art. Of course, the whole reason the Church has two intelligence services is so that they can keep an eye on each other.

We eventually reached the Court's outer offices which function solely as an innocuous buffer, and passed through them into the Court proper, walking down a long hallway with murder holes set every few feet and traps set every few steps. I knew about all that too. We came to a small, round chamber with six closed doors, including the one we came out of, and stepped through one. I knew all the doors were trapped with Death spells, Doom spells, and Bio spells that went off if one wasn't carrying the proper key—different keys for each door.

It could almost have been the headquarters of a Zanarkand Faction.

Past the door we were in a twisty maze of cramped hallways, stairways, alcoves, cubbies, and tiny offices. Now I did need my guide as he led me through a quick series of turns and ducked through one small office around the desk and into another beyond, this one much larger. There were two other doors leading from the room and a large, solid looking desk, with Benefice sitting behind it. The floor was laid with what looked like an elaborate tile mosaic. I looked around as I entered and saw a man about my age leaning in the corner, staring at me with a small, sardonic smile.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"When I got to Benefice's office, Braska was there," Auron said. "He was a young priest-assassin then, very talented, and rising rapidly through the ranks. He had been getting the highest profile missions."

He looked at me over the tops of his glasses as he stirred the mush.

"High profile inside the highest councils of the Church, I mean. They were all secret missions, of course."

I nodded. Of course.

"On routine missions, the fra go out by themselves. Ah, "fra" is the term used to refer to the priest-assassins. It's also the title, thus Fra Braska. As I said, on routine missions to kill unimportant nobodies or find out something that isn't too hard to find, the fra operate on their own. But on the more important missions the Court likes to send out teams of fra and warrior monks. The Crusaders refuse point-blank to work with the fra. The Court and the Church had another task for Braska, and he had lost his last partner on the mission before.

"So, uh," I said. "So, Yunie's dad, Uncle Braska was, um, an assassin?"

I guess...I never really knew him. He was always just my uncle who died when I was a kid. And now I find out...this. Auron spooned some mush into a bowl and brought it over to me, sitting down next to me on the blankets in the growing morning light.

"Yes, Rikku. He was an assassin. We went on several missions together. Bevelle paired us a lot back then. Often my role was just to guard him to and from his target area, such as Guadosalam. I would wait outside while he slipped into the city to do whatever he needed to do. It wasn't always an elimination. The Grey Court are spies as well as assassins. Other times we both took part in the assignment. We barely escaped from the Alpha and Omega dungeons alive. He saved my life more than once."

"I guess it makes sense," I said between spoonfuls of mush. "Put together the greatest warrior of his generation and their best priest-assassin, and they'd be hard to beat."

"Braska wasn't the best," Auron said. "He was good. He was very good, but others were better."

"Then why...?"

"For the good of his career."

"Uh...?"

"Mika singled out Braska when he was a simple acolyte. Mika always keeps his eye out for smart, talented young priests. He watched over Braska's career, put him on the fast track for maester. Junior priest at a prestigious post like High Reach..."

"High Reach! You told me once you and Kinoc were there."

"For our second cadet year, yes."

"So, did you meet Braska there first?" I asked him.

"No, we were there at different times. A lot of the Church's best and brightest pass through High Reach. It's not a very big church, and it's very remote, but somehow over the years it's become a prestige posting." He shrugged. "No real reason. It just happened. In any case, no, I first met Braska when they started to pair us for missions together. So, Braska was junior priest at High Reach, then an assistant staff post at Bevelle, then a few years valuable experience in the Grey Court. After that it would have been a senior staff post in Bevelle, then head priest at some important church, perhaps even high priest at a temple like Djose, and then appointed maester at a young age."

"And then what?" I looked at him.

"And then Mika would have faked his own death, killed Braska, and taken his place."

"Oh, yuck!" I said, putting down the spoonful of mush I was about to put in my mouth.

"It's how Mika has remained a maester for almost three hundred years," he sighed. "And after all of Mika's trouble, Braska ruins everything, ruins Mika's plans, throws away his career, by falling in love with a young Al Bhed girl."

"Yuna's mom."

"Yes. There was a sort of summit. The Al Bhed were there, the Guado, and the Crusaders, and the Church. And me. We...we all had things to discuss. The Church inserted Braska into their diplomatic delegation to the Al Bhed as an interpreter. I'm pretty sure it was to be an elimination, but I don't know who his target was. I don't think it was Cid. Perhaps someone close to him. Perhaps even his sister. Instead," he shook his head, "Braska fell in love with this girl."

"And ruined his career."

"Yes. He was expelled from the Grey Court, and when he insisted on marrying her, he was in total disgrace. It's funny," he said, cocking his head a little to the side, "We spent a fair amount of time together on assignments, he and I, but we were never friends. Not until after. I admired his courage, and his conviction, giving up everything for someone he loved. I visited him to tell him, and somehow I just grew close to his family. Of course, by that time I was having my own problems with the Church."

Neither of us said anything for awhile, and then I asked, "Auron? Were they happy?"

"Oh yes. They were very happy, for almost seven years."

"And then she died."

"And then she died. They say..." he hesitated.

"What?"

"They say that Yuna's mother was killed by Sin, but I was never quite certain that it wasn't the Grey Court, Mika trying to salvage something. Without an Al Bhed wife perhaps Braska's career could recover. I was starting to make inquiries, and then he took us all by surprise, again."

"He became a summoner."

"Yes. It wasn't what any of us had in mind."

I was finished eating, and he asked me if I wanted any more, but I told him no, so we started packing things up and getting ready to go.

"Do you know what you're going to tell Yuna?" he asked quietly.

Yeah, what do I tell Yuna? Do I tell her that her father was a killer, an assassin for the Church? How does knowing that help her? She already has so many things on her mind. But that sounds just like him, keeping all his secrets because it's for the best for everyone, because he knows what's best for everyone. What right do I have keeping this from Yuna? I'd want to know, wouldn't I? Wouldn't she want to know?

Or would she? Would I really want to know something like that about my dad?

And I look at Auron and I wonder...does he know something about my Dad that I really don't want to know?

I shake my head, and answer him.

"I...don't know yet. I need to think about it."

He nodded. Wow, I thought, as we took one last look around to make sure we hadn't missed anything. Is this what he always feels like with all his secrets? I've only got the one now and I'm all tangled up already. Maybe he was right and I should have just let it alone. But I wanted to know.

"Hey, Auron?" I said.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Where does Kali come in?"

I saw him take a deep breath.

"Most of the fra are black mages. They master the spells Death, Bio, and sometimes Doom, and the abilities Silence and Darkness, and use those to carry out their missions. But there are also a very few fra who are also summoners. They don't use the usual aeons, though. They use Kali. The summoners are the elite within the fra. Benefice is a summoner. The fayth that created Kali was a Yevon fanatic and a priest assassin, and fra summoners are the only ones that he'll join with. The statue that houses the fayth is somewhere within the Grey Court."

"Hm. Somewhere, huh?" I smiled. "So, does that mean you know where?"

"Men have died for asking that question, Rikku," he said seriously. "This isn't a game."

Huh. And that isn't an answer. Still, a little chill ran down my back. Hey, I stopped thinking this was a game back after Mi'ihen. Back when we first met Anima. Back when Home was destroyed. Back in Starfall.

"Hey, Auron?" I said, stuffing the last of my things into the pack. "You know, Kali seemed kinda, I dunno...puny. I mean, two hits from Holy and it was pyrefly city."

He shook his head.

"The strength of an aeon is tied to the ability of the summoner," he said. "Fra Semdek was not a very strong summoner. Still, we were lucky we didn't face the aeon's Mortality attack."

He looked over at me.

"Are you ready, Rikku?"

I looked around the camp to make sure we hadn't missed anything, and nodded to him.

"Auron?" I asked as we started back down the trail. "Are we going back now? To the others?"

"Yes, Rikku," he said. "I've done what I came to do."

Okay.

"Auron?" I said after we had walked a little while. "How many aeons are there?"

"It's different, Rikku, depending on whether you're asking how many I know of, how many I think there are, or how many I've heard of."

"Auurroooon!"

"But," he smiled a little, "I'm going to answer all of those."

"Oh. Okay."

"We start with the standard aeons, the ones collected on any pilgrimage. There are Ifriit, Ixion, and Shiva, the aeons of fire, thunder, and ice."

Yeah, and don't think that I haven't noticed the way you look at Shiva, buster.

"Then there are Valefor, the flying aeon, and Bahamut, the dragon aeon."

"That's five."

"Very perceptive."

I stuck out my tongue at him, and he ignored it and went on talking.

"Then there are certain hidden aeons that I personally know about. Kali, the aeon of death. The mercenary aeon Yojimbo..."

Mercenary?

"And the Magus sisters. They complicate the count," he said dryly. "There are three of them, and some scholars count them as one single aeon, others as three. I prefer to count them as one. They're slightly less annoying to me that way.

"They're also insane," he added.

Um, okay...

"And then there's Anima. No one knows much about her. Him? Her? So that's eight that I personally know of."

"Auron? Plus the final aeon...right?"

"Hm."

"Auron...?"

"Let's leave the final aeon out of it for now, Rikku."

"Auron? Why would we—?"

"Please, Rikku."

More secrets. Well, geez, Rikku, what are you gonna do? Complain that he doesn't tell you things? He's opened up to you more on this trip than you ever dreamed. Well, maybe not more than you dreamed, but more than you reasonably expected.

Besides, it's still our vacation, and I...just don't want to have this fight again. Not now.

"Um, okay, Auron."

"Thank you. So, eight aeons that I know of. There are others..."

He turned to look at me as we walked.

"Rikku, of the first five aeons, what strikes you as odd?"

...JOKES...WELLING UP...INSIDE...MUST...RESIST...

Gee Auron, why don't you hand me a straight line?

Anyway...

"Well, uh, I guess...fire, and thunder, and ice. So, where's water?"

"Exactly, Rikku. Where is the aeon of water? The oldest records in Bevelle make it quite clear that there was an aeon of water once. Five hundred years ago summoners on pilgrimage routinely gathered it along with the others. There's a gap in the records, and when the complete histories pick up again three hundred years ago, the water aeon was no longer mentioned."

"So, there's a missing aeon?"

"Yes, Rikku. Its name was Leviathan."

Huh. Hey...!

"Beyond that, there are many legends of other aeons, dark aeons and light aeons, aeons of gravity and of light and even of machina, and of everything else that you could think of. But there's one other aeon, Rikku, that I do not know of personal experience, but I think it exists because there are so many well documented stories about Lixa Aurora, the aeon of healing. I hope it exists," he added quietly.

"Uh, yeah, even we Al Bhed've heard the stories about Lixa. Uh, hey Auron," I said, with a HUGE smile, "I know where there's another temple!"

He stopped and turned to look at me.

"Rikku?"

"Our salvage teams found it a while back! It's at a place called Baaj! Auron," I said, starting to bounce up and down on the balls of my feet, "Auron, I think it's a water temple! I mean, it's right by the water and there are all these kinda fish motifs going on!"

He was looking at the ground and didn't seem as excited as I thought he would be, and my smile slipped a little bit.

"Auron? Isn't it important, Auron? Don't you think it might be the temple where the water aeon used to be? Maybe we could find some clue there about where it is! Auron?"

"Ah," he turned to look at me again. "Yes, Rikku, it could be very important. It could be critical, and I'm very happy that you thought of it."

And he reached out an arm and snagged my waist and pulled me against him in a hug with my back to his chest, and that was nice, but it was even nicer that he sort of absentmindedly let me hold his hand when we started walking again.

**Auron:**

The Al Bhed found a lost temple at a place called Baaj. One more thing that Rin has failed to tell me. Or any of them for that matter.

I'm becoming...miffed.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_The Red Guardian shook his head and scowled. He knew he was in trouble. He was being steadily outflanked and worn down and he didn't know what to do. None of his defenses seemed to work. He still didn't even know what he was doing here. How had he gotten here, to this place and this time? Wasn't he a legend? Why didn't his warrior's senses warn him that he was in such terrible danger? When had all of his shields come down and left him so vulnerable to attack? He lifted his one brown eye to stare across the three feet that separated him from the one that had brought him here, bending his will to theirs in some unknown way._

"_Hey, Auron," she said brightly. "Want some pie?"_

_How had he come to be on this picnic?_

"_No thank you, Rikku."_

"_Well do you want some cake?" she asked, rummaging through the basket. "And I think there's some doughnuts left. I know there's one more sticky bun, and some cookies. And I was saving it for later but there's some sweet candy?"_

_He shuddered a little bit, and took a quick drink of heavily sugared lemonade and shuddered again. Putting Rikku in charge of any sort of menu was always questionable._

"_Rikku," he said firmly. "I don't want pie, I don't want cake, I don't want doughnuts or candy. I want to know why we're out here."_

"_I told you, Auron. It's cause I missed you!"_

"_Rikku," he shook his head, "We see each other every day!"_

_She heaved a great big, huge, teenage, save-me-from-stoopid-grownups sigh. Was it really so hard for him to understand? It seemed really simple to her. Their friends were all there waiting when the two of them finally came down off the mountain and it was truly a happy reunion for everyone. Rikku hugged her cousin, and the mage, and the boy, and all of them, while the man looked on tolerantly. In the days that followed the two of them began to fit back into the group, finding their place among the others once more, quiet leader and class clown. And she was happy to be back with them all, she really was, but..._

_But she also missed the closeness that the two of them had shared when they were alone together on the mountain. So one day when he came out of the bathhouse after his exercises he found her waiting for him. That wasn't rare. But this time she had a picnic basket with her and she grabbed his hand and pulled him along to look for a nice spot for a picnic just for the two of them._

_They had held hands sometimes on the mountain. They didn't do that since they got back to the others, but now the two of them walked through the green grass of the Calm Lands hand in hand. Well, actually he sputtered protests and questions as she happily pulled him along behind her wearing a big sunny smile. But that was close enough. Once, she spotted Lulu hurrying toward them, and she gave a small gesture and a dozen shafts of light crashed into the ground right in front of the black mage, who got the hint and quickly turned away._

"_Rikku, did you just cast Holy?"_

"_Why would I do that, Auron?"_

"_Hm."_

"_Com'on, chin up! Eyes forward! Look sharp!"_

_They found a nice spot, not too far from the agency and she spread out the bright green and yellow checked tablecloth while he winced, then she opened the basket and started laying out the food, and they had had a nice meal and talked, just like when they were off on their own. Well, actually he had one cupcake, and one cookie when she insisted he try them, and he hadn't said much while she talked non-stop at him. But that was close enough._

_And then he didn't even understand WHY they were on this picnic. She sighed, licking at the strawberry frosting on the top of a cupcake, and looking over at him. Hm. He was looking at her. Well, actually he was watching her lick off the frosting. Huh. She smiled and started licking slower, her tongue just peeking out from between her cherry lips and moving in little circles over the top of the cupcake. She saw his eye narrow._

_She closed her eyes and began to slide her tongue up and down across the top of the cupcake, the top of her tongue then the bottom, faster and faster. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He was sitting very stiff and still, his one eye staring. And she pursed her pretty lips and jabbed at the cupcake and when she brought her tongue back there was a tiny drop of strawberry frosting clinging to the tip, and she opened her mouth and rolled it in and swirled it around and murmured, MMmmmmmmmm..._

_She was holding the cupcake in both hands now, and she watched his eye following her little red tongue and she saw him swallow, and then she opened her mouth wide and twisting the cupcake in her hands, her shoulders and her head swaying from side to side as she dragged her whole tongue over the surface..._

"_Um, Rikku..."_

"_Yes, Auron?" she asked in a soft, little girl voice, her eyes as wide as they would go, a small smear of frosting on her chin._

"_Ah, nothing..." he shook his head and took a big swallow of lemonade._

_She smiled again and took another couple of quick licks at the ravaged cupcake, which had very little frosting left now._

_They sat in silence for a few moments, before she heaved a little sigh and spoke again._

"_Auron...?"_

"_Yes, Rikku?"_

"_Auron," she asked, absently peeling the wrapper off of the cupcake, "Why won't you kiss me?"_

"_Uggh..." he grunted softly, like he had been punched in the stomach._

_She just waited._

"_Rikku," he said, shaking his head, "We're on this pilgrimage, and..."_

"_Auron, that's a reason to try to grab everything we can out of life, not a reason to hold back!"_

"_Please let me finish, Rikku."_

"_Sorry."_

"_We're on this pilgrimage, Rikku, and there's nothing more important in this world. And I have a plan, Rikku, a plan to make everything work out right, but it won't be easy, and I have to concentrate on that plan and nothing else."_

"_That's great, Auron, but why won't you kiss me?"_

"_Because it won't just be a kiss, Rikku. It won't stop there, and you'll get hurt, because I can't pay attention, and because I can't afford to love you, can't afford to care about anything more than I care about making things right."_

"_Auron, you don't know that I'll be hurt!"_

"_No, Rikku, but you probably will be, and that's enough."_

"_No it isn't!"_

"_Rikku, I'm doing this for you. Let me do this for you and all the other fifteen year old girls—"_

"_Sixteen."_

"_I'm doing this for all the sixteen year old girls—"_

"_I'll be seventeen in a few months!"_

"_Will you let me finish!"_

"_No, Auron!"_

"_NO?" he glared at her over the top of his glasses._

"_No, cause it's stupid! Auron, I don't want to fight again, not like last time, but those are excuses. And they're not even good excuses! Auron, not falling in love cause you think you might get hurt isn't wise, it's stupid! It's like...like..."_

_She shook her head angrily, looking for a good comparison._

"_It's like not going on a picnic cause you're scared it'll rain and you'll get all wet."_

"_Or get hit by lightning," he said quietly._

"_Or get hit by lightning," she agreed, and he looked at her in surprise. "You can't be scared of lightning. You can't let that stop you. And Auron...you, you hit me like a bolt of lightning."_

_She was looking at him now, her green eyes wide and serious._

"_Rikku..." he said slowly, "Rikku, You're scared of lightning."_

"_You told me to be brave," she smiled._

"_You are brave, Rikku," he sighed. "You are the bravest person that I know. You're braver than me. I'm not willing to risk you being hurt."_

_She got to her hands and knees and crept across the tablecloth and leaned in close to him._

"_I'll be brave for both of us Auron..." she whispered, lifting her face to his._

_He shook his head and pulled back._

"_No," he said. "This is my choice._

"_And I'm sorry, Rikku," he added, as she pouted, and picked up the ill-used cupcake, and looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. "But no amount of cupcake licking is going to change that."_

"_Oh sure," she sighed melodramatically, sitting back. "I know that."_

"_Hm," his eye narrowed. "All right, then. So long as we understand each other."_

"_Auron..." she said, licking the last bit of strawberry frosting from the cupcake._

"_Uh, yes, Rikku?" he said a little suspiciously as he watched her reach into the picnic basket._

"_I guess I should warn you...there's a cruller in here."_

_Oh, he swallowed._

_Oh, he was in trouble._

Ha.

Well, that was fun. Hm. Know where can I get some cupcakes?

Hey. Hey! That's something we could really do, him and me! I'll bet he'll do it! We'll do it when we get back.

Ha! We're going on a picnic!

**Auron:**

We made good time down the mountain. It's always easier traveling downhill. But eventually it was time to stop for the night and eat and rest. The girl seemed to have more energy that night, and played enthusiastically with her food, raising walled forts in the mush with her spoon and tiny mush men to attack them. Then she built a swarm of little figures, and—I leaned over to look closer—one little figure facing them all, and then she put her pretty lips together and blew, and swirled her spoon round and round in the bowl until only the lone little mush figure was left.

"HA!" she said, and looked up at me with a smile, all bright eyes and white teeth.

Hm.

**Rikku's Diary:**

HA! That'll teach'em to fool with mush Auron! I look up and he's watching me. I smile at him. What? Can't I have a show with my meal?

"Rikku," he said, putting his bowl down to one side. "Let's...talk."

Uh oh.

"Uh, sure Auron!" I answered, smiling as my stomach just seemed to fall away inside of me, leaving a big empty hole behind. This was it, I thought. This was The Talk. I swallowed a lump that was rising in my throat. Be cool, Rikku. You knew it was coming. This is where he's going to say that he's too old or I'm too young or we're too broken or it's a secret, or ALL THE OTHER CRAP THAT HE ALWAYS USES AS AN EXCUSE TO KEEP AWAY!

Okay, breathe, Rikku.

"So what's up?" I chirp.

"Rikku," he started slowly, "You know that I came on this journey to deal with my past, to apologize to my ghosts..."

"Uh, yep. Sure," I nodded.

"But there was another reason, Rikku. It was," he hesitated and looked over at me, "Don't take this wrong, Rikku, but it was to spend some time away from you."

Huh, I let out my breath with a huff, like I'd just been punched hard. Hey, don't take that wrong, Rikku. He just wanted to be away from you. Just wanted to get the hell AWAY from you, just wanted to ESCAPE. But don't take it wrong! I was looking down at the ground and starting to breathe a little funny, and maybe there were some spots in my eyes, and like from a distance I heard him still talking...

"Rikku? Rikku, listen. I wanted to get away and think about some things, and sometimes it seems that I can't think very straight when I'm near you, and I end up digging for treasure in the middle of the night, or playing some juvenile dry-land blitzball game that I would never do, but I do it just because it's you asking me to."

What? What? Oh, okay, breathing fine now. Spots clearing. Lips smiling. Heart still kinda pounding.

"I wanted to think about your feelings for me," he said, "And...about my feelings for you. What they were."

Uh-huh, uh huh, I nodded. And...?

"Rikku," he said, his one brown eye looking at me all gentle and caring. "You know how much I care about you, don't you?

"Mm-hm." Still nodding, still a little dizzy. "I know, Auron."

"And I know that you care about me, Rikku, and I hope that you always will, even when you know the terrible secrets that I'm keeping."

"Um," I blinked. "O-okay."

"And Rikku," he said, his voice growing softer, "I know you have other feelings for me, and you say they're not a crush, and I accept that. I believe you. I hoped it was just a crush for so long, Rikku, but you say you don't think it is and I accept that."

My heart was pounding again, hard in my chest, and he was speaking slower now, and I think he had to force the next words out through gritted teeth.

"But, Rikku..." I had to strain to hear him, "Rikku...I...can't return those feelings."

He said it, and then he sat there, trying to look me in the eye, but his gaze kept sliding down to the ground.

So.

"Auron," I said. "That isn't even close to being true."

**Auron:**

She laughed. She laughed and said, "Nope. Nuh uh. Swing and a miss! Try again, Auron."

And she leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees and put her chin in her hands and looked at me with wide, bright eyes, waiting patiently.

"Rikku...?"

"Auron, I'm not stupid! In fact, I have it on good authority that I'm smarter than you."

"Ah..."

"I know you're at least starting to have those kinda feelings back for me." She shook her head. "Do I really have to go over all the stuff that's gone on? I can, ya'know. I remember every word that you've said to me and every time you've touched me and every single time you've ever looked at me. Well, not every one, but lots! AND I remember how you looked at me when I was wearing the push-up bra!"

Damn that bra. I watched her shake her head again, slowly, as if she were sad and disappointed that I had made such a poor effort at convincing her.

"So, like I say, Auron, better try again."

She sat there wide-eyed and cross-legged in the firelight, waiting with a "show me" expression on her face.

And I felt a small, not unpleasant shiver somewhere deep inside myself.

I took a deep breath.

"Rikku," I began, "You're so young..."

"Yep," she nodded. "I'm young. Hey, I'm the youngest one here. Well, there's just the two of us here, but you know what I mean. So yeah. Young. Got it. Go on."

This isn't going the way I pictured.

"And you deserve a young man's love, Rikku..."

"Uh, what does that mean, Auron?" she asked in some exasperation.

"Rikku, don't you want someone who'll stand on his head for you?"

"Huh...?"

She sounded puzzled.

"Someone who'll climb trees and hang upside down from branches just to make you laugh?" I said. "Someone who'll jump off a roof so you'll think he's brave? Rikku, you deserve a man who's young and so in love with you that he'd, that he'd do stupid things to try to impress you, a young man who'd get a tattoo or streak naked across a public square or sing to you in public just to see your eyes light up. Rikku, you're young and you deserve someone to be young with, someone who'll jump up and down on a bed with you and laugh.

She was looking at me without any expression at all now, her face curiously blank.

"Rikku," I said, "That's what you deserve, and I will never, ever do any of those things, Rikku. And you should have them."

She didn't say anything.

"Rikku..."

She slapped me hard across the face, sending my sunglasses spinning off into the brush. When I looked back she had turned away. She stood there, not looking at me, and I could hear her taking fast, shuddering breaths.

I...

She...

Damn.

"Rikku..." I began.

She wouldn't speak to me.

"Rikku...?" I said gently.

"...Auron..."

And my heart tore when I heard all of the anger and the tears and the terrible hurt that she bled into that one broken word.

"Rikku, I'm sorry..."

I took a step toward her, but she turned and hunched her body away from me.

"Is...is that what you really think of me?" she asked in a small, ragged voice.

"Rikku—"

"Is...is that...who you think I am, Auron?" she choked, her voice catching. "Is that what you think I care about? After...after everything that's happened, and everything, everything we've been through...?"

Her legs folded suddenly and she sank to her knees, her head hanging, and I saw her shoulders start to shake gently. I knelt down next to her, almost touching. She kept her face turned away, but in the firelight I could see the tears that slowly fell to the ground, one after the other.

"I've tried so hard..." she whispered brokenly, "since...since that day we met and...and you let me join you...and...and that's still how...how you see me...?"

"No Rikku," I said softly. "Not really. I only...hoped."

"Why, Auron...?" she asked miserably, still not looking up. "I just...I just want you to look at me and see a young woman...Auron...what's so wrong with that...?"

"Rikku, there are reasons that I can't look at you like that, and I can't tell you what they are."

"You look at LULU!" she cried, finally turning to face me. "I've seen you!"

"Lulu's easy to look at."

"What...?" Her green swirled eyes went wide with shocked hurt.

"Lulu's safe! Nothing is ever going to happen between us and we both know it! That's why she always flirts with me. She likes to flirt and she enjoys making you and Wakka jealous. Um, Rikku...?"

She was looking up at me from her knees with a strange expression on her tear-stained face.

"I'm...not...safe?" she asked quietly.

Uh oh.

"...that...um...I..."

Smooth, Auron.

"I'm not safe," she said mostly to herself, starting to smile just a little through the tears.

"DAMN IT, Rikku!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Huh.

I'm not safe.

He's close enough for me to lean against, and I lay my head down on his strong arm, but he stands up all of a sudden and I tumble to the ground!

"HEY!" I yell, struggling to sit up.

I see him take three long steps away and then he turns to face me in the dying firelight. Uh, Auron? What is it?

"Rikku," he says in a flat, toneless voice. "I am going to say three true things to you."

Well, okay. That sounds kinda serious. I wipe my eyes, then I get to my knees and settle back and sit on my heels and nod that I'm ready. I don't know. He was being, like, all formal and stuff, and it seemed like the thing to do.

"Rikku," he said in that same flat voice. "If you fall in love with me, you will be hurt."

Huh.

"I'll take that chance, Auron," I tell him.

"It's not a chance. It's a certainty."

"Auron," I rolled my eyes...

"It's a promise, Rikku."

Oh. Uh...

"Second, Rikku, one day you will hate me."

Okay. Now he was starting to tick me off.

"Oh? How come?" I asked, kinda sharp like.

"I can't tell you," he said.

Well of course he can't.

"Not GOOD ENOUGH, Auron!" I said, frowning at him.

"What?"

"That's why I'm not supposed to love you! Where'd you get that warning, Auron? From outta some fortune cookie? Well I don't care. It didn't work. So what're ya gonna do now, Auron? Are ya gonna stop being my friend again, like you did before? Cause that really sucked, ya'know?"

"No, Rikku," he said, shaking his head. "I will always be your friend, but—"

"Are ya gonna stop holding me? Are you gonna just leave me all alone and scared, Auron? Huh? Just cause you're afraid that I'll hate you one day?"

"Rikku," he says, "I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you."

I'm on my feet now and my hands are clenched into fists and I'm starting to shake cause I'm so MAD! I'm mad because he's trying SO HARD to STOP ME LOVING HIM! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS! When all you want is to love someone and they just want you to STOP! I felt like my heart was being ripped open, just spilling all my LOVE into the DIRT! WHY'S HE DOING THIS! I know he's starting to love me back! I KNOW he is!

"NO, Auron!" I yell at him. "That's not good enough! So gimme a real reason not to love you or just shut the HELL UP AND STOP TRYING TO HURT ME!"

"I CAN'T STAY!" he shouted.

**Auron:**

Damn it, Auron. Get a hold of yourself.

"What...?"

She stood there now, her body hunched a little, like she's finally trying to protect herself. She looked small, and alone in the firelight.

I took a breath. I was in control of myself again.

"Rikku," I said. "I came back to Spira for a reason. I have a job to do, and promises to keep. I have a mission, and when that mission is done, I have to leave."

"Why, Auron?" she asked in a small voice.

"I...I can't tell you."

"Do you...do you want to leave, Auron?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me..." I heard her whisper.

"I..." I sighed, and shook my head. "I don't do things because I want to do them, Rikku. I do them because they need to be done."

"Auron," she repeated, her voice a little stronger, her gaze a little sharper. "Do you want to leave?"

"I...how can I know, Rikku! It's all in the future. And it doesn't matter! I have to go!"

She was standing straight now, and her voice was calm, and she shook her head and said, "Auron, none of us knows the future. None of us even knows if we're gonna be alive tomorrow. And I'm NOT gonna live my life being afraid of tomorrow, or of being hurt, or of all your secrets!"

"Rikku..."

"I'm NOT, Auron! I never have and I'm not gonna start and you can't make me!"

"Listen to me, Rikku—"

"NO! LA LA LA LA LA I can't HEAR you!" she said, clapping her hands to her ears.

"RIKKU!"

"No, Auron! LA LA LA LA LA!"

I walked up to her and grabbed her wrists, and she twisted away and pulled them out of my grasp.

"Auron," she said, and took one unsteady step and put her arms around me tight, "Auron, I can't HELP but HOPE."

"Rikku," I shook my head, my hands hanging at my sides. "Hope is—"

"I KNOW! I know that hope HURTS, Auron. And YOU told me I was strong enough! AM I, Auron? Am I strong enough?"

Her arms are around me, her face pressed into my chest, but I'm not hugging her back. It's time to end this, before she's hurt even more. She's waiting for an answer. Say no, Auron. Tell her that no one is strong enough to hope on Spira. Tell her to protect herself, and guard her heart, Auron.

Auron!

Tell her...!

...not...to hope...

On their own, without any thought from me, my arms come up and slowly wrap around her slim form.

"You are strong enough, Rikku," I say softly. "You are as strong as you have to be. You will always be as strong as you have to be."

And she sniffs, and suddenly wipes her face vigorously back and forth on the front of my coat, and I watch the feathers that are braided into her hair whip from side to side.

"Okay, well...that's what I thought," she said with a sigh, and I felt the rise and fall of her chest. "Let's go to bed."

"But, Rikku..."

"I'm tired now, Auron," she said quietly, her voice a little muffled against my coat. "And I don't want to fight anymore tonight, so, let's go to bed."

"All right, Rikku," I sighed.

Well, this has all certainly gone well, hasn't it? Auron, I sincerely hope that you are better at saving the world than you are at talking to teenaged girls about feelings. So we lay down close to each other, under the blankets again. I think she must have been emotionally exhausted because she had another violent shaking attack lying there next to me, and I held her jerking body tight against mine. I was worried, but she actually seemed relieved afterward, as though it had bled off a store of nervous energy. It seemed to leave her calmer. This day, and I suppose everything from the last few days, have taken their toll on her.

She's so young. And she's so brave.

I remember when I told her she could rest with me. I told her that she didn't have to be so Rikku. But instead, I think her nerves are stretched taut. The fierce tremors have passed now, but she's still trembling in my arms. How can I not hold her? How can I back away and leave her alone? You don't just abandon a friend.

When did she become my best friend?

"Auron?" she said a little later, after the last of the shakes had passed, and everything was quiet.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"You know, I heard what you said to Wakka that night, near the sphere pool, before we got to the Calm Lands, some of what you said."

"What was that?"

"You told him everyone has to decide for themselves what's important to them."

"Yes, Rikku. That's right."

"Auron, age isn't important to me, not with you and me. And being hurt? That's important, but there are other things that are more important."

Breathe in. Kitchen smells and bubble gum. Dry earth when it just begins to rain. Sadness. And hope. Always hope. Breathe out.

"One day, Rikku," I said quietly, "You will hate me."

"I'm not gonna live in fear of that day, Auron."

"Rikku—"

"And I'm not gonna let anyone else decide what's important to me, Auron. Not even you. I'm not gonna let anyone else choose what I care about," she said, lying next to me, her eyes closed in the light of a dying fire.

"And neither should you, Auron," she said.

**Next: Reunion**


	32. Reunion

So who knew brisket could explode in a microwave? (My hand is not up.) Live and learn. Never stop learning.

Going to be a long AN (surprise!) because...well, you'll see.

Guess most of you realized that the site wasn't letting people log in the last few days, so no uploads. Since it happened, I'm thinking I might turn it into a virtue. I had been thinking that instead of posting every Friday I might try posting Friday, then eight days later on Saturday, then eight days later on Sunday, and so forth. By the time I got back to Friday I'd have picked up an extra week, see? That is, it would be nine weeks but I'd only have posted eight chapters, giving me an extra week of slack. Like I say, something I was thinking about, but if I start with this delay, then I shave a week. So I think I'll try that. I'll update next in eight days, on, uh, Monday. (Is this starting to sound obsessive? I'm just trying to put off the day the updates have to slow down to the pace of my writing. Oh well.)

I went ahead and put up some Rikku character notes in my profile if you're interested. Hope no one is too offended by my opinion of X2 and the characters therein.

You know, the site also stopped forwarding the reviews to my e-mail account. Some have come through now but others were skipped. Of course I can still read them here and reply, but now I'm worried if my replies have gotten through.

There's a joke in this chapter about a religion. It's just a joke, I'm not trying to denigrate anyone's religion. (But it is kind of annoying when someone comes to your door when you're busy.)

Long AN because instead of dedicating this chapter, I thought I'd go ahead and answer some of the anon reviews since I can't reply to them. So...

Let's see. Thanks to Mumi, Hart, Brandon, and anonymous. I'm glad you like the story and thank you for reviewing.

Sita: I'm glad you like the character development. Hey, at the start of the story, or anyway right after they met, would Auron have waited outside her door while she moped so he could try to make her feel better? I don't think so. Naturally you have to change over time, and it was important to me that it seemed natural, not forced. And I'm glad you enjoyed some of the little touches of humor, like her conversation with Tidus about the red-coded stories in her journal. And the stuff about the first lesson. And the intrigue. As far as Gippal and X2 go, well...

Thanks for reviewing. I always find your comments interesting.

Some Random Reviewer: Hey, I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy blitzball, You know I played an entire league season and kept stats to do that? And I'm really glad you thought the characterizations were good. That's important to me. The list of Things Auron Loathes and Despises? I meant to make up a full list, but I never did (or haven't yet). I do know some things that are on it. Hm. After Zanarkand the story moves into the AU more fully (after a little detour) but the entirety on The Plan and the war in heaven are going to unfold gradually (like the relationship). But there's some interesting background stuff coming up after the next couple of chapters. As for their parting, that's still a waaaaays down the road. Thanks for the reviews and comments.

Wandering Spirit: What you said about their doing things that would have been drastically OOC at the start but are IC considering the character development? Thank you for making the point. Right now Auron is probably OOC to standard Auron (can you really see him playing a stupid dry-land blitzball game?), but I hope it feels real and believable given what they've been through, and that later developments will feel the same. And about Tidus, I think it's a good way to work him into the story. He's close to both of them. He's like a brother to Rikku and like a son to Auron (which raises some issues, but never mind) and he knows a lot about Auron, in Zanarkand at least. The Lulu flirting with Auron really started on Bikanel and then in the 20s. I guess it's mostly been her trying to horn in whenever Rikku and Auron were going anywhere. Hm. Maybe there hasn't been that much after all. Considered the confuse thing after you said it. Good idea, but Auron's really got enough on his plate already (a lotta stuff ya'll don't know about yet). Thanks for reviewing.

Jinjer: Yes, missed you. So you know, I didn't really want to have a lot of stories out there. Too...disorganized. But I did want to play around with one-shot type stories, like something on the Thunder Plain, or a song fic (I'm glad you enjoyed it), or a love-at-first-sight, some funny stuff, some sad stuff, just to write them, you know? So I found this way to do it that I think contributes to this story, having Rikku write them. Just vignettes at first, then more elaborate. They'll be cut back somewhat as they leave the Calm Lands behind. She'll still write them but there won't be one a chapter and maybe they won't be whole stories all the time. But that's why I didn't write then as actual one-shots. And you're right about the Calm Lands chapters. I enjoyed writing them, I enjoyed writing Rikku's crush and it turning into something more and his changing feelings, but I think they did go on too long. But now I think I am starting to get back to a balance. It isn't going to be all action (I'm also glad you enjoyed the action in Starfall), or all plot, or all relationship. Hopefully it'll be some of each, more of one in one chapter, more of another in the next. Well, getting there. No action in this one. As for "the epic adventures of Auron and Rikku", (yes, I put commas behind the quote marks) well, after Zanarkand, when the game opens up again they are going to spend more time together away from the others. Auron's got a lot of stuff to do, and she's going to be there with him. Also, I'm trying to keep an eye on the POV, keep it more or less even. Mostly.

And one last thing, your reviews do make me smile, you've always been supportive, and you have said some very useful things in your reviews. So no more talk like that, 'k?

All right, insanely long AN about over. I'll try to cut them back.

So, major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurriku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still -T-. (Cupcakes don't count, right?)

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

It's time.

I hope that they have enjoyed their break from the pilgrimage, this vacation. They have trained hard, and put the events of the past largely behind them. And now, it's time to take up the journey again. Not this minute. Not today, or even tomorrow.

But soon.

Jecht was never an especially patient man.

* * *

**Reunion**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Would you ride skateboards with me?"

"No, Rikku."

"Would you swing dance?"

"No."

Okay, I said to myself as we walked down the mountain path. Okay, check. Add no riding skateboards to no hanging upside down from a tree branch, no streaking across a plaza, and no getting a tattoo. No swing dancing, no making mud pies, no letting me paint his toenails.

"Would you jump on a bed?"

"No."

I'd been asking him these questions and making mental notes all morning. The day was bright and cool, and we were making pretty good time. Hey! He's the one that brought all this stuff up last night!

"Would you play truth or dare?"

"No, Rikku."

"Spin the bottle?"

"No."

"Even if Lulu and Yunie played too?"

"No, Rikku."

And really, these are the sorts of things a girl should know about a potential boyfriend. Huh. Okay, so he WILL play dry-land blitzball, but NOT spin the bottle.

Weirdo, I smiled at him.

"Would you sing karaoke?"

"No."

"Would you fly a kite?"

I walked on a few steps before I noticed he had stopped. I turned and he was just standing there in the middle of the trail. I think he was thinking.

"Auron?"

"Yes, Rikku," he said calmly. "I believe I would."

HA!

By the time we were getting close to the base of the mountain where the others should be waiting I'd learned that he wouldn't wear makeup but he would build sand castles, he wouldn't TP a maester's house but he would attend a make believe tea party (that one surprised me, but he said he did it with Yunie all the time), and he wouldn't moon the rest of the gang but he would bake cookies with me. Huh.

I thought about asking if he'd go skinny dipping, but, um, I guess I thought maybe it was too soon after last night to ask something like that. We had the Talk last night. I'd been kinda dreading it, and in some ways it was even worse than I thought it'd be because it HURT when he tried so HARD to stop me from loving him. But, well, we got through it...I guess.

He said...

He said he can't stay. He said that when this was all over he had to go away.

That...

That just bites.

And he says he can't tell me why.

But, I know I'm starting to love Auron. I mean love love him for really real, just like I always knew I'd love someone one day, and I know he's starting to love me back. And that scared me at first. The great big This Is It idea of being in love, of being in love with Auron scared me.

But he always told me I was strong, and he showed me how to be even stronger than I am, strong enough to hope, so you know, it's really like his own fault that I'm NOT gonna be afraid to love him! And I have to believe that if two people really love each other then anything is possible. And so, yeah, maybe we could stop all that right now, before it really has a chance to start, so I'll get hurt a little now instead of getting hurt a whole lot more later.

But...that's just not me.

So...so I'm GONNA love him and...and he's GONNA love me, and maybe in the end he won't have to leave after all, or if he really does, well, maybe I'll go with him. I'd miss my family and everyone, but...

Anyway, I'm NOT gonna be afraid. I'm gonna have HOPE.

But, still, I think...

I do think...that it's not going to be easy being in love with Auron.

THERE THEY WERE!

They were right there, all of them waiting for us! I started running, and I tripped just a little and would have rolled all the way down to them and probably PAST them except the man grabbed me, and then he held onto my arm to keep me from running ahead, and all the time I'm smiling and bouncing up and down and waving my other arm and crying, "HEY YUNIE! HEY TIDUS! HEY GUYS! WE'RE BACK!"

And then Yunie and Tidus were running up and we were all hugging, and Lulu and Wakka were coming too, and Kimahri, except that after the man nodded to Kimahri I saw him looking at Wakka, and Wakka went over to speak to him, but I was hugging everyone else! Hey guys, didja miss us!

**Auron:**

They were all there, and seemed to be in good health, and I breathed a small sigh of relief. As we reached more level ground I finally let the girl go to run and join them all. The Ronso and I exchanged nods, and the small nuances of body language that I've learned to read in him told me that there was no immediate crisis that needed to be managed. The girl had reached the others and was crawling over all of them, freely distributing hugs and kisses. She was a very demonstrative young person and she showered then all with her amazing affection, but especially her cousin. I caught Wakka's eye, and he disengaged himself from the others and came over to me.

"Wakka," I said as he walked up to me.

"Hey, Sir Auron, welcome back, he said. "Man, am I glad to see you. I kept them safe for you, ya? They all here." He shook his head. "And now, they all yours again."

I nodded.

"I accept them back from you, Wakka."

I felt the familiar burden settle back around my shoulders as the young man sagged a little with relief. It's not an easy thing, to be the one responsible for the safety of the others. Not everyone can do it.

"Wakka," I said to him, "You did well, and I thank you."

"Uh, Sir Auron," he said, rubbing the back of his head and looking down. "I ain't even told you some of the stuff—"

"I see them all here," I interrupted him, and started walking to join the others. "And in good health. And that's all that I asked."

"Oh, Sir Auron!" Yuna said, turning and hurrying up to me as much as she could with Rikku hanging onto her arm, chattering at her nonstop. "Sir Auron, look! We got the Aeon Soul!"

Even Rikku fell silent as Yuna held out her free hand to show me a fist sized stone. I bent for a closer look. It was oblong in shape, and as I squinted my eye, vague patterns and colors seemed to roll slowly just beneath its surface. Aeon souls are truly rare. I've only seen two before this. Braska and I had...hmm...borrowed one from the Church on our previous pilgrimage, when they seemed disinclined to lend it to us. Afterward, after everything that happened, I had taken it and...

I wonder. Could this be that very stone that Braska and I took from Mika's own office?

"Yuna," I said, looking up at her, "This is indeed wonderful. Where did you get this?"

"Belgamine gave it to me." She stopped and took a breath, "After I beat her!"

I felt a small smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

"You defeated Belgamine in an aeon duel?"

"Yeah Auron," the boy said, laying a hand on her arm and grinning at her. "You'd have been proud of her. The oddsmakers took a beating! Belgamine might be tough, and she might know a lot, but OUR summoner is a game day player! They worked like a TEAM, Auron, Yuna and her aeons. They gave a hundred and ten percent! They left it all out on the floor, man, and they beat Belgamine down and, and, and then they made her their BITCH!"

The boy always overused sports metaphors when he was excited.

"Well, it was very close," Yuna said, looking down at the ground, embarrassed but smiling. "But, well, I did finally beat her, with some help from Wakka."

"Hey, no no, girl," the blitzballer said, rubbing the back of his head again. "That was just a couple suggestions. You did it all on your own."

"Wow, Yunie!" the girl said. "That's really great! Uh...so, what IS an aeon soul?"

"You really would have been proud of her, Sir Auron," the black mage said, smiling at the young woman. Then she turned to answer the girl.

"The aeon soul, Rikku, is an ancient artifact that summoners can use to make their aeons stronger when they summon them. Stronger, tougher, faster."

"Ohhhh... Hey, that really IS great then," she murmured.

I sighed a little as her eyes unfocused for a moment and I could see the abacus in her mind try to work out what such a thing would fetch on the open market.

"Never mind, Rikku," I said, and her eyes snapped back into focus and she frowned and stuck her tongue out at me.

"I wasn't doing nothing!"

"What?" Lulu asked for the puzzled group.

"Not important," I said, and started walking toward their camp, and they drifted along behind me, chatting and catching up.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I hung onto Yunie's arm talking to her as we walked back to their camp, and then we sat down for a nice long catch up, and I wanted to hear every single thing that had happened to them while we were gone, especially between her and Tidus, but she wanted to talk all about me and Auron and had anything happened between us on the trip. Boy, she can be really nosey, you know?

Not that there wasn't some stuff that I wanted to talk to her about, to her and Lulu both, but this wasn't really the right time and place. We needed to leave that for when we had more time. And...

And, should I tell her about Uncle Braska? I pushed that thought out of my head fast. I hadn't decided yet and I didn't want to think about it now. I just wanted to be happy that we were all together again, and safe and sound, and I didn't have to worry about whether they were all right, and I didn't have to worry about him, about being the only one there to take care of him and protect him. We were back with the others now and they could all HELP me keep him safe.

I KNOW it doesn't make sense, but that's just the way I felt.

So anyway, we were just starting to have a nice, long chat when of course it's time to get on the chocobos and go. Kinda weird, you know, cause it was Wakka that told us, not Auron. Anyway, we got on the chocobos (I hadn't even said hello to Heddy!) and spent the rest of the day riding back down the notch, just stopping long enough to eat something at midday (NOT mush) and train. Had NOT been missing that, by the way, but I guess I was a little out of shape. I was huffing and puffing by the end and an old lady like Lulu was looking just fine!

"Com'on, Rikku-girl! Speed kills, ya? Speed kills! Faster! Faster!"

"...poop to you..." I muttered under my breath.

Red-haired meanie.

**Auron:**

I missed the easy familiarity I had developed with the girl, and of course I detest chocobos, but the day passed quickly enough and evening found us near the bottom of the notch. The journey would have taken a week on foot. Chocobos are faster, granted, but so is jumping from a cliff. That does not make either a desirable choice. Take it from someone who's done both.

We stopped when the evening shadows were lengthening to train and eat, and rest. Once again I had Wakka take the lead in the training session. He was coming along just fine as a tactician, including our training duties. Rikku must have regaled the others with tales of our mush menu on the mountain, because for dinner they seem to have unpacked all of the agency's prepared meals and pulled out every different type of food they had. Sitting next to me, the girl tried it all and declared that she was in heaven. (She declared it with her mouth full, and must have seen me flinch slightly, because she turned and chewed ostentatiously in my direction, "nyagh nyagh nyagh," opening her mouth as wide as it would go, and then butting me with her shoulder and laughing along with Tidus. Then the boy tried it and I gave him a glare that turned him blue.)

Sitting around the campfire that night, the girl and I slipped easily back into group's discussions. They still all wanted to finish capturing the different types of fiends for the Zoo, and I had no real objection. It would be a natural cap to our time in the Calm Lands. Once they had completed this self appointed task it would be the obvious time to move on and take up the pilgrimage once again. So they decided that we would not head directly for the agency, but would ride northward first. They had managed to capture a chimera brain while we were away, and an anacondour, apparently not without incident.

"Oh, yes, Sir Auron, we had a little trouble," Lulu commented bitingly while Wakka hung his head a little. Interestingly, she left it at teasing and didn't try to embarrass him further.

Just as well. She would not have enjoyed my response.

"So, ah," the blitzballer said, "So we still need a coeurl, a malboro, and an ogre, ya?"

"Yeah," the boy said. "We've been looking for an ogre all over. Not to try to catch it, not until you got back, Auron, but just so we'd know where they are. Man, those tipsheets aren't worth a damn."

"Hey!" the girl said, offended.

"But so the chocobo trainer gave us a tip," the boy continued, grinning at her. "She thought she remembered seeing one around the western cliffs, just where the Edge starts."

They were more worried about the ogre than the others because they had never even seen an ogre, in spite of following several leads from the various tipsheets Rikku had left them. They had fought coeurls before, and had seen a couple of malboros in the distance, although they had avoided them until such time as we rejoined them. After a little more discussion we began to drift to our beds. Lulu and Yuna dragged Rikku off to their tent as I expected. Tidus was taking the first watch, and he waited until we were essentially alone, then threw an arm around me and half hugged me.

"Hey, old man. I'm really glad you're back, you know?"

"I know," I said. "Now, go take your watch and let an old man get his rest."

He smiled, gave a mock salute, and walked off to start pacing the perimeter while I found a spot to lie down.

I wondered if she would come out and lie down next to me, but she didn't, and I shouldn't be surprised. They all have a great deal to catch up on.

I got up in the middle of the night to relieve Tidus and take the midwatch, as I did every night. I had learned that while I was away, Wakka had tried to step in and take every midwatch himself.

"Oh yes, Sir Auron," Lulu had quietly said to me earlier, glancing at the blitzballer as he sat smiling and talking with Rikku and Tidus. "He tried very hard to live up to all your expectations. He did...much better than I expected."

Wakka had tried to assume the midwatch duties, but so had Kimahri, and even Tidus, although his heart probably wasn't in it. In the end they agreed to take it in turns. These young men took their responsibilities seriously, I thought, smiling a little. The party had been in good hands while I was away.

When I relieved Tidus he told me quietly that there hadn't been any trouble, but once he thought he might have heard something off to the west, and then he headed for his blankets. I was alone in the night, as I have been so many times. I looked up at the stars, trusting my instincts to warn me of any danger. The ten years I spent in Zanarkand the stars were different than the stars I see in the Spiran skies. I could never discern if it was because they were different stars, or if they were the same stars but in different places.

I'll ask them one day.

I'm unsure how long I stood there when...

Inhale. Kitchen smells and bubble gum. Dry earth when it's just beginning to rain.

"Auron?"

"Rikku."

"I was gonna come out earlier, Auron," she said, stepping out from the trees into the dim starlight, "But Yunie and Lulu wanted to talk about my trip and about the things that went on with them (wait'll you hear about Wakka!) and I just couldn't get away before this."

"It's all right Rikku," I said, and of course it was, but...I still felt better.

"Hey Auron," she said, and came over and put her arms around me. "Auron? How are you? I haven't talked to you practically all day."

"I'm fine, Rikku. I'm happy, because you're so happy that we're back with the others."

"I am happy, Auron, but..."

**Rikku's Diary:**

I really, really was glad to be back with Yunie and the others. I missed them all a lot. They've gotten to be my closest friends in the whole world. I mean, who would've ever expected that? Yuna and Tidus, sure, but Wakka? And Lulu and Kimahri? But they have, and I'm really close to them and care about them and they care about me, too. So I was happy to be back with them all. And I know they were happy we were back too, me and him. Ha! I think the guys were really happy to see Auron back because they were tired of taking the midwatch in the middle of the night and not getting a night off. Well, I know that wasn't the only reason, but that was part of it.

So anyway, I was happy, but I was also kinda sad that Auron and me wouldn't be as close as we had been when it was just the two of us. And I knew that I was gonna feel that way. I was expecting it. I already missed the way we walked and talked and held hands sometimes, especially on the way back down the mountain. We really had grown closer on the trip, just like I secretly hoped we would, and opened up to each other and told each other things we'd never shared with anyone else. At least, I'd never talked to anyone about my Mom before, and I don't think he ever talked about Starfall Village and stuff, not even to Tidus. Well, maybe to Braska or to Jecht or that Vedec guy. But no one still, you know, alive.

**Auron:**

"I am happy, Auron, but it's just..."

She stopped and sighed, and sat down on the ground and leaned against my legs the way she used to when she came out to visit me and talk to me while I was keeping the midwatch.

"It's just that I'm gonna miss you, you know?" she went on. "I'm gonna miss spending so much time together, just the two of us, and talking and getting to know each other. I'm glad to be back with Yunie, and I know we're her guardians, but..."

She ran down, and I let my hand rest gently on top of her head and my fingers played with her hair in its messy, happy blonde ponytail.

"I know Rikku," I said quietly. "I'll miss you too."

We stayed like that for a long moment, not speaking, both of us trying, I think, to recapture that intimacy from our long days on the mountain.

"Auron," she said softly, with a huge yawn, "Maybe...maybe one day we can go on another trip together, just the two of us?"

"Maybe, Rikku. Some day."

"But no fra," she said sleepily.

"No fra," I agreed. But I think she had already dozed off leaning there up against my legs as I stood sentinel, and I felt her start to slip but I was ready, and I caught her and eased her gently down to the ground. And then I stood and watched over her and over the rest of them as all the stars of the Calm Lands turned slowly overhead—all except for one little star, small and sad and brave, that snored softly at my feet.

Eventually the Ronso came to take the late watch. He nodded to me and smiled on the girl. Trying not to wake her, I picked her up and carried her in my arms back to the campsite, to the tent she shared with the others. But she must have been awake, because she shook her head a little with her eyes closed and said, "Nuh uh...sleep with you..."

"Rikku," I whispered...

"Na gonna kiss ya," she muttered crossly, clutching my coat. "Bes' frien...sleep with you..."

So I carefully laid her down, and lay down next to her on the ground, and spread my old red coat over the both of us, and she rolled over and tucked her back into me and pulled my arm over her like a blanket, and murmured a sleepy G'nite.

Good night, Rikku. I missed you today, and I will miss you tomorrow, and I'm only now starting to realize how much I will miss you all of the days after that we don't spend just with each other. But I have a duty, and so do you.

And you will hate me one day.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Did you know he has a list? A list of things he loathes and hates—

**Auron:**

Despises.

**Rikku's Diary:**

A list of things he loathes and despises? Uh...what's the difference?

**Auron:**

A man named Schopenhauer once said...well, basically he said that it takes a lot of energy to hate. It's much easier to despise.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Oh. Well, anyway, so he has this list. And you know, once, when I first met him, I would have bet anything that I had a place somewhere on that list. That really he just thought I was weak, and he despised me for it, and only let me come along because Yunie asked. That seems so silly now. I really thought he hated me then, just because he never said anything nice. I look back and I remember that and I remember those days and it just seems so weird to me now that I know how much he cares about me, and that I'm safer here with him than anywhere because he'd do anything to protect me, just like I would to protect him. Well...that is...well, except that we're still guardians, and protecting Yuna has to come before anything else.

Doesn't it?

Anyway...

So, even with the chocobos it took a couple of days to get to the place where the cliffs begin. Auron and I fitted ourselves back into the group and back into all our duties and stuff, but we still hung around together when we could, and sat next to each other and talked late at night when we were lying next to each other or when I was keeping him company during the midwatch. And I guess we didn't drift too far apart after all, even though we were back with all the others, but I know it's only because we worked at it and didn't let ourselves start to drift apart.

I know I was remembering how easily we had just sort of lost each other that time after we fought in the chocobo trainer's camp, and I was secretly afraid it would happen again, so we made sure that we talked in the mornings before we all took off, and in the evenings when we stopped. We made time to talk. We both worked at it, and that's how I knew, even more than him telling me, I knew that he didn't want us to lose each other again, either.

So, it was all right, back with the others, but it still wasn't just the two of us together. So, when we got to the place where the chocobo trainer...

**Auron:**

What is her name?

**Rikku's Diary:**

Way to obsess there, big guy.

...where the chocobo trainer told us we could maybe find ogres and we settled in to stay and look around for a couple, three days, I decided I wanted to spend a little quality time with Auron.

**Auron:**

Which is how I came to find myself on a picnic.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Number 9? Auron, what's number 9?"

He sighed.

"I'd rather not tell you number 9 just now, Rikku."

"Um, okay. So, what's number 62?"

"There is no number 62."

"Well, how many are there?"

He sighed again.

"Forty-four."

"What's forty—"

"—four?" we finished together.

"Blitzball fantasy leagues," he said.

"HEY!"

"You were trying to annoy me with them," he said. "You succeeded."

"Oh, well. Okay."

Neither of us said anything for a moment.

"What's number 16?"

He sighed.

"Yehova's Witnesses."

I giggled.

I really surprised Auron when it was time for lunch and instead of grabbing his hand and dragging him over to sit next to me I started getting my chocobo ready.

"Rikku," he asked, "Are you going somewhere?"

And then he'd been really surprised when they all laughed and got together and grabbed him and shoved him up behind me on Heddy and he was still sputtering questions as we took off. And he was still with the questions when we reached the place I'd picked out, so I just kind of shoved him hard and over he went, ha! He was picking himself up off the ground when I got down off of Heddy and started spreading out the blanket.

"It's a picnic, Auron, for you and me. Grab the basket, please."

And he sort of grumbled. I don't know why he bothered. I knew him well enough by now to tell that really he was pleased. So we set out the food and sat down next to each other to eat. Hey, I know I can go overboard on the sugar sometimes, so I asked Lulu to make up the basket for me, and she picked some nice stuff and Auron and I had a really nice meal and we talked with each other while we ate or sometimes just sat next to each other looking out over the waving green grass without saying anything.

We didn't really talk about anything heavy, just chat, you know. Betcha didn't know Auron could chat. He doesn't, but he can, and he would with me, cause he knows I enjoy it, the same way I'm quiet sometimes with him. So we talked about the grass and the clouds, and customizing weapons, and chocobos. (NOT the man's favorite subject.) And he said how he'd been riding chocobos off and on for thirty years and how I was already better at it than him.

"Ha! I can practically ride chocobos in my sleep now!" I told him, taking a big bite of deep-fried something. "Good thing too, cause I was almost falling asleep that first day after Yunie and Lulu and me stayed up all night telling each other everything about what went on while we were away!"

"Oh?" he said, carefully chewing a bite of sausage.

"Yeah! Like, Yuna and Tidus had a real romantic dinner, just the two of them! Tidus surprised her with it, and even Kimahri wasn't there. And they had music and flowers and a little wine, uh..."

Hm. Hey, should I be telling him this? He IS her guardian. But, well, he's the one that's always pushing them together all the time, and, well, Yunie told me, so she's gotta know I'm gonna tell him, right? You always share stuff like that with your boyfrrrr—, uh, your best friend. Right? Sure.

I looked over at him.

"You know, Auron?" I said seriously. "I didn't tell them."

"What, Rikku?"

"I didn't tell Lulu and Yuna about Starfall Village. I mean, we talked about feelings and stuff like that, and I, uh," I was starting to blush. "I told them that we'd gotten closer, you and me, and that we talked a lot about all kindsa stuff, and we held hands sometimes, and how you took care of me, when my feet and knees and hands were all cut up. But Auron? I won't tell them. I mean, not about Starfall Village, and not about your family, Auron. I won't tell them."

"I..." I saw him swallow. "Thank you, Rikku. My family is private. It's only for you. And Starfall..."

He paused and looked over at me.

"Ordinarily, Rikku, I would say tell anyone you like about Starfall, but...not you. I don't want you to tell anyone."

"Uh, okay, Auron, but, why not me?"

"Because," he said, looking me straight in the eye, "You would call me a hero, instead of a failure."

"Auron!"

"I said I would try, Rikku. For you I will try to accept that they don't hate me. But I was no hero, Rikku, I was a failure."

"Auron, you weren't!"

"Don't tell them, Rikku," he said. "I don't want you to tell them."

"Oh, all right," I grumped. "I already said I wouldn't."

So we finished up eating, and things lightened up, and I told a couple of jokes and got him to roll his eye once. Ha. Okay, Rikku, I thought. So, here comes the awkward portion of the day. If I can just get through the next few minutes without him hauling out his big sword and chopping me in half I should be okay! Think positive, Rikku girl!

Okay. Okay. Start to shift slowly towards the big bag that he's never asked about. Oops, freeze! He's looking at you. Innocent smile. He's loooooooking...away! Now! Go for it! Go for the bag, Rikku!

"Rikku."

"UH! I mean, uh...?" Innocent face, Rikku. "Yes, Auron?"

"What's in the bag?"

"Bag?"

**Auron:**

This girl was a thief? Didn't she ever have to talk her way out of anything?

"Yes, Rikku. Bag. What's in the bag?"

I saw her hands working behind her back, and then she held out what seemed to be a mostly empty sack.

"Nothing, Auron," she smiled. "See for yourself."

She was definitely trying to hide something behind her back.

"Rikku..." I growled, more than said.

"Weeell," she sort of bleated.

And pulled out...

I sighed.

Shovels.

Twenty minutes later, after the girl took a series of measurements, I once again found myself with my coat off digging through the dirt of the Calm Lands while simultaneously trying to avoid being injured by Rikku's enthusiastic shovel wielding technique.

"Rikku," I asked, knocking the smiling girl's shovel aside just before she stabbed the blade down into her own foot, "Did we really come on this picnic solely so that you could exhume another treasure chest?"

"No, Auron!" she answered seriously, looking up at me. "We came on this picnic because, well, cause even though I know we still seem to be close and all, I just really, really, don't want it to be like that time after we fought in the chocobo trainer's camp."

She looked for a moment so little-girl lost and miserable that I put aside my shovel and put my arms around her, and she leaned into me.

"That really freaked me out, you know?" she muttered into my chest. "I was really afraid that I'd lost you."

"I know, Rikku. I'm sorry."

She slapped my arm.

"It's not your fault, silly. Or mine. Or, I don't know, maybe it was both our faults." She shook her head. "But it's NOT gonna happen again!"

"No, Rikku," I said. "Except..."

I hesitated.

"Except I'm gonna hate you one day," she sighed. "I know, I know. But not today."

"Not today," I agreed.

"So," she said slowly, "So since we were gonna be out anyway, you know, making sure we were still friends and all, well, I thought we might as well dig up the treasure!"

I sighed and let her go and took up my shovel once more.

You know, I sigh more around her too.

I dug steadily, my mind occupied with weighing the pros and cons of switching Rikku's claw to some sort of shovel-type weapon. I finally struck something solid about four feet down just as Rikku somehow managed to lose control of her shovel entirely, throwing it behind her somewhere. I heard a chocobo squawk and wondered if perhaps there was a little justice in the world after all. Once again the girl squealed happily and dove into the hole to start throwing out handfuls of dirt. I reached in and hauled her out and finished uncovering the chest. After carefully checking for traps, the girl lifted the lid.

It was...a book?

I looked closely over her shoulder as she lifted it out. It seemed to be some kind of very old Al Bhed primer, almost like the ones I've seen occasionally in Rin's shops. I expected the girl to be wildly disappointed, but she smiled happily up at me.

"Hey, Auron, look! We got a primer!"

"Hm. You're, hm, calmer than I expected."

"Oh, hah ha," she said, crossing her eyes and making a face at me. "Hey. It's not thousands and thousands of gil, but some of these primers can be valuable to collectors, especially old, rare ones. Some of those haven't been seen since the first time Bikanel got destroyed by Sin."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah," she said, examining the volume closely. "Rin's always looking for these. He says he knows a collector who's always in the market for rare primers. In fact, he and Tidus have a little deal going where the kid looks for primers for Rin, I mean since we're going all over Spira and getting into all kinds of weird places where Rin can't go."

Hm. So Rin is...can I say desperate?...to attain copies of this ancient language text. For a "collector".

Interesting. This could provide a useful handle on the merchant.

I would need to speak with Tidus about this.

"I'll cut a deal with Tidus," she went on, climbing out of the hole, "I'll give him this in exchange for a percentage at the end."

"And now that we have this treasure," I wondered aloud as we put up the shovels and she soothed the ruffled chocobo, "Are there any more surprises in store for me on this picnic?"

"Well," she said. "There is maybe one more thing."

Yes. I definitely sigh more around her.

"And what is that, Rikku?"

And she reached into the ubiquitous bag, and pulled out...

A kite.

* * *

**Auron:**

So we put together the kite that Kimahri had made for her, and attached the tail and the string, and I held the kite and when she was ready I launched it into the blue sky. The Ronso of Gagazet are great kite makers.

It was cool and breezy.

It was a good day to fly a kite.

As the colorful work of paper and sticks and string climbed higher and higher, I told the girl about far Vadaka, where the natives build and fly both simple and elaborate kites. It is a traditional pastime there, much as it is on Gagazet. Some of the younger people will attach blades to their kites and duel in the air with others similarly equipped, trying to cut the other's strings or even to slash them out of the sky. I always thought it was in poor taste, as the kites themselves were beautiful, and had done harm to no one.

She said...

She said she hoped that sometime we could see it, together.

She refuses to give up hope for us.

It is one of the things that I love most...that I admire most about her.

**Rikku's Diary:**

He said he'd fly kites with me, and he did. We stood there in the green, green grass, and he had his arms around me so that we could both fly the kite together, and it went so high I got dizzy just thinking about it. Silly, I guess, considering we've all been higher than that on the airship, but somehow it was different.

So why am I suddenly crying?

"Rikku...?"

So why are tears running down my cheeks?

He said he'd fly kites with me and we're here and he's doing it, so...

He said he'd fly kites with me.

He said...he can't stay...

When this is all over...he has to...

"Rikku, what is it?"

NO!

NO! He's NOT GONNA GO! He's gonna stay with us...with ME! He's gonna stay with me and, and, and we ARE gonna build sandcastles, and ARE gonna bake cookies, AND WE ARE GONNA HAVE MAKE BELIEVE TEA PARTIES and everyone will think that we're both just nuts but WE WON'T CARE! And we're GONNA be together and we're gonna get married and have kids and I DON'T KNOW why I'm gonna HATE him, but he says I will, so okay, so I will, but I'll get OVER IT, whatever it is and WE'LL BE TOGETHER! WE WILL!

And the kite's flying away into the sky now cause I've let it go to turn around and hold onto him, to hold him so tight that he won't GO!

HE WON'T GO!

And...

And...if he does have to go...

"Shhh, Rikku, shhh...it'll be all right, Rikku, shhh..."

We've just...we've already wasted so much time...time we coulda been together...

"...it's okay, Rikku, shhh..."

I know he's starting to love me. It just...it would just have been so much easier if he had loved me from the start.

"_Look at me," he said._

_They found her washed up on the shores of the Moonflow. He saw her try to stand, and finally make it to her feet, swaying with dizziness, and strip off her wetsuit before falling back to her knees. But the man in red stayed back as Yuna and the other guardians gathered around her, keeping to himself. He had his suspicions about how she had come to be in this place, but she seemed harmless enough now. And if he was wrong, he thought calmly, he could always dispose of her later._

_He was thinking of other things as the females went off by themselves to speak together. While one part of his mind kept constant watch for danger, another part was looking ahead, considering the pilgrimage and what might be waiting for them all in Guadosalam. He was brought back to the present when his summoner walked up to him and said, "Sir Auron, I want Rikku to become my guardian."_

_That was another thing entirely. To entrust Yuna's safety to this unknown person? He calmly turned and walked over to the young blond girl, who immediately looked down. A less than auspicious beginning. He took a moment to examine her. She had an extraordinarily pretty face, and a slim but attractive figure. She couldn't have been too much older than Yuna, he thought. He would be stunned later to find out that she was only fifteen years old, although her next birthday was only a few weeks away._

"_Look at me," he said._

_She turned her face up, but he saw without amusement that she kept her eyes closed._

"_Show me your eyes," he told her._

_And two large, green eyes blinked open and looked up at him._

_He couldn't speak. He could only stare._

_What did he see in those deep green eyes?_

_He saw youth, and courage, and hope, and strength. He saw innocence in a world where you have to work to stay innocent. He saw pain and sadness, well hidden in the depths of those bright green eyes. He saw love and life and a desperate desire to help that was so earnest that it wrenched him to see it because he knew how much hurt it would bring her._

_This girl...this young woman..._

"_Um, no good?" she asked quietly, looking down._

_He had seen it all in the flash of an instant before she broke eye contact and he recalled himself. But his heart caught at the plaintive note of disappointment in her sweet voice and now that he was no longer looking into her wide green eyes he felt as if he had lost something precious and dear to him._

"_If..." he started. "Are...you sure?"_

"_Yes, I am," she smiled at him, and that sudden, pure smile so full of joy hit his heart like a physical blow, so that he had to turn quietly away before he did something or said something that could never be taken back._

"_Then it's...fine."_

_So, he thought to himself as the others gathered around the girl to welcome her to their party and to their destiny. So, this is love, after all. He felt light, as if he could fly. His warrior's senses were even more alert that normal, and it seemed as if he could see and smell and even taste more now that before. He noticed the afternoon light falling through the trees and wondered why he had never noticed it before. It was beautiful. And he thought, After all of these years, to find love and feel it now, how odd._

_He would never tell her, of course. It wouldn't be proper. He was easily old enough to be her father, and even apart from that there were all of his secrets. No, he smiled to himself a little sadly behind his collar. This wonderful teenaged girl just on the brink of full womanhood was not for him. Hers would be a world full of bright music and color and friends and laughter. She would find a young man who loved her, and she would love him back, and their lives would be full of tragedy and triumph, heartache and delight, like all lives should be. That would be her story._

_He closed his single eye and swallowed. What was it that suddenly irritated his eye so? Why was his throat so tight? She would live a long, long life. With someone else. And he would watch, and be happy for her._

_She smiled and joked and teased as they all gathered around her to welcome her, but inside she was wondering just what it was that she had seen when she looked into his single brown eye. When she first saw him, well, the coat had attracted her attention the most. The color red will do that. Next she had seen the huge sword. And when she finally looked into his face she had seen the cruel, twisted scar. But then she had looked into his eye and all of the rest had gone away. She thought it would be hard and pitiless, that eye, but it wasn't. It was soft, but strong at the same time. And it measured her, it weighed her, but it didn't judge her, like so many eyes judge the Al Bhed. Something she saw in that eye said, you can trust me. I will protect you. That's what I do. And almost anyone else would have stopped there, wouldn't have looked any deeper, wouldn't have looked for anything deeper down in that clear brown eye once they had seen that much. But Rikku did. She looked past his unspoken promise to keep them all safe, and looked for something more underneath, something more about the man in red himself. And for just a moment she thought she saw..._

_But then he turned away from her, and she couldn't be sure._

_They took up their interrupted journey to Guadosalam, and she couldn't help but keep sneaking looks at him as they walked, and at midday when they stopped to eat and to train, and when they encountered fiends and were forced to fight. She saw that his face never seemed to change expression. It was always calm and unhurried. He always knew what to do. And he didn't hesitate to put her into battle. He trusted her, and she worked hard to repay his trust and not to let him down._

_But he never told her she was doing well. Never complimented her on her skill. Never even spoke to her, really, except in combat. And all of the time that she stole quick looks at him, she never once saw him looking back at her._

_She didn't know, but he didn't need to look back at her. He always knew just where she was without looking. He had a sort of constant awareness of her. He could even smell her. She didn't wear perfume. She just smelled like a clean, healthy young girl, and it was the sweetest scent he could ever have imagined._

_That night she couldn't sleep. So much had happened that day. When the sun rose she had been part of an Al Bhed plot to kidnap her own cousin. And now here she was, a guardian. She wondered what her father would think, and she wondered what the future would hold, but surprisingly, most of all she wondered about him._

_Finally she got up and left the tent, walking silently through the camp. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, and she knew someone else would be up keeping watch. Perhaps she could keep them company for awhile. She told herself it didn't matter who was standing guard._

_That's what she told herself._

_She walked into the woods a little way, and then she saw him standing in a clearing. He was looking up at the stars. She moved closer, using all of her skills as a thief to remain silent. She didn't know exactly why she was trying to remain unnoticed, except that maybe she just wanted to look at him for a while, without having to explain what and why._

_He was so..._

"_You should be sleeping."_

"_Oh, um..." she stammered to his back. "You, uh, you knew I was here?"_

"_I always know where you are," he said without turning._

_Why did I say that, he wondered, still looking up at the sky. Whatever possessed me to just tell her the truth like that?_

_Why did he say that, she wondered, her breath catching a little. What did it mean? She stepped out of the trees, nearer to him._

"_Um, Sir Auron? What do you mean? I mean. Why is that? Uh..."_

_He shook his head, still not looking down._

"_It doesn't matter," he said calmly. "You need to go to bed. You need to be rested for tomorrow."_

"_Oh," she said softly, taking a step nearer, "Well then, would, um, would you tell me, cause...cause I've been wondering, well, why'd you let me join the party?"_

"_Why wouldn't I let you join us if Yuna wished it?" he asked quietly._

_She swallowed. Why wouldn't he look at her?_

"_Well, it's just that I know I'm an Al Bhed and all, and lots of people don't like us..."_

"_I am not lots of people."_

_She was looking at his profile now, as he continued to look up at the stars._

"_No," she said, with a little smile. "But, well, I know I'm also kind of weak and worthless..."_

"_YOU ARE NOT!" he roared, finally turning to look at her for the first time since they met on the banks of the Moonflow. Her wide, startled green eyes met his, and he was caught. He couldn't look away. He couldn't even speak._

_And she looked up at him and at last she saw plainly what she thought she'd seen for one brief instant earlier, what she'd hoped she'd seen and almost convinced herself she couldn't possibly have seen in his astonishing brown eye, but there it was, looking out at her as clear as anything._

_She saw how he felt about her._

_And she couldn't stop smiling._

_And she stepped even closer, almost touching him now, and she stood up small and straight in front of him, looking up at him as he looked helplessly down at her, and now her voice wasn't hesitant at all as she whispered, "Auron, would you please...kiss me?"_

_And all he could do was nod mutely, and his arms went around her, and he bent down his head, and their eyes closed as their lips met, and he tasted youth and hope and joy and she tasted strength and wisdom and trust, and when they finally broke apart, she leaned just a little back in his arms to look up at him and say softly, "Don't ever leave me."_

_And then he knew that their lives would be full of tragedy and triumph, heartache and delight, like all lives should be. It would be their story._

* * *

Ha! I thought, wiping my face on his coat. 

First kiss, first day!

Who knows where we'd be by now if he weren't so stubborn!

"Better now, Rikku?"

Poopie head.

Well, but...on the other hand, maybe not, you know?

I mean...

I rested my forehead on his coat.

Maybe...I dunno, maybe it IS better this way, that it's all taking this long. I mean, if this, this, friendship is something that we both really have to work for, well then, maybe that means that we'll both really work to protect it, and hold onto it tight and not let it get away!

Oh, I don't know what I'm saying really...except...

**Auron:**

She nodded that she was better, and I let her go. The kite was long gone, of course, and we both sat back down on the blanket. I wish I knew what that was all about. I believe that she had been having a good time. But whatever it was it seems to have passed for now. She seems quieter, and more composed.

"Auron?" she said, starting to pick at the leftovers.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Auron, I just want you to know how glad I am about all the time we've spent together all these months, even when we didn't know each other all that well. I mean, yeah, sometimes I wish we were a little...closer...but really I wouldn't trade all those times for anything, Auron."

I felt a smile pulling my face.

"Well, Rikku—"

"And I know you're aggravating and exasperating and all mysterious and hard to pin down..." she stopped and cocked her head a little to the side to look at me.

"But I really think you're worth it," she said softly. "I really think there's a prize at the end of all that and it just blows all that other stuff away."

I look at her, sitting cross-legged in the soft afternoon sunlight and looking back at me, and I can almost make myself believe that I see some sort of ancient wisdom looking back at me from her eyes, something that all women know, even the youngest. Something ageless and unknowable to any man. She thinks—

Her finger shoots out and points at me.

"Ha! You're a cloister trial! HA!"

WHAT!

"Hahah! Auron the cloister trial! Hahahahahah!"

And she rolled over on her side holding her stomach and laughing.

"Hahahahahahahah! Legendary cloister trial! Hahahahahahahahah!"

Hmph.

That's the trouble with kids today.

No respect.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

NO OGRES!

AAGGGGGHHHHH!

SPIT!

**Auron:**

The others haven't managed to find the elusive ogres for which they search. Technically, I suppose that I haven't either, but then I haven't been looking that hard, and I warned Rikku early on not to come looking to me for an ogre-finding plan. Since this was obviously not after all this year's secret ogre concert and convention site, we decided to return to the agency to restock on items and—more importantly—recharge magic energy. It wasn't too far, only a couple of days by chocobo.

The first night of the trip back the subject of the aeon soul came up over dinner.

"So, uh, Yunie. Whatcha going to do with that aeon soul thingie?"

All right, so I primed the girl, bringing the subject up to her during the day in the certainty that she would bring it up to Yuna later. We needed to discuss the matter, and I didn't want to bring it up myself and make them all feel like I was shoving my decisions down their throats.

"Oh, well..."

"Yes, Yuna," I said. "We should discuss it. We're wasting spheres now whenever we fight fiends."

"Well," she said, "I thought we'd just share them out equally between the aeons, keep everyone sort of at the same level."

Lord help us, she was worried about hurting their feelings.

"That is one option, Yuna, but I would suggest you consider another," I said. "All of the aeons that you gathered before Bevelle have very strong limit blocks placed on their power. The Church does this as one more means of control over the summoners. Even if you level them up, they won't do a great deal of damage. But Bevelle's own aeon Bahamut is not limited. So many officers of the Church use him that it would be inconvenient. Mika himself calls on the dragon aeon."

"Uh," Wakka said. "So you think we should concentrate everything on Bahamut, Sir Auron? Build him up as much as we can, ya?"

"Yes, Wakka," I said, turning slightly to him. "That's exactly what I think."

"But Sir Auron," the black mage said. "If we do that, then if we do break the locks on the others they'll be far behind Bahamut, and take even longer to power up."

"That's true, Lulu. But it will take time and a great deal of effort to release those aeons from their limits."

"Yes," Yuna said thoughtfully. "Do we even know how to unlock them?"

I remained silent. From the corner of my one good eye I saw the girl turn and look at me strangely. The blitzballer spoke up.

"Tha's right, ya? I think Sir Auron's right. We don't even know how ta unlock the other aeons, and it's gonna be dead useful to call up a really big slap when we need it. Maybe make the difference someday. And we can still power up the other aeons later if we need to, even if it takes awhile, ya? Yuna," Wakka said, "Your choice girl, but I'd go with Bahamut."

"Yeah, I think so too," Tidus said thoughtfully.

"Yes," Yuna nodded. "That's what we'll do."

I don't think Lulu was pleased with the decision, but the others either agreed, or didn't care.

Every now and then the girl looked at me.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Well. That was...slick.

After we were done eating I dragged him away from the fire. When we were far enough away that the others wouldn't hear I turned and said angrily,

"You set me up you son of a bitch!"

"Don't insult my mother," he said coldly, "And yes, I set you up."

"I, uh, I'm sorry... Okay, but you set me up and all of us, didn't you!"

"I already said I did, Rikku."

I wasn't really listening to him, I was so wound up. I was pacing around.

"You talked to me earlier today about the aeon soul so that I would bring it up at dinner, then you said how hard it would be to break the limits and Yuna asked did we even know how—and you know how, don't you! But you didn't say anything and just let them think whatever! How long have you been setting this up! Did you already talk to them about all this? I bet you did these last few days, and I bet Wakka and Lulu and them never even realized what you were doing, just setting then up for this whole conversation tonight! Tidus maybe did, but he'd go along with you anyway! I think you already knew what everyone thought, you knew that Wakka and Tidus would agree with you and Kimahri wouldn't care, and maybe that Lulu wouldn't like it but she'd be outvoted and Yuna would go along with what the rest of us thought. You wrote a script!"

I looked up at him, breathing hard. I couldn't see his eye behind the sunglasses he was still wearing. What the hell would I see if I could see his eye now?

"And what about me, Auron?" I said. "Huh? Am I your little puppet too? Just like the rest of them? Tell little Rikku that she's smart and strong and brave and she'll do anything for you, keep all your little secrets? Huh?"

"You know better than that, Rikku," he said sternly. "You know you are smart and strong and brave. Smart enough and strong enough and brave enough to decide for yourself what you need to do. You know me, a little. And I think you know that I'm not doing this because it amuses me. I do what I think needs to be done. And you must do the same."

I shook my head.

"You can't treat people like this, Auron! You can't manipulate us like this! They all respect you and you're using that against them! You can't do it, Auron!"

"Yes, I can," he said without any emotion at all. And then in an even quieter voice, he added, "I have to."

It was like I didn't know him. It was like it was all months ago and I didn't know him at all, didn't know what he was thinking or planning, only knew that I couldn't trust him and had to protect Yuna from him. It was like it wasn't really me and him at all, but two other people from a long time ago, people I thought were gone.

"Dammit, Auron," I said, turning away. "Why'd you do this? Why'd you have to do this?"

"Rikku..." he said, and reached out to touch my arm.

"Leave me alone!" I said, walking away from him.

We were getting along, we were getting closer to each other, and spending time together, and having fun. Even Yuna and the others were having fun. Why'd he have to do this now? Why'd he have to remind me about the pilgrimage and Zanarkand and I can't trust him and ALL of it? Why'd he have to remind me...that this is Spira...

...where dreams don't come true.

**Auron:**

So, Auron.

That went well.

I push my sunglasses up on my forehead and rub my eyes tiredly. Should I go after her? I know that would be the wrong thing to do. And I know that not going after her would also be the wrong thing to do. Young men don't always realize that with women and with life sometimes there is no right thing to do, there is no perfect answer or action. When young men finally realize that, then they can stop wasting their time trying to figure out what the right thing to do is and concentrate instead on the best thing to do. Should I go after her?

Perhaps...perhaps I could send Tidus to talk to her. Just so she won't be alone. (And so that she won't talk herself into going and confessing all to her cousin? Auron, sometimes you really do disgust me.) She loves her cousin, but surprisingly it's Tidus who is her closest friend.

Hm. No, actually. I suppose...

Huh, I suppose, that it's...

I suppose that I'm her closest friend. Hm.

But, among the others, it's Tidus that she's closest to, shares her thoughts and feelings with. I think there's a bond because they are so much alike, both young and cheerful and hopeful, and are both outsiders, and both want so desperately to save Yuna. And, if I were to be honest, also because they both care so much about me, as I do about them. It makes them almost brother and sister in a way, and that is how they act toward each other.

In the end I decide not to do anything. The decisions that she must make are for her to make, as are Yuna's and all of the others. I can push and prod and yes, manipulate, but in the end I am only the dead memory of a man. This is their world and their story.

After a while I went to lie down a little apart from them as always, to sleep until it was time for me to take the midwatch. I opened my eye as she stomped up and sank down next to me.

"I thought you were mad at me," I said to her after a moment.

"I AM mad at you," she said in a low, angry voice. "I'm always mad at you. So what? Put your arms around me."

"Rikku," I shook my head.

"Auron, I almost lost you once cause of some stupid fight we had, and I'm NOT gonna lose you again now!"

"You won't—"

"ARMS. AROUND. ME. NOW."

So...

I opened my coat and she crawled in beside me and put her arms around me and the fear went away, and I put my arms around her too.

"Rikku..."

"What!"

"I'm sorry."

"I know," she said quietly after a moment. "But you're not gonna stop, are you?"

"I..."

I didn't have anything to say.

"Didn't think so," she said.

I really do sigh more around her.

"Good night, Rikku," I whispered.

"Good night..._Sir_ Auron."

**Next: The Last of Summer Days**


	33. The Last of Summer Days

Almost didn't get to post today. Logged onto the site and my story wasn't here. That happens from time to time. Really worried me the first couple of times. Anyway...

Let's see if I can keep this AN under a drabble.

Might as well give you the backstory on that Yehovah's Witness crack from last chapter. Would you believe that has it's own strange history? At first it was actually going to be Seventh Day Yevontists, which is funnier I think, but frankly the SDAs actually keep pretty much to themselves and don't bother anyone. So I changed it to Yehovah's Witnesses, which I didn't think went as well, but made more sense. Then I got worried that it might not actually be nice to say you loathe and despise someone's religion. Luv2Game wrote in her profile (I'm just curious, so when someone reviews I look at their profile) that she was a Pentecostal, so I asked what she thought. She said she thought it was funny and didn't cross a line, and said I should just add an author note explaining it was a joke. Good advice, and I decided to take it. Then by sheer coincidence another reviewer mentioned that she was reading the story to her aunt who was a Jehovah's Witness. So, I wrote and explained and asked her to ask her aunt what she thought and did Jehovah's Witnesses have a sense of humor about themselves. If not, I would just have to change it to Yevontologists, which I really didn't think anyone would get without an explanation, or maybe just give it up altogether. She wrote back that Jehovah's Witnesses did not in fact in her experience have much of a sense of humor about themselves but that her aunt did and she thought it was funny and I should go ahead.

So I did.

And it turns out that some Jehovah's Witnesses do have a sense of humor about themselves.

I really want to tell you that Glass Mermaid did an illustration of a scene from chapter 32. I thought it was great. It made me smile. The link is http/ Or, if that's stripped out (it was), http/ w . deviantart . com / view / 32779776 /. (You know, put in the w's and delete the spaces.) You should see it.

So, ready? Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurriku (didn't start that way) but they didn't even meet until chapter 7, and didn't speak until chapter 8. (Remember those long ago days?) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still -T-, but maybe starting to push the boundaries. I'm building to something here. For example, I was going to use the word nipple in the next chapter. Took it out, but it's coming up. By the way, the next chapter is the one some of you won't like.

By the way also, forgot to mention, reached 10000 hits last chapter. Have no idea how that's doing considering the story is 30+ chapters. As per usual, a quarter are all chapter 1. Oh well.

Oh yeah, if anyone's downloading any of the songs from the music notes, for heaven's sakes get the versions listed. In some versions the music doesn't fit with the story at all. especially with the jazz selections. There's a lot of variation.

Last thing. This chapter and the next are dedicated to Chaos Valkyrie for her nice reviews and support. I hope she's doing better.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So. He got them to do just what he wanted them to do. Again. I mean about the aeons, and powering up Bahamut. He didn't bully them this time. This time he tricked them. Or, I guess, maybe manipulated them.

And me.

So, I guess our little vacation is coming to an end now, and we're back to the pilgrimage, and back to the same old question.

Can I trust him?

And now add a new one.

Do I love him?

* * *

**The Last of Summer Days**

* * *

**Auron:**

Things were better the next morning. The day was cool and clear, and the girl was in a better mood than when we went to sleep. By unspoken mutual agreement, neither of us mentioned Bahamut and the aeon soul when we got up, and she smiled at me and dragged me by the arm to sit next to her while we ate breakfast. We struck camp afterwards and got ready to ride. All of us were anxious to be back at the agency. Among other reasons, I had been out of contact with the Luca network for more than two weeks. If Seymour had suddenly decided to devote the rest of his unlife to the musical theatre and the world of high fashion, or if Sin had decided to give itself up to the Luca authorities, or if Dream Zanarkand had suddenly fallen out of the sky to crush Bevelle, I wanted to know. It seemed unlikely, but with my own eyes I have seen the merchant Oaka give a discount when his customers complained that his prices were too high.

So anything is possible.

We reached the agency late that afternoon, and after taking care of the chocobos the others went in to arrange rooms while I went looking for my contact. Turning a corner I was suddenly blinded by a suit of mostly red and green and purple checks and a silver sequined waistcoat, and a voice that I knew said, "Sir Auron! Well, ain't this grand!"

"Marty?" I said, stunned.

"Marty!" he replied with a wide, gold-toothed smile.

My eye narrowed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Hey, the last contact here was reassigned! Said they needed him back in Bevelle. So they needed someone here fast, and since I was already in the Calm Lands and since we already had a relationship..."

Urk!

"...the mucky-mucks decided that I'd be your new contact here!"

Contact? My contact at the Calm Lands agency was transferred? Gone was the quiet, knowledgeable man with years of experience in Bevelle?

And instead, I now had...Marty?

"Heeeeey, Marty!" the girl bounced up to us. "Sharp threads!"

Threads? No one says threads anymore.

"Why thank'ya, Goldie-locks! You ain't so bad looking yourself!" he smiled his golden smile back at her.

"Yeah, now if we could just get this guy to wear some cheerier colors," she said, grabbing my coat. "Ha!"

"Well, hm," he said, eying me. "I got a couple spare sport coats I could let go cheap. Uh, hey, Sir Auron, you wanna be careful with that!"

"Uh, Auron? What's up?"

Somehow I had drawn my katana. I looked at it stupidly for a moment before putting it away.

"Marty..." I muttered.

"Hey, Marty," the girl gushed, "Am I glad to see you! You're just the guy! Ogres, my man. We need'em bad!"

"RIKKU!"

That wasn't me, that was Lulu, who had just come around the corner, followed by Yuna and the rest of them.

"Oh, hello! Your name is Marty? I don't think we've met."

"Summoner Yuna? Well hey, ain't this a pleasure! Why my friend Oaka's told me all about you! Good friend, but high prices. Now me, on the other hand..."

"Whoa, wow! Nice smile, ya? Musta cost you some pretty gil. Hey, about these blitzball tipsheets you sold me...?"

"Rikku! You're trying to bargain! You don't just tell him how much you need what you need!"

"But gee, Lulu, we really need the ogres!"

"Rikku! Stop saying that!"

"Oh! You know Oaka?"

"Know him? Why, ain't Oaka and me practically cousins? And say, ain't I got the perfect little rod for you? It'll go a treat with your pretty eyes!"

"Um, my eyes don't match."

"Well, neither does the rod!"

"Hey, man! Sharp threads! You from Zanarkand by any chance? Maybe you know me? Star player for the Zanakand Abes!"

"But what about the ogres, Lulu! If we can't find them we're sunk!"

"Sir Auron! Make her stop saying that! Uh, Sir Auron?"

Unnoticed, I left. I felt the need for quieter companionship. Perhaps the Ronso. Or the chocobos. If there were messages for me I'd get them later. Really, how important was it if Dream Zanarkand had fallen on Bevelle?

**Rikku's Diary:**

It took me forever to find him! He was with the chocobos of all things. It was the last place I looked. (Well duh, Rikku. It would be.) He was kinda hunched down in one pen like he was hiding.

"Auron?"

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Uh, are you hiding?"

"Apparently not."

"Huh?"

"Nothing, Rikku," he said, getting up and brushing himself off.

"Um, well, I got the information from Marty!"

"How much did it cost?"

"Well, 2000 gil. But we really needed it, Auron!"

"And what did Lulu say?"

"Well, she kinda refused to pay. She said since I was so anxious to make a bargain I could just pay for it myself. Huh! I just think she didn't wanna give up the gil."

"So you...?"

"Used my debit card, yep!" I smiled at him.

He pushed his glasses up on his forehead and rubbed his eyes, and muttered something about talking to Rin.

"Huh?"

"Nothing, Rikku."

"Oh. Okay. Well, anyway, I just came to tell you, the others have pretty much decided that we're leaving tomorrow bright and early, 'k?"

"All right, Rikku. Thank you for finding me and telling me."

"Sure, Auron. Well, I got a million things to do before tomorrow. So, uh, I guess I'll leave you to the chocobos."

I gave Heddy a pat on the beak and left the man muttering to himself, or maybe to the chocobos. Weird.

**Auron:**

I finally looked Marty up later that evening. Apparently since it was after normal business hours, he had abandoned his conservative attire and now felt comfortable expressing himself. I used eye drops to shake off the effects of his powder blue leisure suit and gold chains.

"The information, Marty?" I asked him when I could see once more. "It's good?"

"Gah!" he choked. "Guud. Iss Guud!"

I opened my hands and his feet dropped to the floor.

"Huhh, huhh...why...why, the information I sold your little, huhh, huhh, lady will take care of all your fiend hunting needs," he smiled. "Well, huhh, maybe not all, but most of them! Huhh, huhh..."

"All right, Marty. And my messages?"

"Right here, Sir Auron. Now there is just a small handling fee..."

I was already reaching inside my coat and removing a small wooden dowel.

"...barely covers my over...ah, overhead, um, oh, ha, I mean, no charge, of course! No charge to you, Sir Auron!"

Messages in hand, I turned away as the tout made one more pitch to my retreating back.

"Now, ha, now I know an adventurer like you has to be ready for life's little surprises, and I just happen to have something here that no adventurer should be without! A speck of dark matter! That's right! No, don't ask me where I got it, and don't ask me how I can afford to practically give it away this cheap! Uh, Sir Auron? Better hurry before someone else snaps it up! Sir Auron? Well, uh, say, if you change your mind, I'll be right here! Hey! You know my name!

"MARTY!"

I sighed.

Marty.

* * *

**Auron:**

We all looked around the agency as we got ready to leave the next morning. It had become a sort of home to us here in the Calm Lands. So much had happened to us here. Well, perhaps mostly to Rikku and myself. But we would all be taking away memories of this place. I looked at Yuna. I knew she wanted her final journey to be full of laughter and fun, but it never really had been. Not until we reached the Calm Lands. Here, they really did have fun, playing their dry-land blitzball, catching fiends like it was a game, riding chocobos and playing tourist, and even finding time for teenaged drama. Just as if she was any other young girl. I was happy that we had stopped, even while I couldn't help but remember that the price of our vacation was a coastal village destroyed by Sin.

All of us knew that we probably would not be coming back here. If we found the elusive ogre (and the malboro and coeurl that we still needed) we would almost certainly head straight to the zoo, and then out of the Calm Lands and up Mt Gagazet. We sat on our chocobos, but didn't move. I think none of us actually wanted to give the word to start. Even I had enjoyed these days, and a part of me wished we could stay.

"Say!" I heard a brash voice from behind me. "Ain't you going to need a few more supplies before you head out? I just happen to have some things right here..."

"Let's go," I said, and quickly spurred my chocobo out the gate.

* * *

**Auron:**

The place Marty told them about was a battle circle almost due north from the agency. There were actually two circles north of the agency. The one we wanted was the larger of the two, and farther north and a little east of the other. The only way down into the circle was from the west. It would take a few days to reach because we would have to go the long way around so the chocobos could get through. When we stopped at noon that first day, we all watched as Yuna used the aeon soul to begin powering up Bahamut. It was a little tricky at first, and Rikku as the resident sphere expert and mixsmith was helping. They managed the delicate business, and at the end they told me we had increased the aeon's health, magic power, and magic capacity all by about ten percent, and its agility about fifteen percent.

It's a start.

The girl came out to me that night, and she held my hand in both of hers as we lay down next to each other, looking up at the sky. After a little bit, she asked, "Auron? Why couldn't you just tell them that you thought Bahamut should be powered up? I mean, they all respect you. They probably would have done what you wanted."

"Rikku, it's..." I tried to find the words. "It's a very delicate balancing act for me, Rikku. Like trying to juggle a feather, a sword, and a small animal all at the same time."

I heard her giggle a little. When did that sound start to lift my heart?

"Rikku, I have to let them make their own decisions. If I impose my will, then either they will start to rebel or they will become the puppets you are afraid they already are. And then it is no longer their story, but my story, and it cannot be my story, Rikku. So, I must let them make their own decisions, but at the same time these matters are so important that they need to make the right decisions. And so I push, and I prod, and yes, I manipulate. What else can I do?"

She didn't say anything for a moment. And I wondered why I said what I did. It was the truth. Which means it is dangerous. Little by little this girl has come to know more and more about my work here on Spira, and the way that I go about it. She knows enough now to greatly harm The Plan, if she chose to do so. Simply telling the others what she knows would be enough. Denouncing me to them could rip the heart from the party and set all my work in jeopardy.

Pure logic dictates that I should be ready to remove her if it looks like she might betray what she knows. But I know that I would never do that now, no matter what the cost, no more than I would ever kill Tidus. Possibly Lulu, or Wakka, if I ever think they pose a real danger to The Plan. Even Kimahri, my brother-in-honor. Him I would meet on the field of combat. The others would suffer unfortunate accidents. But never Rikku.

To live with honor is never to betray yourself, and I would never betray what I hold most important that way.

Never Rikku.

No matter...what the cost...?

"Auron?" she said quietly. "Me? Why didn't you tell me? If it's that important I'd have...I'd have helped you. You didn't have to trick me."

"You must also decide for yourself. This is your story too, Rikku. Yours as well as theirs."

"I'm...not sure I understand."

"You will, Rikku. One day."

"Oh. Well, okay. G'nite, Auron," she said.

"Good night, Rikku."

**Rikku's Diary:**

I felt someone coming at me from the left, so I spun right and took a hard hit. I saw stars but stayed on my feet andon my left—green, snaky hair—a Guado!—and without stopping I swung my claw at the spot where the shoulder meets the neck and I connected solid and without looking I swept my targe out to my right at the same time and felt it smash into something and I took two quick steps forward to try and get some space where I could use my speed but then in front of me was all blue skin and big red fur—

Ronso! And without even thinking I jumped up and slashed my claw as hard as I could against his horn and his whole head torqued to the side and I heard him roar in pain and anger and he turned back toward me just in time for my claw to snap against his horn again and this time I had all my weight behind it and he went down but a hand had grabbed my arm and I turned and got the sense of a human and I slashed back with my claw, but he leaned away and gripped harder and I quick bent down and sank my teeth in his hand and then he was trying to get away but I held on, tasting his blood in my mouth and then something hit me hard in the head and I let go and moved left fast as I tried to blink away the spots but the spiky hair was back and I threw another shot at his weak spot but he turned aside, protecting it and I was already smashing my foot down on top of his foot trying to break the delicate small bones in there but now the Ronso was coming fast and I swung my targe and—

"Enough."

We all stopped instantly where we were, breathing hard. The man had a nasty habit of unleashing Lulu on whoever ignored his instructions.

He stepped over to us.

"Wakka, good job," he said and smiled thinly. "Go get that bite looked at. I think she might be poisonous."

Well huh! I tossed my head as Wakka nodded and walked away, and the man raised an eyebrow at me. (I've been practicing tossing my head, trying to get the feathers to toss just right.)

"Kimahri, my brother. Thank you. Go return your fur now to its true color."

The Ronso nodded and left without a word to wash off the temporary dye I'd worked up for him.

"And Tidus," the man stopped for a moment and just looked at him, and then he shook his head. "Go take off that stupid wig."

"Hey, old man, the Guado fright wig was your idea," the kid said, raising his chin in the air and grinning at him from under the shock of green Guado hair. "'Sides, I kind of like it."

"It's up to you, Tidus," the man said. "But I doubt Yuna has much tender feeling towards any Guado just now."

"Uh, hah," the kid said, ripping the wig off. "Guess you might be right. Heh. See'ya."

Then Auron walked over to me, and I stood up straight, breathing heavy while he looked me up and down.

"Rikku."

"Auron."

"You did very well, and I am proud of you."

"Well enough to earn a little kiss?" I asked, smiling. But he ignored me.

"If Tidus had been a true Guado he would still be writhing on the ground. There's a reason the Guado wear those high collars. And I've seen veteran warriors who've never done so well against a Ronso."

Auron's been teaching me to attack the weak points of the different races. For the Guado it's the bunch of nerves just where their shoulders run into their necks and the delicate bones in the tops of their feet. (Forget their hands, boys, those things are just made of steel!) For the Ronso, it's their horns and the base of their tails and not much else. Apparently there are pressure points, but I'm not ready for those yet. He set up this exercise so I'd get used to using the right attack without even thinking.

But you gotta be careful. He says trained fighters are always ready for that. Like, human fighters are always ready for you to try and kick them between the legs (apparently it just takes the once and then they never forget) and they're just waiting for you to try it, and they'll make you pay, and same with the Guado and the sides of their necks. So you never try it first thing unless you're really, really sure you've got surprise on your side. Well, that's what Auron says. Wait until they've taken some damage and they're woozy or whatever. And don't count on them just lying down and crying cause they're hurt, either. They know the first lesson too.

He found the Guado wig for Tidus in a pile of stuff back at the agency. They were something Rin tried once. I don't think they were ever big sellers. And he had Kimahri change the color of his fur cause Ronso all have blue skin, but their fur comes in all different colors and he doesn't want me to just get used to white. Wakka played the part of the human being. Auron said he was going to keep training me this way until I just instinctively used the right attack all the time against whoever.

"Just remember, Rikku, most Ronso are taller than Kimahri, so you'll have to reach higher to strike their horns, and most Guado instinctively protect their weak spots. You can get through their collars, but possibly not with your first attack, so you must keep striking, always attacking, or you must run. But never hesitate."

"Um, okay, Auron. I'll remember."

And he smiled at me and started running me through some speed exercises until the others had lunch ready. After that we got back up on the chocobos and started north again. Now the first battle circle was off to our right and we were riding around it and we'd probably get to the one that we needed tomorrow, or the next day for sure.

You have a lotta time to think up on a chocobo, and I was thinking about Auron, and about trust, and the pilgrimage, and about being a guardian, and all of that, just trying to, you know, work things out in my head. I guess I really made up my mind a while ago that a lot of the time I can't really trust Auron, because I don't really know what he's up to, or what it is that he wants. And then I decided to trust him anyway. And I was glad, because it hurt not trusting him. It hurt me not trusting him even more than it hurt that he didn't trust me. But that's not even why I decided to trust him.

Sometimes...sometimes you just gotta have faith.

And I look at Auron and I ask inside, do I have faith in him, and then the answer is simple and obvious.

So I trust him, even though I can't.

Yeah, I know. Doesn't make a whole lotta sense to me either. But, you know...he doesn't trust me either.

And somehow, I know he still does.

And with all that I still gotta decide each time if this is one of the times I need to protect Yunie from him, or to protect his secrets from them. You know, is it one of the times I just hafta have faith? So, with Bahamut...I decided to have faith, in Auron.

Hey, I've never been in love before. Is it always this complicated?

Well, so anyway we got to the battle circle late that night, and decided to wait until morning before taking the path down. Boy, I hope for Marty's sake we really find all those fiends down there, or I think the man might just see if that catching weapon of his works on touts! Ha.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I hurt too much to be disgusted when the Malboro shot a wad of gross mucus at me, slamming into my ribs.

"Rikku!" the man shouted, fear for me in his voice. Tidus was already down and I was hurt bad. Auron wasn't guarding us because he was using the capture weapon, and I saw him start to switch back, but it was too late.

"Auron!" I coughed blood, "He's gonna use bad breath!"

I thought maybe the man would call in one of Yuna's aeons, even though they're pretty beat up, but instead I saw him crouch, and sort of gather himself, and I felt something happening, and then he threw himself forward—one, two, three steps—and swung with the flat of his blade and I had to close my eyes when the air sort of EXPLODED out in a big WHOOSH and when I opened them again, Auron was leaning over me with a hi-potion in his hand and the malboro was just gone. There weren't even any pyreflies.

Auron put his gloved hand to my cheek, and I looked up and even with the collar and the shades I could see the concern all over his face.

"Are you okay, little thief?" he asked quietly.

I swallowed, and nodded.

He hasn't called me that in a while. I missed it.

I tried to sit up, and he helped me, and I looked around. Yunie was kneeling over Tidus doing her healing magic, and Wakka and Kimahri were sitting down, breathing hard. Lulu was standing on a little rise keeping a lookout.

"So, uh," I said, a little shaky, "How'd we do?"

"Not too good," the man muttered. He looked down at me. "Don't try to stand up yet, Rikku. Let Yuna look at you first."

**Auron:**

She seemed all right, thank the lord. She nodded again, and then she looked up at me and asked, "Auron, what was it, that you did?"

Huh.

"It was...something I do, sometimes."

Shooting Star.

I was younger when I named it.

I haven't used it in more than ten years. Not since before I went to Zanarkand. Not since before the day I died. I didn't think I still knew how, but when I saw Rikku hurt, and heard the fear in her voice when she said it was going to use bad breath, I just reached inside and it was there.

And I wonder now about the other special attacks I used to use once. Sometimes I used the attack called Dragon Fang in Zanarkand, but I haven't used Banishing Blade or Tornado for as long as Shooting Star.

I know, I know. I was pretty young when I named them all.

In any case.

We had met the malboro, but failed to capture it. Marty had been telling the truth, in fact. We met all the different kinds of Calm Lands fiends in this sunken battle circle over the next three days, taking the time to capture many of them when it wasn't too much trouble. I suppose I'll have to let the man live, I thought to myself with some disappointment.

The anacondours, for instance, were easy once I gave in to the girl and let her use some of the dream powders she took from the skolls. She would put the scaly fiends to sleep, then Kimahri would demi four times while the girl stole petrify grenades. Then the Ronso would lancet, and I would switch in Wakka for the girl and we would finish off first one and then the other with the capture weapons.

Easy peasy, as the girl would say.

Kimahri's lancet ability was truly a key in those days, giving us access to his powerful spells without having to worry about him running out of energy as we did with Yuna and Lulu and even Shiva.

The malboros were the worst. We found several but were never quite able to catch one before it employed its breath attack.

**Rikku's Diary:**

The ogres were the worst.

I jumped in and ran my hand around inside the skoll and pulled out a dream powder, and then the ogre was coming right at me but I smiled because I knew Auron would protect me and then he was right there in front of me, right there between us, and I waited to see him just fade out of the way and then the ogre threw out his fist and hurt him!

"Auron," I cried, cause he's not supposed to get hurt! Not like this! I made him that sword so he wouldn't get hurt when he threw himself between the fiends and us, and then the ogre hurt him! And I got potions ready, but Auron just shook off the blow and waved me back and then jumped in front of a skoll that charged Tidus.

After the battle I used some potions on Auron while he was sitting on the ground, and he looked up at me and he said totally deadpan that we had to stop meeting like this and I just shook my head, remembering back when I didn't think he even had a sense of humor.

**Auron:**

She looked down at me with a guilt-stricken expression on her face that I didn't understand until she whispered, "Auron, I'm sorry...my sword, your sword, I guess...I guess I didn't make it good enough..."

I shook my head.

"Rikku, don't ever think that. A few attacks will get through sometimes, especially with the more powerful fiends, but don't ever think you didn't do a marvelous job creating this blade. It has saved me and all of us more times than I can remember."

She looked down at me with doubt in her eyes.

"Yes, Rikku," I said, getting up. "In the fight with mighty Evrae, and with the guards in Bevelle and the fiends in the Via, and Seymour and all of the battles since. Your sword has been a godsend, and a savior to us. Rikku, if I didn't have your sword, what would I do in combat when the rest of you were attacked?"

"I know," she said, "It's just—"

"It wasn't a rhetorical question, Rikku. Tell me what I would do in combat without your sword if the rest of you were attacked."

"Oh, um, well...I guess..."

She paused and thought about the question. Then she looked up at me.

"You'd throw yourself in front of the attacks anyway," she said quietly.

"Yes. I would. And Rikku? If you ever find yourself doubting your importance and your usefulness, just remember how much pain your talent as a mixsmith has saved me over these last months."

"Really, Auron?" she smiled a little shyly at me.

I thought for a moment, and then said, "I'll prove it to you."

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Tidus," he called over his shoulder.

"Yo?"

"Find me a malboro."

"Uh, sure...okay, um, boss..." the kid said, and then muttered, "Uh, hey Wakka? Any ideas?"

"Auron," I asked as he moved aside for Yuna to come heal me. "What...?"

"Wait," he said.

Well, malboros aren't exactly rare down in that valley...circle...whatever. And a little while later me and him and Tidus were facing another one. The man seemed calm, but I was really nervous. These things were tough and the last one we met had almost ended us, and I had no idea what Auron was planning. He waved Tidus and me back and the kid went and I turned to go too, when I stopped suddenly just up on my tippy-toes and turned back because I suddenly realized—

"Auron! What are you doing!"

He sent us back, but he didn't call anyone else up! Was he gonna face that thing alone?

"It'll be all right, Rikku," he said. "You get back now."

And I didn't want to, didn't want to just leave him there all alone, but I knew this wasn't the time to talk about it, not in the middle of a battle, so I went back with the others.

And Auron was facing the huge malboro all by himself. And I saw the thing throw one of its icky, disgusting wads of mucus at the man, but he had my sword in his hands and he just dodged away from it, and then ran in and gave the fiend a big hit in return.

And he did it over and over, again and again. The rest of us just stood there and watched as Auron never once attacked, just waited for the thing to try and hit him and then he would dodge and rush in with a counter-attack. And that was all fine and the fiend never touched the man, but what was he gonna do when it used bad breath?

Except...it never did.

And he hit it fifteen or twenty times and it just kept spitting goo at him, and then he started bringing in Kimahri or anyone who had a sensor on their weapon...

**Auron:**

I should have had Kimahri cast Scan at the start.

**Rikku's Diary:**

...and they'd see how healthy the thing was and then switch back with Auron, and then when he thought the malboro could only take one or two more hits he switched to the capture weapon and finished it off.

Just like that.

It almost killed us the first time!

He wasn't even breathing hard when I asked him, "Auron, why didn't it ever use bad breath?"

He said, "There was a design defect in the malboro template when they were first worked up..."

Worked up?

"They only use their breath attack after they've been attacked so many times," he said. "I never attacked it until the end. I didn't need to, Rikku. With your sword, I didn't have to.

"Now," he added, "Don't you ever doubt the worth of the talents and the skills that you bring to the party. Don't you ever let me hear you doubting yourself like that again."

"I...I won't, Auron," I said. "Auron? Thanks."

Then I slapped his arm.

"So why didn't you do that the first time!" I asked him.

"Didn't think of it," he answered.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Uh, hey, listen guys," I said. "I've been thinking."

Boy did the man look worried when I said that. No one else would have noticed, of course.

We had caught at least one of every Calm Lands fiend, and so now it was time for us to go. We'd be leaving the next day to head to the zoo to pick up whatever (I never really was clear on that) and then head on toward Mt Gagazet. We were sitting around the fire that night and not talking about the future at all. We were all talking about the time we'd spent here in the Calm Lands, and all the fun things we'd done, like seeing the Edge, or when we played dry land blitzball in the evenings after practice. Sometimes at the agency the staff would come out and join us, but usually it was just us, all playing together, and usually Wakka would pick Tidus first, and I'd pick Auron, and Tidus and Yunie would always be on the same side except for that one time, and boy were they trying hard to beat each other then. And Tidus remembered racing chocobos, and going back to the Thunder Plains while Auron and I were away and getting hit with so many lightning bolts that they gave him a prize! (Brrr!) And I didn't tell anyone, but I was remembering stuff like...like when he held me in his arms and told me a story about a little lost star. And I bet Yunie was remembering her special dinner alone with Tidus, and stuff like that. And, it was just that sorta night, you know?

And maybe I just wasn't ready to give it all up yet.

So, I said, "Um, guys? Did you still want to see the Scar? It's kinda almost on our way, isn't it?"

"Oh, hey, ya! Tha's a great idea, Rikku!"

"I don't know," Lulu said. "This has been fun, but it is out of our way, now."

"Aw, com'on Lulu," the kid said. "It's not that far! And we saved tons of time finding all the fiends in this valley. Ah, circle, I mean."

"Hey, brudda," Wakka laughed, "How would you know how far it is, ya? You can't even read a map."

"Hey, man, shut up! I'm on your side! Anyway, we don't need maps in Zanarkand. Hey, Yuna? What do you think? Wanna see the Scar?"

"Well," she said gently, kind of looking down and not meeting anyone's eye, "I would like to see it, but not if it takes us too long, I guess."

Lulu's face softened.

"I...it won't take that long, Yuna. We'll go see it."

And all this time the man had just been looking at me.

"Well..." I said.

**Auron:**

Wait for it.

**Rikku's Diary:**

They were all looking at me now.

"Well," I said, "The thing is, there's something else that I want to do..."

**Auron:**

There it is.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"...and so I figured that if you all went to see the Scar, then I'd take Heddy and go do my thing, and we could all meet up about the same time at the zoo and go on from there!"

I smiled at them all.

Yuna and Tidus and Lulu and Wakka all looked surprised. Kimahri didn't look anything at all, really, and Auron...well, neither did he. He was still just looking at me.

"Rikku!" cousin Yunie said, "Where do you need to go!"

"Well, uh, I'd really rather not get all into it now," I answered. "It's kinda a secret."

"And you need to go alone?" Tidus asked.

"Nooo..." I answered. "Not really. I just thought all you guys'd probably wanna see the Scar. I know it's a big deal sight and all."

And now they were all turning and looking at him. Auron, I mean. And he didn't say anything, and they all started looking back and forth between him and me, except me of course. I was just looking back at him from under my lashes and smiling a little smile.

What?

"Uh...Sir Auron," Yuna started.

And looking me right in the eye he said, "Rikku and I will leave in the morning."

And I grinned a big ol' grin right back at him.

Well, what else was he gonna say?

"Perhaps I should go with him...them," Lulu put in quickly.

Wakka didn't really look too pleased at that, and Yuna started right away listing all of the reasons it was a bad idea and why the mage should stay with them, and while Yuna was talking Lulu out of coming with us Lulu kept looking over at me with a raised eyebrow like she was wondering how come I didn't just have steam coming out of my ears.

Ha, I thought, smiling at her. No worries, Lulu. Go ahead and flirt if you want to. It's okay.

You're safe.

And later that night, laying in the dark next to me under his magic coat, the man said quietly, "That was...well managed, Rikku."

"Thank you, Auron."

Yeah, I thought. It all worked out pretty well. So, Auron, how did you enjoy being manipulated?

* * *

----The last days of their vacation----_Blackberry Winter_----Alexis Cole and Harry Pickens----

**Rikku's Diary:**

And it wasn't exactly like it was when we were on the mountain. For one thing, we were on chocobos. So, no holding hands, or even talking much. But it was still just the two of us when we stopped at noon or in the evenings. It was still just the two of us at night when we lay down next to each other, and when we woke up in the mornings and didn't get up right away, but just stayed where we were for a little while, maybe talking, or maybe just looking at each other and not saying anything, until he'd finally shake his head and get up and get breakfast ready and bring mine over to me where I was still laying down. That's something he started doing when we were on the mountain. I loved him doing that. I mean, it was just mush, but...but I really loved him not even letting me get up until he had brought over breakfast for me to eat, lying there on my side, under his coat.

You know, he never even asked me where we were going. Never asked me when we would get there and what we needed to do. He was just there with me. And we talked about other stuff. Like...

"Hey, Auron?"

"Yes, Rikku?"

We were stopped to eat lunch (sandwiches, not mush) sitting on a little hump of ground looking out over the rippling green grass.

"Auron, how come you've never called the wind storms on our pilgrimage," I asked him, "Like the way you did in Starfall? I mean, like up of the roof in Bevelle? It woulda been really useful, you know? And...and back on Bikanel? What you did to the malboro, you coulda done that to the sand worms, and then you wouldn't have gotten so hurt."

I've been wondering about that for awhile.

And after a moment he said, "Rikku, I haven't used those special attacks since...since before I lost my eye."

Oh. We've...

We've never talked about his, um, his eye.

He didn't look at me.

"That man you saw in Starfall Village...Rikku, in many ways he was a much better fighter than I."

"Huh?" I looked sideways at him.

"Once," he said softly, "There was a man, who made a mistake, and he lost his eye, and he lost..."

His voice trailed off.

"Auron?"

"Rikku, I'm not..." He shook his head. "The day—the first day, Rikku—that I was in Zanrakand I killed a man who tried to kill me because I was wearing red. That started a faction war that took two years to finish. From a standing start I had to relearn the basics of combat with only one eye. Rikku, I had to start over again almost from scratch to relearn everything that I once knew as quickly as I could. A man with one eye stands differently than a man with two, he walks differently and of course he sees differently. I needed to relearn as much as I could as fast as I could, and in time I regained much of my skill, but I never even tried to reacquire those special attacks. And I didn't really need them in Zanarkand. I have never really given them much thought until..."

He glanced over at me, and then away again.

"...until you were in danger, Rikku. And then, I just reached for the Shooting Star without thinking, and it was there."

And when he said that I was just so glad I wasn't standing up because if I was then I know my knees would have buckled hearing him say that and I would have just fallen right to the ground. Except...except then he would have caught me.

"Um, s—so..." I stuttered, looking down and blushing a little.

"So perhaps I will find those other abilities inside myself again one day. I will meditate on it."

"Auron?" I said after a little while.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Uncle Braska...did he kill a lot of people?"

I still didn't know what to tell Yunie.

"He killed...too many."

Big help.

"I...I guess I always thought of him as being so nice and kind, even though I never really knew him."

"He was nice and kind Rikku," he said. "But first, he was an assassin. And a very good one."

**Auron:**

"I suppose it was useful," she said. "On the pilgrimage I mean."

I smiled just a little, thinking about those times. There were some good memories among them.

"It was no accident, Rikku, that the three of us made it to Zanarkand in spite of the Church and the Guado. We didn't just get lucky. Ex-assassin turned white mage and summoner, ex-monk, a 20 year veteran and the greatest warrior of his generation, and ex-street soldier turned blitzballer who'd seen plenty of the bad and the ugly in his day. All three of us had been there and done that, Rikku, and we were the last men standing."

"Jecht was...?"

"Jecht grew up running with the gangs in the dark alleys and dirty streets of Sector E," I told her. "He survived turf-wars and drug wars to become the lowest level of street soldier fighting for the factions. But he had something that others didn't—a talent for blitzball that he rode out of the slums and all the way to the top. He got himself a wife who he loved more than anything, and a son that he was determined to see start at the top."

And then he was carried away to Spira, and I ended up killing one and raising the other.

Well...that's life.

**Rikku's Diary:**

So, what do I tell Yunie?

I'll...think about that tomorrow.

Instead, right now I think for a while about how much has changed between Auron and me. I lean back into him and he puts his arm around me, and we sit there together without speaking. And that never would have happened even a month ago. And of course he still tells himself that we're not really doing anything, and he's just being a friend and there's nothing really going on between us, because we haven't even kissed.

But I know he's fooling himself.

And I think that he knows it too.

And I know that he'll kiss me one day.

_A large man whose face betrayed no expression sat in a chair listening to the neverending storm. Life had etched a network of fine wrinkles around his eyes and his mouth, and his hair was white with years, but he was powerful still, and other men walked carefully in his presence._

_Thunder crashed and roared outside, shaking the building. The man was tired. He had a room. He should go rest. The bandits would bother no one ever again and the people in Macalania and the new settlements in the Calm Lands could look forward to life without fear once more. The man had nothing to look forward to but the next job, the next duty. There was no family for him, and never would be._

_He remembered…_

_Smiling, running, waving, slipping, falling, she was falling, and he screamed, but the Ronso had him and wouldn't let him follow. More than forty years ago. He shook his head. He didn't want to remember. He just wanted to sit and rest a little while and listen to the rain._

_He should get up._

_The minutes passed, and his head bent slowly forward, and his single eye closed. He slipped easily into sleep, and very quietly, there in the chair in the common room in the middle of the Thunder Plain, his great heart finally slowed, and stopped. He opened his eye. Smiling, running, waving, she was falling into his arms forever, and he bent his head and kissed her. He would never let her go again._

Hmm.

Well, I hope I don't have to wait that long. Ha. Yeah, yeah, I know, and I don't even believe in the Farplane, but...

But it's kinda nice to think about.

Just a short little ficlet-type thing, cause I'm kinda busy right now with something else, a big new project...

Ha!

**Auron:**

She pulled up her chocobo in front of me later in the day.

"Uh," she said, hesitantly. "Um, we're here!"

I looked around. We were on the very southern edge of the Calm Lands, near the cliffs.

"Very well."

"Um, so..." she said, slipping down to the ground.

I hadn't asked before, but now I'm getting a bad feeling.

"Rikku," I said mildly. "Why are we here?"

"Weeell," she bleated, and held up...

Shovels.

* * *

**Auron:**

I sighed just as the load from Rikku's shovel hit me in the face. I was spitting out the dirt as my own shovel finally hit something solid. The girl squealed and threw herself into the hole, grabbing handfuls of dirt and flinging them into the air, mainly at me. I hauled her out by the belt, finished uncovering the chest, and waited patiently while she checked it for traps. Then she happily threw open the top.

Gold shone out at us from inside.

"Gil!" she squealed, bouncing wildly. "Thousands and thousands of gil! I'm rich rich rich!"

She is a greedy little thing, but she takes such pure joy in it, the way Tidus does with blitzball. And I suppose...if it's part of the Rikku package, I'll still take it.

"What are you going to do with it all," I ask, smiling down to her as she plants her bottom solidly in the chest, wriggling happily and throwing the coins up in the air to rain down over her head.

"I'm gonna give it to Lulu, silly," she says, smiling back up at me. "For the pilgrimage."

I cock my head to one side and look at her as she holds the coins up and watches them drip through her hands. She's perfectly serious.

I think I know her, and yet she can still surprise me greatly.

"Well," I say, "I think Lulu will be happy to have it."

"Yeah," she answers, holding up a double handful to her nose and sniffing delightedly. "Just between you and me, that is one greedy magic user."

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we found both the chests, and there was 10000 gil in one and 5000 gil in the other and I went HAH with my TONGUE all out and said I-Told-You-So right into Auron's FACE, and all he said was that I had been right and he had been wrong. Huh. He's no fun at all, is he? Well, after we found the second chest, there wasn't anything more to do, so we set up an early camp and he gave me a fighter lesson and afterwards we washed up and ate and just talked. I woke up the next morning and he was already up and he brought me breakfast over to where I was lying under his coat the way he does when it's just the two of us.

"So," I said when he sat down next to me. "I guess it's time to go to the zoo, huh."

And of course I was a little sad.

"No, Rikku," he smiled a little.

He smiles more now. At least to me.

"No, Rikku, there was a slight change of plan. They all decided that they would ride to the zoo as fast as they could, and then we'll meet them at the Scar. They wanted you to see it with them."

Oh!

"That's...that's just so nice of you guys!" I smiled at him.

"They know you like to see new things. They all care about you, Rikku. Very much."

"Hey, Auron," I looked at him, "Auron, they care about you, too. All of them, not just Tidus."

He cocked his head.

"Perhaps...perhaps they do, Rikku. I never really thought of it."

He didn't really sound...all that pleased. Why wouldn't he want them to care about him?

What don't I know?

So I finished eating my breakfast mush and we packed things up and rode north. And I enjoyed those last few days with him so much, but then at night he had to hold me—really hold me because I was afraid again, and starting to have nightmares.

Because now we were really on our way again...to Zanarkand.

**Auron:**

The girl is happy during the day, and at night she shakes until she is in my arms. When we first entered the Calm Lands she came to me one night and asked me to hold her because she was scared, and I did. And I continued to hold her at night as the weeks passed and I didn't even notice the change that came over time. She became less frightened when we started our "vacation" and we were no longer approaching Zanarkand and yet I still held her in my arms at night, or at least held her hand as we lay next to each other, and I never even asked myself why. Now I think...I think it was because she held me too. And she told me not to be scared.

Did I just want to hold her?

Do I just want to hold her?

But now...I worry about her a little, now that we are going to start up the mountain again and these shaking attacks have started. But I know that she is strong. I believe that she just needs a little time to regain her balance, and her eternal optimism. And whatever our relationship is or becomes, I will hold her whenever she needs to be held.

I suppose it's sad in a way, but the others really do need her to be cheerful Rikku for them, lighting their way and giving them hope.

I...just need her to be Rikku.

Whoever that is.

* * *

**Auron:**

The Scar was certainly worth seeing. It was a great cleft in the earth somewhat near the northern exit from the Calm Lands. I saw that the Ronso especially was drawn to it. In my opinion the view did not match that of the Edge, but the Scar was also a place of historical significance, and for a few coins a man there told them the legends of High Summoner Gandof who battled Sin here.

He also had the genuine, authentic hat that Gandof was wearing at the time, which he offered to them at a special low price, discounted for a summoner party. In some ways he reminded me of the old scholar Maechen, but in other ways he reminded me of—

"Hey! Marty!" the girl cried.

No.

It couldn't be.

I didn't want to turn around.

I've been doing things I don't want to do for a long time. I turned.

"Hey, Goldie-locks! Hey, Sir Auron! Ain't you a sight for sore eyes!"

He was wearing a four-piece suit with wide, alternating orange and yellow stripes over a bright, paisley shirt. Have you ever seen a chocobo blush? His bird tried to pretend they weren't actually together as Marty climbed down from its back.

"What are you doing here, Marty?" I asked through clenched teeth. The girl looked at me strangely, and I took my hand off the hilt of my sword.

"Hey, Sir Auron, I got a top priority message for you from the high mucky-mucks! Top Secret," he boomed, "And absolutely vital, they say! And so our guy at the zoo heard them all saying how they were going to meet you here, but he didn't have any chocobos and I did so they sent me! uh, what...?"

They were all looking at us, and Tidus and Lulu were headed our way. I took Marty by the arm and walked him in the other direction, closer to the cliff. They took the hint and stopped to give us some privacy.

"Lower your voice, Marty, and tell me about it."

He leaned closer. Did the man eat anything other than onions?

"Well, like I said. The nabobs say this is make or break info, get it to you at all costs before you go up the mountain, spend anything, promise anybody anything."

"And I'm sure you'll pad your expenses accordingly," I said. I didn't really care if he overcharged the Luca network or not.

"Well, sure," he said moving back slightly. "Everyone does a little creative accounting. But something like this, something this important, why this should be worth a bonus, now ain't that so?"

"Marty..." I said softly, but with an edge.

"I mean there's my personal risk, what with all he fiends around, and the time spent away from my business, and the wear and tear on my nerves from carrying something so important. Why, what if Yevon had caught me? Ain't I entitled to a little something more?" he smiled.

Frowning a little, I remove a small wooden dowel from my coat and take him by the elbow.

"Ah, ah, ah!" he said, pulling away with a nasty little smile and looking over my shoulder. "We're not alone this time, Sir Auron. They're all watching us."

I turned slightly. They were.

"Especially that pretty little Al Bhed girl," he went on. "Hey, you don't want to do something you're going to have trouble explaining to them after, do you? You don't want that sweet young girl to see you putting the hurt on someone, now do you? Why sure you don't. Ain't that why you always waited until we were alone?"

He leaned closer.

"So," he whispered, his eyes hard and steady. "Why don't we just come to a little arrangement, and you'll get your messages, and I'll get a bit of gil, and she never has to see a different side of you. She's a real nice girl, ain't she? I could see that right off. A girl like that, I wonder if she really knows what a man like you is capable of, Sir Auron. Wonder what she'd think if she really knew.

"And, why, you don't even have to pay it yourself," he went on. "Just sign an authorization for the bosses. That's good enough for me!"

He grinned at me.

And I smile back a little.

I take Marty by the arm and throw him over the edge.

My soul is at peace.

**Rikku's Diary:**

HUHH, HUHH, HUHH...

...HE...

...HE THREW HIM...

...HUHH, HUHH...OVER...HUHH...

**Auron:**

I turned to them.

They seemed surprised, if the wide open mouths and staring eyes are any indication.

I cocked my head, and closed my eye. I could still hear his screams, growing fainter.

"Yuna?"

"SIR...Sir Auron...! What...? What...?"

"Yuna? Aeon."

"A—aeon...?"

"Preferably a flyer."

I don't suppose Ifrit could do much in this situation but plummet.

"Aeon...? Aeon!"

With a little jerk, she started to dance. She seemed nervous. I think she almost tripped, but Valefor fell from the sky and Yuna managed to communicate what she wanted and the flying aeon dove over the edge.

Curious, I began to count to myself, one-Zanarkand-dome, two-Zanarkand-dome...

Just as I reached twelve-Zanarkand-dome, the aeon returned, the recalcitrant tout clinging desperately to its back. Valefor looked positively drab by comparison. I pulled the gelid, garish figure down, and said mildly, "Marty? My messages?"

His chocobo seemed to give me a slight smile as Marty wordlessly pulled a packet from deep inside his paisley print shirt and gave it to me with a shaking hand. I took it (you can't catch paisley from contact, can you?) and turned to the others.

"Time to go."

* * *

**Auron:**

We've reached the edge of the Calm Lands now. We have to leave the chocobos here when we cross the gorge and continue up the mountain in the morning. The others haven't said much to me since the incident at the Scar. Perhaps I shouldn't have done it. The money was unimportant after all. But, I really couldn't let the idea get around that I could be held up by a small-time yegg without any consequence. And...the girl merely shook her head at me and frowned a little. She didn't seem too upset.

I'm glad.

I look over at her. She's scribbling furiously in her journal with a look of great concentration on her face. Whenever I look at her recently she's constantly writing in her journal. And I suppose that I look at her quite often.

I can't help but wonder what preoccupies her so.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hmm...

_Brave Little Thief Productions and Sanubia Studios_

_in cooperation with **AlBhedGirl(Dot)Com**_

_present_

_a feature length story_

_by **Rikku**_

My greatest yet!

Ha!

**Auron:**

I haven't looked at the vital message yet. I'm not sure why. Perhaps in my own way I am as reluctant as Rikku to see our vacation together end. I have enjoyed myself more than I ever could have imagined during these weeks. I have also been more confused than I ever would have imagined. And I know it's because of her. I think...I think I liked it. And I have grown closer to her than to anyone in this world except Tidus, and I watched Tidus grow up. I suppose in some ways I've also watched her grow up on our journey together, she's been through so much. And in other ways I've seen her struggle so hard to remain young and innocent.

I know that I can teach her, and help her to grow up. Can I also help her to stay young and innocent? Can I...protect her?

I wish...

I'm not sure what I wish.

I wish I wasn't dead.

Enough of this, I think to myself and tear open the packet. Just what is this information that is so vital that it could make or break the pilgrimage? I sort through the more common messages until I find...

Hm...

So...

There is an agent of Bevelle in our party.

Ha.

Heheh.

Like I didn't know that.

Heheheeheeheeheehahaheeheheeheeheh...

**Next: Aurikku**


	34. Aurikku

Okay sure it was kind of obvious. Marty. Auron. Cliff. It writes itself. Sue me.

I also think this was obvious coming. Rikku's little stories have been getting longer and more elaborate and it was only natural that she would try her hand at a full length aurikku one day. Sorry if you drew the wrong conclusion from the title. I know some of you will think it's just a distraction from the main story, but the project is long enough to encompass a detour once in a while. Anyway, don't worry. Back to, uh, real life next chapter.

Oh, by the way. End of last chapter? Auron was laughing out loud just low to himself, a little like when you're trying not to laugh but can't help it. Except not really. More like when you try to keep your sputtering laughter to yourself because you know that no one else will understand why you think it's funny. Or something like that. It just tickled him. Anyway, he made sure no one else was around except Rikku and she wasn't paying attention.

By the way also, why does everyone think Wakka is too stupid to be the agent? Haven't we gotten past that by now? And about the fayth bringing Auron back to life because he's such a nice guy and they're all such nice guys? Auron doesn't trust the fayth. Sure they're on the same side now, but so were the US and the USSR in World War II. They're in this for their own reasons, and those aren't necessarily Auron's reasons. Eh. Just thought I'd mention it.

And hey, if anyone wants to catch malboros by leaving Auron fighting alone with evade and counter like in the last chapter, just remember to switch your config from cursor default to cursor memory. It's a lot easier when all you have to do to guard is hit X X X X X X X X X etc.

Also, I really hate the title of the next chapter. Maybe I should have stuck with numbers.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Don't sue me. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-.

Last thing, like the previous chapter, this one is for Chaos Valkyrie for her nice reviews.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Ta da!

_**Brave Little Thief Productions** and **Sanubia Studios**_

_in cooperation with **AlBhedGirl(dot)Com**_

_present_

_a feature length story_

_by **Rikku**_

* * *

**Aurikku**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_Prolog—Meeting_

_She first saw him by the banks of the Moonflow River. She was smiling as brightly as she could while she trembled with cold and fear inside, and tried to ignore the taste of river water in her throat and the need to hack and cough and spit. She had to be chipper and bouncy and perky if she was going to survive this meeting._

_She had tried to take their summoner._

_And his hard brown eye had looked into her nervous green one, and he had asked if she was sure._

_She smiled shyly up at him. She thought she was._

_Unfeeling_

_She walked along the forest path, trying to keep as silent and alert as she could. It had been a long march, and the others were setting up camp while Rikku went to scout the area for danger. She was surprised when the silent man in red followed her. He made her nervous, afraid she would make some horrible mistake in front of him and he would yell, or laugh, or just look away as if to say, Well, what can you expect from a twitchy little Al Bhed thief anyway? And why was he following her? Didn't he trust her?_

_She tripped over a branch and stumbled a little before regaining her balance. Red faced, she looked over at him but he was looking away. Slick, Rikku, she thought. Hey, those thief skills are sure coming in handy now._

_The man watched her without watching her. He had allowed her to come on the journey with them because his summoner had wanted it and because he knew the Al Bhed had many useful skills, but he didn't know if she'd be any use in an actual battle. Frankly, he had his doubts. She was a twitchy little thing, very light on her feet. She would depend on speed._

_She was watching him without watching him, but not quite as well as he did it. She was remembering their meeting at the Moonflow. She was remembering his voice. He had a wonderful voice. She sighed a little and wondered why it had to be wasted on a big meanie like him who didn't even say that much. Why couldn't Tidus have gotten that deep, smoky voice? Well, she thought, frowning. I guess it wouldn't really go with his blond hair. So who else could it be? Wakka? Nuh uh. Lulu? She snickered. No. She couldn't really imagine the voice on anyone but him. I'll bet he has a great laugh, she thought._

_She wondered what her name would sound like on his lips. He had never said her name. Not once. Just given her curt orders, and not many of them. Say Rikku, she thought in his direction, frowning down at the ground. Say Rikku! Com'on, say it! Say Rikku!_

"_Rikku."_

_Gah!_

"_What!"_

"_Pay attention to your surroundings. This is supposed to be a scout."_

"_Yes sir, mon capitan!" she saluted. She'd never let him know he intimidated her. Um, okay, was that a growl coming from behind the high collar?_

"_Hey, look," she said, glancing over at him. "Now I know you've got the whole bad attitude thing working for you here, big guy, but we're here. We've scouted."_

_She threw out her arms and spun to indicate the whole forest around them._

"_There are no fiends," she said as a huge ochu stepped from behind some small trees._

_She froze for a moment, before her thief's instincts took over and she rushed in and out, quick as a cat._

"_Dammit, Rikku!" she heard the man say beside her._

_She turned to him smiling and showed him the remedy she had swiped. He looked at it sourly, then his gaze shifted and his eye widened and she turned back to see the serrated vines whipping toward her face and there was no time to run and no time to dodge, no time for anything but close her eyes and desperately throw up her hands._

"_Uhgn!"_

_She opened her eyes and through her fingers she saw he was in front of her…he had thrown himself in front of her and blocked the blow with his massive sword! And then he twisted and before the ochu could pull its vines back he scored a huge blow. She watched wide eyed as the fiend lashed at the red-clad guardian twice more, trying to get past him to her, but he turned aside each attack, and damaged the creature in return._

_Maybe, maybe she should throw something, she thought wildly, Some grenades or something. But the man looked like he was handling things, protecting both of them and landing counterblows on the huge fiend. Maybe the best thing she could do was…_

"_Rikku," the man almost snarled glancing back at her, "WHY are you playing with your hair in the middle of a battle?"_

"_For good luck!" she smiled._

_His brow drew down lower over his eye, but the ochu suddenly flailed its vines at her and he threw himself in front of the girl once more, slashing aside the blows meant for her. The fiend roared a vegetable roar as Auron's blade landed at just the right angle to take off one of the limbs._

"_Lucky blow," she yelled._

"_Hmph," was his only reply._

_Ha! All hail Rikku the luckgiver, she thought, bouncing happily. She is great and good! She is the goodluck girl! Um…no, that didn't sound quite right. Hey, stick with Rikku…and, uh…get lucky…? Gah! No. Um, um…_

"_Ah, the hell with it," she muttered and started throwing grenades. Throwing grenades always made her feel better. They didn't confuse her._

_Between the two of them the fiend was soon reduced to drifting pyreflies, and the girl ran in to scoop up the fallen gil and a shiny sphere. She turned slowly back toward the older guardian, taking a few steps toward him._

"_Um, Sir Auron?" she said shyly. "Um, thank you. I mean for not letting it ever hit me. You, um, you were great."_

_He just nodded in her direction, slipping his arm back into the sleeve of his coat._

"_And, hey, see?" she said brightly. "I can help in battles!"_

_He turned and looked down at the girl, who was smiling a little hopefully at him. He was loath to grant the girl's point. But he was an honorable man above all, and so he had to admit…_

"_Your skills will come in handy on the pilgrimage," he said to her. "All of them."_

_Her smile grew brighter and wider, and she stepped closer, walked right up to him looking up into his hidden face._

"_You're not so mean," she said to him quietly._

_You have no idea, little Al Bhed girl, he thought._

_Comforting_

_BOOOOOOOM!_

"_AHHhhhhhhHHH!" Rikku screamed._

"_The storm doesn't end," he said gently._

"_I know, I know," she muttered up to the man in red. "But, I, uh, I think I left something back in Guadosalam!"_

"_You didn't leave anything, Rikku."_

"_I did, I DID!" she said weakly, "I, um, left, uh, my, my, uh, stuff, you know?"_

"_Stuff?" he asked with one raised eyebrow._

"_Um, woman's stuff, you know? The stuff for woman's, um problems! You KNOW! Stuff!"_

"_Rikku," he said quietly. "We are not going back to Guadosalam and we are not leaving you here, so you are going to have to come with us now. The others are already ahead of us. If you really need "stuff" you can borrow it from Yuna or Lulu."_

"_OOoooooohhhhhh…"_

"_Stay near me, Rikku. I'm taller than you," he smiled a little. "The lightning will come for me, not you."_

"_Heh heh," she said nervously as he led her out onto the plain. She stayed close to him, and he let her distract herself, listening while she told him all about her brother and the thunder spell that went wrong, and making small understanding noises back to her. And she did feel safer around him, even though she knew he couldn't block lightning bolts for her the way he did physical blows._

_They were about halfway across when a bolt landed so close to them that her hair frizzed. She screamed "AAhhaaHHH" and dropped to her hands and knees, skittering around until she finally grabbed his leg, whimpering._

"_Rikku," he said. "Let go."_

_She just trembled and held on harder._

_Awkwardly he bent down and put a warm, comforting hand on her back. "Rikku," he said, softly. "There's an inn ahead. We can stop there for a little while, until you feel better. But first you have to let go. Rikku?"_

_He gently pried her away from his leg, and pulled her to her feet, murmuring, "…good girl, brave girl, it'll be all right…" but her knees buckled and wouldn't support her._

_So the red guardian lifted her into his arms and wrapped his coat around her as best he could and carried her the rest of the way while she buried her face in his chest and trembled._

_BOOOOOM!_

_She jerked upright in the bed, looking wildly around her._

_Bed? What?_

_Lightning flashed and lit up the small room for just an instant before thunder crashed and Rikku's mind went white and she leaped out of the bed. She flew across the room and jerked open the door and almost fell but gathered her feet under her, bounced off of Tidus and staggered down the hall._

"_Hey, Rikku, what…? Hey, wait!"_

_She couldn't wait, she knew she couldn't. She had to find Auron and he'd make her feel safe. She knew she had to reach him and she didn't even wonder how she knew he was outside._

_She ran through the common room and threw herself out the front door and out into the night. What was she doing? What was she doing! She was running out into the night, out into the storm, out where the lightning could find her! _

_She ran through the rain until lightning blazed across the sky, lighting the heavens, and thunder crashed in her ears like Al Bhed cannon and Rikku cowered and screamed. Flashing, crashing, screaming again and again, her mind was empty, reeling under the shock and the fear, and she didn't know she was stumbling forward somehow in the dark and the rain and didn't know where she was going until there was a lighting flash and in the instant before the thunder she saw..._

_He was there, Auron was there, moving in front of her in that one instant of flickering light, and his feet were spread wide and his sword turned in his hands and his red coat flapped wetly around him. She staring and he looked more than human to her, he was one more unstoppable force of nature like the rain and the wind and the lightning._

_He was strong and beautiful and her hair plastered to her face, her mouth hanging open, she stared._

_And the endless moment ended when the sky turned white and thunder over her, exploded in her ears, it struck her like a blow and threw her to her knees and she curled into a ball and wrap her arms around herself and screamed._

"_Rikku?_

"_RIKKU!"_

"…_Auron…?"_

"_Rikku!"_

_His hands were there, lifting her to her feet._

"_You LEFT me!" she yelled, all hurt and anger and little girl lost. She was struggling in his grip, her arms were slippery in the rain and she was kicking out and trying to hit him with her fists and she slipped and fell but he was holding her up._

"_What? Rikku…?"_

"_You left me!" she shouted at him, pain and anguish pouring from her little heart. "You know how afraid I am and you weren't there. Why'd you leave me, Auron? I was all alone! How could you do that!"_

"_You were asleep, and safe," he said to her with a puzzled voice. "I just needed to practice. And I would have come back, Rikku, to see how you were."_

_FLASH, CRASH, SCREAM! "AAAaaaahhhHHHH!"_

_Flashing and booming and lighting the sky like some insane fireworks beating at their bodies and Rikku was braking down, she was going mad with fear, crazy with terror, and thunder was CRASHING and she was SCREAMING and he was...he was pulling her tight against him, and they were turning...turning...what was...?_

_Lighting flared and thunder crashed and she was clutching him, clutching his wet, red coat like it was the only real thing in the world and they were turning and he was holding her tight and holding her up and they were moving from side to side and his arms were around her and then he stepped back still holding her close and they turned together..._

_In the wind and the rain and the fear and the cold and the dark and the dread, Auron and Rikku were dancing._

_And roars of thunder hit her body like blows from a hammer over and over, again and again, and she felt it pounding deep inside her, pounding her flat, pounding her bones, it grabbed her by the spine and shook her body down to the soles of her feet and she closed her eyes tight and he was there and suddenly it wasn't thunder it was the crashing of his heart and her heart, they were crashing together and she was dancing to their hearts and she was trembling from him not the cold and she was shivering from him not the wind and the wet but from him, she was trembling because his arms were around her and she wasn't holding him and clutching him and clinging to him out of fear._

_She closed her eyes and she held him so tight because they were dancing._

_The red guardian held the girl close. She was so small in his arms and she was always so brave, but now she was afraid and cringing at every clap of thunder and his heart went out to her and he held her and turned with her in his arms and she started to move with him faster and suddenly Rikku was just riding the storm like it was wild music that was raging inside of her and in his arms she began to crave the thunder, breathing hard and waiting for each new roar from the skies to drive a jolt of fear and joy and delight straight into her and through her and up her body and down into her soul and she craved the tremors and the shivers that stroked the inside of her with every crash._

_She was jerking, heat was rising under her skin and she was cold and flushed in his grasp and Auron was turning her and twirling her and guiding her and pulling her with him as he moved faster, pulling her close and she buried her wet face in his broad chest and she wanted to open her mouth and scream into him..._

_The wind howled and thunder roared and Auron and Rikku danced in the wind and the rain and the dark to the wild music of the neverending storm._

"_I'm sorry Rikku," he murmured into her ear, holding her, moving with her. "I shouldn't have gone. I won't do it again. I'll stay close, all right?"_

_Her feet followed him and her body followed him and never lost contact with him and without ever removing her face from his chest, she nodded._

_And with one powerful arm wrapped around her slender body he reached down and slipped the other under her legs and he picked her lightly up and he carried her back to the agency and the rain became a steady, gentle shower that washed away her fear, and Rikku didn't even flinch at the closest bolts or the loudest thunder. It was only music, and in her mind they danced._

_A little later they were there, and he stepped under the veranda roof. He stopped and said to the girl, "We're here, Rikku."_

_Slowly, reluctantly, she let go of him and slid down to the floor, and he stepped back. She stood there hunched over and wet, looking cold and miserable, and he reached out and took hold of her chin, lifting it until he was looking into her face._

"_Rikku, you go in now and get out of those wet clothes and have a hot bath" he said. "I won't leave the agency. I'll be here, all right?"_

_She nodded, and turned to go inside, stopping at the door to peel off her wet shoes and socks. He found a bench not too far away and sat, looking off into the storm._

"_Sir Auron?" she said softly._

_He turned a little._

"_Thank you."_

"_It's all right," he answered her._

"_Sir Auron…?" she said, her hand on the door._

"_Yes, Rikku?"_

_Slowly, hesitantly, shyly she said, "You can, um, you can kiss me...if you want..."_

_He turned and looked at her fully._

_The young girl's blond hair was plastered to her head and hanging in wet tangles around her face, and she was looking down but peeking uncertainly up at him from under her lashes, holding onto the door and shifting nervously from bare foot to bare foot...waiting._

_Finally he lifted one hand and motioned her to come closer. She moved toward him uncertainly, her arms crossed in front of her, her fingers flexing and a panicky little smile flitting off and on across her face until she was only a single step away. She was shivering a little and her chest rose and fell under the wet tee-shirt with her quick, shallow breaths. She stared at him with wide green eyes. He leaned toward her, and she felt her heart flutter weakly and she stopped herself from stepping back. He looked into her wide, nervous spiraled eyes for a moment, and then he cocked his head and offered her his unscarred cheek. And her breath caught in her chest as she looked down at him and she gave a little gasp of relief and smiled. And then she slowly and carefully laid her hands on his shoulder and bent to softly kiss the side of his face._

_He turned to look as she straightened, just in time to see her dart forward and press her lips against his for just a second before she spun and ran into the agency, the door banging closed behind her._

_The man didn't move for a moment after she had gone. Then he lifted his fingertips and rubbed them lightly over both his lips. Then he gave a small whistle, long and low._

_Wondering_

_Macalania was beautiful, would have been beautiful to her even if they hadn't just come off the Thunder Plain. It was full of strange and powerful fiends, but he was always there, always there to throw his body between her and danger. And of course he did it for everyone, even Wakka, but it still gave her a thrill knowing that he was protecting her and wouldn't let her get hurt. And it made her want to protect him too._

_Did they notice?_

_She wondered if the others noticed that she was always sitting next to him, laying her bedroll sort of near his, just a tiny bit closer each night. Did they notice that she couldn't seem to stop looking at him?_

_Did he notice?_

_Did he ever notice her looking at him and remembering the half-kiss and wondering if he remembered it too?_

_He remembered, but he tried to forget. He knew he shouldn't think of her in that way. It was…improper. It could also complicate things on the pilgrimage. And he knew she had a crush on him, knew she would inch closer and closer until he said something to stop her, said something crushing to discourage her and push her away. He knew that's what he had to do. He knew he shouldn't remember the kiss and think of her that way. But he couldn't help himself._

_She found herself indulging in little fantasies during the day, making up little stories in her head where he grew to care about her and said he loved her and asked her to marry him and they grew old together. She knew it couldn't ever happen. She knew it was just a crush, because of the way he had helped her on the Thunder Plain. But it made her happy. So she continued to sit near him and walk near him and look at him when he wasn't looking at her, and she would always put her head down quick whenever he looked back because the feelings then were just so strong._

_Looking Auron in the eye is like standing at the edge of a tall, tall cliff, she thought, And one good shove and I'll go over, and if I fall I know I'll fall forever…_

_Consoling_

"_Don't," he said._

"_Stay away, Auron," she answered, not looking at him._

"_Why do you do this thing?" he asked._

"_I'm, I'm not sure I'll do it..."_

"_You stand at the edge of the deck," he said calmly. "One more step will carry you over. Why, Rikku? Why do you think of this?"_

"_They're all dead," she answered softly, as much to herself as to him. "All of my cousins and my aunts and uncles, all of my friends and my family, they killed everyone that I loved..."_

"_Not everyone," he said, standing twenty feet from her on the open deck of the Al Bhed airship. "Not all. Most escaped. You have family still, who love you."_

"_They'll die too, one day. Everything dies. Everyone dies. We all die. I..." she swallowed. "I just don't want to see it any more."_

"_Rikku..."_

"_And Yuna's going to Zanarkand to die for all the rest of us, and we'll probably die helping her, or we'll die when Sin comes back ten years later, or we'll die from fiends killing us or from people hating us or we'll slip and fall in the bathtub and die. We'll all die...Spira is all about death, and I fought that idea so long, but that was stupid. You can't fight Spira and you can't fight death. So..."_

"_You killed the Guado," he said._

_A sick jolt ran through her and she was back in the room, back in her room where she grew up and she was on top of the Guado slashing over and over at his face until it wasn't a face and she was tearing at a piece of torn red meat with her claw and the Guado under her wasn't moving or screaming and wasn't a living person anymore, just a dead thing underneath her and there was blood on her clothes and on her hands and in her hair and in her mouth. She sat there on top of the meat, breathing hard, and she knew that she had killed him and a thrill shot through her body and a great, shuddering feeling of release ran through her, and she felt powerful._

_She enjoyed it._

_She looked up, licking her lips and tasting the warm blood. He stood there in the middle of the room looking at her over the tops of his sunglasses, and in his one brown eye, she saw..._

_She shook away both the memory and the tears that blurred her vision, trying to deny to herself that she had ever smiled while she killed a man, trying to deny what she had seen looking back at her from that brown eye._

"_I thought I was different," she said quietly. "I thought I was better than everyone else because they all accepted the death and the dying and I didn't. I fought against it. I was full of life! I was all about life, not death. But I wasn't. I'm a killer...just like Spira."_

"_You are not like Spira," he said. "You are not in love with death."_

"_Auron, what I did..." she said dully, "It's not something I can take back. It's who I am now. I saw it in your eye when you looked at me. Your eye was a mirror, and I saw a killer looking back at me, Auron. I killed that Guado...and I liked it."_

"_And that makes you human, Rikku, not a monster. Rikku, some people...enjoy taking life. It's not something they can help, only something that they must learn to live with. You are not alone, Rikku. I can help you to deal with this. Or there are others who can help you."_

_Her stomach lurched at the thought of others knowing, even of her family finding out what she was. It would be so much easier to just take one step._

_And she was just so tired._

"_Auron, I...I need to...I need to think, to think this through and...and decide for myself…"_

"_Rikku, this is also something that you can not take back. If you make a mistake now, make the wrong decision because you are hurt and confused, there is no way to undo it."_

_He took three slow steps forward._

"_Don't, Auron!" she said, hating him, because he was pushing her, forcing her decision and she hadn't decided yet! Didn't know if she really wanted to do it, but there he was and he wasn't stopping, and she knew she was going to..._

_Two more steps._

"_Auron," she said softly, "Please stop...or I will..."_

"_And I'll follow, and we'll fall together."_

_She finally turned and looked at him._

"_Auron," she whispered. "No...you can't..."_

_He took one more step, and pulled off his high collar, and then removed the sunglasses from his face, and looked at her._

"_In that room where you grew up," he said, "You looked into my eye, and it was a mirror. You never looked at me after that. Look now, Rikku," he said, taking another step. "Look into my eye and tell me what you see."_

_She turned her face down, shaking her head. She didn't want to see it ever again. She knew she had to disgust him now that he had seen her do what she did and she never wanted to see the loathing in his eye. She shook her head and hunched away from him and her foot slipped a few inches back without thinking and then her balance was gone and she tried to catch herself but she was falling without a sound._

_He caught her._

_His hands held her wrists as he lay flat on the deck and her body dangled over the emptiness below._

_He didn't pull her up._

"_Choose now," she heard him say. "Do we fall, or live with our pain. The choice is yours, Rikku."_

_She never doubted that he meant it. If she gave the word they would both fall, together. She glanced up and finally looked him in the eye for the first time since that room. And she saw..._

"_Pull me up, Auron."_

_He pulled the girl up, and they slithered back from the edge, and then they were sitting on the deck and he was holding her while she cried. She couldn't meet his eye again, not yet, but she knew if she did, she'd see herself, as he saw her. In his brown eye, she was still beautiful, on the inside._

"_Auron," she whispered brokenly, "Help me to live with myself."_

_And he held her as if he would never let her go._

_Discovering_

_While the others went on ahead, they went a long way down their backtrail to make sure that the people chasing them had lost the track. She went because she was the scout. He went to protect her. They had gotten very close since the...incident...on the airship. He had spent a great deal of time with her helping her to come to terms with herself, and it seemed to him that the crisis had passed. Being reunited with her cousin had helped._

_And now they were running from Bevelle, and checking to make sure that there were no warrior monks following behind._

"_I think they're gone, Auron, and if we don't stop now I'm not sure we'll catch up to the others before dark. What do you think?"_

"_I think you're probably right. Let's turn around now and try to reach them before nightfall. Don't get careless. Keep an eye out for fiends."_

"_Yes, Auron," she said with a wry smile. Never let down your guard, do you? It was about an hour later that they passed the sphere pool, where they had found the recording made by Jecht so many years ago._

"_Auron," she said. "Auron, let's stop for a few minutes and wash up!"_

"_We don't have the time."_

"_We do, if we hurry. Auron, it's been days!"_

"_Rikku…"_

"_Auron, who knows when we'll have another chance? Auron, it's not healthy to go this long without a bath!"_

_She was right. It wasn't. He slowed. "If we don't take too long…"_

_We won't, Auron," she said, turning aside toward the pool._

"_All right. You wash here, I'll go up around that bend."_

"_Oh no!" she said. "Auron, I'm not bathing here all alone!"_

"_What? But Rikku…"_

"_NO, Auron! What am I going to do if a fiend attacks me? Throw gil at him?"_

"_Rikku…"_

"_Auron, usually when we bathe I'm with Yuna and Lulu. If we're attacked Lulu can cast spells (she takes that doll in with her) or Yuna can even call an aeon. But they're not here, and I need you to protect me! That's what you're here for!"_

"_Rikku," he said a trifle desperately, "It's not proper. Maybe we should forget the whole thing and just get back to the others."_

"_You don't have to look if you don't want to, Auron," she laughed._

"_All right," he sighed, rubbing his eye tiredly. "Fine, Rikku."_

_She smiled to herself. He had learned that he was unlikely to win arguments with her. She was, after all, smarter than he was._

_They didn't talk as they turned their backs and started to undress. She didn't even look at him from the corner of her eye, but she had a sort of impression of him as she peeled off her top. She knew when he wasn't wearing anything red anymore, and then when he wasn't wearing anything black. She pulled off the last piece of her clothing, sliding lacy green panties down her slim legs and stepping out of them. Then she pulled her hair out of its ponytail, letting it fall down around her shoulders. She walked a few slow steps out into the sphere pool and knelt down, thankful the water wasn't too cold. It came up to her waist and she started to wash her body with the small lump of soap that she had brought with her._

_She felt him enter the pool a little behind her and settle down close by. She knew he would be facing away from her. Neither said anything as they washed, but each was keenly aware of the other naked body only a couple of feet away._

"_Auron…" "Rikku…" They both spoke at the same moment._

"_Uh…yes, Auron?" she said._

"_I…hm… Um, do you have soap?"_

"_Oh…sure…here…"_

_She reached behind her to hand him the soap, but the first thing her hand met was leather and steel. His sword, she realized. The sword I made for him. Well, I asked him to protect me._

_Her hand found his behind her back, and she passed him the small lump of soap._

"_Auron…" she said. "Auron, I can do your back."_

"_Rikku—"_

"_It's your back, Auron. You won't see anything! And then I can turn around and you can do my back. Okay?"_

_She heard him sigh once more. "Maybe, Rikku."_

_She smiled, then her eyes went wide and she called out, "AURON!"_

_He whirled around and saw the chimera that had come out of the woods! There was no time to think or to talk. If he were still in the water when they met he would fight at a terrible disadvantage, but it was only a few steps to dry land. He erupted from the pool, pulling his sword and rushing at the fiend, and it tried to scuttle around him to reach—_

_Her! She had come out of the water behind him! He threw himself between them deflecting the fiend's attack and evading the charge with the help of the marvelous blade that she had created for him. She dove for the ground, scrabbling among her discarded clothing, and then she was up and throwing something. A fang! The chimera was poisoned. It tried again to get around him, to reach her, and again the man was there, never letting it near her, landing a huge blow to punish it for trying. It roared as the poison raced through its system, and it cast a single spell as it died, and from behind him he heard her scream in pain._

_She didn't remember where she was, or what she had been doing, she only knew that she hurt. Then she remembered, and opened her eyes to see him bending over her with potions and phoenix downs dripping from his hands and repeating over and over, "Rikku…! Rikku…! You're going to be all right! Rikku, you're going to be all right! Rikku…!"_

"_Auron…" she whispered weakly. The potions the man was frantically opening one after the other were working, the pain was fading._

"_Rikku!" he looked at her, stunned relief replacing the fear in his eye, "You're okay! Say you're okay, Rikku!"_

"…_Auron…"_

_She looked up at him bending over her, still wearing nothing, and her eyes silently followed the line of his terrible scar from his face, down his chest, and further down…_

"_Rikku," he said hoarsely, turning away. "Get dressed. We need to get back to the others now._

"_Al—all right…"_

_She got slowly to her feet, and tottered weakly over to the spot she had left her…_

"_Auron! All my clothes! They're torn to shreds!"_

_The ground was torn up where her clothes had been, and where the two of them had fought the chimera. The only whole pieces of clothing she could see were one shoe and one sock, dirty, but relatively whole._

"_Auron, my clothes! What am I going to wear?"_

_The answer came when his red coat landed at her feet. She turned and saw he was still facing away, dressed now except for the boots and socks that he was carrying in his hands. She smiled wryly as she slipped into the coat that was far too large for her._

"_Okay, It's safe to look now."_

_He turned and saw her standing in his coat with her arms straight out, her fingers barely reaching the cuffs of the sleeves, and her little toes peeking out from where the hem brushed the grass._

"_How do I look!" she asked him, smiling, half turning first one way then the other._

"_Ridiculous," he answered with a small smile of his own. "But it's good enough until we get back to camp."_

_She grinned and let her arms fall to her sides._

_And the coat slipped off her shoulders and down to the grass, puddling around her ankles._

"_OH!"_

"_Huh," Auron choked, turning his face away almost quickly. "A little big, I guess._

"_Cover up, and let's get going," he added._

_But she just stood there, on the riverbank. She cocked her head to one side, and looked at him._

"_Rikku! Put on the coat! Please!"_

_Instead, she lifted one little foot out of the coat, moving a step closer to him._

"_Auron," she said gently. "Look at me."_

"_Rikku, no!" he said, squeezing his eye shut and turning his back. But closing his eye didn't stop him from feeling her slim arms wrap around him from behind, or feeling her breasts, small but firm, flat against his back as she pressed tight against him._

"_Rikku," he said in a harsh, ragged tone, his head hanging down. "Don't do this, Rikku…"_

"_Auron," her voice was a caress. "I want you to turn around and look at me. I'm not going away, Auron."_

_Her hands ran up his chest, and curled around his shoulders, pulling him tighter. She slid one bare foot over the_ _top of his bare foot, her toes playing with his toes. She felt a little fiery itch just starting to burn somewhere close beneath her belly._

_"I'm never going away, Auron…"_

_"No…"_

_"Auron," she whispered into his back, rubbing her forehead slowly across the black, leather armor. "Look at me!"_

_"Rikku," he whispered, brokenly. "I'm afraid…"_

_"Why?" she asked him softly._

_"I'm afraid of what might happen."_

_After a moment she said, "I'm afraid too, Auron. But, do you remember in Guadosalam? Outside the Farplane?"_

_"I remember, Rikku," he said, puzzled._

_"Do you_ _remember your promise, Auron? You promised you'd answer one question honestly, if you answered at all."_

_"I remember, Rikku."_

_"Well, okay, then there's one thing I have to know right now, Auron," she said softly. "And I thought I didn't want to know. I thought if it was all a dream then I wanted to keep the dream, the silly little girl dream alive as long as I could. But, on the airship, after...what I did, when I looked into your eye and all I expected to see was disgust, but what I thought I saw…"_

_Through his coat he felt her chest rise and fall as she took a deep breath._

_"So now, now I want to know. I can't stand not knowing. Auron?"_

_"Rikku?"_

_"I love you, Auron. Do you love me?"_

_"I…I…"_

_He didn't answer. He never answered. And for her that was answer enough._

_He felt her arms release him, and felt her step back, and a rush of relief and disappointment ran through him._

_But he turned when he heard a splash. She was in the pool, the water up to her waist, her back to him. She turned to look over her shoulder, and she smiled._

_He hadn't said no._

_"We never finished our bath," she said, and turned back. He watched her for a moment, the early evening moonlight gleaming on her smooth wet skin. Then he slowly undressed and joined her in the pool._

_Adoring_

_He would walk away from the fire, or she would, and after a while the other would follow. Somewhere out in the dark they would find each other and talk. They would talk for hours, about everything and nothing. But...they didn't talk about that night. They were both shy, after that first time in the sphere pool in Macalania, shy and half embarrassed and quietly afraid that they hadn't pleased the other. It took time before they finally talked about it and then it was better, and their second time lying in the tall green grass of the Calm Lands was better too. And slowly they learned how to make each other happy until there was never any doubt between them again._

_The two of them sat together, always, and walked next to one another, and always asked if the other needed anything. The others saw, and Wakka and Tidus and Yuna and Lulu and even Kimahri looked at each other often, wondering if what they all thought was happening could really be happening. They were so different, the two of them._

_But the two of them didn't care, and they carried on like two school kids with first-crushes. They were...cute. And Tidus and Wakka were appalled at finding Auron cute._

_The man wouldn't let her get up to serve herself in the morning, but started bringing breakfast over to her where she lay in her blankets and sitting next to her while she ate. She loved that he did that, and she wanted to do some little special thing for him in return, so one day when they were alone together she carefully reached up and removed his sunglasses and wiped them clean, polishing the lenses before replacing them on his face. He was startled the first time, and then it began to give him a warm feeling when she would do that in the odd moments when they were alone, because he knew it was a gesture of love._

_They took what happiness they could, and that was a lot, because they both knew that they couldn't waste even one day._

_Not on Spira._

_They crossed the Calm Lands and stood at the base of the sacred mountain. Both were sad to be leaving the grasslands where they had finally learned how happy they made each other. Even though the pool in Macalania was where they first explored each other and their mutual desire, in many ways the Calm Lands were where the two of them truly fell in love._

_And she was a little afraid, afraid what would happen to the two of them and their love when they left that place. What would become of their love up on that mountain and in that city of death? Would it be the end of them, of the two of them together? But they both knew it was time to go up the mountain. Whatever future their story held for them, the path to it lay though Zanarkand._

_She would just have to have faith._

_Hating_

"_DON'T TALK TO ME!"_

"_Rikku—"_

"_DON'T!"_

_The last bitter thing she said before she walked out of the cabin was, "You were right all along, you're nothing but a killer!"_

"_Auron, are you sure?" Tidus asked the red-coated man three months later as they walked together on the beach at Besaid._

"_Yes, Tidus," he replied. "It's time for us to return to Zanarkand. There is nothing more for us here."_

"_Auron," the young man said, "Yuna's gone, and there's nothing more for me here, but you…"_

_The other man shrugged._

"_There's nothing here for me either," he said calmly. "I thought there was once, but there isn't anymore. It's time to go home."_

_The young man took a breath._

"_Auron, we can't go yet. I want to say goodbye to Rikku."_

_The older man stopped and looked at him without saying anything. Tidus looked back calmly._

"_I said goodbye to Lulu and Wakka, and to Kimahri. Auron, I don't think I'm ever going to come back to Spira. I don't want to leave without saying goodbye to Rikku."_

"_All right, Tidus. I'll meet you afterward in Luca."_

"_No, Auron," he shook his head. "We'll leave straight from Bikanel."_

"_Tidus—"_

"_Auron, you're probably not coming back either. It's been months. Maybe she wants to see you again. And even if she doesn't, don't you want to at least say goodbye? At least tell her you're leaving?"_

"_I don't, Tidus," the man answered quietly. "But, I suppose I should. Very well."_

_They had to wait a week to find a ship headed for Bikanel, and the trip itself took thirteen days. The two men spent their time talking about Spira and Zanarkand, about the things they would miss, and the things they looked forward to seeing again. The boy made friends among the crew and other passengers, some of them Al Bhed with whom he could break the ice by speaking to them in their own language. The man in the red coat didn't make friends. He kept his own company for the most part, alone with his thoughts. Finally the ship docked and the two of them came ashore on Bikanel. They took a transport from the docks to the site where Home was rebuilding. Part of the new city was open to the sky, and the streets were filled with busy Al Bhed._

"_Man," the kid said, looking around the crowded city square, "Their comm system's still down. I don't know how we're gonna find Rikku. We might have to just find out where she lives and wait around for her."_

"_I can find her," the man said._

"_Um, how? I thought you hadn't talked to her since Zanarkand."_

"_I don't have to talk to her. I always know where she is."_

_The big man set off through the streets and the young man followed. They walked about twenty minutes, the man in red taking turns with confidence, but inside his guts were churning. He knew this was a mistake. He really did not want to leave forever without at least seeing her one more time, but in the same way he always knew where she was, he knew he shouldn't be doing this. His feelings for her were an open wound, and he knew she hated him._

_Close now._

"_There she is!" the boy cried, pointing. "Hey! Hey, Rikku!"_

_The blond thief was speaking to a young man walking beside her when she heard the voice. She had been nervous and irritable all day, and she wasn't sure why._

_Was that...?_

"_Hey, Rikku!" the boy cried, running up and lifting her in a big hug. "Hey, Rikku, how you been!"_

"_Tidus, you big jerk!" she yelled at him. "Put me down!"_

_For a moment she was happy, seeing him again. They had always been close, always trying to figure out together a way to save her Cousin Yunie. Remembering that gave the Al Bhed girl a sudden pain. And then she thought, if Tidus is here, then that means..._

"_Hey Rikku," the kid said, putting her down, "Look, it's Auron. He's here too!"_

_She turned and looked into the red guardian's face. Neither of them said anything as he looked back. Tidus looked back and forth between them._

"_Rikku," a voice asked. It was the young man she had been walking with. "Is everything okay?"_

"_Sure, Veni," she said, turning to him with a false little smile. "These are just some people I know."_

_She stood on her toes to kiss him lightly on the lips._

"_Just give a minute, okay? It won't take long."_

_Looking a little puzzled, he nodded and walked away. Rikku turned back to the two men. Tidus looked like he'd been kicked. The man didn't show any change in expression._

"_I told you I didn't want to see you," she said to him._

_He simply nodded._

"_Go away, Auron," she said, her face tight._

"_Um," Tidus said nervously, "Uh, we are going, Rikku. We're going home to Zanarkand, my Zanarkand. We came, ah, I came to say goodbye."_

_She thought about that for a moment, looking at the man with a trace of contempt. His expression never changed, but she thought she saw something for a just moment in his one brown eye, something that might have been asking, even pleading, Give me a reason to stay._

"_So, uh," Tidus said, awkwardly, "So how have you been Rikku? You look good."_

"_I'm pregnant," she told him, not looking again at the older man. "We're getting married. As soon as we have time. We're moving into a new place now."_

_If it had ever been there in that eye, that plea was gone now. And there was nothing in particular in his voice when he said, "I wish you happiness."_

_Tidus stood a minute, nervously shifting from foot to foot, then finally broke the silence. "Well, well, I guess, we need to get going. I'm, um, gonna miss you Rikku."_

_He hugged her awkwardly and the man nodded to her and turned to go, and the boy followed. She didn't watch them walk away._

"_Now, Tidus?" the man asked quietly._

"_Yeah, Auron," the boy answered. "Now. Let's go home."_

_Agonizing_

_Three years later Rikku stood nervously in front of the doorway that led to the Cloister of Trials in Besaid Temple. She had come to Besaid because this was the temple where she felt the least awkward. This is where her friends Lulu and Wakka lived. This was where her cousin had grown up. That might have made her uneasy but instead she felt a kind of strange comfort in the thought that Yuna might be somehow watching over her now._

_She needed all the support she could get. The priests hadn't wanted to even let her inside, but in the end the fact that she had been guardian to the high summoner and the fact that the island's other two famous guardians had insisted had convinced them._

_And if he hadn't, she would have broken in._

_She needed to talk to the fayth._

_She took a deep breath and stepped inside. She completed the trials, smiling sometimes when she remembered the pilgrimage, and how the man in red had always given this task to her, telling her and everyone that she was smarter than he was. The smiles never lasted long. She made her way to the chamber of the fayth. She had never been inside one, but the others had told her what to expect._

_Inside, she saw the statue, and heard the hymn. And then the fayth was there, hanging in front of her._

"_Why do you come here, Al Bhed?"_

_Rikku licked her lips nervously. She had to succeed, had to convince him._

"_My daughter is ill," she whispered, tears running down her face. "The healers can't help her. She's dying. Yunie's dying."_

"_People die," the fayth said. "That is human, that is life."_

"_I don't want my daughter to die," Rikku choked. "She's all I have. She's everything to me. I'll give up my own life, if that's what it takes to save her. Please..."_

_The fayth didn't speak for a minute. Then it said, "It may not come to that."_

_She looked up as the floating figure disappeared. She didn't know what else to do, so she waited. In a few minutes the fayth returned._

"_Four years ago," it said, "You undertook to become a guardian. Why?"_

"_I wanted to help keep my cousin safe," she answered softly._

"_People become guardians for many reasons. They seek fame, or revenge, or favor in the eyes of Yevon. It is a fair exchange. But you sacrificed and asked for nothing. I have consulted with my brothers and sisters, and we have agreed to give you this one boon in exchange for your service to Spira. This small life will not leave you."_

_Hearing the words of the fayth, Rikku's heart leapt, and she couldn't stop smiling._

"_Go to the dock," the fayth said. "Go now. Run."_

_She didn't stop to think, she just ran, ran as fast as she could from the cloister and from the temple. She didn't stop to answer the questions of priests or passersby, just ran to the road that led out of town and through the jungle path._

"_Out of shape," she thought to herself, panting, but she didn't slow down. The fayth had told her to run and she ran as fast as she could. Finally she burst through the trees and out onto the beach, turning for the docks, her shoes throwing up sand behind her. She could see a ship there, a strange one that didn't look like any ship she's ever seen. A small crowd of people were gathered to stare at it. She shoved her way through and up the gangplank but there was someone coming down carrying a heavy case over one shoulder. She looked up to shove him out of the way and stopped, staring._

_Auron._

_For a moment her mind went blank, she couldn't think to speak, or even move. He stood there not looking at her, not speaking, in his sunglasses and red coat. And then all of it just caught up with her in a wave, all the months of desperate fear for her daughter, the frantic hope on the trip to Besaid, the worry that the fayth wouldn't help her, the joy when the fayth said it would, and now...now he was here in front of her._

_And it was all too much for a moment and she began to cry, tears running down her cheeks and shaking with quiet sobs, she hunched in on herself and cried and cried._

_He watched silently for a moment, and then he pushed past her down to the dock and away through the crowd._

_Rikku felt arms going around her, comforting her. She looked up through blurry eyes. It was people from the crowd, people of Besaid who knew the young Al Bhed and considered her a friend. She pulled herself together as well as she could, and hurried to catch up with the man, wiping her eyes._

_She joined him as he was leaving the beach. He didn't turn to look at her._

_Damn fayth, he thought. He hadn't wanted to come back to Spira. There was nothing for him here, but the fayth had implored him, offering various things in return, telling him they only needed him to go to Besaid for a day, no more, and finally he had given in to them. They told him they needed him to take something to the island. So he boarded the Zanarkand cutter and made the trip, and he thought they had played with time somehow the way they always did, and he had gotten off the ship only to see her standing there in front of him._

_He was going to have words with the fayth when he returned._

"_Auron..." she said hesitantly._

"_Rikku." He answered._

"_Auron, I'm...I...are, are you here to help my daughter?"_

_He turned to look at her for a moment._

"_Your daughter?"_

"_My...my daughter is very ill. The healers can't help her, so I came to Besaid to pray to the fayth, and the fayth said they would help. And then they sent me to the dock."_

"_The fayth asked me to bring something to Besaid. A piece of medical equipment. I hope it can help your daughter."_

_They walked in silence. He knew the way to the village and didn't need directions. Her mind flew wildly from one thought to another and she didn't know what to say to the man. She was confused, filled with anxiety for her child but also full of disjointed feelings and memories about him. Why had the fayth sent him? Were they giving her a chance to make things right? Did he still have any feelings for her? Would he even give her a chance to apologize or explain?_

"_Auron, I..." she started and wound down. He didn't say anything, or glance at her. He simply kept walking._

"_Auron I'm sorry!" she said in a rush. "I shouldn't have said all those things to you! I shouldn't have blamed you for her death!"_

"_It's fine," he said._

_What the hell does that mean, she thought miserably._

_Walking beside her, he wondered idly if he did still feel anything for her. He honestly didn't know. It had taken him years to put her behind him. But finally time had scabbed over all the old hurts, and all the old cuts she had made on his heart, and little by little the pain seemed to stop. He hadn't looked at those scabs, or prodded them for a long time. Perhaps the wounds were gone now underneath, and if he peeled them off there would just be healthy skin. Or maybe they were still there, worse than ever, and the scabs over his feelings were the only thing keeping him from falling into a nightmare of despair._

_He didn't intend to find out. He intended to get the girl's daughter better, then get back to Zanarkand, and then look up the fayth for a little chat._

_The girl was saying something._

"_Did you...have you found someone else?" she asked softly._

_He didn't answer for a moment, and then replied, "That's personal."_

_She flinched, even though there was no malice in the two words. There wasn't anything at all._

_Hope and joy and misery and despair and disappointment and regret and desire all fought wildly inside her rapidly beating heart. The two didn't speak again until they reached the village._

_Auron wasn't wasting any time. He pushed through all of the people who wanted to welcome him back, barely acknowledged Wakka and Lulu's greetings as he shoved past them into their home and into the room where the little girl was resting._

_She was asleep in the bed, three years old. Pretty, but thinner than she should be. He moved directly to her side. He hoped she didn't wake up. It would be easier if she didn't._

"_This is a DNA resequencer," he said to the others who had come in behind him. "It's something they use in Zanarkand. It can rewrite a person's original protein code. That will correct any genetic disorder someone has. So I assume that's the problem here."_

_Rikku and the others watched as Auron opened the case he had carried over his shoulder and took out a large consol that he set on the floor. Then the Al Bhed girl gasped as he took a tiny scalpel and carefully cut a sliver of skin from the sleeping girl's finger._

"_It needs samples of the present code, plus the two parent codes. Yours," he said turning, "And your husband's. Hm. Veni's."_

_He scowled a little as he stood up holding the scalpel. He was a bit annoyed with himself that he still remembered the name. Rikku wordlessly held out her arm and he scraped the edge along her skin._

_Rikku was panicking. Lulu and Wakka were staring at her. Not now, she thought, Not like this! This was all too much. But he was looking at her with impatience, and he said, "If he's here, get him. If he didn't come with you, then call him. We need both samples."_

"_Auron...I..."_

_Lulu gave her a squeeze on the shoulder and pulled Wakka out of the room._

"_Auron, I..." she didn't want to tell him like this, "Auron, I'm not married."_

_His eye narrowed a bit, and he said, "I'm sorry it didn't work out, but married or not we need the father's sample. Call him. If he's no longer living we need a sample from as close a relative as possible. A brother or sister."_

"_Auron," she swallowed, "Auron, listen...there was never...Auron, he wasn't the father. I...I lied to you."_

_He looked at her, and then turned to stare at the young girl lying in the bed. She has brown hair, he thought. "Yunie..."_

"_Our daughter, Auron...yours and mine," she whispered._

_He turned back to face her, his single eye blazing with something she had never seen from him—incandescent rage._

"_You never told me?"_

_His words were ice._

"_Auron, listen to me, please!" she said desperately as he turned away quickly to work the consol and shift it closer to the bed, ignoring her now. "Auron, I was hurt and confused and wild with grief, I needed to blame someone and I blamed you because I told myself you could have stopped her but you let her die. I was trying to hurt you, to drive you away because it hurt so much to see you and remember all of it! So I lied and told you that I was getting married...Auron listen! I tried to find you, I looked all over Spira. I even went back to Zanarkand, but I never found you! It was always you, Auron. Never anyone else, always you..."_

_She was speaking rapidly, trying to get it all out but he wasn't listening, wasn't paying attention as he connected the machine to the little girl's body, and then he straightened up and said coldly, "Leave her hooked up to the machine for the next two days. She'll be fine."_

_Then he shoved past her, down the hall and out the door._

_Rikku didn't know what to do. She wanted to stay with her little girl, to make sure she was safe, to watch her get better, but she knew with an absolute certainty that if she let Auron leave now she would never see him again. She was afraid, and she knew that fear, she recognized it. It was the same fear that froze her heart every time she went to the Farplane to see her Cousin Yuna, the fear that one day she would see the man in red there and know that it really was all too late. It was the fear that her last dreams would die._

"_Lulu!" she cried as she flew out the door, "Watch Yunie!"_

_She looked around when she got outside, but there was no sign of him. Had he gone back to the dock? A little girl tugged at her shirt, and when she looked down she said, "Hey, the guy in the red coat went into the temple."_

"_Thank you," Rikku whispered, and bent to kiss her quickly on the cheek, before running for the temple. She didn't look back so she didn't see the little girl wave, and then quickly fade away to nothing._

_Inside Rikku ran through the chapel and raced through the trials. She ran into the cloister and saw Auron standing in the center of the room speaking to the floating fayth._

"_Take me home," she heard him say._

"_No, Auron!"_

"_Someone wishes to speak to you," the fayth said._

_The man turned to look over his shoulder without meeting her eye._

"_We have nothing to say to each other."_

_Rikku felt like she'd been slapped._

"_Please, Auron!" she said, taking a step closer. "It was a mistake! Don't I get to make a mistake!"_

"_Live with your mistakes," he said harshly. "I do."_

"_Auron, I love—"_

"_DON'T!" he barked at her. "Don't you say it."_

"_Auron," she said, tiredly, hating herself for doing this, for trying to keep him this way, "What about your daughter? Don't you ever want to see her?"_

_That stopped him. He turned back to almost look at her, then he looked at the fayth. Then he said quietly, "I'll send for her, when she's a little older. She can visit me in Zanarkand. She can meet Tidus. The fayth owe me a favor."_

_He turned his back to her._

"_Fayth, take me home."_

_Tears ran down her cheeks as she watched him begin to fade as he walked toward the fayth. She loved him and she had made a mistake! Would it cost her all the happiness in her life? He wasn't supposed to walk away, he was supposed to tell her he loved her too and that he wanted to marry her and be with her always. She saw him start to disappear and she said the only thing she could think of._

"_Don't blame yourself, Auron."_

_He paused between one step and the next._

"_I blamed you, Auron," she said, "Because I didn't want to blame myself. But it wasn't your fault. It wasn't my fault either, or even Spira's or Yevon's or even Sin's fault. Yuna chose to die. Maybe we could have found another way, but once she decided…it was her choice, and we couldn't have stopped it. Not me, and not you. Auron, it wasn't our fault."_

_The man stood, half of him already in Zanarkand, the other half still in Spira. He stood between two worlds and thought angrily, Who was she to tell him not to blame himself? Who else was he supposed to blame? He guarded the father to his death, and then the daughter. He could have stopped her. He knew he could have stopped her, somehow._

"_No you couldn't, Auron," she said. He hadn't realized he'd been speaking out loud. He heard her take a step closer. "Once Yuna chose to become a summoner, Auron, no one could have stopped her except herself. And then I drove you away because I wanted to hurt you for not saving her, but Auron, also because I wanted to hurt me, because I couldn't save her either! Auron, I was so insane with grief and guilt and I was so mad at all of us, at you and me and Tidus for not loving her enough and at the others for accepting it all…Auron, it took me two years to accept that it wasn't our fault."_

_He felt her words run through him, running through all of the pain and the hate that she had inflicted on him once, but that was only a small portion of what he had done to himself over the years in his grief and his guilt, and her words poured through him like a river carrying away the shame and the hurt and finally washing it all away, leaving him clean for the first time in years._

"_Our daughter helped," she said softly. "Without her…I was so wild with guilt I don't know what I might have…but, she needed me, and it helped that she was growing up in Yuna's Calm, and I didn't have to worry about Sin. And I finally forgave myself. And I looked for you, and now you're here, and it took our daughter almost dying but you're here and don't go, Auron, don't go away and leave me, Auron…"_

_He felt her standing behind him, felt her put her hands on his shoulders, felt himself becoming more substantial in this world of Spira, and he heard her say, "It's not your fault, Auron. It was never your fault. Don't go…"_

_Three years ago she had lashed his soul with cruel, bitter words to make him go, but he had allowed himself to be chased away. He had been ready to go because he didn't want her to remind him either. The memories were too hard. She had pushed, but he had run, like a coward. Or like a man who has been badly, badly, hurt._

_And she waited with her arms around him as a small war was fought within his soul._

"_Little thief," he finally whispered, and her heart leapt, waiting. "Rikku...I...want to be...with you."_

_And a fayth smiled at them, and said, "Auron, you're home."_

_Loving_

_She was lying on the couch with her legs in his lap, reading one of the oldest Al Bhed texts. When Home was destroyed everyone had just grabbed whatever they could, whatever they thought was important and ran. Librarians and scholars grabbed some of the old books. Rikku was trying to decipher what the old text said about some of the rarest materials, trying to puzzle out just what exactly the underdog's secret was._

_He was in a tactical analysis trance, his mind busy trying to work out better defensive positions for the Home Guard, but he was still massaging her slim feet with his strong hands, kneading them and squeezing them. She put her book aside and smiled. She pulled one small foot out of his hand and began to slide it up his arm, flexing her toes to dig into his hard layers of muscle. She ran it lightly up to prod his cheek and the corner of his mouth, and then gently slipped her small toes past his lips._

_Odd sensations were drawing Auron out of his trance. What was going on? Well, damn, he was in the middle of a battle! Her toes were fighting a skirmish with his tongue, the tongue was tactically skilled but wildly outnumbered. He had to shift the battlefront. He took hold of the invading foot and slipped the toes from his mouth, and then he started to kiss her sole, instep and arch, and then the heel, and then he began to work his way up the ankle and the calf, paying careful attention to the back of the knee. Yes he thought, listening to the sounds of the enemy, this was working, and he continued up the inside of the thigh._

"_Mom!" came an outraged voice. "DaddEEY! EWWWW!"_

_It was Yunie, as mortified as a ten year old can be when she finds her parents acting just as if they weren't old. (Actually, she was very advanced in that respect, and was easily as mortified as any teenager would be in the same situation.) Her parents smiled ruefully at each other and then turned and said with one voice, "Go to your room!"_

"_Fine!" the girl said, and stomped off._

"_So," the red guardian asked, "Where were we?"_

_Having a fine time, she thought, as long as the twins, Braska and Jecht, didn't wake up soon. As the two began to move together Rikku wondered for a moment if her mix was still working. It had been almost a month. It should be good for six weeks. As she opened her eyes wide in pleasure a small part of her mind wondered if they should try to have another child. She knew Auron wouldn't mind, and Rikku had always wanted a large family. She wondered if there was time._

_She remembered what the fayth said to her, only to her, back in the chamber seven years before._

"_This wasn't in the arrangement, you know," the voice had said in her mind._

"_What do you mean?" she said silently, holding him and being held._

"_You were given back one life that was almost gone, and now there is a second, gone from your life once, but now returned."_

"_You brought Auron here," she said inside her mind, "You wanted him here. Stop playing games."_

"_Just one more game," the fayth had said. "Will you choose who stays? The child or the man?"_

"_NO! You can't make me make that choice!"_

"_Rikku?" the man had said. "Is something wrong?"_

"_No, Auron, no. I'm just, I'm just...happy. I have everything I want now."_

_He had squeezed her harder then, and the fayth had said inside her mind, "Well then, you offered once to give up your life for the child. Will you offer your life for the two of them now? They may both stay..."_

"_But I..."_

"_But we will grant you a period of not less than six years before you must give your life. Perhaps even longer, but not too much."_

_And she had agreed. Without ever telling him or anyone. There was no way that she would ever give him up now that she had found him again. Six years. Six years of happiness. It was fair. She would take it. She would live with the consequences of all of her actions._

_And they had been good years. Seven of them so far. And she wondered if she had time for just one more child. They would grow up without a mother, but the Al Bhed cherished all children, and they would all have a great deal of love in their lives. Maybe, she thought, time for just one more...another little piece of him and her..._

_Two days later she knew._

_It was time to pay._

_It was time to return to Besaid._

_Epilog—Dancing_

_Auron was pacing outside of the temple. He was not happy. She wouldn't tell him what was going on or why she had suddenly wanted to come here. She asked him to trust her, and so he had no choice. She said she would explain everything, but then she had given him a letter! She had said it was just in case! What the hell did that mean?_

_He knew what it meant. That's what bothered him. He swore to himself that if she was harmed in any way there would be a reckoning. Not even the fayth are immune to pain and terror. Thinking dark thoughts he waited for his wife._

_Rikku walked wearily from the temple. She could see them all waiting there for her, almost the whole village. Lulu and Wakka were there, with their two girls. I'll leave the children with them, she decided. They'll be happy on Besaid. And there was Auron. Poor Auron, she had hurt him again, worried him with the letter, but she had a feeling that he was going to forget about that in a few moments. She didn't want to tell them all, but she didn't really have any choice. They had to know, to understand what the fayth had done to her and what she would have to do now._

_The populace didn't know it yet, but the fayth did._

_Yuna's Calm was over._

_Sin had returned._

_She stopped a few feet from the crowd. Auron took a couple of steps closer and looked at her with questions in his eyes._

_She smiled at him._

_And she began to dance._

_And his eye widened, because he knew that dance._

_And Valefor dropped from the sky._

_And while the people gaped with their mouths open, the two of them looked at each other as she stroked the colorful feathers of the flying aeon and he pulled his old battle reflexes around him like his old red cloak, and they understood each other perfectly._

_Wakka and Lulu would offer to come, of course. They would insist on it and so would Kimahri. But not this time. This time it would be one summoner and one guardian, and both of them in perfect agreement._

_This would be a different kind of pilgrimage._

_The fayth had never asked for her death. They had asked for her life. And there would be no final aeon, not this time. Together, she and Auron would find another way._

_I'm not going to die for Spira, she thought, smiling at the man she loved._

_I'm going to live for Spira._

* * *

**_Next: Faces Round the Kitchen Table_**


	35. Faces Round the Kitchen Table

Season 2 finale of _House_ last night. Sort of saw it coming. Cliffhanger, of course. Well, I only saw about half the episodes, so I can catch them during the summer reruns.

Well, some people did like the full-length rikaurikku, so good. I'm glad. (I actually put the over/under for number of reviews at five and a half, and it beat that.) Some people commented on some of the, hm, kind of dark/serious themes Rikku wrote about. Well, one of the things that Rikku does with her stories is use them to look at some of the darker places inside her. She knows there's more going on inside her than just laughter and jokes, and writing stories about herself is a safe way for her to examine some parts of herself that she doesn't like and that maybe scare her--like the way she was ready to kill the Guado and what it would have meant and what it would have done to her if she had--so she just drags them out into the light in her stories to have a good, hard look at them. It's a way for her to work stuff out safely.

I also wondered if anyone would call me on the DNA resequencer (Jinjer). The Al Bhed do not know about DNA but the explanation is simple. Rikku and Auron have talked for hours about Zanarkand, and he's told her a lot about the science and technology there. She can't get enough, and always wants to know more, and the...Zanarkanders? Zanarkanites? Zanaks? Zanarkanadians? The, uh, you know, the people there, in that place, they know about DNA, and Auron has explained it to Rikku.

And special thanks to Virgo Supercluster for catching some typos in the last chapter. Auron and Rikku were not in fact being pursued by warrior minks, not this time. And Rikku did not start to feel a burning little inch somewhere below her belly. Um, no comment. So, thanks again.

Anyway. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-.

Last thing, this chapter and the next one are for Gining. Yeah, yeah, I know...I already dedicated the first twenty chapters to her and another person, but that was for general stuff. This is for the nice reviews and the support for this story. Thanks. Hope you like the chapter. (Oh, read her new story "dark thoughts".)

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

You know, lately Auron's been sorta, I don't know...I guess, out of character? For him, I mean. A little. Well, maybe ever since we visited that shrine. I mean, some of it's been good, and I liked it, but...I don't know. He doesn't really seem like Auron, you know? And it's okay. It's okay if he doesn't want to be like Auron right now, but I just wish...I wish he'd tell me what he's feeling, and what's going on.

So, um...

So, how was it? I mean, was it good? It was good, wasn't it? You liked it, didn't you? What'd you like about it? Oh man, it was crap. It was crap, wasn't it? You can tell me, I don't mind. I mean, I mind, cause who wants to write crap, ya'know? But I can take it. You can tell me.

Aw man, don't tell me! I don't wanna know!

Man, why do I even do this?

* * *

**Faces Round the Kitchen Table**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Well, I guess it's really real now. We had to leave the chocobos behind at the edge of the Calm Lands. I'm really going to miss Heddy and I can't help wondering if I'll ever see her again. I scratched her neck feathers before we went and gave her a doughnut I'd saved for her.

She loves doughnuts.

Maybe I was sniffling a little as we started through the ravine, cause Auron held my hand as we walked behind the others. Well, he pretended like he was just pulling me along so I wouldn't get left behind.

But he was really just holding my hand.

Man, it was gloomy in that ravine. You could only see the sun for like maybe an hour while it was right overhead, and the rest of the time it was all cold and dim. And none of the others was exactly cheerful, you know, about restarting the pilgrimage and everything. No one was saying very much. Well, Tidus tried to get Wakka talking about blitzball, and even that fell flat. I guess that's my job, to cheer them all up, and keep their spirits up, cause you know walking and hiking and even fighting are all easier when your spirits are up and you're all peppy. But I just wasn't feeling it today. Maybe tomorrow.

The man made us stop for training at midday. Actually, I saw him catch Wakka's eye and Wakka got us stopped and set up the exercises for all of us.

"Hey, ya, sooner we start, sooner we finish, right? Lu, you an Kimahri an Yuna work round robin, 'kay? You cast a spell fast as you can, then name a spell for Kimahri, an he casts it quick an names one for Yuna, and like that. Rikku, speed drills. Sir Auron, whatever you think you need, ya? Tidus, you an me, brudda. Com'on, show me what you got!"

So we all broke up grumbling to do our drills, and then we ate a quick lunch and the man had Wakka get us all started again. Auron's been putting more and more of the day to day leadership stuff into Wakka's hands, as well as the planning and training duties.

I'm not sure why, whether it was just to teach him the way he's teaching all of us, or if he has some reason, like he wants Wakka to be able to step in for him if he has to, like when the two of us were on the mountain. With the training stuff especially, they've sorta settled into a rhythm, with Wakka running the exercises at noon and Auron taking them over in the evenings.

And boy, that evening did Auron work us hard! He stopped us a little early, and I was kinda glad at first cause we were all a little tired and depressed, but man, it was only to get in a marathon training session, individual AND team drills. He just wouldn't stop! I think it was sorta like back with me on the Thunder Plains. He was trying to exhaust us, so we'd be too tired to mope. Or maybe he was just trying to shake us all outta our blues.

Maybe this was what Auron does instead of cheering people up.

**Auron:**

They seemed listless and depressed all day, even Tidus and Wakka and the girl. We didn't even meet any fiends in the ravine, which might have shaken them out of it. I was afraid they wouldn't sleep that night. So I determined to run them ragged. Hard physical activity can be the best antidote for depression or emotional distress. I had them all running speed drills and strength drills and stamina drills. I set them team exercises and had them pair off to spar with each other two on two, and walked around them calling for spells at random while they did. I swear I would have had them all chopping wood if there were any trees around.

There have been times I've chopped wood for days.

I finally let them quit when they were starting to stumble, fumbling with their weapons. I watch them sleepwalk through an abbreviated meal and then crawl into their blankets. I have let the young men off guard duty. I will keep watch tonight.

The black mage passes close to me, and I close my eye and I inhale. Dust and faded perfume, not too sweet, and death, and...desperation? I smile a little, my eye closed. The Church attempts to recruit or plant an agent in every summoner party. Is it you, Lulu? Are you Bevelle's guardian? It is the obvious choice, you or Wakka. Sometimes Bevelle can be very obvious. And sometimes Bevelle can be subtle. I open my eye and watch behind my lenses as she totters into their tent.

Did some agent of Benefice come to you and say, We want you to betray and spy on your summoner for us? I laugh a little to myself. Of course not. You would have spit in their face.

No. Here is what happened. The priest at your village, who you have known and trusted for years, asked you to come for a visit. There was a second priest there when you arrived who said little as the two of you laughed and remembered all the trouble you got into when you were small but you were always good at heart and look at you now, a guardian, and he is so proud or you, the entire village is. And the second priest there gradually takes over as the conversation shifts from old times and old memories to discussion of the upcoming pilgrimage. It is an awesome responsibility being a guardian, you are told. You answer politely that you know, you don't need to be reminded. But dangers aren't all physical, he presses earnestly. There are spiritual dangers as well. He shakes his head sadly. Some summoners fall prey to self-doubt, they become crippled with the thought that they are not worthy to complete the journey they have started. They falter. Can you keep them strong, he asks. Can you be their true guardian when their courage fails? You hesitate. Of course, he says, perhaps your summoner isn't truly sure of her calling. She is, you answer, she has no doubts. But if she did, he asks, wouldn't she want you to help her through them, to help her to fulfill her great destiny? And then you have somehow found yourself agreeing to work with the Church, quietly, to help the pilgrimage succeed. Your summoner needs you to be strong for her if she hesitates, and the Church will be there to help you any way that it can.

Praise Yevon.

Planting agents within the summoner parties is probably the least subtle way that Yevon seeks to control the pilgrimages. Methods vary. Consider, the gentle approach outlined above would have been used on the most likely agents in our party, Lulu and Wakka, both devout Yevonites, raised all their lives in the Church. But there are other less gentle methods. What if Rikku were approached by a man or woman? They tell her that all they really want from her is a little information, not even on Yuna, but on, say, Auron. What do you know about him anyway? Can you really trust him? Neither do we, they say. We are really just trying to keep Yuna safe. Won't you help us? Combine that with a veiled or an open threat against her family, and what if she had been recently robbed and beaten, or perhaps raped, so that she was upset and not truly thinking straight? It's happened that way before. Or perhaps just straight up threats are used. What if Tidus were told while we were being held prisoner in Bevelle that Yuna would suffer if he didn't cooperate? If he were told how she would suffer in graphic terms? And they're not asking him to do anything? All they want is a little information?

It isn't Tidus. I've known the boy ten years. I raised him. He is incapable of keeping a secret like that from me. It is...unlikely in the extreme...to be Rikku, especially after the events at Home. The timing would fit—she joined the party not long after I did, so she could have been planted by the Church and persuaded to keep an eye on me, and even if she were no longer working for them now she might still keep it from me out of shame that she once was.

But I think I know her. I don't think she could keep that from me. I smell no shame in her, after her earlier confessions to me of fear in the night. No, I don't think that it is Rikku. And I doubt that it's Kimahri although I cannot discount it. The Church has enormous resources and a great deal of experience in this area, but I can't think of anything that it could offer to convince him to betray Yuna, and his honor code would consider it a betrayal to act in any underhanded way, even to passing information only about a fellow guardian.

Me?

Not...impossible...considering the convoluted nature of intrigue, and the potential of one part of the Church working against another. But it's not me.

It is most likely Lulu or Wakka.

That's obvious.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I really thought we'd all be dragging the next day, but we weren't. Oh, we were all a little stiff when we got up, but after we'd been walking a bit all our muscles loosened up again, and then we finally got out of that ravine and saw the sun again, and our mood got better, and I started to feel a little cheery again.

"Hey, Auron?" I said while we were walking across a bridge.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"What do they make priest's robes out of?"

He narrowed his eye, but didn't look at me, and didn't say anything.

"Aw com'on, Auron!" I said, bumping his hip with my hip. "What do they make priest's robes out of?"

He sighed and said he didn't know, What did they make priest's robes out of?

"Bevelvet! HA!"

And he closed his eye and I smiled up at him my head all to one side and then I ran up to tell all the others my funny joke, but just as were coming off the bridge we heard someone shouting for us to stop. It was a couple of Guado.

"Halt!"

And we stopped. All of Auron's training told me that we really shoulda just plowed right into them while they were talking and then used their guts for garters after. But, whatever.

"Summons from Lord Seymour," the Guado said. "Come with us."

Yeah, that's gonna happen. Hey, Guado-boy! Come closer. I wanna show you a trick I can do right where your shoulder meets your neck.

"We have nothing to discuss with Maester Seymour," Yuna says.

Well hey Yuna, that should do it! All right everyone, let's get moving again.

I think that girl might be too civilized for her own good. Guts for garters I'm telling you. But we all back her up, anyway, and oops! Surprise, surprise, the Guado insisted.

"I warn you, the maester doesn't need you alive."

Uh, why's the ground shaking?

**Auron:**

Defender X. Good old Troykill, I should have bought stock. Oh, wait. I did.

I stand calmly as the oversized machina trundles up the path from the valley below. I faced defenders many times in Zanarkand. The Defender series weren't made for the military. They were marketed to the factions. The Defender X model, hm...could be better, could be worse. A higher-end model than Defender Y or Defender Z, with a few more options and a bigger price tag than those later versions, but since Y and Z often work in pairs, not really as dangerous as those. On the other hand, much more dangerous than Defenders A, B, C and D. A wet sponge was more dangerous than Defenders A, B, C and D. Defender K looked a little like a wet sponge. The early defender models looked like washing machines. Later models seemed to have a certain phallic element.

I shook my head dismissing the frivolous thoughts. Things to do.

"Tidus," I said, as they shook out into a battle line. "Give me Haste. Rikku, back. Yuna, up and give me Protect."

"Sure, old man. Hey, I feel the neeed..."

"Um, all right, Auron," the girl said, moving back.

I tried to remember whether it was armor break or power break that X was immune to. I decided to try armor break, and got lucky, but while I did that the machina got in a blow on Tidus. My stomach twisted as I heard the boy moan.

Auron, guard your emotions.

That was the last blow the X would ever land on anyone.

Well...on anyone but me.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yuna cast Protect and then the man moved her back again and me up. And after we were all Hasted Auron had Tidus start using cheer, and me start using luck, and he guarded, and that was it. Tidus or me would throw a potion on him every now and then, and he let me steal a couple of times, and brought in Lulu and Kimahri and especially Wakka just for a bit, just so they'd have some experience with the thing.

**Auron:**

Honestly, there wasn't much thinking involved after it was set up. Luck, cheer, guard, repeat, repeat, repeat. I kept part of my mind occupied thinking about the other entries in the Defender series. A through E pretty much just sat there. I suppose they could fight, after a fashion, but for their power source they actually plugged into the wall. So they weren't very mobile. F had a battery pack. Which tended to explode. They tried to make that into a virtue with G, which was designed to attack by self destructing.

It never was a big seller.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Auron dodged most of the blows and just rushed in to counterattack whenever the thing swung at him, but every so often it would land a big hit on him, and from behind us I'd hear Wakka mutter, "Haymaker."

**Auron:**

Defender H was the first commercial success in the series. Cheap and durable, it was a steady seller for Troykill for years. Defender I was virtually identical except that it included a small wet bar. J added a crushed ice maker.

"Uhngh!"

Haymaker.

Their next real success was Defender K. Sort of. K looked like a sponge, and eventually was the subject of a popular animated children's show, Defender Sponge. It made money for Troykill, but I can't say they were ever really happy with it. After that they went back to modifying H. L had a trailer hitch. Pretty useful, actually.

**Rikku's Diary:**

And then it cast Hyper Mighty Guard on itself, but, uh, it didn't really seem to make any difference. I'm not sure Auron even noticed. I cocked an ear and listened. He seemed to be going through the alphabet under his breath.

**Auron:**

Defender Q was an odd duck. The first of the series to use magic. It wasn't the right magic, and it didn't do it very well, but it was magic. Whatever possessed them to try and have a machina cast Waterga I'll never know.

Oh, are we done? The X has fallen over. Hm. I suppose we're done.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hey, I love machina as much as the next green eyed Al Bhed girl, but I was glad to see this one turn into a pile of parts. I kinda wanted to turn the Guado into a pile of parts next, but they were long gone, so we just started walking again. And I was going to go scout ahead a little, but then I saw Lulu and Auron were talking and I was gonna kinda sidle up next to them all quiet like and see if I could hear what was up, but just then Lulu went over to talk to Yuna.

I saw Lulu and Yuna and Wakka and Tidus all talking, and Yuna looked at Auron who was still standing a little apart, but Lulu said something to her, and then Tidus said something, and then Wakka said something, and then Yuna nodded her head and they turned and started down the path where the big machina had come up. I saw Auron kinda shake his head before he followed them.

"Hey, Auron?" I said, falling in next to him. "What's up?"

"There's something down there they want to see," he said.

"What?"

"A waste of time," he grumped.

Okay. He's in a mood. This is how Auron mopes. Okay, fine. Everyone needs a good mope now and then. I'll find out soon enough.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

When we got down to the valley we saw some fiends fighting some Crusaders nearby and we were about to go charging over when the man stopped us.

"They wouldn't thank you," he said. "The Crusaders come down to this valley to train. There are fiends here called epaaj. It's both the singular and the plural. They're good for swordsmen to train against. Tough physically, but no magic at all."

As he was talking the Crusaders finished off the "epaaj" and one of them walked over to speak to us while the others left.

"Hello," she smiled. "Are you a summoner party? No one else but the Crusaders ever come to this valley. We train here because this is where High Summoner Yocun trained to defeat Sin. Uh..."

Her smile seemed to falter some as she noticed Auron, who had been been kinda behind Kimahri from where she was.

"Sir...Auron?"

Suddenly she seemed a lot less friendly.

"Anyway," she said. The cavern's over there. If you want to see the sword shrine, it's deeper into the valley."

And then she turned around and left.

I turned to ask Auron what that was all about, but he was already walking away.

"Sir Auron," Yuna called after him. "Sir Auron, if there's a shrine to the High Summoner Yocun here, then we should pray there, or meditate."

And he turned and said, "As you wish."

**Auron:**

Waste of time. But so is the cavern

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we walked deeper into the valley, the same way the Crusaders had gone. Soon we were walking with cliffs on one side of us and a long, empty drop on the other. There didn't really seem to be that many Crusaders around.

Mi'ihen, I guess.

But all the ones we did pass...kinda looked at Auron. and not like everyone else looks at Auron, all, Hey look, it's a legendary guardian! The Crusaders looked almost like they knew him, and didn't like him. The man and I walked next to each other, but he was still in his mood, and didn't say anything.

**Auron:**

Years ago, I killed the leader of the Crusaders.

Never mind.

Forget it.

**Rikku's Diary:**

One time some epaaj came straight down the cliff and jumped at us, but Tidus threw Haste on Auron and Auron started guarding and that was that. They couldn't touch us. We went ahead and managed to capture one. You know, for the zoo. But man! I wouldn't want to see those long, sharp claws like knives coming at me if Auron wasn't there!

After maybe an hour we get near the end of the valley, and that's where we find the little shrine. It's not all enclosed, the way a temple is. It was all open to the sky and the elements. I kinda liked that, and we all went for a closer look.

The man sort of held back a little, but I grabbed his hand and dragged him along. Enough moping! I love seeing new things and so should he! Well, maybe not so much Summoner-Sacrifices-Self-to-Kill-Sin type things, usually, but, hey, we're already here, right?

So I walk up, put my hands behind my back, and lean over and take a close look, turning my head this way and that.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

I notice from the corner of my eye that the man is standing behind me, looking at it too.

"Hey Auron?" I say, turning to him. "What is this?"

But he just shakes his head, and never takes his eyes off it. But a Crusader guy comes over and he says, "Legend says that this was Lady Yocun's sword when she was a Crusader. It was placed here years ago to inspire we Crusaders to train harder to fight Sin.

**Auron:**

It isn't Yocun's sword and that's not why it was placed here.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Huh. Well, I guess Lady Yocun was kind of a big deal. Her calm lasted almost twenty years. Almost twice as long as normal. And it's her sword. But, I mean, it's just a rusty sword!

When I look over at Auron, I can tell something's bothering him. I mean really bothering him, even though no one else could probably tell.

**Auron:**

"Auron," the girl said softly as I looked at that rust-spotted piece of metal. "What is it? Tell me."

Tell her Auron.

"It's nothing, Rikku," I said.

We shared something once.

"It's just a rusty sword."

More than that!

I started to turn away.

She's a pretty girl, Auron. She makes me think of bubble gum. And sadness.

I was walking away.

I can tell she has known great sadness. She is accustomed to it. That's a good thing, if she's going to love you. Isn't it, Auron?

Shut up.

She's a little young for you, but...so alive.

Shut up. I threw you off a cliff.

But I forgive you, Auron. And I know that one day, we will be together again.

**Rikku's Diary:**

He turned and started walking away without another word, back up toward the valley. I went after him.

**Auron:**

Auron! You have a destiny! Don't walk away, Auron! Don't walk away from me!

**Rikku's Diary:**

He was walking kinda fast, too, and I was kinda having trouble keeping up!

**Auron:**

The girl, Auron. She trusts you.

I tried to close my mind, but it's hard when I am so close.

She trusts you to protect her, doesn't she, Auron? Like all of your young cadets at Klanneth! Remember Klanneth, Auron? You led them there. Do you remember how many of them died there?

I have never forgotten any least part of Klanneth.

You could have saved them if you'd had a better sword! Your sword broke, Auron! You could have saved them all and you can save these young people now, Auron, you can save this young girl and the boy and all the others! Auron, stop! They don't have to die for you like your cadets did at Klanneth, trying to prove to Auron that they were good enough! Auron!

**Rikku's Diary:**

He was walking so fast that I was almost running behind him now! What's going on? Auron? Auron?

Is he...?

**Auron:**

What was her name, Auron? The blond girl who was so shy because she had a crush on you! She couldn't even talk in front of you. She should have been watching the fiends but she was looking at you to see if you were watching her, maybe even smiling at her! Did she have green eyes, Auron? Do you even remember?

Shut UP. Her name was Jilly.

She trusted you Auron! She just wanted you to notice her! You could have saved her but your sword broke and she saw and she and the other one turned to protect you while you found another sword and they died saving you! Do you remember, Auron, the look of surprise in her eyes when she died? She was looking at you, Auron! Do y.o remember? If you had a better sword you cou.d have saved her! Auron, I've waited a thousa.d years for you! For YOU, Auron! We will be toge..er! We wi...be tog...uron! Wai...Aur... ...on't g... ...A...on! ...d.n't...ron... Auro...pleas.!

With distance I was finally able to close my mind once more, and raise my mental wards.

I slowed, taking long, deep breaths, and I noticed that the girl was there next to me, concern on her face, and...

What did she say? I run it back in my mind...

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Auron," I ran after him calling. "Auron, are you...are you trying to get away from me? Do you...want me to...want me to go...?

He finally slowed, and then he was just standing there taking deep breaths and I stumbled to a stop next to him and then he finally looked at me, but he didn't say anything, just turned and looked at me like he didn't even recognize me and my heart was just falling to my feet when he all of a sudden bent and wrapped his arms around me and picked me up right off my feet in a tight hug, just squeezing me tight! And I was hugging him back and my feet were kicking up behind me and I was hugging him hard and tight and I didn't even know what was going on! But I heard him say softly, "No Rikku, I don't ever want you to go."

And I know the others are all looking at us, and even all the Crusaders are and he doesn't even care! He doesn't care who sees.

And I say softly to him, "I won't, Auron...I won't ever go anywhere."

And I just held onto him while the others came to see if everything was all right, and he held onto me.

And he shoulda KISSED me.

But he didn't.

**Auron:**

This is Rikku, I said to myself, holding her. Kitchen smells and bubble gum. This is not Jilly, or Anicke, or Elma, or any of them.

This is Rikku, who fought the aeon of death by my side.

Rikku, who trusts me enough to cry in front of me.

Rikku, who makes me dig up treasure chests and play dry-land blitzball and fly kites.

This is my friend Rikku.

And she tells me she isn't going anywhere, and it makes me feel better.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I still don't know what was going on, but Auron was better after that. We all hiked back to the head of the valley, Auron and I walking next to each other. I saw Yunie and Lulu and Wakka and Tidus and even Kimahri giving me little "what was that?" looks, but I couldn't tell them even if I wanted to. I didn't know.

So we got back to where we started, just fighting a few epaaj along the way. Lulu just kept walking and we all sorta followed her, Auron coming last. I wanted to stay next to him but I also wanted to see what was going on, so I ran on ahead. There was a big cave ahead and I went down into it a little way but it was dark and creeeepy! I got back out and they were all stopped there.

"So...what is it?" Tidus asked.

Oh, I know, I know! It's the world famous secret cavern of the stolen fayth, isn't it? I have a brochure!

**Auron:**

As Lulu spoke, telling them of the cavern, I remembered what I had learned through the Luca network. The black mage had been guardian previously on two failed pilgrimages. One of them had ended here.

Pity.

There is nothing here worth even a single life.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Whoa. So Lulu's other summoner died here? And there's some kinda fayth down there? Well duh, Rikku. I guess the stolen fayth. Huh. Auron told me about, let's see...Yojimbo, and the Magus Sisters. And Kali, of course, but she's in Bevelle. Hmm...

"Yuna," Lulu said. "Let's go. The fayth awaits."

But Auron said, "It's almost time to set up camp. We should rest here, and proceed in the morning."

I guess everyone was happy to go along with Auron's suggestion cause we didn't really wanna go down in that creepy place at night, although when you think about it, what difference does it really make underground? But we were still glad to make camp on the surface.

After evening drills and the meal, Auron pulled me aside and said that he wanted to talk, so we went off a little ways. I was hoping that he wanted to talk about what had happened that afternoon back in the valley, but that wasn't it.

So we sat down next to each other, and he didn't say anything, and I was a little nervous and I finally asked, "Uh, what is it Auron?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking over at me.

"I, uh, well, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Nothing in particular, Rikku," he said, shaking his head slowly. "I just wanted to talk with you. I...miss you."

OH!

Oh...

And I smiled.

And so we sat and just talked for the rest of the evening, just the two of us a little apart from the others, even when Tidus yelled had something eaten us and what were we doing and come on back to the fire and I threw a rock at him.

And then it was time to sleep. And I didn't have any bad dreams about Zanarkand at all.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We got up the next morning and all ate something and no one was saying much, and then I guess we were ready. So one by one we headed down into the cave, and the last one was Lulu. I was next to Auron and I heard him mutter, "Welcome to the worst kept secret in Spira."

It really was creepy down there. The air was cold and dry, but there was something there that I could almost smell, that reminded me of, I don't know, old blood? We didn't need torches or light spells or Al Bhed lanterns or a pocketful of glow worms because the air itself sorta seemed to glow all around us, but it never really reached into all the corners where the shadows were. It always felt like something was watching me from the shadows, and there was a kind of breeze and if you listened really hard it was like you could almost hear whispery voices. It didn't help that there were pyreflies all over the place. Lotsa pretty colors, sure, but unfortunate associations.

On Spira, death comes in lots of pretty colors.

They said...they said someone stole the fayth a long time ago, and brought it down here to try to stop the summoners dying. I...kinda agree with them, but...I look over at Auron, and he just sort of shakes his head. It doesn't really seem like all that good of a plan. And besides that, well, couldn't they have hidden it a little better? Auron called this place the worst kept secret on Spira.

And it certainly wasn't the cheeriest place.

So the first fiends we came to down there were the giant fire-throwing mushrooms called thorns.

Giant.

Fire-throwing.

Mushrooms.

Just another day on Spira.

"Tidus," the man said, Haste on me, then on you."

The kid looked over at him.

"Hey, Auron! We can't just kill them, we gotta catch'em! For the zoo!"

And Auron just stopped and looked at him. And then we all just stopped and looked at Auron. Heck, even the fiends stopped and looked at Auron looking at Tidus, and the kid was starting to sweat.

"Uh, I mean..."

"It...it would help the Crusaders," Yuna said helpfully.

"I suppose, we could always use the money," Lulu put in.

"Uh, Sir Auron," Wakka said. "We're down here anyway, ya? I mean, might's well, huh?"

He stood there for about five seconds and then he shook his head and said, "Tidus, back. Yuna, up and cast Shell on yourself."

"Gotcha! Bu-bye!"

"Yes, Sir Auron. Veil of light, ward wizardly might!"

**Auron:**

What?

**Rikku's Diary:**

What?

Whatever.

"Rikku, back," the man said. "Kimahri, up and Demi. You know the drill. Yuna, Shell on Kimahri."

Well poop!

"Tidus," he said, moving back. "Up and Haste Yuna."

Then the fiery fungus cast spells on all three of them, but Tidus was the only one that got the full effect.

"Yuna, back for Rikku. Rikku, in and Steal, then back for Yuna. Yuna, Shell on Tidus. Tidus, back for Rikku. Rikku, up and steal. Yuna, Shell on Rikku."

They cast their fire spells again. Hey, at least it wasn't thunder, and the Shell helped a lot.

"Rikku, hi potion for Kimahri. Yuna, back for Tidus. Tidus, Haste Rikku. Rikku, steal and potions as needed."

They cast their spells again, and Tidus was looking a little ragged around the edges.

"Tidus, Haste Kimahri, then back for Yuna. Yuna, up and pray."

More fire spells, then...

"Rikku, back for Wakka. Wakka, in and attack the one on the right, then the one on the left, then the last one."

And just like that we catched three thorns and I stole a dozen silence grenades! The man looked a little disgusted, but honestly, it hadn't been that much trouble.

**Auron:**

That battle cost us way too much magic energy.

I sigh to myself.

I'm doing that a lot these days.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I guess the fight kind of settled our nerves a bit. Sure, there were fiends all around, but the most dangerous thing down there was still Auron's bad temper. Ha! And we met other fiends. There were imps, and epaaj and nidhoggs and mech hunters. I don't know how they got down here. They're meant to go with Al Bhed explorers and salvage teams on long expeditions, to help protect them and keep watch and things like that. Anyway, I could mess them up, easy, but I couldn't get to their batteries to make bombs. On the other hand, they usually had an Al Bhed potion or two in their survival pack.

So we were catching pretty much all the fiends as we went. Then we came to a dead end, and they were about to turn back, when I said, "Uh, wait wait wait!"

"What is it, Rikku?" cousin Yunie asked.

"Um," I said, sorta sliding behind her.

"Hey, wassup, girl?" Wakka asked.

"Heh heh," I said, holding up...

**Auron:**

Shovels.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Whew," Wakka said, wiping his forehead. "Hey, how many kindsa fiends are down here anyway?"

Hey, that's some black eye he had working. Well who told him to jump in front of my shovel like that?

"Uh, nine that you can catch," I said.

They all looked at me.

"What? It's in the brochure."

Just then Tidus' shovel hit something!

**Auron:**

They all stared as the girl squealed and jumped into the hole.

"Pah! Hey, what...!" Tidus said as a handful of dirt caught him in the mouth. He put up his hands to guard his hair.

I reached in and hauled her out, still clawing at the dirt, and Wakka and Tidus finished uncovering the chest. Rikku went over it looking for traps, and then...

**Rikku's Diary:**

Oooo, megalixer! It's not thousands and thousands of gil, but it's not bad. Lulu was happy to have it.

So we putzed around down there for three days! We caught a lot of fiends for the zoo, but some to them weren't so easy. There was a little guy with a big knife called a tonberry.

"Aaahhgh!"

"RIKKU!"

Next thing I knew I was uncrossing my eyes and shaking my head and looking up at Auron who was standing over me with a hi potion.

"Uuuuooohhh...what was that...?"

I heard him sigh. "That was karma, Rikku. From now on don't steal until I give you the word. At least, not from tonberrys. Please?"

"Oh, uh, sure Auron. So," I said, sitting up shakily, "Did we beat it? Is the fight over?"

"No," he said, and I followed his look and saw the little robed guy take one waddling step closer. Auron heaved another sigh. "No, it hasn't even begun."

So we all kind of waited around while the tonberry walked up to us.

Step. Auron pulled me to my feet and had Yuna check me over. I was really just a little woozy. No big deal. Tidus and Wakka were talking about blitzball. Kimahri was kinda absently playing with a ball of yarn he got from somewhere.

Step. I turned to Auron. "Uh, shouldn't we be doing something?"

He looked at me and sighed again.

"All right. Hm. Tidus, Haste me. Yuna, give me Protect. Kimahri, Scan. I assume you all want to capture this one too?"

Step. And the little guy was there. And now the man was all business.

"Tidus, back. Yuna, back."

And he was fighting all alone again! He leaped in to give it a big hit it before getting back into defensive posture. I squealed when the little guy shuffled up and stuck its big knife in Auron, who kinda doubled over a little, and I woulda jumped in with a potion but the man just let loose a humongous counterattack, and then another attack, and then got back into defense, and after a couple more blows I saw him switch to the capture weapon and just cut the small fiend down.

He's been doing that more and more. Maybe half the fights we fight now, he just goes ahead and fights them by himself, mostly the ones that don't use magic. Like, there are defender robots down here, like the one we fought at the bridge, but not as tough...

**Auron:**

Defender P. (Unfortunate letter designation. It tends to just get left off in casual conversation.) P was the next success for Troykill, replacing H as the workhorse of the series, until they finally came up with Y, the cheaper, more basic X variant, and then the somewhat upgraded Z. I'm not sure what they would have used for designations after Z. Colors, maybe. Defender Purple? Defender Plum?

In any case, have Yuna cast Protect, send them all back, then defend, defend, defend, with the occasional potion thrown in.

Child's play.

**Rikku's Diary:**

...and he fights them all by himself. So why's he all of a sudden doing that so much? To protect us? To show us all that he's a legend and we're just kids? Just to get a good workout? Or is he just working off his mad? He has been in a mood since we got to the valley.

I was walking next to Auron after the fight with the tonberry. I didn't do much scouting down in the cavern. It was too creepy, and the man said there was too much chance of me getting trapped by fiends in the cramped spaces. So I guess I kinda kept close to him, but...you know, he kinda kept close to me too. Whenever I moved a little way away from him, he stepped closer. And I even made a little game out of it for a while until he gave me a look that said he wasn't amused.

Hey, sometimes you gotta make your own fun.

Anyway, we were walking together after the fight, and I asked him quietly so the others couldn't hear, "Hey, Auron? Why are you fighting all these guys on your own? You know we all wanna help. We wanna do our share."

"It's the fastest, simplest, cheapest way to win," he said without looking at me.

Huh.

Well, I guess. Maybe.

I walked along beside him, kinda biting my lip, thinking, thinking, thinking, my hands clasped behind my back.

Do you think...

Do you think maybe...

"Auron..." I say slowly.

"Yes Rikku?"

I'm looking down at the ground and blushing. Man, Rikku, maybe you need a bigger ego here?

"Auron..." I said, not looking up. "Are you...hanging upside down from a branch to impress me?"

Oh yeah, Rikku! No ego problems here! And I don't look up, just keep walking, and I bet my face is redder than his coat.

It takes me a moment to notice that he's stopped, and I stop, and turn a little, and look at him without looking at him and see that he's standing there looking at me, I think. And I can feel my heart pounding and my face blushing and why did I actually ASK that? Cause even if it IS Auron and he'd never make fun of me, I still don't really WANT to make a fool out of myself in front of him. Hey, is it too much to ask that a hole just open up right under me and swallow me up? I ask so little!

And in a funny voice, he says, "Yes."

I'm smiling.

Suddenly, I can't help it. I'm SMILING a stupid SMILE, and I'm GIGGLING, I'm just GIGGLING and DIGGING my TOE in the DIRT and looking down and just BLUSHING and trying to LOOK at him but I CAN'T and I keep putting my head down and SMILING and rocking back and forth and I cover my FACE with my HANDS and I GIGGLE! And I kinda stumble over to him and bury my RED FACE in his RED COAT and throw my ARMS around him and I'm just GIGGLING and SMILING right into his COAT!

GAAAAH!

We COULDA had a MOMENT! I coulda LOOKED at him all MYSTERIOUS and promising EVERYTHING and NOTHING at the same TIME like in BOOKS but instead I'm acting like a TWELVE-YEAR OLD and I can't HELP it and I can't LOOK at him and I CAN'T STOP!

"Really? (Giggle!) Really, Auron? (Giggle giggle!) You're really trying to impress me?"

And he puts his arms around me, and rests his cheek on top of my head, and says, "Other things, too, Rikku, and I didn't realize it until you asked, but...yes, I have been doing utterly stupid, utterly foolish things to try to impress you, because I want you to think that I'm big and strong."

And I still can't LOOK at him but I can HEAR him smiling cause you CAN hear a smile you REALLY CAN, and I hear him asking me with a smile, "So, are you impressed?"

And after a moment I calm down enough to gulp and say, "Yeah...you big dope."

**Auron:**

Okay.

This shouldn't be happening, should it?

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

It was nice, but you gotta think it couldn't last. I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day, smiling at him and bursting into little giggling fits whenever I saw him looking at me, and the others were looking at me like I was crazy, just because I was giggling while we fought those dark elements!

"Yo, uh, Rikku...you okay girl?"

"Sure, Wakka. (Giggle giggle) Why?"

"Well, cause Tidus is over there knocked out, an Yuna's jus about outta magic energy to heal us all, an Kimahri's already done Lancet twice and you're just standin there giggling and kinda freaking us all out?"

"(Giggle.) Sorry. (Giggle giggle.)"

"O-oookay..."

So we made camp in a little alcove when my Al Bhed timepiece told us it was evening, and ran through some short versions of our drills. The food was cooking, and we were kind of relaxing, just enjoying not being walking anymore, and having real, honest firelight instead of that nasty old glow down here, and I guess I really started it all. Auron was away checking on something and I was still feeling just like a preteen with a crush on her brother's dreamy friend when he nods and asks her How's it going, and I couldn't stop smiling, and I guess I started humming, just humming lollipop songs about love and boyfriends and stuff, and then Yuna smiled and started humming, and then Lulu, and then the guys started, and we hummed pieces of all different songs, and then Tidus started softly singing the words to one...

----Down in the dungeon----_We Gotta Get Out of This Place_----the Animals----

"_In this dirty old part of the city"_

"_Where the sun refused to shine"_

"_People tell me there ain't no use in trying"_

And then Wakka joined in on the chorus, and me too, just sort of swaying and bobbing our heads...

"_We gotta get out of this place..."_

"_If it's the last thing we eveeer do..."_

And then Yuna joined in, smiling at Tidus, and finally even Lulu in her horrible singing voice, and we were kinda half dancing while we sat there around the fire, all of us swaying together to the right and then left, and even Kimahri was shaking his head but sorta rumbling down deep in his throat...

"_We gotta get out of this place..."_

"_Cause girl, there's a better life for me and yoouuuu..."_

And we were kind of sniggering and smiling at each other over the campfire because it just fit so well with what we were all feeling being down here, and we all just yelled...

"_We gotta get OUT of this place..."_

"_If it's the last thing we EVEEER do..."_

"_We gotta get OUT of this place..."_

"_Girl, there's a better life for me and yoouuu..."_

"Are you out of your minds!"

Oopsie!

Heh...uh, hey, Auron! You're, uh, uh, back!

"We are in the middle of a dungeon," he snarled at us, "We have been fighting battles all day, we're low on magic because we've been catching them and we need to rest and just in case the fiends can't find us easily enough you decide to sing and help them."

I opened my mouth to say something—dunno what—and he just froze me with a look! He stood there for a second, practically glowing with massive irritation and indignation and then he laid into us all together and one by one and he didn't pull many punches.

"Lulu! Singing? Singing? Are your corsets too tight? Are they cutting off the circulation to your brain? Maybe you need to loosen your braids? I thought you at least were a grownup. I thought you had an ounce of common sense. Is this how you guarded your last summoner? She was certainly lucky to have you."

"Uh, hey, boss, we just..."

Oooo, bad move Tidus!

"Tidus, you ass, you boor, you bother, you brat, you buffoon, you clown, you cretin, you dimwit, you ditz, you dolt, you dunce, you flea, you fool, you git, you idiot, you jackass..."

Yuna tried to say something, "Ah, Sir Auron..." but he just ran right over her.

"...you lout, you moron, you ninny, you nit, you oaf, you pain, you pest, you pill, you pimple, you pinhead, you putz...

My backside was starting to go to sleep. Did I dare move?

"You dim, dense, dull, bubble-headed, blonde blitz-brained clod. I thought the whistling was stupid but I see you've moved on to new heights of frivolous, talentless garbage."

I shifted a little. Oops! His eye darts at me and now it's little Rikku's turn.

"You."

ME?

Well, I thought in a panic, Well, okay, well, I had a good run. Sixteen years, that's not bad for Spira.

"So what was the plan, Rikku? Let all the fiends know we're here so they can eat Yuna up and then she can't go to Zanarkand? It ranks right up there with kidnapping the summoners. All I want is to protect Yuna, that's what I thought I heard you say. Or maybe it was all I want is to dig up treasure and squeal like a schoolgirl and sing at inappropriate times."

I sat there with a sickly Don't Hurt Me smile on my face. At least, um, at least I won't be alone, he's gonna kill us ALL, Wakka and Lulu and Tidus and Kimahri. The only one he'll spare is Yuna. Then it really will be like my story that I wrote that time, just the two of them. Keep your mitts off my Auron, Yunie! I'll haunt you!

"Do you have a blitzball where your brain should be?"

What? What? Oh. Whew. He's going on to Wakka. Let's see, count arms and legs, fingers and toes. Yep, all still there. I think I made it! He went easy on me. Heh. I guess he loves me.

"I didn't think so. A blitzball has more brains than to sing in a dungeon when we all need rest. Next time I have to leave the six stooges alone I'll borrow one of your blitzballs, paint the top orange, and leave it in charge."

He even laid into Kimahri! And I know he thinks of him as a brother and his ears just drooped.

"Maybe instead of a Ronso I should have found a Hypello and begged him to take care of Yuna. I thought they were too frivolous, but suddenly I'm not so sure."

And even when a malboro slimed up out of the darkness and Tidus and Wakka and Lulu jumped up all happy for the distraction the man just sort of half-turned and Shooting Starred it into next week or wherever and never even skipped a beat.

"Siddown. Where do you think you're going? You are without a doubt the sorriest excuse for guardians I have ever encountered and I have encountered some dregs in my day! I'd rather have the Guado, and that's saying something. Whatever else you can say about the Guado Guard, you know they know their duty.

And it went on like that for hours it seemed like, with Auron just standing there or sometimes pacing back and forth in front of us and never stopping and we were all just sitting there getting smaller and smaller but Wakka's and Tidus' eyes were also getting wider and wider and their mouths were open as the man just didn't stop, didn't pause, never had to gather his thoughts, and never even repeated himself, just kept on and on and never even raised his voice once! And then he started to hit his stride! I think even Lulu and Kimahri were awestruck by the performance. It was more than he'd ever spoken to all of them in the last year all-together! I mean sure, we all felt bad, but at the same time we all kind of realized that we were in the presence of greatness. I thought I'd heard Pops lay it down on some screwups before, but this...this kind of ass-chewing only comes along once in a generation!

We were all just piles of jelly sitting there on the floor and he finally began to wind up...

"Well, is that enough? Is it all out of your system? If I go over and stand guard by the entrance can I trust you to keep quiet or will you dig out your Guado drums and Ronso tubas and strike up a rousing march?"

He whirled around to look at us.

"Well? Answer me."

"Oh, ah, sure Sir Auron!" "Right, boss, right, whatever you say!" "No no, Sir Auron, you can trust us!" "Y-yeah, Auron! we'll be quiet as mice!" "No more singing, Sir Auron!" "Kimahri keep them quiet."

He gave us all one final glare and then stalked off out of the alcove. We all just sort of slumped where we were. And now he was gone, I started to wonder why we all just sat there and took that. Why'd we let him bully us like that? Hey, I may love the guy, but that doesn't mean I have to do everything that he says! I can sing if I want to! I, uh, won't, you know, cause, cause, whatever. But I could if I wanted to!

"Um, do you think he's all right out there?" Yuna asked quietly. Boy, she's always worried about others. Of course, he hadn't said anything to her.

"Maybe someone should go check?" Lulu said doubtfully.

Hey! Whatta ya all lookin' at me for? Huh uh! NO WAY! Not me! Not little Rikku! I'm not gonna go get my head handed to me! Go find yourselves another virgin sacrifice, guys!

"Eh," Tidus said, "I'll go. He won't hurt me too bad. He promised my old man, remember? Anyway, believe it or not, I've seen Auron this irritated one or two times before."

We all watch as Tidus goes out. Huh. I...I woulda gone. I just needed a few minutes to work myself up to the idea. That's all.

Gee, it sounds like someone's saying something, or maybe growling something, and then Tidus comes back in fast! He stops just inside the alcove and sort of adjusts his clothes, and then walks over and sits back down at the fire.

"Whew," he said, shaking his head. "Okay, maybe NOT seen him so much this irritated before."

"Well," Yuna said laying her hand on his, "Thank you for trying. I hope he'll be all right out there."

"Hey," he said quietly, "He'll be fine, believe me. If any fiends come by he'll just lecture them on being better fiends. You know. Don't they have any ambition? Do they want to be common fiends all their lives? Don't they want to work their way up the ladder to where they can really make people suffer? Like, become lawyers or something..."

"Guado lawyers," Yuna added, smiling.

"Yeah," the kid grinned at her, "Guado lawyers, then, uh..."

"Maesters of Yevon," I beamed.

"Al Bhed merchants," Wakka shot back with a little grin, and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Sports agents," Tidus said.

"Legendary guardians," Lulu snickered, and they all laughed, I mean all except Kimahri, but I thought it was kinda mean, and I thought about him sitting out there all alone while they joked about him behind his back. I knew they didn't mean anything, like talking about your teacher, and it was just cause he'd made us all feel like little kids, but I still didn't like it.

And I'll probably go down in flames like Tidus, but...

I stood up and walked away, out to where he was sitting.

Boy, you could tell he was just seething, sitting there against the wall. I mean, of course I could, but I think anyone could right then. And I walked up and sort of slid down next to him, and I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, and I could see him kind of turn a little and then turn back, ignoring me.

**Auron:**

I'm trying to regain my temper when Rikku comes out to sit next to me. To keep my mind off their idiocies I'm categorizing all of the places that don't hurt after all of the various haymaker punches from defender machina over the last few days—it makes for a shorter list that way. It's really not working all that well.

So first Tidus, and now the girl. I'm not exactly feeling friendly toward any of them at the moment. They continue to disappoint me when I begin to think maybe they are responsible enough to do the things that have to be done. I'm the only one that knows what lies ahead for them.

Well, what am I supposed to do, tell them? Depend on their maturity?

The girl hasn't said anything. She went into her pouch and pulled something out, and now she seems to be playing with it in her hands.

I turn a little, and look closer without seeming to. The girl is always polite and never sits on my blind side. What is that? It's small, and red and black, with...

The girl turns suddenly and beams her brightest smile at me and shows me...

A hand puppet? Wearing a red coat, and waving a stick sword?

"It's little Aurie," she says with a happy grin, and the puppet on her hand bows to me, "I made it to keep me safe when you're not there!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Oh oh. His eye is wide and he's staring at me and not saying anything, and that's a bad—

HE SPUTTERED!

Then he turned quick and looked straight ahead with a big scowl, but he sputtered!

"You laughed!" I said, shoving little Aurie close.

"No I didn't. Get that out of my face. I coughed."

"You laughed! You like little Aurie, hahahah," I said, making little Aurie throw his head back like he was laughing.

**Auron:**

I sighed again. Why am I trying to hold onto this foul mood, I wondered. I've been in a temper for days, ever since that idiot sword spoke to me out there. And I suppose that really, I've felt somewhat unsettled since Starfall, and everything that happened there with her and me. I'm less sure of myself and my actions now. And besides all of that I know that he's down here.

I let some of the stiffness go out of my posture and slump a little against her. I lift a hand to take the sunglasses from my face, but before I can she carefully reaches up and removes them, and then she was polishing the lenses with little Auron.

"Show some respect," I said, and pulled the puppet off her hand. She smiled and tugged up the hem of her shirt to polish my glasses, showing smooth skin and pleasant young curves. I shook my head and placed the puppet on my hand, lifting it to my face for a closer look.

Red coat over black shirt, dark glasses painted on. Black hair, with a little white or grey at the temples. No scar. The puppet put its hands together and bowed solemnly to me. I gravely inclined my head back. Beside me the girl giggled.

Number 9 on my list of loathed and despised things, teenaged girls giggling. Perhaps because I could never understand why they were doing it.

But Rikku is...Rikku. And her giggles get inside me somehow and swim around inside my head and make me feel for a little while like the world is a better and happier place.

I look over at her.

"Rikku, I'm sorry," I say, and little Auron bows low to her. "I've been in a foul mood and I'm taking it out on all of you."

"Well," she said, "I guess we really shouldn't have been singing. At least not that loud."

"No, you shouldn't have been," I said, and she stuck her pretty tongue out at me. "And even quiet singing carries farther than normal speech."

"Oh, um..."

"But I still should have handled it better. A quiet, disapproving look, a few words to puncture the mood, and then let you all beat yourselves up with guilt." I grimaced. "That's the Auron way."

"Yeah," she said with a twisted smile, "Manipulate everyone in sight. But, hey, what you did, it was..."

I saw her green-swirled eyes unfocus as she looked for just the right word.

"...impressive," she smiled.

She was still holding my glasses, and I reached for them, but she pulled them away and started polishing them on her shirt again, flashing smooth, pink skin.

"Auron," she said, not looking up. "What's the matter? I mean, what's bothering you? Is it a secret, or can you tell me? Cause maybe I can help."

After a moment I answered, "It's...this place. And it is a secret, and I do want to tell you, Rikku, and just telling you will help. But...not now. Not here. Later. Maybe when we're away from this place."

I reached for my glasses once more, but she reached up and gently put them on me for me, hooking them over my ears. We looked at each other a moment, looked into each other's eyes, and then I handed her puppet back to her and we both got up and walked back into the alcove. They all stopped talking and looked up at us.

"Summoner Yuna," I said, "Guardians. I apologize for my earlier behavior. I should have explained the reasons that singing was...unwise. I should have treated you as the responsible adults that you are. I'm sorry. I should not have treated you like cadets. Or like children."

"Oh," Yuna said, blushing for some reason. "It's, it's all right, Sir Auron. We really should have known better than to be singing."

I nodded. I could see they were surprised, all except Tidus, who just nodded back to me. Alone of them all, he had expected me to apologize eventually and ask for their forgiveness. And they were all a little wide-eyed and staring, but not at me and my apology. They were looking at her, standing beside me. They were looking at her as if she were a miracle worker.

"Heh heh?" I heard her say.

Was I...holding her hand?

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Well, guys, which way?" Tidus asked.

We had come to a four way intersection.

"That way," I chirped, pointing right. "What? There's a map in the brochure."

And they were shaking their heads for some reason, but we went right, and we passed a comm sphere thank goodness so we were all charged up again with magic and soon we were approaching another of those big chambers with all the dark little corners and the secret voices on the cold, soft wind. And then...

Um, guys? Who's that?

**Auron:**

Lady Ginnem, I presume.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Spooky! It was another unsent! Man, those things are all over the place. I moved a little closer to Auron. It seems that it used to be that summoner that Lulu guarded, and now it was all dead and stuff and still down here! And Yuna tried to send it, but it looks like it's gonna put up a fight. Shouldn't surprise us, I think. That's what Seymour always does.

And it makes some summoner type moves, and Yuna cries, "He's coming!"

"WHO?" Tidus asked.

"The aeon of the stolen fayth," Lulu answered.

And I barely heard the man snarl quietly, "Yojimbo."

And then there was smell like cherry blossoms, and some kind of samurai guy came walking out of nowhere, and he had some kinda big badger or something with him...

**Auron:**

Dog.

**Rikku's Diary:**

...big dog, uh, that's a dog? You sure?

**Auron:**

Dog.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Um, okay. So he had some kinda big dog with him, and we all rushed forward and it was me and him and Tidus in front like always.

So what's—

"Tidus, Haste me and move back. Rikku, back for Yuna. Yuna, Protect on me and then back. Everyone stay back and stay out of the way."

—the...plan?

DAMN!

Damndamndamndamndamn!

He was gonna fight it alone again, and I looked at Auron's face, what I could see behind the collar and the shades, and I knew it wasn't to impress me this time. There was something between the two of them.

"Uh, okay Auron," Tidus said, but I was slowly shaking my head.

"Auron, no..."

"Rikku," he said harshly without looking at me, "Get back now!"

And I felt Yuna sort of bump into me because I was supposed to be getting out of her way, but I stayed where I was and Tidus had cast his spell, but he hadn't moved back yet either. He was listening.

"Auron," I said to him, "It's an AEON! Don't fight it by yourself! At least let us help!"

"RIKKU!" he snarled, and he didn't even look like himself, not to me. "GET. BACK. NOW!"

What the hell? This...this wasn't MY Auron, all calm and quiet and I-know-what-to-do. This...this...

"NO! Auron!" I shouted.

"DAMNIT, RIKKU!"

"Auron," I pleaded with him, "Auron, listen to me! Auron...I'm...I'M SMARTER THAN YOU!"

And he finally looked at me, and his eye was a little wild and I knew that my eyes were big and scared and staring out of a white face and he looked at me just for a second before he turned away again, and then after a long minute he said roughly, "Rikku, back for Yuna. Yuna, Protect on you, then Tidus, then me. Tidus, Haste on Yuna, then you."

"Uh, okay, Auron," I said, moving back to make room for Yunie. I wish...I wish he'd kept me up there to help him, but I'm just happy he's letting anyone help.

And the rest of us stayed back and watched the strange fight. Auron wasn't protecting the others this time, he was watching for openings, taking risks and leaping in every chance he got to swing at the aeon, landing crushing blow after blow. Tidus and Yuna didn't fight. He had him doing cheer constantly and her praying, and even the aeon didn't fight much. Instead he kept sending his badger, uh, dog, to smack them, only every so often he'd throw some knives or even pull out his sword and cut someone, but Yuna pretty much kept ahead of the damage with her prayers and they never even had to use a potion.

I don't know what was going on, but Auron just kept attacking like he was possessed or berserk or something, and they were just trading blows and neither of them ever said a word or even made a sound and eventually the aeon was all hunched over and we could tell the thing was getting weaker, we could see that Auron was beating it, but, but...

I felt cold and afraid. There was something going on that I didn't like.

"Wakka," I said, "Wakka, make him call for an aeon! That's the smart thing to do, right? Right? Wakka?"

He shook his head, not looking away from them.

"Maybe, girl, but it's his battle, ya? An maybe he knows something we don't. Gotta let him run it, an not joggle his elbow."

Hell with that! I'll joggle all I want!

"Auron!" I yelled. "Call for an aeon! Have Yunie call an aeon!"

Beside me, Wakka said, "Hey Rikku!" and I felt Kimahri grab my arm.

"This Sir Auron's fight," the Ronso said in a low rumble.

Screw that too!

"Auron!" I called, but he ignored me. "Call an AEON!"

"Rikku," Lulu said from close by, "I think the thing is almost beaten."

"AURON!" I yelled, struggling to get free of Kimahri. "AURON!"

He wouldn't even look at me, just kept picking his moments to rush in for an attack. Tidus looked at me over his shoulder, "Hey, Rikku!"

"Auron!" I screamed, "He's GLOWING!"

And they all turned to look, and they saw that he was, and they hadn't noticed it because it had been gradual but he was and that couldn't be good and everyone started speaking at once, and then Auron wound up and rushed forward and slammed Yojimbo with a Shooting Star attack.

And the glow faded.

And the aeon sank slowly to the floor, and then disappeared into a cloud of pyreflies.

And Auron stood where he was for a moment, breathing hard, one half of his coat hanging off.

And then he straightened, taking slow, deep breaths, and then he turned and walked through us and past us, not looking right or left, and saying only, "Yuna, send her."

* * *

**Auron:**

Yuna came hurrying out of the chamber.

"It wants us to pay him!"

Yeah.

"Well, uh," Rikku said. "How much does it want?"

"Lots," Tidus answered.

"Um, Lu?" Wakka said, rubbing the back of his head. "We got lots?"

Yuna and the black mage conferred.

"I think...we have enough," Lulu said.

I said, "Yuna."

She turned.

"Yes, Sir Auron?"

"I have never trusted Yojimbo. He is a mercenary. We do not need him."

"Oh, um..."

"But Sir Auron," Lulu said. "Yojimbo is said to have very powerful attacks. Surely that will come in useful?"

I looked at her. Was she thinking of her lost summoner, who died here? Would she refuse to believe that she lost her life trying to gain something that we could do without?

"That is true, Lulu. His Zanmato attack is virtually unstoppable."

She started to smile, before I continued.

"If you can pay his price. Not gold, though there is also that."

I looked at Yuna.

"Yuna, do you trust your aeons?"

"Of course!"

"That is the price of acquiring Yojimbo," I said, turning away.

Then they all weighed in on the subject of the aeon. Tidus and the girl sided with me, while Wakka agreed with Lulu. The Ronso didn't care. I only said one more thing, and I said it to Yuna when the others were talking and wouldn't hear.

"Yuna, your father trusted my judgment. And Braska did not need Yojimbo to defeat Sin."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Well, we argued back and forth for a while, but in the end Yuna decided we wouldn't pay Yojimbo. I know Lulu didn't agree, and Wakka just thought he'd probably be useful, but I agreed with Auron. I know from experience there are some bad aeons out there.

But...I also know that there's more to it that that. There's something going on between Yojimbo and Auron and even with that shrine up in the valley and with the Crusaders too.

Auron kept to himself the rest of the evening as we set up camp in the big chamber to stay the night. He leaned up against a wall and didn't say anything. It was like he had hung a big old Keep Away sign up, and maybe dug a moat and filled it with sand alligators.

He didn't even go with the rest of us when we went into the little side chambers and got a couple of x-potions, and an MP sphere and a FLEXIBLE ARM! I ran over to show it to him, all excited, but he just looked at it and nodded and didn't say anything.

I guess...I'll show it to him later...

We didn't sleep next to each other that night, him and me. I slept kinda in a huddle with Yuna and Lulu against the wall, with the guys around us so anything that got to us would have to get through them. Auron slept a little apart. And late that night I woke up. I knew it was the midwatch, and I knew he was up and awake and keeping an eye on things.

I got out from under my blankets and went to where he was standing up against the wall. He looked at me, and nodded, and I think he gave me a little smile, but he didn't say anything.

I sat down next to him, and kind of leaned against his legs.

He always seemed so solid.

"Auron," I said quietly after a little while. "I know you said it was a secret, and that you'd tell me later maybe, and that's fine, but it's just...it's just that I think something's really bothering you. Eating at you, you know? And, and, if you want to talk about it I just want you to know I'm here."

He still didn't say anything, and I went on in a rush.

"I'm not asking, I'm really not, it's fine if you don't want to talk, but...but if you do, you know, just want to talk, I, I know you don't really have anyone to talk to, just like I didn't until I found you. So, um..."

He got up, and started to walk away.

That hurt.

He stopped a few steps away, and without looking back, he held out his hand.

And after a minute I pushed myself up off the floor and went and took his hand with both of mine. It was warm and strong, and he gave my hands a little squeeze, just a quick squeeze. Then he led me toward the teleport disk. We stopped just for a moment next to where Kimahri was sleeping, and the Ronso's eyes opened and he looked up at Auron and silently nodded, getting up to take over the watch.

Auron never said anything as we stepped on the transport, just held my hands in his, and then everything flashed and we were in the chamber of the fayth. I've never been in a chamber of the fayth before and I wondered if they're all like this. I didn't like it. It felt all wrong, somehow. It had the same creepy lighting as the cavern and there was a statue there, all covered in colorful banners, and the hymn of the fayth was coming from somewhere, and then things got all cold and I started to tremble and I held Auron's hand even tighter cause I was scared. What was I doing here? I was an Al Bhed. Would the fayth be offended? Would it want to punish me? And then the fayth appeared.

I was surprised. It looked just like a man, floating there in the air, and he had a friendly little dog with him, too. Just an ordinary man and dog. Huh. The dog seemed happy to see us. It came over wagging its tail and looked up at Auron, who sort of leaned down and passed his hand over its head. And then he looked back up at the fayth, floating there.

And the fayth said, "Nephew."

And Auron said, "Uncle."

**Next: Combat Pay**


	36. Combat Pay

Sometimes I think I use page-breaks too much--those lines across the page. I think maybe I put them in where they're not needed. Oh well.

You know, someone asked once about the rules for dryland blitzball. Pretty simple. Three players a side plus one ref (the numbers are adjustable—be fun to see a really big game). Not enough players for a goalie, so instead of a net, an end zone like in football with no set defenders. Same times and halfs as regular blitzball. You carry the ball in your hands and unlimited passing is allowed. Possession turns over upon scoring. Basically anything goes, but if you hurt Rikku, Auron will hurt you on the next play. (These rules just kind of evolved.) But no overdrives and each team can ban two abilities from the other team before the start. These can be changed at the half. Usually they go with no Slowga, no aeons, no armor break (Auron can do that with a successful touch—he doesn't need to actually cut something) and no Use. There were some pretty wild games before that rule. Occasionally Tidus and Rikku want to play "unlimited" games where all of those are still allowed. Anyway, also no offensive spells beyond first level elemental spells. (Drain is considered an offensive spell, Osmose is not.)

You think I should explain in-game why they only use three fighters at a time? Or just leave it one of those game things that no one talks about?

By the way, siddown is not a typo, siddown is how a sometime sergeant (or the warrior monk equivalent) indicates to young green-as-Calm Lands-grass recruits that he is not quite done counseling them and would they please remain seated until the end.

Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (Neither is FFY or FFZ.) Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. (Maybe I'll put some relationship notes in my profile.) This is-T-. Might be dodgy next couple of chapters, though.

And, like last chapter, this one is dedicated to Gining, for the same reasons. Hope you like it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

We're headed back to the Calm Lands.

Specifically we're headed to the zoo. We saw the fayth, we saw the sword, we captured the fiends and found the treasures. Now they want to revisit the zoo before we start up Mt Gagazet, headed for the caves and the guardian and then Zanarkand, where they still think that all of this will end.

There's a saying, when you're tired but still have things to do.

You can rest when you're dead.

I hate that saying.

* * *

**Combat Pay**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Go to bed, Rikku. You need your sleep."

That's what he said to me! Three days ago!

He took me with him into the chamber of the fayth when everyone else was asleep, and I was all scared and stuff even though he was right there with me and holding my hand, and then the fayth came, and it looked just like a man with a little dog! Then the fayth called Auron nephew and Auron called it uncle and then I couldn't hear a word! I saw them talking, and their lips were moving, well Auron's lips were moving, but I couldn't hear anything! And Auron turned to me and asked me something or told me something and didn't understand at first that I couldn't hear! He turned and yelled something at the fayth, and the fayth said something back, I guess, and then Auron said something else and the fayth said something else, and then Auron turned back to me and just squeezed my hand and said, It's okay, moving his mouth real slow so I could make it out. Then he and the fayth talked for a long time.

You know, I couldn't hear. But that just made it easier to see how angry Auron was at the fayth. I think he really hated him! I've never seen Auron really hate anyone. Not even Seymour.

Auron hates HARD. And cold.

I think...I think Auron almost pulled his sword and attacked him once. He put his hand on his sword, but I had his other hand with both of mine and I was pulling hard, and he turned and looked at me for a moment, his brown eye burning into mine, and then he took a deep breath, and the two of them started talking again. And then I guess they were done, cause Auron turned back to the teleport pad, but I think the fayth had one more thing to say cause Auron stopped for a moment like he was listening. He didn't look back and his face didn't change, whatever it was, and then we got on the teleport pad. The little dog was wagging its tail, and I waved goodbye to it.

Auron never let go of my hand the whole time.

When we got back out I was asking all sorts of questions right away, of course. But...

"Rikku," he said to me quietly, "What did you hear?"

"NOTHING!" I said, all indignant. "All I heard—"

"Shh..."

I lowered my voice, so I wouldn't wake the others.

"All I heard was you call him uncle and him call you nephew, and then nothing! What happened?"

"The fayth made you deaf for a little bit. He wanted to talk in private."

"That's not what I meant! What happened between the two of you? What did you say?"

**Auron:**

Lord I was tired.

I do get tired. I just never let them see, even Tidus, or my brother-in-honor. Except, sometimes now, I let her see. Rikku. Sometimes now I let Rikku see my shoulders slump, and hear the fatigue in my voice.

Why do I let her see what I don't show to anyone else?

I looked at the others sleeping around us. To one side I saw the Ronso keeping watch, looking at us.

Did you know that Ronso can lift one eyebrow inquiringly?

Uncle, his eyebrow asked me.

I shook my head a little, and he turned away with a slight smile.

"Auron?" the girl said.

"I'm tired, Rikku," I told her. "And this is not the best time to talk about this. Not in these caves, and not in this valley. We'll talk later, and I'll answer...some...of your questions."

"Um..." She bit her lip. "Okay, Auron."

"Go back to sleep, Rikku."

"Come lie down with me," she said. She was still holding my hand, swinging it a little bit in both of hers. From start to finish, she had never let my hand go.

"I have to take my watch back from the Ronso," I told her.

"You said you were tired," she said quietly, looking up at me with deep green eyes.

I did?

"That doesn't mean I can rest. Go to bed Rikku. You need your sleep."

So she went back to her blankets, and I went back to stand against the wall, to watch, and to think.

She hugged me before she went, and I hugged her back.

* * *

**Auron:**

It took us another three days to finish up down in the cavern. We captured all of the different fiends, checking them off on the brochure the girl carried. We dug up two more chests, guided by the girl's maps. I found out that these weren't the original maps she had bought from Marty. She had gotten these from him at the Scar. Apparently she had gotten a good deal. For some reason, Marty wasn't at his best that day. I suppose when we get to the zoo I'll send a message to Rin to pay the man whatever, whenever.

I took some of the battles myself, but not as many as before. I was still a bit shocked that I had been trying to impress the girl. It didn't square with my own image of myself that I would flex and preen so that a pretty young girl would think that I was bold and strong, and I was somewhat disgusted with myself. But I had to be careful not to take that out on her. She didn't deserve that.

She deserved...

She didn't ask about the fayth of Yojimbo, and what he and I had said to each other. I knew she hadn't forgotten, but she respected my wishes not to talk about it yet, even when she was angry with me, as she was when Tidus finally wrestled her shovel away from her after the...incident...digging up the second chest, and I wouldn't help her in the impromptu keep-away session that followed. She huffed and pouted and had Little Auron call me a meanie and hit me over the head with his little stick sword when I wouldn't make the others tell where they had hidden it. (In fact that shovel remains safely buried down in that cavern, perhaps the second most dangerous thing down there.)

But we still sat together, the two of us, trying to puzzle out the ancient Al Bhed primer she had found in the chest. It reminded me a little of the days Willa and I would sit up and do the crossword together. For just a moment a feeling of missing Willa hit me like a deep stab. Then it was gone, back into the background of my dead soul.

Even if she was mad over the shovel incident, Rikku still sat next to me at meals, and slept next to me two of the three nights. She still asked me to help her with the Find the Fiend challenge in the brochure, and I pointed out the epaaj hiding in the tree and the valaha shape in the clouds, and together we found our way through the maze from the entrance to the chamber of the fayth, avoiding the tonberrys along the way. And that reminded me of nothing and no one else. That was purely and wonderfully Rikku.

**Rikku's Diary:**

YAY! We FINALLY got out of that CREEPY cave and back into the sunshine. Whew. You know, I've never really had a problem with enclosed places, but I think that place might have given me one!

So we're back in the valley and Auron right away leads us up the path back to the top, and he's all ready to go straight up the mountain, but Tidus and Wakka want to go back to the zoo to get paid from capturing all of the fiends in the cave.

"Aw, come on, Auron," the kid said. "Who knows what we'll get! Maybe something that'll be a big help. Maybe something that'll make the difference one day."

Well, maybe. And I guess I feel a little guilty because they didn't even get the prize from catching all the Calm Lands fiends cause they wanted to get back to the Scar in time to meet us. I mean, they said a chest kinda fell out of nowhere, but they couldn't open it, and they really were in a hurry.

I could tell Auron, but he'd just think I was doing it to keep Yunie away from Zanarkand as long as possible.

Well, I DO feel a little guilty, like I said, but I guess he'd really be right about that.

So, Auron was all, No, we gotta get moving, and Wakka and the kid were all, Hey, we have a little time, and then Lulu came in on their side, and that convinced Yuna and then Auron was all, As you wish. And I wonder how much it really bothers Auron, cause he didn't try to guilt them or manipulate them or bully them or anything he usually does when he really wants them to do something.

So we turned around and headed back to the zoo. Hey, I bet I can get another shovel there!

You know, I've been a good girl. I mean, I haven't bothered Auron at all to tell me what went on in the chamber of the fayth, even though I was really, REALLY curious. I didn't even ask when we were out and walking together back up the path. I didn't ask when we stopped for the evening and trained and ate. And then the others went off to their blankets or to keep watch, and Auron and I were alone together out under the stars.

That's when I turned to him and said, "Now, Auron?"

And he nodded. He looked up at the stars for a minute, and then he said quietly, "Rikku, my family are the hereditary keepers of the first celestial weapon, Masamune."

"I remember, Auron," I nodded.

He's talking about legendary weapons that are supposed to be more powerful than anything. The stories say there's one for each race, like the Ronso and Hypello, and one for each of the traditional adventurer classes, like thief and black mage. (I wonder if there's a blitzball one for Wakka?) But there are a lot of legends in Spira, and I don't guess I ever really believed in them until Auron and I talked that time on the mountain.

"Nothing but trash," he muttered. "Anyway, the other weapons were all forged about a thousand years ago, just before the start of the Zanarkand-Bevelle War."

"The what?"

He looked at me with a small exasperated smile.

"You should have listened more closely to Maechen."

"THAT boring old man!"

"If you had listened to that boring old man you'd know what I was talking about."

"Well," I tossed my head, "You can tell me now and then I'll know anyways."

He smiled again and said, "Later. The point is that they were all sort of copies."

"Copies?"

"Sort of. Masamune is much older than any of those weapons. No one knows how old. The great powers of that day, a thousand years ago wanted their own Masamunes, so they collaborated to create the other celestial weapons. Nirvana, the Ocean Trident, and so forth."

"You sure know a lot about it," I said.

"It's one of the things we're taught in our family. So, they all worked together, using the advanced machina of Bevelle..."

Machina? Bevelle?

"...the high magics of Zanarkand, the secret craft skill of the Al Bhed..."

"What!" I gasped.

"Yes, Rikku," he nodded gravely. "Your people were instrumental in creating the weapons. That's why, even though you are human, and not truly a separate race, the Al Bhed were granted one of the weapons. It was part of the price for their help."

Wow...

"Yes, Rikku. If you ever run across a powerful handgun with a seemingly inexhaustible supply of ammunition that also inflicts non-curable status ailments, well, keep an eye on it anyway."

He paused a bit, and then shook his head a little before he went on.

"The thing is, Rikku, they were all copies of the first, oldest weapon, Masamune. No one knows Masamune's age, or where it comes from. I suppose I should have asked when I had the chance."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. You'll understand," he sighed. "Masamune passes from hand to hand in my family. The sword itself always chooses who will have it. My grandfather wielded the sword for many years. He was a legendary mystical warrior named Matoya. He had three sons and a daughter. His oldest son was a famous fighter, and I think everyone assumed that when the time came the sword would pass to him. But the sword rejected my uncle, and chose the youngest brother, a man almost twenty years younger than my uncle."

**Auron:**

My father told me about that day. He only spoke of it once. I suppose if he had lived we would have talked more about it. I remember he said that they knew grandfather was dying, and he had called them all home to the place where they had grown up, on the side of a nameless mountain between Macalania and the Calm Lands, to witness the swords choice. He remembered that my uncle seemed proud and excited that day, even though their father was dying, but my father couldn't find it within himself to blame the man. It was the day that his oldest brother had looked toward and trained for all of his life. My uncle had worked hard for many, many years to gain the sword skills to be worthy of Masamune.

I looked over at the girl, and described the scene for her as my father had told it to me.

"My grandfather climbed from his bed. His children were worried, but there was a tradition, a ritual, to hand the sword down. They couldn't have stopped him. Grandfather stood and raised the sword, and it started to glow with a bright white light, brighter and brighter until he couldn't see and he wondered if he would ever see again or if their sight was burned from their eyes. And then," I paused, "Father couldn't quite explain this very well, but he said it seemed then that the sword began to glow black. He couldn't explain it any better than that. He said the sword glowed solid black, deeper and deeper, and they were still blind.

"And then he said a pain started to grow inside him, and it became a stabbing wound in his gut and in his head, growing worse and worse until it was indescribable. He said he had never felt pain like that before, or after, and he thought he was going to die. He wanted to die. And then it was gone. The pain was gone and it was such a shock that the pain had stopped that he didn't notice at first that he could see again. After a moment he looked around at the others, at his brothers and his sister and his father. His sister and his middle brother both had thin trickles of blood running from their noses and they were gasping for breath. His oldest brother had blood smeared all across his lower face and running from his nose and from the corner of his mouth, and he was on the ground breathing quickly and shallowly. And my father realized two things. First, he himself wasn't breathing at all, and he tried to take a breath, but he couldn't. And second, he realized that they were all looking at him.

"And for one moment, he saw himself through someone else's eyes. He was on his knees and the entire front of his shirt was red. He was bleeding from his mouth and from his nose and from his eyes. And he suddenly understood that he wasn't seeing himself through his brothers' eyes, or his sister's, or his father's. He knew as he collapsed forward onto the floor that he was seeing what the sword saw."

I stopped. She just looked at me, waiting.

It was so long since I had thought of any of this. Or really, that I have thought of my parents and my sister at all. And I felt a sudden fear that I was forgetting them, like the girl had told me she was afraid that she was forgetting her mother. What irreplaceable moments had I lost simply because I hadn't tried harder to hold on to them?

I shook my head, putting the thoughts away for now, and continued.

"My father didn't really want it, didn't want to be the custodian of the sword, had never wanted it or expected it, but he didn't refuse it. And my uncle...left. First there was a scuffle. Words. My uncle was a very proud man. He was called the greatest warrior of his generation. Yes, Rikku, just as I am. And he had been raised steeped in legend and stories of the sword, just like everyone in my family. And all his life my uncle had always assumed that he had a destiny. He thought it was Masamune. It was a hard blow to him when the sword chose someone else. He didn't know who he was, if he wasn't the one who would wield Masamune. He didn't know what he was for. I can understand that. So in his disappointment and his anger and his confusion he left and went looking for a new destiny. And he found it."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Auron was looking out into the night.

"By becoming a fayth?" I asked.

"By becoming a mercenary fayth."

"And the little dog, too?"

"The dog always liked me," he said with a small smile.

Neither of us said anything for a while.

"Auron," I said after a bit, "So what did the two of you say? To each other, I mean."

"I..."

He shook his head.

"Yojimbo has done terrible things, Rikku. And I...called him on it. Asked how he could justify what he'd done."

"What did he say?"

"He asked how I justified all of the terrible things that I've done."

"Oh. Uh..."

"I said I couldn't. And I never tried. We...I suppose we exchanged threats for a while, and then I was done. There was nothing left to say. Really, there was never anything to say. I don't even know why I went to see him. Maybe just to show..."

He looked over at me, and then away again.

"Maybe just to show you a part of my life, Rikku. Maybe just to share something with you."

He laughed softly.

"And you couldn't even hear it," he said. "Anyway, just before we left, I told him that things were changing. I told him that a new day was coming. And then I turned away."

He shook his head.

"And he said a new day comes every morning, but nothing ever changes."

And the two of us sat for a long time, not saying anything, just sitting there next to each other. I'm not sure what he was thinking, but I was thinking about...not exactly about what he'd told me. Get right down to it, what do I care about Yojimbo?

No, I was thinking more about the fact that he told me these things about himself. I thought about the fact that he wanted to share parts of his life with me. I was thinking that every time I think that I can't care any more about him, something happens, and I do.

And suddenly, I was just feeling great. Really great, like I wanted to laugh and dance and fly.

He wants to share his story with me.

Tell me that isn't better than a kiss.

He has to leave one day.

Don't think about that.

"There's more," he said, quietly.

"I'm here," I answered, grinning wide. "I'm not going anywhere."

He smiled.

"To understand Yojimbo," he said, "You need to understand the sword. Rikku, do you remember at the Crusader's sword shrine, when I was acting so..."

**Auron:**

I was searching for the right word.

"Spacey?" she offered brightly. "Weirdy-poo? Whack-a-doodle?"

"I was going to say, anomalous."

"It's a good thing I read a lot," she muttered.

"Rikku," I said, and there must have been something in my voice, because the little half-smile slipped from her face as she looked at me. "Rikku, the sword was speaking to me."

She didn't say anything for a moment.

"Oooookay..." she said finally, cocking her head to one side and putting one finger to the corner of her mouth. "So, um, so, is this sword here with us right now?"

"Very amusing, Rikku," I answered.

"Heh heh. Sorry," she smiled.

I didn't say anything, but I raised one hand, and let one finger gently trace the outline of her jaw, and she went silent, and wide-eyed. I dropped the hand to the goggles hanging around her neck.

"Rikku," I said, and gave the goggles a playful shake. She looked down, and I flicked one finger up under her nose.

"HEY!"

I lifted one eyebrow at her.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I wish I could do that. When I practice in front of the mirror all I can do is squint. Heh.

**Auron:**

"Okay, Auron," she said, rolling her eyes. "I'm sorry. I mean it this time. Truce?"

"Truce," I said, and we solemnly shook hands.

"So, the sword talks to you."

"When I'm close enough, yes."

"Auron," she said with a slight squint, "Are you saying that sword down there is MASAMUNE? Cause it didn't look very...celestial..."

"No. Do you remember, Rikku, what I said I did with Masamune?"

She closed her eyes and sat up very straight, and recited, "You took Masamune to the highest cliff you could find and threw it as far away as you could. It was your twelfth birthday."

She opened her eyes.

"That's right, Rikku," I said. "I threw the sword from a cliff. I didn't want anything more to do with it. I had gone in to get the sword from the house even though I already had a decent sword. By the time I got back out it was too late for my sister and my mother. Perhaps..."

I looked into the fire. I don't do that much. Ruins your night vision.

"Perhaps," I went on, "Perhaps I could have saved them if I hadn't gone into the house to get Masamune."

I felt her slim arms wrapping around me.

"You can't blame yourself for that, Auron, for what happened," she said softly. "You didn't kill them, the fiends did. Just like I didn't kill all the people that died on Bikanel, the Guado did."

Strange. An old pain that I rarely even notice anymore went away a little, when she said that with her arms around me.

Odd...

I shook my head.

"Maybe you're right, Rikku. But I do blame myself, and I also blame the sword. The reason I went into the house was that Masamune called me. It said in my mind that I didn't have a chance against the fiends without it."

Again I shook my head.

"Perhaps the sword was right. In any case, my family died, and I threw the sword from a cliff afterward, but I knew it wouldn't stay lost. Masamune is old, very old, and strange and powerful. There is...a mechanism...for when the sword is lost. A sort of reset button, you Al Bhed might say."

She let go of me long enough to slap my arm lightly, and my mouth quirked up in the dying firelight.

"Pardon," I smiled thinly. "So, when the sword is lost to its chosen wielder, it...sort of breaks up...into component parts, and the parts are scattered and hidden. There's the blade, and the hilt, and a sigil and crest. That rusty blade back down there is nothing, but the hilt is the true hilt of Masamune, and the key piece to obtaining the blade. Down there in that valley, I was close enough to speak to it. I didn't want to speak to it, and I was able to block it out using mental disciplines, until I came face to face with it. Then it was too powerful to keep out. The hilt is the second strongest element."

"Uh, huh?"

"All four component parts are pieces of the legendary sword, and all can speak and...and the other things the sword does, but they are not equal. The blade is the most powerful, and can force itself into my thoughts on the Mushroom Rock Road, which is where it's hidden. The hilt is second most powerful, and can work its way past my barriers when I'm somewhat close..."

"Like when you're standing in front of it at the shrine."

"Yes, like then. The sigil is the third of the pieces in power, but I've never run across it, so I don't know exactly how powerful it is, just that it's less so that the hilt and moreso than the crest."

"Have you ever seen the crest?"

"Yes, once on the Mi'ihen Road. It's not powerful enough to speak to me unless I allow it."

"Huh," she said, thoughtfully. "I'd kinda like to examine it."

"I wish you luck. I threw it into the woods as far as I could."

"Oh, well. But, hey, Auron, I thought that rusty sword had been in that shrine for hundreds of years?"

"That's what the Crusaders think too," I said. "I told you, the sword is very old, and tricky. The thing is, Rikku, that Yojimbo is still somehow tied to the sword. You know that the temple aeons all have limits put on their power, all except Bahamut."

"Yes?"

"Well, so does Yojimbo. And my uncle hates that Yojimbo is so weak."

"WEAK! He's an AEON!"

"Rikku," I said, "I BEAT him in single combat. Well, single combat plus Tidus and Yuna and the dog. No, Rikku. My uncle curses every day of his existence that his aeon is no stronger. It gnaws at him, like a hunger. The aeon is his weapon, forged to take Masamune's place when the sword rejected him. And yet the key to unlocking the full strength of Yojimbo is Masamune. It's somehow something that every fayth chooses for itself when it becomes a fayth, or it's chosen from inside them, or something. I'm not sure. But in any case, reconstructing Masamume is the key to Yojimbo's power, and that's what my uncle wants. That's why he was threatening me. He's desperate for Masamune's presence. Strange, really, that he now wants another man to take up the sword that he craved for so long."

"So..." she said slowly, "So, what does it want, Auron? The sword? What does IT want?"

"It wants me, Rikku."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

No chocobos.

We get back through the gorge and there's NO CHOCOBOS!

GRRR! I look over at the man. Did he realize there wouldn't be any chocobos waiting for us? He shrugs at me, the way he does so only I can see.

Meanie.

So we have to walk back to the zoo.

It's not so bad, I guess. We're back in our rhythm now. Get up, eat, walk, walk, walk, fight fiends, stop, train, eat, walk, walk, walk, fight fiends, stop, train, eat, sleep next to Auron under the stars, under his old, red coat, his hand maybe on my shoulder.

I can live with that. Especially if we're headed AWAY from Zanarkand.

"It wants me, Rikku."

That's what he said, that night we finally talked about it. Auron told me that the sword seems to have some kind of weird obsession with him. (What other kind of obsession could a sword have with a guy?) It seems to think that Auron's the one that it's been waiting for all these years, the heavy-sword fighter of its dreams.

Which is tough luck, cause Auron never intends getting close enough to even sniff that sword. Tough for Yojimbo, too. Or the fayth of Yojimbo. Whatever. That still confuses me.

And I did ask Auron once if all that sword business was like the reason all those Crusaders were all looking at him so funny, but he said no, that was something else.

"So, uh, so what was it, Auron? Why were they all giving you the stink-eye?"

"I can't tell you that right now, Rikku."

Geez, how many secrets does this guy have!

We're almost to the zoo.

**Auron:**

We pace around the chest, the girl and I, opposite each other, hands held behind our backs, heads down in study, looking at it closely. We stop. The girl fidgets, playing with her hair, biting her lip, putting one finger to the corner of her mouth. Finally she lifts her eyes to mine, and sort of dog paddles her hands in front of her. I think it's an unconscious habit when she's puzzled.

"So whataya think's in it, huh?" she asked.

Interesting question. I close my eye and inhale. I can smell...

Hot copper in my mouth. The sea when a storm is coming. Old stone, and old wood, and old books. Blood, and power, and age.

"Auron?" she asks.

It smells like...

"Destiny."

"What? Auron!"

I open my eye and look back at her. She's already tried to unlock the chest several times.

"I don't think it's ready to open yet, Rikku."

And, I silently add to myself, If this is what I suspect it is, then I think that I hope that it never will be ready to open.

Tidus comes running up to us and skids to a stop.

"Hey, Auron, Rikku! Com'on, the guy has something for us! For catching all the Calm Lands fiends! We didn't get it last time because we were in such a hurry," he said, breathlessly. "Com'on! Com'on!"

He grabbed my empty sleeve to pull me along, like he used to when he was a small boy. It always irritated me immensely. Not even Rikku has ever dared do that.

"HA!"

Oh damn. The girl laughs and grabs me by the lapel with both her hands and the two of them drag me slowly behind them to the office. Teenagers. I swear, if Wakka ever grabs my coat...

I gently but firmly disengage the two of them from my clothing before we step inside. I hide a small shudder, as I must every time I step over the body of the young wyrm. The girl notices, and looks at me oddly for a moment.

"How do," the zookeeper says looking up from behind the counter. The others are already there. "Got a little something for you people."

He reached down and brought up a small box. I frown, and inhale. Death. But...not quite.

Almost, I unsling my sword and attack. Almost. The zookeeper's eyes meet mine, and a look of amused distain flashes across his features as he shakes his head a little. He's telling me that this is not the time. There is nothing harmful in the box.

A part of me wishes I could just go ahead and attack, and get this farce of his over with. But he's far too dangerous, especially here, in his place of power. The others would be surprised, off balance. They would hesitate, and we would lose. We'd hurt him. But we'd lose. Even at our best, he might still defeat us. No. This was not the time, if truly he is not forcing the issue.

The girl goes up to the box to open it.

If I am wrong...

"Oooo! Hey, what are these?" she asked, reaching in and taking out something rather flat and tattered. It looked almost like a scrap of thick black cloth.

"Farplane winds," the old man answered, coming around in front of the counter. "Ninety-nine of them. I'm sure a smart girl like you can figure out how they work."

"Oh sure," she said, absently, and sat down on the floor then and there to try to puzzle these new items out. "Hey, do you have a comm sphere?"

"In the corner. Say, listen," he said, turning back to us, "With all the fiends you brought me I was able to mix and match, and, well, heh heh. I've created a monster."

"What?" Lulu said, and I heard Yuna gasp. The men moved a bit closer to the ladies. Rikku was oblivious.

"Yep," the man smiled proudly. "Cutest little chimeragast you ever saw. Has his daddy's eyes. All eight of 'em. Heh. That's a little joke."

"Heh," the girl said absently, hearing the word "joke". The others were not amused.

"So, uh," Wakka said, his eyes narrowing. "So whattaya goin to do wit this monster, huh?"

"Why, let the Crusaders fight it of course, for training. The one's that want a real challenge, that is," he added slyly.

"Ummm..."

That's the boy. I think to him, Shut up, Tidus. But to no avail. The zookeeper goes on, "Say, you people want to give it a shot? Free of charge this first time. It's the least I can do. Ah, one-time offer."

"Let's DO it!" the boy shouts with a smile, turning to Yuna.

"Well..." she said, glancing at me.

"And any items he drops when you beat him are yours to keep, of course," the zookeeper put in before I could say anything. That decided Wakka.

"Hey, it's free, ya? Mights well go for it, then."

"I agree," the black mage said.

Those two have been agreeing about too much recently. It was worrisome. I might need to find some wedge issue to force them apart, such as what's more important, magic or blitzball. Get the boy to bring it up. I know I know. I've been subtly pushing them together, but the thought of them being too close at this stage worries me. Broken faith and wounded soul. Yes, I think they need one another, and yes it would be good for The Plan if they healed one another. But one of them is certainly the agent of Bevelle, and I don't want that one to corrupt the other.

It's a balancing act.

They're all looking at me now. While I've been musing, they reached a consensus.

"As you wish," I said.

"All right!" the boy whooped and put up his hand for a high five. Unfortunately, Wakka was looking the other way and the girl was still oblivious and they were the only ones who ever returned his high fives. Yuna was too shy. He looked around in disappointment. "Uh..."

And Lulu of all people put up her hand and slapped his palm with a little smile before she turned away, leaving Tidus with his hand in the air staring after her. Even the Ronso stared. I think she enjoys confusing people.

Everyone needs a hobby.

I knew a man once who collected rainbows.

"Kimahri, bring the girl," I said, and heard a squawk from behind me.

Let's do this.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Dammit! I just about had this figured out when Kimahri slings me over his shoulder and carries me through a doorway behind the counter and down some hall! Man, it's a good thing I wear shorts and not a miniskirt!

I wonder if Auron would like me in a miniskirt...

Um, so I notice the walls start out wood paneling, but then they turn to rough wood, and the hallway starts to open out and suddenly we're walking down a kind of narrow ravine. Kimahri finally puts me down and huffs with Ronso laughter as I slap his arm and hurry on ahead to see. The ravine opens up into a small, bowl-shaped valley. We all stop and look around, waiting. Yunie and Wakka look kind of worried. Lulu looks amused. The kid looks excited. Kimahri doesn't really look anything. And the man just looks calm, as usual. I used to think he looked bored all the time, like whatever was going on was really beneath his notice. But that's not it at all. He just looks calm. Then a sort of gate that I didn't notice before opens and something comes out.

Uh, guys? That is one BIG scary chimera.

"Wakka," the man says. "Suggestions?"

Hey, Auron, is this really the best time for a pop test?

"Uh, okay, so three out of four attacks are elemental, ya? And we know the pattern, so, Haste Yuna, put her up front, keep ahead of it with nulStuff, an the physical attacks? Just suck it up."

The thing's coming closer.

"We would take a beating," the man said, "But that would work in the end. Very good, Wakka. But we're going to try something else instead."

"Uh, Auron?" I said. "Whatever we're gonna try, maybe we should, you know, get with it? Cause it's, well, iiit's heeeeeeeeere."

Smiling thinly the man stepped forward and lined us up—him, and me, and Tidus.

"Tidus, Haste yourself, then Rikku," he said.

Okay, that thing was up to something. I could see the eyes looking at me, ALL of them! WHOA! Haste spell! WOO HOO!

"Rikku, back for Yuna."

POOP!

"Yuna?"

"Yes, Sir Auron?"

"Call Ifrit."

"Um, all right."

Huh. He's gonna use an aeon. He doesn't really do that very much. Yuna made some moves, and the big fire aeon appears. I mean, not Bahamut big, but pretty big. The aeon clawed the ground and looked to Yuna for instructions. Yuna looked to Auron.

"Shield."

Yuna relayed the order and Ifrit sort of concentrates and we could all see a kind of force dome appear for a moment in front of the aeon. Then the thing made its move! It all of a sudden bends forward, and the snake tail came up over the top and opened its mouth and lightning crashed into Ifrit! I screamed just a little and jumped against Auron, and I felt him wrap an arm around me.

"Sir Auron?" Yunie turned and asked over her shoulder.

"Shield," he said.

So Ifrit shielded again, and the thing rushed up and CRUNCHED into him! If...if we were in there that would have been Auron it hurt! Whose stupid idea was this!

Well, so anyway, Ifrit looked pretty bad. Yuna looked at Auron again.

"Shield."

"Sir Auron..."

"Yuna. Shield."

So Ifrit barely managed to lift its head, and we saw the force dome again, then its head dropped back down, and the big chimera opened its eagle mouth and hit the aeon with a water attack. I thought for a moment that that was it, Ifrit was finished, but no, he was still alive, barely.

"Now," the man said. "Attack."

Yuna looked at him, and I know she just desperately wanted to get the aeon out of there cause the next attack would kill it for sure, but the man just looked back at her, so she turned and had Ifrit attack. The aeon lifted its head, and drew its lips back in a snarl and jumped forward fast and clawed the chimera right in the lion's throat! The fiend roared and I could tell that Ifrit had landed a big blow, but now...

"OH!" I said, just at the same time as Wakka said "Oh!"

Then the big chimera threw a huge flameball at Ifrit, and healed him completely!

"Shield," the man said.

"Shield.

"Shield.

"Attack."

After the second time through Auron walked back and sort of leaned up against a tree.

"That's that. This'll take awhile," he added, looking at us.

Um, well. Okay. Me and the others stood around and watched the big chimera and Ifrit for a while. I don't guess we really knew what to do except wait it out. Tidus and Kimahri stayed close to Yuna, who was still up front, of course.

Shield, shield, shield, attack.

Shield, shield, shield, attack.

"Uh, guys?" I said. "I think I'm gonna go get some food from one of the venders. Anyone want anything? Auron? Come with?"

"Hey, maybe some sandwiches, ya?"

"Perhaps some fruit," Lulu said.

"Something dead," Kimahri rumbled. Okaaaay. I think that's Ronso humor. If it's not, I don't wanna know.

I'm not sure Tidus heard me.

I looked at Auron, but he shook his head.

"I'd better stay here, Rikku," he said. "Just in case."

Makes sense. I watched the battle for a moment.

Shield, shield, shield, attack.

Lulu ended up going with me, and when we got back we sort of broke up to eat, Wakka and Lulu over there, and Auron and me sitting cross-legged over here, and of course Tidus staying close to Yuna. I saw him tap her on the shoulder and hand her a veggie sandwich. Kimahri was kinda keeping an eye on Yunie. So I was taking big happy bites out of my sandwich and gulping down shallows of Macalania Fruit Punch while I looked over one of those farplane winds we got. (I'm gonna figure it out soon.) But Auron was just kinda picking at his food. He should eat more. It's not healthy.

"Rikku..." the man said. I think..."

**Auron:**

It's something I've been thinking of for awhile.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"What Auron?" I asked, kinda looking up but still kinda looking down at the farplane wind too.

"I think we should consider changing the parameters of our relationship."

And I SPIT out Macalania Fruit Punch ALL OVER him!

"Uh, uh...!"

Okay, I didn't, but it felt JUST like a spit-take moment!

"Uh, Auron, um, what!"

"Rikku, I'm suggesting that the two of us form a limited alliance."

Does...does that mean what I think it does?

Oh. No, of course it doesn't.

Wait...what?

"You already know that I'm getting reports," he said. "Intelligence reports about what's going on all over Spira."

"Well, yeah."

"You don't know who's giving them to me, or why I want them, but you know they exist. There's no point keeping them secret from you. I'm saying I'd like to share these reports with you. Have you read them, keep abreast of what's going on around us. For you, well...knowledge is power. It would increase your knowledge. But I benefit, too."

He smiled a small, kinda crooked smile.

"I may have mentioned it before, but you're smarter than I am. You can help me analyze and synthesize all this, help me to form as clear and coherent a picture of the world as I can. This gives me a better chance to form plans and options. But it does the same for you. And we'll be able to talk things over, discuss what they mean, bounce ideas off each other.

"I want to be honest with you, Rikku," he said. "The most sensitive information doesn't come in the regular notes. It's given to me verbally, or sent by a special courier, and I might not share that information with you. But I think I'm offering the best kind of deal. One where both sides gain."

My head was kind of whirling. I didn't know what to say. I never expected something like this. Well, maybe. But not this formal. An alliance. He wasn't saying that he trusted me, exactly, and he wasn't actually asking me to trust him, but...

Not being willing to betray him to the others was one thing. Even having faith in him was one thing. But actually cooperating with him when I still didn't even have a clue what his real goals were was a whole other thing! But...but this really would help me, too. Help me with my own goals—like getting all of us through this alive. All of us, Yunie, me, him, and the others. Wouldn't it? I had to think about this. I had to be clear. Did he want an answer now? I couldn't give him an answer now!

"Auron, I can't... You can't just throw all of this at me and... Auron, I need time to think about it!"

And I saw approval in his look.

"Just exactly right, Rikku. Think about it. There's no deadline on this. It's an open offer."

He stood up, and brushed off his coat.

"I'd rather have you working with me than against me."

And he walked off to check on Yuna. I think he was giving me a minute to think. That's considerate but he hardly even touched his sandwich! I munched on it absentmindedly while I was thinking thinking thinking.

So, what do I think? Gee, come out of left field with an offer, why doncha? Well, first...I think there's a warm little feeling inside me knowing that he wants my help this much. I know he respects me and the things I can do, but this is different somehow. Even better. And then there was a little thrill that we'd be working together, him and me, sharing something new and important just the two of us. I remembered how much I missed the intimacy of it being just the two of us, like on the mountain, and maybe this would bring some of that back. And...and I wouldn't be just on my own all the time. It wouldn't be just me, and sometimes Tidus, trying to save her and him and everyone. He'd help me. He'd listen to me, and I could talk to him about things.

Dangerous thoughts.

Hey, Rikku, remember that he's one of the things you need to protect them all from. It was just too easy to lose sight of that on this vacation, when I started to fall in love with him. (And him with ME!) But I can't forget my responsibilities. He wouldn't love me if I was the sort of girl who could just forget like that. I'm not gonna betray him. I decided that one a long time ago, but I needed to keep an eye on him, and I had to keep trying to figure him out for Yunie's sake and all of us, including him. Would this new arrangement help me with that? This was just one little piece of what was going on with him that he was offering to share. I still couldn't trust him. I had to remember that.

It hurt to remember.

But anyway...well, this would be at least one place where I wouldn't have to be all the time against him, then go begging to him in the night to hold me so I wouldn't be so afraid. But...

I shook my head. I had to think about this...think it through. There seemed to be a lot of upside and not too much downside. And besides (was my nose twitching?) I really really really wanna know what's going on!

* * *

**Auron:**

There were faster ways to defeat the beast, I suppose, but none as sure or as safe.

And none that would annoy the zookeeper more.

The boy began to pester me about letting him and the others have a shot. But I think...I think he really just wanted Yuna to rest for a bit. I wonder why he didn't simply ask? Perhaps, he didn't want Yuna to think he didn't believe she could handle matters?

Oh well, she could probably use a break. The mental contact with aeons in battle is tiring. (Tip: That's one of the keys to defeating summoners in combat.) It took some juggling, but we managed to get a large array of nulSpells spread through the party and everyone Hasted. Kimahri and the black mage cast their spells, Tidus and Wakka attacked, and the girl rushed in and stole.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yay! Lightning gems!

**Auron:**

Yuna nibbled on a sandwich.

I guarded. Not too bad. They only had to use three phoenix downs on me.

After a time, when everyone was ready, Yuna switched back in and summoned Ifrit once more, and it was not too much later that the chimeragast fell in a cloud of pyreflies.

They all looked at each other and then shrugged.

After winning the battle we went our own ways. The girl was still trying to puzzle out the farplane winds, but I knew that she was also contemplating my offer. I wanted to give her time to think.

I spoke to the fiend handlers that work for the zookeeper, spreading gil with an open hand. When I left the stables I went and found my new contact here with the Luca network. It was another tout, but nevertheless a big step up from Marty. The zookeeper's chimeragast would be a big step up from Marty. I flipped quickly through the notes I received from him to see if there was anything vital happening, but there wasn't really. Dream Zanarkand still hadn't fallen from the sky to crush Bevelle.

Hm. Some interesting bodies were turning up in Bevelle. Kinoc would need yet another replacement, it seems. Overall the situation in the city appeared static for the time being. Tensions were growing in Luca as the city fathers tried to keep the Church's problems at a distance. Kelk Ronso was on the mountain ahead of us, not saying much. Perhaps I should contact him before we get there? Not much time for that now. The Hypello seem to be up to something. It's hard to imagine the Hypello being up to anything, but they seem to be looking for something. Hm, the Guado are still everywhere, being very active, and still no sign of Seymour. The Guado are meddling, of course, but...could they also be looking for something as well? What would...ah. A sudden hunch burst into my head. It only occurred to me because I've been thinking of Masamune, but perhaps they seek the Guado celestial weapon? The Guado weapon hasn't been seen in years. Could that be where Seymour is? Questing? I need to think about this. If they should manage to find the Lance of Atrophy our next meeting with Seymour could be...difficult.

As I walk, I idly wish I could talk these things over with someone. Strange thought. If Jecht were here, or Braska, or even Vedec, I could talk to them, but I've never really had the compulsion to share secrets.

You know, I should have made my offer to the girl weeks ago. As things stand, even if she accepts, we'll soon be out of touch with the network. I'll probably have one more contact among the Ronso when we reach the mountain, but once we start up there'll be nothing until after Zanarkand. She still doesn't know there's going to be an After Zanarkand. Still, she can go through the backlog, and get a picture of how things truly stand on Spira. We can talk, and use each other as sounding boards.

Am I...am I putting too much of a burden on a young, teenaged girl? Secrets are burdens. But, knowledge is power. But power brings responsibility. And doesn't she have enough to worry about? These were the questions I had wrestled with before making my offer. And recently a new one had come to me. Am I just doing this to have someone to share it all with? Am I just offering her these burdens because I'm lonely, and I like her?

(A sinful little fantasy flits though my head. The girl and I, working together on The Plan, full partners, sharing everything, no secrets. Equals. But...it could never happen.)

I've kept many secrets for many years, but I've never felt any need to share them with someone simply because I liked and respected them, and so that I wouldn't have to carry them alone. Never.

But I've never known anyone like Rikku before.

Of course, if she should happen to be Bevelle's agent, it could prove...disadvantageous. Unlikely, but not impossible. Bevelle has always tried to gain as much control as they could over the summoners. The summoners have always had great influence with the people of Spira who admire them and look to them for hope. Roughly eight hundred years ago summoners were almost completely independent of the Church. They traveled to ancient sites of worship to enlist the aid of powerful, legendary beings known as aeons to try and defeat Sin. These were different from the aeons of the present day. They were actual living beings that could be killed, and over the years their numbers dwindled, or at least the number of those willing to aid the summoners of that day dwindled. Yevon was still a young church then, and still consolidating power, and over the years they persuaded some of the faithful to become fayth and craft summons that mimicked the early aeons, and as the true aeons disappeared the summoners turned to the new temples, and were drawn into the Church's power structure. The Church used their control of the temples and the new aeons to bind summoners to Yevon.

They had other methods as well. Public opinion, for example. In times past Summoners had always journeyed to defeat Sin for the people of Spira. But then priests in their pulpits and at their alters began to constantly praise the summoners who traveled to defeat Sin for the glory of Yevon. And people started to believe them. And after a time, so did the summoners. This was a subtle form of control. There are unsubtle means as well, like the Church control of the aeon souls and summoner souls. And then there were the damage limits put on most of the aeons themselves. Only the Church can easily release those locks. There are...other ways to do so. But they are difficult, and known to few.

And summoners and guardians have changed their minds in the past, once they've reached Zanarkand and learned the truth. Deciding not to sacrifice themselves for a lie, they face the mercy of Yunalecsa, the fra, and the Haagh Zhii—the Stone Claw.

But to return to the point, the Church also manages to place an agent into almost every summoner party. And I know that they have placed one in ours. I expected that. Any agent is recruited in one of four basic ways. The first is the classic agent, spotted by someone from the Grey Court or the Office of Inquiry, and recruited in some way. The actual method can be hard or soft, persuasion or subversion or coercion. That goes to motivations, which is a different matter, somewhat. The second is the agent who offers his service to the Church (or whoever) of his own initiative—the "walk-in". These often have special skills or resources, or positions. That's what makes them valuable. Their motives also vary—usually money or power, but often piety or something else that's important to them. The third is the long term agent, recruited in their youth, who takes years to work themselves into some useful position before their masters activate them—the "sleeper". Dangerous, because this could be anyone, really. The last is often the wild card, hard to predict and to spot. This is the agent who is working for one group, but for at least a part of their career believes they are working for someone else. The method is sometimes known as "false-flag". So, consider Rikku. Was she perhaps approached one day by someone working for the Al Bhed intelligence service? Or someone she thought worked for them? She loves her people, and if she were asked to perform some potentially dangerous mission that was vital to the Al Bhed? What would she do? Not hard to guess.

But I do not think it is Rikku. If I am wrong, I will deal with it. It shouldn't matter who the agent is anyway, the way I have set things up. I dismiss the thoughts (for now) and wander back to the others.

"Auron!" the boy comes up yelling. "Hey, Auron! The guy made another monster! He's gonna let us fight it for free!"

Well...

Poop.

* * *

**Auron:**

"It won't be like the last one," I tried to tell them. But they didn't want to hear.

"Hey, Sir Auron, it's free, ya? So why not take a shot?"

Because phoenix downs aren't free?

"Bahamut and the other aeons are strong, Sir Auron," Yuna said with a smile. "I'm sure they can handle it!"

Not if what the stable hands told me is accurate.

"Yes, Sir Auron," Lulu added. If we win, we gain. And if we don't, there's no real loss. We might as well try. He won't offer us a free chance again if we don't"

I idly wonder if Lulu grew up without much money. It shouldn't have been a big deal on Besaid.

"Hey, think of it as practice," Tidus said, "As training!"

Even the Ronso nods.

The girl is still engrossed in the silver hourglasses we received earlier from the man.

"Very well," I answered them. "As you wish."

Perhaps it's for the best, I think to myself. They're all smiling at each other. Perhaps a good hard pounding is what they all need. Things have gone fairly well for them these past few weeks. I'm glad that they have regained their confidence but I don't want them to get cocky. Overconfidence is not conducive to long life when facing the mountain and Yunalesca.

I know.

That's how we found ourselves back in the arena valley a half hour later, Hasted, waiting for the master tonberry to sidle closer.

Most of us waited.

The girl rushed in and out. She really is fast. She smiled and opened her hand to show me something I didn't recognize. Something strange. Then she started shaking wildly and fell to the ground and was still.

Damn it!

How many times do I have to warn her?

Karma.

"Tidus! Phoenix Down."

I looked up and saw the small uber-fiend come one step closer.

"Sir Auron!" Yuna called from behind me, "Let me use Bahamut!"

All right. Won't help, but some things you have to learn for yourself.

"Rikku, are you all right?"

"Uuuuh...well, I'm better..." she answered shakily.

"Okay, Rikku back, Yuna up and call an aeon."

"Yeah!" the kid yelled. "Now we'll show'em!"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Boy were we beat up, especially Auron. He had jumped in between us and that DAMN butcher knife over and over and over, and it would just SINK into him! Yuna's Protect didn't help him and neither did that STUPID sword that I couldn't even MAKE right! And then afterward he didn't even want to let Yuna heal him. He kept saying it was just a scratch. Boys! But I MADE him sit still and let Yunie cure him and I could tell he was feeling a lot better now.

"So, that went well," he said, sitting up.

"Uh, well," Wakka said, rubbing the back of his neck, "At least it was free, ya?"

**Auron:**

Not counting the thirty phoenix downs, two elixirs, and twenty-odd fire gems. Ya?

Oh well. The money I won betting against us almost makes that up.

**Rikku's Diary:**

So, there we all were, sitting around on benches just outside the office, getting ourselves healed up and resting and catching our breaths after the big fight with the little robed, lizard guy. And now that Auron's okay I was just happily going over and over all our new stuff, silver hourglasses and farplane winds and some candles of life that I stole from the guy before he beat us all up. I recognized those from pictures I remembered in my AP organic-mix textbook from school, but I had to look them up in the Al Bhed materials database over the comm to make sure I was right. And then there was something else I got from the guy. Something weird. I wasn't sure what it was! And we had a bunch of three stars now. I recognized those cause Mom showed me one once. AND I was looking over our shiny new return sphere that we got for beating the first guy! That's gonna come in real handy! And I still have one teleport sphere left. Heh heh heh! So...all I need is a sword! A better sword! Man, Auron's gonna be so surprised!

I look up at him and look back down quick. He's sitting on the bench next to me, not doing or saying anything, just sort of keeping me company while we sit in the warm sun and I play with all my new stuff. And it's nice, but I know we're both still thinking about what we talked about.

And then Wakka and the kid come over to the two of us. The man looks up at them standing there.

"We think we can take the earth eater," the boy said.

**Auron:**

I almost Shooting Starred the both of them.

**Rikku's Diary:**

He really did!

**Auron:**

They took a quick step back from me and I felt the girl's hand on my arm and turned. She was looking at me with a carefully neutral expression, and then she shrugged. And I knew she was thinking, What the heck, Auron. I'll get a chance to steal something, you'll see the thing up close for next time, and with a little luck only Wakka and Tidus'll get pummeled. And maybe Lulu.

Fine, I think back at her. But this is going to hurt.

It did.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, that was not fun. Well, the good thing is it didn't last all that long. I ran in to steal, then Tidus threw a Haste spell on me, the man set himself to guard us, I stole again, the thing threw three punches and that was that.

"Tidus," the man asked dryly from where he was lying on his back in the grass. "Do you want to try it again?"

"Ah, nooo..." the kid answered from somewhere in the trees where the thing's punch had landed him. "I'm, ah, I'm good."

"And the rest of you?"

"Uhhh, no no, Sir Auron, I uh, I guess not."

"No, Sir Auron."

"I...think not."

Kimahri just looked away, maybe blushing a little darker blue.

"Fine, then we can start thinking about leaving."

"Uh, Auron," I said.

"Yes, Rikku," he answered, tuning his head towards me.

"I, uh, I think I want to try again."

What? What are you all looking at?

**Auron:**

"But Sir Auron!" Lulu said, walking at my side up the hallway toward the front office. "We know we can't win!"

"Rikku is very excited about whatever it was that she stole," I reminded her. "She thinks it could turn out to be very important and she wants some more samples to examine."

"But it'll cost fifteen thousand gil!" she almost wailed. I could smell her true unhappiness at parting with the money.

"Do we have the funds?"

"That's not the point, Sir Auron! We need the money!"

The only times I have ever seen Lulu act flustered have been over spending money.

"Rikku gave you fifteen thousand gil she found in treasure chests. That will cover the first fight."

"The first fight?"

The zookeeper was waiting for us when we entered the front office. His eyebrows climbed up high on his forehead when he saw us.

"What? You lost?" he said, and shook his head sadly. "Guess you're just not up to snuff."

"Guess not," I replied calmly. "We're going to give it another try."

"Well that's fine," he smiled. "That'll be, ah, that'll be fifteen thousand gil."

"Fifteen thousand is an awful lot," Lulu said silkily, swaying closer to the counter.

"Everyone needs to make a living, miss," he answered. "And I have a lot of overhead. Why, do you know what it costs to feed these fiends?"

"Fiends don't eat," I said.

He scowled at me.

"They do if you make them," he said. "We force feed them special mixes to keep them healthy and mean."

"Still," Lulu said in a low, throaty voice, leaning forward a little. "Perhaps we could work something out, some sort of discount."

I took a quick glance down her swaying cleavage, and so did the zookeeper, but he shook his head.

"Wish I could, miss mage, wish I could. But my men, they gotta eat too. They got families to support, and bills to pay."

"Your bills," I said. "It's a company town."

He frowned at me.

"I provide a service," he said. "Fifteen thousand."

"But maybe—" Lulu began.

"Lulu, pay the man."

With visible reluctance, she did, and then pouted off back down the hall to the others, muttering something about No one knows how to bargain anymore.

The zookeeper and I regarded one another for a moment, he with a thin little smile, and I without expression.

"So," he said, "Caught all the fiends in the cave, eh, Auron?"

I didn't reply, but turned to follow the black mage out.

"Have a nice chat with Yojimbo?" He asked to my back. "Always nice to see family, isn't it, Auron?"

"Just shut up, Mi'ihen," I ground out, and stalked through the doorway. His phlegmy cackle followed me.

* * *

**Auron:**

We leave in the morning.

The others are busy with preparations. The aeons are all healed and their overdrive attacks charged. We've stocked up on hi potions, phoenix downs and the like. We fought the earth eater—hm, say rather we were trounced by the earth eater a total of three times. The girl came away with a total of four of the odd items (and one common key sphere, to her great disgust) at the cost of thirty thousand gil and a very upset dark mage.

Rikku is excited over all of the new items she received, and I am sure that they will prove interesting. She still has not given me her answer. I hope that she will choose to cooperate with me. She really will be a useful ally. And I want to tell her more about my past, and more about her own. I'd like to tell her about the three-cornered war between Yevon, the Al Bhed, and the Guado that took up so much of my life before I went to Zanarkand.

Perhaps...one day...I can tell her about the war in heaven.

**Rikku's Diary:**

There he is! I've been looking for him!

"Hey Auron!" I yell, running up to him. "Hey, I figured it out!"

"What's that, Rikku," he smiled.

"These farplane winds, Auron! I figured them out!"

We've got a lot of keen stuff now, but I knew there was something about the farplane winds, and I kept working on them until I got it!

"Auron, I can use them to put deathproof on armor!"

"Hm. Interesting. Or deathstrike, I imagine."

"Yeah yeah yeah," I say, "Sure, deathstrike. But that's not important. Deathproof, Auron!"

He shook his head.

"Rikku, what...?"

**Auron:**

"Auron," she said quietly, and put one hand on my arm. "Deathproof could come in real useful to someone who's planning to take on the Grey Court, and Kali, one day."

She stands in front of me, looking up at me with one hand on my arm. I look back into her dark green, swirled eyes.

She's trying to protect me. She's trying so hard to protect me.

I protect others, they don't protect me. When has someone ever tried so hard to protect me?

Braska. Jecht. Vedec.

They were my brothers.

I put out one hand and brush her cheek.

It is very soft.

"You are right, Rikku. It could come in handy."

"So, um, so. Should I go ahead and put it on a bracer for you, Auron?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"No, not now. Later will be soon enough."

She cocks her head to one side and looks at me oddly.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Later. You know, I found that flexible arm down in the cavern, and asked his advice what I should do with it. And he said I should wait. It's kind of strange, because on the one hand he's always pushing us towards Zanrakand, like we have to get there quick, and then other times it's like we have all the time in the world.

Like with...

"Auron," I said quietly. "Why aren't we going to Baaj Temple?"

"We will go, Rikku," he said. "Later."

**Auron:**

"Auron," she said softly, hugging herself as if she was cold. "There isn't going to be a later for Yunie."

She looked at me.

"Is there?" she asked in a tiny, hopeful voice.

**Rikku's Diary:**

And after a moment he gave my arm a little squeeze, and then let it go, and silently walked away.

**Next: One Word**


	37. One Word

Some people like fluff, some people like angst.

Yeah...

Hey, about the Tidus part of that chewing out a couple of chapters ago? Forgot to mention that that bit came from an 18th century philisoph...can't remember which one. Diderot? Maybe.

By the way, you can beat the chimeragast the way they did last chapter, but it's really boring. Can't even put the controller on memory in the config menu and hit X X X X cause Shield is a right-arrow-key thing.

Guess I'll also mention because a couple of people have asked, the other celestial weapons can talk, but they're not really very bright. They were all kind of cheap copies of Masamune. So they have a somewhat limited sort of consciousness, enough to accept or reject someone that tries to handle them, but they don't make a big deal about it and they don't choose their wielder like Masamune does. That sword is simply several cuts above them. When they have a wielder they can work up a "danger near" or "it's clobbering time" or something, but not much more sophisticated that that. Well, Wakka's weapon is always talking about blitzball strategy and current players and the standings and stuff, but I'm not sure that counts as intelligent conversation, especially when Wakka gets into shouting matches with it cause they both support different teams. I mean, if he got into shouting matches with it. Also, Lulu's Onion Knight might be an exception as far as intelligence goes. Sort of. Or maybe not. By the way, except for Masamune, anyone can use any weapon they're entitled to. So like, Rikku could use the Al Bhed celestial weapon or the Thief celestial weapon...either would accept her. But just because she might know a couple of black magic spells doesn't mean the Black Mage weapon would accept her. Might accept Kimahri.

By the way, you know I'm a guy, right? I mean, even if you haven't read my profile my essential guyness comes through, right?

Man, I have to go hit something.

Anyway. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Uh...-T-...yeah...-T-...

And this chapter and the next one are dedicated to Glass Mermaid for all the nice reviews and helpful advice and support. Thanks.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

One word can change your entire life.

Yes.

No.

Hello.

Goodbye.

One single word.

Whose stupid idea was that?

* * *

**One Word**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We left the next morning headed for the mountain. I like seeing new stuff, new places. It keeps me young. But I think I'd be willing to pass up the mountain and Zanarkand if Yunie would only change her mind.

I've gotten to the point where I wake up every night for the midwatch just like he does. That's handy. Now I go to sleep with Yuna and Lulu in the tent, but I wake up in the middle of the night and I usually go out and join the man when he stands watch, and then we both go back to where he's sleeping and we lie down next to each other under his coat and sometimes we hold each other and other times we just hold hands, lying there.

That seems to be enough to keep the nightmares away for now.

So I was back to my old self, really, telling jokes and singing little songs to keep all our spirits up, and it worked, you know? I think I really did help keep everyone up and happy. I liked that. And I had all the new stuff from the zookeeper to play with. So I was okay. And if I ever got tired, and didn't feel like cheering people up, well, the man held me then too, and made me feel better.

And Auron?

I finally figured out how to cheer up Auron!

Hey grump," I said, walking next to him behind the others. "How's the handsomest grump on Spira today?"

"If you mean me, Rikku," he said calmly, "I'm fine."

No one said anything for a moment, and then I said, "Aaaaaaaaand?"

He sighed.

"And how are you, Rikku?" he said, and then he added, "Brave and smart and sweet. But I meant other than that."

HE LIKES TO FLIRT!

Well...he likes to flirt with ME.

So, um, anyway, so without chocobos it took us about a week to get past the gorge out to where the Guado stopped us that time. We only fought the same old fiends and we trained at noon and at night, and I guess we sort of got back into our old rhythm. Tidus said we were getting our game faces on. No one stopped us this time going over the bridges and we didn't go down into the valley below either, and pretty soon we came to the tunnel that the others said we had to go through. Auron and Kimahri were the only ones who had ever been through it before, but all of them knew about it.

We stopped and camped before we went in the next day and it was dark inside but not creepy like down in the cave and it was nighttime when we got out the other end, and we camped again.

**Auron:**

Kimahri is the quiet one.

Do I hear a chuckle? Does that sound odd coming from me? And yet Kimahri speaks only when necessary, and will not use two words where one will do. To guide these young people properly I must speak. And lately, with Rikku I think I have become a veritable chatterbox.

So the Ronso speaks much less even than I, and in recent days says even less than before. His words are rare as...as gambler's spirits. Yet the two of us have always communicated. Silent men find other ways to speak, and I always know if he is worried or suspicious. And now, he is moving about more than usual. He cannot seem to stay still for more than a few moments. That is unlike him, and tells me that he is uneasy. He is taking slow, deliberate breaths, which tells me he is trying to calm himself. He is constantly aware of his surroundings as usual, but I notice that no matter which way he faces, one feline ear is always cocked in the same direction.

Toward the mountain.

He is not happy to be returning.

What do I know? I know that ten years ago the Ronso Biran broke Kimahri's horn when Kimahri refused to acknowledge himself beaten. I know that Kimahri left the mountain in disgrace. And now...

And now he is forced to return. It cannot be easy for him. But he will say nothing.

Of course.

The Ronso was not the only one who was less than happy. The girl seemed down the night we left the tunnel. I understood. We were practically on the mountain now, on the last stage of a journey she never wanted to make. Neither had I, really. But I've been doing things that I don't particularly want to do for a long time. And it suddenly occurred to me that night after the tunnel that so has she. I do things because they need to be done. And so does she.

Every time I think that I can't respect her more than I already do, something proves me wrong.

She's...a good soldier.

And she holds me in the night and whispers not to be afraid.

And I think about her...often.

Could I actually be...falling in love...?

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hey, he tripped! Never saw that before.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Stop."

So we just reached the base of the mountain when all of a sudden there are all these Ronso all around, including the old guy Ronso we last saw sentencing us all to death in Bevelle. Hey, SO not the guy I wanted to see.

So they're all, Stop, and we stop. I'm not sure about that plan. Now, it's not like I have a better one, but I'm not really the plans person, you know? That's Auron, and maybe Wakka. Of course we could try the Blow Past Them/Guts for Garters thing, but these guys aren't a couple of Guado, these guys are quite a few Ronso. So, maybe stopping really was for the best after all. I dunno. I glance at the man. At least he doesn't seem too worried.

**Auron:**

Tidus knows what to do and the girl won't hesitate if I act. Lulu and Wakka will be surprised but will instinctively move to protect Yuna. The Ronso I've suborned are in position and will give us an edge. (How does one subvert a Ronso? One arranges for a fayth to visit him for a chat. They put altogether too much faith in fayth.) In this situation Kimahri is a cipher but I think he will protect his summoner above all else. If I move fast, take down anything in my way, reach Kelk Ronso and threaten to terminate him the others will hesitate, giving Yuna enough time to recover and summon Bahamut.

I am moderately confident.

* * *

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Yuna Death: 2---Death in Party: 5---Death Entire Party: .001---**

* * *

And... 

I think...

* * *

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Rikku Death: 1.05---**

* * *

Even less than Yuna. And it shouldn't be so important to me, and I shouldn't care so much, but it is and I do and I don't give a damn if I shouldn't. 

I care.

In any case, I mainly let the others carry the argument as they try to reason with the Ronso and I keep the threat assessment current. It doesn't change significantly. In fact, as Lulu and Yuna talk with the Ronso the threat against Yuna and Rikku lessens. They seem to be getting through to them. Then it seems the crisis is past. Kimahri stands alone to one side as Lulu and Yuna are speaking to Kelk Ronso and the girl and the boy talk to the Ronso merchant nearby. (They don't know of course that the merchant is one of the Ronso that would have attacked his own if it had come to that. Our agents among the Ronso don't act for money. We have found other motivations for them.) It seems that all has been settled peacefully, but as we prepare to head up the mountain, I mentally inhale.

Hot copper.

Violence is near.

Ah. Kimahri's brothers seem to have slipped away.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Those two big muscle heads Biran and Yenke came down the path and got right in all of our faces when we started up the trail! And they said they wouldn't let us pass! Well, they said they wouldn't let Kimahri pass, and that's the same thing! Like we'd go anywhere and leave Kimahri behind.

**Auron:**

I don't watch their confrontation. I turn to look off toward the horizon while the Ronso refuse Kimahri the right to climb the sacred mountain.

I close my eye and listen to the voices. Not to the words, but to the tones. Most people wouldn't imagine that Ronso voices could be so expressive, but they are. And you can hear in the tones those things that they would never put into words.

Shame.

Shame for things done in the heat of youth. Shame covered over with old anger over old hurts, and hanging over everything else a desperate will to overcome. And to prove...something. Many somethings. No one will hold back in this fight. What lies between Kimahri and his brothers has gone too far for words and too far for any of them to walk away now. This has been ten years building. They all need this reckoning.

I know that this is my brother's to do. I know that he doesn't wish help or advice, but perhaps...a simple reminder...

**Rikku's Diary:**

Kimahri pushed past the kid and all of us. Auron was still standing quietly to the side not saying anything or even watching. His eye was closed. It was like he wasn't paying attention at all. But I was kinda close, and as Kimahri passed I thought I barely heard the man murmur, "Brother, speed kills."

I don't know if Kimahri heard him. The rest of us backed away and Kimahri and the two big Ronso squared off. The two didn't seem to have any weapons.

"Hey Kimahri!" I yelled to cheer him up, and I was jumping up and down and they were all looking at me, Tidus and Lulu and Yuna and Wakka, but I didn't care. "Hey, boy, you can do it, who are they? They're nobody! You're Kimahri and you're Ronso-riffic!"

And then I screamed as the one called Biran was just rushing Kimahri and he slammed into him and past him and Kimahri grunted as he was hit and he spun around a little, and next to me I heard a little growl from Tidus and he started forward, but Auron put out a hand. Auron had never moved, was still standing facing out over the edge with his eye closed, but he put out a hand and grabbed Tidus' arm and held him back, and after a moment the kid stopped trying to pull away and just stood there, then he shook off Auron's hand and he just stood there shaking a little and frowning as he watched the three Ronso.

Now Kimahri was kinda surrounded, and I saw him throw open his arms and throw back his head—he was using Lancet, and it was the big blond Ronso's turn to grunt, and some of his life energy was pulled to Kimahri! I'm not sure why Kimahri did that, though. Shouldn't he have cast some spells first, then used Lancet to get back some of his spell energy? But I didn't have time to think about it much cause the other Ronso, the one called Yenke, took a huge breath and then shot fire right into Kimahri's back! I heard Yuna give a little cry, almost a sob, and when I looked Tidus was holding her hand. We could all tell that Kimahri had taken a big hit there, but he ignored it, didn't even turn to face his opponent, and threw back his head and threw open his arms and used Lancet again.

That's how the battle went—they would breath fire or water at Kimahri, or sometimes just plow into him or cast lightning and all Kimahri would ever do is use Lancet, always on Biran. It healed some of the injury that he was taking, but not all of it and we could all see him getting more and more battered, and sometimes I looked at the other guys cause I just had to look away, so I could see that Wakka was sort of hunched over a little, his body moving and jerking with every attack. He wanted to be out there helping his friend. Lulu was standing quietly and watching, I couldn't tell anything from her face. She might have been some beautiful, cold statue or something. Tidus was tight-lipped, just his eyes moving, following them, and he was holding hard onto Yuna's hand. Yuna...Yuna's usually real calm, at least on the outside. You never see her upset or angry or frightened, but now you could see all of that as she watched Kimahri fight and she was holding onto Tidus' hand with both of hers and she flinched every time Kimahri was hurt and I think she would have rushed out to heal him once or twice if Tidus hadn't kept hold of her hand and held her back.

And Auron never moved, never looked, just stood a little way away facing out over the edge of the cliff with his one eye closed. I could hear the sounds of the fight behind me, the roar of the fire breath slamming into Kimahri, the insults the two of them threw at him, but I didn't turn back. I studied Auron instead. His face was just...calm. Didn't he care that his friend was in a fight, a fight that had to mean so much to him? I knew he had to care, but it didn't show. I heard bodies pound together behind me and cries of anger, but I didn't turn as I wondered why Auron doesn't show he cares.

Because Kimahri didn't want help.

And Auron wouldn't force it on him.

And I started to understand him and all he did just a little more. I understood that he'd let Kimahri and all the rest of us make our own decisions even if it ended up hurting us because...because he respected him, and because in the end being free to make our own mistakes was more important than not being hurt.

If we were all Auron's puppets...then he was the strangest puppeteer I've ever heard of, who wants his puppets to be free.

And I got a warm little feeling inside cause I knew that's why he'll let me love him in the end, even if it does mean I'll get hurt some day.

He'll let me make my own choices.

He'll trust me that way.

But even Auron, even Auron couldn't just let a friend walk into a fight without at least saying...

Speed kills.

I understood.

I turned back to the battle just in time to see Biran go down, and hear Yenke promise to make Kimahri pay, and then he cast Haste on himself, and breathed fire at Kimahri. And Kimahri used Lancet. He never used anything else the whole fight, and I understood it was because Lancet was his quickest attack. Speed kills. And so they kept fighting, Yenke hitting Kimahri with fire and water and sometimes his own body and Kimahri using Lancet over and over, but getting weaker and weaker. Soon he was leaning way over, barely able to stand up straight to use Lancet.

"Why doesn't he use a potion," I whispered as Yenke screamed and slammed into him again.

"Huh. Not his way, I guess," Wakka answered me.

"But, but Yenke's getting hurt too," I said. "Kimahri can win for sure if he just uses a potion! He's so close..."

"Yenke could use a potion, too," Tidus said. "But he won't. Neither did Biran. I think it's a Ronso thing."

"But I've seen Kimahri use potions!"

"Not in a challenge fight," Lulu said.

Now both of them could barely move and barely stand and they were both panting for breath. Even though he was under a haste spell, it still took Yenke a moment to take a deep breath and then he spat water. Kimahri was blasted back a few feet and almost lost his balance and Yuna gave a little cry and started towards him but Tidus held her back and she turned and buried her face in his shoulder. Kimahri looked half dead now. I don't know how he was still on his feet. And he slowly, slowly straightened up, and then he threw back his head and threw open his arms and used Lancet and Yenke shuddered and seemed to shrink a little, and he was trembling now, really shaking down on one knee, and gulping air and trying to catch his breath, and Kimahri looked a little healthier, but still a little dazed.

COM'ON, I thought. Kimahri! One more Lancet will finish him! They were both trying to pull themselves together. They both knew it was the end and they both knew nothing was settled yet. Kimahri tried to straighten up, Yenke was still trying to catch his breath and I saw him inhale, getting ready to breath fire. He drew in a deep breath, and then a hacking cough just shook him and he was all doubled over and Kimahri was almost steady on his feet but then a ball of fire hit him square in the chest and we all heard Yenke howl with triumph.

And for a moment we all thought...but then the flames cleared, and Kimahri was still there! His hair was wild and his skin was scorched and he couldn't seem to breathe right, but he was still standing, barely. And I saw the blank look of disbelief on the Ronso Yenke's face just before Kimahri's last Lancet hit him and he twisted and fell to the ground and then Yuna finally pulled herself out of Tidus's grasp and she was running over to Kimahri and falling to her knees alongside him and hugging him. And then they were all crowded around him, except the man and me. I looked over at Auron and I didn't look away, just kept looking and I knew he knew I was looking, closed eye or no. And after a minute he lifted his hand and I took it and he opened his eye and smiled a little facing out over the edge. Just a little. No one else would even have seen it behind his cowl, but I saw it in the corner of his eye. And then we joined the others congratulating Kimahri.

**Auron:**

The girl's hand in mine, I inhale. Bubble gum and kitchen smells. No, get past that. Faded perfume as we approach the others, and fresh sawdust, and ozone like the air after lightning strikes. And death. No, get past all of that. I smell...

I smell an old wound, healed.

I smell old hurts, let go.

I smell old shames, redeemed.

I smell brotherhood, renewed.

That's what I was looking for. Kimahri Ronso's old business on this mountain is finally done.

But inside, I frown. There's something else, too. Something underneath all of that. Something I know very well, but it's...

It's...

We're leaving now. The brothers have talked and the Ronso have gathered to honor Yuna and Kimahri, and we listen as they chant the hymn of the fayth, and then they are done, and it's time for us to go.

"Auron?" the girl said quietly as we started up the trail. "That's the death song you're humming, isn't it? Who...who are you singing it for? Isn't everyone okay?"

"I don't really know, Rikku," I answered, squeezing her hand. "It might be nothing."

And I didn't know. But I smelled...

Underneath all the scents of love and life and hate and courage and fear and shame and honor and greed and grief and faith and misery and joyful gratitude and humble acceptance and everything that goes into living and all of the scents that always make up the background of this new sense that I gained when I died, I also smell...something else. Something big. Something coming to the mountain.

Underneath all of it...there is a hot, copper smell.

Blood.

A river of blood.

Oceans of pain.

I don't know, but I think...I think Seymour is coming. And I think he has the Lance.

I planned for this.

But I didn't want it.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Ha! Sure, Kimahri got closure and honor and redemption and respect and all that good stuff, but I, uh, WE, got TWO return spheres. And I bought a sword and got Tidus to carry it for me. But I'll have to work on it later. Right now...

**Auron:**

I'm looking at the sphere in my hand, pondering the best way to bring it up to them when the boy came up to me with a worried look on his face as we halted for a moment on the trail.

"Uh, Auron?" he said. "Rikku, well, she's up on the ledge, and I don't think..."

BOOM!

I whip around in time to see rocks flying from a ledge above us. Tidus and I quickly find a way up and scramble frantically to the top. Relief washes through me as I see that Rikku isn't harmed. She's kneeling next to a hole in the side of the mountain, looking in. As we come closer I see...

She turns and smiles brightly at me.

"Hey Auron! Look, it's a chest!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

I've already checked it for traps so I throw open the lid.

"GIL! Thousands and thousands of gil! I'm rich, rich rich! GAH!"

Uh, hey, Auron's kind of, um, holding me, you know?

"What do you think you're doing!"

"Hey, Auron," the kid said, "I don't think she can answer with your hands around her neck like that. I never could."

The kid's joking. Auron's hands aren't around my neck, they're on my shoulders, and he's not, like, squeezing or shaking me or anything, he's just holding me by the shoulders and looking at me with a kinda death glare, and then he sighs and pulls me into a hug.

"Rikku," he says quietly into my ear, "What are you doing?"

Why so intense?

"Well, uh, I got another couple of maps from Marty...uh, okay, squeezing kinda tight now, spots in front of eyes, vision going black at the edges..."

"Sorry," he said, and loosened his hold.

"Hey, Auron," I said, putting my arms around him. "I mean, it looks like maybe 20000 gil here! That'll get Lulu off my back! Ha! So, so what's the matter?"

I really didn't see the problem.

I heard him sigh again, and he said, "Tidus, can you see what the trouble might be here?"

Having Tidus tell me how I goofed up? Okay, now that's just insulting.

"Uh," the kid said. "The Ronso?"

"Yes, Tidus," he said. "The Ronso. Rikku, this is a sacred mountain to the Ronso. If any of them find out what you've done they'll strip you naked and leave you for the fiends."

**Auron:**

Her smile wilted a bit and her eyes widened and she held me tighter.

"Oh, uh, um," she said nervously, "you won't let them do that, will you Auron?"

"No Rikku," I said, rubbing my eye. "Just...don't blow open any more bits of the Ronso's sacred mountain. Please?

"Okay, Auron. But...but then how do we get the treasure?"

I didn't throw her from the cliffs.

Perhaps I am in love.

* * *

**Auron:**

I agreed to consider how we might gain access to hidden treasure chests without outraging every Ronso on Gagazet, and we started up the mountain. We met no one on the path save for a solitary young Ronso on his way home from his age quest. I passed on certain letters to him, and he agreed to deliver them for me. They were last minute instructions for the network and the Luca Group. I didn't know when I might have any contact with them again.

Except...

I had always expected to lose contact with the outside world at this point and there had been a kind of relief in the thought that when we started up the mountain all the rest of it would be out of my hands, everything in Luca and Bevelle and Kilika and all of it. I wouldn't be able to touch any of it and no one could ask me for advice or instructions or permission. On the mountain all of that would fall away and I wouldn't have to think about any of it for a while, just concentrate on the pilgrimage.

But that was before I knew that Seymour was behind us. There were things I had to know, and so before we started up the mountain I left instructions for the network to get the information to me on the mountain any way they could, highest priority, whatever it takes.

So, perhaps some Ronso messenger might be able to reach us, or perhaps they'll find some other way. I don't know. Rin is a resourceful man and he has capable people working for him. Perhaps Maechen will pop up out of nowhere with the information I desperately need. In any case, I had done what I could. Either I would receive the information or I wouldn't and there was no use worrying about it. It was time to think of other things.

Like the sphere.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We started running into some stronger fiends than we had met before, like grenades and imps and grats and bandersnatches. Those looked like skolls but were faster and stronger. The kid usually took care of those with the man guarding. Auron said that the fiends got stronger the higher you went. And besides dream powders and hi potions and fire gems and things like that, sometimes I was stealing higher quality stuff like remedies and frag grenades. And there was a big, tough ogre-kinda thing called a bashura, with blue fur and four arms, and I got something weird from it.

Something new to play with!

But about the first thing we ran into on the mountain were more mechs, defenders and scouts both. Those weren't really a problem with Auron there to guard us, and I'd just run in quick and take care of them. In fact it was pretty useful cause we got a lot of Al Bhed potions out of them as the days went on.

"Hey Auron," I said after one fight. "Where'd all the mechs come from? What're they doing up here?"

He didn't say anything for a moment while I checked the junked mechs looked for anything useful. Then he said quiet so the others couldn't hear, "Rikku, have you been thinking about my offer?"

Well, yeah.

"Um, yeah, I have. Is, is this one of those secret things Auron?"

"Moderately secret, Rikku."

"And it's one of the things you'll tell me if I agree to work with you? Agree to go partners?"

"Yes, but..."

He hesitated. That's rare.

"What is it, Auron?"

"I'm...this is a little hard to explain, Rikku," he said as we all started up the mountain again. "It's just that...I don't want you to think that I'm keeping this a secret to try to tempt you. But, if I answered your question, that would tempt you, and I don't want to put any kind of pressure on you."

**Auron:**

"I don't' understand," she said, shaking her head.

"I know."

It's a hard thing to explain. But if I told her that the Church put the mechs here as part of their winnowing process then she would want to know where they got them. And if I told her they made a deal with the Al Bhed then she would want to know what kind of deal and why, and then we're talking about things I can't say yet, and her curiosity would be irresistible and she would be driven to accept my offer.

I don't want that. I want her to accept my offer of a limited partnership because it's what she wants.

Or...to reject it. If it's not what she wants.

"I can't really explain it any better, Rikku. Will you just trust me that it's better that you don't know for now?"

"Of course I will, Auron," she said quietly, and slipped her hand into mine.

Trust.

One little word.

But it means so much.

**Rikku's Diary:**

You know, I was really busy trying to cheer everyone up, singing little songs and telling funny jokes and tickling Kimahri (PSA: Never tickle a Ronso) and keeping them all up, you know, cause just smiling really does make you happier. Try it! But, well, then on the afternoon of the second day we started passing graves on the path and it started to depress me again. Man, maybe Pop's right about me and I'm just bipolar, but the graves really brought it home to me that we were back on the pilgrimage for real, and that if we didn't do something, I mean Tidus and me, then Yunie was gonna die. And I wish I could trust Auron to do something, and if he'd only SAY he's going to do something I would trust him, I'd trust him completely.

But he doesn't say that.

You know, sometimes when I put my arms around him in the dark, I whisper to him that everything's going to be all right, and that he doesn't have to be afraid because I know it'll be all right. But I don't know, really. I say it, and I believe it when I say it because I'm with him, but all the rest of the time I'm just getting more and more scared inside cause we're getting closer and closer and we're running out of time. But I'm holding it together, you know? I have to. For everyone.

I'm holding it together.

And I know that he's proud of me.

* * *

**Auron:**

Yuna stopped at each grave to say a little prayer. I know she must be thinking of those summoners who came so far only to fall here on this mountain. She can't help but feel a connection to them.

And who knows? Perhaps her prayers do comfort them a little.

The graves make us all a little somber, even the girl, but I trust that her natural optimism will eventually prevail, and in the meantime I will be here to give her comfort any time she needs it. We stop for a time at a memorial erected for the summoners and guardians who died here on the mountain, and we all make our remembrances in our own way.

I am a little apart from the others, where Lulu and Wakka and Yuna are praying. Tidus is watching silently, and the Ronso is standing with his head bowed. I know he will wait until the others are done, and then he will throw back his head and howl, honoring the courage of the fallen.

I think the girl feels out of place. She starts to drift over to me before she stops herself, and I look up and let her know that she is not unwelcome. She smiles a little and steps closer, but doesn't say anything for a moment, just listens by my side as I softly sing the death song for the summoner Mark.

"Wait, Yuna," I said as they prepared to leave.

Perhaps this is the right time.

They all looked at me.

"Do you remember the sphere pool in Macalania, Yuna?"

"OH. Um, y-yes, Sir Auron," she said, looking down and blushing.

"No, Yuna," I said with a slight smile behind my cowl. "I mean the first time we were there. We found a sphere record from Braska's pilgrimage."

"Oh, oh yes, of course."

Did they ever wonder why that sphere was there in that place? Jecht came to believe he would never see Tidus again, but he still had things to say to his son. So he made that sphere recording, saying the things he needed to, and he left it by that pool in Macalania never thinking that Tidus would come to Spira one day and actually see the recording.

"At the sphere pool in Macalania," I said, "Jecht left a message for Tidus, never knowing if he would ever see it. I think that he thought that he wouldn't. Braska also made recordings, for you, Yuna. He didn't know, but he hoped that you would see them. One of those was recorded here, on this mountain, as we were approaching the end of the pilgrimage."

Her eyes were wide as she listened to me, and her hand groped out until Tidus wordlessly took it.

"He gave it to me, to give to you, but I lost it when I came back down the mountain."

I removed a message sphere from my coat.

"The Ronso found it some time back, and they returned it to me."

They all looked down at the sphere I held out to Yuna.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Uncle Braska. He seemed like such a kind and gentle man. The sphere was message for Yuna, telling her to live her own life and make her own choices, to find her own way. I wonder...I wonder if she would have still been a summoner if she had seen this sphere a long time ago. When I looked at Yuna now you could see how bright her eyes were and how hard she was trying not to cry and how tight she was holding onto Tidus's hand. Lulu went over and gave her a hug, and then so did Wakka, and I saw Yuna look at Kimahri, but he didn't hug her, just nodded.

Uncle Braska loved her. He really did.

So, what do I tell her about her father? Look at her. She's thinking about him and how much he loved her, and does she have to know that he was an assassin! I still haven't decided, and I know that every day it's gonna be harder to tell her if that's what I decide to do, but...

I just don't know.

But at least I can talk to Auron about it. I'm not all alone with this secret. Like he's all alone with so many secrets.

Huh. Yuna's ready to go now, and they all start back up the mountain path, and I shake my head a little over everything that I have to think about, love and trust and secrets and life and death, and start after them, but Auron sort of catches my hand and holds me back without looking up.

"Auron?" I ask.

"Look, Rikku," he said. "Do you see?"

So I looked down at the ground where he was looking, but I didn't see anything but rocks and snow. And he bent his knees and crouched down, and so did I, and still holding my hand he reached down.

"Do you see the flowers, Rikku?"

I didn't, until my hand that he was holding actually brushed them, and then I could see. They were tiny, and white so they didn't stand out, and when I got down on my knees and looked closer I could see small little bits of pale, pale blue inside.

"Ohhhhhh..."

"They grow only on Mt Gagazet," he said, quietly. "When I...went...to Zanarkand, a few stray blossoms were caught up in my coat. I managed to get them to grow."

He looked over at me, where we crouched down next to each other, out knees touching.

"Does it surprise you, Rikku?" he asked me, "To know that I grew flowers?"

What a silly question.

"Of course it doesn't, Auron. Why would it?"

"No reason," he said. "I didn't think you would be surprised."

And I stood up too, and we both just stood there for a moment, looking down, and then we turned to follow the others.

I think I feel better.

**Auron:**

My eye narrowed a bit as I saw the three of them approached me on one of our rest breaks. Up here on the mountain we stop for short breaks more often. I'm wary of altitude sickness and don't want to press them too hard, too soon. When Yuna, Lulu, and Rikku all walked over to me with looks of determination on their faces, I tensed a bit, instinctively gearing for a fight. I wanted to check my sword, but that would be rude, and overreacting, I think.

"Sir Auron," Yuna said, "We would like to talk to you, about the aeons."

"Of course," I said.

We've been feeding spheres to Bahamut steadily, and the aeon has made progress, gradually becoming stronger, faster, and more powerful in magic.

"Hey Auron," Rikku said, "I've been looking through my materials notes and I think I've figured out, um..."

"You finally figured out the hypello potions?" I said without a smile.

"Hey! I had those figured out weeks ago! Meanie!"

"No, Sir Auron," Lulu said. "It's the soul springs that Rikku's been stealing from those bashura."

"Yes?"

"Well I've been looking them over," Rikku said, starting to bounce up and down on the balls of her feet, "And I think, I think..."

"We think we can use them to teach the aeons to use Lancet!" Yuna said breathlessly.

That was interesting. Lancet would give Bahamut some tactical flexibility, allowing it to partially heal itself and perhaps renew its magic energy.

"That could be useful," I acknowledged. "How many souls springs would you need to teach Bahamut Lancet?"

"I'm not sure yet, Auron," Rikku said. "More than we've got, but, um..."

Hm. So what is it that it will take all three of them to tell me?

"We want to give Lancet to Shiva, Sir Auron," Lulu said.

"I see. Reasoning?"

The black mage took a deep breath.

"Shiva is already strong in magic. If we teach the aeon Lancet, it will allow her to renew her magical energy as she needs. She can become our magic specialist and backup to Bahamut. We can teach her stronger spells."

"Shiva would still be power limited," I said.

"Yes," the mage answered, "But still useful, and if we ever did break her limit, she would be even more useful."

"So, what the three of you propose is that we teach Lancet to Shiva, and then to Bahamut, which is certainly reasonable, and I suppose to spend some spheres to build Shiva up?"

"Yeah, Auron!"

"Essentially, Sir Auron," Yuna said.

"Wakka thought it was a good idea," Lulu forced out through gritted teeth.

I nodded. It was a good idea. It wouldn't cost much and might in effect double our usable aeons.

"All right," I said. "We'll start concentrating on acquiring soul springs."

They all smiled and turned away.

"Rikku," I said softly.

She turned back to look at me.

"You're getting better at analyzing these rare items, Rikku."

"Heh heh," she said, looking down and digging a toe in the snow. "Practice, I guess."

"It's...impressive, Rikku. I just wanted you to know that."

She beamed.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

SPIT!

THE LADY RIKKUS LOST!

Well they didn't lose, they tied. In the final game, but the Aeons won and so they beat the Lady Rikkus in the standings and so now I gotta pay off that STUPID bet with Wakka...

Oh man, this is gonna be so embarrassing.

So when we stop to rest at noon I slip off on my own hoping a fiend will find me and eat me before I find someplace, but I eventually come to a clearing. Stupid fiends.

Well, a bet's a bet, so I set up my little Al Bhed camera to take a couple of practice shots, and then I peel off my top and then my bra.

My, uh, my..._nipples_...kind of harden up in the cool breeze, but I guess that's okay, you know, considering.

Grrr! I can still remember Wakka laughing when we set up the bet. If the Lady Rikkus did better than the Aeons in our fantasy blitzball league then he'd have to go up and kiss Lulu on the lips—with tongue—and grab her rear end, in front of everyone. But if I lost...

"Huh, okay girl, but if YOU lose, then, uh, leesee, you gotta take a topless picture of yourself, and, hum, HA! I know! You gotta give it to someone, maybe anonymous, don't matter, but guess who!"

Yeah, guess who? Big meanie was trying to embarrass me. Huh. Shows what he knows. (He didn't know, did he?)

So here I am with a camera and my shirt off, and I feel kind of silly, really, because...well...he's gotta know by this time and after everything we've been through that all he probably has to do is say the word and he could see them for real. I mean, PROBABLY...maybe...

So, sure I feel a little lame, doing this, but a bet's a bet, you know? And, and, well, maybe it's a little exciting. I mean, I know I said I wasn't going to push cause I didn't want to scare him and all, but...but that all seems so long ago now, what with everything that's happened since. And maybe I wasn't sure I was ready, but when is anyone ever sure, you know? And, and he'll know that this was a bet and so I didn't really have any choice, but maybe, maybe this'll be something that, you know, starts something?

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.

Well...so anyway, I take half a dozen shots real quick and look over them. There's one where the camera musta got jiggled a little cause you can see the bottom half of my face, and I've got a nervous little smile on. There are others where my breasts look bigger, and one with me sorta turning three quarters that's really kinda hot. Everything's kinda curved and, uh...jutting...and in profile.

But I keep coming back to the shot with my smile. It's...I dunno, kind of innocent and sexy at the same time. You look at it and you just know I'm still a virgin. Of course you can see my blonde hair in that one, but honestly, he's gonna know it's me regardless right? I mean, who else? I guess Lulu might do something like this, but let's face it, he'll know those aren't Lulu's, and he better know they're not Yuna's!

So, this is the one I decide, nodding to myself, and I turn it over and scribble something on the back.

So. That's done, huh?

I guess I should be getting back. The others might already be ready to go. I should put on my bra and my tee and head back, but it's kinda nice here, really, with the breeze playing across my bare chest. And I stand there for just a few minutes leaning back with my back against a boulder and kind of arching into the breeze. And I close my eyes.

_She stood bare-chested on the mountain, smiling and unashamed, her little nipples stiff and hard and tilted up. Her clothing was discarded somewhere on the trail behind her where she'd dropped it piece by piece. Behind her she heard a rock fall, and gravel crunching underfoot. She didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to share her solitary moment with anyone except..._

_She let her legs fold underneath her and slid down into the shadows behind the rocks. She was a thief, after all, good at hiding. She'd just wait until whoever it was went away. And if it was him..._

_A red-coated form walked out into the clearing and past her. She felt her breath catch and her pulse quicken as they always did around him. Silently from her hiding place, she watched his strong form slowly cross the clearing and drift to a stop, looking around. He had something in his hand, something green and lacey. It was her bra._

_So he knew, and it looked like he was looking directly at her in spite of the deep shadows surrounding her. Crossing her arms over her chest, she stood up._

"_Auron..."_

"_Rikku, are you all right?" he asked stepping closer._

"_I'm fine, Auron. A bit cold I guess," she smiled, walking toward him. "It's just, I lost that stupid bet, the one with Wakka, and now I have to pay it off."_

"_Pay it off, how?" he growled as his eyebrows came down in a massive frown._

"_Not like that," she laughed._

"_Good," he said, his face clearing, and held out her bra for her to take._

"_Well, maybe a little bit. I have to...heh...show my breasts to someone...eh heh heh heh..." she explained a little nervously._

"_To who?" he asked slowly, still holding out the small piece of green cloth._

"_To you, Auron," she said, and lowered her arms._

_He stood there, not speaking. He was wearing his sunglasses high on his nose that day, and she couldn't tell if he was looking at her uncovered body or not. Then he reached up and took his glasses off. He looked into her eyes and her pretty little face, and then his gaze slid down._

"_Rikku," he said, not looking up, "You're beautiful, and you have a beautiful body."_

"_Really, Auron?" she asked shyly, taking a step closer. "I know they're not as big as Lulu's..."_

"_No," he said, "They're not. They're small, and perfectly Rikku. They're beautiful because I know they're yours, because I know that if I reach out a hand and stroke one gently that you will feel it. You. Rikku."_

"_Auron," she breathed, crossing the last step between them, "Show me..."_

"_Rikku..." he whispered,_

"Rikku!"

CRAP!

I drop down behind the stone.

"RIKKU!" I can hear them calling. "Where ARE you?"

Okay, okay, no time for the bra, I'm stuffing my arms into the tee and frantically doing up the buckles.

"YO! RIKKU! Where are you!"

What else, what else! Pictures! I grab the pictures up from the stone just as Tidus enters the clearing.

"Hey, Rikku! There you are! HEY GUYS," he calls. "I FOUND HER! SHE'S OVER HERE!"

"Tidus," I panted, leaping to snatch up my green bra and stuff it in my pocket. "What are you doing here?"

"We got worried about you when you didn't come back," Yuna said, joining us.

"Yes," Lulu put in as she and Wakka followed Yunie into the clearing. "Are you all right?"

"Right as rain, Lulu," I smiled brightly. "Just needed to get away for a bit."

Was Wakka smirking! I'll slap him!

I understand you wanting to be alone," Auron said, joining us. "But the fiends on Mt Gagazet are strong. It's dangerous to be on your own here."

"Oh all right!" I huffed. "From now on I'll stay with the group when I want to be alone!"

"That would be best," he answered with a perfectly straight face, and I had to smile. I remember the days when I didn't even think he had a sense of humor. How could I have ever thought that? So I let them all escort me back to camp, Auron and me walking last, and I sorta stumbled (it happens) and reached out and he grabbed my hand and held me up and them he let go and I stumbled again and after another couple of times he just kept hold of my hand all the way back to camp.

Hm. When the two of us first met back on the banks of the Moonflow, could I have imagined in a bazillion years that I'd ever be holding hands with Auron on Mt Gagazet, not wearing any bra, topless picture of myself in my pocket, wondering how to give them to him.

Heh.

**Auron:**

The girl seems very pleased with herself on the way back to camp. I look at her suspiciously from the corner of my eye. Then I close my eye for a moment and inhale. I smell...

My eye snaps open.

Oh no, Auron.

You didn't smell that. Not from her. Not from sweet, little Rikku.

No.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I'm sleeping next to him with the warm turned up high on his magic coat. Except that I'm not. Sleeping I mean. Cause, well, except for tapping him on the shoulder and just handing him the picture, the best I've been able to come up with is...

**Auron:**

I wake up of course. Deliberate movement feels different from the moves people make in their sleep. I don't let her see that I am aware. She takes something, a piece of paper perhaps, and lays it carefully on my chest, and then she slips quietly out from under the coat and back to Yuna's tent. She hasn't done that in a long time. Usually, she just wakes up beside me, and starts the day from there. I take the square from my chest and slip it into a pocket. It'll be daylight soon. Time enough then to see what this is all about.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, now I can start to panic wondering how he'll react.

* * *

**Auron:**

Auron.

Auron!

What?

Stop looking at it!

Oh. Right.

Well?

What?

Stop. Looking. At. It!

Oh. Right.

I'm...

For a moment, I was...

Never mind.

What do I do with this? Whatever possessed the girl? I've turned the picture over in my hand now, and I notice writing on the back.

_The Lady Rikkus lost._

Oh. The bet with Wakka. I'm going to do something seriously unpleasant to that man, conceivably involving his hair.

And in the meantime, what do I do with this? I don't want to just...throw it away. It isn't trash. No, can't just throw it away. I suppose, I could burn it, but...that just seems so...

Ungrateful.

I'll simply have to give it back to her. She's had her fun now.

Stop looking at it.

**Rikku's Diary:**

He wasn't saying much all through breakfast, and then when we walked for a while next to each other that morning. Well, huh. I guess I wasn't saying all that much either.

"So..." I said, breaking the silence.

His eye flickered toward me and then away again.

"So," I started again, looking down at our feet as we walked. "So...I, uh, I guess you got it..."

Boy, was my face red. I didn't expect that. I mean, this was Auron, you know? But, well...

"Yes, Rikku."

Huh. Okay, so...he got it.

He didn't say anything else. I sneaked a glance at his face, but it didn't show anything. I, uh, I had been expecting some sort of reaction, you know? Maybe I didn't expect him to hand me a picture of him shirtless, but something. And it was getting kind of awkward, and I had to break the silence

"And, um, so...whatdidyouthink?"

He didn't answer for a moment, and then he said, "It was...a surprise."

**Auron:**

She suddenly looked a bit crestfallen under her bright smile, and her face grew even redder.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Of course I...I liked...it," he said, scowling and looking away. "Don't be an idiot."

And I just smiled all over my face when he said that! Hey, he can make me that happy by calling me an idiot. Does that, like, mean anything? Ha.

So, he said of course he liked it (was his face red?) and don't be an idiot, Rikku, "But that doesn't make it right," he said. "I know you lost your bet, Rikku, and well, all right. Now you've paid it off and I think you'd better have this back."

And he held out, I guess the picture, to me folded up in a sheet of paper. I shook my head and put my hands behind my back.

"I can't do that, Auron. I lost fair and square."

"I'm sorry you lost your bet, Rikku," he said, and I glanced up at him. "But—"

"Really?" I asked. "Are you really sorry?"

"Rikku," he sighed, shaking his head.

"It's a gift, Auron. You can't give it back, OR throw it away. I don't guess you hafta look at it," I smiled at him, "But you gotta keep it."

"It's a bet, not a gift," he said. "Or stakes in a bet."

"It's something from me to you, Auron. And if I ask to see it sometime and you can't show it to me, I guess I'll have to start leaving other pictures out to replace it. Gee," I said, "I hope no one else finds them."

"Rikku..." he started, and then stopped, trying to think of something to say.

Ha! He's beaten.

I walked along beside him, smiling and feeling pretty good. This all turned out pretty well. Maybe I should give Wakka a little thank you kiss. In front of Lulu. My thoughts turned back to Auron. Maybe...maybe I could flash him! Just one day lift up my shirt and show him what I've got while the others aren't looking. The others would be around, but they'd be looking somewhere else. Course, I couldn't be wearing a bra.

Maybe I should stop wearing a bra.

Something to think about. I would kinda miss the pushup bra, but I only started wearing it to get Auron to notice my body. Mission accomplished on that one! Let's see, I mused. How would it go?

_They were just getting on their way again after fighting some fiends. The girl had been slightly hurt so he sent Tidus ahead to scout while she stayed behind to use a potion. He stayed back as rear guard as usual. When she was cleaned up the two set out after he others, who were only a dozen yards ahead. The girl was little fidgety. The potion had healed her wounds but it still itched. She undid the clasps on one side of her tee to scratch._

"_Rikku?" the man said._

_She looked up and saw his gaze quickly flicker away from her exposed skin. Her eyes widened and without even thinking her fingers started fumbling at the remaining clasps._

"_Rikku!" the man said again._

"_Shh, Auron," she answered. "Don't let the others hear!"_

_And she pulled off the tee, revealing that she wasn't wearing anything underneath._

"_Rikku," he quietly choked, "Put on your shirt!"_

"_Why?" she asked, rubbing one hand across her exposed belly._

"_Why!" he whispered furiously, not able to look away, watching as her nipples began to harden. "Do you want them to see!"_

_The others were walking only a few yards ahead. All any of them had to do was turn and they would see Rikku's bare chest._

"_Kiss me!" she said._

"_What!"_

"_I'll put on my shirt if you kiss me!"_

"_Rikku!"_

"_Better hurry. They could turn at any time. And I think I feel a song coming on!"_

"_Dammit, Rikku!"_

"_Okay, so here's the Row Row Ronso song! And a-one, and a-two..."_

"_Aggh!" he whispered, and lowered his head to give her a peck in the vicinity of the lips._

"_You call that a kiss!" she whispered furiously._

"_It's all you're gonna get!"_

"_Right! Here go the pants!"_

"_Agghh! Dammit!" seething, he reached down and pinned her by the arms, lifting her until he could mash his lips against hers. Helpless in his grip she kissed him hungrily back._

And then Wakka was calling us and we had to go fight some fiends. Oh yeah, I thought as the two of us rushed forward. This has possibilities.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Auron?" I said that night when the others had all gone to bed, "Auron, I've decided."

"Unh?"

His eyes snapped up to my face.

"I'm...I'm taking you up on your offer, Auron. I know you can't share everything, but I want to know whatever you can share, and we can talk and bounce ideas off each other like you said. That's what I want."

"Hm," he said. "All right, good, Rikku. We'll start in the morning."

I thought he'd sound a little happier. He just sounded distracted.

"Auron," I said, "What's the matter?"

"Rikku," he began, and then he sighed. "Rikku, at night you come out here and ask me to hold you because you're afraid, and I do."

"Uh huh, that's right, Auron," I nodded.

"Well..." he said, then stopped.

"What, Auron?"

"How can I hold you now, Rikku? Now that..." his eye slipped down to my chest again, just for a second. He shook his head. "Rikku, I don't think we can-"

"STOP! You just stop right there Auron! Don't you say it! Don't you even try!"

He stopped, and we looked at each other. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed after all. I mean with the picture and all that. This is just what I was afraid of, you know, that I'd push and he'd pull away, but this, right now, this was so silly that I wasn't worried. All I really felt was tired, because I knew he wouldn't really pull away, not like after we had that fight. He didn't even want to, really. He just had to have this talk first, so he could say the things he had to say and I could say what he had to hear so he could go on fooling himself that there wasn't really anything going on between us. And once he'd convinced himself of that, then we'd be fine again.

So okay. So we'd have this talk. But frankly I was getting a little tired of holding his hand like this while he lived in denial. Who was the grown up here anyway? Is he really worth it, Rikku?

I smiled to myself and shook my head and sighed. Next stupid question?

Okay.

"Auron, I'm still scared. You have to hold me. And, uh, they were always there, you know. You even," I blushed a little, "You even felt them a little, sometimes in your sleep."

"What," he said, kinda stunned, like.

"I guess you never noticed," I said, looking down. "But I did."

"Why didn't you say something, Rikku?"

"I dunno. It wasn't a big deal."

"Rikku!"

"I was AFRAID, Auron!"

He looked at me kinda strange. Guess I can't blame him.

"Afraid...of what, Rikku?"

"Afraid you'd get all weirded out and stop holding me and hanging around with me and being my friend LIKE YOU DID BEFORE!" I yelled. Sorta. I yelled it quiet, like.

He didn't say anything, and after a minute I added softly, "And besides, I kinda liked it."

He just looked at me. I took a deep breath.

"And we're not going to lose each other now and you know it, Auron! Not now, not after all that we've been through, just because you're a little uncomfortable. Are we Auron?" I asked.

And I knew what he would say.

"No, Rikku. Of course we're not. I...was being stupid."

"It's okay, Auron," I smiled.

I moved over so I could lean back against him.

"Man," I said. "You give a guy one topless photo of yourself and he just goes all stoopid."

"Next time you give a man a topless photo, you'll know," he said, and I slapped his arm. He chuckled weakly.

And I knew it was the right time.

"Hey, Auron?" I said, turning to look at him. "I've got another present for you, Auron!"

I see his eye go wide and slide down my body, lingering a minute on my shorts and he starts inching away! Oh man, he's panicking!

"Auron! AURON! I'm NOT gonna take off my clothes! It's a different gift!"

"Oh, ah..." he said, settling down again. "All right, Rikku."

"Wait! Wait here" I said, and got up and ran off to the tent I share with Yuna and Lulu. I got back a minute later dragging a big bag behind me.

"Here it is, Auron!" I puffed. "Go ahead, open it!"

He sort of squinted his eye at me, just like he doesn't trust me! And then he opened the bag.

"Rikku," he breathed.

"Do you like it Auron?" I said as he pulled it out. "It's a new sword! I made it for you."

"But Rikku," he said quietly, "You already made me a wonderful sword."

"This one's better, Auron. I used our last teleport sphere, but also one of the return spheres. And this sword has that little extra bit of speed that'll let you move before any of the fiends. Auron," I said, "It's a better sword."

He looked at me a moment in the dim firelight, and then he looked at the sword, and then he looked up at all the stars we could see in the mountain sky, and then Auron stood up and held out the sword in his hands and right then and there he started moving through the forms of his exercises. I watched with wide eyes because I had never been this close before, and I was looking almost straight up at him as he moved. He was slow at first and then faster as he swung the sword, he was spinning in front of me and twisting and dancing in the dark and I could feel the blade cutting the air, never very close, always controlled and powerful and deadly.

I sat at his feet while he moved in the sky forms and I closed my eyes and just felt it and after a while it almost seemed like I became a part of them, like I moved with him and we were dancing again, the way we did in Macalania, and it was Auron and me and the sword all together, steel and hard muscle and soft skin, turning around each other and breathing each other's names. He moved like smoke in the wind and I never knew what he would do next but I didn't have to. I was part of it.

I felt his perfect strength surround me and I let my love flow out and touch him and wrap around him and he moved without stopping and I could feel his happiness flowing back to touch me too and he moved even faster, spinning and cutting, protecting me from invisible enemies and keeping me safe forever. He never slipped and he never stopped and he never, ever, slowed. And then he was done and he was standing still and straight in front of me and he wasn't even breathing hard.

He looked at me for a long moment, and then he said, "Rikku of the Al Bhed, you give me a sword that makes me a dancer. You give me hope for better days. You take me in your arms and tell me not to be afraid. No one has ever given me greater gifts than you, Rikku. And I thank you."

He hesitated then, and shook his head, and then went on.

"And all I have to give you in return, Rikku..."

He reached into his coat, and then held out his hand, but slowly, like he wasn't sure.

Small.

And white.

With tiny flecks of blue inside.

I didn't want to speak. I'm not sure could have, but I didn't want to anyway. And I just nodded to him and took the flowers and just held them. And I didn't try to kiss him, because I just didn't want this to be one more time when I tried and he wouldn't let me. And I didn't need it anyway.

This was fine. This was just fine the way it was.

And I slipped one flower into my hair behind my ear and held one in my hand and slipped the rest into my pocket. I think I'm going to braid them into my hair so he'll see them whenever he looks at me. I always get a happy, hiccupy feeling when he looks at me.

And then I smiled as I slipped off my shoes and socks and then we both lay down together under his coat and under the stars, all the stars in the sky, and I hadn't seen so many since the days when we were alone back on the mountain, and he put his arms around me so I wouldn't be afraid and I put my arms around him so he wouldn't be afraid either, and I whispered, "Good night, Auron."

And he answered, "Good night, Rikku."

**Auron:**

Could I truly love this young girl?

Auron...?

I lay there a long time, looking up at the stars and listening to her breathe beside me before going to sleep that night.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Sometimes I dream that we kiss.

There isn't...it's not elaborate. There's never a story, or a plot. It's just me in his arms, holding him, and the hard feel of him and the wonderful willow tree smell of him, me twisting with him and our lips moving and wanting and tasting and taking, warm and hot and cold all at once, and I feel his hands on me, strong and gentle and hard and my fingers are twisted in his hair and I'm drowning in his smell and then I open my eyes and this time...it's not a dream...it's not!

It's HIM and ME for REAL and his lips are on my FACE, all over my FACE searching and then they find me and we KISS, we finally KISS, and it was FIRE and ICE and DREAMS, and it was SWEATYand DIRTY and REAL, and he's inside my MOUTH and I'm inside HIS and his ARMS are around me and his HANDS, his powerful HANDS are GRASPING and CLUTCHING my BACK, opening and closing and lifting my SHIRT and I wasn't THINKING and I didn't want to THINK, I just wanted HIM and he wanted ME and suddenly there was a FIRE inside me just BURNING and RAGING inside me and GOD I never knew it could be like THIS and my hands are on his CHEST and sliding down his hard body and then they're at my waist and slipping under my shorts and shoving them down over the flare of my hips and I'm arching into him and my breath is coming hard and I'm panting and calling his name...

"...Auron...oh...oh...AURON...!"

...and I hear him...

...I hear him murmur softly...

"...Willa..."

**Next: Tilt**


	38. Tilt

Okay...so the thing to remember is that Rikku is going to be okay. It just takes time. She's had a really bad year but she thought this one great thing was happening in her life and then...and she doesn't react well. But she's going to be just fine, eventually. With or without Auron. But...this is not a happy chapter. You know, I tried to warn you...I said I was building to something, I said there would be angst before they got to Zanarkand, I said I was concerned about the rating in these chapters...

Yeah...the rating...

I'm leaving the rating -T- because I think it is -T-, but it's a hard -T-, with mature themes, or maybe immature themes, whatever. There's some stuff I think is disturbing. This chapter was part of the storyline from the beginning but I didn't have fun writing it. Hell, maybe you shouldn't even read it. Just give the story a break and come back to it later.

By the way, been meaning to say for a long time, if anyone wants to remove me from their favorites list (you can do that, right?) please go ahead. I'd much prefer to have an up-to-date list.

Huh. Well. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU, and it didn't start out as an Aurikku. It's about characters and the gradual building of a relationship and all the stuff that sometimes goes into that. Rated -T-.

And like the last chapter, this one is dedicated to Glass Mermaid, and that was a considered decision taking the contents into mind. Tell me what you think.

(Oh, one more thing, I may or may not have the Rikku POV down, but I know I can't write poetry like a teenaged girl. But I needed a poem and it was the best I could do. Sorry.)

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Spiral up, spiral down,

My beautiful death,

Love dies

Life dies

Hope dies

Colors turn grey

Spiraling down to the dark.

* * *

**Tilt**

* * *

**Auron:**

I was under attack, someone or something was hitting me, kicking...screaming? I came awake in an instant. My first instinct was to fight back but instead I throw myself into a roll away from my attacker and came to my feet with my sword in my hand. Something came at me from the darkness and I almost swung before I realized it was Rikku!

What...?

She flung herself at me, swinging her small fists at my face. I dropped the sword and grabbed her wrists.

"Rikku! What—"

She was trying to kick me, trying to head-butt me. I avoided those and she bent her head and sank her teeth into my left hand. I let go of her wrists, and she wound up and slapped me, putting all her weight behind it, and she ran off and disappeared into Yuna's tent. I stood there staring after her.

What happened?

"Hey, Auron?" It was Tidus, looking up from his bedroll. "What's going on?"

Wakka was up too, and I heard voices from the tent. Kimahri was out on guard.

"I don't know," I answered him.

I replayed the scene from my memory, speeding it up, slowing it down. What did I actually see? There. On her face in the moonlight. Anger. No, stronger than anger. Fury. What else? Pain? More than pain? Devastation?

And...tears? Screaming, but nothing coherent. As she runs away, her clothes are in disarray, her shorts hanging halfway down her hips.

What happened?

**Rikku's Diary:**

WILLA!

Yuna was sleeping when I ran into the tent and just threw myself down on top of her and just hugged her and cried and cried and cried.

"Wha...? Rikku?"

"Yuna," Lulu's voice said out of the dark. "What is it?"

"It's Rikku," she answered, putting her arms around me. "Rikku, what is it? What's the matter?"

What's the matter...

I was asleep, and I was dreaming that he was kissing me—not friendly kisses, not hello and goodbye kisses, not SAFE kisses! I dreamed that he was kissing me REAL and HARD and it WASN'T a dream! I opened my eyes and his lips were on MY lips and on my EYES and my NECK and he was planting burning kisses all over my FACE and his arms were around me, his hands CLUTCHING at my back, and his body was pressing against mine and HE WASN'T THERE WITH ME AT ALL! He was just USING me! Using my BODY, pretending it was HERS! And there I was, stupid, STUPID Rikku, dropping my PANTS for him! He was gonna be my FIRST! He was gonna be my ONLY! I thought he liked me! I thought he LOVED me! ME! But he never did! It was NEVER me, it was always HER!

"Rikku!" Yuna said, hugging me while I cried in her arms. "Rikku, what is it? What happened?"

"A-Auron..." I sobbed, "He...he...and I..."

I tried to get the whole story out between broken sobbing, but I guess I didn't do a very good job.

"Rikku," Lulu asked, putting her hands on my shoulders, "What are you saying? Did Sir Auron...attack you?"

"LULU!"

"Yuna, something happened out there."

Attacked me. Auron attacked me. He tried to rape me and I fought him off. I could tell them that and they'd all go out and look at him! And he'd try to defend himself, but they wouldn't believe him, and they'd make him go away! Just go AWAY! If I was thinking just a little clearer I could have said that, but I was heartbroken, too, and so desperately unhappy and in pain and I just wanted to tell them what happened, so they'd know what he did to me, so they'd make it better! So someone would do something and it'd stop hurting like I'm full of broken glass and someone's just punching me and kicking me over and over and over make it stop stop stopit stopit stopit! I was still crying, and I tried telling them again what happened. I thought he was kissing me, I thought that he wanted me. I thought that he LOVED me. But he didn't...

And it hurt all over again, saying it. Oh god, it hurt!

He doesn't love me.

"Oh Rikku," Yuna said softly. "Oh little Rikku, Rikku..."

He doesn't love me.

And she hugged me while I cried, and rocked me, and sang to me like my mom used to.

**Auron:**

I was standing near the tent when Lulu came out. Tidus and Wakka were nearby, none of us sure what to do.

"Sir Auron," she said. "What happened out here tonight?"

"I was going to ask you. I don't know. What has Rikku said?"

"Nothing I could really follow. Did the two of you have a fight?"

"I was asleep, Lulu. I woke up and she was hysterical."

"You didn't say anything to her?"

"Do you think I should go in and see her?" I asked, ignoring her question.

"I don't think that would be a good idea right now. Rikku's distraught and not very coherent. I don't think we're going to get to the bottom of this today. Perhaps we should all just go back to bed for tonight and pick it up again in the morning."

"Lulu—"

"She's crying, Sir Auron. Give her some time."

I looked at her, looked at her face. There was something she wasn't saying. She was angry at me. But, I could hear the sobbing, smell the tears and the desperate unhappiness. Perhaps I should give Yuna the chance to calm the girl down.

"All right, Lulu," I said.

She returned to the tent. I turned to the others and told them to go back to sleep, and went out to take over the watch early from Kimahri. I needed to think.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I woke up slowly, feeling arms around me, and for one moment I didn't remember, thought they were his arms. Then it all came crashing back, falling on me in one big rush of pain and hurt and anger. Lots of anger. I was breathing hard. I slapped him. I remember I slapped him. Did it hurt? I looked like it hurt. I hope it hurt!

"_Hurt me."_

_It was an accident._

"_Hurt me," he said, and before he finished speaking Rikku threw a fire gem and he dodged to the right as it went off but she was waiting and she went in low and reached out with her claw scoring along the back of his knee and he went down hamstrung and she threw a fang and he was poisoned. Desperately he reached for a remedy but she couldn't have that, now could she? So she went in with her claw again, swiping at his face, tearing at his eye and he pulled away but she was swinging the razor edge of her targe for his neck and he twisted to the other side like she knew he would and she was waiting and she swung hard and fast and she got the eye and she smiled when she felt it pop under her hand. Was he screaming? That had to hurt, but he told Rikku to hurt him. Hey, Yunie could always fix him up later, she thought, burying the claw in his chest. Was he trying to say something? Hard to tell cause she was on top of him going for his throat turning from side to side slashing with the claw and then the edge of the targe and then the claw again and he was feebly trying to protect himself and his arms were waving weakly and she was cutting and cutting and cutting him and everyone told her it wasn't her fault, it was hard to see all the blood with the red coat, and he couldn't tell her to stop with his throat all torn out so she couldn't know that he was so hurt that even Yuna couldn't save him in the end._

_She shouldn't blame herself, they all told her._

_It was an accident._

Yeah...

That felt good.

I felt fierce and powerful.

And then the PAIN hit and I was just sobbing and they were awake and they were hugging me just like big sisters would.

**Auron:**

We were all up early, but no one was making breakfast or getting water or breaking down the camp or any of the things we do in the morning. Even I was just standing, not too far for their tent, waiting. Finally, Lulu came out.

She walked up to me but didn't exactly meet my eyes.

"I don't think we can move today," she said. "Rikku is...very upset."

I remembered a time on the Thunder Plain when it looked like we couldn't move because of Rikku. I had Lulu Thundera the tent, otherwise we would have been forced to leave her there. But I simply couldn't give that order here and now. Not now. And if I could I don't think Lulu would obey it. And they won't go on without her even if I could order that.

Your relationship with this girl has complicated the pilgrimage, Auron.

Who ever could have expected that?

What a fine mess.

The black mage was just standing there, as if she didn't know where else to go. Or perhaps as if she still had something to say.

"Perhaps I should try to speak to her."

She was shaking her head.

"I don't think that would be a very good idea right now, Sir Auron."

I look at her.

"Lulu," I said quietly. "Do you know what is going on? Do you know why Rikku is so upset?"

"It's not my place to comment," she answered calmly. And then she raised her chin and said a bit defiantly, "But perhaps...perhaps it would be better if we all tried to concentrate on Zanarkand and Yuna's pilgrimage from now on, and not let ourselves be distracted by personal issues."

Then her eyes widened and she stepped quickly back from me.

Duty...

My...duty...

This...

...infant...

This...top-heavy, twenty-something, half-trained child-mage was lecturing me about...

...duty...

I have been fighting wars that she doesn't know exist since before she was born and she is lecturing me about...duty...? Tidus' hand is on my arm and Lulu swallows and says weakly, "Sir Auron, please...you've hurt her enough."

My eye narrows. I look around at the others. Tidus, Lulu, Wakka, Kimahri. Yuna was in the tent with Rikku. I considered the situation.

"Wakka," I said, my eye falling on him. "Go in and speak to her."

"Uh, me?"

They all seemed surprised, the blitzballer most of all.

"You, Wakka. Try to get her to come out. Tell me if you think we can get her to move today."

"Uh, okay," he said, doubtfully. He looked at Tidus, then at Lulu, who looked as if she thought something was going on but she wasn't sure what, and then at me. And then he took a breath, let it out, and ducked under the flap of the tent.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Someone came into the tent, but I didn't know who and I didn't care. I knew it wasn't him. I was mostly finished crying now and I didn't listen while Yuna and whoever talked, and then Yuna said, "Rikku, I'll be right outside, okay? All you have to do is call and I'll come right back in. I'll come back soon anyway, all right?"

And then she let me go and I suppose left the tent.

"Uh, Rikku?"

Wakka.

"Uh, well, say Rikku, we're, uh, we're all really worried about you, ya? Me and Tidus and Kimahri and Auron and—"

DAMMIT, why am I crying again! How many tears do I have, anyway! And this time it's Wakka holding me, and his arms are strong like they were on the stairs when my home was being destroyed and he's saying please don't cry and then he's saying go ahead and cry and it'll be all right and he doesn't smell like willow trees he smells like clean gym clothes when they just come out of the dryer and its nice and I like it but it's not willow trees DAMMIT!

**Auron:**

I held Lulu back when she would have followed Wakka into the tent, and a minute later Yuna came out and silently joined us.

"Will you tell me what this is about," I asked her.

She looked up, and then looked at Tidus and Kimahri, and shook her head looking back down at the ground.

No one else spoke, and after perhaps ten minutes Wakka came out of the tent. Yuna ducked back in immediately while the rest of us gathered around the blitzballer.

I, uh, I don't think we should try to get her up today. She's really upset, ya?" He shook his head. "Still don't know why, but I think we should let her be today, Sir Auron."

So that was that. We weren't going to go anywhere today. Best to get them all back into their routine as much as possible, I thought. Get them doing something familiar to take the edge off their nerves.

"Wakka," I said, "Training. Long session. Eat first if you like."

"Oh, uh, sure, Sir Auron. Not really hungry, myself," he said, and then lifted his voice. "Lu? You an Yuna an Kimahri, uh, magic training, ya? Eat first if you want. Uh, one a you can stay with Rikku. Tidus, you an me drill. Sir Auron, well, you know, whatever you need."

He glanced at the tent, and then shook his head and walked off a little way with Tidus.

As they broke up to start their drills I also went a little farther apart. I settled down to meditate. I have been trying to reacquire the special attack I named Banishing Blade. Overly dramatic name, but very useful. It will inflict all status breaks on an enemy, even if they are normally immune. (I first came up with it because I was annoyed at all the fiends that were immune.)

But I was having no luck today. Of course. My mind kept wandering back to Rikku, wondering what had happened. After a fruitless half-hour I finally gave up, and simply sat looking out over the cliffs at the far horizons. I have always loved the high places, the long views...and recently I have enjoyed sharing them with Rikku. I never needed to share the long views with anyone before. It was always enough that I saw them. But now...there was simply something missing.

I didn't know what to think of all this. I had nothing to work with...no references. All I knew was that something must have happened and no one was telling me what it was. I didn't want to force the issue blindly. It might do more harm that good. How could I know? All that I could do was wait. Then something occurred to me, a way I could find out what happened last night. I set myself in position to meditate, tried to clear my mind, and began to induce a memory trance. It was basically a simple trance that allowed me to recall some particular memory in almost total detail. I was no master of this particular mental skill, I cannot count the leaves on a tree that I once saw in passing twenty years ago, but it is a moderately useful ability and I have used it upon occasion. This should have occurred to me before, but...perhaps...perhaps I was scared of what I would remember. I shook off these thoughts and called up the old breathing rhythms, and the mnemonic hymn that my instructors taught me many years ago, and as I settled deeper into the trance and the old mental disciplines took hold I began to experience memories of Rikku, on the Thunder Plain, in Macalania, on Bikanel, in the Calm Lands. I don't suppose I ever realized that I had so many memories of her.

I focused on recent events, on last night. I saw the others go to bed, leaving us alone. I saw her give me the sword and I watched as I practiced with it in front of her, and then we lay down and slept. I moved forward in time, to just before I woke up with Rikku in hysterics.

And now I'm dreaming, but this is a dream of something that happened once. Three years ago in Zanarkand, Willa and I had been living together for one month and we went out to a show to celebrate, and then late dinner. She had added yet another silver stud to her ear to mark the event, but she was still beautiful and alive and smiling her crooked smile. The show was all right and the dinner was good and we talked and held hands. It was a chilly night, and the wind was coming off the water, so I wrapped my old red coat around both of us as we walked back to the apartment. In the dream as in reality, she was in my arms before we were even through the door and we stumbled down the hall and fell across the bed and I remember that in my dream—while I was actually dreaming—I was so surprised because I was kissing Willa and it felt so...right, so good, and so natural. And it was strange, that it felt that way this time in my dream, so real and so natural. We were in the bed and fumbling with each other's clothes and she was calling "Auron" and I was softly calling "Willa..."

"Auron..."

"Willa..."

And I was waking up...

And...it was...

...Rikku...

"Willa..."

Oh...

...damn.

Damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...damn...

* * *

**Auron:**

I never should have gotten so close to her.

I don't know how long I sat there before I moved, and then I began to practice the forms—all of them. I don't know how the others passed the day but I trained heavily with the sword for hours. I think they came to watch me from time to time. Wakka would be there for a while, then Tidus, then Kimahri. I don't think they tried to speak to me but I don't suppose I'm really certain. I finally stopped in the late afternoon. Just...stopped, and stood with my sword in my hands. For want of anything better to do I started walking the perimeter of the camp, supposedly checking for fiends. But I was actually thinking. I felt a need for the cold and the silence, but Tidus came up and fell into step beside me.

"So..." he said hesitantly. "So, uh, you figure out what happened?"

"Yes," I said. "I know what happened, and I know that I hurt her very badly."

After a moment he said, "I'm, uh, guessing you didn't mean to, Auron."

"And yet she is hurt," I answer softly. "And her pain is very real. Did she ever come out of the tent?"

"Uh, no. She didn't. So, okay," he looked at me. "So, what now?"

What now...?

I think...I think...that this is beyond apologies. This...has changed things. I can feel how hurt she is, even from this distance...I can smell it. Some other place, some other time, this might have been a simple fight, but here, now, us...this was not a simple fight. This can not be easily made up, no matter what someone else might think. Yes, it was just a mistake, but Rikku...has had a very bad year. So much has happened to her, and she has lost so much, and now...

I never should have gotten so close to her...

"Tidus," I said slowly. "I want you to look after Rikku. She's hurt. She's in pain and she might not be thinking clearly. And she's still afraid. She will need a friend very badly, and...I don't think it can be me, right now."

I felt a sudden fierce pang at the thought. The knowledge that she will be afraid in the night and I know that she won't come out to me and ask me to hold her and take all her fear away, it was like a physical pain somewhere in my chest.

Ignore it, Auron. You're good at that. The boy was speaking.

"Huh," he said looking away out over the view. And after a few more steps he went on, "Uh, you know Auron, she's tougher than she looks. And she's got friends, Auron. Yuna and Lulu, and even Wakka. Heck, even Kimahri likes Rikku. So maybe..."

He trailed off. I raised an eyebrow at him and he licked his lips nervously.

"Maybe you need a friend more than she does right now," he said. "Maybe you're in pain too, Auron."

"Tidus..."

"I think you need a friend," he said quickly. Then he put his hand up behind his head and looked away as we walked. "And, uh, if you, uh, need, you know...a hug...Auron..."

I smiled in spite of myself. A little.

"Thank you, Tidus," I said. "No."

"Whoo! Okay, well," he said, grinning and shaking his head in relief.

He's growing up. He's a good boy, and I'm proud of him.

I'll tell him one day.

"Just..." I started, "Just be a friend to me, by being a friend to her, Tidus, when she needs a friend. Be a friend to her even when she doesn't."

"Hey," he said quietly. "You know I will. So, um, do you know what you're gonna do, then?"

"I think so," I answered, slowly coming to a stop. He stopped and stood beside me. I sighed. "Sometimes, Tidus, there are no right answers. No one perfect thing to do. So you just have to find the best answer you can."

"Yeah, I remember, Auron."

"And I think it's best if I leave the party for a time."

"What!"

I've actually been considering it for a while. All this...simply makes the decision easier. It will give the entire party a chance to come to terms with...things, new situations. And they can conquer the mountain without me now. I know that. I have no doubts. They know that teamwork is the key, and I think teamwork...will be easier right now, without me. Wakka can lead. I will tell him and Tidus the things they need to know to pass the caves and the guardian. I don't know what will happen when Tidus comes face to face with the dreamer fayth. I wish that I could be there to help him deal with what whatever he might find out, but I know that he will be strong. They will all be strong, and they will gain confidence dealing with the pilgrimage without me. And there are vital matters that I can attend to on my own.

Because now I feel sure.

Seymour is coming. And he has the Lance.

So I will go back and meet him. Perhaps if I hurry I can fight alongside the Ronso. That will be the best chance, but if I cannot then perhaps I can at least reach him before he has rested and healed.

And then if I...when I...have dealt with him I can meet them again at Zanarkand. I don't doubt that I can catch up with them traveling on my own. I think it is the best use of our resources.

And...I think...it is best for Rikku.

I look at the wide-eyed boy and continue walking.

"Not forever, Tidus," I said. "But I think it would be the best thing for right now."

He grabbed my arm and spun me to face him.

"Auron, you can't go! What about all of us? What about the pilgrimage?"

I put my hands on his shoulders.

"You will all do what you have to," I said. "And you will be fine. If I didn't believe that, I would never consider leaving."

"But what about Rikku!" he said. "Auron, you can't just run."

"I..." I took a breath. "I think it would be better for Rikku if I wasn't around her right now. It will give her time and space to recover her balance."

"No, Auron," he said, shaking his head. "You're wrong! You need to straighten all this out with her, not just leave and hope it all gets better somehow. Look, I still don't know what all happened, but...Auron, do you remember when she had that, you know, that dream? And we were laughing at her, and I came up to you and apologized? Do you remember what you said? You said she was a very forgiving person. And she will forgive you, Auron, whatever it was, I know she will. But you gotta stay with us, and deal with things. Not run away!"

"Tidus," I said, "I know, I know that she will forgive me in time. Perhaps we will even be friends again, one day. But...that doesn't mean she'll ever...let herself get close to me again, close enough to get hurt like that again."

"Auron, I'm sure she will—"

"And I don't think she should."

"What?"

I looked at the ground as we resumed walking and I explained my thoughts to Tidus.

"She'll only be hurt again," I told him. "That's a certainty. If she loves me, she will be hurt. Worse than this. And she will end up hating me. And I don't want that. Not for her, and not for us. So, perhaps...perhaps this is all for the best, after all."

"Auron," he said almost desperately. "We all get hurt! I GOT HURT! I LOVE Yuna, and I got HURT when I found out what this stupid pilgrimage was all about! But I wouldn't go back and change things now if I could. I wouldn't go back and not love her!"

"Tidus..."

"And Rikku, she wouldn't change things either! I mean, in the future, when you're all past this and when this is just some stupid little nothing memory, Rikku wouldn't give up what she's gonna have with you just to save herself a little pain! She's braver than that! Damn it, Auron, you're going to get past this and the only time either of you'll ever remember it at all is when you have some fight and she drags it out to throw it in your face and you'll get all mad and stuff and you'll be hurt and then you'll make up! That's life, Auron! People fight! For god's sake, you taught me that!"

"Tidus, sometimes things don't work out. I taught you that too."

"Yeah, you try things and sometimes they don't work out. That's life. But they never work out if you don't at least try! Auron," he said as I opened my mouth, "You're not gonna win this argument. You taught me too much about hope."

"I DON'T WANT TO HOPE!" I shouted at him.

"Uh," he stepped back.

DAMN IT, Auron.

I took a breath. The air is cold on the mountain, and I hold it in my dead lungs and feel it burn, and then I let it out in a cloud.

"Auron...?"

I don't.

Want.

To hope.

Suddenly I feel a wave of blazing anger. I'm angry with myself. I have let this...this...all of this with Rikku, I have let it all get out of hand. What was I doing? Holding this little teenaged girl in my arms in the night, playing her little flirting games with her, always telling her how strong and smart and sweet she was, what was I doing?

I close my eye. She smells like bubble gum and hope. Her skin is smooth and soft. Her smile is the brightest and happiest that I've ever seen and her eyes are deep green spirals that I could fall into forever, and suddenly I know...

I love Rikku.

"Whoa...!"

Oh lord, did I say that out loud?

"Tidus..."

"You really love her?" he said, slowly starting to smile. "That's great!"

"Tidus," I said.

"I mean, yeah, you're old, but I don't think she cares about that."

"Tidus, shut up!"

"Uh?"

"It's not a good thing."

"YES IT IS!" he shouted back furiously, and stood there fists clenched. "Here! Now! For you and for her! Yes it IS!"

"She's HURT!"

"IT'S WORTH BEING HURT, AURON!"

What was this? Suddenly we were practically shouting into each other's faces. I was gritting my teeth. Where did the boy learn to be so stubborn?

"Enough, Tidus," I ground out. "It doesn't really matter if I'm right or you're right, not now. In either case the best thing for Rikku right now is to give her some space. So, I need to leave for a while."

He just looked at me for a moment, and then he shook his head and sighed. It seemed familiar somehow.

"You're wrong," he said softly, then said at a normal level, "But damn you're stubborn. Okay. So when do we leave?"

I looked back at the boy. I admit it. He surprised me.

"No Tidus," I said. "You're staying."

"I don't think so, Auron," he said, shaking his head again. "I think wherever you're going, you're gonna need a friend. I'm going with you"

"What about Yuna?"

"What about you?"

"I'll be...fine."

"Yeah? What are you planning to do on your own?"

"I'll stay busy."

"Auron..."

"Tidus, please," I said quietly. "As a favor to me. I want you to stay and protect Yuna and Rikku."

He looked at me for a moment, and then said, "All right, Auron. But you better come back okay."

"I have every intention of doing so. Now, could you please find Yuna and send her over."

"Yeah, sure," he turned to go.

"Tidus," I said. "Don't tell her what it's about."

He nodded without turning.

When he had gone I sat down for a moment to think.

I...love...Rikku.

I love Rikku.

When did that happen?

* * *

**Auron:**

I could see two of the small white flowers on the ground, the same ones that I had shown to Rikku. I remember I wanted her to feel better, so I pointed them out to her and after she had gone I picked a few and later that night I gave them to her when she gave me this wonderful new sword. It made her happy. And giving them to her and seeing her face light up made me feel...

I sat on a boulder in the snow while I waited for Yuna and thought about what I was feeling now and why I was feeling it.

That's not something I do often.

I love Rikku.

When did it happen?

You're a fool, Auron. But you're not stupid. You know when it happened. It happened a while ago. Maybe even back when she first came out to you where you were sleeping and she asked you to hold her and then she put her arms around you and told you not to be afraid. Or maybe later than that. Maybe when she told you all of the secrets that she was so ashamed of, and you first realized that she was a star. Such a brave little star. Or maybe earlier. Maybe even when she first asked if she could trust you, and you said no, and she understood. Maybe when she danced in the Calm Lands, or when you danced together in Macalania or when she called you a coward or when she said Yuna was your puppet or when she squealed with sheer joy and threw herself into a hole on top of a buried treasure chest or...

Auron, you've been falling in love with her all along, ever since you first saw how special she was, and how brave. Maybe as far back as the Thunder Plains, where she faced her fear. But you fooled yourself. You told yourself that it was nothing, just a crush on her part and great fondness on yours. You even said you were staring to love her, I suppose, but never in any romantic way. So why admit it now?

I was grasping and releasing the hilt of my sword as I sat. Another question to which you already know the answer. You're so good at those, Auron.

Why now? Because it's too late now. Because when she was flirting and teasing and promising everything without words, you didn't dare admit your real feelings to yourself. You knew what she was offering. Did she even know what she was offering? Did she really understand the game she was playing? She bought a pushup bra for you, Auron. You knew. You knew when she would lean in close and try to steal a kiss that she was offering you all of her love and all of her youth and all of her hope and her body and her beauty and everything that she had, and not in those words, but it was there and you knew it even if she didn't...and you were afraid.

Auron, you were...

...I was...

...afraid...

I was afraid that if I admitted to myself that I was starting to love her that I would never be able to resist her. And I was afraid that if I did resist her, it would be the end of everything we had, the end of our friendship. And I didn't want that. When did her friendship become so important to me?

The perfect lose-lose situation, Auron, a relationship that can never happen, or no relationship at all.

So, instead of doing what you know you should have done, instead of admitting your feelings and dealing with them, instead of separating yourself from her and letting her start to get over you...you played pretend so you could keep holding her, and smelling her, so you could keep laughing and smiling with her and just being close to her and you didn't even think about the eventual cost to her.

And now this.

You're a selfish bastard, Auron. You didn't take her body, but that's the only thing you didn't take. You enjoyed her company and you wanted to be with her instead of pushing her away, and now...this.

And the only reason you can admit it to yourself even now is because it's too late. It's safe now. Nothing can happen now and you...I...can admit now that...

I love Rikku.

I was preoccupied with these thoughts and didn't even notice that Yuna was standing in front of me in the snow until she spoke.

"Sir Auron?" she asked in a cool voice. She was angry with me. "Tidus said you wanted to speak to me?"

"Yes, Yuna," I answered as I stood up. "This is not an acceptable situation."

"Um," she frowned a little, "N-no, it isn't."

"I think that it's best if I leave you for a time."

"What? No!"

"I think it's best—"

"NO," she said firmly.

"Yuna, listen..." I said.

She crossed her arms in front of her and fell silent, her mouth set in a firm line that dared me to try to convince her.

"Not forever, Yuna," I said. "Just for now. This is already affecting the pilgrimage. We didn't move at all today, and may not move tomorrow. And worse than that, it's affecting our unity. Already you and Lulu are on Rikku's side. Tidus is taking my side against you and Lulu and that pulls Wakka as well. Yuna, there should be no sides. But there are. They are forming over this.

"Rikku and the party both need time to deal with things, and it will simply be easier if I am away. The party will close ranks and reunite without me, and be strong when I rejoin you. It will be a little unsettling when I return, but nothing like it is now. But if she has to see me every day, it will take longer for her to heal, and bitterness will set in, and poison the party. So I should go. Just for a while. There are things in any case that I should take care of, things that are also important to your pilgrimage, and this is a chance to do that. I will rejoin you in Zanarkand."

"Are you done," she asked quietly.

"I am."

"You can't go."

I frowned a bit.

"It is for the good of the party," I said.

"Sir Auron," she said, speaking slowly and steadily, "This pilgrimage is the most important thing on Spira. We are trying to bring the CALM. You yourself said this is the most dangerous part of the journey and we cannot afford to lose our strongest fighter. It's as simple as that."

"Yuna, do you think that I would go if I did not believe that you could succeed on your own? The six of you are stronger than any threat you will meet this side of Zanarkand."

"We don't even know what's on this side of Zanarkand, but you do!"

"I will tell you everything you need to know before I go. You will be fine, if you all simply work together."

"But we're stronger with you."

"Ordinarily, yes, but now..."

"Now, we'll cope."

Who was this fierce little teenaged summoner looking up at me so steadily? Where has she been on this pilgrimage up until now? Where was placid little Yuna? Bemused, I shook my head.

"I think it will be best for Rikku," I said quietly.

She swallowed, but she didn't look down.

"She's...strong..." she answered softly. "She'll cope..."

"She's hurt. And she will hurt every time she sees me. She needs time to heal. Yuna, I thought you would be a better friend."

She flinched, but still did not look away.

"I...I will be as good a friend...as Spira can afford me to be. The pilgrimage needs you," she said, and took a breath. "More...than it needs her. If...if she really can't be around you, then...then we have to send her away."

I looked at her silently, and she stood looking back. Who is this summoner, I wondered to myself. She is...harder than I thought.

"She has lost her home," I said softly, "And people she cares about, and she loves you. She is only here because she loves you. You would send her away?"

"Don't make me," she whispered, and I finally saw her blinking back the unshed tears that were in her mismatched eyes. But I saw no doubt in her face.

Did her voice quiver, just a little? I looked at her. Did her lip tremble, just a tiny bit? Will she break down in front of me? I closed my eye and took a shallow breath and underneath the reek of death, I could smell raging storms of grief and guilt within this slim young girl who stood up so straight in front of me, defying me, willing to exile the cousin she loved and abandon her alone to her pain.

She would do it.

"Sir Auron," she said quietly. I opened my eye. "You may not go. I do not allow it. I will never allow it. I am the summoner and you are a guardian and you took an oath. Will you break it?"

And there it was. There was the question that had always been between Yuna and I. Looking down at the girl I tried not to let her see the surprise that I felt. Yuna has always seemed mostly passive to me on our journey. Strong, but passive, deferring to others and allowing them to make the decisions for the most part—deferring to me or to Lulu, or sometimes even to Tidus or Rikku. She was always willing to accept my guidance. Even when she insisted on going to Bevelle after we fought Seymour, I thought Wakka was really driving the decision and she was following behind. And here she stands in front of me now, invoking her authority as the summoner and showing sadness but no hint of uncertainty.

I see one tear finally escape her green eye and trickle down her face. Not a spiral eye, but deep green. Like hers. Yuna never looks away.

Should this show of strength and purpose surprise me after all? She has never really defied me before this, but...she stood up to Seymour, a maester, when she thought he abused his power. She stood up to Yevon when she thought the Church had become corrupt. She stood up to the Ronso when they would have forced her to abandon her quest. And now when we disagree, and I have become someone she believes she must stand up to...now she shows her steel.

She has not spoken. She looks me in the eye, silently waiting for me to answer her question. Strictly speaking, the oath does not compel obedience, only that I would give my life to protect her. But the tradition is strong that the summoner leads the party. Braska and I were old partners and acted like equals on our pilgrimage, making most of our decisions together. He deferred to me on many things, but there was no question that the final decisions were his. He gave orders infrequently, but once he did I would not have dreamed of disobeying.

But that was Braska. This is Yuna. Only seventeen. Close to eighteen now, I suppose. So young.

Have I underestimated her all of this time? Or has she grown?

She is willing to let Rikku suffer in the name of the higher good.

She is close to tears. I have no illusions that it was an easy choice for her to make. But she did not hesitate.

She is worthy of respect.

"I will obey my summoner."

**Rikku's Diary:**

I opened my eyes the next morning. I was in the tent, huddled in the blankets and Yuna was asleep with her arms around me. No, she wasn't asleep. She was crying softly.

"Yuna...?"

She raised her head and looked at me.

"Rikku," she said. "How are you?"

"I'm okay, Yunie. Why are you crying?"

She smiled a little when I said I was okay, like she didn't believe me. And then she took a breath and said, "Rikku, Sir Auron has offered to leave us."

Huh. Leave.

"Just for a while," she said, "He said he didn't want to hurt you or the party. He said it would give us all a chance to get over things. But..."

She was still crying, quiet little tears leaking down her face.

"What, Yunie?" I asked.

"Rikku...I told him no. I said I wouldn't let him leave, that he was too important, that he was..." she took a little sobbing breath, "More important than you, Rikku.

"But, Rikku," she went on in a rush, "I'll let him go, if...if you really need it. I'd never leave you alone. Rikku! I wouldn't! I know you're only here on this pilgrimage for me and I never want you to feel alone! It's just...it's so important and we're so close and we can't afford to lose him now, I know we can't! I don't know how I know, but I do, Rikku. I know! But...but if you want me to send him away, Rikku..."

"Yunie, Yunie, stop," I said. "It's okay. It is."

And a little part of me wanted to throw myself into her arms and say YES, please Yunie! Make him go! PLEASE, Yunie!

But that was just silly.

"It's okay Yuna," I said, running my fingers through her hair. "Really it is. I'm not alone. I have you and Lulu and Tidus and Wakka and Kimahri. I know that. Of course Auron has to stay with the group."

She looked at me kind of strange. I guess I can understand that.

"I'm not mad anymore," I told her with a little smile. "It's fine."

And I really wasn't mad now. Boy, I had wanted him dead before. I was so mad at him. But I'm not anymore, cause I understand, now.

I finally understand.

_She woke up that morning and it took her a little while to figure out what was different, but after a moment she realized, she wasn't mad anymore._

_That was strange. She had been so angry, but now she wasn't. And she had to think about it a while before she understood why. It was because she recognized now what had actually happened. It was really kind of silly, and it wasn't his fault at all. He had tried to tell her._

_It wasn't him. It was her. She had been fooling herself all of this time, telling herself that she was in love and he had said it was a crush and then it had all gotten mixed up with hormones. She shook her head at how wrong she had gotten it. But now she knew._

_She didn't want sex with Auron. That wasn't it._

_She just wanted sex._

_And all that other stuff, that romantic, lovey-dovey other crap was just her fooling herself. It was obvious now. She wasn't some young girl in the middle of a great love story. She was just a regular horny teenager with an awkward young body full of physical needs and raging hormones, and she had been playing stupid little horny teenager games, fooling herself because she just couldn't admit to herself that she was hot and horny without being in love, so she made up this whole love story so she could try and have sex without feeling like some tramp._

_She had a friend—Linna. Linna had been doing it since she was thirteen. She was a real friend, and she never made fun of Rikku's choice to stay a virgin, never tried to change her mind. She just said—once—that Rikku didn't know what she was missing. Linna had a vibrator—more than one, actually—and said Rikku should at least try that. Rikku could make one of those, she thought, probably out of the next mech they came across. That would be okay and she figured she knew what to do with it and she was sure she'd enjoy it, but...she knew that somewhere up ahead was Zanarkand where they would all probably die soon. And she sure didn't want to die a virgin._

"_I WANT SEX!" she said to herself inside her head, "And I can do BETTER than dropping my pants for some old one-eyed guy with a scar."_

_Like, Tidus, she thought. Tidus is young and good-looking and has a great body. I bet if I get him off alone away from the others and start tearing off my clothes and his clothes we'd be doing it in no time. Or...maybe Wakka. Tidus is with Yunie, and maybe I don't want to go there, although it's really no big deal. And Wakka was kind of a big guy, you know. Maybe..._

_NO! No! Kimahri! Kimahri was huge! I'll bet..._

_That's what I'll do, she thought! I'll walk up to Kimahri one night while we're all around the fire and I'll ask him if we can talk in private and we'll step away from the others into the dark, but not too far away and he'll still hear us._

_No! NO! I'll go out to Kimahri one night when he has the watch and he won't say anything and I won't say anything and I'll take off my clothes and he'll take off his clothes and we'll start doing it, and, and, and Auron will be coming because it's almost the end of the watch and he'll hear me screaming and he'll think, Rikku! Rikku's in trouble! And he'll run and burst through the trees and see me naked having sex with Kimahri and he'll just be stunned and, and, maybe Tidus can be there too, and I guess Wakka, and maybe even Yuna and Lulu, and it'll be all of us together, everyone but him. They'll be doing things to me and I'll love it and he'll see!_

_And, and, and we'll do it every night! During the day we'll all be perfect little guardians and summoners and do everything that he says, Yes, Sir Auron! No, Sir Auron! Right, Sir Auron! But at night the clothes will come off and they'll all climb on top of me and have sex with me, everyone but him, and he'll turn and walk away because he doesn't want to see and he doesn't want to hear what they're all doing to me, what they're doing to little Rikku, and that I LOVE it! YEAH!_

I shook my head. Okay. That was weird, there at the end. Huh. Rewrite that sometime. But still, it was all so silly now that I understood.

Yuna followed me when I got up and went outside. Wow. The sun was all bright and stuff. I hadn't been outside for a whole day, and I guess my eyes were still sort of sore from all the crying I had done. They were all out there. I didn't look at him because even if I wasn't mad I thought it would be, you know, awkward. I'm pretty sure he felt the same way. So I didn't look at him, I just told them all that I was sorry I had held up the journey and that I was all right now. They didn't have to worry about me.

And everyone was being so nice and gentle with me, asking how I was and if there was anything they could do for me. Man, I was tired of that, tired of them all being so sweet and understanding. Hey, it's not like I was made of glass. I almost took Wakka's head off the fourth time he asked me if I needed anything, but I managed to smile instead. (You know, he's really kind of good-looking if you can ignore the hair.) But really, I guess I was kinda tired of everything. I just wanted to get back to normal. Or whatever.

So we ate and broke camp and started up the trail. No one was talking much. It was cold and snowy and cloudy. We fought a few fiends and things. Passed some graves. Just a regular day on Mt Gagazet. And I really was back to normal even though they didn't seem to want to think so. I was making little jokes and singing little songs but they were all looking at me like they didn't even recognize me sometimes. Okay, so they were some really dirty jokes, but they were still pretty funny. And I was teasing and maybe even flirting a little with Tidus and Wakka, and I kept sneaking glances over at Kimahri, too. He looked back once and I smiled at him and licked my lips. He nodded and looked away. Hm. And I kept pulling up the front of my tee to rub my hands just under my breasts, you know, just to see who was interested.

And all during the day I kept finding my hand sort of wandering down to the front of my shorts, and maybe kind of rubbing a little. Kinda embarrassing, I guess. Man, I really need to take care of this soon, now that I know what's going on. Damn, it'd be so easy if we weren't in the middle of nowhere, if there were some hot young guys around who just wanted to have a good time and just do it, you know? Just wanted to have some fun, but nooooo, I'm stuck out here with people who care about me. Huh. If they really cared they'd take twenty minutes outta their busy lives to do a girl a favor. I mean it's not like I'm ugly or anything.

You know, I'm, um...a virgin. Well, I guess you knew that. I mean, I've had chances, and I've even wanted to sometimes, kinda. But, well, I guess I've always sort of thought that I'd get married young, you know? I mean, I've got a heart full of love, and it sounds kinda silly, but I really do. I know that about myself. So I figured I'd find someone and fall in love with him and we'd get married and it'd be probably be pretty soon and so I might as well wait. If I didn't think that, well, I don't know. But I really did think that.

Stupid, I guess.

And now...now after all that we've all been through and we're on our way to Zanarkand and we're probably all going to die, so, you just have to rethink things, you know? Like, if I'm not ever even going to have a chance to fall in love for real and get married and have kids or even to grow up, well, can't I at least have some fun before I go? I'm young, you know? I'm supposed to be stupid. And now I just feel like there's all this pressure building up inside me and all of these urges and these frustrations and I just need a release, and if I don't get it soon I'm just gonna explode and scream and maybe even attack Yunie in the night cause she smells so nice and why did I blow all those chances with those blitzball players and those chocobo wranglers and some of those Crusaders were pretty hot!

And we still haven't run into any more machina! Poop!

Wakka smiles when I keep touching him during the day, just little touches on the arm or the chest, and maybe I slap him on the butt a couple of time and he laughs, but when I do it to Tidus he just kinda frowns and looks worried. Wet blanket. And Lulu kind of frowns at me too, but looks away when I lick my lips at her. Ha!

Anyway, maybe Tidus is worried about Yunie. Maybe I could talk to Yunie, talk her into sharing? She probably wouldn't mind, she's so nice and giving and all...

And I guess maybe, well, the three of us...

Hm, I think. Me and Yunie and Tidus. I glance over at her real quick. Huh. I guess Tidus might be used to that kind of thing if he was a star blitzball player and all. I try and picture it in my head. Hm. Pull out Yuna, replace with Wakka, now you have something. Oops. Damn hand rubbing my shorts again.

It's a nice day up here on the mountain. Well, it's kinda cold, and my nipples are totally poking up through my tee and even my bra, and I joke about it to the guys about how hard they are, and they probably already count as piercing weapons, and I could maybe put poisonstrike or something on them and use then to fight fiends, and they kinda laugh, and I can't really lean over the way Lulu does, but instead I arch my back and give them all a good view. I think about flashing them. Maybe later, when the girls aren't around? You know, I still have my camera. Maybe I could give them all topless photos of myself and see who bites? Too subtle? I don't have time to be subtle.

And then while we were healing up after one fight towards the end of the day, Tidus came over and asked quietly if we could talk and I said Sure, so the two of us said we'd just scout around a little and went on ahead sort of up around the bend, walking next to each other, kinda close.

You know, fighting the fiends, even if they only let me steal, still—I'm sweating, and they're all sweating, even in the cold, and I can smell them with all their tight young muscles, and we're all on the edge of life and death, one slip and you're gone...it kinda got me hot thinking about it.

Hm. Tidus.

"Hey Rikku," he said when we were away from the others, and we slowed to a stop. "I just wanted to tell you, you know, that I'm your friend if you need a friend..."

Good looking, I thought. Nice hair. Great body.

"And well, I know you get scared sometimes, and well, if you need someone to just hold you, well, I'm right here, okay?"

I cocked my head to one side. His eyes are a really deep shade of—I saw a flash of red from the corner of my eye.

"And I...Wha?"

I jumped in close and my LIPS were on HIS and suddenly my shirt was off and my hands were all over his bare chest sliding his little yellow hoodie down his arms!

"Mmghphh! Mghrikku! Hey!"

He's trying to pull away! Why is he trying to pull away? Stop fighting! I know he wants this as much as I do! My hands are tugging at his waist now and I'm grinding my belly into his and kissing his whole face!

"RIKKU! Stop it!" he yells and shoves me away from him and I turn and where is he? Where is he!

He's...gone...

He left...

"Rikku! What he hell!"

"Huh?" He left. He just left. I turn around and Tidus is staring at me like I have two heads. Tidus...?

And it's like a fog is suddenly lifted from my head and all my bright, fake little horny happiness just shatters into a million pieces and falls to the ground, and just...

"Rikku...?"

I cross my arms over my chest and look away.

I'm not embarrassed. I'm not...anything.

"I'm sorry, Tidus," I say, and sink down to sit on the snowy ground, and try to understand what I'm feeling now. Or not feeling.

"It's okay..." he said, and he picks up something and hands it to me. My shirt. It's cold and wet, but I put it on anyway.

It doesn't hurt anymore, inside me.

I mean, really this time, not like when I was fooling myself before. I don't feel the pain.

Where did it all go? I don't feel anything. It's like...it's like a wall has just gone up somewhere inside me and I'm on one side and...and everything else...is on the other.

I don't know...I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say. I never felt like this. So I close my eyes and it's like I take a little tour and walk around inside Rikku and look at where it all used to be, and it's just not there anymore. And I think, Here's the place where all the anger used to be, and over there is where the fear was, and the pain was in that corner. And it's all empty space now, and vast and echoing. And then I get to the wall inside me. It's tall and strong and I can almost see all of it there on the other side, all of the pain and fear and whatever that used to be here, and I put out my hand and I almost touch the wall, but in the end I don't, and my hand drops to my side and I turn and don't look at it anymore. I slowly look around inside Rikku.

There aren't any colors inside me anymore, no hot angry reds, or cool, interesting blues, or bright, fun yellows, or shady, mysterious greens. I'm all grey now, inside. I even wonder if my eyes are grey.

And I just feel...empty.

"Rikku?" Tidus said with worry in his voice. My eyes open and he crouches down next to me and reaches out a hand.

"It's all right, Tidus, I told him. "I don't need to be held."

I don't need anything.

He looked at me and I looked back.

"I do..." he said softly.

"Ha..." a little laugh hiccough slipped out and I looked at him.

"Hey, you think you're the only one that needs to be held sometimes? Please, Rikku? I'm scared too, y'know?"

So he sat down next to me in the cold snow and I put my arms around him and held him. And maybe...maybe it made me feel a little better. Or at least...a little less alone.

"You have friends, Rikku," he said.

Yeah.

"Tidus," I said after a minute.

"Yeah?"

"Who was Willa?"

"Is that what this is all about?" he asked softly.

I didn't say anything.

"Maybe you should ask Auron," he said.

"Please, Tidus."

"What do you know?" he asked quietly.

"Just that he knew her, and cared about her," I said.

After a minute he said, "She was...she was a girl. In Zanarkand. Not much older than you or me. They lived together for a while. About a year. She...really loved him."

"They were in love?"

"She loved him. And I think...I think he wanted to love her back, but..."

"Tidus?"

"But I don't think he ever did. Not really."

Neither of us said anything for a while.

Then I said, "Thank you, Tidus," and kissed him on the cheek. I didn't feel much. That wall was there and everything was behind it, but...I did feel less alone.

I have friends.

"Tidus?" I said after a while.

"Yeah?"

"Did he tell you to do this?"

"Yeah," he said. "But he shouldn't have had to."

**Auron:**

Be happy, Auron.

I remember once when my fondest hope was that if Yuna chose to die, then perhaps...Rikku and Tidus. I wanted that. And perhaps now it will happen. There is a chance.

Rikku and Tidus.

Why the hell did I ever want that?

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I felt...

Empty.

That's all I felt that night, lying in the tent next to Yuna and Lulu. That's all I've felt all day, ever since I kissed Tidus. Inside my head or my heart or whatever, I walk up to the wall. I can feel them there on the other side, all the feelings. I put out one finger and prod the wall, but it's all solid. I don't think I could get through if I wanted. And I don't want to. Pain is on the other side, more heart-pain than I thought I could ever feel. Fear, too. I know the fear of Zanarkand and fear of dying and fear of losing Yunie is on the other side of that wall, too.

So I guess I don't really want to get through that wall. It's better to feel nothing. To feel empty, right? At least it doesn't hurt.

But I just...I mean, can't I feel something, anything, without bringing down that whole wall?

I lie in the tent while the hours pass. I know when it's time for the midwatch. I know he's...he's out of camp, out standing guard in the dark. And I remember when I would go out and talk to him about anything at all, just to be with him, and if I had a problem...

He was always...

And I'm just so...

I get up quietly, without waking Yuna or Lulu, and I go out to where the guys are sleeping rolled up in their blankets. I stand there a minute, shivering, and then I lie down and slip under the blankets and scoot next to him and my arms slip around him.

"Wha...? Huh?"

"Shh..." I whisper. "Please...hold me? I just need someone to hold me..."

"Rikku?" he says. His hand is on my hip. "What's...?"

I'm cold, and he's warm.

"It's okay," I say softly, "I just..."

And then my lips are on his and he jerks back.

"Rikku, no."

But my lips are chasing his and they catch him and then he's suddenly kissing me back long and hard and our tongues come out and play with each other and I feel...

Empty.

After a moment he breaks off the kiss, and I let him.

I lie back, away from him. I just...I just wanted to feel something. I just wanted something to fill up all the emptiness inside me.

"Feeling better?" he asks quietly.

Feeling empty.

And then I'm crying and shaking and he's holding me tight and rocking me, and I can pretend for a little while that they're his arms around me and I'm not a stupid little girl and that...and that he loves me...

**Auron:**

It...hurts.

I look up at the stars and I know that it hurts worse than it ever did seeing Willa walking down the street with whatever man had paid her for that night.

And I know that Tidus will never take advantage of her emotional distress, and neither will Wakka, but...

She will get better. She will think of me less and less, and then the day will come when she doesn't think of me at all. And then she will be able to move on. That's how it should be. Perhaps, perhaps she will end up with Tidus, or with Wakka. They are both fine young men, and I think either would try to make her happy.

I look up at the stars and they tell me what I already know.

This is the way that it must be.

Yuna will not let me leave, and now I wonder if it was ever anything more than my attempt to run away. But Rikku is young and strong, and her instincts are sound. She will stay away from me while we travel together, until Zanarkand, and then we will separate. If Yuna chooses to die then Rikku will probably return to her people. And if Yuna chooses life, then Rikku will stay with her while I leave to oversee the other aspects of The Plan. And every time that I rejoin them for a moment in their new journey, her pain will be a little less.

And when we are finally done, and the wounds of Spira have begun to heal, then I will leave this place and move on to the next phase of the war in heaven and then, by the lord I WILL END ALL OF THIS.

And she...

And she will find someone to give her young heart to.

And she will have the wedding and the children and the family that she has always wanted. There is something deep in her that needs these things, and she deserves to have them. That is the life that she deserves and I...will...be...happy...for her.

I look up at the stars, and they tell me that I am right.

I. Will. Be. Happy. For. Her.

Because...

I love Rikku.

* * *

**Auron:**

It...HURTS.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was still empty when I woke up before dawn. I thanked him quietly and got up and went back to the tent and lay down to think about things some more. I cried in his arms, letting something out, and you would think that was good, but it just seemed to leave me feeling even more hollow than before.

I...well...

I know what I'm going to do now.

It was pretty quiet that morning, like it's been quiet the last few mornings. No one was saying much. No one seemed really angry at anyone else, but I guess they just didn't feel like talking. I suppose they noticed I wasn't singing or laughing anymore, but no one said anything. I didn't look at him, so I don't know if he was looking at me. But my guess would be no. We broke camp and moved out up the trail. I stayed in front. We fought some of the same old fiends, but Wakka ran all the battles. Sometimes Auron and I fought next to each other, and he even guarded me, but we never looked at each other.

Sometimes all the fog would clear and for just a moment I could see the Calm Lands, green in the distance. That's where I started to care about him for real, and we would hold each other and play stupid little games. I think, I think that if that wall wasn't there inside me holding all my feelings back behind it, that would really hurt, seeing the Calm Lands for a few seconds before the fog and the clouds cover them up again.

He called me a star.

I knew what I was going to do now.

-----Rikku's story----_In the Deep_----Bird York----

_She took the camera, the little one that she used to pay off her bet with Wakka, and started away from camp._

"_Rikku...?" Yuna said. She was worried._

"_I just need some air," Rikku told her, with a bright, fake little smile. "I'm fine. Really."_

_She walked off into the cold, barren wilderness of rock and snow. She wished..._

_It's already so cold and empty inside me now, she thought, I wish the world at least had some color or warmth. She wished she could see the Calm Lands one more time, even from a distance. It was green there. She had been young and falling in love there and she had convinced herself that of course one day he'd love her back because that's how the stories go. She had been so happy there in the Calm Lands. So stupid and so happy._

_But not on Mt Gagazet._

_She got farther and farther from the camp. If she had looked more carefully she might have seen some of the delicate little flowers he showed her once, but she didn't look for them. She just walked. It took her a while to find what she needed. No trees on Mt Gagazet. Only ice and rock. And graves. Ice and rock and the graves of people like her. But she found a place where a small outcropping stuck out of the cliff overhead. That would do, she thought, and took the line from her pocket._

_She began to twist it and tie it, without really thinking at all and she was almost surprised when it was ready. She held it in her hands looking at it a moment, then she put it aside and set to work building a sort of pyramid, a loose pile of stones and rocks to stand on so she could secure the line to the stone overhead._

_When it was ready she took off her clothes._

_It was cold._

_Naked and shivering, she pulled her hair out of its ponytail and set up the camera, fiddling with it a bit. She wanted the angles to be right. There weren't going to be any cute, happy accidents this time. When she had it the way she wanted, she lifted one bare foot and carefully climbed up on top of the loose stack of rocks wind-milling her arms to keep her balance. They were wet and slippery and wobbled underneath her and it was tricky but she was a dancer and after a moment she stood steady on top of the pile. She took the thin cord and slipped it over her head. She pulled it snug around her throat, and then tried to stand up straight while she stared into the camera as it snapped the pictures, but she was kind of huddling against the cold, and shaking._

_I...she...wasn't going to do it. I...she...just..._

_She just wanted him to see the pictures, and maybe to scare him. She just wanted him to know how much it hurt. After a moment the camera finished taking the pictures. Time to get down. Carefully, because you know, if she slipped... She felt the cold wind blowing across her naked body. It was stinging her eyes and she just stood there, blinking. She clenched her toes and knocked one little stone from the pile, and she could feel the rocks shift a little bit under her bare feet, before they settled again. She swallowed, feeling the narrow cord around her neck. It felt so real, in this world that had started to feel like a sad little dream to her. She was breathing faster and she could feel her rapid heartbeat under the thin line. She felt like she was standing on the edge of a tall, tall cliff. If..._

_You know, if she slipped, or if...if she...kicked...these stones away from under her feet, she'd..._

_Well, no, she wouldn't. All that would happen is she'd reach up and grab the rock outcropping and climb up. No problem._

_But...but if her hands and feet were tied, maybe tied with heavy rocks, so she couldn't reach up..._

_She blinked and shook her head, her blond hair brushing her shoulders. What was she doing? What was she thinking? She took a deep, shuddering breath and pulled and yanked the line from around her neck and stepped down, and the pile of rocks dissolved under her feet and she fell, hitting her shoulder and scraping her arm. She lay there for a minute, and then she sat up slowly on the hard ground, pulled her knees to her chest, and hugged herself, shivering uncontrollably._

_She thought of his arms around her. It just came into her head and she pushed it out and concentrated on how cold she was. After a while she got up and got dressed, and started walking back to camp. She almost forgot the camera. She left the cord dangling behind her in the cold wind._

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I did it. I went off and found a place and I took the pictures. I have them now, in my pouch while I walk at the front of the party. He's walking in the back, like always.

It's not, like, a cry for attention or something.

It's not!

I just...I...just want him to know how much I hurt.

So we eat, we train, we fight fiends. Yuna prays at the graves of summoners and guardians. I take the pictures out and look at them several times that day. Maybe, I don't know, I was trying to feel something. But all I feel is dull and neutral.

I know what I'm going to do. I'll walk up to him, or drop back to walk beside him or something and I'll say, I took these for you Auron. And I'll hand him the pictures and walk away. My mouth is dry, and I lick my lips.

Now? Later?

I know they all start to notice when I slow, and start to fall back. I guess they think that...I don't know. Whatever. Most of them nod to me, and smile a little. Yuna looks worried. Lulu looks doubtful. And then they're all past me, and he's coming up behind me, and now he's walking beside me, and what do I feel?

Empty.

And I can tell there's something behind the wall, trying to get through, but I don't know what it is. All I feel is empty.

He doesn't say anything as we walk next to each other and neither do I, and I reach into my pouch and pull out the pictures. I took these for you Auron.

I open my mouth...

"I miss you, Rikku."

**Auron:**

Why did you say it Auron?

It is said now, and she is looking at you, and you look back at her and then you both turn away.

You notice something clutched tightly in her half-raised hand—papers—and you ask quietly, "What is that?"

And she looks at you for just a second, and barely mumbles, "...nothing important...trash..." and she crumples them in her hand and stuffs then back in her pouch and speeds her steps to rejoin the others.

**Next: Grey Days**


	39. Grey Days

Well, let's see if this works. The site wasn't letting me upload documents all week. It just kept giving me errors and saying I had no documents uploaded at this time. I reported the error, but I can't really expect anything anytime soon. So what I ended up doing was exporting an old chapter to the manager and erasing it (except for one word as a placeholder) and pasting the new chapter in. It's a variation of the way I edit chapters after they're posted now. Eh. Like I say, we'll see if it works.

Well, we're past that last chapter, and if things aren't all happy and fuzzy again now at least they're not so black, I think. Kind of grey. I know some people didn't like the chapter or parts of it. Neither did I, really, but there it is. (I wonder if anyone did skip it.) And as far as the -T- rating goes, that was the chapter that worried me.

By the way, I know there was a lot going on, but I thought more people would be curious who Rikku was kissing while Auron was out guarding. Oh well. And no fancy strategy in the battle coming up with Seymour, pretty standard really.

So, major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Don't know if that's going to change anytime soon. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship, with high points and low, and questions and uncertainty and conflict and all the rest. Rated-T-.

This chapter and the next are dedicated to Luv2Game. Thanks for the reviews (hey, you were the second person to review, way back when--course, then you stopped--huh). Glad you updated "wedding time", now do it again and kill off Zarinia. (Still annoys me that Rikku got away without apologizing.) Uh, anyway, hope you like them.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron: **

What possessed me to say it? Was I desperately reaching, grasping one last time for her friendship and her company? Pathetic. Am I so weak and so selfish?

Things are not as I would wish, but I think it is for the best now. As much as the girl hurts it will fade in time, and she would have been hurt worse later. If we had not made up after that fight in the Calm Lands she would not be suffering now. This is best. Things will be awkward for a while, not only for her and me but for the entire party, but afterward she will be free of me and the party will mend. We will do what we have to do, and then we will go our separate ways. And in time the heart she wears so openly on her sleeve will be given to someone else.

I only wish it could be sooner. I wish that her bruised soul would mend quicker. I wish that Yuna had let me step away, for a while, to let her heal. I know it would have helped her.

And if I were absent I could not do something so selfish and so hurtful as telling her that I miss her.

* * *

**Grey Days **

* * *

**Rikku's Diary: **

It's still there, the wall inside me. I can still sense everything on the other side, pain and tears and hurt and anger and fear and sadness. I don't really feel any of it, but I know it's all there. I wonder if I'll ever feel anything again.

Does that sound all teen drama to you? All young girl angst and Why is the World Doing This to Me? It isn't. I know time heals, and I know people get over things, but I also know we're on our way to Zanarkand, and there's every possibility that we're all going to die. That's just the truth. Can't handle it? Go somewhere else.

So I might never feel anything else, ever, cause we could all be dead soon.

Wonder if I'll feel anything when I die.

I don't want to hurt him anymore. I mean, I guess I do, but it's all somewhere behind that wall that's inside me. I guess I thought or hoped or something that if I hurt him I'd feel better, or less empty. But I don't think so anymore. I never showed him the pictures. I got rid of them. And I wanted to have sex with someone, but now I think that was really to hurt him too.

I guess...maybe sex would fill up the emptiness a little, for a while, but...

I don't know. I just don't seem to care anymore. Besides, who would have sex with me out here? Tidus and Wakka and Kimahri wouldn't, not like this. They'd think they were taking advantage of me, and they just won't, even if they were willing to hurt Auron, which I don't think they are, not to mention Yunie and Lulu. And Auron sure as hell won't. Surprised? Yeah, I'd have sex with Auron, maybe. I said I wasn't mad anymore, and it might as well be him as anyone. But it doesn't matter because he wouldn't. And I don't think sex is the answer anyway. Maybe if we were at an agency or on the airship or something, and I could find someone...just anyone, you know? I mean I guess it wouldn't hurt, and I guess I still don't want to die a virgin. And if I had an orgasm before I go, well that'd be nice too. But it's really kind of hard for me to care. I guess that's all behind that wall too.

Maybe I'm getting used to feeling empty.

**Auron: **

There is a certain grey sameness to the days. The fiends are no real challenge, and we capture the ones we still need. The girl speaks to me sometimes, and I to her. She tells me what she has managed to steal, and how it might help our weapons or armor. I give her directions in battle, and she follows them.

"Rikku, in and steal and back for Yuna."

She nods. In and out. She's quick.

"Hi potion."

She doesn't smile as she says it. She doesn't even pretend to smile now. She is grey and the rest of them are grey too, worried about her, and about themselves now that she is not cheering them up. I know that things will get better in time, but for now they are without color.

And I have always been grey. Unless I was with Rikku, or Willa, or Emma, or some other bright spirit. And then I suppose I would steal a little of their wonderful color for myself. I suppose it made me feel...human.

Is that the only reason I was ever with them?

We finish the wolf-thing and the reptile-thing, and Yuna heals our hurts, and we resume our journey to the dead city, and I remember how Yuna wanted her last journey to be full of laughter.

And so the grey days go.

**Rikku's Diary: **

No one sees the blood. Really, it's just a scratch.

I don't tell Yuna or anyone as we start up the mountain again.

It hurts. I feel it.

I wonder if it'll scar.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Here sir," he said. "This is for you. I hope...I hope it's worth it."

I glance down at the papers.

We were all surprised to find the young man here halfway up the side of Mt Gagazet, five grey days after the events of that night. We have seen him before in our travels, in many places. It would not have surprised me to find out that he was a part of our network, but he wasn't. His name was Wantz, and he was the brother of the merchant O'aka. The merchant has been imprisoned and sent his young brother to supply us in his stead, bringing with him some unique items. Apparently Rin or some agent of ours approached him and offered to help him find us if he would deliver certain papers to me, and he agreed. They certainly sent others as well, but this is the young man that found us. This was the intelligence that I had told them was vital. They managed to get it to me in time.

Armed now with the information I am looking carefully over the young man's wares with Lulu.

"We need that," I said.

The mage's eyes went wide.

"Oh, it's...Sir Auron, it's the most expensive thing there...it's over 100,000 gil! We...we really..."

"Lulu," I said, "Buy the booster cactuar."

"I...I shouldn't..."

I put out one hand and laid it on her arm.

"Lulu, we need you to have it."

A delightful, shy smile crept across her face, and she almost looked playful and...naughty...as she turned to the young man and said, "We'll take it."

"And a very good choice it is, too, miss. Guaranteed to boost your magic and to power up your spells. There you go."

She held her new cactuar at arms length to look at it and smile at it. I wondered to myself when the last time was that Lulu spent money on herself. I wonder when the last time was that anyone bought anything for her.

Who would dare buy Lulu a gift?

Turning back, I look over the selection for a moment.

"We also need that," I said.

"Oh," Lulu said. "Um, good choice, Sir Auron, if you're sure?"

"I am."

Survivor. A claw equipped with alchemy. A strength bonus too, but alchemy is the important factor. In effect it will function as another speed multiplier for Rikku, allowing her to heal us twice as fast. For added effect I'll have her put first strike on it as well. At 97,000 gil it was also the second most expensive item in stock. If I had indicated interest in it first Lulu would have spontaneously exploded. Having bought her more expensive doll first, there was nothing for her to say. She paid without a word although I sensed massive irritation from her and her expression said that she thought that she had somehow been tricked.

"How much do we have left?" I asked her.

She checked, although I'm sure she knew down to the last quarter-gil.

"A little more than 100,000 gil," she said.

"Wantz, will you buy weapons too?"

"Course I will. I, uh, I'm not sure how I'll get them down off the mountain, but I'll buy'em. Fair prices paid, too."

I turned to the others.

"Empty out your packs. We're selling all the weapons we don't need." I turned back. "We'll take the blessed bracer, and all the holy waters you have."

The mage arched one elegant eyebrow in question.

"Sir Auron, are you...expecting something?"

"Perhaps Lulu. In any case, I want to be ready. Pay him."

When our exchanges were done and we prepared to take our leave of the young merchant, I asked Lulu to take the claw and bracer over to Rikku, instructing her to put first strike on the former and auto-med on the latter as soon as she could. If we didn't have enough remedies for auto-med, I told her, let me know and we'd hunt around.

"Um, you could give then to her yourself, Sir Auron," she said with another raised eyebrow. I smiled a little, remembering that whenever Rikku tried to do that all she could do was squint. I shake my head and she shakes hers, and goes to discharge her errand.

After resting a bit we bid the young man farewell and continue up the mountain. I review the notes as we walk up the trail. There are several messages, but right now I am only interested in one.

_Subject (Maester Seymour) and ten Guado Guard arrived at the mountain four days after Summoner Yuna's party. Ronso used time to gather forces. Approx 500 Ronso warriors engaged with magic and physical attacks as subject attempted to ascend the trail. Subject was in possession of Guado celestial weapon known as Lance of Atrophy. Subject inflicted zombie status ailments on Ronso attackers to great effect. Without holy water Ronso were unable to heal and suffered approx 35 percent casualties while inflicting moderate damage on the subject and reducing Guado soldiers. Subject periodically used Cross Cleave overdrive attack also to great effect. (See note 1.) Cross Cleave was always preceded by multi-Dispell. _

I flipped through the pages.

_At this point (16:20 BMT) subject had sustained heavy damage. All Guado Guard were KIA. Ronso had suffered approx 70 percent casualties but non-warrior Ronso (many female) were joining ranks. Subject began employing auto-assault total annihilation attack inflicting heavy casualties on remaining Ronso forces. (See Note 3.) Cross Cleave was never observed past this point. _

Flip.

_Upon completion of the engagement (16:50 BMT) subject continued up the trail. (See note 5.) _

_Attachments to follow: Probable effect on Ronso people, short term, mid term, long term. Probable effect on Ronso military capability in the short term. Probable effect on Ronso/Guado relations. Probable effect on Ronso/Church relations. _

So...one hour to decimate the Ronso.

Flip.

_They were very brave. _

They...what?

Why...?

I read it again.

_They were very brave. _

Why did he add that at the end?

I look at the words written there.

They have no military relevance.

_They were very brave. _

They don't help me to prepare for this battle.

Why should this matter to me? Why does he tell me this?

But...

I know why.

I stare at the words without seeing them now.

This unknown agent, our secret observer, gave a detailed account of the battle, providing me with the intelligence that I badly need, describing the strategies and sequences of attacks, and the arms and capabilities. And then...

He did his job. This man, whoever he was, or this woman, did their duty. They observed and recorded the combat. They saw the Ronso throwing themselves at Seymour again and again, breaking and dying and...and they...they simply...they saw and they simply couldn't let what they saw and what they witnessed...

They couldn't just let it pass.

Did they shake their head in disbelief as they watched? Did they curse as they took their notes? Did they pound their fist into the stony ground until their hand bled?

Did they weep as they counted the dead?

Our agent, whoever it was, what they saw that day on the sacred mountain...they had to...to acknowledge the courage, and the sacrifice...they had to remember. They needed to bear witness. They had to tell...someone...

Simple words.

_They were very brave_.

I remember Mi'ihen.

The Crusaders and the Al Bhed were very brave at Mi'ihen.

The Zanarkand Civil Guard were very brave at Dead Drop Point.

My cadets were very brave at Klanneth.

_They were very brave_.

I fold that sheet, and put it away into a deep pocket of my red coat.

I will remember. I will not forget.

* * *

**Auron:**

Later that day the girl came up to me when we stopped for a break.

"Auron...we had the remedies. Here's the bracer."

"Thank you Rikku."

She didn't seem angry. She didn't seem anything. I expected her to go when she had delivered the bracer, but she stood there. Not looking at me. I should walk away, I suppose. It will be rude, but the best thing for her, to help her get past this and move on. I should walk away.

We both stand there. The cold wind is blowing softly. We can hear the faint voices of the others making desultory conversation in the distance.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I tried to be angry. I tried to be anything.

I'm not even sure why I'm still standing there. It's really the first time we've been together, since, you know. It's strange how clearly I can remember it, considering I was more than half-asleep. I remember being in his arms, and we were clutching each other, and our mouths were on each other, and my hands were tugging at my shorts, pulling them down, and I was calling his name. And he said...

"Auron...who was Willa?"

----Who was Willa?----_Hallelujah_---Jeff Buckley----

I'm not even sure why I asked. I don't think I really care. Maybe I'm just curious, about how it all went so wrong, so fast.

For one wonderful minute...I thought he loved me back. Sixty incredible seconds—the best, most wonderful seconds of my life—and I was going to take him, all of him and give myself to him and we would belong just to each other forever and ever. And then...

Lord, it hurt, and now I don't even feel that. Now it's just...grey.

And I'm curious.

He didn't look at me, and I wondered for a moment if he was going to answer. Then he said quietly, "Once, there was a girl, who dreamed of being a dancer."

I felt a flicker of irritation, and shook my head and said, "Auron, I don't want a story, just tell me who she was."

"Please, Rikku..." he said roughly, "Let me tell it my way."

"All right," I said dully, looking away. "Tell it any way that you like."

I heard him take a deep ragged breath and slowly let it out again.

"Once there was a girl who dreamed of being a dancer, but some lives go wrong, and she grew up to sell her body to men on the streets of Zanarkand. She fell in love one day, and he tried as hard as he could to love her back, but some loves aren't meant to be. When they made love it was only sex. And she left, because it hurt so much to be so close to someone who didn't love her back. Some stories don't have happy endings."

Well...

He stood there, just looking down at the snow at his feet. And I thought about what he said.

Was that what he was doing with me? Trying to love me, and he just never could? Was that what he meant when he said I'd get hurt if I loved him? Was he...

Could he...?

"Auron, did you hurt me on purpose?"

**Auron:**

I flatter myself that my face showed nothing, but she must have somehow felt how her question struck me like a punch in the gut, because she went on, "I'm sorry, but, I know you hurt Tidus, and I still don't know why, and maybe you wanted me to...to stop loving you—"

Did I flinch?

"—because you have to go, or because I'll get hurt more later...or something else...I don't know...I don't know how you think. So, so I wanted to ask you..."

**Rikku's Diary:**

"No, Rikku," he said softly. "No, I didn't want to hurt you."

Did I hurt him? Did I hurt him asking him the question? I didn't want to hurt him. My crush is over, if that's what it was. I don't feel anything for him, anymore than I feel anything else. But I don't want to hurt him, or anyone. Not anymore. There's already too much pain in the world.

"I'm sorry, Auron, I just needed to know. I needed to know for myself, for my own peace of mind, to start putting everything back together again."

"It's all right, Rikku. I know that I hurt you, and I want you to know that I'm very sorry."

I sort of shrugged.

"I know you didn't do it on purpose. It wasn't your fault."

"I'm an adult," he said quietly. "I accept responsibility for things that aren't my fault."

Was he calling me a kid? Maybe. I tried and failed to feel some resentment. I shook my head.

"You didn't mean to do it, Auron. But...it hurt. And I just don't know if I'll ever be able to get past it, and trust you again..."

"I wouldn't ask you to."

I guess I felt like I'd been slapped. I thought...

He said he missed me...but...

I guess I didn't really care.

He looked at me for a second, then looked away and said, "I didn't want you to be hurt, but you were. And if we had continued the way we were, you would have been hurt even more. I'm sorry if we never regain our friendship, but I know that this has been for the best. I don't want to hurt you any more."

So...

"So that's it," I said, and he nodded.

Maybe that's when I knew it was officially over. If neither of us was going to try, well, that's all there is to say, I guess. After everything I thought and felt and dreamed, after holding me in the night and fighting and making up and picnics in the Calm Lands and dancing and battles side-by-side and after all of the worry that we would lose each other...it's just...over. This is how it ends...so quietly and so flat on this cold, grey mountain.

He'll never bring me breakfast in bed again.

It's just...done.

Shouldn't it hurt?

"Well, I guess...bye."

"Good bye, Rikku," he said.

And I went back to the others.

**Auron:**

I will miss you.

* * *

**Auron:**

He is close.

Somewhere ahead? Somewhere behind? Today? Tonight? Tomorrow?

As the days pass I feel myself becoming again who I was. The separation is best for the girl. She will get over her pain soon. But I know that it is best for me as well. I love her, but that is fading into the background. I am growing harder again, and colder inside. And sharper. I have regained my edge. I will fly no more kites. I have killed too many people to fly kites. And I am far too dead to go on picnics. I am Death Walking Among Men, and I have no time for regrets.

I am ready for Seymour.

I am ready for the Guardian.

I am ready for the Keeper.

I am ready for the bitch.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was running, gasping, fighting for breath—I didn't want to leave him! I didn't! But, but someone had to run for help! Some had to go get—

"AURON!"

**Auron:**

The girl comes running up yelling, "Seymour! Seymour's back there! With Tidus!"

Tidus!

"What! Rikku!" Yuna starts as she and the mage and the blitzballer turn to her, but the Ronso and I are already running back and I hear them follow after a moment. We burst into the open and see Tidus confronting the unsent maester. He's facing us but distracted by the boy. My eye narrows. Do we have any chance of taking him by surprise?

"Save some for Kimahri!"

Oh well.

The boy throws us a look of relief as we pound up next to him, and Seymour greets our summoner courteously. They engage in some melodramatic conversation to which I pay not much attention as I observe the battlefield. Seymour seems to be alone. He's speaking to the Ronso now.

"Yours was truly a gallant race. They threw themselves at me, one after the other to block my path."

I can picture it in my head. The Ronso leap at him, insane with rage that he stands on their sacred mountain. They cast their most powerful magic, thunder and water and fire and ice. Colors flash as they call their special attacks again and again. They charge forward and they die and others rush to fill the places of the fallen. I can see it. I can smell it, blood and sweat and the stink of fear. I can hear it, roars of rage and defiance, the screaming of edged metal scraping on armor.

_They were very brave. _

I will not forget.

**Rikku's Diary:**

He's talking about suffering and pain and becoming Sin and saving Spira by killing it and Tidus is somehow involved and what the hell does all that mean? Is he just insane? Does being unsent drive you insane?

I'm not scared. I was scared for Tidus when I left him alone, but I'm not now. I don't know if I would be if I were alone. Maybe I wouldn't be. Maybe all my fear is safe behind that wall. But I don't know because I'm not alone. I'm empty. But I'm not alone.

And all I feel is a kind of angry impatience while Seymour's talking to Yuna. I just want to get this fight over with, so I can go back to thinking how to save her. And if we don't make it though the fight...well...get that over with too.

**Auron:**

Tidus rushes forward, and Seymour steps back and begins his transformation. Damn, he has some version of the Armor of the Dead. Where'd he get that? Probably from his masters on the other side. Maybe for my birthday.

And he has the Lance.

I snap out directions as Kimahri roughly pulls Tidus back and takes his place in the front rank. Just as well.

"Rikku," I say, "Back for Lulu. Kimahri, distract him. And cast Scan when you can."

The Ronso hesitates. He doesn't want to distract Seymour. He wants to attack, to lose himself in a berserk rage, but in the end he is too good a fighter to lose control, and he does as I ask, engaging Seymour in conversation, describing exactly how he will lovingly disembowel the maester. Seymour responds with a disturbing little feminine giggle.

I say, "Lulu," and she throws a quick look at me. "Now is the time, Lulu. Cast Bio."

She nods, and the booster cactuar leaps from her hands and dances and Seymour shakes violently as the poison spell takes hold. This is the weakness that our unknown observer noted. This is what is going to win us this battle. It was the only attack the Ronso had that was effective. Seymour breaks off in mid-giggle, shudders violently, and turns to Lulu, lifting the Lance to strike but I'm there in front of her and the Lance is coming at me quick as a snake. I can't avoid it and I gasp as it strikes deep into my gut and I hear a little cry from behind as I put aside the pain and leap in to land a crushing counter-blow. Is it the girl? Yuna? Lulu? I can't tell, and it doesn't matter. I can feel the Lance's unique poison twisting its way rapidly inside me, spreading quickly through my body.

Zombie.

I always wondered if zombie would affect me.

Even as I am thinking this the magic of the bracer is acting and a vial of holy water appears in my hand and without thought my fingers break the seal and I feel the healing power cleansing the foul infection. The entire process takes only an instant, and then I am back on Guard.

I needed to get Lulu out. I knew the Cross Cleave overdrive attack was coming soon, and Lulu would not survive.

"Lulu back, Wakka up."

"Gotcha, Sir Auron! Whatta ya need? Dark?"

"Hi potion."

"Uh...?"

"Hi potion on me, then get set to defend yourself."

Uh, okay," he said, and threw the potion at me, just in time for me to throw myself between him and the Lance. It sinks deep into my belly and I fold around it, then Seymour pulls it out and I feel something in me tear as I straighten up and strike back before he pulls away. He started to giggle again.

"Kimahri," I said as the Ronso finished the Scan spell, "Back for Tidus, Tidus up and—"

"No," the Ronso stopped me with a growl. "Sprits of the dead Ronso must be avenged. They will guide Kimahri's spear and his spells!"

Damn. Should have seen it coming.

"All right. Kimahri, Demi."

Probably immune, but worth trying.

Yep. Immune. Seymour closes on the Ronso and I leap in and this time I take the Lance in my side. I'm about to call for another potion when Seymour casts multi-Dispell and I yell for them to defend and Wakka sets himself, but Kimahri is readying another spell. Blades extend from the Armor and then Seymour is climbing, then turning, then coming and the blades are slicing across my skin like fire.

I swallow hard and look up and see that Wakka is in still in decent shape beside me, but Kimahri is down and then someone behind me cries out and I turn and the Lance is coming. It catches me in the side again, but I land another blow before Seymour can pull back. I don't know if I can take another hit.

"Wakka, back. Rikku," I coughed, "Up and hi potion."

I felt the blitzballer step away, but didn't look away from Seymour as the unsent maester was rocked by the effects of the poison in his body but never stopped giggling to himself. Then I felt most of my pain washed away by a hi potion augmented by the power of alchemy and I started breathing easier, but didn't let down my guard. And the Lance was stabbing at me, ripping at me. I remembered from the notes...

_Protect offered some defense from Cross Cleave. _

"Rikku," I called as I watched Seymour cast Protect, "Phoenix down on Kimahri, then back for Yuna. Yuna, Protect on me, then back for Wakka. Kimahri, back for Tidus."

Again the Ronso did not want to fall back, but he was weak enough that the others could drag him back, and the boy came up to take his place.

"Tidus, hi potion on me," I said as I jumped in front of him and the Lance took me in the shoulder. Then multi-Dispell hit us, my Protect was gone, and I was crying for Wakka to take Yuna's place and for them to defend themselves and Seymour was tittering and then Cross Cleave hit uslike a wall of swords and then the Lance was stabbing at my leg and everything went black.

**Rikku's Diary:**

...I...he...

**Auron:**

The next thing I remembered was the girl bending over me with a used phoenix down in her hand. I pushed her aside and climbed to my feet, too groggy to Guard them.

"Tidus, Haste on me."

"You got it!"

It would be gone with the next Dispell, but before that I'd be back on my feet and shielding them again. I couldn't defend myself properly if I was going to stay on guard. To survive I needed constant healing. I left the girl in, for now.

Slowly the situation came under control. Without needing to worry about attacking, the others could concentrate on defending and healing the damage while I stood Guard and we let the poison work on Seymour. I had Tidus haste the girl and the others, and moved them back out of range, bringing her up as needed to heal. It was interesting that the Lance was not as powerful as I would expect for a celestial weapon, so...why not? Because he is unsent? Or perhaps because he is only half–Guado? I am grateful in any case. We were holding our own while Seymour was being eaten from the inside. I was ready when he tried to change the rules on us.

He cast Reflect on himself, and then Flare, an old magic users trick. I was expecting it, waiting for it, but I still went cold and I tasted bile in my throat when the Flare hit Rikku and she went down.

**Rikku's Diary:**

The last thing I remember is pain, pain like every little piece of me was catching fire and exploding, and then there was nothing, and then...Auron? No. Tidus. Standing over me with a phoenix down, and looking worried.

"I'm okay," I say, getting to my feet.

"Rikku," I heard the man call, "Get back. Yuna, you're up. Move!"

At least he still seemed to know what he was doing.

**Auron:**

No time to waste. "Yuna, Shell on me. Tidus, Haste me, then Yuna. Yuna, back for Wakka. Wakka, hi potion on yourself."

I used a potion on myself, abandoning my Guard stance. I won't be able to Guard them from this.

_Cross Cleave was never observed after Total Annihilation was initiated. Dispell was never observed after Total Annihilation was initiated. Flare always followed Total Annihilation attack. _

The plan was always a simple one. Poison him, and then survive until he dies. If we can make it past the first attack we have him.

**Rikku's Diary:**

It's like Seymour and Auron were both waiting for something, something bad that the rest of us didn't know was coming. Seymour was just hanging there, laughing and chuckling like a girl and the man was doing all he could to get the strongest guys in there facing him, all healed up and protected by Yuna's Shell, and then that thing Seymour was riding, whatever it was, it was glowing, and then lights were shooting out of it and hitting Auron and the others, rocking them back and tearing their bodies and the air smelled like a thunder storm and it only lasted a couple of seconds and I thought it was over, but instead little missiles started dropped out and slamming into them! The rest of us had to turn away from the glare, and when we looked back...well, they were alive at least. And then Seymour cast Flare and Wakka twisted where he stood and then fell to the ground and didn't move.

"Tidus back," the man rasped. "Rikku, in and phoenix down, then Al Bhed potion."

**Auron:**

It wasn't pleasant, but we were still standing. Heal, defend, heal, defend, and wait for the giggling little blue-haired twerp to fall. It's almost over now. I call up the Ronso after a while. He deserves to be here at the end.

We won. All it took was time.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"He will become Sin...with my help," she said.

Well, we beat Seymour—again—and then that's what Yunie said, afterward. Did Seymour tell her that? Musta been after I tuned out. We were standing, or sitting, or lying on the ground, healing up, when Yuna turned to Tidus with questions in her eyes.

"Lies," Auron said. "Forget them."

"If he becomes Sin, Sir Jecht will be saved," Yuna said slowly.

"We're leaving," the man said, turning.

"You know something! Tell me!"

But he didn't tell her. And I think that they're all starting to see that he knows more than he's saying. I guess I'm glad. We need to know everything we can to protect Yunie. We need to make him talk. They're all looking at him and he's just coolly looking back at all of them, until Tidus finally breaks the silence.

"Sin's...my old man."

So...there's one thing he was keeping from us. All of us except Tidus. I just shake my head while they talk. It's so hard to believe. Tidus' father, Sir Jecht, is Sin? Jecht killed all those people? How is it possible? And I don't know what it means but I know it's an important piece of this big death-puzzle we call Spira. It must be important, and maybe understanding it could help us save Yuna.

I wonder if he ever would have told me.

**Auron:**

The boy is telling them now. Can't be helped I guess. He doesn't have my experience keeping secrets.

So they know, now, that Sin is Jecht. And the girl is looking at me. I can't read any expression on her face. The boy is explaining now that he has no problem fighting his father.

Their relationship was always difficult.

It's time to go.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I remember...on that snowmobile ride at Lake Macalania that day, he told me that the world wasn't what I thought it was.

And he said he didn't want Yuna to die.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I know he can be kind.

I know he can be hard.

But, do I really know him?

Did I ever really know him?

And I suppose maybe somewhere behind that wall I might really hate myself for even thinking what I'm thinking, but I think I need to know.

When we stopped that evening I found him standing a little apart from everyone else. He's always standing a little apart. He looked up at me when I walked over to him. I guess he was surprised.

"Rikku?"

"Auron, I..." He waited patiently while I tried to organize what I wanted to say. Or, didn't want to say.

"Auron," I said slowly, looking down. "Whatever our differences were, I've always respected you. You know I've always respected you."

"Yes, Rikku," he sounded a little puzzled.

"And I...I always knew that whatever you did, you had good reasons for, even if I didn't agree with them. I knew you were doing what you thought you had to do."

"Yes, Rikku."

"Auron..." I said slowly. "When Seymour attacked us, you knew just what to do. How did you know that? Did...did that Wantz guy give you information?"

"Yes, Rikku. He did."

"About the Ronso, and how Seymour fought them?"

"Yes, Rikku."

"Auron..." I said quietly, "Did you let the Ronso die?"

"I..." He stopped, and then he sat down on a stone and looked at the ground. And then he said, "Yes, Rikku. I let Seymour decimate the Ronso in order to gain a tactical advantage."

He looked up at me.

"I made a command decision that our...that my mission...was more important than the lives of the Ronso."

So there it is. I knew he was hard. And if he's hard enough to sacrifice the Ronso, would he sacrifice Yuna? Would he sacrifice us all?

And...what if you're hard enough, and then you make a mistake? Even Auron can make a mistake, and end up sacrificing everything for nothing.

"Auron, couldn't we have beaten Seymour with just the aeons? With Holy? With overdrives? With Bahamut powered up, and the others, couldn't we have beaten him that way?"

"Yes, Rikku, probably. But not as easily."

"Yeah," I said.

Neither of us said anything for a moment I could hear Wakka and Lulu talking not too far off, and Tidus saying something to Yuna.

"Rikku," the man said. "What is it?"

"Auron," I said quietly, "Tell me, tell me you didn't sacrifice the Ronso for the sake of...of an elegant victory."

He blinks.

He doesn't say anything, but he blinks, and then he bends his head and looks at the ground.

"I..." he starts to say, but he doesn't finish the thought.

He's hunched over now. He looks so tired. He looks...defeated. My mouth is dry and I try to swallow, standing there in front of him. He looks so alone. And for the first time I feel a thin trickle of...something...from behind the wall. I'm feeling something, but I'm not sure what. All I know is that he's hurting inside and I...I think...I think I want to go and put my arms around him and hug him tight and tell him it's okay, it's all right, everything'll be all right. But...

He hurt me, the thought comes from somewhere on the other side of the wall.

He didn't mean to. He's sorry.

It HURT.

He's looking down at the ground and breathing hard. I needed to know, but I didn't want to hurt him. I want to go over now and put my arms around him.

But I don't want it enough.

I turn and walk away.

**Auron:**

Could I have...?

I...don't know.

I am a hard man...and I have done terrible things in my life. Most had reasons, explanations, excuses.

But could I have actually thrown away the lives of the Ronso for the chance to score style points?

I...don't know.

Pull it together Auron.

You can't afford to doubt yourself now. Not now! Doubt later, agonize later, shiver and cry later, in the dark of the night, when you're alone!

I straighten up, and I take a deep, deep breath of cold, cold air, and I put the emotions aside for now. I lay down to wait for the midwatch. I don't think that I will sleep tonight.

I never noticed when the girl left.

* * *

**Auron:**

It's very near here. Perhaps just around this next—

"Wow!"

Ah. I think they've found it.

Now they are all wide eyes and open mouths, exclaiming in wonder and questioning each other over what it could be. Yuna recognizes that they are fayth.

**Rikku's Diary:**

But what are they all for? It's all big and blue and green, and there's a kinda mist coming off it and like a big whirlpool or something of light is shooting off into the sky!

And he knows something! He has to, he's been here before, and he always knows something! And...and they're all looking at him! Yeah! This is the time to press him! We'll make him spill the beans!

**Auron:**

The girl comes running up to me demanding answers and I feel sad. Gone are the days when she would look upon this sight and speculate on the feasibility of opening a restaurant here, and the percentage she might rightfully extract.

Well.

That's life.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Look not always to others for knowledge. This is your journey too."

I look at him walking away. More riddles. After everything...everything...he's still giving me riddles. Figure it out for yourself, Rikku. If you're clever enough, maybe Yuna gets to live.

"Yunie might die," I say. "You know?"

Doesn't he care? Didn't he ever care?

He looked back at me and I couldn't read anything on his face. Then he looked at Tidus, and the kid just licked his lips and said "No...Auron's right."

"Huh?"

"This is our...this is my story."

Oh dammit dammit dammit, Tidus. I know he's like a father to you, but dammit! Do you have to let him off the hook every single time! He hurt you! He hurt me! He let the Ronso be decimated! Is it really too much to ask why?

So. He wins again.

**Auron:**

The boy goes up to the fayth and puts out a hand. He cries out and collapses top the ground. The others rush over to him, they try to heal him. They try to wake him. They try to revive him. Nothing works. The girl looks at me for one second in distress, and then turns back to her efforts. I'm sure it seems longer to them, but after only a minute, the boy comes around. He seems...unaffected on the surface. But I have known him a long time. Something has changed him.

I watch him as he jokes with the others and we get ready to move on.

What does he know?

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we were getting ready to leave when I pulled the kid aside for a minute to talk.

"What is it, Rikku?" he asked a little tiredly.

"So...uh, are you really okay?"

"Yeah. I'm all right."

"Okay, good. So...why'd you let him off the hook?" I ask, grabbing his arm a little angrily.

"Uh..."

"Tidus, I know he raised you, but why do you always let him off the hook? He knows things! Things we need to know if we're gonna save Yunie? Remember Yunie, Tidus?"

He pulled his arm away.

"Yeah, Rikku, I remember Yuna."

"So why won't you press Auron, huh!"

"It's not complicated," he said, not looking at me. "I trust Auron."

"Tidus, we're running out of time! We need to think of something!"

"We will," he said quietly. "But I'm not gonna stab Auron in the back. Rikku, don't make me choose between you and Auron."

"Uh..."

He turned to look me squarely in the eye.

"Rikku, back in Zanarkand, when my Dad left, Auron was there. And I didn't like him at first, but he was always there. And then when my Mom died, I went to live with him and he raised me. And at first I even hated it because we were so different, but...he never tried to make me into little Auron, you know? He never tried to change who I was. He just taught me and trained me and talked to me and tried to make me a better, stronger Tidus."

He shook his head and started walking around in little circles, looking down at the ground.

"You know, Rikku, my real Dad, SIR Jecht...he called me a crybaby. I hated that, I hated it so much that I did cry when he said it. He called me crybaby whenever I was felling good about something, or whenever I was feeling bad he'd say it to make me feel worse."

I could see him swallow, and bite his lip.

"He never hit me or anything, you know? But this was...he was trying to tear me up inside, to just make me feel like nothing. And Auron said, he said Jecht was trying to toughen me up. Maybe, I dunno. But even I know that's not how you treat a little kid. Nothing ever made me feel worse than being called a crybaby. And then when my Mom died, I was crying, and Auron said it was okay and I knew that it was, but I could hear his voice in my head calling me crybaby, and I couldn't stop crying and I was thinking of him and hating him when I should have been thinking about my Mom. That bastard took the worst day of my life and made it worse, without even being there. And even after that I couldn't think of my Mom without starting to tear up and then I'd hear his voice calling me that name. He wouldn't even let me miss my Mom."

Tidus was just standing there and breathing hard and his hands were clenched into fists. I...I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say. Maybe I could...I...

"And then...Auron. And he knew how I felt about it and how bad it made me feel, and Rikku, he made it all into a joke!"

That...that didn't sound like Auron. He wouldn't laugh at someone's pain, especially a little kid. I know that.

"Tidus, I'm sorry. Maybe, maybe he didn't understand..."

He looked up and smiled at me suddenly, all blonde hair and blue eyes and perfect teeth, and for a moment I remembered when I had a crush on him.

"No Rikku, you don't understand. You don't get it. He made it a joke. It always made me feel horrible when people called me that, like I was just weak and worthless. It cut me like a knife inside, but when Auron says it," he shook his head, "When Auron says it, I laugh. It's a joke between us now. It doesn't hurt anymore. It was one of the worst things in my life, Rikku, and now I laugh at it. That's Auron. To me, for ten years, when I was growing up, that's Auron. Rikku..."

He put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes.

"I like...no, Rikku," he said. "I love you. I never had a sister, you know? Emma was kinda like a big sister, but you're like a kid sister to me. I do love you Rikku, I really do. But...don't make me choose between you and Auron. Just...don't."

I knew he meant it.

"And everything he does," I asked him quietly. "It's just okay?"

"I trust Auron," he said.

Yeah. My shoulders slump.

"Rikku?"

"Yeah, Tidus?" I answer, looking at the ground.

"So, why don't you just tell them?"

"Tell them what?"

"You know what. All the secrets. All the things they don't know about."

I looked up in surprise.

"You know about them?"

He smiled.

"I've known Auron for ten years. There are always secrets. I'm just surprised he trusted you with them. But since he did, well, if you don't trust him, why don't you just call him out? In front of everyone?"

I shook my head.

"It'd tear us all apart" I said. "You'd back Auron, and Wakka would want to, and Yuna would want to agree with you, but that would put her against me, and she wouldn't want that, and Lulu would probably back me, and Wakka would want to go with her too, and Kimahri would be torn cause he likes Auron, but if he really believed Yuna was in danger...I don't know."

I shook my head again.

"If both of us had pressed him," I went on, "I think we could have gotten some answers out of him without all that. But if I just accuse him we'll all fall apart...and now, when we're so close. We need to stick together. And we need him."

"So it's all policy," he said.

"Yeah."

"Or maybe you trust him too."

I shook my head.

"Think what you like, Tidus."

I start walking back to join the others. It's time to go.

**Auron:**

"Hey, Auron."

"Tidus."

No one wanted to press the boy too hard, so we stopped early for the evening, and trained and ate. No one said much around the fire. The girl isn't keeping them entertained these days, and neither is Tidus. I went a little apart after the meal, and he followed me.

"So..." he said to me quietly. "I'm a dream?"

We moved farther away from the others.

"Yes."

"You never told me."

"Hard to work into a conversation."

He just looked at me.

I sighed.

"There was...no point telling you when you were younger. I would have told you when you were older."

"Did you tell anyone else? Back in Zanarkand?"

"A few people."

"Willa?"

"No. Not Willa."

"Emma?"

"No."

"Vedec?"

"No, but...I think he might have known. I think, that might have been one of the reasons..."

"Huh. So, who'd you tell?"

He seemed too calm. The boy I knew, didn't react calmly to things.

"You don't know them," I said. "Guy named Paul. Some others."

"But...not me."

"Not you."

We walked silently for a few minutes.

"Auron?" he said without looking at me.

"Yes?"

"I'm getting pretty sick of this."

Yeah.

"I would be too."

"Yeah..."

He took a deep breath, and stopped and walked in circles for a minute, kicking at the snow.

"Auron, is there other stuff I should know?"

"Yes. Nothing so immediately personal, but yes."

"Are you gonna tell me?"

"When I can."

"Yeah. Auron?"

"Yes?"

"Ten years. You built up a lot of trust, Auron."

"Okay."

"But you're spending it now."

He didn't seem to want to say anything else, but he didn't leave. He'd had his legs cut out from under him again today. The world wasn't what he thought it was. It wasn't even close. And I think he just wanted to be there with me for a little while, his last link to Zanarkand.

It was a clear evening. That was rare on the mountain. We both sat for a while and looked at the stars.

"Hey Auron, why are you doing this?" he asked me out of the dark.

"More specific, Tidus," I said without turning.

"Dammit, Auron, fight for her!"

I felt a little flare of anger.

"Let it alone, Tidus."

"Why are you doing this Auron? Why are you just letting her go? Don't you care?"

"Tidus..."

"Is it Zanarkand? Is it whatever's gonna happen in Zanarkand? Is that it?"

"Tidus, shut up!"

He stopped and looked at me, one hand rubbing the back of his head and he was smiling a little.

"Heh. You've been saying that a lot lately."

"Twice since we've come to Spira."

"For you, that's a lot."

I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

"It shouldn't have happened, Tidus. We never should have grown so close, and I'm sorry that she was hurt, but I am nothing but grateful that this ended before she was hurt even worse."

"And pigs blitz."

What?

"Tidus, I am not for her. She will forget me in time, and then—"

"You love her!"

"Not important. She and I could never have any real futu—"

"Auron, SHUT UP!"

I look at him, mildly surprised. He rarely tries to speak to me that way. He sounded angry.

"Auron, I know you want to be happy! I saw it with Willa, I saw you try so hard to love her!

"And how'd that turn out, Tidus?"

"Lousy, but you didn't love her. You love Rikku."

"Sometimes, that's not enough."

"It sure won't be if you don't try!"

"Damn it, Tidus, do you want her to be hurt more!"

"YOU said she was brave! YOU said she was strong!"

"She's a teenaged girl who's hurting inside like she's full of broken glass!"

"So FIX it!" he said. "Go BE THERE for her!"

I stopped and took a deep, calming breath. Damn it Auron, what are you doing almost shouting at him? Pull it together Auron.

"Tidus, the best thing I can do for her is let her get over me. Things get better, in time."

He seemed to calm down too.

"Auron," he said. "For months you've been pushing, pushing, pushing me and Yuna closer together. And it's okay. It's fine, cause I care about her. I love her. Auron, are we gonna get hurt? One of us, or both of us, her and me?"

I didn't answer for a moment, and he just waited.

"Maybe, Tidus."

"And that's okay. Cause that's life, right? Or, should we break up, to protect each other?" He shook his head. "That's not what you taught me."

"Tidus, I..."

"So why's that okay for us, but not for the two of you? Auron, let Rikku be brave. At least give her the chance. Do it...do it for your friends," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. "Not all your friends are dead, Auron."

"Tidus..." I started.

"Just think about it, Auron. Please just think about it. Okay?"

I don't answer. He's a good boy. A fine young man, who cares about me, and about her. But how can he understand? There's so much he doesn't know. So much I can't tell him yet. We sink back into silence, watching the stars. They're always handy. You can always watch them instead of talking, when there's nothing more to say.

"Auron," he said a little later. "Why did you go with Willa instead of Emma?"

He's never asked me before. I didn't say anything, and after a moment he went on, "I liked Willa, you know I did, but..."

"Emma was your teacher. You liked her more."

"Well, what if I did? Auron, she was better for you! Everyone saw it. Even Vedec saw it. You made each other better when you were together. She was fast and strong and brave and she loved you."

"Tidus," I said quietly, "Do you think Willa was weak?"

"You think she was strong? She hooked up with guys that could protect her! It's what she did."

"Tidus, Emma faced the world with two sharp swords and plenty of friends. Willa faced the world and everything it threw at her with nothing. Nothing but a smile and her own spirit. She stood up straight and did whatever she had to do, and she didn't lose herself doing it. You tell me which takes more courage, Tidus. Willa was strong and brave, and if you can't see that then I didn't teach you very well these last ten years."

"Hey, Auron..." he said, shaking his head.

"Tidus, I have never known anyone stronger or more courageous than Willa."

"Yeah, you HAVE!"

I close my eye.

He's right.

"Yes Tidus," I admit. "Rikku. She is even stronger. She is even braver. And Tidus? Willa was strong enough to leave me, brave enough to admit that it was over. And so is Rikku."

He sighed. He doesn't do that very often. He got up to walk back to the others. But before he did, he said softly, "Or maybe Rikku is brave enough to fight for you, if you'd fight for her."

I give him the last word.

He's had a bad day.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We had finished eating and I was looking for Tidus to see if the had thought of anything. We started sorta meeting each evening, him and me, right before we all turned in for the night to talk about Yuna and how we might keep her from dying. Lulu didn't know where he was, but Kimahri nodded toward the trail, so I headed that way.

"...but he's just so damn stubborn!"

And then I heard Tidus' voice coming from sort of ahead and around a turn. It sounded like he was talking to Yuna. I walked toward the voices.

"But, well, maybe it's for the best," she said. "He did hurt her."

"He didn't mean to, it was all a mistake, Yuna! Why should everything go down the drain because of a mistake!"

I slowed down. They were talking about me...and him. Should I just turn around and find Tidus later? I turned to go.

"No, Yuna! You weren't there, you didn't hear him when he said it!"

"He...Sir Auron actually said that he..."

"He said he loved her. I don't think he's ever said it before. Not to any girl."

Me? He said he loves me?

Did Auron say he loves me? Is that what Tidus is saying?

Why don't I feel anything? Auron said he loves me. I want to feel something! Dammit! It's the wall. All I feel is...empty. And angry!

I want a pill! I want a pill that'll make me feel the way I used to! I want a potion, some super-duper Al Bhed potion that'll turn me back into the Rikku I used to be before I ever MET him!

I DON'T WANT TO BE EMPTY LIKE THIS.

"Yuna, I don't think Auron's ever loved anyone, that way."

"Tidus, are, are you sure?"

"I've only known him ten years, but...Auron in love? I think I'd have remembered."

"Oh."

"Yuna...should I tell her?"

"I...don't know."

I don't listen any more. I don't need to hear any more.

Huh.

So now he loves me.

What timing.

* * *

_It was raining, big fat drops falling from the sky like divine tears. _

_She supposed that was appropriate. It should be raining the day that you bury a legend. She wasn't crying, and it surprised her a little that she didn't have any tears for him. She had come to say goodbye to someone who had been an important part of her life once. She had been closer to him than to anyone for a while and had dreamed her little dreams that they would be together one day, but they were only dreams and this was Spira, where dreams of happiness went to die. _

_She sat and listened to all the important people talk about his life without really hearing any of them. She was thinking about the last time that she saw him. It was at the celebration in Luca after the success of the pilgrimage. He had walked through the crowd, ignoring the grand men and ladies who wanted to talk to him, and had walked straight to her, and asked her to dance, and she smiled and let him lead her out onto the floor and they had moved together to the music as a thousand pairs of eyes watched the man in red and the green-eyed girl dance, and afterward they had drifted out into the garden and walked in silence a little while. They sat on a bench and looked at the stars, and after a moment he reached up and took off his sunglasses and leaned in close to kiss her. _

_And she pulled back. _

_"Rikku...?" _

_"Auron? What is this...?" _

_He straightened up and pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers of his left hand. _

_"Rikku, I denied my feelings for so long, because I was scared, because I thought it was best for you, but now...I just can't anymore. And I don't want to. It's simple really. I love you. I think I always loved you, Rikku." _

_He loved her. She felt herself growing cold. He loved her? Now? _

_She wanted to look down at the ground, up at the stars, anywhere but into his face, but she made herself look at him. _

_"Auron," she said, "I...I'm sorry, but... _

_He just looked at her, waiting for her to finish. She stood up and took a step back. They could both hear the music coming from inside. _

_"Auron," she said, "I loved you for so long, but, I just...don't now. It's...it's gone. Auron, I'm so sorry." _

_He silently absorbed what she said, and thought about it, and an odd part of his mind wondered if his words had hurt this much all the time he had told her that he couldn't love her. _

_"Is there someone else?" he finally asked, cocking his head to one side. _

_"No, Auron," she answered. "There's no one else now, but it's not that. It's us. I still care about you Auron. I always will. But I just...don't...love you." _

_He stood up and took one step toward her in the moonlight. _

_"If there's no one else, Rikku, we could try to start again," he said quietly. _

_She shook her head slowly. _

_"I don't think...it's not a good idea, Auron. It's just not what I want anymore, and I don't think we should try to force it." _

_She looked up at him. _

_"It's too late, Auron. Maybe, I don't know, maybe you were right in the first place. Maybe it was always too late. But, maybe we can be friends, like we were before? I need friends Auron, and I don't want to lose you that way." _

_"I...don't know Rikku," he said. "It would be...hard...for me to be close to you, and not..." _

_"But only for a while. At least we could try, Auron?" _

_He took a breath, and let it out. _

_"Maybe," he said. "Rikku...are you sure?" _

_"I think...I am," she answered softly. "Those feelings, they're in the past. And I just don't want to go back, Auron. I have to keep going forward." _

_"And if I brought you flowers..." _

_"Please...don't." _

_He stepped back his time, and started to turn away, then turned back and said, "I'm sorry Rikku. I'm sorry that I waited so long to love you. I'm sorry that I didn't love you in time." _

_Then he turned and walked away. She never saw him again, exactly. For months after, almost a year, she would catch glimpses of red from the corner of her eye, when she was shopping, or out with friends, or just walking. She knew it was him, still wanting to be near her, just to see her, and she didn't know what to do. He never intruded, never contacted her. She had hoped so much that they could still be friends. They had been best friends once. But he didn't seem to want that. _

_As she began to go on dates, laughing and dancing with young men, she saw the flashes of red less and less, and finally not at all. She heard about him sometimes, always when he had done something heroic and legendary, and people would ask her what he was really like, and she would smile and tell them the old stories that made him seem real and human—Auron arguing with a chocobo, Auron holding a cupcake over his head while she tried to grab it from him, Auron telling some story to make them all feel braver, or better. And sometimes in her daydreams she would think what it might have been like for them if things had only been a little different. _

_The people were filing past her now, shuffling past the gravesite in the rain to pay their respects for the last time. She supposed she never really thought that he would ever die. He just didn't seem like the type. As she waited for a break in the line she thought how lucky she had been to know him, and to be so close to him back then, and she wished that they had been closer afterward. He was always such a good friend. But she didn't regret her decision. She just...hadn't loved him anymore. But sometimes, she thought, getting to her feet, Sometimes she could wish that she had. _

_"Goodbye, Auron," she said silently as she paused with her family in front of the simple box. "I wish we'd kissed, at least once...back when I still loved you." _

Sometimes it's just too late. No matter what you want.

I turn and walk away.

**Next: In the Deep**


	40. In the Deep

Hey. I was able to upload this time with no problems, so I guess that's fixed right now. The story's still missing sometimes when I log in. That'll probably cause problems sometime.

Not much to say. Think I lost some readers with chapter 38, but I was expecting that. Same thing happened with chapter 10. I want to thank Glass Mermaid for her help and advice in this chapter, especially about the rikaurikku, as I sometimes call them. Uh...thanks. Oh yeah, standard tactics against the boss here too.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (Is there, like, any number of chapters after which I can assume people know that?) Follows the story, but kind of AU. Going to get more into the AU soon. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building and now falling apart of a relationship. Relationships are complex things. If the last bunch of chapters were -T- then this sure is.

And like the last chapter, this one is dedicated to Luv2Game. Thanks for the reviews and the advice about Yevontologists. Uh. waitaminute, uh, I meant Yehova's Witnesses. Okay. Hope you like it. (Kill Zarinia.)

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**Soldier of Spira**

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* * *

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**Auron:**

I hate this place.

Perhaps I should start a new list. Places that I Hate. The Cavern of the Stolen Fayth. The Via Pufifico. Sector E. Gaudosalam. The Alpha and Omega dungeons. The basement of the Hall of Justice. Zanarkand...the real one. Some other places I can't think of right now.

And the Gagazet caves.

* * *

**In the Deep**

* * *

**Auron:**

Party time.

As we entered the caves, going from semi-bright sun into gloom, we were charged by fiends, a floating eye called ahriman and a fire-breathing dual-horn called grendel. I shouted instructions and we rushed to meet them. We needed to end this quickly and get past them. Fiends congregate near the entrance.

"Rikku and Tidus, with me. Everyone else, ready for standard—damn."

A dark flan suddenly loomed up nearby, damn, damn, no time for hesitation.

"Wakka! Up for me. You take these two. Yuna, Kimahri, follow me," I said, rushing past the first fiends. I could take the flan, but I needed Yuna's Shell.

DAMN. Mandragora! On the left!

"Yuna, take the mandragora. It's weak against fire!"

She and Kimahri peeled off and then I was facing the dark flan alone.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Auron took us into the cave fast and ready for a fight and we ran into fiends, lots of fiends, and he and Yunie ran off to deal with one huge one while Wakka and the rest of us took care of the eye and the horn-thing.

"Rikku, back," Wakka yelled, "Lulu, up and hit that eye, ya? Tidus, you too brudda!"

Lulu cast Fira, but the eye shook it off and dodged Tidus and then hit the kid with some sort of sonic wave that made my ears hurt. Catching Fiends for Dummies said...

"Wakka," I yelled, "It's resistant to magic!"

He looked at me over his shoulder before turning back and launching a sleep attack at the horn. It slumped to the ground and he said, "Lu, Bio the eye! The horn too! Tidus, back for Rikku, Rikk—"

Then the eye opened its mouth wide and Wakka was hit and he staggered back and then shook his head and threw his ball at Lulu! She dodged, and I yelled, "Use a remedy!"

The kid threw a remedy and Lulu started to cast Bio on the eye, and Wakka rubbed the heel of his hand across his face.

"Damn. Rikku, up for Tidus an steal from the horn," he said, stepping back and taking a look around to see where everyone was, and then I heard him bite off a curse and say fast, "Lu! Go help Auron!"

Auron? I dodged in and out quick, grabbing something from the horn, and then I turned and I couldn't see Auron but Yuna and Kimahri and Ifrit were fighting a mandragora, so who was helping Auron?

**Auron:**

Yeah, it's big. No physical attacks, I thought, running up to the thing, So the sword won't help. Damn I wanted Yuna's Shell on me to help block its magic. Now I'll have to get lucky.

Armor break or magic break? No choice, really. I summoned my ki energy, wove colors together in my head and ran forward to sink my blade into its jelly flesh, not too deep, but I could feel the power flowing through the sword and into the flan, changing it, twisting and reshaping its matrix. I'll strike deeper next time.

Now I can hurt it, but it can hurt me too.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Tidus came up as Lulu ran off to help Auron and the eye hit Wakka again—he wasn't confused, but he needed a potion.

"Damn," he said, to himself I think, "Shoulda had Lu Bio the horn first. Need a magic user to kill it witout waking it up, ya? Stoopid!"

"It's awake! It's charging up!" Tidus shouted, "It's gonna breath fire!"

Wakka shook his head. "Tidus," he snapped, hitting the horn with sleep again, "Go guard Yuna. Send Kimahri back here."

"Got it!"

"Rikku, you got magic, ya? Use Holy on that horn!"

So I cast Holy, and I saw the people from Starfall Village for just an instant before they all turned into light and crashed into the fiend, then the eye screamed and hit us both bad.

**Auron:**

Not Osmose, I sent up a little hope. Flare, Demi, anything but Osmose. I got lucky. It hit me with Bio. The magic of the bracer was countering with antidote and I ran forward to hit the dark flan with magic break and it cast Osmose. Too late, I smiled, even asI felt the mystic energy being sucked out of me. I no longer had any ki energy to launch special attacks, but I no longer needed any. I rushed in and swung and carved deep into it and it hit me with Demi, but I hardly felt it. Good as a Shell. I took a moment to switch to the capture weapon. No reason not to. Then I went to work on the flan, attacking again and again as it cast its spells. It hit me with Demi and I heard a gasp of pain behind me and turned.

"Lulu?"

"Wakka saw you were alone and sent me for support."

Bad move, but I can't really fault him. But any moment she's going to get hit by Osmose, and then she's worthless as a magic user until she refreshes her energy. The thoughts flash through my head in a half second. What do I do with her? She would be useful as an extra pair of hands to heal me as needed, or as Flare bait, but...

"Lulu," I said. "Go back before it catches you with Osmose, I'll take care of myself. They need you more. Go. Go wherever Kimahri isn't."

Her eye widened and she backed away. All magic users fear Osmose. They fear being drained of all their power and left helpless. It's the stuff they have nightmares about.

She turned and withdrew, and I returned my attention to the fiend, leaping in to strike deep, and it hit me with Flare. I used a potion and it cast Bio, but the magic of my bracer was already reaching for an antidote and I rushed forward again.

**Rikku's Diary:**

The eye kept dodging Wakka's attacks and I was busy healing us and sometimes one of us had to use remedy to unconfuse the other and the horn kept waking up and Wakka would have to put it back to sleep and sometimes it took more than one try and then Tidus was running back and yelling, "Wakka, Kimahri won't come! He won't leave Yuna!"

Wakka swore under his breath and turned and yelled at him, "Tidus, go on back! Get Yuna to order Kimahri to get his blue ass over here now!"

"You got it, boss!"

**Auron:**

I was hurting it now. The fiend cast white wind on itself and I took the chance to look back at the others. Damn. Wakka's group had the eye and the horn down but now a pair of bashura had come out of nowhere to attack them.

Should I try to retreat and help them? But Wakka was already moving and I sensed the flan was doing something. I decided I had to trust the boy, and turned back just in time to catch another Flare in the face.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We ran!

Wakka and Kimahri and me ran straight to Yuna, and the blue, hairy, four-armed bashura were right behind us and Wakka called "Yuna!" and she and Tidus turned and he said "Switch! We'll take the mandrawhatever an you got the bashura! Use Bahamut! Tidus, you go wit her, Kimahri, you stay wit us."

Kimahri didn't like that, and he growled as we ran around Yuna to attack the mandragora, but he stayed and Yuna dismissed Ifrit and she and Tidus were running back the way we came and Wakka yelled, "Kimahri, Firaga—DAMNMIT! LULU?"

"He sent me back," she gasped, running up to us and breathing hard. "He said he could handle it."

"Son of a bitch! Okay, Lu, up an cast Fira. Kimahri, go—"

But the Ronso was already racing after Yuna and Tidus.

What about Auron! I don't love him, but I don't want him hurt! I don't want anyone hurt!

"Wakka...?"

"He'll be okay, ya?" he said, looking at me a second, then turning back to the big plant fiend. "So, lessee if we can catch this for the zoo, huh?"

The plant fiend was pretty beat up already, and we managed to catch it and then we turned and saw Yuna had called Bahamut and we were just in time to see him just slap down the last bashura. And then suddenly it was quiet, and we were all just looking at each other and breathing hard, and then Tidus said, "Auron," and we all turned to go, and then we stopped short and Wakka said, "Aw man."

It was huge.

I think it was a behemoth.

"Wonder how many steaks we can get outta that," I heard Wakka mutter, then he shook his head and said, "Tidus, you an me an Yuna up front. Yuna, you be read—"

And a figure in red came out of the darkness swinging at the behemoth and there was a blast of wind and suddenly it was just gone.

Shooting star.

He looked at us all standing there, kinda beaten up and we were all looking back at him cause he wasn't even breathing hard, and then he said, "No time to waste. Let's go."

And he turned and started walking deeper into the cave, and we all looked at one another and then we started to shuffle after him.

And over his shoulder he said, "Good job, everyone."

**Auron:**

Getting into the caves is always tricky. It's going to be even trickier to leave.

But I've been thinking about the Guardian for ten years. Lulu has Bio. And Rikku will have star curtains.

* * *

**Auron:**

There's an area just below the traveler's shrine where fiends never go. Don't know why. But I took them there to rest for a bit after healing and recharging at the shrine, and while we were there I gathered them together and motioned toward one dark tunnel nearby.

"This cave is filled with water trials," I told them. "They can only be reached by swimming through waters infested by fiends. The first of them is down that way."

"Huh," Wakka said, staring at the tunnel. "So, looks like we got a job to do, ya?"

"Yes. You and Rikku and Tidus will have to handle this. When all the trials have been completed and the way is clear, we will go up these steps and others and reemerge outside."

They all three nodded, and when they were ready we entered the tunnel and fought our way through fiends to the water's edge. I kept the three of them out of our battles so that they would be fresh for their own. They were tough fiends, but seemed easy after the battle at the entrance. Soon enough we were standing on the worn stone steps leading down to the flooded tunnel.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Wakka was talking to Auron, getting last minute instructions, I guess. I wandered down to the water's edge just to see what I can see.

The water looks cold and dark.

Behind me I can hear low voices muttering but I'm not paying any attention. They'll tell me when it's time to steal, or to mix something, or maybe heal. They'll tell me who to be, and I don't have to think about it at all any more. They'll tell me who Rikku is today. Good thing. How would I know if they didn't tell me? I look into the water for my reflection, but I already know what I'll see. I don't see green-eyes looking back at me. I don't see a blonde ponytail or an orange tee. I just see the water. The water is my reflection. It's cold and dark. Like me inside.

I don't want to be this way. I don't like being empty. I stand there waiting for them to be ready and I think about the water and how I could just swim deep deep down, finding places no one ever knew, losing my way, losing myself, losing Rikku, drifting down forever into the dark like my mother's arms. If I never came back, would anyone care? Yunie and them would miss me, but...would anyone really care? Would it change anyone's life? Or would I just be that girl they knew for a little while, and maybe they'd think of me now and then. Dad would miss me a lot, and Brother, but...we lost so many these last few months. Would one more really make a difference? If I'm here, dad will rebuild Home for our people. And if I'm not? He'll still rebuild Home.

No real difference, see?

It's...kind of comforting, to know that even if I mess things up and get myself killed, no one else would really be hurt.

One less thing to worry about.

I thought once...I really thought...that I would change Auron's life. I thought that we'd be married, and have lots of kids, and love each other all our lives. But really, if I never came out of the water, would Auron's life change at all? Tidus said he loves me. Maybe he does. He never told me.

"Rikku?"

"Hm? Lulu?"

"I just wanted to say, we're relying on the three of you, you know?"

"Oh sure, Lulu."

"If it gets dangerous, pull out quick," she said.

"Be careful, okay?" Yuna added, joining us.

"We will. And I'll take care of Tidus for you Yunie. Don't worry."

She smiles and I look over at Auron and Wakka, still talking. Would Auron's life change at all if I never came back? Would he do anything different than he's doing already?

How would I know? I don't know what he's doing.

**Auron:**

"Okay, well, guess it's that time, ya?"

"Yes. Be careful, Wakka. Take no unnecessary chances."

"Hey, Sir Auron, no worries, ya? I'll take care of them for you."

I nod. I know he will.

"Auron?" he says quietly, and I look at him. "I'll take care of her for you."

Wakka sort of smiles, and sort of punches me on the arm, and then he turns and walks to where the others wait. I look after him a minute, and then I shake my head a little and walk back to guard our rear.

Loyalty and broken faith. Are you Bevelle's Guardian, Wakka? Will I have to kill you one day?

**Rikku's Diary:**

There were weird water fiends down there, really strong, but Wakka ran the battles just fine, and we even ran away if things got too hot, and the fiends didn't chase us. The hardest part I guess was catching some of them for the zoo, but we even managed that. Like the achelous, these weird kind ray things. Wakka would attack one with sleep until it was captured and then the other one, while he mostly had me and Tidus stealing items while they were asleep and healing, and using cheer and luck. Sometimes he had me use Holy. I didn't really like to, cause it always seemed that for just a second I could see the woman in the blue dress looking at with a sad expression, like she was sorry for me, or disappointed in me or something. I don't know why she would be. It's not like I want to feel this way. And sometimes I felt myself kind of being pulled down deeper into the water, down into the dark, but then Wakka or Tidus would tap me or we'd get into a battle, so I never did go down deep.

Say this for the fiends down there, they had some cool stuff to steal. That was the place for water gems. There were a couple of puzzles to solve. The first was kinda fun. You had to hit something floating in the middle of something. I figured out that every third rotation the way was clear and we used Wakka's blitzball. Easy peasy.

Oh yeah. There were some chests, too. I checked them for traps before Tidus opened them. We got a fortune sphere.

Yunie hugged us all when we got back the first time and got her clothes all wet. I dried off some and then went over to where Wakka and Auron were talking.

They turn to look at me, and I said, "Auron? I think maybe we should go back in the water for a while. I'm getting lots of water gems from the fiends in there and they could be really useful. We don't even have to beat them. Just steal and run."

"Uh, could be a good idea, Sir Auron," Wakka said.

The man looked at me for a minute and then asked quietly, "Rikku, are you hurt?"

"No. I'm fine."

Now Wakka's looking at me too, trying to see what Auron means. Well, it's just a cut, you know? There's not even much blood. It hurts some, all sharp and real when I move, but it's not dangerous. So there's no need to bother Yunie. Or waste a potion.

"I'm fine," I tell them.

**Auron:**

Lies smell like something burning.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I guess he believed me. He dropped it and said, "There are other water trials, Rikku. See how things stand after you have completed those, and then ask again if you still need more."

**Auron:**

Her hair was plastered to her face when they came out of the water, her tee shirt clinging to her body and drops of water glistening on her skin. I never looked until she came up to speak to us. Now I force myself to look away, to turn back to Wakka. Luckily, she never looked into my eye.

She must heal in her own way. I will let her. It is not my place to interfere. Not now.

**Rikku's Diary:**

And so we did, and we solved the other trial. It was kind of lame, but we fought fiends and I picked up a lot more water gems, and then when we finished up the man let us go back and swim around the first place again until I had all the gems I wanted. Should come in handy, but I think he was more interested in those mean little fishies—the slashers, you know? They dropped a lot of spheres, and he had us use mana distillers on them so we could gather them up and boost Bahamut's magic. We caught ten of everything in the water, and then we would just steal and distill and then run. Well, swim. We've spent three days down here, all told.

Auron said we should get out of the cave tomorrow, if the fiends don't hold us up too much.

**Auron:**

It has been a busy three days. Running battles with strong fiends when we entered the cave, then they made their way through the water trials. The way is open now before us, and tomorrow we will climb the stair and then we will be on the very doorstep of that dead city.

I remember the first night in the caves...

I lay awake in my blankets waiting for the midwatch. I have not slept much recently. It leaves me a little tired, but I will adjust soon, and need less sleep. When the time comes I get up and I go to relieve Wakka.

"Hey, Sir Auron," he says softly. "All quiet, ya? Nothing shaking."

I nod, but he doesn't head for his rest right away, and we stand together for a while staring out into the dark.

I wonder. Is this the time? Sometimes, there is no right time.

"Wakka," I say.

"Uh, ya?" he answers, turning to look at me.

"Wakka, there is worse to come, you know."

"Um, what you mean, Sir Auron?"

"Hold hard to your faith Wakka. Hold on to who you are. There's worse to come."

"Aw man," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "You mean worse than Mika being dead and Yevon fulla machina and everything?"

"Yes, Wakka. Much worse than all of that. Don't dwell on it, but be ready for it."

He heaved a heavy sigh.

"All right, then..."

He won't dwell on it, he's not the type.

"Auron?"

"Wakka."

"You still got faith? I mean, with ev'rything you know, huh? You still got faith...?"

"I...do, Wakka."

"How?"

"I..."

An image in my head...

Picture of a girl. She's wearing tee-shirt and shorts, goggles are hanging around her neck, and her blond hair is up in a ponytail. She's standing just below the crest of a sand dune, waving, framed by a blue sky. Her face is wreathed in smiles and joy. She looks happy and innocent, and almost home.

"Wakka, I have been a soldier for thirty years. I have fought and killed and...survived, almost."

"Huh?"

I shake my head.

"Not important. Listen to me Wakka. Even on Spira there are moments of joy and love and happiness worth fighting to protect...if you're strong enough. I know it. I've seen it. And when my road grows hard, and the way seems dark, and I've lost my faith, and I'm nearly out of hope, I remember those moments, and I believe that it has been worth it."

"So okay, so..."

"No Wakka. That's my faith. That's what I believe in, and fight for. You must find your own, somewhere."

"Don't know if I can," he sighed. "Don't know if I'm strong enough inside."

"You can be as strong as you have to be, Wakka. Faith is too important to just give up on."

"I guess," he said.

We stood there for a little while in the dark, not speaking, thinking our own thoughts. Wakka has grown into a competent tactician on our journey. I am pleased with his progress. But he is picking up some of my habits. In the fight at the cave entrance he never even considered having the girl use a poison fang on the grendel, because he's seen that I don't like to substitute inventory for tactics. This is something that he needs to consider and form his own style, one that works best for him. Should I bring this up now?

"Hey, know what?" he added suddenly. "So is love."

I looked up sharply.

"Auron," he said quietly, "You love her. Shouldn't give up on that."

Damn it, Tidus, I mutter under my breath.

"Nah, not hard to see," he said, looking sideways at me. "Kinda obvious how you feel bout her. So. It's her, ya? She's the one that gives you faith, huh? Gives you hope?"

First Tidus, now Wakka. Well, for what it's worth the party doesn't seem to be splitting apart as they all take sides. It seems to be pulling together around the two of us, trying to support us both. I take a deep breath.

"This isn't your business Wakka, and I didn't ask for your opinion."

"Oh hey, no worries. I won't say nothin, Sir Auron, after I say this one thing."

"What?" I ask a little irritably.

"You an Rikku, both pretty special people, huh? An...an I got faith in the two a you."

And then he reached out and touched me on the shoulder, and then he walked away.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I really should have expected it sometime. It was a long day and I was really tired. I had yawned all through dinner. Wakka had gone out to take the first watch and we were all getting ready to go to bed. Yuna and I were in the tent and the guys were lying down outside. Lulu was talking to Auron so we were alone, and that's when Yuna turned to talk to me.

"Rikku," she said, her eyes full of concern. "How are you?"

"I'm fine Yunie. I'm okay. Really."

"Rikku, I need to tell you something."

"No, Yuna. I know, and I don't want to hear it," I said, shaking my head.

"You don't know, Rikku. It's something Tidus said a couple of day ago and, and I didn't know if I should tell you, but now...I think...maybe I should."

"Yunie, I know."

"But Rikku—"

"I heard you, all right? I heard you talking on the trail and I heard what he said and I DON'T CARE!"

"Rikku, but...if he really lo—"

"Don't...say it, Yunie, just don't. I DON'T CARE. I don't care, and maybe I even wish that I did, but I don't. So just let it go."

But she wouldn't! She just would. Not. Let. It. GO! She just didn't understand that I wasn't feeling anything except I was starting to get maybe a little angry now. Yuna cares so much about other people that she can't stand the idea that someone might be unhappy if they don't have to be. And she was the one who was going to die! What was she doing caring about me and how I felt! Why didn't she ever care about herself! Huh? Didn't she care she WAS GOING TO DIE!

Dammit, I was angry!

"Leave it alone, Yuna!"

"Rikku, I just—"

"Yuna, just leave it alone and go to Zanarkand and DIE already! It's all you really want to do!"

She jerked back and her eyes went wide and I clapped my hands over my mouth, horrified at what I just said. Why did I say that! I love Yunie, I don't want her to die!

"I'm sorry Yunie!" I cried, throwing myself forward and wrapping my arms around her. "I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't!"

"It's...it's okay, Rikku. I know you didn't," she said, putting her arms around me too.

She held me and I cried a little and so did she and I held her too.

What's happening to me? Why was I so angry at Yunie?

I don't know what's happening to me.

So she said she was all right and I said I was all right and she said she was sorry and I said I was sorry and she said maybe we could talk more in the morning and I said maybe...

And we went to sleep.

Later in the middle of the night I woke up, like I always do now, and I heard...

I heard...

She was crying. Yunie was crying.

"Yunie," I whispered, and put an arm around her in the dark, "Yunie it's okay."

He taught me that. It's good to be held, but it's also good to hold someone else, and to let them hold you.

Where was Lulu? She should be here too.

"Rikku," she whispered, "Rikku, I don't, I don't really want to die...I don't."

"Oh, Yunie," I said, "You don't have to. Just...just turn back. Just go away with Tidus! He doesn't want you to die either, and I don't!"

"But Rikku, what about all the people on Spira who are depending on me?"

"Screw'em!

"RIKKU!"

"Well I mean it! If they want someone to give up their life so bad, let THEM come and do it!"

"Ha," she gave a sort of hiccoughing, sobbing laugh. "But, Rikku, what about all the mothers and fathers who want to see their children grow up? What about the children who don't want to lose their parents? What about everyone, Rikku, who doesn't want to lose someone to Sin?"

"I..." Dammit. "What about everyone who doesn't want to lose you to Sin? What about Tidus and me? Don't we count? Don't you care about us?"

"Oh, Rikku, of course I do. But...Rikku, you became a guardian. Does that mean you would give your life for me?"

"Yes," I said reluctantly. Hell. I knew where this was going.

"And I'd give up my life for you...you know I would. So, what I'm doing, is giving up my life, for all of them. And for you too, Rikku. For your family, for your children when you have them."

"I don't want it!" I said desperately, "I give it back, I give you your life back!"

"Rikku..." she smiled.

"And besides, it'd only...maybe if it was only once, but...Yuna, Sin always comes back!"

"But maybe it won't this time."

I think I would have hit her then, if she weren't still crying.

"No, Rikku," she said. "We have to go on. We do it for them, we do it for all of them so they don't have to. And it's all right, really. But...just...just please, hold me, all right? I can almost remember the way my mother held me, I think. Would you...would you please just hold me while I go to sleep?"

"I..." Dammit. "Sure, Yunie. Sure. It's okay. It'll all be okay. Just...go to sleep. I'm right here. We're all right here, and we all love you."

I was stroking her hair, and I kissed her forehead.

"Just go to sleep, Yunie," I said softly. "It'll be okay."

But it won't be okay. I blew it. She was thinking about quitting and I JUST BLEW IT. If...if I had said something else, something different, I could have talked her into quitting, but I didn't cause I got MAD!

Why! Why was I so mad sometimes! And it wasn't at him. It was just whoever bugged me, except now it was Yuna and it had cost me everything! Was it the wall? Was that wall inside of me leaking? Was it falling down?

Why now?

And...if something had to break through, why did it have to be the anger!

And the fear?

And...the loneliness?

**Auron:**

It was the midwatch, and I stood alone in the silent tunnels, guarding them all. In recent days it has become my favorite time, when they are all asleep and I have only my own thoughts for company. And the stars, when the sky is clear enough to see them. Of course, there are no stars in the cave, but I know that they are out there, waiting and watching, even as I am. I have always felt a kinship with the eternal stars. Is my ego really so great?

Someone is coming.

Inhale.

Bubble gum?

No.

Dust and faded perfume, not too sweet.

"Lulu," I said.

And death.

"Sir Auron," she answered, coming from behind the rocks. She walked up to stand next to me, looking out into the eternal gloom of the tunnels. She had her booster cactuar clasped in one arm. She surprised me by slipping her other arm through mine.

I cocked my head, and said nothing.

"It's a lonely night," she finally said, breaking the silence. "Do you mind the company?"

"No," I answered, "But you should be asleep, with the others."

"I don't like to sleep," she said. "Too much like being dead."

She shook her head.

"I didn't used to feel that way," she went on. "Not until we reached this mountain. But it's how I feel now."

Her low, throaty voice went well with the night. I turned to look at her for the first time, and she looked silently back. Her black hair in its long braids somehow gleamed in the dim light, and her white skin shone.

"Why have you come out here, Lulu," I asked.

"I'm...scared," she said, turning to look at me. "And I just want you to hold me, Sir Auron, and make me feel less afraid, like you did for her. That's all I want."

Inhale.

Lies smell like something burning.

"You want more," I said.

We were facing each other now, and she was still hanging onto my arm. Our faces were quite close, and then she leaned forward and put her lips on mine. Her kiss was gentle at first, then harder and hotter, and her lips parted and her tongue slipped over my lips, not pressing, but caressing. She kissed me hard, sucking and biting my lower lip and then she broke away, breathing heavily.

We looked at each other.

"Are you done?" I asked quietly.

She didn't answer for a moment. Her face was a beautiful mask, showing nothing.

"No," she said softly and stepped back. Her hand went to the front of her blouse, grabbing it and pulling it down.

I've occasionally speculated what Lulu's breasts looked like. The reality was...arresting.

She was, hm, cold.

She stepped closer once more, pressing herself up against me. "Sir Auron," she said, "I'm not a little girl. You don't have to worry that you would ever hurt me, the way you did her. You couldn't. It isn't my heart that I'm offering."

No, it isn't. She's offering comfort, and release, and...company. Just a little time when neither of us is alone. She's offering one night. Maybe others after, but maybe not. No attachments. She's offering...convenience.

Inhale.

Truth.

Lulu has always flirted with me a little, because she likes to flirt and I was safe, because I knew she cared about Wakka and that she wasn't over Chappu, and more recently, because she knew I cared about the girl. But I always let her flirt, and even played the game back a little, sometimes, because...because I don't think Lulu has much fun in her life. She enjoyed her safe little game, teasing me and making Wakka and Rikku jealous.

But this is different. This is serious.

And should our bodies clash in the night, she might well call out the name Chappu. Not on purpose. She's too polite. But it could happen. And would that hurt me? Not especially.

She stands here in front of me, with me, pressed against me, alone. She is offering me everything she can, everything she has right now. She certainly doesn't offer love.

In my life I have thought about things, and decided that love, honor and courage are the important things there are. But on the other side are hate and rage and fear, and whatever they say about good intensions, it is these three things that cause most of the evil in the world. Sin was born of all three.

Fear. What does Lulu fear? I thought I knew before this, but...is loneliness also a kind of fear?

Is loneliness a kind of being afraid?

She has made her offer, and silently waited for my answer, but now her arms slide under my coat and around my chest and she presses her face and her bare white flesh against my hard leather armor. I slip one arm out of its sleeve and my other hand goes to my belt and her hands are there now, fumbling with the catches until it opens and falls to the ground, and I pull off my old red coat, and shake it out a bit, and turn it and hang it on her shoulders.

Then I take her hands, and I step back. And she looks at me and I shake my head.

She looks at me for a moment, standing there in my red coat, and then she cocks her head to one side, and one tear rolls down her face, and she asks, "Is it because I'm not her?"

"Perhaps."

I'm not sure.

She smiles a little sadly, and then she turns away and walks back to camp, leaving that single teardrop behind.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yunie was asleep again, all cried out. I didn't know where Lulu was, but it was the midwatch and when I thought about it I suppose I could guess. I was still holding Yunie and looking out the tent flap when she came back to camp out of the tunnels wearing his coat. I saw her slip out of it and fold it up and leave it by his blanket and his things and I saw her pull up her blouse to cover herself. Then she came back into the tent and lay down.

My eyes were closed.

Lulu and Auron, I think, laying there pretending to be asleep. I think they'd...they'd be good for each other, I suppose. I mean, who will he talk to if he's all alone? Who will he tell his dry little jokes to? So, I guess I hope it happens for them, you know? I just...I mean even if I feel all empty inside, I just don't want to see it, all right? But, I maybe hope they'll be happy. I'm sorry for Wakka, though.

Huh...

_She looked at him across the fire._

"_You know what they're doing, right?" she asked._

_He grunted, but didn't look up._

"_It...doesn't have to mean anything," she said. "We're almost at Zanarkand, and maybe they just...needed someone."_

_She didn't really believe it, and she knew he didn't either, but..._

"_Sometimes," she whispered, you just need someone. Anyone."_

_And he finally looked up into her eyes._

Well...

I guess...I guess I really don't want to die a virgin.

I lay in the tent next to Yuna and Lulu, pretending to be asleep.

Why don't I feel something?

* * *

**Auron:**

"She has sent fiends to test our summoner's strength."

"Who is "she"?" Yuna asked.

We have been climbing the stairs for hours. "Yunalesca."

"Lady Yunalesca?"

Surprise. "In Zanarkand she awaits the arrival of the strongest."

"She...is still alive?"

What is alive? "As much as Mika and Seymour."

"I see."

Inhale. "Lost your nerve?"

"No. Nothing frightens me now."

Lies smell like something burning. "Braska would be proud."

"Then...I must not let him down."

Jecht would sneer.

We turn to where the others are waiting for us up ahead. We are almost out of the caves now. We will camp and rest and leave in the morning.

**Auron:**

"It comes!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yep.

It comes.

I really wasn't that casual about it. I was scared for the others. Maybe even for me. But, I guess I just trusted that Auron had a plan. And if not, well, I didn't care all that much.

But I did feel a little more alive, when we were fighting for our lives, and the rest of the time the little cuts and burns and hurts helped me to remember what it was like.

We got out of the tunnels and into the sun and he's yelling, It Comes, and then we saw it. It was the biggest fiend I've ever seen, all thick scaly hide and claws and wings and teeth and tail, with evil eyes, and it looked mean and hungry and I know fiends don't eat but I think this one might like to chew.

**Auron:**

It looks a lot less like a giant frog than it did the last time, but appearances are meaningless. I know this fiend, I know how it fights and I know what it wants to do.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I'm breathing hard and the cuts under my shirt were aching when I ran forward with the rest of them and the pain in my side put a hitch in my step. I'm sure he saw. He seems to see everything, but he didn't say anything

"Rikku," (that's me), "Steal. Tidus, back for Lulu."

Sure, okay. Turbo ether. Hey, I guess that's nice.

"Lulu, Bio. Rikku, back for Yuna."

Auron was guarding as Lulu threw the poison spell and I faded back to my left and Yuna took my place. Man, we were hot. Everyone was just doing everything they had to do like well oiled machina before the fiend even got its act together.

"Yuna, summon Valefor."

Hmmm.

The big fiend was finally doing something, its wings were rising, pointing at the sky, glowing...

"Yuna, shield."

Valefor covered itself with its wings and we saw the force dome appear in front of it and then lights shot up and out and down and hit the aeon, but he didn't seem too hurt.

"Yuna," the man said, "Dismiss."

And then the giant fiend was moving fast, darting forward and clawing at Auron, but he dodged under the attack and twisted as he moved and pounded the fiend with a counter-blow before it and at the same time he was yelling, "Lulu, back for Rikku. Rikku, up and cast Reflect. Use a star curtain."

"On who?"

"On the fiend."

Oh well...I guess he has a plan. And if it doesn't work, who'll ever know? I was playing with the star curtain, pressing it in spots, getting ready to throw it when the fiend sprang at me, but I just looked down and kept activating the curtain, knowing that Auron would protect me, trusting him. In combat, fighting for our lives, I trust him, and he was there, turning and twisting and throwing the fiend's claw off to one side then twisting back and curling in and pulling the sword across the fiend's leg in a fast and powerful counter, and I was ready and I threw the curtain and one minute they were right there in front of me and then they were both gone, both back in their places and ready, both deadly predators.

I still trust him with my life, I think to myself, a little surprised. But not with my heart. Not anymore.

"Yuna," he was shouting, "Back for Wakka," and she was falling back and Wakka was up.

"What you need, hey?" Wakka cried.

"Just defend yourself for now. Rikku, back for Tidus. Tidus, up and defend. Move!"

We moved and the fiend reared up and reared back and opened its mouth and a massive bolt of light shot out and Tidus just kind of shriveled and dropped to the ground and Yuna was yelling to help him but Auron never moved out of his guard position while he said, "Wakka, back for Rikku. Rikku, up and Phoenix Down on Tidus."

And while I was bringing Tidus back, the thing tried to heal the poison by casting Esuna on itself, but I had put Reflect on it, and it couldn't!

"Rikku, steal," he said, and I tried, but I didn't get anything, and he said, "Tidus, back for Wakka. Wakka, up and defend."

And the thing tried to heal itself again. No joy. The poison was just taking it down.

"Rikku, back for Yuna. Yuna, summon Valefor and shield."

And Valefor came, and the wings went up and the lights went up and the lights came down just like before and Valefor was still there.

"Yuna, dismiss."

So, the part of the speed bump in this battle will be played by Valefor.

"Wakka, just defend. Yuna, back for Kimahri. Kimahri, defend."

**Auron:**

Maybe he'll have better luck than Tidus.

**Rikku's Diary:**

And then the fiend opens its mouth wide and shoots out that solid beam of light and this time it's square at Auron and it hits him and it seems almost like time slows down and I can't see inside that bar of light but I'm imaging I can and I can see him cooking and it seems to go on and on until I want to scream Stop hurting him! I don't love him, but stop hurting him! Aren't there enough people hurt already and the cuts in my side are burning and we're all going to die anyway so why do you have to hurt him top of it STOPPIT STOPPIT STOPPIT! And we hold our breaths as we look and then the lights are fading and Auron is barely able to stay on his feet, but he's still standing, and he croaks, "Kimahri, back for Rikku. Rikku..."

But I was already throwing potions at him until he looked better and stood straighter and his breath stopped rasping in his chest, but he never looked away from the fiend. He trusted me to do my job.

And it was almost like it was a long time ago, when we had just met and I had just joined the party, but he trusted me to help protect Yuna.

Almost.

And then the thing tried to cast Reflect on itself, but of course it was reflected and cast on me instead, idiot.

"Rikku, back for Kimahri. Now!"

**Auron:**

Oh no you don't.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I rushed back and Kimahri rushed up, but Auron just said for him to defend, and then the idiot tried it again, and ended up casting Reflect on Kimahri. By mistake...right?

"Kimahri, back for Yuna. Yuna, summon Valefor and shield."

Valefor took the hurt again, and Auron had Yuna dismiss him, and then dodged two claw attacks. The thing was moving slower now. The poison's almost done its work. The thing seemed so...so awesome...when we first saw it. And now...

Light shot from its mouth and Wakka went down, and Yuna revived him and the fiend threw reflect on her and on Auron, and then I saw what it wanted to do. Auron sent Yuna back, but couldn't come back himself, and he said, "Rikku, be ready," and I said, "For what?" and the thing cast Ensuna on me, and it reflected back at him, and the poison was cured!

"Rikku," the man said. "You have poison fangs?"

"Auron, use an aeon," I said.

"There's no need," he answered quietly, as we watched the giant fiend staggering, trying to stay standing. "It's almost dead. It can't heal its hurts. A little more poison and it will die."

**Auron:**

Her voice seemed a little...sulky...as she said, "But if we get a massive kill we get more stuff!"

Was that a flash of the old Rikku? Was it? I don't know, but the possibility was worth the use of an aeon to me.

"Yuna."

Yuna danced, and Bahamut fell from the sky. Yuna knew what to do. Bahamut dropped to all fours and set himself...

**Rikku's Diary:**

...and there was light and sound and pressure and it was all hard and sharp colors shooting and flaring and cutting the beast and blowing him back and then the colors were pyreflies lifting and drifting into the sky, and then it was quiet, and it was over...

**Auron:**

The young girl stares wide-eyed at the place where the great fiend had stood, and then she turns to stare at Bahamut. In truth, they all do. And now it's time to go. We are almost there. We will be in Zanarkand soon.

They are all so young.

I look around at the others, a little battered by the fight. They have all come so far. How much have they changed, I wondered. There are Yuna and Lulu and Wakka talking together, still determined to do what they think they must and what they think is right, even now. Tidus is talking to Rikku, just as determined that he will somehow save the summoner. The girl is sitting on her heels, trying to keep us all here, grudging every step that brings us closer to the end of the journey as she has from the start. And Kimahri...is hard to read as ever, but...when the time comes, I think he will want whatever Yuna wants. His is a true loyalty, steadfast and unchanging.

Me?

I've been here before.

I remember how angry I was then, furious that Braska had to die. I wanted to stop him. I wanted to change things. I wanted to change the world.

I changed nothing. That is my story.

But these others. Each is here for other reasons. They don't really want to change the world, not any of them. They don't think in those terms. But with a little luck, and if they will only choose life when the time comes, then that's exactly what they're going to do.

**Rikku's Diary:**

It's too late. I couldn't stop her. We're here.

**Auron:**

And so at last, after nearly a year for some of them, we came to the grave of a once great city. We didn't enter Zanarkand right away. Without a word we set up camp. Tidus was the first to wander away from the fire and the rest of us. I saw without looking as he laid one comforting hand on his summoner's shoulder, and then slowly climbed a hill to gaze out over the dead city.

Welcome home, boy.

Am I a coward? Of course I am, about some things. I never looked in the girl's eyes as the missiles sped toward her home. And I didn't look in the boy's eyes as he saw the true face of the city he called home. Where he grew up. Where he had friends.

I was close, in case he needed me.

But I didn't look at his face.

Lulu was the second, drifting down to the cliffs to stand looking out over the heavy grey sea. After a time, Wakka followed her, and they stood side by side. I was the next. I got up and left the fire and went back a little the way we had come. There was a small summit there which I wanted to climb.

I...had things to say.

* * *

----Auron and Spira----_Scars_----Papa Roach----

**Auron:**

I look up at the great mountain rising above me. I have always loved the high places. I turn and look at the dying sunset over the fire bright sea. I look up at the sky above, red and gold and orange, bright, then soft, then fading, and I can see the first few stars. Finally, the city, vast and silent. A city of the night.

This is Spira, this world of death in life.

A world ever spiraling around death.

Sad and beautiful.

I stand straight in the cold wind coming off the mountain, and I put my head back and I close my eye.

I inhale.

I smell...

Life. And death.

I smell salt sea.

I smell green grass.

I smell dark forest.

I smell hot desert.

I smell lush islands.

I cock my head, and turn a little, with my eye closed. I smell...

Cold honor, hot pride, bleak integrity. The Ronso, stoic on their mountain, facing an uncertain future without flinching. I smell...

Clever schemes, cunning plans, subtle goals. The Guado, playing games, trying to calculate the advantage, following a leader they're not quite sure of. I smell...

Placid distress, unruffled concern, cautious determination. The Hypello, uncompromising in their own way, only wanting to be left alone. I smell...

I inhale and I smell love and honor and courage. I smell hate and rage and fear. I smell endurance and sacrifice, confusion and pain, misery and laughter and piety and desire and wonder. I smell death. Humans. Yevonite, and Al Bhed, and nomad people, and others.

And over everything else, I smell...

...blood and pain and despair...

...and a multitude who cry out and pray, Save us from Sin.

I open my eye.

This world is beautiful...and wounded.

Broken for a thousand years. Longer. And here is one last chance—only one—to fix everything, to make it all come out right. I have fought thirty years for this chance. Even before I knew why I was fighting and what I was fighting for, I was fighting for this. I have lived and died for this one chance to march into that dead city and start to make everything right, and for this chance what won't I sacrifice? Myself? Gladly. Yuna? And Lulu and Wakka and Kimahri?

They all chose to be here, all for their own reasons. For redemption, or salvation, or to prove their love for...something, or someone. So yes, I will sacrifice Yuna, or any of us. I will let them all make their own decisions, wherever it leads them. That is within the boundary of my promise as I see it.

Promises.

Tidus?

Tidus...has become a young man. I will protect him as I can, but I will let him make his choices. For this last chance to make things right, I will take that risk.

Rikku.

Oh, Rikku...

Little Al Bhed thief, who has already lost so much, will I sacrifice you, as well? You alone have asked nothing to be here. You hate this, but you will stay to the end.

If you die...

You will not die.

She will not die.

SHE.

WILL.

NOT!

DIE.

The wind is blowing hard and cold now, whipping my coat around me wildly. The red sun is sinking below the horizon as I pull my sword from its sheath—the sword she made me-and I reverse it in my hand and I lower the point to the stony ground. I grasp the hilt firmly, holding the sword before me. I am taking long, deep breaths and the stars are coming out overhead, but the sun is not yet gone. I close my eye, and bow my head.

"Braska? Can you hear me?

"Yevon? Fayth? Lords of the Living and the Dead? Are you listening?

"Rikku will not die today."

**Rikku's Diary:**

What is that?

**Auron:**

"Rikku will not die today.

"Rikku will not die tomorrow.

"Rikku will not die in Zanarkand."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Can you feel that? What's happening?

**Auron:**

"Listen to me. Hear me all of you.

"All of your plans and your devices and wars, she has no part of them. She is not here because of you, to help you or to stop you. She is only here because she loves her cousin.

"Do you even understand such a simple reason?

"So Rikku does not die today.

"Rikku does not die tomorrow.

"Rikku does not die in Zanarkand at all and if she does then there is a new side in your forever wars and a new player and THEN I PROMISE YOU THAT AT THE END OF EVERYTHING, AT THE END OF IT ALL NO ONE WILL BE STANDING."

**Rikku's Diary:**

What was that! Didn't anyone else feel it! It...it's like...like the whole world half got up, shifted a quarter inch to the left, and then settled back down again. It feels like, like I should be dizzy...

What WAS it? What happened?

**Auron:**

They all know what my promises are worth.

They all know what my promises can do.

I've done what I came here for.

Well...

How do you pray?

* * *

**Auron:**

No one was there when I returned to the fire. The sun was truly down now, and the stars were bright overhead. I inhale. Here, on the outskirts of Zanarkand, my senses are especially sharp. Yuna and Tidus are together, and the Ronso is not too far from them. Wakka and Lulu are also together. Finally, I think with a smile.

Inhale.

I smell...

**Rikku's Diary:**

Maybe...he's with Lulu now.

I guess I don't mind. We're...well, whatever we were, we're not anymore. I didn't think he'd move on this fast, but, maybe it all hit him as hard as it did me. They both wandered off from the fire, and so did Wakka, and Yuna, and all of them, until it was just me. And then I wandered off too.

I just walked, maybe trying to get away from them all. I don't know. And I tried my hardest to get Yuna to even say maybe there's another way, but...she wouldn't listen. She wouldn't listen because of that stupid wall and I couldn't care enough to make her care because all of my caring is stuck behind that wall...

Everything's behind that wall...

He said he loved me. That's what Tidus said. But, I don't know. I wanted to hear that for so long, and it doesn't even matter now. I still can't feel...anything. We fought beside each other today, and for a little while I thought I felt...I don't know, I'm not sure...and I guess I only imagined it after all. I guess I just wanted to feel something so bad and I fooled myself that I did. Have you ever...did you ever just, just want to cry...but you can't...? Maybe you just want to let it all out, but you can't and you try to think of sad things like your first pet dying or the saddest story you ever read or something to try to make yourself cry...

...and you just...can't...

_Rikku knew she was being an idiot as she sat at the bar and smiled at the handsome young man. No scar. No collar. No coat._

_She knew she was being stupid as she let him buy her drinks, and then invited him up to her room. Good looking. Young. Not a trace of grey in his hair._

_She knew she was deliberately sabotaging everything she had with Auron as they rolled together in the bed, panting and sweating and gasping. Easy smile. Likes to laugh. Likes to talk. _

_She knew it all even as she was doing it but she felt young and stupid and she just refused to think too much about it, just kept on. Oh Rikku, she asked herself, Why are you doing this? But by that time her lower body was doing all of her thinking for her. The sex was good and it was new and they were both flushed and sated and smiling. Afterward they ordered room service and the young man got up to answer when someone knocked at the door. Her heart froze when she heard the low, smooth, voice saying, "Sorry. Bad time."_

_So what now, she wondered. Should she call out, Wait Auron, let me explain? Or she could just keep her mouth shut._

"_Hey, come back to bed," she heard herself say. "I miss you."_

_She heard the door shut, and he came back to bed, young and smiling._

_She got him out the door the next morning and stood for a long time under the hot, stinging water of the shower, thinking. She had gotten just what she wanted. She knew Auron might come by to talk to her. She could have gone to the young man's room instead of bringing him back to hers, but she wanted Auron to come by and find them, and he had, and the young man had opened the door wearing nothing but a robe. It all worked out just the way she'd hoped._

"_Damn, damn, damn..." she muttered._

_She closed her eyes under the water and tried to figure out just what she was doing, and what it was that she wanted. She didn't feel young anymore, she just felt old and kind of tired._

_One week._

_That's how long they had had together. One wonderful week after he had told her that he loved her and she said she loved him too. They had talked about a family and a home together. They had walked and laughed and danced. They had one incredible week here in Luca, just the two of them spending time with each other, until yesterday when they had that stupid argument that blew up into a huge fight and he had stalked out of the bar cold-eyed and tight-lipped, and she had smiled at a handsome young man._

_Well she sure showed him, she thought._

_She wasn't even sure why she did it. Her feelings were all a jumble. Maybe underneath it all she was afraid of her emotions, afraid of commitment, afraid of losing control of her life. She had a crush on him for so long, and now that it looked like she was going to have everything she wanted, maybe she just panicked. Could she explain that to him? Would he understand? Would he let her apologize? Did she even want to? Maybe she really wanted it to be over, or maybe she even wanted to prove to herself and to him that she had some power in the relationship, that she could hurt him if she wanted to. She shook her head, not wanting to think about any of it any more just then. She got out of the shower and started getting dressed. She was supposed to meet Lulu for an early breakfast. Maybe they could go shopping or something after and take her mind off the incredible mess she had made of things for a while._

"_Hey Lulu!" she called, spotting the woman waiting in the lobby._

"_Rikku! Hello," the black mage answered, getting up to hug her. "So! Let's see it!"_

_Rikku looked at the smiling mage, puzzled._

"_See what?"_

"_The ring! Let's see the ring!"_

"_Uh, Lulu, what are you talking...?"_

"_Rikku, I know! Auron talked to Wakka about what he was planning. He wanted to know how he had asked me. I've even seen the ring, I just want to see it on you. Aren't you wearing it? Uh, Rikku?" Lulu asked, suddenly concerned. "Is something the matter? You look..."_

_Ring...? What...? She couldn't mean..._

_No, Rikku thought in a daze. No, I couldn't have screwed things up this badly. No no no no no!_

"_Rikku? What is it? Has something happened?"_

_Rikku was smiling at the older woman. She knew she must look ghastly. She knew her face must be dead white. She felt like she was falling. She felt dizzy, and she wanted to throw up._

"_No, Lulu, it's fine...I...I just gotta talk to Auron, right now..."_

"_Rikku?"_

"_I gotta talk to Auron..." she said, backing away and then turning to the stairs. She took the stairs three at a time. Auron's room was being cleaned when she reached it._

"_Where's the man," she gasped, "Where's the man staying (gasp) in this room?"_

"_He checked out," the woman said._

"_When!"_

"_Uh, last night, I think the manager said."_

"_Where'd he go!"_

"_Miss, I don't know. How would I know that?" the woman answered, but Rikku was already gone. Downstairs she found the manager._

"_The man that checked out last night," she said urgently. "Auron, where did he go?"_

"_Uh, I don't know, ma'am. I wasn't even on duty then."_

"_Did he leave anything? A message? A letter?"_

"_No ma'am. I mean, I'll check, but, uh...no, no ma'am. Nothing here."_

_Dammit, Auron! Where are you! Don't do this!_

_Rikku spent the rest of the morning wandering the city looking for him, checking the stalls and the shops where he sometimes went, and asking the merchants that hung out by the Mi'ihen Highroad if they had seen him pass. By the afternoon she had recruited Wakka and Lulu, telling them that she and Auron had had a fight. They called on other friends and they looked through the entire city._

_They never found any trace of him._

_Late in the evening Rikku returned to the hotel to wash up and to see if he had maybe left a message, or something. He hadn't, but..._

"_Miss," the evening manager said. "The cleaners found this in the trash in the gentleman's room when they were cleaning. It must have, um, gotten thrown away by accident."_

_He held something out to her, and she reached out her hand and took it. It was a ring._

"_Thanks," she whispered._

_Just get to your room, she told herself. Just get to your room. Her throat was dry and she couldn't seem to catch her breath going up the steps. She managed to make it back to her door, but the first tears were already falling as she fumbled with her key and she almost dropped the ring, but she held onto it. Once inside, she sank to the floor. She didn't sit on the bed. She didn't look at the bed. The ring was in her hand, and she brought it close to see... Three words, engraved inside the plain gold band._

Don't be afraid.

_And she began to shake, and to cry harder. He had always been there to hold her when she cried, and to make her feel less afraid and lonely. Now she was crying and she was lonely and she was really afraid and where was he? He should be here now, when she needed him! Where was he! Rikku hugged her knees tight to her chest and with one hand she held the ring up to her cheek, feeling the cool metal against her flushed skin._

_Oh Rikku, she thought, rocking back and forth on the floor. Oh Rikku, you have so totally screwed this up! She closed her eyes and remembered the feel of his arms around her, and the smell of his old, red coat, and the sound of his wonderful voice._

_Well, I guess you know what you want now, Rikku, she thought. And you had it and you threw it away for a night of brand new and the chance to show him who was boss, and all because you were young and scared of being tied down to one man. Hey, got your wish, girl. No more commitments for you._

_Suddenly great broken sobs burst out of the small blond girl. Dammit Auron, it was just a mistake! I'll find you, she said to herself. I'll find you._

_She tried._

_She spent months looking everywhere she could think he might have gone. She found his old homestead where he had grown up, but he wasn't there. She went to the top of Mt Gagazet. She knew he loved it there, up among the high places. She even went to Bevelle, where he had spent so much of his life. It wasn't easy for an Al Bhed in Bevelle, but she stayed until she was sure he wasn't there._

_She went back to the places that were special to them, hoping..._

_But he wasn't at the Moonflow, where they met, or in the Calm Lands, where they had been so happy, or anywhere at all. Sometimes at night in the Calm Lands she'd look up at the stars and wonder if maybe he was looking up at them too at that exact same time wherever he was, and she'd try to feel closer to him._

_There were always stories about him, rumors that he had been seen someplace or the other. He wasn't exactly inconspicuous. She followed every trace, but he was never there. In one little Mi'ihen village where she didn't find him she had gotten very drunk afterward and ended up going to bed with a stranger. She woke up terrified that that this was the morning that Auron would come back and he'd find her with someone else again. She knew it was irrational, and it didn't make sense, but she still chased the man away and left the village as soon as she could. And a couple of miles down the road she had to stop and hug herself while she shook._

"_Auron, where are you?" she whispered to the wind. "Please, please, please, come back to me. I'll make it all up to you, I swear I will. You said you loved me. Can't you forgive me?"_

_There was one place that she never looked, even after years had passed, not even when the first reports started to come in that he had been seen on the Farplane. She never went to Guadosalam._

_Not until they came to get her, her friends, and they told her that he was there. They had seen him. She didn't want to believe them. She refused to believe them. But they told her that if she ever wanted to see him again, she'd have to go to Guadosalam and they took turns holding her when she cried. And she finally went with them._

_There wasn't anyone else there when she went to the Farplane. It was just her. She huddled into herself, and shuffled towards the edge, dragging her feet, and moving slower as she got closer. She made herself move. She didn't want to. She'd been looking for him for years, but she didn't want to find him here, and know that it was really over, that he was really gone. She reached the edge._

_And he was there. He was floating in front of her, in his old red coat, and his high collar and his sunglasses. Her first thought was, I can't see his eye._

_She never wanted to see him here, had refused to accept that he was here, but in the back of her mind she always believed that if she ever did see him in this place it would be the way she'd seen him in Luca, his face open, maybe even smiling, looking at her with love in his soft brown eye._

_But she couldn't see his face._

_I'll never see his face again, she thought._

"_Auron...I...I'm sorry."_

_She shook her head, not knowing what to feel, or to think, seeing him like this._

"_I...why'd it all have to come to this, Auron?" she asked softly. "We were happy. What...happened...to us? We...we could've been together...we could've been happy, and had a family, and been together, but instead you're...here._

"_A week. That's all we had together, just one week because...you ran away. Do you know how much you HURT me...?"_

_She sank to her knees._

"_Why'd you have to hurt me..."_

_But she knew why. She hated herself because she knew why he'd gone, and she knew she'd hurt him worse than he ever hurt her._

"_I'm sorry..." she whispered. "I didn't mean to..."_

_And she choked, because she knew she had meant to._

"_I...I was young, Auron, and stupid, and afraid...I made a mistake. Do I have to pay my whole life for a mistake?"_

_Maybe I do, she thought. Maybe that's the only real way to show..._

"_I'm sorry, Auron...I'm so sorry I hurt you...I love you..."_

_And she started to sob, remembering again how he had held her when she cried. These last few years there had been no one to hold her when she cried. She cried a lot, in the night. Sometimes she wondered if she'd ever run out of tears. When the worst of the shaking was over she looked up at him from her knees._

_He looked like a warrior. He looked like a legend. He looked grim and hard and she knew that this is what he looked like to everyone that came to see him. But she had seen a different Auron. She had seen the real man behind the mask he showed everyone else. She looked now for that real man who had loved her in the silent image hanging before her. She looked for the man who had held her at night._

_But all she saw was the legend._

"_Auron," she said softly up to him after a moment, "I have your ring. See? _Don't be Afraid._ I have it here, around my neck. And I tried, Auron, I tried so hard not to be afraid, but I was. I was afraid that I wouldn't ever see you again, and that...and that you'd never love me again. And now..."_

_She hung her head, not looking at him._

"_I never put it on, cause...cause I wanted to give it back to you, and...and I wanted you to give it back to me, and then you'd put it on my finger, Auron._

"_I...I guess that won't happen now._

"_But...but I could still put it on, Auron. I could still wear it, if...if you wanted me to. If..._

"_I'll put it on if you want me to, Auron," she said, looking up again, talking quickly._

"_If...if you send me some sort of sign that you want me to, I'll put it on right now and I'll never ever take it off. I know they say people here on the Farplane can't move, or speak, or do anything, but...but I know that you're Auron, and you can do things that other people can't. I..."_

_She wiped the back of her arm across her face, scrubbing away the tears._

"_I won't ask you to come back to me. If...if you did, it'd be really wonderful, and I'd love you more than I can say, and I'd try really really hard to make you happy...but, but I won't ask that._

"_Just...just something to show you still love me...a little...and I'll put your ring on my finger just like it should have been all those years ago and I'll never take it off._

"_I promise."_

_And she sat up straight and closed her eyes, and waited a long time for...something. For the feel of a hand on her hand. Or the feathery caress of a sudden breeze in her hair. Or the gentle touch of two lips on hers._

_But nothing happened, and when she finally opened her eyes again, he was still unchanged._

"_Oh..." she said, looking down._

"_Oh, okay."_

_She swallowed and climbed slowly to her feet._

"_Auron? I...I'll still wear it around my neck. Always! And, and I don't know when, but...I know I'll see you again one day, and I'll give this ring back to you, then, and I'll tell you I'm sorry, and how much I love you."_

_She turned slowly and walked away._

"_I love you, Auron..." she whispered._

* * *

----Rikku crying before Zanarkand----_I'm With You_----Avril Levigne----

**Rikku's Diary:**

Huh...sometimes there are no second chances.

Hey, what...what's this? Am I crying? My own stupid story made me cry? How dopey is that?

It's just a stupid...stupid...story. Stupid...stupid...stupidstupidstupidstupidSTUPIDSTUPIDFIGHT! Stupid AURON stupid RIKKU stupid WILLA stupid YUNA, GONNA DIE! STUPID SPIRA!

STUPID WALL!

COMING down NOW!

And it's all coming out now, all the PAIN and the HURT and the TEARS and it's all so STUPID!

He made a mistake! Why didn't I FORGIVE him! Why didn't he ASK me to FORGIVE him! And now we're HERE! We're HERE and it's all TOO LATE cause we're gonna DIE here! YUNA'S gonna DIE and WE'RE gonna DIE and WHERE IS HE! He should BE here! HE LOVES ME! TIDUS SAID IT! IT WAS A STUPID FIGHT AND IT'S ALL SO STUPID AND SMALL AND NOT IMPORTANT NOW THAT WE'RE HERE AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE ANYWAY!

Damnstupiddamnstupiddamnstupiddamndamndamndammitdammitdammitdammit...

...why'd it take me this long to grow up...?

...why isn't he here...?

...with me...

**Auron:**

I stand and listen to her sobbing, quietly tearing me to pieces, tearing me apart. She became a bright spirit in my life. Since when have I needed a bright spirit?

I followed the salt smell of tears, and it led me here, to this hidden place, and to her. She's crying. She doesn't know that I'm here, and she mustn't know. She hurts, but I hurt too because I can't hold her and help her. I can't dry her tears and look in her eyes and tell her that I love her. I should go get Tidus. Or Wakka. They can do what I can't. They can hold her, and help her, and perhaps something wonderful will start, and grow from that. And I will be glad because it is for the best. But I don't want to see.

Is her little heart breaking?

Walk away, Auron.

I turn to go.

"Auron...?"

Oh no, no, no, Rikku, I'm not here, don't call my name...

Walk away, Auron...

"...Auron...?"

Walk away.

**Next: Dark City**


	41. Dark City

Hey.

Zanarkand at last. Been a while getting there. So, listen, after chapter 42 I'm going to take a little break. Not long, three or four weeks. It's just a good place to break the story for a while and catch up on some stuff. Maybe change the summary.

Let's see. Major spoilers? We got'em. Disclaimer? Well, FFX isn't mine. I'm gonna get bitter about that if it keeps getting thrown in my face this way. Follows the story, but kind of AU. More AUish, so far. It's an Aurriku (didn't start that way) but they don't even meet until chapter 7, and don't speak until chapter 8. He opened up to her a little in chapter 10. They danced in chapter 12. In chapter 13 they decided they couldn't trust each other. In chapter 17 he saved her. In chapter 18 he comforted her. In chapter 19 he disappointed her. In chapter 21 she told him not to be afraid. In chapter 25 they had a fight, but it was better again in chapter 26. This is getting long. I'll continue it next time. Anyway, this is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Rating? Lemme think. -T-.

So, this chapter and the next one are dedicated to Jinjer for her long reviews and helpful suggestions and a little nagging now and then. And I do really enjoy your long e-mails and I am truly, deeply impressed by your command of English and I do take some of your suggestions but have you played Splinter Cell yet? You haven't, have you? I saw it in a game store the other day for five dollars. I don't know what that is in Euros, but it can't be much.

Hope you like the chapter, Jinjer. Not much fighting. Next time.

By the way, I know it's an old joke. I like it. Sue me. (You'll see.)

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

I don't want to talk about it.

* * *

**Dark City**

* * *

**Auron:**

We entered in the night.

No one said very much as we came together once more in our small camp near the traveler's shrine at the edge of the dark city. We silently gathered our belongings, paid one last visit to the sphere and then with the stars turning overhead and pyreflies dancing in the distance we began to carefully pick our way through the rubble and the ruins and onto the Bridge of the Red Queen.

City of Bridges.

Zanarkand was a city that lived with the sea. It was a city built near and on and over the water, and guidebooks used to say that there were 6600 bridges in Zanarkand and that each had a name. I don't know if there were truly 6600. It seems unlikely, but it probably depended on exactly what one called a bridge. The people of the city were proud of their bridges, and thought they gave Zanarkand part of its character. Guilds and associations used to adopt particular bridges and care for them as if they were their own. It was considered an honor to be trusted to care for a bridge. The Fighter Guildhall was envied and admired because it had the care of Deepwater, one of the great bridges. It was even a popular pastime to try to walk across every bridge in the city.

I mean...it used to be.

People formed clubs, and they kept records in little logbooks, and planned out routes and excursions to cross as many as they could in a day. Emma was one of those. I remember how her face lit up one day with a huge smile and she told me that she had achieved a milestone—5000 bridges—and she asked me if I would come with her to the little party that her crossing club threw for her. She was so excited to be so close, and she wanted so badly to reach 6600. She hated to fail at anything she tried.

I don't suppose she ever made it.

I shake my head a little as I stalk along behind the others. Is this how it is going to be for me here? I didn't expect this. Will my time here be nothing but one memory after another, either from my death here, or from the ten years that followed? I need to concentrate. I need to focus.

Pyreflies drift around us.

Does the city remember?

Do cities remember the people who lived there once, and do they miss them when they're gone? Does Zanarkand remember a girl with hair like fire, fast and deadly, warm and caring, who walked across bridges and wrote wretched poetry and loved fireworks?

Do empty cities ever get lonely?

Why are my thoughts so jumbled? What is it that has me so confused?

Rhetorical question. I know what it is.

Who it is.

I close my eye for a moment and inhale I smell...

...death...death...death...death.

I open my eye. I m afraid my special senses will be of little use here in this place where the psychic smell of death overpowers all else. And my companions do not speak as we make our way across the ruins, but as I quietly study them I can see some of their thoughts mirrored on their faces, even those of the Ronso and the mage. On his, nothing but determination. He knows that the greatest danger still lies ahead of us. He has learned that much from me. He is determined that nothing will harm his summoner, not until...

I shake my head again.

The black mage finally shows doubt, but also resolve. Face to face with the reality of the pilgrimage, is she starting to question at last? What will she do when the time comes? And Wakka no longer laughs, and the few jokes that he makes are gallows humor. It's different when it's no longer talk and no longer words and no longer sometime, isn't it blitzballer? It's different when it's now and it's here and we're here, now, in Zanarkand, and it's all real and she's really going to die. And what is in your heart now, blitzballer?

Wakka or Lulu. He is juggling his ball nervously. She looks straight ahead as she walks. Which of you is it? Does it even matter now? Perhaps not, the way that I have set it up. When Yuna makes her decision, you will all be there, and each will have their say.

Tidus. He knows now that there is so much more to all this than what the others believe. He knows that the world is not what they think. But in his heart and in his gut he does not feel like a dream. He feels like a young man who is falling in love with a young girl and he desperately wants that girl not to die.

I wonder to myself if they're real. His feelings, I mean. He feels the way that I wanted him to feel and needed him to feel. I needed him to love her, even just as a friend, and so I pushed the two of them together when I could, and that was often, and I hoped that it would all become something more. And it did, and does it matter if I was responsible? Is it not love either way?

I look at her. My summoner. My little Yuna, so brave and so selfless. She is a hero.

Damn all heroes. Damn you Braska. If you hadn't done that then, would she be doing this now? Did you ever think when you set out to save Spira that you were murdering your own daughter? Of course not. But if you knew what would happen, would you have changed your mind, old friend?

I just don't know.

I have never understood heroes.

Will Yuna die in this city of the dead, before we even reach the bitch? Or will she perhaps gain the final aeon and return to Gagazet to fight Sin, like her father? Braska hadn't wanted to go back to the Calm Lands as many summoners do. He was too much the assassin to ever like to work in front of a crowd that way. Yuna is simply shy. She doesn't want anyone to see her saving Spira. I walk a little behind her as we move from the Bridge of the Red Queen to Lothar's Bridge. My summoner. Kinoc named me Death Walking. She is calmly walking with death, to her death, through a city of death. Death is on all sides of her and she has lived with death for many years.

She married death.

What are the odds she will choose life?

This place is depressing me.

That list? The one I was going to make of all my least favorite places? I mentioned Zanarkand, right?

Good. Just wanted to make sure.

And lastly...

My own sad, wonderful little star? She creeps along sometimes, hunched over, staying close to us, looking all around her for danger. Other times she skips and runs, and turns and looks back at me or up at me and she smiles. For her there is joy and there is hope and there is hurt and there is fear and hysterical energy, all chasing each other round and round, all worn openly on her sleeve and in her face, up one minute and down the next, and always so desperate to save Yuna.

I needed her to be desperate to save Yuna.

It is tiring and exhilarating to watch her.

I know of course that she is the one, the source of all my confusion. I don't know what to think about her and I can't help thinking about her and about what happened not two hours ago.

She catches me staring at her again and she smiles shyly and triumphantly at me and I quickly look away. I don't have time for this. Not now. Where are all the fiends, anyway? Ah, here is one. Finally.

"Look out, it's gonna...it's gonna do something!"

Thanks, Tidus.

The dark flan dropped from nowhere and cast Demi, and we were all rocked back. Decisions, decisions. Easy enough to take it out, but we had a long way to go before we reached another traveler's shrine and I didn't want us to run out of mystic energy before we got there.

"Yuna, summon Shiva."

Time to see what an aeon with lancet can do.

"Yeah!" the blonde girl cried beside me and pumped her fist in the air as the aeon of ice descended. "Shiva Shiva Shiva!"

She was a partisan of the female appearing summon.

Shiva immediately cast Haste and Shell on itself, then Demi, Demi, Demi. The flan responded with a rather weak Drain. Shiva's magic was depleted so the aeon used lancet, then Demi, Demi, Demi, while the flan cast White Wind on itself. The boy and girl were cheering Shiva on while the black mage and the Ronso stood impassively nearby. Wakka and I observed the battle closely. The aeon was once again depleted, and once again replenished itself with lancet. Quite useful, I had to acknowledge.

"Wakka?"

"Uh, she did okay to start, Sir Auron, but she's in trouble now, ya? Outta energy again, and lancet not filling her back up no more. Now she's using her own ice attack, that Something Strike thing, but it ain't working too well, and the flan it's using white wind. Could be here all day."

His analysis was succinct. Shiva had come close, but was now stalemated, and the flan was growing stronger once more. Lancet had allowed Shiva to prolong the fight, but not to achieve victory. I had Yuna dismiss the aeon, and we finished the fiend off and moved on. Armor break was the key to dealing with dark flans. That or zombie.

"Let's rest a minute here," I said a little later, indicating a hollowed out section of rubble. "Rikku?"

"Yes, Auron?" She said, coming to stand very close and looking up into my face with a shy smile. A beautiful, shy, little smile...

Irritably I looked away, and did not meet her eye again.

"Can you give Shiva armor break?"

"Sure can," she chirped, putting a hand on my arm.

"How long?"

"Twenty minutes. It's pretty simple, but it'll take a couple of level 2...uh, a couple of blue key spheres."

"Do it please," I said, and she responded by giving me a hug and then running to throw herself down near Yuna.

Damn damn damn.

I...

I said don't want to talk about it.

Not now.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I don't know what I'm feeling! Oh, I DO know, but I'm still all confused! It's like I'm up high one minute and down low the next. I'm sitting here with cousin Yunie and I'm happy as a clam...no, that's frivolous, saying it that way. I'm happy, I'm really so happy about Auron and me and what happened that I don't even know how to tell you. Like, I don't have the words. I feel like I'm floating and my heart is so light inside my chest that sometimes it comes right up in my throat and I can't speak and I have to swallow it back down before I can get any words out. That's how happy I am! And I'm almost scared that he has that much effect on me, that he can do that to me, but I'll think about that later, cause right now I want to just be happy about what happened and that we're okay again now and more than okay and I'm sitting here with Yuna and we're doing something that he wants and needs.

It's so much better than being empty.

And then I look at her and realize...I mean it hits me all of a sudden, you know? We're here, in Zanarkand...and Yunie's gonna die. And I tried so hard to think of something, and Tidus tried so hard too, but...did I? You know? These last few days on our way here I was so confused and out of it, was I really trying as hard as I could to think of something? Was I really trying to change her mind or was I just angsting and wrapped up in myself and my own problems? And then I feel sick to my stomach, and then I'm all This Isn't Helping, Rikku! Blaming myself and wallowing in guilt, STILL isn't helping her or any of us, and then I get all wild about trying to think of something that sometimes I just grab my head between my hands and try to shake some ideas out of it! And I KNOW what Auron said, I remember what he said last night about loving Yuna and I do trust him, I DO! But I just get so afraid for Yuna that I can't help it and my insides start to just clench and twist up and I feel like I have to go to the bathroom real bad but that's not it! And then...and then I remember...what happened after, after he said that. And suddenly I'm on my way up again and I start to feel happy again and I can't help that either...

...and all I can do is remember what finally happened!

* * *

**Auron:**

Twenty minutes later we were back on the road, and both Shiva and Bahamut were supplied with armor break. It felt a bit odd to me that others in the party had the ability that only I had for so long. Even stranger that they were aeons.

The girl stayed near me.

That was fine. I wanted her near me and safe. I wanted her next to me and in my—

Damn damn damn.

"Auron! Hey old man, wake up! We got company!"

Thank the lord.

A four armed fiend with blueish/purple fur and a powerful build stalked from behind a twisted girder to confront us and a flying eye dropped from overhead to join him.

It encourages me that such diverse fiends can put aside their differences and work together towards a common goal. It gives me some small hope for people.

"Rikku," I said, "Steal. Tidus, back for Yuna. Yuna, aeon."

"Uh, Shiva?" she asked, coming up.

I shook my head.

"Bahamut."

"Aww," Rikku whined. I almost smiled behind my collar to hear her in such good spirits once more.

Yuna danced, and Bahamut came. We fell back amid the broken pavement as the dragon aeon faced the two fiends. Yuna had it cast Haste—standard first move—then lancet the eye, then use Impulse. The eye shuddered and fell in a cloud of pyreflies and the bashura soon followed. Bahamut was stronger than the eye and faster than the bashura and the two gave it little trouble.

I decided that we would let the aeons carry the burden until we got across the long bridge. Ifrit could easily handle the ochus, at least until it ran out of magic to cast Fira to heal itself. Armed with lancet, Bahamut had no problem with eyes, bashuras, grendels, and behemoths. Lancet truly was a key ability. Perhaps I should try to learn it myself one day. Facing an eye and a bashura, for instance, Yuna had Bahamut cast Haste, then lancet the eye to replenish his power, then Impulse, killing the eye, then pound the bashura, using lancet to remain at full health and magic energy. And Shiva...

Dark flan. Haste, Shell, armor break.

"Huh," Wakka said. "Didn't take. Immune?"

"No, just lucky. Have Yuna have Shiva try it again."

It worked the second time, and Shiva began to attack physically, and in only minutes had kicked the fiend to death. As the flan sank into jelly and then dissolved into pyreflies, Rikku jumped in the air and grabbed the surprised aeon by the hands and tried to twirl it around in celebration shouting something about girl power as they all smiled and laughed. I nodded to Tidus and he managed to wrap his arms around her and pull her away so that Yuna could dismiss the aeon without it carrying the girl off with it to unknown realms. It was a rare, cheerful moment. When did this city last know laughter?

Does Zanarkand miss the laughter of people?

We took up our journey once more through the dead city. We were still in the outlying areas. The fiends were fairly thick here, but the battles were short with Wakka advising Yuna and with the aeons disposing of the fiends with some ease. I wondered to myself if after all that had been the best plan of action. It was safest, and easiest, but with no fiends to battle I believe that dark thoughts are starting to weigh on all of our minds now that we are here in this dark place where Yuna thinks her life will end.

And so it might.

As the others pick their way carefully over a large drift of smashed rubble, I pause and take a moment to look up at the remnants of the city's skyline in the distance, illuminated by the light of pyreflies. Zanarkand lived with the sea but it also lived with the sky, and countless proud towers and great buildings once rose high over its streets. Now few are standing. The towers are broken and the buildings have come down. At least I can no longer see the gap where Red One once stood. The empty place in the skyline no longer mocks me as it did for ten years, twisting my gut whenever I forgot and looked up.

"Looks like the Farplane," Wakka observed, joining me.

Close enough.

Another place of death.

Remember that to them this is a kind of holy place, the object of their pilgrimage. And I don't really know how much of their religious sensibility remains and how much has been torn away and worn away from them. That is something that I should have gauged carefully over the last few days, but instead I was distracted by personal events. How pathetic. We are coming to the crux and all their attitudes will be key determining factors in the decision that is to come. Everything here depends on the choices that they make. To Wakka and to Lulu and to Yuna and perhaps even to the Ronso, Zanarkand was once a sacred place. Is it still? I just don't know. Zanarkand, a sacred place. I shake my head thinking how the faction leaders would have fallen out of their chairs laughing at the thought. Murderers and thieves and prostitutes and gamblers would never have believed it.

It took several hours of working our way through the rubble before we approached the heart of the city. We passed from the Bridge of the Red Queen to Lothar's Bridge and then to the great bridge known simply as Greystone. It was one of the major routes and carried us finally from the outlying areas to the inner city. After several hours we were walking through Sector G, which was once best known for the many immigrants to Zanarkand who lived there. The Al Bhed community lived here once, and so did the Ronso, the Guado, and the Hypello, and those members of the various tribes and long forgotten nations whose people came once to this place. Now the buildings were hollow shells and the streets were choked with all the decaying detritus of days past. Clusters of pyreflies drifted by and sent small shadows dancing around us and old memories begin to shyly peek out to show me their faces. Memories from a dream. Do the pyreflies carry those memories to me as we slowly make our way through the ruins? I lived here for a time, here in Sector G. I trod these streets. We were only a few minutes walk from my own small apartment. Could I find it now, I wondered.

Would...?

Perhaps...

Do you think that Rikku would like to see it...the place where I lived for a while?

I shook my head trying to clear away these strange thoughts that came to me. I have never lived here, I never walked these streets. I walked the dream of these streets once in another place and time. Still...

There was an Al Bhed restaurant on that corner where I remembered eating once or twice a week. I can still see where a small park used to be. There was a statue there that marked the unofficial boundary between the Al Bhed and the Guado, a place where the street gangs of the two would often fight. They did not get along even then. I battled a fiend there once. And here on this other corner I once bought an ice cream cone for Emma from a Hypello street vender, and she smiled happily and laughed and took my arm and tried to get me to take a lick until she had finished it all and it was gone. Damn tadpole cocked one eye at me, simply because I had bought one the day before for Willa.

These streets or those streets, this city was still full of places that had meaning for me. I looked over at the boy, wondering how he was taking it all. He seemed impassive. Perhaps a little grim. Of course, this wasn't a part of the city that he ever knew well. It was down-market, and he spent most of his time in Sectors A and B, and sometimes the entertainment areas in Sectors H and L. I doubt he ever even knew that Al Bhed or Ronso lived in the city. Had he ever even seen a Ronso before he came to Spira? He never would have encountered them here. They kept to themselves. He would know about the Guado, of course. Guado pizzerias were popular with all the young of Zanarkand. Odd how the Guado themselves have forgotten over the years.

All of us were concerned with our own thoughts as we walked, letting the aeons fight for us, and so we eventually reached the inner core of the city, made up of the great central sectors A, B, C, and D.

"Where are we?" the girl asked, looking around.

"Uh, we in Zanarkand, ya?" the blitzballer answered, with a puzzled look in her direction.

"I think she meant more specifically than that, Wakka," the mage said.

"Tidus?" Yuna asked quietly. "Do you know where we are?"

"Hm...kinda hard to tell...Auron, that was Greystone we came over, right?"

"It was."

"Then, this should be the edge of Sector D...I think," he shook his head. "It all looks different."

The girl looked at me. I looked away.

"This is Sector D. We just cut through Sector G, where the Al Bhed and other immigrants lived. Tidus," I said turning to him, "If I told you that Fenwick's was nearby, would that help?"

His face lit up and I smiled a little behind my collar again.

"Oh hey, yeah! That place had one of the best selections of blitzball supplies in town! Oh, uh," he said, turning and looking around. "Okay, so that puts the D Municipal Stadium over there, Hilley Park is up that way, and, oh, uh..."

He ran down a bit, looking at a huge cluster of ruins some way off.

"Then, uh, I guess that's the Dome," he said.

They all looked from him to me.

"Yes, Tidus. That's the Zanarkand Dome, where we must travel next. But before we do," I said turning to look at all of them, "I think we should rest and prepare. There is a traveler's shrine nearby. I stopped there before, with Braska and Jecht. Most summoner parties stop there to rest before going on."

"Is it going to be our last chance, Sir Auron?" the black mage asked me.

"No, Lulu. There are other spheres within the dome, and within the cloister after that. But this is still a good place to stop."

After a little discussion, Yuna agreed, and I directed them through the streets toward the traveler's shrine. The girl started to approach, but veered away as Tidus fell back to walk beside me. He didn't say anything right away.

"So," he said quietly after a few minutes. "This is Zanarkand."

"Yes," I answered him.

"And if we went to the center of Sector A, we'd find the blitzball stadium."

"We would."

"And if we went out to Sector B, we'd get to the docks, and the boat."

"Probably."

"And the Fighter Guildhall is over that way."

"Yes."

"And Trinity Half Meadow, Auron?"

I should have considered this. I should have seen this coming and talked with him, instead of obsessing about my own doomed relationships. One more dereliction. One more failure to do my duty.

Add it to the list.

"I don't know, Tidus. It's there, I'm sure, but...I just don't know."

"Yeah..."

Before he left my side to rejoin Yuna, I asked quietly, "Do you want to visit there, before we go?"

He sighed, and shook his head.

"I don't know, Auron," he said, and then he was walking ahead to catch up with the others.

I didn't know either. Even if we went out to Trinity Half Meadow, at the very northern edge of the city where people rarely ever went...what would we see?

Would his mother's grave be there?

I just don't know.

"Auron?"

It was the girl. She was walking beside me. I didn't look at her.

"Auron? Are you okay?"

"I am fine, Rikku. Just...remembering."

"Oh...okay, then."

We walked a bit in silence.

"Auron?"

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Hold my hand?"

I...

I didn't look at her.

But I took her hand.

* * *

**Auron:**

I stood gazing into the traveler's sphere, watching the faint glowing lights flickering within. Some people can lose themselves in the sight for hours. I am not one of them, but I suspect that Rikku is. We reached the shrine easily enough, meeting only a dark flan and two behemoths on the way. I would not really have been surprised to find Wantz there ahead of us when we arrived, or perhaps Maechen or another of our agents, or even—the lord preserve us—Marty. But there was no one.

The shrine was housed in a small but sturdy building that summoner parties over the years had constructed around the sphere. Each summoner party that made it this far did something to improve the structure. How many generations of summoners and guardians have come to this place over the years, each doing their little bit for all who came after? Yuna and the others came to meditate or just to sit near the sphere for a while to heal and replenish their stores of energy, and they listened as I told them about the shrine and the long-standing tradition. When they were rested, Lulu and Yuna put up their hair and became quite domestic, cleaning the place thoroughly. I think Yuna enjoyed the commonplace activity. Rikku tried somewhat inexpertly and without any real enthusiasm to help them. She is not naturally tidy. I idly and somewhat irrelevantly wondered how clean her room had been even before the Guado blew it up. Wakka and Tidus and Kimahri went out to haul stones from the rubble to add to the wall. The place had been built with safety and defense in mind. It would be easy to hold off fiends. I stayed to protect Yuna, and to think about things.

There was much on my mind.

"Auron?"

Damn.

"Rikku, do you know of these traveler's spheres? Their history, I mean? Of course you know what everyone knows. The Al Bhed people almost always call them comm spheres. They argue that there is no real religious aspect here, and they never refer to these places as shrines. Your people, Rikku, have always liked to think of themselves as practical and hardheaded, having little to do with any religion. Most people on Spira think that Al Bhed are all atheist, although I know better."

"I guess. Um, Auron, can we—"

"But most of us call these places traveler's shrines, Rikku. We don't worship here—I mean we Yevon, not that I'm Yevon any longer—but Yevonites don't worship these spheres in any case. Some of the nomad people do, but they're the only ones now. But we call these places traveler's shrines nevertheless because we know that ancient people did once worship the spheres."

"Auron," she said, "We need—"

"We've dug up these sites and found the remains of little temples. We the Church, I mean, although I'm no longer church. I suppose it's understandable that since these mysterious spheres heal us and replenish magic energy, then of course primitive priests would come to worship them and these places as the source of all otherworldly power. Some scholars in fact almost agree with those ancient priests, that these spheres are the actual source of all mystic energy in Spira, and they argue, the scholars not the priests, that without the spheres all magic would cease to work. I suppose then that everyone would turn to the Al Bhed for machina."

"Uh, I suppose so...hey, listen, Auron? We—"

"Well, first they would probably blame the Al Bhed. Call it a plot, you know. Not that it would be. A plot, I mean. Not an Al Bhed plot, at least. Hm, well but anyway, without magic to worry about, the Al Bhed would be reasonably safe as a group, I think. Tough on unlucky individuals caught in the wrong place. But as I was saying, no one knows how old these spheres are. They already existed in ancient Zanarkand a thousand years ago. They were already mysteries out of time then, and even their scholars did not know very much about them. Plenty of theories. I suppose I could have asked the sword. It might have known, but it never occurred to me when I was young. Think of it Rikku, these spheres heal us, replenish mystic energy, and allow communication between themselves, and we haven't the faintest idea how they work. No wonder the ancients built little temples around them."

"Auron!"

"Of course we do the same, really. Build temples, I mean, where these spheres are. Consider that the Church of Yevon builds its great temples in the places where several spheres cluster, usually three or four, actually building the temples around the spheres—like at Djose. There are two spheres within the temple there and another a short distance away outside. Of course, others do the same as well. Cites grow up where there are many spheres. And have you noticed that Rin builds his travel agencies near the spheres? Not several spheres, like the Church, or a city, but at least one. There was a sphere in the middle of the Calm Lands when Braska, Jecht and I journeyed, but no inn. Then Rin built his Calm Lands agency, and naturally he built it next to the traveler's sphere. It only makes sense, but I have to wonder why the Church never gave him grief over it."

"AURON!" she shouted, "Stop BABBLING!"

I wound down, still looking silently down at the sphere in front of us.

"Auron," she said in a small voice, "Are you sorry about what happened? What we did?"

How do I answer that? Please tell me how I answer that. I turn and finally look at her. She stands looking back with a desperately sad, uncertain expression. Did I do this? Did I put that expression on her face? What am I doing to her?

"Rikku," I say to her softly, "Little thief, I'm sorry that I have made you doubt...I'm sorry that...that my behavior has made you unhappy. Regret is not a word that I would use about last night. I worry that you are making a mistake. I am concerned that the timing is not the best. I am troubled by the confused feelings inside of me, distracting me. But...I do not and will not regret what happened last night."

Gah. Could I be any more pedantic? She asks for reassurance, and I give her a lecture. She is still standing there, shifting hesitantly from one foot to the other.

"Rikku," I said softly.

"Yeah Auron?"

"Rikku..." I whispered, "...I'm scared. Will you...hold me?"

Her smile came out like the sun and I opened my arms and I was holding her and her arms were around me tight and I whispered in her ear, and she was happy.

For a little while, she was happy.

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we finished cleaning and working around the place. Well, Lulu and Yuna cleaned, and I sorta helped. Well, maybe I just hung around with Auron mostly and watched them clean. Honestly, I think they enjoyed it really, and I never have, so it'd just be kind of selfish and stupid to clean much myself, right? Hey! Auron agreed with me! I mean, he was standing right there watching, so if he didn't agree he'd have said so, right?

Anyway, they finished cleaning up and the guys finished improving the wall, and I gotta admit, it felt pretty safe in there. It looked like we could hold off fiends from in here no problem, and if we had a problem, well, the sphere was right there. After they all finished and rested some more we ate. There wasn't a lot of training that evening. Auron told us some of what we could expect from here. It sounded creepy. Machina and dead guys. But I knew there was also stuff he wasn't telling us. So, okay. That's his stuff, his responsibility to take care of. My job was to love Yunie and all of us, and not to give up hope. Okay. It's harder than it sounds, you know? But I can do it. I will do it.

And it really, really helps that Auron and I are together again.

That night I didn't go with Yunie and Lulu to the small room in back where they slept. Maybe I should have. Maybe Yunie needed me. But I didn't. I stayed in the main room with the guys, and I curled up next to Auron like I hadn't done in so long. It seems like forever.

**Auron:**

How many days since she slept like this next to me? How many months and years has it been since I went to sleep with the smell of bubble gum and hope? Did I miss it?

It seems like forever.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I didn't want to say goodnight. I didn't want to go to sleep. I know I need to sleep cause we need to be sharp and rested for tomorrow and whatever happens, but I just don't want to close my eyes right now and not see him and not hear him. I've missed him too much to just go to sleep.

"Tell me a story, Auron."

"Rikku?"

"Tell me a story about when you lived in Zanarkand...something nobody else knows."

He stirred around a little, and then after a minute he said softly, "Once there was a girl who only lived in the evenings..."

And then he settled back and looked up at the ceiling as if he could see right through to the stars and I leaned into him and his arm was around me and he told me this story.

"Once there was a girl who only lived in the evenings. People saw her at parties or dancing at clubs, but she trembled when the parties ended and the clubs closed. She was afraid of the dark. She told people something hunted her and haunted her, silent and terrible. Every night she walked through the city afraid, trying to get home. One night a man agreed to go with her. He didn't want to. He was silent but she talked all about her life as they walked. She was smiling and happy and she wasn't afraid and she was almost home when I caught them and killed her, but the man lived. They hadn't reached the empty house where all the others died."

When he finished neither of us said anything for a while. Then I asked, "Was she a fiend, or an unsent?"

"She was a ghost. A very unlucky ghost, caught in a dream. A sad young girl, who loved to dance, afraid of the dark, who wanted to go home."

It reminded me of someone, but I couldn't think who. He told the story without any emotion in his voice at all. And after a moment I asked, "Is...is that what Zanarkand was like?"

"Zanarkand was...an unsettled place, the ten years than I lived there."

I guess. It isn't a barrel of laughs now.

"G'nite Auron," I said.

"Goodnight, Rikku."

* * *

**Auron:**

The Dome.

Zanarkand Dome covered most of Sector C, the religious heart of the city. Almost in the center was the Hall of the Summoners and the Cloister. We slept through the day and then we left the shrine and walked through the streets until we reached the Sundown Plaza, one of the main entrances to the Dome. They had started up the steps when an elderly man came out to meet them. They stopped and stared, but none stood in his way as he walked up to Yuna.

"Journeyer of the long road, name yourself."

Summoner Drake.

You don't look at all well.

"I am the summoner Yuna," came the firm answer. "I come from the island of Besaid."

Drake approached her. He was here before, of course, ten years ago, but I hadn't known him then. And later in that other Zanarkand I didn't recognize him. He really has let himself go.

I wonder if he would be adverse to some well-meant tips concerning diet and exercise.

"Your eyes, my dear," he said to Yuna. "Show me the long road you have traveled."

It would be hard for him not to see her eyes as wide as they were. I wonder what he saw there? He seemed pleased.

"Very good," he said to her. "You have journeyed well. Lady Yunalesca will surely welcome your arrival. Go to her now, and bring your guardians with you. Go."

**Rikku's Diary:**

The bikini model?

**Auron:**

I watched the others closely. Were they surprised to hear her name? The girl and the blitzballer jumped. The mage's eyes narrowed. The Ronso shook his head, and the boy looked puzzled. I don't think he remembered who she was.

Wakka or Lulu. Was Wakka that good an actor? Was Lulu truly surprised?

Does it even matter now?

Drake walks past us and fades away, and they all look at each other and shrug, and then enter the dome.

"Auron?" the girl says from close beside me. "Who was that? Was he real?"

"That was the summoner Drake, once High Summoner of Zanarkand. Now, he's a ghost jumping to do Yunalesca's bidding."

"So, uh, so she's here too?"

I nodded.

"And, uh, is she a ghost too?"

"She is like Mika, and Seymour."

And Mi'ihen, and Belgamine

"Wow...scary."

And me.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Agghh! We get into the dome and suddenly like two more ghosts are right there! I see dead people!

**Auron:**

Two women. Memories out of the past. We hear one say, "If it might benefit the future of Spira, I will gladly give my life. It is the highest honor for which a guardian might ask."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Speak for yourself!

And then she says, "Use my life, Lady Yocun, and rid Spira of Sin."

**Auron:**

"What...what was that?" the girl asks in a shaky voice.

"Our predecessors," I answer.

Lulu shook her head.

"Wait. Did she say, Lady Yocun? Was that High Summoner Yocun's guardian?"

I turn and stare out over the rubble. The dome is huge, so large that it had its own weather. The guidebooks all said so.

"The dome is filled with pyreflies," I told them. They are attracted to the cloister, and perhaps to the other temples and shrines that congregated here once in the shadow of the cloister. "It acts as one gigantic sphere. People's thoughts remain here forever."

Last time I didn't see Yocun, but I saw others.

Once again they all look at each other, before we proceed. We haven't gone three steps when a defender machina steps from an alcove and rumbles toward us. It's too close. It's an ambush, and only the powers grafted into our weapons allows us to act before it does. "Tidus, Haste on me and then back! Rikku, back for Yuna. Yuna, Protect on me and then back!"

They didn't like it, especially the girl, but they knew better than to argue. This wasn't the time. Defender Z. Top of the line. Could be worse. Could be two. I rushed forward quickly and launched armor break. It was a calculated risk, and I got lucky. It didn't throw a haymaker. I fell back into a defensive stance and the defender came forward and swung. I fell back, managing to dodge the blow and threw a heavy counter, ripping a small chunk from its frame. With the Haste spell on me I was fast enough to attack and still fall back into my defensive posture before it could respond.

"Unngh..."

Haymaker.

I tossed off a quick potion and fell back into the defense. I whittled it down that way, bleeding it bit by bit, dodging most of its blows and downing potions to deal with the damage that did get through. The outcome was in doubt a couple of times, especially when it starting using its blast punch, and I was running through our limited supply of hi potions much too fast, but eventually the defender shuddered and crumbled into its component parts.

The girl slapped me on the arm after.

"Auron!" she said angrily, "Don't DO that again! He almost had you a couple of times! It's too dangerous!"

The others busied themselves and looked away from our little spat, except for Tidus, who just stood and grinned until Yuna dragged him away by the ear.

"Rikku," I answered her, "It is dangerous, but think. If we all fought it together than I would have needed to use Wakka's dark attack and probably Lulu or Kimahri's spells, Tidus would have needed to Haste everyone, and not just me. I wouldn't have been able to guard you all if I was defending, so I wouldn't have defended and I would have taken more damage and Yuna would have been busy healing me or reviving me. It all would have cost a great deal of magic energy, taken a lot longer, and been much more complex, which means a greater chance of making a bad mistake."

I shook my head.

"Can you see that it's just much better and easier this way, Rikku?"

"And what if we run out of potions, huh? We're running low! What'll you do then?"

"Something else," I said.

"Then you can just do something else now, and here's another thing...!"

Nag nag nag.

* * *

**Auron:**

"What are they?" she asked me nervously.

The bitch's recyclables, I thought.

"Zombies," I said.

We faced three warrior monks. They weren't fiends, exactly. She doesn't let fiends come into the dome. The final approach to the cloister is strictly in the hands of the Church, guarded by powerful machina and by the Fallen. This is the final resting place of the most fanatical monks, the Special Temple Guard. Faithful unto death and beyond, when their lives end they are brought to Zanarkand, and enter the service of the bitch. She reanimates them and keeps them here in the dome.

To join the Fallen is the final honor given to the most faithful of Yevon.

Waste not, want not, I suppose.

"Rikku, steal..."

**Rikku's Diary:**

ICKY ICKY ICKY!

**Auron:**

"Tidus, back for Yuna. Yuna, nulBlaze."

The one on the right lifted its clunky firearm and pulled the trigger, but I was already jumping in front of Yuna and the magic of the sword helped me to parry the heavy, slow bullet while she dodged away. The impact almost tore the sword from my hand, but I have never dropped a weapon in combat, and I used the force of the blow to reverse myself, swinging back and leaping forward, bringing the blade around to crash into its side. It was hurt but I couldn't stay to finish it off. I threw myself in front of the girl as the other fallen monk fired, knocking aside that bullet as well. The girl didn't move an inch. She didn't flinch as Yuna had. She trusts me all too much. I snarled at the dead monk as my sword came over and down from above, slicing into its shoulder.

Careful Auron. Control your emotions.

I am a coward, you know. I never look in the faces of the fallen monks, afraid I will recognize the dead features of someone I knew, someone I sat with and drank with, someone who once fought fiends by my side. No time to think. The flamethrower was spitting fire at us, which was absorbed harmlessly by Yuna's nulspell, canceling both out. She cast again while the girl stole and this time the undead gunners fell under my counterblows and I sped forward and my sword crunched into the remaining monk. The flames roared again and I fell back, but Yuna's spell protected us and one more blow sent the last monk to join its fellows on the Farplane.

I stood there, arm out of my sleeve, sword in my hands, staring at nothing until the girl's hand on my arm pulled me back to the present. They were all looking at me, disgust plain on their faces, and it took a moment for me to realize that it was for the foes that we had just faced. As I explained to them more fully the nature of the fallen monks, I reminded myself that their disgust would be for me one day, when they know my true nature. I must not forget that I keep my secrets for a reason. I need them to listen to me. I need to accomplish what I must before they learn the truth and turn away.

But aside from my duty...I really only care how one will feel that day.

She will hate me.

Enough. I already dwell too much in the past. I don't need to start obsessing about the future too. I need to concentrate on the here and now and the dangers immediately before us. There will be many more machina in our way, and many more of the Fallen.

City of the dead, I called it, and so it was. Unsent, zombies, ghosts, drifting memories, wandering dreams, perhaps even a stray fayth. I have heard it said that the bitch has a court, where the dead of Zanarkand come and attend her, and pretend to eat at macabre banquets and dance to unheard music.

There ought to be a law.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I don't like this place. I mean, I never expected to, but it's not like I haven't spent time in dead cities before now, lot's of them. And we always found fiends there and other dangers like being crushed by falling rubble and stuff, but...but not this much concentrated death! You know? Everything here is about death! How can Yunie possibly live through this?

No! No, Rikku, suck it up! Auron said your job is to not give up hope! Love Yunie and all of us and keep my hope alive. And I will!

You know, I guess maybe a little tiny piece of me, somewhere in the back of my mind really did think somehow Zanarkand might turn out to be something wonderful after all. I mean I've heard stories about it all my life, and then Auron told me all about how it was when he lived here...there...in Zanarkand, and all the things they knew, all the science and the magic and the excitement of living here...there...and Tidus too, you know? The way he always talked about his home. So I guess I did hope it might be like that, a little. Silly, huh?

Well, so we fought through machina and dead monks inside the Dome and we finally got to another traveler's shrine, this one not nearly as elaborate as the first one. Just a hole in the wall, really, but boy were we glad to see it. And so we set up camp, and then after we ate Auron told us all to make sure and get some rest because tomorrow would be the day. And we all kind of looked at Yuna, and she looked down at the ground, and then we all kind of looked away again. And I just want to wait until everyone's asleep and maybe drug her somehow and drag her off and tie her up so that she can't DO it, and Tidus would help and maybe Auron too if I asked him nice and...

I know. Not going to happen.

So I just gotta love her, and hope.

He's talking to Lulu now. You know, I never asked him what happened between him and her. It just...it just never seemed the right time. Hey Auron! Nice swing! You really put the kibosh on that zombie monk. By the way, did you and Lulu do the nasty?

Yeah, right.

And now we're all going to sleep, except for Wakka cause he has the first watch.

And hey, what would I do if he said yes?

Then we lay down together just like we did last night and just like we used to, and I tucked myself into him and he spread his coat over us and I said Goodnight Auron and he said Goodnight Rikku. I close my eyes.

No. This just isn't the time for that talk. When all of this is over, and we're all out of here, that'll be soon enough. Just one thing though, just so you know. Whatever did happen I am NOT going to lose Auron over this, because he is mine! MINE! Do you HEAR me? MY Auron!

MINE!

Remember?

Two nights ago? When it happened?

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was the last one to walk away from the fire the night before we entered Zanarkand. They all left first and left me alone and then I walked away and just walked without knowing where I was going or caring if I met fiends or anything until I found a little hidden place where no one could find me and I sank down in the dark to think.

I didn't really want to think, I wanted to feel.

Auron.

Auron was probably out there somewhere in the night with Lulu. He's with her and I'm tired of hoping that he's happy and that she's happy, I'm just tired of not caring. I thought caring made you tired but I'm so tired of not caring if they're together and Tidus said Auron loved me, but he hurt me and I got hurt and I went crazy and we're here in Zanarkand now and we're all probably going to die soon. Does that about sum it up? And I couldn't feel anything about it.

I didn't want to die like this. What a crappy way to die. What a way to spend your last few days of life. I didn't want this! I wanted to feel again! And I got a sharp pain in my side and I felt a sudden flash of anger at the cuts that I hadn't healed. I felt them, and that's why I didn't heal them after the battles, so I could feel them. They weren't dangerous, but now I thought it was just so stupid! Pain wasn't going to fill up the emptiness inside me. I took out a potion and drank some and pulled up my shirt and smeared the rest over the cuts and a soothing coolness replaced the pain.

I wanted to CRY. If only I could cry it'd be OKAY...I tried to cry but the tears and the hurt just wouldn't come...so...this is so stupid...so I sat down and opened up my journal and I picked out one of my story ideas, one of the saddest ones I could think of, one where I had everything I wanted and then just threw it away because I was so young and stupid and so Rikku and I wrote it out and then I rewrote it and the words seemed to pour out of me and then...

Then I was crying. Tears were running down my face and I was finally crying, because somehow my own stupid story about stupid Rikku playing stupid, hurtful games and stupid Auron because he wouldn't forgive me and losing each other forever because we were both so stupid, somehow that stupid stupid story brought down the wall that was inside me, and all the hurt and the pain and the loss and the anger and the fear all of it came out it all came out in a flood that washed me away and drowned me and dragged me down under so deep that I thought I'd never see the light again...cause...cause that's what had been hiding behind that wall all the time. All of my feelings. The wall was protecting me from my feelings. And then it came down and they all came out and they jumped me and mugged me and raped me over and over until I was just curled up on the ground gasping and sobbing in the dark...

It was too much then and I didn't know what to do and I wanted the wall back because it hurt so much and it wouldn't stop, wouldn't let me catch my breath or even think...

But then...

He always said I was strong enough to hope. And all of my hope was there behind that wall too. And all of my passion, and all my courage and all my forgiveness and all my curiosity and my humor and my joy and...

...and my love.

All of my love was there too, behind that wall.

The wall was trying to protect me from my love. It was protecting me from my love of Yunie, because it just hurt so much that she might die here in Zanarkand, and my love of the others because they might die too. It protected me from my love of Pops and Brother, because I might die here too, and never see them again. And it protected me from my love of Mom, and Uncle Fearric and cousin Zik and all the others who've already died and the grief that was in my heart for them was the kind that never really goes away. The wall was protecting me from all of the hurt that love brings to people.

And of course it was protecting me from loving him too.

That was all behind the wall and now it's out again. I lay on my side in the dirt with rocks poking my ribs and tears leaking from the corners of my eyes and I know I still love him. I love him so much. It's not a crush. I know that. And he hurt me. I know he didn't mean to, but he hurt me so bad. And then again when he didn't even want to get together again, that hurt too. It didn't then, when he told me, because it was all behind the wall, but it hurt all the same, and I know why he did it...but it hurt.

Loving him hurts.

But he said I'm strong enough. And...he's never lied to me. When he can't tell me something he tells me he can't tell me. He says it's a secret—he doesn't lie to me. So I AM strong enough to love him.

So why was I here? Why was I out here in the rubble crying all alone where no one could find me? I wanted to be found! I wanted them to find me and hug me and tell me it'll all be all right even if it won't be. I wanted him to find me! I'm strong enough to love him and I'm damn sure strong enough to take him back from Lulu if I have to.

If I want to.

Do I want to?

I sat up slowly and hugged my knees to my chest and wiped my face. A few tears still tricked down my cheeks.

He hurt me. Bad. It HURT. He didn't mean to, but...if I didn't love him, it wouldn't have happened. So, is that it, Rikku? You'll only love someone if it's safe? You only love where you know you won't get hurt? And don't love Yunie, cause she's gonna die? And what about Pop? Don't love Pop because he's gonna die one day too, like Mom died. So I shouldn't have loved Mom either? Hell. Who's safe to love, huh?

Is that how you want to end up, Rikku? Never loving anyone so you never get hurt?

Hey Rikku...

Who are you going to be?

So...

Auron.

Auron, who would never hurt me on purpose. Auron who told me he was scared when I was scared. He held me and he let me hold him in the dark. Auron, who always listened, and talked to me too. He trusted me to be Yuna's guardian. Auron who said I didn't have to be Rikku all the time if I didn't want to be. Auron who saved me from myself when I would have killed someone. He tries so hard to protect me and to teach me at the same time to protect myself. Auron, who tells me I'm smart and strong and brave and talented and wonderful...he said I was a star.

He has to leave one day.

And he says I'll hate him.

And he's never lied to me.

So I guess I shouldn't love him after all. I should protect my heart, and not get hurt even more. That's the safe thing to do.

Hah. The SAFE thing would have been not to come on this pilgrimage at all. The SAFE thing would have been to let Yuna die for all the rest of us. The SAFE thing would have been to just let Yuna marry a DEAD guy in Bevelle. The SAFE thing would have been to LICK Seymour's BOOTS and beg him please please please not to hurt us too much. Sure, play it SAFE and maybe you don't get hurt as much. Maybe you don't lose all those people at Mi'ihen, maybe Home isn't attacked and destroyed. But maybe all that happens anyway, and if you only play it SAFE then nothing GREAT is ever going to happen to you! Nothing will ever CHANGE unless you HOPE!

If you're strong enough.

"Auron...?" I sniffed.

I knew he was there.

I was still crying a little. I had a lot to get out. And I didn't see him, or hear him, but I knew he was out there, listening. My heart knew. Sounds stupid? I don't care, my heart knew he was there...it could reach out and feel how sad and how sorry he was and how worried he was about me...

"...Auron..."

He was leaving. My heart knew he was walking away.

"Don't go Auron...I'm scared..."

He didn't say anything, but I knew he was there, and I knew he had stopped. He was so sad...I felt it.

"Auron...I'm sorry..."

And then I heard quick crunching steps in the dark and then he was standing there in front of me, towering over me, looking down at me, hiding his face behind his cowl and his sunglasses.

"Rikku...?" he almost whispered, shaking his head, "Why do you apologize to me? I have hurt you, Rikku, and you have done nothing."

"Maybe you just don't know, Auron," I said, staring at his boots, not trying to meet his eye.

"Rikku, I..." I heard him take a ragged breath, and he crouched down and asked softly, "What then? I don't believe you have done wrong, but I will forgive you...anything."

I shook my head.

"It's not important," I said, still not looking up. I didn't want to tell him about the pictures that I took, the ones I burned later. I was suddenly so ashamed of all of that, all the effort and energy I put into hurting him. But I would have told him anyway, I wouldn't have kept it from him just because I was ashamed, except, except that just knowing what I did would hurt him. And so maybe I'll tell him one day, about the pictures I took to give to him because I wanted to hurt him. I think I have to. I want to, I don't want any secrets between us. And I'll tell him and he'll hold me and I'll cry...but not now. Not like this.

Besides, I think I did plenty wrong, besides that. Like kissing someone else. Like jumping Tidus. Like just taking so long to try to forgive him. And...and maybe I did have to him ask why he let the Ronso die...but I didn't have to walk away afterward and leave him all alone. And I know that if I tell him any of that he won't see it. He won't accept that I did anything wrong and he'll insist that everything that happened was his fault. Well, his responsibility anyway, even though he hurt me by accident and I tried to hurt him on purpose. But he won't accept that.

I reached out and grabbed his hand with my hands and he tried to pull away and stand up and I wouldn't let him and he let me pull him down next to me. And we just sat there for a while, looking out at the dark, or up at the stars, or down at our feet, or anywhere at all except at each other. We never let go of each others hands.

"I never thought of anything, Auron," I said finally.

"Eh?"

"To save Yuna. Tidus and I tried and tried, and I never thought of anything except throwing my arms around her and saying Please don't die, Yuna."

And I hung my head, and cried a little more, and his hand was wiping the tears from my face, and he said, "There...might...be a way, Rikku."

I looked up at him, putting a hand over his hand to keep it on my face, and I asked, "You have a plan? You really do have a plan to save her?"

"Not a plan, Rikku," he said, looking away. "Only a possibility. Rikku, I know what waits for us in Zanarkand and even I don't know what will happen to us in that dead city. But there is a chance, if we all do what we can."

"Auron? What do I have to do Auron?"

Still looking away, he answered softly, "Love her. And don't give up hope. Hold hard to your hope and your heart and your love for her and for everyone."

"That's all?" I asked bewilderedly. "That's all I have to do? Love her and hope?"

"That's all you could ever do, and all you ever had to do, Rikku," he said. "And Rikku, it might not be enough. But it might."

So...he has a plan after all. Or maybe just a hope. Love and hope. I can do that. We sat there a little longer with my hand in his.

Love and hope.

Love...and hope.

"Auron..." I said softly, not looking up, "I love you. Do you love me?"

For just a second his hand holding mine gripped so tightly it hurt. Just for an instant. And then he faced away without answering, but I leaned closer against him.

He was shaking. He was trembling.

"Auron," I said quietly, still looking at the ground, "Auron, I'm cold, and I'm lonely, and I love you...please hold me."

And after a moment he let go of my hand, and he wrapped his arm tight around me and he pulled me close. And after another moment he turned to face me, looking down at me from inches away. He lifted a one hand to sweep the hair from my face, and he said in his wonderful smoky voice,

"Little thief...I...yes...I do. I love you, Rikku..."

Well, I smiled a little tiredly, That's what I thought. And it was all okay again, and all the pain and the hurt faded a little and I was breathing in the scent of him and I sort of slumped into him, looking up at him so close, and he started to lean in towards me and then he stopped, and I held my breath and didn't move, didn't say anything, just...waited...and after a second he bent even closer, and with one strong hand he gently, gently tilted my head back just a bit...and my lips were parted and my throat was dry and I was slowly lifting my face to his and closing my eyes...and he leaned down...and then I felt his warm lips, pressing softly against my forehead.

What...

...the...

...HELL?

A forehead kiss?

A freeking FOREHEAD KISS!

NO...

...FREEKING...

...WAY!

I SQUIRMED out of his ARMS and grabbed a double-handful of his HAIR and JERKED his head down and just PLANTED ONE on his LIPS and he went ULP and tried to PULL AWAY but I wouldn't LET him and he tried to SAY something but I stuck my TONGUE in his MOUTH and he got up and he pulled me off my FEET but I had one arm wrapped around his NECK and one hand in his HAIR and I just HELD ON and just kept SUCKING HIS FACE!

And he...

He...

He was kissing me BACK!

He WAS! His TONGUE was playing with MY tongue and our LIPS were mashing together and our NOSES were bumping and his GLASSES were poking my eye until I tore them off and threw them somewhere behind me and he was KISSING me! He was kissing ME ME ME! NOT WILLA and not anyone ELSE! He was CLUTCHING ME and KISSING ME and TASTING ME cause he was HUNGRY for me me MEEEEE—HUNGRY for my LIPS and KISSING my EYES and my THROAT and MY LIPS and I was KISSING HIM and SUCKING HIM and TASTING HIM! And I was sucking and tasting him all over his FACE and all over his terrible sexy SCAR and we were GRUNTING and GROANING and MOANING and PURRING all deep in our THROATS and we were TWISTING and GROPING and my TOES were CLENCHING and CURLING and it was all even BETTER than my DREAM because it was REAL and it was sending REAL chills right through my BODY and straight to my BELLY and HIM TOO—right into HIS BODY TOO–and he was so HARD and so STRONG and he was BENDING my HEAD back with the FORCE of it and I was HANGING from him and my FEET were kicking up behind me just helplessly and I was HELPLESS in his ARMS and I was FLUSHED and COLD at the same time and it was a HUNDRED TIMES BETTER than any kiss I EVER had and my heart was RACING and my hands and feet were like ICE and his lips BURNED me BURNED my FACE cause he didn't STOP and I didn't WANT him to and we'd break just for a second and GASP and then our LIPS would be ON each other again!

We kissed for an hour or a minute or forever—I don't know—but he finally broke away and I dropped back to my feet and he jumped back and we stood and stared at each other all hunched-over and wild-eyed in the starlight and our chests were heaving and we were panting for breath!

"NO," he barked suddenly. "NO, Rikku! BAD Rikku!"

I dragged the back of my arm against my open mouth.

"Do you like Bad Rikku?" I little girl smiled at him.

"YES! NO! DAMN IT, Rikku! This isn't the time!"

"WHEN, Auron?"

"Soon! Later!"

Later.

"Auron, will the there be a later?" I asked, creeping closer, never taking my eyes off him.

"With luck," he said, backing away slowly, never looking away.

Okay, I thought. Okay. I can handle that. I smiled at him, still trying to catch my breath as we slowly started looking around for his glasses before we went back to join the others. He never really took his eyes off me, and he looked all tense, like he was ready to run.

I have him where I want him now.

And he knows it.

So that was two nights ago, and now here I am under his coat and in his arms again and we're in Zanarkand, but he told me to not to let go of my hope, and I won't.

Heh! Bad Rikku! Who knew I had it in me?

I'd never have said it to anyone but him.

**Next: Old Business**


	42. Old Business

Hey. Last chapter for a while. Wonder how many pages back I'll get pushed in the listing. So, they kill Yunalesca at last. I mean, they have to. Otherwise they have to wait through that whole long cutscene again. You know, I think that's the real reason so many people hate Yunalesca, dying and having to wait out that cutscene. Course I could be all AU and she lives, but...nah. She dies.

A lot of people seemed to enjoy babbling Auron last time. Yep. So did I. He was looking at the sphere, thinking, when Rikku came up to him and he started babbling about the sphere to try to avoid having a conversation with her until he had worked at least a few things out. And then he ended up working something out anyway when Rikku asked him a direct question and after being forced to consider it he realized that, no, he didn't regret what happened. I wanted to explain the comm sphere/savey thing but I didn't want it to just be boring exposition, so I had him saying it to try to duck out of talking with Rikku. That way it fit into the story better. I think. Just one of the things I wanted to explain in the game.

So, who should play who in the movie? I think the red coat and sunglasses go to Russell Crowe. And I think Johnny Depp has to be Seymour. Meg Ryan can play Tidus. Well, a young Meg Ryan could.(I think that was kind of Jinjer's idea first.) If you just have to go with a guy, I guess we can move Orlando Bloom over from playing Wakka, but then who plays Wakka? Ron Perlman could do it (as an older Wakka) but he's so perfect for Kimahri. Huh, maybe that blond kid from the OC could play Tidus. And that girl could maybe be Yuna. Lulu's hard. I thought about Angelina Jolie, but Starry34 had lip issues, and I can see her point. But the big question--who plays Rikku? I got nothing. (By the way, honest opinion--Lindsay Lohan for Dona?)

These chapters have been getting really long. This is the longest, coming in at 52 pages on Word in New Courier 12 point. When the new chapters start, they'll be shorter. 20, 20+ pages. Like last chapter, this one is dedicated to Jinjer. Sorry the site ate your review. I'm sure it was sweet and goofy and...nevermind. (Running joke.) Hope you enjoy the chapter.

So. Major spoilers. (Does that shock you?) Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (Does that shock you?)Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. It didn't start that way, but by chapter 29 they went on a trip together, just the two of them, and they talked and they fought battles and they got closer. By chapter 35 each knew the other better than anyone else in the world and then it all just sort of came apart in chapters 37 and 38. Chapters 39 and 40 weren't happy, but then...well, they finally, well...it was better in chapter 41. And in chapter 42...heh. You almost got me. Where was I? Oh yeah. This story is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Gee, ya'think? Hm. Rated-T-.

Okay. See you in a few weeks. If anyone just wants to chat, feel free to PM me. (By the way, 20000+ hits. Whatever that means for a story this long)

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

I am Auron.

I am an unsent.

We are in Zanarkand now, a city of the dead, ruled by one like me, and The Plan is unfolding here in front of us. I do not know how things will turn out for us in this place, but I know this...

Rikku will not die today.

Rikku will not die tomorrow.

Rikku will not die in Zanarkand.

Because if she does, then I will open the gates of chaos. I know how to do it. And they know that I know.

So Rikku does not die today.

For the rest of us, there are no guarantees.

* * *

**Old Business**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Auron says today's the day. This is it, you know?

This.

Is.

IT.

So okay. Good. So I'm glad, cause you know, at least it's gonna be OVER now, you know? I mean it's like the dentist, you know? You don't want to go and you just obsess over it and think about it and you try to think of something else but you can't and then it's finally time and it's probably even worse than you thought it would be but at least the WAITING is over, you know?

Stop saying You Know, Rikku!

Okay. So today's the day, ya?

Ha. Don't start saying that anyway. Well, maybe once. Just to Auron. Just to see the look on his face. HA!

Dammit, I'm babbling. Let's just GO already!

**Auron:**

They are nervous. Even Yuna, who has tried so hard to resign herself. Perhaps she fears that she has come so close to her destiny only to die in some pointless encounter on the very threshold. Or perhaps it's simpler than that.

Perhaps she is simply afraid.

We gather our belongings and visit the sphere one final time before we head out into the dark. I wonder what the others are seeing as they stare deep into its depths. No one says very much. Wakka, Yuna and the girl are pensive. Tidus, the mage and the Ronso are impassive. I turn away to start them moving, and they follow my lead, walking out into the ruins. I am bringing up the rear as usual when the girl takes my arm and holds me back a minute, looking up into my eye, and then she lifts her face to mine.

This isn't the time.

And still...

I bend, and for just a moment my mouth finds her sweet mouth, and her soft, sweet lips are on mine. A moment only, and I pull away.

This isn't right.

"That's not true," she said. I must have spoken my thought out loud. Bad habit.

"It's not true," she smiles, "And I wouldn't care if it was."

She walks after the others, and then she stops and turns, and waits for me to join her.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Huh. Well, we left the sphere behind and started walking again. We seemed to be on some sort of elevated road network now. I wondered what we would do if we came to a place where it had all fallen away, but Auron's been here before after all. It was kinda like the day before was for me, I was high one moment, cowering the next. If Pops could see me he'd be sure I was bi-polar. It was really creepy in there, and stealing stuff from icky dead monks didn't help. Auron told me that when the bikini model was reanimating some dead monk she started with something like holy water or a candle of life and sort of rebuilt the monk around it. He called it the kernel, and said she was sort of copying the way that fiends spontaneously generated around random kernel items, but the fallen monks weren't really fiends, even so. Well, close enough for me. But anyway, that's the stuff I was stealing, and wouldn't you think they would just fall apart with that stuff gone from inside them? But no, I guess after they're up and running they don't really need that stuff anymore.

**Auron:**

This is...new.

"No!" the boy cries, "Mother, no! I don't want you to become a fayth!"

He is young, and she is pretty, but sad.

"There is no other way," she answers. "Use me and defeat Sin. Only then will people accept you."

As a plan, it has some drawbacks. The others stand silently and watch.

"I don't care about them," the boy answers. "I need you, Mother! No one else!"

"I don't...have much time left."

And then they are gone.

The boy had blue hair.

"Hey," Wakka says, "Wasn't that...?"

"Seymour?" Rikku whispers, cowering. And then she looks at me, and the rest all look at each other.

Did they think that monsters were born? A few are. There are a few who are born sociopaths, who value people no more than insects. Nothing can be done for them. They are what they are. I have known some of these, and they are monsters indeed. But most monsters are made, not born. We make them from the bodies and the souls of the innocent. We twist them with pain and with loneliness, with fear and hate and rage. Yes, Seymour was a victim. He was outcast from society because of his heritage. We made Seymour the monster that he is. I can see that you are all just now starting to think about that. That is good. It is something you should think about, and feel compassion about. But I'm not sure how much I can allow.

Monster he is. Shed tears for the helpless, innocent child he once was, but do not hesitate to strike when the time comes again. And it will come again. I give them a few minutes more, then I turn and walk away and they follow me.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We were all kind of quiet after what we saw. I...I know I'm still kinda young, but I really thought I knew some stuff at least. And now, I don't know. One by one all the things I thought I knew in my life, they're all slipping away. Even this. I knew Seymour was the bad guy! I knew he was just crazy evil through and through, and he was the bad guy and we were the good guys and...and it was all clear-cut, you know? Look at his hair! But now...

Dammit I don't want to feel sorry for Seymour! He killed his father and he tried to kill us! He tried to execute us! He's the poster boy for everything that's wrong with Yevon! He's UNSENT! He's the bad guy and he's not supposed to be like a real person who's really suffered just like I have and like all of us have!

It's not fair!

I don't know. I don't want to think about it. Or maybe I want to talk it over with Auron.

Auron loves me. And I love him. I don't know what it means, but it's something I can be sure of. Except...

I thought before...I thought that I was grown up, you know? I mean, old enough to make my own decisions and know what I wanted, you know? And I thought...well, I thought I was ready to...to...to BE with Auron, you know? But...

But then we had that fight and then I was ready to sleep with anyone just anyone after that and I said it was cause I knew what I wanted cause I knew I just wanted sex just sex with anyone and I know I was kinda out of my mind and really just trying to hurt Auron and maybe fill myself up cause I was so empty but I didn't know that then and I was so sure I knew what I wanted and I was so grown up and I would have slept with Tidus or Wakka or anyone even a stranger if one was there and...and now I...I...

...I'm not ready.

I thought I was, and for months and months if Auron had asked me I'd have been naked in his arms in a heartbeat, but...but I'd have been wrong. I think he knew that—I think he knew I wasn't really ready—and he was afraid that I'd always wonder if I had made a mistake, and that's why he never...you know? And I know I love Auron, I DO. I'm as sure of that as I've ever been of anything...but...

I'm just...not...ready...

I need some time.

Will he wait?

I don't want to lose him...and...and if he doesn't want to wait...I mean...

He wouldn't break up with me, would he?

I...I'll talk to him about it...soon...

Until then, he loves me. I know that. And I love him. And I don't want Yunie to die. That's another thing I DO know. I'll start with those for right now.

This dome...this dome is getting to us all. A little further on we saw three ghostly figures run by us. It...it was them. It was Braska and Jecht...and...him. Yunie gave a little jump and stared after them, and Tidus was wide-eyed too, and he looked really unhappy. And Auron...I couldn't look away from Auron's face. It was the first time I've ever seen him stunned.

**Auron:**

I...

I...didn't expect this.

The three of us...

I hear her say softly, "It's all right, Auron...it is..." and I realize that she's holding my hand, and pulling me gently forward after the others who have gone ahead.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Auron snapped out of it and we followed the rest of them and then they were all stopped, and watching...it was the three of them again...

Hey, Braska," Jecht said. He looked just like he did in that sphere we saw. Tidus was looking at him tight-lipped. "Braska, you don't have to do this."

Braska...Uncle Braska shook his head and said, "Thank you for your concern." Yunie was staring at her dad. I think she was about to cry.

"Fine," Jecht said. "I said my piece."

"Well, I haven't!" Auron said. That other Auron, the ghost Auron. He said, "Lord Braska, let us go back! I don't want to see you...die!"

I looked up at my Auron. I hadn't realized that I was holding his hand until it started to hurt because he was squeezing it so tight, but his face was a mask. It didn't show anything, not even to me.

Braska said, "You knew this was to happen, my friend."

"Yes," that other Auron said, hanging his head, "But I...I cannot accept it."

Braska just kind of laughed and said, "Auron, I am honored that you care for me so. But I have come to kill grief itself. I will defeat Sin, and lift the veil of sorrow covering Spira. Please understand, Auron."

And then they faded away. And we were all looking at each other, and at him, but he didn't say anything, and his face was all closed up and hard, and they all looked away and no one asked him anything, not Tidus and not Yuna, and not me. And finally we started walking again. He didn't say anything to me...but I know now. I know that he didn't want his friend to die any more than I wanted Yunie to die. And I felt closer to him. And it gave my heart hope.

* * *

**Auron:**

The standard machina were easy. I leaped in and cut deeply into the YKT-11 and it followed me back and tried to land a savage kick but I twisted aside, twisted back and ripped my sword into its guts even as the mortar machina were firing. I was hit, but—I grinned—just a scratch...

**Rikku's Diary:**

No PROTECT, no HASTE, no NOTHING!

IDIOT!

**Auron:**

I smashed the YKT aside and then I was inside the optimal range of the YAT-97 guns. They fired, but there're ranged weapons and this was knife-fighting distance so they were far from accurate and it was a simple matter to dodge and rush in to strike back. No problem at all except it was over too quickly.

Next were a couple of fallen monks with flamethrowers flanked by a YKT. I didn't pause, just rushed in and smashed down one of the monks. It was badly hurt, but the already dead are hard to stop. I know. The YKT-11 came in to try and land a blow but I easily dodged aside and used its own momentum to cut it, then it was pulling back to give the monks a clear shot and they were spitting jellied flame at me. Poor monks. They didn't realize that I had Rikku use some of her fire gems to customize fire-eater armor for me. A waste of resources, but I was in a wasteful mood. The fire felt like a warm breeze, very welcome in this cold place, then the YKT came in for another try, and got the same reward as the last time and I leapt in and finished the job on the first monk before I turned to the second. The YKT attacked once again—what else could it do?—and I slipped the blow, reversed and cut its leg out from under it. It fell in a heap of parts and the last monk shot fire at me again. Pathetic. Three swings and it was over.

Then there were two fallen monks with firearms backed by a mortar machina. Not worth mentioning. Finally we ran into a Z model defender. This would be a challenge.

I had Rikku pull back for Yuna to cast Protect and then had Tidus Haste me and sent them both back while I launched armor break. The Z came at me, not as fast as X but still faster than something that big should be and it twisted its entire upper body as it swung at me, but I ducked under and ripped my sword up from underneath, then hit it again before it was back in position and I was back in my defensive posture when it tried to strike back. We exchanged pounding blows back and forth and most of his missed, but not all, and his haymakers blasted through my Protect spell and knocked aside my defenses and slammed into my side like a hammer from hell. Ah, that hurt. Pain is good. Pain is weakness leaving the body. Pain reminds you that you're still here, and you don't have to THINK ABOUT PAIN. PAIN IS SIMPLE. We crashed into each other again and again, sometimes I would use a potion if I had time, but he started throwing blast punches at me head that left me seeing double and slowing me down, but finally I knew the Z was close to finished but so was I, barely able to stand. I should use a potion but I was so close. I hit it once, and again, and then it threw a blast punch and I shook it off and smashed into him—fall damn you! And then I saw it rearing back for a haymaker and I saw it coming like it was in slow motion and then there was the PAIN—

**Rikku's Diary:**

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!

Wakka had Yuna call Bahamut to finish it off while we dragged Auron back and used a phoenix down. Anyone else would have groaned or something, but he just opened his eye and looked up at me. The rest of them moved off. He was healed, but I knew his whole left side had to be aching. He started to get up and I punched him in the side.

He bared his teeth, and then he swallowed, but he didn't make a sound. I hit him again, and he just looked at me, and my fist shot out again but he grabbed it and held it.

**Auron:**

She was crying...

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Well," I said in a low angry voice, trying to pull my arm away. "Are you finished? Are you done, or do you need to hurt yourself some more?"

"I was just...working some things out," he growled.

"Fighting ALL of them!" I shouted. "All ALONE! AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN! Taking STUPID CHANCES OVER and OVER! And who cares if you get hurt! I care! Did you even think about that! That seeing you get hurt, hurt ME? Do you even CARE!"

"Have you let Yuna heal you then?"

I jumped back but he still had hold of my arm. Without letting go, he sat up and I knew my eyes were wide, looking into his eye. I knew he was talking about the times I had been hurt in battles the last couple of weeks and not gotten healed. I...had forgotten that.

"It...was a bad time," I said to him quietly. "And I was being stupid. I know that, Auron. Does that mean you have to be stupid now?"

"I tried to let you work things out yourself, Rikku. Why can't I do the same?"

I shook my head. It was just wrong. I knew it, and he knew it too, but he didn't care right now and I didn't know how to say it right. I licked my lips.

"Auron, I know we should talk about...all that. About that time, and what it was like for me and you, and I know that we can't do it now. So we'll talk later...but for now..."

I took a deep breath.

"For right now, Auron? I love you. Will you please stop taking risks and getting hurt? Please?"

**Auron:**

Quiet little tears were sliding down her dirty, wonderful face. It was a face made for smiles and laughter, not for this.

Very well.

I will deal with my memories and my pain some other way. For her, I will. I can only hope that I will see no more ghostly memories of myself, and of the two friends that I allowed to die.

I nod, and let go of her arm, and she helps me climb to my feet. I look around at the others, and nod again and we continue our journey. The girl walks at my side, looking up at me from time to time. Her face is still sad. Is it only this place, or is it me, as well? Do I ever do anything but cause her pain? What can I say, or do...?

Ah.

I lean over, and I whisper, "Rikku, I love you."

And she smiles like the sun.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

He didn't fight too much after that. None of us did. He used the aeons mostly, just sweeping the machina and fallen monks out of our way. He did fight a few of the big Defender machina, just for the exercise, and he got hurt a little, but he fought them smart, not wild. I guess I'll settle for that. Mostly he let the aeons fight them too. Bahamut could get rid of them pretty fast using Haste and Protect and Armor Break and then just smacking them around and using Shield whenever it was gonna hit him back. Then he'd Lancet to get his health back and smack them around some more. Shiva could beat the Defenders too. I loved that! Same basic deal except that she kicked them to death. It took her longer than Bahamut (actually it took her longer than Auron) but it was fun to watch. The only problem was it ran them out of magic energy. They didn't get much back from the machina with Lancet, and we learned the hard way not to Lancet zombies.

**Auron:**

We fought our way through the Dome without much trouble. Sometimes we would see flashes of someone's memories in the pyreflies, quick ghostly images, but nothing coherent. Eventually we reached the Hall of the Summoners, and passed through the triple gate and into the Long Corridor. I had been here before, of course, ten years ago and more recently. There were a few other ways to reach the Zanarkand cloister, but this was traditional, it was empty of fiends as far as I knew, and we were here. I told the others that Braska, Jecht and I had met no fiends past this point, but to be wary anyway. They nodded their understanding.

We found no fiends within the Long Corridor, and no machina or fallen monks as we picked our way through the debris. About twenty minutes in we reached the middle of the corridor. There were two closed double-doors there, and I stopped Tidus when he would have opened them. We had no particular business in the Chamber of Silent Music. I was curious what it looked like here in Spira—it had been beautiful, before—but I wasn't going to take us in there just to satisfy my curiosity. This was the chamber where the bitch was said to hold her unliving court.

We passed it by and walked on.

We were near the end when three ghostly figures ran past us.

Well...damn.

**Rikku's Diary:**

It...it was them again. Uncle Braska and Sir Jecht and...and Auron. They ran past us up the last flight of stairs, and they were still there next to a comm sphere when we reached them.

"Are the Trials ahead?" we heard Jecht ask.

Braska answered, "Probably".

"Here too," Jecht said, slumping a little. "Huh. Gimme a break. I was expecting, you know, parades and...fireworks!"

"You can ask for them after I defeat Sin," Braska said.

They fade and we're all looking at Auron again, and he's all silent and grim. Too grim. Love and hope, he said. That's what we need to save Yunie, and we need it from him too. We can barely see his face behind the collar and the shades, and when I catch a glimpse of his eye it's hard and cold.

Wordlessly he gathered us all around the travelers sphere and I felt a warm/cool tingle and all my little hurts went away, and the others felt it too, and we all kind of loosened up a little. But not him.

"We're here," Auron said quietly, without any expression. "These are the cloister trials. We must pass them, and then face the Spectral Keeper to reach Yunalesca. It will be a hard battle, but we can win."

He turned to face us. "We might as well go in and look at the trials. Afterward, we can all rest a little before we face the Keeper. Do you agree Yuna?"

Yuna was a little pale, now that we were so close. But she nodded her head firmly and we went through the door and into a chamber with pedestals along the walls. I started to run over to one but suddenly the floor under my feet changed color! It turned green!

"This is the first trial, Rikku," Auron said, coming in behind us. "These are a bit different than the temple trials. Look at that panel on the wall across the room."

We all looked. It was flashing a series of colored patterns.

"The patterns that it's flashing correspond to portions of the floor," he said. "You light them by stepping on them, but without lighting the other patterns that are there. The panel turns off when you start to light them."

I watched the colors alternate on the panel. Okay. Seems simple. I think I have it. I turned to Auron and he said, "Rikku, this is a one person job. You go ahead and solve the trial."

I shook my head no.

He looked at me and said, "Rikku?"

I said, "Gimme a kiss."

No one said anything for a minute, just looked at me, and then Tidus sputtered so hard he'd have shot milk through his nose if he was drinking any.

"Rikku!" Yunie said, all goggle-eyed, but she was trying not to smile, and then they were all kind of turning away and snorting and giggling. Well...not all. Auron hadn't said anything at all, just snapped his head around and looked at me.

"Rikku..." he growled, and Lulu and Yuna dragged Wakka and Tidus off into a corner and Kimahri went with them.

**Auron:**

I wasn't particularly amused.

"This is not a good time for this foolishness, Rikku."

She marched straight up to me, marched right up to bump chests with me, and stuck her angry little face up at me and I had to stop myself from backing a step.

"Love and hope!" she whispered crossly. "That's what you said. Is that what you're feeling right now, Auron?"

I looked down into her eyes. No, of course it's not what I'm feeling. I'm here in this place, here in this city of the dead full of dead memories and that's all that I am, the dead memory of a legend, and I see the faces of the friends that I let die and I hear their voices talk about the things we talked about ten years ago. I'm here in this place that's full of memories for me of things that never happened here, and I'm here with one shot—one chance—to make it all right, to fix it, and if Yuna doesn't live then I need her to die the right way and isn't that a hell of a thing to wish for? And I feel anger, and hatred, and confusion, and fear, and desperation and I know that I belong here, I belong with the rest of the dead, not with you, so alive and so young, and...

And...

And I love Rikku.

And why in heaven's name wouldn't I want to kiss her? Why would I be so angry that she asks? Where is the sense in that?

**Rikku's Diary:**

I can see when some of the tension goes out of his face, just drains away into nothing. Not all of it. But some.

"You're right Rikku," he said quietly. "Love is...what is needed here...important here. I had forgotten that."

And he leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips, and I kissed him back, and then he started to pull away but I held on and kissed him a little more.

Hey, I waited a long time for these.

I finally let him go, and looked around quick and Tidus and Wakka were peeking! And I took a breath to shout something but just then he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I love you, Rikku."

Well...well...sure...heh, and I just smiled, and forgot what I was going to say. And then I turned and kind of skipped over to the Amazing Floor o' Color...and then I suddenly squeaked and turned and ran back to him and grabbed him and looked up at him and said all breathless, "I love you too, Auron!"

How could I forget to say it back!

And he smiled a gentle little smile, just for me, and then I went and solved the puzzle 1-2-3. Ha.

**Auron:**

Rikku solved the puzzle without any discernable difficulty, and the door in the far wall opened. Before we entered the next room I had Tidus shift one of the pedestals against the wall deeper into its niche. Then I led the way through, and we entered a large chamber with a sizeable opening in the center leading down into the earth. They all followed me in and stood looking around with interest.

I pointed to one wall.

"As you can see, this is essentially a larger version of the first test. The patterns are more complex, and the floor larger. There are four patterns that need to be solved. Rikku?"

"Kiss."

How can I keep my mind on dangers if this keeps up? What will happen to my edge?

It's always something, I think to myself as I bend to kiss Rikku on the lips. The others don't even bother to turn away this time.

I have to smile a little as I stand on the platform and watch Rikku and Tidus race across the floor, laughing and jumping on key stones to light them up. They don't even seem to mind the few mistakes which force them to start again. I glance over at Yuna. She is also smiling, watching them, and I am happy to see her distracted. Then I frown as my gaze turns downward to the Kilika Sphere set into the wall nearby. Lord, I find these things annoying. Besaid Spheres, Kilika Spheres, Djose Spheres. Personally I think they're all a joke that long-vanished ancient powers decided to play on us all. A bad joke, and ancient powers with too much time on their hands.

The youngsters finish two puzzles and stop to take a breather. The girl sits near me, panting and flushed and smiling, chattering at all of them. Love and hope. Hope. My hope is that everything will turn out right here today. I shake my head and think how strangely things have come together on this journey. It was only by chance that Rikku joined us at all, or even survived her kidnapping attempt. And now I wonder if this part of The Plan would have any real hope if she weren't here with us. She looks at me, and something flashes in her green, green eyes. And I know that even if...if things had not...had not recently...changed...between us, even if she were still as wildly unhappy as she has been recently, she still would have been a key here today. She can't help but love Yuna, and all of us. Even when she tries her hardest, she can't help but love, and that is why I desperately need her here, when Yuna makes her choice.

And she is here. Was it all just a fluke?

I was bought back to the present when she crashed into me, wrapping her arms around me, smiling widely up at me.

"We're done, Auron! All four puzzles. Now what?"

"Now we take the spheres into the other room."

We all went back into the first chamber and placed the spheres into the remaining pedestals. Then the ground began to shake a bit, and the lights died, then flickered on again, and we could see that there was now a traveler's sphere in the room.

"Wha—where'd that come from?" the boy asked.

It's not important," I said. I didn't actually know. "Listen all of you. When we reenter the chamber, the Keeper will be there. We must all do our part to defeat him, but we will defeat him. We should rest now, for twenty minutes or so. Be ready when we go back in."

I looked around at them. They all seemed steady.

"Do you agree, Yuna?" I asked, and she nodded.

As the others broke away to prepare or to rest, I closed my eye and inhaled. Still no good. Death...death...death...death...

This place is on my list.

Without seeming to, I looked around. Rikku and Yuna and Tidus were all talking together. When I was sure no one was watching me I took a small sphere from deep within my coat. It was no more than half an inch in diameter and I carefully set it down out of sight near the larger comm sphere in front of me. It was much like the sphere that I used to carry the logic bombs with which I infected Sin before it dropped us at Bikanel. They were both products of Zanarkand technology and high magic that I had brought back to Spira with me. They are called thief spheres, and in Zanarkand they are used by thieves, saboteurs, and assassins. Expensive as hell. Each can carry a subtle little program that can be used to infect larger machines and networks, magically planting viruses, corrupting, altering, or removing data, and doing all kinds of useful things.

I watched closely and saw that soon the flickering of the traveler's sphere started to form a pattern if you knew what to look for. Good. Very good. The program in the small sphere was resetting ancient data locks, reactivating the transport platform network. It took years of research to discover that the program had to be used on this one sphere that only appears temporarily when the trial is solved but before the Keeper is beaten. I paid someone very well to do those years of research, and now it would be very convenient when it was time for us to leave the city. A working network would allow us to return to the base of Gagazet without meeting Fra on straggler duty, Ronso of the Stone Claw, or any other surprises the Church or anyone might have waiting for us. Very convenient now, and perhaps vital later, to have a means of getting around Spira that others don't suspect. I left the sphere and sat against the wall. Rikku was still talking to Yuna but the boy came over and sat next to me.

"So, Auron..." he said, watching the two girls...watching our two ladies. He spoke quietly, so no one would hear. "Is this it? Does Yuna die here, and do I fade away into nothing?"

"You don't fade away," I answered, watching the two of them, Rikku working so hard to get Yuna to smile, and she finally did. "And Yuna...has a choice to make."

"Huh."

The girl was chattering at her cousin, who was nodding and listening. The Ronso stood near them. Lulu and Wakka sat together, not really speaking. Perhaps not really together.

"Hey, Auron?" the boy said.

"Yes."

"Tell me it's all worth it."

I reached out and laid one hand on his shoulder, and squeezed. "It is. You'll know, one day."

"Okay."

The girl got up and came over to us and Tidus got up to go join Yuna, but I said, "Wait. I have something to say to both of you."

She crouched down next to me, and he stood listening.

"Things are going to start happening fast now. You're both going to see things, hear things today that will surprise you and shock you, but you must not let them distract you. Don't get caught up in them. Yuna...Yuna will have to make a choice very soon now." They both turned and looked at her. Amateurs. "She doesn't know, but she will. And the two of you...you have to love her. Never forget, and never give up hope. It's the reason I wanted the two of you to be here—for this, for this moment. Do you understand?"

They both nodded, the girl wide-eyed and the boy with a serious expression on his face. He started to say something but then didn't, just mock-saluted me and went to sit next to Yuna, and the girl settled down near me. I reached out and put an arm around her waist and drew her close, and she sighed and leaned into me.

It felt nice. With only my normal senses, I inhaled. Soap, and a young, healthy, wonderful girl.

"Hey, Auron?" she said, and I could feel her tensing up.

"Yes, Rikku."

"What about us? What's gonna happen to us...you and me, you know...after? Are you...are you going to leave?"

I pulled her closer.

"No, Rikku. Not just now." I felt her relax a bit, against me. "And us...I don't know Rikku. I know we have to talk about things. And I know that I love you. And that's all that I know."

"No it isn't, Auron," she said. "You know that I love you too."

Yes.

"Yes, Rikku. I know that too."

And I know that you will hate me one day.

But...I didn't say it.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We knew what to expect, so we burst through the doors and ran to our spots, but we were bunched up, all standing next to each other and Auron shouted for us to spread out, but it was too late, the Keeper was there, something like a big, flying scorpion. It was huge—as big as that Sanctuary Keeper thing we fought on Gagazet, and it came up out of the hole in the floor and just towered over us. But I knew Auron had a plan.

I stepped up and kicked off toward the platform right behind the thing just the way that Auron told us to and when I leaped something picked me up and shook me and put me down again. I had been transported, like Auron said we would be! I was behind the thing.

**Auron:**

It fought in silence, but our yells, cries, grunts, moans, the creaking of our armor, the shifting of our feet, the clash of blades and the crash of spells filled the air.

They were never the quietest fighters.

She was behind it now. I had Tidus Haste himself, then move back for Yuna and had her cast Protect on me, and I set up in a defensive posture just in time to see it turn and strike at Yuna with its hook-barbed tail. It uses a poison that can inflict wild, uncontrollable rage. Yuna was badly hurt, but she wasn't berserk. Rikku threw a potion on her and I called Tidus back up to take my place, kicking myself back and off the platform. Something transported me to the others and Tidus was Hasting Yuna and she was casting Protect on him.

"Rikku! Back for me!"

I kicked off again, leaping for her platform and she kicked off leaping towards us, and I somehow felt her in passing, even though we were both only flashes of magical light, but for one instant I felt her light slide through mine, and...sand-sea-sun-wind-waves...love. She was made out of love and hope and sunshine. And then I was there behind the thing, raising my bracer in defense and shaking my head to get out the foolish thoughts. I had a battle to run.

It caught Tidus with its tail, and I saw the look of fury come over the boy's face, and Yuna was starting to cast Ensuna but he was already attacking and the creature opened its scythe-like arms wide and slashed across the boy throwing him to the ground. This was what made the thing so dangerous—it's counterattack. The boy was alive, barely, and trying to get up to attack it again but Yuna was casting her spell now while I threw a potion at him.

"Yuna! Protect on Tidus and back for Rikku! Tidus, Haste on Rikku. Rikku, potion on Tidus. Damn! Rikku, remedy on Tidus. Tidus, back for Yuna. Yuna, Protect on Rikku." The thing was turning toward me, and I saw it rear its tail back, then up, coming at me, cutting at me. I felt the blow, but I was still myself, and still shouting orders while I struck it in return. "Rikku, back for Tidus. Tidus, Haste on Yuna. Yuna, Shell on Tidus. Tidus, Haste Yuna. Yuna, back for Rikku."

I think Shell might give some protection from the poison, and I had a berserk ward armor that I picked up somewhere. Saved the trouble of having Rikku fashion some for me. Rikku was hit but she was all right, then Yuna was hit and attacked the thing wildly as the poison worked in her, and the fiend spread its claws and swept them around and she and Rikku both went down. I felt a knot in my gut, but I switched out for Tidus and he brought them back.

We weren't really hurting it, but I wasn't really trying yet. These were just the opening moves, but it was all taking too long. I started to concentrate on getting Rikku Hasted, Protected and Shelled, and Tidus Hasted and Protected. Time time time. I needed to have things set before—

"Glyph mines!"

Suddenly two of the platforms were glowing brighter and brighter. One mine was under Yuna and she scrambled off the platform just before it went off. Okay. No more time, no more prep. It's now! This is it.

"Rikku, back for Lulu! Lulu, Spell!"

The black mage came in, smiled a little smile, and cast a boosted Fira, I heard the girl shout "Auron, no!" and then the blades were coming, cutting across the Protect and through my Defend, slicing across my belly. It hurt, but I was still standing.

"Tidus, back for Kimahri. Kimahri, Scan. Lulu, Spell. You know the drill."

The fiend raked me with its claws again, slicing me open, and then its sting came up and took me in the gut and I was starting to sweat.

"Kimahri, back for Rikku. Rikku, potion on me."

And Lulu was casting again and the claws were coming again, coming for me. "Rikku, back for Wakka. Wakka, potion on me."

And then the thing turned ponderously toward the mage and its whip-like tail came up fast and caught her in the leg and she cried out and twisted to the ground. She was badly hurt but she pulled herself to her feet and when she looked up we could all see the mask of cold fury on her face. Wakka was reaching for a remedy when I said, "Wakka, back for Rikku."

He didn't want to go, but he scowled and went, and Rikku appeared on the platform in his place and she said, "I got the remedy, Auron!"

"No remedy," I said. "Potion on me."

I heard her gasp and say, "Auron!" but I said, "Rikku! Potion now!"

She threw the potion and we both watched as Lulu snarled and wound up and threw her little doll on the ground and we saw it bounce up and strike a pitiful little blow at the creature, but it was enough to draw its attention and the claws were coming at her, and I heard them—Tidus and Rikku and Yuna and Wakka, especially Wakka—I heard them all shouting or screaming, but Lulu is quick even when she's hurt and she jumped back and the claws missed her by a hair.

Damn.

"Auron," Rikku called with relief in her voice, "Remedy now?"

"No."

**Rikku's Diary:**

And he threw himself at the fiends back and swung, and he cut it deep but the thing reared back and its claws spread wide and then it was slicing at Lulu and it cut her open and she just fell to the ground in a twisted little heap and...and she wasn't moving!

What was he thinking!

**Auron:**

...Lulu's dead...good...have to do every damn thing myself...can't even count on the fiends...Wakka pitching a fit...girl looking at me...stop looking at me...had to be done...good plan...time now...get to work...watch it...tail coming at me...

**Rikku's Diary:**

Maybe...I mean sometimes, when a persons hurt, sometimes its best to just let them, um, get, um, killed...and then bring them back. Like, like a restart, you know? Maybe...maybe that's what Auron's doing?

**Auron:**

Wakka was swearing, and they were all throwing questions at me, but I ignored them as the fiend turned and struck and buried its tail stinger in my shoulder. I ignored the fire in the wound and jumped in fast and cut back at it before it could retreat. Rikku pulled out a phoenix down, looking at Lulu's body, and I said, "No."

"What?" she said, her eyes wide and staring at me from a paper-white face.

"No. No one brings her back."

"You're just gonna leave her dead!" Wakka yelled.

Well, that's the plan.

"Auron! Watch out!" Rikku shouted as the tail stabbed into my side. It hurt, but I wasn't in any danger yet. Get used to it. I swung as it jerked the barb out and I landed a solid blow.

"Rikku," I panted, "You have fire gems?"

"Yeah, Auron."

"Use them," I said.

"But..."

Damn it, doesn't anyone just follow orders anymore.

"Now, Rikku."

She pulled a red gem from her pouch, did something to it, and threw it at the fiend who rocked from the multiple explosions. Then it reared back and clawed me.

Now I had it where I wanted it.

**Rikku's Diary:**

The thing swiped him in the side—bad—and Auron was just grinning, or maybe snarling, or just baring his teeth at the thing...it was hard to tell...

**Auron:**

Three platforms had to be occupied. If we tried to leave one empty the transports would grab someone at random and stick them in. But the person on the platform doesn't have to be alive. The whole key to the battle was Lulu being dead. Or someone being dead. Not me, and not the girl. With glyph mines and berserk tails and having to heal and to attack and to worry about its counterattack, it was just too complex with three people. But now there are just two of us, and things are much simpler—the battle is simpler to manage. I had Protect and berserk ward, I was constantly defending, and I was physically the toughest of them. And now with only two of us, there was at least a 50/50 chance that it would attack me and I would counterattack. But the real damage was done by the girl and her elemental gems. She threw them as I stayed in front of the fiend, distracting it, and its counterattacks fell on me. She threw gem after gem and I saw the beast rock with the fury of the attacks, and then the claws would be coming for me. Occasionally she would use a potion, its effectiveness boosted by Alchemy. It was all working.

I was...having fun.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Aw man, I think I'm gonna be sick. Auron was looking kind of ragged and I was getting out a potion for him when the thing laid a couple of glyph mines and one of them was right under me.

"Rikku," the man yelled, "MOVE!"

"I got time!" I yelled back, and threw the potion, then fast fast fast I kicked off for another platform and I could feel the mine going off behind me, slapping against my heels, but I got to the other platform and smiled until I saw the other mine and I saw it go off and saw the way the explosion just tossed Lulu's body up in the air, just twisting and flopping until it splatted back down onto the platform and I think I'm gonna be sick, and Wakka was cursing and maybe Yuna was moaning, and Auron just called, "Rikku! Fire gem!"

But he wasn't ready! The jump makes you dizzy and he was still dizzy and he wasn't ready to defend himself but he called for the fire gem, and I threw it and the claws just cut him, just cut into his body...

I hurt the fiend, the fiend hurts Auron, and Lulu's dead! Whose stupid plan was this!

NO! AURON!

**Auron:**

BLOOD in my mouth—blood in my VEINS—THUNDER and LIGHTNING—show you my TEETH! I'll KILL you, boy—gonna KILL you now—COMING for you—gonna CUT you, boy! Let's DANCE! IN! OUT! HA! LIKED that, HUH? AHHGH! PAIN! HURTS! SMILE! SMILE for the PAIN—show you my TEETH! I EAT pain—is THAT all you GOT? HA! SHOW you how it's DONE, boy! IN! OUT! BLEED, boy, BLEED! NOW, think you can take ME down? Think you got what it TAKES? BRING IT! AAHGH! HURTS! AH HAHAHAH! Big wide SMILE! I'M not some little MAGIC-USER, boy! I EAT PAIN! FEED ME! GONNA...gonna...I'm gonna...

I...

"Auron! Auron, are you okay!"

Remedy. The girl threw a remedy on me.

"Yes, Rikku," I panted. "I'm quite all right, now. Thank you."

The fiend never made a sound, but we could see it getting steadily weaker as Rikku hit it with fire gem after fire gem. With only two fighters to keep track of it was simple for Rikku to heal us when needed and attack whenever its back was to her. I was hit by the tail and claws over and over but I never went berserk again, although I did have to use a remedy on Rikku once. It was starting to slow, and little shudders were rippling through its long body. It was shaking.

"Auron, she called to me from somewhere behind the bulk of the thing, "Let's call an aeon!"

I invoked Kimahri's Scan spell.

"No need, Rikku. It's almost gone."

"Auurooooon! We'll get more stuuuuuff!"

Gah. Can anyone see me smile behind my collar? No? Good. The tail whips up and rakes my chest from bottom to top. I shake my head and check the Scan one more time. It's nearly dead.

"Yuna, in for me. Call an aeon. Not Bahamut."

I jumped back, kicking off the platform and Yuna changed places with me. I felt...something...in passing, but not what I felt with Rikku, and not anything like as powerful. I found myself standing next to Wakka, who was looking at me with no friendly expression on his face. He was furious about Lulu. Tidus and Kimahri stood to either side of him, possibly ready in case he tried to do something rash. Tidus looked concerned. The Ronso was without expression. I turned back to Yuna. Wakka would have to learn to deal with these things.

Welcome to the bigs.

I watched as Yuna called Valefor. The flying aeon was the first she gathered, and I think might be her favorite. It shot an energy beam, and the Keeper exploded into a mass of pyreflies.

Adequate.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Well, we beat it, and we revived Lulu, and she just lost it, screaming and cursing right into Auron's face like an Al Bhed construction worker for five minutes. And he just stood there listening calmly and that only got her madder. Finally she wound down and just stood there fuming at him, and he said quietly, "Are you finished?"

And Wakka and Yuna grabbed her arms cause we all thought she was gonna cast a spell at him or maybe just jump on him clawing at his eye, but then he tilted his head down a little and we saw that eye and everyone sort of cooled down a little cause there was a message in that cold eye. It was saying there's a line, and you're really close to crossing over.

"Sir Auron," Wakka said, scowling, "You shouldna done that. Wasn't right."

"It had to be done," he said, and looked over at Lulu. "The plan revolved around someone staying dead. It might have been Wakka or Kimahri, or even Yuna or Tidus. Not me, and not Rikku, but it might have been anyone else. It was you. Deal with it."

"Deal with it?"

"Or do you want to leave the party?"

That quiet question stopped us all in our tracks. Throw her out of the party? Here? Now? And he'd do it, we all knew that.

"Sir Auron," Yuna said, "I won't allow Lulu to leave!"

He turned to her.

"If she continues with this behavior then we cannot both remain, and you will have a choice to make."

Yuna's eyes were already wide but they got wider when he said that. And Lulu was even paler than normal, and Wakka's face was kinda red and he was still fuming, and the kid was looking back and forth between everyone. Auron turned back to Lulu.

"Well, Lulu? Do you think you can behave like an adult now?"

What is he doing! Lulu's proud! He can't just keep pushing her like this! She won't take it! She'll back down if he'll just let her keep one tiny little shred of pride! Doesn't he realize that?

**Auron:**

The mage is trembling, whether from anger or fright or nerves or exhaustion, I don't know. Then her jaw sets and she starts to open her mouth.

"Auron," Rikku said quietly. "Apologize."

Unexpected.

Everyone pauses and I turn to look at her. She looks back with a totally open face, full of love and hope and trust, trusting me to do the right thing.

This was not in my plan.

We are coming to the heart of the matter now. I didn't foresee this, didn't maneuver for it, but when Lulu lost her composure I realized that this was the time to push her over the edge if I could. I am almost sure she is the agent of Bevelle, and perhaps...perhaps if I could push her into collapse, or even out of the party then when the time comes for Yuna to make her choice of life and death, perhaps the only voices she hears will be Rikku and Tidus.

But I should have known better than to try and stack the deck this way. It...isn't right. This is their story. And when Yuna makes her choice it must be a true choice. Lulu must be allowed to have her say, whether she is the agent or not.

I blinked. They were all still looking at me. I turned to the mage. She was upset, and uncertain, but she wouldn't drop her eyes as I stepped up to her.

I said, "Lulu, I am truly sorry for what I did. It should not have been done. I am ashamed, and I apologize."

"I...it...it's all right, Sir, Sir Auron," she stammered. "I...I overreacted."

I nodded, and reached out with one hand to take one wayward braid and tuck it back into place, and she smiled.

Of course, I was not apologizing for leaving her dead. I had to do that and would do it again in a heartbeat. I was apologizing for attempting to push her over the edge. But they didn't know that and I saw no reason to tell them. I felt the girl come up beside me and put her small hand in mine, and Wakka came up and put one arm around Lulu's shoulders.

I turned to the others.

"I suggest that we return to the first chamber and rest twenty minutes before we go on."

They agreed.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We all went back to the other chamber and visited the sphere and then just sort of sat around for twenty minutes, just resting and talking. Auron and I were sitting together. Do I even have to say how good it felt to know that he listens to me, and trusts me?

You know, there was a moment there, just at the start of the battle, when I switch out and he switched in and just for a moment there, I thought I felt something, like I felt him, what was inside him. It was...something...big. it's hard to describe but there's something inside him, something going on, more than we know, like...like he's a part of something bigger, too big for me to see what it was, I was too close, or something, but I could see that it was all, I mean everything inside of him was all wrapped around a tight little core of honor and pain that was at his center...and love.

He loves me.

Am I just fooling myself? Did I really see/sense/feel all of that?

I don't know. But I hope it's true. I'm strong enough to hope again, now.

"Rikku," the man said from beside me. "Rikku, I want you to do something for me, and then I want to tell you something."

"Okay. What is it Auron?"

"I want you to take off your curative targe."

My targe! The targe he gave me, in the Calm Lands? I've...I've never taken it off...I always used it, and it protected me, like...like...

"Auron...?"

"Please, Rikku. Will you trust me?"

Of course I trust him! I took it off right then, and put it away. It, um...I felt...

It doesn't matter. I trust him.

"Thank you, Rikku. If we fight another battle today, do not wear the targe."

"A-all right, Auron."

He held my hand, and squeezed it, and then after a moment he said, "Rikku...do you remember that day, the day that we fought with Seymour on the mountain?"

I didn't want to remember it. I didn't want to remember how I felt. But I did.

"I remember, Auron."

"Do you remember that we talked, and what you asked me?"

"Ah..."

"You asked me why I let the Ronso die."

"Oh, Auron, I..."

"You asked me if I let the Ronso die for the sake of an elegant victory."

"I'm sorry, Auron."

"Rikku, when you asked me that, I didn't know the answer. I was afraid that I did let them die for such a petty reason."

Damn. Why'd I have to say that to him? Was I really trying to hurt him?

"Uh..."

"Rikku, put your arms around me."

He's...he's never asked me to do that before. Slowly, awkwardly from where I was sitting, I wrapped my arms around him as much as I could. Why was I so afraid he'd pull away? He asked me to.

"Rikku," he whispered, "Tell me not to be afraid."

So I did. I put my lips as close to his ear as I could and I said, "Don't be afraid, Auron. Please, don't be afraid. It'll be all right. It will."

And he nodded.

**Auron:**

I wasn't afraid.

"Rikku," I said quietly, "When you asked me that question, about why I let the Ronso die, I didn't know the answer, and I was afraid. I didn't know the answer because I was afraid. Fear clouded my mind, and my judgment. But now, Rikku, here with you, I am not afraid, and I know the answer."

I took a deep breath.

"I am a tactician, Rikku, a military professional, and I have been all of my adult life. If I can achieve an elegant victory, with little danger to my own people, it is incumbent upon me to do so. To do less would be unprofessional. But that is not why I let the Ronso die. As a tactician, my first and greatest professional responsibility is to score a victory. If I could have been certain beforehand that we could defeat Seymour with the aeons alone, I would have done so. But I had to be sure. And I wasn't."

She was trembling.

"Auron, I...I didn't really think that you had...had...I dunno, maybe I was just...just trying to...to hurt...you..."

"No, Rikku. It was a fair question, but I wanted to answer it now that I could, and to thank you."

"Thank me for what?" she whispered.

"Rikku...when you asked me that question, I didn't know the answer. And I was afraid that you were right, that I had become like Kinoc, that I had stopped caring and thinking about people in the pursuit of my goals. Rikku, I didn't know because I was afraid. I didn't see it clearly until now, just now here with you, because I'm with you. Rikku, you put your arms around me and the fear goes away and now I can see.

"Rikku, I have lived with fear for a long time...all of my life. And I...deal with it. And I would have lived my life not knowing why I let the Ronso die, asking myself that question every day as I ask myself so many other questions without knowing the answers. There so many questions like that in my life, Rikku, about things that I have done or failed to do. And I would have gone on and done what I have to do anyway, even as I lived with the fear and the uncertainty. It's how I am." I looked over at her. "But Rikku, you hold me and tell me not to be afraid, and the fear goes away, and then I know the answer. I did what I did...because I had to. For that, Rikku, for what you do for me, I thank you."

And I lifted one of her hands and opened it and kissed her palm softly.

"Thank you Rikku."

**Rikku's Diary:**

What...what do I say? What can I say when he says something like that to me? How can I say what I feel? Are there words?

"Rikku," he says, "I didn't want you to cry..."

"I'm not," I say as he wipes away the tears, and I just hold him and don't let go.

**Auron:**

"Um, Sir Auron?" Yuna said.

I looked up at her.

"It's about time, isn't it?" she asked.

I suppose it was.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Yuna...we're here," he said.

"The Hall of the Final Summoning," she answered quietly.

We got back into the other chamber, and it was tine for Yuna to go down and get the final aeon. He was all talking and she was all answering and Tidus was all scowling and Wakka and Lulu were all looking down at the floor and not at her and it's happening. It's really happening. At least she's not HAPPY any more, at least she's not SMILING and PRETENDING, but...but she hasn't changed her mind. I guess...I really thought she'd change her mind at the last minute...but she's not. She's going to get the final aeon right now! Auron said there was a chance to save her if I loved her and if I kept hoping. For one wild moment I thought I was back in Bevelle, and Yuna was marrying Seymour and I trusted Auron to stop them cause I thought he had a plan cause he always has a plan and I thought he'd stop them and I trusted him and he didn't. He let Yuna marry a dead guy! What if I was wrong now? About Auron? My heart was pounding as Yuna stepped on the platform and it started to sink out of sight. If...I...

NO!

I trust Auron! He said there's a chance, so there is, if I keep hoping! He standing there, looking away, not looking at any of us.

Long minutes passed, and then we heard the platform coming back up. She did it. She got the aeon and now we'll go somewhere and wait for Sin to come and then she'll die. Auron, I begged inside my head. I trust you Auron. Do something! Make it right!

She's...she's here...did she...? Yuna? What is it?

"Sir Auron!" she called, "Everyone!" but Auron was already joining her on the platform and then we all were, and it carried us down into the pit. He was looking right at her. But she was looking down.

**Auron:**

We stand in the chamber of the fayth. Our summoner is on her hands and knees running her hands over and over the stone, shaking her head. They are all looking down. Rikku kneels to peer even closer. Yuna raises her eyes to us.

"This isn't a fayth," she says, confusion in her voice. "It's just an empty statue."

A bent figure steps through a door that wasn't there before.

Summoner Drake.

"That statue lost its power as a fayth long ago," he says. "It is Lord Zaon, the first fayth of the Final Summoning. What you see before you is all that remains of him. Lord Zaon is...his soul is gone."

The blitzballer exclaims in disbelief.

"You mean...there is no Final Aeon?" Rikku asks, standing and turning to him.

"But fear not," the long-dead summoner continued, beginning to fade away. "Lady Yunalesca will show you the path. The Final Aeon will be yours. The summoner and the Final Aeon will join powers. Go to her now. Inside, the lady awaits."

Dramatic enough?

Yuna and I start for the door, but Tidus's voice stops us.

"Yuna, wait! Auron, you knew this was going to happen, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell us?" the girl asked.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Why didn't you tell...trust...me...?

**Auron:**

Why didn't I tell them...her...

Because...because nothing is ever simple. Nothing is ever easy.

Would it be worth doing if it was?

"If I had told you the truth," I answer her, "Would that really have stopped you from coming?"

"Yuna," the Ronso said.

"I'm not going back," she answered.

**Rikku's Diary:**

WHY NOT!

**Auron:**

"Kimahri knows," he said, walking toward the doorway. "Kimahri goes first. Yuna is safe. Kimahri protect."

We follow the Ronso through.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Someone's coming.

I ran to follow Auron and we're in a room and my heart is pounding and the room is spinning, or maybe it's me, and there are pyreflies all over and that weird hymn is playing and it feels cold and I'm shaking but I'm not going to panic, I'm NOT cause Yuna needs me and Auron needs me!

And then Yunalesca is at the top of the stairs all flesh and hair and cold and dead and it's way easier to make jokes about her when she's just some illusion but not when she's here and it's all still hanging on a knife-edge and now she's...she's saying Yuna has to choose! Choose one of US...to...to become the aeon...she wants Yuna to KILL one of us, but she WON'T I know she WON'T...

Will she?

I don't wanna...I...AURON! He said he had to leave! NO! NOT AURON!

**Auron:**

He girl cannot look, she's angry and confused and afraid and she buries her face in her fists. The others are taking it in silently, and Yuna listens as the bitch explains what the final aeon really is. She explains the cost of the Calm.

**Rikku's Diary:**

No no no no no don't do it Yunie don't don't do it don't Yunie don't kill us don't die don't Yunie please don't you don't have to die we don't have to die Yunie it's all a lie no no no don't do it tell her Auron Auron tell her...

Do you hear what that messed up bitch is saying Yunie! Death is a reward! She wants you to be grateful that you're gonna die! That you're gonna KILL one of us! Make US into SIN! Yunie, do you HEAR!

What! Auron...? Uncle Braska, Sir Jecht? You...they...?

**Auron:**

No...

Jecht...

Not again...

Braska...

Go back...just...turn back...

"But Auron, if I turn back, who will defeat Sin? Would you have some other summoner and his guardians go through this?"

They will anyway, Braska. Your own daughter will, and then more after her. It never ends, it never changes. Braska, we can find another way.

"This is the only way we got now!"

Jecht...no...

**Rikku's Diary:**

I'm shaking, like after my Mom died, and I'm all huddled in on myself and I can't even talk, can't even move because I'm so scared for all of us...and they're...they're all here, the three of them, and...and they're all talking about Sin and life and dying...and Jecht...I didn't even know him, but, but he's there in front of me telling Braska to make him Sin and Tidus is watching and there's nothing in his face, except...still...? Even watching this, he still...hates him? And Yuna...her father...how can she turn back when she sees him going on? It's...hopeless...I can't stop her, just like Auron couldn't stop Braska...

Auron...?

I wanted to protect them...I...it's...he's...

Oh Auron...

Oh Auron, what's happening to you...?

My Auron...he's...he's just...standing there and...and...this is tearing him up inside, seeing it all again! He's standing there watching and pain and sadness and anger it's all inside him it was always inside him but seeing this again, here, in this place...Auron...be strong...

I love you...

**Auron:**

It plays out in front of us...me...

Jecht will become the fayth...become Sin...he can't go home...they won't let him go home. They did this...the fayth did this to him.

"My dream is back in the other Zanarkand, but now I know there's no way home for me. So make me the fayth. I'll fight Sin with you, Braska. Then maybe my life will have meaning, you know."

Don't do this, Jecht...if you live...there could be another way. We'll think of something, I know it...

I couldn't stop them.

I watch us...them...

Braska...Jecht...?

"What do you want now?"

Heroes.

DAMN THEM.

DON'T DO THIS.

SIN ALWAYS COMES BACK!

"But there's always a chance it won't come back this time, Auron. It's worth trying."

"I understand what you're saying, Auron. I'll find a way to break the cycle. Trust me, I'll think of something."

Oh Jecht...don't you know...don't you realize...? That's what they wanted you to say...that's why they chose you.

Damn the fayth.

And damn all heroes!

**Rikku's Diary:**

AURON STOP!

AURON! It's...it's not you...it...it wasn't your fault, Auron! Stop, Auron...

Please...

Maybe...maybe he heard me, somehow...

He...he puts down the sword, just looking down now at that ghost of the younger him, kneeling in grief...

"And the cycle went on," he said.

**Auron:**

"We'll break it!"

Jecht?

No...Tidus...

I look up, silently.

He won't give up. He won't give in. His heart won't let him. He argues with the others, with Lulu and Wakka.

"If one of us has to become a fayth," Lulu says, "I volunteer."

And I know.

I look up and catch her eye and it goes wide for an instant, looking back at me.

You.

Wakka says, "Me too, Yuna!" and the moment passes. We don't say anything. It doesn't matter now that she's the agent. She and Wakka press Yuna to choose, as I knew they would. But I have my own agents, and Tidus argues for life. Close my eyes, inhale. Death. Get through the damn death smell in this city, damn it!

No good.

Eyes closed, I listen to their words. I listen to the tones...

"That won't break the cycle!"

Life...

"That is just not gonna happen, brudda, you know?"

Death...

"If you want everything, you'll end up with nothing."

Death...

"No way am I gonna just stand here and let Yuna go."

Life...

""You'll think of something"?"

The girl...life...

The boy wants to talk to Yunalesca.

Charming.

"Wait."

Yuna.

Finally.

"You say it's your story, but it's my story, too, you know?"

Took you long enough to figure it out, Yuna.

"It would be so easy...to let my fate just carry me away...following this same path my whole life through."

Hey, there's that life-is-just-a-death-prep Spira attitude.

"But I know...I can't. What I do, I do... with no regrets."

What the hell does that mean?

Lord, the teenaged drama.

I silently follow them up the stairs.

Welcome to the Beyond.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hey, creepy. Well there's a surprise! Now we're in the middle of nowhere, and I mean the middle of nowhere...there are stars all around and if I walked off the edge I don't know if I'd fall down or fall up and bikini Betty is waiting for us but nothing's decided yet and Auron is standing right behind me now and I'm starting to feel almost like myself again. Hell yeah I've got hope! We'll beat this yet!

And the Speedo-queen is all, have you chosen who gets to be the next big, ugly killer-fish, and Yuna's all, hey, so what do we get out of it, huh, is Sin gonna come back, huh, huh, izzit, huh? And tiny-two-piece-girl is all, "Sin is eternal."

Well there you go, Yuna, so who's it gonna be? Personally, I think I'd go with Wakka. Sure the towering orange hair is gonna startle some people so they'll be like, dead AND surprised, but consider the alternative. I just don't wanna see Sin with full-on Lulu-type breasts! Do you?

Whoops! Miss Look-at-me-guys is still talking. Blah blah aeon defeats Sin becomes Sin blah blah Sin is neverending blah destiny and now it's Wakka's turn, blah blah but if we atone blah Yevon blah blitzball and Lulu's all blah cannot be blah teachings blah hope blah money...

**Auron:**

Look it in the face, Lulu...here is your dead hope. Listen Lulu, and learn what Yevon is. They're all listening, and they're breaking as they hear. Lessons with the acolytes when you were children, telling you how Yevon loves you, loves you even if you weren't good enough, we all have to be as good as we can be so one day Yevon will forgive us, the way he wants to...children selling lemonade after church, bake sales and dances when you're older, pancake breakfasts and potluck dinners all to raise money for the last village that Sin destroyed, poor people, poor children of the Church, they need our help, dig deep, do it for Yevon...putting on your best clothes to hear the sermons every week, singing the hymns and feeling so proper and upright and now look, everything is a lie, and suddenly you're all hollow and crumbling inside as you listen to the bitch explaining the facts of life.

And oh, look.

Here's Auron.

**Rikku's Diary:**

And Tidus is yelling "NO!" and running and so is Auron but it's that other Auron, that ghost Auron that I don't know at all except I know that he was like me, he didn't want anyone to die and he's running at her and raising his sword and...Auron...NO...AURON!

Auron...my Auron...behind me...words all soft and singy-songy under his breath...soft words getting harder...getting colder...gentle and soft and sharp as razor blades...

**Auron:**

...shouting...swinging...running...turning...twisting...flying...falling...falling...sword falling...falling broken...falling broken to the floor...flying...falling...falling broken...falling broken to the floor...sword flying...

"Auron...?"

...flying falling...falling broken to the floor...

"Auron?"

...falling broken...falling...falling...falling...falling...

...falling...

...I...

...Rikku...?

**Rikku's Diary:**

No one hears but me...

I...never knew the death song had words...

Auron's quiet now, and the mean woman's saying that Yuna has to choose...

**Auron:**

Soon...

**Rikku's Diary:**

And Yuna...she's...Yuna's refusing!

"I would have gladly died."

Yeah yeah yeah! Get to the NO part!

"I live for the people of Spira, and would have gladly died for them."

Been there! Heard it! Buuuut...?

"But no more!"

YEAH!

"The Final Summoning...is a false tradition that should be thrown away."

SAY IT WITH FEELING!

And Slutella's all, Hey, it's is our only hope and she's all, Your Dad did it, so you should too, and Yuna's all, Take that back, ho!

**Auron:**

Soon...

**Rikku's Diary:**

"My father... I loved him," Yuna said. "So I...I will live with my sorrow, I will live my own life! I will defeat sorrow, in his place. I will stand my ground and be strong. I don't know when it'll be but someday, I will conquer it. And I will do it without...false hope."

"Poor creature," the dead woman answered, "You would throw away hope. Well...I will free you before you can drown in your sorrow. It is better for you to die in hope than to live in desapair. Let me be your liberator."

And she started rising up into the air, and from behind me Auron shouted "Now!"

**Auron:**

Now! Now! Now!

"Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!"

CHOOSE!

"Yuna needs Kimahri. Kimahri protect Yuna."

YES!

**Rikku's Diary:**

YEAH! ME TOO ME TOO!

"Well, I'm fighting!"

"I can't believe we're gonna fight Lady Yunalesca!" Wakka said. HA! "Gimme a break!"

"You can always run," Lulu told him.

"Hah! I'd never forgive myself—no way! Not if I ran away now. Even in death, ya!"

"My thoughts exactly," she said.

"Yuna!" Tidus yelled, "This is our story! Now let's see this thing through together!"

**Auron:**

I know I'm smiling as the three of us run to face her. I can't help it. I hope they can't see it. It isn't a very nice smile.

This isn't a battle.

This is an execution.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Now she's kinda covered in black feathers like a cape. (You can still see everything.) Ooooooh, scary! Hey, I've been traveling with TIDUS for half a year! No bad fashions frighten me!

"Rikku," the man says quietly from beside me, "Now."

And I pull out two of the gambler's spirits I stole from the earth eater weeks ago and turn my back and do my thing and then I throw them up in the air and they come down and cover all of us and I can feel something happening, something taking hold, even as Auron and Tidus are raising their swords and running forward to strike! Tidus reaches her first and she screams in agony and surprise as Tidus' sword slices clean through her and a huge spray of pyreflies explodes from her body, and then before she can do anything Auron hits her from the other side and another cloud of pyreflies blasts out of her! But she's tough, I'll give her that. In seconds she pulls herself together, and that's when she makes her big mistake—she attacks Auron. And he takes a little slap, and shrugs it off and...I think he smiles. Hard to tell behind his collar. And then he dips his shoulder and lifts his sword and launches his counterattack, jumping in fast and slicing her from top to bottom and she just shrieks and falls to her knees with a river of pyreflies streaming from her body.

She's done for, I smile. Then...

Suddenly her body's shaking and twitching there on the ground in front of us and her heels and head are just rapping on the floor and then stone shards are flying everywhere and something's bursting up through the floor like a huge snake, a snake with lots of tentacles and she's hanging from it by her head like some kind of rotten apple and I turn to ask Auron what's going on but the tentacles are erupting out of the ground all around us and striking at all of us too fast for us to block or dodge and then they were gone. It...it didn't hurt too bad, but the world looked strange, like it was glowing red and black at the edges, and I looked quick at Tidus and Auron and I knew. I was a zombie. ICK! And I almost freaked out right then and there but Auron was right beside us as calm as anything and giving orders...

"Rikku, fire gem."

And snake-lady cast Cura on Tidus and nearly took him out but I threw the gem and no fire gem ever did what this one did, and I watched wide-eyed and holding my breath as it exploded over and over and it rocked her and shook her and ripped her to pieces and I thought, Wow...but...

But suddenly even more of her is shooting up from the ground and its all blubber and tentacles and really icky colors, and then it flips around and there's a FACE and the tentacles are its HAIR and some of them are SNAKES and now she's on top like she's RIDING it and then the FACE sticks out a TONGUE at me and I REALLY almost lose it (hey, she's got all this growing outta the BACK OF HER HEAD, I remind you) but Auron's voice is calm as ever, even as the thing glows its eyes and casts some kinda mega-dega, super-duper DEATH spell on us all! Except, well, I guess maybe it doesn't work so good against zombies? Clever old Auron!

"Tidus," he says, and the kid looks up. He's really in bad shape and he's blind and leaning on his sword the way Auron always told me not to do cause a sword isn't a cane you know but he looks up anyway, panting for breath when Auron calls him.

"Tidus," Auron says in a deadly quiet sort of voice, the kind that sends cold little shivers up and down my zombie spine, "Slice and Dice."

And I look at the kid and I see a grin spread all over his face and he pushes himself up off the ground like he's got his second wind and then he squeezes his eyes shut like he saw a monster under the bed and then he RUNS RIGHT AT the thing and it's eyes go wide cause I guess it just never expected to get charged by anyone with blond highlights, you know? And then the kid's running all around the thing and cutting it and landing blows with his sword like it wasn't even Tidus, but someone you have to take seriously, and with every single cut great huge gouts of pyreflies are erupting out of its body and it was leaking them like clouds of smoke and then Tidus was back beside us, panting and grinning, and the thing was just shaking, really shaking like it was all it could do to hold itself together, and I looked at Auron...how would he finish it off? Let Kimahri come in and Lancet? Have Lulu's little doll smack it in the shins?

"Rikku, back for Yuna. Yuna, summon Bahamut."

Are you kidding me? I could kill the thing with a CRACKER! But the huge dragon aeon fell from the sky and landed with a thump that shook the whole platform, and looked to Yuna for instructions, and she looked at Auron. Hey, he isn't gonna seriously—

"Yuna," he said, "Mega-flare."

And the aeon did a sort of flip, and then it was down on all fours and digging in and so were all of us standing behind it and Auron had an arm around my shoulders to steady me and Bahamut opens its mouth wide and I think I saw the eyes in that giant face with all the snakes go wide like she couldn't believe this was happening to her, really happening to her, and then it was all washed away in a raging, howling, shrieking storm of light and color and sound!

And I heard Auron murmur quietly, "That's how it's done."

**Auron:**

I have always loved the high places. I suppose a ruined platform floating in the Beyond counts. I look out at the stars, countless flickers of light in the darkness. I feel a kind of peace. I know it will not last—I know myself too well to doubt that. But for now, I have finished what began for me more than ten years ago, and I can take one moment to feel...closure.

Behind me they're all listening to her blather about hope and Sin and Yu Yevon before she dies.

I'll give him your regards, bitch.

**Rikku's Diary:**

She's gone. She just faded away. Of course, Seymour kind of faded away a couple of times too, and he's still here trying to kick sand in all our faces. So maybe Yunalesca's still hanging around? Gotta check with Auron on that.

But for right now...

For RIGHT NOW? Just feel happy that YUNA'S ALIVE and we're ALL alive and that's what I WANTED and THAT'S WHAT I GOT! AND, AND, AND...Auron LOVES me! So, so maybe this isn't happily ever after...

But tell me this isn't a good start!

* * *

----Rikku and Auron----_Ever the Same_----Rob Thomas----

**Rikku's Diary:**

Finished...

We did it.

The others couldn't believe what we did, killing Yunalesca like that, and didn't know what we would do next, and then kid was saying of course we knew what to do next...destroy Sin...destroy Sin for good, and without sacrificing anyone. And they were still shaking their heads as we went back down the stairs and I saw Lulu and Wakka were staying close to each other, and I think I know why. Not that! I mean, they were both big believers, you know? And now, well, that's gone, and so they're both going through that, you know? And they both know that the other one understands cause they're going through the same thing, so they're sticking close together maybe without even knowing what they're doing. And besides, what else do they have to believe in now, except each other, and the rest of us?

So I trail quietly along behind the two of them, watching as they start to figure it out. And Yuna and Tidus...hey, where's Tidus? Where's Auron? He was right behind me! I turn and run back and Tidus and Auron are watching some stuff, those ghosts again and Ghost Jecht is asking Ghost Auron to go to Zanarkand and look after Tidus. And then Auron's walking toward me, and putting an arm around me and the kid sort of jogs up to join us and we turn to follow the others.

It was the three of us, you know?

We did it.

We saved her.

**Auron:**

"Auron?" the girl says.

I nod to her and half-shove the boy to rejoin Yuna and the others ahead of us.

"Auron?" she repeated. "Is, is it over? I mean, I know it's not, but...but is Yunie not gonna die now?"

My arm was around her. When did that happen?

"Yes, Rikku, that part is over. Yuna may die, as any of us may die in the days to come...but she will not sacrifice herself. There will be no final aeon. It's finished."

"It's over," she said in wonder. "We did it, we saved her and I didn't even know what to do, what I was supposed to be doing..."

"All you ever had to do was be there, Rikku, loving her, and hoping...showing her that there was another way. The rest was up to her. The real battle here was for Yuna's heart, and, I now realize, the heart of the entire party...all of us."

She is smiling up at me, a wonderful, fresh-faced smile. She is beautiful...and her arm comes up and snakes around my neck and pulls me down and her lips are on mine, soft but firm, sucking at my lower lip, biting gently, her little tongue tasting me...she is candy-hearts and lollipops and happiness, but beneath all of that, beneath the surface she is so much more. She is strength and courage and hope and more and she's kissing me and I inhale—bubble gum and kitchen smells—and both of my arms are around her. Rikku is young and full of life and her green eyes and her warm lips fill my world.

Young.

Very young.

I have to think about this.

Then her lips leave mine, but only to smile her curved smile up at me and whisper, "I love you, Auron."

"I love you, Rikku."

I have very much to think about.

Together we follow the others, walking through the cloister back to the trial chambers where I stop them and gather them all on the teleport pad. The program within the thief sphere has done its work. The transport network is functioning and we will port to the pad just outside the dome, and then to the edge of the city, and then to the base of the mountain.

But Sin is there, waiting outside the dome, hanging over the city in the early mountain air, vast and threatening. They cringe back, all except Tidus and I, and the girl clings to me, and I hear a voice in my head, faint and tired, but also amused, and a little exhilarated...

"Good job, Auron...we'll talk soon..."

Sin is turning away now, and I suppose we will not use the teleport after all because the Al Bhed airship is coming. Somehow, that seems appropriate. And Rikku is jumping up and down and waving.

Rikku's father is on that ship.

After long months and hundreds of miles we have come to Zanarkand, and now we will leave this dead city behind. The pilgrimage has ended, and everything has gone as well as I could have hoped. Yuna has rejected the final aeon and her guardians are solidly behind her. Their story will continue.

Their story...

Not mine...

I am an unsent. I have no story. But Rikku...

I watch the magnificent airship descend, and I watch Rikku, who is laughing and dashing from person to person, telling jokes and hugging them, reassuring herself, I think, that they are all really here and that we are all truly still alive.

Sort of.

I am Auron. I am an unsent. And I have much to think about, but I know two things...

Rikku and I love each other...

And the real war starts today.

**End Part One**


	43. To Tell a New Story

Hey. Well, the story is back. I didn't get as much done as I hoped while it was on hiatus. (And I think I got pushed back six pages in the story list.) Boy the time went fast. So here's chapter 43. I'll post chapter 44 in a couple of weeks and we'll see after that. Gotta warn you, don't expect much in the way of action in these first chapters. The last few chapters sort of built up to a climax and the end of part one. Now these next ones are going to sort of set the stage for part two. There's a lot of talking going on. There's a lot to talk about. They're also shorter chapters—twenty to twenty-five pages, sort of like back in the 20s.

So, anything else? Can't think of anything except the standard stuff. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. More AU now. Now we're talking war. Well. Cold war, anyway. So, it's an Aurriku (didn't start that way, started as a Rikka—just kidding.) This is (still) about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Yeah, still rated -T-. Most of the chapters are actually less.

By the way...I'm still a guy.

Okay, one more thing. This chapter and the next one are dedicated to Foxline Infinity. Thank you for the reviews and comments. Hope you like the chapters, a little. Maybe. Oh com'on.

Ahem. Anyway...

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Words hurt.

I think I know that better than anyone, except perhaps for Rikku.

But words can also heal. Words can make things better. Words can build, and tear down. Words have power. They can move people. No professional soldier, not even the cynics, would ever underestimate the power of words.

And when you put powerful words together in a powerful way, then you have a story.

* * *

**To Tell a New Story**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, so, here's the thing. Yuna decided not to die after all and we got rid of the bikini model and Auron and I are okay again and Sin was waiting when we got out of the Dome but then he went away and Pops and the airship came down to pick us up.

So.

Did you hear me?

POPS.

DAD.

MY OLD MAN...uh, forget that one.

So...so what do I say about Auron!

I mean, all of the guys know about us now, Yunie and Tidus and them. I mean, it's not like we tried to hide it or anything. They've seen us kiss. Heck, they even pushed us together if you think about it. But this is DAD and, well, the rest of the Al Bhed, I guess. I mean, I'm not ashamed of it or anything, but...but here's the airship coming down RIGHT NOW and there's no time to think and I'm standing here waiting, holding Auron's hand, and do I let it go? What would he think if I let his hand go? Would he think I'm ashamed to be with him, or for people to know? I'm NOT. But there's just so much going on right now and we still haven't even talked to each other about where we are and what we are to one another right now so how can I tell Dad if I don't even know?

"Rikku."

"Uh..." I looked up at him.

"Rikku, would you like to wait to tell your father? About us?"

HEY! IS HE ASHAMED OF US OR SOMETHING!

Uh oh, did I say that out loud?

"Rikku," he said quietly, and squeezed my hand. "You know that I'm not ashamed. But I thought you might want us to talk before we talked with anyone else."

"Um...well, it, it might be best to wait and talk first. I'm not embarrassed, Auron," I went on quickly, "I'm not, I swear, it's just—"

"It's fine, Rikku," he said.

And he let go of my hand.

Huh.

Just like that.

It's fine, Rikku.

So...good.

Fine.

Good.

**Auron:**

We watched silently as the great airship descended to pick us up, and went onboard and followed behind the Al Bhed crewman who met us at the hatch. I realized that he was leading us to the bridge. I knew Cid would be waiting for us there. Wakka made some well-meaning jokes about the bridge and water, but they fell flat. Yuna, Lulu, and Tidus were quiet as we trooped the corridors. Kimahri was silent, of course. And even the girl was subdued, where only moments ago she had been all but dancing with enthusiasm. I knew they were all coming down off a sort of combat high. It was a common reaction, leaving them listless and a little depressed. And I suppose the girl was nervous about seeing her father. I would as soon let him know the changed circumstances of our relationship—whatever they are—as quickly as possible and get the matter over with, but those are just soldier's instincts, and I don't want to make things harder for Rikku than they have to be. Her feel for the situation is probably sound, and it will be better to wait for a less confused time. And of course we haven't even talked yet, she and I, not really. I hope I eased her mind that this was all right with me. She had been so anxious to reassure me that she wasn't embarrassed by...by whatever it is that was between us now.

Of course, I wasn't worried about that at all.

...no...not at all...

The final hatch opened and we walked onto the bridge. Cid turned from his globe consol and regarded us.

"Well," he said after a moment. "Aren't we the happy bunch?"

No one answered him.

"I see Yuna," he went on, his mouth twisting. "So...does this mean you got the Final Aeon?"

Yuna shook her head, and Rikku said slowly, "Not...exactly."

"We, ah..." Wakka started, then ran down.

"We killed Yunalesca," Lulu said.

"So, um, no more Final Aeons," Tidus said, rubbing the back of his head with one hand.

Kimahri nodded.

Cid looked us over and up and down while one of the crew whistled. After a moment he said, "Thought she was dead already, but okay. So. What now?"

All of them looked at each other, but no one spoke.

Well, they've all had a long day.

"The Calm Lands," I told him. They all turned and looked at me, and I said, "We need time and a safe place to rest and plan our next moves. Right now we should go and clean up, and meet again in about an hour. There are things that you should know now."

I turned to Yuna. "Yuna, do you agree?"

She looked back at me for a moment, then said, "Yes, Sir Auron."

I turned to go, but something held me back as the others filed past. I looked down and saw it was the girl clutching my coat. She was frowning down at the deck, and then she turned her face up and smiled at me, and her hand was fumbling for mine. I took it, and then she slipped her arm through my arm and pulled me off the bridge behind her. Before the hatch closed I took one look back at Cid.

He was not smiling.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I pulled Auron out into the corridor and he was saying, "Rikku, are you sure? I thought—"

Then he wasn't saying anything, cause I pulled him down into a kiss. Heck no, I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything much these days. I guess I'm pretty much flying by my gut, right now. And my gut didn't like it when Auron let go of my hand and said it was fine. My gut didn't like that at all! And then when we were standing there in front of my dad and then we were all leaving and it had all worked and Dad didn't know anything and he didn't know, that's when my gut started screaming Hold his hand you idiot! You love him and he loves you and what the hell is the matter with holding hands with someone you love?

So I took his hand and I know Pop saw it and it'll cause some problems but we'll handle it. After what we've been through? We'll handle it.

And then he had to start asking stoopid questions so of course I had to kiss him in the middle of the corridor just to shut him up and when I pulled away I saw some crewmen just goggling at us. So now everyone's gonna know.

That's fine.

* * *

**Auron:**

It didn't take me long to wash up and put away my things, so I had time before we were all to meet, and much to consider. I sat on the bed in my room, thinking and waiting for the minutes to pass.

Very well, Auron. Categorize.

The party. That part has gone as well as I could have hoped. They have trained hard, and while individually they are not as strong as some, over the long months of the pilgrimage they have learned the critical lessons of teamwork, of working together, trusting each other, covering each other. They have learned how their different skills and abilities compliment each other, and taken as a whole they might outclass almost any other team on Spira now.

Zanarkand is behind us and Yunalesca has been removed from the Spira game board. Yuna herself is still alive, having chosen not to sacrifice herself and one of her guardians to summon the Final Aeon. All of the party are alive and healthy and solidly behind her. Even if Wakka or Lulu have second thoughts now it's too late. Their participation in the Zanarkand events ties them to the party. They have nowhere else to go. We are all relatively safe now and I have not unduly alienated any of them.

I allow myself a small sigh of relief.

I didn't have to kill anyone.

Next, The Plan. While I have been concentrating on the pilgrimage and the party, the rest of The Plan has been in motion for many months all across Spira, and in Dream Zanarkand, and on the Farplane. Those elements proceed apace as far as I know. But I don't know enough. The notes that I received from the Luca Network and the orders and suggestions and approvals and questions that I sent back were barely adequate to allow me to keep informed of events. I didn't exercise any real, day-to-day control. There simply wasn't time, and I couldn't spare the attention. I was forced to leave much of it—almost all, really—in Rin's hands. And trust his instincts for self-preservation to keep him from getting ideas, even aside from the doubts that I have about what he's actually up to. Even now, I haven't contacted whoever we have on the ship to get the latest raft of notes from the network. I'm sure that the backlog is considerable.

I remember that I once hoped that Rikku would be able to help me winnow the data flow and separate what really required my attention and what could be left to other levels of decision makers. That was before Gagazet. Rikku...no, later. I have no doubt that either Rin himself or one of his people is here aboard the airship with a bulging packet of intelligence for me, and requests for authorization, and for authorizations for authorizations. But all of that will have to wait until the immediate future of the party is settled. Afterward...

It is time now that I began taking a more direct hand in things. The Plan is evolving now. As it was always meant to.

Which leaves...the girl.

Rikku.

Rikku was...nothing that I expected. My feelings for her were not in any plan. Yet, here they are. I shake my head as I consider everything that the last few months have brought. I was able to fool myself for so long, and pretend that what I felt for her wasn't romantic. And indeed, it wasn't at the start. She was simply a young girl, brave and afraid and strong enough to hope. Of course I wanted to help her and protect her. I always do. Lord, isn't that the common thread running through all of my relationships. Auron the protector. I see a young girl in trouble...well, any girl really, but many of them are young. Willa was younger than Rikku when I first met her. Younger in years, at least. Of course she was twenty three when I left Zanarkand. She's twenty four now. If she's still alive.

If she was ever really alive.

Emma would be twenty seven now. Jennica Albok would be, let's see, thirty one. Bianca would be in her forties, a little older than me. So would the priest's daughter. Of course, the world is full of young women who need to be protected. I don't get involved with all of them. The ones which I have...have all been special. Willa had more strength and courage and tenacity than anyone I had ever known. Emma brought an amazing, fierce enthusiasm to everything in her life, including how she felt about me. Jennica was incredibly talented and capable. And they all loved life. Even mysterious Bianca, who used me to become the leader of the White Faction had that astonishing love of living every day to the fullest. (In the end I used her too.)

I think at least two of them loved me. Really loved me. And I tried to love them back, but when all was said and done, I just...

Didn't.

And then there was Rikku.

And all I could see at first was that I could use her. The party could use her skills and abilities, and they saved us more than once. But even more important I saw how determined she was that she would save her cousin, and I wanted to use that desire, to counterweight Lulu and Wakka and even Yuna's own acceptance of her fate. So I let her join us on the pilgrimage, and she was strong and scared and brave and talented and so full of hope. On Spira, she was full of hope. And she never lost her determination that Yuna would live, even when her home was destroyed. And I admired her for her courage and respected her for her strength and her skills and I saw in her the potential to be even more than she was. And so I trained her and taught her the same as I did the others. Or maybe...a little more...because she was the youngest, and the most alone, and she reminded me of the cadets that I have trained over the years.

And she developed a crush on me.

It happens. And I cared about her too, very much, but not in that way. That's what I told myself for months, until the day I thought I had driven her away forever, and then I could finally admit it to myself...

I love Rikku.

And love is not to be despised. I would be happy to love her, if only she did not love me back. But she does. I have no doubts, and I can no longer fool myself that it is all some schoolgirl crush. It isn't. She loves me and wants to protect me. And there are so many reasons why this...this whatever it is...is not a good idea, there are so many reasons why it would never work.

She is so young.

Should I scorn her love because she is young? She has proven her worth and her courage. But...what about her maturity? I know she is mature for her age, accepting and discharging adult responsibilities. And yet, she reacted so strongly when we had this last...separation. Of course it was understandable—her heart was broken—but still...

Did her drastic reaction came from her youth or simply from the fact that she does everything with her whole heart? I don't suppose I'll really know until we talk. We both know that we must talk soon...as soon as practical.

I respect her so much. And...I do love her. But what is best for her?

And of course...Cid knows now. What complications will that bring?

Among the Al Bhed, young girls are considered legally adult at age fifteen or sixteen. Which does not mean that Al Bhed society looks with approval on relationships between men my age and girls hers. Certainly Al Bhed fathers don't. The Al Bhed like to see their young men and women married early and raising families. Children are very important to them. Young people are tacitly allowed some time to sow their wild oats if they wish it, but this still means that the normal age span for married couples is no more than perhaps five years.

Considerably more than five years of age separate Rikku and I.

In fact, marriage between such extremes of age is far more accepted in Bevelle. There, the great houses routinely marry off their daughters as young as fourteen to men in their thirties, forties, or fifties to forge alliances between families. It only makes sense, really, if you consider such girls as resources. You marry them off young to build a link between two houses (and hopefully they have children to seal the connection) to a much older man. There is then every chance that the man will die while the girl is still young enough for her family to marry her off a second time to make another alliance. Very efficient. This happens among the powerful families, but also among the middle classes—the merchants and tradesmen and the military families.

But this is not Bevelle, nor is it Luca, which prides itself on a cosmopolitan outlook. And the Al Bhed take their unwritten customs very seriously.

All of which ignores the real problem, of course.

I'm dead.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Auron went to his cabin to clean up, and I went with Yuna to hers' just in case Pops came by mine to talk. I know I gotta talk to Dad, but I'd like to talk with Auron first if I can. We have all kinds of things we need to talk about. I mean, like, so, what are we?

I know we're something, you know? But what? Are we boyfriend/girlfriend? Are we dating? Are we...um...lovers?

Whoo boy, we really got to talk about that last one. You know, after we had that last, uh, fight I guess it was? Anyway, after he said...Willa...well, I guess I kind of went a little nuts. I was so mad, but I also had all these strange thoughts running through my head, and it was like it wasn't even me at all! And that scares me now. And part of it was sex. Before all that, I SO thought I was ready to have sex. I mean I thought I was all grown up enough to make that decision, and then all that happened, and...and I almost made a really stupid mistake. And it doesn't change the way I think about Auron, not one little bit! But...now I'm not really sure that I trust myself.

How can I? Remember how I was? Acting all horny and pretending all I wanted was sex? And I believed it! or I thought I believed it. And if, if Tidus and Wakka and Kimahri weren't such good friends and good guys...it would have happened. And if we had been somewhere else, not all alone up on a mountain, but at an agency or in a town or something I'd be a whole lot less innocent right now.

So...so I just need a little time, you know? Just a little time to think about it all, and make sure I really trust myself. And I trust Auron that he'll understand. I know he will. What? Is he gonna break up with me cause I won't sleep with him? Do you KNOW Auron? He's not like that. I know he'll wait for me, for us, to be ready.

I'm not a kid. I mean...I know...I mean...it's not like I think that I've got anything special, you know? I know that I've got what every other girl has, I know that. But...it's special to me, because it's mine, you know? It's my body, and, and, I want sharing it to be special, okay? That just how I feel. And I know that if I'd just had sex with anyone, it might have been, I dunno, whatever...it might have been good, but...but it wouldn't have been special. Not afterwards. I think it would have been cheap, afterwards. And I know not every girl feels that way and that's FINE, but it's the way I feel, and that's okay TOO. And, and I know that it'll be okay with Auron because I'm pretty sure it's special to Auron, too. I mean, I know he's been with other women, but...he loves me. And I think that makes it special to him too. He loves me. So, I guess that's why I think he'll understand when I tell him I'm just not ready yet, you know? Cause he loves me and he thinks it's special and I'm special and I should be sure...sure about myself.

"Ah, Rikku."

I blinked and shook myself and turned. Rin was standing in a side corridor.

"Hey, Rin! How's it going!"

He smiled a real smile at me, not like the one he gives customers. He's always thought of me like a niece.

"As well as can be expected Rikku," he said. "We're all working very hard to settle the refugees and start rebuilding something. Are you back to stay now? You could be a great help."

"Oh, uh, noooo, I don't think so. We've still got a lot of important things to do, Rin."

"Ah," he said, with a small frown. "Still, perhaps there are ways that you can help the Al Bhed even while you travel."

"Oh sure," I said with a smile. "Anything I can do to help our people...you know that, Rin!"

"Good," he said. He seemed really relieved. "We must talk before you leave the airship."

"Sure thing."

"Rikku," he said, grabbing my arm. "This is very important. Please promise me that you won't leave the airship before you talk to me."

"Uh, okay, yeah, I promise...what's this—"

"Good," he said, smiling again. "Until then."

And he bowed and walked away.

Well what the heck was that all about?

* * *

**Auron:**

"Okay, Auron," Tidus said. "So, what's going on?"

We were in one of the wardrooms. The sky was pale blue outside the wide glass windows, with drifts of white clouds. They were seated around a table, silently looking back at me where I stood in front of them. Almost a year they've been on their pilgrimage, pushing themselves forward against fiends and plots and the unknown toward an act of sacrifice for the rest of Spira. A holy act of sacrifice that they've been brought up to revere. And then they find out that none of it was real.

So, I told them.

"Once, there was a war between two great cities..."

I told them about the great war one thousand years ago, between Zanarkand and Bevelle. I told them about the revenge sworn by Yu Yevon, the Immortal, High Summoner of Zanarkand. I told them how he drew up all of the hate and the pain and the fear and despair of the murdered city, and used it as a core, casting gravity spells to wrap it in pyreflies, crafting a sort of ultimate armor of the dead that we now call Sin. And clad in that armor, he protected the last survivors of Zanarkand by attacking Bevelle and its army. And the leaders of Bevelle didn't know what to do, until they were approached by Lady Yunalesca, daughter of Yu Yevon, who offered them a bargain.

Yuna listens quietly as I speak. She does everything quietly. She would have sacrificed herself so quietly for Spira. Tidus' face is closed, shuttered. He's trying to fit this in with the other things that he knows. Kimahri is silent. If possible, he speaks even less than before, since the Ronso were ravaged. Rikku just takes it in, looking at me with a small smile, trying to give me her wordless support.

Lulu and Wakka. The mage follows my words closely, her face never changes. But here, away from Zanarkand at last, I can smell the deep inner conflicts boiling within her. And Wakka. He is...deeply unhappy. And uncertain, although neither really shows. He has become better at hiding his feelings. But he wears his anger in his face for all to see. He is seething as he hears all of it.

"So..." he muttered, his eyes burning into mine. "So you're sayin', that all my life, I've, I've been worshipping this Yu Yevon guy!"

What do I answer him? It's a complex question, but he doesn't want a complex answer. He's in no mood for complexities. None if them are. Lulu is looking at me for the answer. Bevelle told her some of this when she became the agent, but not all. Even Yuna seems fierce as she waits for me to speak. Tidus and Kimahri show nothing, and the girl looks at me with a question in her eyes, then shakes her head and when she turns her face to me once more there is nothing but trust.

"Once..."

I saw anger flash in more than one face. So be it.

"Once...there was a young man, who saw a little girl in danger. He rushed in and pulled her from a collapsing house. Crying, the little girl thanked him, and made the sign of Yevon."

Tidus gave me a sharp look, but I focused on Wakka.

After a silent moment, he nodded tightly at me. He understood, but Yuna and Lulu and even Rikku looked puzzled. They don't have his faith, and his...wisdom?

"When that little girl's sister heard what happened," I said to them, "She certainly thanked Yevon that her sister was safe. Who was she thanking?"

Not an undead summoner from Zanarkand.

I think I saw the beginning of understanding in their faces then. These were matters of belief that they would all have to start to sort out for themselves. That's one reason we're going back to the Calm Lands for a while. To give them all a little time to recover, in a place that has happy memories for them.

After a bit, I picked up the thread of the story once more.

"And there it has stood for a thousand years," I continued. "Even if there is nothing truly left to protect, nonetheless, Yu Yevon continues to batter the living. The city fathers of Bevelle agreed to found the Church of Yevon, and Yunalesca agreed to confront her father. Using the high arts of Zanarkand she transformed her husband Lord Zaon into a fayth, to call the Aeon of the Final Summoning. She shouldn't have been able to do it. Few people have the ability to transform into fayth, and Zaon was not one of them. He was not inherently capable of becoming a fayth, but Yunalesca was both powerful and talented, and she succeeded. Then she used that aeon to meet her father and destroy Sin, knowing that he would seize control of the aeon, severing their bond and killing her instantly. But after her death, she did not move on. Unliving and unsent, she stayed in Spira, kept by her promises to Bevelle while Yu Yevon used the new aeon as a core to eventually fashion a new Sin from the pryeflies. It took almost seventy years. It was the first Calm."

I gave them a moment to absorb what they had heard, and then I described the events that followed. Yunalesca's Calm (not that anyone knew it by that name) had lasted seventy years while Yu Yevon figured out how to fashion sin anew against Zaon's will. Then Sin reappeared and started to harrow Spira once more. No one could stop it. Then a message came to the young Church from Yunalesca, telling them what they needed to do. And the first of the pilgrimages set off for Zanarkand. Others followed. None succeeded. Some reached Yunalesca, and if she deemed them worthy, she had the summoner choose one of their companions to become a fayth, as her husband Zaon had. Some failed, because the bond was not strong enough, but some succeeded. Most of them, like Zaon, could not normally have become a fayth. Yunalesca could transform them, but they needed to have a strong bond with the summoner, and they could give their aeon only to them, and the new fayth would be bound to the aeon rather than to a statue, and would die with it. But...none of those early final aeons were powerful enough to defeat Sin. It was a terrible time in the history of Spira. All large cities except Bevelle were destroyed. The people were constantly attacked by fiends. The Church teachings first started to identify machina and people's own guilt as the causes of Sin, promising salvation if only the people would repent. Many turned to the Church, and it grew in power and influence. Much was lost during this time, including the true history of events. And then finally, after almost three hundred years, a summoner succeeded. Ohalland, the first High Summoner, reached Zanarkand, convinced Yunalesca of his worth, received a final aeon, and defeated Sin.

He was killed, of course, but he brought the Calm—Ohalland's Calm. And showed the way to others. The Church gained supremacy in Spira, and the pilgrimages became steadily more successful. Perhaps five hundred years ago, we seemed to reach a kind of stability. One Calm ends, new pilgrimages set out, eventually one defeats Sin, and it all starts again.

They didn't say anything when I had finished speaking. I think the sheer weight of everything they had learned, a thousand years of despair, had washed over them. Of course it would take them a minute to process it.

Lulu blinked and looked up to say, "And now Yunalecsa's dead."

I didn't answer.

"Sir Auron," Yuna said quietly, "Why didn't you tell us this before?"

Another complex question.

"It wasn't time."

"But..."

"If I had told you, some of you would have believed me," eyes flickered toward the girl and the boy. "Others would not have. The two sides would have quarreled over whether it was true, what it meant, what it changed...it would have distracted us all, divided us, possibly torn the party apart. So I said nothing. And you learned all that you needed to know at Zanarkand. You had a simple choice in Zanarkand, Yuna. You all did. All this was just...clutter."

"But you're telling us now," Lulu said.

"Because you made that choice. And now you have others to make."

"Like, what do we do now..." Rikku said. It was the first time she'd really spoken. I wondered if her words had some double meaning.

"Yeah," Wakka added, shaking his head. "So, what DO we do now? I mean, like right now, ya?"

"We KNOW what to do," Tidus answered. "We kill Sin! So it doesn't come back!"

"How?" Yuna asked quietly.

They all looked at each other, and then they looked at me.

"So...what do we do, Sir Auron?" Yuna asked slowly, looking down at the table.

Perhaps I shouldn't be standing up.

"What do you want?" I asked them.

"To kill Sin!" Tidus answered firmly.

"Why?"

"Uh...?"

"Cause he's a big ugly killer fish!" Rikku shouted. "And he destroys everything he sees!"

"So, you want to punish it."

"Yes! No. Wait..."

I turned back to Yuna. In some ways she was the most stable and centered of them all.

"Yuna, what do you want?"

"Sir Auron," she said, a little impatiently, "Would you please speak plainly!"

"No."

Her eyes narrowed, but she didn't say anything. I waited for her answer. She took a breath.

"I want...I want the Calm."

Good, I nodded. Her voice grew louder, and more firm.

"I...I want people to go to bed and not be worried that they're going to be killed by fiends in the morning."

Good. The others were all looking at her now.

"I want children to grow up with both parents, and I want parents to live to see their children married and have children of their own."

Good. Her fists were clenched on the table in front of her.

"I want things to CHANGE," she threw the words at me.

Ah...

Finally.

I leaned toward her, fixing her two mismatched eyes with my one. She looked steadily back, breathing a little hard.

"Good, Yuna. Very, very good. Now listen to me carefully. If you kill Sin, kill it forever so that it never comes back...nothing will change."

"What!" "HUH!" "Wait..." "Nothing!" "Auron...?"

I leaned back.

"Yuna, all of you, listen. Sin is a manifestation of Spira's tragedy. Not the cause. Sin is...a symptom."

"Uhh..."

I looked at them all, considering.

Tidus?

Rikku?

No. Lulu.

I turned to Lulu. She blinked back at me.

"Lulu...tell me a story. Tell me a story about Spira."

"A happy story?" Rikku asked.

"A realistic story," I said, never taking my eye off the black mage.

She didn't say anything, and I waited. Finally she shook her head and said, "Uh, well, once there was a girl..."

She trailed off, looking down at the table in front of her.

"...and she...uh..."

"Lost someone," I said.

Her head jerked up and she scowled at me.

"Okay. Once there was a girl, and she lost someone, and it hurt her very, very much. The end."

"Not the end," I said. "What happened next?"

"She...she became a guardian..."

"Why?"

"To help defeat Sin!"

"Why?"

"So other people don't have to go through it! Don't have to lose someone!"

"That's worth a summoner's life?"

"Yes!"

"Worth all your lives?"

"Yes!"

"Why not find another way?"

"There is no other way!"

She was breathing hard, and the others were listening, looking back and forth between us. After a moment I nodded.

"That is Spira's story," I said to all of them. "Tidus, do you remember in Bevelle, when we spoke of the spiral of death?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"It is the pattern that is important. The pattern of death, and despair, and sacrifice. It is the acceptance of death to pay for life that is Spira's curse.

"And killing Sin won't change that," I told them.

"Auron?" Rikku said. "So...what will?"

"We need another story to put in its place."

"Another story?" Wakka asked.

"A better story, one that the people of Spira will accept. We have to write that story. If we don't, if we just kill Sin and do nothing more, the pattern won't change. Details will be different. Sin is a detail."

"Sin is a detail?" the blitzballer exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes Wakka. If Sin dies, but the story continues, then the pattern continues. Perhaps it will take the shape of an invasion, and a series of neverending wars. Or perhaps an incurable plague that appears every few years to sweep the planet. Whatever form it takes, it will continue the story of death and despair and ultimately meaningless sacrifice. That is Spira put into words. That is what we have to change."

Again, no one said anything for a moment. Then Yuna said slowly, "Sir Auron, how do you know all of this?"

Ah...

"I...would rather not say just yet."

I saw her swallow. The rest were looking at us.

"I...Sir Auron, I, I want to say I believe you, but...but you're asking us to accept an awful lot on faith. You're telling us that killing Sin won't change anything."

"Yes."

"And you won't tell us how you know?"

I looked back at her for a moment. She didn't look happy, but she did look determined.

"I would rather not tell you yet," I finally said, then went on as she opened her mouth. "I think we all need some time to think about all of this. It's getting late, and it has been a very busy day. Why don't we resume this discussion tomorrow?"

"Sir Auron," she said, slowly shaking her head.

"And perhaps tomorrow I can resolve your doubts," I added.

Reluctantly, she agreed to put things off until the next morning. Then Tidus started a wave of yawns that spread quickly through all of them. It really had been a long day, and it was getting late. Outside the wardroom windows darkness was finally claiming the upper reaches of the sky. Lulu and Wakka looked thoughtful as they left the room. Kimahri gave me a small nod as he followed and so did Tidus even as he yawned once more. Yuna was frowning and the girl smiled up at me.

I think that all went as well as could be expected. We'll see what the night brings. I left the room, and found Rikku waiting in the corridor. She smiled and pulled me down into a pleasant kiss.

"Goodnight, Auron."

"Goodnight, Rikku."

As she ran after her cousin I wondered if Yuna would keep her up the entire night discussing all this. I didn't know. I also wondered when we would get a chance to talk, just the two of us about all the things that were up in the air between us. I didn't know that either. Well, I thought as I set off down the corridor, at least I knew what I was going to do tonight.

I was going to get drunk.

* * *

**Auron:**

There is no ship that sails the sky or the sea which does not have alcohol available, and so also would this one whether Cid knew it or not. I made my way down to the crew level, and encountered only mild problems identifying the owner of the illegal still and coming to an agreement. Back in my room, I shrugged off my coat, sat on the bed, and reached for the first of the mismatched jars and containers.

"Absent friends," I said, lifting the jar to my lips.

After awhile I remembered very little.

But I always remember the dreams, when they come.

I was walking on the slopes of a nameless mountain between Macalania and the Calm Lands. I knew I needed to get home soon, my parents would be worried, but I wanted to get a certain blue flower that I thought my sister would like. Mari was only three, but she loved the blue flowers. I heard someone calling my name...Auron...Auron...

"Auron!"

"What, Jecht?"

I was taking one last look over the swords on offer in the shop in Kilika.

"Com'on," he said. "The ferry's about to leave. Braska's already onboard. Com'on!"

When we first pulled the scruffy drunk out of the holding cell in Bevelle I knew at once that he was going to cause trouble and that the two of us would never get along. I was correct on the first point, but surprisingly, I was wrong on the second. Over the months of the pilgrimage, I really became quite fond of the madman who continued to claim he was a star blitzball player from Zanarkand.

"Auron," he said. "Com'on!"

"I'm coming."

"Auron..."

"I'm coming, Jecht,"

"Auron...hey, Auron..."

"Jecht...?"

I wasn't on Kilika. I was standing on the edge of a roof that stretched out for miles under a blue-green sky. I looked out and saw a tortured, broken landscape constantly shifting, even seething.

I heard a voice I knew well call, "Hey, Auron!"

I smiled a little, and without turning, I answered softly, "Hello Jecht."

**Next: Absent Friends**


	44. Absent Friends

Hey. So, did anyone see House last Tuesday? You know, I can't remember when the last time was that I laughed at a commercial, but I did twice at the Sprint commercial, I think it was. Crime deterrence...hee hee. 

By the way, how come so many reviewers were surprised when I updated? I said three or four weeks, right? Strange.

And what's with the page breaks being gone? I'm not that fond of this workaround.

Okay, well, so anyway I still don't own FFX. Just thought I'd tell you. And there are still major spoilers here, you know, in this story. Let's see. Also, uh, well, still follows the story, but I kinda ran out of the game's story for the moment, so it's getting AU now. Oh yeah! It's an Aurikku. (Well, I mean, it didn't start that way. It started out just about Auron, but then I read some aurikkus and thought, Well that's interesting. So I made it more about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. They're still building the relationship, you know.) Um...rated -T-.

Next chapter in a couple of weeks.

Like last chapter, this one is dedicated to Foxline Infinity.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Thirty years ago, my war began. Ten years ago, my life ended. One year ago, I returned to Spira. Six months ago, I met a girl. Three months ago, she lost her home. Two months ago, she said Don't be afraid. One week ago, I hurt her. Two days go, we kissed. Two hours ago, we killed Yunalesca, and ended the sick tradition of the Final Aeon forever.

Does that about sum it up?

* * *

**Absent Friends**

* * *

**Auron:**

"Absent friends," I said, lifting the jar to my lips.

I was on the edge of a roof that stretched out for miles under a blue-green sky. I looked over the edge and saw a tortured, broken landscape constantly shifting, even seething.

A voice I knew well called, "Hey, Auron!"

Without turning, I answered softly, "Hello Jecht."

"Heh heh."

He stepped up next to me and threw an arm around my shoulders as we both looked out over the edge.

"Some view, huh?" he said. "Welcome to the top of the Tower of the Dead."

"Thought Yu Yevon would have it by now," I said.

"He did. Things change. They change a lot. Com'on, we've been waiting."

I let him pull me away from the edge. I should barely be able to walk with all I drank, but this isn't real life. This is a dream. And Jecht was looking better than when I saw him last. He looked younger, and less tired.

"Auron," I heard someone say.

I found myself smiling.

"My lord," I answered.

"Auron," Braska laughed, "You never call me that unless we're in formal company or you're annoyed with me. Jecht isn't at all formal, so I hope you're not annoyed?"

"Braska," I shook my head. We embraced, briefly. "How long since I've seen you, Braska?"

"Yeah, yeah," Jecht broke in, "It's been ages, you're looking good, pictures of the twins, mortgage, prostate, yadda yadda. You can catch up later. We got things to talk about."

Braska and I shared small rueful smiles as chairs and a low table full of drinks and food appeared and we all sat down. Overhead, the sky changed to pale grey, and I could hear soft music start to play in the background.

"You seem to be in pretty solid control here," I said to Jecht.

"It was Yunalesca," he said with a grin. "Maybe there was still some connection, or maybe it has to do with the pyreflies, or something else, but when she went to the Farplane it hit Yu Yevon hard."

His grin turned into a hard, tight smile and he gestured. Clouds of pyreflies appeared and images started to play around us, Jecht's forces driving back those of the Immortal.

"As soon as I felt it," he said. "It was a kind of a shock that ran through everything and as soon as I felt it I launched an attack on all fronts, all throughout Sin. I sent in everything I had...I didn't hold anything back! It didn't work everywhere. Some places he's holding, and he's even gaining a little in the Playpen. But most places I'm pushing him back, and that means soon I can free up some guys to reinforce other places. Hah! He's on the run."

In the images we saw men in red clash with men in green. They didn't seem quite right, and I recognized the streets and alleys of the City of Dying Dreams.

I saw an army of broken machina tearing into a forest, and the forest itself was fighting back.

I saw meteors crashing down towards a black temple where small figures desperately danced.

I saw twisted shapes screaming silently in the dim dark streets of Guadoleica.

Without turning I asked, "Has the Voiceless committed to your side?"

"Naw, but those stupid dead Guado tried cutting across the Silent Plain. Serves 'em right."

And everywhere in the images bright colors were swooping on grey—Jecht's pyreflies driving back Yu Yevon's. Finally I turned to him.

"How long?"

His smile twisted a little.

"At least a year before he recovers. Another while things settle. Then a rearguard action. Can't say for certain sure, but figure about three years until we're right back where we were two days ago."

Except no Final Aeon.

"So, three years to end this once and for all."

"Now that Yunalesca'a gone, that's the only way it can be ended," Braska said quietly.

I looked over at him.

"I suppose we're sure she is gone?" I asked him. "Seymour didn't go that easily."

"No, Auron, we know. She is gone from Spira. She has been seen on the Farplane."

"Hah!" Jecht cackled. "The whole Farplane probably heard her cussing her superiors when she got there and found out her hubby Zaon was on our side."

"She did seem unhappy that they never saw fit to tell her," Braska said with a small smile. "Our reports do mention that she was...somewhat demonstrative...in making her displeasure felt."

So. After a thousand years...she's dead and gone. She's Braska's problem now, at least until I reach the Farplane.

"You did it Auron," Braska said quietly.

"I didn't do it alone."

"But it's done. And, my little girl chose life. You protected her, and kept her alive. You've kept your promise and more. Thank you, Auron."

"Braska," I said slowly, looking away from him and out over the edge, "If she had chosen other than she did..."

"Auron, she was a summoner. None of us expected that. She became a summoner and you became guardian to her pilgrimage and at the end of that pilgrimage Yunalesca died, and Yuna lived. Auron," he said, leaning over and laying a hand on my shoulder, "You kept your promise."

"Yeah, Auron," Jecht said. "Lighten up. You did what you had to do, and everything turned out fine."

"So far," I said.

"So far," he agreed.

"So," Braska said. "The situation in Sin is good for now. What about Yevon-Spira?"

He refers to the part of the planet under the influence of the Church.

"My information is a few weeks out of date," I said, "But everything seems to be within acceptable parameters. There are some schedule problems, mostly because I didn't allow for Seymour, but things seem manageable. And now that Yunalecsa's dead I'm going to be more directly involved in the Spiran elements of The Plan."

"Auron," Braska said seriously, "you know that all the Strategy Board originally wanted was another Calm, perhaps a little more hope and cheer in Spira if a legend participated. That would have stabilized the conflict in Spira for now, long enough to relieve pressure on other fronts, like here within Sin. I know you wanted more, and if you succeed, you'll have turned the Spira front for good and scored an important victory for us. But if you don't, then without a Final Aeon there will be no Calm ever again. Not even the other side wanted that, but it plays better for them than for us. You only have three years. You need to win."

"I know."

"Hey, Auron, man," Jecht put in, opening a beer, "Don't get too locked into that three years either, huh? The sooner you get here, the better position you'll be in, you know? I mean, I'll be able to help you some. But not if I'm fighting for my life against Yu Yevon."

"I won't forget, Jecht."

"You know what you're going to do, Auron?" Braska asked.

I turned to him.

"The details of The Plan are somewhat flexible on Spira, but the cruxes are these—the Church cannot continue to exist in its present form, and the...the soul of Spira, needs to be changed. Spira needs a new story."

"Hah. Still writing stories, huh Auron?"

I didn't answer Jecht for a moment, and then I said simply, "It's what I do."

"Huh. Yeah. Okay," he said. "What else? We don't have all the time in the world here."

I spent a few minutes giving them a somewhat more detailed accounting of my plans and capabilities in Spira. I didn't mention my concerns about the true loyalties of the Luca Group. First, it was my problem. My friends have their own responsibilities. But...there was something else. Something about Zanarkand. Something that I've thought hard about for many years. I look up at my two friends who are nodding and carefully following my words.

My friends.

I don't like suspecting my friends.

"Yuna will have to be convinced of what we need to do next," I concluded.

"It's being taken care of even as we speak," Braska said.

I nodded.

"Good. All right, what about Zanarkand? What is the situation there?"

"We don't know, Auron," Braska said, looking troubled. "We don't have any intel from Dream Zanarkand. We haven't since Jecht brought you to Spira."

"Why not?" I asked tightly. Jecht leaned forward, listening intently as he clasped his beer.

"The only intelligence conduits we had were the fayth," Braska said, "And sometimes the Mako Line. We had agents, but they could only contact us through them. But it seems like the Mako Line is broken and now the fayth aren't responding to our calls."

"You mean the Dreamer Fayth," I said.

"Yes, the Dreamer Fayth. And the Ogammi don't exactly help. So then we asked the Fayth of the Farplane to bring us word, but they were very reluctant to work against the Dreamer Fayth."

"But the Farplane Fayth are supposed to be on our side!" Jecht protested.

They're all supposed to be on our side. But we knew what he meant. The Fayth of the Farplane aren't merely allies, they actually serve in our ranks, alongside us. We depend on them for many things.

"They say they don't know why the Dreamer Fayth don't respond. But apparently it would be...impolite...for our fayth to press them.

"So we don't know anything."

I'm sorry Auron," Braska said softly, and laid a hand on my arm. "We really don't. I know you left people you care about there, but without the cooperation of the Fayth, we simply can't find anything out."

I had never liked depending on the fayth for our communications. So years ago I took the trouble to set up the Mako Line to connect our agents in Zanarkand across the Dream Plain to our agents in Yevon-Spira via a long series of couriers. But it was never that dependable, and now it looked like the line was broken, too many links knocked out.

And the fayth were no longer cooperating.

Braska and I looked up as Jecht muttered, "Huh."

"Jecht?" I asked.

"Well, we know where it is," he said. "Zanarkand, I mean. I could cruise on over to the Dream Plain and take a look."

Interesting thought.

"...but..." he hesitated.

"Jecht?"

"Well, I won't attack them, Auron, and I'm mostly in control of Sin right now, but...the parts that Yu Yevon still controls, they could do some damage to the city."

Hm.

"And if someone starts shooting at me, well, some of the defenses are kind of automatic. Not easy to shut down. Auron? I can get in, get a look. I can see outside myself again, for now. But some people are gonna get hurt. Auron? Your call."

Damn.

"Are we even sure it's still there?" I asked them. "That it still exists?"

"Oh yeah," Jecht answered me. "I can tell that much. It's drifting around the northern edge of the Plain right now."

I took a breath, held it, let it out.

"All right then. Leave it for now. Perhaps I can find out what kind of game the fayth are playing. Or see about rebuilding the Mako Line."

Add it to the list.

"Okay man," Jecht said. Braska nodded.

So.

Four fronts.

Things proceeding satisfactorily in Yevon-Spira and within Sin. Dream Zanarkand was a cipher. That left...

"Braska," I said, "How goes the war on the Farplane?"

"Quiet for the most part," he answered. "Both sides are still in a building phase. The legion expansion is on schedule. By the time you join us on the Farplane we should be in Phase VI. Nearly two million legions. The Strategy Board are outlining options. Plans and Training are busy doing what they do. The sutler is building up stockpiles and a working group is fine tuning Operation War Hammer."

I nodded, surprised at the expansion. I didn't really think we'd be making even our modified personnel quotas by this point in time. I set them more in hopes. By this time we must be conscripting many very old souls, that have been dead a long time. They're hard to wake up, and they usually remember very little now of who they were in life. It isn't all bad. In some ways they are easier to train than the more recent dead, who still carry the habits of being alive.

And of course, time doesn't exactly...move in a straight line...on the Farplane.

"And Zaon?" I asked.

"Isn't saying much, as usual. His second-in-command Kal is running the Aeon Flux."

The Aeon Flux. A special unit comprised of the Fayth of the Farplane and the spirits of a few powerful summoners.

The Fayth involved in all of this—the whole war—can be divided into three or four groups. First and oldest are the Dreamer Fayth, survivors of ancient Zanarkand.

Only those men and women born with the inherent potential ability to manipulate pyreflies can become summoners...or fayth. It's an inborn talent that a few people have, like perfect pitch, or a photographic memory. At least until Yunalesca found a way around that. Most people never even know they have the ability, unless they take the tests to see if they can become summoners. When Zanarkand was destroyed a thousand years ago, their greatest summoner, Yu Yevon, gathered all of those that still lived and had the talent, and crafted his great aeon, Dream Zanarkand, and placed it under a constant veil of illusion before going on to create Sin to protect it. Those are the Dreamer Fayth. They have been dreaming and concealing Dream Zanarkand for a thousand years, and they are very tired now. It is the Dreamer Fayth who were my main allies for ten years in Zanarkand. They also provided almost all of the communication that I had with Yevon-Spira and with the Farplane during those years, though it wasn't much. We have some of the same goals, and I work with them, but I have never fully trusted them.

Tired people make bad decisions.

It was because I didn't like all of my outside communications going through the fayth that I set up—over four years and at the cost of I don't care to remember how much gil—the Mako courier line to send dispatches out over the Dream Plain, through the nomad lands, to a drop on the northeastern Gagazet slope. There were several stages, and it never worked all that well, but it was something. Now, however, Sin's attack had apparently broken too many links in the line for any agent in Dream Zanarkand to get news out.

Assuming there were still any agents.

Assuming there was still a Dream Zanarkand.

In any case...besides the Dreamer Fayth, there are the Aeon Fayth. These are the Fayth on Yevon-Spira who grant the aeons to the summoners—the fayth of Bahamut, the fayth of Shiva, and so on.

The fayth of Yojimbo.

There are fewer of these, and they are younger than the Dreamer Fayth. The oldest is the fayth of Bahamut, who might actually be a contemporary of the Dreamers, or even from Zanarkand himself. I am particularly wary of him. The youngest of the five Temple Fayth is Shiva's, who is one or two hundred years old. But the youngest of the Aeon Fayth as a whole is my uncle, who has only been a fayth for perhaps seventy years. Unless...none of us knew where Anima came from. If Seymour's mother is indeed its fayth, as would seem indicated by what we saw in Dead Zanarkand, I suppose she would be the youngest.

The Aeon Fayth are not as many and not as strong as the Dreamers, but they are more directly connected to Yevon-Spira so they are more effective there, as the Dreamers are to Dream Zanarkand. The Aeon Fayth also seemed to me to be less united in purpose, less single-minded than the Dreamers, although I always suspected that there were disagreements and struggles among the Dreamers that we never heard about. As for the Aeon Fayth, the five Temple Fayth are all with us, supposedly. Presumably this is because we battle to defeat Sin—it is, after all, why they became fayth in the first place. The fayth of the Magus Sisters (although insane) are also committed to our side. My uncle is a cipher. The fayths of Kali and Anima are committed to the opposition. And of course, there are stories and rumors of other, unknown fayths on Spira—the fayth of the lost aeon Leviathan for instance, but our own fayth will not discuss them.

The last major group of Fayth are the Fayth of the Farplane. They are the souls of the dead guardians who gave up their lives to call the Final Aeon and who became trapped within that aeon until a new summoner party defeated Sin and brought the next Calm.

Take Jecht for an example. He was guardian to Braska. We met Yunalesca, and learned the truth of the Final Aeon, and he volunteered. Jecht had no talent for manipulating pyreflies, and so he shouldn't have been able to become a fayth. But Yunalesca was a powerful summoner and magic user, with a great deal of knowledge that is now lost. She created a process that would allow someone without that inborn talent to become a fayth. But the process wasn't perfect. There were many limitations. First, he had to be bound to someone who did possess the talent. But it was only possible if the two already shared a strong bond. Otherwise, the guardian died, but did not become a fayth, and that pilgrimage failed. And only that other person—if a summoner—could join with the new fayth to call the new aeon. In fact, they didn't have to join together, they were already permanently joined by the ritual. The new fayth could not be bound to a statue, as was normal. A thousand years ago they made Zaon's statue thinking he would occupy it as usual, but he didn't. Instead, the new fayth is in fact bound to the aeon itself. Which means that for a time, the fayth, rather than Yu Yevon, has some control of the aeon.

So Jecht died, and became a fayth joined to Braska. Braska and Jecht together called the Final Aeon and destroyed Sin, and Yu Yevon seized control of the aeon, killing Braska. The same Braska who sits nearby quietly laughing at some comment Jecht makes. Yu Yevon used the aeon as a new core, to reassemble the pyreflies, but Jecht had a great deal of control in the beginning. They struggled for ten or so years, with Jecht losing ground to Yu Yevon, and the Calm came to an end. Then, in the normal course, another pilgrimage would eventually succeed, and a new final aeon would destroy Sin. And Jecht would pass on to the Farplane, where being something between a fayth and the ghost of a fayth, he would have enormous power there.

These are the Fayth of the Farplane—all the former fayths of the final aeons. And almost all of them are on our side. Zaon commands them, sort of. They follow his leadership, but...Zaon is very old, and he was Sin for many, many years. He is no longer...normal. He is on our side, but he remains an enigma. The rest of the Farplane Fayth do a great deal for us, serving in many different ways, and many of them have gathered to form the Aeon Flux, a special strike reserve for the battles to come.

When I said three or four groups of aeons, I referred to the Ogammi. These are the Fayth of the Farplane who do not support us. Or to be more specific, they support the enemy. They are not numerous, but they are troublesome. They don't work openly. If they did, the Aeon Flux would run them down and eviscerate them all. They work from the shadows instead—sabotage, espionage, and assassination. They concentrate especially on interfering with our communications. It's why we can't have meetings like this more often.

"I suppose...did Yunalesca's death disorient the Farplane Fayth?" I asked.

"How did you know, Auron?" Braska asked. "Yes, they're coming around now, but they still haven't really recovered."

"It must have hit the Ogammi too. That's why the three of us can speak with each other so clearly right now."

"Makes sense," Jecht agreed, taking a long pull of his beer. I looked at him uncomfortably, and he laughed at me. "Hey, don't worry Auron. I'm okay. I'm in control, not holding on by the skin of my teeth. A few beers won't hurt right now, and it's been years."

Shaking my head, but reassured, I turned back to Braska.

"So, War Hammer is up to speed?"

"Yes, Auron. In fact..." he said, standing up and turning to Jecht, "...may I?"

Jecht grandly waved his okay, and Braska concentrated, pulling even more pyreflies together from the air around us. He gestured, and they formed into a ball, spinning faster and tighter until it was a whirling sphere of color just about man-high and -wide.

"Want to see for yourself?" he asked me with a small smile.

Wonderful.

I stood, and cautiously approached the pulsing globe.

"You just step right in, Auron," Braska said.

"I know how it works," I informed him coolly. Both he and Jecht were openly grinning at me now. My mouth twisted, and I stepped into the storm.

Colorcolorcolorcolorcolorredandblueandgreenandredandyellowandgreenand red and green and red and blue and unreal winds are whipping my coat and then I'm through and colors are pounding my sight, pounding straight through my eye and slamming against the back of my skull from the inside—pyreflies, millions of pyreflies are shrieking and swooping, huge waves of color are clashing and crashing, rushing at each other, trying to swallow each other, a thousand rainbow storms meeting and exploding and gathering again and again, and everywhere images—

I stumble back out of Braska's globe, and stop, and swallow hard. It's been a long time since I've experienced combat on the Farplane.

"Auron," I hear concern in Braska's voice. I shake my head, take a breath, and duck back into the combat sim.

Colors crashing everywhere, sound is color—touch is color—smell is color—colors and images all around, coming and going, flashing into being and back out again, moving, screaming, killing, dying...it's all spinning around me and my mind finally starts to sort it all out...in front of me a man's shape comes together in an instant...his face is a mask of cold concentration as he swings a longsword...a figure in red and grey appears and blocks with a shield and raises a lance to strike...a bolt of fire catches it in the side and the figure falls forward and explodes back into pyreflies, as does the man with the sword and the woman who cast the spell. All around me, on every side, men and women and creatures appear in the pyreflies for a moment, trading blows, and then fading back into the colors...close by a man in a yellow cape trades lightning fast blows with something in black armor, both of then flickering in and out of existence so fast I can't really follow it all...

Details...I have to ignore the details and focus on the whole battle...I concentrate, my senses extend outward...and now can feel a shift, far to my right...one of the two sides is giving way, collapsing, but which one? I have to move, so I can see! My body starts to come apart...

Pyreflies explode away from me, and I'm back on the roof of the Tower of the Dead.

"Auron?"

"Braska, I..." I shook me head, gasping. "What was that?"

"Sim 33075 slash genexbrigade3 mod H."

Huh.

Thirty third oh seventy fifth Combat Legion against generic enemy brigade number three, combat model simulation. Modification H...H for Hammer, I guess.

The sims are put together by Plans and Training, with heavy input from the intel shops. When a new soul joins us as a recruit we train him in these sims, then they move on to train by squads, then companies, and finally whole legions. It's all about training. Teamwork and training, that's what will win this thing for us.

One day.

"Mod H for Hammer?" I asked.

"H for Hell," Braska answered.

I guess that makes sense too.

War Hammer...

The operational plan for a deep strike into hell. Six thousand souls in a legion. Fifty thousand legions are the point of the spear, going in first, with a half-million more waiting behind them. A plan designed to break this stalemated war wide open.

My plan.

But that's for other days.

I turned to the others.

"All right. It seems everything is in hand for the moment. Anything else we need to discuss?"

"Yeah," Jecht said. "Hey Braska! What's your daughter doing coming on to my son?"

And with that, the conversation turned to other things. We were no longer three players on three different fronts of the war in heaven. We were three old friends who had not been all together in many, many years, and we could take a little time to talk about the old days and our own pilgrimage together...we remembered the day that Jecht attacked the shoopuf, Jecht getting hit by lightning so often crossing the Thunder Plains that they gave him a prize, how uncomfortable Braska was when hero-worshipping young women would throw themselves at him. Who would have thought that the trained assassin who went several times into the Alpha and Omega dungeons and came back out again would blush so easily?

Braska told us stories of the Farplane and the figures of the past that he had met and talked to, Yocun and Ohalland, and about the crazy old soul who claimed to be the soul of St Bevelle herself. He told us about his wife—Yuna's mother—and all the other family that were there waiting for him.

I...didn't ask about my parents, and my sister.

It...I just didn't.

Jecht talked about his life in Zanarkand, as a street-soldier for the factions and then as a star-blitzball player. He insisted on calling up the pyreflies to show us pieces of his best games until Braska's pyreflies and mine ganged up on his and drove them away and he gave it up, laughing.

In all of that, two more pieces of real business did come up. Once, when Braska was concentrating on an image I called up of Yuna defeating Isaaru, Jecht leaned over and said quietly, "Hey Auron...you should know...whatever it was you planted last time, it took."

"Ah. Jecht, I..."

"No, Auron, I don't want to know. I don't know exactly what you did, and I don't want to know, but I thought you should know that whatever it was, it got done. I felt it take. I felt something shift. But so did Yu Yevon."

All right. I thanked him, and we said no more about it. But I was glad to know that the logic bombs had loaded successfully. They were a damn pain to prepare and expensive as hell. And Yu Yevon could look for another thousand years and not find them. Zanarkand techs are good. And I paid for the best.

I told them stories of Yuna's pilgrimage, how we fought the chocobo eater...again...and how I had to suffer through the cloister trials...again. They laughed and joked with each other at the real chance that his son and his daughter might end up together. I was describing how Rikku had easily solved the cloister trials in Zanarkand when I saw Jecht smiling at me.

"What," I asked, shortly.

"Hey, nothing," he grinned. Braska had his hand up in front of his mouth, and then they caught each others eyes and both of them burst out laughing.

All right. So maybe I was telling them a lot of Rikku stories. But if the two of them don't stop giggling like schoolgirls I'm going to Shooting Star the both of them.

"Hey, Auron, man," Jecht grinned, leaning over and patting my arm, "I'm glad. I'm happy for you. She seems like a really special girl. You grab her and don't let go. You be as happy as you can, the both of you, you hear?"

"She's...very young," I said hesitantly.

"Auron," Braska said. "Ideally, yes, she would be older, or perhaps you would be younger. But this isn't an ideal world, and love is too rare to just let go of. Auron, do you love my niece?"

I nodded slowly.

"Auron?"

"Yes! Yes, I love her."

"Is it really so hard to admit, old friend? Well," he sighed, "Loving her isn't all that's important...but it is what is most important."

"Hah," Jecht said to him. "Would you say that if it was your young daughter the old man was after?"

Should have left him in that cell in Bevelle.

They bickered good-naturedly back and forth, while I sat and thought, rolling my glass back and forth between my palms...

"It's not just the age difference," I broke in. They both looked at me.

They knew what I meant.

"Tell her," Jecht said. "Tell her, and if she loves you, in the end she won't care."

"He can't tell her," Braska said.

I turned to look at him.

"You can't tell her, Auron," he said quietly. "You cannot tell her you're unsent. That's an order from the top."

"What!" Jecht exploded, spilling his beer. "Why the hell not! And what the hell right have the mucky-mucks got to stick their noses in this anyway?"

"Jecht," Braska said, then shook his head and turned to me. "Auron, you know why. It's the same reason you haven't told her up until now. We don't know how she'll react."

"Hey Auron!" Jecht growled. "She won't react real well if you keep this from her much longer! You know that."

"Damn it, Jecht!" Braska said. "The damn Strategy Board examined this! And gave a finding to the War Staff! That's how seriously they're taking this. This isn't just some soldier and his girl, this could affect the entire Yevon-Spira front!"

"That's exactly what this is Braska!" Jecht shouted back. "A soldier and his girl! And Auron deserves that! After thirty years fighting this war, dying in this war, how can you try to give him crap orders like that, huh!"

"Jecht, this is too important!" Braska turned to me. "Auron, I know a little about my niece from the intel briefings—oh shut up, Jecht! Of course we had intel briefings on all the members of Yuna's pilgrimage. As important as it was? Of course we did. Auron, she's...emotional, and impetuous...she feels things strongly, and she has an almost pathological hatred of death and dead things! How will she react if she finds out? Will she be calm, and rational, and see the need to keep your secret? Can you guarantee that?"

I...

Rikku...

She feels things deeply. That's true.

And she did not react well on Gagazet.

I know...I know that when she finds out that I am an unsent, she will hate me. I know that it will hit her hard.

I...don't know how she'd react.

"Auron," Braska said, leaning forward. "No one but you believed you could really turn the fronts and actually win the war in Spira, in Zanarkand. We would have been happy with just another Calm, with just not losing, but now there's a real chance, and if you succeed we may win this whole thing! Auron...it was your plan! And after you win here then we need you on the Farplane and then we can do it, Auron! We can END this war. Auron! You can't risk it!"

"Hey, Auron!" Jecht said. "Auron, don't tell me you're thinking of listening to those jackasses!"

"He doesn't have a choice, Jecht."

"Up yours Braska! Of course he has a choice!

"Jecht, if he tells Rikku and she tells everyone then everything Auron's done and everything he's touched is tainted—Yuna's pilgrimage, his legend, the work that he's trying to do, everything! Auron," he said, turning to me, "What is the effect on The Plan if Spira discovers you're unsent?"

Not good.

Many people already know, of course, but they're all people whose choices I can influence. They have secrets of their own, or they want favors, or they desperately want not to annoy me, and if the story gets out anyway, it can be dismissed as a rumor. But...if Rikku knew...if she had known weeks ago, and then this thing on Mt Gagazet had happened...what would she have done? She was so hurt, and she was out of control. And Rikku, a member of the party itself, her words cannot be so easily denied.

Auron, she wasn't that out of control. She already knew some of your secrets, and she kept them.

It's not the same, Auron.

Why not?

Because...because in this case, the secret is the betrayal. And...because the stakes are so high. We're playing with the lives of whole worlds.

So...you don't trust her, Auron?

That...I...that's not it. But...

"Auron...?"

"I heard you, Braska," I said without looking at him. "You delivered your message. You did your job."

He heaved a sigh, muttered "Damn," and sat down.

"Hey, Auron...?"

"I heard you too, Jecht...thank you."

And Jecht also sighed and sat down, and after a moment so did I. There was an uncomfortable silence and none of us looked at the others, and then Braska said, "I do want you to be happy, Auron. As happy as you can be. And I do hope it all works out."

"Yeah, yeah," Jecht muttered swigging waht was left of his beer, and I nodded.

"Better not tell her about Kali," Braska said with a little smile.

"Kali, the aeon of death?" Jecht asked, looking up. "What about her?"

Oh hell.

Not this again.

"No one ever told you?" Braska said, his smile getting wider. "Auron never wanted to believe it, but remember, I was a fra, uh, a priest-assassin, and a summoner. So I had a connection to Kali, and I could tell..."

"Tell what?" Jecht asked, looking at me slyly. I ignored the both of them.

"That she had a crush on him."

It was noticeably harder to ignore Jecht when he was on the floor rolling with laughter.

"Grow up," I growled at him, and shot an acid glance towards Braska, who was grinning.

"Aw, man," Jecht said, sitting up and wiping his eyes. "Too much. Hey, either of you sees Kali, you tell her to stay away from you or the next time she comes outta Bevelle I'll be waiting to eat her up. You," he pointed one finger at me, "Belong to a cute little Al Bhed girl, and I ain't gonna let nothing screw that up."

Well, I thought as the two of them carefully picked up their reminiscences again...

An ancient sword is obsessed with me.

The aeon of death has a crush on me.

And Sin wants to be my matchmaker.

Raise hands anyone whose life is more...rococo than mine.

**Next: Discussions/Decisions**


	45. DiscussionsDecisions

Hello and welcome to chapter 45 of my story. I'm starting to get what people don't like about this site. I logged in and my story was gone again. If it's back by eleven o'clock I'll go ahead and add this chapter in the usual way. If it isn't (and I don't expect it) I'll post the chapter as a seperate story and switch it to the main story when I can. It isn't a perfect solution, but there you go. Beisdes that, we still have no page breaks, huh? That's gonna get real annoying. And the site's e-mailer has been severely cutting off and even mangling PMs. Hey, you know I like longish reviews, but if you're going to try and leave one, make a copy first.

Okay, that didn't work so well. The site accepted the story, and it sent my e-mail account a notice that the story was there, but when I hit the link it gave me a Story Not Found error. I get the feeling that the story will actually show up (or rather, did show up) when my other story came back, confirmed by the fact that they are both back now. So now I export the new chapter back into the doc manager and put it in the original story. Some people already read it, so at least it saved some people the wait. (Thanks for the review Glass Mermaid.) Oh yeah, and I did some, uh, well I figured out some stuff about the PMs. Turns out a lot of the drops came right after I used the lesser-than signs, the ones that point left. ( "" if it doesn't strip them out.) (It did.) That's not the whole story, but it's part of it. The site e-mailer doesn't like those. Also, for some reason it took it upon itself to correct my "oooooookay" to "okay".

Everyone's a critic.

Oh well.

So, there were a couple of things I was going to mention before but forgot. First, killing Yunalesca with Trio of 9999 that way? One of the funny things you can do is give her the last shot with one of Lulu's dolls. It's amusing to see the little thing hop up and smack her for maybe 30 points and send her to the Farplane. Well, it amuses me. Okay, there was something else, but I've forgotten it again.

Hey, I'm sure a lot of you have seen this, but there's a really cute aurikku doujinshi online at (deleted and repaired). (Yeah, that wasn't annoying to type. Stripping out urls...another problem with the site.) I got the address from Jinjer. I thought it was Fairy Rikku from Kindgdom Hearts, but no, it isn't. But it could be. Anyway, you'll see what I mean if you check it out.

Okay, well someone moaned about how HARD it was to READ my attempt at getting a url past the site...everyone's a critic...so, try (moved to next chapter AN.) (It's Deathgaze's page, I think.)

That's like my fourth try at that url.

By the way, major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurriku (didn't start that way). This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship (still). Rated -T-. Okay?

Last thing. This chapter and the next one are dedicated to Avelera. Thanks for the reviews. Hope you enjoy the chapters. So, see ya'll in two weeks.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron: **

Almost any military historian will tell you that one of the most interesting questions is, Now What?

You've fought your fights, won your battles, won your wars...now what? What comes after? What comes next? Usually it's something much more complex and sometimes even messier than the actual fighting.

So we made it to Zanarkand and we killed Yunalesca, and now they are all asking, now what?

What next?

* * *

**Discussions/Decisions**

* * *

**Auron:**

Colors clashing, flashing, slashing inside my head...

I forced open my eye. I was on my own bunk. The inside of my mouth tasted like last week's trash and I had pounding headache. No...wait...the pounding was on the door. I lay there putting together the ambition to get up and answer it, when it slid open and Rikku burst into the cabin.

"Auron! Are you okay? I knocked and knocked and knocked, and...Auron...? Hey, are you okay?"

She cocked her head and walked over to put one hand on my forehead.

"Huh," she said. "No fever..."

Her foot tapped against one empty jar half-under the bed. She leaned down to look closer.

"Auron!"

Have you ever noticed her voice can be a little...shrill?

"Please, Rikku..." I said, lying back and closing one eye.

I felt the mattress shift as she sat on the bed next to me.

"Hey, Auron...?" she said quietly.

Have you ever noticed...how soft her voice can be? How much better it can make you feel when you hear it? Her fingers were running lightly across my forehead, brushing the hair from my face.

"Mmmmm...?"

"Auron, what happened?"

"I got drunk."

She didn't say anything for a minute, just traced her fingertips along my forehead. Then, "Auron? Why? Was it...I mean, it wasn't...it wasn't because of me, was it? Because I didn't want to say anything to Dad at first? About us, I mean? Cause, cause I'm sorry, and you know I love you right? I just..."

Ah.

"No, Rikku," I murmured. "Not that. Something else. I know you love me."

And I felt her lean down and then she put her lips softly on mine. My arms went up and around her, holding her. I knew from the taste in my mouth that I would be doing her no favors to kiss her on the lips, or even to breathe on her, but...

I pulled her up a little so I could nuzzle a bit on her neck, and then somehow I was rolling so that I was on top of her now, and she gasped a little under me and said, "Oh! Uh, OH! Uh, Auron, they're...they're waiting for us. They, ah! They sent me to...to get you...mmm..."

Ah.

I stopped, and nodded and pushed myself up off her, and off the bed, and stood up.

"Give me a minute," I said, and headed for the small washroom to wash my face and rinse out my mouth. I paused, and turned back and said, "Rikku...?"

She hadn't moved. She was still lying on the bed where I left her and I saw her deep green eyes look up at me.

"Rikku...do you still want to share some of my secrets, and to work together with me? Like we talked about before...before Gagazet?"

"Oh...yes," she breathed softly, firmly.

Ah.

Stop saying Ah. Even to myself.

"Rikku," I said slowly, "I got drunk last night because...because sometimes...not often, but just sometimes when I get blind, stinking, falling-down-but-not-quite-passing-out drunk..."

I paused.

"Sometimes Braska and Jecht come and talk to me."

I looked at her. She lay on her back, her knees slightly drawn up, one hand playing across her bare midriff, her blond hair splayed out on the cover, looking back at me.

She said, "Oh," and just looked up at me for a moment, and then she said, "I won't tell."

And I nodded, and went to wash up.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I could hear the water running for a few moments, and then he came back out looking a little better. Honestly he looked like death when I first came in. I was still lying on the bed and he came over and offered me a hand and he pulled me up and he would have pulled me to my feet but instead I grabbed his hand with both my hands and pulled him down to sit beside me.

"Auron, stay a minute. Let's, um, talk."

He smiled a little and said, "If we're very late, you know what they might think we were doing."

"Um...heh heh, yeah. That's...that's kind of what we have to talk about, you know?"

**Auron:**

Ah. That talk.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"I mean, I know the others are waiting for us and all..."

"They can wait," he said.

**Auron:**

The Plan can wait.

The worlds can wait, the war can wait, Cid and Sin and Braska and Bevelle can all wait while we talk about this.

This is important.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"All right, Rikku," he said quietly. "So, well...I know that we—"

"No, Auron, wait..." I said. "Wait. Let me go first, okay? Please?"

"Of course, Rikku."

I heaved a big sigh.

"Well...um..."

Hmmmm...should have thought this out a little, Rikku.

"Well," I started again, "You know I love you, right? I mean, you don't have any doubts, do you?"

"No Rikku," he said softly, and leaned closer.

Our faces were really close and I was looking up at him from under my lashes, looking into his one brown eye, so soft and warm and close, and I could feel the little puffs of his breath when he exhaled, and hear the fast patter of my own heart in my chest, and I was licking my suddenly dry lips and he slowly, slowly leaned closer until he laid his forehead on my forehead, and pushed just a little so my face tilted up, and gently, so gently, the tip of his nose rubbed against mine...

This...this was...

My lips were parted, and he was speaking almost straight into my mouth in his low, soft, smoky, wonderful voice. He said, "No Rikku, I have no doubt of your love. And no doubts at all that I love you."

Oh...OH! AH...!

"Um, um, Auron, I, I mean...you and Lulu..."

He pulled back, and looked at me.

"Me and Lulu?"

Oh damn! Why'd I say that? I don't really care! But...

"I, uh, I saw you and her...well, her, and she was wearing your coat, and, and then she took it off, and she, um, wasn't wearing anything under it. I mean, on top."

Okay, I'm blushing. I'm blushing beet red—I know it—and not meeting his eye and he's stroking my hair now and it feels really nice...

"Rikku," he said, "Nothing happened between Lulu and I."

Suddenly, my heart felt lighter, and everything seemed a little brighter and I was just smiling and a warm little tingle was running up and down my body. I didn't even realize that this and been bothering me, but I guess it had, but now it wasn't anymore. Course, I was still curious how she ended up topless under his coat, but that's not really important, is it?

"Really, Auron?" I smiled up at him now, but it wasn't really a question, and he knew it. I just wanted him to say it again.

"Really really," he said solemnly.

"I...I'm glad, Auron, but...I mean, what I was going to say was, um, it would have been okay and all, you know? I mean, I wouldn't have been happy, but I'd have understood that, you, uh, have, uh...needs," I mumbled, looking at the floor again.

"Rikku—" he said slowly.

"Wait...wait," I said, and he nodded.

I took a little breath, in and out, and looked at him again.

"Auron...um, you know I'm a virgin..."

He cocked his head a little.

"Still...?"

Wha—? Why did he sound...?

"Auron?"

"Rikku," he said a little hesitantly, leaning back a bit, "The night after we had the fight on Gagazet, I saw you when I came back from the watch...in a bedroll. You were...with someone..."

Oh god.

Ohgodohgodohgodohgod!

"Auron, Auron listen," I said, clutching his hand and looking up with wide-eyes, "Nothing happened! I promise you! Nothing happened!"

"Rikku, Rikku! I believe you! Of course I do! I wouldn't have blamed you in any case. It's all right!"

It was. It was all right. Okay, so I was trembling a little, and breathing fast, thinking how close I'd come to making a huge mistake. But I hadn't, I reminded myself, and I was here now and Auron was holding me now, and so it was okay. We were okay. It was all right.

It was.

"Auron," I whispered into his chest, and I inhaled a little breath, smelling his wonderful scent. No lies, I told myself. "I...I kissed him. I'm sorry, Auron, but I...I..."

"Rikku, you were hurt...I understand...it's okay, Rikku...it is..."

It is.

"I didn't feel anything. Auron, I was just...I was just trying to feel something, anything...but I didn't. Auron?" I said in a small voice, "That's what we have to talk about. Nothing happened...but, um, it might have."

He just held me in his arms, and after a moment he said, "Tell me about it, Rikku."

So I took a deep breath and I did. I told him all about the pain, and the anger, and then about how I woke up convinced that it was all just horny teenaged hormones, and all I really wanted was sex.

"And I was just fooling myself, Auron, I know that, because fooling myself was better than the pain, but, well, I was fooled, you know? I was fooled and I thought all that I wanted was sex, just sex with anyone, Auron I would have had sex with anyone, even Kimahri, and the only reason I didn't was because we were on a mountain and there wasn't anyone around who didn't care about me too much to have sex with me, you know?"

"Rikku, I'm sorry," he said. We were sitting side by side now, and he had one arm wrapped around my shoulders and I was leaning into him. "But, you don't know what would have happened if we were somewhere else. You don't really know what decisions you would have made."

"Auron," I started, but he was still speaking...

"And I do know that it sometimes happens like that, Rikku. Sometimes girls are hurt, or confused, or things and events just seem to be spinning out of their control and they feel helpless, and sometimes they have sex, sometimes for the first time. And they tell themselves that it's not important, that it's just something that they want to get out of the way, but they're actually trying to prove to someone or to themselves that they're grown-up, or they're trying to feel like they're in control of their lives, or they're just trying to stop the pain or maybe even trying to hurt someone else. And I think that a lot of them end up regretting it afterward, at least a little."

Wow. That sounds like me all right. Right down to the regretting, even though it didn't happen.

"Um..."

"But Rikku, you don't know what you would have done."

"I'd...like to think you're right, Auron, that I maybe wouldn't have done it in the end, but...I was there. And now, I..."

I shook my head, there against his chest, and I felt him put one gloved hand under my chin and lift my face to look at him.

"And you want to wait," he said.

"Auron, it's not you, I swear," I said softly. "I trust you, it's me I don't trust, not right now, not about this. I'm just..."

I ran down, but he just nodded and waited for me to go on.

"I'm just not ready, Auron."

**Auron:**

She's not ready.

I'm profoundly relieved...and disappointed.

She isn't ready.

She's looking at me, her two deep green eyes looking almost desperately into my single one, and I open my mouth to speak but she's already talking again, her words coming rapid-fire.

"But, but if you, um, really don't want to wait, Auron, I, I guess it'd be okay, really, cause when is anyone ever really sure, you know, and I DO love you, and, and, I mean, I know you wouldn't, like, break up with me or anything like that, but, but..."

"Rikku—" I tried to break in...

"And, well," she went on, words tripping over one another, "I know there's, um, stuff, you know, and it's not really sex, I guess, and, and, I guess we could do some of that if you...uh, really wanted to, and wait on the other, um, stuff..."

"Rikku!" I said sharply.

"Uhh!" she said, jerking to a startled stop and looking at me.

"Rikku, I'm not ready either."

Her eyes went wide.

"Rikku..." I started...

"YOU MEAN YOU DON'T WANNA?" she wailed.

Oh lord lord.

"AURON! YOU MMmmppHHhh—"

I had my lips on hers. She was still trying to say whatever she was trying to say, but I kept kissing her, longer and deeper, and running my hands over her back, and soon her tongue was busy and she wasn't trying to speak so much as she was...moaning?

**Rikku's Diary:**

Wow...!

OOooOH WOW!

**Auron:**

This...was starting to remind me of our first real kiss—the one before we entered Zanarkand. We've kissed since then, but they've all been...softer, gentler. This kiss was no tender kiss. It was hard and strong and hungry and she was moving under me, clutching at my back and...

Under me?

Somehow I was on top of her again on the bed, and her free leg was rubbing up against mine...

Yeah, this was no good.

I pushed myself up off her, but she had my lower lip between her teeth and she wasn't letting go at first, not until I ran my hand up and down along her ribs, and she let out a pained little giggle and opened her teeth and fell back on the bed, panting.

"So," I said, sitting up again and rubbing my eye with the heel of my hand. "What were you saying, Rikku?"

"What?" she said distantly, then her eyes slipped back into focus. "Oh..." she giggled. "OH! I guess, um, I guess you do wanna, huh?"

"Yesssss..." I answered, letting my breath escape through my teeth. "Yes, I do, don't ever doubt it, Rikku...but..."

"But you're not ready," she said slowly, turning on her side to sort of curl up around me. "What is it Auron? Is it the age thing?"

"A little Rikku, yes," I said. "But mostly, it's...Rikku, I know you don't want to hear this, but...it's a secret."

Looking down at her, I saw her face close up a little. Yep. She didn't want to hear it.

"Auron, it's a secret why you don't want to sleep with me?" she asked quietly.

"Rikku," I sighed. "Rikku, there are secrets that I can't tell you yet, about myself. And until you know what they are, I don't think that we...I don't think we should do anything that...that cannot be undone."

She didn't say anything for a while. I waited as she thought it through. Then she said, "Auron, does this have to do with you leaving one day and I'll hate you one day and all that?"

"Yes, I suppose it does."

Again I waited while she considered things some more.

"Auron, you'll tell me someday?"

"Yes, Rikku. And you will—"

"Stop saying that I'll hate you."

"It's true Rikku."

"I believe you," she said without expression. "Stop saying it. I don't want to hear it anymore."

"I...all right, Rikku. I won't say it again."

"So...so one day you'll tell me, and you'll be ready?"

One day I'll tell her I'm an unsent, and she will hate me.

"Yes, Rikku. One day I'll be ready."

"Me too," she said, fiddling a little with the sleeve of my red coat. "Auron, do you remember that day on the mountain, when we talked, and I said I wouldn't wait forever?"

"I...remember, Rikku."

"I won't make you wait forever, Auron," she said quietly.

"I...all right...so..."

"So one day we'll both be ready," she smiled and swung her legs off the bed and sat up next to me.

One day I have to leave you, I thought.

"One day we will," I said.

"Maybe...?" she said shyly, "Maybe...our wedding night?"

What do I say?

Sometimes there is no right thing to say. I leaned over and kissed her softly.

Tenderly.

"So...you don't mind?" she said when we broke apart again.

I smell an emotional trap.

"Rikku," I said, smiling wryly. "I do mind. I'm only..." human? "...a man."

She smiled, and I knew I'd avoided the pitfall in the question.

Games.

Young lover's games.

Not good.

"Rikku," I said, and she raised her eyebrows to show she was listening. "Rikku, we both have to be adult about this, you know."

"Um, whatayamean?"

"You can't...tease me...too much, Rikku."

She bit her lip and looked down, then looked up at me from under her lashes.

"Was I teasing? I didn't mean to."

"You weren't really, Rikku, but..." I sighed. "There are games, Rikku, that some young girls like to play, when they first start to realize how attractive they are to men, how much, um, influence their young bodies give them. Sometimes they play those teasing games on people that are safe. It's harmless, mostly. But...Rikku," I said sternly. "Don't make the mistake of thinking that I'm safe. Not around you. Do you understand?"

"I'll remember, Auron," she smiled at me. "You're...not safe. I'm...I'm glad we talked. I mean, about this. I know we still have a lot to talk about, but I'm glad we talked about this. So, I guess, um, the others are waiting."

I suppose they are.

"Hey, Auron," she said, scrunching her face up at me.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"You gotta wait too, you know," she said, eyeing me suspiciously. "No getting it from some skinny skanky Guado woman or something!"

"Ah. No skanky Guado women. Good thing you told me."

She punched me lightly in the arm and smiled.

"Hey, Auron," she said.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Do you still, um, have that picture I gave you? From the bet with Wakka?"

"I...do, Rikku."

"Okay, well, you know you still gotta keep it, right? That hasn't changed."

"All right, Rikku," I sighed.

"And you gotta look at it sometimes."

"Ah. Rikku, I..."

"You gotta look at it Auron, so you don't forget! At least twice a week," she said, nodding firmly. "And then afterwards whatever you do in the privacy of your own room is your own business."

"RIKKU!"

"Twice a week, Auron. I mean it."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, so we had The Talk, and it didn't exactly go the way I thought it would when I imagined it all those times in my head. Sometimes I imagined him holding me softly and being all gentle and understanding and It's okay, Rikku, We'll wait as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable. And other times I imagined he'd be, well, that he'd maybe try and talk me into it—gently—and that, well...that maybe he'd be able to do it.

Okay, okay...that he'd seduce me.

But I don't guess I'd ever thought he'd say he wasn't ready either. I know he's done it before, so I guess he meant he's not ready to do it with me. And I might have felt a little hurt, like maybe he didn't want me. (I guess maybe I did, at first.) But then, well, I guess it just made me feel really special. Cause he must think I'm something special, you know?

Which makes me kind of hot.

Geez.

Well, things seemed to go so fast after that. He took my hand and pulled me up off the bed and we walked quickly through the corridors down to the wardroom, except we saw Rin and Auron said he needed to talk to him a minute and to go on and tell the others he was coming, so I did, but first Rin gave me a look that I guess was supposed to mean something, but I don't know what, and I went and told the others that Auron was on his way and Dad was in there and HE gave me a look and I put my head down and pretended I didn't see him and then I put my chin up and looked right at him and then after a few minutes Auron was there.

**Auron:**

Cid was there. Wonderful. They weren't seated at a table this time. They were scattered around the room. Cid was leaning back against a wall. Bulkhead. Whatever. Kimahri was in a corner watching everything. Lulu and Wakka and Rikku were talking to one side, and Yuna and Tidus were standing in the middle of the room. They stopped talking and looked at me when I came in. I nodded to them.

"Yuna."

"Sir Auron."

"Has anything changed since we spoke last?"

She seemed surprised.

"Yes," she said slowly. "Something has."

"What is that," I asked.

"I saw my father," she answered, as everyone gasped.

I nodded to her.

"Last night, my father came to me in a dream," she went on in a wistful voice. "He told me how much he loved me, and how proud he was of me. And he said that he knew I was worried about what to do next."

They were looking at her now, hanging on her words.

"Then he said...he said, go back to the beginning."

"Yuna," the black mage said slowly, "Are you sure this wasn't, well, just a dream?"

Yuna shook her head.

"I've had dreams all my life, Lulu. No, this was real. It was a dream, but it was real too."

She turned back to me.

"Sir Auron, do you know what this means?"

"I believe I do."

It's my own damn Plan.

"Tell me, please!"

"Back to the beginning," I said. "Back to the start. For you, Yuna, this started on Besaid. You must go back to Besaid now, and start again."

"WHAT!" "You mean...?" "Whoa!" "Auron?"

"For nearly a thousand years," I said, "Pilgrimages have set out to gather aeons and defeat Sin. And every single one of them was rooted in lies. And so was yours, Yuna. Murder and deception was what the pilgrimages really stood for. How could they help but be tainted? No real change could ever have come from any of them, no real resolution, only a continuation of the cycle."

I looked her in the eye, and looked at all of them, staring back at me.

"We need another pilgrimage to write a new story for Spira. We need a true pilgrimage of hope and promise and love of life. You need to be a new summoner, Yuna, a summoner of hope. And the people will see, and they will cheer you and give you strength. And you will need that strength, Yuna, all of you will. There are those who will oppose us—the Church and others. There are greater challenges ahead, and more to lose, because we will be fighting for life.

"Back to the beginning Yuna, that's what it means. If you're strong enough."

Yuna's eyes were practically glowing.

"Yes! That sounds right!" she said. Wakka was smiling, Lulu was frowning. Cid seemed skeptical. Tidus had a thoughtful smile on his face. Kimahri nodded to me silently. And Rikku...

My beautiful Rikku shook her head a little as she smiled at me. I know she was wondering how much of this was a setup. I know she was remembering that I spoke with Braska in my own dreams last night.

But she wouldn't tell.

She will keep my secrets.

"But what about Sin?" Lulu asked. "How many people are going to be killed while we spend another year on a second pilgrimage?"

"Hey," Tidus said, "It won't take that long...we have the airship now."

"It won't be that easy," Lulu said, "The Church isn't just going to ignore us."

"Sin won't attack," I said. "And we can't use the airship as a shortcut."

They were looking at me again, Lulu and Tidus and Yuna and Wakka were frowning. Kimahri just looked. The girl gave me a little nod of support. Cid had never stopped frowning. Lulu cleared her voice and said, "Sin isn't going to attack? Sin will just wait for us to finish this second pilgrimage?"

"We have two, perhaps three years until Sin starts attacking again."

Yuna looked up and opened her mouth to ask how I knew, and I smoothly went on, "Yuna, would your father have told you to do this thing if we didn't have the time to do it?"

Her mouth closed and she shook her head firmly.

"Auron?" Tidus said. "Fine, we do the pilgrimage, but how come we can't use the airship?"

"It would be...cheating...Tidus. We must follow in the footsteps of all the pilgrims—the summoners and the guardians—who went before us, except that we shall travel in the name of truth. Or to be more specific," I corrected myself, "Yuna will."

I turned to her.

"Yuna, you must travel the pilgrim's way from temple to temple, over land and water as you did before. This must be a true pilgrimage, not a lie. And remember, we're not just journeying to defeat Sin. We're also writing a new story for the people of Spira. They have to see you making your new pilgrimage, you have to pass among them. It doesn't mean you can't leave the path for a time, but then you must return to that same place when you take up the journey once more. And the rest of us," I said turning to the others, "Don't need to be always present. So we can split up sometimes, or leave the party for a while if we must. For instance, I will have many things to do, and I will often be away from the rest of you."

The girl was frowning when she heard that, and the blitzballer said, "Huh, that why you been training us this way, so we can get along without you while you gone?"

"Yes, Wakka," I answered him. "That was one of the reasons. There are others."

"We have to go through Bevelle," Lulu frowned, "And Guadosalam?"

Now Yuna was wearing a little frown.

"Yes," I answered. "There will be ways, and people to help. I know this is a new idea to all of you, and we have all been through a lot in the last few days. Really, in the last few months. When we reach the Calm Lands you will all have a little time to breathe, and to think about things, and to rest. Cid?"

In a sour voice Cid announced that we would reach the agency soon, and after a little more discussion, and a few more questions which I mainly didn't answer, we broke up to get ready. I didn't move as the rest of them started to leave the room, some of them looking first at me and then back at Rikku's father. Rikku stopped by my side and waited until only she and I and Cid were left. Then she took my hand and started to pull me out the door.

"Hey, monk-boy," I heard from behind me. Rikku turned to say something, but I leaned down and whispered in her ear for her to go on, we'd talk later. I had to push her out the door a little, but she left, looking back and muttering darkly. And I turned back to Cid.

"You and me gotta have a little talk," he said.

"Yeah," I answered. "But not now. Later. We'll have plenty of time."

"Oh yeah?" he said, pushing himself off from the wall.

"Yeah. Because after you drop them off in the Calm Lands, you're going to take me on to Luca."

**Rikku's Diary:**

A new journey, full of hope! And new things to see! New places, old places, other places! And I'll see them all with Auron! And now we're almost there! Just a couple more hours to the Calm Lands agency and everyone's rushing around getting ready to get off. And Auron and I'll have plenty of time to talk after we get off the ship. I mean we had the big talk that we really had to have, but there's so much more we still need to talk about—like what happened up on Gagazet, and being empty, and not getting healed. And also about what's really going on, and the secrets he's going to start sharing with me now.

I've decided I don't really like secrets, you know? I like to know what's going on, but I hate having to not tell anybody. I really only have one secret now, about Yunie's dad. I never told her, and I hate it. So now I'm gonna have more secrets. Great. So why'd I agree? Cause they're his secrets. Not his biggest secrets, but they're his, you know? You gotta start somewhere. And one day he'll start sharing his biggest secrets with me.

And why do I want that? He told me once that secrets aren't prizes, they're burdens.

That's why.

Cause right now he's carrying all those burdens alone. But one day he'll let me share those burdens with him. Maybe I don't know much about secrets, but I'm Al Bhed, and we Al Bhed know more than our fair share about burdens, and we know that burdens are easier for two people to carry than one.

I said once that I thought Auron really needed a friend.

He says I'll hate him one day.

So I'm...I'm going to try to be ready for that day. Cause I think...I think that's the day that he'll need a friend most of all.

But right now we're about to get off the airship, and we have to get ready, and I know why he brought us here. Sure it's remote and a good place to lie low and rest and think about things, but it's also the last place where we were all happy. It's all full of good memories. Picnics and dry-land blitzball, catching monsters and playing tourist, throwing people off cliffs! Okay, that last one wasn't funny at the time, but looking back now it was hilarious. And the Calm Lands are where Yuna and Tidus first started getting really close.

The Calm Lands was where I started falling in love with him...I mean really falling in love with him, a crush turning into something else, me wanting to protect him instead of wanting him to protect me...it's where he called me a star, and taught me the first lesson, and clapped his hands while I danced, we had out first fight, and then we made up, and so much else happened there...

It's where he started to love me too.

So we'll get off at the agency and I'll get Auron alone, today or tomorrow, and we'll talk, really talk, and settle everything we have to and we'll know better who we are together.

But first I gotta pack!

So I'm running back and forth between Yunie's cabin and my cabin getting all the stuff I figure we might need, when I see Rin down the corridor and remember I promised I'd talk to him before I got off the airship.

"Hey, Rin!" I said, running up to him. "Hey, I know we said we'd talk, but we haven't got much time, so maybe..."

"Rikku, please..." he looked around and then stepped over to an empty cabin. "Rikku, step in here, please. Just for a moment!"

"Uh, okay...sure. Just for a minute!"

He closed the door behind us, and turned to me, but then he didn't seem to know what to say. That's really weird for Rin. He always knows what to say.

"Rikku..." he started.

I nodded.

"Rikku," he said, "You know that it's a dangerous world, Rikku...dangerous for the Al Bhed."

"Hey," I smiled, "I'll be careful Rin! As long as we all stick together I'll be fine out there!"

"No, Rikku," he shook his head, "I mean, this is a dangerous world for all the Al Bhed. Dangerous for the Al Bhed people."

Oh.

Well, sure, I know that. I mean, Yevon hates us, and Home was destroyed, and there's always Sin...so yeah, I know that Spira's a dangerous place.

"Okay, Rin...I know that."

"And Rikku, I have to say something, something that you won't want to hear, but you must hear it Rikku!"

"O-okay, Rin," I said, "Whatever it is...just tell me."

"Rikku," he was shaking his head, not looking at me, "Rikku, the Al Bhed are so vulnerable right now...and I have to tell you, you have to know that...that one of the greatest dangers to our people...is a man...that you are traveling with."

I...

I knew my eyes were wide, and I felt cold all over as the blood drained away from my face.

"Auron...?" I whispered.

"Yes, Rikku," he said sadly, "Sir Auron could hurt the Al Bhed greatly. Auron...could destroy the Al Bhed."

He...

I don't...

How...how can Rin be standing there, just standing there and looking at me after he says something like that? He should be screaming or crying or laughing or something!

"You mean...Auron wants to hurt the Al Bhed?"

I don't believe it.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

"No, Rikku," he shook his head. "Sir Auron isn't dangerous to us because he wants to hurt the Al Bhed. He's dangerous because he doesn't care if the Al Bhed are hurt while he does what he has to do. Rikku, the Al Bhed are like insects caught between two millstones! Or perhaps, we are like one small piece on the board in the great game that Auron is playing with his enemies."

"You mean...Yevon? The Church?"

I was trying to understand what he was saying, why he was telling me these lies about Auron!

"No, Rikku, this is much bigger than Yevon and the Church. And it's important that Auron win—it's vital that he win—but...but I don't want to see our people destroyed in the process."

"Rin...I'm...I'm not saying I believe you, but...um, what..."

"Rikku, you are with him every day, and he cares about you. You could, ah..."

"I'm NOT gonna SPY on him!"

"Not spy, Rikku...simply...help him...help guide him, to the right choices."

I was slowly shaking my head and trying to think while he was still talking...

"We're not against Sir Auron, Rikku. We want him to succeed, and we can help him, and we can help you guide him, gently. He never even has to know."

"Who is we, Rin?" I asked him angrily. "Huh? Dad, and the other Al Bhed? Is that who you mean?"

"No, Rikku, your father does not know. But we do have allies of great age and wisdom, who only want to help Sir Auron and the Al Bhed!"

I don't like it. I don't like any of this one bit.

"What allies?" I asked, my eyes narrowing.

Without speaking he reached into his tunic and pulled out something wrapped in cloth. I got some kind of weird feeling of something really, really old coming from it. I licked my lips a little as I stood there and watched him pulling away one layer after another, uncovering whatever it was until I could see...I saw...

Golden...and shiny...what...?

Was it...?

A...crest?

A crest...from a celestial weapon?

I looked up at Rin.

"Rikku..." he said softly, "It talks to me."

**Next: Due South**


	46. Due South

Hey. Okay, well, apart from anything else I don't think anyone was able to use that doujinshi url. For one thing the site stripped out a character (the little bendy dash on the key to the left of the numeral-one key along the top...it goes in front of the word ryuichi). For another, I think the address changed. So, let's try it again. There's a cute, short doujinshi with Auron and Rikku at www(dot)cute(dot)to(backslash)(shift-that key to the left of the 1 key...looks like a curvy dash)ryuichi(backslash)ff(backslash)iyashi(backslash)index(dot)html. Or (backslash)all(dot)html instead of index if you want them all on one page.

Hey, I beat the Earth Eater for the first time this weekend. Then I spent the rest of the weekend beating it some more. Well, not really, but I did beat it some more times. I was afraid I'd have to raise stats to do it, but I didn't have to after all. I did go to Bikanel and get the last of the birdies. Auto-phoenix turned out to be the key. So right now there are arena creatures I can beat with a powered up Bahamut, straight up, others I can beat with Trio of 9999, others I can beat with Doom, and now there are going to be some I can beat with auto-phoenix. But I think there are still going to be some I can't beat without raising stats. Like Shinryu. Oh well, I'm just going to enjoy beating EE for a while. (I don't save any of those games. The story hasn't gotten to that point yet.)

You know, I bought the Rob Thomas CD a while back because I liked the song _Ever the Same_. When I got around to listening to it I didn't like any of the other songs. That ticked me off. But after a while a couple of the others started to grow on me, especially _Problem Girl_ and _All That I Am_. The last one is a good song for Auron. Have you noticed that you can find a lot of songs that are good for Rikku (every young girl singer puts them out) and a lot that are good for both of them together (songs about relationships that work in spite of problems, songs about relationship that don't work because of problems, songs about finding each other, songs about losing each other). But I have a hard time finding songs that are good for Auron on his own.

Oh, by the way, I updated the Auron notes in my profile and added some story notes and a summary.

So anyway, major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurriku (didn't start that way, but there it is). This is about characters, how they change over time and circumstance, and the gradual building of a relationship. Rated -T-, or even less.

You know, we're getting to AU stuff now, which is kind of crowding out other stuff for a while. Hm. So...this chapter and...the one after next are dedicated to Some Random Reviewer, who made very good observations and was always asking for more AU.

See you in two weeks.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron: **

Luca. The big city.

The last time I entered Luca, I rode in on a ship full of dead men.

I killed them.

I had what I thought were good reasons.

I always think I have good reasons.

Usually.

Depressing line of thought.

Look at the bright side Auron. You got here this time without having to kill any of the Al Bhed.

Raise a glass.

* * *

**Due South**

* * *

**Auron:**

I'm leaving her behind now, at the greatest speed her father can coax from this airship. I'm leaving her close to the northern edge of the world while I travel almost to the farthest south. We had only the shortest time for goodbyes. She asked me to bring her with me to Luca, and there was hurt in her eyes when I told her that it was best this way. I asked her to trust me, and then I only saw trust in her eyes.

They were all surprised that I would not be staying with them, but I left no time for objections or explanations, only for a few last minute instructions. Then they moved aside and left Rikku and I alone for a moment. There wasn't time for much more than a kiss and a murmured, I love you, I love you too.

It won't be for long, I told her...and told myself.

Not long.

Then the Calm Lands were dropping away beneath us and the ship turned for the south and I stood on the deck and watched her waving and growing smaller in the distance until I could see her no longer. But the ship is large and I didn't move because I knew that she would still be standing and watching until she could no longer see any part of it.

And when I was sure that she could no longer see the ship, and that she had turned away at last...then I stood there a little longer, looking back at the sea of green.

It took six days for the airship to travel from the Calm Lands there in the north to Luca far to the south and I passed much of that time standing and thinking on the deck of the airship with the wind screaming by and pulling at my hair and my coat. I have always loved the high places. I often wondered as I stood there if perhaps Cid would see where I was and...accidentally...rotate the craft, so that I slipped and fell to the ground far below. The suspense gave the journey...piquancy. But it would at least clarify where we stood with each other. I had one rather unproductive conversation with Cid on the voyage and another with Rin, and other than that, I kept to myself, going through the sheaf of notes from the Luca Network and thinking...thinking about the lands we were crossing, and about the people of Yevon-Spira.

Well, it beat thinking about relationships.

On the first part of our journey we passed over lands where the Northern Culture was strong, centered around the great church-city of Bevelle. The Northern Culture is very religious, and shows a great deal of deference for the Church. More so than the Southern Culture. They are more somber in the north, and also rather narrow-minded towards those who don't share their beliefs. Think of Wakka when we first met. Our ship flew over mountains first—the range that separates Macalania from the Calm Lands. As I stared down at the peaks below, my mind drifted to the past. Starfall Village was down there somewhere. Down there somewhere Rikku and I first spent time alone together, and each of us started to let the other into our lives, and into our pasts. It was in those mountains below that I first heard her say that she loved me, even if she was more than half-asleep at the time and even if I tried to deny it.

And also somewhere down there below was my ancestral home, on the side of a nameless mountain, the place where I grew up and where my family died.

Then we were flying over Macalania, the winter parts that were sparsely populated by hunters and trappers and a few others, and then the forest dotted with a few villages of people who have become somewhat strange from living so close to the odd magic of those woods.

Cid wisely swung far inland to avoid Bevelle itself and the Thunder Plain. No point tempting fate. South and east of the city and of the Plain is the true heartland of the Yevon-cult, a great fertile valley full of villages and little townships, each with their little church and pious priest and small contingent of warrior monks to guard the people from fiends. I could see it in the distance as we sped southward, green and sunlit. One person out of every three in Yevon-Spira lives in the Yevon Valley (actually the Great Yevon Basin, but no one calls it that). It is the most densely populated region of Spira, and its farms provide food to the rest of the world and its sons and daughters fill the ranks of the warrior monks. To the people of the Yevon Valley, the calling of priest is the highest there is, and warrior monk is a very respected position.

Of course, the Church is now in the grip of a crisis, and apparently the warrior monks are being called back and concentrating themselves around Bevelle, but also in the valley. Perhaps there is nothing too surprising about the monks pulling out of Luca or the Mi'ihen areas, but Macalania is north of the Moonflow, and Djose was strong for Yevon, if not as strong as Bevelle or the valley. If the monks are abandoning those areas to the Crusaders, then Yevon is deeper in disarray than I assumed. But as long as Bevelle maintains a firm grip on the people of the Yevon Valley, the Church will be in a very strong position.

The days passed and we flew on south, and in time we were approaching the Guado Forest and Guadosalam, and the Moonflow. Guadosalam is the sole Guado city...town, really...and few of the Guado actually live there. Most live in small communities deep in the forest. Non-Guado are unwise to venture into its wooded depths. I have been both to the town and into the forest many, many times. The Guado have been a bane to me for thirty years, and the trouble that they have caused for Yuna and Rikku has not made me feel any better about them. I have tried over the years to separate my feelings about the Guado leadership from the Guado themselves. Sometimes I succeed, but...

I have never wanted to sentence an entire people to die...but I am starting to fear that it might come to that for the Guado.

So...

Being north of the Moonflow, perhaps it is natural that the Guado eventually fell into the orbit of the Church. The river is a natural break between the pious north and the more relaxed south. You can say that—while still respectful—the South is less religious than the north (although the people living in the small communities of the Yevon Valley sneer and say that actually the religion of the South is blitzball). In any case, the Crusaders have always been based in the south, and the hand of the Church lay a little less heavily there. The south is also more oriented toward the sea, with more fishing villages, although they do have farms along the Mi'ihen Road.

There is less arable land south of the Moonflow. The Mi'ihen Valley south and west of the Mushroom Rock region is small but rich, the second most productive agricultural region on Spira. The Church has been trying forever to expand its influence there, using the temple and the religious community at nearby Djose as a base for missionaries and warrior monks, but the Crusaders are influential in that valley. Many Crusaders come from there.

There are other farming communities in the south, mostly along the Mi'ihen Highroad, which weaves from one small village to the other, but there are also many fishing communities along the southwest coast. The east coast is mainly barren, and not many people live there.

And finally you reach Luca, and the islands beyond. Besaid and Kilika are examples of the easygoing, island-based Southern Culture, and Luca is the center, adding a layer of self-conscious sophistication to the mix. The last several hundred years have seen a struggle between the northern and southern cultures, a mostly peaceful rivalry between Bevelle and Luca, and the Church has been slowly and steadily pushing its influence southward.

Of course, apart from the northern and southern cultures there are smaller cultures also, around Yevon-Spira, including the non-human ones such as the Guado, and the Ronso of Gagazet. And east of the Moonflow the land slopes down to the marshy east coast where the Swamp Hypello live in their small villages. Besides fishing they mostly make their living herding the shoopufs native to the swamps and cultivating the plants that are used to manufacture their Hypello potions (somewhat useful to us, quite valuable to the Hypello). Offshore, the shallow eastern oceans are home to the undersea cities where the bulk of the Hypello live. Few have seen the cities of the Hypello, but if you are one that has then you will join me in marveling that the Hypello have managed to survive this long.

And of course there are the Al Bhed. If you go west from the Moonflow, over the sea, you will reach Bikanel, the large desert island where they secretly built their Home. The Al Bhed are by far the largest of the half-dozen small tribes scattered about Yevon-Spira, but they draw much more attention to themselves than any of the others. A tribe like the Littek will walk small, keep their heads down, and avoid trouble with the Church. But the Al Bhed refuse to act downtrodden. They walk with their heads up, thumb their noses at Yevon, revel in their machina, and even field a major league blitzball team.

Do my words sound faintly...admiring?

Would they have been before I knew Rikku?

In any case, past Bikanel are the Western Isles, whose people share somewhat the southern ways and attitudes, but also at the same time seem more detached from the rest of Spira. The writ of the Church runs even lighter there than in the south. I know they had regular contact with the Al Bhed. I should also mention that far to the north is the island of Vadaka, which has its own attractive distinctiveness. The people there are friendly, but much concerned with their own affairs and customs. Few outsiders ever visit far Vadaka, but the traveler is rewarded with much that is worth seeing—ice volcanoes that erupt in slow motion, kites flashing overhead in their hundreds, days and nights that last for weeks and months, the legendary phoenix flower hidden in the heart of a great maze, and brilliant lights slicing through the cold skies overhead.

Rikku and I talked once of going there together.

I don't think that's ever going to happen.

Do I...

Do I hope that she sees it one day...with someone else?

I...

I...

Regardless of the other peoples of Spira, the last hundred years has seen the steady expansion of northern influence into the south.

But that's about to end.

* * *

**Auron:**

It was a week after we left the Calm Lands and I was in a sour mood as I left the airship. There was some panic in Luca before our agents contacted the city government and they in turn passed the word to the populace that the appearance of the great ship was not the prelude to an attack. Now that they knew they were in no danger, a crowd of people had gathered at Dock One, waving and pointing in wonder at the huge airship hanging in the sky overhead. The dock itself was colorful with flags and banners. And then the hatch opened and I walked out, red coat and all, and the crowd hushed a little.

Add a stanza to the legend.

I heard murmurs and whispers as I pushed through them all, and then behind me Al Bhed crewmen boiled out to do all of the things that ship's crews have to do. Cid will stay here for a while, taking the opportunity to speak with the city fathers before he heads off back to the Calm Lands. I wonder who he wants to talk to there? But Rikku can handle herself, and I think that she can handle her father without burning her bridges with her family. And if Cid tries to dictate to her, if he expects to have a typical argument with a typical teenage girl, then he deserves the surprise that he's going to get.

I broke through the crowd and turned right off the dock, passing under a public viewscreen showing an advertisement for the upcoming blitzball season (yes, this is Luca all right) and soon I was walking past the cathedral-like entrance of the stadium itself. It was quiet. I suppose there was no game that day. After a week on the airship I felt like stretching my legs, and started across the Long Bridge to the city proper.

I set a moderate pace, trying to get a feel for the mood of the city as I walked. I stopped and leaned for a while against the rail, looking out over the water and at the distant headland, and my mood began to lighten a little. It was a fine day and the people passing by on the bridge seemed calm enough, and happy. Two warrior monks were nearby, looking out of place among the heavy Crusader presence here in the city. So...what did Luca feel? I closed my eye and inhaled deeply. I smelled concern, but nothing like panic. People here were nervous but ultimately I think they were as optimistic as people on Spira can be. (It was also a great relief to me that my supernatural senses were once more of use, now that I was away from the overpowering death-stench of Zanarkand.)

"You!" It was one of the warrior monks speaking to me. She seemed very young. "You're that traitor!"

I turned to face them, still leaning on the railing, and said nothing.

"Let him go," the other said tiredly. "Even the two of us won't be able to overpower him."

"But," she sputtered with a confused look on her face, "What about our duties to the temple?"

"Our duties? We missed the ship to Bevelle! They're not coming back for us! We're nothing now!"

I walked quietly away while they were arguing back and forth.

I knew the warrior monks were pulling out of Luca, which wasn't surprising, but also out of other places like Djose, and even areas north of the Moonflow, which did surprise me. And the Crusaders, even with their depleted ranks were trying to step in now and fill the vacuum, protecting people from fiends. (At least they won't have to worry about Sin for awhile, even if they don't know it.) It was natural enough to find so many Crusaders here in Luca where they've always maintained a strong presence, but Crusaders taking over from monks in the north was very significant.

I passed the midpoint of the bridge, glancing over at the sphere theatre. Perhaps I'll visit there before I leave to rejoin the others. Soon enough I stepped off the bridge and into the city proper, passing the many seafood places located near the city end of the bridge. My meeting with the others was at noon, so I still had a couple of hours, and I began to wander the streets and courtyards, trying to get a better feel for the mood of the people. I looked into shop windows as I walked, considering a present for Rikku. What would she like? There were some very beautiful and delicate pieces here, little glass statues of kittens and chocobos and flowers, but...

I suppose that I don't really think of Rikku as delicate, exactly. She is very precious, but she is also strong—a desert flower. These exquisite but fragile pieces that I see in the window, they're to be put on a shelf and looked at but not touched. Can I really imagine giving Rikku a gift and then telling her that she can look, but she mustn't touch? I smiled a little. I might as well give a candy bar to a five year old and tell him to save it for later. I moved on to another window.

Hm.

Look...but don't touch.

The thought came to me...is Rikku to be looked at, and not touched? Of course, I have touched her. I have touched her lips and her neck and her warm hands and I have held her in my arms. But in other ways, she is...untouched.

And whether delicate or strong, she is precious to me. I sigh softly at these strange thoughts, and something in a window catches my eye.

There is a kind of stone that's quite rare in Spira. It's called jade. It's green, like her eyes, and there is this to be said about jade...it loves to be touched. In this shop window before me now there were figures and jewelry made of jade. I stepped inside.

"Welcome, Sir Auron! May I help you?"

"I'm...looking for a gift, for someone," I said to the smiling young salesgirl.

"A lady?" she asked.

"Hm...yes," I muttered. Damn it, was I blushing?

Smiling even wider, she brought out a tray with some fine pieces. Some were a green so deep they were almost black, and some were so pale they were almost clear. A small carved dolphin was the color of the green sea near the shore and a butterfly perched on a stone was the same green as the grass of the Calm Lands.

Is there anything that Rikku would hate more that being given something and told that she could look but couldn't touch?

There was one pale figure there of a young girl, sitting and thinking with her chin on her fist. I think some master must have carved it...not exactly lifelike, but showing the girl's emotions so clearly. She is delighted and uncertain and hopeful all at once. I picked it up to look more closely, and the stone was cool and smooth and pleasant under my fingertips.

Jade wants to be touched. You can't just put it up on a shelf or away in a drawer and then ignore it. Jade has to be touched and held and handled. Without human contact jade will fade and grow dull. This seemed much more like Rikku to me, my little jade princess of the Al Bhed.

Did I say that out loud? Quick look up at the salesgirl.

No? Good.

I purchased the little jade statue. The girl wrapped it carefully and I put it away into a deep inner pocket of my old red coat, and left the shop wondering why I was slightly embarrassed to be seen buying a gift for Rikku. If she were here with me now, would I be embarrassed if she kissed me in public? Would I want to pull away?

Perhaps.

Perhaps I would.

I suppose it's the age difference. What will people think when they see us together, me with a teenaged girl? Why do I care? Perhaps I shouldn't, but some small part of me can't help wondering what the people around me in this square might say if they saw me now, arm in arm with a young girl like her. Would they make some biting comment about old lechers and cradle-robbing? Would that annoy me? I thought that I had no pride left.

But honestly, yes, it would.

So, am I going to pull away from Rikku?

Guess.

If I give up Rikku it will be for reasons far more serious than a little disquiet on my part, or a little bruised pride. No, I will suffer whatever clever, cutting little barbs anyone chooses to send my way. I will accept all the snide remarks and disgusted looks that anyone cares to make. I know that's a small price to pay in order to spend time with Rikku.

To spend time with Rikku? It's no price at all.

And yet...

If someone makes some hurtful comment to her? About grandfather figures or robbing the wheelchair?

Well, that's why the lord god made swords.

And...

If it's her father?

I stop near the fountain in the center of the small square and watch without really seeing the ripples in the water, while in my mind I revisit the one conversation that I had with Cid on the airship.

* * *

**Auron:**

The day after we left the Calm Lands and headed south for Luca, I was in my cabin, trying to meditate when I was brought out of my thoughts by the speaker.

"SIR AURON REPORT TO THE BRIDGE. SIR AURON PLEASE REPORT TO THE BRIDGE AT ONCE."

Well.

Cid wants to talk.

I took up my sword and my jug and my coat, put my sunglasses on my nose and started to make my way through the corridors toward the bridge, not hurrying. (The games we all play...) I found Rin near the bridge, perhaps waiting for me. Just as well, I needed to speak to him as well. Before this I had only taken time enough to tell him that I needed to meet with the Luca Group. Rin would travel with us on the airship to Luca and Belgamine would pick up Maechen and meet us there.

"Rin."

"Ah, Sir Auron." he said. "Everything is arranged for Luca."

Hardly everything. He doesn't know everything. But I knew what he meant.

"Good," I said. "We need to talk, Rin."

"Of course, Sir Auron. But Cid is waiting for you now."

"He can wait a bit. I don't think he'll actually get more angry."

"Ha," he smiled. "Perhaps not. Well then..."

"Most of what I have to say can wait until we reach Luca when I can say it to everyone," I said. "I'm sure you know the basics of what happened in Zanarkand?"

My guess is that this ship is riddled with his informants.

"The Plan was successful," he said.

"That part of it was, yes."

"It was a very important part, Sir Auron."

"Yes," I frowned. "And I'm sure that you know...about me and Rikku."

"I...know that there is...something to know," he said slowly.

I couldn't read anything in his face...not approval or distaste or anger. I half closed my eyes and inhaled...

...extreme doubt...regret...determination...fear, for himself and for others...deep shame...and secrets...secrets smell like fresh turned earth, and wood and new-cut stone, and a faint undertone of faded flowers.

Secrets smell like graves.

"The Luca Network has a new priority, Rin," I said, opening my eye. "Protect Rikku. Help keep her safe."

He looked at me for a moment before he said, "You are afraid your enemies will attack you through her."

"Yes."

"Was..." he paused, licked his lips, and started again. "Was it the best idea, starting this relationship, Sir Auron?"

I looked into his eyes, and said, "No."

"Ah," he said coolly. "Then perhaps—"

"But here it is. And we have to deal with it, Rikku and I, and also Cid and the Al Bhed, and you."

"Sir Auron," he said slowly, glancing around, "I am very fond of Rikku. I think of her as family. And family is very important to the Al Bhed. Sir Auron, it isn't just your age, and it isn't just the danger it will put her in. Sir Auron...does she know you are an unsent?"

"No," I said quietly.

"Sir Auron, she has to know."

"No," I said more firmly. "She is not to know. You will not tell her that I am unsent. You will not arrange for her to accidentally find out."

"Sir Auron, you ask me to protect her! She has to know! Are you so afraid that she will hate you?"

"You will not tell her Rin. The subject is closed."

His face became a mask once more.

"Of course, Sir Auron. As you say."

I looked at him a moment.

He thinks of Rikku as family. Family is very important to the Al Bhed. His face gave away nothing.

I shook my head.

"Rin," I said quietly looking away, down the corridor. "Man is made of fire and water and joy and pain, but man is also made of flesh and bone and blood and skin and under the skin we are all much alike. Rin, the normal human body has 206 bones. Most Al Bhed have 208—they have two extra small bones in their hands."

He looked faintly puzzled. I looked at him, and leaned a bit closer, and said softly, "Do you want to know how I know that, Rin?"

He leaned back a bit, away from me, his eyes narrowed.

"Rin," I said very, very quietly. "May whatever gods the Al Bhed have help you if you interfere between me and Rikku."

His mouth opened, and then closed. He didn't say anything as I stepped back.

"I have to go see Cid now," I said. "We'll talk more in Luca."

As I turned to walk away, he asked from behind me, "Are you going to hurt her?"

I didn't stop, and I didn't turn back.

Yes.

Yes I am.

Very much.

I put thoughts of Rin behind me as I approached the bridge, and started to mentally review what I knew about Cid. I actually know a great deal about the sometimes mercurial leader of the Al Bhed. In the Chamber of Unheard Secrets in the Grey Court in Bevelle there is an extensive dossier on Cid.

Within the Grey Court are four chambers. The Chamber of Final Resolution is the apparat for assassinations. The Chamber of Virtuous Toil is the largest. It houses the support staff—treasury, armory, cryptography and so forth. The Chamber of Pious Justice is the smallest, dealing with matters of internal security. They quietly make problems coming from within the Court itself...disappear.

The Chamber of Unheard Secrets is responsible for intelligence and analysis for the Grey Court. I had access to some of its resources during my partnership with Braska, including Cid's dossier. And while obviously I know more about the inner workings of Benefice's Grey Court than I do about Ophelia's Office of Inquiry, with whom I never really worked, the two departments did collaborate several years ago to prepare a Special Ecclesiastical Intelligence Estimate on the Al Bhed—a comprehensive political/social/military/religious analysis. This was when the Church's secret war with the Guado was at its height and the Al Bhed and others were being drawn into the hostilities. The Maesters ordered SEIEs for the Al Bhed, the Ronso, and the Nomad Peoples. I contributed to all of them, and read them later when I had a high enough clearance as Commandant of Cadets. The SEIE on the Al Bhed devoted a fair amount of time to Cid.

We almost met once, at a summit more than twenty years ago. (Before Rikku was born, Auron.) (Shut up, Auron.) The Al Bhed were there, and the Crusaders and the Church and the Guado and I. We all had things to discuss. But at the last minute Braska somehow fell in love with Cid's sister and I was forced to help then escape. After that...well, it was all one thing after another.

Curious eyes followed me through the corridors of the airship. The entire crew seemed to know what this business was about. I stepped onto the bridge, and Cid turned to face me. Then he walked out past me stiffly, jerking his head for me to follow. Before I left, I saw one of the crew looking at me. Actually they were all looking at me, but this one...ah...her brother. Another awkward interview to look forward to one day. I followed Cid down the passageway and into a nearby cabin. I stopped just inside as he walked to the middle of the room and then he turned to face me.

Cid stood with arms crossed and looked me up and down and in the eye. Many people have done that over the years. I used to wonder what they saw. I don't bother any more. Neither of us spoke at first. And after a moment he said, "I have a niece. She's twelve. Maybe you'd like me to introduce you."

Ah.

"No, that's all right, Cid. I'm already in a serious relationship."

His face tightened.

What?

That was diplomatic, compared to what I wanted to say.

"Stay away from my daughter," he said, coming straight to the point. "You're too old for her, and you're too dangerous."

And dead.

He's right.

And in the end it doesn't matter at all.

"I love her," I answered.

"If you love her, then stay away from her."

"I tried that. She had other ideas."

"She's a kid."

And there it is. There's the thing that we'll never agree about. He thinks that Rikku is a kid, and that means that it'll never be all right with him that there's anything between the two of us. But he's wrong. She's not a kid. If I thought she was then I never would have become involved with her, but she's not. Kids on Spira grow up fast anyway, and she's been through more and grown up faster than most. And somewhere along the way of our journey together, I acknowledged her as a fellow adult. Not Grown-Up-For–Her-Age, but grown up now...and worthy of respect right now. She's still young, but she has accepted real responsibilities, and she deserves my respect.

She can make her own decisions, as adults do.

And the fool girl decided that she wanted me. That she loves me. That we love each other.

"She's not a kid," I said.

"SHE STILL SLEEPS WITH DOLLS!" he roared.

"She went to Zanarkand."

His face shut down, and after a moment he said, "You're dangerous, and she's in danger when she's around you."

Yeah. But...it's her decision to take that risk.

"I'll...try to protect her."

He leaned forward.

"You promised once you'd slit ten thousand throats to keep her safe," he said quietly. "You should have slit your own."

Yeah.

"Maybe it's better for Rikku if you never come back," he said.

Maybe.

"I'm coming back," I said flatly.

"Maybe not," he said, his face hard. "Things happen. Maybe you never come back from Luca. Maybe we dropped you off there, and saw you walk away, and no one ever hears from you again. And my daughter cries, and grieves a little, and then forgets, and finds someone else."

Someone better.

And I know that we are passing right now over trackless forests where a single body would never be found. And I am alone on this airship, surrounded by Al Bhed, and Cid is the leader of the Al Bhed. And from reading his dossier I know that he is ruthless enough and reckless enough to do this.

His eyes narrow a little as I take two deliberate steps to place myself between him and the door, and I can see him start to think. Cid is impetuous, often acting without considering all the possible consequences of his actions.

Did he think now that he could simply leave this room alive?

I could see him working the thoughts through.

"Do you think she'll still love you if you kill me?" he finally asked. Give him this, he doesn't shy away from calling a thing what it is.

"She'll thank the lord that anyone survived the crash," I answered quietly.

His eyes widened a little as he understood what I was saying. Too many people knew that he and I were meeting now. They would all have to disappear, and in the end the entire crew.

So the airship goes down.

One survivor.

"You wouldn't," he said. There was no expression on his face, but it was white and bloodless. Cid was used to being the hardest man in the room.

"Look at me," I said. "Look at my face."

Most of the women and children were off the ship now. Maybe all of them. That would make it easier.

"If she ever found out..." he said.

Yeah.

And the airship is useful. And so are the Al Bhed, but I need them unified. Without Cid they'll dissolve back into petty factions.

So...as a matter of policy...

The hell with policy.

I don't like the taste that's in my mouth.

I don't want to kill the last of Rikku's family.

I don't want to kill anyone.

I turned to the door, and said over my shoulder, "You get one shot."

He didn't say anything as I left.

I was watchful the rest of the trip for an attempt on my life, but if there was one I didn't notice it. Of course, killing me wouldn't be as easy as they might think. Nor would Rikku be as easily fooled as Cid seemed to assume. She wouldn't have accepted Cid's explanation at face value. She'd have dug deeper and kept digging, until someone in the crew finally gave something away, and then...

I don't know.

But nothing happened. I kept to myself. Cid and I didn't speak again. I had no more conversations with Rin. I went once to her cabin. There was little of her personality about the place. An unmade bed. Some bits of scattered machina. She hadn't spent too much time there.

It still made me feel closer to her.

And then we came to Luca.

"Sir Auron?"

I come out of my thoughts, back to the square in Luca, to see that I'm being addressed by a city guard.

"Yes?"

"The, uh, the city fathers would like to speak with you, sir. To...um..."

"I see," I said. "When?"

"Um, at your convenience sir, but...soon?"

"Tomorrow? Mid morning?"

"All right," he smiled, looking grateful. "Uh, I mean, sir!"

I nodded and he moved off. The city fathers wanted to speak with me, and I wanted to speak with them as well. Our influence is strong in the city. Some of the councilors already work closely with us, for their own reasons of course. The others...well, a time of changes was coming. They need to be made to see that. And they will. Or there will have to be...adjustments.

Well, that's for tomorrow. Right now it was about time for me to meet the others.

* * *

**Auron:**

It was still a little early when I entered Soldier's Court. The court has some other official name, but everyone simply calls it Soldier's Court after the plinth in the center, dedicated to the Crusaders who have given their lives over the years in defense of the city. People were strolling, or sitting, and children were playing. I saw a slim young Guado woman crossing the square, and remembered Rikku's earlier admonition to me, although this young girl didn't seem like a, um, skank.

I entered the BlitzBar and Café. This was the same bar in which I had first met the Luca Group, as I had come to call them. It hadn't changed, and I doubt it ever will. It had banners and other blitzball paraphernalia hanging from the walls and ceilings, and pictures of famous blitzballers. I suppose they were famous blitzballers. An old game was showing on the monitors. Jecht would have loved this place.

I was early, but they were even earlier. They sat at a table in the back—the same table, in fact, that they had been seated at when we first all met—Rin, Belgamine, and Maechen. I pushed through the crowd and sat down. There was already a cup in front of my place.

"We ordered you nog," Rin said, and I nodded my thanks.

"May I offer you my most heartfelt congratulations, Sir Auron, on your success in Zanarkand," the old scholar Maechen said, smiling. "This is a most welcome outcome in the inaugural stages of such a convoluted and involuted plan, or, should I rather say, Plan? You and your companions have accomplished more in one year than anyone else has managed in a thousand years!"

The old man showed no signs of stopping when Belgamine smoothly interrupted, "Yes, Sir Auron, my congratulations as well. And now, on to the next phase, yes?"

"Yes," I agreed.

"Some of that is already in hand," Rin said.

"True," I said, "Things have been set in motion, here and in Bevelle and in other places. But now things speed up somewhat, and some backburner items are going to be moved to the front. Let me start by outlining things as I see them...when I first developed The Plan, specifically when I first developed those parts dealing with Yevon-Spira, the first stage was to secure a position within a summoner party and confront Yunalesca. I needed a summoner strong enough to defy her in the end and refuse to sacrifice themselves for a comfortable lie, and I needed a party strong enough and united enough to deal with Yunalesca afterward. I did not expect that summoner to be Yuna, but sometimes the world surprises us, and it turned out well in the end. In the next phase we will start to discredit and weaken the Church."

"I have talked to the people on my travels, Sir Auron," Maechen said. "And for many, it is already done."

"Yes," I smiled a little grimly. "I didn't expect so much turmoil in Bevelle so soon. It all comes back to Seymour. His involvement interfered with Yuna's pilgrimage, and pushed it off schedule, but it's given the second phase a boost. Seymour's attack on Home has scattered the Al Bhed as refugees, and they're telling people what happened, which is a little too much even for most Yevonites. People are turning against the Guado. And his attack on the Ronso has the Church nervous, wondering if the Ronso will turn against Yevon, perhaps even forge a common cause with the Al Bhed, the possibility of which also makes the Guado nervous. The Guado are starting to worry about following Seymour, but the Guado instincts are to cling even closer to the Church, which means to the Guado maester.

"In the meantime, first Seymour kills Kinoc, and then drives Kelk Ronso away, and then he himself leaves the city. That leaves one maester instead of four in Bevelle, and the Armed Forces without leadership. That's provoked a power-struggle—low key so far—causing the warrior monks to pull back to Bevelle and the Yevon Valley, which has raised discontent in the south and even the north and left a power vacuum into which both the Crusaders and the Guado are stepping. And the Church can't do anything about the rest of Spira until they've resolved their own leadership crisis."

I leaned forward.

"We're not going to let them do that," I said. They were all listening closely. "This situation is a gift that we've been handed. As long as the crisis lasts in Bevelle, the Church is losing ground and is relatively ineffective. We have to see to it that the crisis continues, while Yuna's party embarks on the second pilgrimage."

"Second pilgrimage?" Belgamine's eyebrow lifted. Maechen looked eager to hear more. Rin showed only polite interest. (I knew he had every part of the airship penetrated.) So I explained to them the same way I explained to Yuna and the others, about a new pilgrimage for the people to see, one based on hope and life and truth. I explained about the new story that we had to write. Belgamine nodded.

"I admit, I didn't expect this," she said quietly. "I knew that you must have some plan to tear the Church down, but...I never thought you might have a plan to build something better in its place."

"Yes," Maechen agreed. "There is a power in stories."

"And already there are rumors flying around Spira," Rin added. "Stories about Yuna's pilgrimage, about the flying ship, the destruction of the Al Bhed Home, the Guado attack on Gagazet, the crisis in the Church, and more."

"I assume that many of them are our rumors?" I said.

"Oh yes," Rin answered with a small smile. "Our people are carefully spreading lies, exaggerations, and bits of the truth everywhere...crafting the story..."

"Good. Very good."

They were all silent for a moment, thinking it through, then they began to pepper me with questions about specifics and details, and I answered as best I could, and we went over new areas of responsibility and new procedures. An hour later the meeting broke up. Belgamine was headed back for the Calm Lands on Valefor's back. There she would discretely watch over the party in case Seymour or someone else should attack them, and she would try to maintain contact with the Farplane and with the various fayth. It wouldn't be easy. The Ogammi were back on the job, disrupting our communications. She asked casually if there was any message for Rikku if she should happen to see her. I looked up sharply, but it wasn't as if I'd been hiding the relationship after all. I thanked her and said no. Rin left, saying that Cid and the airship would be leaving early the next day, also headed back to the Calm Lands. I asked Maechen to stay behind for a moment.

"Of course, Sir Auron," he said, smiling. "How may I help you?"

"Just the question," I said with a wry smile of my own. "Up until now, I haven't really been using you very much except as a sort of high-level messenger. It was the nature of things...my main focus was the pilgrimage."

"And I was of limited use in that," he nodded.

"It's true," I said. "The network that Rin put together was important, and still is. It was critical when we were in Bevelle. And Belgamine training Yuna and relaying messages to the Farplane was also important. But now we move into the next phase of The Plan, and start to look forward to the third and final phase of operations here on Spira—the assault on Sin. And now I think I will make more use of your own resources. So I'd like you to tell me more about the research organization you've put together, and their capabilities."

And he happily gave me a better idea of what it was he and his people could do. They were a small organization, no more than thirty or so highly motivated, talented, smart people, many of them students, most of them headquartered right here in Luca. Their basic function was to answer questions—usually Maechen's own questions, but sometime Rin's and now mine. That was good. I had certain goals to accomplish and I was focused on them, but Spira is a world with many secrets, and nothing in life is ever easy. I had a feeling that I would end up jumping through a few unexpected hoops before my time here was done, and I was glad that I would have Maechen and his people available to help me do it. I had worked with people like them in Zanarkand.

We talked a little more, and he gave me the state of their research into various things, and I gave him a few matters I wanted them to look into, and then we parted amicably. I think I like that old man. I think I can almost trust him

I left the untouched cup of nog on the table behind me.

I made my way over to the bar and sat next to a young Crusader talking to an older man in monk's gear. When the server came over I asked her about a room. I have to stay somewhere. No doubt the city fathers would put me up, or even the Crusaders, but I really wanted more privacy than that. I rented one of the rooms upstairs and started to order nog, but realized then that I just didn't want any alcohol. I ordered lemonade instead, and the woman gave me an odd look. When she came back with the drink, I nodded to the wall behind the bar.

"Didn't there used to be a bow hanging on that back wall years ago?" I asked. "A fine weapon, I remember."

"Oh yes sir," she said. "A beautiful bow, all Black Ebony from the Guado Forest it was, and worked with the purest Macalania silver. The owner now, he always said it was powerful magic, too. Well, himself should have taken better care of it, I say! Cause one day we came in and what do you think? We found it was gone, stolen!"

"Really..."

"Oh yes! And taken by a thief with a strange sense of humor, too."

"Oh? Why is that," I asked, thinking that I knew a thief who sometimes had a strange sense of humor, but it wasn't her.

"Well sir, not only did he take the bow, but he left a ratty old blitzball in its place, did he not?"

"Hm. That one, that's hanging on the wall where the bow used to be?"

"That's the one! Fierce-looking thing. Well now, our owner has a strange sense of humor of his own. Himself said that if that thief ever wanted to swap back, well we'd just leave that ball right where he could find it again! Now what do you think of that?"

"Remarkable."

"Oh, yes sir. And do you know that now that ball has been signed by just about every top blitzer on the planet!"

"Really?"

"Oh yes sir! Even the ones as are retired come in here and they've all signed it! And the owner now, why Himself is just as proud of it as ever he was of the bow! Why, I've seen him turn down 10000 gil for that blitzball! Says he'll never take no amount of money for it."

"Huh."

"You can say that again. Oops! There's some of the lads and lasses off the _Winno_! It's thirsty folk they are. Excuse me, sir," she said, bustling off to serve them.

Hm, I thought to myself. Once a bow, for fighting at a distance, now a blitzball. I closed my eye and inhaled.

Destiny.

I opened my eye and sipped my lemonade. Next to me I could hear the young Crusader and the man in monk's gear talking.

"The temple is a wreck," the monk was saying sadly. He might have been my age or older. "I really want to quit the warrior monks."

"Then join the Crusaders," the younger man answered him eagerly. "We'd love to have you join our force!"

They chatted a bit more, and the young man moved away to speak to some other men nearby, explaining that he wanted to recruit as many people as possible to rebuild the Crusaders.

After he had gone, the older man turned to me.

"Never expected that the Crusaders would try to recruit me," he said, shaking his head. "Not in a million years."

"Maybe you should think about it," I answered. "It's important work, with good people. Of course, you'd probably have to take a pay cut."

"Well," the head of the Grey Court said with a little smile, "There's always a catch."

**Next: Left Behind**


	47. Left Behind

Wow, I've been hearing a lot of stuff about problems on the site recently...people posting chapters and stories that don't show up, reviews being cut off. (Are the page breaks back?) I hope this gets through. We'll see.

Let me just elaborate a little on the north/south divide in Yevon Spira. It's most evident in attitude and fashion. Specifically, blitzball seems to more important in the south. Of the four human blitzball teams, three are from the south (and the other is Al Bhed). And of course Luca is the heart of the blitzball world. Then there's the style of dress. All of those thongs and bare midriffs and bare torsos we've all remarked upon? Those are all in the south. In the north people cover up. The only people you see exposing parts of their bodies in the north are Al Bhed working in Rin's agencies. The break seems to be the Moonflow. Even on the south bank you see some people wearing, um, beachwear. Sort of. But on the northern bank (after you fight Rikku) all of those people surrounding Yuna are modestly dressed. This also gives the Crusaders the flavor of a southern organization. so anyway, I also assume there are differences in food and music, and most importantly in way of thought between the north and the south. I probably should have put all that in the notes in my profile. And also the party stats right now. Oh well.

So, spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurriku (didn't start that way). This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship, and where that relationship goes, and if it can last. Rated -T-. By the way, 30001 hits. Well, that was on Weds. Still, it's a cool looking number.

Okay, the dedication. You know, going in order I still owe a lot of dedications to people who have reviewed in the past, some of whom I'm pretty sure aren't reading anymore. Which is fine, but I was kind of falling behind. So I think I'll stagger dedications a bit, some from before alternating with more recent reviewers. So, last chapter and the next were dedicated to Some Random Reviewer (for the AUness). This chapter and chapter 49 are dedicated to Forensicgirl20. Thank you for the nice, thoughtful reviews. Hope you like the chapter. Good luck with the kittens and paintball.

So...see you in a couple of weeks.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

The Calm Lands.

Remember? We were happy here.

And now we're here and half of me is still just giddy, because I'm in loooove, and he loves meeeeeee, and half of me is moody because he's not here, and half of me is mad because he left me and half of me is worried because I didn't tell him and I know that's a lot of halves but what are you, my math teacher?

Auron...I miss you, wherever you are...

Do you miss me?

* * *

**Left Behind**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we're all here in the Calm Lands, and Auron's gone. He and the airship are on their way to Luca.

He says it won't be long.

Damndamndamn...

They couldn't decide what to do first. Pops put us down at Rin's agency and Auron and I said goodbye, and then the ship was lifting off, and I watched them for a long, long time, way after the others had gone in, until it wasn't even a tiny dot in the sky anymore. Then I went in after them. Yuna and Lulu and I all shared one big room again. After we all put our things away we met again outside. It was just after noon, and Yuna wanted to go see the chocobos, and Wakka wanted to get up a game of dry land blitzball, but Lulu said we should have something to eat and Tidus and Wakka both voted for that. So we sat around and ate and talked and remembered things from when we were here before.

"Hey, this is good," Tidus said with his mouth full. "Hey, remember the boxed meals this place made up for us?"

"Yeah," Wakka agreed. "The food here was always good. Hey, Lu, remember that feast you and Rikku got up for us as a surprise the first night we got here? Hey, remember Rikku?"

Yeah, gee Wakka. I remember.

Don't be bitchy, Rikku. I smiled and nodded at Wakka, and they talked about other stuff, chocobo races and catching monsters, while I was remembering that night when Tidus and Wakka grabbed me by the arms and shoved me up on the table and they were all smiling and shouting for me to sing, sing, sing, and my face was getting all red and then he said no, and they all just shut up. And he said dance. And I danced while he clapped his hands to give me a beat.

"Rikku?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah Lulu?" I blinked.

"Are you all right?" she asked. "You're very quiet."

"Oh yeah," I smiled, while Wakka and Tidus and Yuna were remembering the view from the Edge, and talking about the Scar, and then laughing about Auron throwing Marty off the cliff, and my smile froze just a little. "I'm fine. Just a little tired."

She looked at me a moment, then said softly, "He'll be all right, Rikku, and he'll be back before you know it."

"Sure," I said gratefully, and found her hand under the table and squeezed it a little. You know, I don't feel as...hostile, I guess...at Lulu as I would have expected. I mean considering I'm pretty sure she made a play for Auron up on the mountain. But, well, I don't guess any of us acted real well up there, not me, not Auron, not Lulu. So I guess I'm just going to let it go, and be friends with her.

I guess I'm growing up.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary: **

We spent the first few days just doing nothing. I visited Heddy down at the chocobo trainer's camp, and that's when I learned for the first time that Auron had bought her for me.

Wow.

I mean...just wow.

And he never even told me. The trainer would keep her, and exercise her, but she was mine. When I heard that I teared up a little bit and missed him so much and went right in to write him a letter. You can send letters through the comm spheres, you know. That's really mostly what they're used for. Of course, everyone can see what you send, so you have to encrypt everything unless you want people to see it, but Auron and I had set all that up. So I wrote him a letter saying how much I missed him and I hoped he was all right and all about Heddy and that I loved him very much, and I encrypted it and sent it off. In fact, I wrote him every day, about how we were doing, and the things that we did. I told him that it all seemed to be working. I mean, he had wanted us here in the Calm Lands so we could relax for a little while, and decompress, and just kind of flop around, you know? And we were doing it. Well, they were.

I mean, it was really Yunie who you could tell it just by looking at her. I think somewhere along the line it finally dawned on her that she wasn't going to die. She really wasn't going to die, you know? I mean, she had lived with the idea that she was going to Zanarkand to sacrifice herself for everyone for so long that she didn't know how to act now or how to feel or what to do with herself now that she was still alive. But Tidus helped. They spent a lot of time together, going on little walks and holding hands and maybe doing more than that, and Yunie just kind of blossomed, and she started laughing and teasing more, just like any other teenaged girl.

So you could see it in her, but also in the others, even Lulu. Wakka had really been hit hard by what happened in Zanarkand, but you could see him start to put it behind him here in the Calm Lands, and loosen up again and joke about things. He even started up another fantasy blitzball league, and this time Yuna played too. And I was in it, but I said no stupid bets this time. (Although really, the last bet didn't turn out too badly. I wonder if Auron looks at the picture of me that I gave him. I told him to.) And Tidus was always laughing and grinning and pulling jokes, and always wanting to go someplace and do something "fun". Of course he spent a lot of time with Yuna, like he still couldn't believe she was still alive and just didn't want to let go of her hand, you know?

Even Lulu smiled more, and didn't scold us too badly when something went wrong and we all ended up with purple hair or face down in a mud puddle or something. One afternoon we all dug through our supplies and dragged out all the odds and ends of weapons and armor we've picked up—tongue holders and baroque swords and onyx shields and all—and decided what to keep, and Lulu took the rest down to the weapons counter and haggled for over an hour with the girl there sometimes laughing with her and sometimes screaming at her. She came back with more than 50,000 gil, and didn't want to talk. She just sat there for a while with a little smile on her face looking at nothing and breathing heavy!

She and Wakka spent a lot of their time talking together quietly. Once I, uh, accidentally overheard them. They were talking about Chappu, and the Church, and their childhoods, and Yuna, and the first pilgrimage they were on together, and all sorts of things. I think they're sorta helping each other get through it all. And Kimahri, it's hard to tell with Kimahri. I guess he seemed a little calmer than he has recently. He was pretty intense there for awhile. Hard to blame him. He lost so many of his people, just like we Al Bhed did. We talked about it a little. Not much. He and I kind of spent time together. He tagged along after Yuna as usual, and sometimes I tagged along after him. And he started teaching me the Ronso language. And we talked, a little. About Home being destroyed, and about the Ronso being attacked. And maybe I cried a little, and he held me, and it made me feel better to talk it out some more and cry it out some more, and I was grateful, but...

So it was all great, you know, except that something was missing.

----Rikku missing Auron----_I Try_----Macy Gray----

When we were here before, we went on picnics here in the Calm Lands, Auron and me, just the two of us...well, one picnic. We flew kites. A kite. Once. We...I...danced and he watched me, and caught me when I fell. We fought, but we made up. And he told me his dry little jokes and he let me hold his hand and steal his cupcakes, and he started to train me and we talked and talked and talked, about his Zanarkand and about the Al Bhed and about everything and sometimes just about nothing.

I love his voice.

And I picked him flowers and gave them to him, and he thanked me so seriously. And I tried to steal little kisses from him, and we made a game out of it. And once I put on perfume so he'd think I was pretty and girly, but I put on waaaaay too much and he didn't laugh at me at all, or let anyone else laugh at me. And right here in the Calm Lands is where a little crush became a great, big, huge crush...and then became something more.

This is where he told me a story about a little lost star.

Why isn't he here with me now?

You know...we don't train.

I kept waiting that first day for Wakka to call us together for training, but he didn't. It felt...it felt like we were skipping class! Which was fine at first, but, well, I always kind of liked school. So when we didn't train the second day, I asked Wakka about it and he said Auron had told him we could skip training for a few days. I could hardly believe my ears!

"Yeah, know what you mean," Wakka said when he saw my face. "Really shocked me too, you know? But Auron, he said sometimes you just need a break from all of it, ya? I think, I think he was thinking 'bout Yuna. No aeons, no white magic, no nothing for a little while. Just...have a little fun, hey?"

I guess I understand. If he doesn't want Yuna to train, or feel guilty if she's the only one. It just seems...I don't know. I've trained almost every single day since I first met Auron.

"Hey, uh..." Wakka said, leaning closer. "I, uh, know that Kimahri still drills off by himself every day. Lu too, sometimes. You could, uh, join them."

So, well, I did. I started training with Kimahri every afternoon. That's when he started giving me lessons in Ronso. Lulu joined us sometimes. Why'd I do that when I could have been having fun? I dunno. Maybe for him, for Auron, because I want him to be proud of me. Or maybe for me, because I really do want to be a better Rikku. Or maybe just cause I thought it was a good habit to keep up.

Or maybe it's just that...it's what I would do if Auron was here.

If Auron was here, after a while we'd all train every day even if he said we didn't have to.

Maybe that's why...

You know, I think...I think the others are kind of glad Auron's not here. I mean, it's not that they don't care about him, but Auron is...intense...and being around him all the time, I mean 24/7, can be hard on a person. Take its toll, you know? It's like he always makes you want to be better. And that's great, but it's like there's someone always watching you, so you always have to stand up straight and play nice and be the best that you can be every minute of the day. I don't think he's even trying to do it, but that's just how you feel around him, and that can get on your nerves after a while. I mean, not me, and not Kimahri, I don't think. But the others. Even Tidus, a little. So maybe they're a little happy that for a little while...he's not here.

And I try not to let it bother me—that they're all glad—and I know that they'll all miss him after a while, and want him around again and be happy to see him again, but I wonder if he knows that he does that to people, and maybe that's why he went away...so they can relax.

And me...I feel it too, when he's around, but for me it's different. For me it feels like being wrapped up in his old red coat all the time, and feeling warm and okay and breathing in the willow tree smell of him. I think I could close my eyes and follow him around like a kitten by that wonderful earthy smell.

So I wrote him every every every day!

But...

He never wrote me back.

I'd get up real early and go down to the desk but there'd never be any message for me.

Okay, well...he's busy. I know that.

I mean, right now he's still on the airship, but I guess he's still busy, right? And maybe the messages aren't even getting to him. I mean, it's not like the airship is a standard relay node in the comm grid. Sure, Dad's got someone watching the sphere for any information that comes across, but things are all so cuffluddled right now that they could be missing all sorts of stuff. And...and maybe...I don't really want to think this, but...

Maybe Dad isn't passing him the messages.

So, Dad's dropping Auron off in Luca and then he's turning around and coming right back here. I think he wants to talk to me. Well, I want to talk to him too. I guess it's time we get a couple of things straight. Like how I feel about Auron. The ship'll take a couple of weeks to get there and back.

You know, I thought after Auron and I finally had the big talk about, you know...IT...that I was golden. I got through it, and Auron was as sweet and patient as I hoped he'd be and knew he'd be but I had been worried anyway imagining all kinds of things like him breaking up with me or calling me a little kid and saying he needed to be with someone more grown-up, but of course he didn't say anything like that and I really knew he wouldn't even if I couldn't help worrying a little bit.

Uh, yeah.

So, we got past that, and we were okay, you know, and I was relieved, but now he's on his way to Luca and I have to talk to my Dad and I also have to talk to Rin and I really really really have to talk to Auron some more.

Cause after we had that talk about IT, and after he explained to all of us back on the ship that we needed a new pilgrimage, well that's when I met Rin in the corridor, and that's when things got really complicated!

**

* * *

**

**Rikku's Diary:**

"It talks to me, Rikku."

The crest.

We're just about twenty minutes from landing, and that's when Rin drops this on me! That's when he tells me Auron is a danger to the whole Al Bhed people! That he could destroy us all without even thinking, but hey, we've got someone on our side and oh by the way IT'S A PIECE OF THAT SWORD THAT AURON HATES!

"Rikku, it talks to me," he says, and holds it out to me.

Nuh uh.

"Rin, what is that?" I ask, slowly shaking my head and taking a step back.

"Rikku, this...it's the Mars Crest, Rikku. When Sir Auron threw it away near the Mi'ihen Road, my people found it and brought it to me." Then he stopped, like he was listening to something I couldn't hear, and then he nodded at something. "Yes. Rikku, they didn't just bring it to me. They brought it back to me. I have...had the Mars Crest in my keeping for many years."

"Rin, tell me what this is all about!"

"I am, Rikku," he said. And all of a sudden he looked really tired. That was strange. All the time I've known him Rin has been calm and collected, but he's always had a lot of quiet energy.

"Rikku," he said, "You know how hard life is for our people. All my life I have done what I could to make all our lives better and safer." He shook his head. "But it has not been easy. I have made deals all throughout Spira, trying to make the Al Bhed too useful to destroy, and playing one side off against the others."

Well sure, I know how hard Rin has worked for himself but also for all of us. While Dad was building us a home, Rin was trying to get people to treat us better and stop hating us as much.

"I know, Rin," I said to him, "And it's worked, you've made it safer for us now. I know it's better than it was twenty years ago. I've heard the stories."

He nodded, "Yes, Rikku, but not safe enough. As witnessed by the destruction of Home."

"But that wasn't you," I said. Or me. "That was Seymour and the Guado, and he's crazy! And he did it because of the summoners, because we were kidnapping them, and that wasn't even your idea! You were against that! It was Dad and me and some others pushing that stupid project."

Rin must have seen something in my face, because he reached out to put a hand on my shoulder. I flinched away, and he pulled back. After a moment he said, "No, Rikku, you did not cause the attack, not even a little bit. Seymour is a nihilistic force...he worships death and destruction! He only used the kidnapped summoners as an excuse to destroy. He already had Yuna." He sighed. "I, on the other hand...I have to wonder if all of my deals, all my contact with the movers and shakers of Spira perhaps brought us to his attention."

"No, Rin! You..." I stopped and shook my head, "Rin, we can talk about that. We should talk about that, but I don't have time now! We're getting off the airship soon! Tell me about the crest!"

He took a deep breath, and looked around the room like he was seeing something else, somewhere else.

"Rikku, I...I found the crest many years ago, long before you were born. I was on an expedition in the desert, exploring some ruins, when I thought I heard someone calling my name. I looked and saw a small blue lizard sitting on a rock." He broke off. "Rikku, you're right, we don't have time for this now. I'll tell you the whole story later, but for now just know that I found the crest and it spoke to me. It offered me a bargain, we would help each other, and Rikku, it has kept its side. Rikku, it is very old and knows many things, and over the years it has helped me to keep the Al Bhed safe."

"And..." I licked dry lips, "And what did you do for it, Rin? What did it want?"

"It—" He stopped, like he was listening again, and then he said, "That's not for me to tell, Rikku. You must ask...another."

He held the crest out to me again, and I backed away another step.

"Rikku, it wants to speak to you. It needs to speak to you. Rikku, please, just...just talk to it?"

"I...I don't want to," I said, putting my hands behind my back.

"Rikku," he said slowly, "I have known you all of your life, have I ever, even once, done you any hurt?"

"N-no..."

"Please, Rikku," he whispered, "Please trust me...for our people Rikku, those that are left, please just hold it, and listen."

This...this is RIN...this is Rin pleading with me, begging me like he was on his knees to take the crest. And I know Rin, I know what he's done for us, how much he's helped us and how much he cares about our people. And I know he cares about me, and wouldn't hurt me. I've known him all my life, and I do trust him.

And I still feel like he's handing me a poisonous snake.

"Rin, do you know how Auron feels about the sword?"

"Yes, Rikku, yes I do...but Rikku, this is so important, important for our people...Rikku, I know you love the Al Bhed as much as I do..."

"I...it...Rin, can't it wait, wait until I can talk to Auron about this?"

"There's no time, Rikku! You're getting off the airship and Auron is going on south, and I—"

"WHAT!"

"Rikku?"

"AURON'S LEAVING? He's going SOUTH and LEAVING US HERE?"

"Yes, Rikku, he's going on to Luca, and I am going with him, but the crest wants to stay with you. It has a great deal to tell you, about Auron, about Spira, about everything that's going on and what you can do about it."

Great. GREAT! Now everyone wants to share their secrets with me!

Why didn't he say something!

"Rin, I gotta go talk to Auron right now!"

I turned to go, but Rin stepped in my way.

"Rikku, there's no time! You must do this before we land!"

"NO! Rin, Auron won't like it when he hears. He knows I know what he thinks about the sword. I know he doesn't trust it. He hates it and he'll think I'm going behind his back or something and he'll be mad!"

"He'll be furious, Rikku," Rin nodded. "I know. But Rikku, he loves you. Don't look so surprised, of course I know. The two of you haven't exactly been keeping it a secret. Rikku, he loves you and he trusts you. When you explain all the circumstances, he will understand. He'll still be angry, but he'll understand why you did it."

"I haven't said I'm going to do it," I snapped.

"Rikku—"

"I trust Auron, too! I mean, I'm really angry right now with this going south business, but I love him and I trust him and he hates this sword, so why should I listen to it!"

"Our people, Rikku—"

"You say that, but how do I know it really wants to help our people, huh?"

"Rikku, how can you decide, without listening to what it has to say?"

Damn.

I...I remember back when Auron and I just met, and I didn't know if I could trust him. And I remember in Macalania, after we saw Tidus and Yuna at the sphere pool, and I asked him if he would have saved Home if he could have.

Could he have?

Why wouldn't he save Home and all of us if he could have?

I don't know.

Dammit damit dammit, I thought we were past all this trust stuff, but...

The Al Bhed...

My people...

Yeah...

Without wanting to, I slowly reached out, and without meeting my eye, Rin gently placed the gleaming crest in my hand.

For just an instant it seemed like I touched another mind—not human—vast and ancient beyond anything I've ever imagined. For just a second, and then it was gone and in my head I heard a quiet voice that sounded a little like Auron's voice say, _"Lady Rikku...thank you for hearing me."_

"Uh, all right," I murmured, "I mean, uh, you're welcome."

_Do you know what I am? _

"Yes." I knew.

_Yes. I am Masamune. _

There it was. And now that someone had finally said the name, it made it all seem more real somehow. And more like...a betrayal. I looked down at the crest in my hand, about the size of a large gold coin. It felt warm and cold at the same time, and heavy. I swallowed.

"Auron hates you," I said.

_I know. _

"He threw you off a cliff."

_And you're the little girl who made him a sword. _

I frowned.

"So, so why should I trust you or even listen to you?"

_For two reasons, Rikku, and both— _

"Lady Rikku."

_For two reasons, Lady Rikku, and both have to do with the bargain that I made with Rin. _

"Okay, I'll bite," I said slowly. "What are they?"

_First, there was what Rin wanted, to help and to protect the Al Bhed. And over the years I have done that with my knowledge and my advice. Who first told Rin the truth about Mika? How did the Al Bhed know where to find the airship, and the lost temple at Baaj? Who told them where there was a geothermal tap in the __desert__ of __Bikanel__ where the Al Bhed could build their new Home? _

"You didn't tell him the Guado were going to destroy Home," I said. I saw Rin look up and wince a little. I guess he was just hearing my side of the conversation.

_I knew it was a time of increased danger, but I underestimated the threat from __Seymour__ Guado. He is insane. I can do much, but I have a difficult time correctly modeling irrational behavior. But in the months since the attack Rin and I have worked tirelessly to pick up the pieces and ensure the survival of the Al Bhed. _

"Okay, so say I believe you. So that's one reason I should listen to you. What's the other?"

_The bargain...our bargain...Rin asked me to help protect the Al Bhed. Can you guess what I asked of Rin in return? _

"Just, just tell me."

_I asked him to help me to protect Auron. _

"I...uh...oh..."

Protect...Auron?

"W-why did you ask that?"

_Because that is what I care about. Rin cares about the Al Bhed. I care about Auron. So that is the deal we made, Rin and I. I would help him to protect his people, and he would help me to protect Auron. _

"Why should I believe you!"

_You should believe Rin. _

Oh.

Yeah.

And, well, Auron said the sword was obsessed with him. Gotta admit, that fits with this.

_Rikku, I have tried to watch over Auron from afar every day since his twelfth birthday when he...removed himself from my company. But in my present condition I am limited in what I can do, and in particular this crest is only the weakest of my four components. So I can do very little on my own. Then Rin found me. We struck our bargain and that same day I started to put together the network and the resources that I knew Auron would one day need, the same network that has been invaluable to him since the first days when he returned to Spira! _

"YOU!" I shouted. "You and RIN! You're the ones that have been sending him the reports!"

_Yes, Rikku, Rin and I, and others through us, hundreds of us all over Spira, all of us working secretly to help Auron in his quest. Think, Rikku! When they threw you into the Via in Bevelle why were your weapons and equipment waiting for you? And who found Yuna in Bevelle for you? _

"That was the sphere ocillisator thingy," I said.

_There's no such thing! We made it up! Rikku! Eleven years ago when Auron was crawling across the Calm Lands, crawling back from Zanarkand, broken and bleeding, half-mad from the pain, how did Rin find him? It was me! I guided him! _

"Why?"

_What? _

"WHY? Why do you care about Auron! What do you want with him?"

_That's...private. Perhaps I'll tell you one day. For now, you know that I want to protect Auron, and that I have agreed to protect the Al Bhed. Those are the two things that motivate me. And that is enough for you to make your decision, Rikku, because that's what you want too. _

I was nervous. I licked my dry lips again. I think Auron's right. This sword/crest/whatever was way too old and tricky for me. I felt like I was out of my league.

"What...what do you want? From me?"

_I want to help you Rikku. I want you to let me help you to keep him safe, and to keep your people safe, and to help him do what he is trying to do. _

_More specifically, I want you to keep me with you, and to talk to you regularly. I will be your advisor. If I am with you, if I am closer to him, then I may be able to help more directly. And you and I together can help him to avoid bringing harm to the Al Bhed, which he does not want to do. _

"And Auron will hate me," I said, shaking my head.

No thanks!

_You know better than that, Rikku. He will hate me, he will hate the situation, he will hate Rin, and he might even hate the whole world. But he will never hate you_.

"He won't trust me, if I did this. He'd never trust me again!"

_He would. And no, I do not recommend that you keep this a secret from Auron. You must tell him all of this as soon as practical. You are surprised that I say so? Rikku, he does love you, but it would still be very hard for him to forgive you this if you kept it a secret. And that would not be good for him, and so I do not want it. You must tell him at the first opportunity. _

I shook my head again, really surprised. Of course I was going to tell Auron. I would never never keep something like this a secret from him. If I did, I'd deserve to have him hate me. But still, Masamune wasn't what I expected at all.

"Why do you even want stay here with me," I asked. "Auron is leaving, going south."

Not that I'd accepted that! Not for one little minute!

_I think it is best if I stay with you for a number of reasons, Rikku. Not the least of which is that Auron would want me to help keep you safe. If anything will convince him to accept my help, it is that in doing so, you will be made safer. It is one of the uppermost thoughts in his mind, always, and one reason that he is leaving you here. _

I jumped as the speaker next to my ear suddenly blared out, "LANDFALL IN FIVE MINUTES...FIVE MINUTES TO LANDFALL!"

Oh man! We're there already! I had to talk with Auron! I looked up, shoving the crest back at Rin, but he was gone! Dammit dammit dammit! What do I DO with this thing! It didn't say anything as I wrapped it in a big red handkerchief and stuffed it in my pocket and ran to find Auron.

"Rikku!"

Suddenly Yuna was grabbing my arm and pulling me into her cabin. What is this, Grab Rikku Day?

"Rikku, we're landing any minute and you're not packed at all! I started packing your stuff but I'm not finished with my own things! Com'on Rikku, hurry up!"

"Yuna, I can't," I said as she started frantically packing. "I've gotta talk to Auron!"

"You can talk to him after we're all off the airship, Rikku."

"No I can't! He's not staying, he's leaving us here and going on to Luca!"

"What!" she said, stopping for a moment. Then she shook her head. "No Rikku, I'm sure you heard wrong. He would have told us."

"Yuna," I started, and then thought Wait, why am I packing? I don't even want to get off the airship. I want to go with Auron.

"Rikku!" Lulu said, coming into the cabin, "You're not packed yet? We're almost down."

EEErrrgggHHH!

I started throwing all my stuff in some bags as fast as I could, with grenades and stuff rolling under the bed and stuff, and then I slung them all over my shoulder and waddled after the other two as the three of us left the ship together. Auron was waiting outside. Well, of course he was, Auron always travels light. He's always ready before anyone else except sometimes Kimahri. Kimahri was out there too. Well, so were Wakka and Tidus. Okay, all the boys were ready before all the girls, what's it to ya?

"Rikku, Yuna, Lulu," he said, "I need to tell you something."

"I know Auron," I said, "You're leaving us here while you go on to Luca!"

He raised one eyebrow at me. (No fair! I still can't do that!)

"Yes, Rikku," he said, "It won't be for long. A few weeks, and then I'll be back."

"Auron, I gotta talk to you."

"I wish there was more time, but there isn't Rikku. Cid won't wait."

"DEPARTURE IN TWO MINUTES...LIFT SHIP IN TWO MINUTES."

"Auron...!"

Yuna and Lulu opened their mouths at the same time and then looked at each other and shrugged. Then they quickly said goodbye to Auron and joined the guys to give Auron and me a minute alone.

"Rikku..."

"Auron, it's really important!"

"Rikku, there's just no time. Can it wait?"

"ONE MINUTE TO DEPARTURE...LIFT SHIP IN ONE MINUTE."

"I can come with you!"

"Rikku, I...I would like that, but I think it's better if you stay, and protect Yuna. I want you all to protect each other, while I am down seeing about things in the south before Yuna starts her new pilgrimage."

"Auron, I..."

What do I do? Shove the coin at him, without any time to explain? Can it wait? I could run onto the ship, but he wants me to stay, and I'm still Yuna's guardian.

"LIFT SHIP! ALL HANDS, LIFT SHIP!"

DAMMIT! No time! The hatches started to swing closed and the ship started to lift. I know Pop's just doing this to get the two of us apart as soon as possible!

"Soon, Auron!" I shouted over the whine of the engines. "We hafta talk soon!"

"As soon as we can," he said, still speaking softly and still clear over the engine noise. "As soon as we're back together."

I nodded and said, "I love you, Auron!"

And he smiled and said, "I love you too, Rikku."

One kiss, and then he was jumping and he was through the hatch just before it closed, and the ship was lifting off the ground. I watched it go up and I thought I saw a red coated figure come out onto the deck and I waved wildly, jumping up and down, and I thought I saw the figure wave back. And then I was watching as the ship shrank in the distance until it was just a tiny little dot, and then it was gone. And I stood there in the green grass and looked up into the sky after it for a long time.

**

* * *

**

**Rikku's Diary: **

So there we were. All of us. Tidus and Yuna, Wakka and Lulu, and Kimahri. And me. And the crest.

And I've written him every day. But he never answers my letters.

It's been more than a week now, and I admit it seems to have done them good. Yuna was starting to get dark circles under her eyes the last few weeks, and Wakka hadn't had much of an appetite, and sort of stopped eating. Well, okay, he was eating a little less than usual. I mean, sometimes he'd leave something for the rest of us. And Tidus was just a nervous wreck all the time we were getting closer to Zanarkand, and even Lulu was tossing and turning in the tent with us at night. I guess I've gotten to know her, and even though she didn't show anything on her face I could tell she was really bothered those last days of the pilgrimage. She still seems to be, really. Not as much, but there's something there. I can tell. But she is better...they all are. I think even Kimahri is feeling a little lighter.

So I'm a little sad and mopey, but I guess that's a small price to pay. I can't even seem to write anything. Everything I write these days ends up pure lemon. And it's not even good lemon. (I tried writing a story where we were all in school together, but it wasn't coming out good. First I tried making Auron a teacher, but that just didn't seem right considering, um, the, uh, the things I was having us do. And then I tried making him younger so he was in school with us, but...that just didn't seem like Auron. Maybe I'll try again later, when I feel more like writing.)

So here's the only thing I managed to write that didn't end up with my pants on the floor.

**

* * *

**

_Tidus and Rikku at agency candy counter: _

_Tidus (nose to glass): Hey! Gummi fish! _

_Rikku (eyes wide): Ooo...gummi! _

_Tidus (pointing): Gummi bunnies! _

_Rikku (squealing): CUTE! _

_Tidus (grinning): Mine! _

_Rikku (pouting): Mean! _

_Auron (bored aside): Gummi shoopuf. _

_Rikku (leaping): Mine! _

**

* * *

**

Kind of pathetic, huh?

So anyways, I guess I'm a little down. But I don't let them see, except Kimahri a little.

Sometimes I sing to myself.

That cheers me up some.

So we spent like a week around the agency, having picnics, playing games, and we went to look at a couple of battle-circles nearby, just like Yuna had wanted to do when we were here the first time. (Don't know why she still wanted to see them after all we found out in Zanarkand.) Tidus raced chocobos and won a couple of x-potions and mega-potions and one ether. And we all just sort of unwound, and caught fiends and stuff, and then one day after we had finally caught a malboro by ourselves the kid wanted to go to the zoo. I think he was just starting to feel a little antsy just sitting around the agency, but Wakka wanted to go too and they started talking about how the guy would give us stuff for all the fiends that we had captured, and that kind of got me interested and so Yuna agreed and so we got chocobos and now here we are, halfway to the monster zoo.

We weren't in too much of a hurry, and we stopped a lot to rest or eat or just stretch our legs. So we had stopped at midday and Kimahri sort of wandered off a little to train, and I sort of wandered off with him. We trained a bit, and I sat down for a break. And then I pulled out the pouch that had the box in it that had the bag in it where I had put the crest.

I guess it's time we had a little talk.

I unwrapped it slowly and carefully. Why was I doing this? I know Auron wouldn't want me to. But...would he expect me to? I mean, this is hard to explain, but would he expect me to just ignore the whole thing? Just pretend it wasn't there? Or would he expect me to...do...something? I think he'd expect me to deal with it, as best I could. He'd expect me to try.

I think.

I was holding it in my hand. It didn't say anything.

"Masamune?"

_Yes, Lady Rikku? _

"Let's, uh, talk...a little."

_All right. _

"Um..."

_As far as I know, Auron is all right. He is not injured and he is in no serious danger at this time. _

I let out a breath.

"How do you know?"

_I... _

_Rikku, one thing that I can do, that has been very useful over the years, is that I can put a...a small piece of...of myself into a person, and then I can feel them over a distance, and know what is going on around them. If I make an effort I can even speak with them. I sort of...inhabit them, in a way. _

My eyes were round.

"You mean you possess them?"

_No Rikku, not really. For one thing, the person has to know and permit what is happening when I first enter them. And then I simply am not powerful enough to actually control them against their will. The crest is too weak. _

"Oh. So, okay, so you know what's going on around Rin right now?"

_Again, no. Rin has never allowed me to put any piece of myself into him. But we have other agents I can feel, and one is on the airship. I have explained to Rin many times what a great help it could be to him. I hope you will allow it one day, Rikku. If I were to put a piece of myself into someone who was actually carrying me I could do a great deal for them. I could enhance their senses. You would almost be able to see in the dark, for example. You wouldn't actually see any more than you do now, but I would work with your brain to let you use what you did see better. It would come to the same thing, really. And if you were hurt I could deaden your pain, even slow down bleeding and speed up healing. I could keep watch for you, and warn you of danger even when you sleep. I could speed your reflexes, help you know when people are lying, translate languages for you, all sorts of useful things. _

"Wow," I said, "You can do all that?"

_Yes, Rikku. So, will you allow me to give you a small piece of myself? _

"I'd rather freeze in Yevon-hell."

_Oh... _

_I see. _

I didn't say anything.

_Ah, it's Auron, isn't it? You're right of course. And I didn't mean we should do this now. Of course you must talk to Auron first, and he won't like it at all. But still, I hope that you and he will allow it one day. _

I shivered.

"Not today," I said. Not ever, I thought.

_Not today. _

"So, if you can't do all that other stuff, what do you think you can do for me that would convince me and Auron both about all this?"

_I can do the same things that I did for Rin, all these years. I can provide you with my knowledge and my experience, and I can offer you my advice. _

I thought about it for a moment.

"Okay," I said finally, "So...advise me."

_Ah. Now, your current situation is something of a challenge. _

I rolled my eyes. This was the ancient, all-knowing advice?

"What? You mean, killed Yunalesca, no Final Summoning, Sin is Tidus' dad, Church out to slay us, starting a new pilgrimage, my Home destroyed, and Auron in the middle of some huge secret war? Is that what you meant by challenging?" I asked in a sarcastic voice.

_No. _

Oh...

"Uh, well then...?"

_I meant that you are in love with a man much older than you who is still keeping secrets from you and sometimes you feel a little inadequate and a little afraid to trust yourself and your family have issues with him and you're not even with him now because he left you here and went far away. _

_That's what I meant by challenging. _

"Oh..." I said, "Oh, all right...well, um, advise me..."

_Rikku, you trust Auron, but don't completely trust yourself or your feelings, because you've never felt them before. You've never been in love before. You want to just love without reservation—that's your nature, to give your full heart to something, and not hold back—but you're confused, and you hate that you're unsure, and you hate that Auron might think that it's him that you doubt, because you don't doubt him. But in another way you do doubt his love, except that it's really yourself that you doubt. Rikku, you aren't completely sure of Auron's love for you because deep down you are afraid that one day Auron will wake up and realize that you are just a little kid and that he needs to be with someone else, someone more sure of herself. _

"Uh, oh, uh, how, how did you...?"

_Rikku, I am very old. Older than you can imagine. I am not human, I have never been human and I have never felt the things that you are feeling, but I have known and seen many, many men and women, and many boys and girls. _

Oh.

_Rikku, I have thought deeply about Auron every day of his life. I have thought of little else for more than forty years, and Rikku, I think I know him better than anyone else in Spira. Rikku, listen to me. Auron has seen so many young people who were so sure of themselves, and he has seen them hurt themselves with their overconfidence. And then there is you, Rikku, and you are not sure, and you know that you are not sure, and you are willing to wait. Please believe, Rikku...he respects you. He is starting to think of you as an equal, as a partner. _

_Rikku, he is so proud of you... _

I felt tears pulling at the corners of my eyes.

"We...I mean, do you really think so?"

_Rikku, I do. _

Huh.

"Okay, so...so like you said, it's complicated. So, advise me."

_So. He left you here while he went south. _

"Yeah..."

_Do you know why? Not what you fear, Rikku...do you really know why he did that? _

Well, I guess he wasn't really trying to get away from me. I don't guess he'd really meet someone else he liked better in Luca. I guess he really did think we'd all be safer this way.

"Yeah," I said, sounding a little sulky, "He wanted us to be safe."

_Yes, Rikku. _

"So I guess I should—"

_Screw it. _

Uh...?

_And the hell with safe. Go get him. _

I felt a smile start to tug at the corners of my face. Okay, I know it's a bad idea...

But I'm starting to like this sword.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I heard a kind of squawk from the crest as I bundled it up in the handkerchief and stuffed it down in my pocket, and then I jumped up and ran for the others. They were sitting around talking and they looked at me as I ran up to them. Kimahri came wandering in behind me.

"Hey Yuna," I puffed, "You done relaxing yet?"

"Uh, well, kinda," she said, sounding surprised.

"Hey, Rikku?" Wakka said.

"How bout you Wakka?" I asked, "And you Lulu? You done just sitting around?"

"Well," Lulu said looking down, "It's been nice, but I have thought that maybe it's enough. The last time we were here we spent weeks. I don't think we should do that this time."

"Yeah," Wakka said, rubbing the back of his head. "What she said."

"Tidus," I said, turning to him, "Don't you want to see Auron again?"

"Well," he said slowly, "It was kinda nice to be on our own for awhile, but..."

"I guess it was kind of nice," Yuna said, "Kind of acting like kids for a little while, and letting the grown-up take care of things. But, it's like eating nothing but sugar. A little is nice, but then it's too much."

(You can eat too much sugar?)

"I would feel better now if we were all together again," Lulu said, and Wakka and Yuna and Kimahri nodded.

"Yeah, but," Tidus said slowly, "Auron asked us to stay up here so we'd be safer. If we really don't want to just sit around, maybe, I don't know, maybe we could go see how the Ronso are doing. I bet they'd like to see Yuna."

Yuna got a look in her eyes when she heard that, but Wakka was shaking his head.

"Nah uh, brudda," he said. "Sir Auron, he told me that too, if Yuna started getting antsy and wanting to go south, try an get her to visit the Ronso instead. But I think he was wrong here."

Ha, I thought as Tidus shot Wakka a black look. Your own fault, Auron. You've been teaching Wakka to think for himself and to be a leader. This is what you get!

"Well, but," Yuna started with a stricken expression on her face, "I never even thought of that! Maybe we should go see the Ronso, and see if we can help!"

"No."

We all turned.

"Kimahri?" Yuna said.

"Kimahri think we should rejoin Sir Auron."

"Oh."

And we all just sort of looked around at each other, and then we all nodded. So now we're back on our chocobos and on our way to the zoo. When we get there we'll call the airship and tell them to pick us up there, and then we're going on to Besaid, with a quick stop at Luca first!

And you know what?

When that ship gets here, Dad and I are gonna have a little talk!

HA!

**Next: Insider Trading **


	48. Insider Trading

Hey. Since this chapter and the one before last are dedicated to Some Random Reviewer I thought I'd take a minute and respond to the last couple of reviews.

Hey. First off, reviews are nice but I've said it before, no one owes me a review. Don't worry about it. So, I already elaborated a little on the differences between the north and the south in the last AN. I do wonder if that was just coincidence on the game designer's parts or if they did it on purpose, though. So with the whole travelogue, I was trying to give the reader information about Spira necessary to the next part of the story without boring them too much. I've been doing that a lot in recent chapters. There's a lot of information to get across. And there's still more to came, in this chapter and the next one. I'm starting to wonder if I should have done some of this setting up earlier, maybe in smaller chunks, even if none of it really came into play before this. (I did it a little, like when they were in Bevelle.) Yeah, how Auron copes with the Guado, and the Church, and the Al Bhed, and a lot of stuff all comes into it. He doesn't just care about the war, he also cares about the aftermath.

About what the monks said to him in Luca, that's part of the optional gamescript. I like taking stuff like that and fitting it into the story. And it seemed a lot more appropriate them saying it to Auron than to Tidus. And what you said about Rikku, that's sort of what I was going for. Hers is not really a simple character. When you think about it it's easy to just say she's a happy person and leave it at that. But if you think of living in Spira and all the things she's gone through, and being happy isn't really all that simple. It isn't easy to be happy. Which means there's more going on. If she can be happy and optimistic on Spira, then either she's just a brainless little airhead (like in X-2), or she not really that happy at all and she's fooling people, or...she's special. That's what I went with, and that's what Auron saw in her.

Let's see. The conversations between Auron and Rin and Auron and Cid. I was trying to bring him across as scary. I keep saying that Auron is a hard man who's done some hard things, but I'm not sure it's getting across to the readers. Well, we'll see. Yeah, the way I see it, Wakka's weapon was a long distance weapon, which would probably be a bow. Then one day it (magically) figured out the person the universe is setting up to use it doesn't use a bow, he uses a blitzball. So one night it transformed. And then it got all interested in blitzball and became a huge Luca Goers fan.

And then, yes, there was an all-Rikku chapter. I know some people don't care for that, but I thought a) this is what Auron would do, and b) it was helpful to separate them for a while. So while Auron is in the south doing prep work and giving the reader background, Rikku is in the north while I establish the crest as a character and start building the relationship between it and Rikku, while both she and Auron think and angst a little about their own relationship. I'm glad you liked the chapter anyway.

Oh...you want a conversation between Auron and Benefice. I'll...see what I can do.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, such as it is at this point in the game, but kind of AU. It's an aurriku (didn't start that way). This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship, but the way they've decided to take things so far, this is rated -T-.

This chapter, like the one before last, is dedicated to Some Random Reviewer. (And you don't have to review just because of that.) Okay, see you in a couple.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Some wars announce themselves with sudden attacks and splashy explosions and high body counts.

Some wars are obvious like that.

But some wars are quiet, and you never even notice that you're in one until the day you lift your head up and look around you and you put a few things together inside your head and then suddenly you know that you're in the middle of a war.

In many ways my war in Yevon-Spira was like that last. It was only several months after Zanarkand that all the participants actually understood that the war that they had all been waiting for and watching for was finally here—that it was upon them now and that they were already fighting for their lives.

Of course in other ways, the war started a thousand years before I was born.

* * *

**Insider Trading**

* * *

**Auron:**

I looked casually round to see how many fra I could spot in the bar, mixing with the smiling, shouting, drinking patrons. I had just finished meeting with the Luca group at a table in the back, explaining to them what was going to happen now. Afterward, I went to the bar to arrange a room upstairs. That was when I saw Benefice dressed as a warrior monk and chatting with a young Crusader, who was apparently trying to recruit him. I figured the bar must be crawling with fra that I had somehow failed to notice, but strangely, I couldn't see any. Of course, they're trained to be unobtrusive, but then again I'm trained to spot people who are being unobtrusive.

And I once spent a great deal of time hunting the fra.

I turned beck to Benefice.

"You're alone?" I asked.

"Don't sound so shocked, Auron," he said with a wintry smile. "I was once a fair assassin myself."

"But that was a long time ago," I said. "And now you're the chancellor of the Grey Court. And you never go anywhere alone. It's in the Handbook."

"Now now, Auron, don't be prissy," he said, showing his teeth and taking a drink.

Prissy is how I was described in the last edition of the handbook that had me listed. The handbook to which we referred was the highly unofficial underground publication titled _The Underlings Guide to Movers and Shakers in Bevelle_. It contained descriptions of the working and living habits (the book called it the care and feeding) of most of the higher officials in the city, ostensibly to help those lesser officials assigned to work under them. Every few years it's updated and reanointed in a breezy, irreverent style by a new group of junior officials and circulates through all the offices and departments of the Church. And every few years the hierarchy tries to run down the people writing, printing, and distributing it. The Church has been trying off-and-on to catch the culprits for two hundred years (without success...perhaps because the senor officials who are running the searches were once junior officials themselves).

The last edition that included an entry on me asserted that I...showed some preference for tidiness and order.

Of course that was a long time ago.

"Besides," he went on with a smile, "I can always call Kali. I'm sure she'd love to see you."

Shut up.

I shook my head.

"So, Benefice," I said, settling in next to him and coming to the point. "Why are you here? In Luca, in this bar, dressed as a warrior monk?"

"Why, because of you, Auron," he answered. "I'm here to speak to you, about this war you've started, and about so many, many things."

Interesting. Well, I knew that Benefice could be bold, if the stakes were high enough. This didn't smell like some sort of death trap. That meant he wasn't using himself as bait. So, what did I have that he wanted, that he thought might be worth this risk, and that he thought I might possibly give him? I caught the bartender's eye and motioned for another round for the two of us, lemonade for me and whatever for him, and then I turned back to Benefice.

"You want to know what happened in Zanarkand," I hazarded.

"Well of course I do," he said, shaking his head, "Everyone wants to know what happened in Zanarkand. Every summoner in Spira could feel something happen, something big. Two somethings, in fact, but I recognized the first one. I knew its taste. You made some promise up there in the north, one of those promises that you sometimes make that can bend the world around it."

Rikku will not die in Zanarkand.

I should have known they would be able to feel it. But how much did they know?

Benefice smiled at me.

"A deal, Auron? I'll tell you everything the Grey Court knows about the promise you made, and in return you tell me about the other thing that happened in Zanarkand."

He loves this kind of thing, exchanging secrets for secrets. And because he loves it he can usually be trusted to keep his side, so that people will keep dealing with him. When Benefice makes a promise, he keeps it. Or he kills you so that no one will know that he made it.

I nod.

He knows he has to go first.

"I felt a promise...," he said slowly. "Almost a threat, but not against us, not specifically...it felt like...almost like a threat against...everything, against all of Spira and all of creation. I felt the world accept your conditions, and shape itself around them, so that what you wanted would come to pass."

Actually, not come to pass.

"That is all I could feel," he said. "But other fra summoners and others in the Church could sense a little more. They know there was a girl. Green eyes, blonde hair," he leaned forward. "An Al Bhed girl, Auron."

So...

"And what else?" I asked mildly.

"You love her."

Ah...

So they know, all my enemies know that I love an Al Bhed girl.

"That's all that we could sense, Auron, but you haven't exactly been discrete about her, have you? Really, Auron, Tell Mika to leave the beach alone? Could you have been more obvious? And everyone already knows that you've been traveling with the daughter of Cid. Rather young for you," he sniffed.

Behind my sunglasses my eye narrowed. Then he smiled thinly. "But I'm not the one to talk. My betrothed is only thirteen. We're putting off the marriage for a couple of years, but the arraignments are made and the bride-price has been transferred."

Interesting, I thought, settling back. None of our people had known Benefice was intending to forge a marriage alliance. That was major news. The girl's age was delaying the ceremony, but the delivery of the bride-price made it almost as binding.

"What House?" I asked.

"The Vanii," he said.

Very, very interesting. The Vanii are one of the Great Houses of Bevelle, of course.

There are five, along with a dozen Minor Houses. The Vitock are firm supporters of Mika, and have prospered greatly in recent years. Many of them have been appointed to important positions within the Church. The Condiv are their greatest rivals, a large family centered in the Yevon Valley, with many landholdings and followers. They've been losing power, but there are so many of them that they remain firmly entrenched. They've also been pushing the Condiv Proposal for a couple of hundred years. They want to increase the number of maesters to as many as a dozen. The Vitock are a city family, and few of them ever leave Bevelle. The Sabben are also a city family, but they try to work behind the scenes. They like to think of themselves as puppet masters, and they try to make no enemies. Of course, everyone always thinks they're involved in some plot. They're usually involved in several. They've worked with Benefice in the past. I would have thought he'd marry one of their child-brides and try to strengthen his bond to them. Instead he's building an alliance with the Vanii, who have far-flung merchant interests in the south, in fact here in Luca. They compete with the last of the Great Houses, the Gracchi, who control trade and industry in Bevelle itself.

The Vitock, the Condiv, the Sabben, the Venii, and the Grachii. Members of those five families hold many high positions within Bevelle. Outsiders often think that the Church is monolithic, acting in perfect unity. In fact it is riddled with rivalries and factions. There are constant ongoing power struggles between individuals, between clans and families, between secret societies, and between the departments of the Church itself. Someone like Benefice has to keep careful track of the shifting tallies of enemies, allies and powerful neutrals. Someone like Ophelia is his natural rival, and yet they have much in common and might work together sometimes against some powerful neutral such as Harcourt, who controls the money, if for instance he were to try to cut their budgets. (At the same time, naturally, each would be trying to work a separate deal with him to cut the other's budget and not theirs.) But Harcourt has his own alliances and enemies, as does Ophelia, and all the other dozen or so people who would be involved, all of whom have to be taken account of. (Of course, that's all rather straightforward. It can get complicated when someone's trying something tricky.)

In theory, the maesters run the Church, and Mika runs the maesters. In actuality, the Church is far too complex for four men to run, even with all their staffs. In practical terms the day to day affairs of the Church are handled by a hundred or so men and a few women who head the most important departments or hold the most important positions. These are the ones not as individually powerful as Mika and Seymour, Kinoc and Benefice, Ophelia and Harcourt and Kelk Ronso, but nothing is done without them. They are known collectively as the Elect, and the Great Houses compete to place their own members in those positions.

I was once one of the Elect.

So...Benefice was forging a marriage alliance with the Venii, which gives him contacts and influence in Luca and the south. It probably explains why he feels safe enough to be here alone.

No it doesn't. So he has some connections here. That doesn't explain why he's alone in this bar, without help if the unexpected should happen.

While I mused, Benefice motioned for another round.

"Yes," I finally answered. "I l-love Rikku."

I damned myself for the stumble.

"And can you imagine," I went on, "What I will do if she is harmed?"

"Oh, I think so," he said. "And I promise you that no fra shall target the girl. I've already set the edict in place."

It didn't surprise me that he made the promise. It surprised me that he made it without asking for anything in return. I watched him take a slow drink.

"Auron," he said softly, "When someone like you or I loves someone, there are two ways to try and protect them. You can try to keep it a secret, so that your enemies will never know. Or you can protect them as openly and effectively as you can. I tried the first way. It didn't work. I hope you do better with the second."

He took another drink. A long one. There were rumors once, I remembered, about Benefice and a girl from the Gracchi.

She died.

I know that now that Rikku and I are...involved...she has become a target for people who will want to attack her through me. It puts her in danger. And of course I knew that it would happen. It happened in Zanarkand as well. Willa and Emma were both hurt by others for no better reason than that they knew me. Neither of them ever blamed me, never even threw it into my face even when we fought. They reserved their anger for the ones who tried to use them against me. And I...in return I did some things that I regret. I had to do them. But I should have done them...cleaner.

So now Rikku is a target. Do you ask how I could let it happen? Why didn't I keep my distance to protect her? Cid told me that the best thing I could have done to keep Rikku safe was to slit my own throat. My answer is the same.

I respect her.

I respect her enough to let her make her own choices in this matter, and weigh the risks for herself. Consider this. If loving Rikku put me in danger instead of her, would I then choose to give her up in order to stay safe? To not be hurt?

You know the answer.

So...do I think that I'm better than her? Braver than her? Stronger than her?

Does she deserve any less respect than I?

You know the answer.

So, I will let her risk being hurt in order to love me. And love her even more.

But I will also do all that I can to keep her safe. As Benefice said, I might have tried to keep it a secret, so that no one would know, but that means you can only protect her so much, and no more if you hope to keep the secret. I chose the other option. I will let people know how much Rikku means to me, and I will be free to give her as much protection as I can. I already started when I told Rin that Rikku's safety was a priority for our people now. That was only the beginning. I hope to work deals with many and various groups—they don't target Rikku, and I don't exterminate them root-and-branch.

And now Benefice was telling me that he would give those orders to his fra, has already given them...why? For what? Sentimentality? Because he remembers the love he once lost?

Right.

"Why?"

He smiled.

"I thought you'd never ask."

He hitched his stool a little closer, and then we both looked up startled as the crowd in the bar let out a groan. One of the two blitzball teams on the screen had just scored. Didn't they know it was an old game? Weren't they expecting it? Shaking my head I turned back to Benefice.

"Auron, we know you have a network of your own now, but you still can't know what's like in Bevelle these days, not unless you're there. No one knows where they are, no one's sure of anything! It's a time of changes, even the slowest are starting to figure that out, even the Vitock."

Heh. There are no real party politics in Bevelle, but you can to some extent divide everyone and every group into those that want some change in the Church and those that don't. The Vitock are doing very well under the present system. They've stubbornly opposed any change for two hundred years. The Gracchi are their allies in opposing change. The Venii want more trade, and the Condiv want some changes in the hierarchy, so they form a sort of opposing party. The Sabben take no sides.

"The Vitock are thinking about changes?" I asked Benefice.

"Even the Vitock are thinking about the changes that are already happening," he said. "Auron, think! Kinoc and Kelk Ronso are gone, and still haven't been replaced, and no one in Bevelle really thinks that Seymour is ever coming back."

I remain more open to the possibility, but I understand the way they are thinking.

"Auron, in practical terms, right now Mika is the only maester."

So...

I said, "Everyone's afraid he'll make it permanent."

"Yes! And the Great Houses are worried that it will be the end of their independence. Even the Vitock are dithering. If Mika makes himself emperor, they might rise to the greatest heights of power if they follow him, but the favor of rulers is fickle. They don't know if it's worth the risk, especially since almost everyone else is opposed, and they could lose everything if Mika is defeated. Of course, Mika denies it all, says he doesn't want to be an emperor, that he only wants to appoint new maesters to replace Kinoc and Kelk Ronso. You can believe it if you like."

Could even be true. He has his own job to do. It's kept him busy for three hundred years.

"It could happen, Auron," Benefice said. "These aren't just paranoid dreams. It never happened before because...why, Auron? Why has it never happened before?"

"It has never been feasible for one man to make himself ruler because they would have to eliminate all four maesters at once," I said, "And no one was ever sure that they could do it. And no single maester could be sure that he could eliminate the other three, and even if they did, the entire Church would rise up to oppose them. Even if someone could make themselves the ruler of Bevelle they would not stay in power very long against the combined enmity of the hierarchy, the families, and the secret societies. The head of Forces might have pulled it off if the military backed him, but he would be in constant danger from assassins from the Grey Court—" Benefice graciously inclined his head, "—from Ophelia's Office of Inquiry, from the secret societies and from the Great Houses."

"Exactly! But right now, because of what's happened, Mika is already the only maester. No one saw it coming, and no one actually blames him. But see his position! He doesn't have to do anything—if he only does nothing, if he appoints no new maesters, he is left as the sole ruler. So everyone sees the possibility, Auron. Mika could make himself emperor."

He leaned closer to me then, and spoke very softly.

"But Auron, if there's going to be an emperor..." his voice trailed off.

Well...

"Why should it be Mika?" I said.

Benefice nodded, and now his smile showed teeth.

"A time of changes, I told you. And now everyone is looking at each other and at themselves and saying, Why not us? Why not me? The Great Houses are meeting, the secret societies are stirring, the Elect are whispering in their offices in the great departments and the chancelleries. It IS possible, Auron. If a man is willing to risk everything at this moment, he could have it all."

I looked at the man. His motivations seemed clear now. But did he really think that I would give him my support? I wondered what sort of deal he would offer me. Safeguarding Rikku would be just the start.

"So," I said with a tiny smile, "Why not Benefice?"

His smile was even smaller than mine.

"Why not the two of us, Auron?"

I stared.

"Think, Auron," he said. "I know you know what group I haven't yet mentioned in all of this."

"The military," I said. I was thinking furiously while the people around us in the bar ate and drank and laughed and talked.

"Yes, the military," he said. "They're the other group that has everyone sacred spitless. The warrior monks still have no commander. They're being run by a council of officers. Calmly, Auron, calmly! They are thousands of miles from here, you can't kill them at this moment."

I sank back onto the barstool and tried to compose myself. A council of officers. If you tried you couldn't think of a better way to ruin the discipline of the men. I was livid. If I was there now I'd have them all doing pushups til dawn.

"Yes yes yes, Auron, all very unwise I'm sure," Benefice said. "But put that aside and think of the implications. The military are worried about what all this will mean for their futures, and they're worried that they have no one now to speak for them in the highest councils."

"Well they do keep letting their new commanders get killed," I said.

"Yes, well, all right, the simple fact is that no one can afford to let anyone else get control of the monks. I've already eliminated two of Mika's people, someone else— possibly Ophelia—eliminated a third. I put someone into the post, but he didn't last long. For the moment we've stopped trying to put anyone else in command. They just can't last without protection and the military won't protect them. They don't trust them, and they don't trust Mika to appoint someone who'll care more about the men than about loyalty to Mika, and they certainly don't trust me."

No, the military have never loved the fra.

"The military have split into their component parts," Benefice went on. "The Special Temple Guard remain loyal to Mika, and they are fortifying the inner complex in Bevelle. The Crusaders are washing their hands of the whole business and reverting to their roots as a mainly southern organization, protecting Luca, the Mi'ihen Road, even Djose." He sighed. "And after all the trouble we took to bind them closer to the Church after Mi'ihen. All that effort."

He shook his head at the waste. "And there aren't enough Chocobo Knights left after their last charge for their numbers to make a difference, but the young Crusaders look up to them because they kept their distance from the Church. And the knight's numbers are growing. They might be a force worth considering one day soon, but not now. That leaves the warrior monks."

"Okay," I said. "Tell me about the warrior monks."

"After Kinoc died," he said, settling back a little, "The monks assumed that they would have a new Master of Forces soon. But as months passed and no one, ah, was able to keep the job, they became worried, especially as it became more and more obvious that Bevelle was entering a period of real change. Officers started acting on their own. There were at least two attempted military revolts, both in the far west."

I was...not shocked, but surprised. Benefice casually motioned to the server who was talking to some people at the far end of the bar. On the screens the old game was over and the endless commentary had begun. She nodded and brought over more drinks and a platter of miniature hot dogs.

"Oh, yes, Auron," he said, taking one and dipping it into a dish of hot sauce. "They've kept it quiet, but two captains in the west tried to set themselves up as little kings. One was arrested by his own men, but the other had to be rooted out by an expedition. That's when the higher officers formed a council and decided to start pulling men back to Bevelle and the Yevon Valley. It's partly intimidation, to let everyone in the city know that whatever ends up happening they can't afford to ignore the military, but it's also at least partly to help keep any other local commanders from setting up for themselves. Nevertheless, there they sit, outside of Bevelle, reminding everyone with their presence that indeed they cannot be safely ignored."

"Hm. Have they made any demands? Unofficially?"

"Nothing yet," he shook his head. "And no one is sure now that they will even accept a new commander, or obey one if he gives them orders. It's not all bad. The monks might be the only thing stopping open warfare in the streets of Bevelle. They haven't made demands, but they've laid down some rules, almost. They've said they don't want to step in, but they will to stop indiscriminate slaughter. No one wants that...everyone is worried that if the monks enter Bevelle in force, even to put down riots or stop massacres, they'll never leave, and they'll become a praetorian guard."

Benefice was referring to an ancient military unit that became kingmakers, installing monarchs of their own choosing. And it sounded like it could actually happen in Bevelle. If the monks entered the city in force there would be fighting between them and the Special Temple Guard. The monks would win, but they'd be sucked into the vacuum the temple guard left behind. They would eventually become garrison troops, political soldiers.

"Bevelle is one big pile of dry kindling, Auron. If someone doesn't step in soon and take firm control it could all go up in flames. Or it could sit the way it is for months, or even years. I could try," he said. "If I move right now I might be able to grab power. But not on my own. As soon as I moved the others would all combine against me."

"You and the Venii," I said, thinking. "And perhaps the Sabben...?"

"No Auron," he shook his head. "Not even with both of them and the Night Watch behind me." One of the more powerful and less secret of the secret societies. "I might possibly take power, but I couldn't keep power. That's the situation we all find ourselves in. No one can take power and hold it on their own, so we are all trying to make alliances, to find that one combination that will succeed and give us the most power in the end."

He stopped speaking, and I thought about it.

It could work.

Benefice watched me closely, and nodded slowly as he saw something in my face.

"Yes, Auron. The military would accept you. More than that, they would be eager to follow you. And not only the military, but all of the military families! The Drupp would declare for you in an instant—a minor family, but respected for their independence and very influential with the military."

"And you would bring the fra," I said. "And the Venii, and the Night Watch."

"And possibly the Sabben. And Auron, there's more. The city itself would be solidly behind you. The merchants and the tradesmen. The middle classes of Bevelle would be happy to see you take control."

I lifted one eyebrow in question and he shook his head.

"Mika was rather stupid really," he said. "Declaring you and the others traitors has only made you more popular with the plebs. It's actually given you more credibility. It's even improved your standing with the Crusaders."

Hm?

"Oh yes," he said. "Haven't you noticed the Crusaders beginning to look at you differently? Especially the younger ones, like that young man who was trying to recruit me earlier. He noticed you when you walked in and pointed you out to me with stars in his eyes. Being declared a traitor to the Church has made you a hero to the young ones, the ones who were too young to ever remember Lacey...before you killed her."

Huh.

The Crusaders and I cooperated together against the Fra and the Special Temple Guard years ago, before I went to Zanarkand, but they were never very fond of me after I killed their commander.

Hard to blame them.

"Perhaps Mika is getting too old if he can no longer make political calculations any better than that," Benefice went on.

"I suppose he could always kill someone younger and steal his identity," I said dryly. "Perhaps it would help. Of course, it wouldn't be easy for him right now. Everything is too unsettled. He needs at least a couple of quiet years to take someone's place and work his way back into power."

"Yes," Benefice agreed with a bland smile. "And besides, all of the people he might replace seem to die prematurely, and very publicly."

Huh. Well, it's a dangerous world.

So for now, Mika is stuck with being Mika.

"So..." I mused.

"Auron," he said seriously again, "You and I together can take power now. I am as sure of that as I have ever been of anything. I need you, yes, and you also need me. If you tried to take power on your own you'd have the military behind you but everyone else would be against you, and even if you won in the end it would devastate Bevelle, which I know that you do not want. But together we can do it! Yes, there will be some fighting. The Special Temple Guard will fight to the last man to defend Mika. Possibly the Vitock...but possibly not! Auron, people trust your word. People who detest you in every other way, know and trust that your word is good. So, promise the Great Houses that you will not harrow them! Yes, you will advance the Venii, and possibly the Sabben, but you will not ravage the Gracchi or the Condiv or the Vitock! Promise them that they will survive as Great Houses still and even the Vitock might stand aside."

The Houses have their own private troops in the city, and according to Rin's reports they've been hiring more. They won't last long if the military moves in force, but they could do damage to the city before they go down. More seriously, the Houses hold many influential positions in the city and Church infrastructure. They could be very helpful if they decided to cooperate, or infernal bothers if they wanted to quietly resist. Also, the Special Temple Guard wasn't going to just roll over. There aren't that many of them, but they're fanatics and they'll be well fortified. They'll also have combat machina and possibly zombie troops. We would beat them, but we would lose a lot of people doing it.

"Ophelia would never accept you over her," I said. "She would fight."

"She has no troops. She doesn't even have any action agents."

True. She has spies, but no agents. Ophelia's job is to gather information, but she has no resources to do anything with that information. She has quietly campaigned for many years to be granted agents. Absolutely no one is interested in giving her any. Still...

"She has no assassins like the fra, but she knows many secrets, and she is very influential with the secret societies."

Because she has no agents of her own, Ophelia has built relationships with the secret societies of Bevelle. Sometimes they act for her. There are quite a few secret societies in the city. Some are ancient and powerful. Some are poseurs. Some are little more than trade associations, or mutual aid societies. And some are collections of malcontents who meet in bars to drink and mutter complaints under their breath. Only about twenty are of any importance. The three largest are the Night Watch, who have ties both to Mika and Benefice, but who will probably go with Benefice, the Wardens of Yevon, religious conservatives who are solidly for Mika, and the Devoted, who are more or less owned by Ophelia. So, another tie, except that Ophelia also has connections with another dozen or so societies, including the Watchers, who are said to be powerful magic users, and the Stalkers, who no one knows anything about but who still scare people spitless. In fact, the Stalkers are a small society absolutely dedicated to hunting down the—

"The Forsaken will stand aside for your promises too, Auron," Benefice added. "Your promise could be the only thing that would make them stand aside. Or they could ignore the entire business. Who can tell for sure?"

The Forsaken are the most ancient and most mysterious of all the secret societies in the city. Few people know of them and most who do don't believe in them. But they exist. There are between one and two dozen unsent residing in Bevelle, some of them within the Church itself. The Forsaken don't work together much, but they will cooperate to protect themselves. They look to Mika as their unofficial leader, and trust him to protect the existence of unsent in the city. Makes sense. So they might act to defend Mika. They are unlikely to work with Ophelia while she has ties to the Stalkers, who only exist to hunt down and send the Forsaken. On the other hand, if Ophelia were to offer to betray the Stalkers into a Forsaken trap...

Dear old Bevelle, I sighed. A snake pit.

"Auron," Benefice said quietly. "You are like Mika..." Delicately put. "The Forsaken would trust your word to leave them be, and they would stand aside for you. My fra will defeat Ophelia, and your monks will crush the Special Temple Guard. The people will trust you, and the fighting that does take place will only make the city more grateful when we end it! Do you see how it all comes together?"

"Harcourt?" I asked. Harcourt is the Chancellor of Yevon's Bounty. The treasurer. He controls the money. Money is power.

"Harcourt is a worry," Benefice said slowly. "But he cannot buy the fra away from me, and he cannot buy the military away from you, and I don't think that he can buy all five of the Great Houses."

"He might buy some, and some of the Minor Houses, and some of the secret societies."

"But not all of them. At most we'll face a draw there, and still have the Grey Court and the Warrior Monks.

"So," I said. "Auron and Benefice on one side, and Ophelia and Harcourt and Mika on the other."

"Perhaps..." he hesitated. "Perhaps not Harcourt. He might stand aside."

"His best chance would be to cooperate with them."

"No, Auron, his best chance would be to strike a bargain with you to keep the position that he has now. If it were just me, or me with someone else, then he would fight. But he will trust you, Auron. That's one reason I need you...people trust you."

Trust.

Let's come back to that later.

"But even with Harcourt and his money," he went on, "The Houses and the societies would be a wash, and the balance of resources would be with us! My fra and your monks simply cannot be matched by any other possible alliance, Auron.

"Auron," he said softly, "Think what it would mean. Do you remember why you became a warrior monk all those years ago? Wasn't it because of all the good that the Church did in the world? Protecting and helping the people? Auron, think what you could do. You could order an end to the persecution of the Al Bhed. Dismantle the propaganda apparatus. You could reform the schools, so that they teach the true history of events. You could promote priests that care about their parishioners. You could dismantle the Special Temple Guard. Integrate the north and the south. Auron, under your guidance, the Church could become Spira's true guardian once more."

His voice had fallen. He was speaking lower, leaning closer.

"Auron, there is another war. This is a war inside you. Part of you wants to destroy the Church, but another part of you wants to save it. And you can. Just reach out your hand, and take the opportunity. Auron, you have never loved fire-and-sword. You gave twenty years of your life to the Church. Do you really want to see it thrown down into the dirt?"

I admit...I was more tempted than I thought I would be.

"You...paint an interesting picture, Benefice," I said slowly. "But there are three things that you still haven't mentioned. The first is Sin."

He smiled coolly.

"I assume you have some plan for Sin, Auron. You always have some plan or other. It's in your nature."

I nodded. All right.

"Second," I said, "The Guado."

His face went slack for a moment. Had he truly forgotten the Guado?

"They're out of it," he finally said.

"Why?" I asked. "Because Seymour is insane? That means you can't predict what he'll do." Benefice was shaking his head, but I went on. "That means the Guado Guard, and fiend swarms within the city. The monks would have to fight the Guado and the Temple Guard and protect the people from fiends."

Ocean's Point.

Klanneth.

Starfall.

Luca.

Home.

I don't want to see a fiend swarm in the middle of Bevelle.

"If Mika accepted the Guado's help now it would drive away the Ronso forever," Benefice said firmly. "He won't risk that."

"Or he could try to tell them that the Guado defending the Church was an act of contrition for Seymour's actions."

"The Ronso would never buy that!" he said.

"They might, and if they didn't, would Mika really care if it meant he kept power?"

Benefice frowned and looked down. He didn't want to hear this.

"And if Mika has the Guado," I said, "Then more people might think that he's going to win, and perhaps more of the Houses will side with him, especially if Harcourt is spending gil like water. And then we could be facing Mika, Ophelia, Harcourt, the Special Temple Guard, the Guado, three or possibly four of the five Great Houses, and several secret societies, possibly including the Forsaken. Even if we win, the damage to the city and the Church would be enormous."

At least Evrae is gone, I thought.

"If the Guado come in," I said, "It changes the balance of forces."

And not in a favorable way. And the Guado would come in if Mika petitions his secret masters and they approve. Benefice probably knows that. I'm not sure how much he knows about the secret war in heaven that all of this is just one part of, but he probably knows enough.

"And Seymour is someone who will not trust my word," I added. "Even if I were willing to give it to him."

We sat in silence for a moment. I took a long drink, feeling a little silly now that it was lemonade in my cup. Benefice had drawn a very interesting, but in the end too optimistic scenario. It predicated a swift victory on the Guado not being a factor. But that was unrealistic. Mika would certainly call for them, and I could see no reason for his masters to withhold them. And Seymour, insane as he was, would he really ignore a direct command from the Lords of the Living and of the Dead?

No, the offer Benefice made to me was intriguing, but in the end academic. I would not reach for power in Bevelle. I would follow The Plan and keep the Church paralyzed for as long as possible. Our agents would support first one side and then the other, watching to make sure no one got strong enough to seize control and every day that the crisis continued Yevon would be weakened and Luca and the south would benefit. It would all form a background to the new story that we needed to write.

Without looking up, Benefice started to rummage inside his tunic. He brought something out, something small, wrapped in cloth. He looked up at me, and then swiftly around the room. No one was paying any attention to us. He started to unwrap whatever it was.

It was...

A coin?

I leaned closer, wary this might be a ruse and prelude to an attack.

Bright silver. With a symbol. A tree, laden with fruit, rendered in exquisite detail.

I'd seen coins like this before. Not many people ever had. They were very rare, and they were the personal tokens of Yevon's Bounty.

I looked up into Benefice's eyes, and he slowly nodded. Neither of us said anything. Even here, in the middle of a bar in Luca, saying this out loud could send a hundred men to their deaths.

Harcourt had given Benefice his personal token.

To show to me?

That meant...

What did that mean?

If Benefice already had Harcourt's secret pledge of support, then...

Then...

I had to think about this. I had to consider the ramifications and the possibilities.

He had put the coin away now, and we were both sitting back, thinking.

Enough of this.

"Three," I said. "Why should I trust you?"

He smiled. He was ready for the question.

"Where else could I go? Auron, I'm not asking you to switch to my side...I'm offering to switch to yours."

Ah...

"Yes, Auron. If I betray my masters, then I will need protection. And who else could protect me, except your masters?"

Superiors, rather.

So why...?

"Because, Auron," he said, answering my question before I asked it, "I want power. So, how likely is it that my masters would put me in Mika's place? Really?"

"Not likely," I admitted.

Mika has served them well for 300 years. Benefice isn't even dead yet. And there is no guarantee that he will be unsent.

"So, I must seize power," he said simply. "I must take it. But I know that I cannot succeed on my own. And even if I could, I cannot rule Yevon on my own. I need you to help me take Bevelle, but I also need you to keep it. People will trust you to rule them, and they will trust me if they see we are working together."

"But you won't have total power," I said.

"I don't need total power. Even Mika doesn't have total power. Auron, you know I am not a cruel man. I am hard, yes, but no sadist. I will not be executing people by the hundreds, I will not be pleasuring myself as I watch prisoners being tortured, I will not be raping children. Those are not my perversions and you know it. I will be a firm master, but in return I will be an able leader. You and I can work together.

"And really, Auron, go ahead and suppose the worst. Suppose that I mean to use you and betray you hoping that that will satisfy my old masters, that I can buy their forgiveness with your life." He leaned forward. "Auron, tell me that in your heart of hearts that you don't believe that you can outmaneuver me if that's my plan. Auron, tell me that you don't think that you can play the game better than me."

Perhaps.

Except that when all of this is over and done, I have to leave. Does he know that?

So.

I took another pull of lemonade.

"You've given me something to think about, Benefice," I said. And he had. I needed to consider all the possibilities and the implications before I dismissed this idea out of hand, not only for Bevelle, but for all of Spira—north and south, Hypello and Ronso, and even Guado.

He nodded.

"Of course I don't expect an answer now. Think it over. Consider the matter carefully. I count myself ahead of the game that you have not dismissed it out of hand, and that I am here before the others. Oh yes," he chuckled. "They will be coming to see you soon enough, from the Houses, from the societies, even Mika will offer you a deal. Let me say one last thing, Auron. Right now, all sides in Bevelle will court you, because the military will accept you. So the Al Bhed girl is safe...for now. But keep in mind that if you do not choose a side eventually, she will be threatened to try and move you."

True enough. And something else to think about.

"So, Auron," he said, leaning back, like a man who's done a good day's conspiring and is now prepared to relax. "You still have your part of the bargain to fulfill. Tell me about Zanarkand."

I nodded slowly, and began to speak about our time in that dead city in the north. But as I spoke, I was thinking about Rikku, and of Bevelle, and of Jecht, and of Sin, and of the logic bombs that I had planted months ago...the logic bombs that made certain alterations to Sin's second level command subroutines.

If Rikku dies in combat...I will deal with it...I think. But if she is taken from me in some petty Bevelle power play...if that city and its schemes and its plots murder her...

Jecht has no love at all for Bevelle.

As I tell Benefice of Yunalesca and her end, I wonder to myself...

If Rikku dies...

Will I ask Jecht to give the city a lesson in consequences?

**Next: A Day at**** the Zoo**


	49. A Day at the Zoo

Did anyone else's blood run cold when they read the note about software upgrades to improve the document manager? Or was it just me?

I bought the _Battlestar Galactica_ DVDs. It's really a good show. Has anyone else noticed that the city in the opening credits looks a lot like Zanarkand? Or am I just way too into all this stuff?

Okay, major spoilers. (Anything left after the last 48 chapters?) Follows the story but kind of AU. Actually more AU than following the story right now. It's an aurikku. (Didn't start that way, but that's what it is.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship, and also about a secret war in heaven, a boy and his sword, new aeons, and a bunch of other stuff. Even some game tips. Still -T-.

This chapter is for Forensicgirl20. Thank you for the reviews.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hey Auron...you big meanie. **:P** How are you? We're all fine, but we miss you. We're here at the zoo now, waiting for Pops to pick us up. Things got kind of weird here for a while. **O.o** But we're cool now. Well sorta. I can't really go into it right now. I'll tell you all about it when I see you again (which is gonna be SOON!!!!) **-.-** Hey, You know, I think we just missed seeing Marty here! I know how much you love him! **XD** But about a week ago he suddenly jumped on a chocobo and rode out in the direction of the agency. That was about the time we all got to the Calm Lands. I guess we missed each other in passing. **-.-**

So, are ya sorry you left me yet? It must be tough on you, having to go without your Rikku-kisses that you've gotten so used to! ; ) AURON! WE GOTTA TALK!!!!!!! SOOOOON!!!!!!

Okay, well. Imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou!

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXXXXXX**

Rikkukittychan

* * *

**A Day at the Zoo**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we got to the zoo and we turned over our chocobos to the handlers there. Man were we glad to get off and move around for a while, and we were all looking forward to sleeping in real beds. We rode pretty hard the last couple days. Eventually the chocobos'll be moved back to the agency and they'll be waiting for us the next time we come to the Calm Lands. (I mean Heddy will. I don't guess it really matters about the others. But they'll keep Heddy waiting for me.) So we rode in past the touts and the wranglers and all that and we got rooms in the Crusader Lodge. Me and Yunie and Lulu were all together as usual. We cleaned up a bit and then the bunch of us trooped out to see the zookeeper. Tidus and Wakka were snickering and pushing each other and Lulu rolled her eyes and said for Wakka to grow up, cause didn't Sir Auron leave him in charge, so Wakka sort of straightened up and stopped fooling around, so Tidus went over to Yunie and started making googly eyes and kissy lips at her until Kimahri smacked him in the head and shoved him away and Yuna laughed. We were all just sort of horsing around and then we were at the office and the old zookeeper guy was there waiting.

"Well how do?" he said, kinda leering at Lulu maybe. Or was it Wakka? "Com'on in, folks, I've got some rewards for you!"

"Oh, uh, ya?"

"Yah! Why, do you know that with the, erm, samples that you brought me from the Gagazet caves, I was able to work up the prettiest little Shinryu you ever did see. Why, her scales shine like gemstones," he said beaming, his eyes looking off into the distance. "And her claws are sharp as razors! Oh, she'd tear you to pieces as soon as look at you!"

She?

"Oh, uh, hey, that's good...ya...?"

"So," Lulu said smoothly, smiling and showing ALL her teeth, "You mentioned a reward?"

"Heh, that I did Miss Mage. So, here you go, over and above the gil for each fiend. Thirty megalixers! For you, little lady."

Oooooooooooo...!

Lulu didn't seem too excited, but this was great! This was stuff! And I didn't know just what we could use it for right this minute, but give me a little time and I would. So I'm looking it over and trying to remember everything I knew about megalixers when suddenly before I knew it the guy is asking do we want to fight for free and we're on a boat and I'm all Hey I Didn't Sign Up For This and they're all Hey You Swim So We Need You and then Wakka and the kid and me are all over the side and something HUGE is clawing at me!

Yeah, uh, well, let's just say we didn't win, okay?

So after we were all healed up again and panting back on deck and got Tidus turned back from stone, and we drag ourselves back to the office and well that's when Tidus and Wakka all of a sudden get a wild hair thinking they had a way to beat the super tonberry guy.

HELLO?

Little guy, BIG knife?

Wiped the FLOOR with us the last time?

Any of this RING A BELL?

So I crossed my arms and stamped my foot and stuck out my lip and said NO thanks. Count me OUT.

He doesn't even have anything good to steal!

So Wakka rubbed the back of his head and said, ya, well all right, ya, they didn't really need me for this right now, ya. Their plan, ya, was all about Shell and Haste and Protect, ya, and waiting and Reflex and phoenix downs, ya, and I don't know what else, ya. He said they kinda needed one of my candles of life to put a Doom on the little guy, ya, but this was just a dry run anyways so I could stay here and sit this one out, ya.

So they all trooped on back through the hallway and down to the canyon and I stayed put right where I was, right there on the floor, looking over my new megalixers and wondering what I could do with them. Uh, I mean, our new megalixers.

Yeah, so there I am, happy as a clam, playing with my megalixers and thinking there's maybe something I heard once about letting people train faster? But while I'm doing that...there's just something...

See...the zookeeper's still there in the lobby, and after a while I can totally start to feel his eyes on me while I'm sitting there on the floor. I look up quick and he's looking at me, and not in some friendly Hey-Rikku-What's-Up?-way, and not even in some pervy Well-Lulu's-Not-Here-But-Maybe-You'll-Do-way. I looked back down at my megalixers.

"Ehh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh..."

Okay, now he's chuckling, and I don't really want to look back up, but I do...

And he's looking at me and he's smiling at me, a thin little smile, and his Adam's apple is totally bobbing up and down as he chuckles.

And I notice that I'm kinda sprawled on the floor there, kind of, um, open, you know...and I kind of try to pull my knees up sorta casual.

"How do," he said.

I know that Auron never liked the zookeeper and thought he was kind of dangerous, but I always thought that was a little silly. He was just a strange old man who lived in the middle of nowhere and liked fiends waaaay too much.

Wasn't he?

"Uh, I'm, uh, I'm fine...sir."

"Wasn't talking to you, little girl," he said, smiling thinly.

Oh.

I...I should have been all mad at him that he called me little girl, I hate that, but this was really kind of creepy, and I was a little worried. I wished the others were still there. I wished Auron was there. I moved my hand casually towards my pouch for, for whatever, a gem or something, just in case, you know, and he said it again.

"How do," he said. "Long time no see."

So he was looking at me and his eyes were bright and his shoulders were shaking a little like he was still laughing and what's so funny anyway and I was maybe possibly starting to consider the long term benefits of taking up running as a hobby you know like right now cause people say like running is good for your health don't they and when did it get so cold in here, when I all of a sudden felt a sort of pressure inside my head like maybe, maybe...like...

And I knew who he was talking to.

And it wanted to talk back.

I reached carefully into my pouch and brought out a little bag that was inside a little box and I opened it and slowly shook the Mars Crest out into my palm.

I didn't know what else to do.

"Ah..." the zookeeper breathed.

_Rikku,_ the voice said inside my head. _Rikku, this is important! Listen to me, and repeat exactly what I say! Do you understand?_

"Uh huh," I nodded.

_Greetings zookeeper._

"Uh, g-greetings zookeeper..."

"Heh. Greetings, Old Blade."

"Old blade...?" I whispered.

_Something some people call me sometimes. He's trying to be tricky. Be careful. Rikku, tell him that it's been a while._

"It...it's been a while."

"Sure has."

Neither of them said anything then, and I was just feeling more tense and nervous by the second sitting there on the floor. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't like it much. The zookeeper was still smiling, and it wasn't a very nice smile. I was starting to think it would have been safer to go with the guys to get stuck with that big knife over and over.

"So, can you feel it, old blade?" the zookeeper asked softly. "Is it calling you? Does it hurt to be this close?"

Huh?

_What do you want, zookeeper?_ Masamune sneered inside my head

"Uh," I started.

_Say it, Rikku! Say What do you want? Say Why are you doing this? Why are you scaring the girl?_

"W-why are you doing— Hey! I'm not scared!"

"What?" the zookeeper asked, sounding puzzled.

_Then you don't know enough about what's going on. You should be scared, Rikku._

"Yeah?" I said, "Well you don't know what you're talking about!"

_Rikku, you don't know what the zookeeper is! You don't know how dangerous he is!_

"More dangerous than Yunalesca?" I said, "Huh? Cause we kicked her toushy AND it's thousand year-old speedo to the Farplane!"

_Have you ever fought the Earth Eater, Rikku? Do you want to fight it for real? Yes he is far more dangerous than Yunalesca!_

"Well the Earth Eater isn't here is it! It's just one old man!"

_And your friends aren't here, are they? It's just one little girl!_

"Scuse me, folks," the zookeeper interrupted just as I was gonna put that sword/crest/poopie head in its place! "But I have a little business to talk over with the old blade."

_What?_

"What?"

"Why, just some advice, really," he smiled again. "Nothing big. Right up your alley. Some consulting work, you might say, on a little project I have going. And maybe I've got something you could use. I was sort of saving it for Auron, but...well you're here, and he's not."

_Ah...well, I...suppose we could talk about some sort of arrangement..._

And I said, "No!"

"Little girls should know when to keep their big mouths shut!" the zookeeper said. He almost hissed it!

"No I won't keep my mouth shut!" I said. "I don't know what the two of you are talking about, but I know Auron doesn't trust you and I know he doesn't trust Masamune and I KNOW he wouldn't want the two of you working on anything together! So, NO!"

_Rikku, listen to me!_

"I said no! It's NOT gonna happen! Get used to it! You too, pops!"

I saw the zookeepers eyes narrow, and his mouth twist.

Oops...too far?

"I think I'd sure enough watch my mouth if I were you, little girl," he said, and maybe I shrank back a bit cause suddenly a cold, cold feeling was coming off him, cold and hard, like...like...like maybe I should watch my mouth...a little...

Suddenly things weren't so friendly anymore, you know? And the zookeeper took a little step closer and suddenly I totally got what Auron meant when he said this guy was dangerous, and I kind of scooted backwards on the floor.

_Rikku! Rikku, repeat what I say exactly!_

Okay, so...so I did, you know?

_Listen to me zookeeper. You know these people are protected. All of them are and especially this girl! Do you really think if any harm comes to them that you will be spared?_

That's what Masamune said, so, I repeated it and the zookeeper kind of sneered and his eyes narrowed way down to little slits and he said, "Even Auron knew better than to threaten me in my own home, old blade."

_That was then, this is now, and I am not Auron._

I licked my lips and repeated it. And it stopped the old guy for a second while he thought about it.

"An you're not Masamune either," the zookeeper said after a minute, "Not really. You're just a crest. Now ain't that right? You're just a piece, and the weakest piece too, aintcha boy? An you think you can really threaten me?"

He was smiling again, and kind of hunched over, and looking at us and he sidled a step closer.

I scooted further away and my back bumped up against a wall.

_Zookeeper, if you harm this girl, Auron will drink...your...blood._

Uh...?

_And I will be cross with you. And so also will be the fayth—almost all of them. And Sin. Even here, Zookeeper, even here in your place of power...do you believe that you could survive that storm?_

Okay, I, uh, I repeated it, just the way Masamune said it in my head, and the zookeeper didn't say anything for a while, just stood there, not coming closer, and looked down at me, and at the crest in my hand.

And then he sorta chuckled, "Heh heh," and then he said, "Well now, you heard my offer. You just think about it."

He wasn't talking to me.

"I, uh, I'll wait for the guys outside," I said. My heart was pounding in my chest as I wrapped the crest up again and put it away again and gathered up my stuff and got up and scooted with my back against the wall to the doorway and shot outside and across the yard and sank down on a shady bench and stared at the dirt between my feet until I started to breath a little easier.

Okay, that was kind of...okay, that was the kind of thing that makes me wish Auron was around, or maybe Pops and a buncha Al Bhed marines. Although the way they were both talking, it maybe wouldn't have done much good.

After a while I was breathing more normal and then I felt that pressure kind of in the back of my head. I knew now it was the crest. I thought about it, and then thought about it some more, and then I took a deep breath and pulled the crest out and unwrapped it. I think...I need to know more about what's going on. And more about the crest.

I wish Auron was here.

I held the shiny crest in my hand and looked at it.

_Rikku._

I took a breath.

"Masamune."

_Let's talk._

"Okay," I said. "You go first."

_Ah. All right._

_Rikku...what do you want?_

"What?"

_I know it seems like a complicated question if you think about it too much, but it really isn't, Rikku. Just...just open your mouth and talk. Tell me what you want._

"Well, I, uh, want what everyone wants. I guess."

_What is that?_

I started kicking my heels a little, sitting there in the shade, talking to the crest.

"I guess, I want to be happy. And for all my friends and family to be happy. And I want to be with someone. With Auron."

_Those are very good things to want, Rikku. Much better than power, or wealth. Well, I can't promise that you'll be happy and that all of your family and friends will be happy. I can't promise anything, really, except that I will try to help you to achieve what you want. I can promise to help you as much as I can, and my help can be valuable, Rikku. Ask Rin._

Yeah.

"So...what do you want?"

_I want to help Auron._

"Then why does he hate you?" I asked.

_It's...a long story, Rikku._

"Okay," I said, and I pulled my legs up and crossed them under me.

_Many years ago, Auron lost his family._

"He told me."

_He...told...you...?_

"Yeah. About the fiends, and about burying his mom and his dad and his little sister, and about throwing you off a cliff."

_...he told you..._

It seemed really surprised.

"Um, yeah?"

_Nothing, Rikku, I'm...I just didn't expect that. Auron is...a very private person. I wasn't going to tell you anything specific, just that he had lost them. All right. Well, so then you know that he hates me, and does not trust me._

"Uh huh. So, why is that?"

_Because he blames me for his family's deaths all those years ago. And because he blames himself._

I shook my head, looking out across the yard at the outbuildings, the stables, the bunkers. I looked back down at the crest.

"I don't understand."

_Rikku, when he came running into the yard that day with the fiends so close behind him, he had a sword in his hand. His mother and his sister were there outside the house, and he stopped, and he turned to defend them. He would have died. He knows this, but a small piece of him suspects that if he had stayed and died there, fighting with that sword that was in his hand, then perhaps his mother and his sister would have had time to run and escape, and survive. But he didn't stay._

"He ran inside for you."

_Yes, Rikku. I called for him to come and take me from where I was hanging over the fire. And with me in his hands he ran back outside._

"His sister was dead," I said.

_Yes. The fiends had already killed her. And then they pulled his mother down before his eyes._

"And then he doesn't remember anything."

_He doesn't? Well, I do, Rikku. He was...Rikku, he wasn't even twelve years old yet, but he moved and cut and spun and ran and cut and jumped and cut and cut and cut and cut! Rikku, the fiends went down like chaff before us. He was wounded again and again, but the pain only made us stronger, and together we moved, while more and more of the fiends came from out of the forest, and we swept through them all, and I drank the pain and gave it back to Auron as power, and he called the dragon's fangs again and again. Rikku...we were magnificent._

I could...I could almost see it. I could almost hear the death screams and taste the blood in the air. The crest fell silent, and didn't say anything more for a long time.

"But his family was still dead," I said, finally.

_Yes._

_And he hates me because he suspects that I called him into the house that day because I cared more about his life than about the lives of his mother and his sister. He thinks that if he had stayed and died they might have lived, but that I wanted him to live so I sacrificed their lives for his. He suspects that I knew they would die and that I didn't care._

"Is...is it true?" I asked in a hushed voice.

It didn't answer for a long time. Then it said, _What is truth, Rikku? The truth is how we see things. The truth is that they would have died anyway. Without me the fiends would have quickly pulled Auron down and then the other two afterward. But the truth is also...yes, I cared more about Auron's life than I did about theirs. And I called him into the house so that he could live._

Huh.

Neither of us said anything for a while, and then it went on.

_So he hates me. He wants nothing to do with me. But I want to help him, and Rikku, he needs my help. He has great deeds to accomplish. He is playing for the very highest stakes, not only for here and now but for generations not yet born. He is playing for the future, Rikku, for your children._

Uh...children...

Our...?

His and...?

Wait wait wait!

Sure, that all sounds good, but just remember Rikku girl, Auron doesn't trust this sword. And you trust Auron. And he says this sword is old, and it's tricky!

"You just want to get put back together!"

_I want to help Auron! And I can do that better if I am Masamune, rather than a collection of parts!_

"You're working with Yojimbo, aren't you?"

_Yojimbo?_

"Big sword? Big hat? Big badger?"

_Dog._

"Whatever. You're working with him!"

_Yojimbo is an aeon. Try to be precise, girl. I sometimes cooperate with the fayth of Yojimbo, when we want the same things. Of course I do. Why shouldn't I?_

"Auron hates Yojimbo!"

_Auron hates the fayth of Yojimbo._

"Yeah, his uncle!"

_His...he told you?_

"Sure!"

_So._

_It seems he has told you a great deal. More than he has ever told anyone else. I...yes, Rikku, he hates Kain, his uncle, who is the fayth of Yojimbo. And Rikku, he has good reason to do so. Kain and Yojimbo have done terrible things. But I work with him because we both want the same thing._

"For you to get put back together!"

_Yes, Rikku. He wants it so that the aeon Yojimbo will attain his true power. And that power is great. No one can stand against Zanmato, if Yojimbo lives long enough to use it. But I want to be whole again, so that I can aid Auron. We want the same thing for different reasons, so we work together. It's the exact same way that Rin and Auron work together, isn't it?_

Maybe. I don't know.

_What...what else has Auron told you Rikku?_

"Huh?"

_Do you know his secrets! Rikku, I must know what he has told you!_

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

_What do you know, Rikku? What do you know about what happened to Auron at Zanarkand! Do you know what he is? Did he tell you!_

"What he is...?"

"HEY RIKKU!

"Wha—? Wakka?"

_WAIT!_

I stuffed the crest back deep in my pouch.

"Hey, com'on girl! Big fight! We need you! Up up up!"

"Um, I'm not really feeling—"

"And another reward, ya!"

Oh.

Uh...

Reward?

Heh.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Yeah, we didn't do so good wit dat little guy," Wakka was saying, "Gotta work on that plan some more, mebbe."

We were all back in the office again. The zookeeper was there. He smiled at me as we came in, but didn't say anything. I made sure that the others were between me and him.

"So, uh, so what are we all doing again?" I asked.

"Well, little lady," the zookeeper answered, "You got all the fiends on Gagazet. So I was able to make another monster. Heh heh. So you get another prize, and all of you get one free shot at it, if you think you're up to it, that is."

"Oh, we're up to it," Tidus said, bobbing his head and trying to strut, "We are SO up to it! And you are going down, old man! We're gonna SHOW you how it's done! Oh yeah!"

Lulu shook her head and kind of covered her face with one hand, but Yuna was just looking at the kid all wide-eyed and smiling and nodding. Sometimes when she looks at him that way you could almost think she doesn't have brain in her head, you know? I might have heard Kimahri rumble a sigh, and Wakka rubbed the back of his head with one hand and said, "Ya, well, I think we should try it, huh? I got a plan, ya know?"

"Like the last plan you had?" Lulu asked, rolling her eyes.

"Well, um, mebbe a little better than that plan. Hey, Lu, it's free, ya?"

She sighed.

"It's free," she said.

Yeah yeah yeah. Get to the important stuff!

"Uh, guys?" I said. "Um, reward?"

"Got it right here, little lady," the zookeeper said, pulling out a box.

Ooooooooo!

"I vote we wait til after the fight to open it," Tidus said.

Hey!

"Cause if we open it now we'll never get Rikku to concentrate."

HEEEEY!

"Hmmm, not a bad idea," Wakka said, looking around at the rest of us, "Vote...all in favor?"

Four-to-one. Bunch of meanies. Kimahri abstained.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We walked out onto the field in back of the main building as Wakka was telling us what he wanted.

"Rikku, you an Tidus got first strike weapons, so you guys are up. Kimahri, you're wit them, ya?"

So we three went up front, and I heard Wakka murmur, "Man, kinda wish Sir Auron was here," and when I looked back, I saw Lulu had put a hand on Wakka's arm and she was smiling and whispering something into his ear, and then he was smiling too. Oho!

Wish I could have seen more but just then the far gates opened and a behemoth rumbled out. And not just any behemoth, this was beyond behemoth! Okay, now all behemoths are big, right? So I can't just say this was a big behemoth, cause it wouldn't mean anything to you cause all behemoths are big, right? I mean, maybe there are some little runt behemoths somewhere that the other behemoths don't let out because they don't want them ruining the reputation of behemoths for big, but we can't know that, can we? Anyway, it wasn't that this behemoth was bigger than your ordinary behemoth-on-the-street, it was something else.

This was a behemoth with a bad attitude.

"Okay, Rikku girl!" –that's me!— "You, in an steal from it quick-quick, huh? Tidus, Haste on Rikku!"

So I ran in and it clawed at me but I ducked under and reached right in and felt around and jerked something out and jumped back, and then I felt the Haste spell hit me! Woohoo! I LOVE those!

"Hey, Wakka!" I called, "I got some Healing Springs!"

"Yeah, great, great," he said, and then the Purple People Eater reared up and reared back and then he just clawed Tidus to the ground. The kid never stood a chance!

"Rikku, steal," Wakka yelled.

"But what about Tidus!"

"Kimahri's got him," he yelled, and our Ronso buddy nodded and pulled out a phoenix down, "Now steal!"

So I ran in again and I got a stamina tonic while Tidus twitched and stood up groaning and then the behemoth, uh, Catoblas? Catafras? Cataplas, I guess, Cataplas dropped down on all fours and kind of hooked Kimahri and tossed him high in the air and he came down hard and didn't move.

"Rikku, phoenix down on Kimahri!"

I pulled out a phoenix down and threw it on Kimahri while Tidus cast Haste on himself, and then I ran in to steal again. I didn't get anything and I jumped back in place and looked up and the sky was all full of behemoth and the claw was coming right at me and then—

I was in a dark place, and then a jolt shot through my whole body and I opened my eyes and I slowly got up and groaned. I hurt in places I didn't know I had places! Great plan, Wakka.

"Wakka," I called behind me as Tidus hit me with another Haste spell, "Isn't it time for Bahamut now?"

"Not yet," he said, and Cataplas clawed Tidus to the ground again. "Kimahri, phoenix down on Tidus. Rikku, steal."

I shook my head but I ran in and felt around and didn't get anything. I'd already gotten just about everything I was gonna get, and the other guys weren't even hitting the big fiend! We were just Hasting and phoenix downing each other over and over. What was Wakka waiting for?

"Wakka!" I called, "We're getting shelled! Call Bahamut!"

"NOT YET!"

And then the thing rears back its head and it throws wide its arms and a Flare hits Kimahri like a, like a, like I don't know! But it hits him and he goes down in a heap!

"NOW!" Wakka yelled. "Now! Rikku! Phoenix down on Kimahri! Tidus! Back for Yuna! Yuna! In an summon up Bahamut, ya ya ya!"

Yuna rushed up and started to dance as Tidus and I helped Kimahri stagger back to the others. First there were colors everywhere and then the big aeon came screaming down from out of the sun and the ground shook when he thumped down and he threw back his head and he roared and glared at Cataplas. The fiend had stepped back when Bahamut showed up, and now they were looking at each other. They were about the same size, too.

"Yuna!" Wakka called. "Cast Haste! Have Bahamut cast Haste!"

Yuna looked back quick and nodded, and Bahamut cast the spell on itself.

"Ha! See?" Wakka said quietly, almost to himself, while we all watched the two giants. "Gotta wait until he throws Flare, then quick like quick you send in Yuna an she calls Bahamut, ya?"

"Why...?"

"He can use the spell, Flare I mean, but he don't do it so good, ya? Like it's not natural to him. So he's slow to recover after. Has to get his head set right again, you know? So you send in Bahamut right after Flare and Bahamut's got time to cast Haste and then still shield himself from the first attack, ya? Mebbe even got time to cast Protect, too."

Bahamut cast the Haste spell and the huge fiend was leaping at him!

"Or mebbe not. Yuna, Shield!"

Bahamut set himself and threw up his shield just as the behemoth reached him and bounced off. Bahamut took a hit, but not too bad.

"Yuna! Protect!"

Wakka was right! The big aeon cast Protect on itself and still had time to shield before Cataplas jumped in and clawed him and it did even less damage! Bahamut was leaning over and panting though. It was hurt now.

"Now Yuna! Lancet! Again! Now shield!"

Bahamut sucked some lifeforce outta the big purple cow and then put up its shield before it could claw him back.

"Yuna! Lancet! Now shield!"

"But how did you know?" I asked. "That he needs more time to recover after a Flare? We've never seen this fiend before."

"Yo," he said, smiling wide. "Bribe the handlers, ya? An dey slip me the tip. Don't think that zookeeper guy pay dem too good, ya know?"

Geez, his accent gets bad when he gets full of himself.

Then Cataplas reared back and threw a Flare!

"Damn!" Wakka said. "Knew I forgot somethin'. Oh well, plenty of time. Yuna, cast Shell. Now lancet. Lancet. Lancet. Lancet. Lanc—no wait...okay, shield."

It seems like—

Flare!

"Now, Yuna!" he shouted, "Megaflare!"

And Bahamut shook off the damage from the Flare, then he leapt up and came down on all fours and then he spread his wings and opened his mouth wide and a color storm erupted and Cataplas was caught in the center of it!

But he was tough. I'll give the big bruise that. He shrugged off the attack, but...

"Yuna, lancet, ya!"

But Bahamut still recovered first, while Cataplas was still shaking its big head.

"Hey, Wakka," I said as Bahamut sucked some more life from the fiend. "Why not shield?"

"Well, Rikku, this lancet brings Bahamut near back to full health. An he's gotta take a hit sometime," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "We need him to recharge, ya? So's he can megaflare again. One hit outta do it."

Wakka was right, one rake of that claw and Bahamut was hunched way over, but charged right up and ready to megaflare again.

"Yuna, lancet."

We settled back and watched as the battle between the two giants seesawed back and forth. Whenever Cataplas slammed into Bahamut's shield we could feel the crunch through the soles of our feet, and we felt the energy swirl in our bones as Bahamut would lancet away some of the fiend's life energy, and every now and then when Wakka thought the time was right the aeon would launch a devastating megaflare and then Cataplas would slice Bahamut with its claws. But Bahamut could cure itself with lancet, and not even Cataplas could stand up to that exchange forever. The occasional Flare just gave Bahamut more time to lancet and regain full health.

In fact...

Flare!

"Ha! Yuna! Megaflare, now!"

"Hey, Wakka?"

Yeah, Rikku?" he said, still watching the battle closely.

"You always use megaflare after he uses Flare."

"Yep, almost always, when I can. Right after he casts Flare, Bahamut can megaflare an still have time to shield himself, sometimes."

CRUNCH!

"Oops."

Not that time. But still, at least he's all charged up again now.

"Yuna," Wakka said all unconcerned, "Have Bahamut lancet Catoblepas."

Catoblepas? Man, I been saying it wrong all this time!

So it went back and forth as the two of them just pounded each other. I think Wakka cut it kind of close sometimes. Sometimes Bahamut was bent way over, just barely able to stand, and I knew one more hit and he'd be done for, shield or not, Protect or not. But Catoblepas never got that hit in, and Bahamut always managed to lancet, and then shield, and eventually get himself healthy and use megaflare again. The aeon must have thrown a dozen megaflares at Catoblepas, when suddenly the big purple fiend stopped, and swayed on its hind feet a little bit, and then it screamed and something was happening and I heard someone shout "Ultima!"

Something threw me to the ground and I just sort of stayed there curled in a ball with my eyes shut until it was all over. And when I opened my eyes again, Catoblepas was gone, with just a few pyreflies where it had been standing, and Yuna and Wakka and Bahamut were all looking way too proud of themselves.

Huh. Hey, I was the one that stole the healing springs and the stamina tonic!

Oh all right. I guess I'll go ahead and congratulate Wakka. I guess he did a good job.

But Auron would have done it better.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Well, how do?" the zookeeper said as we entered the front office, "So you beat it, huh? Guess I'll just have to make the next one meaner, heh heh."

Yeah yeah. He's not so scary now that I got my posse with me!

So, I thought, Let's get to the box. But he was already pulling it out.

Oooooooooooooooo!

What's this?

"What is it?" Yuna asked, coming closer. Lulu was right there with her eyes wide.

It was like a tiara...a really simple one, classy, you know? It was a delicate band of silver with a cluster of small, clear gems gathered at the front!

"Oh, Yunie, it would look so good on you! Try it on!"

"Oh, I don't know Rikku. I think you would look pretty in it. Or Lulu. It would go with her hairpins!"

"Uh, guys?" Tidus said, "It's, uh, just a piece of jewelry...right?"

We ignored him. He wouldn't be saying that if it was a new haircare product.

"We'll all try it on," Lulu smiled, "But you go first, Yuna."

"Oh, well, well all right," she said, and smiled a little and put it on.

It fit her perfectly and went with her beads and her eyes and she was sooooooo pretty.

...lots prettier than me.

I know Yuna's way more prettier than me. She's all soft and gentle, and her hair is always perfect, without any split-ends even, and she always smells nice.

But Auron thinks I'm pretty. He loves me and he wouldn't trade me for anyone.

Stupid Yuna.

"So, uh, does it have any special powers, ya?" Wakka asked the zookeeper.

"Heh heh, well," he said, "It might. I think someone in your group might know. Don't see'em right now though."

I jumped and said, "OH! Uh..."

They all looked at me for a minute, and Yuna smiled at me, and Lulu put a hand on my arm, and Wakka nodded at me.

They all thought he was talking about Auron.

But I don't think he was.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was sitting around outside again, while the others were cleaning up and getting ready for dinner. We were all going to eat together. Lulu had the tiara. We had all tried it on, and Lulu looked really nice in it. Wakka told her it was beautiful on her and she smiled. Maybe he's not so dumb after all. And I tried it on and it made me feel kind of special, and they all said how nice it looked. Well, Yuna and Lulu did. I wish Auron could have seen me.

We did okay in the battle. We got something called a vicious lance. The guy looked surprised that we had gotten something so good. I guess we got lucky. And you should have seen how Lulu's eyes lit up when he paid us more than 60000 gil for it! We also got a couple of things, I don't know. Might be Three Stars. I remember reading about them. I guess I could go to the comm sphere and try to look them up in the Al Bhed materials database.

Or I guess I could just ask the crest.

There's a shortcut I don't want to get into the habit of taking.

Still...I knew we weren't really finished talking from before. I sighed and reached into my pouch to haul it out. I know Auron wouldn't want me to be handling it this much. But he's not here and I have to use my best judgment, and do what I think is best.

I know that's what he'd expect.

Man, sometimes it isn't easy living up to his expectations.

I unwrapped the crest and shook it out onto my palm.

"Uh, hi Masamuse."

_Hello Rikku._

"So, um...hey, do you know what that thing is we got from the zookeeper?"

_Do I have your permission to examine your memories?_

"Uh, maybe I'll just describe it, okay?"

So I did. It didn't say anything.

"Masamune?"

_Yes, Rikku, I'm...thinking. I just don't know how much to tell you. I don't know what Auron wants you to know._

"I think he wants me to know everything."

I got a sense of amusement from it.

"Okay, okay...but why wouldn't he want me to know?"

_I can't tell you that._

So gee. Why aren't I surprised that this sword has secrets?

_It's the Blossom Crown._

"Oh. Uh, okay. Thanks. So, what's it for?"

_Nothing that you need right away, Rikku. There is time._

"The zookeeper wants you to tell me," I said.

More amusement.

_Yes, Rikku, possibly he does. But possibly he doesn't. The one you know as The Zookeeper is very old, and very tricky._

"That's what Auron says about you."

_We're both right._

"So...what does the zookeeper want?"

_I think...right now...I think he wants me._

I sat up.

"What?"

_I think he wants me, Rikku, because I am the weakest piece, and for that reason he thinks that perhaps he could control me._

"Could he?"

_I can't be sure. He is strong, and he knows much of the summoner's art of control._

"He's a summoner?" I asked, surprised.

_He was._

"What?"

_Rikku, the zookeeper is an unsent._

I felt something freeze up inside me.

He was dead.

He was DEAD!

The damned zookeeper was DEAD and I'd been around him all this time and I didn't even know he was DEAD! He was one of the damned DEAD PEOLPE that REFUSES to GO! He refuses to just GO and leave Spira to us living people because they SCREWED IT UP SO BAD WHEN THEY WERE ALIVE!

I was trembling! I was just shaking!

"WHY DIDN'T AURON TELL ME!"

_I, I suppose he had his reasons, Rikku._

Reasons! Like he didn't tell us MIKA was dead?

DAMN him, and DAMN THEM! Is Spira just FULL of DEAD PEOPLE?

_I..didn't know you felt so strongly about the unsent, Rikku._

"Well NOW you KNOW!" I shouted, and a couple of wranglers walking by looked at me in surprise.

_Yes, Rikku._

_Now, I know._

YEAH, I feel STRONGLY! And I'm still just trembling because I'm so sick of DEAD PEOPLE and I'm so MAD that I'm screaming inside because Auron never even TOLD me and cause they're DEAD! There are these DEAD people all over Spira! RUNNING OUR LIVES! They DIE and they STAY HERE because they're all TWISTED and FULL of HATE! They're not alive and they shouldn't BE here and as long as they ARE here then Spira will never ever really belong to US, not to the LIVING people! Not to us, and not to our CHILDREN! Not to mine and Auron's children! To OUR children...

And even while I'm screaming at him inside for not telling me...

I still wish he was here holding me.

Cause I still trust Auron, you know? I'm breathing heavy and my heart is pounding and I just want to go find that unsent bastard zookeeper and rip him APART so he'd just GO wherever DEAD PEOPLE go and LEAVE US ALONE! But...but I also wish with all my heart that Auron was here with me right now because I love him and I trust him and I need him.

And when I remember what he said about a new story...

I bet he's gonna do something about all these dead people. I just bet he's got some plan...you know? Somehow...somehow I know that the Auron I love won't let all the dead people keep hold of this world. He won't let the unsent take Spira away from us, and from our kids.

Not my Auron.

**Next: Crash Course**

* * *

Bahamut's stats: 

Hp 5040...Mp 103...St 57...Df 79...Mk 69...Md 84...Ag 52...Lk 17...Ev 44...Ac 20


	50. Crash Course

Hey.

Here's a heads up. I think in the next couple of weeks I'm going to take down this story and repost it here. That'll reset the hits counter and the favorites and the reviews. I just think it'll give me a clearer idea of who's reading right now. Now, I don't know how the author alerts work, but I'm afraid what'll happen is some people will end up with a new story notice in their e-mail box, followed by 50 new chapter notices. Sorry. Also, I know it'll change the pointer address so some rec-links outs there will be broken, and I apologize to the people who put them up.

So what's new with you?

(Huh. You know, I posted this yesterday, and...now I'm a little worried that it sounded like I was begging for reviews? It never occured to me that people might think that. I wasn't. (I don't.) I mean, I like reviews, but...just...no. That's not what I was getting at above. Chapter 50 just seemed like a good place to maybe set things back to zero and get a fresh start on the numbers. Maybe it would make more sense to delete the chapters after 42 and mark the story complete, then repost all the part 2 chapters as a new story...but I really don't want to do that. Huh. Anyway...)

By the way, for anyone who follows them, I went back and put a music note at the end of chapter 21..._In My Head_ by Anna Nalick.

Anyway, so. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (I can't believe I forgot to say that last time...does that mean FFX was mine for two weeks?) Kind of follows the story, but AU right now. It's an aurriku (didn't start that way). This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship, and the way they've decided to take things so far this is rated -T-, but the story will be pushing that -T- rating in a few chapters.

This chapter is dedicated to any readers who are doing NaNoWriMo. No getting discouraged. You can do it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

She's coming

I mean...they're coming.

What are they all playing at? Cid must have gotten there and made an immediate turnaround. They were supposed to stay in the north! They would be safer there and I would have rejoined them in two or three weeks, when I've made more preparations. Four or five weeks at the most.

Could they be in trouble?

This is what happens when you play chess with live pieces.

* * *

**Crash Course**

* * *

**Auron:**

It was early when I woke up. It usually is.

I tried to open both eyes before I remembered.

I do that a lot.

Didn't work.

Never does.

I dressed and went downstairs to get some breakfast. While I ate, I thought some more about Benefice's offer from the day before. Was it genuine? Was it worth considering? What did it say about the current state of things in Bevelle? What is she doing right now?

Hm.

That last one...never mind.

Yevon. The Church. Bevelle. Events there in the north are crucial to The Plan. Perhaps I needed to see the city for myself. Could I slip in and out quickly? Was it even worth making such a cursory visit? Was she all right?

Damn.

You know...I dreamed about her last night. Nothing special, really. We were just walking, talking about nothing at all. But we were together.

I shook my head, and got up and left the bar behind to wander around Luca until it was time to talk to the city council.

Bevelle.

Of course I would return there one day. If nothing else Yuna's second pilgrimage led through the cloister there. But in fact I would probably visit the city even before then, perhaps several times. But I hadn't planned to do it this soon.

I could sneak in. In Zanarkand I had reactivated the ancient transport platform network that had once linked the two great cities. It was a pity that the network didn't extend down to the south, but the lines were incredibly expensive to construct. I wouldn't have to go all the way back to Zanarkand, though. There were a few stations between the cities. The closest was on Gagazet, at the base of the mountain there. When I returned to the north in the airship perhaps I could have Cid drop me and then wait for me there. The port would put me into the middle of the Via Purifico. No one suspected the network was there. Well, they might. But no one knew it working. And I didn't want them to know, of course. It was very nice to have the capability to lead an army into the heart of Bevelle any time I wanted.

Some passing Crusaders nodded to me in a friendly way in the street. It surprised me. I wondered if Benefice was right. Did these youngsters not share in the general Crusader animus toward me? Did they not blame me at all for killing their leader, Lacey, years ago? I frowned as I paused to examine the contents of a stall.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I killed her. They should hate me. I'm comfortable with their hatred. The one group that doesn't think I'm a hero.

I shook my head. Nothing is ever easy, is it?

Nothing is ever simple.

I eventually wandered to the outskirts of the city, out to the start of the Mi'ihen Road. I stood there for a while, watching the traffic come and go, dispatching a few fiends of the common sort. There seemed to be a lot of trade entering and leaving Luca. That was good. Commerce was the lifeblood of the city. That's why it was so important that the Crusaders keep the great northern road open. One reason. I turned back into the city proper and roamed the streets and courtyards at random. The people around me seemed prosperous. They were worried about Sin, of course, but not about their next meal. Blitzball was on people's minds.

That's Luca.

Midmorning found me outside the city offices. The guards at the door and passersby looked at me curiously as I paused for a moment before going in.

"Sir Auron," the young woman behind the desk stood up and smiled. "Please come in and I'll tell Belinda you're here. Would you like something to drink?"

I declined any refreshments, and after a few minutes in the well-appointed waiting room the receptionist returned, accompanied by another young woman wearing little more than a brightly colored swimsuit and sandals.

Perhaps it was casual day.

Actually it was simply another instance of southern versus northern culture. The northern culture is more modest in dress. The southern culture is more...hm, beach oriented. You can even see it in some of the Crusader uniforms.

In Luca, every day is casual day.

"Sir Auron?" the young woman smiled. "My name is Belinda. I'm the Council Secretary. If you would care to come through to the meeting room?"

I followed her down the hall and into a medium sized room where nine people were standing or sitting around a table. There was an empty seat for me. It was to be an informal meeting, then. Were they trying to put me at my ease, or to hedge their bets with Bevelle by not having an official meeting with me? There were five men and four women on the council. Domas was the Council Chairman. Bluff and open-faced, he was the city manager, the man whose job it was to run Luca and the city government from day-to-day.

Three of the councilors were representatives of the Luca Merchant's Association. One woman, short, but pleasantly rounded, represented the Dock Worker's Union. She sat next to the Port Master, blocky and powerfully-built, her natural enemy. A tall, thin man called Leoni was supposedly there as the head of the Artist's Guild. Luca prided itself on respecting all artists—painters, singers, dancers, writers. In actually, Leoni was on the council because he was probably the wealthiest man in the city. He owned the Sphere Theatre. Ezar, a competent but average appearing man, was the commander of the Crusaders in Luca. His was an important post, second only to the leader of the Crusaders. Luca is critical to them. He wore a bland smile that gave away nothing. And, this being Luca, the final member of the city council was an attractive, enthusiastic looking woman named Macy, the Commissioner of Major League Blitzball.

I stood behind my chair and nodded to them all.

"Gentlemen...ladies...think you for seeing me."

Domas smiled and nodded back, motioning to the chair in front of me.

"It is our honor, Sir Auron. Thank you for agreeing to meet with us. Please, be seated. Can we have something brought? Something to drink? No? Well then...I hear that Lady Yuna is not with you at present. I hope she is well?"

"Quite well," I said. "And I'm sure that she plans to visit the city in the near future."

"Ahh..."

There seemed to be some awkwardness about how to begin. Calio, one of the merchant representatives leaned forward to address me across her colleague. "Sir Auron, I'm sure that you realize that the reason we asked you to meet with us is that we have some concerns..."

I nodded silently.

"Yes," Leoni said smoothly. "We are, of course, honored by the Red Guardian's presence in Luca. However..."

"But the last time you were here," Ezar interrupted, "A fiend swarm attacked the city. They were driven off when Maester Seymour Guado summoned an unknown aeon, then he returned to the north and you left with a summoner pilgrimage. Now, months later, the Church is in a crisis, there are rumors racing across Spira, and you return in a flying ship piloted by Al Bhed."

It was an accurate summary.

"Sir Auron," said Shian, another of the merchants. "We are responsible for the safety of the people in this city."

"I see," I said, looking around at them. "And what is it that you would like to know?"

"We'd like to know what is going on in the north," the Port Master said. "What happened on your pilgrimage? Why is the Church calling you a traitor? What is going on with the Church? And with the Guado? And the Ronso?"

"And the Al Bhed," the Dock Worker's Rep added.

"Yes," a merchant said. "And what about this flying ship? Is it dangerous? What if the Al Bhed attack Luca with it?"

"Damn it, Shian!" the Port Master said. "Why would the Al Bhed attack Luca? We've had Al Bhed ships here before."

"Yes," Tikai, the third merchant said, looking around. "Forget them. I want to know about the monks. They're gone now, but are they going to come back?"

"We haven't had Al Bhed in a massive ship that flies," the woman Shian snorted. "We've all heard that they attacked Bevelle! And wasn't there talk about a kidnapping a while back?"

"There are always rumors about Al Bheds kidnapping woman and children to eat them or to sacrifice them or to turn them into sex slaves or into half-machina monsters," the Port Master responded with a snort. "It's all trash!"

"They're good blitzers..." Macy said, speaking for the first time.

"Councilors," Doman said, looking around and raising his voice slightly. "We're getting off the point. We're not here today to swap wild rumors. We're here to ask if Sir Auron can tell us anything that will help us to keep Luca and its people safe."

"And perhaps the rest of the south," Ezar added quietly.

They fell silent and turned to me. I thought for a minute.

A new story. It has to start somewhere.

So...

"Sorrow has many names," I said.

They looked puzzled.

"Once...

"Once there were two great cities, ancient and powerful, but perhaps not wise, and in time they fought a war and a thousand years of sorrow were born, and the sorrow had many names...Yunalesca...and Sin...and Pilgrimage. And the people lived in fear. And one day someone said, Look, Here is your hope, Here in these brave young people who will give their lives to kill sorrow. Come and rejoice...celebrate their death. And the people smiled. But it was a lie. It was always a lie, born of despair. And now it is done. It is over. It is finished. And the world...is uncertain. But a new hope rises, born of truth, and the courage to change."

I fell silent. No one spoke.

They sat and stared at me, and then at each other, not knowing what to say or how to respond.

Whatever they expected, this wasn't it.

The man Leoni shook himself slightly, and said, "I, uh, Sir Auron..."

"Change is coming," I said quietly. "It's already come. And what we must discuss is how Luca will respond. How will Luca change? Because it will change."

I saw slow, reluctant nods around the table.

We spent the next hour discussing my plans for Luca. I kept to generalities about local government, security, and the promotion of trade.

The word Rebellion was never explicitly spoken.

We agreed to meet again before I left the city. As I was about to go, Commander Ezar came around the table to speak to me.

"Sir Auron," he said. "I hope that you have time to visit the Crusader Headquarters here before you leave Luca. I would like the chance to speak with you further about security. And perhaps you could train a bit while you were there. Many of our younger members would love a chance to spar with you."

Surprised, I nodded. He offered his hand and I took it, and then shook hands all around.

The Council Secretary, Belinda, showed me to the door, and I left and, deep in thought, I began to wander the city once more. The meeting had gone fairly well. I was somewhat encouraged by the reaction to my story. Of course, five of the councilors back in that room were already bought and paid for. Three belonged to us, and two belonged to Bevelle. When I first arrived back in Spira more than a year ago, six councilors belonged to Bevelle, but somehow in that time their private arraignments had become very public, and there had been a series of quiet scandals and shake-ups in the council. Bevelle was still playing catch up—now in the middle of a crisis, which is why they've only recruited two new councilors that we knew of. We could expose those two anytime, of course.

But patience is a virtue.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We're on our way. The airship got here finally, after four days at the zoo, and we all hurried onboard. The ship was already lifting off and turning south by the time we got to the bridge. My stomach was full of butterflies, the mean red ones. I knew Pops and I were overdue for a talk. I wondered what he and Auron had talked about. I mean, I guess I know what they talked about, but I wonder how it went. But really, this isn't about me and Auron. It's about me and Pops.

We filed onto the bridge and he turned around to face us, looking us all up and down. Yuna put her head down a little. Wakka sort of looked around at us, and then stepped forward.

"Okay," he said, "So, we headed for Luca, right?"

"That's right," Pops said. "Cause we got nothing better to do than to haul your asses up and down the length of Spira."

"Uh, well, that's good, ya? How long til we get there?"

"Six days."

"And, uh, Sir Auron...he leave any instructions for us?"

"No," Pops answered, looking right at me. "He didn't leave anything for any of you."

I felt my face getting red.

"Okay," Wakka said, turning to the rest of us. "So let's go ahead and get settled in, huh? Com'on."

We all turned to follow him out. I heard a voice behind me say, "Not you."

Yuna and Tidus stopped and we all turned back.

"You and me gotta have a talk, little girl," Pops said.

I took a deep breath.

"Yeah," I said, and turned to leave. "We do."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was stomping through the corridors just fuming, and Al Bhed crewmen were leaping out of my way. I felt someone tug at my arm and whirled around to tear off a piece off someone, but it was Tidus.

"What?" I said.

"Take it easy, Rikku. And our cabins are back this way."

Oh.

Oh yeah.

A little while later I was in Yuna's cabin putting my stuff away. I was going to share with her again. I wasn't like trying to avoid my dad or anything. But I just felt kind of lonely. The cabin here on the airship wasn't really home anyway.

"Rikku?"

"Uh, yeah Yunie?" I said, refolding an orange tee.

"What's going on with you and Uncle Cid?" she asked quietly. "Is it about Auron? I mean, only if you want to talk about it."

"Well," I said, not looking at her, "I guess...he doesn't approve. About Auron and me. And...I guess we have to talk about it. And...I guess I'm not looking forward to it, you know?"

"Oh Rikku," she said. "It'll be all right. I'm sure of it!"

"Oh I know," I said. "It will. Sure it will. I'm just not looking forward to it is all."

"Rikku...is there something else?"

"No...not really."

She came and sat on the bed next to me, and reached out and took one of my hands.

"Rikku, you can tell me," she said. "What is it?"

"I...no, no it's nothing," I said, trying to tug my hand away.

"Rikku, is it about Auron?"

"Uh..."

"It's not hard to guess."

I looked at her sideways through my hair. She was smiling a little. I sat down next to her, staring at the floor.

"Rikku? Is it because he went to Luca without you?"

"Why'd he do that Yunie?" I asked softly.

"Well," she said, pulling me into a hug, "My guess is that it's something to do with keeping us all safe. He takes his duties as a guardian very seriously."

"Yeah, I know," I said, putting my head on her shoulder, "But I coulda gone with him..."

God I sounded whiney.

"Rikku, I think you're the one he really, really wanted to keep safe."

"Really...?" I asked.

"Well," she said, "We've all seen the way the two of you are these days, and how he's always holding you, and the two of you kissing. I know he's cared about you for a long time before this, and now...well..."

"He said he loves me," I said quietly.

"He did?"

Don't sound so surprised, Yuna.

"I mean, he said it to you?" she asked.

"Heh. Yeah," I answered, smiling a little, "He said it right to my face and everything. He says it a lot, really."

"Well, Rikku. I think you know him better than anyone. Would he say that if he didn't mean it?"

I guess not.

I mean, no, of course not.

"No."

I wiped my eyes.

"So that's wonderful. So what's this all about, Rikku?"

"I dunno."

"Rikku, what's the matter?"

"Yuna..."

"Yes?"

In a small voice, I asked, "Why does he like me?"

"Rikku?" she said, pulling back a little to look at me.

"I'm not pretty like you, or sexy like Lulu..."

"Rikku! He loves you because you're smart and sweet and kind, and you are pretty!"

"I'm just a kid," I muttered. "We haven't even..."

I was blushing, looking down again.

"I bet you and Tidus have," I said softly, "I bet Lulu has. But not us. Not me and Auron. Cause I'm not ready."

"Rikku," she said hesitantly, "Rikku, have...have you talked about his, with him?"

"Yeah..."

"And?"

"He said it was okay..."

"Oh. Well, but, you're still worried?"

I nodded.

"That what?" she asked, "That he'll leave you? And find someone else? Or cheat on you?"

"No...yes...I..."

I ran down, and just slumped against her again, and she put her arms back around me.

"Rikku, I think if he said it was all right, then it was. Just from what Tidus says, I don't think Auron plays games. Not those kinds of games."

I know.

I do know.

And I was still worried a little, before, but then we had our talk, and he said it was all right and we kissed, and everything was okay...

And then he went to Luca.

And left me behind.

"Rikku," Yuna said, "Maybe it's really simpler than all that, you know?"

"Huh?"

"Maybe he likes you because you like him."

Well...

Maybe that's...what I'm afraid of.

Great. Someone was knocking at the door.

It was Rin.

"Rikku," he said when I opened the door, "Your father sent me to bring you. He wants to talk to you."

"He sent you to make sure I didn't get lost?" I asked tiredly.

"He sent me instead of calling for you over the shipwide intercom or sending two large Al Bhed crewmen to carry you."

"Who woulda ended up Slow, Blind, Confused, Zombied, and incontinent," I said.

"And the whole situation would have descended into farce. So instead, he sends me to escort you."

"Rin," Yuna said, "This isn't the best time..."

"It's fine, Yuna," I said with a little sigh. "Now's as good a time as any."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I said, "Really. I'll see you later."

Oh well, I thought, following Rin down the corridor. Maybe she'll finish unpacking for me.

"So," I said, breaking the little silence.

"So, Rikku," he answered.

"So, what happened between Dad and Auron? I guess they talked. How did it go?"

He thought for a moment before answering, "No one was killed."

I snorted.

That good, huh?

"Rikku," Rin started, hesitantly.

"I'm not gonna make any bargain with you or the crest until I've talked with Auron," I interrupted him.

"No no, of course not," he said. "But...have you spoken with the crest?"

"Yeah," I muttered.

"And...the discussions...they were positive?"

"Well...the crest helped me out a couple of times. I guess," I admitted reluctantly.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him lick his lips.

"But...when you speak to Sir Auron, Rikku, you will try to persuade him to let you keep the crest?"

"I'm NOT gonna decide that now, Rin!"

He nodded wordlessly and we walked on a while in silence.

"Rin," I said as we walked, "If you trust the crest that much, how come you never let it out a piece of itself inside your head?"

And after a minute he answered quietly, "I don't trust anyone that much. Here we are."

We stopped in front of a cabin.

"I will leave you now, Rikku. Perhaps we can speak later."

He walked off. I looked around. This was like two minutes walk from Yunie's cabin. Rin had taken me around the long way so that he could talk to me.

* * *

**Auron:**

A wooden staff rapped against the side of my head and I saw stars, and through the stars I saw a young face grinning at me.

After my meeting with the council that day I wandered the city for the rest of the afternoon, and met with some of our agents. That evening I went to the Sphere Theatre to watch a troupe of young dancers perform. Of course there were as many eyes on me as on the performers, but when the lights went down I was able to ignore all that for a while. It was the premier of a story about the doomed love between a summoner and her guardian. The special effects for the aeon battles were decent and the dancers themselves were quite talented, and would have made respectable fighters.

Watching them I thought of Willa, and her dreams of being a dancer.

But it was Rikku that I missed.

Leoni was there that night, and came down to greet me during the interval and I congratulated him on the performance.

"I wish I knew you were coming," he said. "I'd have given you a complementary box."

"But how could you have done that, dear Lenoi?" his companion asked with a sharp little smile. It was the merchant representative Shian. "The performance has been sold out for two weeks...the boxes have been, in any case."

"I'd have insisted he use my own box, Madame," he replied smoothly.

"I prefer to blend into the crowd," I said.

They both blinked, looking at my red coat.

"Ah, of course," the impresario murmured. We made small talk as we wandered over to the bar, and I gently declined an invitation to the production party afterward. It was amusing to observe them each try to maneuver a few private moments with me to set up meetings for later in the week. I was disappointed to find that the bar didn't stock nog and felt like quite the barbarian as I took my leave of the two councilors and returned to my seat. One more councilor found me there and set up an appointment before the lights dimmed.

On the morning of my third day in Luca I came down to find several invitations to various homes and functions waiting for me at the bar. I quelled the urge to drop them all in the trash. One or two could be useful. After a light meal I began to wander the city as had by now become customary for me in the mornings. I decided I would sample a new part of the city each day, to get a better feel for the people and their mood. I knew that in the next week or two I would have several meetings with various people and probably one, or possibly two, more visits to the council. While I was here in Luca I also wanted to take a closer look at Maechen's organization. When the old scholar was first setting up, Rin had provided him with several safe houses here in the city (and a few elsewhere) where his people could live and work. Rin provided funds and some useful contacts, and Maechen and his people—mainly students—provided the research skills and arcane knowledge. (And enthusiasm. They were still arguing vigorously over a name for themselves. The current leading suggestions were The Secret Library, which some of them felt was too on-the-nose, The Group, which some of them thought wasn't on-the-nose enough, and The Book Club, which I rather liked, but which some of them thought wasn't serious enough.)

In another two or three weeks the south should be firmed up enough to call Cid and the airship to come pick me up. After Ratcatcher, we could bring Yuna down from the Calm Lands and she could start her pilgrimage in relative safety. If the south is firmly but quietly behind Yuna then the Church proper won't try seriously to stop her here. Why should they when she'll eventually head north anyway? Of course she will still need her guardians to protect her against individual dangers.

So the next few weeks will be busy enough, but I wanted to take Captain Ezar up on his offer to drop by Crusader Headquarters in the city. Which is how I came to be on the mat matched up against three young Crusaders with wooden staves.

A little before noon of my third day in Luca I stood in front of Crusader Headquarters, where the smiling guards at the door cheerfully let me in. A short entryway led to a large domed hall that had several doorways opening off it and a set of narrow stairs to one side leading up. Several crusaders were in the hall sparring with wooden weapons. Several broke off to smile at me as I entered the room and there were a couple of yelps as some of their opponents took the opportunity to score quick blows. Soon I was seated in Ezar's office discussing the security situation with him.

"We never have enough men, of course," he said from behind his desk. "Especially after Operation Mi'ihen. But that's not as much of a problem here in Luca. We always keep a strong company here. And we are getting recruits, but it takes time to train them. The merchants here in the city are supporting us, but we still have trouble getting good weapons even when we have the money. Weaponsmiths and armorors can only work so fast, especially if you want quality."

I nodded, making a mental note to have Rin offer some of our stockpiled arms to sale to the Crusaders, through cutouts, of course. It wouldn't solve their problem, but it would help. Granted that we might need those weapons and armor later for other things, it was worth giving up some of our supply if it would make the Crusaders more effective.

"So we're all right here in the city," he went on. "Especially since the council hired more city guards so we don't have to act like police. And the Mi'ihen road is fairly safe. It's never really as safe as we like, but we run regular patrols up and down and trade is getting through. Things get worse as you get farther north, up toward the Mushroom Rock area, but that's just the way things are. As we get more men and women we'll put more strength up there. Other than Luca, we've pretty much got the Mi'ihen Valley secure, and we have a strong compliment at Djose."

I shook my head.

"I never thought the Church would abandon Djose." I said. "Not after all the trouble they went through building it up as a strongpoint to spread their influence south."

"I guess they've got other things on their minds," he said. He carefully did not say something like, Lucky For Us. But he was thinking it pretty hard.

"So then," I asked. "What are your worries for Luca?"

"Well, Sin of course. He hasn't attacked Luca directly in a while, and since there isn't going to be a Calm anytime soon...?"

He looked up at me. I could have told him that Sin also wouldn't attack for a while, but I stayed silent.

"Well," he went on, "So he could attack at any time. But we're ready for that, as much as we can be. My biggest worry right now is the sea. Luca is a port, and the ocean is important to the city, but the Crusaders just aren't a seagoing organization. We would have real trouble defending against an attack by water fiends. Or...any enemies that may come by water."

There was another pregnant pause, and Ezar gave me a meaningful look weighted with significance, charged with implication, fraught with meaning, and heavy with Everything That Was Left Unsaid.

It made me tired just to be in the same room with that look.

I returned it blandly, and we spent some time discussing defense against waterborne attack, especially with the use of magical fire. I had some ideas tumbling in the back of my head, about the possibilities of an alliance with the Al Bhed, masters of the water (rather odd for desert dwellers) but it was nothing I was prepared to discuss at this time. Eventually we both stood.

"Thank you for coming, Sir Auron," he said extending his hand. "You given me some good ideas and put my fears to rest a little."

I nodded, and he escorted me out. As we were walking downstairs he brought up once more the idea of my training with the cadets and young Crusaders.

"You would really be doing me a favor, Sir Auron. I know that facing you would help the young Crusaders tremendously. It's probably one of the best ways you could help make Luca safer."

Which is, again, how I came to be on the mat matched up against three young Crusaders with wooden staves. A few hours training is a small price to pay for a little goodwill from the Crusaders. I led a lesson and gave some hands-on instruction to recruits in the less advanced classes, demonstrated some heavy sword techniques against Ezar and his second-in-command, and finally faced the advanced students on the mat with wooden staves. There were fourteen of them, and they took turns coming in groups of three and four.

The first three tried to overpower me in a rush. They found they couldn't. I knocked two back, taking care not to break any bones, and swept the third to the ground. I lashed a blow down at his shoulder but the next four were coming fast and my victim scuttled away while the new ones were attacking from all sides.

I feinted at the one in front then started to sweep my staff to the side before I jabbed it suddenly behind me. I heard a "whumpff" as the end connected and sank into something soft. I jabbed toward a face in front of me but suddenly pivoted on my feet and caught the second student solidly in the left side.

I swept back then reversed and he grunted when I got him again in the same side while he twirled his staff to the right. They weren't used to my style of fighting.

The other two were coming now and I stepped closer, picked up the gaping second student with one hand and threw him at their feet. They went down in a heap.

The third group was rushing forward. I leaped over the ones on the ground to catch the new ones before they were ready. They were too close together and I slammed into the three of them, rolled over them and flipped forward to come up slashing at the fourth group who were standing there waiting their turn. They jerked back when from the tip of my staff before I swiftly backed away, gently rapping a few recruit heads still on the ground.

I caught my breath as the second and third teams crawled from the mat and the fourth talked things over before stepping up. I probably shouldn't have given them the time. I should have attacked, but this was just sparring.

They weren't used to my style. Ordinarily staff fighting has a rhythm, a give and take. You swing, he blocks, and you both channel the momentum into your next attack. But you can break rhythm using strength to come in from a new angle or from the same one again. The last group of four didn't rush in. They saw it didn't work. Instead they approached cautiously, in position to support each other.

Can't have that.

I stepped into them, feinted right and pulled back, they broke apart slightly in reaction, but didn't come after me. These four were good.

Full extension, I lashed the tip of the staff down at the right foot of the nearest one. He slipped away to his left, but I was pulling back, half turn to the left, swing at his partner and he shifts to his right. They bump into each other.

My left foot slides back and I'm turning, my back is to them, turning fast, bringing the staff up over my head, turning and facing the one on the end and my staff is smashing down. He brings his staff up in both hands to block instead of slipping it. Bad move.

I feel the jolt as my staff bangs his and he's knocked back. My staff crashes into his shoulder, slamming his down across his chest. He's falling backward but my left hand comes up and I grab his staff. He holds on and I'm holding both it and him up, my left hand gripping his staff palm up between both of his hands.

He looks up at me, dazed. I smile a little, flex my muscles and flip my hand over, twisting the staff out of his hands. He's falling and the others are coming, but they stop short suddenly as I take two quick steps back and then turn to face them, a staff in either hand, near ends tucked into the small of my back and far ends spread wide like wings.

They aren't ready to face two-staff technique.

It was a bluff. I haven't done two-staff in years, and I had two eyes back then. I held the staffs palm up near the center, locked in the crooks of my elbows. I'm sure it looked impressive, but if they had attacked I probably would have tripped. The last one was climbing back to his feet. I dropped the pose and tossed his staff back to them.

They fell for it. Two of them reached up to take it and I came in right behind knocking them over like ten-pins.

The others had been talking while I was playing with this group, and they finally got smart. They started coming in waves, taking their lumps and making way for the next bunch, making me exert myself. Soon I was puffing and panting, starting to move slower, and then I stumbled and they moved in fast on three sides. I blocked a blow from the front, then the left, then the front, and one slipped through and I took a rap on the side of my head. I saw stars, and a young face smiling in triumph.

I sped up suddenly and waded into them with my staff. Front, side, side, throwing them back off the mat then snapping a blow at the nearest one waiting. Then I backed away, twirling the staff and planting the butt on the mat. Then I crossed one foot over the other and leaned on it waiting for them.

They weren't smiling when they came and we settled into it, them trying to wear me down, me trying to teach them caution. I was fairly certain the trainers would end it soon, not willing to risk their students getting hurt.

I was dancing with four of them and then a fifth was coming at me, jumping his turn, his wide eyes seemed too big in his dead-white face and he crashed into me but I was already spinning and we both hit the ground as a line of slugs went over us and tore into two cadets. They went down in a welter of blood as I rolled and came up running with my sword in my hands. He was forty feet away and still firing and I was slapping the bullets aside and then I was there and the edge of my sword took off his right leg just as a bolt of magical fire from a Crusader caught him in the side.

People were shouting questions and orders and running. Ezar and some other Crusaders and recruits came to stand over the body with me. I quietly moved to put my back against the wall. Ezar didn't miss that.

He shook his head and started, "Sir Auron, I..."

"How are they?" I asked flatly.

"We had potions in case of accidents," he said. "The recruits will be okay."

"Who is he?" I asked, looking down at the body. The slack face seemed a little familiar.

Ezar frowned and one of the cadets standing a little back said, "Hey, he isn't a Crusader...he's, you know, that guy we hired to help out around here...clean up, and move stuff."

We used to move our own stuff in the warrior monks.

Give them a break. They're short-handed.

I walked back to stand over the two recruits that had been shot. The rest of the recruits were clustered at a distance, watching wide-eyed with sick expressions as the healer worked on them. The slugs had stitched a line across their midsections. If the potions hadn't been close to hand they would have died within minutes. Once-white mats were now bloody-red where they lay. Their clothes were bloody-rags. The healer's arms were red to the elbow.

Fiends don't bleed. Most people don't realize just how much blood is inside people...and how appallingly easily it comes out.

It just pours right out.

The healer looked up at us and nodded.

"It was bad, but they'll be all right. How's the other?" he asked.

I shook my head, and he sighed, and turned back to the two young men.

So.

Someone tried to assassinate me inside Crusader headquarters. Which will make Ezar a bit apologetic and perhaps easier to deal with, I thought as I stood over the hearer. Or it might make him defensive. I can handle that. The more interesting question is who ordered the attempt. The most obvious answer is someone from Bevelle. Mika, or Ophelia, or perhaps Benefice. Perhaps his offer was a ruse. Or perhaps it was a genuine offer, but second choice. Kill me if he can, if not, then work with me. Was the assassin a fra? Why use a slug-thrower then? And why was he in Crusader headquarters? Did they expect me to go there sometime, or was I a target of opportunity? I know many fra by sight from ten years ago, but I didn't know this man as one of them. But he did seem familiar.

Ah.

I remember. He was one of Lud's men, a freelancer from Bevelle. Someone hired a freelancer. That opened the field. It was either someone who doesn't have assassins of their own or someone who wanted to cover their tracks by using an untraceable outsider. That narrows it down to...everyone. It could be anyone with money. Mika, Ophelia, Benefice, Harcourt, any of the Elect, one of the Great Houses, one of the Minor Houses, one of the secret societies, any of the Luca councilors, various other people from my past, or even the Guado.

Cid?

Rin?

Belgamine?

Maechen?

Lulu?

Probably a little too paranoid there.

I let Ezar apologize as the senior Crusaders got the recruits organized and busy. I declined his worried offer of an escort when I was leaving, and he tried to insist. Finally I nodded to the white-faced young man standing nearby. He was the one who had seen the gunman and tried to knock me to the ground.

"I'll take him."

The boy started, and Ezar raised an eyebrow.

"He's quick," I said.

His name was Kyu, and he recovered quickly as we walked through the streets of Luca and soon he was telling me he story of his entire life, how he grew up in Luca, and about his decision to join the Crusaders and how his mother was mad and his father was proud and his two younger brothers were wild with jealousy. I treated him to lunch at a café near the Crusader Headquarters and when the pretty young waitress was close enough to hear I praised his reflexes and quick wit and he blushed. After lunch I sent him on his way.

So, I thought as I walked back to the Blitzbar and Café. Three days in Luca and there's an assassination attempt.

Things are looking up.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"He's too old for you."

Hey, that's Pops for you. Always beating round the bush, never coming to the point. We were facing each other in his cabin and I was trembling a little, but I was trying to keep calm. Be good if one of us could.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking."

"Yeah, I can see you're fine," he said, scowling. "I have two eyes. And I can see he's too old for you, and too dangerous. Stay away from him."

"Don't think so."

"I ain't asking you! I'm telling you!"

I felt the blood rush to my face.

"Oh yeah! What gives you the right to tell me what to do!"

"I'm your father."

"I'm sixteen! Almost seventeen! I'm already an adult!"

"We never held the ceremony," he said, crossing his arms over his chest, "You never poured out sand and water and made your life's promises. You're still a child and I say you can't see him!"

He was trying to make me to give up the man I loved based on a technicality?

Gah!

I was so angry I was getting cross-eyed!

I took a deep breath, holding onto my temper, and said slowly, "I was in charge of a salvage team at Baaj, and I went up the Moonflow to grab Yuna, and then I went to Zanarkand and fought Yunalesca. I was old enough to do all that. I'm not a child and you know it."

"Are you pregnant?"

What?

NO!

I...I...

I couldn't say anything. I just shook my head, mutely, looking down at the ground, fuming and confused.

"Are you going to get pregnant?" he asked.

NO!

Maybe.

I don't know! Why is he asking this! What right has he got? I swallowed.

"I...I love him," I muttered, and looked up into his eyes, "And HE loves ME. And he RESPECTS me!"

"So that's why he left you," he sneered.

Damn him!

DAMN THEM BOTH!

"YEAH, HE LEFT ME AND WENT DOWN SOUTH!" I yelled at him, "IT WAS IMPORTANT!"

"Yeah," he said, "Keep telling yourself that, little girl."

It was important.

That's why he left me.

Because it was important.

It was.

I could feel stupid tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. This was a mistake. I couldn't do this now. I shook my head and turned to go.

"You can't see him anymore," he said from behind me.

And I just wanted to scream at him that Mom would understand! I wanted to say something to hurt him! How did we get to this? I remember...

I wanted to make us a dinner once, for him and me and Auron and Brother, and maybe Tidus and Yuna. A family dinner. Back before Home was destroyed. Before everything that happened on the mountain. I wanted us all to be close. I wanted them to like each other...I wanted it so much and now here we are and we're yelling at each other and he's all tight-lipped and Auron's not even here with me!

It's not fair.

God, I felt like a child.

I still wasn't looking at him.

"If you try to stop me seeing Auron," I said softly, "I'll go to the courts and ask them to declare me an adult, and they'll do it. You know they will, even if you are the leader of the Al Bhed."

"You—" he started in a snarl.

"No," I said dully, not turning, "Don't say it. Don't say anything you'll regret later, when it's too late. I don't wanna do it, cause I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to embarrass you. But I won't let you treat me like a child. And I won't let you come between me and Auron."

I took a breath, and let it out.

"I'm tired now," I whispered, "And I'm going to go. Maybe we can talk more later."

He didn't say anything until I almost reached the door, and then he said quietly, "Rikku, he's going to hurt you."

I took another shuddering breath.

"He already has," I said, "And I hurt him. And we forgave each other. And it'll happen again, because we're human."

I walked out of the room.

* * *

**Auron:**

Check right, shift left, swing high, step in, bang-bang...wood cracks wood, bang-bang...one coming at me from the side, on guard, slide back, slip the blow, bang-bang...I'm shooting, they're falling, red mist in the air, hot copper in my mouth, two Crusaders on the ground, it isn't them, it's my cadets, someone's screaming and swearing and it's the insanity of Klanneth and I can't save them, my sword is broken and she's there, Jilly, the one that never speaks is there and she's throwing herself in front of the fiends and I grab a sword and turn back and she's down on the ground and there's red all over her and there's no life in her face...it isn't Jilly, it's Rikku...she looks so surprised to be dead...red tears falling to the ground...the fiends are coming and coming and coming and I can't kill them enough to bring her back...

My eye shoots open. I'm lying rigid and still in the bed. I'm damp with sweat, and breathing hard.

I'm in my room in Luca.

I lay back in the bed, not moving, as my heart pounds.

This is the third time I've had the dream since the day the Crusader recruits were hurt. I lift a hand to rub my face. I can still hear the screams of my cadets ringing in my ears.

No.

The screams are from outside. People are screaming, shouting, yelling.

Sin is approaching the city.

But it wasn't Sin.

It was the airship.

**Next: A Few Old Friends**


	51. A Few Old Friends

Hey. Well, I went ahead with the repost.

Okay, want to hear something weird? You might have noticed that the word count changed. I was worried (understatement) that I had left out a chapter or (worse) that some chapters had been chopped off. Well, as far as I can tell nothing is missing, but the word count is just different. Like, the old SOS stats listed chapter 50 at 8309 words. The new stats list it at 8154. That's, well...strange...right? Huh. I thought I was going to go over 400000 words this chapter. Guess not. By the way, I wanted to mention that I did save all your reviews, and thank you for every one of them.

Hey, within like ten minutes of the finished repost Stained With Love had relisted the story under favorites. Thanks.

Site's kind of wonky lately. (I know, surprised me too.) I don't think the alert feature is working, which might be just as well considering I just reposted 50 chapters. But also, I got my first review from Gining (thanks Gin) and the review showed up, but it didn't send a copy to my account. And I've sent out some PMs during the last couple of weeks—marked CC—and again, didn't get anything in my account. I don't even know if they got through. Well, I know stories and chapters are getting posted. and that's the important thing. But it is weird.

You know, we're coming up on the one year anniversary of my first posting the story. Twelve months, almost 400000 words. That's not bad.

Okay, so...major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (I should, like, stake a claim right now to, I dunno, like FF18, or FF22. I know they'll get there eventually, but they'll find me there first, waiting for them. Then I'll be in the driver's seat. The Big Cheese. And...stuff. Oh well.) So...follows the story, but AU right now. It's an aurriku (didn't start that way). This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship, and the way they've decided to take things so far this is rated -T-, but the story will be pushing that -T- rating in a few chapters. Mainly second base action, but not really.

Speaking of wonky...I was figuring out the dedication for this chapter when I noticed that back in chapter 45 I dedicated that chapter and the next one to Avelera...but then, in the next chapter I dedicated it to someone else. Damn, that's embarrassing. So, sorry. And this chapter—first of the repost—is dedicated to Avelera.

**

* * *

**

**Soldier of Spira**

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* * *

**

**Rikku's Diary:**

I'm so MAD at him!

POPS!

Treating me like a LITTLE GIRL!

And I don't think he gave ANY of my letters to Auron!

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!

A stupid SWORD understands me better than my own FATHER does!

DAMMIT!

* * *

**A Few Old Friends**

* * *

**Auron:**

What the hell were they doing here? The south wasn't secure yet. They were all supposed to be safe in the Calm Lands, not here. Of course it might not be them. It might not even be the airship in the sky to the north of the city. But in my bones I knew better. It was the ship, and they were on it. I packed my things quickly and went downstairs. The place was deserted.

"What do we know?" I snapped to the lone man at the bar. He was one of ours. We arranged the job for him.

"Not much," he said, looking out of the window. In the square outside people were milling around and looking out to the north. "There's something big in the sky above the Mi'ihen road, coming quick. We didn't have any warning, so it's faster than a man on chocobo. If it's the airship then they have a comm sphere on board and they're in line of sight so we should be able to talk to them, but our people have tried calling the ship and there's no answer. I guess the city officials don't quite dare to try contacting the Al Bhed openly yet. Rumors are spreading through the city that it's Sin, or the airship, or a giant blitzball that'll flatten Luca as divine retribution for disrespecting Yevon."

I looked at him. He shrugged.

"There's still some devout people out there," he said. "And it's Luca."

Okay.

"What's the council doing?"

He looked down and checked something behind the counter as I pulled out some paper and started writing a message.

"Only half of them are there yet, and they don't know what to do. Uh, a couple of them have been calling their contacts asking for your instructions."

"Great. Okay, tell them to announce that they know it isn't Sin. Have our people spread the word, too. Send this message to the airship, even if they aren't answering. Tell our people Ratcatcher is a go. I'm headed for the docks."

"What scenario?" he asked as I turned away.

"Ratcatcher 3," I said over my shoulder. "And tell'em it's not a giant blitzball, either."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

They were good and they were fast. They didn't expect it when I leaped at them but they reacted instantly, not getting in each other's way. They tried to spread out and I feinted left and then blasted straight into them and I almost bowled over the big one in front but he caught himself and straightened up and I smashed my forehead into his face. Then they were all around me, but I had my claw out and they were too close to use their rifles and I was slashing all around me while they were trying to draw their blades. They were Al Bhed marines and I could see my father's face on every one of them.

A half-dozen were all over me and I was seething and showing them my teeth. One raked me across the arm with a knife and I swallowed the pain and spit in his face. Twisting to kick at another, I smashed my elbow back into something hard that grunted and I used the momentum to twist back the other way and claw at someone's eyes. Hands tried to grab me and I let my legs fold under me and I sank to the ground slicing wide at the legs all around me. I heard a scream and rolled out of the way as someone fell, then I was on top of him, kneeing him and using him to get back on my feet and I swung at a figure to the left while I tried to sink my teeth into someone's hand.

"Hold up!"

Someone had a grip on my hair and I swung back and felt the edge of my targe slice into meat, I slammed down on the top of someone's foot with my heel.

"Lu!"

CRACK!

AHGH! A bolt of LIGHTNING comes out of NOWHERE and I'm curled up on the deck in a fetal position. Lightning. INSIDE a SHIP!

LULU!

Big boots in front of my face!

WAKKA!

"Yo, Rikku, you back girl?"

"What the HELL was that, you red-headed doofus!" I shouted, uncurling and sitting up.

"Yeah," he said, squatting next to me, "What was that, ya? You were out of control, girl."

"No I wasn't!"

"Yes, Rikku, you were," Lulu said, coming to back Wakka up.

Okay, so I was. So what? I pulled up my knees, wrapped my arms around them, plopped my chin down and sat there in a huff.

So what? I was winning, wasn't I?

"Hey, Rikku," Wakka said, "You was working off your mad. Hey that's okay sometimes in practice, but not when we're doing team drills like this. You was throwing everyone off, ya?"

I looked up at him, and then around at the others for the first time. Tidus was sitting against a wall nearby and Yuna was working a healing spell on him, and now I saw that Lulu had a big bruise coming in across her face. I...I guess I can remember the others getting kind of beat up when I went after those six in front of me.

Aw dammit dammit dammit. When I broke our line by charging at the marines in front of me, the other marines poured into the hole I left. Damn. I looked up at Wakka, who was standing in front of me now with his hands on his hips. I took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh.

"You're right," I said. "I'm sorry."

He nodded and reached down to help me to my feet. I winced as I stood up. Now that I wasn't in some kind of berserker rage I could feel some of the hits I'd taken. Lulu wasn't the only one who had bruises coming in.

"Go on," Wakka said, pushing me towards Yuna. "Get in line for healing."

I got in line behind Lulu while Wakka turned to talk to Devvi, the corporal in charge of the squad of Al Bhed marines we had been training against. They were good. Smart, strong, and hard. And lucky. They were the ones that survived the Guado attack on Home.

"Rikku," someone said, "You never even said hi to me before you attacked."

I turned to see who it was, and smiled. It was Yenath. I'd known him since we were kids. His sister was one of my best friends, Linna.

"You look good, Rikku," he said, looking me up and down. I felt myself starting to blush. He looked good too, all lean and toned, a little sweaty and his hair a little mussed from our workout. I kind of had a crush on him when we were young. I guess I had a lot of kinda-crushes when I was young.

"T-thanks," I said. He just stood there grinning at me. "Um, you too. Heh. So, uh, so how's Linna?"

"Still at the Macalania Agency," he smiled. "I'm glad she was safe there when..."

He ran down, and his smile slipped.

"Yeah," I said, reaching out to put a hand on his arm, "I'm glad she wasn't in Home too."

His squad leader called his name and he flashed his white smile again just as Yuna said she was ready for me.

"We should get together and talk, Rikku," he said quickly. I nodded and he ran off with a grin and a wink to join the rest of his squad.

Yeah, I thought, looking after him.

I'd like that.

* * *

**Auron:**

The rumors in the street were even weirder...it was a new aeon the Church had created to defeat Sin, it was the dust cloud from a volcanic explosion (in Mi'ihen, where there are no volcanoes), it was a swarm of locusts, or bees, or butterflies, it was a giant taco? I must have misheard that one.

People were out talking in small groups, or just standing, all looking toward the north. I passed one group kneeling in prayer. It wasn't a panic. Not yet. But it was stirring echoes inside me of another city where Sin did attack, striking down buildings and tearing up streets, and people. People calling for help. People calling my name. I shook my head, dismissing the thoughts and the memories.

This wasn't Zanarkand.

I was halfway to the waterfront when the city started to get the word that it wasn't Sin. The mood lightened, and a carnival atmosphere gradually claimed Luca. The people around me were smiling now, laughing with relief, many of them headed for the docks. As I pushed my way through the crowds deflecting questions, an occasional discrete courier would find me to pass on information. They confirmed that it was the airship. Someone had finally contacted someone. They would be coming into dock soon, but they weren't saying much more than that.

What's been going on aboard that damn ship!

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yenath's lips were hot and hard on mine, and his skin smelled spicy and sweaty...his arms were like steel around my body, and his fingers were clawing and clutching at my back...my heart was pounding in my chest and my mind was racing...I couldn't think, I couldn't believe this wasn't some dream, but this was real. I had fistfuls of his thick blonde hair in my hands and I was breathing fast and heavy underneath him and I could feel his hard young body pressing on top of mine as I just grabbed his hair tight in both hands and hauled back as hard as I could!

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" I screamed at him.

"OWW! RIKKU! Damn it!"

"GET OFF ME! GET THE HELL OFF ME!"

"Rikku—!"

I slapped him as hard as I could. Then I shoved him hard and he rolled off me and we both rolled off the couch and onto the floor and I sprang up and backed away from him, staggering a little. I kept my balance and I almost pulled out my claw, but he just sat there on the floor—deck—whatever—looking at me with my handprint on the side of his face.

"Don't you EVER do that to me again," I hissed at him.

"Damn it, Rikku," he said, lifting a hand to rub the side of his face, "It was just a little kiss!"

"Who said you could KISS me, huh! I have a BOYFRIEND!"

"Well, uh..."

"WHAT!"

He flinched a bit.

"Well, uh, Cid, you know...he, uh, said that you could, uh, maybe use some help getting over that old monk, and uh, he said he knew you always kind of, um, well, liked me, and, uh..."

He ran down and just sat there, while I felt the blood drain away from my face.

"Uh...Rikku?"

"Auron. Is. My. BOYFRIEND! DO YOU HEAR ME!"

He nodded quickly.

"You tell EVERY Al Bhed on this rotten, STINKING ship that Auron is my BOYFRIEND and if anyone tries ANYTHING like that again he will STOMP them into a SANDHOLE if there's anything LEFT of them when I GET THROUGH WITH THEM! TELL 'EM THAT! DO YOU HEAR ME! TELL 'EM!"

He was still nodding furiously when I turned to stalk back to the cabin.

DAMMIT!

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!

In the cabin I was fuming and pacing and bouncing off the walls and throwing things and I went to the sink to spit a couple of times.

WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!

The next thing you know he'll try to lock me in my room! DAMMIT, I was mad at him! And I was mad at Auron! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS, GOING AWAY AND LEAVING ME LIKE THIS! We're SUPPOSED to be TOGETHER! We're SUPPOSED to be a TEAM! I fumed for twenty minutes and started to get a headache. I never get headaches!

It took me a while to realize that the pressure I felt in the back of my head wasn't a headache.

It was the crest.

I sighed. Suddenly I felt tired.

I really thought things would be easier, simpler once Auron and I had talked about things and were still together and still in love.

Maybe Auron is right.

Maybe nothing is ever easy.

The pressure was still there in my head. Masamune wanted to talk with me. We're almost to Luca now. I guess this might be the last time I can talk to the crest. If Auron says to toss it away—toss it overboard into the sea—I know I will. But I can't deny the crest has given me some really good advice.

I slowly pulled the handkerchief out of my pocket and shook the crest out into my palm.

_Rikku._

"Masamune."

_You are...troubled._

Hey, there's some more of that ancient wisdom everyone talks about.

"Uh, what do you know?"

_Even put away in your pocket I could tell how upset you were. And I do have some eyes onboard the ship, but I haven't heard anything._

"You will," I sighed, sitting on the bed. "I bet everyone'll be talking about it before long."

_So tell me, and maybe I can help._

I don't know...

_Please Rikku...it...it might be my last chance to help you. I'd like to try._

Might by the last chance because we're close to Luca now, and when Auron finds out about the crest...well, neither of us knows what he'll do. There were butterflies in my stomach thinking about it.

What will he say?

So I just started talking. I sat on the bed and didn't even think about it, just opened my mouth and he words came out. I told Masamune about the fight with my dad, how angry he was, and dead set against Auron. I had wanted them to get along so much!

It was three days ago and we hadn't talked since and I was still mad at him and mad at Auron too because he left me, and then we were practicing today against some of the marines on board the ship, and I met someone I knew, and he said we should get together later and talk, and so we did.

I told Masamune how Yenath and I found a quiet place and sat down together and talked about Home, and when we were kids, and all the people we knew, and which ones were still alive, and what we did in the Guado attack.

And then Yenath got quiet, and he started telling me what it was like for the marines, knowing that so many people had died and that they had failed, and a couple even...even killed themselves...because they couldn't live with it afterward...and then he broke down, and he was sitting next to me crying, all quiet and alone, and I put my arms around him and held him and then suddenly he was on top of me! He was grabbing me and kissing me until I pushed him off and he said—DAMMIT!—he said my DAD had said—

DAMMIT!

"So yeah...I guess I'm upset," I said, lying back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Mental sigh. _I see that I was right._

"About what?" I asked without any real interest.

_Sin and secret wars and the Church and the pilgrimage...all of that is nothing. The real challenge here is your love life._

I laughed.

I couldn't help it. I laughed and I couldn't stop. I rolled on my side and curled up on the bed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

It felt good.

"Yeah..." I finally muttered, giggling, "My love life..."

_Feel better?_

"I guess," I sighed, "I don't know why. Nothing's changed, has it?"

_No, it's true. Nothing has really changed, has it Rikku?_

"Okay, well, that sounds like you're trying to tell me something," I muttered.

_Rikku, you are-all of you are—alive. And Auron loves you. You love each other. And a few short weeks ago that was enough to make you happy. And none of that has changed, has it? So why are you not happy now?_

I sighed. I thought about it. He was right. Or it was right, the sword, crest, Mars-Masamune-thingy was. For months and months it was like my whole world had boiled down to just two things—I wanted Yunie to live—all of us to live—and I wanted Auron and me to be together. And we are. I mean, yeah, he's not here, but we're still together. Right?

So, what was my problem?

"Maybe...maybe that it all got more complicated than I thought," I said, lifting the crest so I could look at it, "What with Dad, and with Auron being gone, and all the secrets...and you."

_Perhaps, Rikku. But I don't think so. I don't think that's it._

Damn stuck-up sword. Thinks it knows everything.

"What then?" I asked, sounding kinda sulky, even to me.

_Well, the last time you were this upset, you were feeling...insecure. About Auron._

Huh. Me? Rikku the Great? Princess of the Al Bhed and Machina Mechanic Supreme? Good little dancer, too.

Insecure?

"'Mmnot..." I muttered.

_Rikku...Rikku, tell me the truth. When that young Al Bhed kissed you...did you like it, just for a moment?_

"NO!"

...maybe...

I don't know...

"Why...?" I asked in a whisper, "Why would I like it, huh? I love Auron...don't I?"

_Yes, Rikku. I'm sure you do. And it's not easy, is it?_

"Huh?"

_Loving Auron isn't easy, Rikku. Loving that young man who kissed you just now would be much easier than loving Auron, wouldn't it? He's young, and he's Al Bhed. He's someone that you've known for years, someone that your father would approve of. He's the one you're supposed to love, isn't he? Someone like him?_

"Well, I guess."

_And then there's Auron. He's older than you. He's a legend. And he has secrets. And in addition to all of that, Rin and I tell you that he's a threat to the Al Bhed. And Rikku, you are still young, a teenager with hormones racing through your body, making you feel things you're not used to dealing with. All of that, and Auron isn't here to hold you and reassure you when you have doubts...Rikku, you must feel like you're being torn in five different directions at once, like you don't know what to do, or what you want to do, or what's right._

...yeah...

_And then when this young man kissed you, you weren't really attracted to him, although I imagine he's handsome enough. What you were drawn to—only for an instant—was the idea of just letting go, of having a simpler relationship._

I...I suppose...maybe...

"But I love Auron," I said quietly, staring at the ceiling, "I really do. Shouldn't that be enough? I mean...enough to keep me from feeling like this?"

I remember when I felt empty, back on the mountain. This isn't like that, this is like I'm angry because...because...I'm not sure why. And maybe...

...I'm a little scared.

_Yes, Rikku, for you, the sort of person that you are, it should be enough. And I think it would be, if you were sure that Auron truly loved you. That's where your insecurity comes in._

"I know Auron loves me..." I muttered.

_All right then, but you aren't sure that he'll keep loving you. You're afraid that one day he'll stop loving you, aren't you? Why, Rikku? Why do you have these doubts? Just because he left you and went south without you?_

I pushed myself up and sat perched on the edge of the bed, with my knees drawn up to my chin and my arms wrapped around my legs, watching my toes clench and unclench.

"It..."

_What, Rikku?_

"It was always me chasing him, you know? Ever since the beginning, it was me chasing him, and pushing him, wanting to take the next step...so...so did he ever really want...?"

_Oh Rikku, is this it? Because he never pursued you? Are you afraid that the only reason he loves you is that you—what, wore him down? That he only loves you because he got tired of fighting you about it?_

Well...

_Rikku, there are reasons he never pressed—your age, and other reasons. You need to talk to him about that if it bothers you so much. As for the other, I...I can't tell you that you should not be insecure about Auron's love..._

Gee, thanks for the input.

_...because I don't know! But, perhaps I can tell you something that might help. Rikku, why do you love Auron?_

Huh?

Why?

Have I even thought about why before?

Well...

"I...I got a crush on him at first...I guess because he was big and strong, and handsome and mysterious, and he always seemed to know what to do. But, that was a crush...and then I fell in love with him...real love."

_Why, Rikku?_

"Because...because he tells wonderful stories, in his wonderful voice. And he smells like willow trees, and because he's warm and quiet and strong—I mean, strong inside. And he tries to teach me everything he can, and he said he was scared when I was scared, and he holds me and then I'm not scared anymore. He cares about me."

_He sounds special._

"Yeah," I said with a soft smile. I felt better thinking about him.

_Is that how he sees himself?_

"Uh, well," I frowned, "...no."

_Rikku, how does Auron see himself? What does Auron see when he looks into the mirror?_

"I think...he sees a failure," I said, my chin on my knees, "And a killer."

_Rikku, what will happen when you see that it's true?_

"IT ISN'T TRUE!"

_But what does AURON think!_

"He..."

I swallowed, and stopped, and the crest/Masamune went on, _Auron believes that one day you will see him as he sees himself, and then...Rikku? What then?_

Oh...my god...

"He thinks...he thinks I'll stop loving him," I whispered.

_No, Rikku. He is afraid that one day you will see him as he really is, as he sees himself, and that you will no longer love him._

"How could he think that?"

_Isn't it what you think, Rikku? That one day he will see you as you see yourself, an immature, insecure little girl, and stop loving you? And I can't say that he won't, Rikku. I can only say, that you are not alone with your fears and your insecurities. Auron shares them._

I never knew...never even thought...

I jumped as the speaker suddenly blared, "LANDFALL IN TWENTY MINUTES. TWENTY MINUTES TO LANDFALL. ALL HANDS ON DECK, ALL HANDS ON DECK."

Twenty minutes! We were almost at Luca! I was gonna see Auron again!

"I...thanks," I said, "I feel...I dunno...better, I guess."

_But?_

"Huh. I...I just never thought Auron would feel that way. I don't want him to feel that way, about him or about me, worrying that I might stop loving him one day. We have to talk, about a lot of things. And well, uh, I guess maybe I still feel guilty that I...that I didn't hate that kiss, just for a split-second, you know? And I know, everything you said, but...I still wish I hadn't."

_Rikku, _Masamune chided,_ You know you can't be blamed for your thoughts, only your actions._

"Huh. You sound like Auron. That's what he says."

_Who do you think first told him that?_

"Oh. You?"

_His father._

"Uh...," I frowned, "So..."

_So who told his father?_

"Oh. Okay," I shrugged. "So what do I tell Auron about Yenath? I mean, do I tell him about the kiss? I don't want to keep secrets, and I don't want to hurt him."

_Ah. Well, if I may offer a suggestion there...perhaps one last suggestion..._

The crest talked in my head, and I started to smile as I listened.

* * *

**Auron:**

It seemed like the whole city was trying to get across the bridge, but I managed to force my way through without hurting anyone too much. The ship was already at the dock. People were pointing, and I could see it in the distance. It truly is magnificent, carrying almost a thousand crew and another three hundred Al Bhed marines, plus combat machina. And Cid had replenished his munitions, finding new stocks of APMAK 12/13s somewhere. The council were correct to be cautious. The ship could do real damage to Luca if Cid choose to do so. Of course he had no reason to, but Cid was known for being somewhat unpredictable. I knew that Rin and Cid's other advisors had barely managed to talk him out of an assault on Guadosalam. His feelings were understandable, but air operations in a forest are tricky, to say the least.

The crowds thinned a bit when I finally reached the harbor complex. There were lots of Crusaders in evidence. The council had rushed them here for security and crowd control. Dock One itself was cordoned off. The Crusaders manning the checkpoints nodded me through.

The ship hung at the end of the dock, slowly growing larger as I approached it. There was no movement. The message I had sent Cid told him that the city wasn't secure yet and not to allow anyone to disembark apart from the crew needed to secure the ship. Looks like he listened.

Are...are my palms damp? Is my heart beating a trifle faster?

Am I really suddenly nervous because I'm going to see Rikku again?

Am I truly wondering what I'm going to say, and whether we'll nod to each other, or give each other a hug, or a kiss, or what?

Auron, this is pathetic. You're not the teenager, she is.

Shut up, Auron. Heart beating faster, butterflies in the stomach—this is the good part. This is the stuff that you should enjoy.

You want to see her again.

What's wrong with that?

The forward hatch was swinging open as I reached the end of the dock and I lifted myself aboard. I expected to find them all waiting for me, demanding answers, and I was ready to demand a few myself, like why they were here instead of safe in the north.

But there was only one person waiting for me, and my face felt odd...

I was smiling.

And then she was in my arms and I leaned down to kiss her and she reached up to kiss me.

"Rikku," I said a moment later, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," she said and kissed me again.

"Auron," she gasped, breaking away, "We need to talk!"

...we need...to talk...

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

It all happened so fast.

I talked the others into letting me meet Auron at the airlock. Wakka and Tidus and even Kimahri and Lulu all had smiles on their faces—I wanted to smack them! Dad didn't say anything, just turned and walked away. I was waiting and the hatch was opening and it was taking forever and then it was open and he was there—right there—and then I was in his arms and his lips were on mine and for just a little while everything was okay.

And then we broke apart, and I looked up into his face, and told him we had to talk...

...and there was something in his look...

"NO, Auron!" I said fast, "No, not like THAT! I LOVE you, I'll ALWAYS love you...it isn't that!"

I looked up at him as his face slowly unfroze, and he took a kind of deep, ragged breath, and he said, "All right. What is it then, Rikku?"

And I couldn't say it, I just couldn't cause I knew he'd hate me...

"Rikku...?"

And then it all started pouring out and I was telling him everything all inna rush, you know, and the words were just tripping all over each other trying to get out of my mouth and his face was getting harder and colder and I couldn't stop talking and I was talking even faster and I never mentioned Rin's name but he musta guessed and then he was gone and I was yelling for him to come back but he was running off down the corridor and I hit the shipwide intercom and yelled for Rin to run and then I chased after Auron, but I never caught him and someone was shouting something over the intercom and then I was passing Al Bhed marines crumpled in heaps on the deck where they had tried to stop him and then I saw them, the two of them, and Rin was just hanging there clawing at Auron's hands around his neck, trying to breathe, and Auron jerked him close and put his face right into Rin's face and hissed something at him and then he smashed Rin up against the wall!

"NO!" I screamed as the back of Rin's head slammed against the metal, his feet kicking helplessly, "AURON, STOP!"

"YOU!" he roared at him, "ARE YOU THE SWORD'S CREATURE!"

And he slammed Rin up against the wall again, and I felt it through the soles of my feet. Rin was hanging, dazed...his boots hadn't touched the floor since Auron reached him...and a squad of marines clattered up and aimed all their weapons at Auron and he twisted around to face them, whipping Rin around with one hand and drawing his sword with the other and I threw myself in between them all, yelling, "NO! STOP! STOPPIT!"

Everyone just froze for a second. Then the marines were calling for me to move and trying to aim around me, and Auron lifted his sword a little, looking past me at the marines like he was drawing targets on them inside his head, and Rin hung from Auron's other hand, coughing blood.

I didn't move.

And then Yuna and the others were running up on the other side of the corridor, eyes wide and yelling for me or Auron or someone to tell them what was going on...Tidus had his sword out and he stepped up beside Auron, facing the marines, and after a minute so did Wakka, shaking his head and looking down at Rin. Yuna gave a little cry when she saw Rin with blood around his mouth and down his shirtfront and tried to run over to him but Kimahri grabbed her and pulled her back against the wall, and Lulu stepped over next to her and put a hand on her arm, and then everyone was talking at once, asking questions or giving orders.

"QUIET!" Wakka roared, and the noise died away. "Sir...Sir Auron, Rikku? What's goin on, huh?"

Auron had never looked away from the marines, never let go of Rin, never said a word.

"Rikku," Yuna said, "What is happening? How badly is Rin hurt?"

"Auron?" Tidus said, not talking his eyes off the marines.

**Auron:**

* * *

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Death, Rin: Unity---Death, All Marines: Unity---Death, Other: .05---**

* * *

The world was hard and cold and clear as ice, and I knew precisely where everyone was and every move they made...one of my hands was around Rin's throat and my sword was in the other and I knew the exact order in which the marines would die.

"Auron...?"

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Auron...?" I said, and without moving his head, his one eye tracked to me...and for just a second, I knew what it is you see just before the shark's jaw closes.

Just for a second.

And then it was Auron again. His face was like stone, but it was Auron looking at me. He looked around at the rest of them. And then he slowly, slowly lifted out of his crouch, and then he sheathed his sword. I saw some of the wide-eyed marines taking deep breaths and shaking a little as they started to straighten up too. They all looked really young and I could smell their sweat. Our gang sort of relaxed just a bit, too, everyone sort of taking a step back, you know?

And without warning Auron turned and shoved past us and started walking off back down the corridor, still dragging Rin by the neck with one hand. We blinked, and then all kind of surged after him.

"S-Sir Auron," Rin gargled.

Without looking, Auron smashed Rin's face into the wall and scraped it for five or six steps, leaving a long smear of blood behind. He never turned and never stopped walking.

We hurried along behind them, not sure what to do. Tidus was still exchanging glares with some of the marines. Yuna cast Cura on Rin while we were moving, the way Auron had trained her to do. After Auron's training, Yuna could cast healing spells even if she was in pain, half-conscious, and hanging upside down. The marine corporal in charge came up and wanted to talk to me but I shook my head and ignored him and he started talking to Wakka and Yuna instead. I moved up just behind Auron and wouldn't let anyone get any closer as we followed him through the corridors and people stared when we passed. I guess we were a really weird sight.

Auron didn't say anything as he led us through the airship, and I didn't try to talk to him, and neither did Rin, stumbling alongside him. Sometimes Rin would trip and then Auron would just drag him by the neck as we watched until he managed to get to his feet again. Auron led us up and up until we all piled into the elevator that took us up to the deck outside. No one said anything. The others had even stopped asking questions. They just stood and waited as we all rode up, looking at each other.

Auron stepped off the elevator and walked right up to the edge, and stood there looking off at the horizon with the wind streaming through his hair and his coat. Rin still dangled from one hand. Yuna and the rest stood in a little clump to one side, watching, and the marines spread out in a semicircle behind us, their weapons ready. Again, no one moved for a minute.

One of the marines coughed. It sounded really loud.

Then Auron turned his head and looked at me. I couldn't really see anything in his expression. Is this what he looks like to other people all the time? And then he held out his hand, palm up. I felt pressure in the back of my head, and realized I had been feeling it for a long time. The crest wanted to talk to me. I reached into my pouch and brought out the crest, wrapped-up in a cloth bag. The pressure got stronger, but I ignored it. I walked up to Auron and dropped the bag into his palm. I saw sweat break out on Auron's forehead, and he clenched his hand into a shaking fist. Then he hauled Rin up and around until he could look right into his face. He didn't say anything, just looked at him, then he half-turned and threw Rin to the deck behind him. Yuna and some marines ran up to take care of him, with spells and potions, and then some marines pulled him away onto the elevator.

Auron was facing the horizon again, holding the bag in his hand.

"Guys," I said, "Leave us alone, huh?"

"Are you sure?" Lulu asked, and Tidus said, "Auron?"

I nodded to Lulu and Yuna and Auron sort of waved to Tidus. The marine corporal was shaking his head, but Wakka went and talked to him and eventually they all filed onto the elevator and the doors closed behind them, and it was just the two of us out there. Auron was still standing close to the edge.

I took a step closer.

"Auron...?"

"Shut up," he said coldly.

I flinched before I realized he wasn't talking to me.

He was standing with one arm straight out now, holding the bag with the crest inside it, holding it out over the edge of the ship, out over the ocean far below.

"Not one word," he said flatly, looking at it.

I swallowed.

"Auron?" I said, quietly.

"Rikku...do you trust this crest?" he asked without turning.

"Not even a little bit," I answered.

Auron's legs suddenly folded under him and he sank down to the deck. I carefully sat down next to him, and we just sat there and watched the horizon going by for a while.

The bag with the crest inside lay nearby where he had dropped it. No one spoke for a long time.

Then I asked him quietly, "Auron? Are you mad at me?"

"I'm angry at myself, Rikku," he answered tonelessly, without looking at me.

"Uh...?"

"You said it, didn't you? When I was leaving the north. You said we needed to talk. About this, right?"

"Uh, well, yeah," I said.

"And I dismissed you. I thought I knew more than you, and that what I had to do was more important than what you had to say. Rikku, I'm sorry."

He's apologizing to me?

"It's...it's okay, Auron."

"No it isn't. I should have had more respect for you. I should have known that you..."

He trailed off, shaking his head and sighing.

"I should have taken you more seriously, Rikku. I'm sorry."

I sat and thought for a minute, then I scootched right up next to him and ducked my head down and wriggled under his arm.

"Are you gonna listen next time?" I asked quietly, leaning into his chest.

"Yes, I promise," he said.

"Then it's okay. Really. Auron, we're gonna make mistakes, you know? Both of us. If we're not willing to forgive each other, and let ourselves be forgiven, we'll never make it. I wanna make it."

He thought about it for a minute, and then asked, "Who told you that, Rikku?"

"No one. It's just how I feel."

He pulled me closer, and he brushed his lips softly over my forehead.

"I've always known you were stronger than me, Rikku," he said quietly, "And smarter. And now I know that you're wiser as well."

Um...

Wow.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So, um, so Auron and me, we still have a lot to talk about, you know? Like, uh, like what to do about the crest, you know? And about not killing Rin, and about the future of the Al Bhed, and a lot of things.

But...not right now.

Maybe tomorrow, when we get to Besaid. But for right now this is fine, sitting right here, arms wrapped around each other and the wind in our hair, watching the horizon, and just doing nothing at all.

Together.

**Next: Homecoming**


	52. Homecoming

Hey.

Well, so far so good on the repost. By the way, you know, I always wondered why the favorites list went alphabetically from A to Z for about half the list, and then started over and did it again. Well, when I was looking at the favorites list for the repost (29 people, but I know those 29 are still reading the story and still like it, which is what I was after) I noticed that the first group were all capitalized. So first it lists from A to Z everyone that's capitalized and then it goes back and does it again for the uncapitalized ones. I don't exactly understand, but at least I know now.

Anyway, I'll go back and take Repost out of the title sometime. I'm also not sure I'm happy with the summary.

Hm, lessee...my current song favorites (as opposed to more permanent favorites) are _Welcome to the Black Parade_ by My Chemical Romance, _Some People Change_ by Montgomery Gentry and (an oldie) _If You're Gonna Play in Texas_ by Alabama.

An anon reviewer asked if there was a way to get in touch with me about stuff if they were, well, anon. So I set up a yahoo account. It's rr(dot)1963(at)yahoo(dot)com. You have to put in the (dot) because believe it or not, rr1963 without the (dot) was already taken.

Guess that's it. So, spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurriku (didn't start that way). This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship, and occasionally beating Al Bhed merchants up. Rated -T-.

Last thing, this chapter and the next one are dedicated to Auron's Fan. Thanks for the thoughtful reviews. I'm glad you still enjoy the story. (Of course these chapters are kinda heavy on the Auron/Rikku relationship. Maybe I should have picked other chapters?)

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We're on Besaid now, Yunies home, and Wakka and Lulu are home, and maybe even Kimahri is home after all the years he was here looking after Yuna.

I had a home once, before Dad and the Guado destroyed it.

So where's my home now? It's not that crappy little cabin on the airship. And it isn't here on Besaid. Except...maybe it kinda is. Cause this is where the people I care about are. I mean, apart from Dad and Brother, these people are my family now, you know? Even closer than my cousins. And I'm back with Auron...we're back together. And we weren't really apart, like we were back on the mountain. Then we saw each other every day, but we were still apart and alone. And now we were apart, cause he was in the south and I was in the north, and I missed him and maybe I acted a little like a spaz sometimes but it's like we were still together, even though we were apart.

But I'm glad we're back where we can hold each other again. I missed that.

I guess maybe you are home, after all, as long as you're with the people you care about. Maybe that means Auron and Tidus have a home too.

I'm with Auron, and the rest of them. For now, I guess that's enough.

* * *

**Homecoming**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

He shouldn't have had to ask me, I guess, but he did.

"Please, Rikku..."

So I went to say goodbye to Pops before we left. I should have done it without Auron asking, but, well, I was still mad, and, I guess I can still be immature sometimes.

And it was awkward, with each of us thinking the other was wrong and out of line, and he said goodbye and be careful, and I said I would be, and we stood there and it was just stilted and awkward and awful, but right at the end I ran up and hugged him and he hugged me back hard and said he loved me and I said I loved him too and then I ran out.

That was the last goodbye. I'd already said goodbye to Brother and my cousins and friends

Auron told Dad to put us down on the beach near the dock, not at the village. Actually, he told Wakka to tell Pops. I guess he figured he still wasn't one of Dad's favorite people, what with dating his daughter and trying to kill Rin and all.

No one else still knew what all that had been all about and Auron just clammed up and his look dared anyone to try and get it out of him. I just said they had to ask Auron. I think Rin said his throat was too sore to talk. Maybe it was.

Auron and I hadn't really talked about it either. You know, it actually went a lot better than I hoped, even if Auron did almost kill Rin. I mean, I was scared that he would hate me, cause I knew how much he hated Masamune and I used the crest anyway. I mean, I know he loves me, but I was really scared that he'd never forgive me.

And instead...he asked me to forgive him.

He apologized to me, because he hadn't listened when I said we had to talk. I never expected that. Maybe I had forgotten, and maybe that reminded me...

Auron isn't like other people.

So he didn't hate me. But we still needed to talk, about us, and about the crest, and about the Al Bhed and what Rin had told me. I knew we would, pretty soon. I wasn't really looking forward to it. In fact, my stomach hurt whenever I thought about it. So I didn't think about it. He always says I'm so brave, but...I just didn't think about it. For right now I was just excited to see Besaid again.

**Auron:**

The airship let us off at the beach near the dock. I didn't want to frighten the villagers. I was pretty sure that the people here would welcome Yuna if we didn't do anything stupid to alarm them. We only had one agent on the island—in spite of the temple being here—but he reported that Yuna was still popular.

If I can trust him, now that I know the Luca network was actually being run by the crest that I was carrying in a bag in a deep pocket of my coat.

It changes everything.

The question is how.

I felt a small warm hand grab mine and looked up.

"Com'on, Auron! Everyone's already off the ship!"

Smiling, Rikku tugged me down the ramp to join the others on the beach. Yuna was looking happier than I've ever seen her, and Tidus looked happy because Yuna was happy. The others all wore smiles too. Yuna laughed as some children ran up and greeted her, calling her name, asking if she had defeated Sin. Her smile slipped a little bit then, but only for a second.

"Nooo," she said, leaning down to speak to them, "No, Sin got away from us this time."

"Awww!"

"But we're going back out soon and we're going to run him down and send him away forever!"

"YAY!" they cheered her, jumping up and down in the sand, and Rikku actually joined them, jumping up and down with them, and then Tidus joined in, and then Wakka, and the three of them pulled in Yuna who yelped and then they tried to pull in Lulu but she stepped back with a small smile.

A little while later the happy group was walking down a forest path to the village.

"Hey," Tidus said to Wakka when we came to a fork, "That's the way you took me when I first came, and then you pushed me off a cliff!"

"Ahh, quitcher' whining. It was all good fun, ya?"

As we turned left and followed a steadily climbing path, I remembered that more than ten years ago, Jecht did the same thing to me.

It was good to hear them all laughing and joking back and forth. Rikku had told me that the time they spent in the Calm Lands really had been good for all of them, even though she had missed me very much. She didn't say, but I knew that her possession of the crest had weighed heavily on her mind. I'm sorry I put her through that, but she forgave me...and I let her forgive me.

I didn't hold on to the hurt.

It felt...strange. Not to hold the hurt. To let it go.

So.

"Wakka? A word?"

I walked with the blitzballer a part of the way, and he gave a summary of their accomplishments in the north, happy to be home on Besaid, but proud of what they had managed in the Calm Lands.

"Yeah, we finished up catching the anacondours, we caught a bunch of ogres, a couple of chimera brains, and even a coertrl, and another malboro, cept we hadda use Shiva for that."

I congratulated him on the strategy he'd devised to beat the mega-behemoth named Catoblepas, and we discussed where he had gone wrong in trying to beat Don Tonberry. And then I asked him just how it was that they were here in the south at all when I distinctly wished them to stay in the north until I returned. He flushed a bit, but looked me in the eye as he told me it was more or less a group decision, and that he agreed with it.

Well. So be it. I suppose you can't train someone to be a leader and to exercise initiative and then be surprised when they do so.

I decided to let it go.

This time.

We broke out into the open with the cliffs falling away to the sea on one side of us and Rikku dashed here and there to try and see everything at once, palm trees and colorful birds and flowers, and the waterfalls that fell to either side of us.

She stopped and leaned against a railing, leaning far out, and a fine mist of water-droplets settled in her hair, and I stood and watched her watching the rainbows hovering over the spray from the falling water until we had to go catch up to the others.

"Rikku," I said once when she had dropped back to walk beside me and hold my hand for a while, "Haven't you been here before?"

"A long time ago," she answered, swinging both our hands back and forth. "When I was a kid I came to visit a couple of summers. But that was waaaaay back then, and now everything is new. And I'm seeing it with you!" she said with a smile.

I smiled too.

"Rikku," I said, "You are full of life and joy, and you always want to rush ahead and see more, and I love you for that. But there is also value sometimes in looking back."

"Uhh...huh?"

"Look back."

She thought it through with a small frown on her face, and then she turned, and stood open-mouthed, staring back the way we came. The waterfalls that we had passed were pouring down from the cliffs above and into the sea, blue sky and green land and white water...

Her eyes were wide and her mouth formed a silent O, and her two hands squeezed mine.

And then we heard a roar from up ahead.

It was Kimahri. The others had run into fiends. It was over before we arrived. The common fiends this far south are rather weak. There are many theories to explain why.

"Couple dingoes and a water flan, Sir Auron," Wakka reported, as Rikku went to pick through the remains.

"Huh," she said, turning, "Just a couple of mana spheres and a couple of speed spheres. Hey. You know what? You shoulda caught them! For the zoo."

"Oh man," Tidus said, "She's right! Wakka! Why didn't you think of that?"

"ME? Hey brudda, you're the one—"

It seemed an opportune time to step in.

"We don't have any need to go catching—"

Three sets of voices interrupted me, Tidus, Rikku, and Lulu.

"Cool monsters!"

"Rare stuff!"

"Hard cash!"

"Uh, Auron," Rikku went on as I shook my head, "We really will get some way-useful stuff if we collect these fiends for that old zookeeper guy. I mean, that's what it says in _Catching Fiends for Dummies,_ you know? If you can trust what it says."

I sighed.

"I know the one that wrote it," I said. "You can trust him with anything but your women."

"Oh, uh...okay. Well, then, I mean if we're gonna be in all these places anyway, why not catch fiends and get cool stuff?"

"And cash!"

"Uh, yeah...so, Auron?"

"Hey, Sir Auron?" Wakka said. "Uh, you know, we can use all those spheres we get, ya? Feed 'em to Bahamut, right?"

"And I bought some sphere distillers!" Rikku said brightly. "Mana distillers and speed distillers and power distillers!"

"All right," I said, exasperated.

I remember when I could quell them all with a glance.

So we agreed that we would use capture weapons where we could on the second pilgrimage, trying to capture fiends for the zookeeper, and we would feed the spheres to Bahamut for now.

I also decided privately that I would have Tidus use his special attacks when he could. I usually don't like to use such very often, but I knew that Tidus was capable of more than he was doing. He just needed more practice. And they were right, after all. The spheres we won while catching fiends would help power up Bahamut, and perhaps Shiva.

"We'll be like, I dunno, sphere hunters or something!" Rikku smiled.

I don't think I'd put it quite like that.

We worked out the details as we walked, and soon we were passing in and under some ruins. Spira is full of such places. It is an older world than we know.

"Auron?"

"Yes Rikku?"

"Whatcha smiling about?"

"These ruins," I answered the young girl by my side. "My family tells a story about them."

"I LOVE stories," she said, dancing in circles around me. "Tell me the story, Auron!"

There was another roar from ahead of us.

"Later," I said, as we both ran forward.

"Aw!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

But it wasn't fiends at all! Tidus had pushed Wakka and Wakka had pushed Tidus back and then Tidus had stumbled against Kimahri and Kimahri's foot slipped in a patch of mud and he ended up with his, uh, he ended up sitting in a mud patch, and now Tidus was hiding behind Yuna trying to stay out of Kimahri's reach.

"We thought it was fiends," I giggled.

"No," Lulu shook her head, "It was fools. Fiends stay away from these ruins for some reason."

"Hah," Wakka said, "That's it! It's the ruins, ya? Whenever we pass 'em, something makes Kimahri try to jump Tidus, eh?"

Lulu smacked him in the back of the head.

"Aw, Lu!"

Heh. You know, Auron told me once that Ronsos are really good with knots, and I think Kimahri wanted to demonstrate by tying Tidus into some really fancy knots right then, but Yuna talked him out of it and soon we were passing by a little shrine and getting close to the village. I can almost remember it real good from the last time I visited when I was like five or six years old. The day was sunny and cool, and I'm used to sunny, being from Bikanel, but cool was nice, and I was with Auron and everyone and I was really excited to see Besaid and all the new stuff all around us, but also sometimes I took a moment to look back, and whenever he saw me doing that Auron would smile.

"Whoa! Look out!" I heard Wakka yell, and a blue flan and a condor dropped in front of us. I ran forward, pulling out a mana distiller, and Wakka called, "Rikku, throw it on the Condor!"

I threw the distiller-thing on the bird-thing just before Tidus slashed it out of the sky, and we saw it burst into pyreflies and the pyreflies got sucked into the sword. Then Auron rushed past me and took care of the flan, and that was that. They dropped four mana spheres. We ran into a few more fiends the rest of the way. None of them were very tough. Besaid only has a few kinds of fiends—a kind of dog-thing, a kind of bird-thing, and a flan. By the time we saw the village in the distance and Yuna broke into a run we'd already captured ten of the flans.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Besaid village was pretty as a cupcake! There was a wall to keep it safe, and inside huts huddled under swaying palm trees with the blue sea in the background. The only thing that spoiled it was the temple rising at the far end. I guess every paradise has got snakes.

The people ran up and surrounded Yuna, shaking her hand and hugging her, and Lulu and Wakka too, and even Kimahri. I heard a little kid in a green headband saying to Wakka, "We got letters from the Aurochs! They're doing great in Luca, ya?"

"Really, ya?"

"Yeah, really, ya!"

And they both laughed.

Auron and Tidus and I were kind of on the outside, watching. A bare-chested man with a red armband standing nearby turned to us and said, "I hear you're traitors now?" He snorted. "Who's responsible for that nonsense?"

And a nun standing next to him shook her head and said, "Even here in Besaid we've got orders to arrest Lady Yuna. Nobody knows what to do, but we certainly won't do THAT!"

A stooped man turned and frowned, "We Besaiders all know Lady Yuna's no traitor."

Now THAT'S what I like to hear! I guess not everyone is some brainwashed, brain-dead Yevon follower! And then I felt the smile sort of freeze on my face when he went on, "The daughter of Lord Braska turning against Yevon? Hogwash!" And a girl about my age added, "I can't believe Lady Yuna would ever turn her back to the teachings! Never!" And a woman in a brown skirt said, "If Lady Yuna defeats Sin I'm sure those nasty rumors will go away."

"We simple folk ain't got a clue what them temple elders are thinking," the stooped man said.

And while they carried on the discussion around us, I was looking at Yuna...she was smiling in the middle of a crowd of people not far away, all of them wishing her well, and hoping she'd kill herself for them.

Cause I guess I forgot for a minute.

This is Spira.

I felt a hand on my arm. Auron of course. He leaned down and spoke quietly in my ear.

"Yes, Rikku," he said gently, "The people here support Yuna, and will not believe she is a traitor. But for many that means they still support the old pilgrimage. Nothing is simple, Rikku, and nothing is easy. It will take time to change people's beliefs. But we can do it. And we will. It's why we're here."

Yeah, I thought, smiling and laying my hand over his.

That's why we're here.

We're writing a new story.

**Auron:**

For what it was worth, my information was accurate. The people on the island were strong for Yuna, even the clergy. But it doesn't mean they were against the Church. There was some discontent—that the warrior monks that had come to the island looking for Yuna had thrown their weight around—that the Church was concentrating on looking for traitors and ignoring Sin—that the warrior monks had abandoned the south and pulled back to the north. And the people of Besaid weren't about to try and arrest Yuna, but being ready to defy the Church is not the same as being ready to overthrow it.

I was talking to a man who worked as a weaver here, when Rikku ran up to us and he broke off.

"Uh...hey, Auron?" she said, looking at him curiously, "The guys are wondering if we should go on up to the temple now and stuff. Um..."

I said, "Thank you, Rikku." She half-turned to go, looking at me, and I put a hand on her arm for her to stay. I nodded at the man.

He looked at Rikku, and then at me, and I nodded again, and he said, "There's a reward being offered for news of the traitors. No one here'd think of saying anything, but watch out on the road."

He smiled and added dryly, "I wonder how things are on the mainland. We don't get much news down here."

"They think they were attacked by a giant taco," I said. "You're not missing much."

He looked puzzled as I let Rikku pull me away.

"Auron? Was he...?"

"Part of the Luca Network. Our agent here on Besaid. He works here as a weaver. They hear all the gossip. As much as I can trust him."

"You don't trust your own agent," she looked up, surprised.

"I didn't trust them completely when I thought Rin had put together the network. Now I know it was the crest."

"Oh."

We were almost to the others when she said quietly, "We have to talk, you know."

I know.

Later.

"Sir Auron," Yuna said with a wide smile, turning to me from a young girl she had been speaking with. "Watch this!"

"Yuna?"

She started to dance and we all scattered as Valefor fell from the sky. What the—?

"Valefor!" Yuna cried, "Energy Blast!"

The hovering aeon gathered itself and then unleashed some sort of power beam out to sea, and drew a line of boiling water fifty yards long.

As we slowly picked ourselves up coughing out of the dust, I growled, "Yuna..."

And I heard a voice behind me say, "Uh, did I forget to mention that? Heh heh...oopsie?"

Yuna had the grace to apologize a little shamefacedly as we all climbed to our feet, and they explained to me that a dog belonging to a young girl had dug up something strange. The girl showed it to Yuna and Rikku (she evidently showed it to everyone she met) and between them they recognized that they could use it to teach a new special attack to some aeon. On the spot they taught it to Valefor (Yuna doted on that aeon—it was her first—but it probably wasn't a bad choice) and then couldn't wait to show it off.

Useful, I suppose. And convenient.

Very convenient, I thought, watching the young girl in shorts and sandals and tiny white top run off after her dog. A sharp elbow jabbed me in the ribs.

"She's too young for you," Rikku said wryly.

"And not Al Bhed enough," I agreed.

"Um, Sir Auron?" Yuna said. I turned to her. "I, um, I think we should go up to the temple now."

The others frowned a bit, pausing in checking their bruises.

I said, "Yuna, all of you, when we enter the temple it will be the start of the Second Pilgrimage. You've just gotten home, and it's getting late now, and there are people who still want to talk to you, and we have to get settled in here. Your minds are on a hundred different things right now. I think we should take this night to rest, and clear our minds, so that we can enter the temple in the morning with our spirits at peace—the start of a new day, a new pilgrimage, a new future."

Yuna's eyes were shining as she listened to me.

I just didn't want to have to deal with the damn fayth tonight.

They all agreed to my proposal and we broke up to go our different ways. Yuna and Lulu pulled Rikku away to Yuna's hut, Wakka and Kimahri wandered off to their own homes, Tidus decided to visit the Crusader Lodge, even though he would stay with Wakka. Wakka also offered to put me up, and so did Kimahri (and so did Lulu, with a sidelong glance at Rikku—who just smiled—and at Wakka, who didn't smile at all). But I think I will stay in the Crusader Lodge. In the meantime I wandered around the village, trying to get a better feel for the mood of the place.

It is odd, when you think about it. That agent of ours said that they don't get much news down here, and Besaid does have that kind of feel...a little set off from the real would. But I'm not sure why it should be. The island has more than one traveler's sphere, or comm sphere as Rikku's people (and many others in the south) call them. The comm spheres help to bind Spira together. They are the heart of communications. Personal notes, public announcements, news bulletins, weather warnings, Church dictates, blitzball scores...they all arrive over the comm net.

Communication isn't instantaneous, of course. On any given day the comm sphere is full of new posts of all kinds, and people can read them and enter their own posts. But the posts that people enter into a sphere don't go anywhere, not until the middle of the night when the comm spheres all somehow begin communicating with each other, receiving and passing along data packets from one to the next. In the morning your post has been transmitted to every sphere.

Back in Dream Zanarkand there was a lively debate among scholars as to just how the spheres communicated with each other. I remember a harmless crank who would stand everyday on the steps outside the Government House yelling at passersby that little creatures called mogs lived inside the spheres and carried the messages back and forth. But the most popular serious theory was that the spheres bounced communications to one another off the moon at night. That begged the question of how they could do that when most of them were actually inside, many of them under several yards of solid rock. The scholars would then mutter something inaudible about very long wavelengths. I suppose the theory makes some sense, especially when you consider that if two spheres are in line-of-sight they do communicate instantaneously. That's rare, of course.

In any event, the spheres are how most Spirans not only get their news, but also correspond with each other. Actual mail is rare and expensive, although the Crusaders and the Church maintain their own courier services. There are only a few private companies who will transport and deliver packages or sometimes letters, and they charge high fees.

I know there is a sphere at the Crusader Lodge here. The Crusaders probably discourage its use. They wouldn't want the entire village walking through their headquarters every day. So that means hiking up the promontory and braving the fiends if you want to get the latest news or send a message.

I think maybe the Besaidians are simply too laid back to do that very often. They figure that if the news is important they'll hear it soon enough. I suppose the impression of being out-of-touch has more to do with the people here, than the spheres.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was going to stay with Yunie. I thought Lulu would stay with us too, like always, but she has her own home, of course, and she hadn't seen it in a long time. So Yunie and I went and settled into her little hut. There were only three rooms, plus the bath, and it was a little dusty, but I liked it. It wasn't cluttered, but it wasn't neat neat neat! There were pillows, and books on healing and Yevon aaaaaand...what's this!

Yuna blushed as I snatched up a steamy romance novel from the couch and she chased me around and around the room grabbing at it until I tripped and she caught me and we both fell down giggling. Yunie's place felt warm and nice and sensible and dependable, just like her.

It felt like home.

And I can't believe that if everything had gone the way everyone wanted, she wouldn't be here now. No Yunie. No one to read the trashy novel and hit me with a pillow and slip a little picture of Tidus into a drawer when she thinks I'm not looking.

I'm not crying.

I'm not crying! We saved her. And we're gonna save all of us.

You watch.

So, we put our things away, and then the two of us went ahead and powered up Bahamut a little with the mana spheres we'd collected so far. You know, they add up pretty fast. That'll make a nice little surprise for Auron when I tell him later on. Then Yunie decided she would cook, and she went out to take a look at her little garden in back and I went out to go get a few things at the market.

It was nice here in this village. I remember how much I liked it here when I came to stay with Yunie when I was a little kid. We'd go play at the beach or the lagoon or sneak away into the forest to look for treasure, scaring ourselves that we were in danger from fiends every minute, but really knowing that Kimahri was always there just out of sight.

"Hey, Miss Al Bhed?" Huh? Oh. A little girl in red shorts was talking to me. Um... "Is Lady Yuna going to bring the Calm soon? When the Calm comes, Lady Yuna has to come back so we can celebrate!"

"Oh, uh, well..."

"Well, if it ain't the traitors!" someone said, "You got some nerve coming here!"

I looked up and saw three men and one sour–looking old woman standing in front of me.

Traitors!

"Hey!" I said to the one in the purple coat and yellow pants, "Take that back! We're no traitors!"

The old woman looked daggers at me and said, "What trick have you pulled on the good lady Yuna?"

"We didn't do anything!" I said, "We just don't want Yuna to die!"

The first man opened his mouth again, then looked past me and flinched, and said, "Hey, hey, just kidding! No need to glare, ya?"

"Then you should be careful what you say the next time," a voice came from behind me, and Lulu stepped up next to me. The man sort of bobbed his head with a worried look and quickly ducked away into a nearby hut.

"And you?" Lulu said to the others.

The man in the green coat scowled and said, "I hear the Guado blew up the Al Bhed home. I got no love for the Al Bhed, but that's going too far."

The other man nodded and said, "Who cares who they're calling traitor. Defeat Sin, and it'll all be forgotten!"

And he turned and went into the hut after the first man. Lulu turned to the old woman. She had a nasty sneer on her face, and she said, "I made up my mind to pray every day till Lady Yuna's Calm begins," and she walked off towards the temple. The man in the green coat shook his head and followed after her.

"Rikku," Lulu said, "I hope they didn't upset you? Every village has its idiots."

I took a deep breath, and let it out.

"Naw. I'm okay. Hey!" I said, smiling, "You sure gave it to them! I don't think Auron coulda done it any better!"

Her mouth quirked a little and she said, "Sir Auron is a legend. But these people know me."

"Hey," the little girl said from where she'd been watching nearby, "What's a trader? I asked the monk, but he won't tell me."

Lulu sighed and went and kneeled down next to her, and I waved and went on to the market.

I guess Lulu's right. Everyplace has people like that. I can't let it get to me. Most of the people here were friendly enough, even the Yevon clergy. When I got to the store the people in there just carried on talking. A couple of them nodded to me.

I listened while I looked around. They were talking about how Gatta had been all gloomy when he got back from operation Mi'ihen, but he was better now that he was in charge of the local Crusaders, and the nun was there, saying that the warrior monks that were here before were just a bunch of crooks, ya? (That was funny!) A woman in a green skirt was talking to the man in the green coat from outside—the one who said the Guado had gone too far. She was saying maybe she should learn to weave and stay here on Besaid and make a life for herself, and he was agreeing that she should, because it was nice and peaceful on the island. "No matter what happens in the temples, it's life as usual here."

And sure, I thought to myself. It is nice here. But it could be better.

But then, I guess...it could also be worse.

* * *

**Auron:**

I was moving in the sky forms, reacting to imagined enemies—fiends and men and fayth. I flowed from one stance to another, moving on instinct, always random. I lost track of time...in some ways time doesn't exist in the middle of the sky forms, but at some point it was just...finished, and I stood, pleasantly fatigued, staring out at the ocean. It had been afternoon when I first came to the headland between the temple and the sea, and now the sun was sinking in the west.

"Rikku," I said, and she stood up and joined me, her hand finding mine. "How long have you been watching?"

I usually know when someone is there.

"Dunno," she said. I could hear the smile in her voice. "Lost track of time."

We sat down together and watched the dying sunlight play across the surface of the water. There was a cool breeze that carried the tang of salt spray.

"Do you like it here, Rikku?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said. "It's cool and sunny, and there's a beach, and some of the people are jerks, but most are nice."

"It's the southern culture. Hotter food, stronger music, less clothing. More...relaxed attitude towards things, even about the Church. You know about the northern and southern dominant cultures on Spira?"

"Duh. I have an education."

"I wasn't sure. Yevonite's aren't taught that sort of thing."

"No?"

"No. No one in the Church wants anyone to realize that the northern culture is gradually extending southward."

She shuddered a little.

"Does that mean this'll all be like up in Bevelle one day?" she asked.

"Maybe. Except that we're going to stop it."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Oh. Oh yeah.

**Auron:**

She snuggled up closer. She felt warm and pleasant in the cool Besaid evening.

"Auron?" she said. "Why were you practicing with that ratty old katana that condor dropped? It doesn't even do anything. You've got a pretty good sword, you know. I made it."

"I know. I suppose...I suppose I was trying to recapture a feeling from when my life was simpler than it is now."

"Oh wow," she said. "I know that feeling. So, uh, when would that be? For you, I mean?"

"I suppose before I was twelve."

She leaned into me. As close as she was and as hard as I was practicing, it's a good thing the coat is temperature-regulating and self-cleaning.

"Hey Auron?" she said. "I know it's good to look back sometimes, but not too much, okay? That's what makes people old before their time. And that's not you, you know?"

"You're probably right," I said after a minute. "But...Rikku, have you seen that man, the large sailor with the red bandana, walking around the village?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so?"

"He found me here this afternoon. He was on a ship attacked by Sin, and he suffered from the effects of the toxin for a long time."

"Okay."

"The toxin wore off, and he's all right now. But...when they found him, one of the only things he had in his possession was an old memory sphere."

"One of yours!" she said, sitting up straight.

"Yes," I said, pulling the sphere from my jacket. "I'm not actually on it, so he wasn't able to figure out it was mine until his head cleared up a bit. Then he did, and I was here, so he gave it to me."

"What's on it?"

"Nothing very exciting. Want to watch?"

"YES!" she said, rolling her eyes and swatting my arm.

**Rikku's Diary:**

It was Uncle Braska, and Sir Jecht. They were here, in this village, and Uncle Braska was asking Auron to bring Yunie here after...afterwards. Sometimes I had trouble remembering that Yunie didn't always live here on this island, but of course she didn't. Kimahri brought her here, and Auron went to Zanarkand to look after Tidus.

I know there's more to the story than that, but I also know Auron would tell me if he could.

You never saw Auron in the sphere...he was holding it. You just saw Uncle Braska and Sir Jecht and you could recognize some of the villagers, a little older now, I guess. Well, it was ten years ago.

When it was done, I turned it over and over in my hands.

"This is what got you thinking about the past?" I asked.

"Yes, Rikku."

"Are you gonna show it to Yunie? I think she'd really like to see it."

**Auron:**

I suppose I will.

But that isn't what troubles me.

That sailor was touched by Sin. And now he has a sphere in his possession from my first pilgrimage. Is there some significance in that? Is there something special about that sphere?

Is Jecht trying to tell me something?

"Auron," Rikku said suddenly, "AreyougonnahurttheAlBhed?"

"What? Rikku?"

She took a kind of gasping breath.

"Auron, don't...don't kill Rin...but, but he said, you're...hesaidthatyou'reagreatdangertotheAlBhed...to...to us. He said...he said you're a great danger...to us."

She sat there with her shoulders hunched, not looking up at me, as if she was ashamed to ask the question.

"Rikku," I said slowly, "I am potentially dangerous to anyone, to everyone. Rikku, is this...did they tell you this to convince you to accept the crest?"

"Uh huh," she sniffed miserably. "They said...uh..."

"They didn't say I wanted to hurt the Al Bhed?"

"No. They said that you didn't care. They said that you had something so important to do that you didn't care who got hurt, that you couldn't care. They said you had to win, they wanted you to win, but...but they didn't want the Al Bhed destroyed while you did...and you...that you just didn't care."

I took a breath.

We sat there for a while in the gathering dark. Neither of us really wanted to say anything. But I love her, and I shouldn't make her ask.

"Rikku..."

"Auron! Auron, I know you have something important to do, more important than even Yevon, or Sin, I don't know what it is, but I know it's your duty, and maybe you'll tell me someday, when you can. So, so okay, but, but Auron? Someone has to protect the Al Bhed! I love my people, Auron, and there are so few of us left, and, and, someone has to watch out for us, you know? And, and Rin said that that's why he made the bargain with, with Masamune, you know? That they agreed that they'd help you and protect the Al Bhed at the same time, you know? And then they said, um, that, that you, um, you love me, and I said" --"I wouldn't use that against you, I TOLD them Auron,"-- "that I wouldn't spy on you or anything like that, but, --"but they said..."--

"Rikku? Rikku! You're speaking in Al Bhed, you're going too fast, I don't understand..."

--"I won't betray you Auron, just like I'd never cheat on you!"--

"Rikku!"

Suddenly she threw both of her arms around me and held me tight, and whispered into my old red coat.

"Auron...someone has to watch out for the Al Bhed! Tell me you will, Auron...tell me you won't let my people be hurt...my family..."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Lie to me, Auron...I'll believe you if you lie to me...

**Auron:**

I...

If...

"Rikku, I..."

"Auron?" she breathed, clinging to me in the dark.

"I...can't...promise that."

It seemed like everything was still for a moment. Nothing moved. And then I felt her take a breath and pull away from me.

We sat for a moment, not saying anything, and the she started to stand. I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away and stood up. Then she laid her palm on my cheek, rubbing in gentle circles with her little thumb.

"Rikku..."

"Auron," she said. She sounded tired, in the dark. "Auron, we're not going to break up over this. We're not going to lose each other again, not now. We've been through too much for that. We'll be okay, I promise, but...but I just want to think about things for a while now. Alone, okay? Please?"

She turned and started to walk away.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Rikku."

Damn.

Let me go Auron, I begged him silently. This one time I don't want to cry in front of you.

"Rikku."

I turned. He was holding something out to me in the moonlight.

A small bag.

"Rikku..." he said slowly, "Better take this."

So I took it, and I left him sitting there on the grass, and I walked away to think about love and life and trust.

**Next: 87 Days**


	53. 87 Days

Hey. I know this was supposed to be a different chapter, but when I thought about it, "homecoming" and "Besaid nights" are really a lot alike. So I decided to break them up by writing this chapter and dropping it in. By the way, for anyone who actually follows the music notes, the second song in this chapter is one, well, you might not recognize the name, but you will recognize it when you hear it. It's probably the best known modern jazz piece except for the one in the Peanuts specials on TV.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX still isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and a relationship. And it's rated -T-.

Last thing, like last chapter this one is dedicated to Auron's Fan. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

_Seven years ago..._

* * *

**87 Days**

* * *

**Auron:**

I tried to open both eyes before I remembered.

It didn't work. It never does.

I lay still for a minute, looking up at the ceiling and trying to remember a dream...an island, a group of people...but it slipped away. The city outside my open window was still sleeping as I pushed myself up out of bed and onto my feet, and walked into the bathroom. I stood in front of the sink and looked at myself in the mirror.

I was still here. The scar was still there.

I scrubbed my face with cold water, and grabbed the towel from the rack to dry off. There was pad of notepaper mounted on the wall beside it. I put the towel back and looked at the pad. The top page was half full of pencil marks, eighty four of them in groups of five—four marks crossed by one with a few left over.

I picked up a fat pencil from beside the sink and drew a line across the last four.

Eighty five days.

----The City----_My Hometown_----Bruce Springsteen----

Refrigerators are great things—although I wish someone would think about putting little lights inside them—but they don't do you any good if you never put anything in them. I rummaged for something to eat and then decided to grab something out. I pulled on my old red coat and slung my sword over my shoulder and left the apartment. Not much...a couple of rooms, tiny kitchen, tiny bathroom. But I've lived in worse. Warrior monks don't get luxurious accommodations.

I can still hear the sergeants...

If you wanted four-stars, Chuck, you should have joined the Crusaders.

The sky over the city was just staring to lighten as I hit the mostly empty streets.

Morning in the City of Bridges.

The city has good days and bad days...just like people. There are days that you get up and the city smiles, and you could almost think that it's a sane and normal place to live, just a place where people live their lives and do all the regular things that people do. Those are the days we can all pretend that there aren't really monsters under the bed.

And then there are the bad days.

I stopped on the steps outside and took a deep breath, and smelled...

Possibilities...

Potential...

Well, that's a big frigging help.

The city is full of possibilities. Always has been.

I shook my head a little and turned left. The Al Bhed place on the corner? I've started to like Al Bhed cooking, but not for breakfast. Ramm's? I didn't feel like walking that far.

There's a bar and grill around the corner and up a couple of blocks. They know me there.

I knew I was being followed even before the small redhead fell into step beside me.

"Sir Auron?" she said.

I'm going to strangle Tidus.

My own fault, really. Once when we were talking I admitted that back home people addressed me as Sir Auron. I told him to keep it to himself, but expecting a kid to keep a secret is just expecting too much. It got out and people started calling me Sir Auron, first as a joke, and then...then not so much as a joke.

"Sir Auron?"

"Mirame."

"Feel like answering a few questions, Sir Auron?"

"Guess," I said, speeding up.

Middling-tall, middling pretty, Mirame is a reporter for one of the screamsheets. She doesn't do puff-pieces and she doesn't do openings and dedications. She's a serious investigative reporter who covers the factions. She's been trying to talk to me for years, either for an interview or just background information. I wondered how long she'd been waiting outside my place this time.

"Trade, Sir Auron?" she said, skipping alongside to keep up with me. "I've got something you can use."

"Like?"

"Not here," she said, grabbing my sleeve and pulling me to a stop. "Tonight. Meet me at the Crow Club for a drink."

I didn't much feel like it, but this is the way the game is played in Zanarkand—favor for favor, secret for secret. I nodded agreement and shook her off.

There still weren't many people out. I nodded to a few that I knew, and about a block later I was in front of the Iron Liar Bar and Grill.

Don't ask about the name. I don't know.

"Master Auron!"

"Deetok Lal," I said, turning around. "I've asked you not to call me master."

"Sorry, Sir Auron," the young girl smiled brightly.

Yes, I've definitely decided to strangle Tidus.

Bright white teeth flashed in a dark face. Deetok Lal was five-foot-nothing of smiling energy and determination. I was one of her trainers for a while at the Guard academy not long ago, her and the rest of her class of cadets. I was at a loose end at the time, and the Guards had asked as a favor. Training the eager young cadets brought back memories, good and bad. Deetok Lal was one of my best students.

I don't train the Guard cadets these days.

I don't do much of anything, these days.

"You are well, Deetok Lal?"

Deetok Lal is Feneree, one of the half dozen-odd tribes scattered though Spira. They all have distinctive traits. The Ice People are kind of stocky and round-faced, very strong. The Al Bhed tend toward lean and blond, with green eyes. A few have a genetic quirk that gives them swirled irises. They find that very desirable. I've never seen the attraction, myself.

The Feneree tend to be small and quick, with dark skin, and dark, dark red hair...almost black. They're formal, but friendly and quick to smile.

Cute too.

Shut up, Auron.

"Oh yes, Master Auron," she answered, bouncing a little with nervous energy. "I mean, Sir Auron. I train every day, well, almost every day, and I've learned Haste, and Slow, and my teachers say I'm ready to learn Slowga!"

"Good. And your duties in the Guard? How are you finding them?"

"Very exciting," she said, twirling her steel shod stick in her hands, passing it from one to the other. Her weapon of choice is the three-foot short stick. "Except that Sergeant Cohver is sooooo lazy! He never wants to get out on the street! Just the other day we were supposed to be patrolling and all we did was—"

Cute knees.

Shut up, Auron.

"—and I told him I thought the guy was acting suspicious, and do you know what he said? He said—"

My mind wandered as I idly watched her shaking her head, tapping her foot, tossing her hair, lifting her eyebrows, blowing out her cheeks, pursing her lips, shrugging her shoulders...she did everything but wriggle her ears as she detailed to me the many shortcomings of the training officer they had saddled her with, for no better reason that she could see than to make her life miserable.

If Deetok Lal had one great fault it was impatience.

"—so maybe I should have asked first but it all turned out all right and the people got their dog back and they even thanked me for trying to help, but Sergeant Cohver just looked at me like it was all my fault! And really, if you think about it, he was the one who—"

You try not to have favorites, but it's hard. The bright, eager ones who soak up the lessons and want more...the less gifted but more determined, who try so hard and refuse to give up...the quiet ones that remind you of yourself or your old friends when you were young.

"—likes to just sit around I don't know why he doesn't get a desk job like Sergeant Vash, I mean I know he knows a lot, but what good does it do when all he does—"

I found myself smiling down at the lively young girl, who had wanted so badly to join the Guard to protect people from Bad Things. Her impatience came from her energy and enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can't help but be attractive.

They say the average man thinks about sex every seven seconds. Auron, you're pushing up the average.

Shut up Auron. That's a myth, by the way.

"—he's in there right now, and I can't get him to come out! Right now there could be people in trouble, and it's like he doesn't even care!"

"He cares, Deetok Lal," I told the annoyed young woman. "Why don't you consider this a challenge? See if there's something you can learn from him."

She very politely did not roll her eyes as I stepped inside.

It was always dark and cool inside the Iron Liar. It never changes. It's a good place for people who like to sit, and drink, and hide inside themselves. There weren't many people in this early, but as I approached the bar I saw a large rumpled man sitting on a stool looking out at the street through the dirty frosted-glass window. I settled at the bar near him.

"Sergeant."

"Auron."

The barman Tommy came over and I ordered breakfast. As he moved away, Cohver, still staring out the window, causally asked, "So what have you heard?"

I looked at the back of his head in the mirror behind the bar. This was how Cohver worked. Cohver was one of the City Guard...a Grey. It's a kind of joke. The City Guard are supposed to be neutral, not part of any faction, white, green, or blue. No color, so...grey.

Cohver was one of the best.

"How's the kid," he asked. He meant Tidus.

"Okay. How's yours?"

He snorted. He does it well.

"You see her outside?" he asked.

"She was singing your praises."

"Wants to run me off my feet. Thinks we can stop Evil in its tracks if we just walk faster."

"She's young."

"I can't get her to understand it doesn't work like that."

I nodded. Not always.

You do need people to get out there, show themselves. But Cohver is a different kind of Grey. He knows everyone on the streets, and we all know him. What Deetok Lal doesn't understand is that sitting here in this bar—or in some coffee house, or some bookmaker's parlor—just sitting and listening, listening to what people are saying, passing along words of his own, watching what's going on, Cohver can get more work done in half-a-day's sitting than most Greys could in a month of walking around.

That would never occur to Deetok Lal. Undoubtedly, that was why the Guard had teamed her with Cohver. They wanted her to learn there were other ways of doing things, they wanted to expand her world. But...

"Interesting idea," I said, "Putting the two of you together."

"Pev's idea of a joke."

Guard Commander Pev.

"Don't be so sure. You have a lot to teach her, yes, but maybe he wanted her to teach you something too."

He shifted a little in the dim light and gave me a bland eye.

I turned and looked out the window. You could just make out shapes. A shape we both knew must be her was across the street, talking to another shape...maybe a junkie, or a teenaged whore, or some little street-shark looking for anyone weaker than themselves.

Deetok Lal was on the job.

"She still has the fire," I murmured.

He grunted.

The man's not stupid. He would think about what I said.

The barman came with my order, and I turned to eat. Cohver stayed looking out the window.

"This all used to be Red," he said. "Now it's Green."

I didn't answer. He meant this area belonged to the Red Faction. Back when there was a Red Faction.

The street gang in control of this neighborhood were the Cutters, a Red gang that defected en mass to the Greens about one day after I splashed another Red gang called the Red Balls (don't ask) in another part of the city. Somehow the Red Balls heard that something important was about to get moved and decided that it was their birthday. I don't suppose they knew the shipment was unstabilized dark matter. I guess they somehow got the idea that it was a cache of valuable spheres, but they never should have tried to open that case.

There wasn't enough left of the gang to fill a Dixie cup.

The Cutters decided being Red wasn't healthy, and this area has been Green ever since.

"That little girl," he said, still watching her out of the window, "She's got to learn not everything is the way it seems."

He was sneaking up on something.

"Take you, Auron," he said. "I always thought you were slick. Lots of people think you're dangerous cause you carry that big-ass sword around. But that ain't it."

I spread some butter on a biscuit.

"The thing that really makes you dangerous, Auron, is you got a mind like a snake. Like that thing you pulled with that auction...those kids...that was slick."

He was talking about...

Four years ago I fell to Zanarkand, and I got involved in a war with the Red Faction. They didn't know it was a war. They just thought they were going to kill me. That's what everyone thought.

By the second year of the killing no one thought that anymore. But they still didn't think I could win.

In the third year, the Reds were starting to doubt. That was the year the Red Balls went south, and the Cutters went over to the Greens. The Red Ball territory was on the waterfront, sort of between the Yellows and the Browns. (I guess by the time the Browns got into the act all the cool colors were taken.) With the Red Balls out of it, a turf war blew up between the Yellows and Browns.

That wasn't what I wanted at all.

So I called all of the factions besides Red to a meeting at a place called Nika. Bianca came herself. Back then she was the heir-apparent to the White Faction. The Palo brothers sent an almost-bright nephew to represent the Greens. The Stone Man was there himself for the Browns. They all came. Red tried to crash, but I had something waiting.

You might wonder why the other factions would come like that when I called. It's because they thought if they stayed behind they might just get left out. That was a message I'd been planting subtly for years...that there could be something in this war for them.

It was time to get less subtle.

I don't know what they expected, but what they got was an auction. I was selling off remnants of the Reds to the highest bidder. Going out of business. Everything must go.

The point that I made to them was that I didn't want a new round of turf wars when the Reds went down. And they didn't want that either. The best way to shut off that possibility was to divide everything up right now, ahead of time. They didn't miss the unspoken message...that I expected to win.

I told them they could participate, or leave now and miss out on the windfall.

They stayed, and we divided the remaining Red assets between them, deciding who got what after the funeral.

Like those people who put a colored sticky on the good gravy boat to say That's Mine When Grandma Goes.

Most times, Grandma's okay with it.

The Reds weren't.

You get the point, right? When the other factions bought into the fire sale concept, they also bought a stake in the Reds going down. Everyone benefits. Almost everyone.

Now, here's the thing...here's what Cohver was talking about. At that meeting we split up the Red Faction's turf, and their gang allies, and their areas of influence. What I mean is that the factions specialize somewhat. The Greens control most of the gambling in the city—not all, but most—and the Whites are mostly summoners and mages and have a lot of pull with the city government, and so on. The Reds had the biggest stake in the weapons trade, including a lot of War Ministry people on their payroll. So we decided who got to step in and take their place. We also split up the judges and officials and so on that the Reds had in their pocket. I made a profit at Nika, and a lot of people ended up owing me favors, but I mostly concentrated on keeping everyone happy enough to keep the peace after the fact.

But here's the thing.

Taken as an aggregate, the individuals that made up the Red Faction personally controlled a lot of resources. It's true of all factions.

Here's what I mean.

Take as an example, Jojo Bobbo.

Jojo Bobbo was Red Faction lower-middle-management. He ran a string of street soldiers, and also ran numbers for Sector G. People thought he was a little strange because he had two names, but he was a hard worker and still a young man and in time he would probably run all the gambling in Sector G.

Except that he was on my list.

Now, besides all the trinkets and trash that everyone collects in their life, Jojo also had sixty thousand shares of Troykill Industries stock. That's a very valuable resource. Of course, it was only sixty thousand shares, but like they say, sixty thousand here, sixty thousand there, and pretty soon you're talking about real money. And in the case of Troykill, maybe control of the company.

So who gets Jojo's sixty thousand shares when I send him home? Well, in the normal course of things, his wife. Except that his wife's name is right there next to Jojo's on the list. So where does it go when she takes the high jump?

Jojo had a son named...something. About eight years old.

So the question isn't who gets the stock.

The question is who gets the kid.

We split the children of the Red Faction up at the meeting at Nika.

I think that's what really broke the Red Faction. When they heard that we were deciding who would get their kids after they were all dead.

I think that's what brought it home for them like nothing else ever did, that the Red Faction was going away, and there wasn't anything they could do about it.

It was a given.

The Reds stated leaking people. They fell away in dribs and drabs, then in floods, making the best deals they could with other factions. I let them go. At that point I didn't want to kill any given person. I wanted to destroy the faction. Once it started to splinter, there was no way to stop it. The latest leaders offered to negotiate for the first time, but even if I had wanted to, it was too late.

Of course, there are always some who won't give up. I sent a lot of people home that year. And their kids...went wherever.

That's what Cohver was talking about.

I chewed, and swallowed.

"Got something to say, sergeant?"

"Those kids...the ones whose parents got sent south. They're getting older now. The kids are growing up, and they know who it was put their mommies and daddies in the ground."

Yeah.

Hadn't thought of that.

It never really ends, you know.

Monsters under the bed.

Now I have to watch for murderous preteens.

So be it.

It was understood that now I owed him one, middle-sized. I shoved the plate away, left money.

"Poker tonight," he said, still looking out the window, "You interested."

"Your place?"

"Yeah. Paul'll be there. Jixx too."

"Well slap me with a fish," I muttered.

"And call me Shirley," he half-grinned.

"I swear I'm going to kill him one day."

"Back of the line. But wait till after the game...lord, he's bad. That guy Vedec play poker?" he asked.

"Vedec plays bridge."

Cohver snorted again.

"Yeah, I can just see him, swanning it with Bianca and the city councilors and the commissioner and them. You still boinking Bianca?"

I shook my head and slipped off the stool. Cohver is Cohver. You're not going to change him. You aren't and I'm not and neither is his new little partner.

"Take it easy," I said.

"Take it any way I can get it."

I was at the door when he said, "Auron, how long, now?"

I turned and looked back at him, but couldn't read his face in the dim light.

"Eighty five days," I said after a minute.

"Damn."

"Problem?"

"I had eighty two in the pool."

* * *

**Auron:**

I went down to the park and trained for a few hours with some Ngyung Sword Elders who are there every day. I usually practice on the roof of my building, or at the Fighter Guildhall, but sometimes I like to come down here or go the gymnasium at the New University. The Ngyung are another of Spira's minor tribes. The city is nothing if not diverse. The Ngyung religion is the Path of the Sword. They believe that their swords are their souls. Personally, I think that's taking weapons fetishism a little too far, but it does produce some superior fighters.

And sometimes I need to be around people.

Sometimes especially when I don't want to be.

There was a time, a while back, when I started to cut myself off from people. And I found my thoughts starting to drift in...odd directions. I started talking to myself...inside my head. Which I suppose is the best place for it.

Got that right, Auron.

Shut up, Auron.

By the time I decided it might not be such a good idea, I wasn't sure how to get back...how to reach out to anyone.

It was Tidus who saved me then. And—I'm ashamed to admit this—his mother dying. He reached out to me. There was no one else...no one else for him, and no one else for me. And so I let him cling to me.

It didn't last long. A few weeks. But it was enough to start me back. I'm not sure what waits at the end of that road that I was on before, but I don't think it's human.

Of course, I'm not really human anymore.

Am I?

I'm more human than Mika. I guess that's enough for now.

All of which reminded me that I needed to buy some food. Tidus was going to be staying with me this weekend. Cohver had asked me how Tidus was doing. Should I have told him that Tidus was...what?

Dealing with his ghosts.

My vision seemed to waver, and for a moment I was looking at a ruined landscape...fallen buildings, the city's proud bridges collapsed into rubble. Then I blinked, and there were children playing around me, and old people sitting in the sun, and a living city, even if it wasn't quite sane.

We all have ghosts.

I stopped at the market on my way back to my place and picked up some things, and I was putting them away in my tiny kitchen when I remembered...

Another kitchen, in another small apartment, years ago.

About a year after I arrived in the city, while I was still fighting my faction war, I had taken Willa in. Just until I could find her someplace safe to stay. She was about fourteen then, as best she could remember. The first night I sat on the couch and held her while she shivered herself to sleep. She was still asleep when I left the next morning to go the market. There wasn't much in the place, but pleasant food smells met me when I let myself back in, and Willa looked up and gave me a big smile from the kitchen, wearing an apron.

All she was wearing was an apron.

We had a somewhat awkward conversation as I explained why this couldn't happen...yes, I knew how she'd been earning a living on the streets, but she was just too young. And she didn't have to do that here. She nodded. I thought she understood.

I spent the day meditating and training while she puttered around the place.

That night she crawled into my bed.

I slept in the bathtub, with the door locked.

I tried to explain to her that this was something that just wasn't going to happen, that I cared about her and wanted her to stay, but that she was just too young for anything else. It would be wrong.

She slept on the couch after that, and didn't try to get into bed with me. She cooked for us, and picked up around the place. We talked together.

By the end of the week she had moved back out.

I still see her sometimes...out on the streets.

I still remember sometimes, when I'm putting things away in the kitchen.

We all have ghosts.

I meditated until evening.

* * *

**Auron:**

----The Crow Club----_Take Five_----The Dave Brubeck Quartet----

It was early evening when I got to the Crow Club. The doorman and the hostess both looked at me with some unease, but both knew better than to try to stop me going in. I could sense her mixed feelings as I walked by the hostess. It made her nervous that I was here, but it would help the club's reputation as the place to go and be seen.

The Crow Club is...not a theme club, exactly, but it is heavily atmospheric. Everyone is supposed to dress in black and white.

No red coats welcome.

Tough.

A jazz band was playing as I settled at the bar. I was about to ask the bartender if Mirame was in, when a hand landed on my arm.

"Hey, Sir Auron, you're a little early."

"Let's sit."

She was wearing a dress for the first time since I'd met her, and her hair was up. She...cleaned up good. I had an idea that she didn't bother to dress up often. We found a quiet table with a good view of the place. A waiter came over saying, "Sir, this table is reserved tonight—"

"What would you like?" I asked the reporter, cutting him off.

She ordered wine, and I ordered nog, and the waiter went away someplace. Mirame was looking at the couples on the dance floor.

"Do you want to dance?" she asked, turning to me with a shy smile. It looked odd on her face, like it didn't quite know how it had gotten there.

"No. What do you have for me?"

"Hmp. You need to work on your social skills, Sir Auron."

"Yes. What do you have for me?"

But the waiter was back with our drinks already. She took a sip of wine. I left my nog untouched. Mirame was scanning the room, toting up the clientele.

"Some movers and shakers are in tonight," she said. "There's Delina Albok, dancing with Councilman Khine. I hear she's looking for husband number three. And Gevvy is sitting up front, from the Blues."

She was right. There were some powerful people here. Those three and a double-handful of others. Gevvy is high up in the Blues. We've dealt before. He's married, but not to the woman he's with tonight. Khine is an up-and-comer on the council—rich, good family, good looking. Delina was the oldest Albok daughter, almost twenty eight.

Troykill Industries was the largest arms manufacturer in the city. It was a publicly held company, immensely influential, especially with the Armed Forces. Most of the factions and the most important families had someone on the board of directors. Control of the company shifted. I've done some work for Troykill. There are a handful of smaller companies in the same business, but the only one of note is Albok Arms. It's not as big as Troykill, but it's privately held, entirely owned by the Albok family. Troykill concentrated mainly on physical weapons systems...firearms, missiles, defender robots and so forth. Albok Arms specialized in magical weaponry. It's a big clan, but the family at the center includes three daughters. All wild, the stories say. Delina's been married twice, widowed twice. She could be measuring Khine for a wedding suit.

They say her weddings are to die for.

This is the city. Movers and shakers and people keeping track and significant looks and shifting alliances and subtle power plays and favors exchanged and sharp smiles and sharp daggers slipping into someone's back before they even notice there's anyone behind them.

Evening in the City of Bridges.

"Sure you don't want to dance?"

What is it with women and dancing?

"No. What do you have for me?"

She sighed theatrically, brought out her bag and rummaged inside. I watched her pull out a sphere.

"Here," she said. "You take it, and watch it, and decide what it's worth. You know what I want."

I did. She wanted details about the war with the Red Faction. I bounced the sphere a little in my hand, and discretely inhaled.

The smell of hot copper, the taste of blood in my mouth.

This thing was death.

What was recorded here? Or maybe it was the sphere itself that I smelled—booby-trapped, perhaps? My eye flickered back to Mirame. She was looking out at the dance floor again, and around the room.

"I'll give it a look," I said, standing up. "I have someplace to be."

"Well, that isn't very gallant," she said with a raised eyebrow and a smile up at me.

I almost said something clever and cutting, but I couldn't think of anything, so I just turned and walked out. Heads turned and people watched me leaving.

At least I stiffed her with the bill.

It was a cool night, and I stopped to take a deep breath as I stepped outside. There was a breeze off the water. I started walking. I would grab a taxi eventually, but for now I felt like walking.

I didn't want to think, but...something was bothering me. Some thought was gnawing at me. I slowed to a stop, and stood as people walked around me, glancing at me.

Something had happened. Something...

What...?

I shoved my hand in my pocket and pulled out Mirame's globe. I inhaled...

I whirled around and sprinted heavily back the way I came, colliding with people, bouncing off them but not letting them slow me down.

I charged up the steps, past the doorman and the hostess, racing back to the table. She wasn't there. I slowed, looked around, everyone was looking back at me. There she was, on the dance floor with Khine, staring at me. I opened my mouth to tell them all to Get The Hell Out...

Charging out of nowhere, crunching into my side, I twist, ribs snapping, pyreflies putting me back together unnoticed, I whip around, my sword in my hand, people are running, screaming...

The dual horn rears up, tries to crush me, I dance away, the edge of my sword scoring along its side. It pulls back fast, too fast for something that big, turns and throws itself at the crowd, I leap in its path...

It smashes into me and something inside me breaks and I cough blood and come up swinging from the soles of my feet, putting everything I have into it, slashing deep and hard, and it cries out like it's human and backs away...

I'm attacking now, cutting it up, cutting it open, sword flashing again and again and pyreflies are drifting up all around me and I pound my blade into the floor a few more times before I realize that it's gone...

I hurt, but the preflies are doing their job, quietly putting me back together, and I do mine, looking around.

Mirame is there, shocked and wide-eyed, one of the ones who didn't run. And close behind her, another who stayed, but now his eyes go wide and he turns and runs and I'm after him, brushing her aside. I grab a bottle of something from a table that's still standing and I throw and he goes down, rolls to his back, his hands are moving, sparks between his fingers, and my sword is at his throat...

A punk, breathing hard and staring up at me through the hair in his face.

He shouldn't have run...I'd never have noticed him.

"I don't want to kill you," I said. "And you don't want to die. There's a convergence."

His fingers twitched.

Do young people ever believe that they can really die...that it could ever really happen to them?

"Don't try it..." I said.

Believe, I thought. I willed the thought down my arm, down the blade straight at him. I desperately wanted him to believe that this world will really keep going without him, keep right on going when he's just meat on a slab.

It was true, I didn't want to kill him.

I got a belly-full in the Red Faction war.

"Auron...?"

Mirame, hesitantly from behind me. His eyes flicked to her over my shoulder.

It never occurred to me.

When I was outside, and I took a deep breath of the cool air...I never got a glimmer of the hot copper smell. I had assumed inside that the smell was coming off the sphere, and the violence was aimed at me.

It never occurred to me that it was something inside, and aimed at her.

Maybe it was something he saw in her face that convinced him.

All three of us knew I really didn't want to kill him.

But all three of us knew that I would.

He believed.

* * *

**Auron:**

"What do I do now?" she asked a little shakily.

She was really holding up pretty well. Wilting flowers don't make a living poking their unwanted noses into faction business.

"Go with the Greys," I said. "They'll keep you safe until we figure out what's going on."

I held the punk until the Greys showed up, warned them that he was some sort of summoner and get him stuffed into a suppression cell. Told them to self-insert when they wanted to drag me down to give statements all night.

"I'll ask around," I told her as she was getting ready to go with them, "I'll look at the sphere, see what I can see."

"Um...yeah," she said, looking down. I think she wanted to say something, but didn't want to at the same time.

I get that a lot.

In the end she didn't say anything, just thanked me again and went with the Greys.

* * *

**Auron:**

I woke up the next morning, and tried to open both eyes before I remembered.

I don't know why I'm doing that so much lately.

Maybe it'll work one day.

I got up and went into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face and brush my teeth.

Toothpaste. Wonderful stuff.

I checked myself in the mirror.

I'm still here.

Scar's still there.

I looked at the pad hanging next to the sink.

I picked up the pencil and drew a mark.

Eighty six days.

I made breakfast, cleaned a little, watered the flowers. They don't need much care. When I fell to Zanarkand four years ago, I found some seeds caught up in my coat, and managed to get them to grow. They're white and blue and small and they remind me of home.

I'm going back, you know.

I have a plan.

I did okay at the poker game. I usually do okay. I won a bit, taking it about evenly from Jixx and a White Faction summoner named Heron. They had all heard about the happenings at the Crow Club, but no one asked. You don't talk shop at Cohver's poker games. They did ask about Tidus. Families are fair game.

What could I say? I said he was fine. Crazy about blitzball.

And that's good.

It hit Tidus hard when his mother died three years ago. He went to stay with his aunt and uncle, his mother's sister and her husband. I was in the middle of my war with the Red Faction, and there was no way he could stay with me.

Salli's sister had always hated Jecht, and so had her husband. They hated him when he was here, and they hated him when he was gone. Salli's sister thought that marrying him had ruined Salli's life, and they both thought that Jecht's drinking was making Salli and Tidus miserable, and they resented that he seemed to ignore Tidus.

And then Jecht was gone, and then Salli was gone, and who could they blame?

They resented Tidus.

They didn't do anything, or really say anything. It was never overt, but he knew. He didn't understand. They hated his father, and so did he. He didn't understand how that somehow meant they resented him, because he was his father's son.

Just by being there, he reminded them of Jecht.

And there was no one else to resent.

And then he started getting more and more obsessed with blitzball, and that just reminded them of his father even more.

I've never cared for the game, but...

His mom and dad gone, living with an aunt and uncle who wished he was somewhere else, no real friends because they were only interested in who his father had been...Tidus hadn't turned to drugs or sex or any of the other things kids do when the world isn't what they need it to be. He turned to blitzball, and for that I will always give thanks.

He was staying over with me on weekends more often now, sleeping on the couch. Tidus and I had never really gotten along very well, but then after his mother died I somehow obtained the status of Not Quite As Bad As Other Adults. Now we were talking about him staying the summer with me.

We'll see.

I decided to spend a couple of hours meditating, then go out for lunch, and spend the afternoon training over at the Fighter Guildhall. I was thinking it might be time to find Tidus a trainer. I'd talk it over with some people there. With his speed it's obvious that he should be a light fighter.

Speed kills.

I locked the door behind me. I don't know why I bother. Only Tidus, Willa, and a few others can even find my place. Anyone else who tries gets badly confused and tends to wander off. It's something the Dreamer Fayth worked up.

Nice, but I still don't trust them.

I think I'll go to the Al Bhed place.

When I got there, Cohver was established at a table, and Deetok Lal was squirming with frustrated impatience next to him.

"Auron."

"Sir Auron!"

"Sergeant...Deetok Lal."

"Siddown, son. Join us."

I sat, and ordered when the waitress came over.

"Sir Auron! I heard what happened last night! They say you beat up six fiends! Was it the Guado? Was it the Yellows?"

The Yellows have some Guado mages working for them (who do not look good in yellow by the way) and I'm not surprised the rumor mill has them involved.

"I don't think it was the Yellows, Deetok Lal, and there weren't six fiends, there was only one, although it was powerful and dangerous."

"We should go over there, the three of us! Or if the sergeant wants to stay we could—"

"Kid, drink your tea. Auron, you know you'll have to go give a statement eventually. Sooner you go, the more useful Chavek will find it."

Deetok Lal subsided, fuming.

"Chavek got the case?" I asked.

"You know how it works," he said. "We'll all pitch in, but it's his baby."

"He find anything yet?"

"Couple of things."

"Like?"

"Like, witnesses say you got a sphere from the girl before it all started."

Hm. Yeah. I'd looked at that sphere.

"Nothing much there."

I expected his skepticism, but not hers. But it was true. I had looked at the sphere last night, and again this morning. There were some interesting things, but nothing to write home about. Nothing worth trying to murder anyone. And I knew I wasn't missing anything, because I just couldn't smell anything that dangerous about the sphere.

"Seriously," I told them. "There's a couple of useful things, but nothing more than you could hear sitting right at this table all morning, Cohver."

"But then why—" Deetok Lal started before Cohver cut her off, "That's what Chavek said the girl said. So then, what's it all about?"

"As far as the girl goes," I answered, "My best guess is that it wasn't about me at all. Think about it. She and I are seen together at the Crow Club, she's seen passing me a sphere, and she probably planned on people seeing us leaving together."

"Why—?" she started again.

"He thinks the reporter was using him, girl," Cohver answered her. "Someone sees them together and gets nervous. She was trying to get someone to put the dots together wrong."

"I think she almost told me last night before they took her away. But she didn't. Maybe she was embarrassed, maybe she thought there might be more on the sphere than she knew. But I'm pretty sure she was using me to push someone else."

"So where does that leave us?" Deetok Lal asked.

"The sphere was irrelevant. Someone was after her for some other reason. What else did she tell Chavek?"

I got a Cohver patented Bland Smile.

"I'm sure Chavek would be pleased to discuss that and other things of mutual interest at your earliest convenience."

Deetok Lal covered her mouth to smother giggles.

My food came then, and I started to eat while Cohver launched into one of his long tales from the far-away days when he was a common foot-patrolman. The side of my mouth quirked up as Deetok Lal banged her head on the table and he dismissed her outside with a flick of his hand. She bounced up smiling and headed outside eager to defend the sidewalk in front of the restaurant from all evildoers.

"I was never that young," Cohver sighed heavily.

He might be right. Some people are born middle-aged.

"It wasn't like this when I was a kid," he said, watching the passing people through the window. "All this weird crap we see these days...murdered fayth...water that talks back to us. Seems like it just gets worse every year. Hell, maybe I'm just getting old and sour."

"Five miles uphill..." I said around a mouthful of food. "Both ways."

"Yeah. In the snow."

Yeah.

He isn't wrong though. It has been getting worse.

The city's been going insane for...let's see, I got here...for about four years now.

I pushed my plate away. Suddenly I didn't feel like eating. I felt sour, and all the taste was gone. And it smelled like...

It smelled like...

I pushed myself up and away from the table. I turned around slowly, scanning the dining room.

"Auron?"

I was walking toward the door.

"Auron?"

Hot copper.

I opened the door and stepped out...the smell of hot copper...people passing by...I look around...I'm looking for...

People passing, looking, yelling, running...trying to get out of the way...a sword coming at me...too many people in the way...I see her slash at some woman and a stick covered in steel knocks her blade aside...

My world goes cold and clear as ice and I see Deetok Lal and the girl circling each other, arms blurring...they're cutting and smashing and blocking and flailing...the unknown girl is better than the young Grey...hold her, hold her for four seconds...

Three seconds...

People are getting out of the way, running, scrabbling on their hands and knees, the two girls are hacking at each other...Deetok Lal is bleeding...

Two seconds...almost there...

One second and I'm there and I can pull her down from behind and we can take her alive...and the girl cuts Deetok Lal's hand, and her stick slips from her fingers...and the girl comes around in a wild, wicked slice at Lal...and...

And...

Life is made of choices.

If you hesitate too long, if you can't decide, you lose your chance, and all your decisions are made for you.

I cut off the girl's arms, and then her head.

This time I went with them to give a statement. In the days that followed, the Greys would learn that these two—the girl today and the boy last night—were part of a...a club, I guess. They were from all different factions, but their parents had all been Reds. The girl had been fifteen.

Sergeant Cohver was right. The children of the meeting at Nika were growing up. They had sworn vengeance. They had been after me both times.

Deetok Lal told me that in those last seconds I had shouted her name...Lal. Just Lal. I never called her that before. Mirame came out of hiding, and wrote the story for her paper, adding to my legend. The other children were gathered, and the Greys took them down into the basement of the justice building, and had them look at the body for a long time. They learned that this wasn't a game. I addressed them after, and told them that when they came of age, any of them could challenge me formally. There was no great danger from them as assassins now that I knew. I would keep an eye on them, and so would the Greys, and the factions, and the Dreamer Fayth.

And all of this, all of the killing and the entire war with the Red Faction...it all started because on the day that I fell to Zanarkand someone tried to kill me because I was wearing red.

Sometimes...I hate people.

* * *

**Auron:**

I woke up the next morning and tried to open both eyes before I remembered.

Didn't work.

I pushed myself up out of bed and went into the bathroom. I stood in front of the sink and looked at myself in the mirror

Still here...still there.

I turned the tap and scrubbed my face with cold water. I looked down into the sink. There was...there were faint traces of red, here and there. Blood on my hands. I didn't get it all when I finally washed up last night.

I grabbed the towel off the rack and dried off. When I put the red-stained towel back, I looked at the pad of paper mounted next to it.

It was covered with pencil marks...groups of four, crossed by one.

Five marks...and five more...and five more...and five...and five, and five, and five and five and five and five and five and five and five and five and five...and five...and five...

...and one...

Eighty six marks.

Today would have been...

I reached up and tore off the top sheet of paper.

I killed someone yesterday.

But maybe I won't today.

And maybe I won't tomorrow.

I picked up the pencil from beside the sink, and drew a mark on the clean blank page.

One day.

-----End Credits----_Better Days_----Goo Goo Dolls----

**Next: Besaid Nights**


	54. Besaid Nights

Hey. Well, Merry Christmas. I'm giving you guys an early chapter. Hope you like it.

You know, in the last chapter I actually had "slap me with a fish and call me Wanda" instead instead of "Shirley". That's kind of embarassing.

Okay, is it Who or Whom? Nevermind.

Well, guess that's it.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FF12 isn't mine either. (Hey, at least it's new information.) Follows the story (the FFX one) but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and a relationship. And it's rated -T-.

This chapter and the next one are dedicated to pyschostudent06. (For heaven's sakes girl, be more careful.) Hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Sea and sky and stone and pillars arching high into the air. I stand outside the temple at Besaid and wonder what it will be in another hundred years. What form will it take? The temples have stood for more than a thousand years. There was a temple on Kilika even before the Bevelle-Zanarkand war. Before Sin.

Is it hubris to believe that what the temples will become depends on me? On my choices? On my actions? Will the temples be what I make them? Shall I cast them down, so that no stone stands on stone? Shall I sow the ground with salt?

Or shall I take the harder path, and try to make of the temples something new, and better?

Destroy...create...

Behind me I can hear young boys and girls running and playing. Of course, in the end they will decide what the temple will be. Spira belongs to the living, and the future belongs to the children. The decision is theirs, as it should be.

But I think I can give it a push.

* * *

**Besaid Nights**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Of course he was already up. He's always up before the rest of us. So there he was, standing in front of the temple, just sort of staring at it like he was lost in thought. We formed up around him, and Yuna looked up at him, and he looked back at her and nodded, and we all walked up the steps and inside.

I held him back a little when the others went ahead, and he looked down at me a little sadly and I smiled at him and reached up and tugged down his cowl and jumped up on my tippy-toes and gave him a little kiss. And he smiled and we held hands as we walked in.

Then I tugged my hand away cause I just had to get a look at everything! Hey, you know, this was only the second temple I've ever been in. Well, if you don't count Bevelle. And Baaj, I guess.

**Auron:**

I don't really know what I expected today. From her, I mean. But she surprised me again, as she has so many times. She wasn't...I don't know. She hadn't been angry last night. Sad, perhaps? But in any event, this morning there was no trace of last night's seriousness. Instead she was smiles and sunshine, rainbows and snowcones in summer, and she dashed around the temple as curious as a kitten, trying to see everything at once—the tapestries and mosaics, the mighty statues of the four high summoners, the lesser statues of other successful summoners. I thought the priest might try to say something about an Al Bhed in the temple, but no. He seemed...dispirited.

I also watched the others in our party. Wakka stood with lowered brows and raised chin, looking around with a mixture of defiant truculence and slightly abashed confusion. He didn't know what he should be feeling. This was the temple of his childhood, and perhaps he wasn't as ready to give it up as he had assumed. The priest came over to speak quietly with him and with Lulu. The mage might have felt the same as Wakka, with the added guilt of being Bevelle's agent in our party, but of course she didn't show it.

Yuna was the only one who knelt in prayer. The Ronso stood protectively over her. Tidus watched her silently, and then come over to speak with me.

"How can she still pray to Yevon?" he asked me, shaking his head. "After all she knows now? Why does she do it, Auron?"

"Yuna has believed all her life in something larger than herself, Tidus. She still does, even if she isn't sure what yet. Prayer gives her comfort."

"Huh."

He didn't sound convinced. Zanarkand was always a pretty secular place. It looks like they're done now, and we can proceed.

Lord save me from cloister trials.

**Rikku's Diary:**

FUN!

* * *

**Auron:**

They all laughed and clapped as Rikku bowed and presented the Magisterial Rod to Yuna, and Tidus put his fingers in his mouth and whistled. (That can't be sanitary.) It was a hidden treasure that the others had missed their first time in the temple. But of course Rikku found it as she sped through the trial, moving so fast it sometimes seemed as if she was juggling the silly spheres. She put the destruction sphere into the correct recess and exposed a hidden room with a chest.

**Rikku's Diary:**

ALL HAIL RIKKU!

**Auron:**

Of course, none of them understood the real significance of the process. The secret wasn't the chest. That was a distraction. The secret was the room.

But I had no reason nor wish to visit the Egg, hidden deep beneath the temple, so I merely followed the others down into the depths of the cloister to the chamber of the fayth.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Creepy!

There was a round chamber and someone was singing the Hymn of the Fayth and then Valefor appeared in a flash and disappeared the same way and there was a woman lying there in front of us and she got up and you could see right through her! Shivers! It was kinda like when Auron took me to see the fayth of Yojimbo.

I kinda moved over and fumbled for his hand, you know, in case he was nervous or whatever, and IT WAS WAKKA looking at me like I was crazy! Dammit, Auron was right next to me when we walked in! Now I've got Wakka looking at me like I have two heads or something!

**Auron:**

A young woman in pigtails. I wonder who she is. Some of the fayth I know, but not this one.

"Sin is cursed..."

You cursed him.

"Sin prays..."

Whom to?

"It curses its form,

"It prays for dissolution."

It drinks too much, and swears like a sailor.

"Sin sees dreams of its own destruction.

"Sin is looking at us."

Be afraid.

"We live in a fading echo of time,

"Left us by the destroyer."

You were just minding your own business, right?

"Free him from Yu Yevon.

"Free him—the fayth that has become Sin."

He was a dream. You made him a man. You made him a fayth. You made him Sin.

We're going to free him.

But we're not doing it for you.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Whup! Creepy-lady disappeared and a sphere dropped from where she was! It probably wouldn't have broken but it might have bounced off the edge, and it looks like a looooong way down! So I jumped forward and caught it and then I sat there on the platform admiring my new shiny evasion sphere (that'll come in handy!) when I heard a certain, gruff-yet-smooth voice saying, "Rikku..."

Okay, okay, I'll share. Sheesh. I didn't see anyone else leaping to save it. But when I looked up at him with my tongue sticking all out, he just smiled a little and pointed.

Holy jumping chocobos!

Where did those chests come from!

**Auron:**

When I see how happily Rikku attacks the chests I can almost forgive the fayth for what they did to Jecht. She pouts prettily when the first chest yields a couple of common potions, and gasps in delight when she finds a white magic sphere in the second. She accepts the hi potion and elixir that she finds in the remaining chests philosophically.

When Rikku is eighty, her pouts will still be adorable. She puts her arm through mine and smiles as we head back.

**Rikku's Diary:**

No getting away this time!

* * *

**Auron:**

"Well, what do we do now?" Tidus asked as we left the temple.

"I think we should do something special!" Rikku said, still holding onto my hand. "To celebrate the start of the new pilgrimage!"

"I agree," Lulu said. Did some significant look pass between the two of them? "A special dinner."

"Great," Wakka said, and Kimahri grunted.

"Yes, we'll all have a special meal tonight!" Yuna smiled.

We agreed to spend the rest of the day taking care of personal things. Rikku squeezed my hand and hurried off, and the rest of the day I saw her and Lulu together, hurrying along and talking with one another.

I have always been somewhat alarmed by the idea of Rikku and Lulu together. Working together. Cooperating. Yuna is a moderating force, but somehow Lulu and Rikku bring out the...less restrained...aspects of each other's character.

After the events on Mt Gagazet I wouldn't have thought they'd be getting along so well.

Yuna and Lulu and Wakka and to some extent Kimahri were all quite busy. They had many things to do before they left their homes here on Besaid again. Rikku was wrapped up in whatever plans she and the black mage were hatching. Tidus spent most of his time hanging out with Yuna or Wakka, but he took some time to spar with me. And also to talk. We haven't really had a chance for that since Zanarkand, the two of us.

"So," he said, breathing deeply as we took a break. "I, uh, guess I'm not going to fade away just yet, huh?"

"No, Tidus, not yet," I said. "We still have a great deal to do first."

He looked down at his feet.

"I'm glad," he said quietly. "I'm glad I get more time to spend with Yuna, you know? I'm glad we got to save her."

"You're growing up," I told him.

I was proud of him.

I'll tell him one day.

"Yeah, I guess. Hey, Auron...?"

"Yes, Tidus?"

He looked own at the ground for a moment, scuffing the dirt.

"Tell me it's worth it," he said.

Worth it?

Well...is it?

I took a breath.

"Is it worth giving your life to save another person?" I asked him.

"I guess, yeah..." he said. "Yuna, anyway...or any of the guys."

"And to save two people?"

"Uh, I guess."

"Ten? Twenty?"

"Well, sure."

I reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Tidus, in a very real way, we're trying to save...everyone. It's worth it."

"Huh," he said, frowning. "Isn't that kinda what Yuna was trying to do?"

"She still is," I said, leaning back.

We stood and looked out at the water in silence.

"Hey, Auron?" he said without turning. "I'm glad that you and Rikku are, um, together. I think you're good for each other, you know?"

"She's good for me," I answered quietly.

"No, Auron," he shook his head. "You're good for each other. You know how I know? It's easy. I've seen the two of you together, and I've seen you apart. No contest. Believe me."

I sighed.

"One day I'll leave her, Tidus. I have no choice. And I know it'll hurt her."

"We've had this conversation before, Auron," he answered me. "One day I'll have to leave Yuna. So we spend the time together that we can. That's life. That's what life is! Joy and pain together! Hopefully...enough joy to make the pain worth it."

"Tidus..."

"Okay! You're gonna hurt her! Okay, so make her happy while you can! Auron, make her happy enough that it's worth the hurt!"

I looked at him quizzically.

Who is...?

Who is this young man standing in front of me, instructing me so passionately in how to live life? There was always more to him than blitzball and blond hair and perfect teeth, but you usually had to dig deep to reach it. And now here he was, throwing real wisdom in my face. Who is he and who are all of these young people that I'm traveling with? I thought I knew, and then one after the other they surprise me with...

I don't know.

"What?" he said, raising his chin and looking me in the eye.

"Nothing," I answered slowly. "Only..."

I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say.

"Oh hell!" he said, shaking his head and making a rude noise and drawing his sword. "That's enough of this. Com'on old man! Time to kick your ass!"

And he did, as he usually does when we practice together.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Com'oncom'oncom'on!"

Tidus told me I could find him out by the headland between the temple and the water and I ran out there and there he was meditating or brooding or thinking and I grabbed his hand and practically dragged him back to the village cause it was time for the party! Okay, it was just a dinner at Yunie's place, but it was a special dinner for all of us and that's like a party, right?

He stopped me just before we went in, and said, "Rikku, you know we need to talk some more."

Man, he picks the worse times!

"Yeah," I said, "But later! Not now!"

He nodded and we ducked inside with the others.

**Auron:**

Inside, the others were sitting on cushions around a low table loaded with local food. Rikku yelled, "Here he is!" and rushed into another room as Tidus waved and the others nodded. I sat down and looked around. Yuna had traded her traditional summoner garb for what Willa had always called a sun dress, still white and blue, but loose and falling only to her knees. Lulu was dressed as usual in black and leather trimmed with white fur, but accented with flashes of red. She caught my eye and leaned forward a little.

Still flirting.

I'm not even sure Lulu particularly likes me.

Parties are not my natural element. Luckily I was next to Kimahri and we formed a sort of island of silence amid the small talk. I don't mind listening to others though, and I was pleased to hear them talking about this and that—the people here in the village, the state of Yuna's garden, the season's blitzball standings. Even though their time in the Calm Lands was cut short, I could see that the stay there had done them good. They were more relaxed now.

"Auron?"

...Rikku...

**Rikku's Diary:**

Um...

Ta dah!

**Auron:**

...Rikku...

She...

**Rikku's Diary:**

Um, cat got your tongue, Auron?

He was staring.

**Auron:**

She is...no child.

I've said that before, and I believed it. But...I'm not sure I ever really knew it...until that moment.

She was standing in the doorway, wearing a simple white dress trimmed in green. Her hair was down, falling free around her face, and there was something about her...I can't say what it was, but I couldn't stop looking, and I couldn't speak.

"Um, Auron? Do you like it?" she said coming close with a lovely, nervous smile.

I...

"Rikku," I half-whispered, "You're so beautiful!"

I said it without thinking, and she was smiling, and flushing a deep red. I was barely aware that the talk around us had died to silence.

**Rikku's Diary:**

And...and after he said it, he kind of blinked, and stood up and came and took my hand and sort of bowed over it a little, and he led me back to sit down next to him, and he never took his eyes off me, and I just knew I was still blushing all the way down to my toes!

And the looks Lulu and Yuna were shooting their boyfriends! HA!

IN YOUR FACES!

HA!

Um, um...I mean, Lulu and Yuna were obviously quite impressed with Auron's manners.

**Auron:**

We didn't say much. She sat next to me, and kept sending shy little glances my way, then looking back down at the table in front of her with a smile.

And I couldn't look away.

Or maybe I could. But I didn't want to.

She wore just a hint of some delicate perfume, and the toenails on her little bare feet were painted white, like her fingernails, and her toes were constantly clenching and unclenching.

"Um, do you like my dress, Auron?" she asked shyly, quietly. "And my hair this way?"

I leaned closer.

"You are prettier than rainbows," I murmured, looking into her wide green eyes. "You are more beautiful than sunsets."

She gulped, and looked down at her plate, blushing. But her fumbling hand found mine beneath the table.

Talk and laughter and stories swirled around us, but I said little through the meal, just sitting and watching her.

I fell in love with her spirit first, and sometimes I just forget how beautiful she is to me.

That isn't right. I shouldn't take any part of her for granted. As the evening passed I noticed a sort of gracious new maturity about her that puzzled and intrigued me. But I was obscurely sad to see that she was taking small bites, being careful never to speak with her mouth full.

When had she started to do that?

Then I saw a look pass between Rikku and Lulu and Rikku smiled and I stiffened, not knowing what was coming next.

"It's time for the gifts!" she yelled, jumping up.

" 'Gifts?'," Tidus and Wakka and Yuna and Rikku all said at the same time.

"Jinx!" Rikku yelled. "You all have to buy me something to eat!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Ha! I so knew some of them would repeat it!

Yuna laughed and Wakka groaned and Tidus reached over to shove me but Auron had his arm around me and pulled me away. So nyaaa, Tidus! And I started to stick out my tongue, but then I didn't. I didn't even cross my eyes at him. I just smiled and didn't say anything, just snuggled a little with Auron.

**Auron:**

They were smiling and laughing as Rikku and Lulu got up and passed around the gifts they had prepared as a surprise for the rest of us.

"Here, Kimahri! It's an Astral Spear! You can cast all the spells you want and you won't hardly use any magic at all! And maybe we can add a magic booster to it later!"

Wakka got a new catcher blitzball with stonestrike on it. He seemed to be drooling over it as Rikku leaned close to whisper to me.

"Lulu and I thought of making him a piece of armor instead, but let's face it, Wakka loves blitzballs. We know it won't make much difference now," she added, "But it'll come in real handy later when we're catching stronger fiends!"

Tidus got a Curative Shield, with auto-med, sleepproof, and confuseproof. I learned that Lulu had gotten the blanks for some of the gifts from the local shop or from Rin on the airship. Rikku had then customized them with the abilities the two decided on from our stock of available items. Rikku must have worked all day and all night.

"Here Yuna! Open yours!"

Our summoner took the little package and started to carefully undo the wrapping. I could sense Rikku's desire to snatch it from her hands and tear it open. But she didn't.

"Oh!" Yuna finally said. "It's a ring!"

"Uh huh!" Rikku answered. "It's called a Peaceful Ring! It's really rare! It repels fiends!"

Ah...interesting. We all leaned closer to examine it.

"Rikku," I murmured to her. "You made this?"

"Well, no" she said. "We fought the ghost on the arena. You know, the one we caught in that cavern with Yojimbo? The guy said in _Catching Fiends for Dummies_ that sometimes when you beat them they drop these pieces of armor with this really rare ability. So Lulu and I fought ghosts and beat then over and over and it worked! It dropped this! Eventually."

That ring is going to come in very handy. But...

"Rikku, just how much time did you spend in the arena?"

"A LOT. That's where I stole most of the stuff we used to make this stuff. Wait, Auron. Time to surprise Lulu now!"

And Lulu was surprised.

"What!" she yelped.

"Heh heh, yeah...I added it to your Booster Cactaur when you fell asleep helping me!"

"And I didn't even notice?" Lulu said, holding out her doll for close inspection.

"Guess not. Hey, me and the little guy agreed to try and surprise you! Guess it worked," Rikku said, and threw a wink at the Magical Cactuar in Lulu's hands, which now would allow her to cast spells practically without using any magic at all. Like Kimahri's new spear.

Did...did it wink back?

I must have imagined it.

"Auron? Um, here."

She was holding a package out to me, wrapped in red.

Well.

"Open it for me, Rikku," I said.

For a moment she looked puzzled, and then she smiled and tore the wrapping to shreds.

It was a bracer.

"Auron? It has auto-protect, and auto-med, and I used a stamina tonic so it'll boost your health, like almost by a third! Do you like it Auron?"

"I like it Rikku, very much. I love it." I leaned close, and whispered in her ear, "I love you."

She smiled and looked down at the floor for a second, then looked back up at me.

"Hey," she said quietly. "Are you finished eating?"

I was eating?

I nodded.

"Com'on," she said, and grabbed my hand. "Let's go for a walk."

As we quietly left, Tidus and Wakka were throwing the new blitzball back and forth across the room while Yuna clapped and Lulu was betting with Kimahri on how soon one would turn the other into stone. The falling door-flap cut off the sounds of conversation behind us as we ducked out into the night.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Um, do you want to walk along the beach?" I asked, and he nodded, and we wandered down that way holding hands.

The moon was big in the sky and bright enough to see by. There was a patch of sharp stones and I was still barefoot, and he picked me up and carried me for a little while, until we reached the sand. Then we walked a little, and we kissed a little, and then we found a nice spot and we sat down and watched the waves coming in and going out and the slow dance of the moonlight on the water.

"Auron?" I said after a while, smiling and leaning into him, "So, um, have you ever been skinny dipping?"

"Rikku," he said, all gravel-voiced and exasperated like.

"It's no big deal, Auron," I told him, rolling my eyes. "Back on Bikanel no one wears suits!"

Ha! What a whopper! If Dad had ever caught me skinny-dipping with a boy he'd have taken away my tools for six months!

But Auron doesn't know that!

**Auron:**

Lies smell like something burning

Quick breath...cherry wood and cedar...

A playful little lie, no harm meant.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Rikku," Auron growled, "No teasing me!"

I put down my head and poked out my lower lip and looked up at him from under my lashes with wide eyes and in a little girl voice I said, "Not at all?"

He sighed and rubbed his forehead with one hand.

"Wellllllll," I said, with a little smile, "Okay, but I do have a little yellow bikini—mmmmppphhh?

He was kissing me!

**Auron:**

Had to shut her up.

**Rikku's Diary:**

MMMmmmmmMMmmmm...

"Again," I gasped when we broke apart, and he leaned in.

MMmmmmmm...kiss.

"Again." Smiling.

MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm...kiss.

"Again." Happy gasp.

"Rikku...?" Puzzled.

"Because of my idiot father, that's why," I said, shifting around and grabbing up a handful of sand and throwing it at the water with a frown. "Because he told an idiot Al Bhed kid on the ship that I needed to get over some old monk and the idiot kid KISSED me when I wasn't looking!"

"WHAT! RIK—mmMMMmmmmphh?"

Kiss.

Auron pulled his head back and tried to say something but I shook my head and with my lips still on his, I said, "And I've brushed my teeth and rinsed out my mouth and gargled and SPIT but I can't get that taste out of my mouth. So..."

"Rik—MmmmmmMmmmmmMmmmmm...!"

Kiss.

And he pulled his head back and tried to say something else and I smiled into his lips and said, "Oh yeah! That's got it! A couple more just like that."

"Rikk—mmmmmMMMmmmmm..."

Kiss.

"Ha...again!"

MMMMmmmmmmmmMmmmmMmmmmmmmheheheeheeheeheehee...I was giggling and he was laughing quietly and have you ever tried kissing someone while you're both laughing?

"Auron," I said when we broke apart, "You're not mad?"

He looked at me a minute, and then he sighed, and smiled a crooked little smile and said, "Kiss."

MmmmMMmmmmmMmmmmm...

"No," he said, after a minute. "Of course I'm not mad at you, Rikku."

"Good. Ptui! That taste is finally out of my mouth. Kiss please!"

"Rikku," he said softly, pulling back for real now, "Is there something else?"

Well yeah.

I sighed, and turned to look out over the water.

"Just...stuff" I said, digging my toes into the sand. "Like, you know I had a talk with Dad. It didn't go very well. I heard yours didn't either."

"You could say that, Rikku."

"Well, I don't know what happened in yours, but in mine, when I talked to him he tried to treat me like a little kid. I mean, like I was ten years old, and like I would stand there and take it because I haven't had my official coming-of-age ceremony yet! Like he didn't know there's more to being a grown-up than that!"

I sat there for a moment, breathing hard and thinking about it, getting mad all over again. Then Auron asked slowly, "Rikku...is that why you were acting so grown up at dinner?"

"Um..." I put my head down. "Whatdaya mean?"

"I mean taking small bites, and not talking with your mouth full, and not sticking your tongue out even once, or getting into a food fight with Tidus."

"I thought you didn't like it when I did those things," I said softly.

"It annoys me," he said. "But I accept it. Rikku, you don't have to change for me."

I sighed, and sat up a little. I picked up a fistful of white sand and let it pour slowly out between my fingers.

"You changed for me, Auron. You...talk more. And you smile more. You told me so." He opened his mouth to say something but I went on, "It's not like I'm becoming someone else, some whole other person. But I can change a little...for you."

"Rikku..."

"And maybe...maybe I just think it's time to grow up a little."

He closed his mouth and didn't say anything for a while. The moon went behind some clouds, and we were sitting in the dark, and then he asked gently, "Why?"

Because...

"Because there are things I have to do. Grown-up things. Like...like protecting the Al Bhed."

**Auron:**

Oh.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Auron? I'm not blaming you, I'm not! But..." I frowned, "I just don't understand. I mean, it's just that Tidus would never have let Seymour hurt the Ronso that way, and I know you believe you had to, but I just don't understand...you raised Tidus, and he wouldn't have done it. He couldn't have. So how...?"

His hand found mine in the dark, and I clutched it with both of mine, letting him know I was there, and that I wasn't blaming him! I just wanted to know.

"I tried to give Tidus my values, Rikku," he said softly, "But I didn't try to raise him to be a copy of me. We're different. We're different people. You're right, Rikku, he would never have sacrificed the Ronso, and he would never sacrifice the Al Bhed. Tidus is a hero...I'm a legend...there's a difference.

Oh.

"Oh. I see...," I said quietly, "...I guess. And I don't blame you, really. But, so, someone has to protect the Al Bhed, Auron. Just like Rin said. And I know you can't. I mean, I know you don't want us to be hurt, but I know that can't be your first priority. And it's okay. It really is. I know you have something even more important to do. I know I don't know what it is, but I know you, and I trust you, Auron. But...someone has to...I...have to protect the Al Bhed. I have to try."

"Rikku..."

He stopped.

"Auron...what?"

"Rikku...most people wouldn't understand. Most people would blame me for not promising that I would protect their people. They see the world as a simple place, black-and-white, good and bad. And...well, just, I'm glad that you don't blame me, Rikku. And I suppose what I'm saying is, you really don't have to change, you know. Rikku, you're already more grown-up than most people I know. Wiser, and more mature."

Oh...

Wow.

"Um...thanks."

"Rikku, you wanted to be more like Lulu, didn't you?"

"Well..." I dug my toes into the sand, and wriggled them, "She's just so..."

"Wrong."

"What?"

"She was wrong, from start to finish on the pilgrimage—what she wanted, what she expected, what she accepted. It was all wrong. And Rikku? You were right. And you had the courage to hold on to your beliefs and fight for them through everything that happened. Rikku, listen to me..."

He squeezed my hand and I turned to face him in the dark.

"Rikku, Lulu is smart and talented and resolute. She is gifted, and she has it in her to be an extraordinary woman, successful and strong. But it will never happen until she becomes more like you."

"Uhh...?"

"Your strength, your courage, your faith in life."

Um, okay...

So, so can I kiss him now?

My arms went around him and our lips found each other, and when we came up for air, I said, "You make me sound perfect."

"You're not perfect," he said, "And neither am I, and we both know it because we knew each other before all of this happened between us. I know you're messy, you know I can be insensitive. And we love each other despite that. And I know that you will try to do what you think you must. You will protect the Al Bhed. Of course you will. You couldn't do anything else."

"But I don't want it to come between us, Auron! I mean, like..."

I ran down.

"Like the crest," he said quietly.

I swallowed, and took a deep breath.

"Yeah. Like the crest. Auron, I know you hate Masamune, and don't trust it. But I NEED it! I don't know all the things you do! I don't even know what I don't know! It'll help me protect my people! My family! But I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you Rikku. I'll never hate you, but I am worried. I am terrified for you, Rikku. I don't trust the sword and I never will, and you said you didn't trust it either."

"I don't. But, I trust its advice, mostly."

"Why...?"

"Because it's obsessed with you! And it knows if it hurts me you'll never EVER forgive it! So I think it'll give me the best advice it can, mostly. So it can stay close to you."

"Hm..."

**Auron:**

It's...possible.

"Auron?

"Yes, Rikku?"

"When that kid kissed me? I...I didn't know what to do. I mean, I slugged him, and made sure it'd never happen again! But, I didn't know what to tell you, you know? I didn't want to keep secrets, but I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't want you to worry, you know? So...so..."

There was a rushing sound in my ears.

"You asked the sword."

"Yeah, and, and it gave me good advice! About how to tell you! You weren't worried and you weren't hurt and you weren't mad! It was good advice! Auron...? You're not mad? You don't hate me?"

Do I...?

No, of course not.

"Of course I don't, Rikku."

I heard her let out a breath in a big puff.

"Okay, okay, good. So Auron? I need the crest. To help me protect the Al Bhed. Auron?"

"Yes, all right Rikku," I sighed. "The...the crest and I need to have a little talk soon, but...all right."

"Thank you Auron," she said quietly. "Um, so, uh, let's talk about something else, 'k?" she asked, snuggling back up to me.

Yeah.

Something else.

What?

"Rikku," I said. "I like my gift very much. Everyone liked their gifts. But Rikku, there was no gift for you."

"I know," she sighed. "Oh well, I guess I get to enjoy the gift of giving."

I snorted.

"Yeah, yeah," she giggled. "At least this way they'll feel guilty and do nice things for me. Auron?"

I was shifting around, digging into the pockets of my coat. The moon was finally coming out from behind the clouds again. She was looking puzzled, trying to figure out what I was doing.

"Here, Rikku. A gift for you."

She took it and smiled, and I know exactly what she was thinking. She thought it was something that I grabbed quickly and wrapped sometime tonight when she wasn't looking, because I wanted her to have something to open. She thought it was a sweet gesture.

She tore open the wrapping, and I watched her eyes go wide.

"Auron..." she whispered.

"It's from Luca," I said quietly. "It's called jade...green, like your eyes...and rare and precious, as you are to me."

She turned the little figure over and over in her hands, looking at it.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Do you like it, Rikku?" he asked a little uncertainly. The figure was cool and slick under my fingers, and pale green in the moonlight. I've never held anything so...so exquisite.

"Yes, I do," I said in a small voice.

I love it.

"I love you," I said, looking up at him, and he smiled, and I put the little figure down carefully, and wrapped my arms around him and gave him a kiss deeper than any we'd shared that night.

Was there ever a more perfect night?

I love Auron.

I do.

So...

"Auron," I whispered. My hand was trembling a little as I trailed my fingertips gently down his body, sliding over his belt, lower, "There's another gift I could give you..."

"No, Rikku!" he said, grabbing my hand and snatching it away.

"I'm not teasing you," I breathed looking up into his hard, gentle face.

"I...I know you're not. But you're not ready, and neither am I. And Rikku," he said, and lifted my hand to his lips, and softly kissed the very tips of my fingers, "Rikku, you love me. There truly, truly is no gift you could give me that means more to me than that."

I sighed and settled back. He was right. I knew he was right. My head knew it, but the rest of my body...dammed teenaged hormones.

"Hey Auron...?" I said, turning and laying back in his arms. "Do you remember when we always said stuff like, This isn't a GIFT Rikku, and This isn't a GIFT Auron! Remember?"

"I remember."

His voice was a little hoarse.

"Why did we do that?"

"I was stupid. I think you were just getting even."

"Yeah," I giggled.

We just stayed there for a while, like that.

"Auron?" I said.

"Mmm?"

"Tell me a story. Tell me the story about the ruins, and your family."

"All right.

He cleared his throat.

"Once, a man named Matoya..."

"Your grandfather."

"Yes, Rikku. My Grandfather. Once, a man named Matoya visited the island of Besaid. He was a mystic warrior and he searched for a sword out of legend."

"Uh, a sword...?"

"Yes Rikku, it was Masamune. Hm, Rikku...well, you know these stories...have a kind of rhythm."

"Oh okay."

"Once, a man named Matoya visited the island of Besaid. He was a mystic warrior and he searched for a sword out of legend. He was exploring some ruins when he found a girl being attacked by strong fiends. He drew his sword, Murasame, and together they defeated the fiends. He asked her name, but she laughed and kissed him, and said she had a treasure to find but they would meet again. When she was gone he realized she'd stolen all of his money. With Murasame he went deeper into the ruins, determined to find the sword before the thief did. On the highest level, he found her again, beside an open chest, fighting more of the huge flying fiends. He rushed to help her, but she was struck, and fell from the ruins to the forest below. When the fiends were dead, Matoya sadly turned to the chest. Inside he found a targe, with a note from the girl. She wrote that she had found the treasure, but she would leave her favorite armor in its place so that he wouldn't be empty-handed. And although Motoya was sad, he laughed. When he was older he did find Masamune, and wielded the sword for many years. But his own blade, Murasame, he left in the ruins on Besaid that day, lying next to the chest with the young thief's armor."

Uh...

"So...so the beautiful talented young thief girl got the treasure but she died! Auron! That's so sad!"

"Well, yes," he said slowly, "But another story says that she didn't die. Matoya didn't know it but she lived, and they met again years later."

"OH! So then it's a romantic story!"

"It's just a story, Rikku. Just a story they tell in my family."

"Grump! I'll bet it's all true!"

"There are no powerful fiends on Besaid, you know that."

"Hmph. It's a perfectly good romantic story, Auron!" I said, twisting in his arms to look up at him. "Admit it!"

"All right. I admit it," he said, bending down to kiss me. "It's romantic."

MMMmmmmmmmmmm...

The moon was in the sky, and the waves were lapping, and the breeze was playing over us, and the stars were wheeling overhead, and I felt safe and loved in his arms.

"Auron? Can we sleep out here, Auron?" I asked. "Just like this?"

"I'd like that, Rikku," he said, throwing his old red coat around us both.

"I've missed you Auron," I said. "I mean, when's the last time we held each other at night? I missed that."

"Zanarkand. I know," he said. "I've missed it too."

"Don't be afraid, Auron," I whispered, closing my eyes, wrapped up tight in his arms.

"Don't be afraid, Rikku."

* * *

**Auron:**

When I woke up, she was gone.

**Next: The Smell of Blood**


	55. The Smell of Blood

Hey. Looks like the site's being wonky again. It's letting us post, and I guess reviews are getting through, but I don't think the remailer is working. None of the reviews are forwarded to my e-mail account, and I've sent some PMs to people—I always cc myself to make sure they get through. They didn't. So I don't think my PMs have gotten through, and perhaps not my review replies either.

Huh.

Hey, my sister got me FF12 for Christmas. I would have gotten it sometime, but not for a year or so probably. It's nice to have it, but I'm not going to start playing it for a while. By the way, in this chapter I reference the Yevon Valley. That's that big green area on the map a little north of Djose. Before, I called it the Dee-San Valley, which I still like better, but I just decided that it would be less confusing to call it the Yevon Valley (technically the Great Yevon Basin, actually, but no one calls it that). That keeps things clearer. The Mi'ihen Valley south of the Moonflow is where the Crusaders are strongest, and the larger Yevon Valley north of the Moonflow is where the Yevon Church is strongest. Both are full of small farming villages, but the Yevon Valley is much larger. A lot of the Crusaders come from the Mi'ihen Valley and a lot of warrior monks (and priests) come from the Yevon Valley. I'll go back sometime and change it in the previous chapters. Just so you know what's going on.

Okay, well, there are spoilers here. Somewhere. I had them just a minute ago. And I don't own FFX. (It's becoming a mantra, really. Kind of a depressing one.) Follows the story (the FFX one) but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and a relationship. Rated, lessee, -T-. Okay.

And like last chapter, this chapter is dedicated to pyschostudent06. Hope you enjoy it.

**

* * *

**

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

_Hey grump! Got up before you this time. Ha:P_

_I have an errand to run. See you later!_

_Love you always!_

_Sealed With A Kiss_

* * *

**The Smell of Blood**

* * *

**Auron:**

I smelled the fear

Of course I did. They ran twenty miles to die. They were lined up in front of me. The sergeants were doing their job, walking up and down the line, keeping the troops steady. The fiends were coming.

Steady.

More than two thousand coming at us, running and flapping, and hopping and crawling and slithering closer. Klanneth was behind us, and the entire Yevon Valley if they got past us.

Steady...

The ground trembled under our feet, but the ranks were solid...shields up, spears out, I could hear someone crying quietly, but not one stepped back. Not one. But I could smell their fear. My breathing was harsh in my own ears.

Steeeeeaaddyyy...

A behemoth crashed into our line, breaking it open, crushing one monk, smashing another into the air. Ogres and skolls were beside it, trying to split our line wide open. I jumped in and swung at the behemoth and my cadets came behind me and engaged the others, damn it! Stay back! You're going to be killed! But they wouldn't stay back, fourteen and fifteen and sixteen years old, they wanted to be Crusaders and warrior monks, that's why they were cadets...they wanted to defend their families and friends and everyone from fiends...they wanted to be here.

A skoll almost got through a cadet's defenses. I cut it down, and before I could turn back the behemoth battered me to the ground. I dragged myself up and saw two cadets-Elma and Attoc, two of my best—attacking it from the sides while Jilly quickly dosed me with a potion. I jumped up to reengage the behemoth and they turned to meet an ogre.

Cut...cut...cut and cut and cut and the behemoth finally falls, but my cadets are lying on the ground, eyes open, not seeing...never seeing anything again...I looked all around me and my cadets were there, holding and falling and winning and dying...

I was so tired.

We couldn't have been fighting for more than a few minutes, but it already felt like hours, and I knew we all felt it, when you're so tired and scared that you just want it to be over, you just want to lie down and die and sleep forever...

I looked down at my cadets on the ground and it was Rikku and Tidus, it was Yuna and Lulu and Wakka and Kimahri Ronso who were lying there, finally resting. Rikku turned her dead face to me and smiled.

My eye snapped open.

I had a deathgrip on the hilt of my sword, and I could feel the icy-cold sweat running down my body. I was shivering.

It was a dream. A dream of Klanneth, and now I was awake and lying on the beach at Besaid. There were no fiends. But the hot-copper stench of violence was still in my nostrils, and I knew something was going to happen. I knew something was coming. Something...big.

Rikku?

She wasn't there next to me, but there was a note. I almost smiled when I read it, but this wasn't the time. I got up and started back to the village at a heavy trot. Soon I was passing the temple. The sailor who gave me the old memory sphere was there, looking out to sea. He hadn't seen Rikku. She must have passed by before he got there.

It really wasn't like her to get up this early if she didn't have to. She loved to wake up, and then go back to sleep, or just lie there dozing, next to me. Damn. I talked to some people who were coming out of the temple, but they hadn't seen her either.

"Lost her, did you?" said the unpleasant old woman who had taught Yuna about healing. "Humph. Good riddance."

I didn't Shooting Star her because dried-up old women like this always know everything that goes on in a village.

"Yuna was a good girl," she said. "Now she's taken up with that other foreigner, and where'd she learn about that! Probably from your little Al Bhed slut!"

I was about to...overreact...when someone said, "Please don't mind grandmother, sir!"

It was the young girl in pigtails, the one with the dog.

"She's just a little...set in her ways? Everyone around here makes allowances for her. Um, I saw your friend! I saw her leaving the village real early. Um, I hope she's all right?"

I nodded my thanks to the anxious girl.

Rikku woke up early and left the village.

"Hey boss."

I turned.

"Tidus, have you seen Rikku this morning?"

"Uh, nope. Something wrong?"

"Yes. How about Yuna?"

"Uh, well..."

"Now, Tidus," I said in a This-Is-Serious voice.

"She's, uh, still in bed..." he mumbled. The boy was actually blushing.

"Go get Wakka," I told him. "Meet me at the Crusader Lodge."

"Gotcha!"

He took off at a run and I walked quickly to the lodge and ducked inside.

"Oh! Sir Auron! Welcome!" the young orderly behind the desk said.

"Call your commander," I said. "Get him here. Wait, do you have a map of the island?"

"Uh, yes..."

"Good. Get it and then get your commander."

"Yes sir," she said and hurried away.

All right, Auron. What do you know?

Rikku might be in danger.

Shut up Auron. You don't panic. You're Auron. Now think. Weigh the probabilities. Evaluate your options. What do you know?

Take a deep breath.

Hot copper in my mouth.

I know that violence is coming. I know that Rikku isn't in the village. That's all. For all I know that last is a good thing. Maybe Rikku won't be here when whatever it is hits us. But maybe it won't hit us, maybe it's after her.

"Sir?" the young orderly said, breaking into my thoughts. "Here's the map, and Captain Gatta is coming."

I nodded my thanks and turned my attention to the map.

Besaid wasn't an especially large island, but it wasn't small either. Go after her? I don't know where she is. I can't strike out blindly into the woods. There were a couple of other villages, even smaller than this one, but why would she go there? She said an errand. She could be at the dock.

The Crusader captain came in then. It was the young man I had met at Mi'ihen. Tidus, Wakka, and Lulu followed him in, as did a couple of Crusaders.

I looked at Lulu and raised an eyebrow at Tidus.

"They were together," he murmured.

"Sir Auron," the young captain said. "It's an honor that you're here! But, is there some danger?"

"Yes," I said, looking around at all of them. "I've received information that we could be in danger. Something is coming. I don't know what, and I don't know what its target is."

"Is it Sin?" one of the other Crusaders asked.

"No," I shook my head. "It isn't Sin. But whatever it is, it's trouble. Now it's reasonable to assume that whatever it is will target Yuna. But we can't be certain of that, and Rikku left the village early this morning. I don't know where she is. And it's possible that she could be the target, if there even is a target."

"So, whatta we do?" Wakka asked.

"I can send my men out to look for her," Gatta said.

I considered it for a split second. There was a hollow feeling in my stomach when I thought about her out there alone, and I wanted to say yes. I wanted to send all of them out looking for her. But...

"No. I want your men to say here and help defend the village. That's better than going out to search for her blindly. But there's a possibility that she might have gone to the dock. That's worth checking out."

"The _Liki_ won't be in until tomorrow," someone said. "Why would she go there?"

"I don't know, but it's all I can think of. Wakka," I said turning to him. "You're in charge here. I'm sorry Sir Gatta, but he simply has more experience."

The young captain nodded. If he was disappointed, he didn't show it. He's grown up some since Mi'ihen.

"Get everyone into the temple," I told them. "I'll be back when I can."

"Hey boss?"

"Tidus?"

"I'll go. To the docks."

I looked at him, bemused.

"Uh, okay everyone," Wakka said, looking around. "Com'on, let's get going. Start getting people into the temple. Bring food, water, blankets, and weapons. Don't know how long we'll be in there, ya? Sir Gatta, post a couple guys up on roofs or wherever an keep a lookout. Lu? You go get Yuna. Guess I better go talk to that priest. Com'on people, move!"

In seconds the lodge was empty except for Tidus and myself.

"Tidus?"

"I'm faster," he shrugged. "Faster, and almost as much endurance as you. Your training, old man. I should go."

"And Yuna?" I said quietly.

"I love Yuna," he said, just as quietly. "But I love Rikku too. She's family. You're not the only one that cares about her, Auron. And if I meet any fiends I can just run away. Son of Sin," he said with a crooked smile. "Remember?"

I remember.

Neither of us mentioned that there are some fiends too powerful to run from.

"I should get going," he said.

I nodded.

"Warn the people at the docks to take what cover they can. Maybe go into the forest. If you find Rikku, bring her back here if you can. But be careful."

He flashed me a quick thumb's up, and trotted out of the lodge.

Should I have let him go?

Take a deep breath...

Violence coming soon...what form, where, these things I don't know...but soon.

The most probable targets of whatever is coming are Yuna, myself, and Rikku, in that order. If I'm the target then staying here puts everyone in danger.

Don't second guess. You made your decision Auron. Live with it.

And pray that Rikku is all right.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

All right!

Hey, it was another beautiful day here on Besaid, and Yuna was alive and so were all of us and no one was trying to kill me because I was an Al Bhed. And if someone did try, Auron would turn them into seafood cutlets. How could things be better?

Yeah, I know. But bad things happen, you know? That's why you have to appreciate the good things even more. Like when someone loves you, really loves you, and gives you the most romantic gift in the world.

And all you got him was a stupid bracer!

So that's why I got up early this morning, even before Auron for a change, and now I was on my way to run a little errand, and I should be back before lunch. From the promontory I took the cliff road out toward the docks. I wasn't going all the way, of course, just as far as the old ruins we all passed on the way here. The ones in Auron's story.

I was just going to take a quick peek around, maybe see if I could find a way in. Then I would come back and tell Auron and we could make a day of it exploring the ruins together, and I just bet we find his grandfather's sword and that beautiful young thief's armor!

It really was a beautiful day. Maybe when I got back Auron and I could go on a picnic, like we did that one time. Or we could climb the promontory and fly a kite! I bet that would just freak everyone in the village out, to see the legendary guardian flying a kite! Ha!

You know, I'm kind of proud of that. I think I did that for him, got him to the place where he would fly a kite. Getting him to open up, that's something to be proud of, me doing that for him. And he does stuff for me too.

And he deserves a better gift than a bracer.

Suddenly a dingo ran out from the trees and a flan and a condor dropped from the sky. All right! I whipped out a grenade and pulled the pin. BOOM! Look at the pretty colors! Ha! Okay, okay, I know Auron might want me to run, but honestly, would you run from a dingo? A girl has her pride! I gathered up the spheres they dropped. I was getting a pretty good little collection to feed Bahamut. (It's funny to see him sitting down and eating them like nuts.)

I rubbed my head as I was picking up the spheres. I think I was getting a little headache.

Oh.

It was the crest. It wanted to talk.

Um, no...I don't think so. Not right now.

Auron and I talked last night. He took the whole business with the crest a lot better than I hoped, I mean, you know, after he tried to kill Rin. And he understood why I needed to keep the crest, to help me protect the Al Bhed. And he was...not exactly okay, but he understood, you know? And he agreed. So it's almost like back with Yuna, with us working on different things, and I hoped it wouldn't be like that that anymore. I hoped that we would be working together now, but we're not.

Well, not exactly. And the whole Yuna thing didn't really turn out that badly, did it?

I got a boyfriend out of it!

But still, even if Auron's being really understanding about it, I think maybe I shouldn't talk to the crest too often. I don't want to get too dependent on it.

I really can't trust it.

Pretty soon I was at the ruins. Geez, they looked taller than I remembered. They towered way up over me. I walked around a bit to see if I could spot some way up. I thought I saw something, a sort of deeper shadow maybe fifty feet up. It would be tricky getting up there.

I'm not really a climbing sort of thief, I'm more of a street-level sort of thief, but there were vines hanging down and Dad always called me his little monkey cause I was always climbing any tree I saw when I was little. I couldn't help myself. Trees fascinated me. I didn't see many trees growing up on Bikanel.

I didn't stop to think, I leaped up and grabbed hold of a vine and started hauling myself up. When I reached a sort of big, round platform I pulled myself up onto it. It looked like it had been a sort of big, round room once, but now it was all broken open to the sky, and there was a lot of rubbish lying around.

Hey! There was a comm sphere up here! What do ya know?

I wasn't really winded, but it was a nice day, so I just planted my firm young fanny right down and leaned back against the sphere and sat there for a minute, hanging my legs over the edge and kicking my heels. It was cool, but the sun was out and the sphere was warm. Between the branches I could just make out the waterfalls in the distance ahead.

I remembered the day we got here, and Auron said to turn around and I did, and it was just about the most beautiful thing I ever saw, those waterfalls rushing down the cliffs and falling away into the sea. Of course, if Dad had saw them he'd just yell about all that fresh water being wasted. Living in a desert will do that to you.

You know, the desert has its own kind of beauty, especially at night. When we were back on Bikanel that time I pointed that out to Auron, and he agreed. But still, I wonder if the people here appreciate how lucky they are to live here. Probably not. People don't really notice those things, but I try to.

If I lived here I think I'd be thankful every day. I'm not sure to who. Whom? Whatever. Well so anyway, yeah, there's that to consider, isn't there? Living here means having to kiss Yevon's backside. I guess I'll take the desert any day.

Well, time to get to work.

I got up carefully. That darker patch was still about twelve feet above me. I shifted around until I was standing right under it. I don't know. It could be an opening. I really hate to go back without finding out for sure. There were a few vines hanging down...not really big ones.

I reached up and took hold of one and just started to pull when the whole thing came away in my hand. I lost my balance and fell back and almost went over the edge. I caught myself on my hands and knees.

Okay, that's no good.

I was still holding the piece on vine in my hand. I stuck out my tongue at it and threw it over the edge. I squirmed around till I was sitting. Okay, need a plan. Think it through.

Ha. Okay, I got some pretty fast reflexes on me, you know? Got'em fair and square from my Mom. So I'm really pretty safe up here. Buuuuuuut...I dug into my pouch. Ta dah! Chocobo feather! That'll speed up my reactions even more. Ha! And just in case I do fall, light curtain to cast Protect on myself! (It's one of my last ones. I had to use eighty of the damn things to make Auron's Protect Bracer! Man, I was stealing from iron giants in the arena until the cats came home! I guess it really wasn't that bad a gift. But it wasn't real...personal. Like the little jade figure he gave me, you know? So that's why I'm here. I'm gonna give him a better gift...one that means more. I'm going to give him a piece of his own story.)

Okay, pow! Protect. And pow! Haste! Woohoo! I love those! I stood and walked right up to the vines and I reached up and grabbed one and pulled myself up. It only held for a minute but I already had another one, and when it broke I had another. I was halfway up already when I heard a screech behind me.

I threw a quick look over my shoulder and saw the mother of all flying fiends coming straight at me! Some kind of giant bird! Damn! Where the hell did that come from! I turned and started pulling myself up as fast as I could go! Another screech, closer! Almost there! If that isn't an opening I am so screwed, and not in a good way! Then I was there and pulling myself desperately through the growth—it was an opening!

I was pulling myself in when something clawed at my leg and then it was like a vise closed on it! It loosened for just an instant and I kicked away and hauled myself all the way in...I don't know if I could have done it without Haste.

I was breathing heavy, trying to catch my breath. There was barely room to move in there because it was so crammed with branches and vines, but I turned my head and looked out the opening. There wasn't anything there. Maybe—

SLAM!

The fiend crashed into the structure and hung there a moment scrabbling and trying to reach me with its beak! I jerked back, farther back into the opening, and the fiend fell away. Okay, heart pounding! Too young for a heart attack, please! Okay, okay, it couldn't cling to the side of the ruin. But I had a feeling it was still out there. I opened my pouch and felt around...aha!

SLAM!

Whoa! It was reaching for me again, and I threw a poison fang right in its face!

"HA! Take THAT!"

The fang went off and the creature staggered back and fell away again. I slipped forward for a little peak.

SLAM!

I jerked back again. Noheartatteack, noheartattack! Whoo, breathe...

SLAM!

Maybe I'll stay right here til it's gone. Is it gone? It's been like a minute now. Is it gone?

A few stray pyreflies drifted in through the opening.

Whew. Okay, tough...but not so tough.

Okay, take stock. I wasn't hurt too bad. I had been more surprised than anything else. The Protect had helped a lot, and a potion took care of the rest. Whoo. So okay, Rikku-girl, now what?

I twisted around to see where I was. It was dark and cramped. I reached into my pouch and found the fixings for a common light spell. Okay, it was a tunnel or a hallway, kind of clogged up with old vegetation, but it seemed to open up farther in. I worked my way deeper inside until I could stand. The air was fresh, not stale like I would have expected. There was a light up ahead.

The tunnel was broken open to the sky, the walls and roof gone, so it was more like a walkway. I followed it until I got to a kind of platform. It was the big center post, and a lot of the walls were missing and it was sorta all open to the elements just like the tunnel had been.

I looked around. The...path, I guess, curved round to the right and left and I could see some more tunnels—some broken and some not—leading away. It looks like the whole place is built like a couple of huge wheels, one on top of the other, with spokes leading out from the central tower. I thought about going back. I more-or-less have what I came for...a way in. But as long as I'm here...

SCREECH!

I whipped around. It was another of the huge bird things! Well, no worries now I had some space to work! Before it could attack I had a dream powder out and in the air! BOOM! HA! Sleepy-time, and I'll...uh, oh...guess dream powder doesn't work on these things. I dove out of the way as its beak stabbed at me. Ooooookay, let's do this the old fashioned way. Fire Gem! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

SCREECH!

Still?

Dammit, ice gem!

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! PYREFLIES! Yeah! Hey, you know what, it's been too long since I've blown something up. Sure I'm support-girl now, but I can't forget my roots. Gotta remember where I came from. Hey, the Al Bhed motto is if a pound of explosive is good, then twenty pounds must be great!

I picked through the rubbish and found some armor and a couple of power spheres. Cool. Wonder how many of those things there are around here anyway.

SREEEEEECH!

At least one more, diving at me!

Okay! No more Miss Nice-Rikku! I grabbed a poison fang out of my pouch and tossed it in big bird's face, and then I turned and ran like heck! Hey, why stick around when it's just gonna die anyway? I ran around the curve of the column and reached another spoke. This one was also broken, but it was intact further down...damn! It was clogged!

I pulled a grenade, turned and threw it all in one motion. The bird-thing stabbed at me with its beak, slashing me in the side, but not too bad. It looked like it was on its last legs, and I threw another grenade to help see it off, but two more were coming down right behind it!

Well dammit! Where's a big plate-glass window when you need it?

I threw an ice gem to keep them busy, and tossed a fire gem behind me. I could feel the whoosh of super-hot air on my back as I followed the ice gem with a petrify grenade. No joy. Poop. Man, that would have been sweet!

I turned and the fire gem had cleared the tunnel behind me and I dove on in and kept right on going, scrambling on my hands and knees toward the light at the far end. These were probably some bird-brained fiends back behind me and they'd just keep waiting at the other end of the tunnel while I ran right...out...the...other side...there were at least a dozen waiting for me, three beaks stabbed at me while the rest hovered in the air waiting their turn, but I was already back in the tunnel, scrambling back out of the reach of the beaks.

Okay, okay, catch your breath, Rikku-girl. You're okay for now, they can't get to you in here.

WHAAAM! A giant gust of wind almost picked me up and slammed me down! I couldn't breath, couldn't get any air, and there was a pounding ache in my ears! It was some kind of sonic boom! WHAAAM! WHAAAM! I was trying to gasp but my lungs wouldn't inflate! It was like the air pressure had dropped. I finally pulled in some air, and I quickly reached behind me for one of my jesses and pulled it around and wrapped it over my mouth. That helped.

WHAAAM! Okay, it helped some with the breathing, but I was still getting dizzy, and my ears were gonna start bleeding soon if they kept throwing these sonic booms into the tunnel.

WHAAAM! That one came from the other side, from the group behind me.

Okay! Time to get offensive!

I pulled out a fire gem—I've got plenty—and wound up and threw...

Just as a beak filled the opening...

And the fire gem hit it, and bounced...

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

PAIN!

Pain! Pain, pain, oh god, pain! I dragged out a potion and drank some, and poured the rest out over my arms and my side. WHAAAM! I reached for another potion and my shaking fingers found...the crest.

WHAAAM!

I guess...I could use some advice.

_Rikku,_ it said even as I unrolled it into my palm. _Rikku, tell me what is happening!_

Uh...

"We're in the old ruins on Besaid. There are big bird fiends here. They're not so tough one-on-one, but there are lots of them."

WHAAAM!

"AND THEY KEEP THROWING SONIC BOOMS INTO THE TUNNEL! And I can't use most of my stuff because it's too close quarters and most of my stuff explodes! Waitaminute!"

I pulled out a silver hourglass (I don't name these things) and crawled to the entrance and threw it out. And the fiends nearest me were slowed! I inched a little further out and threw some more. A beak stabbed at me but it was pretty slow, and I dodged back further into the tunnel.

"Okay, ha! That'll slow'em down a bit!" I panted.

_Rikku?_

"Okay, I'm in the ruins, trapped between two groups of big bird fiends. I can't use most of my stuff because it's too cramped, too much chance of scoring on myself. No one knows where I am, which is kind of stupid, I guess, but I didn't think there were any strong fiends on Besaid!"

Except the ones in Auron's story. Face it, Rikku, maybe you were feeling a little superior to those two in the story, cause they had let Besaid fiends get to them?

Now look at you.

WHAAAM!

_Rikku, what—?_

"I told you! It's a bunch of big bird fiends, tougher than the others here on the island. Not that tough, but there are a bunch of them, and they have me trapped in here! Uh...so what do you suggest?"

_I suggest that you listen from now on when I want to talk to you._

"Oh, and I guess you knew they were here? Oh wait," I muttered, suddenly feeling dumb, "I guess you did know they were here, huh?"

_No, Rikku, I didn't know they were here, although there have been legends of garuda on Besaid for hundreds of years. But what I did know was that Auron was worried about something this morning, he was expecting some kind of trouble and he's roused the whole island._

"Oh...uh..."

Oh man, now I really felt bad. All that trouble just because I came out here without telling anyone cause I wanted to surprise Auron.

"How do you know what Auron's thinking anyway? You don't have anything in his head."

_No, but I do have an agent in the village who had accepted a small piece of myself, and I know what he knows, and he knows that the village is getting ready for an attack because Auron warned them something was going to happen._

A mid-sized garuda tried to push its way into the crevice. It was pretty slow. I swiped a smoke bomb from it.

"Oh man, what do we do now?" I asked.

_Simple_, the crest replied.

**Auron:**

"Sir Auron!"

It was the man from the weavers.

"Sir Auron! Lady Rikku, she's in trouble!"

I went cold.

"What kind of trouble! Where!"

"She's at the old ruins!" the girl in pigtails yelled, running up to us. "You have to hurry."

I caught the weaver by the arm.

"Tell Wakka!" I said, and turned and ran toward the gate. "Tell him not to let down his guard!"

* * *

**Auron:**

I forced myself to keep to the old, steady six-mile-an-hour pursuit pace. Running up the promontory, I knew that I had to conserve my energy if I was to be of any use to Rikku when I reached her. I was half-wild with fear, but I was still rational. To me, fear is a cold and clear thing. Like hate. I hoped I would run into Tidus on his way back from the dock, but the ruins came into sight before that.

I slowed. There seemed to be some sort of cloud around the broken towers. As I came closer I saw they were fiends, large fliers circling the site. There were dozens. I remembered the old rumors of garuda on Besaid. Looks like it's true. Even as I watched, a couple of them flapped their massive wings and the air exploded in sonic booms. Then four or five spotted me and went into stoops, but they seemed slow, and I had the sword the girl made me and I easily dodged them and landed blows in return. I felt the power of my new bracer activating and a Protect spell surrounding me.

I ran forward and cut one of the large bird-fiends out of the air and then dropped back into a defensive crouch, but more and more of the fiends were dropping toward me. Beaks were stabbing at me, throwing up dirt and rocks from the ground, but I slid back and rolled away from them. None got through my defense and I counter-attacked each one, then a sonic boom hit me. I shook it off and heard explosions going off above me. I chanced a quick look up. A blond head was looking over the edge, and a hand appeared, waving and flashing me a quick thumbs up. Then more fire gems and water gems were going off among the flock of garuda and I felt a Haste spell settle on me.

It was no great feat for me to keep the garuda in play, dodging the beaks that were stabbing down all around me while Rikku wreaked havoc with her elemental gems and grenades. Then they would turn their attention back to her and she would disappear for a little while until I regained their interest.

Fiends don't flee.

Between us we thinned them out, until there were two dozen, then one dozen, then five, then four, and suddenly there were none.

It was quiet. I stood among bits of weapons and armor and spheres, drawing in deep lungfuls of air.

"Auron!" I heard the thin cry. "Com'on up!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger and sighed. And just how am I supposed to do that, Rikku?

A rope dropped down right in front of me.

"Rikku," I called, trying to keep irritation out of my voice. "We need to get back!"

"Just for a minute, Auron! Come see what I found!"

Damn. Can't she take anything seriously? Just for a change?

Take a breath, Auron. Just be thankful she's safe.

I am.

But damn it.

Ten minutes later I was pulling myself over the edge. Rikku tugged on my coat, trying to help me up.

"Rikku," I started, frowning as I stood.

"Hey Auron! Am I glad to see you!" she said, throwing her arms around me. Typical. I shrugged her off and looked at her.

"Rikku, what are you doing out here?"

She stepped back.

"Uh...looking for something? Auron?"

"Without telling anyone where you were going!"

"You do that all the time!" she said. "You went off to Luca! You didn't tell us until the last minute!"

"I know what I'm doing," I said coolly.

"Hey! I was doing okay on my own!"

"That's why you had to call me?" I asked her.

"I thought you'd want to know!" she said, hands on her hips. "I thought you'd want to help!"

"Rikku, the entire Yevon Church is after us! Fra assassins and summoners and warrior monks want us dead and buried! And you wander off on your own? Damn it, Rikku, can't you take anything seriously! This isn't a game! Your own home was wiped out by the Guado!"

Her face went white, except for two small spots of color in her cheeks, and her eyes went wide, then drew down in anger as she opened her mouth, "YOU—aaugh!"

She bent over, clutching her head.

"Rikku!" I said, reaching for her. "Rikku! are you hurt! What's wrong!"

She shoved my hand away, and stood there, bent over, breath hissing in through her teeth.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Stupid crest!

**Auron:**

"Rikku...?"

She slowly straightened up, took a deep breath, and looked at me.

"Auron..." she said quietly. "I'm sorry I worried you, but I didn't deserve that."

Didn't she?

Did she?

Was I overreacting?

"Fine," I said. "I apologize."

"Okay," she said, crossing her arms and looking down at the floor between us.

Neither of us said anything. We just stood there awkwardly for a minute.

"What did you want to show me?" I finally asked.

She didn't answer right away, then she said, "Come here," and led me across the platform, and we ducked into a tunnel. Parts were collapsed and open to the sky. I followed her through and back out into the open and then around the outside of the large central section and through another broken tunnel.

"What is this?" I asked, stopping.

"Some message about Bikanel and Kilika, but never mind that! Look at this!" she said, grabbing my hand again and pulling me along.

We came out onto another platform. There was an open chest. I stepped up and looked inside. There was a targe resting there.

"Auron?"

She was pointing to the floor.

It was there...under some debris...a sword.

I bent down and brushed it clear.

Murasame.

My grandfather's sword.

He was here...

I picked up the sword, and held it in my hands.

Matoya was really here, all those years ago. He stood right here, where I was standing, and this was his sword.

I felt...I didn't know what to feel...

I felt Rikku's hand on my shoulder.

"Someone carved a name into the chest, Auron. It says Victorious. It was true, Auron...they were really here, the two of them..."

I turned and looked up at her, mutely. She was smiling.

"It's a gift, Auron. From me to you."

"Rikku? This sword..."

"No Auron, not the sword," she said, shaking her head. "The story!"

"What...?"

"The story, Auron...your story. You didn't believe it was true, about the two of them. But it was. That's my gift to you."

"Why, Rikku?" I asked, standing up. "Just because I told you that story?"

I didn't understand.

She walked away a few steps, and then sat down, dangling her legs off the side of the platform.

"Because you got me the sweetest gift ever, and what'd I get you? A bracer."

"That bracer came in very handy today, Rikku," I said, lowering myself down next to her. I still held the sword.

"No. Auron, the bracer was like all of those pretend gifts we gave each other before, and said they weren't really gifts. And then the little jade figure you gave me was like a real gift, one that you went out and bought for me just because you love me. And I love it, Auron! And I love you! But, it just made me feel bad that I didn't give you a real gift too."

"I didn't want to make you feel bad Rikku," I said, taking her hand.

"I know," she said.

"And...well, Rikku, you did offer me a gift...a very special one."

"Which you turned down," she said with a little sarcastic smile.

"Well, yes..."

"Huh. So, well, I thought about your story, and how you told it, but you didn't really believe it. And I thought if I could show you it was true, well then, that would be my special gift to you, that you would always have, you know?"

"It's a wonderful gift, Rikku." I told her. "You've shown me something about one of my own stories...my own family."

"Well, I'm glad. And, uh, Auron?" she said, still staring down at the ground below. "I'm sorry I worried you and all. I guess I should have told you where I was going. I just wanted it to be a surprise, you know?"

"It's all right Rikku."

"You know," she sighed, "All I was really gonna do was look around for a way in. Then I was gonna come back here with you and we'd explore and we'd find the sword and the chest together. That was the plan, but I couldn't help myself from snooping just a little, and I did a little more just now whenever the birds left you and drove me back into the tunnel, and then there weren't many of them left anyway, and I looked around a little while you finished them off, and I found this place."

"You're a born treasure sniffer, Rikku," I smiled.

"Heh. Yeah."

We sat there for a while, just looking out at the view.

"Auron?" she said quietly. "Why are you being so grumpy? Really?"

Grumpy?

Me?

She was right.

Well, why was I still on edge?

I stared off into the distance and thought about it for a bit. And I knew...

It was too easy.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Rikku," he said slowly, "I had a dream. I was back at Klanneth, and my cadets were dying all around me. And then I woke up, and you weren't there, and I had the smell of hot copper in my nostrils, the taste of blood in my mouth."

He glanced at me quickly, and then looked back away again.

"Sometimes I can sense things that other people can't. It's almost like a smell to me. I sense things like honor, and it smells like the air after a lighting strike. I suppose it might come from riding Sin to Zanarkand, years ago."

He shook his head.

"Rikku, violence smells like blood tastes...hot copper in my mouth and in my nose. When I woke up this morning it was there, strong. Violence was coming. It was on the horizon, coming closer. That's all I knew, and that you were gone."

"Oh. I'm sorry Auron, for worrying you," she said, and took my hand. "But it turned out okay, so why are you still testy now?"

"Rikku, you were never in any real danger from the garuda, were you? Even without me?"

"Wellll...I had potions," she said. "And I guess I could have taken them out eventually, or at least escaped, yeah. I'm still glad you came. Even if you were a grouchy-meanie! And they're some of the worst kind!"

He smiled, just a quick flash across his face and then it was gone.

"Rikku, they were too easy. So what does that mean?"

"Um, I don't know. What does it mean?"

He shook his head, and started to stand up.

"I think it means we need to get back to the village right now."

"O-okay..."

We were headed back for the tunnel when a huge shadow passed overhead and the whole structure shook, like someone had hit it with some huge mallet or something! Was it more garuda? I turned and looked up, but Auron grabbed my hand and pulled me into the tunnel!

Valefor?

* * *

**Auron:**

Hot copper in my mouth, blood, a river of blood, and something else...like a corpse in the hot sun...it smelled like corruption.

I almost threw Rikku into the tunnel and scrambled in after her, there was a flash of light and an instant of pain, and then I was on my back looking up into the sky...

Valefor, hanging in the air...a tattered, dingy Valefor, grey and without color...and I knew...

Dark Valefor.

"Sir Auron," the voice seemed to come from nowhere. "We meet again."

My world became cold and clear. Everything was in sharp focus, and I knew without looking that Rikku was lying a few feet away. I knew the voice was coming from the floor below. And I knew beyond question that we were dead.

I didn't mind for myself...but Rikku...

I was up off the floor, I was hurtling forward, sword in my hand. I dove for the edge of the platform. If I could reach the dark summoner, if I could kill him...then maybe...

The aeon reared its head back and then threw it forward.

Energy ra—!

* * *

**Auron:**

I felt my heart restart with a thump, and I gasped for air! Beside me it sounded like someone was throwing up their last twelve meals. I managed to turn my head. It was Rikku. What...? Valefor? A shadow moved across us, and I looked up.

Two giants, locked in combat...Dark Valefor, and another that I'd never seen before. A blue man, with broad shoulders, standing thirty feet high, armed with a rod of light. An aeon? He swung at the dark aeon, his rod flashing red to orange, then yellow, then green, and it smashed against the aeon's body and Valefor let out a scream.

"Rikku!"

"Auron...?" she answered weakly. "What's goin' on?"

"Rikku! Can you do a mix!"

"Uh, yeah, I think so."

Do the strongest mix you can! We need damage!"

I turned back to the struggle, the blue giant was hurting...it was no match for the dark aeon. Maybe...

Rikku was busy behind me, Dark Valefor came in to swipe at our protector, and I started to gather myself. I entered a trance state and reached inside myself, deep into the past, groping for something I could do once...I wove colors in my head. I gathered my will and forced it into my arms and out into the sword I held. One more thing. A ritual offering, of sorts.

I lifted the jug to my lips, filled my mouth, savored the taste on my tongue, and then sprayed the nog onto my swordblade. I felt the mystic energy concentrating within the metal and I swung up and then down, casting forth the forces that I had gathered. In my mind's eye I could see the colors coalesce, and run together, and then slam into the dark aeon.

And run off without effect.

Damn.

Banishing blade. It could have bought us some time.

Oh Damn! The aeon turned my way.

Energy Ra—!

* * *

**Auron:**

I came to, again. I ignored the blazing pain in my head to look around. Rikku was lying nearby, just starting to twitch. The blue aeon was on its last legs, barely able to stand. I saw it gather itself, then suddenly it wasn't a man, it was a huge wave of water, a tidal wave crashing into Dark Valefor, washing over it. But when the waters receded, the dark aeon was still there, practically glowing.

"Rikku," I growled. "The mix?"

"Unnngh...Auron?" she groaned, pushing herself up. "I...I have a speck of dark matter...will that do?"

"YES! Use it now!"

"On...on the aeon?"

"No Rikku, throw it over the edge!"

"Uh...? O-okay."

The dark aeon was up to something, it was about to do something...

It reared back its head...

Hunched over, the unknown aeon—our protector—could only watch...

And a huge blast came from somewhere beneath us, shaking the platform under our feet...

Dark Valefor shot straight up into the air and disappeared.

Stunned, the blue giant watched him go, and then turned to look for a second at Rikku and myself. Then it transformed into a huge column of water that collapsed and flowed away in rivers over the edge of the platform and into the forest below. On all fours, I scrambled to the edge of the platform and looked over. I saw a figure in summoner's robes disappear into the trees.

Damn.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Auron?" My voice sounded strange in my own ears. "What was that?"

"Later, Rikku. I'll tell you later. Right now, we need to get back to the village and get the others. We need to get off this island."

He was moving, gathering things together. Okay. I know he means what he says. We need to move now, this minute, and we'll talk later. I started grabbing my stuff and soon we were back on the ground and running back to the village.

It was weird...I knew this was just Besaid, but...it all seemed strange and menacing, like it wasn't Besaid at all, but someplace else. Even the sunlight seemed strange, all harsh and too bright. And I kept looking around, expecting to see...I don't know.

We met Tidus coming the other way.

"Hey Auron!" he puffed, bending over and resting his hands on his knees, "I got to the dock and they said they hadn't seen Rikku—hey, Rikku—so I came back to the village and they said you had gone, so I came to find you! What happened?"

"Damn it, we must have missed each other. But I'm glad to see you're okay. Come on. Back to the village."

"Aw man," he huffed, and pulled in beside us.

"No complaining!" I said, and then we shut up and saved our breath because we were headed up the promontory.

**Auron:**

We were instantly surrounded when we entered the village, by people wanting to know what was going on, and if Rikku was all right. She smiled and waved like a rescued princess, or a hero just back from slaying a monster. I pulled Wakka aside and told him to get our people ready to leave, now.

Uh, hey, Sir Auron? The _Liki_ doesn't get here til tomorrow, and then she don't leave for another couple days, ya?"

"The _Liki_ will leave Besaid one hour after it docks, Wakka, and we will be on it."

"Oh, uh, okay, Sir Auron."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Man, it wasn't even noon, but the rest of the day passed in a blur. We were all getting ready to leave when we thought we'd be staying at least a week! There were a million things to do. Auron said we could come back later, but for now we needed to go.

**Auron:**

I wanted to get off this island, away from this dark summoner. It will leave the village defenseless, but I think that we are the target. Besaid should be safe once we are gone.

Unless they make it an example. Unless the village is destroyed as a lesson to others...a lesson to us.

That's a chance I'm going to take.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

The next day dawned bright and clear, and as soon as it was light we said our goodbyes and headed for the dock. The _Liki_ should get in soon. Every now and then I felt a pressure in the back of my head. The crest wanted to talk, but I ignored it. I'll talk to Auron first, and then we'll see, you know? That weaver guy even came up to me and said the crest needed to talk, but I shook my head and put my hands over my ears and ran away yelling LALALALALALALALALA!

Man I got some strange looks.

I don't think Auron slept at all. Most of us grabbed a couple of hours, and we made Yuna sleep at least four, but I think Auron was up all night, patrolling around the village, or standing on the headland staring put to sea. We only spoke once, when he asked me where I had gotten the dark matter.

"Uh...well..."

"Rikku, did you buy it from Marty?"

"Well...not exactly?"

"Rikku, did you steal it from Marty?"

"Um...sorta?"

"Rikku...have I ever told you that I loved you?" he asked with a quiet smile.

"Oh, yeah...a couple of times!"

"Okay, good. I wanted to make sure."

At the top of the promontory the next morning, Yuna stopped at the shrine to pray. Lulu crossed her arms and looked away. Wakka rubbed the back of his head and looked like he wasn't sure what to do, and in the end he just stood there and watched until she was finished.

We passed under the ruins. They seemed quiet. I took the opportunity to gather up all the spheres and things on the ground from the battle with the garuda. The others wanted to know what happened, but Auron said, Later. After the first bunch of fiends Auron had Yuna put on her Peaceful Ring. Eventually we got to the dock, and the ship was there waiting, and Auron hurried us all on. I don't know what he said to captain, but we took off almost right away. Maybe he just paid him off. I saw him giving him something.

**Auron:**

We're at sea.

I stood on the foredeck and watched the island of Besaid recede in the distance. I think we are relatively safe for now, although there is much that I still don't understand. I close my eye and inhale deeply.

All that I smell is the ocean.

This is something that I didn't foresee.

A dark summoner, a thing out of legend...a man I know slightly.

This was not in The Plan.

So...

What is your game, Isaaru?

**Next: Red Sails**


	56. Red Sails

Hey. Well, they say they fixed the, uh, hiccough in the e-mailer. So...okay. Of course, now when I try to save changes in the document editor, it kicks me off internet explorer. But that might just be my laptop.

So, a few people have been posting aurikku lemons on the site recently. They've actually about doubled the number of aurikku lemons here. And I've seen a couple of people ask about where they can find stories like that, so I thought I'd take a minute and tell you what I know. So far as I can tell, there are three (or four) main sources for aurikku lemons on the net. (I'm not sure about the difference between lemons and pornography, so I'm going to ignore it.) The first is here on ffnet. There are a handful of stories here, like Spazkit's "devastation". They're not too hard to find, just skim through all the -M- rated stories. (But the latest stories weren't rated -M- for the most part, which will make then harder to find later. A lot of them also make Auron younger, but that's a different peeve of mine.) The second source is adult fanfiction dot net. There are the same five or six stories there that have been there for a long time. And considering that they are adult, with nipples and thrusting and all, they're mostly rather sweet. Rather WAFFish. Those are stories like "the lady and her beloved kinght in red" and "in the warm air of night". Also at affnet is one of the best Auron/Rikku stories period, "a secret journey". Some of these stories are also other places, like mediaminer or ficwad, but aff is the easiest place to find them all together. The third main source that I know of is LiveJournal. You can find quite a few looking back through the aurikku community, pyreflies. Like, one of my favorites is community dot livejournal dot com slash aurikku slash 46329 dot html#cutid1. But there are also a lot of aurikku lemons on LJ outside that community. (Like another of my favorites, community dot livejournal dot com slash showmeyourface slash 433 dot html#cutid1.) Those you just have to look for. I did searches on ljseek dot com, like Rikku + Auron, or Rikku + nc-17. I think some of the best were actually RPG logs, like community dot livejournal dot com slash alexandrialog slash 3123 dot html. (Hm. There's supposed to be an underscore between the "alexandria" and the "log" there.) Then there are probably some that aren't on any of those, like the unedited "sanubian sunshine", but like I said, as far as I know those are the best places to try and find Auron/Rikku, uh, smut.

Consider that a PSA.

So, spoilers. (You know, some reviewers have said they haven't finished the game. You know there are spoilers here, right? Well, I mean by this time it's probably already been, er, spoiled...so, well, never mind, I guess. Go on about your business.) Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurriku (didn't start that way, but it is). This is about characters, how they change over time and circumstance, and the gradual building of a relationship. Rated -T-, but there's some stuff in the next couple of chapters...

Yeah, so this chapter and the next chapter are dedicated to starry34. Thanks for the all the nice long reviews. Hope things get less hectic for you.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Do not go to Kilika.

I remember those words.

But in my arrogance, I ignored them.

And for my hubris, Sin ravaged the island.

No one mentions that, when they talk about my legend.

* * *

**Red Sails**

* * *

**Auron:**

"Okay, Auron," Tidus said. "What's going on?"

"Yes," Lulu added, her eyes narrowing. "Why were we forced to leave Besaid so suddenly?"

We were gathered on the foredeck of the _Liki_, underway to Kilika Island and the next temple on Yuna's new pilgrimage. Rikku was perched on a nearby piling, kicking bare feet idly. She still had white toenail polish on. She glanced my way and shrugged. All the others looked at me with various measures of vaguely resentful curiosity.

They have started to grow annoyed when I don't share information with them.

Familiarity trumps legendary.

"Yuna," I said, turning to her. "When you were undergoing summoner training, did you ever hear the stories about dark aeons?"

"Um, well, I didn't listen!" she said with the beginnings of a small blush.

Of course not.

"Yuna, students always talk about such things. They repeat rumors and old stories to each other. What did you hear?"

"Well," she said, frowning in concentration. "They said that aeons start out pure and untainted, but that after years of contact with man even the aeons eventually became corrupted. So Yevon reached down and touched the aeons and the corruption could not stand his pure light and fled into the darkness..."

Wakka snorted, but I don't think she heard. Her eyes were closed now, and her face was blank. She was reciting.

"They said that sometimes a summoner will turn away from the light of Yevon to serve the darkness, and then the power to summon the dark shadows of the aeons is granted to them. Even as shadows they have great power, and every summoner must guard against the darkness in their own soul. The light of Yevon is the armor of the summoners."

She opened her eyes and looked at me questioningly.

"I...see," I said.

Claptrap.

"Sir Auron," Lulu said. "Are you saying that you were attacked by a dark aeon?"

Rikku nodded her head vigorously.

"It was Valefor!" she said. "But he was all grey and blotchy!"

I looked around at all of them.

"It is real," I told them. "They exist. Sometimes, a summoner will turn to the darkness. Often it's gradual...barely noticeable. Other times it happens swiftly, often triggered by some traumatic event. And it affects the summoning. Aeons are granted by the fayth. But they manifest through the will of the summoner. If the summoner has given himself to the dark, then the manifestation of the aeon is likewise tainted, and grows moreso. And at some point a true dark aeon is called forth, and it turns and destroys the one who called it. That is the nature of corruption. It happened to one of the summoners of Braska's era. But sometimes the darkness requires a champion. It has happened only a handful of times, but sometimes, instead of being destroyed the summoner is granted actual mastery of the tainted aeon. He has become a dark summoner."

Their faces were serious now.

"What Rikku and I met at the ruins in Besaid was a true dark summoner, a champion of shadows, the first to walk Spira in more than two hundred years. And we would have died there if Rikku hadn't wounded him with a speck of dark matter and forced him to flee."

Now they listened with a grim intensity. It looked odd on Yuna's face.

"Hey, Auron," Tidus said. "You practically beat up that Yojimbo guy by yourself back in that cave. You couldn't have handled Valefor? You and Rikku together?"

"No, Tidus," I shook my head. "These dark incarnations are much stronger than normal. There are several theories why that might be...but it is a fact. Dark Valefor would have killed us easily."

"So whatta we do, huh?" Wakka asked. "How do we keep Yuna safe from something like that?"

"We do our job, Wakka," I told him. I looked briefly into each of their faces. "We guard Yuna. If you meet the dark summoner, attack him immediately. Killing him or driving him away might be the only way to defeat him. Be ready, and in the meantime, I'll see what can be done."

Some of that I'd already started. Even before we left the village I ordered a bounty placed on Isaaru's head...half-a-million gil. Dead. Dark summoners are immensely powerful, but if you slip a knife between their ribs they die like anyone. I think. In any case, Isaaru could have some interesting times ahead. Other orders have gone out as well. It was going to be immensely helpful that I recognized him, but I was going to keep his identity to myself for now, along with some other details about the encounter.

"Sir Auron," Lulu said suddenly. "What if the dark summoner attacks the village? There won't be anyone to protect them!"

"That's correct," I said. She opened her mouth to speak, but I interrupted her, "Lulu, what is your oath?"

"To protect my summoner, but—"

"There are no buts. Protect your summoner. Besaid will have to take its chances."

"But, Sir Auron!" Yuna cried, her eyes snapping.

"Sacrificing yourself is easy" I said to her. "Sacrificing others is hard. You also took an oath, Yuna, to defeat Sin. Do your job."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I guess there wasn't much to say after that. We broke up and they drifted away. Lulu was muttering, Yuna had thunderclouds all over her face, and Wakka was rubbing the back of his head. Auron and I stayed where we were, and when the others were gone, we looked at each other. It was such a bright, cool, sunny day, with blue sky and blue sea all around us, and here we were talking about...this.

That's Spira for ya.

I felt kinda vulnerable on this tub. I wished Dad and the airship was here, with its missiles and three hundred Al Bhed marines, even if one of them was Yenath. I mean, in my head I knew the airship wouldn't really be any safer, but my gut would have felt better.

"Auron? Are we safe?"

"We...I don't sense the summoner anywhere near. Yes, Rikku, I think we are safe, for now."

Whew.

"So okay," I said to him, "You left some stuff out there, didn't you Auron?"

"I did," he answered quietly. "I suppose I always do."

"That big blue thing that protected us, that was an aeon, wasn't it?"

"I think it was. I think it was Leviathan."

"The aeon of water," I said, slowly, "That hasn't been seen in hundreds of years..."

"That's the one."

"And it suddenly shows up on Besaid just in time to save us?"

"It didn't save us, Rikku, you did...with your dark matter."

I felt a warm little glow inside when he said that, but I shook my head.

"You know what I mean, Auron. If it hadn't held Valefor off, we woulda been dead."

"Yes."

"In fact," I frowned, "We were dead, a couple of times. Weren't we? Both of us?"

"We...were."

"So how come we're still around, huh? Bringing people back from the dead...is that something Leviathan can do?"

"I don't know, Rikku. I never heard that that was one of its powers."

"So what do we—"

"Ask the crest," he said,biting the words off.

Um. I looked into his face. It was hard as stone. He wasn't seeing me.

"You, uh, want me to, Auron? No no no!" I said, shaking my head, "Stupid question. Of course you don't. But, um, you think I should?"

"No. Yes. Damn," he muttered.

I hopped off the piling and landed kinda wobbly. I hadn't got my sea legs yet. I laid one hand on his arm, partly for the contact and partly to keep my balance.

"Hey, Auron? Well, is there some other way to find out about all this?"

"Maybe. Probably. I've already sent a message to Maechen."

"That old bore!"

Auron quirked a little smile and finally looked at me.

"That old bore is one of the principles in the Luca Group."

"Uh..."

"I know," he said, "We still have to talk about that. I still have to explain a lot of things to you, except that now..."

He trailed off, and I went a little cold inside.

"Except now, you think that anything you tell me, I'll tell the crest."

He shook his head, and said, "You don't mean to, Rikku, I know that. But the sword is tricky, like nothing you've ever seen. Of course, since it was controlling Rin all along, every secret that Rin knows is already compromised. It runs my entire network. What a mess."

"It didn't control Rin," I told him, "They had a bargain."

"Is that what they told you?" he said bitterly.

"Auron, I believe it. I believe Rin."

We drifted together over to the rail.

"Rikku, maybe Rin really thought they had a bargain," he said, "I don't know. But I think the crest was pulling all the strings."

"Are...are you worried it'll start pulling my strings?" I asked him.

He was staring out to sea.

"Rikku...tell me again you don't trust this crest."

"I don't Auron."

He turned and looked into my eyes.

"But you want to, don't you?" he asked gently.

"Well...I, maybe..." I said, looking down.

"Because it's given you good advice."

"Yeah," I muttered.

"It's interested in your problems. Maybe it's listened to some of your fears, and comforted you, when I wasn't there to."

"Um...yeah," I was blushing. Why was I blushing? "But it's given me good advice about stuff."

"I'm sure it did. Rikku..." he hesitated.

"Auron? What?"

"Rikku, have you ever had a...a boy, try to get into your bed?"

"Errr...you mean, uh, try to have sex with me?"

"Yes Rikku, has a boy ever tried to convince you to have sex with him, to talk you into it?"

Okay, NOW I'm blushing. I only thought I was blushing before.

"Um, well, yeah," I scuffed my bare feet on the deck.

"Did he say nice things to you, Rikku? Did he listen when you talked, and pay you compliments, and make you feel special?"

"Well, uh, no. If he had done that, maybe I wouldn't a slugged him!"

He snorted. And then he put out a hand and drew me close and put both arms around me and bent his head and kissed me.

"Well, I'm glad he was so clumsy," he said.

"WOOOOOOO! YIPEE!" DAMMIT!

There were some kids running around nearby and now they were pointing and singing!

"HA HA! YAY! Boyfriend, girlfirend, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S—I-N-G!"

I'll murderize them!

I'll—what!

Oh, Auron's holding me back! Grrrr!

"Hey, stop that!" the mother yelled, "How long do you think you've been doing that? Stop it right now."

The little kids went back to chasing each other around a mast, and the mother came over to apologize.

Well, maybe I'll let'em live.

"Sorry," she said. "Once little kids learn something fun, they just repeat it over and over."

She had a little smile when she said than, and she was looking back and forth between Auron and me. Hey! What's she getting at!

She was laughing a little as she left.

"Rikku," Auron said, drawing me close again, "That boy? Remember? What we were talking about? He was trying to seduce you. It sounds like he wasn't doing it very well, but that's what he was trying to do. Rikku...?"

"Yeah, Auron?" I answered, looking up into his face.

"The crest is trying to seduce you," he said quietly. "It's trying to win your trust and affection. It wants you to think of it as a friend. Rikku, it isn't your friend. It will help you, for its own reasons, and I don't know exactly what those reasons are."

Well, yeah.

I mean, I never thought it all out like that, but I sorta knew it. But it did give me good advice, about Auron and stuff, and it protected me against the zookeeper that time, and at the ruins it managed to let Auron know I was in trouble.

And I was sorta starting to like it.

And I guess that worried me, but I also needed it, you know? To protect the Al Bhed.

What a mess.

"So, what are we gonna do?" I whispered.

"You're going to keep the crest," he said, giving me a small kiss, "And use it when you need to. But you'll be careful, and remember always that Masamune is playing its own game. And one day soon, that crest and I are going to have a little talk."

"Okay," I said, slipping around in his arms until I could look out to sea. "Look Auron! Dolphins! Three of them! That's good luck!"

"Is it?" I could hear his smile.

"Sure it is! All the Al Bhed know that. The Al Bhed motto is, One, Two, Three, dolphin see, Six, Seven, Eight, you'll do great!"

"Rikku, did you just make that up?"

"No, Auron! It's the Al Bhed motto!"

"I thought the Al Bhed motto was, Don't give up the ship, Blow it up instead."

"Well, geez, Auron! Have you ever seen the Al Bhed motto? It's like thirty volumes long! We just keep adding to it."

* * *

**Auron:**

The trip passed uneventfully enough. Yuna, Lulu and Wakka spent their time in their cabins, doubtlessly worrying about Besaid. Tidus roamed the ship talking to everyone, trying to see everything. Even when he was young he would do that. He really enjoyed meeting new people, and talking with them. Rikku spent the afternoon examining a sphere that Tidus got from a young man named Clasko, turning it over and over in her hands. We all turned in early.

That night I dreamed about Sin, attacking Kilika, destroying the village there. It was to be expected, given the circumstances. I woke up in the midwatch as usual and made my way to the wheelhouse to check our progress with the officer there, and I was surprised to find the captain awake. We fell into conversation.

"I couldn't sleep, Sir Auron," he told me. "I had a dream about Sin attacking us. Well, if Sin attacks, we'll handle it. We always have. Anyway, yes, Kilika village has pretty much been rebuilt. The important parts, anyway. We should be there by midmorning."

We talked of other things. He shook his head over the monks withdrawing.

"The trouble in the temples has got me worried. Yevon's support is the only thing keeping this ship running. What if the Church is abandoning the south?"

I tried to reassure him that Luca would pick up the slack, but he was a man after my own heart, determined to expect the worst. I went out on deck to stare at the dark horizon until dawn. People began to stir soon after that, and come out on deck, but they seemed somewhat short-tempered. I even saw Yuna and Rikku snapping at each other.

"Ahhh! Bad dreams," Wakka said when I asked him about it. "From when Sin attacked us, I guess, first time we came here."

I frowned. That was three people who had dreamed of Sin last night. I saw Tidus nearby, talking to another of the passengers and went over to ask about his dreams last night, but the other man turned and addressed me first.

"Oh, Sir Auron!" he said. "I think I have something that belongs to you!"

He reached into his tunic and brought out a memory sphere, an old one.

"Here," he said, handing it to me. "While I was sick with the toxin, I lost most of my belongings, but I guess I held onto this. I think it must be yours because you're on it."

I took the sphere, and with Tidus looking on, I played it.

It was us, the three of us, on this boat, on our long-ago pilgrimage. Braska, Jecht, and I, although we never actually saw Braska. He was holding the camera. I know it sounds strange to say, given our backgrounds, but...we looked so young and innocent.

"Huh," Tidus said, shaking himself. I suppose seeing his father again affected him a bit. "So, uh, Auron...you gonna show this to Yuna?"

Am I?

I'm starting to get the feeling that someone is whacking me over the head with a hammer. First, the sailor on Besaid handed me an old sphere, now a second survivor of a Sin attack has recovered from the toxin and he gives me a sphere as well? And everyone seems to have dreamed of Sin last night?

Jecht? Are you trying to tell me something?

I left to find our agent on the ship. I found him on the top deck trying to lure his pet monkey down from a piling. (Have to try and make sure Rikku doesn't see it. She'll want one.) I instructed him to pass the word through the network to find as many of these old spheres as possible. And also to see to it that the sailor on Besaid and the man on this ship got paid for theirs as well.

So, I thought, leaning against the rail.

A mystery...with spheres?

If I could be sure no one was watching, I'd let my shoulders slump.

One more thing to add to the list.

* * *

**Auron:**

And so I finally came to Kilika.

The village didn't look recovered to me, but the others assured me that it was. Maybe, but it could be years before the last signs of the attack are gone.

And it will take lifetimes to get over the people that were lost.

As nearly as my other senses could tell, the Dark Summoner was nowhere around. We were fairly safe here. The villagers greeted Yuna and the others warmly. She performed the sending for the dead when they were last here. And Wakka and the Aurochs apparently pitched in to help in the immediate aftermath of the attack. A little girl and her sister waved to Tidus shyly. They are all almost as popular here as on Besaid. It's a good sign for the second pilgrimage.

The temple in Kilika isn't in the village, as it is in Besaid. It's off a short way into the jungle. Rikku had never been to Kilika, and she wanted to sightsee and shop...

**Rikku's Diary:**

It was all built out over the water!

**Auron:**

...but it was a few hours before noon when we arrived and the others were anxious to get to the temple. She was almost as happy running here and there through the trees, looking at the hanging vines and other strange plants and at the flowers. She picked one and brought it over and gravely handed it to me, and just as seriously I took it and tucked it into her hair behind her ear, where it promptly fell to the ground. She sputtered with laughter, and a snort escaped me, and Tidus looked back and rolled his eyes at us both.

There were fiends in the jungle, too.

"Catch'em!" Rikku cried. "Catch'em catch'em catch'em!"

The local fiends weren't difficult. There was an annoying insect, a lizard-thing, a rather weak element—"Eee!" Rikku quietly screamed when it threw a lightning spell at Tidus—and a bombastic plant. Still, there are stories of ochus on this island, even as there were stories of garuda on Besaid.

We were walking along a river. Rikku had just overbalanced while leaning far out to wave to her reflection, and I had just yanked her back by her jesses. She turned to smile at me and froze, looking past me and up.

"Wow!"

She was staring wide-eyed up at the stone dragons that guarded the steps to the temple. I took her hand and led her forward.

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we went up and up and up these big ol' stone steps, and every single one had a carving on either end that looked a little like a clamshell and the landings had these big flaming pillars, oh!, and there was a comm sphere there, and you could see all the way out to the ocean, and if I had a house in the village I could have totally seen it from here, oh!, and you know what? There was this one big landing that had the floor all busted up and that's where the guys fought some big boss fiend from before! But the most interestingest thing there were these great big stone dragons! They looked a little like Evrae, remember? From Bevelle? And Auron said they represented the fire dragons that legends said lived in a lake of fire underneath the Temple! I never heard anything like that before. And sure, you can say, What a stupid bunch of Yevonites, to believe a story like that, but I don't know...there really is something about those temples. Something that feels really, really old. Maybe I'll ask Auron about it. Or...I guess I could ask the crest...

Anyway, there were some stupid Yevonites on the steps that tried to stop us going up, but LULU pushed past us all and gave them what for!

We got up to the central courtyard which is all open to the sky, you know? (I wonder what they do when it rains.) There were stone columns all inscribed and stuff and flaming pillars and huge green crystals! But what was really incredible was the glass floor in the center and you could see down through it straight into the fire! And then inside were the statues to the four High Summoners. Oh yeah, there was also a statue of Bitchy McBitch, from Zanarkand. Well, nyaaa to you! Hah! Oops, Auron's looking. Oh, and smiling. Heh. I went back to looking around.

Hey, you know, there aren't that many people here.

**Auron:**

Unlike Besaid, this temple shows the signs of a crisis of the faith. Fewer worshippers are present, and many of those seem dispirited. But not all. I met an ex-monk who had become a Crusader, but still wore his monk's armor. It seems the Crusader supply issues are very real. But he did have an admirable outlook.

"Crusader...warrior monk...who cares?" he told me. "I just want to protect something!"

The Church here in the south has shown a certain resiliency in the face of change. I wonder if as much can be said for the churches in the north, and if not, what that bodes for the future of Spira.

**Rikku's Diary:**

All hail Rikku the clever! The bestest and quickest solver of puzzles in Spira! Huzzah! How did they ever get along without me? Not very well, I gotta think. They didn't even pick up the hidden Red Armlet!

Maybe I should write a book? _Cloister Trials for Dummies_?

**Auron:**

Rikku opened the hidden way. Of course, none of them know what is really hidden.

I wonder if the crest knows that I know.

**Rikku's Diary:**

An image of Ifrit appeared above the statue, and then became a man, and turned towards us.

"Sin swam in the sea near Zanarkand.

"Perhaps the waking dream eased its suffering."

Waking dream? I looked over at Auron.

Uh...Auron?

"Your father touched Sin and became real that night,

"Foundering on the seas of Spira."

Auron was...Auron was beyond furious! Don't ask me how I know. Wakka was between us and he didn't even sense anything, but I knew! Auron was almost trembling with anger and rage!

"How sad now, that he is caught in the tragic spiral.

"He is Sin. He is lost."

I think Auron might have lunged at him if I hadn't moved closer and reached out and put a hand on his arm. He never took his eye from the fayth, but he settled back a little.

He was humming the Death Song.

**Auron:**

Mealy-mouthed little hypocrite!

"How sad!" it says.

You dare, when it was you fayth and your schemes that brought him to this!

Know this, fayth...

For now we are allies. For now, we work together, and we have the same enemies. But one day...

One day...there will be a reckoning.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hey! Got a luck sphere! Well, technically Tidus caught it while I was busy making sure Auron was all right, but we're a team, right? All for one, and all that? What's yours is mine, and what's mine oh look, is that the time? Ha! And then there were the chests! I was gonna let someone else open them while I made absolutely sure Auron was okay, but he squeezed my hand and gave me a kind of a push. He knows I love opening chests...it's like my birthday!

Agility sphere!

Defense sphere!

Accuracy sphere!

Square Sphere!

Ha! Just kidding on that last one.

So okay, well, that's two temples down. So far, so good. But those were the two temples way down here in the south. Next is Djose, almost up near the Moonflow. We still gotta lot a ground to cover.

It was midafternoon when we came out of the temple. We coulda gone back to the village, but Auron said we should think about camping on the steps for the night. That way we could finish up catching ten of every fiend, and then get back to the village tomorrow morning and catch the ferry to Luca. Whatever was going on with Auron and that fayth back there, he seems better now. I wonder if he's related to that fayth too? Any way, everyone agreed that his idea was a good one, and we set up camp near the comm sphere and then went out hunting the terrible and scary fiends of Kilika...OOOOooooooOOOO...

Huh. We ran out of mana distillers. Should have gotten some in the village.

"You couldn't," Lulu said when I mentioned it. "The store that sells them, and potions and such, is closed. It'll have to wait until we get to Luca."

"Use speed distillers instead," Auron said.

So we went out and caught fiends until we had ten of each, and something strange happened, too. Auron had been having Tidus use his special slice-n-dice attack every chance he got, which was odd cause Auron usually has us save those, you know? Like for an emergency. But like I said, he was having Tidus use it, and then once when he told Tidus to slice-n-dice, well, instead, Tidus got a kinda confused look on his face, and he started and stopped a couple of times, and then he said something really strange—"eeny, meeny, miny, moe!"—

**Auron:**

Will the boy never learn a bit of style.

**Rikku's Diary:**

—and then he just jumped way up high in the air and waved his sword, and light came down from nowhere and sort of smashed into the fiends and threw them high in the air!

And then it was just us and the pyreflies, and Tidus was panting a little and Auron was smiling a little, and he said, "Okay, from now on do that."

Heh.

We had a kind of cookout that night, like we used to all the time. No one was too worried about fiends, cause they were all kinda puny here on Kilika. But we were still gonna keep a watch. Well, the boys were. I was kinda worried about the dark summoner, but Auron said he couldn't, uh, smell him, so I guess we were all right. We'd finished eating and we were getting ready to go to bed. I was going to sleep with Yunie and Lulu in their tent. Auron leaned over and said quietly, "Give me the crest, Rikku."

I looked up at him, and then I dug the little bag with the crest out of my pocket and handed it to him.

"Auron?"

He was looking down at it.

"It's time the crest and I had a little talk. I'll give it back to you tomorrow, Rikku. If I can."

"Uh...okay."

He didn't say anything else. I looked back as I was walking to the tent. He hadn't moved. He was still sitting there in the firelight, looking at the little bag in his hand.

I woke up hours later, about the midwatch. I do that a lot, now. I guessed that this is when Auron would probably be talking to the crest. I was a little worried, and I wasn't sure exactly why. I didn't really know what to think, I guess I wasn't thinking, just acting. I grabbed my shoes and slipped out of the tent to where Auron would be keeping watch. I don't know if I was going to try and talk, or maybe just listen, or what.

Auron wasn't there. Kimahri was.

He turned as I padded up to him.

"Kimahri," I said quietly, "Where's Auron?"

"Sir Auron ask Kimahri to watch for him. Keep Yuna and others safe."

"But where'd he go?"

Kimahri's cat eyes stared down into mine for a few moments, like he was trying to decide something. Then he turned and pointed up the steps with his giant spear.

"Kimahri? He's...he's further up?" I asked, tugging on my shoes, "Or he went back to the temple?"

The Ronso shrugged.

Okay, okay...I started up the steps, slowly at first, then two at a time, then three.

* * *

**Auron:**

How has it come to this?

The crest has come back into my life. She carries it. I even told her that she should keep it. She's going to have it with her, and listen to its advice.

I stood in the anteroom of the cloister of trials and stared at the little bag in my hand. Beaded Al Bhed work. I could feel the crest inside, waiting and wondering what would happen next. It hadn't tried to speak to me yet. The crest is the weakest of the parts of the sword, and can normally only speak to people who are in direct contact with it, but my family is more closely tuned to the sword, and this crest could speak to me through the cloth if I allowed it. But it hadn't tried.

I love Rikku.

And I do not trust Masamune.

It's time for the crest and I to have a little talk.

I placed the first Kilika sphere into the pedestal.

Auron? Why are we here?

That was the crest...Masamune.

I didn't answer, instead shoving the pedestal over, and then towards the doorway.

Auron?

"Auron!"

I turned.

"Rikku?"

"Auron, what...what's going on?" she panted, bending over and putting her hands on her knees.

"You shouldn't have come, Rikku."

"Auron," she said, straightening up. "What are you going to do?"

Auron, you should think about this, whatever it is, the crest said in my head.

That's going to get confusing. From now on, _the crest talks like this._

_What?_

Shut up.

"The crest and I are going to have a private talk," I told Rikku.

"Auron?" she said, taking a step closer. "Why here?"

_Yes Auron, why here?_

Shut up.

I took a second to close off my mind to the crest.

"Auron? Auron I'm not so sure this is a good idea," Rikku said. "You're in some kind of strange mood, I can tell. Like when you fought Yojimbo before. Maybe..."

"Rikku! Auron?"

"Tidus?" she said, turning.

The boy...young man came up the hallway.

"Hey," he said, holding his hands out. "It's Kimahri's fault! He woke me up and told me to follow Rikku, keep her safe."

Just as well, I thought, shoving the pillar a few feet closer to the doorway.

"Auron," she said behind me in a wheedling tome. "Why don't you come back to the camp, huh? Tidus wants you to come, don't you Tidus!"

"Uh...?"

I turned and walked over to her, put my hands on her hips and pulled her closer, and kissed her lips. I suppose she's going to be mad.

"I have to do it this way," I said to her, and shoved her back against Tidus. "Hold her for a moment, Tidus."

"HEY! AURON! WHAT—?"

"UH...?"

"I'm sorry Rikku," I said, walking over to grab the second Kilika sphere from the wall. "But it has to be done. Oh, careful Tidus...she fights dirty."

My Al Bhed is still rudimentary, but I'm fairly certain I left her cursing like a sailor behind me. I shoved the pillar through the doorway and followed it, turning to place the Kilika sphere in the recess behind me, and the curtain of flames returned. In a minute I had the pillar in place and the destruction sphere in hand and I went down the steps to my left and crossed to the recess on the bottom level.

From the other room I heard her call, "AURON!"

I placed the sphere into the recess and the wall dissolved, revealing a chamber with an open chest. I stepped inside and shoved the unusually heavy empty chest to one side, uncovering a man-sized fissure underneath. I took out an x-potion, and carefully removed my coat, and folded it up, laying it to one side. I set my glasses on top. Then I fished out the bag and shook the crest out into my palm.

_Auron! What are you planning! What do you know of this place! Auron!_

I jumped down into the gap, landing in a small cavern, not three paces across. Intense heat washed over me. One side was a wall of flame.

"AURON!"

I love Rikku.

_Auron!_

I do not trust Masamune.

I put out my hand...I feel the heat, I feel the pain, I see my skin begin to blister.

It's time.

_No! Auron!_

I drink the potion, and walk into the fire.

**Next: Pain**


	57. Pain

Hey.

I changed the title, but this is the same chapter. The old title was kind of pedestrian, but I like this one. I think it says more about what the chapter's about. The chapter itself, well, I was making changes to it right up to posting.

By the way, about using underlines for emphasis (some people have mentioned it) I know that it's not standard and it can distract some people from the story. Most people use italics for emphasis, and it's accepted that underlines stand in for italics when it's not possible to use them. But I use italics for other things. I mean, like everyone I use them for song titles and that sort of thing, but what I mean is, for instance, I use them for Rikku's stories inside the story, her little rikaurikkus. And now I use them for when the crest is talking inside someone's head. I don't use quotations for that, so if I also used italics for emphasis, it could get confusing. If an _Auron_ was dropped in as a one-liner, is that the crest talking, or Rikku thinking something to herself urgently? Of course, you write to avoid that confusion, but still, I just made an early decision to save italics to indicate certain things, and to use a combination of underlines and caps for emphasis.

So, major spoilers. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed by the employees of wait, wrong disclaimer. FFX isn't mine. There you go. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-, but this chapter and the next one push that.

Like last chapter, this one is dedicated to Starry34. Hope she enjoys it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

I am Auron.

I am an unsent.

And if that means that I am no longer truly human, then it also means that I can do things that others cannot.

Really stupid things.

* * *

**Pain**

* * *

**Auron:**

PAIN...

My eyes explode and boil away...my skin curls up and peels off...I breathe in fire...

PAIN...

...my body is coming apart...pyreflies sloughing off...

PAIN...

Breathe...Auron...

PAIN...

...fire in my lungs...

PAIN...

...burning...from the inside...

PAIN...

Breath in, breath out...bring it under your control...focus!

PAINPAINPAIN...

The pain is outside myself...feel the pain, accept it, and put it aside...

...god...

...make...it...stop...

...stop...

...fades...

...it fades...

...the pain starts to fade...

_Auron..._

Oh...damn...

_Auron, why are you doing this? Don't do this Auron..._

The crest is in my head now, dulling the pain, blocking nerve endings. I'm still on fire...I can see my flesh relentlessly burning away...my vision comes and goes as my eyes are consumed by the fire, and regenerated by the pyreflies within...

I take a step...

_You don't want to do this. I would never hurt Rikku._

I take another...

_Turn back. Let's go back, and no more pain._

Another...

_Auron...Auron I won't let you do this thing. I won't allow it._

Step...

_I have permitted you and forgiven you a great deal, because I care for you, but I will not allow this._

Where is the damn end!

_Auron, if you persist in trying this, then you must be punished. Turn around, Auron, and go back now._

Hurry...another step...

_I can deaden pain, and I can also multiply it. I can make it ten times worse, Auron._

Step...

_Don't make me do this Auron._

Step...

_Auron, I am sorry...but you have to learn this lesson..._

Oh god...this is going to hurt...

"AHHHHHHHHGHHHHHH!"

* * *

**Auron:**

(I can hear myself screaming...)

AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!

(I watch myself falling...)

NONONOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAGGGHHHHH!

(I think I must be weeping...

(How can I crawl, without hands and knees? But I do, on blackened flesh, and cracked bone, I crawl forward...

(The pyreflies flash and die, and are replaced...can I hear their tiny cries as they burn? What am I without them? I am consumed again and again...

(I can feel the crest's surprise. It didn't expect me to go on. It didn't know there's a place that I can go, deep inside where no one can find me, or hurt me...

(It didn't know about my citadel, here in a place beyond all pain.)

_Auron...Auron..._

(The crest is calling to me...it wants me to come out from behind my walls.)

_Auron...where are you?_

(Silly crest.

(When I have eyes, I watch myself pulling my body forward with the twisted claws that used to be hands. Look, the pyreflies are doing their work. They are hands again, for a little while. I idly wonder if I'm still sane. Can a human experience such pain and still be sane?)

_Auron, what is this? Oh...!_

(It's found me now, the crest has found my hidden place, deep inside my mind. I can feel it probe at my defenses. It's looking for flaws, cracks, weak places where it might break through.)

_What a fine wide wall you've built here, Auron. I never suspected it._

_I'm proud of you. But..._

AUGGHHHGHHH! AAAAAHHHHHH!

(Suddenly the pain doubles again, and I see myself twisting under the onslaught, but the pain cannot touch me here behind my walls.)

_Auron, you think you're safe, behind your walls...but I know things you've never dreamed of._

(I am proof against pain.

(Huh.

(What is the crest up to?)

* * *

**Auron:**

Ahh!

Who...? Where am Iiiiiaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh...Rikkuuuu...?

...ahhhh...her mouth is moving gently...her soft lips are sliding over me, her tongue like silk, stroking and licking... moving in and out, warm and wet, pushing all the way in... my hands are twisted in her hair...soft blond hair tickling my stomach...she sucks in her cheeks, and I start to move my hips faster, but she won't let me...I can feel her smile around me, and she sets the rhythm, she controls the pace...in and out, sliding in and out...I can feel her moaning, in the back of her throat...ahhhhh...I...I'm going to...!

(NO! Gah!)

Ahhhhhhhhh...!

(It's...not...real.)

_It feels real Auron, even better than your dreams..._

Yesssss...

(I...)

AGGGHHH!

FIRE burning through me, BOILING MY BLOOD...

Rikku underneath me, gasping, bucking upward against me as I thrust down...

PAIN...

...and pleasure...

(Damn it...

(Don't...lose...focus!

(I slowly bring it back under control...I push it all away, the pleasure and the pain.)

_Auron, these are fine, strong walls you've made, but it's time to come out now. If you make me dig you out, Auron, I will be very angry with you._

_Auron, come out._

(The crest was feeding me an illusion, whipsawing me back and forth between pleasure and pain to distract me, to try to force an opening and pull me out from my fortress...the whole thing took less than half-a-second in real time...

(What next?)

* * *

**Auron:**

"JILLY!"

With a new sword in my hand I turned in time to see a small blonde figure falling, twisting...was there still life in her eyes? Did she see me? The fiend that killed her jumped over her body to reach me but I twisted to the right, dragging the sword's edge through its chest, slicing it open, blood spilling out and turning to pyreflies...

Jilly?

Damn it, Jilly, why?

I wanted to kneel down next to her, a scrawny little blond girl who had a crush on me. Her whole life was in front of her, but now her whole life was behind her and I couldn't even kneel down and take her hand and close her eyes because the fiends were still coming and there were other cadets still alive...

(The crest hits my walls like a hammer.)

_She wanted to impress you, and she saved you, and she died, suddenly and alone..._

(Damn...it's in my head now, my memories...

(Memories of Klanneth...my cadets...Jilly...it's trying to throw me...)

_Do you think she's waiting for you, Auron? Waiting for you to reach the Farplane and take her in your arms and tell her that you always loved her? I hope she's used to disappointment...don't you?_

(No matter what I saw, I knew that I was still half-crawling, half-stumbling through the corridor of fire...I had to hang on until I reached the other end. If I—)

* * *

**Auron:**

They're all dead now, and I was laughing like someone just told me the funniest joke in the world. Laughing like I'd just seen Mika slip and fall in the mud. I was laughing like...

Like I'd just seen my mother pulled down by fiends and killed in front of me.

I was the only one still alive, and I fell to my side and rolled on my back and laughed and laughed and laughed...

I don't know why the fiends didn't attack...I was helpless. They could have slaughtered me while I giggled and guffawed at my own pride and my hubris. I thought that I could save them all by myself. The fiends could have killed me while I laughed, the way I killed the people in this village...killed...let them die...same thing.

Maybe it's what I wanted.

But the fiends didn't kill me, and I slowly laughed myself out there on the ground, and got hold of myself.

It wasn't like I was going to survive this anyway.

I pushed myself up slowly, and sat for a minute on the ground, and breathed a little lighter. Because there's a kind of...liberation...in realizing that it's over. No more responsibilities, no more worries about tomorrow...no more tomorrows. I do things because they have to be done. But there wasn't anything more to do. I rolled the dice, here in this village and I lost. And the only thing left to do was see how many fiends I could take with me.

Even I can't screw that up too bad.

I stood up slowly. Courteous fiends, they waited. I looked around, turning in a small circle. They were all around...more than a hundred fiends, just...looking back at me.

I didn't really understand. But I don't guess it was important.

Just there in front of me was the charred body of the last villager to die. I stared down at him and tried to figure out what I felt. Maybe he was the lucky one. I waved at the fiends that I was ready.

I'll be lucky soon enough.

I lift my sword.

(Gaah!)

_Poor Auron..._

(Gah-HELL!)

_Greatest warrior of your generation..._

(Memories of Starfall...)

_And never quite as good as you need to be..._

(What else has it got in its trick bag? All the things that have happened in my life?

(Great.

(If it can use all my worst memories against me, if it can make me lose my concentration, drop my walls before I reach the end of the tunnel...)

* * *

**Auron:**

I look down at Lacey, lying in a pool of spreading blood.

I am no assassin, I tell myself. A sword lies near her left hand. She had her chance. I did my duty.

The leader of the Crusaders tries to lift her head.

She can't.

Weakly, her life running out of her, she motions for me to come closer. She's trying to say something. Her eyes are pleading with me.

Lacey has never begged for anything.

Slowly, I move closer, and bend down, carefully. Even now, she is still dangerous. I don't know if my left arm will ever heal completely. She's saying something...I lean closer...

"...they lied..."

To me? They lied to me?

"...too proud..."

She was? Or I was? I didn't know what she was saying.

"...take care...of..."

What? What!

"...protect..."

Protect who? But she was gone.

And I suddenly, desperately wanted to take it all back, and tell her I think maybe it was all a mistake, and she can wake up now...

But of course she can't.

And I have to get out of Crusader headquarters.

(The day I killed Lacey, the Crusader leader...because they told me she was about to lead the Crusaders in rebellion.)

_You knew, Auron. You knew you couldn't trust them, but you let them convince you._

(They lied.

(And I began to butcher the fra.)

_But look. See her dead face, Auron? I don't think she cares._

(When does this damn tunnel end! That whole memory took place between one step and the next.

(This won't work. All I need to do is hang on until—)

* * *

**Auron:**

I'm crawling...why...?

My breath is ragged...

Pain comes with every gasp...

Fire in my side...

Trees...?

Where am I?

A forest...cold...

My hands and knees...

Inch by inch...why...?

Cold...

Where am I going...?

Breath...

Another inch...

The ground is cool against my cheek...

Breathe...

I hitch myself forward...

I can't feel anything...

Braska...?

Jecht...?

I can't...see...

I...

...I'm sorry...

Everything...fades...away...

(The crest slams against my walls...it almost gets through.)

* * *

**Auron:**

She's screaming at me. We're in the chocobo trainer's camp and she's crying and we're screaming at each other. She's calling me a coward. She slapped me hard across the face, sending my sunglasses spinning off into the brush. We were on the mountain, near Starfall, and she wasn't looking at me. I could hear her taking fast, shuddering breaths. And my heart tore when I heard all of the anger and the tears and the terrible hurt that she bled into that one broken word.

"Is...is that what you really think of me?" she asked in a small, ragged voice.

(DAMN.)

I was under attack, someone or something was hitting me, kicking...screaming? I came awake in an instant. My first instinct was to fight back but instead I throw myself into a roll away from my attacker and came to my feet with my sword in my hand. Something came at me from the darkness and I almost swung before I realized it was Rikku.

She was in Yuna's tent, and I replayed the scene from my memory, speeding it up, slowing it down. What did I actually see? There. On her face in the moonlight. Anger. No, stronger than anger. Fury. What else? Pain? More than pain? Devastation? And...tears?

(DAMN DAMN DAMN!)

"I...I HATE you!"

It was the first lesson, the hardest to learn...my heart went out to her as the lightning struck and she fell to the ground. She was screaming at me in a rage, screaming that I never cared about her, that I liked to hurt people and I wanted to hurt her the way I did Tidus, that I wanted to kill her the way I wanted to kill Yuna, that I wanted her to be as ugly, the way I was ugly...with my scar. She apologized later, and said she didn't mean it...and she believed me when I said it was all right.

(Damn it, Auron!)

...she hates me...I hurt her so much...

_...ugly Auron...she thinks you're ugly..._

(So do lots of people. I never cared.)

_This isn't lots of people, Auron. This is Rikku. Rikku thinks you're ugly..._

(It's not real.)

_How do you know what's real, Auron?_

* * *

**Auron:**

I'm standing alone in a small dark room on the fifty-third story of a nondescript office building. Not alone, I guess. There's one woman there with me. But she's dead.

Her name is Salli. She's Jecht's wife. She's Tidus' mother.

I killed her.

They did their best for her...I can see that. They tried to make her look nice. But I can still see the signs...how tired she was in the last months of her life. Tidus said she seemed to just give up. He wanted to ask me to do something...to help her, but he didn't know how to beg.

There wasn't anything I could do anyway. And then the fever hit her fast, and she weakened quickly at the end. The Eugenics Plague is like that. It kills the weakest.

That's what it was designed to do.

I stepped up to the coffin, and stood looking down at her. She did at least look at peace. As if death was a relief for her, and not a burden.

"Salli..." I said quietly. "I'm sorry. It's my fault."

I took two long, slow breaths before I continued.

"I don't know how much this will mean to you, but...two things, Salli. I'm going to take care of Tidus. I promised Jecht, and now I'm promising you. He's safe around me...I won't kill him.

"I'll do my best for him, to bring him up right. I don't know for sure what will happen in the end. I'm putting together a plan. I'm working on it now, and I'm going to try to end all of it...all of...this. I don't know exactly where Tidus fits into it yet. I may not know until it happens. But I'm going to do my best for him. I'll do better for him than I did for you, or for Jecht.

"Because I'm getting very tired of losing people.

"I never had that many."

I frowned, thinking.

"I wonder if you can hear me," I said to her. I started to circle the coffin, walking around it slowly.

"You're a dream. And I know that dreams die...I've seen it all my life. So where do dead dreams go, Salli? Is there a place where all the dreams go? Maybe there's a place where they all come true in the end?"

What a concept.

"I think...I think I hope there is," I said, standing again in front of her. "Because I've come to care about these dreams that live and move and walk and talk...dreams called Willa, and Paul...and Tidus. I wish I had cared for you more, Salli. Somehow, we just never became close, and I'm sorry now. But I care about Tidus."

I took a deep breath, and reached out and brushed a bit of hair back from her forehead.

"I hope that you are somewhere listening, Salli, because this is the second thing that I want to say. I'm going to get those Blue Faction bitches who released this plague. All other factions have agreed that they crossed the line. They'll all stand aside and let me do what I have to do. And I am going to get them Salli, and that's a promise from me, to you."

I straightened up.

"I'm going to bring Tidus in now, to say goodbye. Rest in peace, Salli."

(DAMN IT!)

_How...touching. Shall we see what else we can find, Auron?_

(The crest has broken into my Zanarkand memories. That's all I needed.)

* * *

**Auron:**

I'm...where am I? I'm standing in a hallway, painted white. It's so clean I can smell it.

"Auron?"

I turn, and see Tidus, younger, fourteen years old. Tears are running down his face.

"Tidus..."

"Auron, she's gonna be all right, huh? She's gonna be okay, right? I...I promised her..."

"Sir?"

We turn, and see a young apprentice healer.

"How is she!" Tidus asks, demands, pleads... "Can we see her?"

"Please, come this way, follow me," she said, turning.

"Hey! Auron?" Tidus looks at me. I put a hand on his shoulder and steer him after the young woman.

This doesn't feel good.

"Please sir," she says, opening a door.

I don't like this...

I remember...

We're in a chapel...

"I'm sorry," she says gently.

"...oh no...no...nononononononononononono..."

Tidus is breaking down...falling to his knees, falling to his side...clutching at my coat, pleading for me to make it better...tears...

"We did everything we could..." I hear her voice saying as I go to my knees and wrap my arms around the boy...

Tidus...Tidus, I'm sorry...I should have caught him sooner...Traci, I'm sorry...just sixteen years old...

...Vedec's last victim...

_You know so many interesting dead people, Auron...let's see what else is here._

(Oh damn...I remember...

(Traci, Vedec's last victim, the young girl that Tidus followed around like a lovesick puppy. I didn't believe it was Vedec...I didn't want to believe it was Vedec, and Tidus went to try to rescue her...I came for them afterward, and we took Traci to the hospital...

(...all because I didn't want to think my only friend was the killer.)

* * *

**Auron:**

...an aircar...

(No.)

...a building...?

(Damn it, no! Not this!)

...dark...light...fading in and out...

...what...?

...hurts...

...what...?

...blood on my hands...torn to pieces...

...rubble, pulling rocks out, tossing them aside...searching...

...dig...dig...have to find...

...screams...explosions...something crashes to the ground...

...dig...have to find...

...voices...shouting...

"...over here, someone..."

"...hit somewhere between the fortieth and forty-fifth floors..."

"...flew an aircar into the side of Red One..."

"...massive damage..."

"...get everyone out..."

"...evacuate...caution..."

"...IT'S COMING DOWN! IT'S FALLING!"

"...WATCH OUT!"

"...IT'S DOWN!"

"...RED ONE IS DOWN!"

...down...

...Red One is down...

"...about the people?"

"...anyone alive?"

"...I repeat, all units, anyone who can hear me, Red One is down! Red One is down!"

"...oh God...!"

Dig...

"Someone flew an aircar into the side of Red One! Red One is down!"

Dig...

"Red One is down!"

Dig!

Dig!

Save...someone...

...someone flew...

...an aircar...

...someone...

(Someone...)

_So much pain, Auron..._

(...damndamndamndamndamndamn...)

* * *

**Auron:**

"Ahhhhhh...!"

(What? Rikku?)

...naked in bed, moaning, crying out, gasping and grunting...the hot, wet slap of flesh on flesh, the bed is rocking...on top of her...

...riding her...

...someone...else...

...someone young...

(That never happened.)

She's on top, laughing, kissing him, lifting and slamming herself down on him over and over, faster and faster...

(It's a lie.

(It. Never. Happened.)

_Lies...truth...how do you know, Auron?_

Rikku with other men now...

(Breathe, Auron...)

...dozens, she's begging someone—anyone—for more...

(I have no lungs. My lungs are gone, burned away!)

...begging them to go harder...

(Shut up and breathe, Auron!)

...faster...

(Breathe IN!)

...deeper...

(AURON!

(BREATHE!

(Ha...)

_What?_

(Do you smell it, Auron?)

_Auron?_

(Lies...

(Lies smell like something burning.

(A thousand new images come at me like arrows, Rikku betraying me in a thousand different ways, with her heart, with her body, with her soul...

(They're all lies...

(I know it...I smell it...

(It...never...happened.)

_It will, Auron..._

(What?)

* * *

**Auron:**

Rikku...older now, five years, ten...so beautiful, all grown up...no longer a child-woman with a slim, awkward body...she's in the kitchen, humming, happy...two children are chasing each other, and she scolds them with a smile...

The front door opens, a young man comes in...she turns, and they casually kiss...the kiss grows deeper...the children are groaning and pointing...they shoo them outside to play...

Shedding clothes, they walk into the bedroom...and I know that I'm dead, and she...moved on...found love...

...forgot...

(Auron!)

...good...

...it's good...

...don't want...

...her alone...

(AURON!)

...forgot me...

(Auron...)

...good...

...best...

...dead...

(No!

(Not real!

(Not true!)

_Truth? I make your truth, Auron!_

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she screamed kicking at me and scooting away.

_I am your reality!_

"You're SICK! SICK and DIRTY and you want to make ME dirty TOO! You TOUCHED me! I let you TOUCH me!"

My whole world is falling apart, my heart is pounding in my ears and I can't breathe...

(No...)

"Rikku, please—"

"SHUT UP! YOU! YOU'RE not AURON! You were never AURON! You're just some DEAD THING pretending to be alive! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

I have a heart...its breaking...

_I am your TRUTH, Auron!_

"Rikku, I love you..."

She fumbles for something and a fire gem explodes in my face, throwing me to the ground...PAIN!

I look up, my body is torn open...and I see her tears, and her wild-eyed smile...and I collapse...

(And my walls come down...)

_AURON! I am your GOD!_

(And the crest pours through...

(...crashes through the walls of my citadel...

(...rides a wave of fire that washes into my soul...burning...burning...)

...pain...pain...pain...pain...pain...

(I let go...)

...pain...pain...pain...pain...pain...

(...and fall into the fire...)

* * *

**Auron:**

...grit on my face...

...open my eye...

...can't...

...don't have one...

...breathe in...

...pull in the air...

...wait...while the pyreflies rebuild my eye...

...faint light, getting brighter...

...fuzzy, starting to focus...I'm lying naked...face down on a sort of ledge. I'm breathing. It hurts.

I can feel the pyreflies slowly putting my body back together, but my clothes are gone, burned away.

It's real.

I can see the ledge drops away in front of me. I can't twist my head, but I know the tunnel must be behind me. I've made it through.

It's hot here.

Somehow, I find the thought funny, and a wheezing laugh tries to escape what's left of my lips.

I'm still holding the crest clenched in my hand.

_You remembered, Auron._

* * *

**Auron:**

I lay there and tried to maintain a healing trance while the pyreflies rebuilt my body. I don't know how long it took to actually get through the tunnel, probably no more than a few minutes, maybe a few seconds...

Lord, it seemed like forever.

I remembered.

When I was a small boy...

No.

Once...

Once, there was a small boy, who would sit and listen for hours while an ancient sword told him wonderful stories. He would sit by the fire in the evenings, and in the summer he would sneak the sword out of the house and sit by a waterfall and hear about lost cities and hidden treasures, and fiends and dragons, and mighty heroes and captured princesses. The sword spun the young boy shivery tales of the unsent, and great battles from the past. And it even told the boy tales of his own family, his father and his grandfather and others farther back, before Yevon, and before Sin. And the boy would drift off to sleep, and dream marvelous dreams.

_Do you remember Auron, when I tried to describe the sea to you?_

I never could quite grasp it. I imagined a sort of very large pond.

"...hunh...yes...hunh...yes," I said. My voice was a croak, and I couldn't catch my breath. "Why...hunh...didn't you...hunh...just...hunh...put a picture...hunh...in my...hunh...head...hunh...hunh...?"

_Your father wouldn't allow it. It was actually your mother, but he went along. I was never allowed to touch your mind that directly._

That explains it.

_Do you remember how you loved the story of St Bevelle, and Evrae, the last dragon?_

"...hunh...hunh...I...hunh...met...hunh...Evrae," I said.

I killed Evrae.

_I told you stories of the Dream Plain, and the Broken Citadel, the Blue Fiend, Lord Mi'ihen._

All of those and more.

The sword told me stories about ancient temples.

Spira is a far older world than we know. The temples of Yevon have only existed for a few centuries, but the sites where they stand have been sacred places for thousands of years. People would raise their temples, shrines, churches, places of worship to their gods and the true faith on these sites, and other people would call those gods false and pull them down again, over and over.

The fayth give form to the aeons...but there is form, and then there is form. The fayth of Shiva gave the aeon the form of a beautiful woman...but the frozen nature of the aeon was determined by the temple. Macalania temple sits over an even more ancient...artifact. As do all the temples. Deep beneath the temple at Macalania is a statue. What it depicts, I do not know. If Masamune knows, it never admitted it all those years ago when I asked.

But I do know that the statue is made of elemental ice...the pure essence of the element. Just as under the temple at Djose there is a miniature never-ending storm, and under the hidden temple at Baaj, is the Forever Ocean, and under the temple at Besaid, there sits the Egg. I have never seen any of those, and I never intend to. The game that I play is complicated enough as it is.

But here...underneath Kilika...

I raise myself up on my elbows, and drag myself forward on my stomach, blistered skin cracking, until I can look over the edge.

The Lake of Fire.

I can't look directly into it, but it's there, far below. I stretch out my hand.

I'm holding the crest out over the edge.

_Why, Auron?_

There seems to be real curiosity in its voice.

I took a semi-deep breath...the air was hot, but after the fire, it didn't bother me. It was a little easier to talk.

Easier is a relative term.

"...hunh...if...hunh...if I dropped you...hunh...into the deepest part of the ocean," I answered, "You...hunh...you would find your way...hunh...back. It's...hunh...it's part of your magic...hunh...and if I tried to break you...hunh...with a hammer...hunh...the hammer would break...hunh...you are...hunh...indestructible."

_But you remembered the stories I told you about the temples, when you were a child._

"I...hunh...I remember all of the stories...hunh...you told me."

_And you know that no fire, not even the heat of a volcano, can truly harm any part of me. But..._

"But...hunh...this is no ordinary fire...hunh...hunh...and you are the weakest piece...hunh..."

I turned my hand over...holding the crest cupped in my fingers, over the fire.

_So, Auron. Will you open your hand? Will you drop me into the fire? Rikku will understand...she will believe anything you tell her._

I flexed my fingers, and licked dry lips.

"Once...hunh...there was a small boy...hunh...whose family was taken away from him..."

_Yessss. And he never knew why, did he? Never knew if it was all just random fate...or if there was a plan..._

"I wonder...hunh...if you can survive...hunh...if I open my hand? Will the crest...hunh...withstand the pure elemental fire...hunh...? What do you think?"

_I think the young boy longed to find fault, he wanted to find guilt...he desperately wanted someone to punish..._

"And without the crest...hunh...hunh...the sword will never be whole...hunh...will it? Never be complete...hunh...never be more than it is right now..."

_...because if someone was punished, then it was their fault for killing his family...and not his fault, for not dying with them..._

"You're a collection of parts...hunh...and now, after how many thousands of years...hunh...can death really come to a piece of Masamune...hunh...? What do you think?"

_I think that you blame me because there is no one else to blame. What do you think?_

"I think that I can't trust you...hunh...because your desires and objectives are so different than ours...hunh...that if you were human...hunh...you would be called a sociopath."

_What do you fear, Auron?_

"Many...hunh...many things...hunh...but perhaps most of all...hunh...I fear what you might do to Rikku."

_The pretty little girl who made you a sword._

"I have lost my home...hunh...I have lost my family...hunh...I have lost my friends...hunh...I will not lose Rikku because...hunh...of you...hunh...hunh..."

_Auron, do you think you won't lose her anyway?_

"As long as she lives...hunh...as long as she is Rikku...I will hold her in my heart...hunh...hunh...whether or not I am in hers."

I could hear the mental sneer.

_How...sweet._

"I think that now...hunh...it's time for you and I...hunh...to have a talk."

_Monks go first._

"I...huhn...I will leave you with Rikku. You will help keep her safe. You...hunh...will help her to protect the Al Bhed, as far as you can without interfering with my plans. You...hunh...you will not tell her my secrets without my permission. You...hunh...you will not tell her I am unsent."

_I'm doing all of that now. Where is the change?_

"If I ever think you've harmed her...hunh...I will bring you back here...hunh...and throw you into the fire."

I could feel a wave of anger roll off the crest, and words rang in my head...

_I...am...not...your...cattle._

"And I...hunh...I'm not yours. And neither is Rikku. I don't know what your plans are...hunh...beyond getting put back together. I don't know why you are so obsessed with me. And maybe...hunh...I can't really stop you from using me, in the end. But I will use you too. And perhaps...hunh...perhaps I can't even keep you from hurting Rikku, if you choose to do so. But I can make sure that you pay a price...hunh...if you do. And I can make sure you know it. I can destroy you. You and I will play out...hunh...our own games. Do not hurt Rikku."

_My turn?_

"Go ahead."

_I want to speak with you on a regular basis, just as we are now. I want to know that you will listen to my advice. Not that you will take it, but that you guarantee to listen with an open mind. I want continued access to the flow of information. It would not be easy for you to cut me off from the network, but I do not want you to try. And one other thing._

"What...hunh...?"

_I want to know everything you know about the Farplane._

"That's it?"

_It is._

I thought that over for a minute.

"No deal...I'm not giving up the Farplane."

_You're getting the benefit of my knowledge._

"We don't know that we're getting the benefit of all your knowledge...hunh...but you know my word is good."

_Ah._

_Very well, Auron. Then instead, you will tell me about Dream Zanarkand._

I took a moment to think that over.

"Done. I will speak with you on a regular basis when we are traveling together. I will consider your advice with an open mind. I will not cut off your access to the Luca network. And I will tell you what I know about Dream Zanarkand, limited by the considerations of personal privacy."

_Done. As long as I am in Rikku's possession I will attempt to aid her in her endeavors. I will attempt to keep her safe whether I am in her possession or not. I will try to protect the Al Bhed insofar as that does not interfere in your plans, insofar as I know them. I will not tell her your secrets without your permission. I will not tell her you are an unsent._

I dragged my hand back from the edge, and slowly sat up.

_Since we have reached an agreement, Auron, I would like to give you the benefit of my knowledge._

"All right."

_We are being watched._

* * *

**Auron:**

The twisting, burning form of the huge fire dragon hung over us, filling the cavern overhead, pulsing with deadly power and blazing with a light so pure that I had to force myself not to look away. It was as though one of the statues from outside the temple had come alive in a column of animate flame.

I have never heard any legends of anything like this.

_YOU DISTURB OUR REST,_ it repeated. Its voice boomed inside my head, banging off the back of my skull and blurring my vision. Ancient eyes looked at me without any trace of mercy._ IT IS NOT OUR TIME. WHY SHOULD I NOT CRUSH YOU?_

_Well for starters, _the crest answered, _it would be terribly rude._

"And for another," I added, "It would be a mistake, possibly your last."

I sat with my back up against the stone wall and I wasn't in the best of moods. Even without the booming voice inside my skull I think I had a headache from the negotiations, I was still naked, and I was going to have to walk through fire to get back out, without an x-potion this time.

_THE LITTLE APE-THINGS HAVE BECOME ARROGANT IN THE YEARS WE HAVE SLEPT._

_Oh, you don't know the half of it._

Of course, it could threaten Rikku or Tidus, but I don't suppose this overgrown newt knew that. It might be powerful, but it hadn't exactly overwhelmed me with its intelligence.

"Look at it this way," I said. "You can kill me, but I can guarantee that you will see me again, leading the Aeon Flux and perhaps three or four thousand Farplane legions."

Appearing topside was out of the question, or I'd use them against the dark summoner. But the other side would have to respond in kind if we brought outside forces into Spira like that, and bring their own. But I think we could get away with a quick, dirty little raid down here.

The column of living flame bent over us, heat roared off it, the air scorched my lungs, and I almost felt like I was back in the fire.

_DO NOT JUDGE MY PEOPLE BY ME, LITTLE APE. I AM THE LEAST OF MY KIND. I AM HERE BECAUSE I AM THE YOUNGEST, AND I ONLY DROWSE._

A snot-nose. It figures.

"Make that thirty or forty thousand legions."

The exercise would do them good.

_Gentlemen please, _the crest interjected. _I speak as the weakest one here. Auron, do you really wish to rouse these beings into Spira, without any knowledge of the consequences?_

Of course I didn't. Things are complex enough as it is. I shook my head.

_Ah now, that side-to-side movement of his head? That signifies the negative. Now, do you, great fire-wyrm, really desire to take part in the affairs of lesser beings right now? You said yourself this isn't your time._

After a longish pause, the creature replied.

_NO WE DO NOT._

_Very well, then. It seems to me the easiest course of action is for us to remove ourselves and promise never to return._

I shot a sharp look at the crest in my palm.

Cute.

"I might have to return sometime," I said, "To dispose of something worthless."

The great head lowered toward me.

_WE ARE NOT YOUR TRASH HEAP._

_Yes Auron, really, _the crest put in. _Would you want them coming into your home to dispose of their refuse?_

"Great wyrm," I said. "It is actually a powerful artifact, which cannot be destroyed by any lesser means."

_THAT IS NOTHING TO US._

_Yes Auron, that is nothing to them._

"It is, in fact, this crest," I said, bouncing it on my open palm.

_AH...PERHAPS THEN...WE COULD ARRANGE SOMETHING._

_Wait, I..._

_TALKS TOO MUCH._

_Gentlemen...!_

"I agree."

_Can't we all just get alo—_

_LAY THIS ONE AT THE BASE OF ONE OF THE STONE DRAGONS OUTSIDE. THEY SERVE AS OUR EYES. DO IT, AND OUR FIRE WILL CONSUME THIS TALKATIVE BIT OF METAL._

_Now, hold on..._

"Agreed. And I will not return to this place."

_AGREED._

_Well I do NOT agree!_

"That's settled," I said to the talkative bit of metal. "Now all we have to do is get back out of this place."

_THAT WILL NOT BE A PROBLEM._

What...?

Suddenly, a gout of fire rose up and consumed me, there was a flash of pain, and then nothing.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Auron...?"

Rikku...?

**Next: Green Sails**


	58. Green Sails

Hey. Some chapters I like are coming up next, set in Luca. After that there are a couple of, uh, gimmick chapters. Hm, what else. Songs I like right now, _Fidelity_ by Regina Spektor, _Last Dollar_ by Tim McGraw, and _Pain_ by Three Days Grace. Also that Avril one they're playing a lot right now. I think that one really fits Rikku/Auron in this story.

So. Major spoilers. (Maybe you could just tattoo that one on your forehead.) Discalimer: FFX isn't mine. (You can tattoo that one on your aaah never mind.) Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an aurikku. (Didn't start out that way.) This is about the gradual building of a relationship and stuff. Rated -T-, but maybe pushing it.

Again, alternating dedications between newer and older reader/reviewers, this chapter is for vandevere. I apprciate the thoughtful reviews and I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I hope you like this chapter and the next one.

**

* * *

**

Soldier of Spira

* * *

**Auron:**

The board is changing.

There are new pieces, and new players.

My initial expectation for Spira upon my return was that the prime movers in the game would be Mika and Benefice, Ophelia and Harcourt, Jyscal and the Master of Forces...although I was surprised to find that Kinoc was that last. Then there would be a second-tier group of actors, including Cid, Kelk Ronso, whoever led the Crusaders, the various aeon fayth, and so on.

Now the sword has reappeared, and a dark summoner walks the land. And perhaps even the Zookeeper will eventually be drawn into the conflict. They say that no plan survives contact with the enemy.

I suppose that's why they need me.

* * *

**Green Sails**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

DAMMIT, I was mad!

Who does he think he is!

I tried to pull out of Tidus' grip as Auron was shoving the pedestal into the next room, but he wouldn't let go! I smashed my heel down on his foot, but he shifted a little and I couldn't reach, and I tried to smash the back of my head into his face but he shifted back and I couldn't reach! And then Auron was through the doorway and the curtain of fire came back up and Tidus let me go and I pulled my arms away and stumbled to the doorway, and I could see Auron moving all the spheres around and I called to him but he didn't answer and then he was down the stairs and I couldn't see him anymore and I called again but...

What the HELL was HAPPENING!

"Rikku..."

"SHUT UP, Tidus! Just shut up!" I said, pushing him away.

Dammit!

So hey, Auron, whatcha up to?

Why, it's just something I gotta do, Rikku, so don't you worry your pretty little head about it...why don't you go knit something!

Dammit, he's as bad as Dad, treating me like some little kid!

"Hey, Rikku," Tidus said, "Look, I know you're worried, but you just gotta trust Auron, you know? He knows what he's doing."

"Shut up, Tidus!" I said, throwing him a glare, "What do you know about it, huh?"

"Well" he said, crossing his arms, "I know Auron loves you, and even if I don't know what's going on, I'm pretty sure he's only trying to keep you safe."

"Dammit, Tidus," I said, turning to look at him and shaking my head, "Do you always do what Auron tells you to? Don't you ever think for yourself? Don't you ever make your own decisions?"

"Yeah, Rikku..." he said, suddenly sounding older, really older, "Sometimes I do. And then I have to live with the consequences."

I wasn't sure what he meant, but I just turned away and sat down cross-legged in front of the door barred by fire to wait.

It seemed like we were there forever, but I guess it was really only maybe an hour later that the fire blocking the doorway suddenly flickered and went out. My legs were asleep and I tried to get up too quick and I staggered a little and Tidus put out a hand to steady me, and then we stepped into the room. I was really going to give him what for!

"Auron!" we both gasped. My eyes were wide. He was lying on the floor curled up on his side, naked!

I ran in and dropped to my knees next to him.

I didn't look!

Um, so, um...

"Auron?" I said, leaning over and putting my hand on his shoulder to shake him a little...

His wide...rock-hard...chiseled shoulder...

Um...

"He's breathing," Tidus said. I put my ear to his...his...massive...chest. Uh, his heart was beating, slow and strong. His eye opened and he grunted then, and started to sit up, and then he threw a hand up to his forehead and hissed in pain.

"Unnngh..."

"Thank god! Auron!"

"Uhn...Rikku?"

"Um, hey Rikku?" Tidus muttered.

"I'm not looking!"

"Hngh...Tidus?" Auron groaned.

"Uh, yeah. Hey, Auron...?"

"What? Oh. Rikku...Rikku...? Rikku!"

My eyes snapped up.

"Uhhn?"

"Would you look away, please, Rikku? Tidus, go down to the small room. My coat and glasses should be there."

"Sure thing."

**Auron:**

Tidus was back in seconds with my things. I wrapped my coat around me and slipped my glasses on. I noticed the crest lying nearby and put it into my pocket. My head was pounding and the room was spinning, and it took all the strength I had just to sit up.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Auron...?"

I...

I'll...be mad later.

"Auron," I said, wrapping my arms around him as he tried to stand, "Auron, what's the matter? Are you okay?"

Swift, Rikku. Of course he isn't okay.

"I'm fine," he muttered, trying to get up. I tried to push him back down at the same time Tidus tried to help him up, and we sort of lost hold of him and he fell back.

"Auron!"

And, uh, his coat fell open...

**Auron:**

The HELL!

The day I can't stand on my own two feet!

I sucked in a breath and pushed myself up, shoving someone out of the way, and then I stood swaying on my feet. I felt weak and dizzy, and then I felt strength pouring into me from somewhere and my mind clearing, and I straightened up and looked around. Rikku was still staggering back, and I took her by the arms to steady her.

"Rikku! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's...it's okay, Auron. I...are you all right?"

I nodded to her, and to Tidus.

"I'm fine, Rikku...I...I'm fine."

I was fine, physically. It wasn't saying anything, but I understood that the crest was pouring strength into me. Ordinarily I would be livid that it was doing anything to me. But right then, I couldn't seem to work up any anger. I just didn't care.

I was...numb.

She nodded, and then her brows drew together.

"Okay, then, what happened! What was all this about!"

"This was about a talk, that I had to have with the crest," I said a little tiredly. "We had to get some things straight."

"Huh, so are you gonna tell me, or is it another secret, huh?"

Tell her...tell her about what, all of it? Tell her about the visions, the illusions, the memories...?

The threats, and the lies and the promises?

"I'll...some of it Rikku, maybe. Not tonight. Tomorrow."

She didn't seem happy as I walked past them.

Is it a bad sign that I cannot bring myself to care right now? Numb.

Is a part of me still in my fortress, behind my walls, in a place beyond pain?

No one said anything much on the way back to camp.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I...I touched his chest...back there...

I never touched his...bare...chest before.

I mean, we've kissed, and we've held hands, and I've even run my fingers though his thick hair, but...I've only ever really felt his chest through his coat, and his black leather armor.

His skin...it wasn't exactly soft, but it was smooth...and just under the smooth surface, it was a solid slab of muscle.

Um...

I had dreams that night.

Stupid Auron.

* * *

**Auron:**

I hold my hand in front of my face, and stare at it.

It burned away in the fire...it was cooked away, over and over, and the pyreflies made me whole each time.

The pain was real.

Children of abuse will sometimes build a kind of fortress in their mind, a place that they can go where no one can touch them. Sometimes they build more than one, and they start to become more than one person in one body, all to escape the pain.

I was not abused, but...there was a time when I first went to Zanarkand when I began to drift away from my own humanity. I started to lose my connections to other people and I found my mind beginning to work in...odd ways.

And without trying, I started to build a fortress inside my head.

I came back from that, regained what I had lost, and chose to be human again. But before I did, I had built that place inside my head where I can go and no one can touch me, a place behind strong, high walls, beyond fear and pain and hunger And loneliness. It's a place where you don't feel...anything.

I think now that all unsent must have that place inside of them. I think that most unsent live most of the time behind those walls. I think Mica does, and Mi'ihen does, and Yunalesca did, and Seymour will if he doesn't already. It's a very easy thing to go inside that place, and very tempting to put all away of the everyday hurts of the living world. It's easy to be safe.

When I walked into the fire underneath the temple, I had a plan. I knew that I could go behind those walls if I needed to. They were still there inside me. And I did, and it worked.

But I don't go to that place very often. I made my choice. I will feel what living people feel—all the hurt and the hunger and the joy. I will feel tired and I will feel afraid as all men do. If I lived inside those walls, I'd live inside a box, and I would never have loved Rikku. And I would never miss her. I would never feel fear for her. I would never dread the day that she learns what I am.

I wouldn't care. I choose to care.

* * *

**Auron:**

Two days later I made my way up on deck, squinting against the bright sunlight and pushing my sunglasses up higher on my nose. I wasn't in a very good mood. I haven't been since the temple. I've had some bad dreams...and also some very good dreams. The bad ones featured events from my past. Rikku starred in the good ones, damn it.

And damn that crest for stirring up my old memories, as well as new...fantasies. Neither of which exactly make it easier to concentrate on my job. The cool breeze in my face helped, a little.

I still carried the crest in my pocket, with all of my mental wards up. It hasn't tried to speak to me. I need to give it back to Rikku. I should have done it yesterday, but I just didn't feel like facing her questions, so I kept to myself, and she allowed me to, bless her.

I think that for the moment the crest and I have come to a modus vivendi. Which isn't...quite...the same as saying that the sword and I have done so. But maybe now I'll have a moment to worry about Isaaru.

I closed my eye and inhaled. No smell of hot copper. That didn't mean there wouldn't be any violence soon, but it meant there wasn't any unusual amount of violence immediately in the offing. It meant that I probably wouldn't see the dark summoner today. But I knew that one day I would. I didn't think Isaaru was going to give up and go away after one failed try.

I need more information, badly.

One reason that I seem so...effective, I suppose...one reason that I seem to know what to do when other people don't is that I know more than other people. That's one of the reasons that I keep secrets. Knowledge is power. Having knowledge that other people don't gives me more options as I formulate plans and tactics.

As a dark summoner, Isaaru has much more power than I have, but I'm used to that. Sin has more power than I do. Yunalesca had more power than I do. The factions in Zanarkand and the Church in Spira and even the Guado have more raw power at their disposal than I have. Even Cid does. I am used to operating from an inferior position in terms of power. I can deal with that. I've been doing it for years.

But I have grown used to dealing from a position of superior knowledge. And now, dealing with the sword, I am outmanned, outflanked, possibly outmatched in knowledge. Masamune simply knows more than I do, and I have to find a way to deal with that.

One thing that I can do is use the knowledge that I have effectively. Masamune always believed that it was functionally indestructible. The sword can be kept separated, but for all practical purposes even the individual pieces cannot be destroyed. I never really believed that the sword would impinge on my life again, but going on the principle of Be Prepared, I did spend some time a few years ago in Zanarkand trying to think of some way it might be physically damaged. I remembered about the Lake of Fire under Kilika Temple, and that gave me an effective threat to at least guarantee the behavior of the crest. I don't know that the fire can destroy the crest...but neither does the crest.

In the longer run I have to try to secure information independent of the sword. Masamune knows more than I do, but it doesn't know everything. It has a vast ignorance of the Farplane, for instance. I know much more about the true nature of that place than does the sword. That's why it tried to deal for that information under the temple. That's why I refused. That knowledge is too fundamental, too important to give up easily. It also lacks knowledge of Zanarkand—Dream Zanarkand, I mean. That information is of a lower order of importance, so I traded it away in essence for all of the information that the crest is putting at our disposal.

But the sword/crest is playing its own game, for its own reasons, and I will never know what it is holding back from me. The Luca Network is thoroughly compromised. By this time it could belong to the sword heart–and-soul. I knew I was growing too dependent on it for intelligence. I knew I didn't know Rin's real motivations, but I decided I could live with all of that rather than take the time and resources to build a new organization from scratch. I believed I could handle Rin, whatever his actual intent was. If I had to I could eliminate him and cleanse the network.

And now I have to live with the consequences of that decision, now that I know that I'm not dealing with Rin at all. I'm dealing with the crest. And that's a different kettle of fish entire.

It would be awkward to try to build a new network now. For better or worse I will have to depend on the Luca Network. But that's why I also need other sources of information. First, to give me an alternative to depending solely on the crest, and help to keep the network honest. They will hesitate to feed me false information if they know that I also have independent other sources of intelligence. That and the threat that I now have over the crest will mean that I can mostly trust what they tell me. Perhaps almost as much as before, when I thought Rin was running things.

I think.

Secondly, I need other knowledge...knowledge that Masamune might not have. That could be valuable to me in many different ways, giving me new options and bargaining chips with the crest. Some possible sources come to mind. Benefice has a network that I could perhaps tap into, for a price. For that matter, so does Ophelia. Belgamine could be a valuable resource. I know there are things that she knows...if I trust her.

But there's another very interesting possibility.

I turned from the rail and climbed to the upper deck. As I stepping into the sunshine I saw Tidus talking to a young man nearby and drifted over to them. They were both looking at a bird hovering near the back of the ship. It was rather attractive, white and blue. As I joined them I heard the young man asking Tidus if he had counted the number of gulls flying around the ship.

"Oops," the boy said, rubbing the back of his head and squinting up at the bird. "Was I supposed to?"

"Yes," the young man answered absently. "Now go count."

Tidus gave me a quick flip of a hand and turned to go, leaving me with the young man who was still studying the nearby seagull intently.

"Seagulls?" I said with a slight smile.

"These birds flying around here are Lesser Spira Gulls," he said seriously. "Lesser Gulls are gentler than Greater Gulls. You can tell by the way they fly."

I think there are flaws in that logic, but I merely said, "And sending Tidus to count them?"

"I thought you might need to talk with me," he said, finally turning away from the gull to look at me with a slight smile. "You asked for one of us to meet you, after all. And here I am."

I nodded.

"Yes, there are some things I would like your people to look into for me. And," I went on as he opened his mouth, "I don't want this going through the Luca network."

He closed his mouth with a thoughtful look.

"You'll have to give us priorities, Sir Auron. My colleagues and I are already very busy with other projects."

I raised one eyebrow.

"Your group still has no name?"

"Well, uh," he mumbled, looking a little embarrassed and years younger. "No. We still can't seem to agree."

"I rather like the Book Club," I said.

"So do I," he said, breaking into a big sunny smile.

"Well then, I formally request that the Book Club please investigate the following. First, dark summoners...this has priority alpha. There is nothing more important," I told him. "I need to know everything you can find out, as quickly as possible."

He had taken out a pad and was making notes.

"Also, the legendary sword Masamune," I continued. "Priority delta-plus. But the present location of the sigil is priority beta. And so is information about that cult that worships the sword.

"The temple at Baaj and the aeon of water, Leviathan...priority delta. Especially whatever you can find out about the fayth of Leviathan. Make that beta.

"The secret society known as the Forsaken. Priority delta-plus, but do not get anyone killed looking into that."

His eyebrows rose in surprise.

"That really exists?"

"It really does."

"All right, Sir Auron. I'll tell the others when we get back to Luca, but it would really help if you could give us some leads."

Makes sense. I nodded.

"I'll make time to stop by while I'm in Luca. And...what's your name, son?"

"Uh," he frowned. "Jev."

"And remember, Jev. There is to be no more communication between the Book Club and the Luca Network. I'm cutting you completely off from them. Do you understand?"

"Uh, well honestly, no sir. I mean, it's not my area, but I know we get a lot of our support and funds and stuff from them. They even handle our security."

I had seriously considered trying to transform Maechan's research operation into an intel-gathering organization instead. It would be much easier to clean out than the Luca network, and it wouldn't have to be as extensive, but it could be the cross-check that I needed in order to keep the sword and the Luca network mostly honest. But I think it could be more useful as what it is, an organization to conduct research, if I can successfully cut its connections to the Luca network, Rin, and the crest.

I should be able to. Perhaps I can roll that into the operation called Ratcatcher. Why not? I'm adding everything else to it.

"We'll take care of all that," I told him. "Funding, security, all of that will be forthcoming. But as of right now, you and all of your people are to cease all communication with and through the Luca network."

"Um," he started nervously, "Rin..."

"Is no longer your concern," I said, staring down at him.

He looked up at me a moment, then nodded unhappily.

"Yessir."

I started to turn away, but my curiosity got the better of me and I turned back.

"One last thing," I said to him. "How did you convince Tidus to run around the ship counting seagulls?"

He smiled again.

"Oh I knew how to do that after talking to him for five minutes! I promised I'd give him a special blitzball I've got."

We both chuckled a little as I walked away. I crossed the deck and leaned against the rail to think.

All right, I thought. I've got that started.

So many things to juggle. I really need an aide. You know, I haven't even had time to think about the implications of Leviathan showing up on Besaid to protect Rikku and myself. And speaking of Rikku...

Looking around, I saw her on the lower deck, leaning against the rail. I think she was scribbling in her journal. I passed Tidus coming up the stairway as I was going down. Rikku didn't look up as I approached. I don't think she noticed me.

"Rikku?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was standing by the rail looking out to sea. Maybe I could spot some dolphins. I could use the luck. After what happened at the temple we got back and we all went to bed. Auron wanted to stand his shift, but me and Tidus and Kimahri all sort of bullied him into lying down. I was still mad at him, you know, for everything, but I still kissed him goodnight, and he kissed me back.

But he's been kind of moody since then, and I guess I've still been angry at him. So we didn't talk much all of yesterday. Tidus tried to tease him a little, saying something about Auron showing me his "assets" (I didn't look!) but Auron just kinda growled at him and he shut up fast. We got back to Kilika Port and Auron hustled us all onto the ship. Well, really Wakka did, but Auron told him to and Auron got the ship's captain to leave early. And you know something? It's the same ship! I mean, it even has the same crew! But when I asked about it the sailor-guy just smiled and said, "No ma'am, it's the _Winno_."

That's not nice, to try and trick me just cause I'm Al Bhed!

You know...

I had nightmares last night and the night before. They were terrible dreams about Auron. In some of them bad things were happening to Auron, like he was getting hurt. And then in others...well, Auron was doing bad things. I was kinda scared.

Well duh, Rikku. Hello? It was a nightmare. But, I mean...I was kinda, um, scared of Auron.

They weren't all bad dreams, though. Heehee.

You know, that first night I lay awake for a long time in the tent next to Yuna and Lulu, and I couldn't get Auron's big...chest out of my mind. And then, when I got to sleep there were some good dreams in-between the bad ones. Some really good dreams! Ones with me and him in them.

Hmmmmmmmm...

_The Macalania Agency was pretty small. There were only three free rooms when they got there, and Tidus and Yuna had quietly claimed one. Then Wakka and Lulu had disappeared into the other, him with a smile and her with a look that dared anyone to say anything. Kimahri had said he'd doze in the hall outside Yuna's door. The big red grouch hadn't commented when the little thief had silently followed him into the final room, and he hadn't said anything since._

_Okay, so sure this was going to be a little awkward, but she sure wasn't going to sleep out in the hall!_

_She had just dropped her things all over the floor, kicked off her shoes and slumped in the corner, watching him as he put his few things neatly away, and then pulled off his old red coat and sat on the bed. He sent her a quick, disapproving glance as he removed his sunglasses, put them on the nightstand. She frowned back at him from her corner as he swung his still booted feet up and lay back in the bed and closed his eyes._

_He was taking up the whole bed!_

_Not that she had wanted to share it with him or anything, but he might have offered! In fact, if he was any sort of a gentleman he would have offered her the bed all to herself. Now she was going to have to sleep in one of the chairs._

_He was always doing that, being rude to her like that! He hadn't even said anything to her this whole time they were in the room, hadn't asked her if she was bored or anything! He just came in and from the looks of it the big grouch went to sleep without acknowledging her presence at all!_

_And worst of all, she was bored. She wasn't sleepy at all, she was bored, bored, bored. And she just bet he knew it too, but did the big lump in the bed care? NO. He didn't care anything about anyone but himself and the pilgrimage. Rikku was getting madder and madder just sitting in her corner and glaring at him and thinking about it. Who the hell did he think he was anyway?_

_Legendary stick-up-his-ass!_

_Her eyes shifted a little and fell on his red coat, slung over a chair. She had always had a little thing for that coat. Just looking at it she could tell it had lots of deep, deep pockets, and she wondered what was in them. She listened to the man's deep, even breathing and a sly little smile crept over her clever little face._

_Moving slowly, she quietly pulled the socks off her feet. The socks would probably be quieter, but bare feet would give her a surer grip. If she ended up having to run, this would not be a good time to slip._

_The great thief Rikku carefully shifted to her hands and knees, and started to creep slowly toward the chair. The man suddenly turned a little in bed, and she froze, quivering. She could swear he heard her heart pounding, but he just settled a bit deeper into the bed. She smiled cunningly to herself. This was lots better than being bored._

_Rikku waited a minute more, and then resumed her stealthy way forward. Soon she had reached the chair, right next to the bed. She pulled herself up into a crouch, knees to her chest, hands and feet flat to the floor, and then she stretched out her neck and popped her head up over the edge of the bed for a quick look._

_HA, the teenaged bombshell thought to herself. Still sleeping like a baby. Well, actually, not so much a baby, as...hmmmm..._

_You know, when he was asleep, he didn't look quite as stern as normal. Still hard, but kinda..._

_Rikku shook herself. She didn't have time for this. She had to get her head in the game. Opportunities like this don't come around every day you know. Another quick look to see he wasn't stirring and she got down to business._

_Soon she was happily but carefully rummaging around in his pockets. She wouldn't put it past him to line a pocket with fishhooks or something to try to discourage thieves, but she knew all the tricks._

_So, oh ho! And what did we have here? Why, it was—_

"_AAAwwwwkkkKK!" she squawked as she was grabbed by the hair and jerked back._

"_HEY WHAT!" Her head turned and she was staring directly into the stone face of one very pissed off guardian._

"_Uhh...oopsie?"_

"_You insult me," he ground out, "You play tricks on me, and now you steal from me!"_

_She blinked. What was he talking about? Well, okay, so maybe she spent a lot of her time around him, trying to annoy him. Hey, it was fun for her, and nothing was more important that that, right? And the stealing, well, she wasn't really stealing was she? She was just bored. And besides, if you go to sleep in the same room as a thief, you deserve what you get. That's just common sense!_

_All of these thoughts flashed through her quick little mind in a flash, but she didn't try to explain herself to him, didn't try to make excuses now she'd been caught._

_Because she knew she didn't have to._

_Instead she smiled at him...a smug, impudent smile._

_Because she had discovered something very important about him over the weeks they had been traveling together when she had made him her special project to fight the dreaded scourge of Rikku-boredom._

_It was all a bluff._

_Oh sure, he put up a big front, and if you were a fiend or a half-Guado maester he could get downright dangerous. But for all the times he had threatened her with bodily mayhem, he'd never actually laid a finger on her. And she's finally figured it out._

_He wasn't going to hurt her, because she was a girl._

"_Awwwww," she said, "Did I make the big, red guardian mad?"_

_His single eye widened as she lifted one hand and pinched his cheeks together._

"_Did I hurt the mean old warrior monk's itty-bitty feelings?" she asked, her eyebrows rising up and her voice getting higher. She slowly got her feet under her and stood up, and now she was looking down at him sitting on the edge of the bed. She put her hands on her hips and a sneer on her face._

"_You know, you're all talk!" she said, smiling and starting to breathe a little heavily. "I'm not afraid of you, Auron. You're not gonna do anything to me. I know I can do whatever I want and you won't lay a finger on me. Know why, tough guy? Cause I'm a guuuurl!"_

_She lifted her hand and snapped her fingers not an inch away from his face. There were storm-clouds gathering in his one eye, but she didn't see them or ignored them. She was poking him in the chest now._

"_And lemme tell you something else, you big grouch! (Poke.) You're gonna start being nicer to me, do ya hear? (Poke.) You're gonna be polite, and treat me like a lady! (Poke.) Or I'm gonna make your life a living hell! Hey," she said, putting one finger on his forehead and pushing it back, "Are you listening to me? From now on when I say Jump, you say Hooowwaaauuggghhhhhh!_

_His hand snapped out and grabbed her by the front of her shirt, jerking her body down, and his other hand wrapped around the back of her head as he thrust his face up and his mouth smashed into hers._

_Her mind froze and she tried to gasp as she her knees buckled under her. Now both hands were wrapped around her head and she was helpless, squirming on the floor, her legs shifting and kicking, her face locked to his. It felt like he was sucking the breath right out of her!_

_He let her go, and she sprawled back on the floor in front of him, fighting for breath and looking slightly dazed._

_What?_

_What?_

_She couldn't think, didn't know what to do._

"_Every time you try to steal from me," he said, looking down at her calmly, "It escalates."_

_Then he swung his feet back up onto the bed, lay back down, and closed his eyes once more._

_Rikku sat there panting, wide-eyed for a moment, then she skittered on her hands and feet and backside back to the corner. She put her back to the wall, pulled her knees back up to her chin, and tried to gather her thoughts._

_Okay, what had just happened?_

_Well, well, okay, obviously she had miscalculated, right? A little shiver of anger ran through her. She hated being wrong! And even more, she hated it when people saw her being wrong. So, okay. Okay. She had tried going through Auron's pockets, and he had caught her, he had caught her and then he...he..._

_He played with her, she thought, starting to get annoyed. The blood rushed to her face as she remembered, he had kissed her...hard! He was punishing her! HER! RIKKU! That old one-eyed grump had tried to teach her a lesson! Had tried to scare her! HER! She was just having fun, but he was being mean!_

_But it didn't work. Nuh uh!_

_Oh sure, she could still feel her heart pounding in her chest, but that wasn't because she was scared. No, it was because, uh...because...Rikku shook her head. Never mind. She wasn't scared of him. Huh. It's not like he hurt her, was it? Well, her mouth was probably bruised...her lips felt way tender. She put her fingers up to them...they felt...pouty and puffy._

_She was right! She knew she was right all along! It was all a bluff! Hey, she had tried to steal from him, and what did he do? Did he beat her to a bloody pulp? Did he chop off her head? Even did he throw her off the pilgrimage? Or even out of the room? No! He kissed her! He couldn't do anything else, and he was desperate so he tried to scare her with a kiss!_

_And then he'd gone back to sleep!_

_She smiled. (It hurt a little.) Did he really think he could scare away the Great Thief Rikku with a KISS? She flexed her bare toes. No, she had to show him that she couldn't be intimidated. Obviously she had just been unlucky the first time. She remembered how he had shifted in his sleep. He probably never had been properly asleep, and he must have woken up at just the wrong time for her._

_This time she made sure. She waited twenty minutes, licking her lips and watching him like a cat. And when she was absolutely certain he was asleep for real this time, she again began to make her way cautiously toward the tantalizingly coat-laden chair._

_She crept closer and closer, making sure that the older guardian never stirred. Hey, old people need their sleep right? Now she was sure that he was properly sleeping she could probably dance the cancan over to the chair without waking him up, but no use taking foolish chances._

_She reached the chair once again. She smiled, her eyes bright with excitement. The tips of her fingers were tingling. Making sure one last time that he was truly asleep, she started going through the pockets of his coat. Tomorrow she would causally show him the fruits of her skill, probably when Yunie was close by to protect her, just in case. Maybe she'd find something she could ransom back to him. She didn't know what she'd ask for, but she'd think of something._

_A heavy hand landed on her shoulder and Rikku tried to jump up, but couldn't. Slowly the hand forced her to turn and face the bed._

_He was still lying down, expressionless face turned to her. She thought of trying to smile, but it just wouldn't come. Without letting go, he swung up to sit on the edge of the bed facing her._

_Her mind blanked for a moment, staring into his intense, dark eye. She briefly considered throwing the coat over his head and running. Then she swallowed and shrugged off his hand with a cross look, and he let her. She wriggled around until she was facing him._

_Well, she thought bleakly, I knew the risks and I took my chances. He caught me fair and square. Besides, she doubted she'd be able to get away in the small room. So okay, she was ready to take her punishment. Butterflies were fluttering in her stomach._

"_Just get it over with," she muttered, closing her eyes and pouting out her lips. She leaned forward, lifting her face._

"_Take off your shirt."_

"Plot twist!"

"AAAHHHHH!"

My journal flew out of my hands and Tidus barely caught it before it went over the side! I snatched it back from him!

"HEY!" I yelled at him, and some crewmen looked around at us, "WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA SNEAKING UP ON ME LIKE THAT!"

"Hey, I just came over to say Hi," he smiled, "And I saw what you were writing over your shoulder, that's all."

"That's private!" I said, clutching the journal to my chest, "Who said you could see? Huh?"

"I just took a quick look," he answered, leaning against the rail, "And besides, you let me read them before."

"That was months ago!"

"Yeah," he said, "You know, I think you've gotten better since then."

"Really? I mean, I don't care! Um, really? You, uh...you, uh, still remember my stories? After all this time?"

"Parts. Hey, you don't just forget a line like, _Ravish me Auron!_"

"Hey!" I said, turning red, "I was just finding my voice when I wrote that!"

"Heh. Okay," he said, grinning and walking off.

Stupid Tidus.

Uh, okay, so...

Anyway...

"_Take off your shirt."_

_At first, waiting for the press of his lips on hers, she didn't understand. Then her eyes flew open._

"_What?" she gasped weakly, blood rushing to her face. "A-Auron...?"_

_He hooked his fingers under the edge of her orange tee, and pulled her slightly forward._

"_Take...off...your...shirt," he repeated, with each word tugging her a little closer, dragging the frayed shirt up her torso a little more._

_Rikku looked around wildly...what was happening? What was he doing? What was she doing? Another tug, a little harder than the others brought her back to reality. She looked up at his face. He had warned her, she realized, and she had ignored the warning. And she knew that one hard pull and he could easily have her shirt off himself...but he wanted her to do it._

_Almost without any thought on her part, her hands lifted slowly to the bottom set of buckles and pulled them open. Then the next set. The last were high enough that she needed both hands for each. She was looking down now, at the floor between his booted feet as she undid the final right-side buckle._

_As it came loose her right breast flopped into the open. She grabbed at it, trying to cover herself. Rikku wasn't wearing a bra...it made her feel kind of sexy and wild to go without one, but now she wondered belatedly if it was a mistake. Even more blood rushed to her face as she felt her nipple starting to harden under her own palm._

_Auron gave an insistent tug on the hem of the shirt still in his hand. Trying to cover herself with her arm, Rikku undid the last buckle on the left and Auron suddenly flipped the hem of her shirt up over her head, covering her face and exposing her chest. She flailed wildly with both arms for a moment then managed to pull the shirt off over her head. Breathing hard, Rikku held the shirt in her two hands, and suddenly realized she was sitting on the floor naked from the waist up._

_She quickly dropped the orange shirt and crossed her arms over her chest, still not looking up until he took her by the arms and pulled her up to her feet, and now she was looking down at the top of his head, as he took her wrists and pulled them away from her body, placing them on his own shoulders and exposing the teenagers small, beautiful breasts to view. Her nipples were standing straight up, bubble-gum pink against her pale skin._

_Rikku was being carried by events. She didn't know what to think and she wasn't thinking. She stood there her mouth slightly open, eyes half-closed, showing herself to the older guardian, her hands on his shoulders, feeling the incredible power in the man through the black cloth. He brought his hands up, cupping her breasts. She moaned and her back arched as his thumbs glided up to gently stroke the small nubs. They were incredibly sensitive now. He flicked one and she hissed._

_He pulled her forward and her eyes widened as his mouth found her right breast and his tongue started moving over it. One of his hands came back and started to play with her other breast and Rikku's head fell back and her mouth dropped open. She never knew her breasts could provide her with this much pleasure! Sometimes she had played with them herself, but this was so much better than that! Briefly she wondered if other things she did herself would be this much better with someone else._

_Rikku's body quivered under Auron's skilled attention. Small squeaky sounds were escaping her mouth, and her hands were clenched in his black shirt now, twisting and tugging, ripping it off him, exposing the hard-muscled body underneath. She buried her face in his hair, mouth wide open, panting for breath, and suddenly she could feel a wave of pleasure building inside her, running from one part of her body to the other, cresting higher as he was biting and sucking, and for one wild moment she wished that she had milk to give him, to fill his hungry mouth. She was so close...she was starting to jerk back and forth with the desperate need...and...and..._

_He stopped!_

_And he pushed her away!_

_And she stood there, trembling, not understanding, not able to speak, almost sobbing with unsatisfied need._

_And he picked up her orange tee and tossed it casually onto the bed next to him._

"_Forfeit," he said, and lay down again, swinging his legs up and closing his eyes._

_What!_

_He..._

_She..._

_They..._

_WHAT!_

_Rikku stood there for a moment, just looking at him, lying there. She couldn't believe what was happening. Shaking her head, and wearing just her green shorts and whatever might be under them, Rikku stumbled back to the corner that had become her territory, angry, aroused, confused, and frustrated. She sat down and hesitatingly lifted her hands to her breasts, haltingly trying to rekindle the feeling from a few moments before, but she just couldn't—it just wasn't as good—and the moment slipped away._

_Slowly, her mind cleared as she hung her head. And through all of her anger at the red guardian for his toying with her, a new and frightening thought came to her._

_She was half-naked._

_Was...was he going to give back her shirt in the morning? How could she face everyone if he didn't? Wakka and Tidus? They'd laugh their asses off! Yuna and Lulu maybe wouldn't laugh, but Lulu would roll her eyes and Yuna, Yuna would be disappointed in her! She'd never be able to show her face again! And what were the odds that the story would be kept quiet? There was the agency staff too! And they'd get on the comm, and soon all of Spira would know!_

_Surely Auron would give her back the shirt! Wouldn't he?_

_He said it was a forfeit._

_What did that mean?_

_She needed that shirt._

_She thought furiously for a moment, looking over at the bed. Then she slumped back against the wall. There was just no way she could convince herself that she could get close enough to snatch the shirt without waking Auron._

_She'd have to try for the coat again._

_Rikku looked at it from twenty different angles. There was no other way. She needed something that she could trade him in the morning for her tee back. She knew it was a risk, but..._

_She had taken him too lightly, she admitted that to herself grimly. She had only made a half-hearted effort at sneaking before. But she was the Great Thief Rikku, and she knew if she used all of her skills, he would never be able to catch her._

_...a third time._

_Okay...time to get serious._

_She settled in and waited crossing her arms over her bare chest. One hour passed. Two. He would never have believed she could sit quiet and still this long, but he had never really seen the extent of her skills as a thief. Finally, she was absolutely certain he was in a deep stage of the sleep cycle. It was time to move. She crept forward at a glacial but steady pace. It took her twenty minutes to cross to the chair with the coat._

_She reached her target and stayed still for ten full minutes. Then she carefully lifted herself to her hands and knees. She sat absolutely still for another five minutes, then started to run her hands over the coat. All she needed was something. Something to trade him for her orange tee. She got carefully to her feet to reach a top pocket._

"_Rikku."_

_She felt her heart stop. Just stop. One minute pounding in her ears, the next, nothing. She couldn't move. He didn't even have to touch her this time. He just froze her with a word. She knew he was sitting up on the edge of the bed again._

"_Look at me."_

_She turned, looking down at him. He was still bare-chested. She was trembling, and a little tingle of fear shot up her spine, and another kind of tingle went down her spine, down toward her lower regions. He looked back up at her._

"_Get on your knees."_

_Without any conscious thought her legs folded under her and she sank down to her knees. She knelt on the floor between his legs as his hand fumbled at the front of his pants. She was starting to breathe heavily, and so at last was he, and she couldn't look away as she waited impatiently. Her mouth was dry when she tried to swallow...and she realized that could be a problem She started running her tongue around the inside of her mouth, never taking her eyes off his hand, the belt...and her eyes widened as he finally pulled out hi_

"Rikku?"

"AHHHHHH!"

**Auron:**

She jumped and her journal flew out of her hands and almost went over the side, but I reached for it and caught it. Pretty good reflexes for someone my age.

"Gimme that!" she snapped, yanking the book out of my hands and almost fumbling it over the side again. "That's mine!"

She was breathing hard and glaring at me, her face flushed.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Rikku?" he said, sounding puzzled, "Are you angry with me?"

"What! NO!"

I was just completely embarrassed and my face was red as a brick and I felt like a total pervert, that's all!

Hey, waitaminute...

"Um...um...I mean, YEAH! Yeah, I'm mad!"

I was mad! I totally forgot!

**Auron:**

"Yeah, I'm mad, Auron! What's UP with you lately, huh? What went on in that temple, huh?"

She was shaking her journal in my face, and then she squeaked and quickly put it behind her back.

"Rikku," I said, turning and putting my back to the rail. "Take a moment and calm down. Breathe."

"Maybe I don't wanna breathe! Huh!"

She was still wide-eyed and flushed, chest heaving a little, but she turned away from the rail and then slid down until she was sitting on the deck, staring straight ahead. After a minute I crouched down next to her. I listened as her breathing steadied.

"Better?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah...sorry," she muttered.

"Want to tell me what that was all about?"

"Not really," she said, looking down at the deck.

I thought about it for a moment.

"Okay," I said.

She looked up at me.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Really? I mean it's really okay, Auron?"

He pulled off his sunglasses and looked down.

"I'm the last one who should complain about secrets, Rikku."

I reached out and laid one hand on his arm.

"It's not really a secret, Auron. Just, um, really, really embarrassing."

He looked over at me.

"You know you don't have to be embarrassed with me, Rikku. Not about anything. But you don't have to tell me."

I took a breath. We're...he and I...I mean, sometimes I forget that Auron and I are really different in some ways, you know? Like, he really doesn't mind just dropping this. And if it was me I wouldn't want to. I'd pick and pick and pick at it until he told me. I mean, I would drop it, but I really wouldn't want to. It'd probably drive me crazy.

"Maybe..." I licked my lips. "Maybe one day. Yeah, one day I'll tell you. Okay, Auron?"

"Okay, Rikku," he said. Then he sighed. "Now, are you really mad at me?"

"Well, a little. Auron, what you did in the temple, that was mean. I was really worried about you, you know?"

"I didn't want to worry you, Rikku. You weren't supposed to be there at all."

"But I was, and then you treated me like a little kid."

He was still crouching down next to me, both our backs against the railing. He looked over at me and raised his eyebrow.

"I did?"

"Yeah, Auron, you did. You didn't explain anything, you just had Tidus hold me back and went on doing whatever."

"I didn't think of it like that," he said. "I was...I was very focused on what I was doing. I'd worked myself up to it. When you saw me I was actually in a meditative state."

"You were meditating!"

"Sort of."

"But you were walking around and talking and stuff!"

"I'm just that good," he smiled.

**Auron:**

"Uh...?"

She scrunched up her face. I think she was trying to raise one eyebrow, a talent that has always eluded her.

"Meditation isn't always closing your eyes and sitting cross-legged, Rikku. Perhaps I can teach you one day."

"Uh, well, you can try."

"Hrrm," I chuckled. "In any case, I didn't mean to treat you like a child Rikku. You aren't a child, I know that."

I leaned in and kissed her lips, and she responded. When we broke apart she reached up and pulled me down to sit beside her with a thump, and snuggled in next to me.

"So, it was about the crest, I guess," she said.

"Yes, Rikku."

"And you can't tell me about it? It's a secret?"

For more than one reason, but mainly to keep her safe...

"Yes, Rikku. It's a secret."

I felt more than heard her sigh next to me.

"Okay Auron. I'll act like a grown up and just accept that."

I sighed in turn. I still wasn't happy about any of this, but...

"I still don't trust the crest, Rikku. But we came to an understanding, and it knows that if it ever hurts you, there will be serious consequences. So..."

I pulled the small bag with the crest out of a pocket.

"So take this crest, Rikku of the Al Bhed, and be a good guardian of your people."

She just looked me in the eye for a moment, and then she took the bag and put it away. She swallowed, and silently nodded her thanks.

* * *

**Auron:**

She put a hand on my shoulder and used it to push herself up onto her feet, turning to look out over the water, leaving me looking directly at her...hip.

After a minute I heaved a quiet sigh and got up myself.

She half-turned and leaned into me, saying, "It's nice here, on the ship, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Yeah. Nicer than on Al Bhed salvage ships." She turned back to watch the sea. After a minute she said, "Hey, Auron? This is the same ship as before, isn't it?"

"The sails are a different color," I said.

"Oh," she said, frowning in concentration. "Oh yeah..."

"Carpets, too. They're green."

"Huh. Yeah. Heeeeeey wait! The crew are all the same though! Hey, you're smiling! Auron!"

"Yes, Rikku, it's the same ship."

"Then how come...?"

"These ships are expensive to maintain, Rikku," I told her. "By tradition, the Church is supposed to support a ferry from Besaid to Kilika and another from Kilika to Luca because of the temples there, so that pilgrims can reach them. But they've been cutting funding year by year. They barely send enough now to support one ship, much less two. So the crew changes sails between stops, and carpets, and uniforms. That's enough so that the Church can pretend they don't know what's going on."

"But if the Church really does know, why do they let them get away with it?" she asked.

"If the Church admitted it knew what was happening, it would have to do something, and eventually it would end up actually having to support two ships again. I think the money for that is going into someone's pocket in Bevelle, but that isn't unusual. So everyone pretends. And everyone is satisfied. Except the crew, who are always complaining about being overworked. But they get good bonuses."

"Huh. And I thought Al Bhed contractors had some creative accounting procedures. So what's gonna happen? The people on Besaid and Kilika really need this ship don't they?"

"They do. But if worse comes to worst I'm certain Luca will pick up the ship's support, even if they don't want to. The ferry will keep running."

"Oh, okay. Good," she said. "Um, hey, Auron? What are we gonna do when we get to Luca?"

I turned in some surprise.

"I haven't said yet?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Hm. I suppose it slipped my mind. We'll stay in Luca for a while. There are many things we need to do there. I suppose I should tell the others. Are they still angry at me, Rikku?"

"Well...yeah, some. Yuna and Lulu and Wakka are. Tidus doesn't care, and he and Yunie are arguing about it a little, cause she thinks he should care cause she cares. And who can tell about Kimahri."

"Huh. Well, if I tell them now I'll be working uphill against their mad, and they'll find reasons they don't want to stay. If I wait until we reach Luca, they'll assume I want to move on right away, especially if I drop some hints. They'll be ready to argue, and then when I say I want to stay it will take the wind out of their sails and make them more amenable to my other suggestions."

She was staring at me.

"Wow."

"Or I could just crack all their heads together and make them stay," I said, raising my eyebrow at her.

"No, no..." she said. "I guess I had just forgotten what kind of a puppet-master you could be."

I grunted.

There wasn't really anything to say to that.

"I have things to do there," I murmured. "I have things I need them to do."

She frowned.

"And me, Auron? Pull my strings and make me dance? What have you got planned for me in Luca?"

I slowly put out one hand, and with my thumb I began to softly trace the line of her jaw, down to the tip of her chin, running it lightly over her lips. She leaned a little closer, her eyes half closed, and the tip of her tongue came out, licking her lips where my thumb had passed.

"I thought...maybe...our first date," I said quietly.

Under my fingers, she shivered.

**Next: Ratcatcher**


	59. Ratcatcher

All right, so Hannah Montana is one of the headliners at the Livestock Show and Rodeo this year, and she's outsold everyone except Vince Gill. Does that sound wrong, or is it just me? I also saw a girl wearing a pink John Deere shirt the other day.

Well...

So, major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. Gonna get real AU in a few chapters. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-, and this chapter _doesn't_ push that.

Like last chapter, this one is dedicated to vandevere. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for the thoughtful reviews.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

She was running around on deck as we pulled into the harbor, trying to see everything at once, pointing out things to the rest of us, holding my hand for a while before dashing off again. Her enthusiasm infected the others and soon they were all smiling and talking, even Lulu. The Ronso and I shared a satisfied glance over the heads of the others. We were happy to see them happy.

She lifts my heart.

* * *

**Ratcatcher**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I remember coming to Luca for the first time with Pops when I was a little girl. I must have been five or six, and we were stopping on the way to Besaid where I was gonna spend the summer with Yunie. I remember the ship was pulling in and I was running all over the deck trying to see everything—all the people, and the stadium, and all the other ships that were there, and the city spreading out on the hillside, and all the balloons floating overhead. It was so pretty and so busy and colorful.

Pops warned me to stay close, but I got away from him after we docked...not too far. I just wanted to see. I was staring up at some flags waving in the sea breeze when I heard someone in the passing crowd say "Dirty Al Bhed," and I just sort of froze up, feeling suddenly small and scared. But then I heard someone else say, "She's just a kid. Let her alone," and someone else said "Yeah," and people were sort of muttering agreement, and someone asked "Are you lost little girl?" and then Pops was there and scolding me and thanking the people.

I never forgot.

So that's Luca to me.

Luca was always kind of special to me because we Al Bhed could come here and be treated like human beings. There were always some Al Bhed haters out there, and I guess there were a few places in the city where we couldn't go. But I guess Pops never tried to take me to those places when I was small, so I never knew. And still, it was nothing like, say, Bevelle.

Part of it was Rin, and everything he's done to try and get the people to accept us, and part of it was the Psyches, because people in Luca love blitzball. I mean they hate the Psyches, but they hate them the same way they hate the Fangs and the Beasts and the Aurochs. They don't hate them because they're Al Bhed.

But part of it was just that it's Luca, and it's not Bevelle. People here just don't hate us as much. So I guess I've always liked Luca. Well, everyone loves Luca, except for a few pinch-faced Yevonites who don't want anyone to have any fun.

But we're all here and Yunie's alive and we're gonna have fun!

**Auron:**

The meeting went about as I expected. I got the group over the bridge and into the city (getting Wakka and Tidus past the blitzball stadium was like herding cats) and into the inn that I had selected. Many people stopped Yuna on the street to express support for her, and others stopped Tidus and even Wakka to try and talk sports. I doubt any of our party ever noticed the bubble of security that unobtrusively surrounded them all. Possibly the Ronso.

Passing through the city proper, the girls all wanted to stop and shop, but I wouldn't let them and they were all thoroughly annoyed at me as we gathered in Yuna's room to talk. (She was again sharing with Lulu and Rikku.) A window looked out on a pleasant interior courtyard. Yuna sat at a small table with Wakka to one side and Rikku on the other. Lulu stood close behind them. Tidus was perched on a dresser, quirking an eyebrow at me, and the Ronso had stationed himself by the door. I stood with arms crossed in the center of the room.

"We need to discuss our next moves," I said.

"Sir Auron," Lulu snapped. "We have been moving constantly. You dropped us off in the Calm Lands without a by-your-leave, hustled us off of Besaid, rushed us through Kilika..." Yuna was nodding vigorously "...and now—"

"We should stop here in Luca for a while," I said.

"—and now you want us to...uh...what?"

Lulu, Wakka, and Yuna were frowning, confused. Rikku rolled her eyes at me and Tidus just smirked. Behind me, the Ronso was almost certainly impassive.

"Uh...stay?" Yuna said questioningly.

"Yes, Yuna. You have made a good start on the new pilgrimage at Besaid and Kilika, but there is a great deal to do here in this city. I propose that we delay our departure for two or three weeks. Possibly longer. Do you agree?"

"Oh...well," she said, looking around at the others. Wakka was rubbing the back of his head, Lulu looked as if she thought I had slipped something past her, and Tidus was just grinning. Rikku nodded brightly. "All right, I agree."

I inclined my head.

"I suggest we take the rest of the day to settle in," I said. "Go shopping if you like. Explore the city. Just please don't go off alone. Stay at least in pairs and you should be safe enough. We'll meet again tomorrow to work out the details of our stay."

They all looked at each other and nodded. I turned and swiftly left the room.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hey!

**Auron:**

Rikku caught up before I'd gone ten steps. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to a stop. "Hey! Hey, Auron! Wanna explore the city with me, huh? I know some cool places here!"

"I do want that Rikku," I told her honestly. "But I can't today. I have things that I need to do to keep us all safe."

Her face fell a little, and I bent down and kissed her softly. "We'll have time, Rikku. If you want to help me, please help keep Yuna and Lulu busy the rest of the day?"

"Okay Auron," she answered, squeezing my hand before letting it go and walking back to their room.

I stood for a moment, bemused.

She wants to spend time with me.

She really enjoys being with me.

It's still...a little hard to accept.

I took the stairs down to the first floor and made my way to the back of the inn. I walked down a short hallway and pulled out a key to unlock a very solid-looking door. Just inside, a hard-looking man looked me over closely before nodding. I went down a second short hall and stepped into a large, well-lit room.

A few people were there sorting through papers and talking quietly. They looked up as I came in and nodded at me. One man—slightly older, thin and balding—was seated at a table going through reports. I pulled out a chair and joined him.

"Jordi," I said.

He acknowledged me with a distracted grunt.

I picked out this inn some time ago as a base of operations here in the city. Actually, our operatives picked it out and I okayed it when I was here before. We bought the building and use it sometimes as a safehouse. Yuna's room fronts on the courtyard, so there's less danger from snipers. There are no basements (rare in an inn) the roof is guarded at all times and there are no common walls with the neighboring buildings. More than half the staff actually works directly for us, and the rest are all vetted. The occasional guests are actually some of our teams that use the place for a base. I've reviewed all the security measures carefully.

"We can start any time, Sir Auron," a young woman said from where she was standing in front of a large map of the city mounted on one wall. One of the staffers around the other table nodded. On the map the city was divided up into several different colored sections. There was a blackboard hanging next to it with various notes, and there was a large Al Bhed clock between the two.

"Most of our assets are in place," the girl said. She shrugged her pretty, smooth shoulders at me, and her face dimpled into a smile. "They all should be ready by H-Hour. More-or-less."

I picked up some of the reports from the table. Jordi shoved a file across at me containing the last-minute adjustments that always come up in an operation like this, and Ratcatcher had more than its share. Operation Ratcatcher was scripted to make Luca safe for Yuna and her party. Jordi is the man in charge. I can overrule him, but unless I do, this is his baby.

This isn't how it was originally meant to go, by the way. There have been changes to the oplan. Really, Yuna and the others shouldn't be in the city yet. They should still be in the Calm Lands, but that didn't happen. Then I intended to keep them on Besaid until we had completed the operation, but Isaaru changed my mind there. Perhaps they shouldn't be at this inn at all, considering. It will be a little inconvenient, but we had been running out of time with all the changes we were making on the fly, and I finally decided to make a virtue from necessity, just run the op while they were here, and use their presence to lure out some targets.

Bait is such a crude word.

The original objective of Ratcatcher was to secure Luca. Our people here have been prepping for almost a year, quietly identifying every agent of Bevelle in the city...it's a key element of overall Phase II operations in Spira and it was one of the original projects that I initiated at my very first meeting here with the Luca Group. Then after Zanarkand I came south to oversee the execution, among other things. By the time I activated the operation we were supposed to have the entire city council onboard. With their tacit permission we would sweep the entire city at the designated time, taking out every enemy agent, except for a few who would be carefully isolated and watched. The entire operation would take sixty minutes and involve very little bloodshed. Then we would put new security procedures into place. When Yuna arrived the city would be solidly behind her, and reasonably secure.

Instead, we have this cluster-f...we have this mess.

Yuna and her party are actually in the city and so we have to divert a good part of our resources to protecting her. That means fewer and smaller teams, and less margin for error. That sometimes means instead of sending five or six people to capture someone, sending one or two people to eliminate them. It means leaving fewer targets in place thinking they escaped notice. It also means the council's feathers will be ruffled and we'll have to do some fence mending afterwards. It means the whole thing could take twice as long, and I didn't think we'd make the old timetable in the first place.

So be it. We'll turn it to our advantage when we can. Get Yuna involved in fence-mending with the council for instance. She'll apologize for me and it will introduce her to them as someone with influence. We'll handle the fallout.

But first, we have to do the op.

Twenty minutes to go.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I wanted to spend time with Auron, but getting sent out to shop wasn't a bad second choice. Yuna and Lulu were still moping, trying to figure out just how Auron had tricked them into doing what they wanted to do, so I grabbed them and just bullied them up and out of there. Tidus and Wakka disappeared in the direction of the blitzball stadium, but Kimahri tagged along with us. He didn't want to let Yuna out of his sight.

After we hit a few shops the girls began to loosen up some. A lot of people recognized Yuna and they fawned all over her and she blushed and went all humble, but between you and me, I think she really loves all the attention. Especially now that she isn't going to die. And Lulu was all charged up after bargaining with a couple of shopkeepers.

One thing we agreed on early, no weapons! And no armor! Just fun stuff...that's what we were shopping for today. So we looked at clothes and jewelry and perfume and knick-knacks. Lulu bought some bath-salts, and Yuna got a pretty scarf and we hadn't even looked in ten shops yet! And even just walking around the streets was fun! It was sunny and cool, and there were wandering musicians and street-corner artists, and I maybe thought I saw some sort of fair a few blocks away but then we saw a cute little shoe-shop nearby so we all dragged Kimahri over that way. We sat inside and tried on different shoes for an hour, and Yuna found some pretty silver ones and I think Lulu tried on everything in black that they had and ended up buying some with these long, sharp heels...they must have been four inches long! I was kind of looking for some sandals maybe. My toenails were still painted white, and I know Auron liked them. (I think he has a little thing for toes!) So I bought some really cute little green thong-sandals. And some cute blue thong-sandals. And, uh, some cute yellow thong-sandals.

Shut up! They didn't cost so much!

Anyway, so then we gave all our packages to Kimahri and decided to look around for someplace to eat. This is when I learned that Ronso do not like seafood. But after a while we found a soup and salad place. (Ronso also don't like salad, but we ordered him a whole pot of soup and he was fine at a nearby table.) Lulu and Yuna were in a lot better mood now, and they talked all about what they had bought and what they should have bought and what they still needed to buy.

I guess I was a little quiet, cause I was thinking of what I might need to buy for...well, you know.

A date.

Auron and me.

Our first date.

_She jumped when she heard the knock on the door. She didn't know why. She was expecting it after all. She hopped off the bed, nervously smoothing down her blouse. But she couldn't smooth away the butterflies in her tummy._

_What is this, she thought as she approached the door. It's just Auron. We've been together for weeks. We've slept in each other's arms._

_But she knew this was different._

_This was a real date._

_She stopped just in front of the door and tried to shake herself out of it. Who's the babe here, she asked herself sternly. Just keep it casual! Open the door and say, Hi, Auron. Rikku took a deep breath, pasted a smile on her face, and pulled the door open._

"_HIIiiiiii..." she ran down, and her smile faded._

_He had exchanged his old red coat for a black jacket, trimmed in deep, deep red. He stood there, tall and wide, filling the doorway all in black, except for the touches of dark red and a few strands of grey in his hair. She thought he was the sexiest thing she'd ever seen. She felt herself being pulled toward him, but actually she wasn't moving, wasn't speaking. She was just staring._

"_Rikku?" he smiled, "Rikku, you look beautiful."_

"_So do you," she murmured, then immediately wished she could sink to the center of the earth._

_He didn't seem to notice her sudden blush, instead simply saying, "Thank you, Rikku," and bending down to give her a kiss. As they left the building Rikku wanted to just be happy to be with him, but all of her old insecurities came back to plague her. She knew the people on the street were looking at them as they passed and she knew what they were thinking...there's the legendary guardian...and some kid. They were wondering why he was with her. What could she possibly offer him that any other little fangirl couldn't? She found herself hunching over, trying without realizing it to hide from their stares._

_But as they walked the few blocks to the restaurant, something strange began to happen. Auron never said a word, but there was something...just something in the way that he walked, something in the way that he stood waiting for the crowd to clear in front of them, something in the way he held her arm..._

_There was just something about all of that that somehow screamed to anyone who saw...how proud he was. He was proud to be with her, proud to be walking down the street with her...she didn't know what it was, didn't know how he said all of that without words, but he did, shouting silently to the world how proud he was that they were a couple._

_And she stood straighter, and held his arm a little tighter, and smiled a little brighter._

_Dinner was elegant and refined, and he talked as they ate—really talked—about politics and books and music and philosophy and history and the future, and she might have just sat there with her mouth shut feeling young and silly and stupid as he talked about all these things she had never even known, but again he didn't let her. He asked her questions, asked her for her opinion, what she thought about things, and he listened—really listened—when she answered, and it made her feel smart and sophisticated._

_After dinner they went to the theater. It was a comedy, with singing and dancing and the boy getting the girl in the end but only after exciting and ridiculous adventures and misunderstandings and Rikku was on the edge of her seat sometimes and holding her belly laughing sometimes and sometimes she was snuggled as close to him as the chairs would let her get. And in the interval he asked her if he could get her anything, but what she really needed was to visit the restroom. She was just touching up her makeup when two ladies came in, and looked sideways at her as they passed. They sat down and started fixing their hair, and one said to the other, "Did you see that grown man with the little girl? Do you think she was his daughter?"_

"_I hope not, the way they were carrying on, sitting so close, holding hands. What an old fool he looked like."_

"_Well what can you expect? There's only one reason someone like him is with someone like her."_

"_Oh?"_

"_Well what else has she got to offer him? Conversation? Her mind?"_

"_Well she's no fool I bet. There's only one reason that kind of girl is with an older man. I wonder how much money he has."_

"_I wonder how long she'll stay with him when she gets her hands on it, Hmm?"_

"_I suppose it's a fair trade. The world's oldest, hmm?"_

_Auron know something was wrong when Rikku got back from the ladies room. Something had gone out of her. She asked if they could go home._

"_Rikku...? What's...?"_

"_Please, Auron?" she murmured tonelessly, not looking up, "I'm tired. Could we just please go home?"_

"_Of course," he said, "Of course we can."_

_They walked back through one of Luca's well-lit parks. She didn't say anything, just walked with her head down, until he took her hand while they were crossing a bridge and gradually pulled her to a stop._

"_Rikku? I'll take you home if you want, but won't you tell me what the matter is? Please?"_

_She stood for a moment, looking down, slowly shaking her head, and then it all started pouring out of her in little more than a whisper. She stood there, not looking up and told him what she had heard the women saying, and her own fears and inadequacies, and by the end tears were running down her face, but also he was holding her, his arms wrapped around her, her face buried in his chest, whispering back to her that it was all right, that everything would be all right._

_And when she'd run out of tears and hiccoughs, he held her a little longer and then he asked her gently, "Rikku, are you with me for money?"_

"_No!"_

"_Do you think I'm with you just for sex?"_

"_N-no..."_

"_No. And we'll talk about the other stuff later, but for right now...why are you with me, Rikku?"_

"_Because I love you," her muffled voice said._

"_And why am I with you?"_

"_You...you love me?"_

"_I love you."_

_And it was better._

_A tightness around Rikku's heart that she hadn't even known was there loosened, and fell away. They stood on the bridge for a long time. He gave her some bread that he had put in his pocket at the restaurant so she could feed the fish. They stood and sat and walked and talked in the park for the rest of the evening and into the night, talking about everything and nothing until finally the sun was rising over the horizon and they had stayed out all night._

_He walked her back to her room then, through the earliest part of the morning when no one else was up and it seemed like the city was just for them. She stopped just outside her door and turned to him, slipping off the jacket that he had wrapped around her and handing it back to him, and he took it and leaned down and kissed her lightly._

"_Good night, Rikku," he said, "And good morning."_

_He turned to go, but then turned back as she fumbled with her keys and then dropped them. He bent down to pick them up and hand them to her, but she grabbed his hand with both of hers instead._

"_Auron, you can stay."_

_She said it simply...and waited._

* * *

Huh. I don't know. I'm not sure... 

"Rikku?"

"Huh?"

"Rikku," Lulu smiled, "You were like a million miles away. What were you thinking about?"

"Well, um, I was thinking I have to buy something to wear, cause, um, well, Auron and I are gonna have our first date sometime soon."

They both started to get little frowny faces when I mentioned Auron.

"Hey!" I said, "We're having a nice time here, now don't go and spoil it!"

Yuna's face cleared.

"Okay, Rikku," she said, "We're going to have to have a little talk with our legendary guardian sometime soon, and straighten a few things out. But we'll forget that for today."

"All right" Lulu agreed, "So for now...let's talk about your outfit. Do you know where he's going to take you? Formal? Casual? Sporty? Indoor? Outdoor?"

"Uh...no," I said, starting to panic.

"Well," Lulu said in a no-nonsense tone, "Then we'll just have to buy outfits for all of them!"

* * *

**Auron:**

Showtime.

Jordi sat silently as the last seconds ticked away. Nothing happened when the time came and went. Nothing changed. That was the signal. The absence of a signal to stop was the signal for everyone to proceed. Ratcatcher was a go.

As we sat quietly in the room, I knew that teams were moving out all over the city. The young lady who had spoken to me earlier stood against the wall near the map, along with a young man and another young girl. Five staffers stood around a table...just waiting. We were all waiting. About every five minutes everyone would look up as someone brought in a paper and one of the staffers would read it and announce that so far there wasn't any unusual activity among the city's security forces. Everyone but Jordi...Jordi never looked up.

It was almost twenty minutes later that the first reports came in. The courier entered the room and handed a packet to one of the staffers who opened it and started reading. I wanted to go over and snatch it out of his hands, but of course I couldn't. Again, Jordi never moved. This was the first hard piece of information from the field, a report from some nearby action, but soon information like that would be coming in a flood, and it was the staff's job to triage it, to organize it and pass on to Jordi and I the things we needed to see.

A second packet came in. These were coming both to us and to the local command post for this section of the city. I know Jordi had considered using this room for that too, doubling that up with this city command post but he decided it was simpler to keep them separate. I think it was the right choice.

Another note came in. It seemed like the city officials were still unaware of what was going on. I hoped it would stay that way but knew it probably wouldn't. I could only hope that no law enforcement people got killed in all of this. I had given clear instructions, but you have to let your people defend themselves if needed. A staffer walked to the map and spoke to the young woman who smiled at me earlier. She made some marks on the map.

Over the next ten minutes more packets started to come in and the map started to fill with notations. We were starting to get reports from other sectors now. On the chalkboard there were some running tallies...targets eliminated, targets captured, friendly casualties, collateral damage. A staffer brought us over the first summary. So far, so good. We also got an extract. It gave us more detail than looking at the map and the board. It was going well so far, but I know we'll have problems as we go along.

There were roughly two hundred people involved in this operation at the street level, broken into forty-three teams. Each team had three to five targets, except for two teams who only had one target each. This wasn't going to be as clean as it might be. We had originally hoped that the city's security forces and perhaps the Crusaders would be working with us and could pick up some of the low-priority targets. That didn't happen, so we're just going to have to let most of the small-fry go and hope we can catch them later.

Two hours into the operation I was keeping an eye on a situation that was developing in sector twelve where two of our targets had holed up inside a Church and were crying for sanctuary. A crowd was gathering. The team decided to just give it a pass, and I agreed. They moved on to their next target and we moved an observer over to watch and see how the Church thing played out.

A staffer read something and immediately brought it over to Jordi. While he looked at it the staffer came to tell me what it was about. Jordi looked up at him and then back down. A team in sector five was in a fight with Crusaders.

Great.

Their target was a relatively harmless woman who passed information on through her priest. But she had access to some sensitive data through her son. The team was going to pick her up and hold her when they ran into trouble. They decided to terminate her and try to break contact with the Crusaders. The team leader had the authority to make that decision. We tried to leave that in the field when we could, but Jordi could overrule it if he could get the order back to them in time. I watched as he scrawled Approved across the note and chucked it into the out-basket.

I think that was the wrong call. I could overrule Jordi.

But I didn't.

Hour three. The city guard knows that something is up. They know it's big. They know that people have been taken and people have been killed. Our sources inside the administration tell us that the Guard had asked the city to ask the Crusaders for assistance. How truly good. Meantime, our people inside the administration—including some councilors—are asking for information and instructions. I send word for them to stall. Keep the guard and the Crusaders out of it. Use my name if necessary, which of course means they will.

The map tells me a story...successful captures, terminations, fire-fights, casualties, accidents, problems, innocent bystanders, a couple of special circumstances. Children will be getting out of school soon. Some of them won't be getting picked up. Some of their teachers will be. The thing with the church has settled into a stand-off.

It's the story of a successful operation.

So far.

Hour four, and things are winding down. Our people in the administration say the Guard leaders are angry that they're being held back, and the Crusaders are tense, but things have gone well overall. As I step up to the map the young girl who smiled at me earlier is looking a little wilted. I suppose we all are. I look over at the board. Our casualties are light. We've lost three people.

We might not have lost any if Yuna and the rest had stayed in the north and we could have run this op the way we planned it. But maybe not. No plan survives contact with the enemy. Let it go. Three killed is acceptable, another couple of dozen wounded, and about ten in custody. There's some overlap in those last two groups.

The last reports are coming in. Most of the teams are reporting back to their local command posts one-by-one for debrief. The staff are still putting the final numbers together, but it's pretty clear already.

Ratcatcher is a success.

I think I might have seen Jordi smile.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I sat in a little sunny corner of the square while Lulu and Yuna and Kimahri were in a white magic shop. Somehow that didn't come under the No-weapons and No-armor ban, I'm not sure how. Well, I mean I'm glad Yuna wants to be ready to heal us and protect us, but it was all kinds of boring in there after the first ten minutes, and I'd already walked around the whole shop twice and I asked if we were about to go soon and Yuna didn't even answer really, just said, In a little while Rikku, and she and Lulu were talking about splints and green-stick fractures and coagulants and clotting! YUCK! I mean, I'm a fair medic when I have to be...hey, I can take care of MY man!

Uh...yeah. Anyway, so I'm a fairish medic, but I don't want to talk about that stuff on my day off! So I just left them there and walked around the square and Kimahri was with me for a little while and he bought me an ice-cream cone and I finished it and peeked into the shop and Yuna and Lulu were still looking at little vials and bandages and books and things so I went back into the square and sat there on my own just bored bored bored. And I think I was getting an ice-cream headache.

Oh.

I reached into my pouch and pulled out the bag with the crest in it. I bounced it up and down on my palm for a minute, then sighed and shook it out into my hand.

_Rikku._

"Um...hi."

I didn't really know what to say.

_I thought we should talk, Rikku._

I didn't say anything for a moment.

You know, I told Auron that I didn't trust this crest, and I didn't. But...I think...I mean, when I first got the crest from Rin I was all weirded out and I was a little scared and I was freaking out thinking what Auron would say when he found out. So okay, but then, after the crest and me had talked a few times, and especially I guess after we talked about Auron and me like the crest was my best girlfriend or something talking about boys, and it gave me good advice, and...I don't know. I think I stopped taking the crest seriously. I still didn't trust it, but I was thinking of it like, like Marty or something. Like comic relief.

And then we got back to Auron, and I saw how seriously he took it, and...

But Auron told me to take this crest, and be a good guardian of my people.

_Rikku, you and I have to work together, and we need to find a wa—_

"Were you trying to get me to underestimate you?" I blurted out.

After a moment, it said, _Yes._

Oh.

"Um...why?"

_You know why, Rikku. You didn't—you don't-trust me. You were also afraid of me. I thought it would be easier to win your trust and to persuade you to do what I want if you underestimated me._

"So...so why are you telling me now?"

_You asked me. And things have changed._

"Who you talking to?" someone said.

I looked up and saw a kid staring at me.

"Uh...no one! Shoo! Shoo!"

The kid ran off and I scooted back farther into the corner. Geez, don't want everyone thinking Al Bhed are just crazy people who talk to themselves.

_Rikku?_

"What's changed?"

_Kilika. Kilika changed things, Rikku._

I scrunched up my face.

"What happened on Kilika? What happened in the temple?"

_Did you ask Auron?_

"He wouldn't tell me."

_He found a way to threaten me, Rikku._

"What! How?"

I always got the feeling that nothing could really hurt the sword.

_Rikku, the temples are ancient, and they have been cast down and rebuilt many, many times. Hidden beneath each temple is a source of power. The Lake of Fire is hidden under the temple at Kilika._

"The Lake of fire?"

_It isn't really a lake. It's a...a pool, perhaps, of elemental fire, in some ways the very idea of fire, rather than fire itself._

"I never heard anything like that!"

_I doubt anyone has. Except Auron. It was one of the stories I told him when he was a child. And he remembered it for all of these years._

Um...

"You sound kinda...impressed."

_I am impressed. I remembered Auron as a brave, precocious child. And even with all I knew, I realize now that I found it hard to think of him as an adult. I'm the last one I thought would ever underestimate Auron. Rikku, it can be hard to alter our first perceptions of things._

"I think Auron saw me as a kid at first," I said softly, "But that changed."

_Yes, Rikku. It did. And it shows that he is wiser than I. I didn't change the way I thought of him until he shoved it in my face by working out that I might actually be destroyed if he dropped me into the elemental fire. He actually found a way to threaten me._

It really did sound impressed...like it just couldn't get over it.

_It wasn't only that he had a plan, Rikku. It's also that I fought him every step of the way. When I have a connection with someone, I can magnify pain as well as deaden it...and pleasure too...and I did both. Auron was walking through fire, and I made it a hundred times worse. It should have stopped him, or driven him insane._

"You did that!"

_I was in fear for my existence. I didn't know what he would do, so yes, I did everything I could to stop him. I hit him with the pain of the fire, and then the pleasures of the flesh._

"Uh..."

_You, Rikku. I took his fantasies of you and brought them to life, and then I stabbed at his spirit. I forced him to relive his worst memories, all of the terrible things that have happened to him, the terrible things that he's done. And then I tormented him with his fears, you again, Rikku, naked and laughing and gasping under other men, many of them, over and over...pain and pleasure, anguished guilt and wretched fear, I hammered his soul again and again but he...just...wouldn't...break!_

"How could you do that to him!"

I was even too angry to blush!

_I told you. I was afraid. So I did my utmost to stop him. And I couldn't. And in the end he held me cupped in his hand over the lake of fire. All he need do was loosen his fingers, open them just a little, and I would have fallen._

It stopped, and didn't say anything.

"Hey," I said. It didn't answer.

"Hey!" I said, shaking my hand a little.

_Ah. Sorry. I was...contemplating my own mortality. It's new to me. You know I am the weakest of all the parts of Masamune, and so perhaps I am the only piece that has learned anything like humility. At least a little. And so I can accept that Auron actually bested me. This time. But I think...I think that when the others—the sigil and the hilt, and especially the blade—begin to deal with Auron, they will be very surprised._

Oh. Um...

I...uh...

What?

I shook my head. Think about that later. I drew up my legs under me and hunched over the crest.

"So, what happened then?"

_We made a deal, Rikku. That was the whole object. That was why he did it. The main points were that I will not hurt you. I will help you. I will protect you. And I will understand that if I do hurt you, he will do his best to destroy me. _

"Was...was it all about...me?"

_Not quite all. There were some other points between Auron and I. But you were the most important concern._

I thought about it for a minute, sitting there. I mean, a part of me was only thinking about how much Auron cares about me, and how much he'll do to protect me, but I put that part away until later when I have time to bring it out and hug it and remember it and just think about it for a long, long time.

But for now...

"Why are you telling me this, if Auron didn't want to?"

_Why do you think Auron didn't want to tell you?_

"Well...lot's of reasons. I guess. I know he doesn't like to boast or brag. He'd probably be embarrassed if I knew all about it. And he's probably afraid I'll be mad at him for going through all that for me."

_Rikku, you know now I can be hurt, and how. That makes you...dangerous. To me, Rikku. You know too much. As long as Auron is alive it's a moot point, but if he dies, then perhaps I will decide that you need to be removed. Auron was trying to protect you...from me_.

Oh...

Uh...

Okay, that's all kind of scary.

I wish I had another ice-cream cone.

"So, so why did you tell me?" I whispered.

_Auron...Auron doesn't think that I take my word seriously, Rikku. But I do. And I agreed to help you, and to keep you safe. I wanted you to know this so that you would have an idea that you can trust me, and how far, and why. And also, I wanted you to know how much you mean to him. Rikku, I'm starting to see what it is that he loves about you. I think he needs you. And I think you need him too._

I...

Think about it later.

I shook my head again.

"But isn't he right? Doesn't it put me in danger now that I know your secret like this?"

_Yes Rikku, somewhat. But that's not all there is to it. Neither of us wants to put you into some glass bubble and lock you away just so that you'll be safe! Life is dangerous. This pilgrimage is dangerous, but Auron hasn't tried to stop you from making it. So I have to weigh the danger against other factors. That's what Auron did and taking everything into consideration he decided it was better for you if you didn't know. But I simply don't agree. If we're going to work together to protect Auron and protect the Al Bhed, I think you have to know._

"But HOW!" I shout, and some heads turn to look at me.

Shut UP, Rikku!

"How do I do that?" I asked, "I've been trying and trying to think of a way and I can't! I don't know how to protect the Al Bhed..."

_There are only two obvious ways to protect your people, Rikku. First is to get them out of the line of fire. Get the Al Bhed to go somewhere and hunker down and wait until all of this is over and done with. If you are all quiet enough, it might all just pass you by._

Quiet Al Bhed. Modest Al Bhed. Timid Al Bhed, staying all meek and hushed, hoping no one notices them.

Yeah, I can just see it now.

The crest seemed to know what I was thinking.

_Rikku, the Al Bhed have been hit hard. You might be able to convince them to just sit down and shut up, for now. Just for a while. Auron won't go deliberately hunting them if they drop out of sight._

"Maybe," I sighed. "What's the other option?"

_Be an asset to him, Rikku. Make the Al Bhed an asset to him! For instance, this airship is quite useful. And then, there will come a time for military action...prepare the Al Bhed to be of use when that time comes. Be political assets as well. He can use you all, here in Luca. You can be of use to him. But remember, the Al Bhed will suffer if he loses, and some Al Bhed will be hurt in any case, the same as in any war._

"Huh. Those are my choices?"

"_As far as I can see, Rikku. Or just drift along as you're doing now. But that is the most dangerous option. And no matter what we do, I will be here to advise you...and so will Rin. And so will Auron. Don't be afraid to ask his opinion. If he can't give it to you, he'll tell you. But you aren't alone._

Yeah...

"Hey, what's going on?" I said, looking up.

Four or five men had just come out of one of the shops dragging a struggling woman. I jumped up and reached into my pouch for something, maybe some sleep powder, but I didn't want to hurt the girl.

_No, Rikku! Don't interfere!_

"But what is it? What's happening?"

_It's your boyfriend._

Okay, bad circumstances, but it still thrilled me to hear someone else say it like that.

"What!"

_It's been going on for some time, all over the city. Our people are cleaning out all of Bevelle's agents. It's the culmination of many months of careful planning, plus some creative last-minute scrambling._

People were looking, but they didn't know what to do. The men hustled the woman away down the street. I didn't like this!

"That...that girl was an agent of the Church?"

_The Church, or a secret society, or a Great House._

She was just gone now. The whole thing took less than sixty seconds! People were just milling around talking to each other, asking each other what was going on.

"And this is going on all over?"

_Yes. I can see through the eyes of some of our people here, and things have gone well overall. That was one of the last ones. They couldn't find her at first and had to come back for her. Auron really should have kept me with him to update him in real time._

I saw Lulu and Yuna finally come out of the shop with Kimahri right behind them. They were talking to the people in the crowd, trying to find out what was happening.

"I think we should get back to the inn," I said.

_Yes, that would probably be best, but Rikku, one more thing first!_

"What?" I asked impatiently. Yuna looked around and saw me.

_Rikku, the knowledge that you have does put you in danger. Rikku, listen! Do you trust me?_

"No!"

_Even a little? The truth, Rikku!_

Yuna and the others were headed this way.

"Well, yes, just a little. Because—"

_It doesn't matter. Listen to me carefully, Rikku! If you ever run across the other parts of the sword—the sigil or the hilt, or especially the blade—do not tell them what you know! They may not feel they are bound by my agreements!_

I forgot Yuna and the others for a moment and stared down at the crest in my hand.

"But...but aren't you...?"

_It's complicated, Rikku. We...wait...what is happening!_

"What?" I asked.

"Rikku!"

Yuna.

_What is...?_

**Auron:**

Phase Two.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Suddenly a man sitting nearby eating a sandwich just jumped up and ran but two other men tackled him to the ground! Lulu and Yuna stared as they picked him up and started dragging him away.

_I don't understand..._

Lulu started after them, raising her arm, but Kimahri caught it, shaking his head.

"Kimahri thinks we need to leave now."

Yeah, guys," I added, "I think we should get back. Something's going on."

Lulu's brows came down, and Kimahri let her pull her arm away. The three men were gone. Yuna frowned, and said, "Okay. Okay! Let's get back."

* * *

**Auron:**

Jordi paid no attention as the hard-faced man from the door came into the room followed by five others who spread out. The staffers and the young people standing by the wall seemed confused. Two of the men came up to our table. One of them put a hand on Jordi's shoulder and he finally looked up, annoyed.

"You need to come with us, sir."

Then his eyes snapped to mine, anger written on his face.

"Go with them, Jordi," I said. "No trouble. We'll speak later."

He stood without a word and the newcomers escorted him and the other men and women out, many of them throwing bewildered backward glances at me. Two men were left in the room. One of them sat down opposite me in Jordi's chair. He was a short, stocky man. I knew he was even stronger than he looked.

"Lud," I nodded.

"It's started," he said. He had a slight Bevelle accent.

"Problems?"

"No one's been killed yet."

This was the delicate part of the operation...my own personal and private alteration to Ratcatcher.

Lud and his crew are freelancers from Bevelle. I brought them and seven other teams like them into the city quietly and had them lie low. The timing was tricky, but it came off better than I had hoped. The only sticking point was when one of Lud's men tried to assassinate me in the Crusader headquarters, but as Lud said, I never told them not to. I let it go, and just spread the word that I didn't have time for this right now and the next person who tried something like that would be found the next day with their entire team in an alley wearing big red smiles from ear to ear.

So the Bevelle crews had stayed quiet until I spoke to the hard-faced man at the door, and he spoke to someone in the hallway, and they spoke to someone else and across the city certain flags went up on certain buildings, and the Bevelle teams moved out. They were augmented by local muscle quickly hired from the waterfront...stevedores and sailors. The port-master and the union rep from the city council had been very helpful there.

We took down the personal agents of the crest first, hard and fast, all at once. I think we got them all. The local command centers were already in our hands when the Luca Network teams started coming in for debrief, just walking into custody one after the other. I had some people on the inside to secure the network's communication center and other critical facilities here in Luca.

We continued to be lucky. The Bevelle teams sprinkled my name every other word through the whole thing, and there were some friendly faces involved, like the man who was on the door here. That was enough to reassure most of the Luca Network teams and staff, and they generally went quietly. There were some scuffles, but no one was killed.

"Can't last, of course," I said to Lud, laying aside a hastily written report. "But let's keep it going smoothly as long as possible."

He smiled, putting down his papers and looking around the room. Now three of his people were at the table, taking reports. No one was at the map or the board. The hard-faced man had returned to the door.

"Nice place," Lud said. "Better than the hold of that ship. I've always liked Luca."

"Too bad you're not staying," I said.

His little smile didn't reach his eyes.

"I've always admired your sense of economy, Auron. You use the Luca Network to clear the Church agents out of the city, you use us to roll up the Luca Network so you can clean house, and then when they're clean you'll turn around and use them against us, to make us leave. Very efficient."

"It's what I do."

"Give it, say, a week," he mused. "It'll be a week before you have them in any real shape to do anything after all this."

"Five days," I corrected.

Three days. Keep it quiet.

"So...between now and then," he said, "We could just move in, us and the other Bevelle crews. We'd own this city. Nothing to stop us, is there? Except...except what, Auron? Secret deal with the Crusaders? One of the secret societies? You always have a plan, and a backup to the plan and a backup to the backup. So what is it?"

"I have an army of cactaurs ready to sweep over the city," I answered, not looking up from the report.

"Hm. I hate needles," he smiled thoughtfully.

I looked him in the eye.

"Lud. You are very good at what you do. That's why you're here. You're strong and competent and smart. But you don't have what it takes to play with the big boys. Look at my face, Lud. If you make a play, I will kill you. Stick to your strengths."

His features might have been made of stone, and his eyes were flat and cold. He didn't move and didn't say anything. Finally he dropped his eyes and went back to his reports.

Lud is a professional, and I've never heard that he's ever double-crossed a client. But a prize like Luca could tempt anyone. I hope he doesn't try it, but in the end it doesn't matter.

The Plan doesn't care if Lud lives or dies.

* * *

**Auron:**

It was the girl who had first smiled at me, the one from map-duty. She looked nervous as she sat across the desk from me in the small, brightly-lit bare room.

"Your name is Lalli?"

"Yes sir."

"Lalli, I'm going to explain what's going on now, and ask you a few questions. But first, do you need anything? Did they make you comfortable? No problems?"

"No sir. I mean, yes sir, they made me comfortable. No sir, I don't need anything, except, um, can I call my mom? Please sir?"

"As soon as we're done here. Lalli, who hired you?"

"Um, I don't know, sir. A woman. I never knew her name."

"Why did you want to work with us?"

"Well, they said it would help the city, and, and some of the girls said it was, um, you know, sort of against the Church...a little. Um...it sounded fun, and uh, the pay was all right."

"Do you like working with us?"

"Um, yeah? I did."

"Lalli, do you know who Rin is?"

"Well, yeah, kinda? Some of the girls, they like said that he put all this together. And uh, he's Al Bhed, and so, that's kinda cool. My mom would hate it, knowing I'm working for an Al Bhed, heh, uh...can I call my mom now?"

"Soon. Lalli, do you know who I am?"

"Oh, yeah! You're Sir Auron! I mean, um, you're the Red Guardian. Everyone knows you."

"Did you know you were working for me?"

"Oh no, sir! Not until I saw you a couple of weeks ago when we had that dry run!"

"Lalli, certain issues have come up with Rin."

"Oh...uh...'k?"

"Lalli, if I gave you an instruction, and Rin gave you a conflicting instruction, whose instructions would you follow? Tell the truth, Lalli."

"Oh, um...yours?"

Lies smell like something burning.

I close my eye, and inhale.

Ah.

"Thank you, Lalli. Go with this man now."

"Um...yessir..."

"This way, miss."

They led her out a different door than the one she had come in. A man handed me a sheet of paper.

"Next, Athius," he said. "Team leader."

It's going to be a very long evening.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We weren't a bunch of happy campers when we were gathered together again. When we tried to go back Kimahri wouldn't let us! Instead he brought us to a different inn in a whole other part of the city. Wakka and Tidus were waiting for us there, saying that they'd gotten a note from Auron asking them to meet us there.

"All of our things are back there!" Yuna shouted at the man who met us at the inn.

"Yes Lady Summoner, but we can't guarantee your safety there. You can return tomorrow. In the meantime I assure you that you will have the best rooms available here. And if you need anything more, there are some nice shops nearby."

"The hell with shopping!" Lulu said. "We're going back to our inn and we're having a talk with a certain senile old guardian!"

The man stepped in front of her.

"I'm afraid you really can't," he said.

Oh oh...

"If you don't get out of my way in two seconds," Lulu said, "I'm going to turn you into a block of ice and use you to chill my drinks!"

"Yes, well, there is a magic negator in this lobby," he said. Lulu's eyes widened and he went on hurriedly, "Now perhaps you could get past me anyway, but then there's a team outside..."

"So we're prisoners," Yuna asked him dangerously. I saw Tidus wince and Wakka was rubbing the back of his head so hard he'll probably go bald back there.

"No Lady Summoner," the man answered her, "We provided these rooms for your convenience and comfort. But you may leave and go anywhere in the city. Except back to your old inn. We are here to help keep you safe. Part of keeping you safe is not allowing you to return there tonight. As I said, there is a security team backing me up who will try to stop you, and another team backing them up, and if you get past them the orders are to blow up the other inn before you get there."

They looked at him nonplussed.

"Er, with all your things inside," he continued, "Sorry."

Maybe I shouldn't keep telling Auron the Al Bhed motto.

Tidus was talking with Yuna, telling her it was just one night for God's sakes, and she was pulling out the If-You-Loved-Me card, and the words Drama Queen were uttered...Wakka wasn't so much talking with Lulu as much as he had thrown himself on top of a big old Lulu-grenade when it exploded, saving the rest of us. He was just standing there trying to figure out when to say Yes Lu, and No Lu and desperate not to mix the two up, and she was yelling at him to for god's sake stop rubbing the back of his head and be a man. Kimahri had disappeared somewhere and I was thinking of doing the same when the messenger stepped over to me.

"Lady Rikku?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Sir Auron requests that you bring, er, What You Carry, to the inn."

Huh.

The moon was up and the streets were quiet as I walked through Luca. I wasn't alone, of course. There was a whole team of guys surrounding me, clearing the way, and I think there was another less obvious one following us.

It wasn't very romantic.

There were a lot of Crusaders and city guards out on the streets, and they would look at us hard as we passed, but one of the guys would say something to them and they didn't try to stop us. The crest was in my pocket. It hadn't tried to do or say anything since this afternoon.

We walked up the steps of the inn and they led me to a door at the back of the first floor. A big guy who was guarding the room I guess, knocked at the door, stuck his head in, said something, and then stood aside to let me in.

Auron was sitting behind a desk. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Rikku. I, uh...did you have a nice time shopping?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. I, uh, bought some sandals."

"Oh."

We both ran down, and both sorta looked around for something to say. And then almost buried under all the papers on the desk I saw the little jade figure he had given me. I left it in my room.

"Auron, what's that doing here?"

"Oh, well..." he muttered, "If we had to blow up the building I wanted to be sure it would be okay."

"Oh! That's...so...sweet?"

It really was, but this whole situation was just so...I mean...are you ever in this situation with your boyfriends?

"So, uh, you wanted me to bring the crest? I've got it here."

"Right," he said. He seemed grateful to be getting on with it, "Do you know what's been going on?"

"Uh, I know you cleaned the city out of Bevelle's agents, and then something else happened."

"A fairly accurate description. I'll tell you later. Would you please bring out the crest? You can leave it in the bag."

I pulled the bag out and put it on the desk. Auron looked at it a moment, and then reached out and picked it up. Sweat broke out on his forehead.

"No," he said through clenched teeth, "I agreed I wouldn't cut you off from the Luca Network. I never said I wouldn't cut out the network itself. This city is too important to The Plan to leave it in your control when I don't know what your objectives are."

I only got one half of the conversation.

"No. I'm separating Luca from the Luca Network entirely. No network agent is to enter the city."

I saw his lip curl in a kind of sneer.

"Not my problem."

He didn't say anything for a long time, then he frowned...

"Very well. Agreed, but they're not to cross the bridge."

"Moontown, probably."

"Not my problem."

"WHAT...! WHY!"

His eye flew up to mine, then back down to the bag.

"If anything happens to her...I will destroy you."

"We're done," he said, tossing the bag onto the desk. He looked up at me. "Rikku, I'm sorry...I..."

"Auron, I know why you didn't want me to know. About Kilika. We can talk about it later."

"All right," he said, passing a hand over his brow. "Thanks Rikku. You should get back to the others now. Sorry I dragged you all the way down here."

It's okay. Auron?"

"Hm?"

"How are you? You look tired."

"I just...I'm fine, Rikku. I just look this way sometimes."

I didn't say anything as he stood up and called for the guy at the door.

"Rikku," he said as the door opened, "The team will escort you back. I'll see you in the morning."

I shook my head, and didn't move.

"Rikku?"

"Gimme a kiss!"

I heard a snort from behind me, quickly stifled, and Auron glared at something over my shoulder, and then shook his head at me.

"Rikku..."

"I mean it Auron...you've been falling down on the kisses lately."

"Rikku...!"

"I'm not asking for much but you know there are a lotta hot blitzball players in Luca and I'm not saying anything but if a girl doesn't get her kisses..."

"Rikku!"

"Uh-wha...?"

"Come over here."

"Oh...oh yeah!"

* * *

**Auron:**

We met in the big arena of the Sphere Theatre. It was a little large, but the smaller one was too small. It was a couple of hours before dawn, and I stood in the wings looking out at the crowd of people. Lud stood next to me, and Jordi stood next to him, looking sour.

"Not bad," Lud said. "Almost ninety percent of them said they'd follow you and meant it.

"Thirty percent wanted to follow me," I corrected him. "The other sixty percent didn't care. And half of them tried to lie about it."

"But they'll go along with it, Auron," he said with a sidelong glance at Jordi. "And it means you still have intact staffs and teams. You have to plug holes, but not rebuild the entire organization in Luca from the ground up. Admit it. You won."

Yeah. I won. But maybe I wouldn't have had to do it at all if I had paid more attention to my suspicions about Rin in the first place.

No one's perfect, I absolved myself.

That okay with you guys, I ask the day's dead.

I shake my head, and step out onto the stage. The crowd quiets and faces turn to me. They're full of curiosity and hope and nervousness and a need for something. Also here and there a few look royally pissed off.

I'm not good at this.

"Ladies and gentlemen," I began. "First, let me thank you and congratulate you all for carrying out a complex operation under difficult circumstances, and doing it very well. I thank you, and so will your city in time.

"What came after..." I paused. "Think of it as a fire, to test you. And you came out of the fire stronger than you were. And you will need to be stronger. Many of you came into the Luca Network to fight something...to fight the Church. Because you hate hypocrisy, or tyranny, or duplicity, or because the Church has done you some wrong. The Church has wronged many people. And we still need that. We need people who hate the Church. We need the Luca network to be a resistance, and it will be.

"But not you."

I looked out over the crowd of faces, some well known to me, others not.

"We need you to be something different," I said.

"It's easy to be against something, to want to tear down. It's harder to be for something...to try to build something and convince yourself that it will stand, that it will last, that it has meaning. But that's what we all need you to do.

"The summoner Yuna is part of that. She is making a new pilgrimage now, based on hope, and people all over Spira, people just like you, are standing with her. Did you know that you are all writing a new story for yourselves and your children? That's what you're doing, all of you, and that's what we need from you now.

"So from this day you are no longer part of the Luca Network. They have their job and you have yours—and yours is to build something new, starting right here in Luca. To build something for the future, something that will endure.

"You are Spira Dawn."

**Next: Necessary Things**


	60. Necessary Things

Hey. It's too bad about the Hannah Montana concert. I still don't think it was a great idea, but that was a shame. Now, certainly the Rodeo is doing the right thing, offering people their money back, but that just raises the question of whether or not to take them up on it, since it was for charity. So, do you let it slide since it was for charity? If you go get your money back are you just a selfish bastard? Those tickets were expensive, especially if you took your kids, who ended up disappointed, and it's not like it couldn't have been avoided if someone hadn't just got careless. So, I don't know.

Anyway.

About the music note (if anyone follows them), if you can't find Cast in Bronze, I guess go with Mannheim Steamroller or some other version.

Lessee, there's something I'm forgetting...oh yeah...so, major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. But not _just_ characters. I mean, it's got plot too. Still-T-.

This chapter and the next are dedicated to one of the earlier reviewers, xxela 14, for that early support.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Sometimes I wish there was a better man for all of this, someone to whom I could give all of this, trust with all of this...all the hard choices, the command decisions...the responsibility.

Not often. But sometimes.

And I think...I think that being with Rikku is making me a better man.

I didn't expect that.

But...

"We have him," he said quietly.

I nodded.

I'm not sure a better man can do the things that I have to do.

* * *

**Necessary Things**

* * *

**Auron:**

I spent the early hours of the morning dealing with the fallout from the Ratcatcher Operation. I can go without sleep for long periods of time when I need to. It's the same as eating, I suppose. I technically don't have to eat, but I choose to. That means I feel hunger. If I don't eat, I begin to starve. Then, at a certain point, I stop feeling hungry.

But I also feel a little less human.

Same thing with sleep. But I can go for a while without it.

After the big address at the sphere theatre, I started to get the new Spira Dawn Group organized. Luckily, enough people had come over that the new organization was largely intact. I sent most of them home to rest, but I got some staff together and they started the triage...things that had to be taken care of before morning, things that could wait until tomorrow, or next week, what holes we had to fill now, which ones could wait, new ideas for the long term, and everything else. I checked on the condition of the Luca Network people we were detaining, the ones who didn't join the new group. I made sure the original prisoners—the ones working for Bevelle—were still secure. I got a report from the people I had keeping an eye on Lud and the others that I hired from Bevelle for phase two of the operation. I met with different city councilors and answered some of their questions and gave them some directions. I met with the Crusaders and gave them a short briefing on what had happened, and we did some horse-trading. I looked over the reports from the people we still had running around trying catch some of the small fry, and from our other observers.

It was almost mid-morning when we finally had some sort of handle on matters. At least the piles on the tables had stopped getting bigger. I left some good people in charge and headed for the alternate inn where the party was staying for the night. I wished I was headed for bed.

But of course nothing is easy.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"It was a security issue," he said blandly.

"A security issue!" Yuna answered, "You threatened to blow up the inn!"

I can't say it was really going very well.

Auron got to the inn maybe at nine, and Yuna and Lulu were waiting with fire in their eyes. Even Wakka looked a little annoyed.

"Enough," Auron snapped. "Yuna, Lulu. I have to go now to explain what happened to the city council. You may come and hear it at the same time if you wish. Kimahri, Rikku, you come too."

Both Yuna and Lulu opened their mouths, but Auron had already turned on his heel and walked put of the room. We all scrambled to follow, but as I was leaving I saw Tidus put out a hand and hold Wakka back. When I got outside I saw Lulu and Yuna catching up with Auron and trying to ask annoyed questions, but he just sped up and soon they were huffing after him. I saved my breath for walking. Of course, I already knew more than they did. But I didn't know everything. I wondered if I ever would.

There weren't that many people on the streets and we made good time, and soon we were inside the Luca government building and a girl named Belinda was smiling at Auron and leading up to the council room. Man, all she was wearing was like a teeny-bikini and a tiny skirt. I mean, who dresses like that for everyday? Tack-y. There were eight men and women sitting around the table when we got there.

"Ladies, gentlemen," Auron said, pulling out chairs for Yuna and Lulu after introducing the rest of us to the council, "Thank you for meeting with us. Yesterday, our people eliminated or captured most of Bevelle's agents here in Luca."

He looked each of the councilors in the eye, turning from one to another as he spoke.

"We need to discuss the significance of this development," he went on, talking to the councilors as Yuna and Lulu sat, "And we will. But this morning I am only escorting the summoner Yuna, who will speak to you now about her hopes for a new Spira, and for Luca."

Yuna sort of went "Eep!" and her head snapped around to look up at Auron with the widest deer-in-the-headlight eyes I've ever seen. Man, you could really see the two different colors. Lulu just coughed once or twice and swallowed hard, still looking straight ahead.

"Oh, Sir Auron...!" Yuna kinda squeaked.

"I'll meet with all of you again tomorrow," Auron said to the councilors, "Yuna, we'll see you back at the inn later. Rikku, let's go."

The council were all looking at Yuna with polite expectation and she was looking after Auron, sorta pleading silently with her big eyes as I followed him out of the room. Kimahri was standing against the wall and he sort of looked at Auron as he passed and shook his head.

"That was mean, Auron," I said when we got outside.

"Then why are you smiling?"

"I'm not!"

"All right."

"I'm NOT!"

"I said all right."

"Fine! It was funny! Happy?"

* * *

**Auron:**

Although it had its humorous aspects, I left Yuna to address the council because she is now the public face of this new pilgrimage and this new story. She has to accept that, and begin discharging her responsibilities. I left Lulu to help her, and if she starts to flounder, the councilors who are already working with us will gently guide her, asking her leading questions. Meanwhile, I sent Wakka and Tidus to make connections with the blitzball community. And Rikku and I came to this meeting with the Crusaders.

We stood looking down at a map of southern Spira that was spread open on top of a table in Crusader headquarters. Small figures representing Crusader units were scattered here and there across the map. The Crusader commander Ezar and his senior officers were present, as well as a couple of our senior people in Luca...Jordi and a woman named Samis.

I listened carefully as one of Ezar's staff laid out the Crusader's operational deployments. Dispatches from the Luca Network have been spotty the last couple of days, which is understandable, but still, I was already aware of most of what the man was saying. Simply put, Crusader strength was spread to hell and gone.

The Crusaders are organized into three brigades who deploy small detachments to protect communities all over the south. Their resources were already badly stretched by the Mi'ihen operation—the Crusaders lost two battalions in Operation Mi'ihen—and now they're trying to fill in all the gaps that the warrior monks left when they pulled out everywhere.

Looking down at the maps, we could see the small figures spread all across Spira, north and south. The Crusaders keep one brigade headquartered here in Luca and a second in the Mi'ihen Valley just south of Djose, and they run patrols in force between them along the Mi'ihen Road. And as long as the Crusaders can maintain control of that line, Church forces can't move against the south.

The Mi'ihen Brigade was presently at half strength. They lost one battalion in Operation Mi'ihen and pushed another north to establish a forward presence at Djose when the monks there pulled back. Strange how things work out. The religious community at Djose was established to be the spearhead of the Church's movement south, especially into the nearby Mi'ihen Valley. Instead, the Crusaders are occupying it...excuse me, protecting it now.

Of the two battalions left in Mi'ihen, one is split up and scattered all over the valley in security detachments, which is normal, but it only leaves them one battalion as a reaction force.

"Closer to half a battalion, really," the Crusader staffer went on, "Because 2d Battalion has been raided so heavily to make up the shortages throughout the rest of the brigade."

Meanwhile, the Yocun Brigade is stationed in the north...it's actually headquartered in the same valley that houses the Cavern of the Stolen Fayth. The brigade is permanently half-strength, with only two battalions. It lost one in Operation Mi'ihen and the other is trying to secure the Calm Lands, Macalania, the Thunder Plains, and the Gagazet slopes. And keep an eye on Bevelle.

"It's totally over-tasked," Ezar said, shaking his head. "In fact, as a practical matter they've pulled back to the Calm Lands. We sent half a battalion of our own people from Luca to Macalania, but the Thunder Plains and Gagazet are pretty much on their own."

Ezar's own command, the Luca Brigade headquartered here in the city is also stretched wire-thin. For one thing, they're patrolling the entire Mi'ihen Highroad on their own. Before, the Luca and Mi'ihen Brigades had each been responsible for patrolling half. But the Mi'ihen Brigade just doesn't have the manpower. And the strain was showing.

Ezar scowled down at the map.

"We have two whole battalions tied up patrolling the highroad and protecting the churches and the towns around here," he said. Like Yuna's friends on Besaid. "And we sent half a battalion to Macalania, which only leaves us a battalion and a half to secure Luca itself. The people in the Western Islands have sent word asking for our help, but I just don't have the men to send."

Yeah...eighteen hundred men sounds like plenty, until you're trying to protect and patrol an entire city. That's why they were trying to work up so many new recruits so quickly.

Well, that's why Samis and Jordi and I were here. If the Crusaders and Spira Dawn can cooperate in Luca, it will help us both.

"Meanwhile," the staffer picked up the briefing, "The warrior monks are still concentrated in the Yevon Valley and in camps outside Bevelle. Good news, it doesn't look as if they're planning to go anywhere. Bad news, their forces are concentrated, so if they do decide to move south they can probably punch their way into the Mi'ihen Valley and then push south down the highroad."

"Taking it doesn't mean they can hold it," Ezar said.

"No sir. Those people in the valley, they won't be so happy to see those monk-boys. Uh, no offense, sir."

"None taken," I said. "The monks aren't likely to try anything. They're fully occupied with the situation in Bevelle."

"Okay," another staffer said. "But what if Mika orders them south?"

"As of this moment Mika has no plans to order the monks south," I said, revealing that my sources of information in Bevelle were superior to theirs. But they probably already assumed that. "We don't have any kind of understanding with the council of commanders that are running the warrior monks right now, but we do know that they've agreed for the moment that they won't move south."

To change that, they would have to meet and discuss it and all agree to it, and before that happened we would find out about it. Until then, any commander that tries to order his men south on their own would be going against the rest of the military, and there won't be much trouble when they turn up dead.

Which they will.

"As of now," I went on, "The monks are not moving south."

"Good thing," Ezar muttered, looking down at the deployments on the map. I studied the small figures while the staffer continued his report. I thought about the situation while I listened to the report, moving pieces around in my head.

I thought about the people in the Western Islands. I spent time there.

I liked the people there.

"Cid has been dropping off small groups of Al Bhed refugees all up and down Spira," I said.

Everyone looked up at me, and then at each other. Many of them nodded, including Rikku.

"And the Crusaders have been protecting them," I said, turning to Ezar.

"We protect all Spirans from fiends," he said stiffly, drawing himself up.

"And from other Spirans," I said.

He nodded curtly.

I turned to Rikku.

"Rikku, send a message to Cid. Tell him he can move some refugees to the Western Islands. The people there will be glad to take them if they leave some Al Bhed marines as well."

"Uh..."

"Wait a minute," Ezar said. "We're not just going to hand those islands over to the Al Bhed!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hey!

**Auron:**

"Do you have the people to protect them?" I asked him.

"You know we don't."

"What are they going to do? Defend themselves with pointed sticks?"

"If we let the Al Bhed military occupy the islands in the west we might never get them back out!" said a Crusader staffer while Ezar looked down at the map again, his face twisted.

"All right," the Crusader commander said abruptly, turning to Rikku. "Lady Rikku, please contact your father and request that he station some Al Bhed marines in the Western Islands."

"Sir!" one staffer objected.

Ezar turned to him.

"We're responsible for their safety now, Ferris. We don't have the men. The Al Bhed do."

"At least check with Mi'ihen," another officer said. He meant check with Crusader Headquarters in the Mi'ihen Valley. Ezar shook his head.

"I'm doing this on my own authority," he told them. Then he turned to look at me across the table. "But no refugees. Marines only!"

"Fine," I replied. "Rikku, leave that out, but remind Cid that the Crusaders have been protecting the Al Bhed refugees."

She nodded, seeming preoccupied. I turned back to Ezar. As a practical matter, no one could stop Cid from dropping off refugees too. There have always been Al Bhed living in the islands. The people there get along all right with them. Now there'll be more.

Ezar knew it. He was covering his ass. He could tell his superiors later that he told Cid, No Refugees.

"You're giving the Western Islands to the Al Bhed," one Crusader officer said to me. "That'll cause trouble later when we want them back."

Maybe. Maybe not.

If I had done this quietly, if I had waited until we were away from here and then told Rikku to contact Cid and had presented a fait accompli to Yevon, the Crusaders would have been livid when they found out. It would have seemed that the Al Bhed were seizing the chance to invade and capture the Western Islands while the Crusaders were weakened and distracted.

But instead, the Crusader Commander in Luca has requested that the Al Bhed put marines into the islands, and now the Al Bhed are giving the Crusaders assistance when they need it. Yes, there will still be trouble later, but that's for later. In the meantime...

In the meantime, Crusader forces are protecting Al Bhed refugees throughout Spira, and Al Bhed marines are protecting Yevonites in the islands.

And perhaps something can be made of that, one day.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I was staring at Auron.

My eyes dropped to the map, and for a moment I thought I could see other little carved figures there along with the Crusaders...there was an airship, and Al Bhed marines, and there was a little figure of Yuna, and one of Tidus...and I wondered if I was down there too, a little figure for Auron to move here and there, to do what he thinks he needs done.

I blinked a couple of times and they were gone, and I looked back up at him. He was still talking to the Crusaders, quietly and calmly reordering the world around himself, changing Spira around to the way he wanted it to be...the Al Bhed can have this piece...the Crusaders can have that one...and Bevelle can keep this.

These people can live, and those people...

And I wondered why we all listen to him. Why do we all do what he wants us to do? The Crusaders are listening to him now. I'm listening. The woman called Samis and the man named Jordi are listening. Why? Because Auron knows what he's doing? Because he has a plan, and we don't?

Because he's Auron?

Because he's a legend?

What does this mean for the Al Bhed? Does it make them safer? Or does it make them more vulnerable? Does he care? I blinked and looked at him there, so quietly bending the world around him. How does he feel, standing there and making these life and death decisions for, for everyone—for people he doesn't even know, thousands of miles away? Just taking all that responsibility?

Who gave him the responsibility?

Does he feel powerful? Important?

Or just...tired?

And lonely?

And scared?

I almost...I started to reach out and put a hand on his arm. But I bit my lip to stop myself, because I knew this wasn't the time. Instead, I just watched him, telling the Crusaders the way it would be.

"That why she's here?" the one called Ezar asked Auron suddenly, nodding at me. He was the leader. "She speaks for Cid?"

Huh?

I opened my mouth to say...well, something...but Auron answered.

"No, she doesn't. But she knows Cid and can give you some idea how he would react. She can take any message you like to him and he will listen seriously. And she can brief you on some of the current capabilities of the Al Bhed."

So out of the blue Auron tells me I'm sort of representing Dad!

"To what end?" Ezar asked slowly, "What is it you really want to happen here, Sir Auron?"

"It isn't about what I want, it's about options for the two of you," Auron answered, looking from him to me. "Working together is something that the Al Bhed and the Crusaders should explore."

"Shouldn't you be talking to the council?" one of Ezar's people asked. "We can't commit Luca to any sort of...of alliance."

"And I can't commit the Crusaders," Ezar said.

"We are talking to the council," Auron said, "And we will talk to the Crusader Commander, but you and Rikku can have preliminary proposals to take to your leaders. Some of them should be obvious."

"The airship," a Crusader said.

"Yes," Auron said, "The airship. You might end up having to shift forces north, after all. The situation in Bevelle could change very quickly. I don't think it will, but it's possible. And the Guado could also attack. It would be stupid, but they could do it. Remember that Seymour's insane."

All the Crusaders grunted, and some of them turned and looked at me.

"Rikku," Auron said, "How many Crusaders could the airship carry?"

Huh. He probably knows better than I do.

"Say five to six thousand, if we shoehorn them in," I said, "More if we don't have to go too far."

I heard a gasp, and saw a couple of lifted eyebrows around the table. Hey, we had more than that onboard when we pulled out of Home.

"More Crusaders than you have available," Auron said. "Almost room for an entire brigade. Clearly you could use the airship to shift forces around as needed."

Well, okay. So Ezar and I agreed to take a simple plan for transport back to Pops and the Crusader leader. Is this why Auron wanted me here?

Or is there more to it?

**Auron:**

Beyond transport, the airship itself is a formidable weapons platform. Plus there are the three hundred Al Bhed marines it carries aboard, and anywhere from three to five special operations teams. The Al Bhed Special Boat Squadrons are no joke. The regular marines are smart, tough fighters, but the SBS teams can go toe-to-toe with anyone on Spira.

But this wasn't the time to discuss a military alliance between the Al Bhed and the Crusaders. This was a time for cautious first contacts. They have worked together before, after all. While Rikku and Ezar came to a tentative agreement, I wondered whether the residue of Operation Mi'ihen would poison further relations between the two groups, or provide some starting point for cooperation.

I'll get people working on it.

Cid is the leader on the Al Bhed. In some ways that is...sub-optimal. But there really is no one else. Before Cid the Al Bhed were a pugnacious tribe scattered around Spira in small groups without any overall structure. The basic social unit was the work gang. The different bands tended to follow whatever gang foremen showed the most competence.

Then Cid became the de facto leader of the Al Bhed by united the bands around the concept of a huge construction project, the building of Home. Even the Al Bhed who didn't move to Bikanel looked to Cid for leadership.

Now the Al Bhed are scattered again. Besides the refugees from Home, there are still plenty of them in various places around Spira, but without some unifying central figure, they will never work together, and they will inevitably fade in importance.

Neither Rikku nor her brother are ready to take over leadership yet. For the time being, no matter what our private issues, I need Cid to be that central figure if the Al Bhed are to be of any use to me.

I took up the briefing as Rikku and Ezar finished up.

"Ratcatcher was effective," I told them. "But not as complete as we would have hoped. Circumstances forced us to leave a lot of the smaller informers loose. We're picking them up now, but inevitably we will miss a few. They'll be a low-level pain over the months to come. Additionally, the follow-on operations against the Luca Network itself—"

**Rikku's Diary:**

What!

**Auron:**

"—had holes due to shortage of personnel. Phase Two was ninety percent effective, but we were forced to come to the accommodation that I sketched out to you last night. I can tell you now that we've mostly agreed that the Luca Network can maintain a presence in the Mid-harbor complex. They are not allowed across the bridge."

I looked around at their faces.

"As you can see, the situation here in the city will be more complex than we hoped. It can't be helped. The new organization—Spira Dawn—"

**Rikku's Diary:**

What!

**Auron:**

"—will have effective control of the city, especially in collaboration with the city council, but there will still be security concerns. So I require the cooperation of the Crusader detachment here to help fill the holes. Yuna's safety is vitally important. She is no longer just one of many summoners. She is the only one doing this."

The meeting broke up soon after that. Samis stayed behind to coordinate some things with Ezar's people and Rikku, Jordi and I left.

"Auron," Rikku said as we walked out. "Are you gonna tell me what's been going on?"

She didn't sound disgusted, or even exasperated, really. She sounded almost amused.

"Yes, Rikku," I said. "But I want to speak to Jordi, first."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Hmmmm.

**Auron:**

She nodded and stepped away towards a small shop while Jordi and I stopped on the Crusader steps. Was she taking out her journal? I turned back to Jordi and he looked at me. It wasn't a very friendly look.

I'm not in the business of making friends.

"Jordi," I said. "You know the sort of problems Spira Dawn will be facing."

He nodded. Jordi was never much of a talker.

"Security is going to be a problem, especially since I had to allow the Luca Network to keep a presence in the harbor complex. But I need to keep them across the bridge. Jordi, we're going to need a pretty heavy internal security component...someone to make sure the people in the new group keep working for us, not for Bevelle, or the Guado, or the Luca network. I need someone to run internal security for Spira Dawn. I'd like you to do it."

I waited out his silence. I knew he was thinking about it.

"Authority?" he asked.

"Assistant director level, right below the person in charge."

"Samis?"

I nodded.

"There isn't really anyone else except you and her, and you..."

I paused and he quirked a quick little grin.

"Not a people-person."

"Yeah..." I said.

But no one ever likes internal affairs anyway.

Jordi agreed to take internal security, and asked me some quick questions about responsibilities, budget and staffing. Strangely, the only real sticking point was the name for the new department. Dawn soldiers? They're not soldiers, they're investigators. Dawn defenders? Sounds stupid. Dawn protectors? Sentinels of dawn? Light of dawn? Too esoteric. Seekers of dawn? Seekers of light? Dawn detectives? Shoot me. Please.

Jordi and I both thought the name had to stick with the Dawn/Sun motif. It sounds stupid, but more than anyone I know that words are important. Names are important to people, whether they admit it or not. Finally Jordi just started throwing out colors.

"Red Dawn? White dawn? Blue Dawn?"

"Huh...that's good," I said. "We can do that for all the departments. Save me having to do this again. You can be Grey Dawn."

"Like the Grey Court," he pointed out. "Rather be red."

"There are only so many colors" I told him. "The field agents will be red. You're grey. It fits better."

He shrugged.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_Rikku shook her head as the crowd whooped and cheered, and wondered how it had ever come to this. What in the world had led them to this?_

_Was it when he'd first picked her and almost slammed her hand in the door? She told him over and over that it was okay._

_Or was it the way he'd tried to impress her by picking out the wine, going over and over the selection with the waiter, forgetting that in Luca she was too young to drink?_

_Or maybe it was when he'd spilled the wine all over her brand new If-You-Have-To-Ask-You-Can't-Afford-It dress?_

"_Oh god! I'm sorry, Rikku!" he had stuttered, looking at her in dismay._

"_It's...it's okay Auron," she had said, "It was an accident."_

_And he had blushed. It seemed like he'd been blushing all evening. Maybe that was why they called him the Red Guardian? But Rikku didn't say it out loud, because he was just trying so hard._

_Who would ever have ever thought that the Red Guardian, the Legend, would be so nervous about a date?_

_And why did it just make her melt?_

_Why did she look at him now and feel both a tenderness and a tingle running through her body. And what made her jump up and run over to him as he finally lost hold of the mechanical chocobo and flew across the Al Bhed honky-tonk bar, almost landing at her feet?_

_Why did she fall to her knees and pull his head into her lap and smile down at him so fondly as he looked up at her with a dazed expression on his face, his sunglasses long flung to some other corner of the room?_

_Maybe...it was love._

Hee hee hee. That was kinda—

"Miss Rikku?"

"Uh?"

It was some kid, kinda dressed like a Crusader.

"Miss Rikku? Hey!" he smiled, "My name is Kyu! I'm a Crusader! Well, I will be when I finish training, anyway. Hey, you know we trained against Sir Auron? That's where I met him! It was intense! Uh, until some guy tried to kill him...but it was good up til then!"

Oooookay...

"...and then it was like he was flying across the room with his big sword..."

Man, this kid liked to talk! He was pretty young, maybe Tidus' age or a little younger. He was okay looking, I guess. And boy, he loved to talk!

"...and then he took me out to eat! Wow!" Huh...this guy had a date with Auron, and I haven't yet? "...and we all heard about how you busted up the wedding in Bevelle and then you went to Gagazet and then you went to Zanarkand and then...well, we don't know what then, but then you came back, and then..."

I guess I kinda zoned out for awhile, cause I suddenly had a feeling he had asked me a question.

"...I mean, you know, if you don't mind?"

"Uh..." I blinked, "Could you, uh, repeat that?"

"Can I have your autograph!"

OH WOW!

"Um...oh, I suppose so," I said, sounding all bored and stuff, while inside I'm going Tee hee hee! Someone wants my autograph!

**Auron:**

Jordi left to head back to the Luca Net—I mean, the Spira Dawn headquarters to start working on his new assignment, and I turned to look for Rikku, my mind already on the other things that I have to do today.

Rikku was not too far away, talking to a young man. I think...yes, it's the young cadet who tried to save my life a week or two ago.

He was saying something to her, and she had the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face.

Kyu, that was his name.

Young punk.

Where...did that thought come from?

I didn't know, but as I watched the two of them together, two young people laughing and smiling and talking to each other, I realized that I was in a foul mood.

I watch them, and they seem...they look...right, together.

And then a sudden wave of jealousy washed over me, almost like a literal wave closing over my head, making it impossible for me to breathe. She turns and sees me and she waves brightly, starting towards me. He trails along after her like a puppy.

"Hey Auron! I met a friend of yours!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

The kid started babbling at Auron about how nice it was to see him again and about his brothers and his training and about this grey puppy he and the other cadets had found and I don't know what else. And Auron just stood there, like a tree standing against the wind, but...

There was something...no one else would have noticed, but...

I don't know, it was like...was he mad at him?

Was...was he mad at me?

"I didn't mean to interrupt," Auron said suddenly, cutting through the chatter. "And I have things I need to do. Rikku, I'll see you later."

And he turned and walked away!

What the hell!

I caught up before he took five steps, grabbing his coat and tugging him around.

"Hey! What the hell was that!"

He opened his mouth to say something, and then shut it, and then opened it again.

"I just...I have a great deal to do today, Rikku," he said, "I'll see you later."

And then he turned away again.

What the—

"Rikku," he said, half turning back, "I love you."

And then he was gone.

**Auron:**

Walking away, I knew I had hurt her feelings, and I suddenly knew why. Back on Kilika, back in the fire, when the crest had sent me false visions to torment me...

It was him. It was Kyu that Rikku was under, naked and grunting.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I wandered around Luca the rest of the morning in a pretty bad mood because my boyfriend had all of a sudden been a jerk and run me off for no good reason that I could see. So I stomped and snarled at shopkeepers who tried to sell me stuff and bumped into people and someone called me a dirty Al Bhed and I looked at him and he just faded away fast.

By noon I was calmed down some, but I still had a little mad on for Auron. I mean, things were okay this morning. We were talking about our first date! And, and, and then when he was meeting with the Crusaders, well, maybe a little part of me was, um...

He was just so...in charge. He was so strong, and...and attractive. Whatever he was feeling.

I think I got a little...turned on.

Am I, like, one of those girls who's drawn to men with power? Geez, what does that say about me?

Or...maybe it's just to Auron?

So I'm all confused and that's another reason to be mad at Auron right there, and then he was suddenly all cold and I-have-things-to-do and walking away from me! And I wanted to talk to someone about it!

You know, I guess I had kind of gotten into the habit of going to the crest with my problems with Auron. But lately I was starting to think that maybe wasn't such a good idea, not so long as I didn't really know what the crest really wanted from us.

Still, I wanted to talk to someone, but I didn't want to talk to Yuna or Lulu. The way they felt about him right now it would just turn into a bash Auron session. And while a part of me was thinking that was just what I needed right now, a good-old-fashioned trash Auron party with everyone invited, the more the merrier...well, a bigger part of me just wanted to know what was going on!

Maybe Tidus, I thought. I know he's been hanging around the blitzball stadium with Wakka lately. So I was headed that way across the long bridge when I saw Kimahri coming my way!

* * *

**Auron:**

----Mass for the Festival of Bells----_Carol of the Bells_----Cast in Bronze----

In my head, I listened to the bells...

Together, we stood for the benediction. My head was bowed and my eyes were closed and the music washed over me, pounding me down, lifting me high, and I knew that Kinoc was there on my right, solid and dependable, and Lacey was on my left, our cadet leader from Luca—smart, and strong, and tough. Even she felt it, a Crusader cadet from that southern city where the Church meant little, even she felt the music and the power of faith. We all felt it, the strength that comes from submission to something greater. Flushed and dizzy, we became a part of it, all of us together as ancient words and ancient music swept around us, we became part of something larger and better than ourselves.

Fourteen years old, I stood in the great cathedral of Bevelle with the other cadets—my brothers and sisters—and we listened to the bells. We felt the power and the passion...I felt the spirit move inside me, connecting me with all the others. We were young and strong, proud and humble. We were the fist of the fayth, the defenders of Yevon.

We were blessed.

We touched the divine.

I opened my eye.

It was a sad little chapel, all by itself on the Luca waterfront. No one was there. No one ever came, and the priest was somewhere sleeping off a drunk. I sat on a dingy pew, listening to the silence, smelling the damp.

Churches shouldn't be like this. Churches shouldn't smell like this and churches shouldn't feel so surprised to find someone inside them. When I was boy, just come to Bevelle, churches were...they were grand. They were powerful, filled with sound and emotion, filled with people who were all moving to the same complicated rhythm. Churches were communities coming together. In the cadets, we went to chapel every morning before breakfast, and every seventh day we went to evening services.

I didn't fit at first. I didn't know when to stand, when to sit, when to sing. But I learned, and I started to feel that I was becoming part of something larger than myself. I would listen to the priest as he performed the ceremonies, and I had my small part to play. I would listen as the priest spoke of Yevon, and our duty to the people. I became a part of the Body Church.

As time went on, and I learned more about the Church, I began to go to evening services almost every day, trying to hang on to the way that I felt in those early years. When I was sitting with other believers in the nave, and with some who were desperate to believe, listening to the music wash over us, the Church was...it was still real, to me.

Those days are long ago, now, and perhaps I remember them too fondly. It happens as you get older. But I close my eye now and I can almost feel what it was that I felt back then, sitting with the other young cadets—my new family—comrades that I would trust with my life—listening to the sermon or to the Hymn of the Fayth, and knowing that we were all of us dedicated to protecting all the people of Spira, all of them our family in a way.

It was all of my life for twenty years.

But now, all I can smell is dust. I open my eye, and the dirty light that sneaks in through the streaked windows shows the bits of rubbish that hide in the corners.

Lonely little church...you should never have come to Luca.

Some time later I hear someone enter behind me...two someones. Inhale. Faded perfume, not too sweet. And fresh sawdust.

"Sir Auron?"

"Lulu. Wakka," I said without turning. "Thank you for coming."

I could sense their hesitation, as they came and stood by my pew, halfway down the aisle. I didn't look, but I knew Wakka was confused and uncomfortable, and Lulu was angry and unsure.

"What do you want?" she said.

It came out more harshly than she probably intended, and the words rang around the room as I let the awkward silence stretch.

"Uh, we got your message, ya?" Wakka said, slipping into the pew behind us. "So here we are. So, why we here, Sir Auron?"

"I asked you to meet me here because I want your thoughts on something."

"Oh, now you want advice," Lulu shot at me. "It didn't seem like our input was welcome the last few times we tried to offer it."

"Hey, Lu!"

"This isn't something that I can decide for myself," I said.

"There's actually something you can't decide for yourself?" Lulu said, and I heard the smallest of sneers in her voice. "I thought you were ordering the entire world to your tastes."

"Lulu, sit down and be quiet."

She opened her mouth, but I finally turned and she froze at my look. She sat down next to me in the pew, tight-lipped. I turned to look over my shoulder at Wakka, and he sat as well.

The three of us sat quietly for a time in the dreary little chapel...one stiff and fuming, one trying to puzzle out what was happening, and one remembering other days. We sat in silence, and five minutes stretched to ten, and ten to twenty, and I felt more than saw as their expressions gradually changed. They were looking around now, but they were seeing something else.

From the corner of my single eye, I watched their faces...first puzzled, then understanding and remembering. I saw them share a little smile, and then a frown...

"It ain't right..." Wakka mumbled.

I looked at him. He shook his head, and waved his arm, "This ain't right! This ain't the Church, not like when I was a kid!"

"It never was that," Lulu said, bitterness in her voice. "Wakka, it never was what we thought it was. It was always a lie."

"How I felt! That was a lie? My parents got married in that temple there on Besaid! Was that a lie?"

"Yes, Wakka," she answered him, her eyes flashing. "Yes, it was all a lie! They all lied to us!"

"Zuke? Did he lie to us, Lu?"

"YES! Maybe he didn't know it, but he lied Wakka!"

"So you're happy here?" Wakka asked, waving his arm around and leaning towards her. "You think this is right? You think this is how this place should be?"

"YES, Wakka! Why should people come to this place? To hear the priests lie to us about Yevon?"

"I-DON'T-KNOW, LU! All I know, is..." He stopped and shook his head. "I know that ever since...I know there's been something missing inside me, ya? An I don't like it!"

She turned and looked away, her face hard.

"Lu...? Don't you miss it?"

She sat facing front in her pew...not turning to look at him, not acknowledging his question at all.

"We are writing the story," I said softly. Wakka looked at me. Lulu didn't turn. "We are writing a new story, and it can be written different ways. So...Wakka...Lulu...what will we do with the Church? That is the question that I couldn't answer on my own."

She turned then, and they both stared at me, saying nothing.

"There are two ways the story could be written," I said to them, sitting in my dingy, broken pew, in the dingy, little chapel. "One story ends with the destruction of the Church, and the other with its transformation. So...do we destroy it? Reform it? Restrain it?"

They still didn't say anything. Lulu listened with no expression. Wakka frowned in concentration.

"In the end, the decision won't really be ours," I said. "It will belong to the children, ultimately. But here, now, at this moment in time things are in flux, and there is an opportunity to...push...the issue one way or the other...and perhaps to influence the final outcome."

I looked from one to the other.

"But I don't know which way to push," I said quietly. "So...Wakka?"

"I dunno," he said slowly. "But...not destroy it."

"Lulu?" I turned to her.

She looked at me, and then she looked at Wakka for a long minute, then she faced forward again, her arms crossed.

"End it."

I heard Wakka heave a sigh.

So...

I stood.

"I'm forming two working-groups," I said to them. "One will assume the continued existence of the Church, and how we can best respond. The other will explore best options to assure the destruction of the Church. I would like each of you to join one or the other."

Neither said anything and neither looked at the other as Lulu stood and moved aside to let me pass by and up the aisle. Neither realized that they had just been given jobs that they would have for the rest of their lives.

I paused and turned, halfway to the door.

"Lulu...I'm sorry that I've been treating you...cavalierly. I wasn't trying to demean you. I do the things that have to be done. Anyway that I can."

The bright sunlight assaulted my eyes as I left the dark little building. I nodded to two of Lud's men waiting outside. I was still using them for a few things while the new organization got on its feet.

"The chapel?" one asked. "Bleak enough?"

"Just what I was looking for," I told him, and he smiled thinly.

"We aim to please," he said.

I turned to the other man, and he leaned a little closer.

"We have him," he said quietly.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Kimahri go to see other Ronsos," he said. "Go to talk to Fangs."

"Oh, um...how are the Ronso doing now? Any better?"

We were sitting on a sunny bench near a fountain on the long bridge connecting the harbor complex with the shore. He shook his massive head.

"Kelk Ronso no longer lives," he rumbled darkly. "Ronsos are drifting, no direction. Bad time. Not good."

Yeah. I thought about how things would be even worse for the Al Bhed if Dad had died fighting the Guado. Pops and I have issues, but he's a strong leader, and the Al Bhed needed that right now.

Even after all this time, it's hard to read how Kimahri is feeling, but I knew he had to be feeling just rotten and blah and all alone.

"Um...do you want an ice cream cone?" I asked him.

He turned and looked at me...did I say something wrong? Then I heard him chuff. He did it again. He was chuckling. Well, he ended up buying me an ice cream cone, and I think it made him feel better.

"So, will the Ronso let us help them? I know Dad would do what he could. And Auron, um..."

I trailed off.

He shook his head.

"Ronso too proud. Not take help."

"But that's stupid! I mean, I'm sorry, but it is! Everyone needs help sometimes."

"Ronso stupid in pride," he said, "Die before admit weakness. Wise leader can change Ronso mind, but..."

Yeah...

But.

Without a strong leader, the Ronso will just die from stubborn pride. He huffed a sigh.

"Kimahri will talk to Sir Auron," he said.

Yeah.

It always seems to come down to that. What else is there to do? I kind of hunched over a bit.

"Rikku is troubled," he rumbled.

"No!" I said, all flustered, "I just...I mean, we, um...it wasn't a fight, he was just, well, mean to me. And...um..."

"Sir Auron loves Rikku. Kimahri knows."

Well, I know too.

I felt better as we sat on the bench and I finished my cone.

**Auron:**

The waterfront bar was about as down-market as you find in Luca. That meant the drinks were cheap, the fleas were moderately well behaved, and the people minded their own business.

It wasn't far from the chapel, but even in the middle of the afternoon the place was crowded with men and a few women paying attention to the serious business of drinking.

----Auron, necessary things----_For What It's Worth_----Buffalo Springfield----

The young man seated at the table scowled as I settled myself across from him.

"Maroda," I said.

"What is this all about!" he demanded, fists clenched on the table in front of him.

He was frightened, and covering.

"It's about your brother," I answered him.

"I haven't seen him in weeks," he said hotly.

I looked at him silently, but he refused to squirm.

Lies smell like something burning.

"Isaaru has been twisted by bitterness and anger," I said. "He—"

"THAT'S A LIE!" Maroda shouted, pushing himself up from the table. Behind him, Lud's men each put a hand on one shoulder and slammed him back down into his seat. No one in the bar looked around.

"Isaaru has become a dark summoner," I said calmly. "A thing out of legend. He is a danger to everyone around him, and he must be destroyed."

Maroda's mouth worked, but he said nothing.

"When you leave here," I told him, "You will be taken to some people and you will tell them everything you can about Isaaru. You will be given a list of names and ways to contact us. We will give you money and supplies and take you wherever you need to go."

He was shaking his head, looking at me in wonder and disbelief.

"What makes you think that I would turn against my brother like that? That I would help you kill him?"

I leaned back in my chair a little and looked at him for a long moment.

"Maroda, one day you will know what is right," I said. "One day, after Isaaru has killed hundreds, perhaps thousands of people, after he has destroyed families and devastated lives...when orphans weep and widows curse and strong men cry...when his very name is spoken with hatred and fear and people pray for someone to deliver them from Isaaru...one day when the evil has claimed him and his hatred for a few has become a rage against everything that lives...then, Maroda, you will know what is right."

His face was closed, and he was looking down at the table.

"You will know one day..." I said. "But I cannot afford to wait for that day. And I will not let all those people die to indulge your angst, Maroda. You know that what I'm telling you is the truth. Help us. Yes, it's a hard thing to go against your brother. But you know it is the right thing."

I saw him swallow again. His breathing was becoming ragged.

"He's my brother," he whispered, not looking up. "I can't!"

Of course not, I thought.

I never believed you could.

"Maroda," I said gently. "Look at me."

His head came up slowly and he looked at me with anguish, then his gaze slid past my shoulder and his eyes went wide.

"Pacce!"

He started to surge to his feet but Lud's men slammed him down again. He looked up with a snarl, but then his face went blank with fear, looking around the crowded room wildly, searching the tables.

"Where is he!" he said. "What did they do with him!"

"You'll be given contact protocols," I said. "Ways to get in touch with us if you need to."

"What are you doing with him!" he threw the words at me through bared teeth. "Let him go!"

"I need your help, and I don't have time for you to work your way through a crisis of the spirit."

"He's just a kid, you bastard!"

"And he needs his big brother," I said quietly.

"I..." He suddenly slumped back in his chair as all the strength seemed to run out of his body. He swallowed uncertainly. "I..."

"Maroda," I said.

He looked at me, wide-eyed and pale.

"Maroda, I don't want to have to start sending you fingers before you understand that I'm serious. Look at me. Look at my face."

We stared at each other until I saw the beginnings of a kind of horrified realization in his eyes.

His face had been white. Now it was grey.

He knew he was going to lose a brother.

We were done. He didn't say anything more, but I felt his eyes on my back as I stood and left the table. I walked to the men's room, checked inside to see that I was alone, and bent over the sink.

Colors exploded from my mouth...pyreflies leaving my body. I was breathing heavily.

Have you ever seen me throw up?

It's really quite beautiful.

Lud was waiting for me outside the tavern.

"Well?" he asked.

"Get him drunk," I said. "Cut him loose in the morning, after you give him the contact stuff and whatever else he needs, money or whatever."

"Okay. And the kid?"

"Out to the camps, with the others."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I guess I had to talk to Auron before this became like a whole big thing between us like all the other stuff we still haven't talked about. I wasn't really looking forward to it, you know?

I was headed back to the inn—the first one, where we were staying again—wondering if he was still in his mood, and should I maybe just avoid him for a while, when I saw a splash of red. It was him, sitting on some steps about a block away, surrounded by children! He was showing them something and they were laughing and shouting!

Okay, well...that's something you don't see every day.

"Auron?" I said, walking up, and the boys and girls all turned and started pointing at me and cheering and clapping and smiling at me!

"Auron?" I said again, stepping between the kids, and sort of moving a couple aside with my foot to sit down next to him. "What's going on!"

The kids all started shouting about princesses and warriors and chocobos and treasure. I turned to Auron, and he said quietly, "I'm telling a story, about a beautiful and brave Al Bhed princess, who goes on a quest to save the whole world."

"And she falls in love!" a little girl squeaked.

"And she falls in love," Auron nodded a little sadly, it seemed. What did he have there in his hand? I tried to get a look. It's...

He pulled it out to show me...it's...

...a puppet?

With...blond hair, and green shorts?

"It's Little Rikku," he said, his mouth twisting a bit as he made the puppet with its big green eyes and a red heart on her shirt wave cheerfully to me. "I made it when I left you in the Calm Lands...so I wouldn't be so lonely. I felt...lonely, today."

I...

Um, I...

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't. So I just sniffed a little bit as I crept up next to him and slipped under his arm and he held me while the kids shrieked and laughed when he talked to Little Rikku and she talked back and scolded him and called him a meanie, and he said he knows he was mean to her but he's very, very sorry, and he loves her very, very much, and would she please please please forgive him.

"Should she forgive me?" he asked the children quietly, and they shrieked YES!

"Will you forgive me?" he asked, and leaned his head way over and put Little Rikku up to his ear. And he held her there, and didn't say anything, just waited.

I leaned up and whispered, "It's okay. I forgive you."

"I'm so sorry, Rikku," he whispered back, and then he lifted his head and said, "She forgives me!"

And all the children clapped and cheered.

"You'll be great with our kids," I murmured, leaning into him, resting my cheek on his magic coat.

"What?" he turned to me.

"I said you're great with kids."

I sat there with his arm around me and listened to his story of the Al Bhed princess who tried to save the whole world because she loved everyone, even the people who hated the Al Bhed. And she met a man, and fell in love with him and I wished so bad that I could pull out Little Auron and make him wave his little sword and all the children would laugh and he would smile.

It would be so perfect.

I can still remember the day up on Mt Gagazet when I threw the puppet into the fire and walked away.

Damn damn damn...

I'll...I'll make another one.

But this moment won't come again.

Stupid tears...pricking the corners of my eyes. I blinked them back as the hero in the story asked Little Rikku out on a date.

"Rikku..." Auron said quietly, looking down at the puppet on his hand, "Would you go out with me? On a date?"

Oh.

Well, yeah!

And all the children clapped and cheered.

**Next: Everyday Magic**


	61. Everyday Magic

Hey. Not much to say this time. The site was acting up for a while...a chunk of stories disappeared for a day or so, but they seem to be back now. Well...

Oh yeah, the song. The one I had in mind was Cory Hart. (That's what I said.) But if you don't like that one, well, there are a lot of other versions...Anne Murray, The Mission UK, UB40, Elvis Presley, etc.

So...spoilers. Big ones. Disclaimer: This broadcast with permission of major- league baseball. No rebroadcast...wait, that isn't it. FFX isn't mine. (Baseball is starting up, though. So, that's good.) Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Still-T-.

Like last chapter, this one is dedicated to one of the earlier reviewers, xxela 14, for the early support.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

There are things that I don't like about Luca. In many ways the city is a flawed tool, but it is the best tool that I have. People in the north have always thought of Luca as a very frivolous place, and honestly there is some truth in that. But at the same time there needs to be some alterative to Bevelle if things are going to change, and for better or worse, it is Luca. If The Plan succeeds, it is likely that Luca will inherit Spira.

Luca has always granted the Church respect, but the city never truly embraced Yevon in its heart. The people here devote themselves to this life, rather than the next, trying to create happiness with their own hands. Blitzball is the obvious example...the city is mad about the game. Lucans endure repeated Sin attacks and loss of life, always rebuilding the damaged parts of the city, always maintaining the blitzball stadium.

It's really quite...stupid.

But...looked at another way, perhaps its simply brave.

Perhaps the people of Luca simply accept that a measure of pain is the price that they pay for a measure of happiness.

Rikku adores the city, partly because it reflects her own attitude towards life, and partly because the people here make her feel less of an outcast.

For that alone, I can forgive them much.

* * *

**Everyday Magic**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Hurry up, Yuna!"

"Rikku, will you please tell me where we're going?"

"It's a surprise!"

I grabbed her hand and started dragging her up the street. It was a typical cool, sunny Luca day. Wakka and Lulu were off someplace and Tidus was back at the blitzball stadium, so it was just me and her and Kimahri bringing up the rear.

"Rikku," Yuna said, all exasperated, "I didn't really like the last surprise I got!"

"Oh poo! Lulu said you did great! The Luca council was hanging on your every word. She said by the time you were finished they all loved you!"

"I embarrassed myself Rikku! I don't even remember what I said! I just opened my mouth and said whatever!"

"That's what was so great, Yuna! You weren't all polished and stuff...you were genuine! You spoke from the heart! They all felt that. Com'on."

"Whatever! I swear if Auron ever puts me in...in a...situation...like..."

She ran down, and then just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and jerked her arm away.

"Rikku," she said, all kinda dangerous-like, standing there while people passed us, "Rikku, where are we going?"

"I told you," I answered brightly, "It's a surprise!"

"Rikku, do you know where we're going!"

"Um...well..."

"Rikku! You don't! You don't even know where we're going!"

"Auron said...oops..."

"Ah ha! Auron Said! I'm outta here!"

She turned and started to walk away and I ran after her and caught her arm.

"Wait wait wait," I said, "Hey, where are you going?"

"I have a few words for the legendary guardian," she scowled.

"Well, where do you think he is?" I said, running around in front of her, and adding over her shoulder to Kimahri, "Hey, what are you smiling at!"

"Rikku," Yuna started, with frowny eyebrows.

"Hey! You know I've just about been going crazy about going out on my first real date with Auron! I want it to be perfect, and if I don't get you to come with me now it'll just be all awkward and stuff when it happens, and he'll be all, Why-didn't-you-bring-Yuna-that-time, and I'll be all, Well-cause-she-had-frowny-eyebrows-and-didn't-wanna-come, and he'll be all, Fine, and I'll be all, Fine, and we won't have anything to talk about! Is that what you want, Yunie? Do you want me and Auron's first date to be all awkward and horrible and us to have nothing to talk about?"

"Rikku, of course I don—"

"Great!" I said, grabbing her arm and pulling her along. I think she might have tried saying something but I just kept talking about Auron and me and our first date and soon we were talking about clothes and hair and make-up and stuff.

"In here."

Yunie and I both jumped. Auron had come out of nowhere. He nodded to Kimahri and Yuna opened her mouth to say something but Auron was already walking up the steps of a building, and Yuna stopped in mid-word and her eyebrows came down again and she took a breath and stomped after him.

**Auron:**

If I stopped, Yuna would plant herself and I'd never get her moving.

**Rikku's Diary:**

So Yuna followed Auron into the building and I followed Yuna, and Kimahri followed all of us, and when we got inside we were in some sort of reception area and Yuna kind of grabbed Auron's coat (generally a bad idea) but suddenly the girl behind the reception desk sort of squealed "OH! Lady Yuna!" and jumped up and ran around and grabbed her hand, "Oh Lady Yuna, it's so nice to meet you! I'm Diane!"

Yuna went "Uhh..." and then young women were all of a sudden flooding into the area and surrounding her and calling her Lady Yuna and some were coming over to me and calling me Lady Rikku and they were all so friendly and cheery and somehow they just sort of sucked us right into the next room with them, which was full of desks and filing cabinets but it was all light and airy with pictures of kittens and flowers and bunnies on the wall.

"Lady Yuna!" a young woman with deep red hair said, "Lady Rikku! You're finally here! This is wonderful! Now we can really get things started!"

Yuna went, "Um..."

"Yuna, Rikku," Auron said, coming in behind us all, "This is Cherry, the managing editor, and these are the offices of your new magazine, _Spira Girl_."

Uh...?

I mean...

What?

And Yunie said, "Eep?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Poor Yuna...I planted myself in a chair while she just sort of sat there with her mouth open while one perky young girl after another all wearing great big smiles brought her mock-ups and drafts and market projections.

I mean...okay, buying me a chocobo was one thing...

But buying Yunie a magazine?

HEY! This chair TWIRLS!

I sat in the twirly-chair going round and round until I heard a voice say, "Um...Lady Rikku?"

"Uh...just call me Rikku!" I said, stopping. Well, I stopped, but the room was still going round.

"Oh, well Rikku, please follow me!"

She...she was a Guado.

I sat in the twirly-chair looking up at a smiling, teen-aged Guado girl.

I opened my mouth. I don't know what I was going to say, but suddenly I felt a pressure in my head from the crest, and at the same time Auron's hand came down on my arm and squeezed.

And I stopped and took a breath. And then I blinked, and took another breath.

"Yes..." the word didn't really come out, and I started over, "Yes, I'm Rikku..."

"I know," she smiled, "Please, come this way."

Guado...

I got up, kind of awkwardly, and followed her across the room, and when she wasn't looking I jerked my arm away from Auron and gave him a hard look, and he just looked back at me without any expression at all.

"Rikku," the Guado girl said, "This is your office."

"Wha...?"

My office?

"Are you mad, Rikku?" I heard Auron ask quietly from behind me. I turned and looked at him, standing in the doorway, and then turned back to the room. It was bright, and there was a desk with some chairs, and a little sofa.

I looked at him, and at the Guado girl, and around the office and then back at him.

Yeah...I was mad.

But he looked so worried...I mean to me. No one else could have seen it.

So...for now...

"No, Auron," I said with a smile, "Of course I'm not. It's just a surprise, and, uh, well, it's a little sparse...that's all."

"Sir Auron thought you might like to decorate it yourself," the girl said cheerfully, "Oh! And my name is Destani! I'm your secretary! Yours and Lady Yuna's."

Gee Auron, I thought, You actually trust me to make decisions about office furniture for myself?

I took another breath. Behave, Rikku.

Secretary?

**Auron:**

Should I have told Rikku about all of this beforehand? I had rather hoped she might be pleased, but I didn't really expect it. I thought she would feel that I was being rather high-handed, treating her like a child.

Or a puppet.

But if I told her, then it would have been one more secret she kept from Yuna. A small one, really, but I don't want to cause any tension between them. I know they have become best friends.

I planned on that.

And then, of course, there was Destani.

"So, uh, so what am I gonna do in this office, boss?" Rikku asked.

Yes. She's mad. But she's trying not to show it. Really trying.

"Your regular column," I said. "BFF."

"Uh..." she said, a slow smile starting to creep over her face. I knew she didn't want to smile, but she couldn't control it. "BFF?"

"Unless you like some other name better?"

"No no," she said, still angry, but openly smiling now. "I think I like it. So...it's like Yunie's magazine, and I'm like her best friend?"

"Yes," I said, heaving a small, internal sigh.

"Auron?"

"Like it or not, Rikku, Yuna is going to be the public face of the new story we're trying to create. That will be all for now, Destani," I said to the young girl.

"Um, the meeting will be starting soon, Sir Auron."

"Let us know when it begins."

She nodded, smiled at Rikku, and left, pulling the door closed behind her. Rikku let out a puff of breath, and looked at the closed door with a sneer.

That's something I haven't often seen on her pretty face.

"Rikku..."

"She's a Guado!" she said, turning on me.

"You're an Al Bhed. Kimahri is a Ronso. Tidus is from Zanarkand."

"Don't act dumb, Auron. You know it's different! They murdered us!"

"Destani didn't."

"They did...the Guado!"

"Rikku..."

"Auron, I don't want her around!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

I don't want her around!

I don't, and I don't care how he feels about that. I'm not a racist, but they destroyed my home! They killed my people and my family and wanted to kill us all, and now he wants me to spend time with one of them! And we're what now, going to gossip and talk about clothes and do each other's hair? In my mind I suddenly flashed back to my own little room that I grew up in on Bikanel, and I saw a Guado soldier lying there and I saw red and suddenly I wished I had killed him!

"All right."

What? I blinked and swallowed and looked up at Auron.

"All right," he repeated, "I'll send her away."

Just...just like that? No arguing, no She's A Human Being, Rikku? He's not even going to make me tell her myself to teach me some sort of lesson?

"It was my mistake," he said, "I hired her. I'll find something for her somewhere else."

"Good," I said.

I'm not a racist. But I hate the Guado...all of them! They tried to kill all of us! Doesn't he understand?

I'm looking down at the ground now, scowling at my feet, and now he's talking about Yuna and Wakka and blitzball and he doesn't understand! He's a legend and he doesn't know what it's like to be Al Bhed! People calling names when you walk by, sometimes even spitting on you, and when you walk into a place people stop talking and they look at you, and you look back out of the corner of your eye to see whether they'll ignore you or make trouble! Always making sure you know where the exit is, and that there isn't anyone between you and it and you can reach it, and you know what they're thinking cause everyone knows Al Bhed girls are all sluts and you can feel them looking at you but always holding your head up anyway cause dammit you're AL BHED and your old man is CID and they can't look down on you!

But this is LUCA! This is one place I always liked because I almost felt almost kinda safe...it's special, but there's one of them here now! Here in this same place I am, and he's talking about whatever-it-is, the magazine or whatever, and I don't care what he thinks and now I'm glad I kissed Yennath cause he's Al Bhed and he knows and Auron doesn't!

"...I don't know what this term bishie means, but Tidus seems to be—"

"SHUT UP!"

"Rikku?"

"Just shut up! I don't want her here!"

"Rikku, I said I would send her—"

**Auron:**

Suddenly she was in my arms, hugging me tight, her face buried against my chest, mumbling something I couldn't catch.

"What? Rikku?"

"She can stay..." she said, barely audibly.

**Rikku's Diary:**

He didn't say anything...

...but he put his arms around me and hugged me back.

Stupid Auron.

I...we're...we're still okay...right...? I mean...him and me?

"Rikku," he said softly in my ear, "We're all right, aren't we? You and I?"

"Mm-hm," I nodded into his coat.

Then there was a knock and Guado-girl put her head around the edge of the door.

"The meeting is starting, sir. Uh, is everything okay?"

She was staring at me and Auron, holding each other, and I took a deep breath.

Yeah...

We're okay.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"—initial run of about twenty thousand copies—"

"—subscriptions are strong—"

"—good word-of-mouth—"

"—some free to schools—"

"—using local printers when we can—"

"—advertising—"

"-point-of-sale—"

"—premier issue—"

Cherry was running the meeting, and Yuna was sitting there with her eyes looking kind of glazed as it all washed over her. It was kinda funny. It's sorta like Cherry was some really peppy terrorist and Yunie was her hostage! Heh.

I was...I don't know. I don't know how I felt. But...I was still mad at Auron, I guess. But I didn't want to be. Like, like being with Auron made me want to be better, more grown-up than I am. Or something.

I dunno...

I'll think about it later.

"—so we'll have a guest column every month."

"—make-up tips...who does your makeup Lady Yuna?"

"—lot's of pictures of cute boys!"

"—affiliations, like with the local animal shelters, and we'll have adopt-a-pet campaigns!"

"—all kinds of contests!"

"Oooh! Like what?" I said, looking up.

Cherry's assistant, a nice young woman named Plum, said, "All kinds!"

"Wow! Like what!"

"Like school spirit contests! To see who can raise the most for charity! And, like poetry contests! Where we give them a theme! And then we publish the winner!"

"Oh cool! Can I enter?"

Auron turned to answer me, saying, "That might not seem entirely fair, Rikku."

"Aww..."

"And sphere picture contests!" Plum was going on, "And Win a Date with a Handsome Celebrity!"

"Hey, no using Auron!" I said.

"Um, welllll," Cherry answered, "Actually Rikku, I don't think most teenaged girls would want to win a date with someone old enough to be their father."

Really? Weirdoes.

"I was thinking of Tidus," Auron said, "Young girls seem to like him."

And Yuna went, "Hey!"

Hmm.

"Are we gonna have a horoscope?" I asked Cherry.

"Of course," she smiled.

Uh...Auron's looking at me.

"Um...they're kinda fun..." I said.

**Auron:**

Don't...lift...eyebrow...

**Rikku's Diary:**

Apparently Cherry and Auron had done all the groundwork up til now (and how the heck did Auron come up with things like the guest columns, and publishing a poem from a reader every month, huh?) but a lot of that was all business stuff. Now there were editorial decisions to make, about how the magazine would look, and what it would care about and stuff like that.

"—photoshoot, you'll be on the cover, of course, Lady Yuna—"

"Oh! I don't think—!"

"—preliminary sketches—"

"—don't think personals ads are a good idea—"

Cherry looked at Auron.

"This is one of the places we still disagree strongly, Yuna, Rikku. And we need a decision soon."

What? What'd I miss?

"Um, what...?" Yuna started.

"A main section of the magazine will be local to the point of sale," Auron said, still somehow giving the impression that he wasn't a part of any of this. "Here in Luca, there will be a section called Luca Girl, devoted to what's happening here in the city."

"Concerts, local celebs, good stores, clubs, maybe some gossip," Cherry explained, "More focused on life here in Luca."

"And there will be a Bevelle Girl section for the magazines sent to that city," Auron said, looking blandly at the managing editor.

"Even if we aren't likely to sell enough magazines there to be worth it," she replied, looking back at him.

"We'll sell enough," Auron said, "And the magazine will have an impact out of proportion to its numbers."

Yuna put her hand up like a little girl in class.

"Um, so what's the problem?" she asked a little timidly.

"Well, where do we draw the line?" Cherry said. "We'll do a Mi'ihen Girl section for the magazines we send to the Mi'ihen Valley, and a Moontown section for the one's there, but for instance, what about the islands around here? Do we have a Besaid Girl section for that island? And a Kilika Girl section? Sir Auron says yes..."

"It's about locking up market share," he said.

**Auron:**

It's about forcing new ideas down the throats of every Yevonite in Spira, starting with their teenaged daughters.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Oh, it's great for Kilika," Cherry said, "For all the twenty, or maybe even fifty copies we'll sell there. It's just not cost effective, Sir Auron."

"Yuna," Auron said, "Rikku, it's decision time. Do the small islands and communities get their own special section? Or not?"

"Uh, well," I said, frowning, "If it really isn't cost effective..."

"What do they get if they don't have a local section of their own?" Yuna asked.

"Well," Cherry said, "There really wouldn't be very much to it for such small communities, just a couple of pages of local gossip, really, maybe a guest column. So they'll still get the Luca Girl section either way. And market tests show that they'll be fine with it."

"Oh...well..."

"Yuna," Auron said, "If you had a magazine like this when you were younger, would you have wanted it to have a little section on Besaid? Maybe even write a little column yourself?"

We all saw a slow smile spread across the Yuna face, and Cherry threw up her hands and said Fine, and then she muttered, "At least it's decided now."

"Um, is there gonna be an Al Bhed girl?" I asked.

They were all looking at me.

"Not...exactly, Lady Rikku," Cherry said.

Oh...

I...

Oh.

"What we're going to do, well, we're going to publish an entire _Al Bhed Girl_ magazine once a year as a special."

What!

Oh WOW!

"We want to put out the first one six months after the launch of _Spira Girl,_" she said, "We were going to talk to you about it later, ask if you would serve as Executive Editor. And of course we'd need to hire some Al Bhed, but we think it would do well."

She shrugged, and smiled

"Who knows? Maybe in time we can go semi-annual, or even quarterly."

I looked over at Auron, and he sort of cleared his throat, and stood up.

"I have some things to do," he said, "You have the meeting under control here. I'll see you later, back at the inn."

"It was Sir Auron's idea," Plum said to me softly, as he was walking out, "_Al Bhed Girl_ was."

* * *

**Auron:**

I sat on a bench at the center of the long bridge between the harbor complex and the mainland. I shared the bench with a small blue lizard. I've seen several of them around Luca. I looked up at the Sphere Theatre in the distance. Believe it or not, there's an actual issue now about whether members of the Luca Network can go to the theatre. The arraignment was that they would stick to the harbor complex, and not cross the bridge.

So, is the Sphere Theatre across the bridge, or not?

People are taking it seriously. The Luca Network and Spira Dawn are actually having meetings about it. They've had two already, and another is planned. Must be a little awkward considering they were all in the same group a few days ago. There are actually some couples now where the husband is in one group and the wife is in the other.

I shook my head a bit. A lot of things are going on in Luca these days. The aftereffects of Ratcatcher, of course, and the whole Spira Dawn reorganization. Understandings and agreements with the Crusaders, and with the city fathers. New businesses, and new ventures, like this magazine. _Spira Girl _might seem like a frivolous idea, but it isn't. It's part of the new battle for the hearts and minds of Spira. It's part of the new story that we have to write if anything is going to change.

And besides all of that to worry about...there's my first date with Rikku to think about.

_Al Bhed Girl_...

I wanted Rikku to have that. Of course I did. I wanted to see her green eyes light up, see her lips curve into a smile. Of course I wanted that.

But beyond that, it's another tactic. I want the Al Bhed to be more integrated into the larger Spiran community, and the magazine is part of that.

I wonder if they want that...the Al Bhed. It means giving up a little of their individuality, some of the way they dress, some of the way they think. They care so much about all of that. They're a very proud people.

Maybe too proud.

What would Rikku think if I told her that if things go as I hope, then over the next few generations the Al Bhed language will gradually die out, and more and more Al Bhed will start speaking common Spiran?

I suspect she wouldn't like it at all. But it has to happen.

And it isn't all bad. Yes, the Al Bhed will lose some of their distinctiveness, and fade a little more into the background. But at the same time, their culture will start to influence others even as it's being influenced itself. More people will experience Al Bhed food, fashion, music... and ways of thinking.

And that's life.

I pushed myself up off the bench. I had some business to take care of at the harbor.

That's where they found me.

* * *

**Auron:**

Assaulted from two sides, confused, mind reeling, I raised a hand in supplication.

"Wait, tell me again, from the start."

Rikku hmphed and rolled her eyes, and Lulu crossed her arms over her ample...she crossed her arms.

"It's simple, Auron!" Rikku said.

"What exactly didn't you understand, Sir Auron?" Lulu said.

"I'm telling you, it's golden!" Rikku said.

"All right, Rikku, I'm sure it's, uh, golden. Now...where did Oaka come into it?"

"We ran into him at the Sphere Theatre!" Rikku said.

"We were just seeing the sights," Lulu said.

"All right, and what was he selling?" I asked them.

"He wasn't selling anything! He said he was out of the retail game," Rikku said.

"He's leaving that part of the business to his brother, Wantz," Lulu said.

"You remember him, Auron, we talked to him, um, up on the mountain," Rikku said.

"Yes, Sir Auron. We bought the booster cactaur and survivor from him," Lulu said.

"Oaka said Wantz's got some new stuff now, really good, but he's in the north somewhere," Rikku said.

"Let's get back to Oaka," I sighed. "So, he somehow got away from Bevelle, and he's retired now?"

"Well, sorta," Rikku said.

"He's becoming a contractor," Lulu said.

"And we got to talking!" Rikku said.

"About his business," Lulu said.

"And the Crusaders!" Rikku said.

"And their supply problems," Lulu said.

"And I remembered the book!" Rikku said.

"Stop," I said. I think I'm getting a headache looking back and forth between the two. "One person talks. You."

Rikku hmphed again as I indicated Lulu.

"Hm. All right, Sir Auron. Oaka told us that the Crusaders here in Luca need arms. Actually, all the Crusaders do, for their new recruits."

"All right," I said, while Rikku started kicking the bench.

"Not just any weapons, but good ones. Special ones."

I nodded.

"And he and Rikku and I started talking, and then Rikku remembered something from her book, _Catching Fiends for Dummies._"

I turned to Rikku.

"Yeah, Auron!" she smiled, starting to bounce on her toes. "You know how that guy gives us stuff when we catch all the fiends from an area? Like, when we see him we're gonna get a buncha stamina tonics for all the fiends we got on Besaid! I bet they'll come in handy."

"All right, I remember. Go on."

"Well, we just got to playing around with numbers—Lulu's really good at that!"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome! So we were playing around with numbers, and this is what we figured out...the book says you also get stuff when you get all the different kinds of fiends, like all those icky flying eyes, you know?"

I nodded.

"Well, so the book says when you get all the bug-things, like nebrioseseses and wasps, you get maybe 60 mana tonics. Those let you double your magic temporarily. I looked it up to make sure on the Al Bhed Materials Database on the comm sphere."

"Wait, Rikku, you mean it makes someone like Lulu twice as strong?"

"Well, no, it let's her cast twice as many spells before she runs out of energy...uh, after she charges up, I mean."

She must have seen something on my face.

"I know, I know, Auron. It didn't sound like anything you'd think we had much use for. So here it is!" she chirped, smiling. "You can also use them on armor to have it give someone a magic boost! Or anyway, I can!"

Hm.

"Crusaders often use magic," Lulu said. "More than Warrior Monks, I think."

"That's right," I nodded. "Many Crusaders know elemental spells."

"So these swords would be really useful to them!" Rikku said. "Now, Oaka knows what all the shops are selling, and he and Lulu figured out that the best deal was to get armor from Kilika. He knows a guy."

"We can get armor from Kilika for 2,250 gil each," Lulu said, and her eyes almost seemed to glow. "Customize it with the mana tonic, and sell it to the Crusaders for 34,031! That's thirty one thousand gil profit! Actually 31,781! And they'll buy all we can get to them!"

"How many mana tonics does it take to..."

Rikku was smiling at me, and I think Lulu's nose was twitching. And I know the fabric in her dress is heavy, but my eyes slid down and I swear I could see...never mind.

"One," Rikku said.

One mana tonic to customize the armor...sixty mana tonics...times thirty...

"One million, nine hundred eight thousand, six hundred sixty gil..." Lulu breathed. "...net..."

"And Auron," Rikku said. "We've already got the nebrioses from the Calm Lands, and the killer bees from Kilika. All we need now are a few bite bugs from Djose and some wasps from Macalania. And it would really help the Crusaders. I'll bet they'd be really grateful."

They were both looking at me now, while I thought it over. I nodded.

"Call the airship."

* * *

**Auron:**

I sat at the table with Rikku, pondering and trying to decide who I would send on the airship. She was turned around, kneeling in her seat while she talked over the back of her chair with a girl at the next table who she had just met.

After we talked this afternoon, Lulu and Rikku went off to find Oaka and tell him that their deal was on.

Rikku and Lulu together have always worried me a little. Odd things result when their efforts mix. I really don't understand the relationship between them. Sometimes they seem barely civil, and other times they act as close as sisters.

Perhaps that's it. Perhaps that's what they've really become over time, sisters. And sisters don't always get along.

I had a little sister, once.

I stayed to finish up my business at the harbor after they had gone, then I met with some people, and then I returned to the inn where we were all staying again. Rikku met me there, and one by one the others turned up. Lulu was back to treating me with the distant courtesy she showed earlier. Yuna frowned at me, but didn't say anything. I think she was a little confused about her feelings. On the one hand, I have been springing surprises on her lately. On the other hand, I gave her a magazine.

"Com'on," Rikku had said, grabbing my arm.

"What?"

"Don't you listen?" she said, rolling her eyes. "We're going to a tavern to meet the Aurochs! Wakka and Tidus are all excited about it! Com'on, it'll be fun!"

In Zanarkand they had something called sports-bars. That's what this place reminded me of, a tavern that catered to blitzball fans. There was memorabilia on walls, and the waitresses wore jerseys from the various teams. Luca predominated, but all were represented. Luca is the center of the blitzball world, and considers itself above mindless, er, homerism. Lucans like to think they simply appreciate good blitzers.

Tidus and Wakka and Yuna were near the bar with the Besaid players. Kimahri sat quietly in the corner, unnoticed by most. Neat trick for a Ronso. Rikku had said hello to the players, hugging them all, but of course she was actually a fan of her own Psyches, and she sat with me at a table a little apart from the others, chatting with our neighbors.

This idea of theirs, the armor, it's really an excellent scheme. Like the warrior monks, the Crusaders use civilian contractors for most of their supply needs. This will give them a boost, and almost two million gil...not only will the extra cash come in handy, but more importantly, it will be accounted for...it's money we can explain having.

One of the awkward questions some people have been asking is where the money is coming from to fund all of our activities. And rather than explaining that I've gotten some funds from Sin, that I brought some with me from Dream Zanarkand, and that some comes in various ways from mysterious beings known as the Lords of the Living and of the Dead who are locked in a war no one has ever heard of...well, it's simpler to make something up.

But now we'll have almost two million gil, and with a little creativity we can use that to account for spending ten times that amount. We'll have to use Guado accountants, but we can do it.

So...the airship was close by. It'll be here in two days. The roundtrip to Djose, Macalania, the Zoo and back shouldn't take more than three weeks, even with the bugs they need to catch. We don't all have to go, and in fact I need Yuna to stay in the city.

I glance up at her, smiling at something the Aurochs goaltender has said. She's laughing more, smiling more. Now that she isn't going to sacrifice herself, Yuna is reverting to the teenaged girl that she really is. Do you see, Braska? Are you watching? Are you proud? She figured it out—dying is easy.

Living is hard.

In any case, I need her to stay. Because of course, the other target of everything that I'm doing in Luca is Yuna.

That shy girl is going to have to become the new face of Spira. That's what the magazine is all about. Yuna is becoming a symbol of resistance to the Church. We need that symbol. But it isn't just about rejection. The new Yuna-symbol and Yuna-story will offer the people something different...

It will stand for fun.

So, a magazine full of dating tips and make-up advice and fun contests and pictures of young men...

Let's see the Church fight that.

_Spira Girl_ magazine will seep slowly through the cracks in the Church's defenses, anywhere that fifteen-year-old girls giggle together over someone's latest crush. And it will carry its subversive little message along, that there's more to life than Yevon. More than suffering. More than sacrifice.

We are all going to have to do our part. Yuna will be a hero to young girls. She'll give talks, and interviews, and speeches. She'll hate it. But she'll do it, and the people will follow her. Rikku is the link to the Al Bhed—as Kimahri is to the Ronso—and she's the Al Bhed's link to the rest of Spira. She will be the living proof that the two can coexist. But she also has a connection to young girls. She's bright and fun and full of hope and they see it, and we'll use that, in _Spira Girl_ and in other ways. Wakka and Tidus are embraced by the blitzing world, of course, and they'll talk to blitzers and fans. I've had them hanging around the stadium already. But Wakka is also a man slowly refinding his faith. Wakka will speak for those people who still want a Church in their lives. And Lulu...I think...Lulu will talk to the troubled.

What—? What's happening? Rikku was standing on her chair. Wakka?

"_Buddy you're a boy make a big noise, playin in the street gonna be a big man some day..._"

Oh lord...

"_You got mud on yo face, you big disgrace, kickin your can all over the place..._"

Oh lord, no...

"_We will we will rock you, (ya!), we will we will rock you, (YA!)..._"

----Wakka and the Aurochs----_We Will Rock You_----Queen----

"_Buddy you're a young man hard man_"

"_Shoutin in the street gonna take on the world some day_"

"_You got blood on yo face_"

"_You big disgrace_"

"_Wavin your banner all over the place..._"

Oh no...it's not a bad song...that's not it...but it never ends. They just start over again at the end and sing it forever in these places.

"_We will we will rock you, (ya!)_"

Rikku was up on the chair, her hips swaying... boom boom boom...her...backside...

"_We will we will rock you, (ya!)_"

I...

"_Buddy you're an old man poor man_"

"_Pleadin with your eyes gonna make you some peace some day_"

"_You got mud on your face_"

"_You big disgrace_"

"_Somebody better put you back in your place_"

"_We will we will rock you (ya!)_"

"_We will we will rock you (ya!)_"

Tidus and Wakka and Rikku and Yuna and the Aurochs and the whole bar were joining on the chorus...even Lulu was mouthing the words...joining in, shouting the YA...

I looked...Kimahri...his spear...boom boom boom...I...I don't...

"_Buddy you're a boy make a big noise_"

"_Playin in the street gonna be a big man some day_"

It...it was starting over. Rikku was grinning and swaying. I reached up and caught her hand, and she looked down at me.

"Rikku, we...our date, let's go! On our date, now!"

Her eyes went wide.

"Auron! I'm not dressed! I'm not ready!"

"You're beautiful."

Deep green eyes locked with mine for a moment.

"Let's go," she said.

* * *

**Auron:**

"So...uh, Pops and the airship should get here soon."

She felt it too. The problem.

"Yes," I said, looking around. "So...this is a nice place,"

It was nice.

It was nice, being here, being together.

"Yeah," she said, taking a warm roll from the basket. "Um, it's quiet, but not too quiet, relaxed, but not too relaxed. It's...nice!"

It was.

But it wasn't...special.

We sat at a small table in the small restaurant-club, listening to the music, and waiting for our meals. Not too crowded, it's a place I like, up near the start of the Mi'ihen Road. White tablecloth. Fresh flower in a little vase on the table. It has a view of the city and the harbor. Quiet, but not too quiet, as Rikku said, with very good food.

It was fine. It was nice.

But it wasn't special. And this was out first date. First dates are supposed to be special. It was...I was happy enough just to be here with her, I never needed any more than that. But I did want this to be special for her. I hated the thought that she would be disappointed.

"So, um, the magazine, huh?" she said. "That was, uh, unexpected."

"Yes."

So we talked about the magazine for a while, about the departments and the decisions that they had made at the meeting after I left. We talked about the people there, and how much Rikku liked them. Except we didn't talk about one Guado girl.

"Hey, Auron? Why didn't you tell me? " she asked quietly, playing with her fork, "About the magazine? I mean, I know there are some secrets you gotta keep, but this just doesn't seem like one of them, you know?"

"Rikku, why I kept this from you...I needed Yuna not to know beforehand, and...would you really want another secret to keep from Yuna?"

She looked down at the table, playing with her napkin now.

"Well, no," she said. "But Auron, if you had told me, well then, I mean maybe I could have made it like a happy secret, like a surprise party or something! And then she would have been happy, well...happier. Wouldn't that have been better, Auron?"

Yes, as a matter of fact.

"I didn't think of that, Rikku," I admitted. "I suppose my mind doesn't automatically go to things like surprise birthday parties."

When I think of secrets, I think of weapons.

"Well, maybe not," she said shyly, putting her head to one side and smiling up at me playfully from under her lashes. "But you've done some really romantic things, you know. For me! And I love that."

A small, answering smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.

"Okay, Auron," she said, sitting up straight and looking at me. "Now you say something nice about me! That's how it works on a date."

Oh.

So, what can I say?

The truth, I suppose.

"My life changed when I met you."

Her face went completely blank for a moment, and then she blushed furiously and looked down at the table, and I couldn't see her face, but her fumbling hand found mine, and grasped it tight.

Neither of us said anything for a moment, until the music changed, and she glanced up.

"Auron, let's dance!"

Dance...

"_Wise man say..._"

Hm...

"I...maybe not, Rikku..."

"_Only fools rush in..._"

"But I love to dance! Come'on!"

"And you're a wonderful dancer, but..."

"_But I can't help..._"

"What?" she asked. "Auroooooon! What?"

"Rikku, I can't...really dance," I admitted.

"_Falling in love with you..._"

She looked at me, puzzled.

"I know it comes naturally to some people, Rikku, but it never did to me. I wish I knew how...I wish I knew how, for you. No one ever taught me. I'm sorry," I said, looking down at the table. Then I lifted my head just enough to see her.

----First dance----_Can't Help Falling in Love_----Cory Hart----

A grin spread slowly across her face, and she leapt to her feet, tugging at my hand with all her strength.

"_Wise men say, only fools rush in_"

"Com'on!" she said, pulling me reluctantly to my feet. "Time you learned!"

"_But I can't help falling in love with you..._"

We were on the floor, only a few other couples there, and she guided my hands to her hips.

"_Shall I stay_"

"_Would it be a sin_"

"_Cause' I can't help falling in love with you..._"

We were moving together...she set the pace, guiding me...teaching me...

"_As the river flows, Gently to the sea_"

"_Darlin so we go, somethings were meant to be..._"

"_Take my hand, take my whole life too_"

"_Cause' I can't help fallin in love with you..._"

She smiled, and I let her take control, and followed where she led, and she was confident and gentle...

"_I can't help...falling in love with you_"

"_I can't help...falling in love with you..._"

"From now on," she told me softly, "This is our song."

I think...I like that.

* * *

**Auron:**

Tidus was waiting up outside my room.

Of course he was. He was leaning up against the wall.

"Hey old man," he smiled, following me inside uninvited. "So, how'd it go?"

"It went fine, Tidus," I said, throwing my coat on the chair.

It really had. It started awkwardly, but I think it ended up...special. For both of us. We danced, and ate, and talked. When another slow song came on, she pulled me out onto the floor again. It was, as she explained, less of an actual dance, more simply holding one another close and swaying to the music.

And there was a...reaction...not under my control. I was embarrassed, but she felt it, and giggled a little, and pressed herself even closer.

"Hey, Auron," she whispered into my ear, and she reached up on her tiptoes and softly kissed me on the cheek. "I'm glad I'm still, uh, innocent. But don't forget Bad Rikku. Okay?"

Yeah.

"It was fine," I told Tidus. "You can go now."

"You use your I-Can't-Dance line?" he asked with a smirk.

"I don't use lines," I said.

"I know you don't use lines, but did you use your I-Can't-Dance line?" he asked again.

"It always works," I answered mildly, and he snorted.

"Hey Auron, I don't care how much she loves you, you better pray she never finds out you could already dance."

I smiled just a little behind my collar.

"Tidus," I said, "She and I danced back in Macalania, and I doubt that she's forgotten."

**Next: Entropy**


	62. Entropy

Site isn't letting me submit documents now. Isn't that special.

The story's going to take a left turn for a few chapters after this one. I suppose this is where some people will say the story jumped the shark. Sorry about that, but in fact all this was in the writing plan from almost the beginning. So, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (It was a mutual thing...we both thought it was for the best.) Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an aurikku (didn't start that way) but they don't even meet until chapter 7, and don't speak until chapter 8. This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. (Remember all that from the early chapters?) Still -T-.

This chapter and the next are dedicated to vandevere, for your nice (and helpful) reviews and comments. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron**

I have a bad feeling.

Nothing I can put my finger on...just a faint smell of...something. Hot copper, salt tears, and shadows...

I've never smelled it before.

And suddenly I am afraid.

* * *

**Entropy**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Oh, was I humming?

"Yes, Rikku, humming and singing and almost dancing around the room," Yuna said with a twinkle in her eye.

----Rikku, after her date----_Everyday_----John Denver----

Lulu was still asleep. They had both been asleep when I got back last night, for about two seconds before I jumped on them and woke them both up bouncing on the bed to tell them all about my first first FIRST date with Auron! And we sat up in our pajamas and talked for hours and I told them what he said and what I said and what he said when I said what I said and I told them about dinner and about dancing and a little smooching on the walk home, and and, and...

We ordered ICE CREAM! And I sang them our song, my song and Auron's song that we danced to, and then I told them what happened when Auron held me close, and what I said and I just put my face in my hands and blushed and smiled and Yuna turned all red and said RIKKU! But Lulu just shook her head! HA!

WHAT A GREAT NIGHT!

It was the best first date ever, well, I mean it was my first real date, so I guess it was my first-first date, and, well, I guess it was also my last first date, and that's kinda sad, but it's okay really because another first date would mean I'm dating someone other than Auron and that's not gonna happen! So it was my first first date and my last first date but it's okay really cause it was THE BEST FIRST DATE EVER!

The three of us almost stayed up until dawn, and then slept late, and Lulu was still asleep, but I was up now, getting dressed and humming. Yuna and I went downstairs together, talking about what we would be doing that day. Down in the lobby she headed out to go back to the magazine, and Kimahri came out of nowhere to follow her.

I went to the main desk. Auron said they can almost always get a message to him from there, but the guy said he was in the dining room, so I went in and he wasn't there but I saw through the big glass doors he was sitting outside at one of the little tables in the courtyard and when I got closer I could see he was eating a piece of fruit...a nectarine, one of the fruits that grow here in the south, with a cup of peanuts.

I stood there in the doorway to the courtyard for a minute, just watching him. He would take a bite of nectarine, and then put a few peanuts into his mouth and chew them up together. There was a night once...back in the Calm Lands...when we were holding each other, wrapped up in his magic coat, talking quietly, telling each other what our favorite foods were, and I couldn't believe he'd never heard of tutti-fruity ice cream, and he talked about nectarines and peanuts, and we just talked while I snuggled closer to him and pretended inside my head that we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

And now...

...now...

"Rikku?"

**Auron:**

"Hey, Auron," she said, bouncing up from behind me and wrapping her arms around me in a hug. Then she plopped into a chair. "So, what are you up to today? Wanna hang?"

Hang?

"Right now, I'm just going out to take the pulse of the city," I said. "Just walking around really. Do you want to come with me?"

"Sure!"

"Do you want to eat first?"

"Uh, I'll grab some fruit, and then you can take me out for a big lunch!"

"All right."

She went to stuff her pockets with fruit while I finished up, and we met out front and started wandering through the streets, headed towards the harbor complex. The people seemed self-absorbed and content. No one offered Rikku any insult. I was in no real hurry, and we stopped frequently and I would wait while she looked through a shop window or investigated the merchandise in some stall. She was happy, and I was happy that she was happy and that the whole first date business hadn't been a disappointment and a disaster.

**Rikku's Diary:**

It was a perfect day, cool and sunshiny and Auron and I explored the city together, shopping and gossiping...well, eavesdropping on people. We passed the Sphere Theatre and promised one another we'd go one evening. Auron says he knows the owner.

"I did this quite a bit when you were up in the Calm Lands," he told me as we walked across the long bridge. "I'd walk around the streets, trying to get a feel for the mood of the people."

* * *

**Auron:**

We bought hot dogs and mingled with the people outside the blitzball stadium...a small, well-mannered crowd there for an afternoon exhibition game between the Fangs and the Beasts.

"I thought you wanted a big lunch," I said to Rikku.

"What's that got to do with anything?" she asked, honestly puzzled as she took a large bite of hot dog.

The Crusaders were a common topic of discussion, and the people we heard seemed to be strong supporters of the organization.

"The merchants of Luca have raised money to support the Crusaders," a woman commented to her friend. We're going to be getting some of that money for the armor we're providing. We heard a man sitting nearby say, "I think the Crusaders are more suited to Luca than the warrior monks are."

"Once the Crusaders regroup in Luca," his companion answered him excitedly, "They will charge through the Mi'ihen Highroad and lay waste to all the fiends."

Well that will be a load off Ezar's mind, I thought. He's still worried about manpower. I can tell him now that it's all taken care of. Seriously, the recruit situation did seem positive. I listened to one man saying to a woman dressed in blue that he had decided to join the Crusaders. "No sense hiding behind their back all the time."

"I quit the Crusaders after the operation," she said, and then she smiled and shook her head. "But I'm back in again. I think I have Crusader blood running through my veins."

I watched the two of them walk away, idly noticing how high cut at the waist the young lady's one piece was, and the straps she'd wrapped around her legs, and then a sharp elbow jabbed me in the ribs, followed by a delicately muttered "Ow" and some discrete mumbling about muscle-slabbed idiots.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Skank alert.

**Auron:**

The truth is that the revealing outfits were one of the things we warrior monks always looked down on the Crusaders for, and all southerners.

There were a lot of things we looked down on southerners for.

Rikku and I spent a few minutes talking with the city guards posted outside the stadium.

"The warrior monks have left," one paused in his patrol to say. "But the Crusaders have returned to serve as guards. A blessing from Yevon indeed!"

"The Crusaders will help us with security," another guard nearby added. "We will support them all the way!"

"Well," another said, "Most of the warrior monks have withdrawn to Bevelle, but some have taken a liking to Luca and remained here."

"That's Wedge," Rikku leaned over and whispered in my ear. "He's a blitzer! He played for the Psyches when Eigaar went down...Kimahri had him on his fantasy team! He was pretty good. I wonder why he's working as a stadium guard."

He wasn't a stadium guard, he was a city guard. He and his friend—also a blitzer—rejoined when the city appealed for recruits for the guard. They still played part time. It turned out they knew Tidus. "The people of Luca will always stand behind a blitzer," the one called Biggs said. "Even one condemned as a traitor."

A rather tactless young man, but I welcomed the sentiment. I've had Tidus and Wakka down here every day making friends and connections among the blitzball community. Tidus was enjoying himself, but starting to ask me questions. Wedge was right about the church personnel who chose to stay in Luca. I've seen monks, priests, nuns. Some seemed energized, and ready to try something new, like the monks who decided to join the Crusaders. Others seemed lost...a little bewildered. I spoke to one while Rikku was getting another hot dog.

"Even through all the hardship," he said with a kind of wonder, "The people of Luca enjoy blitzball and carry on with their lives. Oh how I admire their strength."

Quite a change.

We used to call it frivolity, in the north.

**Rikku's Diary:**

After that we just walked around the dock for a while, listening to people, what they had to say. One man was walking around in really heavy robes! He had left Bevelle so quickly he hadn't packed any summer clothes. Hee!

Anyway, people were talking about blitzball, and about the Crusaders and about the monks leaving and abandoning Luca. Boy, they were steamed about that, and said they were better off with the Crusaders. But not everyone, I guess. One guy talked about Lady Yuna's wedding getting called off, and another guy kept asking if it was true the temple was in chaos, and saying he didn't believe it.

They were also talking about the flying ship. Some people even asked me about it. And I was talking to one Hypello, and he said, "I wonders what that ship ish? An anshient machina?" And while I was explaining it to him, a kid came out of nowhere, gawked at me for a minute, and then turned to Auron and said quietly, "Nothing out of the ordinary, sir!" And while the Hypello thanked me and said goodbye (I'm not sure he really understood my explanation), Auron nodded and the boy walked off. That's the sort of thing that used to drive me crazy about him, you know.

"Hey, Auron," I said, speeding up a little to match his stride, "Are we going anywhere in particular now?"

"I want to talk to the Ronso players before their match. We can catch them on the dock as they come off their boat."

"They just got here, just before the game?"

"No, they've been living on the boat to save money. They're sending every quarter-gil they can spare back to Gagazet to rebuild."

Oh.

The Ronso were at Dock 4. There were some Crusaders guarding the dock. I guess they're helping out the city guard. Auron stopped to talk to them for a moment.

"Those Ronso players are massive!" I heard the guy say, "I feel like they're here to guard us, instead of the other way around."

Ha, that's funny!

But it wasn't very funny talking with the Fangs. Ronsos do have a sense of humor, I know from Kimahri, but I guess they weren't in the mood. Hard to blame them.

"Maester Kelk Ronso was slain while defending the mountain," the team leader, Gazna Ronso said. "For Ronso, no better way to die."

Well...I guess.

Auron nodded, while Basik Ronso said, "Ronso shed no tear when brothers die. Pain and sorrow will never conquer Ronso spirit."

I guess it's the same with us Al Bhed. We know the world is a hard place, and we just keep going...

But we let ourselves cry sometimes.

"No longer can temple help us," another Ronso said, "Must protect Spira on our own."

And one of the girl Ronsos—Irga Ronso—added, "Ronso are pious race. But cannot trust temple now."

"If Ronso Fans win, out brothers on the Farplane will rejoice," one of them said before they left.

Then they went off to their match, and Auron and I leaned against the railing, looking at the sea.

"They...um, they have a very strong spirit," I said.

"Yes, Rikku," he said, "But that same strong spirit won't allow them to accept help from anyone. They have too much pride. We've sent people to the Ronso offering help, but they won't take it. Even the Church has sent offers of help, but...no."

"So, um, how can we help them?"

"I've spoken with Kimahri about this. And there's only one way."

He turned and looked in the direction the Ronso had gone.

"The Ronso need a new leader," he said.

Oh.

"Who?"

He looked back out to sea.

"Many of their best warriors died in the battle with Seymour, and the rest are squabbling among themselves. There's really only one choice Rikku."

"Do you mean...Kimahri?"

He nodded.

I...I think Kimahri would be a good leader, I do, it's just...I see some problems.

"Auron, will the other Ronso accept Kimahri? Especially if the leaders they have left are fighting over power themselves? And what about the Church? They still consider Kimahri a traitor. And Auron, what about Kimahri himself? Do you think he'll leave Yuna?"

I heard him heave a little sigh.

"You raise difficult questions, Rikku, and the last the most difficult of all. It will...be hard. Over the last ten years, Kimahri has invested all of his love and affection in Yuna, and all of his honor, pride, and self-worth is embedded into his role as her guardian. She is his whole world."

"Huh. I guess...after ten years, it would be hard to change."

Auron turned and looked at me for a moment.

"Yes, Rikku," he said softly, "It can be hard to change."

He shook his head a little, and said, "In some ways, Kimahri is as much a prisoner of his pride as all the Ronsos."

"So, whatta we do?"

"Convince him. I think I can, if I give him my word that Yuna will stay in Luca, and that I will also not leave the city. I think he will go, for a very short period. Maybe."

"Go where? Gagazet?"

"Besaid."

"Huh?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So Auron explained, while we leaned there against the railing on Dock 4. I'm still not sure I've got it, I have to think about it some more. But basically, he's sending Kimahri to get some hidden Ronso weapon that'll impress all the Ronso.

Man, Besaid is more happening place than I thought.

**Auron:**

When I was done explaining to Rikku, we leaned against the railing together and looked out over the blue ocean, watching a small sailing boat skipping over the waves. Rikku shaded her eyes as she looked out over the water.

"A cat," she said, musingly. "Maybe we can rent one and go out, Auron. I could wear my yellow bikini!"

...yellow bikini?

"Rent a cat?"

She glanced at me.

"Two hulls? With a..." she trailed off, smiling. "Wow, you really don't know much about the sea, do you?"

"Well, I wasn't raised in a desert."

"Oh ha ha. Maybe we won't rent a cat after all. I wouldn't want to lose you over the side."

"Kimahri would have made a good sailor, I suppose," I said to her idly. "Don't sailors have to be good with knots?"

"Yeah. But cats don't like the water, do they? Is he really that good?"

"He was in the Ronso scouts when he was just a kitten. He got badges in knot tying."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, did not know that.

**Auron:**

"Maybe we could get him a job on one of our ships," she smiled.

"I'll ask your father as a personal favor to me. I'm sure he'd be happy to do it."

"Oh yeah." She turned back and stared out over the water with a far away look, and said, "I remember sailing into Luca harbor a few times when I was young. We were always careful not to slip and fall overboard!"

"I would think so," I said.

"No, Auron," she smiled. "Sometimes it's fun to go into the water, when the ship's not going too fast. I like the water, you know."

"Then why were you so careful coming into Luca Harbor?"

"No one swims in the Luca Harbor, Auron...look down," she said. "No, into the water, Auron."

I bent over the rail, and looked.

"Rikku...what is that?"

"Big and mean, with a lot of teeth, and that's why people don't swim in Luca Harbor."

Swimming with short powerful strokes around the pier...hard to tell the size, but big...

I'm not good in the water.

"No cat," I said.

"No bikini," she sighed.

I pushed off the railing and she followed me as we started walking again.

"So," she said. "You're gonna send Kimahri on the airship with Pops?"

"I'm sending him to Besaid, not to Djose and the rest."

"So, who goes north to get the bugs? I bet you and I could handle it," she said, jumping up on her toes.

The corner of my mouth quirked up.

"I think I'd like that, Rikku, but I still have too much to do here."

"Oh. Well, so who's going?"

"I've been thinking about it. We were going to start splitting up for various tasks anyway, and our party actually splits fairly neatly. Two magic users..."

"Lulu and Kimahri."

"Two healers..."

"Uh, me and Yuna?"

"Yes. So, Kimahri won't leave Yuna for long. So, Yuna and Kimahri and Tidus in one party. That leaves you and Wakka and Lulu in the second party."

"Uh...oh hey..."

"That gives each a tactician—Tidus or Wakka—to lead. And a good fighter, also Tidus or Wakka. Each has a magic user, and each has a healer or backup healer. Rikku, you did a good job of that when we were looking for Yuna."

"Thanks...um..."

"Yuna's party has the aeons, of course—especially Bahamut—which gives them more of a punch. But your party has your talents—thief, mechanic, mix-smith—which gives you more versatility. It's a good mix."

"Auron!" she said. "What about you!"

I shrugged.

"I form a third party."

"By yourself! You're going to go off on missions and things by yourself! Auron, that's dangerous!"

I looked over at her. She was standing in the road looking back at me, brows lowered and hands on hips.

"I am deficient in magic," I said to her, "And deficient in healing, but I have years of experience operating on my own. It's the most efficient allocation of resources."

"I don't like it," she said, arms crossed.

"I know, Rikku. I don't want to leave you...I'd worry about you. But it really is the best arraignment. In either group I'm simply one more fighter. On my own, I'm an extra party. It gives us more options...and I really can take care of myself, you know."

"I don't like it," she said, arms crossed.

I snorted.

"Well, it's beside the point right now anyway. None of those groups work for this. I can't send Yuna, I need her here. I need you here too. I need your help, and support,"—she was smiling now—"and...and I won't send you off on your own right now, without me. Things are still too unsettled. And I can't go either. So..."

"Sooo...?" she said as we walked on, looking at the people, or sometimes out to sea again.

"So I think it has to be Tidus, and Wakka, and Lulu," I said. "Tidus and Wakka can handle catching the bugs—especially Wakka—and Lulu can back them up with magic if needed. And if they run into too much trouble, Tidus is still Jecht's son, and fiends won't chase him if he runs."

"Most fiends."

"Most fiends." I shrugged again, "We need to start splitting up sometime. This is a good time to ease into it. Not too difficult. Are you hungry yet?"

She nodded, and we went into a dockside seafood place nearby and ate, and talked, and then I gave her a fishy kiss and she went off to find Lulu and Oaka, and I went to talk to Maechen's group. There were some questions I wanted them looking into.

* * *

**Auron:**

When I got back to the inn a reporter was just wrapping up an interview with Tidus.

"Do you know you're more popular than ever," she asked, "Now that you've been branded a traitor?"

"Well," he smiled bright, white teeth, "As a career move, I wouldn't recommend it for everyone, but it seems to have worked for me. I have to say, the fans in Luca are the best fans I've found anywhere, and I just want to thank them for their brave and loyal support."

Tidus had been a celebrity in Zanarkand. He was used to it and I think he really missed the attention. He was chatting with the cameraman while they packed up when he saw me crook my finger and followed me into the courtyard.

"Hey old man, what's up?"

"I need you to take a little trip," I said, settling underneath a tree.

"Hey?"

I explained the catching expedition to him, and he responded enthusiastically. Tidus loved Yuna, but like many young men he was happy at the thought of getting away on his own for a little while.

"Wakka too? Great."

"And Lulu."

"Heh, getting her out of your hair for a while, huh? Well, okay, Wakka and me can handle her."

Right.

"Hey, we heard you were around the stadium," he said. "Pretty good game today. Only an exhibition game, but still pretty good. Saw some pretty moves. Wakka and me were hanging out on the Fangs' bench. Sooo..."

He drew the word out, rocking back and forth on his feet swinging his arms and clapping his hands in front of him, then behind him, then in front again, looking at me expectantly.

"So."

"So, you're still not gonna tell me why you have Wakka and me hanging around with the blitzers all day?"

Hm.

"How are they accepting you now?"

"They love me," he smiled.

"Maybe it is time to explain. To you and Wakka."

"Great! Explain what?"

"Explain what it's all about, eventually."

"Ooookay, and what's that, boss?"

"Something I think you'll like. The rebirth of the Zanarkand Abes...sort of."

* * *

**Auron:**

Yuna was in her room, resting. She had spent all morning at the magazine, and the late afternoon at a photo-shoot that went on for hours. In between, she had given a little talk at one of the local high schools—stay in school, stay off drugs, the Yevon Church is a big, fat, liar, that sort of thing. She hated it, but I told her it was the first school in Luca that had allowed Al Bhed students to attend, and she agreed to do it. I think she actually likes attention, but she hates public speaking.

Later I'll tell her that the students at the other schools don't think it's fair that she talked at that school and not theirs, and end up convincing her to give talks at all the high schools.

And after that there're the middle schools.

But that's for another day.

The times when Yuna was in her room were the only times you could find Kimahri in his room. I knocked, and after a moment the door opened. Kimahri looked out, looked at me, looked around the hall past me, and then stepped back to let me in.

I stepped into the dark room. Ronso don't need much light. My sunglasses automatically compensated, and I could see the massive furniture. This was one of the inn's rooms that were kept especially for Ronso guests. It was cool, almost cold, the floor rough underfoot, and there were small but solidly sturdy boxes made of stone scattered around. Scent boxes. I stopped fir a moment next to the outsize dresser and lifted the lid from one...a scent of pine wafted out, mixed with something else that carried the suggestion of a high mountain sunset...very delicate. The Ronso sense of smell is much keener than our own. Scent boxes are a Ronso art form.

Kimahri closed the door, stepped almost into the precise center of the room and stood facing me. His head didn't move but his eyes tracked me as I walked over to lean against one of the outsized chairs.

"The airship comes soon," I said.

He didn't have anything to say, so he didn't reply.

"The Ronso of Gagazet refuse all help," I said.

We had spoken of this before.

Kimahri is my brother-in-honor, and has been quietly cooperating with me from the first. I know he feels justified in having done so...after all, we came back from Zanarkand and Yuna is still alive. And so he listens when I tell him that Yuna must be at a place, or not be at a place, or could be in danger.

But now I have to convince him to leave Yuna for a time.

"The Ronso of Gagazet need wisdom," I said.

No answer but his deep regular breathing.

"Kimahri must go to Besaid," I said.

"Kimahri stay with Yuna," the answer came back, unhurried and calm with finality.

"One day, Kimahri," I said. "One day there, another back. Yuna will stay in Luca, safe. There are hundreds of protectors guarding her."

"Kimahri is Yuna's guardian," he said.

"Your people will die."

He didn't answer. The silence stretched, and I knew he was looking at me in the dark. Then, he walked noiselessly over to the huge bed, and took something from the nightstand and brought it over to hand to me.

"Gift...from friend."

It was scent box, one of the more complex kind with five chambers, that are supposed to tell a story. I uncovered the first chamber. Simple and strong, smoky, almost musky...and somehow, tragic, somehow lost. I looked up at Kimahri, standing again in the center of the dark room, looking back at me. After a moment I replaced the lid on the chamber and opened the next.

A bewildering mixture of scents came out, not as simple this time—sharp and sweet and fresh, confusing me until they all suddenly seemed to separate themselves out and then come together somewhere inside my chest, and somehow they unmistakably said, Yuna.

Not Yuna today, but Yuna ten or eleven years ago, when she...they...first went to Besaid. When you're seven years old, every day is the happiest and every day is the saddest day of your life, and things are bright and sharp and so very temporary. I recovered the second chamber and took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the clean, cold air of the room, and sat and thought, as Kimahri watched without speaking.

Could I send another Ronso? Perhaps the blitz team leader?

No, I needed to convince him. Not only for now, but for later, after Sin is gone.

Tell him this will help keep Yuna safe? He knows that.

Tell him that the Ronso need him? I've done that.

Tell him...

Without looking up, or meeting his eye, I quietly said, "The spirits of Biron and Yenke call to their brother."

The actual departure the next day was simple enough. The airship arrived to take Kimahri on a fast run to Besaid—one day there, one day back. They would drop Kimahri back here and Cid would take one day to meet with Ezar, and with the city fathers, and then he would take Tidus, Wakka, and Lulu onboard and take them on north to Djose, Macalania, and eventually the monster zoo in the Calm Lands. Wakka was happy to go, Lulu resigned to providing adult supervision.

We met Cid at Dock 1. Kimahri was anxious to get to Besaid and get back. Yuna insisted on coming down to see him off, and Tidus, Wakka, and Lulu came with her. Cid was the only one who came down to meet us. He hugged Rikku and nodded at Yuna as Kimahri strode wordlessly past him up the ramp.

"Hurray," he sneered at me. "We get to haul you people all over Spira again. It's not like we got anything else to do."

"Hey Pop!"

I said, "The man is right, Rikku."

"Huh?"

"What?"

He was. Why should the Al Bhed spend their time, tying up their biggest asset transporting us? Up until now, it was basically because we were with Rikku. But it was time to put this on a more solid footing.

"This is part of an operation to supply the Crusaders with arms that they need. You can see that it's also in your best interest that the Crusaders be as well equipped as possible,"—he grunted—"but this will also give us the means to formalize our standing with you."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"On completion of this mission, we will give you a one million gil retainer to charter your airship. We'll give you one million gil to be on call for us when we need you."

**Rikku's Diary:**

I think Lulu fainted!

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So we dropped off Kimahri and we were headed back to the inn, except not really. You know, it's been a while since we all just hung out together, you know? So we were really just walking around, and the three of us girls were together in front talking about stuff and stopping to look in shop windows and stuff. Well Yuna and I were. Lulu still wasn't speaking to anyone, and the boys were trailing behind, talking blitzball. Well, Tidus and Wakka were. And Auron wasn't, like, hitting them.

We were all looking through the window of a cute little shoe shop and thinking of going in when we heard Tidus behind us say, "Hey!" and we turned and saw him with his nose up in the air sniffing.

"Hey, whoh!" he said, and ran off down the street, just wildly sniffing in the air! Okay, my boyfriend doesn't do that. Yuna craned her neck to look after him. "Tidus?"

"Uh, hey, should we go after him, you think?" Wakka asked. Lulu didn't want to and I didn't know and we were kinda still arguing when Tidus came running back through the crowd with his hands full of...what?

"Hey guys!"

**Auron:**

Oh hell...

**Rikku's Diary:**

"It's called pizza!" Tidus said, handing slices around. "I didn't think they had it here in Spira! Com'on."

Wow! This is really GOOD!

**Auron:**

This is really trouble.

**Rikku's Diary:**

A few minutes later we were all sitting around a table in a pizza parlor listening to Tidus gush about the pizza back in Zanarkand. The place was way crowded, it was almost wall-to-wall with young people and we were lucky to grab a table, but Tidus seemed to know his way around. "Yeah, there were pizza places all over Zanarkand," he said, looking around for a waiter. "We used to go all the time. I didn't know there were any in Luca, though, not til I smelled it! You know, I think we have to go up and get our own in here."

So Wakka and Tidus went first, breaking ground through the crowd and me and Yunie came after. Lulu and Auron stayed back to make sure no one got our table. I think Auron felt kinda out of place. Lulu just said bring her back a slice of whatever.

"Wow, is it always like this?" I wondered as we got jostled by the crowd, and a young girl next to me that looked just like my friend Linna said, "Oh yeah! This place just opened up! There aren't that many of them, just two or three, and they're always crowded with kids. Isn't pizza great!"

"Yeah it is," Tidus said with a smile, and she squealed and said, "Hey, it's you! Hey, when are you playin' next? I really want to see you again." And Yuna took his arm and said to her that he's retired, and then we were at the counter. Tidus ordered two slices with Macalania bacon, and Wakka ordered three slices with extra shoopuf cheese (he actually likes that stuff!) and then it was my turn.

"I'll have a slice of cheese pizza," I said, "And a cherry choco-cola, plea—"

And then I stopped, and I stared, and Yuna said, "Rikku?"

And I said, "I'm not hungry," and pushed away from the counter.

"Rikku, what's wrong?"

"I said, I'm not hungry."

**Auron:**

Rikku came back to the table angry.

"Let's go, Auron."

"Rikku?" Lulu said. "What's the matter?"

"The matter is that this place is run by Guado, is the matter, Lulu. Let's go, Auron."

And that's the moment that the proprietor walked up to the table, and greeted me with a loud, "Sir Auron!"

Heads turned, and I noticed an amused smile on Lulu's face.

Rikku was not amused.

"Hey, Sir Auron," Dharri Guado went on, wiping his hands on an apron. "Look at the place! Packed, day and night! And like you say, when the new wears off we'll still be in a solid position and making a profit. Don't worry about your investment, we'll take care of things here."

"Good, Dharri," I said, looking around for Rikku. "I know I can trust you."

Rikku was gone.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Where?" I snapped to the man by the fountain, and he pointed. Others pointed the way through a series of streets and courtyards until a woman murmured, "She's sitting over there, in the shadows."

**Rikku's Diary:**

The courtyard she had found was a deserted cul de sac. She was sitting on a bench at the far end, and she looked up with anger in her eyes.

"Go away, Auron!"

"Rikku..."

"Don't you care?" she asked. "They killed us! They destroyed my home and my family and you don't care at all!"

"I do care, Rikku," I said, sitting down next to her.

"Go away, Auron, before I say something I'll regret!"

"I care, Rikku."

"You hired that girl! You were nice to her, said Thank you, Destani! Like nothing! Like she wasn't even a Guado! Just, Thank you Destani!

**Rikku's Diary:**

Stupid Guado name!

**Auron:**

"She's just a nice young girl, Rikku, like any of the others working there."

"Oh yeah!" she said, fists clenched. "Well did any of the others blow up my home! Huh!"

"Rikku, Destani did not blow up your home."

"All her Guado friends did!"

"Rikku, you know it's not right to blame her. You said it was all right. That showed how big your heart was, Rikku. Please, Rikku, just give her a chance. Get to know her?"

"NO! No, Auron! I put up with a lot from you! Your boyfriend is supposed to stick up for you! Right? Supposed to be all hating who you hate! Not be looking all I'm-disappointed-in-you-Rikku, and not be all you-have-a-big-heart-Rikku and I'm-getting-ready to-leave-you-again-Rikku! Never here when I NEED you!"

**Rikku's Diary:**

Dammitdammitdammit!

**Auron:**

"Rikku, you know that's not fair! You know that's not true!"

She jumped up.

"Oh, so now I'm just a liar, huh! A dirty Al Bhed liar!"

DAMN IT!

Damn it, take a breath, Auron.

You've lost people, you know what she's going through, and you're a soldier, Auron, but she isn't. She's a teenaged girl whose home was destroyed...by the Guado.

"It's not fair, Rikku..."

"This is TOO HARD! I'm SICK of it and sick of all your SECRETS and I'm sick of—"

"...for me to ask you to forgive them," I finished.

"—always WORRYING about you and I'M SICK OF STUPID WILLA! And I can have SEX with anyone I want any TIME I want...I want...Auron...what...?"

"It's too soon," I said quietly. "It's too much. It isn't fair for me to ask you to forgive them."

She stood there, swaying a little on her feet, breathing heavily, staring at me.

"I'm sorry it's so hard, Rikku."

"I didn't mean it," she whispered, her face scrunching up.

"I think...you did, Rikku," I said, leaning forward on the bench, resting my elbows on my knees.

"I didn't," she said, her shoulders hunching. "I'm sorry..."

"Rikku..."

"Don't..." she said in a tiny voice, "Don't break up with me...I'm not really crazy!"

I slipped off the bench and onto my knees, and hitched forward a few inches and wraped my arms around her waist, and she sort of folded up into me, shaking. I held her while she trembled and shook in a way she hasn't done since our trip to Starfall, months ago. I held her and stroked her back and her hair until the shaking trailed off into hiccoughs.

"Thank you, Auron," she said quietly a little while later, but without pulling away. I could feel her hands rubbing my back in small circles through the fabric of my coat. "I don't know why I said all that, I don't know where it came from. I d-didn't mean it."

I took a breath, and let it out.

"I...think it came from all of the things that have happened," I said, "And we said we would talk about them, but we just never did. Like...well, like Willa, and what happened up on the mountain. And Rikku, I know it's true, I know it's hard..."

"No, Auron!"

"Rikku..."

"NO, Auron!" she said, clutching my coat. "Auron! Promise me, promise me that you'll never break up with me because, because you think it'd be best for me! You can..." Her breath caught, "You can break up if it's best for you, Auron, but not for me! Promise me!"

I...

Damn.

"Please?"

I...

"...please...?

"Not...not on my own, Rikku. I promise, I won't decide on my own, we'll only decide together...all right?"

She nodded, scrubbing her face against my coat.

"Auron?" she said after a minute.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"We still, uh, have to talk about all that stuff sometime."

I nodded. We do.

"But we're all right for now? Huh? It was just...a lot of little worries that all blew up, that's all."

I guess this is what happens when you don't deal with things.

"I'll find someplace else for Destani," I said.

"No, Auron, you don't have to...it was just, everything, and then the magazine, and then, then...I...Auron?" she said, leaning back to look me in the face, puzzled.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Pizza...?"

**Rikku's Diary:**

So he explained...

He explained how the magazine and the new plays that he's financing at the Sphere Theatre and the pizza were all a part of a plan, to give the people of Spira more choices, so they would think of something other than the Church. He had something—he called it a holding company—Rin had set it up soon after Auron got here, and they invested money in new businesses doing new things. They were going to open up a string of pizzerias all over the south.

"In the small villages we'll just rent a corner of the baker's shop," he explained, "Put in some tables, and it'll be a place for young people especially to go and sit and talk, and whatever young people do. Pizzerias were always popular with young people in Zanarkand, and they were always run by Guado."

I guess the Guado in Spira have forgotten all about pizza, but when Auron got back, he found a lot of Guado refugees in Luca, so he started setting them up in the business. They're part owners. He called it franchising, another Zanarkand concept. You know, I never realized how useful all the ideas for things from Zanarkand could be to Auron.

He was standing up now, stretching, and I was back sitting on the bench, looking at him.

"Rikku? What?"

"Nothing. It's just...Sir Auron, the legendary pizza-pie king of Luca," I shook my head, "I just have trouble seeing it.

"Well," he said, "No one's going to know, Rikku."

Hmm.

"Rikku?" he said as I stood up, "No one's going to know?"

I smiled as I started walking.

"Rikku?"

"Let's get some pizza, Auron."

* * *

**Auron:**

"Hey, Auron," she said as we left the courtyard and I nodded to our people that they could let passersby in again.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"I hate it when we fight."

Yeah.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We hadn't been gone too long. The others were probably still eating. Well, yeah, they were, cause Auron checked with someone standing in the street.

"Hey, Auron! I can help you with the fun stuff, you know! For Spirans! I have all kindsa ideas!"

"I hoped that you could help me Rikku. I need your help."

"Okay, like...like...like Yuna and Lulu and me could start an all-girl singing group! And we could wear cute costumes! And give concerts!"

"Lulu...sing?"

"Well, maybe she could, you know, mouth the words, and then when we're finished she can bend over. The guys will love it!"

"Maybe we'll keep that idea in reserve, Rikku," he said as we came up to the pizza parlor. Huh. Lulu was sitting on a bench outside, playing with one of her dolls. I guess the others weren't finished. Ha! I wouldn't put it past Wakka and Tidus to go back for seconds. And thirds. And

**Auron:**

We were walking up to the pizza parlor where we had left the others, when Rikku suddenly stiffened, and then threw herself at Lulu shouting, "GIVE THAT BACK!" then the two of them were rolling on the ground. I took one moment to think, This isn't going to do much for our image. And then I grabbed Rikku while others grabbed Lulu, and we pulled them apart.

"GIVE IT BACK!" Rikku yelled, kicking and swinging wildly. "IT'S MINE!"

"Rikku," I said. "What...?"

"SHE HAS LITTLE AURIE! HE'S MINE!"

The...puppet...?

Lulu coolly shrugged the restraining hands off her, and said, "It's no longer yours when you throw it into a fire."

Rikku went stock-still, and Lulu turned and stalked away through the crowd, the people parting for her.

"Auron..." Rikku murmured. "Little Aurie, I..."

"Rikku, we'll talk later. Really. But, I think it's time I talked with Lulu now."

"Oh, uh..."

"Privately."

"Oh, um, will...will you get Little Aurie back?"

"We'll...see, Rikku. Rikku, right now, why don't you go...go shopping? Shop, look for a present for me, please? A scent box. I want to give it to Kimahri. Will you do that for me, Rikku? It can be from both of us."

Her pensive face lit up.

"From both of us!" she breathed. "Really? We'll give him a present together? As a couple? Really?"

Uh...

"Yes...?"

She threw her arms around me and hugged me tight and said, "Yeah! I'll find the best present in Luca! Don't you worry!"

Then she darted off into the streets, with all the security people struggling keep up and remain discrete at the same time.

Did I miss something? I shook my head. Later.

"Where?" I said to one of our people, and she pointed.

This all seemed familiar.

**Auron:**

I found Lulu sitting on a bench at an empty fountain in a courtyard cul de sac.

A different one.

She was sitting on a bench at an empty fountain, shoulders a bit slumped...desultorily playing with...a puppet in her lap. I watched her slip it onto her hand and make it bow, and bow again, deeper, and then just she sat looking at it.

"Lulu..."

She didn't look up, but the puppet did, and solemnly bowed to me. I bowed correctly back, bending from the waist. And then I walked over and sat lightly on the bench, not too close. There was one tree, and some scattered leaves, and the sounds from outside were muted. I wondered what to say. And what it was all about, and just what was going on with the most enigmatic member of our party. And how to get her to talk to me.

"Lulu...are you having any fun?"

She didn't look up, didn't smile.

"Some days are better than others," she said, playing with the singed and scorched puppet in her lap.

I tried to think what to say next. This was...this was like talking to traumatized combat veterans, I guess.

"But there are good days," I said.

"Some..."

"You know...there are people who love you, and people you can talk to..."

Damn...I'm no good at this...

"I talked to someone," she said quietly. "In Guadosalam."

Ah. On the Farplane.

This shouldn't be me. This should be someone else here, someone better at this should be here. But they're not, and I am.

So...

"You knew about the Final Aeon," I said, coming to the heart of the matter, sitting there by her side, neither of us looking at the other. She didn't answer. "You knew about the sacrifice."

"I tried to talk Yuna out of it," she said tonelessly, "I think I did. But...she was determined."

"And you became her guardian, to protect her...and you never expected to come back."

"Who else?" she said. "Wakka? Kimahri?"

"Wakka would have done it."

"Because he loves Yevon," she said. "Kimahri would have done it because he loves Yuna. I..."

She trailed off.

"Good days and bad days," I said.

"For a long time now," she said. "And I'm tired...and it was in a good cause."

I tried for a minute to imagine Lulu as Sin...tried to put her into Jecht's place, fighting Yu Yevon for control, trying not to hurt people, until she had no longer had a choice or the strength to fight.

"But now," I said, looking down at the flagstones beneath my feet, "Now, no more final aeon."

"No," she said dully. "And I have good days...and bad days."

I nodded, though I don't suppose she saw.

"Wakka has Yevon," she said. "Kimahri has Yuna."

"Don't you have Yuna?" I asked.

"Not like Kimahri," she said shaking her head, her long braids slowly swaying. She sighed, and held the red-coated puppet up to her face

"After that night," Lulu said, still not looking at me, "Up on the mountain, she threw this into the fire, and I rescued it. And I kept it with my other dolls and looked at it sometimes while we got closer to Zanarkand. I never thought I'd leave Zanarkand, and that was all right, but sometimes I'd look at this puppet and make believe that everything was..."

She stopped...and I waited.

"And then we came back from Zanarkand," she went on after a moment. "You did and she did and I did and we all did. And you and Rikku...sometimes I see you now, and then I bring out this puppet...and I look at it...and for a little while, I pretend."

She shook her head again, and neither of us said anything for a while. She sat, fiddling with the puppet in her lap, and I sat looking at the stone between my boots. I don't think Lulu ever noticed the red-haired figure standing outside the courtyard, just waiting, and watching.

"Lulu," I said quietly. "Do you know why I fell in love with Rikku?"

"The adorable way that she sucks her thumb?" she said in a slightly flinty voice.

"She really isn't a child, Lulu."

She held up the semi-burnt puppet for me to see.

"She was hurt," I said.

I barely heard her answer, "We're all hurt."

I sighed.

"I fell in love with Rikku's courage first," I said, "That even in Spira, even knowing the cost, she was brave enough to risk, and reach out."

"I reached out to you!"

"Lulu, you don't even like me. That's not courage," I said, standing up, brushing a few leaves from my coat. "That's...a distraction. Lulu, courage is reaching out to someone you do like, maybe even love. Taking a risk."

She tore the puppet off her hand and threw it at me.

"Take it," she said, her face a cold mask. "You can give it back to her for me."

I pulled the puppet onto my hand, and held it close to my face. Parts of the red cloth coat were burned away, and the little stick sword was gone, but aside from some scorch marks the wooden head was fine. Actually, the scorches looked a little like my scar. The puppet gravely inclined its head, and I inclined mine.

"No, you keep it, Lulu," I said, placing it on the bench beside her, "As long as you need it. If the time seems right, you can give it back to Rikku yourself."

"Did you know I was working for Bevelle?" she asked, looking down, mouth twisting.

I straightened up, looked at her, looked around the courtyard.

"Someone's always working for Bevelle," I told her. "Didn't you ever wonder, Lulu, who was Bevelle's agent ten years ago, on Braska's pilgrimage?"

I left the courtyard, walking past the silently waiting young man.

* * *

**Auron:**

People are running toward me, shouting.

Rikku's been shot.

**Next: Neverending Stories**


	63. Neverending Stories

Hey. Well, the site's acting wonky again. Maybe I should just add it to the standard disclaimer that I put in—Spoilers, I don't own FFX, site wonky. Anyway, so, it's letting me post, which is good, but I think the remailer is again not working. I've sent out some PMs and not gotten the cc's. I've also gotten a couple of reviews that never made it to my inbox. I hope the review replies got through, but I wouldn't bet on it.

So, what I told the reviewers was, that I admit that this chapter was an actual cliffhanger, and I'm sorry to say that it isn't going to be resolved as such just yet. This chapter and the next ones go a different way. I knew when I did it that it would annoy some people, but hopefully they'll enjoy the next few chapters anyway. You'll see what I mean. I know some people will be disappointed, so tell you what. I'll give you some gifts. There's a Japanese artist named Leo Morimoto (or Reo Morimoto, depending on who you listen to). He draws some FFX doujinshi, and he always puts Auron on the cover. The guy draws a mean Auron. (Not "mean" Auron, you understand.) I found the cover illustrations on a Japanese FFX fansite awhile back, but didn't bookmark it, and could never find it again. I tried, because I thought the ISPs would make a nice Christmas gift or something for the readers. Anyway, I found the same illustrations on a site for a Japanese bookseller. They're out of the books themselves, but they still have the illustrations. (I wish he'd do some of Rikku...he's really good. Actually, I wouldn't mind seeing what he could do with any female. But I think the books might be slash.) Anyway, here are the addresses (scroll down, and each is two seperate jpegs):

www(dot)jpqueen(dot)com(slash)onlineshop(slash)productinfo(dot)asp?PID49455

www(dot)jpqueen(dot)com(slash)onlineshop(slash)productinfo(dot)asp?PID53355

www(dot)jpqueen(dot)com(slash)onlineshop(slash)productinfo(dot)asp?PID56814

www(dot)jpqueen(dot)com(slash)onlineshop(slash)productinfo(dot)asp?PID53354

www(dot)jpqueen(dot)com(slash)onlineshop(slash)productinfo(dot)asp?PID8327

www(dot)jpqueen(dot)com(slash)onlineshop(slash)productinfo(dot)asp?PID8341

www(dot)jpqueen(dot)com(slash)onlineshop(slash)productinfo(dot)asp?PID8463

So. Spoilers: IT'S PAINT, NOT BLOOD! Sorry, sockgate has me discombobulated. FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the building of a relationship. Rated -T-.

Like last chapter, this is for vandevere. Wonder what she'll think of it?

**

* * *

**

Soldier of Spira

**

* * *

**

**Auron:**

Rikku...

Please...come back...

Rikku...don't leave...

* * *

**Neverending Stories**

* * *

**Auron:**

"She's in here, Sir Auron. She isn't conscious, but...well, the healers will be here in a minute to talk to you...Sir Auron...?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Rikku lay on her back in the dark and looked at the ceiling. There were tiny little cracks, and she counted them over and over. The blonde teenager shivered a little under the thin blanket. It was a cold night.

Seymour's boys had caught up to her earlier that evening. She was down on Callio Street leaning way over and talking with a nervous-maybe-customer driving an expensive car when she saw them coming. She tried to jerk open the door and get inside but the creep floored it and raced away. A few homeless people huddled on top of grates looked at her and then looked away as the blonde girl started to run down the street, kicking off her hooker heels, but she saw two more of them a block ahead and turned into a cramped, trash-filled alley.

Stupid stupid Rikku!

Dead end. She turned and they were there behind her.

"Hey girlie," Giera Guado said, "Seymour doesn't like it when you try to do business on his streets without his permission. He said we should teach you a lesson."

Rikku didn't say anything.

"No rough stuff," the Guado went on with a slight smile, his hands starting to undo the front of his pants, "Just a friendly warning, this time. Nothing you haven't done before."

She looked around quickly, assessing her chances. It didn't look good. There was no other way out of the alley and no way she could get past five of them. She licked her lips. They'd probably like it if she tried.

_Fine_, Rikku thought, her stomach twisting a little as she undid her belt and roughly shoved her tiny shorts down past her hips, _Just get it over with. Nothing I haven't done before._

She'd gotten though two of them when she heard a soft, rough voice saying, "Giera. Everything okay here?"

"Just a little private business, old man. Take off."

"What about the rest of you guys? You guys okay?"

"They're great."

"You don't mind if I hear it from them?"

"Screw you!" "Yeah, we're fine." "Yeah." "Take off!" "Unless you want a turn." "Ha! Yeah!"

Rikku wanted to look, but she couldn't exactly turn around.

"And you, miss? Are you okay?"

"She's fine!"

"Like to hear it from her."

"You really don't want to do this. You don't mess with Seymour."

"What I want, is for Zazi to take that thing out of her mouth so that she can answer me. Or I'll have to assume that she's a lady in distress."

"Lady!" Pah Guado laughed, and Rikku felt a spurt of anger. "You are making such a mistake, old man."

"Maybe, but you know and I know that this would be a bad place and a bad time for you to push things."

No one said anything for a moment, even the one's taking their turns had stopped thrusting into her.

"Fine," Giera Guado said, "Zazi."

The Guado gave one last hard pump and then pulled out of her mouth. She wanted to spit, but it would probably be a bad idea. She straightened up a little and turned, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

Past Seymour's boys she saw a man standing at the mouth of the alley. From the voice and the talk, she had expected someone tough. She didn't expect someone dressed in red. At that moment that struck her as the funniest thing she'd ever seen. Santa Claus was trying to rescue her.

"Miss," he said, "Do you need help?"

She was standing with her shorts down around her ankles, surrounded by Guado, one of them still thrust inside her from behind, and Santa Claus wanted to know if she needed help.

Rikku tried to think what to say, and all of the bad choices that she had made in her fifteen years started to run through her mind, all the wrong decisions made for the wrong reasons, and all the people trusted that she had really known shouldn't be trusted.

She couldn't believe all the mistakes she had made in her short life that all ended up here.

"I'm fine," she mumbled.

"Are you sure?"

She almost wanted to laugh...she refused to cry. Rikku had made her own choices and she wouldn't cry and she wouldn't let this wanna-be hero get hurt trying to save her. And even if he could, it would only mean more trouble for her later when Seymour took it out on her. It wasn't like Santa Claus would stick around to protect her.

"I'm fine," she said, taking a breath.

She could take care of herself.

It was fine.

Nothing she hadn't done before.

He nodded.

"Just making sure."

He turned and walked away, and she bent over again.

Later Rikku walked the streets, wondering what to do now. The Guado had turned her loose with a warning' that she worked for Seymour now. She knew it could have been worse.

_Maybe I should try up around the university,_ she thought, not really caring, _See if there are any frat boys looking for a good time._

Her stomach rumbled.

"Are you hungry?"

She jerked around.

It was Santa Claus.

She stared up at him. They were standing in the light from a shop window, and now she could see that he only had one eye. The other was crossed by a huge, wicked-looking scar. He was wearing sunglasses.

"No!" she said, as her stomach rumbled again.

"Com'on," he said, turning and walking away.

She didn't really know why she followed.

He led her to a nearby diner, and they sat at the counter. He left an empty space between them. The counterman nodded at him. She ordered a hamburger and fries. He had a cup of soup. Neither of them said anything.

She glanced over at him just once while she ate. He wasn't looking at her, he was looking down at the counter. She saw there was grey in his hair, and he looked tired. The teenager felt a little burn of anger...what right did he have to feel tired! He wasn't the one who...

She finished eating her hamburger.

"You have someplace to stay?"

She jumped.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" she said. He just looked at her without saying anything. And then the man sort of closed his eye and sniffed her! Pervert! His mouth twisted, and, well, she blushed a little as she tried to remember the last chance she'd had to wash up. She'd tried to clean herself up, after...in the alley. But...

"Com'on," he said, opening his eye. He got up and left the diner, and she walked behind him, sulking a little. They walked about six blocks and then she followed him up a flight of stairs and waited while he unlocked three heavy bolts.

She followed him into the small apartment. It looked like just three rooms plus a tiny bathroom.

Rikku felt like she had her balance back. She had her feet under her again, now that she understood what was going on.

She should have known.

"Take a bath if you want one," he said, pointing to the single doorway, "You can leave your clothes outside the door and I'll run then through the washer."

Fine. She could use both.

She went through the bedroom, her eyes taking a good look around, and into the bathroom. She took off her clothes, and slipped them through the door, dumping them on the floor. There was a small mirror over the sink, and she tried to look at herself without looking herself in the eye.

Seemed okay, she thought. No real marks.

Like it never even happened.

Rikku ran the water as hot as she could stand—hotter—and scrubbed her skin raw with a washcloth. Especially between her legs.

She wasn't crying. No one would notice in here, in the shower, and no one could see her anyway...but she wasn't.

One coughing sob. Just one.

She thought about him, and how he wasn't any different, really. He was doing this because she had something he wanted.

It was okay. It wasn't like she hadn't done it before—lots of times—for money, or dinner, or to get someone to like her. Or just to take the edge off. He was okay, she guessed, and he had been ready to fight those Guado.

So he wasn't any different from anyone else, really.

It was fine. It was what she did.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Hey, Auron...she'll be okay! The healers were right there...they got to her right away and started working on her and she'll be fine. They say...they say she just needs to rest...That she'll wake up when she's ready. Auron...?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Rikku dried her hair, and the rest of her, wiped the fog from the mirror and looked at herself once more, lifting her chin and meeting her own eye this time.

Thin face. Pretty. Green eyes. Blonde hair. Breasts too small, but it made her look even younger. Guys liked that, especially the older ones.

She pulled her hair into a messy ponytail and took a terry-cloth robe hanging on the back of the door. It was bright yellow and way too small for him. Guess Santa Claus had other visitors sometimes.

Visitors who took showers.

She went through into the living room. He was sitting at the kitchen counter, drinking something from a cup. His Santa Claus coat was off, and she couldn't help notice the corded muscle on his arms.

Looking at him...maybe he could have taken on all those Guado.

He looked up as she entered and she stiffened a little when he got up, but he just walked over to a utility closet and punched the start button on the washer.

"Didn't want to start it with you in the shower," he said.

He walked around her and into the bedroom. When he came back after a minute, she was waiting for him, without the robe.

He stopped, and she looked up at him from under her lashes. She took two steps, and she was up against him, up on her toes, her lips on his and her hands working at his belt.

She didn't really understand when she felt two strong hands on her shoulders, pushing her away. She looked up at him puzzled. Did he want it...some other way?

But he just shook his head, shook out the sheet he had been carrying, and hung it around her shoulders, covering her.

"You can sleep on the couch, and tomorrow we'll talk. If you hear the washer go off, put your stuff in the dryer."

He turned and went back into his room.

Rikku stood for a second—confused, blushing, furious—before pulling the sheet tighter around her and following.

"Hey!" she said, pushing the door open, "Hey! What? You think you're too good to screw me, huh? You think I'm just some little whore!"

He didn't say anything, just turned and leaned one hip against a dresser and looked at her, arms crossed.

"Hey!" she said, shrugging off the sheet, "I pay my way! I don't take handouts!"

She walked quickly up to him and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him down into a kiss. He pulled his head back and put his hands on her hips, pushing her away, and she ran one hand down the front of his pants.

"Yeah," she breathed, gripping him through the loose fabric, "Can't pretend you don't want it. You're no different from anyone else."

And not letting go, she twisted the other hand into his hair and shoving her face up towards his once more.

This time he took her wrists and pulled them away, then marched her backward, back into the living room, while she tried to jerk away, her breasts flopping, slim body twisting and bending, toes scrabbling on the wooden floor. The backs of her knees hit the couch and her legs folded and she sat down and he let her go and backed away

She sat there, legs spread open, chest heaving, fuming, while he picked the sheet up.

"Is it because of them? Because I stayed with them? They would have killed you!"

Not crying...not crying...!

"No," he said quietly, "It's not because of them. It's not because of you at all. It's because of me. You're right, I don't suppose I am very different from other people. We all make choices."

He spread the sheet over her legs.

"We'll talk in the morning."

As he turned away, she said, "I don't want to be alone right now. Can you understand that? Please...can I sleep with you?"

He answered without turning.

"No."

She heard him, and felt a vise around her heart. She wasn't asking for...for anything, really.

It was just sex...

It didn't mean anything.

He stopped at the doorway, and looked back. She was still sitting there, bare from the waist up, looking miserable.

"You won't be alone," he said, "I'm just in the next room."

And now here she was, on his couch after a hot meal and a hot bath. Staring at the ceiling while he was asleep in the next room. She had heard the washer go off, and gotten up to put her things in the dryer, and then heard the dryer go off.

Rikku didn't like sleeping alone. She thought too much when she was alone at night. And sometimes it got really hard not to cry. Rikku lay there a long time, and thought about her life. She thought about all the mistakes, all the stupid things she had done, and how she didn't have anyone else to blame but herself.

She hating thinking like this. She didn't want to blame herself, and think about how stupid she had been! She'd rather screw with someone, almost anyone, and lose herself in the sex, maybe hold them after if they let her, and pretend they wouldn't be gone in the morning, and that she wasn't alone.

She played with herself a little bit, while she thought about him in the next room, trying to pretend that the other stuff today hadn't happened, or that it didn't mean anything.

Nothing she hadn't done before.

Not crying.

Rikku lay there for hours, and then she swung her legs off the couch and stood up. She was still naked. She stood there for a long time, not even thinking, really, just standing, kind of wondering what to do next.

She crossed to the closed bedroom door, bare feet silent on the wooden floor. It didn't have a lock. She carefully turned the knob and pushed the door open and stepped inside.

She could see the bed she remembered from before, and he was in it, under some sheets. And there was the dresser, and a closet. She just stood and looked. Why had he helped her?

She shifted from one foot to the other, trying to understand him, and to understand what it was she wanted. When she looked at him she felt a familiar little tingle up between her legs, but...but she also felt a small, little flutter in her chest.

Rikku's teenaged heart had been hurt before. And...she didn't like to admit it, but...she had hurt others, too.

So, what did she want? What did she want from him?

She wanted...

A new start. She wanted another chance.

He was breathing evenly. She slipped hesitantly across the floor. Step by careful step. He was on his side, one arm twisted under his head. She bit her lip. Did she really want this?

Don't think, Rikku! You're not good at thinking. Do it.

Another step. Another. She reached out her hand, gently, carefully feeling her way.

Nothing she hasn't done before.

She turned and almost ran out of the room, not looking back.

Never look back.

Not crying.

Auron opened his eye, and let go of the handgun under the pillow. No point taking chances with someone who lived on the streets. That kind of life either made you tough, or dead.

His real wallet, with his driver's license and some other stuff was in a drawer. The one on the dresser was empty, except for some money. Enough to let her get away, maybe even start over someplace. He hoped so. He wished her well.

Somehow, he knew he'd never see her again.

He gave her time to get dressed and slip out, and then he sighed and groaned a little as he forced himself to get to his feet, but he had to check the door. It wasn't likely she had locked up after herself when she left. But she had.

* * *

**Auron:**

"The man came out of the crowd and pointed a handgun. One agent threw himself in front of her and pushed her aside as the man fired. The agent was hit. The man fired a second shot hitting her in the side before the rest of the security detail took him down. Sir Auron, they swear they didn't kill the man, but he ended up dead. The team was working on her within seconds, with potions and with physical treatment."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Guardian One, Guardian One, do you copy?"

"Guardian One here, I copy. Go ahead base."

"Target at your 12, Guardian One, angels six, five minutes out at current speed."

"Copy target at 12, angels six, five out, base."

"Good luck, Guardian One. Good hunting." _Dammit__, Auron, _the young girl thought. _Be careful__! And come __back__ to me!_

"Copy base. Guardian One out."

In the cockpit of the speeding aerofighter, Commander "Legend" Auron looked into his HUD. Yep, he saw it. He triggered his all-hands channel.

"All right boys and girls, there it is, big and ugly."

He imagined he could almost hear the nervous chuckles coming back at him.

"It's dead ahead at angels six. E-crew, time to hang back. Blue squadron, go to the floor. Nape of the earth until you're behind it, then come up, turn, and take it from the rear. Green squadron, you guys grab some sky. Climb to angels 12, change mods and go supercruise. Punch your way through anything it sends up. When the target is fully engaged you come down and hit it from out of the sun. Red Squadron, you're with me. We're going straight up the middle."

_Can you say "virgin sacrifice?"_ more than one red squadie thought to themselves in their cockpits. The Red Guardian always took his squadron into thick of the fight, this time to hold the target's attention while the other squadrons got into position. _Why us?_ a lot of the squadies thought. _Why is it always us?_

A little unfair to him, since every one of them was a volunteer. Getting into Red Squadron wasn't easy. You had to work for it. You even had to take a pay cut. If you were in Red Squadron flying for Commander Auron, it's where you wanted to be.

They were almost there. The E-8 Warlock support plane had broken off to fly in circles behind them and now it was time for the fighters to go their separate ways.

"It's time," Auron said over the channel. "And hey. HEY! Remember, no heroes. All right..._break_."

_Close now_, he thought to himself as blue and green squadrons broke away, one high and one low.

Any minute now...

There it was, closing fast. _Damn_, he thought. _Does that thing just keep getting bigger every time I see it, or am I imagining things?_

"All right, guys and gals, there it is. Go to combat mod and let's show Sin what Red Squad is made of. Engage."

Back at Mi'ihen Base in the Combat HQ, Ensign Rikku Bright-Hope anxiously watched the small combat tank in front of her. It was a repeater for the large tank in the center of the room. Her job was over for now. She'd gotten them to the target, and after the fighting she would direct them home again. _If there's anyone left_, she thought miserably. She always died inside, over and over, watching when he went into combat, always afraid of the worst.

She held onto the edge of the consol tight to keep her hands from shaking. Her entire being was concentrated on the tank in front of her and the tiny symbols moving within, their colors separating those warriors that were still alive from those that would pay the final price.

She jumped when a voice behind her said, "There go the Sin-scales."

She hadn't even noticed her superior moving up behind her.

She glanced back over her shoulder at the beautiful dark-haired woman, and swallowed. Rikku was always nervous when Lt Commander Lulu Rose-Noir was near. The commander was something of a legend herself, with stunning looks and a first-class mind. People called her the Raven, and very little went on that she missed. The ensign gave her a timid smile. She was always afraid that the inscrutable dark woman knew about her and Auron, knew that they were lovers in secret, despite all the regulations against it, that she knew all about the affair that had started almost the day that his patrol had found her half-dead in that abandoned hulk drifting in the outer reaches of the system, overlooked by the Guado raiders that had killed or taken the rest of the crew to be slaves...took the rest of her family.

She had been so scared that day, and he had been so strong, and he had seen something in her, something special in spite of the fact that she was one of the despised space-scavenging Al Bhed Polity.

Rikku had wanted to pay her rescuers back, and perhaps even to strike a blow against Sin, if not the Guado, so she had taken a second name like the people of Spira did—Rikku Bright-Hope—and had joined the defense forces.

But she couldn't give up Auron. She refused to give up Auron, the best thing in her life.

_And_, she thought with a little thrill, _He said __she__ was the best thing in his life too._

So they were lovers in secret, until the day came when they could tell the world.

_Unless_, Rikku thought, _Unless someone finds out_.

Someone like the Lt Commander, that everyone said had been his lover until that last patrol.

The Red Guardian and the Raven.

Suddenly, what the woman had said registered in Rikku's mind. The target had launched sin-scales! Her green-spiraled eyes flew back to the tank. The Lt Commander was right. The fighters were under attack.

In his cockpit Auron saw his screen blossom with the red dots that represented the deadly flying scales dropped by Sin. There were a lot of them. They were small, fast and dangerous, and put absolutely no value on their own existence. They "lived" only to kill.

Close now.

"Okay, people." He said. "You know what to do. It's just like the sims."

Just like the sims, Auron. And oh by the way, how many times did you die in the sims this last month, Auron?

Shut up, Auron.

"Red squadron, time on target, mark seven! E-crew, gimme a Demi!"

"Copy that, Guardian One."

In their fighters the combat pilots brought up their weapons systems and went "hot." On the E-8 warlock support plane behind them a launch bay opened and an RM-78 ("moogle") missile dropped out. It free-fell for an instant before its engine ignited and it screamed off toward the horizon unreeling a strong wire behind it. The fighter pilots hit their triggers and a wave of small, powerful tk9 air-to-air missiles streamed out from under their wings streaking toward the rapidly approaching sin-swarm.

Onboard the E-8 craft a team of battle-mages started their spell. A sprinkle of red explosions barely visible in the distance marked the tk9s reaching the their targets, killing scales. At the same time the moogle shot past Red Squadron and roared toward the swarm, then it was there and the mages threw the spell down the long wire, across the miles, into the body of the missile which disintegrated as the spell force tore through the mass of scales.

"All right! That's the way it's done! Okay, E-crew, watch our backs."

"Copy, Guardian One. Good hunting."

"Copy."

The scales were almost on them. "Okay, guys. Don't get separated. Stay with your partners. Hit'em hard. Break!"

In the instant before they reached the scales, the fighters separated, breaking away into two and three-plane groups. Auron skimped on everything else, even pay, to funnel more money into training, and this was where it paid off as the fighters began to savage the scales. The fighters were outnumbered, but the scales were smaller. It usually took two or three working together to take out an aerofighter, and the advanced aircraft were even strong enough to absorb the damage when a scale kamikazied one.

Once.

Auron took a second to look over the big picture and evaluate how they were doing. He trusted his two wingmen to cover him. Tidus was one of the best, every bit as good as his father. Auron always smiled at that thought, knowing that his old partner Jecht would refuse point blank to believe it. But the boy was that good. This new man, Wakka, was also pretty good, Auron thought, watching him blow two scales out of the sky with cannon fire. "Booya!"

You didn't get into the Red Squadron by being "okay".

* * *

**Auron:**

"Sir Auron? They took the body to Guard Headquarters and turned him over to forensics. No word so far. We've instituted a curfew and locked down the city. No one moves in or out. No exceptions."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Back at Mi'ihan base Lulu watched the battle unfold, but while her eyes followed the tiny moving icons in the tank she was also thinking of the nights that she and the Red Guardian had once spent together, before. Before this little piece of blond space-trash had shown up and taken her place in his bed, and in his heart.

She shook her head a little. The truth was, she wasn't sure that she had ever really had a place in Auron's heart. But she would settle for being in his bed once more, if only she could get rid of this pathetic young ensign, without him ever finding out and without hurting his career. The scuttlebutt was that the big brass weren't going to take no for an answer any more. Bevelle was going to frock him an admiral and put him in command of the _Benteen_, now building in the great space dock orbiting overhead. It would be ready in two years, and then Admiral Auron would take a deep-strike battle-group into the heart of Sin Space.

Well, that's what the rumor-mill said, anyway.

Lulu glanced at the two figures watching quietly from the other side of the room. The young girl in a long skirt was Yuna White, one of the most powerful espsers ever born. People whispered that she'd actually made contact with advanced, extradimensional beings who had agreed to aid her on the mission. The Ronso Council certainly thought she was something special. Lulu shifted her gaze to the blue-furred Ronso warrior-mage who served as her bodyguard. Miss White would be officially in command of the expedition when it finally left. That was the only way the Ronso Council would support the idea.

Right, Lulu smiled to herself. A teenaged girl was going to be running things on an expedition that counted the "Legend" among its crew. That was going to happen.

The _Benteen_ was supposed to launch for Sin space in three years. Lulu intended to be on that ship.

Back in the air, Red Squadron fought their way past the swarm. About half the scales were down when the fighters broke through and screamed toward Sin. Some Spirans had taken hits, but only one had broken up.

_Jattu_, Auron thought. _Good man_. He would think about Jattu later, and anyone else he lost, and he would shake a little while Rikku held him and whispered to him and helped make things all right again.

_If I get back myself_, he thought.

Most of the scales turned and followed the fighters, and Auron ordered another volley of missiles. The tk9's were all aspect, and the fighters could launch them at targets behind them without turning. The missiles shot out, reversed themselves, and smashed into the scales, guided to their targets by spells cast by the blue mage detection control officers on the E-8. Some scales hadn't turned after the fighters and were headed for the support plane, but it could defend itself against those few.

Red Squadron had bigger fish to fry.

He didn't need the screen now. Auron could actually see Sin ahead of him. He immediately had his fighters launch their remaining two missiles each. There weren't any scales out in front of them yet, but he knew there would be. Besides the four tk9's under their wings, each aerofighter carried a rail cannon and a 9aimX "flare" shipkiller missile, both mounted just under the carriage, one on either side. The 9x's could take out a small warship if they were lucky. They were the munitions that could cause Sin some pain.

"Here they come, Commander!" a voice said in his ear.

_The trick is getting close enough to launch them_, Auron thought as hundreds of scales appeared on his screen. At almost the same moment the wave of tk9s hit the swarm and thirty scales disappeared, but the rest were coming, and all the fighters had left was their cannon.

"All right, close up tight. We're going in formation, cannons hot, and we're going to blast a way through them."

This was going to be grim. He was going to lose more people, but there was no better way.

The scales grew larger in his screens, and closer, and the cannon opened up, blasting a wall of energized steel slivers ahead of them, and just before they entered the swarm he saw the explosion of another moogle missile from the E-8. Then they were there and Auron threw his fighter into a wild series of random S-turns through three dimensions, blasting scales apart with his cannon. The entire squadron was blasting and weaving.

"Got two! Got two!"

"He's on my tail! I can't shake him off!"

"Watch it, Goalkeeper! You got three on your six!"

"Coming up o—I'M HIT! I'M HIT!"

The scales tried to overwhelm the fighters as the Spirans twisted through the swarm trying to cover one another. The constant explosion of Moogle missiles added to the chaos as one Demi spell after another ripped through the sinscales.

"Blitzer, stay on my wing. Coach, start sweeping behind us."

"Botta's gone! Botta's gone!"

"Hang on, Goalkeeper, we're almost there!"

"I'm through! I'm through! I'm taking the shot!"

One part of Auron's mind followed the track of the 9aimX shipkiller on his screen, there was a flash of light to one side.

_Damn, _Auron thought_. Hit a scale, went off early._

"CRAP! No joy! No joy!"

_At least Besaid Boy's okay._

He'd lost three pilots—damn! Four. And they couldn't break through the swarm to launch their 9aimX's. Suddenly there was a series of flashes in the distance in front of them and Auron heard a shout in his ears..."Whoohoo! Light the fires!"

"Pipe down, Blue Six!" the scratchy voice came through his headphones. "Guardian One, this is Blue One, we've launched our 9X's, direct hits. We're on our way. Hang on."

"Good job, Blue Squadron," Auron answered. "Red Squadron, go defensive."

"Guardian One, this is Green One. We're launching 9x's in forty seconds."

"Copy that, Green One."

"Guardian One, Blue Squadron is launching tk9's. The Warlock can guide them in."

"This is E-1, copy that. We have you."

A wave of tk9 missiles ripped into the scales, shredding the sinspawn over and over until most were nothing but drifting pyreflies. At almost the same time bright flashes in the distance announced the detonation of the 9aimX's against Sin. Auron checked his instruments...

_I think..._

"That's it, it's turning back." He checked everyone's fuel on his command screen. "Green Squadron, drift along behind it for a while, make sure it's really going and doesn't leave any scales behind. E-crew, back them up. Blue and Red, we're headed home. Good job, everyone."

Lord, he was tired. But he managed a smile nonetheless.

_Rikku-girl, I'm coming home to you._

* * *

**Auron:**

"All right, Auron...my Crusaders and your Spira Dawn people and Luca Network people and the Luca City Guard are all working together to keep the city locked down and under wraps. But we need to talk about how long we're going to do this and what we do next. Auron? Are you listening?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

When Rikku would walk home from school, kids in passing cars would throw the words "Stupid bitch!" at her and honk their horns and laugh, and anyone who was near her would hurry their steps, so no one would think they were together, and she would slow down a little to let them get further away. And then she'd finish walking home. And she'd walk back to school the next day.

Rikku never spoke.

It made her different. It always had. It made people think her mind was weak. But she wasn't stupid.

When Rikku was young she loved to go past the fences of her families place, and walk in the wider, wilder world, and one day when she was seven she had fled the hot fields for the cool shade of the woods. That was the day she found a dying man under the trees.

He was in the deep shadow and she never even saw him until he reached up and grabbed her hand, pulling her close, trying to tell her something. But instead he choked, and coughed blood at her feet, and then he collapsed.

Her mind froze for a moment. She was scared, but she pulled off her belt, to try a make a tourniquet, but when she looked closer, it was as if half his body was cut open.

And she couldn't think what else to do, so Rikku ran home, as fast as she could, with branches scratching her face and arms she ran to get help. She found her father and pulled him away from his tractor and into the woods after her.

But they never found the man.

Her father was good and mad, and yelled at her...until he noticed...

She never spoke.

Psychological trauma, the doctors said. Nothing physically wrong with her. Nothing to do, but wait. Maybe one day she'll come out of it.

So life went on, and when the other kids would bully her and make fun of her, she could always count on her family. They even learned sign language together, and even when her father really struggled with it and got frustrated he never gave up and never took it out on her. Her father loved her, and her brother...

Her big brother would take on any five other kids when he saw them giving her a hard time. And he'd get pounded, but everyone knew he'd do as much damage as he could first, and they finally learned to just leave her alone, except for calling her names when he wasn't around. She'd never tell him, because then he'd fight them, and she didn't want him to get hurt. And it never went further than name-calling, because everyone who knew her also knew that her father had a gun, and he'd kill anyone who laid a hand on her.

She went to school, and went to college, and then to the academy, and every time she graduated her father and brother were right there in the audience watching, and smiling. Rikku was one of the youngest recruits the FBI ever had. She had gone to college early, and graduated in three years with a double-major in psychology and forensic science. She had graduated near the top of her class at the academy. It was remarkable considering that she had to sue the FBI under the Americans With Disabilities Act in order to get in at all.

And now she was living in her own little apartment, out on her own for the first time. Her neighbors thought she was a little odd because she never spoke, but Rikku was used to that. They weren't bad people, and they'd get to know her better. She liked where she lived and liked her job. She missed her father and brother, and a couple of other people, but she was doing important work that satisfied her. Her supervisor admitted that he hadn't wanted her in his office, but he had been wrong, and he didn't know how she got those hunches she sometimes did, but now he was glad she was there. Without her they never would have found the Gonzales girl in time, and she was the one that went back to the blue house in the Martin Case again and again, certain that there was something there. Her supervisor thought Rikku would be promoted soon.

She drove home in her little, fuel-efficient Japanese car, pulled into her own space, and walked through her own door, tired but satisfied. She raked her fingers through her blond hair and pulled off her scarf, throwing it over a chair in the front room. What? She thought she saw a hint of movement from the corner of her eye and turned, but there was nothing, and then she felt something behind her, and quickly turned again.

Nothing.

She smiled, and shook her head to herself. Her brother had finally taught their dad to use e-mail, and there was almost always a short little something from him in her inbox, usually about the dangers of women living alone. Or about cooking. She'd check the computer later. She went in to take a shower.

Someone was watching.

The man was waiting when she came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. He stood in the corner, large and dangerous and powerful... dressed in red, with a wicked scar running down the side of his face.

If you looked close you saw that the light seemed to pass right through him, and he didn't cast any shadow.

Rikku never spoke.

To anyone but him.

"Auron," she breathed.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Sir Auron? I...all the members of Spira Dawn, we...we hope she's all right, sir. We're...praying for her."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Auron looked out over the dark blue waters. He felt the first stirrings of nerves, and silently cursed himself for it. The Master of Forces for the Yevon Church never felt fear before combat, not physical fear. His eyes scanned the horizon. He knew she was waiting out there for him. But that wasn't the reason for his nervousness, he knew, as the deck shifted underneath him. It was the fact that he was on the water. Auron wasn't good in the water, or on it. He balanced himself awkwardly as the flagship—the Yunalesca—moved underneath him. He didn't want to fight out here, but this is where the enemy was, and he had his duty. Yevon's armies had swept the hated Al Bhed from the mainland, had cleansed the continent from one end to the other, burning out a score of Al Bhed settlements, and the survivors had retreated to the ocean. Auron knew they had a base somewhere, almost certainly on an island. They would find it and burn it out too.

But first, they had to destroy the Al Bhed navy.

Aboard the Cid, Rikku squinted her eyes down into slits as she looked out into the setting sun. She couldn't see the floating tubs the Yevonites called ships, of course. They were still too far away, under the horizon. It was hard to see, and her eyes were starting to tear, but that was okay. The sun in her eyes now meant it would be in the enemy's eyes tomorrow morning when the fleets met. She blinked away the tears, irrationally angry at herself. Rikku hadn't cried...really cried...since the night she barely escaped from the small coast station the Al Bhed had set up on the banks of the Moonflow. Someone had snatched her from her bed in the middle of the night, and thrown her into the trees. She never knew who, or even if it was a man or a woman, she only knew that there was a shout and a crash and then she was alone, running through the woods until she fell and lay huddled on the ground, crying.

Rikku shook her head bitterly. The Al Bhed had been hunted like animals across the face of Spira, by Yevon and their bastard general. In the years since, she'd lost her father and her brother and others, and gained the scars on her face. But now...the Yevonites had made the last mistake they would ever make, when they followed the Al Bhed to sea.

The two fleets met just after dawn, closing as soon as there was light to see. The fast, lean Al Bhed warships lept across the waves at the huge, slow Yevonite vessels. Many of the Al Bhed faced grew pale as they came nearer and nearer, and the Yevon ships seemed to fill the entire horizon. They were enormous. The Yevon general, Auron, knew they couldn't match Al Bhed seamanship, so he had these ships built. Big enough to take punishment, and crammed full of men, they would close with the enemy and board them, fighting infantry battles at sea. If the quicker Al Bhed refused to close, then the Yevonite would ignore them and scour the islands for their bases, and soon the last Al Bhed would be wiped out.

Rikku's mouth twisted in a silent snarl. The seagoing pigs were tough. The Al Bhed had to get close for their weapons to penetrate the sides, and if they got too close the Yevonites would throw hooks and grapples to try and catch the Al Bhed ship and pull it alongside and board. But if the Al Bhed were fast enough, and they worked together in groups, they could swarm the bigger ships and send then to the bottom. Rikku watched it happen in front of her, a dozen Al Bhed attacked a single Yevonite—the Yevon ships were too clumsy to protect each other—and their fire-throwers and lightning throwers finally caved in the larger ship's side and men screamed as she rolled, and then slid under the waves, taking two Al Bhed craft with her. A good trade for the Al Bhed.

Auron climbed back aboard the flagship. There was no way he could exercise control of the fleet now that battle was joined. It was every ship for itself. The most useful thing he could do was board Al Bhed ships and sink them with his men. He wiped the salt spray from his eyes and looked around. It seemed to be working. He could see a dozen pitched battles going on all around, and a score of burning Al Bhed ships. But it looked like they'd lost the Yocun, and he could see the Mi'ihen was being hard pressed. But there was nothing he could do, except kill more of the bastards in front of him. Maybe he'd get a shot at that one-eyed bitch, and make a clean sweep of the whole family.

An admiral's place is to stay back and coordinate, not to put themselves in danger and maybe leave their fleet leaderless...Rikku knew that. But there was only one Yevonite that wore a red coat, and there was a red coat on that ship right in front of her, she could see it clear, and without hesitation she ordered her ship forward, and sixteen Al Bhed warships followed her.

"Out grapples!" Auron roared.

"Fire!" Rikku yelled.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Forensics says the man's clean, Sir Auron. His clothes are from Besaid, new bought. He had some money in his pocket, nothing else. And the Forensic mages say something's interfering with their spells."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

It was another nice day in Luca, sunshiny and cool, and one blonde teenager was out shopping, hopping from one stall to the other, looking and questioning shopkeepers. She was on a mission, searching looking for a gift for her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend.

Rikku smiled to herself, and people passing in the street smiled back because she was so young and cute and happy and in love.

Boyfriend.

It was still kind of strange to think of him that way. When they first met by the banks of the Moonflow she had been kind of scared of him. He seemed hard and cold...a legend. But somehow, as she got to know him, the fear had gone away, and she'd developed a crush on him. She never said anything...Rikku got crushes on a lot of guys...but sometimes she wondered if he knew. He seemed to know so many things. And then...somewhere along the way, her crush turned into something more, and a small hopeless love started to grow inside her.

Except that she was Rikku, and she didn't know the meaning of the word hopeless.

And now—now—now they were boyfriend and girlfriend for real, not just in the silly stories she wrote, and she loved him for real and he loved her and the age thing didn't matter at all and even all the secrets didn't matter today—not today, because today was bright and sunshiny and because they were in love.

Rikku stopped to look into one shop window, looking for the gift for her boyfriend. Well, not really for him, but for him to give to someone else, for them to give to someone else together! Like a real couple does, she thought with a thrill. And if she also happened to find a little gift for him, something to let him know how special she thought he was even though she knew he already knew, well that'd be good too. She didn't want a weapon, or armor, and he didn't seem the type for jewelry. Maybe a book, she thought, seeing a little store nearby. Something about the Al Bhed? And when he read it he would think of her?

She started to cross the street, started to step off the sidewalk, and things began to move in slow motion. Her foot was coming down when she saw a flash of movement. She was looking around. Her knee was flexing, her right leg just pushing off the sidewalk.

There was a man, a gun lifting, pointing at her...a flash, someone in front of her, falling back against her and pushing her aside. She tried to keep her balance, looking up and trying to see. Another flash and something kicked her hard in the side and Rikku was falling.

She turned her head and saw him for just an instant and then he was buried under bodies, piling on top of him. She was staring up at the sky...Rikku was on her back and looking up at the clear blue sky. Where was Auron? He was her boyfriend...she was going to meet him...

There were people all around her...leaning over her...their mouths were moving, they were shouting but she couldn't hear...

It was getting darker...colder...

Auron was her boyfriend...

They were in love...

Auron...?

Darker...

* * *

**Auron:**

"Sir Auron, the City Councilors are requesting a meeting...Sir Auron?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Rikku Jane Hightower was a genius. Everyone had always said so, since she had begun solving differential equations in her head when she was six. And now here she was, excited and nervous as she walked across campus under the wide, shady trees.

Her books were in a backpack slung over her shoulder like all the other young people around her. It made her feel like she belonged. It was a feeling she wasn't used to.

She went up three steps to the door to Panier Hall. Maybe here, she thought, she would finally find the acceptance that had always eluded her outside her family. Always a little younger than the kids around her in school, and always smarter.

They called her weird.

Just cause she liked math, and she was good at it.

Really, really good.

Rikku shook her head and pulled open the door. That was all behind her, she thought with a smile as she walked up the steps to the third floor. Now she'd be with other people like her, who liked and understood math. And she's be working on a vital project! Something important to the whole world!

That's what the government recruiter had told her, and that was great, but she would have joined just for the chance to skip the last two years of high school and come to university early. Walking down the hallway, she knew she would make her family and her people proud of her if they gave her the chance. She loved her brother and her father, and she knew they loved her, even if they didn't understand her.

But she really wanted to be around people who understood her.

Her heart was thumping as she faced the door, and for a second she almost felt like running, or screaming, or fainting, or something!

This was it. It all started here.

She took one deep breath, knocked, and then entered.

There was man sitting at a desk, facing away.

"Dr Black?"

"You must be clever," the sharp, cultured voice bit off the words.

The man at the desk, twisted to look at her. She jumped. He only had one eye.

Hard...scarred...sarcastic...bitter...broken...brilliant.

Dr Auron Black.

Her new boss.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Auron, uh...we just got word...the agent who threw himself in front of her...he didn't make it."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

A man in a bright red surcoat sat perched on the castle battlements to think. Sir Auron Redhill had a problem. That problem was the queen's newest and youngest Lady-in-Waiting, newly come from the Al Bhed province to serve the young queen.

He had never really noticed her before...their paths had never really crossed. But she had seemed a cheerful enough girl when she arrived. Then the whispers had started—the comments people made behind their hands as she passed, the cunning little rumors that drifted through the court. The people in the Al Bhed province didn't follow the true faith, and had risen in revolt against the queen ten years ago. The revolt was put down, and the queen appointed an Al Bhed loyalist to be Duke. The Lady Rikku was his daughter. Traitor, they whispered. Heathen, they muttered. Slut, they snickered...you know what these Al Bhed girls are like.

She smiled through it all, laughing and joking with the queen throughout the day, making up games and singing songs to get the queen to smile. And then she cried herself to sleep at night. The queen was fond of young companion, and quite distraught about the situation. And the queen's own personal black mage—a lush but coolly formidable woman—had come to tell Sir Auron in no uncertain terms that it was up to him to do something.

After all, he was Queen's Guardian.

He supposed he'd have to talk to the girl. And no doubt that would lead to a duel, probably with that ape, Lord Seymour, from the Guado Forest. He was the son of the Duke, and killing him would without doubt cause political problems.

Sir Auron wished sourly that the girl had never come, had never brought this problem, had never left the goddamn Al Bhed province.

Because he was truly tired of killing people.

Even apes.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Sir Auron? Auron! You should rest! When's the last time you slept? I swear Rikku's going to be all right, Sir Auron. Tidus, you tell him! Make him rest!"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

They ran from the smoking remains of Home as the Yevonites poured through the broken defenses. The two of them ran into the desert holding each other up, pulling each other along, running from the destruction and the death until she couldn't run any more and collapsed sobbing, and he dragged her into the shadows under an outcropping of rock, trying to catch his breath.

"Rikku," he said, insane determination shining in his eyes, "RIKKU! Listen! We're going to live! We're going to survive, no matter what! No matter what it takes! Do you understand! Listen to me!

She wanted to nod, wanted to agree that they would live, but she couldn't even look up...Pops...Brother...her cousins...her people...all dead behind her...

"Rikku! Listen, damn you!"

He had her by the shoulders, shaking her, and she finally looked up at him and screamed as a sword cut away half his face, and she tried to throw herself away from the blood and away from the man who held the sword.

She looked up, face slack with fear, and saw him...one eye, and a horrible scar...

The face of the enemy.

* * *

She had a good life. She'd had a lot of fun as a young girl, then she'd found a man, and they'd settled down and had a family together. She worked well with her hands and built a little business. The years passed, and the family grew, children first, and then grandchildren. Her own father had lived to see his first great grandson. Her man had passed a couple of years ago, but she knew she'd see him again soon. She had had a good life. 

But...Rikku had always felt that there was someone else out there...someone that she was supposed to meet...

But she just never did.

* * *

The jacket over his arm slipped and the stewardess noticed the handcuffs, looking with alarm at the scarred man and the young girl. 

"I'm a federal marshal," he said to her quietly, "Check with the pilot. I'm taking this thief back for trial."

"Hey! I'm innocent!" the girl said.

"Until proven guilty."

"Hey, I hafta go to the bathroom!"

"I hope you're not shy."

"Humph. I'll hold it."

* * *

She was a rising star in the blitzball world, trying hard to fit in. He was a career soldier with a medical discharge, a lifelong military professional that the military no longer wanted. Two lonely people who met and spent one night together. 

Now she was pregnant.

* * *

When Rikku got to the bar she found a man wearing nothing but a big red coat and sunglasses, backed into the corner and holding off all comers with a huge sword. 

_Why do I get all the freaks_, she wondered as she called for backup.

* * *

_Shoot me_, he thought, sitting on the floor. _Trapped in a freaking elevator with the freaking __energizer bunny_

"For the last time," he shouted at the hyperactive blonde girl sitting across from him. "I don't want to play truth or dare!"

"Poopie!"

* * *

"Please, Auron," she begged, "Don't make me do it..." 

"I cannot die," he said calmly, coming one step closer.

Tears blurred her vision, "Auron...please..."

"I am immortal," he said, smiling gently.

She pulled the trigger.

* * *

_Oh my god_, she laughed, Auron was just helpless on skis. Giggling she reached down to help him up, but instead he pulled her down on top of him and she yelped before his lips found hers.

* * *

"Crap," he coughed, looking up. He knew what he would see. Why hadn't he remembered...Al Bhed means dragon.

* * *

She was Cid's daughter, that was reason enough to try and kill her, but he was her bodyguard, and he was the best...

* * *

"Our daughter," she said quietly, and he didn't answer, didn't say anything...only held her close, and smiled.

* * *

Dammit, Auron! It should have been you, she thought, eyes closed, as her husband moved on top of her.

* * *

Oh hell, he thought, as the teenager looked him straight in the eye and unhooked her bra.

* * *

It should have been me, he thought, looking down at the small, sad headstone.

* * *

Huh, he thought. What is it about green-eyed girls in pickup trucks?

* * *

He threw himself against the chains as she giggled...

* * *

"You saved me..." he whispered brokenly.

* * *

"It was my turn," she smiled.

* * *

"I want you to stay..."

* * *

What's a telenovela?

* * *

"Pick one, Auron."

* * *

"Make me."

* * *

"RIKKU!"

* * *

"NO!"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Thousands, tens of thousands of Rikkus and Aurons and worlds and times...

Images...shapes...sounds...pieces of other lives...

They were pointing guns at each other...

She gave him back his wallet...

He was holding the door...

Holding her hand...

They're laughing...

She's shouting...

He's smiling...

Fighting...

Falling...

Running...

Weeping...

Living...

Loving...

Dying...

Auron...

Rikku...

* * *

**Auron:**

Rikku...please...come back...Rikku...don't leave...

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I shot bolt upright, wide-eyed and gasping for breath.

"Rikku...?" the voice came out of the dark.

"Auron? Auron, I had a dream!"

"Girl...?"

He sounded worried, but I shook my head. 'Course, he couldn't see it.

"I'm okay, Auron. It was just really weird, you know? We were all in it, you and me and Yuna and Tidus and everyone, but we were all in...in some other world, and we were trying to stop Sin, but we all had weird weapons and stuff...!"

"Hm...weird weapons," he said, and I heard a crooked little smile in his voice, and I guess I smiled too.

As if Colonel Rune Auron would ever go anywhere without his good old Sharp's Rifle. He pulled me back under the buffalo blanket, pulled me back against him, and said, "Tell me."

**Next: The Guns of Spira County**


	64. Guns of Spira County Part One

Hey. What is it with music and House, that show on Fox? Do you know how hard it is to find songs that fit Auron, and week after week they play perfect songs for him on House. And I can only steal so many before I feel bad. The reason I'm thinking about music right now...honestly, I'm not all that certain about the music notes for this chapter. I honestly thought they'd be easy to come up with, but they weren't. I tried to find songs that fit the mood of the story, but...oh well. (Speaking of music, did anyone else hear the new Avril Levigne song _Girlfriend_ and think right away about Rikku singing about Auron and Lulu?

(I was the only one, wasn't I?

(Oh well.)

Well, it's still going to be a couple of chapters until we get back to the main story. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this.

So anyway, major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. Well, let's be serious...right now it's really, really AU. It's an aurriku (and AU aurikku). This is about characters and...well, read it. Rated -T-.

This chapter and the next one are dedicated to Fyre Byrd, who gave me some helpful reviews a while back.

(By the way...remember, if you do follow the music notes, make sure you get the versions I indicate. They aren't all alike. So, like, don't get the Kid Rock version of _Country Boy Can Survive_. Oh, and you know, I guess that song would also do for Rikku, Lulu and Tidus, or Rikku, Yuna and Tidus, or Rikku, Lulu and Wakka, or I guess Rikku, Lulu and Yuna. I just thought of that.)

**

* * *

**

Soldier of Spira

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_The Al Bhed say they came here from a whole other world a long time ago. It ain't real clear how. I mean, they say they got here by climbing through a hole in the ground. They were escaping from a bad place. It wasn't their Home. They left their Home a real long time ago. They say they been traveling for a long, long time, and every time they set someplace event'lly something bad happens and they have to leave agin. They're gettin' ready to leave this place agin now. Well, I don't rightly know bout all of that, and I know I'm young but I have seen some mighty queer things in this world._

_And the strangest are right here in Spira County._

* * *

**Guns of Spira County (1 of 2)**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_People in the counties south and east of here don't like to cross the river, and most of the strange things that come down from the mountain don't cross the river either. Maybe they just don't like to go that far from home. The mountain is in the north, then the ranches is south of that, and then the farms and the town of Bevelle is south of them, and then the river. The Moonflow River. And Spira County's between the river and the mountain. __I been across the river twice, once all the way to Denver town when Cid had to meet with some gov'ment men from the capital. Him and me went with some Al Bhed warriors and we took Rin with us too. We Al Bhed always lived in the eastern shadow of Ronso Mountain, in scattered woods. We get along okay with ranchers, mostly, cause we hunt the longthooths and grizzlies that kill their stock. So they ain't too unfriendly. We don't get along so well with the townsfolk, but the ranches is all between them and us._

_I reckon it's been getting worse. I mean, it's always been kinda tough here, with strange things and strange goingings on an all, an us living so close to the mountain. An then when I was just a kid, the Yevon Church showed up and preacher Mika riled up all the townfolk against us Al Bhed an he even convinced the folks up on Ronso Mountain that we were bad, an the people on the ranches weren't so friendly with us as they used to be. An now a big mining company has moved into the county—the Guado Corporation—an they're cosying up to the Yevon Church and their miners an their guards are all throwing their weight around._

_So Cid sent me into town to see Rin, an find out what's happening. Seems like miners need timber, lots of it, to sink their mines, and the only timber in the county is our woods an the mountain forests, an no one's gonna go up there and cut wood. So the Guado want to cut down our woods where we live, and they want to turn everyone in the county against us. __And it's working. Cid sends me with his messages cause I'm the best sneak the Al Bhed have, and I can get in and out of places where other people can't, an I reckoned I got out of town clean, but I was wrong._

_I said it's getting worse, I didn't know how much. They caught me a couple days out of town._

* * *

She bucked and twisted and fought, and one man was down on the ground with her knife in his side, but the other three were too strong for her. A fist slammed into the side of her head, and while she was stunned they bent her over a log and got her loincloth off. One man held her arms while the other two pulled her legs apart. She was just starting to struggle again and one man was pulling at his belt buckle when there was a soft "phut" and a hole appeared in the side of his face, and he crumpled down to the ground, and then the faint sound of the shot reached them. 

Rikku was still groggy, but she knew when they let loose of her, and she looked up in time to see dust leap off one man's shirt and they were all looking at a hole in his chest, high up on the right side. The man stared down at it a moment with a puzzled expression, then fell down dead. The last man stared down at the body for a minute, and then lunged toward Rikku, but she had her knife in her hand again and cut him twice across the chest and once across the face. He cried out and put his hands to his eyes and she stabbed him in the chest. After he stopped kicking, she looked around a little wildly to see who had helped her. It was a moment before she saw him, a man on horseback, about a mile away. He was riding in.

The man rode with a Sharps Rifle across his saddle, ready to fire. This was open country, without many trees, but the grass was tall enough to hide an ambusher, and the rider wasn't a man to take chances. He rode slowly, not coming directly at the campsite. He spiraled in, taking his time, circling the place carefully, rifle held ready across his saddle, always pointed at the camp. If it surprised him to find a young, blond girl dressed like an Indian standing waiting for him beside the four dead bodies, he didn't show it. He noticed their horses were gone, bolted.

"I'd like to thank you, mister, for helping me out," the girl said, still taking some deep breaths. "I'm Rikku. I'm Cid's daughter."

The man looked at her, his rifle not quite pointed at her midsection. She didn't look like an Indian. She was fair, and kind of skinny, and it looked like she had green eyes. She wasn't wearing much, the man noted. A buckskin blouse that didn't reach her navel, a white loincloth barely covering her...loins...and soft white moccasins. There were feathers braided into her hair, and a bruise coming in on the side of her face.

After a moment, he nodded to the girl and slipped the rifle into a saddle holster. The man was big and broad, with a wicked looking scar running down his face, across one eye, and he was wearing a battered red coat. They stared at each other for a few seconds, and Rikku felt herself starting to blush. Then he climbed heavily down from the horse, and pulled a shovel out of his small pack. She watched as he buried the four of them where they lay. He didn't say much as he worked, but Rikku noticed that he never let her get behind him, and she pretended not to notice, and filled the silence with questions and chatter, which he pretty much ignored. But when she asked him where he was headed, for some reason he did answer. Maybe because all the way out here, there really was only one place he could be going.

"I'm headed north, for Ronso Mountain," he said without looking up.

"Hey, wow," Rikku said, sitting on the grass, her bare legs dangling into the hole he was digging. "Me too! Cid wants me to deliver a message to the Colonel! How bout we travel together, huh? Mister...uh, what's your name?"

"Huh," he said, climbing out and reaching for a body. "You don't even know my name, and you want to travel for days in my company?"

"Hey, don't be a meanie! Just tell me your name."

He straightened up, way up, way over her, and looked down at her, a dead man slung over his shoulder.

"I am Colonel Rune Auron," he said, as if she should know who he was.

"Well, Colonel Rune Auron," she smiled, "I hope you don't snore."

"You'll never know," he said. "You aren't coming with me."

"You're going to leave me out here alone?" she asked, her eyebrows raising. "But I'm just a girl!"

"Two of these fellas had knives stuck in them," he said. "Seems like you can take care of yourself."

She put her hands on her hips, cocked her head to one side, and said, "Mister, you helped me out here, an that's a fact. So I owe you. And I always pay my debts."

He looked down at her, looked into her determined face, and heard the truth in her words, and he shook his head a little, slung the body into the ground and turned back to his work. When he was done, he said a few words over the graves. She snorted quietly, and he said, "They were human beings."

They traveled all day, sometimes both of them riding his horse, sometimes her riding while he walked alongside, and sometimes both walking to rest the horse. She had pretended that she didn't know who he was, but even the Al Bhed knew about the Red Colonel. People said he was from Tennessee. The late war was ancient history to Rikku, being from before she was born, and far away anyway, but she remembered what she'd heard about him from old folks like Rin and her father. During the war Rune Auron served under Meagher. He raised a regiment of Irishmen, mostly from Klanneth County near Dublin. "The Klanneth Boys" were decimated assaulting the Bloody Lane at Antietam on the bloodiest day of the war, and died in the Sunken Road at the Battle of Fredericksburg, along with a lot of other Irish boys. After Fredericksburg, Auron refused command of another regiment, and instead served as a sharpshooter, picking off enemy officers like squirrels.

Walking next to him, Rikku flicked a surreptitious glance at the Sharps rifle in his hand, battered but well cared for. People talked about that rifle. They said it was magic, and that he was a dead shot at up to a mile away, which Rikku had just plain never believed. That was three times as far as anyone else. But now she thought maybe it was true. She didn't quite know what to make of him. But she'd figure him out. She always found a way, and she had time. They were traveling through big country.

----Toward the Mountain----_In a Big Country_----Big Country----

They traveled all day over the rolling plains, green with tall grass swaying in the wind, and the girl kept up a constant stream of cheerful chatter, swinging along beside the big man with her long-legged stride. Rikku loved her cool shady woods where she lived with the Al Bhed, but she also liked being under the big, wide western sky. When the sun was sinking down toward the horizon, the man found a small hollow where he could set up his simple camp. He didn't need her help, he had the routine down, and while he was doing that she went for a walk, returning with a double handful of wild herbs. He built the fire, and she cooked for them.

"A fine meal," he rumbled, and she smiled. "Why didn't you use those?"

He nodded at a pile of unused herbs.

"Those aren't for eating," she said with a superior little sniff. "Those are for mixin'."

The man turned that over in his head for a bit, and then asked, "Mixing what, exactly?"

"Oh, all sorts of things," she answered with a smile, and wouldn't say any more about it.

Magic, he thought to himself, hands busy mending a piece of tack. All over the world, modern people were giving up magic, and turning instead to technology, which always worked and which anyone could use. It was more reliable than magic, and more modern. Magic was backward and old-fashioned. But the Al Bhed and other tribes like them kept the old ways. They sat around the fire and she prattled at him nonstop about her family and the Al Bhed and how they lived and their stories and their customs, and about her favorite colors and favorite foods and favorite seasons of the year, and about all of the problems in the world that could all be fixed easy if people would just listen to her.

"Who were those men?" he asked, breaking in, not looking up, and her face closed up.

"Yevonites," she spat after a moment.

"And you don't like Yevonites?" he said. "Well, I can't say as I blame you."

"We don't got nothing against Yevon!" she said. "I don't even know what Yevon is. We want the Guado Corporation to pack up and move out."

He grunted. The Guado Corporation was a big mining company headquartered in France. Auron knew more about the Guado Corporation than he really wanted to. Rikku sat and fumed, thinking about it. The Yevonites had never liked her people because they still used magic instead of technology. They called the Al Bhed backward and ignorant.

"But things didn't really get bad until the Guado Corperation moved in and got all tight with that Reverend Mika," Rikku went on. "And they tried to get Cid to agree to move the Al Bhed off of our land so they could hydro mine it, but he wouldn't do it, and Mika in church started preaching against us, sayin that the Al Bhed were evil heathens, an people started attacking us. But the worst are still the Guado guards from the mine. They pushed us around more than the Yevonites did. At least," she went on with a little shiver, "At least until today."

She noticed him watching her, and quickly pasted a smile on her face. She still had that smile on when she plastered herself against him when they lay down to sleep. He protested that it wasn't decent, her snuggling up to him like that, and she laughed at him that it was cold and anyway they were both dressed and she just wanted to share his coat and no she didn't want him to let her have it cause then he'd just catch cold and who would protect her from nasty Yevonites then?

"You taken two of them out yourself," he muttered, thinking that one of the two of them was barely dressed. But arguing with her looked to him like a losing proposition, and soon they were both dozing off.

Auron woke up in the middle of the night. It was an old habit he had picked up over the years as a professional soldier. It took him a moment to realize that the girl wasn't up against him anymore. He looked around, and saw her huddled as far away as she could get, breathing hard and trembling in her sleep. He didn't think it was because of the cold. He sat up and looked at her. She worked hard not to let it show, but he guessed that being almost raped affected her more than she let on. Brave, he thought. But not healthy. He figured she needed to talk to someone. Not him. So who?

He sighed and got up and carefully laid his coat over the girl, just the edge, so it would look like she dragged it off him in her sleep. Then he checked the horse and took a quick turn around the camp. He stood over her, watching her sleep for a moment. Then he leaned closer, and said quietly, "Girl, you're going to be all right. It's going to be all right."

And then he went back to his own spot and laid himself back down. As the sun came up, Auron opened his eyes with a vague half-waking memory of someone laying something over him sometime in the night. It was his red coat. He looked around and found the girl was already awake, smiling and fixing them breakfast. He could see more bruises coming in on her body, but he didn't mention it, and neither did she.

They rode and walked all day, the mountain growing closer in the distance. Rikku found him more willing to talk that day, maybe even a little nicer. Maybe that was why she felt better, like she was going to be all right after all. She thought sometimes that he talked like a schoolteacher. Not that Rikku had ever formally attended school. But she knew her letters and could reckon numbers. She picked those things up on her own. But he sounded educated, like maybe he had been to one of those universities out east.

Like when they were talking about Yevon.

"We don't have nothing against Yevon," she said again, speaking down to him because she was riding and he was walking beside her. "We just want to be left alone! We don't even rightly know what Yevon is!"

"It's a church."

"Well we know that! But I ain't never heard of it before a couple of years ago, and Christian preachers used to come out and try to missionize the Al Bhed when I was young, but they never said anything about Yevon."

"It's a new one," he said. "Every so often, folks in this country get the fever, and new churches start popping up all over. It happened one time back before we were even a country, back when we were still colonies of the English."

"That's that country across the sea?"

"That's right. And then it happened again about fifty years ago. People started goin' to meetings in big tents where preachers stood up and talked about the Lord. And a lot of new little churches started up. A man named Joseph Smith started the Latter Day Saints, and a man named William Miller started figuring on when Christ was goin' to come again. You know who Christ is?" he asked without turning, so he didn't see Rikku stick out her tongue.

"Yeah!"

"Good. Well, Miller read the Bible real good, and figured out that Jesus Christ would come back in 1844. He traveled around telling people to get ready, and a lot of 'em did. They called themselves Millerites, an when 1844 came around, a hundred thousand of them left their jobs and homes and farms and went up onto the mountains or out into the fields to wait.

"Uh, so what happened when Christ didn't come? Cause I don't guess he did."

"They recalculated."

"Oh."

"And it's starting to happen again...the fever. There's new churches springing up everyday. Most of them are full of good people, but some..."

"Like Yevon," she nodded.

"I reckon Yevon has some good people. Yevon started up in California in tent meetings, maybe ten years ago. When I was here back then, Mika had just arrived and was just getting started."

"Well, now they call him Maester Mika," she said, "And between Yevon and the Guado Corporation, they pretty much run the town."

He thought about that as they walked and she talked on, trying to foresee just how much trouble that was going to cause him.

When he woke up that night, she had moved away in her sleep again. But not as far.

* * *

_We were riding through fields of long grass starting to turn yellow. Ranch hands should have been cutting this for hay, but we were riding across land that was claimed by the Besaid Ranch. There ain't really many hands working there these days. Or many cattle there, really, anymore. It's gone downhill some since Uncle Braska died and they sent Yuna away. I can barely remember them._

_Those days and nights with Auron on the trail started to feel kind of like a dream to me. After that first day he started talkin to me a little more. An I talked a lot an he never seemed to mind at all. I really like him, an I'm not sure why. He's way older than me, an not like the other boys I've liked. Well...he's not a boy. __Maybe...maybe it's cause of the way he always calls me Miss Rikku, all polite like. Or maybe it's the way he listens when I point out the plants and tell him the different ways how they can be used, an he doesn't mind that I know more about it than him. Or..._

_Maybe it's just that he's so big an quiet an makes me feel safe. I don't think he knows I have those nightmares, about..._

_I don't want him to know._

_The days were getting cool, an the nights were downright cold. Good thing I'm such a good blanket-thief. Heh. Coat, really. An at night sometimes we'd lay awake for a while, looking up at all the stars, and he'd tell me the scientific names for them, like Sirius, and Betelgeuse, an Pollux, an then he'd tell me stories about them, like about the brothers Castor an Pollux. An I'd tell him the Al Bhed names, like Bnulouh, and he'd try an pronounce it an I'd laugh an he'd chuckle. Sometimes I wished we'd never reach the mountain, but every day we were closer. Well anyway, I did have a message from my father to deliver to the Colonel._

_The other Colonel, I mean. Colonel Kelk had never been to the war, but he an the boys had come down off the mountain during the war an they kept the area for the Union. They had one big knock-down, drag-out fight with Bickson and his men from the Kilika Ranch. Bickson was from South Carolina originally, an he was strong seccesh, but those Ronso boys were big, big men. Most of their families came from the Tennessee mountains, an they were tough an they were all dead shots. They tore up the Kilika hands. Bickson left the county and became a raider, hitting gov'ment targets. They called his bunch the Beasts during the war. But they never did attack civilian folk, the way Quantrill or the James boys did, an after the North won, he come back home. __Anyway, I had a message for Colonel Kelk._

_Auron, now...Auron was headed for the mountain looking for some people._

* * *

They were climbing now, both walking and leading the horse up the mountain, when a big, big man dressed in rough homespun, several times patched and mended, stepped out onto the trail in front of them. He had that look. He was one of them, one of the Ronso Mountain boys. He didn't say anything, just looked back and forth between Auron and Rikku. Auron nodded politely. 

"Kim," he said.

"Colonel," the young man said. His voice sounded rusty, like he didn't speak very often. "Been ten year."

"Yuna's back," Auron said. Rikku's head snapped around to stare at him. Yuna? Her cousin, Yuna? She was away in France, living with relatives and going to school.

The young man's brow furrowed.

"Yuna...back?"

Auron didn't say anything, and Rikku also managed with an effort to keep silent.

"You come to get me, Colonel?"

"You and someone else," Auron answered. "A young kid, named Tidus."

"Huh. Thet kid yours?"

Auron shook his head slightly.

"Jecht's son."

"They gonna hang'im."

"That sounds like him."

"Showed up couple days ago," Kim said slowly and deliberately, "Come from the west. No one comes from the west. Said he was in some city. Got knocked in the head. Woke up here."

They were supposed to bring him to the ranch, Auron thought to himself disgustedly, not leave him on the far side of Ronso Mountain.

"Boys took him in, doctored him a little." Kim shook his shaggy head. "Well, Colonel, he's a little guy, an some of the boys was having some fun with him last night, an he didn't cotton to it."

"How many'd he shoot?"

"Burned two. Got to a horse and lit out. Horse threw'im in the dark. Boys decided to hang'im for horse-thieving."

"No trial?"

"Trial?"

"Never mind."

Slowly and haltingly, Kim explained they were going to hang the kid then and there, but they didn't have a rope. So some of them said shoot him, and some said hit him in the head with a rock, but Ronso Mountain is a pretty conservative place, and most of the boys didn't feel it was quite right not using a rope.

"They were pretty drunk, Colonel. So they locked'im in a tool shed for the night. But then this morning some of the women didn't think it was right to hang'im on a Sunday. So they gonna hang'im tomorrow. But some of the boys will be drinking shine tonight, and they won't be in no mood to wait."

Things moved fast after that. Not much more than an hour later, Rikku and Auron were crouched in some bushes looking at a distant, isolated tool shed guarded by two men. Auron had turned his coat inside out, the streaked grey of the inner side blending with the shadows. Kim was waiting a ways down the mountain with Auron's horse and his own mule. The guards were sitting on the ground in front of the shed passing a clay jar back and forth between themselves.

"I kin put'em to sleep," Rikku whispered to Auron.

Trying to ignore Rikku's bare thigh rubbing against his leg, Auron said, "Do it."

She pulled out some of the herbs she had gathered on the way there and started mixing them together with some powder she poured out of a pouch. She whispered a few words over it all, and then blew it in a puff in the direction of the shed. The men started nodding almost immediately, and soon they were asleep.

A young man looked up when the door to the tool shed opened, and squinted against the sunlight, starting to gather his legs under him and palmed his hideout gun.

"Don't shoot what you can't see, boy."

"Auron! Auron, is thet you?"

"Come on, boy. No time to waste."

"It's you."

Tidus got to his feet and stumbled out over the slumped forms of the guards.

"Damn, Auron, I'm glad to see you!"

"Watch your language, boy. And come on."

"Sorry,"

Rikku was waiting in the brush when the two came out of the shed. She blinked when she saw Tidus. Blond hair and blue eyes, tight black pants, black vest, beautiful tooled boots, and a bright yellow shirt that looked like silk. He had a flat, wide-brimmed, black hat in one hand. He was a little roughed up, but he was still gorgeous. He looked fun and friendly and a little bit dangerous, just the kind of boy she'd get a crush on.

She wondered why she wasn't feeling it.

The two men pulled the unconscious guards into the shed and locked it up again, and then joined Rikku. Auron kept the introductions short and then led them off into the trees.

"Wait a minute, Auron," Tidus said urgently, "What about my guns?"

"No time. We'll get you another set later."

"Auron! I need my irons!"

"You got your holdout gun," Auron said, not stopping.

"Two shots!"

"Auron," Rikku said, "I gotta talk to Colonel Kelk! I can't just leave!"

"We can talk about it when we're off the mountain," Auron said, looking back and forth between them. "End of discussion."

They were headed down the mountain and both of them were still arguing with Auron and each other ten minutes later, when three men in rough clothing stepped out of the brush into the path about twenty yards ahead of them. The youngest was about fourteen, the oldest maybe twenty-five. They were all dressed in ragged homespun, but they held rifles in their hands casually pointed their way.

"Auron," Tidus said quietly, "Four more behind us."

"I know."

Auron eased his shoulders.

----Gunpoint----_Country Boy Can Survive_----Hank Williams, Jr----

It was a good spot for an ambush. They were standing in a little dip, with the trees about thirty yards away on the uphill side and nothing but a steep fall on the other. Auron saw four more men step out of the trees.

Tidus turned to face the ones on the path behind them, automatically putting his back to Auron's, and close by, Rikku turned to face the uphill ones. Auron didn't move, and an older man, dressed better than the others in an old frock coat, stepped into view.

"Colonel Auron," he said, with a thick, German accent.

"Colonel Kelk."

"It has been awhile."

"Yeah."

"Somewhere lost an eye, I see."

"I was careless."

"Bad habit, that is.

"It isn't a habit."

The two men stood tall, glaring at each other.

"So you say, but here you are. Up on our mountain, in company of a thief."

"I ain't no thief!" Tidus said without turning, or taking his eyes off the four men on the path behind them.

"You took a horse."

"It was that or stay and kill three or four of your boys."

"You are a thief. We hang horsethieves."

"Jecht's boy," Auron murmured.

He felt Tidus jerk a little behind him as he said the name, and Kelk's eyes slipped past Auron to the back of the boys head. After a minute, he said, "Horsethief."

Still without turning, Tidus said, "You ain't hanging me." The gun shifted in his palm.

"If we have to hang dead body, we will," Kelk said. "But you will hang, boy."

Twelve men, Auron was thinking, with rifles pointed at them. Tidus and his little two-shot pistol could take out a couple. Who knows what Rikku had handy. Auron himself could kill one with his Sharps, maybe if he got the right angle shoot through one and get two. Maybe another with his knife, then he'd be down to swinging the reversed Sharps as a club. He raised his chin slightly. Not great odds.

He took one deep breath, in and out, and then like stating a simple fact, he said, "No...he won't."

Something in the utter tonelessness of his voice made everyone stop for a moment. Something that made everyone suddenly remember that people told stories about this man.

This was the Red Colonel.

After a moment, Kelk shook his head.

"Outnumbered twelve to three, you say this. Some of us will die, surely. Probably me. But I am not afraid to die."

"Didn't think you were," Auron said, turning his head to look at the men to the side, and then back at the ones in front of him. His single eye met all of theirs in turn, settling at last on the one that looked fourteen. "Tidus, Rikku, kill the youngest ones first."

Two or three of the youngest-looking sort of jerked with surprise, and Kelk's eyes narrowed. The hands of the boy Auron was looking at stayed steady, but the color drained from his face.

"I got my two picked, Auron," Tidus said from behind.

"Me too, Auron," Rikku said, sounding shaken but determined.

"It'll be quick, boy," Auron said to the fourteen year old in front of him, the Sharps pointed right at him. The boy's hands were trembling a little now, and he gulped a mouthful of air, starting to breathe hard.

"I got mine picked out, Colonel," Kim's voice came out of the trees, followed by the click of a hammer being cocked back. The Ronso men started looking around themselves nervously. There weren't any cowards on Ronso Mountain, but this wasn't what they were expecting.

"Colonel," one man said to Kelk, "That's my boy!"

"Colonel," another said, while a young man next to him licked his lips, "My brother...Luke?"

Kelk was looking around at his crowd, his face hard.

"Man...man has to do some hard things in his life," he ground out.

Auron never looked away from the wide-eyed boy in front of him.

"If you think that Colonel, then fill you hand."

For a long minute, no one said anything...waiting. Looking in Auron's face, Kelk saw nothing but death for his youngest...fourteen year old Sam...Pevy, fifteen...John and David, both sixteen...he knew they could win, shoot Auron and the other two to ribbons. But the price...

"Go..." he said, the word ugly in his mouth. "Go, and don't ever come back to the mountain."

His men heaved sighs of relief, and started moving out of the way.

"Oh, I don't think so," a cultured voice said, with a slight French accent. "Colonel Kelk, you promised me a hanging, and that's what I want to see."

A man stepped up beside Kelk. He was elegantly dressed in a suit of blue silk that almost matched his hair. Dark vest and gleaming white shirt, he spoke with a slight French accent, and seemed to glide rather than walk. He wore a pistol slung low at his side. Rikku blinked a little, looking at him. She knew who he was, but she had never seen him before.

"Seymour Guado," Kelk said, turning to him, "We were hanging a man, not for your amusement. And now we are not hanging him at all. Stand out of their way."

"I don't think so," Seymour Guado repeated, stepping toward the three. "I have heard all of my life about these fast gunmen of the American West. I think now I would like to see if this one is really all that fast."

Damn, Auron thought to himself. What is Seymour doing here? The head of the Guado Corporation was supposed to be in Bevelle messing up people's lives, not here testing his gun-skills.

"Auron," Tidus murmured just loud to hear. "Let me."

"With that pop-gun?" Auron quietly answered back. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"I have heard that in the West no real man will back down from a challenge," Seymour was saying.

"Oh, I don't think you'll be much of a challenge," Tidus said with a bright wide smile.

Auron wanted to shake his head, but instead he took Rikku's arm and pulled her back a ways.

"So," Seymour said, smiling back, "That is the American charm I have heard so little about."

"I'm smart, fast, and handsome," Tidus grinned. "If I was charming too, most folks just wouldn't be able to stand me."

"Ha. So, American, how do we do this?" Seymour asked, shifting a bit, making sure of his footing. He'd be shooting slightly downhill. "Do we let the so-charming lady drop a kerchief?"

Rikku blushed as he smiled at her.

"I ain't got no holster," Tidus said, sidling to one side to get the last of the setting sun out of the corner of his eye, "So we're both gonna start guns in our hands, down at our sides. You go whenever you want."

Before he'd finished speaking, Seymour's gun was out and firing. He was fast. Blinding fast, maybe the fastest any of them had ever seen.

Too fast. Seymour's first shot ploughed into the dirt at Tidus' feet. Tidus was already moving to the side and Seymour's second shot tugged at his shirt. Then Tidus was firing two shots as Seymour fired his third. Tidus twisted away, feeling a kick in his left side. When he straightened up again, Seymour was down on one knee, bringing up his gun for another shot. Tidus only had two, and he had fired them both, so he just stood and waited. Seymour's gun came up, wavered...

A stain of dark red was spreading on his white shirt. The gun fell from his hand, going off as it hit the ground. The bullet whined off somewhere and Seymour Guado went to both knees, and then fell sideways to the ground and didn't move. Watching, Rikku felt a moment of regret, in spite of who he was. Tidus started to stumble closer, holding a hand to his side, when a large man in a cheap suit shoved past Kelk and knelt down next to Seymour.

"You stay away!" he said, in a much coarser French accent. He was older, but he looked strong. "Don't you touch him. We'll take care of the master!"

Tidus nodded, swaying on his feet as Rikku and Auron came up on either side of him.

"Okay," he said. "You bury him good. Ain't every man who can wear clothes like that.

He looked around and saw that all the Ronso Mountain boys were staring, maybe a little glad that Colonel Kelk had decided not to fight. They'd never seen the like. And after all...

Who had ever heard of the Tidus Kid?

* * *

_We got the Kid doctored up enough to get down off the mountain. Kim joined us, carrying a double-barrel shotgun. It would have did for a couple of those boys back there, an maybe more. Auron told him he did good, and Kim sort of nodded. So the four of us an Auron's horse an Kim's mule all got down to the flats, an I think it'd be a bad idea for any of us to ever go back up Ronso Mountain._

_I guess life's gotten kind of complicated recently. I tried to talk to Colonel Kelk before we left, to give him the message from my father, but he wouldn't speak to me. I guess I don't blame him, but it's the first time I ever failed like that. An then there's Yuna! Yuna's coming home, might be home already! I asked Auron why he didn't tell me before, but he never knew we were cousins, although he knew I wasn't Al Bhed by birth. We had a little homestead up in the hills when I was young, just Daddy an me. Ma died of the fever when I was too little to remember. About a year after Yuna went away, my Daddy was killed by a longtooth. There aren't that many of them around these parts anymore, but that one was an it got Pa an it woulda gotten me too but some Al Bheds were there and they saved me. They took me back to their village an their leader Cid kind of adopted me. It took me a long time to accept them. I was mad at them for a long time. Those Al Bhed coulda saved Pa too, but they didn't. They just saved me cause they took a notion._

_So I grew up with them, an I love my Daddy, but I love Cid too, an he's my father too, now. But now Yuna's back an __she's engaged to Seymour__! I mean, she was, I guess. An Auron told all three of us not to say anything about him being dead! Didn't say why, just said it was important. I don't think she'd be upset, exactly. She doesn't even know him. It was one of those old-fashioned weddings, arraigned between the families years ago._

_Anyway, I'm wild to see her, an so is Kim. Uh, he's wild in a quiet way, I mean. I think...I think like ten years ago when Yuna's daddy, my Uncle Braska died, Auron sent Kim to take care of Yuna an keep her safe, or something like that. I'm not really clear about it. An then her daddy's folks sent for her an she went overseas to live with them an go to school. But she's back now an that's where we're going now an I really really want to see her!_

_We're here!_

* * *

Auron walked out across the yard to the corral. He wasn't going anywhere, he just wanted to put a foot up on the rail and be away from the noise for a little bit. 

The reunion between Rikku and her cousin Yuna had been loud and boisterous. The two were still talking, catching each other up, though privately Auron doubted whether either was actually listening much to the other. It was more like...like birds singing. You don't really try to understand, you just enjoy the noise. He supposed teenaged girls just enjoyed being with other teenaged girls and filling the air with pointless chatter. It could make a man tired.

Yuna had been properly horrified at Rikku's scanty clothing, but you could hardly tell, she was so composed and poised. She had learned well at finishing school. Her reunion with Kim had been more restrained, but heartfelt. She had wrapped the large, blushing man in a hug and shed a few tears while he awkwardly patted her back. She had greeted Auron quietly, like she wasn't sure what to expect. And all the while, Tidus was standing there looking at her like a pole-axed steer.

And that was all before Rikku heard about the dance.

Auron felt someone moving up behind him, and without looking he knew it was Yuna's governess, Lulu, one of the two companions she had brought with her from overseas. The other was a smiling, powerfully built man named Jauqua, with towering, improbable hair that he was inordinately proud of.

"Colonel," the beautiful young woman said. Her French accent was lighter than Seymour's and much more becoming.

"Mademoiselle," he replied, without turning. She thought that was rather discourteous, but she didn't mind all that much. She was used to courteous men, and curious for something different. This big, quiet man that they told stories about interested her.

"Why are you out here, Monsieur? I beg you pardon, I mean, Colonel. Is it not cold, and lonely?"

"It's peaceful," he said, still not looking at her as she stood next to him their arms almost touching. He knew what he would see if he did. A women not really much older than Yuna, but carrying a maturity and grace beyond her years along with her rich, dark beauty. He could smell her perfume, delicate in the cold air.

"Ah yes," she smiled, "The young girls do go on about the party, do they not? It is kind of the town to throw such for Yuna's return."

"They hope it means the ranch will start to recover," he said. "The Besaid Ranch was a big part of the local economy. They'd like it to be productive again, especially now there's this push for statehood."

He looked over the corral as he spoke, seeing all the little signs of neglect. The place was unquestionably a bit run down. The ranch hands were all left over from the days when Braska was here, and Datto, Botta, Letty, Jammu, and Keepa all did what they could, but they kept falling behind the everyday repairs and everyday chores that a working ranch needed done. The place needed a larger crew.

Of course, they weren't running that many head now, either.

"Ah, what practical reasons you give," Lulu said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. "But parties are not practical things, Monsieur. I choose to think it is just to welcome back a young woman, and perhaps," she added, "A chance for her to meet at last her husband to be?"

Maybe, he thought. And maybe not.

"And who do you take to the ball, Monsieur Colonel?"

"Take?"

"It is only gallant that a gentleman should escort a lady, _non_?" she said, slipping her arm through his.

"Auron!" Rikku suddenly burst into their conversation, "Hey, Auron, what are you doing out here! You're gonna catch...a...cold..."

She slowly ran down as she saw them standing arm in arm.

"We...we were just...talking about the party, Auron..." Rikku said, "And, uh..."

She was looking around, looking down at her shuffling feet...looking anywhere so she wouldn't be looking at the two of them standing there together, when he took a step toward her.

----Col. Auron and Miss Rikku----_A Real Fine Place to Start_----Sara Evens----

"Miss Rikku?" he said, his voice low and rumbling, "I would be deeply honored if you would allow me to escort you to the dance."

Rikku looked up wide-eyed, her face stretching into a wide smile. Behind Auron, Lulu froze.

"Really?" Rikku said.

"Really, truly," Auron answered.

Rikku took a happy breath and stood up very straight. She looked demurely down at the ground, and said, "Colonel, I would be proud to go with you to the dance." And then she squeaked, "OH! What am I going to wear?"

"Well," Auron answered, "If you're asking for advice, I would suggest that you put yourself in Miss Yuna and Mademoiselle Lulu's hands."

Behind him, Lulu fought a small struggle with herself. Then she forced a smile onto her face and stepped forward.

"But of course we would help you," she said. "Come along, it is not too early to start planning."

The next two days were largely given over to the women getting ready for the dance in Bevelle, while the men worked around the ranch, helping to get ready for the winter.

"Hey, Auron," Tidus said as they were cutting hay in the nearby meadows. "You think Miss Yuna's going to stay, and bring the ranch back like they all hope?"

"Maybe," he answered, swinging his scythe. Both men were working with their shirts off, sweating lightly in spite of the chill in the air. Tidus had replaced his pistol, and the new one was hanging at his hip. Auron's rifle was on the ground nearby.

"She's really bright, you know, Auron?" Tidus said. "She's read all kinds of books, and she can speak a passel of languages besides American. And she's really nice, and she—" Auron tuned out a bit while Tidus went on in that vein for a while.

The daughter of one friend, Auron thought to himself, and the son of another.

Maybe.

At noon, Rikku brought lunch out to them in a basket. Yuna and Rikku had taken over the cooking for the ranch, and the hands declared that they'd stay on forever without pay as long as they didn't have to eat their own cooking anymore. Lulu had declined to become involved in meal preparation, and a wide-eyed Yuna had firmly seconded her decision. Both men hastily pulled on their shirts. Not that Rikku would mind, Auron was sure, tugging the fabric over his head. What she wore everyday was barely decent. And she'd worn even less when it was just the two of them on their way to Ronso Mountain...really not much more than a loincloth and a scrap of leather around her shoulders for modesty's sake, padding around the camp barefoot. And when he told her roughly to put some more clothes on, she just laughed and threatened to take off the loincloth. And sometimes Auron would find himself staring at her pretty little toes on her slim little feet, and find his eye sliding up her calves and up her long, coltish legs...

And then he'd have to pull himself up short and remind himself that no matter how brave and bright she was, and no matter how independent she acted, she was still a teenager and he was old enough to be her father.

Even if there wasn't the other thing.

The three of them talked together while Auron and Tidus ate, and Rikku teased Tidus about liking Yuna. Afterward, they got back to work and Rikku walked back to the house and the women spent that afternoon in Yuna's rooms getting ready for the dance the next day. The bed was deep in discarded Paris dresses.

"That's all right for her gown," Lulu was saying to Yuna as she held up the winner for inspection, "Now what about her underthings?"

"Lulu!" Yuna said, her head snapping around and color rising to her face, "No one's going to see those!"

"What about the Colonel?" Lulu said, looking sideways at Rikku with a slight smile. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, Rikku chocked and sputtered while her own face turned red.

"Lulu, you're terrible," Yuna said. "The Colonel is a gentlemen. And Rikku's a good girl!"

"I have known many gentlemen, Yuna, and many good girls, and many of them were happy as it turned out that they were wearing something pretty underneath."

"Lulu!"

"Americans," the Frenchwoman muttered genteelly under her breath, and then went on in regular tones, "In fact, we should be looking at your own wardrobe. Do you think Tidus would like white lace, or red?"

"LULU!"

While they were talking, Rikku was thinking. She didn't suppose anything like that was really likely to happen, but...it wouldn't hurt to wear some nice underthings. Besides, she thought, one finger sliding over white lace...

She kind of liked it.

"Bustiers," Lulu was saying, "And garters, of course."

"Lalalalalala I'm not listening to you!" Yuna said, covering her ears.

This could take a while, Rikku thought.

She wondered what he would wear.

He wore red and black, and the medals of a dozen countries on his chest. He stood with Tidus and Juaqua in the parlor waiting for the women to come out. Kim was out with the hands getting the wagons and horses ready. No one would be left at the ranch. Everyone wanted to go, and Auron had a hunch that they just might need everyone. He'd told Jammu to have the boys ready for anything, just in case.

"So Colonel, you do not find it boring here?" Juaqua was asking. The man was a bit of a military buff, and he was a little starstruck at meeting Auron. He had only been a teenager in the islands when Auron was fighting at the Battle of Sedan with the French against the hated Prussians. Colonel Auron was a hero of the Republic. The first day that the four had arrived at the ranch Juaqua had spent an hour with a fascinated Rikku, telling her what he knew about Auron's military exploits in France and Spain, Ethiopia and Turkey, India and China.

"It suits me for now," Auron answered.

"Auron?"

He turned at the sound of Rikku's voice. And somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that Tidus was staring at Yuna. He was aware of the gallant way Juaqua greeted Lulu. But all he could see at that moment was her. Her hair, usually pulled back in a ponytail, was down around her shoulders in soft blond ringlets. Her eyes looked bigger, and somehow even more green, and her lips were cherry red. And cherry sweet, he thought before he could stop himself.

"Do...do you like my dress, Auron?" she asked, nervously smoothing down the front. It was deep blue, trimmed in yellow with what looked like a million tiny yellow bows running down one side of her skirt, low cut and laced tight across the front. She noticed him staring at her neckline, and she inhaled deeply.

He blinked.

She looked...grown up.

"It's very pretty," he said, stepping closer, his low voice sending an exciting little chill through her body, "And you make it even prettier."

She was still smiling almost two hours later when they were finally approaching the town. She wished he was sitting next to her, but Auron and Tidus were riding horses. Kim was driving the wagon with the hands, while Juaqua was driving the buggy carrying the ladies along with three mysterious boxes. They came out of the rolling hills north of the town and found Bevelle spread out in front of them. It was a typical western town, a little larger than most. Dirt streets with two hotels, three general stores, seven saloons, and a blacksmith.

And the Church of Yevon, and the Guado Corporation.

The place was bright and colorful with bunting and flags as they rode in under a large banner reading "Welcome Home Yuna." The streets were filled with people in from all the farms and ranches in the area, and they smiled and waved as Yuna drove by. She smiled back at them, waving a little shyly. Auron leaned down to speak to Juaqua.

"Pull up next to the Luca Hotel."

The group split up outside the small, elegant hotel taking up one side of the town square. The boys would take the wagon and buggy to the livery stable and then join the crowd having fun.

"We'll get rooms where you ladies can rest later, if you have a need to," Auron said to the others, helping Rikku down, "And maybe you can get something in the restaurant."

"Something sweet?" Rikku asked, as the others smiled and Auron nodded.

No one but Auron noticed as Kim slipped away in the crowded street, carrying three boxes. He wondered what was in them.

Inside, Auron engaged a small suite while the others went on into the dining room. He turned as they all stopped dead in the entryway.

"What?" Auron asked.

"Ah, the so-charming American," the lightly accented voice came from the room. "You have brought my intended. I thank you."

Seymour Guado was sitting at a table, drinking tea.

* * *

_I know stuff._

_I mean, you can't rightly grow up in the country and not know what goes on between men an women. You see the bulls an the cows on the farms, an the deers an animals in the woods. So I guess I'm pretty clear on that stuff._

_It's the other stuff that I still ain't altogether sure about. Between men and women, I mean. Like, how you know when you like someone, an how you know they like you. Rin told me once that birds sing when they're looking for a mate, an wolves howl, and bears dance! An I know that when a young Al Bhed man wants an Al Bhed girl to be his wife, he sings a song about the desert, an the magic you can find there. An if she wants him too then she'll listen, an then she'll start to dance. A couple of Al Bhed boys have sang for me, you know, just half-playing. Kid stuff._

_But I never danced for anyone._

* * *

"I plugged that guy, Auron! I plugged him good! So why's he still up and walking around!" 

The two of them were in the lobby, and Auron looked down at Tidus.

"This is Spira Country, boy, and folks here don't always lie down and give up just cause you kill'em."

Inside the dining room, Seymour was sitting with Yuna and Lulu at a table, drinking tea. Rikku sat with Juaqua at another table nearby. There was no one else except for Seymour's man Tromell sitting in the corner, his body bent but knotted with muscle. Seymour had engaged the room for his sole use. Rikku had grown up in Spira County and took Seymour still walking around in her stride, but even in her elegant dress she felt a little out of place in the fancy dining room, decorated in pale blue, with linen tablecloths and napkins. But she was waiting for her sweetcakes and waiting for Auron, and she was happy enough talking to Juaqua.

"So Yunie's grandparents set up the wedding?" she was asking him.

"Yes," he nodded. His French accent was broader and not like the others. He was born and raised in the Caribbean. Yuna's family had property there. Lulu had spent her childhood there too, with Jauqua and his brother before he died. When Yuna was orphaned, the family brought them to France with her to be her companions, and they were as devoted to the young girl as Kim.

"An she never even met him before?" Rikku asked, wide-eyed.

"They met when they were only young, and then Seymour went off to St. Cyr and the Sorbonne."

"Uh...?"

"The French military academy," he explained, "And the great university."

"Oh. So, if they don't know each other, why do they wanna be hitched?"

"It was settled between their families. Her land interests, and his mining corporation, it will be a good match, benefiting everyone."

"Oh."

Rikku sat for a moment, thinking. Arranged marriages weren't unknown among the Al Bhed, and it seemed to her that they worked out about as well as any other kind. But at least the Al Bheds getting married usually knew each other, probably all of their lives.

"Well, but," she said, "What if Yunie meets someone else she likes? Like, um, Tidus?"

"_Merde_!" Juaqua jumped back in his seat, then blushed and quickly added, "Pardon, please. My language. But...Tidus?"

"Wow, you really ain't seen it? I think she's sweet on him!"

They were talking in whispers now, their heads bent close together, and they both turned slightly to look at the other table.

"We should be married as soon as possible," Seymour was saying. "It will simplify matters greatly."

"Oh, I guess..." Yuna mumbled.

"Two weeks," he said, and the women stared at him in shock. "Then we will honeymoon in Italy, and then return here. Or, I must return, but you might prefer to stay in France."

"There is no way Yuna can be ready in two weeks," Lulu said firmly, and Yuna nodded weakly. Two weeks! Yuna thought she'd have more time! Months! Years! Time enough to...she didn't know what.

"I really don't think I can be ready in two weeks..." she said, quiet desperation in her voice.

"Of course you can. I will help. And you cannot stay out at that farm in the meantime. You can take rooms here."

"I can't do that!" Yuna said. The ranch was her home! She had never forgotten it all the years that she was away, the lonely splendor under the big, wide sky, the smell of a storm coming. These last few weeks back there had been the happiest in years for her. She had even dreamed a little that after they were married, they might live there, and that way it wouldn't be so...

"Don't be stupid, of course you can."

Juaqua jumped up from his table letting loose a stream of French at the man, while Lulu's eyes flashed with anger and she reached into her bag. Yuna started to stand and Seymour grabbed her arm.

"Get your hands off her!"

Tidus was standing in the doorway.

"The pistol-artist," Seymour grinned.

"Yuna ain't gonna marry no dead man!" Tidus shouted, hand dropping to his gun.

"Dead!" Lulu repeated, fine eyebrows arching up.

"Oh yes," Seymour said casually, as Yuna gasped. "Didn't you know? The young man there outdrew me. I admit it freely." Still sitting, he turned to Tidus with a smile. He had hold of Yuna with his left hand, but his other was under the table, out of sight. "Shall we try again? I'm sure I'll get it right this time...or perhaps the next."

Suddenly Auron was there in the room and his Sharps rifle was pointed straight at Seymour's chest. Everyone froze. Seymour looked calmly into Auron's eye, and considered. This was Spira County, after all, and Seymour had already proven that he was a hard man to put down for good. He wasn't afraid of Tidus' six-gun. But people told stories about that rifle.

Seymour settled back into his seat with a smile, and put both hands on the table in front of him.

"But of course Yuna can leave if she wishes. She may do as she pleases," his gaze slid sidelong to hers, "Until the marriage."

"I didn't get my sweetcakes," Rikku whispered miserably as they filed out of the restaurant. Auron went last, holding his rifle steady on Seymour until the others were past him, and then fading silently back.

"We'll get rooms at Rin's place," he said to them when they reached the street. "It's not as nice, but it's clean."

A few moments later they were settling in at Rin's place. Yuna said she felt like resting a little, and Lulu stayed with her, and Juaqua and Tidus sat down in the simple dining room with a pot of coffee on the table between them, talking about Seymour being dead, and why they hadn't told them. Auron allowed to the others as how he had some business in town. Rikku was visibly torn between staying with Yuna and going with Auron, and in the end she followed him out.

"Miss Rikku," he said, turning to her outside...the street was crowded and they were pressed kind of close, "You should stay with Miss Yuna, help keep her mind from things."

"Nuh uh," she shook her head, blond ringlets swinging.

"What?" Auron growled. From the corner of his eye he noticed Botta and Jammu sort of casually leaning up against the wall nearby and trying not to grin.

"Yuna will be fine," Rikku said. "I think I better stick with you."

Like hell. He had things to do.

"I think you best do as you're told."

"You're not my Pa an you can't tell me what to do!"

"Do you want me to GET your pa!" Auron answered in a slow, hard voice.

She stood close, looking up into his single eye.

"I'm no kid, Colonel Auron," she said quietly.

Looking down at her, seeing the swell of her breasts, the flare of her hips, he knew she was right. She might not be all growed up, but she wasn't a kid.

And he definitely wasn't her father, the thought rushed through him. When he didn't answer, Rikku went on, "Just for a little while, Auron?"

He stood still for a moment, thinking hard. He knew he should make her go back inside, but she wouldn't go, she wouldn't let him bully her, and so he tried to think of the right words to say to convince her but there were those two grinning jackasses leaning against the wall looking at him and the crowd was jostling them together and her soft curves were brushing against him and she was looking at him with those green eyes and he couldn't think.

He had kept his head on a hundred battlefields...well, not a hundred. But plenty. What was wrong with him now? Shaking his head, and not really understanding why as he did it, Auron silently offered her his arm and she quietly took it and they wandered around the town square together, looking into the shops, and then drifted toward the edge of town where there were booths set up, and a bandstand with musicians playing. A well-dressed man in a black suit stepped out of an alley to walk beside them.

"Auron."

Auron didn't have to look, but he did anyway.

"Kinoc."

Rikku stared around Auron at the man. Auron knew the sheriff of Bevelle?

"Been a long time, Auron."

"Yeah."

"My town, Auron. I don't want no trouble from you."

"I'll keep it in mind."

A few yards later, the man asked, "So...where you been the last ten years?"

And after a moment, Auron answered, "I have nothing to say about it."

The man stopped, and stood standing in the street watching as Auron and Rikku walked away. Neither said anything, although Rikku looked up at him from time to time, and soon they were at the edge of town and a bright, happy smile lit Rikku's face as she looked around.

The dancing wouldn't get going until dusk, but in the meantime it was almost like a fair. There were lawn games set up and someone was judging homemade preserves and a man dressed in maybe a lion-skin was performing feats of strength and in one area men were doing cheerful business horse-trading. A medicine man standing up on a colorfully painted wagon was selling Guaranteed-One-Hundred-Percent-Authentic-Al-Bhed-Potions, "Sovereign cure for poison, laryngitis, and general malaise, lords and ladies, it'll pep you right up," the man fast-talked.

"That's how Rin got started, ya know," Rikku said as they moved on. "He was a medicine show man, and went around all over. Sometimes I went with him and took the money, back when I was maybe six or seven. That's how come I know so much. Cause I traveled, and seen the world."

The gathering crowd was full of townspeople, farmers, ranchers and ranchhands from the Besaid and Kilika and Djose and Macalania ranches and a half-a-dozen smaller spreads besides. There were arrogant Guadomen pushing their way through the crowd, miners and guards both, and Auron kept a careful eye on them. There were even some Al Bhed in paint and feathers and buckskin looking around with interest, and some wide, tall boys come down off the Ronso Mountain, and prim, plain-dressed Yevonites regarded the whole proceedings with disapproval as they made their way to their own revival meeting that they were holding nearby. Whenever the noise dropped a bit you could hear their Hymn of the Faith coming from the large tent set over to one side.

"People must have come from three counties over," Auron said, frowning a little. "Just to welcome Yuna?"

He wasn't unaccustomed to crowds, but he didn't like them much. He preferred the wide-open, lonely spaces.

"It's an excuse to have fun!" Rikku said to him, like she was explaining to a child. "Everyone likes to have fun!"

"I suppose that's it," Auron said neutrally.

They stopped by an open meadow where a number of young men were about to have a horse race. Most of them were wearing some colored ribbon or such, some little token begged from a young girl. "I'm glad Tidus isn't here. He'd want to ride."

Rikku was examining the horseflesh with a practiced eye.

"Put a bet for me Auron?"

----Fairgrounds----_If You're Gonna Play in Texas_----Alabama----

Surprised, he did it, and Rikku spent the race jumping up and down and cheering excitedly for her rider, who won by a whisker. Flushed and smiling and full of life, she accepted her winnings, and they went and sat near the bandstand to listen to the music and let her catch her breath. Some younger people were starting the dance early, and the bad was playing some boot-stomping songs.

"Auron," she said after they had listened a little bit, "Don't you like to have fun?"

"I never had much time for it," he answered her indifferently.

"Oh," she said, and added after a minute, "That's sad."

"It's life," he said. My life, he thought.

"Well...well you're gonna have fun today! We're gonna dance an you're gonna have fun!"

"All right, Miss Rikku," he said, smiling a little for her. "I'll have fun, just for today."

"Okay. Hey, can we get something to eat now? Oh look, picnic baskets!" she said, pushing herself up and wandering in that direction. "Lotsa them!"

There was a crowd standing in front of a table practically buried under picnic baskets colorfully decorated with bright ribbons and bows. A man was standing behind the table, pointing and talking to the crowd.

"They're selling them!" Rikku said to Auron over her shoulder. "Let's get one. A picnic would be nice. An fun!"

"Rikku," he said, catching up to her, "It's a picnic basket auction. Women make them up, and men bid on them, and the lady joins the winner for the picnic."

"Oh," she said, slowing down. "I guess that might not be so fun, you an me an some other woman. Hey look, there's Yunie and Tidus and the others."

Auron turned and saw them joining the good-natured crowd on the other side. The man behind the table was holding up a basket with peach and white ribbons, and Auron was surprised when Tidus immediately bid five dollars. Then he saw Yuna smiling next to him.

"Well, hell," Auron murmured, then flushed a bit and looked around to see if anyone had heard him curse.

"Hee hee, I think he's going to get it," Rikku said next to him, smiling.

A few ranch hands were bidding, looking a little self-conscious in their best clothes. But Tidus won the basket with a very respectable bit of seventeen dollars.

"Com'on," Rikku said, grabbing Auron's hand and pulling him toward the others. "Oh, wait!"—the man behind the table was holding up a pretty basket with green and yellow ribbons, and Rikku blushed—"Auron! You should bid on that one!"

One eyebrow raised, he looked down at her and said, "Really?"

Red started to spread across her cheeks, and she smiled back up at him, "Um..."

"One hundred dollars."

Heads turned, but Rikku and Auron already knew from the voice. Seymour was standing behind the crowd, his man Tromell a little behind him.

"One...one hundred dollars," the man behind the table croaked, as excited murmurs ran through the crowd, "From Mister Seymour Guado."

Seymour smiled and inclined his head, and his eyes slid momentarily to Rikku's. When Rikku had heard the bid, her mind went blank for a moment, and now when his eyes met hers, she jumped. What was this! This wasn't what she wanted! He might have been kinda handsome and, and cultured...Rikku mentally shook herself. What was she thinking! What was this? Her mind racing in circles, she almost missed what Auron said next.

"One hundred and one."

The heads in the crowd spun to stare at the big man with the medals on his chest, and whispers started to run through the crowd about the Red Colonel, and the stares shifted to the young blond girl standing next to him in the beautiful gown, and then back to Seymour Guado, and eyebrows were being raised.

"Ah," Seymour said lazily, "The cost outstrips the prize. It is yours."

WHAT! Rikku stared at him, eyes blazing. She wasn't worth more? Was that what he was saying!

"I suppose I could still take back my bid, if you really want to eat with him," Auron said casually, breaking into her thoughts.

"What! No! That's not...but he...!"

The good-natured crowd passed the basket from hand to hand until the last man handed it to Auron with a huge grin, and he nodded his thanks.

"Well, Rikku, should I go see if Seymour's still interested?"

"Auron! Are you makin' fun of me!" she flared, face set in an artless pout looking up and seeing a slight grin. "COM'ON!"

She grabbed him by the arm and started dragging him towards the nearby meadow, muttering under her breath as the crowd around them smothered chuckles.

"One thousand dollars," they suddenly heard Seymour's voice say, and they both stopped and turned to look.

The stunned man behind the table was holding up a plain basket with only a few ribbons of dark blue, almost black. The crowd was speechless, and they could clearly see the shocked look on Lulu's face as she stared at Seymour.

"She didn't wanna make one," Rikku muttered to Auron, not looking away, "We made her, me an Yuna. We thought..."

Her voice drifted off as her gaze shifted to Juaqua, standing alongside Lulu, a slow, mottled flush spreading over his face.

"One thousand dollars," the man behind the table repeated. There were no other bids.

Lulu visibly gathered herself, straightened her shoulders, and walked through the crowd to join Seymour, and spoke to him quietly.

"No no," Seymour said quite clearly, "It is not for myself. I bought this so-lovely picnic for my man, Tromell. I like to give him these little treats from time to time."

Seymour smiled and stepped back from the mortified young woman, and Tromell stepped forward with a twisted grin, then Juaqua was coming through the confused press of people and Tidus was right behind him. For the first time, Rikku noticed how many Guado employees were standing around, who now surged forward at the two young men as the bystanders quickly scattered out of the way. Then the Besaid ranch-hands were coming out of the crowd and Yuna was saying something and trying to step forward but suddenly Kim was there pulling her back. Still smiling, Seymour took one step to the side and dropped his hand to the holt of his pistol.

"Put up," the words came hard and clear through the clamor of voices. Heads turned. It was Auron, and again the Sharps Rifle was pointed straight at Seymour Guado.

That rifle.

No one moved as Auron and Seymour locked glances. Rikku looked around, seeing that there were thirty or forty Guadomen. Her friends were outnumbered. The people were watching from a distance.

"Did you wish something, Monsieur?" Seymour asked, smiling with seemingly polite interest.

"This isn't any time or place for bloodshed," Auron answered, barrel of the rifle never wavering. "This is a time for folks...to have fun."

An amused expression settled on Seymour's face.

"Ah, I suppose you are right. And so then, we will all go our own way...and leave these two to their meal together, no?"

"No!" Juaqua, ground out between his teeth, while Lulu still stood in the center of everything, furious.

"So," Seymour said, turning all around, speaking to everyone, spreading his hands apart, "What are we to do? Ah,"—he put one finger in the air—"Perhaps...perhaps we can leave the matter up to the two of them, alone? A friendly contest..."—he inclined his head to Auron—"...all in fun."

As Auron opened his mouth to answer, Tidus shouted, "Sure! Juaqua can take him!"

And the men from the watching crowd came forward again to surround the two men, cheerful now and looking forward to a fight. The women stayed away, in small groups, waiting and pretending not to pay attention, Yuna and Lulu among them. Rikku was the exception, getting up in front where she could see, ignoring the disapproving looks around her. She stood next to Auron.

"Should we mark out a circle?" One townsman called.

"Ain't no need," a Guado miner answered, "This here is jest a friendly fight!"

The Guados in the crowd roared with laughter. Next to her, Rikku could feel Auron's shoulders tense.

"Let be, Auron," Kinoc said, stepping up next to him. "If you stop the fight, the Guado miners will try to tear up the town. I ain't having it."

"Tromell's a killer," Auron said.

"Well now," Kinoc answered, watching as Juaqua stripped off his shirt, "Maybe things ain't as settled as all that."

The burly Frenchman with the improbable hair was more than solidly built, with masses of smooth muscle. But Tromell looked hard, his torso crisscrossed with scar tissue. Auron knew that the Guadoman was a veteran of a thousand deadly brawls in mining camps all over the world. Seymour's father had found him scavenging in the streets of Marseilles as a boy, and for twenty years the Guados used him as an enforcer in their mining camps. Now he was totally loyal to Seymour.

The two men approached each other. There were no corner-men, no line for them to toe, and no rounds. It would just be punish and punish some more until one man dropped and couldn't get up.

If they were lucky.

**Next: Guns of Spira County (2 of 2)**


	65. Guns of Spira County Part Two

Hey. (This dosn't have anything to do with the story.) I was in a bookstore the other day, and I saw a book, _The Unhandsome Prince_, and sat down and started reading. (They like you to do that.) It was funny, and I ended up buying it. Hey, everyone wins. But it got me thinking. You know, when SF/Fantasy started, there wasn't much humor in the genre. I mean, it was all books like _Stranger in a Strange Land_, _Dune_, LoTR, and so on...great books, but not funny. (Well, I never actually read _Stranger in a Strange Land_, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't that amusing.) You got some humorous short stories, but the only actual funny book I can think of from that time was a LoTR parody, _Bored of the Rings_. Then, in the late 70s, early 80s, humorous books started coming out, mainly in the fantasy field. These were books like Craig Shaw Garder's Wuntvor series, Robert Asprin's Myth books, Lionel Fenn's stuff, Douglas Adams' _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ in all it's various incarnations, Terry Pratchett's Diskword books and others. You might call it the Golden Age of fantasy humor, and a little SF. (I tried reading the Diskworld books, but they just aren't for me.) And then they just sort of all went away as the 90's went on. Terry Pratchett kept writing his books, but the others stopped. You don't find a lot of humor in, say, David Gemmell's books for example. Great books, but not funny. I still have a lot of those humorous books, but when I go back and read them, they seem stale. Still kind of funny, but they seem dated. I guess a lot of humor is topical...references to popular TV shows of the times, and things like that. But anyway, the thing is that recently there's been a spurt of humor again...Asprin's legal problems cleared up and he's writing Myth books again (with references to reality TV, the web, and so on) and there are new writers working with comedy, like John Moore, the author of the book I bought. I'm seeing a few humorous book, again, mostly fantasy. And maybe more important, people are starting to put humor in their mainstream SF/Fantasy. As they should. Funny things do happen, even if you're an elf in the middle of an epic tale of honor and cruelty. I know things go in cycles, but maybe that last part will last. I hope so, I think it's a sign the field has matured. Well, that's what I've been thinking about.

Well, still had problems with the music notes. And I would have liked to find a song for the fight, but...nope. Well, I have one, but the lyrics have no connectrion to what's going on. It's just there for the sound. Anyway, these chapters were fun, but we'll be back to the main story next chapter.

So, major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. Neither is the old west, come to think of it. Follows the story, but kind of AU. Uh...yeah, kinda. It's an aurriku (an AU aurikku). This is about characters and...horses...and guns...and, well, read it. Rated -T-.

This chapter like the last is dedicated to Fyre Byrd, who gave me some helpful reviews a while back.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_He says I'm brave an strong. I like it when he says that, because I know he means it. But...I'm not sure I'm all that brave._

* * *

**Guns of Spira County, Part 2**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

_What was Seymour up to? Auron an me are having a nice time, just like I wanted, an then Seymour bids on my picnic basket, but then he just stops, and then he bids on Lulu's, and he offers a thousand dollars! An no one can believe it, an then he gives it away to Tromell! An Lulu's just standing there with her face all white an then Juaqua's coming through the crowd all angry and now somehow they're fist-fighting!_

----fight----_Boondocks_----Little Big Town----

The two men were ready now, and they faced each other, bare-chested, circling warily, feet shifting in the dirt. Men in the crowd were calling out bets to each other, and more people were hurrying up as word spread, anxious not to miss the fun. Tromell had an eager, cruel smile on his face, and Juaqua's features were still tight with anger. That wasn't good, Auron thought. If Juaqua let anger cloud his judgment—

Tromell rushed forward with shocking speed, throwing two mammoth punches to Juaqua's left side. Rikku could almost feel the thuds as they landed. Juaqua grunted and desperately jumped forward to clinch with the Guado, pinning Tromell's arms, but Trommel smashed his forehead into Juaqua's face in a viscous headbutt. Everyone could hear Juaqua's nose crunch, and he went down. Tromell was waiting for that. He wanted to make this punk with the stupid hair suffer, but his master had said to make it quick. As Juaqua fell to the ground, Tromell jumped up, both heavily booted feet in the air, aiming to crush Juaqua's skull. Rikku and Tidus both started forward, crying out, but Kinoc was there, grim-faced, putting out his arm and pushing them back.

Dazed and on his back, Juaqua still had some idea what was happening. He threw up an arm and rolled to the side, knocking Tromell's leg away. Tromell landed awkwardly, and Juaqua instinctively shoved against him and Tromell fell. Both men started to get up, the younger man a bit quicker, and as soon as he had his feet under him, he lashed a quick kick to the Guodoman's knee. If it had landed solidly, it would have been crippling, but it was off to one side, and Tromell went down again as Juaqua stood swaying and trying to catch his breath. Tromell was on his hands and knees.

"KICK HIM AGIN!" Rikku shouted, but Juaqua stepped back, letting Tromell climb to his feet.

"Stupid," Rikku heard Kinoc murmuer. She didn't even notice that Auron had gone. He was prowling the edges of the crowd, keeping an eye on the Guadomen. He knew Kim was doing the same, double-barreled shotgun in hand.

Tromell climbed to his feet, a little more cautious now. The Guadoman advanced, trying to get within swinging range and jerked back as a booted foot swept past his nose. He grabbed for it without thinking, his hand almost closing on it. Stupid, Juaqua told himself, pulling away. Stupid to kick so high. He almost caught me.

Catching a glimpse, Auron nodded to himself...he had suspected the French islandman might be trained. He had seen something on the way that he moved. Juaqua was a _savateur_, a practitioner of savate.

The two men started to circle each other, fists raised. Every time Tromell tried to get close, Juaqua would target his legs with short, powerful kicks, and they took steady punishment. Tromell landed a few blows himself, but only quick jabs, nothing with the real power of his huge shoulders behind it. Once, Tromell got close enough to connect solidly, and again Juaqua clinched, this time ducking low and then ripping his head upward, smashing into Tromell's jaw. Stars exploded behind Juaqua's eyes and he stumbled back clutching his skull. His vision cleared and he saw Tromell standing nearby, looking dazed. But the Guadoman shook his head and dropped back into a crouch even as Juaqua watched.

Both men were bleeding profusely from headwounds. Tromell edged closer. His legs were on fire, and he could hardly move them. He just needed to get close! Then he could destroy the other man. Juaqua was tiring. The earlier massive blow and even Tromell's jabs were taking their toll on him. How could he hurt the man? He couldn't afford to trade punches, and Tromell certainly had an iron jaw. Keep attacking the legs? Or go for the gut?

The end came quickly. Tromell gathered himself for a rush forward, ignoring the pain in his legs. He came toward Juaqua with everything he had and Juaqua didn't have time to think...with energy he didn't know he still had, he leaped into the air and lashed out with both feet, catching Tromell in the stomach. The Guadoman folded over the blow and fell back to the ground. Juaqua also went down, landing awkwardly. He lay there dazed, eyes closed, wondering if Tromell would finish him now, not really caring much. He felt something soft on his face.

"_Idiote_," Lulu spat, wiping the blood from his face with a lace kerchief. He was mumbling something about not ruining it, and she was ignoring him and insisting that he had to visit the doctor. Satisfied, the crowd broke up, many of them drifting back to the table with the picnic baskets while the Guadomen dispersed, carrying away Tromell. Rikku and Auron watched Yuna and Lulu lead a protesting Juaqua away to the doctor's office, Tidus under one arm and a helpful passerby under the other.

"Guess that's that," Rikku said, and Auron nodded. Things were quiet again, for the moment. They looked for a quiet spot where they could set out their food and listen to the music and have their picnic. They found a sunny spot, spread out a blue blanket, and sat down almost next to each other to eat.

Rikku knew she was being stupid. Here she was, having a picnic with Auron just the way she'd planned and daydreamed, and there he was, right there next to her in his black coat and medals and she couldn't stop thinking about Seymour Guado and what had happened...and what had almost happened. Why did he bid on her basket? And then why did he stop? Did he mean to humiliate Rikku the way he had tried to humiliate Lulu? Was that all he really thought of her! Or maybe, was he just trying to use her to get to Auron? Was he trying to hurt Auron, maybe get him to fight Tromell? Rikku was seething at the thought. She just didn't know. Maybe she could ask Auron, but...

She blushed and ducked her head, wondering how even for a moment she might have...considered...with Seymour...

Auron noticed that Rikku blushed from time to time, falling silent. He figured he knew why, and some of what was going through her mind, but wasn't sure what to do, or say. He knew he wasn't a smooth-talking man. They ate in an uncomfortable silence, Rikku looking up at him from time to time, mumbling her thanks when he complimented the food, and then looking back down to hide her face.

Rikku thought to herself furiously, This isn't what I want! Not this!

And as Auron finally cleared his throat, and started, "Rikku..." she suddenly leaned in and kissed him.

"Rikku!" he said, pulling back and looking around to see if anyone had seen.

"There!" she said, and took a big, satisfied bite of chicken. Auron was pretty sure he never would understand women, but at least Rikku was in a better mood now, and they could both enjoy the rest of the picnic.

"I have to go take care of some business now, Rikku," Auron said as they finished up. "Will you find Yuna and stay with her now?"

"You go on, Auron," she said, "Yuna will be fine. I'll take care of her."

It was still a couple of hours til sundown when Auron got to the bank. He needed to speak to the president, Mister O'oka, a Dutchman who jumped his ship twenty years ago in Boston, come west on a wagon train, and somehow found himself starting a bank in Spira County. He stood up and shook Auron's hand with a smile. No one in town knew that it was Braska who gave the banker his first break, way back when. O'oka owed Braska, and providing what information he knew about the Guado finances to Auron was something he was happy to do.

And while Auron was learning more about Seymour Guado and the Guado Corporation, and Juaqua was being stitched by the town doctor and fussing and Lulu was telling him to shut up and hold still, and Tidus and Yuna were finally having their picnic and sharing their first kiss, and Colonel Kelk and Cid were meeting quietly in a backroom in Rin's general store, Seymour Guado was playing poker in a saloon not far from the edge of town where the fight had taken place.

The outcome of the fight had left him a little sour, but he was winning at cards, as usual, and that improved his mood. It was low sort of place doing a lively business. The bar was full of Guado miners and guards drinking. A man in the corner was playing piano and ranch-hands flush with wages were buying smiling women drinks.

There were five men at the table with him, Baker, the owner of the Djose Ranch, two prosperous men from out of town, a semi-prosperous farmer who was in over his head, and a tall, thin man, newly arrived in the county, a land speculator. They played straight five card draw, nothing wild.

They were all competent players, but the cards favored Seymour, and he steadily attacked the farmer, using his better hands and larger stack. The man didn't really belong in the game, and Seymour wanted him out before he did something stupid that cost him his farm. The thin man was drinking steadily.

"That's all for me, gents," the farmer said later, wisely getting up from the table.

"Ah," Seymour said to the room at large, "A player departs, poorer and wiser. Does anyone care to take his place?"

"Can I sit in?" Rikku asked, coming out of the crowd and smiling sweetly. "I have money."

The others at the table looked scandalized, but Seymour simply smiled in return and nodded.

"But of course."

No one cared to argue with him.

She took the vacated seat and joined on the next deal. Rikku played steadily for about an hour, not winning or losing too much, too fast. Her main problem was the thin man who resented her being in the game and always called her. But the stack of chips in front of her grew steadily. Then she got a fair hand, three fives. She discarded two and got the last five, taking a large pot from the thin man who refused to believe she wasn't bluffing.

"You're a cheat!" he said, grabbing her arm. Chips

scattered across the table and the floor. "Damned Al Bhed!"

"LET GO OF ME!"

Rikku tried to pull away, her heart pounding, and tried to pull her knife, but it was buried under layers of fabric.

The click of a trigger being cocked was clear in spite of the noise.

"The lady requested that you let her go."

Seymour was holding a pistol aimed at the man's belt buckle. The thin man froze, and Rikku kicked his shin as hard as she could. The man cried out and let go, staggering off through the watching crowd. The other players had backed away from the table. Rikku was breathing heavily, chest heaving, her knife finally in her hand.

"Ah well, Seymour said calmly, "Not all men should play with the ladies."

"You, you like playing with the ladies, Mister Seymour Guado?" she asked, her breathing steadying.

"I always have," he answered, his eyes trailing down her dress.

"Seems everyone else has left the table," she said quietly.

"Ah yes, and so we must either quit, or play, as you say, head-to-head."

"Well, I don't know if I have enough cash to interest you, she said, taking half a step closer and inhaling, breasts straining against the lacings of her dress.

"When you gamble," he said, "There must be stakes. That is what gives it...spice."

Now Rikku was standing next to his chair.

"Do you really want to marry Yuna?" she asked quietly, her head cocked prettily to one side.

Seymour frowned a bit.

"It is arranged," he said finally.

"How about...if I win, you ask Yuna if she really wants to marry you, and if she says no, then you don't marry."

"You ask a great deal," he said, sitting up straight and finding himself staring directly at her barely-covered breasts.

"That's what gives it spice," she said, smiling.

"And if I win?" he asked, eyes flicking up to meet hers and then back down again.

Rikku bent down and whispered into his ear. The bar was mostly silent now, listening, but no one except Seymour Guado could hear what she said.

She straightened up, and he looked up at her with a puzzled smile on his lips.

"Are you sure, Mademoiselle?" he asked. "When I win, I will collect."

"I always pay my debts," she said, smiling back down at him. "And I ain't gonna lose."

"Then by all means," Seymour indicted one of the upright chairs across from him.

"Table stakes?" she asked, gathering the cards.

"Of course."

Since they weren't really playing for money, they started over with three hundred dollars each in chips. The crowd was watching silently now. No one knew exactly what Rikku had wagered, but they all had a pretty good guess, and that added spice for the watchers as well.

Rikku was cheating. She was good, as Tidus had learned to his misfortune when they were traveling together. Over the course of play she managed to palm three queens, one at a time. Now all she needed was a likely pair.

She picked her moment carefully. It was twenty minutes later when she had built the deck to her liking. Seymour had nearly four hundred dollars in front of him, and Rikku had about three. They each anted ten dollars and she dealt Seymour four clubs, and herself two tens. Nothing showed Seymour's face as he gave his cards a quick look. He pushed ten chips out. Rikku studied her cards intently. She pushed out ten chips, and twenty more. If he just called, she'd probably have to wait for another hand. But he pushed forty chips into the pot, and she called.

He discarded one card, and she dealt him the fifth club. He hadn't looked at it when she discarded three cards and dealt herself three more. He smiled at her, and then looked at his card. He smiled up at her again, and pushed fifty dollars into the pot. Rikku licked her lips, and then looked at her three cards. She let a smile slip quickly across her face, but she knew he had seen it. She matched his fifty...and pushed in fifty more.

"I'm all in," she said, baiting it with a shy smile.

He had to think she was bluffing. He had to risk the last fifty. If he folded she'd take a hundred dollars of his money and they'd start out even again. If he called...

He called, pushing fifty more in.

Rikku smiled sweetly as she turned over her full house, queens full of tens.

And the smile froze on her face as Seymour turned over four nines.

Rikku's mind blanked as she tried to think.

She barely noticed as he stood and helped her to her feet with a hand under her arm. She didn't see the smirks, didn't hear the light smattering of applause that ran through the saloon, and a couple of whistles as he guided her up the steps. She was trying to think, trying to convince herself that it hadn't happened and wasn't happening. She didn't even notice when Seymour stopped as someone whispered in his ear, and he patted her on the arm and stepped away. She just stood with a blank smile on her face and tried to think.

I just wanted to help Yunie, she said to herself. And maybe pay him back a little...now look! Now I owe him! I mean, I owe him that! Think Rikku...I could run! No one would blame me if I run! But, most of the people in here work for Seymour Guado, and none of them like Al Bhed. And if I scream for help, no one will help me, not the way this happened. Do I...owe him? He cheated! He must have! But...

"There has been a change."

Rikku jumped. Seymour was back. She hadn't even noticed he was gone. She realized they were standing halfway up the stairs, and half the people in the place were staring at them.

"What...?"

"The matter has been settled. You may go."

Go? God, she wanted to. She wanted to run. But...

"I..." she whispered, "I always pay my debts..."

"Someone else has paid," he said. "Now, if you will excuse me? There is some business I must attend to."

Staggered, stunned, her face burning, Rikku stumbled down the stairs and pushed through the staring crowd. She threw herself through the doors, and around the corner, coming face-to-face with Auron, coming down the outside stairs.

And suddenly she knew.

"Auron," she demanded, stepping into his way. "What happened!"

"It's settled," he said, moving to step around her.

"What happened?" she asked again, stepping into his path.

"You tried to cheat him," he rumbled. "But he was a better cheat than you."

"And you saved me!" she said, annoyance in her voice.

"I settled it," he said, stepping around her again.

Like some kid, she thought, anger at him, at Seymour, at herself, all suddenly flaring inside her, and she grabbed his arm.

"Com'on!" she said.

"What?"

"I pay my debts," she snapped, scowling up at him. "Always! So com'on! The back of the stable will do!"

He looked at her for a minute, his hard brown eye meeting her angry green ones. Then he pulled his arm out of her grasp.

"Pay someone else," he said, and turned and walked away.

Rikku stood there, furious with him. She could hear music, and she spun and stalked off toward the town square. Pushing her way through the crowd, she grabbed a startled young man from the Kilika Ranch and pulled him out onto the dance floor.

She danced five dances with different young men, laughing and smiling, flushed and exhilarated. She pulled one down into a kiss, scandalizing the townsfolk, and laughing, kissing, she pulled him through the crowd back between the buildings. Dancing, laughing, kissing, they were back in the shadows behind the buildings, where no one could see, panting, his strong hands were on her breasts and he was pushing her up against a wall, lifting her up and tugging her skirts and she was pulling his shirt open and wondering why she was doing this.

Pay someone else.

She was shaking her head, pushing him away.

"No..."

The man stumbled back a step, grinned and reached for her again and she shoved him away with both hands.

"No!"

He stood, wavering.

"You little whore!" he snarled after a minute, and staggered away. Rikku sank to the ground, huddled in the dirt against the wall, tears falling, a heartbroken teenaged girl.

A shadow passed over her. Someone was standing over her...someone big. She looked up.

"Auron...?" she whispered brokenly.

It was Kim.

He picked the young girl up gently and she wrapped her arms around his neck and cried softly into his shoulder and didn't even realize he was carrying her until he put her down.

"Rikku?"

"Auron?"

It was him, and she scrabbled over to him on her knees in the straw, and then their arms were around each other and he was on his back and she was on his chest and kissing him, urgently and awkwardly, noses bumping and lips fumbling. There was only a faint trace of cherry left on her lips now, but he still tasted it, and she could taste the whisky he'd been drinking, alone in the dark.

"Auron!" she breathed when they broke apart, "Auron, I'm sorry!"

"Rikku," he said, shaking his head, "I...I can't..."

"I didn't want it to be like this! Auron, I was...I was confused," she said, talking fast, hands clutching at him, stroking his face, his scar, sliding through his hair, "I...I was just trying to help Yuna, an then he...and you...an you knew, an, an..."

She put her head down, tight against his chest, not meeting his eye in the dim light, "I felt cheap, when you saw me, an I knew you knew..."

"No, Rikku!"

"I felt angry and embarrassed and cheap, and I wanted to make you feel cheap too, and then you said...said...pay someone..."

"I'm sorry, Rikku-girl..." he said roughly, big hands rubbing her back in strong, slow circles, "I was hurt too, and...I..."

"No Auron," she shook her head, still not looking at him, her eyes closed, breathing in the scent of him, "I didn't really want it to be like that, for us, me throwing it into your face like I didn't care, like it wasn't important...I'm sorry, Auron...oh...oh...Auron...?"

His hands were sliding up her side, reaching her tightly bound breasts...cupping...thumbing...he pulled his hands away, breathing hard, sitting up, and she rolled partly off him.

"Auron...?"

"Can't..." he growled.

"What?"

"Can't...do this...to you."

She shook her head, and her slim arms slid around his neck, pulling him down as her face reached up towards his.

"NO Rikku! It...it ain't right!"

"Auron," she began, pulling herself up, getting up on her knees to face him. She looked around for the first time, and realized they were in the stables. She was breathing in short hard breaths.

"Auron, I love you," she said quietly, and hoped with all his heart he'd say it back.

But he didn't.

His back was to the wall, and he slid down til he was sitting on his heels.

----the past----_My Old Friend_----Tim McGraw----

"Rikku, ten years ago, Yuna's father, and Tidus' father, and I all went up the mountain. You know there's something up there," he looked at her, and she nodded, sitting up, breathing hard, wondering what he was talking about and why he was saying it now and why didn't he tell her he loved her.

"There's something up on that mountain, Rikku, and it comes down every ten years or so, and does terrible things. Ten years. Ten years ago, it killed Yuna's mother."

"That's how she died?" Rikku gasped. He was sitting back in the shadows, and all she saw was one the gleam from his single eye.

"That's how," Auron said, remembering his friends, ten years ago. "And from that moment, Braska didn't have a moment's rest. He became obsessed, and he decided he had to go up the mountain. We tried to talk him out of it, Jecht and me, told him to stay for Yuna's sake, but he wouldn't listen, said he was doing it for Yuna and everyone, so they wouldn't have to be afraid. We told him to take Yuna and go, just go away somewhere far, but he said this was his home, and Yuna's home."

Auron's voice had started out ragged, but it got stronger and steadier as he was pulled deeper into his memories.

"We couldn't change his mind, so we went with him. None of us were kids. Me, a lifelong soldier with nothing to show for it but a scar and a rifle. Braska, ex-Ranger out of Texas by way of Bleeding Kansas. And Jecht, a man with no memories but one...a shining path, leading up a mountain. We snuck past the Ronso boys...that's why they're there, to keep anyone from going up the mountain and stirring up what lives on top. But we got past them, and past the high mountain forest and all the things that hunt there, and by the shores of a half-froze lake, we found Zanarkand."

Rikku started slightly. Zanarkand was an Al Bhed word meaning great evil, or great danger. They found...?

"A ruined city, Rikku, Zanarkand. We found it, and we found..."

He trailed off, his eye staring deep into yesterday.

"Auron," Rikku asked, eyes wide, "What did you find?"

He shook his head, trying to dismiss the memories.

"Death."

"Auron...?"

"We found death, Rikku. Braska died, and Jecht died, and Rikku...I..."

He finally looked at her, and she looked back, puzzled, and then her hands flew to her face.

"No..."

He didn't answer, just looked at her, waiting to see the disgust on her face, waiting for her to turn away. She sank back on her heels, and they looked at each other, not saying anything.

Rikku shook her head.

"Then...how? Like...like Seymour?"

Auron sighed.

"I was in a dark place, Rikku. Not floating, like I always kind of though it would be, but standing on my own two feet. And I wasn't alone."

"Braska? Jecht?"

"No. A voice.

"A...voice?"

"A voice in the darkness. It spoke to me, Rikku. It said it was disappointed in me. It said it expected more from me—the Red Colonel—than to go charging in without a plan the way I did and getting myself killed for nothing. Well, I've never backed down from anything, and I wasn't going to start with a voice in the dark.

"So I stood there and I said, All right, voice. You turn me around and send me back and let me show you how it's done.

"And so we made a bargain, me and the voice. They'd send me back, and I'd end things, once and for all. And they did.

"And I will."

And then he was silent, and Rikku thought, and thought, and thought some more, and asked herself what she felt, and what she cared about, and what she wanted.

"I don't care."

He stared at her, a hard man who had nothing left but a job to do, and she stared back fearlessly, a young girl who had given her heart.

And he knew he had to be the strong one.

The adult.

"Miss Rikku..."

"No..." she said, shaking her head so the blond ringlets flew, "No no no no no not Miss Rikku never Miss Rikku, Auron...just, Rikku. Just me."

"Rikku..."

And then she was in his arms again and she wouldn't stop when he asked and wouldn't go when he demanded and she started shucking her clothes and she was glad she had nice underthings on and then they were off and then he growled and together they were pulling his clothes off and then they were rolling naked and gasping in the clean hay, giving themselves to each other forever.

And later they danced together the last few dances under the stars and into the night.

* * *

_I don't know what's gonna happen...I just know that I did what I wanted to an I'm not sorry. It hurt a little, an I didn't bleed. I always heard that you bleed the first time, but I didn't. I remember back when I was eight one time, I was roughhousing an climbing trees with the other Al Bhed kids, an later that night I noticed a little blood...down there. Maybe that was it, cause I didn't start bleeding reg'lar til I was fourteen._

_I hope Auron doesn't think it wasn't my first time. I hope he doesn't think I did it with __Seymour__! But I don't think he does. I told him it was my first, an I think he believed me. It was nice, being with him. I mean, I liked it, in spite of it hurting some, but the best part for me was giving something to him, making him happy._

_He said he loved me._

_An he said...he said I'd start to enjoy it more as time went on. An I certainly intend to practice a lot!_

In the end, they all stayed overnight in their rooms at Rin's, and left for the ranch early the next morning. They stayed alert, and Tidus wouldn't have been surprised to see Seymour standing in the middle of the dusty street waiting to challenge him again, but they rode out without trouble from the Guado.

Auron spent the time in thought. He was quietly amazed at himself. He had never been a hasty man. He always thought things through. The one time in his life he had acted without thought, it had cost him everything, including his life.

And now...

He shook his head. Last night...rikku...

He knew it was a mistake. She was going to get hurt. But...he couldn't make himself regret it.

He caught her eye, and she smiled like the summer sun, and he smiled a bit himself.

----Colonel Auron and Miss Rikku----_The Yellow Rose of Texas_----Johnny Lee version----

The sky stayed clear, and they made good time, the ladies chatting excitedly about this and that in the buggy. In the wagon, the hands were catching up on some extra sleep, having been up late. Tidus and Auron rode mostly side by side.

"Hey, Auron?" the Kid asked once, looking over his gear, puzzled, "Where's your rifle?"

"Traded it away," the man answered shortly.

"Traded it!"

The others were listening now, all of them surprised, but Tidus and Rikku were round-eyed.

"Traded it to who!" Rikku asked, "For what!"

"For something I wanted more," he answered her last question quietly, looking straight into her green eyes.

Tidus spent the rest of the ride boggled, trying to get more information out of Auron until the big man threatened to slap him off his horse. Rikku spent the rest of the ride with her face mostly down, not answering Lulu or Yuna, sneaking glances sometimes at Auron, torn halfway between feelings of deep, deep guilt, and feelings of deep, deep...satisfaction...knowing just how much she meant to him.

"Hey, Auron," Tidus asked some time later, "Does Yuna really have to marry that guy?"

He spoke quietly, but the people on the wagon heard anyway. Yuna looked up blushing, and then back down.

Auron chose his words with care.

"That isn't a simple question," he said finally, "And it doesn't have a simple answer. It's something we'll have to talk about, back at the ranch."

And they had to be content with that answer.

The next two days at the ranch were busy ones as they caught up on the work they had missed, and it wasn't until three days later that Yuna, Lulu, Juaqua, Kim, Tidus, Rikku and Auron all gathered in the parlor with the early afternoon sun coming through the windows.

Auron didn't particularly look at Rikku, but he was totally aware of her presence. Wearing a simple dress of blue homespun, a smudge of flour along one side of her nose, she looked irresistibly domestic, and he couldn't help a tiny daydream of what it would be like to come home to her every night.

The two of them had found time to be together twice more since they returned to the ranch, forgetting their problems and everything else except each other. And it got better for her, he knew that, and he was glad. And it was incredible for him, not like any other woman he'd ever known. But each time Auron was tortured with regrets afterward. Auron loved her, he knew that, but he couldn't make himself believe that everything would be all right.

And he could still hardly believe it...she didn't care. She didn't care that he was the way that he was. She threw herself into her love for him. She was a creature of emotion, acting on her feelings with a reckless bravery that he couldn't match. Auron didn't act without thinking of the consequences. The one time he did, it cost him his life. He found it very strange that he'd done so again now, and it seemed almost to give his life back. He felt alive, and in love, and...happy.

But at what cost? He knew that he had to go, and she'd be unhappy and alone. And he worried that she'd never find a husband now, never have a family like a young girl should. People would talk, and he wouldn't be here to protect her. Given what already happened, they might as well grab as much happiness as they could, but standing in the parlor with her, he regretted it again.

"Colonel?"

Auron snapped out of his brooding study, and realized they were all looking at him. He nodded to Yuna. She was dressed simply in a white blouse and blue skirt. She wasn't wearing makeup, but no one could help but be charmed by her natural grace and beauty.

But Auron couldn't help but wonder, Is she strong enough?

"All right," he said. "Tidus wanted to know if Yuna had to marry Seymour. In practical terms, the answer is no. Technically she's still a minor and has to do what her family tells her, and they want you to marry Seymour."

"Hey, Auron," Tidus said, "Why do they want it? And why does Seymour want it anyway?"

Yuna briefly wondered whether to be offended that Tidus couldn't understand why someone would want to marry her, but decided to drop it and listen to Auron's answer.

"Like most arranged marriages, it's for sound financial reasons," he told them. "Seymour needs to go through with the marriage. The Guado Corporation is overstreached. It needs an infusion of capital. That's where Yuna comes in, with all her inherited property and her family's money. On the other hand, with an infusion of capital the corporation will be in good shape. It has solid assets. It would still be a good match, from that perspective."

"Auron!" Tidus burst out, while the others stared, "Yuna can't marry that guy!"

"Not saying she should," Auron answered calmly, "Just laying everything out."

"It could be a good idea," Lulu mused.

"Lulu!" Rikku gasped.

"I think she would end up a widow very quickly," Lulu half-explained, still thinking through the intriguing possibilities. "A very wealthy widow."

But Yuna was shaking her head, and Lulu sighed over lost financial opportunities.

"And if I don't want to marry him?" she asked.

"Like I said, as a practical matter, as long as you stay here, they can't force you. You're a woman of property here, and anyway, western men won't stand by and see a decent woman forced against her will. The ranchers would burn the town if they tried it. But you also couldn't marry someone else," Auron said, as Tidus and Yuna started to smile at each other. "Not without your guardian's permission, not until you're legally an adult."

He almost smiled as their faces fell. Four whole years...an eternity to young people. He wondered what he would give for four more years with Rikku. Their eyes flicked toward each other for a second.

"So, will Seymour try to force Yuna?" Lulu asked. "He still needs the funds, and he has influence."

"I don't think so," Auron said, frowning. "That's how things started out for Seymour, but they've changed now. He's become obsessed with the mountain."

"Ronso Mountain?" Rikku asked for all of them.

"Yes. You all know that Spira County is different," he said, and a chill seemed to come over all of them as they listened. "You all know that every ten years or so, there's something that comes down off of the mountain, and it brings pain and sadness with it. And when it's eaten enough pain, it goes back up to the peak to sleep."

Gravely, Yuna nodded, and so did the others, Kim and Rikku firmly, and Lulu, Tidus, and Juaqua a little hesitantly, and Auron went on.

"Something about that stuck in Seymour's mind. It has something to do with his mother, but I couldn't get more of the story than that in New Orleans. Maybe I could have learned more in France, but it was time to come back here. But that's how it started, and now, well, now he's convinced that the mountain holds the secret of eternal life."

"Uh...?"

"Tidus?"

"Well, um, is he right?"

Auron didn't answer for a moment, and then said, "Even if he is, it's still a bad idea. And his idea of mining operations on the mountain is a very bad idea."

"Mining operations!" Rikku burst out, and Kim grunted while Yuna stared, appalled. "On Ronso Mountain! Is he crazy!"

"To put it bluntly, yes. He thinks there's something up there worth having, something in the mountain itself, and he means to have it."

"What about Kelk and the Ronso Mountain boys?" she asked.

"He's trying to get the Yevon Church to put pressure on Kelk," Auron said, passing on the information he'd gotten from Kinoc. "And if that won't work, word is spreading that he's hiring hands for fighting wages."

"He's going to start a war up on the mountain?" Yuna said wonderingly, "With that whatever it is up there sleeping?"

She looked over at Kim, who was scowling, his face set in hard lines.

"That's how it looks," Auron said.

"What...what can we do?" she asked. "Can we go to the authorities?"

"He has more clout in Bevelle than we do," Auron said, "And he has influence with Yevon. The authorities will listen to him, not us."

Everyone started speaking in a babel of voices. Tidus wanted to find Seymour and confront him head to head. Lulu still thought washing their hands of the whole thing and returning to France was the best idea. Juaqua wanted to fort up on the ranch and just stand pat. Rikku wanted to alert the Al Bhed. Kim and Auron stayed silent.

"Colonel Auron," Yuna finally said, and the others fell silent, "Can we stop the Guado operations?"

"Maybe," he answered. "Rikku, will the Al Bhed cooperate?"

"I...think so. Dad really doesn't like the Guados."

"And Kelk and the Ronso boys don't want the Guado operating on the mountain."

From the corner where he stood with arms crossed, Kim said, "Ronsos won't go agin Yevon. Kelk won't."

Rikku reluctantly nodded agreement, but asked, "Okay, they ain't against Yevon. But are they against the Guado?"

Kim thought this through for a moment, and then nodded.

"I think we can bring in most of the ranchers," Auron said, turning to Yuna. "They won't want to go against Yevon either, but they live with what comes off the mountain every ten years. They don't want that riled up."

"Although getting Bickson and Colonel Kelk to work together will be a pretty trick," Rikku added with a grin.

"So, is that enough?" Lulu asked. "Ronso boys and Al Bhed and Ranchers together?"

"I...think so," Auron said. "A lot of the townsfolk won't like it either. It may mean a shooting fight, but I think that's enough to block Seymour."

But Yuna had been looking down, thinking. Now she looked up at Auron.

"And the Guado will leave the mountain alone?"

"Probably," he answered, "If we can get it to work."

"And...and nothing will change?" she asked quietly.

He stood for a moment, in the center of the parlor, looking down at her.

"Nothing will change," he answered as quietly.

"And every ten years...?" she whispered.

"It'll be back," he said.

"It killed my father," they could barely hear her say.

"Yuna?" Lulu asked leaning toward her, putting a hand on her arm.

"Co...Auron?" Yuna said, "Auron, is there another way to end it? End it for good? Forever?"

They all turned to him, waiting for his answer, and the silence stretched.

"There is a way," he finally said. "Your father's way. But Yuna, he died."

"But we have a chance?"

"Sure we do!" Tidus said, leaping up. "We can do it, Yuna! Whatever it is!"

"Your daddy died too," Auron frowned at Tidus, who scowled momentarily back.

"Yuna," Lulu said, "You shouldn't think such a thing! It is much too dangerous! We should all of us go back to France! Rikku can come too, she will love it."

Juaqua nodded in agreement, just a little hesitantly, but Yuna said, "This is my home! My father died here, trying to help these people. I have to try!"

They argued on, Lulu and Juaqua trying to dissuade Yuna, Tidus supporting her, and Kim staying silent. Rikku watched them and watched Auron watching them, marveling a little and wondering how much of this was really Yuna's idea and how much was Auron's subtle influence.

He had a job to do.

In the end Yuna decided, they would go up the mountain.

"When do we do it," Tidus asked.

"Two days," Auron said. That would give them time to get ready, and Auron time to go to town and take care of some business.

Rikku ended up going instead. Auron didn't want to let her, but she was better than him at sneaking and he had to admit it. She left that afternoon, so she'd reach town after dark. He handed her the letters he'd written for various people.

"Rikku-girl, you be careful," he said, "Don't you take any chances."

"Don't worry, Auron," she smiled up at him, "I'll be back tomorrow, you take care of getting us ready."

She went on her tip toes and kissed him, then looked around scowling, but no one was looking. He gave her a leg up, and watched as she rode off, not moving as long as she was in sight.

Then he sighed, and returned to his preparations. Going up the mountain was no joke, he knew. They'd take a wagon as far as they could and then leave it behind. One of the hands would ride with them and bring it back. They all wanted to go, but they couldn't pack supplies enough for all of them.

It would just be Auron, Tidus, Kim, and Juaqua, and Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu. Auron didn't feel comfortable taking women along into trouble, but Yuna had to go. No one else knew it, but she was the key. He didn't think he'd be able to keep Rikku from following if he tried to leave her behind, and if he was bringing them along, he might as well bring Lulu. He was a little worried that as elegant as she was, she wouldn't take well to the trail, but he also knew she was some kind of witch-woman. He thought it was probably something she picked up in the islands. Rikku told him Lulu used dolls for her magic. Odd, but the magic could come in useful, especially when they reached the high mountain forests.

He tried to keep himself too busy to worry about Rikku, but he still had bad dreams that night, and watched anxiously for her all morning, though no one but Tidus would have noticed how worried he was. She got back just before lunch, and he pulled her off her horse and into a tight hug, not caring who was watching.

"I told you not to worry," she said, smiling.

"I worried anyway," he said.

They left the next morning, two wagons and a mule. Kim walked while everyone else rode a wagon or horseback. Yuna and Lulu wore grey traveling gowns. Rikku wanted to wear her leathers and loincloth again, but for the sake of the men's nerves, they convinced her to wear a simple man's shirt and a skirt. Auron carried a spare .45 rifle from the ranch.

The days and nights were cold and clear, and they built big fires in the evenings. That first night on the trail, Auron told them a little more about his own journey up the mountain ten years before. Yuna listened wide-eyed when he talked about her father, but Tidus just yawned and looked away when Auron mentioned Jecht.

"Past Kelk and his boys, you come to the forests of thick, short trees. There's things in that forest, not grizzlies or longtooths, but stranger and more dangerous. Some of them try and talk to you. But don't you listen. Then as you go up it gets colder, and stranger."

He wouldn't tell them what lay past that, at the top of the mountain, not even Rikku. He just said it was something they had to see for themselves.

The next day, he rode up alongside Yuna for a moment. She and Lulu and Juaqua were on the wagon.

"Yuna," he said softly, "Do you remember your mother?"

"I...I think so," she answered, frowning a little in concentration. "Did...did she have green eyes?"

"Yes, she did," Auron answered, sounding oddly satisfied. He rode ahead, leaving her puzzled behind him.

He and Rikku didn't have much time to spend alone together, but they still spent time with each other, even if they could only talk quietly or sit next to each other, it still made them happy. Sometimes at night they would go off a little way and hold hands. That was all it really took for Rikku to be happy.

Each for their own reasons, they never mentioned the future.

"Auron?" she said the second night, as they were looking up at the stars together. They could hear Yuna back at the fire singing a lullaby in French, her voice untrained, but pleasant.

"What, Rikku?"

"Auron, don't be mad, but..."

"Rikku?"

"While I was in town, I sort of, um, looked around a little...for your rifle..."

Auron went still, sitting in the dark next to her.

"Rikku," he said, almost growled, his voice like a rasp on wood, "That was very foolish. Do you know what they would have done to you if they caught you?"

"I know, but...you gave it to Seymour, cause...I mean...my stupid bet..."

"Rikku," he said, hands on her arms, twisting her around to face him, "Do you doubt for one minute that I care more about you than some rifle?"

"No Auron, of course I don't, but...it was my fault! I couldn't stand it!"

"Rikku," he took a deep breath, and let it out, "Rikku, some things can't be fixed. You can't make them right. You just have to live with them, and live with the consequences. I don't want you to feel bad, but if you do, then you do, and you have to learn to accept it. Please promise me you won't try to do that again...please?"

"I'm sorry, Auron, I am. I know how I'd feel if you tried something like that for me. So, so, I promise! I won't if you won't! And anyway, I can't. They...they melted it down, Auron."

She rummaged in her bag for a minute, and then pulled out some metal scraps.

"This...this is the trigger, and, and maybe the sight. It's all I could find. I'm sorry, Auron."

She handed them to him in the dark, and he held them, brooding for a minute. Then he drew back his arm to throw them away, but Rikku stopped him.

"NO, Auron! Keep them! Please? Or let me?"

And he let down his arm, and kissed her tenderly in the dark, and gave them back. Later, Rikku tied them into a kerchief, and kept them in her bag.

The next day, they reached the mountain.

* * *

_We left the horses an the wagon at the foot of the mountain. Letty was going to take them back to the ranch, but at the last minute Juaqua asked what we would do for transport when we come back. No one had thought of that. So, Letty is just gonna wait. We left him in a draw, with a little stream an plenty of supplies and started up. Auron didn't say much the whole time. It's odd he didn't think of it._

_Auron's expecting us to come back...ain't he?_

"Stop."

Colonel Kelk stepped out of the woods and into the road in front of them. There were movements and rustlings in the woods all around. Deliberate, Auron knew. Boys raised on Ronso Mountain don't make noise in the woods.

"Colonel Auron," Kelk said, "I told you not to come back."

"Colonel Kelk," Auron said, stepping forward and nodding politely. "We're just passing through."

Kelk looked at them, each of them, Yuna a little longer than the others, and then back to Auron.

"No...you are not." He indicated Tidus, "And that one, we owe a hanging."

Yuna gasped, and Tidus bared his teeth in a feral grin, his hand hovering near the holt of his gun. Rikku was discretely but furiously working on a mix, and with his accent growing more broken, Juaqua said, "Brudda, thet, ah, ain't a-gonna happen!"

Auron threw out a hand, motioning them all back.

"You might want to rethink that, Colonel," he said.

Kelk frowned.

"All our men are full-growed, this time," he answered, "And they're in the trees, not the open. You should perhaps rethink, Colonel Auron."

"Yuna," Auron said, "Come here."

Everyone wondered what he was up to, as Yuna stepped forward. Tidus shook his head, but she patted his arm reassuringly as she went.

She stood next to Auron, looking at him curiously.

"Take a look at her, Colonel Kelk. Take a good look."

Still frowning, Kelk stared hard at Yuna.

"What is...?"

The sun came out at that moment, and Kelk's eye's widened, and he spat out a German epithet. Questioning voices came from the trees.

"How...?" Kelk muttered, and turned to Auron. "How?"

"The usual way," Auron answered.

Kelk stared at him, then turned and headed up the path, jerking his head for them to follow. Men came out of the trees to accompany them, their heads turning to catch a glance of Yuna without staring impolitely.

"Colonel?" Yuna asked, walking beside him.

"He knew your ma," was all he said.

"Your letter, we got," Kelk said to Auron some time later, at his home, a large, solid farmhouse with a neat yard.

The farm was surrounded by little stands of trees and hanging meadows. They were sitting together on an open porch. The view out over the county was superb, but the air was a little cooler than Auron was used to. But he certainly wasn't going to say anything. Yuna and the others are all inside, and the ladies were being fussed over by Kelk's wife and three daughters while his two youngest sons stared, mute and helplessly spellbound. The youngest boy was the fourteen year old that Auron had held his rifle on when they had rescued Tidus. Kelk's two oldest sons had families and farms of their own.

"I didn't know whether to believe it," Kelk went on, "Seymour and the Guado digging here of the mountain?"

"Don't believe it if you like," Auron answered, "But don't ever say you weren't warned."

"You are a touchy man, Colonel," Kelk observed. "Not many men are so short with me."

"Other men got time to waste."

"And so, we come to it."

Kelk sat silent a minute, looking off into nothing, and then he reached down and brought up a glass bottle filled with a pure liquid.

"So, Colonel Auron, a taste we shall have."

Kelk opened the jar and took a long sip, then passed the jar to Auron who did the same.

"It is really her daughter?" Kelk asked.

"It's her."

"And we never knew?"

"You never knew what happened to her when she got off the mountain."

"No," Kelk shook his head. "Braska's wife. We never saw her. My wife never saw her on town. We only heard that Braska had married."

"She mainly stayed at the ranch. They didn't want to attract attention."

"Of course. I remember when we found her, so frightened she was."

"Yeah..."

They were both remembering her...Yuna's mother, the blue-eyed young woman who came down the mountain almost twenty years before, running, running, running away.

"Was she happy, Colonel Auron?"

"For those years, yes. She was very happy."

Kelk nodded, heaved a sigh, and passed the jar back to Auron.

"And now, here is her daughter, our hope."

Yuna.

"We're going up the mountain," Auron said eventually. "We'll go in the morning. All of us."

"Yes, yes," Kelk answered, "All of you. And Yevon be with you."

The seven spend a more-or-less pleasant evening, although Tidus kept his back to the wall, and both Rikku and Juaqua, who'd grown quite close to the young man, kept a close eye on him in case the Ronsos tried any funny business. In the morning they ate a good breakfast and started trooping outdoors.

Seymour Guado was standing in the yard.

----the shootout----_Beer For My Horses_----Toby Keith----

"Ah, the two colonels," Seymour said, languidly. "We all meet again."

Kelk opened his mouth to say, yell, demand something, but Auron snapped, "Tidus!" and quick as lightning the Tidus Kid drew his weapon and fired, just a shade too fast, just a hair too impatient. Seymour's eyes widened and he jumped aside and the bullet just missed him to one side, putting a hole through his coat.

"Back in!" Auron was shouting, physically shoving everyone back through the door, slamming it shut behind him just as a volley of gunfire hit the front of the house.

"Stupid," he said. "Seymour was going to make smart remarks and then have his men cut us down from ambush. He should have just opened fire."

Kelk shook his head angrily.

"Luke," he said, turning to his second youngest son, "You and Tom, you get up under the eaves!"

The two youngsters nodded and trotted off.

"They'll rush us soon," Auron was saying. "They have to, or they'll have everyone on Ronso Mountain down on their backs. They have to finish it fast."

"The women to the back room," Kelk said, "Men to the front."

"Yes and no," Auron said, as Rikku and Yuna started opening their mouths, ready to protest. "Missus Kelk? You and your daughters get to the back and get ready to reload and bandage as needed. Yuna, you go with them, no time to argue, go! Rikku, I think you'd do best under the eaves with the boys."

She nodded, and rushed off, and Yuna reluctantly let herself be pulled away by Kelk's wife. Auron took a second to look at Lulu, standing and looking back with one elegantly raised eyebrow.

"Mlle Lulu, let's talk a minute."

Outside, the yard was quiet. No one was moving in the woods. Seymour had disappeared. The people in the house waited tensely. Even Auron, usually stoic in the face of danger, couldn't help worrying this time because of Rikku.

Then the Guado were coming in a wave, thirty or thirty-five of them, filling the yard and firing at the windows to keep the defender's heads down while one ran towards the house carrying dynamite. Auron, Tidus, and Kelk returned fire through the windows, and Kelk's sons were laying up just under the roof, shooting through the loopholes, narrow chicks in the wall set just under the eaves. Juaqua and Kim stood by with shotguns, ready for the first ones to try to force their way in. Rikku threw a packet of something as best she could through the narrow loophole, and it exploded with a flash in the faces of the nearest attackers. The Guadoman with the dynamite went down, hands over his eyes, and another man ran to pick it up the explosives and earn the bonus Seymour had offered to the man who got it to the house.

"Lulu!" Auron snapped, and in the room behind him the lovely Frenchwomen shifted just enough to glimpse the man carrying the dynamite...she was playing with a small cloth doll, and suddenly a tiny flame sparked between her fingertips for a second and then darted straight out the window.

"Down!" Auron shouted and the all ducked low just before the explosion blew in what was left of the window glass.

"Now!" Auron said, "Give it to them!"

Tidus and Juaqua, Kelk, Kim, and Auron all sprang to the windows and started pouring fire into the shocked Guadomen. Dazed, confused, and taking fire, the Guados fell back, leaving seven bodies behind, a couple of them in pieces.

"Some of them that got to the woods was hurt, Auron," Tidus said.

"Will they be back?" Lulu asked.

"They won't give up yet," Auron answered.

"Others will hear gunfire, and running, come. How they get here without knowing, us?" Kelk fumed, mangling his English grammar in his agitation. Lulu moved up next to them.

"He is a magician, that one," she said. "I couldn't feel it before, but I am sure now."

A magic man. That could explain how the Guado got up here past the Ronso lookouts.

"They still can't just wait for someone to wander by and see what's going on here," Auron said. "They'll rush us again."

"We held them off pretty easy," Tidus said.

"They were surprised," Kelk said. "Will not be, next time."

"Can we hold out?" Yuna asked. She was standing in the doorway to the next room with Kelk's wife and daughters.

Auron remembered a hundred battles, all across the face of the wide-world...Antietam, Sedan, Oroquieta, Agurdat and others...bitter failures and bitter victories.

"Maybe," he answered. "They tried the easy way, and it didn't work. Now they'll come hard and accept their losses. We're going to lose people, but if we push them back, I don't think they'll come again."

"Oh," Yuna said quietly, looking down. Everything was quiet again, except for some birdsong from the woods.

"We'd best get ready, now. Yuna, you and the ladies get back. Lulu, you go with them this time."

Lying squeezed between Kelk's sons under the eaves, Rikku suddenly raised her head, bumping it on the roof beams. "Ow! Hey! Hey, Auron! That's PA! Cid's out there!"

"What?" Auron called back up, "Rikku-girl?"

More bird-song...

"He's sayin' Get Ready!"

"Damn," Auron said, turning to the others, "Okay, get ready!"

"Ready for what?" Tidus muttered.

Suddenly the trees erupted with the flash of spells and cries of pain, and men began to spill into the yard.

"Hit'em now!" Auron shouted, throwing the bar off the door, and flinging himself out of the house. Tidus and the others were right behind him. The Guadomen filled the yard, confused and disorganized, looking behind them wild-eyed back at the trees, some of them slapping at burning bits of clothing. Auron stood huge on the porch, red coat billowing open as calmly levered rounds into his rifle and fired into the crowd. He killed three before the shocked Guado started instinctively firing back. Kelk came out right behind him, firing. Tidus jumped over the side rail to the ground and landed pistol in hand, dropping two—one dead, one hurt bad. Juaqua and Kim came out and their shotguns blasted. At least a dozen Guado were down, but the others were firing wildly back now. Under the eaves, Kelk's sons were firing as fast as they could lever their rifles, but Rikku was watching Auron, and she cried out as she seemed to see him standing big and wide, making himself a target, absorbing shot after shot but not falling.

Auron's world seemed to go hard and cold and crystal clear. He saw the whole battleground in front of him and everything happening on it. He saw the Al Bhed warriors back in the trees throwing spell after spell at the Guados. He smelled the bitter tang of gunpowder and hot, fresh blood in the cool, clear air, and gunfire was crashing in his ears as men screamed and fell. Bullets were flying past Auron while others were hitting him, in the chest, in the legs, one in the neck, but he stayed on his feet. He was already a dead man. He heard a grunt, and next to him Juaqua slipped slowly to his knees, and then fell to his side, and he heard a gasp behind him. He reloaded quickly and kept firing.

Tidus was picking his targets carefully, putting two more men down as a near miss hit the wall next to him, showering him with splinters. He fired his last shot without looking, dropped his empty weapon and pulled out his second pistol. Suddenly he saw Seymour Guado to one side, walking calmly through the confusion, seeming above the chaos, but he had finally lost his lazy smile. Seymour raised his pistol, but one of his own men jostled him as he fired, and up on the porch Colonel Kelk dropped his weapon, clutching his side.

"Seymour!" Tidus shouted. The Guado heard, and turned and smiled, and both their weapons came up and across the yard and through the crowd their guns spoke and Tidus spun to the ground, coughing blood.

Suddenly it was over. No one was firing back. Some of the men threw up their hands in surrender while others ran, and the last Auron saw of the Guadomen were three of them carrying away the limp body of Seymour Guado into the woods.

* * *

_So we went up the mountain, the five of us. I guess I still don't understand everything that happened up there. We left Juaqua behind to get better, and Lulu stayed to take care of him, but Tidus insisted on coming, and Auron let him. And we got past the forest, and the creepy things that tried to talk to us, and we got past the cold place where you could barely drink water cause it made your teeth ache, and we reached the dead city Zanarkand by the lake, and found Tidus' father Jecht there waiting. I think he wanted to die...I mean die for real._

_He and Tidus talked a little, and Tidus said he hated him. That was sad. And then he changed, and tried to kill us, and Yuna called the spirit from the lake, like Auron told her to. He said it was really Yuna's mama, and she had come from Zanarkand once, escaping, and Uncle Braska found her out on the plain, wounded, and he cared for her and loved her and married her, until Zanarkand came and got her back._

_So Yunie was the daughter of the lake, and Tidus was the son of the city, and his pa and her mama fought, and they were even-stevens until we all joined in and tipped the balance, but then Seymour was there with his six-guns, and Tidus was shooting and shooting, but Seymour wouldn't go down until Auron gave Tidus a special bullet that he'd made from the trigger of his old Sharps rifle._

_And then the spirit of the lake won, and the city just sort of went away, and it tried to take Tidus with it, but somehow Yuna's love for him and him for her saved him, and Auron was shocked. And then...well, we come home. And I'm happy now, staying here with Yunie and everybody, and I don't want to think about the future, not at all, cause, cause I think..._

_Cause I think he's gonna leave soon._

The snow was coming down when Auron found Tidus in the corral, mending a broken rail.

"Honest work?" he rumbled.

The Kid looked up with a quick smile.

"Maybe I'm getting used to the idea."

Auron looked around at the house, the stable and the barn, the bunkhouse and sheds, and the fields of sweet grass all around.

"This is a good place...a fine place for you and Yuna."

"Yeah, I guess it is," Tidus said, straightening up and putting his hat back on.

The ranch was coming back, and Auron knew it would prosper in the years to come. Seymour Guado was dead, and that might cause some trouble, but Yuna was safe enough, and the Al Bhed were safe, now that they were allied with Kelk and the Ronsos, not against Yevon, but against the Guado.

And the evil that came down from the mountain every ten years...was gone.

"Tidus," Auron said, "It's time for me to go...time for me to go up the mountain. And I would esteem it as a favor if you would come with Miss Rikku and I."

"Colonel," Tidus started, his face setting in stubborn lines.

"Tidus, I don't want to argue. And I don't want Rikku to be alone after...when it's over."

Neither man was looking at the other now, both were looking away over the plain. Tidus swallowed.

"Yes sir. I'll come."

"Thank you."

Auron knew Rikku had been dreading it, but she took the news calmly. They set out the next day, just like it was any other trip, never mentioning what would happen at the end. The days and nights were cold, but still dry. They rode silently for the most part, Auron and Rikku riding next to each other and Tidus either ahead or behind. They didn't hurry, but they didn't linger. They made camp each evening at dusk, and Auron and Rikku would stand watching the sunset together, and then after they ate Tidus would sit by the fire while Rikku and Auron took their bedrolls and went a little away from the camp.

It seemed a time out of time to Rikku, not moving at all and moving too fast at the same time, and she was desperately trying to fit a whole lifetime's love into just a few days, and then they were there.

They reached the mountain late the third day, and rode straight up the trail until night was starting to fall. Then Auron stopped, and dismounted, and the other two did the same. He stood for a minute, looking at the path leading up, while Rikku looked at him, trying to burn his image in her memory.

----leaving----_Anyway_----Martina McBride----

"Tidus," he said without turning, "You've been a son to me, and I couldn't have asked for a better. You've grown up some, lately. You're a good man. Take care of Yuna. Take care of each other. Remember that you just never know how much time you've got, and love each other.

"Yes sir, I will. We will."

Auron nodded, and then reached back and fumbled for Rikku's hand, finding it and holding it as they walked a few more steps uphill and Tidus went down the trail a bit to give them their privacy.

"Auron?" Rikku said quietly, "One more night? Just one more? You can...in the morning, you can..."

She bit her lip, and the man stopped, and took a deep, deep breath, and then let it out slowly.

"Rikku...," he said, turning to her in the growing dark, "You know that my life ended long ago. This time I got now was only just lent to me, and only long enough to get a job done. Well it's done now, and my time's up."

She shook her head mutely, tears falling from her eyes. He reached out one hand, and ran the backs of his finger along her cheek, brushing them away.

"I reckon my life ended, before it rightly started," he said, "Because it started the day I met you. I want to stay with you more that I ever wanted anything. But the starry night is calling, and I've got to go."

He brushed away one more tear, then dropped his hand and stepped back. And she spoke without any hesitation in her words at all, tears still falling.

"Then I'm going with you."

"Rikku girl, you can't," he said, shaking his head.

"I love you, Auron."

"And I love you, but where I'm going, you can't go."

"You say I can't, I say I can. So let's see who's right, and who isn't."

"Rikku..."

And she said, "If you got someplace you got to be, Colonel, then I suppose we better get moving."

And for Rikku it was like time stopped while he looked at her and she looked back at him, waiting with the scent of the pine drifting on the wind, and then time jerked to a start again when Auron suddenly bent his head down and kissed her. His lips seeming to stay on hers forever. And then he pulled back a little, just enough to say, "All right, girl. Let's go."

And together they turned and started up the mountain.

* * *

I found this lying on the ground after an red it a little bit. It gos rite to the end almost so I figure I shud go on an finish it. 

I saw the two of them walk up the path together. She was holding on to one of his arms with both of hers an they were so close youd think they never would be apart again.

It was a clear nite an there was a million shining stars up in the sky an as the two of them walked up the mountain together those stars shone brighter an brighter until I just couldnt see. Then when the lite faded well there was nothing there. The trail was empty. They were gone. An I hope that wherever they are that theyre together.

I got to get back to the ranch now. Yuna and me got a wedding to plan.

So long colonel. So long miss Rikku girl.

Im gonna miss them.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I saw a million stars turning, and I knew they were just the stars you see inside your eyelids when your eyes are shut, but they were so bright and so close, and then they faded away and I felt like I was waking up from a long, long dream...like, a dream that lasted forever.

I opened my eyes. They were all gummy and cruddy, but I did it, and the first thing I saw was a bit of red right by my head. I just lay there, blinking, and it took a minute for my eyes to focus, and then I saw it was Little Aurie, lying on my pillow.

Little Aurie...

"Auron...?"

"He's in the other room," a woman's voice answered me, "With your father."

I turned my head, and my eyes went wide and I clutched at Little Aurie with my hands.

"Shiva," I whispered.

"No, Rikku," the beautiful woman answered with a beautiful smile, "My name is Ophelia."

**Next: Comeback**


	66. Comeback

Hey. Man, am I behind on my replies. I haven't even replied to some of the reviews from last time yet (but I will). I was busy last week, but this week I just made the mistake of loading Civ 3 into my computer. I knew it would waste a lot of my time, but I didn't realize how much. I also haven't done any writing in the last couple of weeks. Same reason. Or gone to the gym. And so on. Well, we're back to the main story now. I really enjoyed writing the western themed AU mini-arc, and it could easily have gone another chapter, but I thought it was probably long enough.

So. Major spoilers. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (That's not a spoiler...you knew that.) Follows the story, but kind of AU, but not as AU as the last couple of chapters have been. It's an aurikku (didn't start that way). This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. It is still building, you know. They still don't quite know what it's going to be. Still -T-.

This chapter and the next are dedicated to Ceres McClure. Your reviews are always thoughtful and interesting. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I'm okay.

They all say that. Yuna and the other healers. Yuna tries not to cry when she's here, aside from that first time. But sometimes she does anyway, but she also smiles, and I know that's for real. Yuna isn't good at fake feelings. You'd know that if you ever saw her pretend to laugh! And the others smile too, Wakka and Lulu and Tidus and even Kimahri. So I know I'm all right. Really.

I just wish I could remember...

* * *

**Comeback**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

She was gone...the cool, beautiful woman who looked exactly like Shiva. She went to get the others, and tell them I was awake. I looked around. I was in our room at the inn, the one I was sharing with Yunie and Lulu. Sunlight and a cool breeze were pouring in through the big, wide windows, and I could hear birds singing in the courtyard outside. There was a nightstand next to the bed, with a pitcher of water and a glass, and there was the little jade figure that Auron gave me.

I tried to sit up, but I couldn't!

And then the door was open and Pops was there, and Brother, and Yunie...

"Oh Rikku!" Yunie said, rushing past the others, "Rikku, you're all right! You really are!"

There were tears running down her face, and she gave me a salty hug. And Brother was right behind her, starting to say something, but then Pops was there, leaning down over me!

"Dammit, Rikku!" he roared right in my face, "I TOLD you you'd end up like this!"

Brother flinched and Yuna jumped and almost tripped and I kind of shrank back in my pillows, and then I was angry! And I was gonna say...I don't know...something! Get Out, or something! And Pops opened his mouth again, and then suddenly something kind of yanked him back, and it was Auron, hissing something I couldn't hear in Pop's ear.

Dad's face got all tight, and I thought for a second that he was just going to smash into Auron right there! But then he took a deep breath and shook off Auron's hand. And then he was looking down at me with a scowl, and Yuna and Brother and me were all just sort of looking back, and then I saw his face crumple...just a bit...and suddenly he looked older, and he said quietly, "Aw, Rikku. I..."

And then...well, I saw a tear running down his cheek, and he was hugging me—hard—and I was hugging him back and calling him Daddy and telling him how scary it all was and he was saying it'll be okay, everything will be okay.

* * *

**Auron:**

I pulled Yuna and Rikku's brother out of the room, closing the door behind us. I have some hopes that perhaps the strain that exists between Rikku and her father will be better because of all of this.

It would be nice if some good came of this.

I sent Yuna off to find Tidus and tell him and the others that Rikku was awake. When I turned back, I found Rikku's brother standing there, frowning at me.

"You..." he stopped, and shook his head, muttering something in Al Bhed. "Rikku...is hurt...bad men...bad?...bad men hurt her...who?"

"Yes, bad men," I told him in my broken Al Bhed. "Who...find out...punish."

He struggled with the words.

"Father angry...love Rikku much..."

Yeah.

"Hate you..." he said, and then shook his head, "not me...father!"

Looking in his eyes, I saw what he said confirmed. There was no friendship there, but Rikku's brother doesn't hate me for what happened. He doesn't blame me for Rikku getting hurt.

That makes one of us. I nodded, and he went off, probably to let some of the other Al Bhed know she had woken up. Cid had insisted on bringing a platoon of Al Bhed marines, and they were all over the inn. What with the Spira Dawn people I had keeping an eye on them and everyone, and some Crusaders, the place was fairly crowded.

I made my way up to the roof, nodding to the sniper and security teams, and then ignoring them. I walked to the edge of the roof and stood looking out over the city. I've always loved the high places, and whenever I am upset I tend to drift to the highest places I can. Not that anyplace in Luca is very high. Not like Zanarkand.

I steadied my breathing, and shut my single, good eye, and tried to find that still, calm place that I know is always inside of me. But it was hard.

"Auron," someone said. "I heard you were back."

She heard I was back.

That's a little joke. She hears everything.

"Ophelia."

As I opened my eye, I knew without turning that she would be as coldly beautiful as the last day I saw her. Ophelia never changes. I knew how she'd be dressed, in a simple blue-white shift, loose and falling to mid-thigh. She knows it shows her off to best advantage.

I heard the light scuffing of her sandals as she came over to stand next to me, not looking out, but looking down at the street, at all the people beneath us.

"They tell me that she's going to be fine, Auron," she said. "She's fine now, she just needs to sleep, and build up her strength."

"What do you want?" I said, still not turning to look at her.

"Gallant as always," she laughed lightly. "Auron, I think we need to talk."

I've been expecting her to show up sometime, or at least send someone. Benefice told me that the others would come and talk to me, making their own offers of alliance, and it made sense. Ophelia is one of the powers in the Church. She's the head of the Office of Inquiry and her agents are everywhere and they see everything. She is without question the best informed person on Spira, and she stays that way by only passing on to others part of what she knows. In turn, she is limited in what she can accomplish, for the others allow her no action agents of her own. She needs the cooperation of others to make use of what she knows.

And now she's here.

"Give me a name," I said.

"Perhaps it was one of your fangirls, Auron. I hear that half of them just want you to be happy, even with an Al Bhed girl, but the other half believe you could only be truly happy with them, and perhaps six or seven of their closest friends. I could see them taking steps."

She always had a weird sense of humor.

"Do I look like I'm in the mood for jokes?" I said. "I want a name."

I could hear the tiny smile in her voice as she said, "I don't work for you, Auron."

Of course.

"Name your price," I said.

"Ahh..."

"If it's too high, I'll kill you."

Her laughter rang out, not quiet this time, and not gentle. Snipers turned to look for a moment, before going back to their deadly business.

"Oh, I've missed you these last ten years, Auron," she said brightly. "No one else plays the game quite like you."

I waited. Presently, she spoke again.

"Everything you know about the woman Belgamine."

"Done."

**Rikku's Diary:**

So...Dad and I talked. I mean we really talked, about him and me...and Mom. We talked about how we both missed her, and he told me some stories about her that I had forgotten. He wiped away my tears and I wiped away his. We talked about Yuna, and he said how proud of me he was, that I helped change her mind and save her. And we talked about growing up.

And we talked about Auron.

"It wasn't his fault, Dad."

He was standing there in the middle of the room, arms crossed, looking like a big, tough bear. I know I'm really taller than he is, but he always looks big to me.

"How do you know? You don't know what it was about, do you?"

"Well, um, I just woke up. But I know!"

"That's a little girl's argument, Rikku. I thought you were growing up?"

Dammit! He can still make me get mad at him. I bit my tongue on what I was gonna say first, and took a breath. I don't want us to go back to the way we were before, and I know he doesn't either. We were both trying so hard! I opened my mouth, but Dad spoke first.

"Ask him."

Hell! I stuck out my lip and balled my fists. No fair! I know what Auron will say if I ask. Of course he'll say it's his fault. He thinks everything is his fault!

"I can make my own choices, Dad. I'm old enough, and I've proven myself and I can be with anyone I want."

"Yeah, you can be with anyone you want, Rikku. You can be with a Crusader or a Yevon priest, like my sister was. You can be with a man my age or twice my age, fine, you're all grown up and you can have sex and do drugs and make your own mistakes the same as all of us do. But he's different, Rikku. He's dangerous. Being with him puts a target on you back. What's it going to take and convince you?"

Sex and drugs! Dammit, I'm a good girl! Don't I even get any credit for that! I felt my face getting hot and I took another breath and shook my head. Let it go, Rikku.

"Dad, being Cid's daughter puts a target on my back."

I heard him heave a big sigh.

"I know. I've always known that. But I know this is worse. No, don't argue. I know you're grown up, and I can't order you not to see him, but don't ever expect me to accept it. It's never going to be all right with me, Rikku. He's putting you in danger and any real man would keep his distance if he really cared about you."

"Dad..."

"It's how I feel, Rikku, and it's not going to change. Accepting things like that is a part of growing up too."

Yeah...

Maybe.

"I'm going to let you get some rest now. I'll be back later."

"Okay...yeah. Pops!" I said as he was leaving.

"Yeah?" he said from the door.

"I love you."

He smiled a little, and answered, "I love you too, kiddo."

* * *

**Auron:**

So...

"Why?" I asked her.

She turned and looked me in the eye, flipping long, heavy braids away from her face.

"Because you are who you are, Auron," she answered coolly. Of course she knows. "What you are. Because for hundreds of years, they have existed only to hunt down and send you and those like you. They believe you are an abomination."

They. The Stalkers...a Bevelle secret society.

"Rikku is not like me."

"No," she said. "But in their eyes, she's worse. Someone who has sexual congress with the unliving..."

"We don't," I said flatly.

"I know," she replied with a tiny, mocking smile.

Damn it. She probably does.

"But they don't know it, Auron, and they assume otherwise. But even if they did know it...this is a bit hard to explain, Auron, but that might even make it worse for them if they knew. They can tell themselves now that your girl is just sick, like the people who want to have sex with animals, or fiends. They can call her perverse, and despise her for it.

"But if they thought that it was actually love, that your young girl truly loved you in spite of what you were, rather than craving you sexually because of it, that raises questions which they have never been comfortable with. They don't like not feeling absolutely sure of themselves and their morality. And like anyone, they blame the people who put them into that situation for making them feel uncomfortable, and treat those people more savagely than they treat the unsent themselves.

"Some unsent have established families, you know, perhaps as a useful cover. When the Stalkers find something like that they have always tried to kill the families first. They consider you an inhuman monster, Auron, but they consider Rikku and those like her to be something even worse...traitors to the living."

Fanatics. They'd rather the worst be true than be wrong in their beliefs.

Much of this was unknown to me. But Ophelia would know it. I watched her from the corner of my eye. She would know because she collects secrets, and because she has many contacts with the more important secret societies. And because she works very closely with the Stalkers.

Ironic.

And interesting.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

Boooooring!

Man, a whole week seemed to just creep by! After Pops and I talked, Brother came in and said I was too ugly to die and I said he was too stupid to know (no, I don't know what it means but I said it!) and we were just getting started when a healer girl came in and shooed him out and said I needed some rest. (It was funny seeing him try and hit on her when she didn't know what he was saying. He tried using pantomime, and she thought he was hungry and told him the kitchen was downstairs!)

I wasn't tired at all, but I fell asleep anyway, and when I woke up Yunie was there, and Tidus and Kimahri and Wakka, and they all brought flowers or little gifts and Kimahri gave me a little wooden box and when I opened it up it smelled just like the desert! Don't ask me how, but it did. Lulu wasn't there, but later she came by herself, and I thanked her for giving Little Aurie back to me, and she smiled and said she was happy to. Lulu doesn't smile often, sort of like Auron. I hope one day she finds someone to make her smile more, like Auron has me.

Auron didn't come back, not that first day and not the second day either. Not when I was awake. I asked Lulu about it, and she said Auron was meeting with people, trying to get the city secure. Yuna said Auron had stayed by my bed almost the whole time I was asleep before, and Tidus said he knew Auron comes in here when I'm sleeping. I asked them to tell me what they knew about what Pops and Auron said to each other, but they all just looked uncomfortable and Yuna changed the subject.

**Auron:**

The young healer told me that Rikku was sleeping. It wasn't the same one as before. I learned that Ophelia was in Rikku's room, and the healer on duty at the time was now in custody while Jordi's people checked her out.

I nodded to the young man, and slipped into her room.

I can never tell if she looks younger when she's asleep. Sometimes I think one thing, sometimes the other. The room was full now of flowers and balloons and toy animals.

"Auron?"

Damn.

"Auron?" she said, trying to sit up. I took a half step forward to help before I stopped myself.

"Rikku, you're supposed to be asleep."

"Auron, where the hell have you been! Why weren't you here?"

Of course she's angry. Anyone would be. And what can I say? Well, she won't understand the truth, but she deserves it. I found an empty patch of wall and leaned up against it.

"It didn't feel right," I said.

She just looked at me.

"Auron, I'm your girlfriend and I was shot. You should have been here, but you weren't. You weren't here for me the last couple of days."

"You were shot because of me, Rikku."

Her voice was flat.

"I figured."

"Not maybe," I said. "Not probably. They hurt you because of me, Rikku, and I can't even tell you the whole reason because it's a secret."

"So, what?" she said, "So we're breaking up? You're breaking up with me because I got shot."

Her voice was rising. I shook my head.

"You're...it's not..."

"You feel bad, so you stayed away from me, you didn't want to talk to me. I GOT SHOT!" she shouted. "You didn't do that, but not coming to see me, that's being mean! That's caring more about your feelings than mine!"

She turned and faced away from me.

"Go away, Auron. Just get out."

I went.

I went past the staff and the Al Bhed and the Spira Dawn people straight out into the street and kept going as straight as I could directly away from the inn. I pushed past people in the street and never looked to either side and I was at the edge of the city when I finally slowed and thought to look around me. I was at the start of the Mi'ihen Road, and a not-so-small part of me just wanted to keep going down that road and never stop.

I turned, and stood looking back out over the city, out at the harbor complex off in the distance, and the sea spreading to the horizon. I did a simple breathing exercise, and tried to concentrate on the things I could do something about.

The Stalkers.

I sat on a bench and thought. I know that Ophelia told me the truth. She knows better than to lie to me. She knows I can smell it. She told me the truth. But I know she hasn't told me all of it. She never does.

Bevelle.

Ophelia.

Cid.

Rikku.

Stalkers.

I mixed them all together in my head, and others, to see what I could see, then did it again, and again, mixing differently each time, adding different things. Time passed as I weighed possibilities and options.

"Rikku's in her room crying!"

"What did you say to her!"

I looked up, startled.

Yuna. Lulu. How the hell did they...

...crying?

"...and do you know what she's been through! She..."

They were still talking as I was turning back to the stairs.

Crying...of course she's crying, you idiot! Don't you know, haven't you realized yet how much power you have to hurt her! She can hurt you too, but you're used to it, used to the pain and disappointment. She's only young! First she was shot, and now you break her heart.

So what the hell do you do now?

We should never have been together.

**Rikku's Diary**

When I woke up, the first thing I saw was red. For a silly moment I thought it was him, but it was the stupid puppet against the pillow next to me. I shoved myself up on one elbow to throw it out the window, or at least against the wall, when I saw that it wasn't alone.

Little Rikku was lying next to it, and someone had put their little puppet arms around each other.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Can I come in?"

She looked at me and nodded, without saying anything. I came in and shut the door.

"I'm sorry, Rikku. I was wrong to stay away."

"Okay," she said, without expression.

"I don't know if you can forgive me..."

"I forgive you."

"Um..." I cocked my head. "Just like that?"

"Do you want me to punish you somehow, or make you crawl?"

"I don't suppose so."

"When I make some big mistake and hurt you, are you going to forgive me?"

"Probably," I answered. "I guess it depends on the mistake."

She shook her head with a sigh, looking down at the bedclothes again.

"Do you always tell the truth, Auron?"

"To you. When I can. Because so often, I can't."

"Auron, I know that you stayed with me when I was asleep. And I know you really love me. And that helps me to forgive you. But Auron, it's gotta stop."

"Rikku..."

"You promised me," she said, still looking down. "You promised me that that you'd never try to break up with me because you thought it was best for me. You said we'd both have to agree."

I did promise that.

"Do you want to break up, Auron?"

Easy enough to answer that. No.

I cleared my throat.

"Auron?"

I heard a tremble in her voice.

"You were almost killed. Because of me. Because we're together."

"You said you respected my right to make my own choices."

"It was easier to say that before you were shot."

"Do you want to break up with me, Auron?"

"Rik—"

"Do you want to break up with me, Auron?" she repeated in the exact same voice.

"No."

"Neither do I. But Auron, it's got to stop. All of the angst. It just makes it harder for us, Auron. It makes us have conversations like this one. And I don't want to always be having to talk you into us staying together. I shouldn't have to. Auron...please?"

Angst. Stupid word. She means stop taking the blame for everything onto my own shoulders. She's saying it puts too great a strain on us, our relationship. But someone has to take responsibility for things.

Don't they?

"Auron...?"

"Rikku...Rikku, will you promise me something?"

"What, Auron?"

"Promise...promise that when...if...the day comes that you don't want to be together with me, you'll be honest. With yourself, and with me."

"Auron, it won't happen! It won't ever happen."

Young.

"Promise me, Rikku."

"Okay, I promise."

Okay.

All right.

"Then I won't let my...my concerns drive me away from you."

"Okay," she said, smiling...the smile I hadn't seen in so long. Since forever. "Come over here and keep me company! I'm sooooooo bored!"

I know I will miss her. I know that. But there are things that must be done.

There are always necessary things.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

So, rumor has it that I can be kind of annoying. Now, I don't know how these stories start, but I do know that after a couple of days I was going crazy just lying in bed in my room. I was getting cabin fever! And, well, after our little talk, where he finally agreed to grow up, I managed to persuade Auron to take me out for a little walk.

I don't really remember a lot about getting shot. I know I had some dreams before I woke up, but even those are kinda fuzzy. I remember bits and pieces. I remember...I think I remember that there was something important in one of them. Something I needed to remember. But it just wouldn't come.

But anyway, Auron and I got out of the inn to walk around a bit. We had to get past all the Al Bhed marines that Pops brought with him, and it wasn't easy, but Auron did it, and we got out. Just walking around the block a couple of times, really. And maybe I was a little weaker than I thought, and we stopped and sat on the edge of a fountain to rest awhile. It was a nice, cool day and there were a lot of other people around. I couldn't help but notice a lot of them were looking at me, some of them openly and some of them kind of out of the corners of their eyes.

Because I was with Auron? Or because I was Al Bhed? Or what?

I don't know.

"Hey, Auron?"

He was scanning the crowd.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"How many of the people in this square are, uh, security?"

"Two teams of seven in the square itself, three more teams within twenty seconds, two-man teams on every roof, and a Crusader quick-response squad one hundred eighty seconds away."

Oh.

Uh...

"Um, can we go back now?"

I leaned on him a little, and he put an arm around me. And I know he would have been happy to carry me if I hinted, and ordinarily I would have had fun with it, swinging my legs and putting my arms around his neck, but...but with so many people watching...I don't know.

* * *

**Auron:**

"I don't want to."

"Rikku, you need to take your medicine," I said.

"All I've been doing is sleeping!"

"We were just out in the square, and you said you wanted to come back to rest."

"Aw!"

"Rikku...I know you've told the healers that you've been having bad dreams recently. I've seen it. The medicine is to help you sleep soundly and get the rest that you need."

She crossed her arms and looked down at the blankets.

"Not gonna."

"Rikku..."

"It's yucky!"

"Rikku," I sat on the edge of the bed, and she glanced up at me, shifting a little to make room. "Rikku, why don't you want to take your medicine? Really?"

"Well...uh..." she plucked at the blankets, and scrunched up her face a little. "I guess...maybe I'm, um...afraid? To, um, go to sleep? You know?"

"Rikku, the medicine will help you sleep without nightmares."

"But what if it doesn't?"

"I'll stay here with you. And if it looks like you're having a nightmare, I'll wake you up. All right?"

"Um..." she looked down, her hands picking and twisting at the covers. "You'll stay with me?"

"I will."

"Auron, um..." she was still looking down, "Will you, um, hold me?"

Still not looking up, she shifted a little in the bed, pulling back the covers a bit.

Well. All right.

And carefully, I got into bed next to her, and she turned a little away and tucked her body back into mine, and I put my arms around her, and she wrapped her arms around my arms, and sighed a little, and I felt her body relax a bit.

"Will you take your medicine, Rikku?"

"I...okay."

And she took her medicine, and closed her eyes.

"I dreamed, you know," she said quietly. "Strange dreams..."

"You can tell me about them one day."

"I don't remember, not really."

"It's all right, Rikku."

"But...there was something," she murmured, "...I learned something important...something that happened on a mountain..."

"You'll remember one day, Rikku," I said.

"Maybe. Auron?" she said, eyes still closed.

"Yes Rikku?"

"Tell me a story? To help me sleep?"

I thought for a moment.

"Once...once there was a man in a madhouse who thought he was Auron."

I felt her shiver, and I wondered if she was cold.

"I don't want to hear that story," she said, frowning a little without opening her eyes.

"I don't want to tell it."

I don't know why it came into my head.

"Don't you know any sweet, funny stories?"

Sweet? Funny? No blood and madness? I could tell her about the man I killed with my eyebrow. But maybe not...that starts out funny, but turns rather grim. I thought for a moment.

"Once," I said slowly, "Once, a man called Auron taught a boy named Tidus how to drive."

She snickered into my arm. That turned into a fit of the giggles, and my heart turned over. She couldn't stop. Girls giggling, formerly number nine on my list of loathed and despised things, probably because I never knew why they were doing it. Strike it. No more. Gone. Rikku's giggles were devastating. If I can get her to do it in combat fiends will fall right and left. If I can get her to throw in nose-wrinkling we can clear whole regions.

"Okay," she hiccoughed, smiling. "Tell me that one!"

I pulled her a little closer, and told her this story.

"Once a man called Auron taught a boy named Tidus how to drive. They took the automachina to an open area near where Guado magicians set up their tents. (Leave the radio alone, boy.) The lesson went smoothly. (Your hair is fine, watch the road.) Smoothly enough. Until the boy saw a giant fiend ahead of them and panicked. (No way man!) he crashed into the fiend, which was an advertising gimmick for an annoyed Guado summoner who conjured a spider fiend into their back seat. (Hands at ten and two!) The man stood to face the fiend. The boy swerved to miss the Guado. The man tumbled over the seat into the back. The fiend shot a web through the place the man had stood. The web hit the engine. The engine caught fire. (Tidus, back me up! NO, don't back up!) Man and fiend battled in the back seat. The boy crashed through the side of a tent pavilion. Covered in webs, engine on fire, fiend in the back, and broken horn blaring a cheerful Ronso polka, they came to a stop in the center of the annual Sector B Art Car contest. The judges gave them forth place. They said it lacked whimsy."

This might not be helping her to get to sleep. Her belly laugh is loud and raucous and hurts the ears, and I loved to hear it.

What will I do without her laughter?

Shut up. No angst.

Her laughter died down, and we lay there together, holding each other the way that we used to, but haven't in a while. And then she said quietly, "Auron? Tell me the story about the star again, that got lost?"

So I told her about the brave little lost star that shined so bright and gave all the people hope, and I told her other stories after that. And sometime when I was talking, she drifted into sleep.

* * *

**Auron:**

I was up on the roof again. The breeze was starting to turn, bringing the faint salt taste of the sea. Evening was falling and the people of Luca were getting ready for the entertainments of the night. They would be dining and dancing, attending plays and concerts and private gatherings. The street in front of the inn was open to the public again, for now, and I stood at the edge and watched them pass.

There are Crusaders and City Guards on the streets, ready to stop trouble before it starts. Spira Dawn people mingle with the crowds, keeping tabs on everyone. There are even Al Bhed marines stationed in strategic spots, never where the people can see them. But they free up Guards and Crusaders for foot-patrols.

I close my eye, and I inhale.

The people in the city are still nervous. I can smell it, and I can see it. They flick their eyes up at the roofs from time to time, never looking straight up, always knowing that the snipers are there, always watching.

Everyone is always watching, but life goes on. Life in Luca goes on.

I said, "What do you want, Ophelia?"

"Not worried about snipers, Auron?"

I went up to the roof to think, and she found me there. She shouldn't even be in the building. But she's Ophelia. She isn't like other people.

"We have people on every roof in the area," I said.

And also...well, it's me, isn't it? And part of the reason that I come up here every night is to bait any enemy sniper into taking a shot at me and giving himself away. There's a special team up here that knows what to do if I'm...temporarily put out of action.

"You are a careful man, Auron," she said. "A man of many talents. A very...useful man."

"You have an offer?"

"A better one than Benefice, I think."

Of course she knows about my talk with Benefice. But does she know about Harcourt? It was dark now, the stars faint overhead.

"I'm sure you know the situation in Bevelle as well as anyone, Auron. Mika, Benefice, and I are dancing around each other, along with a half-dozen lesser lights, trying to build a winning alliance while keeping anyone else from doing the same. Aren't life-and-death power politics like this supposed to be exciting? But it's all been depressingly stalemated for months. Terribly boring. I think I sense your hand in the pot there Auron. Whenever someone seems to be gaining the least advantage, something happens to equalize things again."

"Life is unfair," I said.

On Spira, it's very unfair.

"How droll. So, Mika has the Special Temple Guard, the House-Major Vitock, and the Wardens of Yevon. He has a couple of other Houses, minor ones, and other, minor secret societies."

"And the Forsaken," I added.

"Maybe, maybe not," she said. "The Forsaken would probably be satisfied if you or I held power in Bevelle. They might stand aside. So, one Great House, the Vitock, one powerful secret society, the Wardens, and the Temple Guard. For now, Harcourt is supporting him, so he might have more when the crisis comes, but he can count on those three for sure."

And the Elect, the leaders of the Church Civil Service who are still supporting him for now.

"Now," she went on, "Benefice can muster his own priest-assassins—the Fra—and the House-Major Venii and the Night Watch."

"And maybe the Sabben," I said.

"Again, maybe, and maybe not. In any case, it is an inferior position to Mika. Benefice is desperate to get troops. He approached you, he approached the Guado, he even made contact with Cid."

Interesting.

"And then there's you," I said.

"And then there's me," she agreed. "And I have no troops, Auron, and not even a Great House to back me. The Vitock belong to Mika, the Venii belong to Benefice, and the Sabben, the Condiv, and the Gracchi aren't taking sides yet, but they're all hiring as many troops as they can. And they certainly aren't making common cause with me. And without troops, I can't take over on my own. But I can be a great ally. I know many secrets, and I have the support of several of the strongest secret societies...including the Devoted and the Watchers."

And the Stalkers. Which is the real point of this whole conversation.

"And Seymour's still insane," I said.

"And Seymour's still insane," she agreed, and then she frowned a little. "Whereabouts, unknown."

Interesting. Even Ophelia doesn't know where Seymour is?

"Give me your offer," I said, watching the observer-teams on the roofs all around passing all-clear signals to one another in the dark. The sniper-teams didn't move.

"A better offer than Benefice. He offered to partner with you, Auron. He needs you. But you know and I know that you can't trust him."

I raised an eyebrow. It was wasted on her, since I was still not facing her.

"And I can trust you?"

"Of course you can't. We both know that. This isn't a game of trust, Auron. You can't trust anyone, and that is why mine is the better offer. Because you don't have to."

"Quite a trick."

"Yes, I'm rather proud of it," she smiled.

She does love it. They all do. The secret deals, the hidden power plays, having a seat at the table for the greatest game and the highest stakes in the world. Ophelia might love it more than anyone. Why else is she still here?

"Do nothing," she said.

Nothing? I thought about that.

I watched the lights out in the city, and on the ships in the harbor, and I thought about Ophelia, and Benefice, and Mika, and Harcourt, and Seymour, and Bevelle.

"Yes," she said. "You understand, don't you, Auron? You are the thorn in my side. You're the problem I cannot solve. I can deal with Mika, and I can deal with Benefice. Mika needs me, unless he has you. That would make him so powerful that he doesn't need Benefice or me. Benefice cannot defeat me, unless he has you. If you ally with Benefice, then I will have no room to maneuver. I have to ally with Mika, in a bad strategic position, or at best even. And even if you were willing to ally with me, it would drive Benefice and Mika together and tie my fortunes to you—and frankly Auron, I'm even less comfortable with that than you are—and the outcome would still be very much in doubt. And you wouldn't ally with me anyway. You change the board in all the ways that are bad for me."

I was running through the combinations in my mind. She was right. My presence in Bevelle can only undercut her position. But as long as I'm out here as a potential danger to them all, then her situation is stronger. They need allies against each other, and especially against me. And she is potentially a powerfully ally.

"So I offer this deal," she said. "You will go on as you are now, Auron. You will not make an alliance with Benefice, or with Mika, or anyone else in Bevelle. Simply keep on as you are. Auron...Mika and Benefice want more than I do. If you deal with them, you must commit yourself to their choices. Do you really want that? Do you trust them that much? Take my deal, and you are still your own man, free to deal with the Church any way that you will. And you don't have to trust anyone at all."

I thought it out. Benefice tried to bind me to the Church for his own advancement, but also because he feared I could do great damage if I remained outside the Church. Ophelia doesn't care if I damage the Church. She has no fear of chaos. She is wholly self-confidant that no matter how things play out she can manipulate events and prosper, so long as she has room to maneuver. She's probably right.

So.

I turned, and looked at her, and waited.

She nodded.

"And in return, Auron, as long as you stay uncommitted, I will provide you with the information that you need on order to work, to prosper...and to keep your companions safe. And it won't cost you anything at all."

It's what I expected. Information is what she has to offer.

"I need one thing more," I said, flatly.

And we both knew what it was.

"Of course, Auron," she smiled a cold little smile in the dark, "That was understood."

Of course.

I need to talk with Cid.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I was still bored sometimes, but things got better after that. There were always people visiting, and we played games and talked. I mean, friends visited, but other people too, like the City Councilors, and the Crusader officers. And then we didn't talk about cute boys and kittens and clothes and stuff (well, I did a little with that kid, Kyu). We talked about art and politics and important stuff like that. And they really listened to me, you know? I mean we really talked.

But other times it was just Yuna and Lulu and the guys, and they even snuck in pizza sometimes! And the girls from _Spira Girl_ came, Diane and Cherry and Reka and...well, and Destani, the Guado girl.

She kinda smiled, and she said how happy they all were that I was all right. So, so okay. And we all of us talked about the first issue.

"Rikku!" Cherry beamed, "You have to get better so we can take pictures of you for the magazine!"

"Uh, me?"

"Sure," Reka said. She was the red-haired receptionist. "You're a hero!"

For getting shot?

"But not too much better," Cherry's assistant, Plum, said. "We still want you wearing some of the bandages in the pictures! It'll look soooo dramatic!"

"Uh, I don't really have any bandages," I said.

"We'll get you some! Pink ones! Or yellow? Maybe green."

And then we were all talking about colored bandages and what else I should be wearing and what I should write about for my first column (I haven't even thought about that!) and cute blitzballers and was Auron a good kisser and all sorts of things. Except...well, Destani kind of sat back against the wall and didn't say much, except when one of the others asked her something.

Well, that was okay with me. I didn't ask her to visit, or to just sit around like a mope!

Except that...well, except that Wakka told me later after they had gone that she had gotten separated from the others when they got here, and some of the Al Bhed in the inn were being kind of mean to her. Kind of called her names and, and, and, well, shoved her.

"Told those damn grease-monkeys to leave her alone," he said, grinding his fist into his hand. He was really mad. Wakka these days, he doesn't discriminate against the Al Bhed or anybody else, even the Guado. "Poor little thing was scared stiff! Who knows what woulda happened."

I...I guess she did look kinda scared when she was here, looking back on it. But they wouldn't have...

I mean, that's...

It's...

"Not right," Wakka muttered to himself. "Sir Auron woulda creamed those guys, ya? I just sorta bent them a little."

I guess.

He didn't even know her name, Wakka didn't.

She...um, Destani, I mean...she didn't visit again.

**Auron:**

"Auron?"

I looked up from my book, a history of the Thunder Plain.

"Yes, Rikku?"

She was looking down at her covers again. She had been moody all day, but I didn't sense that it was something I had done.

"Auron...would, would you tell Destani for me, that I'm sorry...?"

Sorry? My eyes narrowed. Sorry about what? I know Rikku doesn't like the girl. She has her reasons, but if Rikku's done something, I...

I don't know.

"Tell her I'm really very sorry about what happened, and, and she doesn't have to, but if she wants to come visit me again, I can promise her it won't happen again."

Oh.

"I will."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I felt better when I asked Auron to apologize to Destani for me. No matter how I feel, no one should be treated like that. No one deserves it. I talked to Pops about it the next time he visited, and he didn't say anything, and I couldn't really tell what he was thinking. I know he has to hate the Guado as much as anyone, but he heard me out and before he left he said that he'd see to it that no guest of mine would ever be treated like that by one of our men again.

She hasn't visited again, but if she does I'm going to try my very hardest to be nice to her. But...I hope she doesn't.

I spent a lot of time with Auron. We talked, like we used to at night on the pilgrimage. And he told me stories about Zanarkand, and about his years as a monk, and his family, and I told him about my dreams...not the bad ones that I still have about being shot. I still have those dreams sometimes, and wake up shaking and sweating, but not so much. Auron sleeps in bed next me now, and holds me and tells me his stories, even after I'm asleep he tells them and it's like I can hear them in my sleep and his voice keeps the bad dreams away and sometimes I dream about what he's saying.

But I don't mean those dreams either. No, I mean the dreams I dreamed before I woke up, strange dreams about him and me and Yuna and the rest and machina guns and a tall mountain and a small town. I told him what I could remember, but it wasn't much...just bits and pieces.

"But I think there's something really important," I said, "Something in the dream that I found out or figured out, but I just can't remember."

"Sometimes when I can't remember, I use a mnemonic trace," he said. "I should really teach you how to meditate.

"Right, right," I said. "Good luck with that."

"Well then, just wait. Maybe it will come back to you."

"I hope so. Hey Auron?"

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Why is Ophelia here? And why does she look like Shiva?"

"She's here for the same reason Benefice was before, to offer me a deal."

I waited, but he didn't say anything else.

"Um...are you...I mean, do you wanna tell me about it?"

He sighed.

"I will, Rikku, but first you need to know some of the background. This would be a good time for that. You could read some reports while you're resting in bed."

"Aw! Can't you just tell me that stuff?"

"Best to read the reports first, and then I can answer any questions you have. I'll arrange it."

I sighed this time, and he went back to his book.

"She's pretty. Isn't she?"

**Auron:**

Uh oh.

**Rikku's Diary**

"She is very beautiful, Rikku. And very cold."

"Like Shiva?"

"Very much like Shiva. I will tell you more about Ophelia when you've read the reports."

Huh. A bribe, to get me to do my homework.

"Oh, okay."

He turned back down to his reading.

"Hey, Auron? I'm bored! Come sit with me."

He put aside the book on the Thunder Plain (brrr!) and came to sit on the bed and I pounced on him! HA!

"RIKMMMMMmmmppHHH?"

MMMMMMmmmmmMMMMMWAH!

"Rikku! What are...?" he was saying as I suddenly threw one leg over and straddled him, pulling myself on top of him and kissing him all around his chest and neck, maybe licking a little.

"I'm bored, Auron," I gasped at him, "Let's make out!"

"We—HEY!"

HA! Grabbed his ass and gave it a squeeze! (God, its rock hard!) I'll make him smile!

"Rikku!" he was saying, grabbing my arms, shaking me a little, "I can't do this and then sleep in this bed with you later!"

That doesn't even make sense! So, he thinks he can resist me! We'll see about that! I was wriggling around in his arms, and...oops! Did I flash a boob at him! Hee! Our hair was mussed and our clothes were all disheveled. I think I was losing my shorts, and I wondered what he could see. This was fun! Suddenly he rolled me over, pinning me under him, and I right away locked my legs around him.

"Rikku," he said. I was digging little circles into his back with my bare heels. "Rikku, stop it. Please?"

"Why?" I asked, smiling up at him and breathing hard. "It's FUN! And good exercise!"

He shook his head down at me, then quickly rolled us over and then sat up in bed with me in his lap, and he opened his mouth but I wriggled and shifted in his lap and I could feel his reaction! I could FEEL it getting hard underneath me, just like in books! It was exciting! And then he groaned! Low down deep in his throat! And while I was being all trashy downstairs, I leaned forward and gave him the softest, gentlest, butterfly kiss on his lips.

"Rikku," he muttered, kissing me back, once, twice, again, "Rikku, stop, now..."

"Stop me," I said, starting to rock, gently.

"Rikku..." he ground the words out through gritted teeth, "Don't make this some sort of challenge, or something will happen right here and right now that we are going to regret."

I brushed his lips again, rocking, rocking...

"Maybe I won't regret it," I whispered.

Suddenly his arms were around me, holding me tight, holding me still, so I couldn't move myself against him, but I could still feel him hard underneath me through my thin pj bottoms, and his face was buried in my hair.

"Rikku, stop!" he breathed the words into my ear, and we both just sat for a moment, catching our breaths, and then he went on, "Rikku, if...if it doesn't happen now...if it never happens between us...are you...will you think all of this time together was wasted?"

"Auron, No!" I pulled away enough to look him in the eye, "No, never! I'd never trade these days and nights with you for anything!"

"Good," he said, letting out a breath, "Good, I'm glad of that. Don't ever forget that, Rikku. Please."

"Auron, I won't forget, but...but Auron? I'll...I'll regret it if it never happens. I know that. Won't you?"

"I..." he wouldn't look at me. He looked away, but said, "Yes."

"Auron?"

He was trembling. I could feel him trembling. I was too.

"Auron?" I whispered, bending my face towards his. I felt all hot and flushed. "We...we could do it now. I...don't think I'll regret it. I don't, Auron."

One hand on his chest, pressing him back into the bed, lifting up the hem of my tee with the other...and then he was kissing me, hard, our tongues together while he lifted me off him and over to one side.

"No, Rikku," he said, breaking away and breathing heavily.

"Auron...!"

I didn't want to stop!

"No, you're not ready, Rikku, not really, and neither am I."

"I..." I swallowed, "I...all right. Okay. I...I love you, Auron."

"I love you, Rikku."

* * *

**Auron:**

I have to go now.

It was almost dawn when I left Rikku at the inn and made my way through the dark streets of the city carrying a heavy package on my shoulder. The sun was coming up over the harbor when I reached the docks and walked up the ramp into the hold of the airship. It was filled with Al Bhed marines making their preparations. Many looked at me with open hostility, and I felt comforted. I tossed the bundle into a corner and the cargo master nodded shortly to me, double-checked a list, and then pointed to one of his people, who nodded and pulled a lever, and the great hatch started to slide closed.

"ALL HAND PREPARE FOR LIFT..." the speaker blared, "ALL HANDS PREPARE FOR LIFT!"

The deck shuddered under my feet as I pushed past marines into the corridors. One man deliberately bumped me with his shoulder and I threw him into the wall. He bounced off and slid to the floor, groaning. Someone else turned to me scowling and opened their mouth and I backhanded them across the face, feeling something break under my blow. Someone shouted something and the others backed off.

Unmolested, I made my way up, and up, and finally came out onto the open deck at the top of the airship. I stepped to the edge to look down. Luca was already receding in the distance, and I felt like I was leaving a part of my heart behind. Or perhaps all of it.

I stood there for a long time.

I'm sorry that I made her cry a little, when I explained what was happening and kissed her forehead and said goodbye. I'm sorry to leave her while she's still in bed, but it was time to go.

Rikku...

When I first heard you were shot...

When...when I first heard Rikku was shot, for one split instant I wanted to scream. I wanted to howl. And then, it was like I had died again. That I was walking and talking and breathing, but that there was nothing really there inside of me. I think...maybe I went away to my hidden fortress inside my head, where there is no pain.

I always thought that was just a place for physical pain.

I did the things I had to do that day, and the days that followed. I shut down the city, coordinated with the Luca City Council and with the Crusaders, made sure that Yuna and the others were safe. And then I sat without moving at Rikku's side, watching her.

But I didn't feel anything.

Even when the healers told me she was all right, that she would wake up when she was ready, but that there was no danger...I still didn't feel anything. Not even relief.

I didn't feel anything when Cid arrived, and it was all balanced on a razor whether or not he would try to kill me. I didn't know if I'd have to kill him. Or maybe I'd let him kill me. I didn't care. And then, when the young healer came in to tell us both that Rikku was awake...my knees almost buckled, and I almost collapsed to the floor, and it was like I was alive again.

It...hurt to feel alive.

This last week I sat with her when I could, seeing her laugh, and seeing her wince because it hurt when she laughed, but she laughed anyway, because she's Rikku. I slipped into her bed and lay next to her, holding her until she slept. I told her silly stories to amuse her. I fell in love with her again. And every moment I was thinking how close she had come to death.

I think she sensed something when I said goodbye. She could feel that I was saying goodbye not just to her, but to a time when we had been together, and...happy. For a little while.

"Auron, you're...coming back?"

Wrong question.

"Yes, Rikku, I'm coming back."

Looking back from the deck of the airship, I could barely see Luca off in the distance now. The ocean was a thin blue band far to the west. The wind screamed past as Cid turned us for Bevelle at best speed.

Yes...I'm coming back, but I know that when I do, nothing will be the same. Before I come back, hard things are going to be done. As the airship climbed into the sky I felt the world inside me slowly, slowly turning cold and hard and clear as ice, starting somewhere deep inside, and spreading outward until there was no fear and there was no hesitation and there was not the least little bit of mercy left within me. I knew exactly where everything was around me...and I knew what I had to do. I turned my face into the wind. I turned to the north. To Bevelle...and to the Stalkers.

I'm sorry Rikku, for what it will cost us...but Rikku, some things cannot be forgiven...can never be forgiven...

And it's time to send some people home.

**Next: Background**


	67. Background

Hey. How's it going? Not much to say this time.

So, uh...how's that weather treating you?

Well then...disclaimer, I guess. FFX isn't mime. In fact, it was the first FF to use voices. Also, it doesn't paint its face all white and stuff. Spoilers, yeah, got those. AU. It's an aurikku. It didn't start out that way. This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Rated -T-.

And like last chapter, this one is dedicated to Ceres McClure. Hope you enjoy, uh, some of it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

They've gone...Auron and Dad, and even Brother. They told me not to worry, just get well. I guess I understand. I know where they've gone.

Operation Sawyer, Auron called it.

I just...I just hope they're okay.

* * *

**Background**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I went out with Yuna and Lulu, for lunch. I didn't really feel up to shopping. Kimahri stayed close to us, and I knew there was security all around, but it didn't really bother me. Maybe I'm getting used to it.

When we got back to the room, there was a flat satchel waiting on my bed. With a quick look at the others, I went over and picked it up. It was marked, _Briefing Papers, Eyes only: Lady Rikku. Three Enclosures._

"Rikku?" Lulu said, "What is it?"

I looked up from the satchel in my hands. I think...I think it's something that I've been waiting for a long time.

"Rikku?"

"Uh...homework," I said.

"What?" Yuna's eyebrows went up. "Homework?""

"Yeah, I think this is some stuff Auron wanted me to look at, uh, look over. You know?"

"He has some nerve!" Lulu said, all frowny-eyebrows and jutting hips and arms crossed under boobs.

"You're hurt, Rikku," Yuna said, "You don't have to do that now."

"Oh, uh, right," I said, tossing the papers on the bedside table with a smile. Then I streeeetched and yaaaaawned, and said, "Well, guys, lunch was great. It really cheered me up. I think I'll take a nap now."

"Do you want us to stay until you're asleep?"

"Oh, no no, Yunie! You guys go on. I'm fine."

I was under the covers and they made sure I had a pitcher of water close by, and said they'd be back later, and then they left.

Finally!

I reached over and snatched up the packet, and I took a deep breath. I, uh, I wanted this right? Even way back before we headed up Mt Gagazet, I decided I wanted to know what was going on, wanted to know enough to maybe...I don't know...help him, maybe, or even make a difference, for Yunie and the Al Bhed. So I guess it starts with this. I sat up cross-legged on the bed in a pool of bright sunlight that came in through the wide windows, turned the satchel over in my hands. It was sealed with wax or something and I had to slice it open with a handy-dandy all-purpose Al Bhed, uh...opener...thingy.

Oh okay, I tore it open with my teeth. Hey, the opener-thingy was way over on the dresser!

There was a note from Auron attached.

_Rikku, this is the first set of briefing papers from the Luca Network. I don't know exactly which they are, but we've been producing a set of white papers for our own use. From them, someone will choose the reports you get to introduce you to the overall situation in Spira. I believe this is the easiest way to bring you up to speed on what's going on, with the Church and Sin and the world. We'll talk more after you've gone over them._

Huh. I shook them out. There were some thick files inside, labeled _Spira, Military/Political Background Briefing Papers, 3/3... —Auron— Career Summary w/Annotations, 1/1..._and _Analysis of the Action at Klanneth, 1/1._

Huh. Sounds kinda military. Still, I was pretty sure my nose was twitching. I glanced up, and I could imagine Auron standing there in the room with me, leaning up against the wall with one foot propped up behind him, not really looking at me. Hey Auron, look! Got your papers.

_Outstanding._

Yeah. Hope you're all right, you and Pops and everyone.

_We're fine. Read._

Okay, okay. I fluffed up my pillows, poured a glass of water, and tucked my knees under the covers. I looked back down at the files. Well, I really wanted to look at the Auron one, but I guess it would make more sense to read them in order?

Yeah.

Just a quick peek?

_—Auron— Career Summary w/Annotations, 1/1_

_The circumstances of Auron's childhood are unknown. He first enters the public record when he arrived at Bevelle as guardian to the summoner Mark at the age of twelve. The summoner released him from his vows and Auron entered the warrior monks as a cadet._

_(Rank, Age, Duty, Posting):_

_Cadet, 12, 1st Cadet Year, Bevelle._

_Auron excelled as a cadet. At 12 years of age, he was younger and smaller than almost any of the other cadets, but by the end of the year he was cadet leader of the first-years, and the staff used him as an unofficial student-instructor for several subjects._

Huh...well...I knew that. He told me all that, when we were up on the mountain together. Not Gagazet...back before that. Back when we were on the way to Starfall, that time. And I told him about my childhood, and it made us closer, you know? And so now I read these words and I feel a little...I don't know...jealous? Because other people know these things that he told to me...that he shared just with me? Yeah, Rikku. That's not irrational or anything. I sighed, and Pretend Auron looked up quickly. I smiled at him, and he settled back into his deep thoughts, whatever they were. Okay, I curled my legs under me and scooted around until my backside was comfy and I opened the first file.

_Spira, Military/Political Background Briefing Papers, The Guado Conflict, -3 Sections_

_To properly understand the events of the last forty years in Spira, it is absolutely essential to have a grasp of the hostilities between the Yevon Church and the Guado._

_Part One, Background to Hostilities: __The past several hundred years have seen the gradual and inexorable spread of the Northern Spira Culture to the south. At the same time, the Southern Spira Culture was spreading to the north. Centered in Bevelle, the northern culture is primarily characterized by wide-spread, strong religious conviction. Centered in Luca, the southern culture is primarily characterized by a more humanist-centered point of view. Beyond this there are differences in attitude, architecture, fashion, cooking, speech patterns, sexual mores, gender differentiation, art, literature, and leisure activity._

_Approximately two hundred years ago, the mutual expansion of the northern and southern cultures finally brought the two into contact near the Moonflow River. The river formed one of two natural boundaries between the north and the south, the other being the Guado Forest. The Church subtly encouraged the spread of northern culture southward, across the Moonflow, with some success. The Mi'ihen Valley in particular saw a rise in religious feeling, but it was channeled into increased support for the Crusader organization that was based in the Mi'ihen Valley rather than for the organized Church per se._

_Even the priests of the Mi'ihen Valley churches remained somewhat resistant to the more orthodox attitudes dictated from Bevelle. Of course, the independently minded Mi'ihen priests were for all practical purposes excluded from holding any of the higher church positions. Bevelle never appointed any Mi'ihen priest maester or high priest. (By tradition there are twelve high priests, one at each of the five temples and seven in Bevelle.) This did not unduly bother the priests of the Mi'ihen Valley, who developed a quasi-hierarchy of their own, based on the personal prestige of each individual priest rather than on any official position held._

_That was not what the Yevon Church had in mind, of course. In fact, the northern culture was successfully spreading southward, but not as thoroughly and not as quickly as the Church would have liked. Church leaders determined that there were several factors responsible for this, most notably including the existence of Luca as a cultural counter-pole in the south, the wide-spread popularity of blitzball, the high level of respect for the Crusaders, and the physical existence of the Moonflow River and the Guado Forest as barriers._

_Roughly fifty years ago—in the time of Ynnic's Calm—then-Maester Julak determined that the conversion of the Guado was the key. The Guado would be brought into the body of the Church (as the Ronso had been one hundred years earlier) both strengthening Yevon and removing an obstacle to the spread of northern culture._

_Part Two, Start of Hostilities: __The Church fell back on its standard carrot and stick tactics, offering the Guado incentives to join the Church while at the same time quietly initiating hostilities to put pressure on them._

I looked up at Pretend Auron.

"So, the Church started a war with the Guado?" I asked, "Just to...what? Just to make sure that people in the south dressed more modestly and ate less spicy foods?"

He looked back at me.

_This surprises you?_

I didn't look away for a moment, just kept looking at him, but he didn't say anything else. I sighed and started reading again.

_The Church fell back on its standard carrot and stick tactics, offering the Guado incentives to join the Church while at the same time quietly initiating hostilities to put pressure on them. The Guado resisted cooption, and tensions mounted between the Church and the leadership in Guadosalam. __The Church's propaganda machine paved the way for military action by circulating stories to blacken the name of the Guado. Rumors of unclean religious and sexual practices began to spread throughout Spira. Priests in their pulpits castigated the Guado as degenerate and impious. Guado merchants found that fewer people were willing to buy their furs, rare herbs, wood carvings, and magic items. Guado who traveled outside their forest were subjected to low-level official harassment. There were several incidents involving the Guado throughout Spira—some beatings, rapes, and a few murders._

"They were treating them...just like they treated us," I muttered.

Pretend Auron heard me, but he didn't say anything.

_The growing hostility toward the Guado needed a focus, and gradually began to coalesce around one central issue—the Farplane. To the religious conservatives in the Yevon Church, it was an abomination that unbelievers—in their minds, non-human unbelievers—had control over the gateway to the otherworld, as they styled it. The Church started to hammer away at this issue. The warrior monks began aggressive patrolling along the outskirts of the Guado forest. __Most of the Guado retreated into their small, sylvan communities deep within the trees. Skirmishes were becoming common. The warrior monks couldn't match the Guado rangers fighting in their own forest, but the monks kept them pinned to the woods. It was a virtual siege. And across Spira, people started to speak of a holy crusade to liberate the Farplane._

_As a people the Guado are quick and clever, but also sly and devious. As individuals they can act on seemingly random impulse—this makes any single Guado unpredictable—but as a people they prefer long, thought-out, subtle plans. They did not rush to respond to Yevon's aggression. As the crisis deepened, the Tree Families in Guadosalam were debating their course of action. A small faction led by Zaliele Guado wanted to offer concessions, but the larger faction led by Jyscal Guado favored fighting. __It was the depths of winter—two days before the Longest Night, the turning of the sun—when monks along a two-hundred mile stretch woke up to find themselves under attack by fiends._

_The Guado had decided to fight._

_Guado rangers rarely leave the forest. It is the elite Guado Guard that acts as a striking force for the Guado nation. The Guard are magic users who summon fiends to do their fighting. More than a hundred monks died that first night in the wave of Guado counter-attacks when the fiends appeared from nowhere inside their camps. War was open after that, if still undeclared. __The Guado Guard quickly spread out through the north in small teams to continue the assault. Their standard tactic was to launch one strong attack along with a wave of several diversionary attacks across an entire area. The warrior monks were forced to divide their forces to respond. Guado operations were very fluid and flexible, and a diversion could become the real attack in a heartbeat, while the actual target became part of the distraction. That's what happened at Deleth._

_In the week following the first Guado counter-attack, the Guado Guard launched a number of hit-and-run raids against the warrior monks in the north, before mounting their second major operation. In what would become their standard procedure, at least twenty different teams attacked scattered churches and villages with summoned fiends, while the real attack was supposed to be launched against the main warrior monk supply depot at Qok. But by simple bad luck, the monk's security element there was being relieved at the time of the Guado attack. __Facing twice the numbers they were expecting at Qok, the Guado quickly shifted their operational objectives and the attack on the depot became just one more diversion while the real focus moved to one of the secondary targets. The Guado commander chose the village of Deleth. The diversion there became the real attack and the Guado summoned a fiend swarm which overcame the five warrior monks stationed at the local church and then killed everyone in the village—forty-seven men, women, and children._

"Just like Home," I muttered.

Pretend Auron looked up again.

_Rikku?_

"They didn't care," I said, looking up, "They didn't care who they killed, old people and kids and mothers. The Guado didn't care who they killed at...at Deleth...any more than they did when they destroyed Home."

_No, they didn't._

"And what? They just get away with it?"

I mean, they killed so many of us, and they just get away with it? They don't get punished? They don't have to pay?

It's not FAIR!

Killed my cousins. Killed my aunts. Killed my uncles. Killed my friends. Hey, no harm done, they were just Al Bhed. I was breathing hard, and Pretend Auron was looking at me. Suddenly I really wished Auron was really here, to talk with.

_I'm sorry, Rikku. Maybe you shouldn't read these right now._

"No, I want to."

I took a breath and started to read again.

_The Church leaders had been requesting forces from the Crusaders, but the Crusader's hearts were never in the hostilities with the Guado. Based in the south, the Crusaders felt little personal animosity toward them, and the Crusader leadership understood that the Guado Forest was one barrier to the north's advance. So when the Church first called on the Crusaders to mobilize against the Guado, they resisted. Until Deleth. The slaughter of non-combatants at Deleth convinced the Crusader commanders that no matter how the war had started, it had to be ended, and the fighting began to spread to the south._

_Then, Ynnic's Calm ended._

_Part Three, Overview of Recent Hostilities: __Sin's reappearance essentially put the conflict on hold for three years as the pilgrimages started up again. There were a few quiet skirmishes between the monks and the Guado, but they were uncommon, and publicly the two sides set aside their differences. But the Church hadn't given up its goal of conversion, and the Guado hadn't given up their intransigence._

_When the Summoner Rinna brought the next calm, hostilities gradually started up again, but less openly than before. Maester Julak decided that demonizing the Guado had been a misstep. He didn't want the Guado destroyed, he wanted them brought into the Church. The Church propaganda apparatus invented a Guado guardian for Rinna and proclaimed that Rinna's Calm would be a period of fellowship, when Yevon would reach out to the Guado. Publicly, the Guado welcomed this, and Guado merchants and travelers began to be seen outside the forest again._

_In fact, the next twenty-five years would see the fighting come and go, sometimes more intense, sometimes less, but never open. Maester Julak died, and Maester Mika gradually took his place as leader of Yevon, and continued the same policies. Jyscal Guado gradually assumed leadership of the Tree Families and Guadosalam. Other groups were drawn into the conflict, notably the Al Bhed, who cooperated at times with each side against the other. Hostilities flared up as the end of Rinna's Calm approached, and the Church declared that Rinna's Calm was over three years before it actually ended, to explain the growing number of fiend attacks. Between this time and the start of Devon's Calm five years later, the villages of Tikrit, Hell's Bay, and Sam's Valley would be completely wiped out. The monks would penetrate the Guado Forest and destroy one Guado village, name unknown._

_The fighting died down when Lord Devon brought the calm, but never really stopped, and once again intensified as the end of the new Calm approached. During this time the villages of Red Roof and Kerrville were wiped out by fiend swarms, and the village of Ocean's Point was attacked, but that attack was defeated._

Ocean's Point.

Ocean's Point is where Auron beat off a fiend swarm all by himself, and saved the village. Everyone knows that. But they don't know this...this other part of the story, what was really going on. This is...I mean, all of this is Auron's past. I looked up at Pretend Auron. To me, I'm reading this, and it's, this is history, you know? Important...but history. But he was part of all this. This was his life.

"Auron, how old were you when all this...uh..."

But he just looked at me. Because he wasn't really there, and he couldn't answer. I looked back down at the notes and started reading again.

_When Braska's Calm started..._

Uncle Braska...

Sir Jecht...

...Auron...

I shook my head. Concentrate, Rikku.

_When Braska's Calm started, hostilities between the Church and the Guado faded for a time. Jyscal was in firm control of the Guado, and in the second year of the Calm he stunned everyone when he converted publicly to Yevon. The Church moved fast to consolidate its gains, appointing Jyscal maester and granting concessions to his supporters. Some of Jyscal's more radical followers abandoned him, but he remained popular and he managed to put together a coalition that maintained his leadership of the Guado._

_The last ten years have seen greater integration of the Guado into Spiran life, and a resumption of the steady spread of northern culture into the south. The Guado continue to convert to Yevon in increasing numbers and use of the common tongue is making inroads on the old Guado dialect. There are still conservative Guado who distrust the Church and all outsiders, especially in the forest communities, and they gained some influence when Jyscal died. But for now, the Guado remain a firm Church ally, adding their considerable military and other strengths to those of the Church._

_Addendum_

_The leadership of Seymour Guado and the events of the past year, especially the crisis in the Church, have left the Guado in a state of flux. For now they remain allied to the Church, but they are uncertain. Old alliances are starting to fray, and the Guado are nervously watching for both opportunities and danger. The more conservative elements are gaining influence, and while it is unlikely that fighting between Church and Guado will resume in the foreseeable future, relations with Yevon are cooling and it is barely possible that Spira could soon see a break in the Church/Guado alliance._

_See also:_

_The Ronso and Guado in Crisis_

_The Guado, Recent Decline in Leadership_

_Crisis in the Church, Ongoing Bulletins_

_Profile and Career Profile, Jyscal Guado_

_Profile and Career Profile, Mika_

I looked up from the papers and stared out the window for a few moments. It was another clear, cool, sunny day in Luca. I could hear the faint gurgle from the little fountain in the courtyard.

_Rikku?_

"Yeah, Auron. Just...thinking. So...um, the Al Bhed..."

_Your people played a role in the conflict. Cid wanted the fighting to go on, so both Yevon and Guado would be weakened, and too busy to bother the Al Bhed._

I knew he wasn't really saying it. He's just Pretend Auron. I was just puzzling things out on my own, trying to figure out what had happened.

"And in the end, the Guado destroyed Home," I muttered. "Because of this? Because they were still mad at us?"

_Home was destroyed because Seymour is insane. And because this is a time of changes._

Huh. A time of changes.

I know Auron isn't really here, and this is all just me talking to myself, trying to figure out what it all means. Time of changes...what did I mean by that?

Is that just another way of saying a time of great danger...to the Al Bhed?

* * *

**Auron:**

Ophelia.

Head of the Office of Inquiry. One of the princes of the Church.

Princess?

Doesn't quite fit her.

Cold beauty...the face of a goddess and the mind of a weasel. Ophelia never lies, but she never tells the truth, either. She is a master in the subtle use of words to deceive. Of all the powers in Bevelle, she might be the least trustworthy. It amuses her. For instance, she's agreed to lure her allies, the secret society known as the Stalkers, into a trap. That would appeal to her. She loves to manipulate people, and groups, and nations. And in return for this betrayal, all she wants is for me to stay unallied in the Bevelle power struggle.

And I have some farmland in the Bikanel Desert that I can sell you, cheap.

The question isn't whether she's playing a game, it's what game is she playing, and who is it really aimed at? Benefice? Mika? Cid? Seymour? Myself? It's hard to believe that it might be aimed at me, whatever it is. Rikku was attacked. Ophelia has to know how deadly serious that makes all of this for me. If she's trying to lure me into a trap, then her head is on the block and she knows it, no matter what it costs me. And Ophelia just doesn't have the strength to safely eliminate me on her own, and we both know it. So, if I'm the target of an elaborate deception Ophelia would have to be working with someone else...a partner. Mika? If she's working with Mika, we could be flying into one huge trap. Mika knows we're coming. The entire Bevelle security apparatus could be waiting for us, locked and loaded. I can close my eyes and see it. We ground the ship, we start to unload, we have half the marines out, and they hit us hard, try to cripple the ship and pin the people on the ground, then bring in overwhelming reinforcements and roll us up.

But that doesn't make sense. Mika knows what I am. Ophelia might or she might not...probably does...but Mika certainly does, and he knows that even a trap like that might not destroy me. It probably wouldn't, and he knows that. And that would drive me into the alliance with Benefice, or maybe to grab for power myself if the military backs me. It's too big a risk for Mika, with too little chance of success. It doesn't make sense.

The Stalkers...the Stalkers only exist to hunt down and send the unsent. Mika and Ophelia might think that if the Stalkers concentrate on me, and everyone else on the Al Bhed...and if Mika summons Bahamut...

* * *

**---Threat/Risk Assess---Death or Capture, Cid: 87---Death or Capture, Auron: 2---**

* * *

No, even then the odds are too long for Mika. If he knows. Ophelia doesn't have armed forces of her own, so she loves to maneuver her opponents into fighting each other, without ever knowing she was involved. That's the sort of thing she lives for, and she's really good at it. If Ophelia is playing Mika and me at the same time, and he thinks I'm on my way to attack him...except that I would still probably survive, and Ophelia's existence wouldn't be worth a quarter-gil. 

If she's working with Benefice...the fra, the Stalkers, a couple of other secret societies and the household troops from the House-Major Venii, Benefice's ally...but, does it make sense? It's the exact same situation. Something like that might destroy Cid and the Al Bhed, but doesn't have a lot of chance of killing me. And I can't believe that Ophelia and Benefice could work together anyway. But if Ophelia were conspiring with Cid...or Seymour...or Isaaru? No, there's no way that I could have failed to smell his involvement in this. Ophelia carried a miasma of half-truths, hidden motives, and veiled falsehoods, but not a dark summoners' particular stench of decay and violence.

These conjectures aren't reasonable. If someone really wanted to attack me, the easiest way is what actually happened...through the people I care about. But I'm satisfied that Tidus, Rikku, and Yuna are safe for now in Luca, and what I do will make them safer. Ophelia has more than one objective in all of this, that is certain. The question is whether I can live with all of them. And...if I should ever come to believe that Ophelia herself engineered the attack on Rikku, to get me to eliminate the Stalkers for her, perhaps because they had become inconvenient because of her alliance with Mika...

If I should ever come to believe that...

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay...

I opened the second packet and settled back to read.

_-Auron- Career Summary w/Annotations, 1/1_

_The circumstances of Auron's childhood are unknown. He first enters the public record when he arrived at Bevelle as a guardian to the summoner Mark at the age of twelve. The summoner released him from his vows and Auron entered the warrior monks as a cadet._

_(Rank, Age, Duty, Posting):_

_Cadet, 12, 1st Cadet Year, Bevelle._

_Auron excelled as a cadet. At 12 years of age, he was younger and smaller than almost any of the other cadets, but by the end of the year he was cadet leader of the first-years, and the staff used him as an unofficial student-instructor for several subjects._

_Cadet, 13, 2d Cadet Year, High Reach._

_Cadets spend their second year serving in the field. Auron was posted to High Reach, a small and remote church which has nonetheless become a prestige posting. It was a mark of the high regard his superiors had for Auron and their hopes for his future career. He did well at High Reach, seeing some moderate combat against fiends._

_Cadet, 14, 3d Cadet Year, Bevelle._

_Ordinarily, Auron would have been cadet-commander his third year, but his instructors determined that even that would essentially be a waste of a year, not contributing to his professional development in any real significant way. Instead, Auron was for all practical purposes made an instructor in his third cadet year, giving him valuable experience in a leadership role and benefiting the students that he trained._

_Monk, 15, Field Assignment, Deccan, promoted Sgt._

_There was an upsurge in hostilities with the Guado at this time, and to explain the increased fiend attacks the Church officially declared the end of Rinna's Calm. __Auron graduated top of his class, took his vows as a monk, and was posted to the wild region known as the Deccan on the northwestern coast. He did well, as everyone expected him to, and earned a field promotion to sergeant, which was endorsed by Bevelle._

_Sgt, 16, Field Assignment, Deccan, promoted Lt._

_When his commander was killed (believed to be in a clash with the Guado) Auron assumed command of his detachment. He was later confirmed in that post and promoted lieutenant by Bevelle._

_Lt, 17, Field Command, Deccan._

_Lt, 18, Advanced Leadership Course, Bevelle._

_Auron did well in his first command, and at the end of his three-year tour he was posted back to Cadet Barracks at Bevelle to attend the year-long Advanced Leadership Course required for promotion to higher rank. He excelled while attending the service school. It was at this time that Rinna's Calm actually ended, and Sin reappeared._

_Capt, 19, Field Command, Haver's Field._

_Upon completion of the Advanced Leadership Course and promotion to captain, Auron was posted to command of the warrior monk detachment at Haver's Field, a somewhat dysfunctional and sloppy unit. At 19, Auron was young to be a captain, but not outrageously so. Auron rose to the challenge and within one year had turned the command around, to the point that it received the Master of Forces' Unit Commendation._

_Capt, 20, Staff Post, Master of Forces, Bevelle._

_It was the year that the summoner Devon called the Final Aeon, and brought Devon's Calm. The Church and the Guado then became much more circumspect in the conduct of hostilities, since they could no longer lay at Sin's feet all of the death and destruction resulting from their unofficial war. __Auron was recalled to Bevelle to serve on the personal staff of Maester Tirrell, the Master of Forces. Auron was only a junior aide, but this was still a very responsible position for someone his age. It shows again that he was being groomed for higher rank. As a member of Tirrell's staff, Auron was expected to observe at first hand the inner workings of the highest offices. The experience would be invaluable to him later in his career._

_Capt, 21, Advanced Instructor, Cadet Barracks, Bevelle._

_Following a year on Maester Tirrell's staff, Auron was assigned to Cadet Barracks in Bevelle as an instructor. He seemed well-suited to the task, and there is evidence that he was given his choice of duties and requested service with the young cadets. Third party reports also suggest that about this time Auron began to occasionally undertake missions for the Grey Court._

_Capt, 22, Field Command, Separate._

_At this point in Auron's career, he needed another field command. Rather than take over a detachment at some Church or temple, he was tasked with the creation and leadership of a special mobile reaction taskforce. He threw himself into the project and in six months was ready to take the new unit into the field. It was designated FIST, for First-In, Special Tactics. Their job was to be first responders in crisis situations, while at the same time acting as a test-bed unit for the development and field trial of new strategies and tactics. Auron served as team leader and also used the team to experiment with new tactical responses. In the course of their duties the team (anywhere from 14 to 26 members at any given time) traveled widely. In the first year they served in the vicinity of Bevelle, Macalania, and the western shore area, and in the Western Isles, operating against fiends, Guado, and Al Bhed._

...Al Bhed...

I looked up at Pretend Auron, pretend standing against the wall with one pretend leg propped up behind him. He looked silently back.

Auron fought...and killed...Al Bhed...?

I mean...I guess I knew...I guess...

I mean, he was a monk...and the monks fought the Al Bhed...I knew that...so, I guess I kinda knew that Auron must have fought the Al Bhed...but...I...I never let myself really think about it.

He was still looking at me. I tried to smile and turned back to the pages in my hand, taking up reading where I had left off.

_...operating against fiends, Guado, and Al Bhed._

_Capt, 23, Field Command, Separate, promoted commander._

_In the second year of his field command, Auron and the FIST team operated mainly in the vicinity of the Guado Forest. They became much more involved in the scaled-back Guado-Church hostilities, operating as raiders and special forces. They were pulled away on occasion to conduct missions countering Guado Influence, once on the far northern island of Vadaka and several times in Macalania, and also for operations in the Calm Lands against the Sin Cult. Auron was promoted to commander._

_Cmdr, 24, Field Command, Separate._

_I__n his third year in command of the FIST team, Auron and his team were pulled back from frontline operations against the Guado and sent on missions all across Spira. The FIST team undertook training missions with warrior monk detachments in the Yevon Valley and with crusader detachments in the Mi'ihen Valley and Luca. They were sent on missions to Djose, the Mushrooom Rock region of the eastern coast, and to the Hypello communities under the Eastern Sea._

_Cmdr, 25, Staff Post, Master of Forces, Bevelle._

_Auron returned to Bevelle to serve a second time on Maester Tirrell's staff, this time as senior aide to the Master of Forces. Tirrell was growing older, and delegated many duties to his staff, particularly to his Chief of Staff Thestis, and to his senior aide Auron. This was Auron's true introduction to high level politics in Bevelle, and his position as one of the Elect may be marked from this time. It was in this capacity that Auron attended the conference at Hedris, where the Guado, the Al Bhed, and the Church met to discuss matters of mutual concern._

Hedris.

Huh. That's where Uncle Braska met my aunt, and ran away with her, and Auron helped them.

_Cmdr, 26, Staff Post, Master of Forces, Bevelle._

_Military aides commonly serve for one year, but as Auron continued to discharge his duties with quiet efficiency Tirrell came more and more to rely on him. He continued to give Auron increasing responsibilities, and extended his assignment to a second year. Third party sources indicate that during this time Auron and Tirrell's Chief of Staff experienced frequent personality clashes as each accused the other of overstepping their authority and of official misconduct._

_Cmdr, 27, Crusader Liaison, Luca._

_Third party sources leave no question that Auron had a deep respect for Maester Tirrell, and would have stayed with him had Tirrell asked, but the Maester knew that Auron wanted another field command and personally arranged that posting for him. Two weeks before Auron was to leave to take up his new command, his superiors requested that he accept a different assignment. At that time relations between the Church and the Crusaders were rapidly deteriorating, and Bevelle hoped that serving as liaison, Auron might help to salvage the situation. In this, Auron failed. He took up his duties, and was popular enough with and well-respected by the Crusaders that he met—many of them his former cadets—but his personal prestige was not enough to turn the rising tide of distrust on both sides._

_Cmdr, 28, Staff Post, Commandant of Cadets, Cadet Barracks, Bevelle._

_Auron returned to Bevelle to take up a post as senior aide to Hallis, the Commandant of Cadets. Hallis was approaching retirement, and Auron would familiarize himself with the duties of the Commandant while serving on his staff, and would then replace Hallis when he retired._

_Cmdt, 29, Commandant of Cadets, Cadet Barracks, Bevelle._

_Auron assumed his duties as the new Commandant of Cadets. He was then unquestionably one of the Elect, a minor power in his own right in Bevelle with Tirrell as a patron. Many think he was in line to eventually become Maester of Yevon and Master of Forces._

_Cmdt, 30, Commandant of Cadets, Cadet Barracks, Bevelle._

_The year that Devon's Calm ended, the crisis between the Guado and the Church was growing worse. Tirrell's health continued to fail, and he was leaving most of the day to day decisions to his Chief of Staff, Thestis. With the actual reappearance of Sin, the Guado could escalate their operations. __When Auron was 30, he twice had to lead Church forces into the field near Bevelle in the absence of more qualified commanders when the Guado skillfully pulled troops away from the city with diversions (once with the aid of the Al Bhed). The first incident was near the village of Klanneth where a massive Guado fiend swarm threatened to break out of the hills and into the heavily-populated Yevon Valley. Under orders, Auron actually force-marched the bulk of his cadets to the scene to add to his available troop-strength in the battle. He succeeded in holding the fiend swarm out of the valley, but took heavy casualties doing so. __The second incident took place at the seaside village of Oconal. Auron led the available Church troops in the area to the village, but the fiend swarm that was spotted in the mountains did not materialize. There were unconfirmed reports that Auron was lightly wounded in action, but not how or where. Third party reports mention the name Star Fall, but it is unknown whether it is a person, a place, an item, or a battle. It is known that at this time Auron began to exhibit a deep bitterness towards his superiors in the Church._

_Cmdt, 31, Commandant of Cadets, Cadet Barracks, Bevelle, promoted praetor._

_With Terrill's death, his former Chief of Staff Thestis was promoted maester and assumed the role of Master of Forces. The crisis with the Guado continued to deepen as relations with the Crusaders became steadily worse. Third party information indicates that Auron's superiors convinced him that the Commander of the Crusaders, Lacey, was planning to betray the Church and ally herself with the Guado (or possibly the Al Bhed, or both). Several fra assassination teams had tried to eliminate Lacey without success. Auron was assigned the duty. Convinced that it was the only way to forstall open combat and civil war, he carried out the elimination and returned to Bevelle, but the incident seems to have had a great effect on him. It is reliably believed that this is when he began hunting down and killing the fra. __Auron's superiors didn't want a public break with Auron. He was too well known and too popular within the military and in the north in general. They eased him out of the __position of Commandant of Cadets by promoting him to the little-used rank of praetor, ostensibly as a reward and the next step up in his career. Actually it served to isolate him from his closest supporters. The Church began to put pressure on Auron to marry into one of the Great Houses...the daughter of a high priest in the Sabban clan, closely allied to Mika. They hoped to be able to control him. Instead, Auron dropped from sight and began more-or-less openly to butcher the fra. At the same time, reacting to the death of their commander and to increasing disaffection with the Church, the Crusaders moved north en mass to the vicinity of Bevelle and confronted the Special Temple Guard. Partly at Auron's urging, the regular warrior monks managed with some effort to stay out of the matter._

_Prtr, 32, Special Observer, Western Islands._

_The Church hierarchy was in a strange position. Auron had clearly gone underground and declared open war on the Grey Court. But at the same time he had made no public statements against Yevon, and they didn't want to drive him into open and public rebellion. Auron was still bound by his oath of obedience, but if no one could find him then no one could deliver new orders to him. Bevelle's best option was to quietly kill him if they could. They gave him a meaningless title and for half a year Auron played a cat-and-mouse game with Church security forces in and around Bevelle. __Then Lord Braska began training as a summoner, and Auron and the Church reached some sort of accommodation (details unknown). Auron declared himself a guardian to the summoner Braska. For Auron, it meant six months spent training with Braska. His personal conflict with the Church seems to have been held in abeyance during this time._

_Prtr, 33, Braska's Guardian, Pilgrimage (not an official posting.)_

_See separate file._

_Summary:_

_Auron excelled at all aspects of the military profession, even the purely political ones. However, there are indications that the periods when he worked directly with cadets, teaching and training young people, were the most personally satisfying for him. He performed well in cooperation with the Grey Court although he shared the general military animas toward the department. __There is little question that in the normal run of events, Auron would have risen to the rank of maester of Yevon and become Master of Forces. He would have married into one of the Great Houses of Bevelle—probably the Sabben—and become one of the princes of the Church. Instead, for reasons that are still unclear, he turned against the Church, especially the Grey Court. No one knows how events might have played out if Devon's Calm had not ended and Auron agreed to become Lord Braska's guardian._

_Auron disappeared after Braska's successful pilgrimage. His survival was well documented, although there were persistent reports that he was severely injured. He then dropped from sight. Numerous parties attempted to find him without success. The people of Spira believed that he had simply retired to some private place, but the various powers-that-be generally assumed that he must be dead, most likely killed by the Church. But the Church denied it, and for all of its organizational paranoia, the Church is not really very good at keeping secrets from those with the power to seek answers._

_Auron's fate remained unknown, until rumors began to circulate that he had been seen once more._

And that was the end.

I guess they didn't know he had been in Zanarkand, whoever put this report together. I looked down at the papers. I held them...I lifted them in my hand. I closed one eye and looked at them. Not too thick. They didn't weigh very much. Not much for an entire life.

But it wasn't his life, really. It was just...

I don't know. It was all interesting, and it helped fill in some blanks, but you couldn't pretend that once you read this file you knew all there was to know about Auron. It didn't talk about his family, or Tidus, or any of us...all the people he cares about.

I know there's a lot more to Auron, but I think...I think that right now I'm the person that knows Auron best in the whole world. Better than Tidus knows him...Tidus doesn't know all this that I just read, and he maybe doesn't know about Auron's family. And, well, I know that Auron's been with other girls, and...done things with them. But I know that I know him even better than them, even without us doing those things yet.

Even...

Even better than Braska? And Jecht? Do I even know Auron better than them?

I felt a rush of satisfaction run through me.

_Rikku?_

I look up at pretend Auron.

"Huh?"

_All right?_

"Oh, oh yeah. I just realized something. About myself."

_What was that?_

He was still leaning against the wall, one booted foot propped up behind him, head cocked a little to one side, looking at me quizzically.

"I'll tell you later," I said.

After a moment, he nodded.

I wonder how I never realized before, that I was jealous. Not of the other girls...oh, sometimes I maybe feel a little like tearing some hair out of some girl's head when he mentions a name, I guess. But really...I was jealous of Braska and Jecht. I was jealous that they were closer to him than I was, and shared things with him that we didn't...his whole history and his past, the whole life he had before I was even born. And I was afraid they were more important to him than I was.

But that's silly. Isn't it?

I took a deep, satisfied breath, and picked up the last bunch of papers.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Hey, monk-boy."

It was one of the daily staff meetings we held to keep everyone informed of what was going on with the operation and everyone's part in it, especially the small groups of marines that Cid was zigzagging here and there to pick up on our way north. The two of us managed to avoid each other most of the time, outside of these meetings. We were just breaking up and I was turning to leave, when Cid...addressed me. The other Al Bhed in the room froze in the middle of standing up.

I turned back to see Cid still sitting at the opposite end of the table. It wasn't two days back that I put half a marine squad into the infirmary because one of them said something he made sure that I could hear, while the others laughed. Another time I would have let it go...wouldn't even have cared. But we're about to go into combat, and I needed to maintain my authority, or discipline and order would suffer. Now I considered slamming the table and Cid back into the steel bulkhead behind him, but he is Rikku's father, and I am prepared to accept a certain amount of disrespect from him for her sake.

I waited, mutely, and the other Al Bhed unstiffened as they realized I wasn't going to respond in kind.

"Operation Sawyer," Cid said, making it a challenge. "Who was Sawyer, anyway, and why should I care?"

I stood for a slow five count, looking at him coolly without answering. These are the sorts of petty dominance games that grown men play.

"Sawyer was an agent," I said, just as Cid opened his mouth, "Assigned to a personal protection detail. He jumped in between his principle and an assassin to take a bullet and died while the healers were working on him."

I turned and left the room.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

_Analysis of the Action at Klanneth 1/1_

_This file is based on excerpts (portions included) from an After Action Review conducted at the Cadet Barracks in Bevelle. Several officer monks were present, many of them students in the Advanced Officer's Course:_

"_Officer/Presenter (O/P): Good morning gentlemen. This After Action Review is being held to supplement the various After Action Reports generated as a consequence of the action at Klenneth Village. Commandant Auron, who was in overall command, could not be present today, but we have Commander Wen Kinoc who was second-in-command overall, we have Lieutenant Kelis, commander of the Crusaders at Klanneth, we have the Summoner Seth Lask, in command of the magic users, and we have Commander Dren, Chief-of-Staff for Intelligence, who will try to give us an insight into the enemy's capabilities and intentions. Let's begin with an assessment of the enemy's intent. Commander Dren?"_

_Dren's remarks showed that working from interviews with monks and Guado prisoners, and from the choices the Guado commanders made, the Church believed that the attack was a Guado attempt to push the fighting back from the Guado Forest and into the heart of the Yevon Valley, and to demoralize Yevonite civilians, possibly forcing the Church to sue for peace. The Guado scattered through the hills and began raising small fiend swarms, then started them moving into the lowlands, joining the bands together and continuously summoning more fiends. When the total Guado force was assembled, it numbered well over two thousand strong fiends, the largest swarm ever seen up to that time._

I flipped through the papers, starting to skim. Some things jumped out at me.

"_Wen Kinoc: No one could have done more. It is my firm belief that without the personal leadership of the Commandant and the example that he set, the Guado would have broken past us in some strength. I know that he took all of our losses to heart, and I think that if anyone else had been in command we would have lost many more than we did."_

Huh. That was the guy that tried to kill us all in Bevelle, and wasn't even very good at it. What happened to him?

Looking through it, what it all seems to say is that the Guado slipped past the monks and tried to get their fiends into all the little villages and farms in the Yevon Valley. Auron and the monks and some Crusaders stopped them near a village called Klenath, but they lost a lot of people doing it. Reading between the lines, I think maybe some people in the Church tried to pin the blame for losing so many people on Auron.

_Auron seemed to display some bitterness toward the Church in the aftermath of the battle. Casualties were high, more than a third of the force were KIA, and another third were wounded. But the best evidence shows that Auron was more respected than ever by his cadets and by the people of the Yevon Valley. Nevertheless, analyses points to this as the start of Auron's disaffection with the Church of Yevon._

I put down the papers. I looked up at Pretend Auron, and he just looked back at me for a moment, and then he shook his head a little, and faded away.

Yeah...

No. There was something else...something else about Klennath that wasn't in here. I was a little tired now. I'll think about it all some more later.

* * *

**Auron:**

We reach Bevelle tomorrow.

We're sitting in the final staff meeting while the airship flies through the night. We're checking for last-minute problems, the marine commanders, the SpecOps liaison, the ship's weapons officer, cargo master, chief pilot, Cid and me. But it looks good. Everyone knows what to do, and everything's in place. The chief pilot, Rikku's brother, is speaking. I can't really follow his rapid speech. I catch maybe one word in five, but I know he's telling us that he's adjusted our speed so we should be over the city just before dawn. We're supposed to have an understanding with Bevelle, but the last time the ship flew over city the crew was unpleasantly surprised by the strong machina defenses. The ship was heavily damaged that time, and now no one wants to take any more chances than are necessary.

The meeting breaks up, and we all go our separate ways. People move aside as I walk the corridors, making my way up to the top deck. The hatch slides open and I step out under the nighttime sky.

The winds rushes past as I stand looking up at the stars. This is the dark time, the time before battle when young men and women look to their weapons and their gear, going over them again and again while they really look deep inside themselves. They ask, Will I die tomorrow? Or they desperately don't ask themselves. They ask, Am I afraid? Will I screw up? They beg, Don't let me screw up. Better to die. Right? I'm young, they say to themselves, I can't die. But they worry...what if they're wrong? Some are writing letters tonight...the just-in-case letters to family or loved ones. Some are seeking solitude, or sex. Hopefully, no one's getting so drunk or drugged that they can't go tomorrow. Many are praying. Or maybe not. These are Al Bhed. Perhaps they don't pray like the other soldiers I've known. The Al Bhed as a people are both optimistic and fatalistic at the same time. I've seen that in Rikku.

Part of me wishes almost desperately that Rikku was here with me, that we could spend just a little more time together before the decisions that have to be made tomorrow, and the cost that they carry...because when the fighting is done, I know the question someone will ask, and I know what I will answer, and I know what it will cost me. I've always known. She isn't here, of course, but the stars wheeling overhead are old, old friends of mine. I spend the night with them, and they give me some comfort.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

"Ha! That's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! And I pass Preceed and collect 200 gil, and I'm on Kilika. I'm going to buy it, and I already have Besaid, so I'm gonna build a hut and an agency!"

"You can't do that, Rikku," Lulu said. "You just bought it."

"We always could when we played at Home! Cough, cough!"

"Rikku's the patient," Yuna said with a smile, taking the paper money and giving me the title deed and little wooden pieces, "We'll use her rules."

So nyahh! Yuna was the only one we trusted to be treasurer. Something about me being a thief and Lulu being money-obsessed. Hmph! The three of us were all on my bed playing Monopoly, the Spira Edition. When I was little I had the Al Bhed edition, but they were pretty much the same. (I wonder if there's a Ronso edition, and maybe a waterproof Hypello edition?) Legend says that Guado accountants came up with the game, and I wouldn't put it past them. They're pretty sharp!

Lulu picked up the dice and frowned in concentration as she shook them. She got a three, and moved her little moogle three spots, landing on the SS Liki, but after feverishly counting her money she didn't buy it. You know, for someone who's so good with cash, she's really lousy with this game. I'm pretty good at it. Brother never wanted to play it with me when we were little (maybe he was too busy drawing fake tattoos all over himself) but I learned to play on Al Bhed ships. Every Al Bhed ship has a game the guys play onboard, a card game or sometimes a board game, and I learned cribbage and poker and all kindsa games traveling around with Pops.

I hope he's okay.

Yuna rolled and moved her little chocobo five places, and drew a card from the treasure chest. Key sphere...that means she gets out of the Via free!

We played using the two-hour rule, and other unofficial rules...

"But we always put the fines in the free dock space when I was growing up!"

"Rikku, that isn't an official rule!"

"Cough, cough!"

"Oh all right!"

Lulu smiles whenever you land on her property and have to give her money. If she ever wins a game I guess she'd get up on a table and dance. But she also smiled at me when the game was over and they got up to leave, and she took my hand for a minute. That's a big deal for her. She isn't a touchy-feely person.

"We'll see you in the morning Rikku, and if you need anything we're just down the hall."

"Thanks, Lulu," I said, and squeezed her hand back.

When they were gone, a young healer apprentice came in to look at me, and then she left too, and I opened a drawer in the bedside table and pulled out Little Auron. I pulled him onto my hand, and he bowed to me, and I bowed back, sitting up in my bed. He was a little scorched, but I can fix him up. He waved at me.

"I hope you're all right," I whispered, before I turned out the light.

That night, I dreamed of a red man, who laughed as he walked through red rooms.

**Next: Dark Place**


	68. Dark Place

Hey. You know, I'm not one of those people who do nothing but bad mouth this site. The site has a lot going for it, and it's not like any of us are paying for it. But, I do really wish they'd know when to just leave well enough alone. In this case, I'm not sure why, but the editor is giving me problems when I put in page breaks and then try to move around the documents. Not insurmountable problems, just little annoying problems. I know they're trying to improve their site, but geez.

Oh well. Hey, I'd like to thank Jason Preston for suggesting the song _Justified_. You know how hard it is for me to find good song for Auron, where the music and the lyrics both fit. I think they do with this song. So, thanks.

So, spoilers. Big honking ones, honking like geese. Or like some really big guy blowing his nose. I've never actually heard geese in person, but...you know what, this isn't really going anywhere. So, spoilers. FFX isn't mine. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the building of a relationship. Rated -T-.

And this chapter and the next one are for Drachegirl14, thanks for all the reviews and the comments. I hope you like this one. (Absolutely no sex...but a fair amount of violence.)

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

First...do harm.

* * *

**Dark Place**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I was dreaming. I knew I was asleep and dreaming, and the woman in the blue dress was there, the one from Starfall Village that I saw so long ago, and she held me by the hand, and it was weird, because the crest was there too, somehow, with us. We were all...somewhere...some building, just before dawn. Nothing was moving and then everything shook even the ground shook and there were people running with their mouths open shouting things I couldn't hear. The woman in the blue dress tugged at my hand and then we were going up, up, up, and I could see the airship hanging low in the air over Bevelle, pouring missile broadsides into a huge building, one after the other, and then it came even lower in the breaking dawn and the open hatches poured out a stream of men and machines...grim looking Al Bhed marines and their combat machina...

And somewhere down in the huge building below us, a red man walked through red rooms.

* * *

**Auron:**

Blood dripped and pooled and splashed, painting the walls and floor and ceiling red...crashing and screaming, tearing and cutting and jerking...my hair was in my eyes and I jumped up and over the blade and colors wove together in my head and I reversed my sword in mid-air, point-down, and plunged it deep into the ground and lights blazed and flashed and splashed up and out and living men twitched and danced and died in front of me, and then the surreal light was fading and the dead men were falling and I was past them.

Two stepped back and three stepped forward and I crashed into them and one arm flew away rolling across the floor a head bounced into a corner and one man lived long enough to cut at me but it was a weak and wild swing and I swayed away and swayed back and gutted him like a fish. The white-faced boy standing and shaking behind him gave a kind of broken, gasping sob but raised his trembling weapon and earned a clean, quick death. The last turned to run and I flicked out, quick as thought, and felt a spine part delicately under my blade.

I stopped for a moment, and took two deep breaths, swiping the hair from out of my face. The air reeked with blood and fear and urine. I could hear a distant explosion, and then a second, and I felt the ground shake a little beneath my boots.

The last one was still alive, trying to crawl, fingers like claws, dragging, crying for someone. I plunged my sword down once, and stepped over her to the dirty window. I couldn't see much. Part of the airship hung to the right, so low that I couldn't most of it. I could hear and feel periodic explosions, telling me that Cid was firing single missiles now instead of broadsides. The supply of missiles was limited, and I knew Cid was saving some in case we needed to fight our way out of Bevelle air-space. Through Ophelia and through my own agents we had reached quiet understandings with the most important people here, that they would stand aside as we came in and eliminated the Stalkers. My people were spreading the word to everyone else right now, the societies, the Elect, the Houses...this is a private matter. Stay out. But Cid didn't trust the Church, in spite of the agreements that we had worked out. No reason he should.

The operation was about two hours old now. We launched the attack just before dawn, falling suddenly from twenty-thousand feet and raking the anti-air defenses with missile broadsides. After firing its salvoes, the airship came in as low as it could, hanging over one semi-large courtyard on the eastern side, the best landing zone we could find. The marines and their machina poured out through the open hatches, jumping to the ground and taking up their positions. The first platoon secured the LZ while a company starting pushing into the building. The Cos were taken completely by surprise but small parties were already counter-attacking, trying to keep the marines out.

The marines pushed straight in while I slipped off to the left, alone. I'm going to stay mainly on their flanks, partly because I don't trust them behind me. The Cos compound is a huge fortress standing in the northeast sector of the city, much more heavily defended than anyone knew. Anyone except Ophelia. She knew. It wasn't that the Stalkers trusted her. They didn't even know that she knew who they really were. It's just that when Ophelia wants to know something, it's almost impossible to keep her from finding it out. She gave us the designs, numbers, arms, everything. The above-ground compound was only the start. There were extensive tunnels underground. Cid and I had worked together to infiltrate a couple of Al Bhed marine Special Boat Squadrons into those tunnels. Hopefully that would give us an edge against the Cos

The Cos...one of the Minor Houses in the city. Tough and independent, they managed to remain mostly neutral in city/church politics. Like everyone else, I respected them for their hard-nosed self-sufficiency...until Ophelia told me they were the heart and soul of the Stalkers. I never suspected.

Sometime in the distant past, something happened, maybe some family tragedy, and the members of the house made a compact, something passed from fathers and mothers to sons and daughters down through the long years. That they would hunt down and send the unsent.

And punish those who consort with them.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I knew I was still dreaming... 

I saw the marines and their combat machina forcing their way into the building and people firing guns and throwing spells and marines were falling and other marines picked them up and carried them back but other marines were running and shooting and clubbing and pulling knives and cutting and they were people I knew, killing and dying.

* * *

**Auron:**

----Auron----_Justified_----Drea----

I took the door hard and fast. There were Stalkers on the other side, and a marine with two combat machina, and another marine down in the corner, not moving. I took one boy in the side, ribs crunching under my heavy blade before he really knew I was there. The marine and his machina fought as a team and took down another in the confusion, buzzsaws tearing in and ripping one man screaming into bloody pieces. A spell flashed and one machina went down in a smoking wreck, but now I had room and two more stalkers fell. Someone on the ground stabbed up into my leg, and I stumbled and slashed downward, but missed. The last machina slashed out with its terrible saws and pieces of people flew. From my knees I sliced across the legs of the last one standing and she went down, keening until I drew my blade across her throat and her cries bubbled way into nothing. The marine emptied his rifle into one of the bodies on the floor, the one that stabbed me. Then he was rooting in the wreckage of the destroyed machina, and pulling out...an Al Bhed potion...two. I remember, Rikku described for me how some Al Bhed combat machina carry extra munitions for the marines, and others carry medical packs, or other supplies. He quickly used one potion on his comrade, who made some feeble movements, and the other on me, with a quick grin and a word of thanks, while the remaining machina took up a sentry position.

Sitting there for a moment to gather my strength, I realized that I had never understood how effective those machina were in combat, probably because Rikku always disabled them with such ease. Or because we had usually seen them on their own. They can do simple tasks on their own, like this one was standing sentry. But when they worked together with the marines...

Enough rest. I pushed myself off the floor, nodded to the Al Bhed, who asked a question I couldn't understand, and stepped through the far doorway into a hall. The Cos compound was a maze of rooms and halls and courtyards of all different sizes. I could hear fighting just ahead and hurried forward, passing bodies, some of them quite small. I didn't look, but I didn't avoid looking. The Cos fought with fanatic determination. These people were assassins and spies, not soldiers, and they weren't protected by the Rules of Land Warfare. Anyone of any age with a weapon was a legitimate target. I saw fourteen year old girls throwing themselves screaming at marine positions and being blasted back in bloody pieces. And I didn't see the marines themselves taking any prisoners. There was something hard and dark and cold inside the Al Bhed fighters, something left over from their failure to protect Home, and from the attack on Rikku, and maybe from countless slights and insults and attacks over the years, and childhood memories of fear. The marines had let that dark thing out now, offering it their own blood and the blood of the Cos to satisfy it at last.

I caught up with a party of marines advancing behind some scout machina. They had come to a hard-point where the Cos had thrown up some sort of barricade and dug in heavy weapons behind it. In the first couple of hours the marines had physically stormed hasty-defenses like this, screaming, carrying the positions behind their own broken bodies. The marines are a young organization and they fought with the failings of the young...reckless, desperate to prove themselves, and not really able to believe they can die. But they've grown up some in the early hours of this op, especially in the middle grades, and now they've seemed to settle down to a harder, colder, and vastly more practical hate. Now they advance with grim purpose.

The Al Bhed sergeant in charge of the lead element had hunkered down his men and now he called a heavy-machina squad forward...one officer, two warrant-officers, and six machines. We flattened ourselves as they clumped past, clumsy but powerful. The marines eyed me suspiciously as I fell in behind them. A couple said something after me that I didn't understand and ignored. I turned a corner and we were under fire. A spell flashed and lighting blew one machine apart, but the warrants ordered the others forward to attack. Two mech gunners pulled the barricade apart, a mech scout leaped through quickly to distract the Cos defenders, and a hunter model rushed in, striking right and left, the gunner went in after and it was all over. The marines silently moved in and moved on, and I turned another way. I'm staying out on the marine's left-flank, on my own. It isn't impossible that Cid has given private and special orders to some of his officers about me. It would be very convenient for him if I never returned. Even if he didn't give those orders, the marines don't care for me, and many murders have been committed in the chaos of major combat operations.

We were deep in the building now, still moving as fast as we could, trying to stay ahead of the defenders, not giving them any time to pull themselves together and organize a defense. I still heard an occasional explosion in the distance. Cid was using his missiles as artillery if the position was right when the marines ran into more than they could handle. They dug in and called for the airship to blast it, then moved on. If the position wasn't right, the marines would have to wait for a heavy-machina squad, or find a way around, or go ahead and attack, and accept heavy casualties. The sheer size of the compound was slowing us down somewhat, but we never really stopped. We kept moving, pushing them back, deeper into the building and out to the edges.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I'm not sure what we were seeing, the woman, the crest, and me...whether it was a dream, or maybe some kind of allegory. I saw people dying, but sometimes they were the same people dying over and over. Was it a symbol? Or was I flashing backward and forward in time? I saw one little girl, scared, reaching for her dolly when the walls caved in and crushed her. But then I saw her again, in a shocked, huddled little group of prisoners being driven on board the airship. Some of them were hurt, but they were alive. Except that when I looked again, they were all dead...still walking, still going up the ramp...but dead.

I don't know what it means.

* * *

**Auron:**

Cut left, blood on the walls, cut high, blood in the air, and done, and the room is quiet. No one in here but us dead people. That's a joke. I take a moment to clean my sword, step around two bodies to the opposite door. Unlocked. I open it and walk through. Empty. A storeroom? Utility room? I step across. Another door. Voices. I knock lightly, immediately open the door and step in. Faces turn to me with comical looks of surprise, two men and a woman and a boy about twelve and hands are reaching for weapons but it's far, far too late. I kill the men and the woman pulls out a pistol with a look of fear on her face and I kill her too. The boy grabs for his mother's weapon.

That was a bad move.

It's quiet now, and I cross to another door, but it opens before I reach it and a woman springs in and gestures and says a word and I'm on fire. I eat the pain and cut her down, pushing through as she falls. One more room. I bust in and cut them down as fast as I can move, pieces of bodies spill across the tight, cramped space. There are five of them, then four, then two, and then just one, and I slice through his guard, slice through his gut, skip back as his entrails spill out of his body almost onto my boots.

Ignore the pain. It's the first lesson. First, do harm. Above all else, do harm. But they're all dead now, mostly dead, dead enough, and I take a moment to lean against a wall and use a potion. Someone behind me. I twist around, sword coming up...

He's...elegant.

He stands quietly, a tall, dark man holding out one empty hand. I hear someone behind me weakly pleading, choking, crying and gasping out their life as I look at him standing there looking back at me. The smell of a charnel-house clogs my nose as I bring my sword up across my body, the smell of a sick-house. Blood and other fluids drip off the steel and make tiny splashes on the dirty floor. I shift my stance, slightly.

"Sir Auron?"

I nod, slightly.

"Sir Auron, you know what I am?"

Do I know? I blink, I smell...

"Yes," I say, my teeth skinning back from my lips. "I know what you are."

"Then you know I am not with them."

"Yeah. Who are you with?"

"I am a messenger. And an envoy," he said in his elegant voice as he smiled an elegant little smile. "You can call me Abbadon."

Abbadon. Cute.

The last of the ones on the floor behind me finally fell silent, and I could feel the crump of distant explosions through the soles of my feet.

"What does Mika have to say," I asked, and his smile widened just the tiniest bit.

"The maester sends his regards. He tells me to tell you that he agrees that the time is not yet, and that he has left the beach alone. Now do you finish your business here and then leave this city alone."

Beach...

The message I sent with Isaaru down from the Via.

"He's making an offer?"

"No offer," the man said. "Simply a recognition that the passing of time favors you both. You don't truly want a resolution in Bevelle, not yet, Sir Auron. Neither does Mika."

No, of course he doesn't. The present stalemate favors him. The longer Mika remains the sole maester in Bevelle, the more entrenched he becomes. His position is strong, for now. Only the entrance of the army could tip the scales against him at present. No, he doesn't want a change right now.

"Perhaps there will be an offer at a later time," Abbadon said, "When the situation is more propitious."

I could hear shouts and screams in the distance, and the machina weapons of the Al Bhed. I nodded.

"You can tell Mika that you delivered his message," I said.

"A moment more, Sir Auron," he said. "Please."

"Yes?"

The building shook, and I saw several small falls of dust drifting down from the ceiling.

"I am also come as an envoy," he said, "In addition to being a messenger."

I hadn't forgotten. I looked at him a minute, and then gestured a small invitation with one hand.

"If you know what I am, Sir Auron, then you know who I represent."

There are hundreds of secret societies in Bevelle, almost all of them more dramatically named than the last...the Devoted, the Undiscovered, the Watchers...the Devoted had teams in the streets outside the compound doing crowd control...part of the deal I made with Ophelia.

The Stalkers...

"You come from the Forsaken," I said.

"Others call us that," he said, smoothly. "We do not embrace the term."

Like I care.

The most secret, the most ancient, and the most forbidding of the secret societies of Bevelle, most people don't believe the Forsaken exist. Most people think the Forsaken are nothing but a story that mothers use to scare their children and make sure they grow up to be good little Yevonites. The Forsaken are unsent. Anywhere from one to two dozen, hidden and buried within the body of the Church. Never seen, spoken of only in whispers.

"Speak your piece," I said.

His smile disappeared, and he spoke with an air of deadly earnest.

"The world is moving. Great changes are coming. We can feel the tide of history changing. It troubles us. It troubles us greatly. And so we met...my brothers and sisters and I. We came together to discuss these things, and how we should respond to them. It is a rare thing, our coming together, and also coming to an agreement, but we did. We finally reached a consensus on...priorities. We decided what was important to us, after all."

He seemed to want a response.

"And what did you decide?"

"Know this, Sir Auron...this is our home. Bevelle. That is what I've come to tell you."

Their home. And people fight to defend their home.

Touching.

"You support Mika."

"Right now, this moment, we stand with Mika. This is where we dwell. We are content with things the way they are, and unhappy with the thought of change. If you threaten the city, you threaten us."

He looked past my shoulder. People were shouting behind me and I shifted and turned and put my back to the wall, never exposing it to Abbadon, figures were crashing through the doorway. Abbadon gestured and spoke a word and there was a flash and the first five or six into the room were burning, screaming, their flesh cooking and their blood boiling, but others were still struggling to get in. I heard the crack of gunfire and then the people jamming the doorway were being riddled with bullets, jerking and falling. Abbadon gestured again and they were in flames, then a combat machina pushed its way through, followed by a knot of Al Bhed marines, their faces flushed and eyes wide with battle madness. They saw us and raised their weapons...

Inside my head the world went hard and cold and clear as ice, and I was aware of everything going on around me. I saw the marines raising their weapons, their fingers white on the triggers. I took one step, and then Abbadon was raising his hand, his lips were parting. I shifted and swung, and he leapt back, abandoning his spell. I didn't hear a shot, but I felt a bullet punch into my back. I was still turning, still swinging, extending. I saw the smoking barrel, the other rifles almost level. The flat of my blade came up and around and crunched into the side of a marine's head crumpling him back against his mates, jogging them. Another shot, off-line, and another, and I was near enough to grab one by the front of his shirt. I pulled him close and roared into his face, "AT EASE!"

I shoved him and two more behind him back through the door, and the others followed with dazed and stupid expressions on their faces. Lightning crashed behind me. I turned and saw the Al Bhed machina smoking on the floor. There was a small AL Bhed man standing there, and then he was covered in hazy, changing colors, and it was Abbadon. My world shifted back to normal, and I watched as one or two stray pyreflies were pulled close and reabsorbed into his body. He took a step closer.

"We support Mika because in so doing we support ourselves," he said. "We trust him a little, because he is like us, and because we have worked together in the past. What he wants is no change for now. What we want is for the city to be spared harm." He stepped closer. "What do you want?"

What do I want?

In fifty words or less?

There's no way to explain it all, here and now.

"I want Spira to change," I said.

He hesitated.

"Change...can be dangerous. Deadly."

"Spira is dangerous."

"And what will this change mean for Bevelle?"

"I don't know yet. Not all of it is in my control."

Neither of us said anything for a moment.

"Then let me say this, Sir Auron. We are not in alliance with Mika, but if the city is attacked, we will act in its defense. That probably means cooperating with Mika. We don't say this because we want to be your enemy, but rather in hopes that you will be less inclined to attack the city if you know this. We don't know your final plan."

"What about the Church?" I asked. Fires had broken out nearby. I could smell the smoke and hear the crackling of the flames.

He shook his head.

"My bothers and sisters have spoken of this. We can let the Church go. We must. That was the decision that we made when we met. We can tell that a time of changes has come. There are those of us who can sense it. And we know that if we are to salvage anything, we must focus our effort, and few of us love Yevon. So we have agreed to let the Church go. Do with it what you will, and we will stand aside."

"So...this is the bargain that you offer? You will let me do as I wish to the Church, as long as the city isn't harmed?"

"No. Well, perhaps. It's not so much a bargain as simply a declaration of our position. It is the city that we value."

I thought for a moment. Damn, I was tired.

"I don't want to have you for enemies," I said. "But I can't promise that I won't move against Bevelle. The city is the heart of the Church, and of the entire north. But if I could give you assurances, about the safety of the city?"

"It's...possible that we might step aside. We would need to consider it."

The room had been growing warmer, and now the far wall came down, showing a mass of flames beyond. We both hunched away from the burning debris, and then straightened.

"I've delivered my messages," he said, his face gleaming for the fire. "This isn't the best time or place to discuss more."

"No. But I want a point of contact with you."

"We'll contact you when it's time to speak again," he said, his elegant little smile making a reappearance.

Right.

"Do you love your city, or do you love secrecy?" I asked, and his smile disappeared.

"Very well," he said, finally. "When you look, you can find me in Luca."

I hesitated. I didn't particularly want a powerful unsent from a Bevelle secret society in Luca. The situation there was chaotic enough as it was.

"All right," I said. "But I would keep a low profile. Stay out of politics, and out of the underground."

"I'm sure we'll see one another again," he said with an ironic bow, and then he was gone.

And how much of all that can I believe? I needed to consider this cautiously. I don't know enough about the Forsaken to gauge their real motives. They might step aside...or even more? They could be useful as allies, against Yevon, against Isaaru, against Masamune. I think. In fact, I don't really know anything about their resources, much less their real intentions. I didn't detect any lies while he spoke, but I'm not sure if I could smell the lies of an unsent. And I was sure that this Abbadon could tell very subtle and deceiving truths.

But I had things to do, right now. It was time to move on. The fire had reached some of the corpses, and the smell was disagreeable. I walked across to the next door.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

Sometimes I saw Auron. He was walking, not fast, but never stopping or slowing, sometimes fighting, swinging his sword in high, deep arcs, blood spraying...maybe that's why he wears a red coat. So the blood won't show. He was alone, almost never with the marines, but wherever he went, people died died died and he never stopped.

* * *

**Auron:**

The tunnels were tough.

Above us, most of the compound was in ruins. Almost all the marines and their machina were deployed now. Our LZ was being held by regular Al Bhed fighters, led by Rikku's Brother. I heard that he almost begged his father to let him fight with the marines, but he isn't really professional military, and he's the best airship pilot they have besides. Holding the LZ in the courtyard was the most Cid would let him do. I'd rather have marines there, but he has a couple of crawlers with him, old Mark 12's that we couldn't use in the cramped confines of the building, and magic negators. They should be fine.

And we need all the marines down here.

I dodged a twist of acid and leaped a deadfall, right into a strand of razorwire strung across the narrow passage. It would have taken off my head clean if it weren't for my cowl. Instead I bounced off, reaching out wildly and catching the edge of the drop. I hanged there a moment, and then pulled myself heavily up. These tunnels were pitch-dark and riddled with traps. The marines avoided most of them by sending the small, quick scout mechs in the lead, but they were using them up in a hurry. We were still losing too many people, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it might have been. When the Cos rushed down here to man their final defenses, members of the Al Bhed Special Boat Squadrons were already in the tunnels. With information from Ophelia, agents from the Luca Network infiltrated them in two days ago, another reason Cid dawdled on the way here, giving them time to work their way into position. I don't know if they're the same teams that were on the airship. If they were, they managed to travel fast. But Cid's keeping his mouth shut on that one. And they might have been teams already near the city, keeping an eye on things for Cid. In any case, they were down here, in strong positions and with their own traps set when the Cos tried to come down. They took 80 percent casualties, but they managed to bottle up the Cos and hold position until we fought our way down here to relieve them. A few Cos got by them and are giving us all the trouble we want, but nothing like we would have had if all their people had gotten into place. These tunnels are a deathtrap, pitch-black and littered with hidden pits and wire, murder-holes, deadfalls, hidden passages for ambushes, acid, gas, explosive mines...

It was bad, but it could have been a lot worse.

I ran into a Cos summoner in the dark, who tried to send me. Not a chance. I ate the pain and cut him down. A knot of five Cos, wounded. I finished them. Three Cos...stumbling towards me, the last firing back the way they came. I took out one, two, and the last crumpled around a bullet in the gut and fell with a grunt. Behind him I could see a figure in the mottled dark pattern worn by the Al Bhed SBS teams. He raised his rifle and I threw myself forward at long extension and plunged the tip of my sword into his heart. He slid off my blade, twitched, and lay still as I straightened up. From behind him a startled, white face stared at me, his partner...his mouth was opening to speak as my blade punched into his chest and the breath exploded out of him. He was still trying to say something as his eyes glazed over, and then it was all quiet except for the muffled sounds of firefights somewhere in the distance. I looked down at them a moment. It was dark, and maybe they didn't see who I was. Maybe the older trooper was firing at shadows. Maybe he wasn't and his partner didn't know, was trying to explain, to ask questions, died not understanding. I guess it doesn't matter now.

A couple of hours later the tunnels were cleared and a squad was posted at the entrance to their bolt hole. I met the marine ground commander in the main underground bunker, and he grinned and shook my hand.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

It was over now.

The building, whatever it was, was in flames, collapsing, falling. But we're all still here, in my dream...the woman in the blue dress from Starfall Village, the crest somehow, and me. We were all there watching as the airship pulled away from the ruins and all the people watching in the street, and rose into the air. And it occurred to me that the inside of my head had become a very crowded place.

I hope...I hope everyone got out.

* * *

**Auron:**

No one really talks about it.

There's a feeling...a feeling of Godlike power that comes to you in the moment that you take a life.

We don't talk about it.

Maybe we're ashamed, most of us. I am. And the others have just learned not to say anything. But it's always there, whenever you deliberately take a life. When you hold someone's entire existence in your own hand, and you know that yours is the power, that you're about to turn off this small light forever.

Sometimes, in Zanarkand, I acted as executioner for the Hall of Justice. I felt...you can feel the weight in that moment, and you feel...more alive than him, or her...the prisoner. Some people begin to crave it, that feeling, like a drug, like sex. Others hate it from the start, or grow to hate it. But almost everyone feels it. I think it must be a very human thing. What animal feels such things?

I...endure it.

You squeeze the trigger gently...

The shot surprises me the way it's supposed to, the sidearm bucking in my hand, and the body flops to the floor. Two Al Bhed drag it out of the cargo bay by the legs while another sluices most of the blood away with a bucket of water. I nod and two more Al Bhed bring in another prisoner. We've brought in one hundred forty-three prisoners taken in arms. They jerk him to a stop, facing me.

"You are a member of the Stalkers," I say, "Taken under arms. You have committed murder and other high crimes, and are not protected by the Laws of Land Warfare. If you agree to answer any and all questions your life will be spared, provisionally. Otherwise, you will be summarily executed, here and now."

His response was brief and scatological. He screams that I'm unholy, the walking dead. Many of them do, but the marines won't believe...my preparations were too thorough for that.

"Do you wish to pray?" I asked. He didn't. Marines removed the body and brought in the next prisoner. A man in his thirties. He chose not to cooperate. A teenaged girl. She chose not to cooperate. A boy who begged and cried and said he would tell us everything, but I knew he was lying...squeeze gently...bring in the next.

I know that not many will talk. They're fanatics, raised from birth. I wish I cared more. But I know the question is coming. And I just want this to be over and done.

"What are you doing?"

The voice was low, and threatening. Cid was standing in the hatchway, with Rikku's brother. Cid looked hard and heated. His son looked sick. The two Al Bhed who brought in prisoners were waiting, watching.

"Prisoner disposal," I said.

"You're executing them."

"If they don't agree to talk, I'm summarily executing them as bandits."

"And you drafted Al Bhed to do it!"

I didn't have to. He knew that. They volunteered, more than I needed. They all know why we were here. They knew what the Stalkers had done. I only accepted noncoms for this, sergeants and warrants. I kept the young men out of it. It wasn't a job for them.

It wasn't a job for anyone. But this isn't something I can delegate.

Cid came up to me, and stuck his face into mine, and said, "No."

In a voice softer and more truly dangerous than I'd ever heard from him, he said, "You're not her husband, not the father of her children. You're nothing to her among the Al Bhed. I'm her father."

It's true. To the Al Bhed, his connection is much greater than mine. I nodded. "I need the ones that will talk," I said.

Cid looked at me hard, and then nodded to the chief warrant. "Wait til we reach twenty thousand feet," he said. "Then throw the others out the hatch."

And he walked out of the hold.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

Auron is in danger, terrible danger. I don't know how I know it, but I do. We all do, all of us here in the dream. Maybe it was the crest. Maybe the crest knew more than I did, understood more, and it was worried and I could feel it? I could feel the crest's anxiety, how worried it is. But I don't know what the danger is, and I don't know how I can help!

I looked at the woman in the blue dress and she squeezed my hand.

* * *

**Auron:**

Six will talk.

Six said they would cooperate, and meant it.

Six.

The others...

We reached twenty thousand feet five minutes ago.

"Sir Auron?"

I smell...

"Yes."

...bitter salt tears...

"The prisoners, Sir Auron..."

...the smell of heart's pain, and the death of dreams.

"Talk to Cid."

I didn't know him, the man speaking to me, the Al Bhed who had stopped me in the corridor. But I knew the question he would ask.

"Not those prisoners, Sir Auron...ours."

And I knew what I would have to answer.

I've always known.

I will slit ten thousand throats...

"Sir Auron, our people in Bevelle have about a hundred prisoners who fled the compound. A few fighters, but mostly young children and their mothers, and some old men and women. You never gave us instructions. What do we do with them?"

The world was hard and cold and clear as ice. It has been for days, inside me. Almost since we left Luca. Because I knew that someone would ask this question. And I knew what I would answer.

Root and branch...

Ten thousand throats...

Some things can't be forgiven.

"Kill them," I said, and turned away.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

Auron!

* * *

**Auron:**

"Auron!"

Who...?

I turned, but it was only the Al Bhed man, the Luca Network agent, and he reached out one hand and laid it on my arm.

"Auron," he said, in my father's voice.

We were standing on the mountain, near the house where I grew up. I looked around. This was a hanging meadow where I liked to play pretend, and listen to the sword tell me stories, and sometimes even bring my little sister.

"Don't do this thing, Auron."

I turned, and it was my father speaking to me. Except that I knew that it wasn't. This had to be the crest, somehow reached out from half a world away to come into my head and make me see and hear and feel these things.

"I know you," I said.

I don't know how it had the power, it shouldn't, but I knew it was the crest.

"And I know you, Auron, and you cannot do this. The cost is too high."

"I know the cost," I said. "Rikku. Rikku will never forgive me. But it had to be done."

"Auron, listen..."

"Root and branch...they did this to her, because of me. And I knew they would. I knew she would be a target, and I chose to love her anyway, and let her love me. And when I chose that, I chose this!"

He was shaking his head when the world twisted and ran together and then it was clear again, and I was in Bevelle, standing in front of Maester Tirrell, the Master of Forces, and I almost came to attention.

"You cannot do this, Auron, first because it is beneath you. It would destroy you. You could never live with yourself."

"I'm dead, I don't have to live with myself."

"Auron, your honor, your soul..."

My soul is expendable.

"I have to make an example," I said. "You know that, you more than anyone. Anyone will risk themselves, give their own lives. They need to know they also risk their families and everyone they love when they attack her. Cid won't harm his civilian prisoners, here aboard the airship. So I...so..." I shook my head. "It's the only way to keep her safe. Root and branch, to show the others. Or she will be a target forever."

We were on Besaid, just outside the temple, and Braska was speaking to me.

"Auron my friend, you have frozen your heart, it's combat cold, or you would never even think of this. in a very real way, you are not sane right now..."

Like I don't know that.

"...and Rikku is the other reason that you must not do this," he continued.

I turned away, and heaved a tired sigh, from the depths of my tired soul.

"I know that she will know. The entire point is that it be known, that everyone knows that this is the price to pay. And I would not try to hide this from her anyway. She deserves to know the truth."

And she will find someone else to love.

Sometimes I think...

"She'll know that a hundred innocent people died for her?," he asked. "Auron, is that the truth you want her to know?"

"You friggin' sanctimonious punk!"

We were in Luca, outside the blitzball stadium, and Jecht was scowling at me.

"You'd lay that crap on her!"

"She's...tougher than you think. She wouldn't blame herself. She would blame me, and she will never forgive me. I know it. I always knew it. But it's a price I'll pay."

"An you're that certain?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"I trust her," I said simply. "She's smarter and stronger than you think. Stronger than me, smarter than me, and wiser than me. She'll be fine. I know it."

The world changed again. Now we were in Dream Zanarkand, standing on the great bridge called Greystone, and Tidus was sitting on the rail talking to me.

"I dunno, boss. You say you trust her, but I don't think you do."

"What do you mean by that," I asked in a voice that sounded flat in my ears.

"Whoa whoa whoa, don't get mad! But, well, you say you trust her on the one hand, but on the other...do you? I mean, what if you're wrong?"

I don't understand. Wrong about what? Trusting her?

The scene shifted, we were on Bikanel Island and it was Rikku standing there. She started to open her mouth and my arm shot up and I pointed at her. "No! No, you will not use her voice."

And the scene shifted again, to the Calm Lands, near the Edge, and Lulu was standing in front of me, standing up straight and tall and alone.

"Auron," she said, "What if you're wrong?"

I...

I don't understand the question.

"What if you're wrong, Auron?" she asked softly. "What if she forgives you?"

She can't.

"What if you're wrong?"

I...what?

"She loves you, Auron.

I know that. And I love her. But...

"Auron, what if she forgives you? Do you know what it will cost her to forgive you? How she will feel, forgiving you?"

What...?

"Auron, you know her. How much does she love? How hard does she love?"

I...

"Auron, what if she forgives you? Could she ever forgive herself, for forgiving you. For still loving you, in spite of what you did?"

Dear lord...

Was I...actually forcing Rikku to choose between love and honor? How could I do that? But I never thought she might...

I never thought she could...

I...never thought...

"Don't...harm the prisoners," I said softly, and took a breath. "Keep them...keep them together. I'll...I'll send instructions."

She nodded, and we sat in silence, looking out at the great vistas. After a moment, I stirred myself to speak.

"Thank you," I said.

The crest looked at me from Lulu's fathomless eyes.

"I gave my word to keep her safe," it said.

After a little while, she spoke again.

"Auron, she did it," she said. "She saved you."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

It was all falling away. The crest was somewhere else now, and the woman in the blue dress led me back to my own bed and even tucked me in like a mother would. And then she smiled and faded away, and I fell back into sleep. I felt warm and happy, because I knew now that Auron was safe. I don't know what happened, what the danger was, but he's safe now. I don't know how I knew...

But I did.

* * *

**Auron:**

We're headed back to Luca, now. I am sitting out on the upper deck. The day is cool and the sun is warm on my face and I am thinking about...about many things. I had another stormy interview with Cid. They found an Al Bhed crewmen dead. People said he was talking to me just before they found him. They said he looked empty, like something had sucked the life out of him. I need to consider that.

Later.

----Auron, on the airship----_These Small Wonders_----Rob Thomas----

For the first time since I left Luca, I'm no longer cold and clear inside. And for the first time in a long time, I feel at peace. I don't really know why, I don't think I deserve it, and I don't know what to do with it.

Am I too ready to sacrifice my relationship with Rikku? Does she love me more than I love her?

Or is it the way she loves?

I've been thinking about this. I never thought she would forgive me, and I was willing to accept that to do this terrible thing to keep her safe. I remember leaving her, and walking away from her through the streets of Luca, a figure of tragic nobility and self-sacrifice, full of sorrow, telling myself how fine a man I was, and that it was for the best and that she would find someone else.

Was that an excuse? To leave her? Perhaps I'm trying to spare her pain? Well fine, but...isn't what she wants important to me?

When this is done, and I am gone, I know she will hurt. But I know she will be happy again, in time. I know this. I...know this. But I don't want to think about it right now.

Make it worth the pain. Tidus said that to me, of all people. I wonder if I have. I wonder if I do enough to make it worth the pain, for her.

The day is cool and the sun is warm and I am on my way back to Luca.

She did it, I thought with a sense of wonder...like she always said she would.

She saved me.

This time.

**Next: Loose Ends in Luca**


	69. Loose Ends in Luca

I saw the Harry Potter movie. (No real spoilers in this comment, but if you haven't read the sixth book I guess you might skip it.) I liked what they did with the Luna character, making her more attractive and less aggressively weird. That certainly made her more sympathetic. One thing I noticed was that they made her and all the characters a lot more sympathetic than they were in the book. In the book, there were times when I didn't like almost every character. But the movie didn't play up how angry Harry was through most of the book, or the times Luna made fun of Hagrid, or Ginny or Ron made fun of Luna, and so on. Of course, a movie can't have everything the book does, and that stuff was easy to lift out, and had the side effect of making it simpler to root for the good guys, but like I say, for me it was just one of the more noticeable differences from the book, where the author was obviously trying to give the characters more depth. I also saw some interesting previews, including one for a new Get Smart movie. I don't see many movies, but I might go and see that one.

Okay, so. Major spoilers, but I'm okay with that. Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. That rankles a bit. Follows the story, but kind of AU. It's an aurikku (didn't start that way). This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. Rated -T-.

And like last chapter, this one is for Drachegirl14, thanks for all the reviews and the comments. Hey, we both know it's more than most readers do. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

They're back! They're back!

* * *

**Loose Ends in Luca**

* * *

**Auron:**

It was a cool, clear day, and all of Luca's pastels and the deep bright blue of the harbor were spread out behind us, but no one was looking back. It seemed like half the city had gathered at the top of The Steps to see off Yuna and the party as they embarked on the next stage of the new pilgrimage. There was a party atmosphere which surprised me a little, but I'm coming to realize that people in Luca will take any excuse to throw a party. For example, there was a cheering crowd waiting a week ago when the airship settled at the dock, returning from the north. I thought the balloons and jugglers were rather inappropriate considering the grim nature of our journey, but I suppose it was a promising sign from the point of view of Luca-Al Bhed relations, the people reacting that way to the airship's return. Rikku and the rest of the party were waiting for us. Rikku had an enthusiastic hug for me as we came down the ramp, but I was surprised when Yuna and even Lulu copied her, welcoming me back. Rikku and Yuna hugged Cid and Rikku's brother as well. I nodded to Wakka and Tidus, and thumped Kimahri on his chest. It's a Ronso thing. Rikku was running around hugging several of the Al Bhed from the ship. Tidus drifted along behind as I moved to the edge of the crowd.

"You okay?" he asked me quietly, quirking his head to one side.

"I'm fine, Tidus. How is everything here?"

He looked at me curiously as he answered, reporting that everything was all right with Yuna and the others. She was spending most days at the magazine with Lulu while Kimahri stayed close to them. Tidus and Wakka were always at the stadium. Tidus knows me better than anyone, except perhaps for Rikku now. Tidus saw something about me, that something had changed since he saw me last. I know he was worried about me after Rikku was shot.

How could I explain it to him? It was five days since we attacked the Stalkers in Bevelle, and I still didn't know exactly how to feel. Something hard and dark was gone from inside me now, but I don't quite know what's taken its place. I looked over at the young girl who has become such a fundamental part of my life. She was trying to make some point to her brother, waving her arms and shouting in Al Bhed. She didn't seem to be getting through, and I saw her make a fist and hit him on the top of the head, and Cid turned away from Yuna and yelled something at both of them.

I shook my head a little. The sudden realization that without even knowing, I had come so close to hurting Rikku so badly, had affected me deeply. I've thought a lot about it. I had been so willing to sacrifice myself, my honor, to help keep her safe...and I never realized that she cares so much about me that hurting myself was the same thing as hurting her.

Sacrifice...is how I've always dealt with the people that I cared about. I would never have hesitated to sacrifice myself for Braska, or for Jecht later, or for Tidus later still. And now I realize that that's how I've defined my relationships with the people that I care about...well, love. Of course if I care about someone I'll sacrifice myself for them. Of course. That's how it works. That's who I am. But now...I can't sacrifice myself without sacrificing her too.

I still haven't figured it out. Maybe I should talk to someone about it. I wish I could talk to Braska, or perhaps Jecht. Or Vedec. Tidus was still looking at me, head cocked to one side. I shook my head, and he sort of shrugged, smiled and punched me in the arm.

A sharp little elbow jabbed me in the ribs, bringing me back to myself and to the present, the ceremony at The Steps. They were giving speeches now, and I realized that someone had said something about me.

"Bow!" Rikku whispered out of the side of her mouth, standing next to me. "Nod! Wave! Smile! Something!"

I gave a sort of half-shrug and looked away. I heard her heave a sigh, but it seemed to serve since whoever was talking started up again. I scanned the crowd. I knew our security people were thick on the ground. So were Crusaders and city guards, and even a few Al Bhed. I think Cid had a couple of SBS squads out in the city. They were all nervous about both Rikku and Yuna being this exposed. The crowd grew a little restless as a couple of the city councilors gave their speeches, but—this being Luca—they perked up when Macey, the Commissioner of Major League Blitzball, spoke...something about the importance of sport in people's lives, and the necessity of staying active for good health. I looked across at the rest of the party. Yuna's expression was pleasantly vacant. At least she was awake. Wakka had nodded off, and Lulu was trying to get Tidus to wake him.

It's been a busy week.

I hadn't actually planned on leaving Luca so soon. There was still a lot to be done here. But I just had a feeling that it was time to move. We had momentum, with Yuna becoming more popular and the magazine set to come out, and I didn't want our progress to stall. I broke the news to them gently after I got back.

"TWO DAYS!"

Yuna really has grown. A year ago she never would have raised her voice to me.

"Sir Auron," Lulu spoke in a low, ominous voice. "Would you please explain why you think this is necessary."

I would have preferred it if she had yelled. A Lulu not in control of her emotions was a Lulu that could be more easily manipulated. Lulu was perfectly in control of herself when I first joined the party. I worked hard, if discreetly, to push her off balance while we traveled together. I had to do it, so that she would be at a disadvantage at Zanarkand, when Yuna would have to decide whether to live or die. I knew Lulu would argue in favor of calling the Final Aeon. I didn't want her in any condition to be too persuasive. As a sort of bonus, it made her much easier to guide. Very convenient.

But she seems more in control of herself now.

I wonder how deep that runs, and how much is just surface show.

"Uh, yeah, Sir Auron. Two days, it seems a little sudden, ya?"

Tidus just watched with a faintly amused expression. He's used to me making sudden changes like this. Rikku was frowning at me, but didn't say anything. As near as I could tell, Kimahri was just bored.

"It just feels like it's time," I told them. I shook my head as three or four of them tried to speak at once. "Yes, it's short notice, but we weren't supposed to be here at all. There was a timetable. The first hit it took was when you all came down from the Calm Lands before I called for you. Then I hoped to get back on track by a long stay on Besaid, but we were chased off by a dark summoner. So here we are in Luca, much earlier than I originally planned. On the original schedule we should barely have gotten here now, just before the launch of the magazine and the start of the blitzball season."

I looked around at them. They were all listening thoughtfully now.

"When we were moving," I went on. "We were the actors, and our opponents were reacting to us, scrambling and improvising, trying to catch up. Then we stopped for too long, here in Luca. We lost our momentum, and now other people are acting and we're the ones reacting to them and scrambling to catch up."

No one spoke for a moment, and then Rikku said quietly, "Uh, you mean when I, um, got shot?"

"Yes, Rikku. That's what I mean. We stayed in one place long enough for someone to consider their options, put a plan in place, and execute it. I wasn't happy that we were here so early, but since we were, I hoped that we could secure the city and stay until we were back on schedule. But we've been here too long."

"But Auron," Rikku burst out, "What about the magazine?"

"Yeah, Auron," Tidus added. "What about, uh, what about all the, uh, all the other things? Huh?"

"And what about Rikku?" Yuna said, frowning. "Is she really well enough to travel?"

"Hey!"

I turned to face the north wall, and in my mind's eye, I looked past blank wood, past stone and brick, and saw the grass and the fields and the villages and the wide road stretching beyond.

"The next leg isn't difficult," I said, turning back to them. "Up the high road, cut across the Mushroom Rock area, and then to Djose. It's all in the hands of the Crusaders now. Rikku and I will stay in Luca, and take the airship to meet you at the Mi'ihen agency. She should be ready to travel by that time, but if she isn't she can meet us at Djose."

"HEY!"

"Yuna, once you've prayed to the fayth at Djose, we'll come back here for a short time for the magazine's launch and other business. And you have plenty of time to wrap up loose ends here before you go. Two days."

Six days later, Rikku pinched the back of my hand, recalling me to the present, the Farewell Ceremony at The Steps. Ezar was speaking now, the Crusader commander here on Luca, wishing Yuna the best of luck. He also said something about all of Luca pulling together in the days ahead. The crowd responded with enthusiasm even though he spoke like he was delivering a staff briefing. He had to stop for cheers several times. Unfortunately, he would lose his place when that happened, and repeat things he had already said. He probably gave the entire speech twice, on balance. But the people didn't seem to mind very much. The Crusaders are very popular in the city right now.

I had let the others bargain me up from two days to six. It wasn't easy...they were ready to settle for five. I caught an exasperated gleam in Rikku's eye that said she knew exactly what I was doing. Tidus probably just assumed since we ended up at six days, that six days was what I wanted from the start, which it was. Six days was enough to tie up the most glaring loose ends. The weapons for the Crusaders, and the retainer for Cid, will have to wait, but neither is crucial for the moment. Yuna spent most of the time at the magazine making last minute decisions in a rush, or making public appearances. Wakka and Tidus continued to spend time with the blitzers. I had a somewhat stormy session with Tidus.

"NO, Auron! I won't do it!"

"You'll have fun."

"Dammit, Auron! It's wrong! It's, it's indecent! It's an insult to the game!"

He'll come around.

"Start recruiting here in Luca, but I want players from all over Spira. Try and get an Al Bhed on the team."

"Auron!" he shouted, gesticulated wildly, "The Zanarkand Abes means something to me! It isn't just a name! I won't do it!"

"Just recruit the players, Tidus. Someone else can take it from there."

No they won't. Tidus will do it. He'll never be able to resist the challenge.

They've gone now, finally. Yuna gave a pretty little speech, blessedly short, telling the people to never give up hope. It was hardly original, but it was from the heart. Our people had talked about writing her a speech, but in the end we wanted her to sound genuine. That's hard to fake. When she was done, Rikku hugged everyone one last time and they all set off down the Mi'ihen Road. Perhaps half the crowd left then, dispersing themselves to various inns, restaurants, and private homes around the city to continue the celebration. The rest stayed with us and watched Yuna and the others dwindle in the distance until they vanished behind a bend in the road.

Yuna, Wakka, Lulu, Kimahri, Tidus...people cheering for them as they leave to fulfill their heroic destiny. They carry the new hopes of Spira with them. Often recently, I've felt like I should apologize to them, for what's happening...for what I've done. They don't even realize yet.

They're becoming legends.

I turned to Rikku. She was quiet, staring down the road after them with a gloomy look on her face, as if she might still see them if she looked hard enough.

"We'll see them again soon, Rikku," I said.

"Yeah, I know," she sighed, still looking north. "We'll see them in two or three weeks."

"Look, Rikku," I said, nodding to a nearby stone pillar. "Do you know what that is?"

"Uh, a nearby stone pillar?"

"Beyond that. No, not past it," I said, as she leaned over to see behind it. "I mean, do you know what else it is?"

"Tell me?"

"Have you ever traveled the high road?"

"No," she shook her head, kicking at the ground. "I was looking forward to it. We always came into Luca on ships."

"The high road is worth seeing," I agreed. "Especially if you're interested in the past. There are many ruins and..."

I trailed off as I noticed her eyes glaze over just a bit. Not from disinterest...far from it.

"So, um, do you think there could be, uh...treasure?" she asked in a soft, breathy voice, looking north again.

"Well, perhaps," I said, cautiously. "We can ask Maechan's people. They would probably know.

"Mmmmm..."

It's probably just as well we aren't with the others. Rikku would want to stop and search every ruin.

"Rikku? Rikku!"

She blinked, and the dreamy look left her eyes.

"Huh? Oh...oh yeah. Hey, Auron? Are there like, places people can stop and have, like picnics and stuff?" she asked a bit wistfully.

"Yes, it's very pretty in places. And there are some nice views. But it's nice here in Luca too, isn't it Rikku? And we'll have some time together now."

"Yeah," she said, smiling. "That's nice. And I know we'll see them pretty soon."

"I was telling you about the pillar," I said, stepping closer to it. It was worn and heavily weathered, but you could still make out deeply carved inscriptions. "There are twenty pillars just like this one but much larger set up on the high road. They were erected to guide travelers."

"Uh, doesn't the road guide them?"

"They don't indicate direction, Rikku. They measure distance. They're set roughly one day's journey apart from each other."

"Oh...so when you're traveling you know to look out for them, and how far you have to go. Hey, that's a good idea! Wait a minute...there's only twenty of them? That doesn't seem like enough."

"That's right. They don't go all the way to the Mushroom Rock gates. They only go half-way, to Mi'ihen Point."

"That's where Rin built his first agency!"

I still felt a tinge of hot anger whenever Rin's name came up, but I suppressed it. I didn't want to agitate Rikku.

"Was it his first?" I asked. I suppose it makes sense. It's a well-traveled road in the more tolerant south. And there was a travelers sphere there.

"Hey, so they'll be there in twenty days?"

"Give or take. They won't be pushing too hard. But we'll be there to meet them."

"Huh," she said as we turned back to The Steps. The last of the crowd was gone now. Only the reduced security detachment was left to accompany us back to the inn. Rikku was fiddling absently with a Yuna keychain she had tried to buy from one of the strolling venders. She had been delighted when he refused to let her pay, giving it to her instead, and she had promptly started wheedling free samples from other vendors. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets an upset stomach. "Hey, Auron, did you just tell me all that to take my mind off Yunie and the others leaving?"

"Perhaps."

"Oh. Uh, Auron?"

"Yes, Rikku?"

"Thanks."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

So, the guys left early yesterday. It doesn't really seem fair. Auron and Pops have only just got back. All we had was a week all together, and now Yunie and Tidus and Lulu and Wakka and Kimahri have gone up the Mi'ihen Highroad on their way to Djose, and Pops and the airship left days ago, but it'll be back in about a week. I mean, I know Auron's right. It was time for the pilgrimage to start up again, they couldn't wait for me to get all better. And I know it really is fair, in a way. I mean, we're all still alive, right? And that's what important. I just wish we could all have stayed together a little longer.

We went down to see them off, along with half the city, it seemed like. There were crowds all along the steps and up at the start of the road, laughing and waving and cheering, and there was colorful bunting and balloons in the air and bands playing, and people selling stuff, food and stuff, just like at the start of the blitzball season! I had two ice cream cones and a fried apple and a sausage on a stick (that's a Ronso thing) and lots of stuff! They even let the kids out of school. I think Auron must have been behind that, to try to get them all behind Yuna and us. I think I'm starting to figure out how he thinks. Sometimes. And Yuna was all red in the face, but I could tell she kind of loves it really. For a shy girl, I think she might be getting to be kind of an attention-junkie.

I wonder if he planned that.

I watched and waved until I couldn't see them any more, and Yuna and Tidus and Wakka kept stopping and turning to wave back. I guess I was a little down, then. But Auron kinda cheered me up, and then we walked back into town and stopped for a little something to eat, just him and me and about fifty security people, the ones I could see. Then we got back to the inn and I spent the rest of the day getting visited by Al Bhed, cause they were leaving too, the next day. Brother and I talked, and Dad and me, too. We didn't really talk about much of anything. We certainly didn't talk about Auron. It was just...do you remember the time, and who was that guy, and we should do that again when we can...

Just stuff like that, you know? It was nice.

We stayed up late playing monopoly, and I so owned them! Brother tried to say he let me win. Yeah, right! They said goodbye the next morning, and walked out. I didn't go down to see them off or anything. They'd be back real soon. And besides...I guess Al Bheds aren't really much on goodbyes.

But you should see us on welcome-homes!

* * *

**Auron:**

The airship left the day after Yuna and the party. Cid has business elsewhere. And that was something I needed to think about. He was up to something. He always is. I also needed to think about the magic negator I loaned him for the operation, which he inconveniently forgot to return. Kind of petty of him, I thought. I took Rikku out for breakfast. Rikku attracted looks wherever she went, more curious than hostile. There were still many Al Bhed in the city, but everyone knew who Rikku was.

She was the one who shut down the city.

It was a tense time, after she was shot. All businesses closed, and schools and offices shut down, curfews put in place, people ordered to stay in their homes, anyone on the street picked up and interrogated, constant alerts on the news, security everywhere, snipers on the roofs. And then the huge airship came, the one that had blasted half of Bevelle and shot up Seymour Guado's wedding if the rumors were true, and armed Al Bhed were patrolling the city alongside Crusaders.

I wonder what will come of all that? They don't seem to resent her, the people of Luca. The waitress who took our order at the cafe, the girl whose stall we stopped at, and even people in the street paused for a moment to say they were happy she was all right. She was openly pleased, but I sensed that she was holding back a little inside. This was Luca, but these were still Yevonites. People who had discriminated against her all her life. Sitting at the sidewalk table, waiting for our order, I close my eye and inhale.

The gentle salt-water smell of the sea.

I open my eye. There is no deceit in these people right now. And I think Rikku will recognize that in time, and be pleased. These people accept her. A contemptible but indispensable part of me considered how this could be turned to my advantage, how it can best be fitted into the new story we are writing.

But a greater part of me is simply happy for Rikku.

She was quite cheerful as we returned to the inn. Until we reached her room. We got back from breakfast to find a fresh packet of background papers waiting for us on her bed.

**Rikku's Diary**

Oh no! Not another one!

**Auron:**

Or more specifically, waiting for Rikku.

"Auron! I just finished one! The one you left me. We, um, we haven't talked about it."

True enough. I sat down next to her on the bed, and her hand slipped into mine.

"Was there...something in particular?" I asked. "That you wanted to talk about?"

"Well, maybe. Auron...that war, between Yevon and the Guado..."

I waited.

**Rikku's Diary**

Reading through those papers, I had learned a lot that I didn't like. Not about Auron, I don't mean that. But the other stuff.

"Auron, all those people hurt, killed, just because the Church didn't like the way people in the south lived? I can't believe it! The war wasn't even about the Guado, they were just in the way!"

"Essentially, yes. Yevon started the conflict in order to hasten the spread of the more religious northern culture. But nothing is ever really that simple." His mouth twisted a little, and he went on, "Rikku, military historians tell us that wars have long term causes, short term causes, and triggers. Triggers start wars, but they don't cause them. This wasn't in your paper, but the trigger for the Guado-Yevon War was the murder of a summoner and his guardians."

"The Guado murdered a summoner!" I gasped.

Even I was shocked. No one murders summoners! Why would you kill someone you're depending on to save your life?

"The guardians were no loss," Auron said. "They were both murderers several times over. The summoner was a good man. Solid. He was a widower, and his only son had been killed by fiends. Fairly typical story for a summoner."

"So why did he have those guys for his guardians?"

"They were assigned by the Church, and there's some evidence that it was the Church that actually killed him. More specifically, that the guardians were paid by Bevelle to kill him near Guadosalam, and then the Church maneuvered the Guado into killing the guardians. A nice, clean sweep. No witnesses, no loose ends. And Mika had all the justification he needed for a quiet little war."

"Mika?"

I looked down at the papers in my hands, but of course they weren't the same papers I read before. Mika?

"He called himself Julak back then, Maester Julak...before he killed the real Mika and took his place. So the murder of the summoner was the trigger, but the actual immediate cause of the war was the Church's insistence that the Guado convert to Yevon."

I thought about that for a moment.

"And the long term causes, Auron? Why were they really fighting? The cultural conflict thingie?"

"Yes, Rikku...the Guado were simply between the Church and what it wanted. Bad luck on their part," he said, looking back down at the new papers. "These appear to be briefing papers on the Guado political situation, factions, the major tree families, fault lines, major figures and so on. This will give you a solid handle on the Guado leadership. Well, a start."

"But, uh, (cough cough) I'm sick! I shouldn't have to study!"

**Auron:**

Yes. Tidus was often sick that way, when he didn't want to study. Of course, he was easily handled for the most part. No study, no blitzball. Rikku looked up at me with a pitiable expression, discreetly giving occasional little coughs.

Hm.

"Rikku," I said solemnly, "No more kisses until you've done your homework."

Okay, she's doubled over laughing now. That isn't a good sign.

"Oh oh, (hee hee) I, (hee) I'm sorry, Auron, I...oh ha ha ha ha ha!"

This will most definitely never be part of the legend. Fine. I gathered my dignity around me and rose to my feet.

"Oh hey!" she said, bouncing up. "Are you going out, Auron? Can I go?"

Sure. Whatever.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I sort of skipped alongside Auron as we walked, headed down to the harbor complex.

**Auron:**

It's not that I can't say no to her. It's just that the healers say she needs to walk around town to build up her strength. And she needed a break. It's not that I'm twisted around her little finger.

**Rikku's Diary**

We made our way to Dock Five. (Do you like that? We Made Our Way! I like how that sounds, grown up and professional!) We made our way to Dock Five. You know, I was starting to get what Auron meant when he said the pulse of the city. Just talking to storekeepers and watching people and just walking alongside people I got a feeling that Luca was optimistic about the future. I like it! I hope it stays that way. And Auron, too. I saw Auron smile, too. Just a little.

You know, of everything that I've done so far, even helping save Yuna, I think maybe I was proudest when Auron told me that he smiles more around me. I was so proud of that, when he said that to me in the Calm Lands...that I made him smile. And then, after I woke up, after I was shot...he didn't smile. It sounds stupid, I mean, of course he didn't smile. I mean, he did smile at me, but I don't think they were really real. There was something...I could feel something...missing? Something inside Auron was...I don't know. Gone. Or changed. Maybe, maybe it was a little like I was, up on the mountain that time, when I was looking at life and everything from behind a wall. Auron maybe hid it better.

I was really worried about him when he went north on the airship. But he's back now. I don't mean he's back here again, I mean he feels like Auron again! Maybe...maybe someday he'll tell me what happened.

Dock Five was older and a bit more run down than the other docks. Only the smallest ships tied up here. It was kinda cramped, and there were a lot of old crates piled up that had been here who-knows how long.

It also smelled like fish.

"Uh, Auron? What are we doing here?"

Take my hand, Rikku," he said, and I did, and he slipped in between two stacks of crates and pulled me after. It was tight and twisty in there. I was surprised that Auron could get through. I have to remind my self sometimes that Auron's been a soldier all his life, and fought just about every kind of way there is. He's probably fought in tight, cramped spaces before.

We stepped out into the bright sunshine again, blinding me for a moment. After a minute I could see that we were standing in an open space at the very edge of the pier, surrounded by high mounds of crates.

"Hey, wow...Auron? What is this?"

"It a place we use as a dead-drop. That means—"

"Oh, I know. It a place you leave things for each other. We Al Bhed have those." I looked around. "So, uh, whose dead-drop is it? I mean, yours and, uh, whose? I mean—"

"I know what you mean, Rikku. It's set up for some of the Luca Network people."

"Not this new group? Spira Down?

"Dawn. Spira Dawn."

"Oh. That's lot's nicer."

"Thank you, Rikku. You know that the Luca Network had a large presence in Luca."

"I figured. From the name, you know."

He looked over his glasses at me, and then pushed them back up his nose.

"Quite...although the name was actually just a coincidence. And you know that I never quite trusted the network totally. And then when I found out that it was actually controlled by the crest, rather than by Rin, I trusted it even less."

**Auron:**

Another thing to worry about. The crest has been keeping a low profile recently. What's it up to?

**Rikku's Diary**

"I still don't think that's quite the way it was. Is. Whatever."

"In any case," he said, "Luca was too important to leave in their hands. So I, well, I rounded up all of the Luca Network people here under the cover of another operation..."

"Ratcatcher."

"Right, and I moved the ones that I trusted would follow my orders instead of Rin's into a new organization..."

"Spira Dawn."

"Spira Dawn. I gave responsibility for Luca to Spira Dawn, and moved the rest of the people out of the city. Except for here, the harbor complex."

"So, the drop is used by the Luca Network people here in the docks?"

"Not exactly," he said, crouching down and opening a small compartment built into the floor. I had never even noticed it. He pulled something out and then shifted slightly and opened another one.

"Uh, Auron?" I said, leaning over to see what he had, "What do you mean, not exactly?"

"Well," he said, straightening up and showing me two small pouches, "I wanted to keep close tabs on the Luca Network people still in the city, so I also sent some loyal people with them to keep an eye on them for me. The agent who uses this drop is one of them."

Oh...he's Auron's spy in his own spy organization.

Of course.

"Let's see what he's left me," he said, and shook out one of the pouches. A sphere and what looked like a note fell out. There was a second sphere in the other pouch. He absently handed the spheres to me and he examined the note.

Oooo!

"Auron! Here's a magic sphere and an HP sphere! Auron, you should use the HP sphere! Uh, Auron?" He was reading the note. "What is it? Did someone...uh, is someone really against you after all?"

"No," he shook his head. "Not treason...simple percolation. These spheres belonged to the old organization, and when they were removed from the city, someone took the opportunity to, hm, liberate them. He tried to sell them, and my agent managed to retrieve them."

"Hmm. Oh...well anyway, Auron, you should use the HP sphere!"

"Maybe," he said absently, not looking up from the note. I don't know why he doesn't like to use spheres so much. I always have to bully him into it!

Someone said, "You should listen to the young woman, Auron."

Ah jeez, I jumped a foot and a half and my heart was beating like triphammer! Well, maybe not, but I was pretty surprised anyway when an old warrior monk guy stepped out into the open.

"I should," Auron said, looking up and glancing from the stranger to me, "She's smarter than I am. Lady Rikku of the Al Bhed, allow me to present Benefice, Chancellor of the Grey Court."

Ungh! I stared at him.

Uh, so what to you say to someone who's sent assassins to try and kill you? Don't you try and kill them back? But you've just been introduced...would that be bad manners?

"Um, hello," I said.

He half-bowed.

"Lady Rikku. Auron has spoken many times of your beauty, your courage, and your wisdom...

**Auron:**

That's laying it on a bit thick.

**Rikku's Diary**

"...and I am very pleased to meet you."

"Uh..."

Smooth, Rikku. But...

So this was Benefice? One of the princes of the Church? One of the people playing for ultimate power?

He looks so...ordinary. Not like Ophelia, with her cold, beautiful, kinda otherworldly presence, or Mika, who at least has that ancient sage thing going, or even Auron for that matter, who wears hard and mysterious like a cloak. This was just some old guy in an old, threadbare uniform.

Who can summon Kali anytime he wants, don't forget, Rikku-girl.

"Oh, um, thanks. He's talked about you, too."

"So, Auron." He said, "Neat piece of work in Bevelle, but strangely incomplete."

Auron seemed to stiffen a little.

"I did what needed to be done."

The man sat down on a crate, saying, "You sent a strong message, Auron, that some things shall be off-limits...a strong, brutal message, but not without mercy. And mercy is misplaced."

"I made my decisions," Auron said, looking out to sea, and added in a lower voice, "I had my reasons."

"Root and branch, Auron. That's all that some people understand. Even that won't stop some people, but it will give many pause, as they ask themselves if they really will bear that price. Auron, you know what you risk."

I didn't know what they were talking about, but I didn't think this was the time to interrupt. It had something to do with the attack Auron and Pops made on Bevelle, I could follow that much. Benefice was saying that Auron should have done something.

"If your sensibilities won't allow it, Auron, I'll take care of it for you. Have the..." he paused, "Transfer possession to my people, and they will handle it."

Auron turned and looked to Benefice for a long moment, and then shook his head.

"Thank you, but I've made my decision."

"Well, I hope you never regret it, Auron," the other man said heavily, "And the hell of it is, you'll never know. If something happens, you'll never know if that one extra step might have prevented it." He shook his head, too. "So be it."

Benefice pushed himself up off the crate, and threw Auron a semi-sharp look.

"So, you've spoken with Mika, and with Ophelia." He smiled over at me and explained, "If he hadn't talked with Ophelia, he would never have known enough to mount the attack, at least not so successfully. And if he didn't have some arraignment with Mika, the city's security forces would never have stepped aside as they did. So Auron, care to tell me what they offered?"

"Not just yet."

"But you haven't accepted?"

"I have accepted no offers."

"I think I'm glad."

It was weird, a little, you know? I mean these guys were enemies, deadly enemies, have been for years, maybe since before I was born! I remember what I read in the background papers, Auron butchered just tons of fra, and Benefice has tried to kill him again and again.

But here they are, meeting and talking about politics and the fallout from the attack in Bevelle and different secret societies and minor Houses starting to panic a little and choosing sides or changing sides and the Church bureaucracy and the warrior monks and Crusaders and Ronso and Guado...

They're enemies, but here they are meeting and talking with each other, and not in a crazy Seymour We'll-chat-and-then-I'll-kill-ya way, or even in a creepy Yunalesca I'll-talk-down-to-you-and-then-you'll-die way...

It was more like...it's like when I'm talking to some other Al Bhed about the best way to get a machina up and running. They were talking shop.

I felt a little left out.

I know, I know...I'm crazy. We have so many other things to worry about.

"Keep my offer in mind, Auron," Benefice said, then he held out his hand to me, and after a second I took it, and he kissed my hand! And then he was gone.

I still have my problems with Yevon, but I have to admit they have smoother manners than the Al Bhed. An Al Bhed trying to kiss someone's hand would just look ridiculous.

"Auron," I said when he was gone, "What would he have said if I asked if he was going to try to kill us again?"

"He'd have said he hoped it would never be necessary."

Yep, he's smooth.

"He sent me a fruit basket after Ratcatcher," Auron said absently, "To congratulate me on a successful operation."

Annnd, kind of a weird sense of humor.

"Hey Auron," I said, "Uh, what was that all about?"

He didn't answer, just looked at me. I couldn't read his expression.

"Um, is it a secret?" I asked.

He shook his head, and then turned to slowly lean over the rail. After a second, I joined him there, and we both looked down into the water. There was a really good view here. I just waited.

"Rikku," he finally said, "Rikku, have you ever wondered why you're so good at so many things?"

**Auron:**

A slow smile spread across her face.

"You mean like...?"

Then she had a hold of my collar, and she was pulling me down to meet her lips. Not actually what I meant, although she is rather good.

"Cause I'm GREAT!" she said, breaking away, grinning and spinning around twice on her toes, falling back against me, arms spread wide.

"Seriously, Rikku."

She let go of me, turning and stepping back with a pout.

"Oh...um, well," she said, leaning back against the rail and looking down, scrunching her face in thought. "I guess not. I mean I guess I never really thought about it. I was just always good at stuff like fixing machina and mixing stuff, you know? I just was."

Well, how many young people ever question why they're good at music, or math, or athletics, or anything?

"I've thought about it," I said to her. "Quite a bit. Here's what I think. You are good at understanding machina, material properties, languages..."

"Being a thief," she said, nodding and counting on her fingers, "Solving puzzles..."

"Actually, Rikku," I interrupted, "You aren't really a very good thief."

"WHAT!"

She looked up at me wide-eyed, a slightly stunned expression on her face.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I've seen you trying to pick pockets before. Looked at objectively, you're not bad, but you're not a master at it, either. Not compared to say, your skill with languages."

"AURON! I'M A GREAT THIEF!" she said, hand darting at my pocket. I grabbed her wrist.

"Rikku," I said into her pouting face, "You are beyond skilled in many areas. But neither thieving nor fighting comes naturally to you. I'm trained to see these things and evaluate them."

"I do all right!"

"You do more than all right, but...Rikku, why did you become a thief?"

Her face fell a little, and she looked down and mumbled something, hitching herself a little away from me. I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her back to me.

"Right," I said quietly. "Because your mother was a thief."

"Mm hm," she nodded, not looking up, her head nestled against my chest.

"So it doesn't come as naturally to you as those other things," I said. "And you don't practice your skills enough to get better. I'm not trying to make you feel bad Rikku," I said to the top of her head. "I'm trying to tell you what I'm thinking...to share my thoughts with you. Will you let me do that, and try not to be mad at me?"

After a few seconds, she looked up and smiled and nodded. The smile looked a little forced, but I was glad to see it.

"All right," I said. "Let's look at the things you do have an outstanding talent for. Languages, materials, machina, puzzle-solving..."

"And I can swim good," she said in an undertone, "And do magic a little, and dance..."

"Languages," I repeated, "Materials, machina, puzzle-solving, and customizing weapons."

"Hey yeah! I'm great at that!"

"I look at those things, Rikku, and what I think you actually have a true genius for is seeing and analyzing patterns."

"Patterns?"

"You have an intuitive grasp of a pattern, how a language fits together, or a machine, or different materials. And of course, puzzles."

I could see her thinking about it.

"That's good, right?"

"It's very good. But that's why some things come easily to you, while others you have to work more at, like being a thief. It's not one of the things that comes naturally to you. You could be a better thief, but you never really get much practice at picking people's pockets, or picking locks. What you mainly do is steal from fiends in combat, and check for traps."

"Yeah...well, there are different kinds of thieves, ya know! I'm not a great city-thief, maybe, but I'm a good adventuring-thief!"

"I beg your pardon. I didn't know. But the point is the same, your genius lies in seeing patterns, Rikku. You could probably become a gifted tactician, with time and training. You could see the patterns within a battle. You could also become an exceptional magic-user. From what I understand, magic is largely a matter of manipulating energy-patterns."

"Huh..."

She looked thoughtful, considering what I was saying.

"But reaching your potential in either would take study and hard work—"

**Rikku's Diary**

Bleech!

**Auron:**

"—which isn't always easy, unless you enjoy what you're doing, like you with machina."

"Uhm, Auron...do you want me to become a magic-user? Or, or a tactician?"

"Not particularly, Rikku," I said, looking down at her. "But here's the point of all this. You asked what all that was about, that Benefice and I were talking about. You asked if it was a secret. It isn't, not from you, but that doesn't mean you would understand the answer. Or what it means for the Hypello, for example. Or why I sent Kimahri to Besaid. And so on, and so on. You just don't have the background knowledge that we do."

"Oh, uh..."

I could see her brows lowering. She wanted to argue the point, but she really couldn't. Many other girls would have argued it anyway, not caring that it would be ridiculous. I felt an impulse to hug her, but she was muttering to herself now, and it might not be a good time.

"Rikku, there are a lot of important decisions to be made, and I could really use your help."

"Really, Auron?"

"Really. You would be a very good analyst. You would see things, parts of the patterns that I missed. Once you know what to look for."

"Oh," she said thoughtfully. "So, that's why you want me to read all those background papers?"

"That's why, Rikku."

"Oh."

"So I can ask what you think about things, what you think is going on, and what we should try and do about it."

"I'd like that, too, Auron! I'd like to help you."

"For instance, I might ask what you think Cid is up to in Moontown."

Her face went red and she quickly looked down.

"Um, Moontown?"

"City at the mouth of the Moonflow? A little smaller than Luca?"

"I know what it is!"

"Did you know that we have agents there?"

"Uh, agents?"

"You know, Rikku, it doesn't really fool anyone when you repeat things to try and buy time."

"Uh, repeat things?"

She was suddenly very interested in something far out at sea.

"We have agents at Moontown," I said, "Who have seen all of Cid's recent visits and all of the Al Bhed activity in the city. There are about twenty Al Bhed ships in port there now, and Rin is spreading money around. But I won't ask you that, Rikku."

"Huh?" she looked at me.

"Because you don't really know enough right now. You don't have the background. So I'll figure out what Cid is up to on my own, and try to decide what to do about it. And you'll study hard...right?"

"Uh, right. Uh, hey, Auron?"

"Yes?"

"Did you just manipulate me?"

"I...suppose I did. A bit. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."

She put her arms around me.

"No. But...I do it too, you know? And I shouldn't do it either. So, maybe we could both try to do better?"

"Yes, all right. Are you tired? Do you want to go back now?"

"I'm not really tired. Maybe we could eat lunch first?"

"All right."

"And then...and then," she sighed, "I guess I have some studying to do."

* * *

**Auron:**

Rikku and I spent a lot of time together in the week after Yuna and the others left. We went on other dates. One night we saw a play at the Sphere Theatre. Rikku obsessed about her dress for two days. With Yuna and Lulu both gone, she tried to drag me into the issue, but I passed the word to Cherry at _­Spira Girl_ magazine and she and one or two others came down and they made a day of it with her. The young Guado girl didn't come with them. Cherry said she wasn't feeling well. The play was a comedy, poking fun at the Church. The humor was a little broad, but Rikku rolled in her seat through all three acts.

Most days I spent meeting with various people. Rikku buckled down and studied hard, learning more about the culture, politics, customs, and so on of all the people of Spira. In the evenings we played games while I answered some of her questions about her reading. I...enjoyed myself during that week. Mostly.

But, there was one afternoon...

A cool room on a sunny day, messy blond hair and bright, wide grin, and startling green eyes staring out from her fresh, young face...I watched her slip off her tee-shirt, playfully exposing her small young breasts, her bubble-gum nipples just starting to harden up. She grabbed them with both hands, lifting them and pointing them left and right, and then she fell back onto the clean white sheets, giggling. Then she looked up and pushed her shorts down over her hips, fumbling a little, shoving them down her slim legs and kicked them away, into a corner.

I was standing back by the wall, back in the shadows, and I knew I was starting to breathe a little more quickly. She wasn't really beautiful, but she was a pretty young girl, wearing only panties. She glanced down at herself, and then looked up from under her lashes, wet her lips, and quickly slipped off her last piece of clothing and tossed it away, and I felt my body responding. Naked, she stretched, arching her back. Then she leaned back in the bed, and opened her legs. I watched her reach down to spread herself open with her fingers while the man with the camera bent closer.

I watched as they went through a series of poses, prompted by the director...now on her knees, now on her back, now on all fours, lighthearted and smiling for the camera, spoiling a few shots by crossing her eyes, sticking out her tongue.

Having fun.

She was puzzled at first, when he handed her the toy, but he joked with her, smiled at her, made it all sound quite ordinary. Soon she was smiling too, and she took it from him, inspected it for a moment, asked a quiet question, laughed at the answer. He was very good at convincing girls to do these things...that's why we hired him. Her eyes widen a little as she...inserts it. I turn and leave as she begins to pump herself onto it, smiling for the camera.

And I wonder, what would Rikku think.

This is also part of the new Spira that I...we...are making.

* * *

**Auron:**

I was walking up Ohalland Avenue towards the Della'Torre area, feeling slightly irritated. I was just coming from an early morning conference about Cid and what he might be up to in Moontown. It wasn't a terribly satisfactory meeting, but that wasn't what was annoying me.

In many ways, Luca worships fashion, and directions in the city are...unique. There are three main avenues, named after the high summoners (Braska doesn't have one) but aside from those and a few static landmarks like The Steps that go up to the high road, or the Long Bridge to the harbor complex, the different areas of town are called after the most important shops, museums, restaurants and galleries. Since these often close, and new ones take their place, the geography of the city can change between one visit and another, at least as far as directions go, unless you keep up with what's chic and what's passé. Luckily, the Della'Torre Restaurant has been a fixture for five generations, so their district is fairly stable, expanding and contracting only moderately.

I was finally paying a visit to the Book Club, which was what Maechan's group had now settled on calling themselves. I especially wanted to see them before I left the city. I reached the Della'Torre, found the Red Block Public Art Space, and counted six doors up towards the Water Court. I got the right building on my third try, a large pleasant sea-blue townhouse.

"Sir Auron!" the young man at the door said, "Glad you found us all the way out here!"

"It wasn't hard once I got to the Della'Torre," I said, setting my irritation firmly to one side.

"Actually, we're right on the edge of the Della'Torre," he smiled. "There's a new place not far away, the Manalea, that's getting pretty trendy. They serve Kilika-style food there. If they get a little more popular, this could all be part of the Manalea district soon."

Give me strength.

"Give me the tour," I said.

It was rather light and airy, really more like a large private home than any sort of public office building, with private rooms, a courtyard, and simple, unassuming dining facilities. Or maybe more like an inn. And of course, books everywhere.

"Through here are histories, and in that room is languages. Weapons takes up two rooms. Our Guado collection is right above us."

Most of the public rooms were lined with bookcases and filing cabinets, with a central table surrounded by comfortable chairs. There were young people reading and writing, who looked up and stared after us as we passed.

I suppose they have a section here somewhere about legends, the coats they wear and the swords they swing.

"Private carrels in the back, and on the second floor. Special Documents is up on three. There's some really interesting stuff in there. Offices, finance and like that, are downstairs in the basement."

"Sir Auron!"

A young man that somehow already looked middle-aged was hurrying towards us. His pockets bulged, and he had an ink-stain on one cheek. This was Rava Davis, the proctor. He was Maechan's deputy.

"Proctor," I said, shaking his hand.

"Sir Auron, it's good to finally see you here. Please step this way, and tell me how we can help you."

I followed him into his cramped office as the young man returned to the front door. The proctor squeezed behind his desk and settled into his chair. I shifted some loose papers off the visitor's chair and sat down. The place was so crammed with books, papers and odd knick-knacks that there was hardly room for the both of us.

"Well, Sir Auron, I suppose you know that Doctor Maechan isn't here at the moment. He's somewhere in the north, doing research. But we progress, even in his absence. Have you come about the questions you've given us to look into?"

"Partly. I also wanted to see your headquarters, and have a closer look at your operation. I'm very impressed by the fact that since you've started, you haven't lost a single person."

"Thank you. That was very important to us from the start. Most of our people were Maechan's students, you know, and he cares about all of them. And there have been one or two tight scrapes, but most of our work is simple research, and isn't really all that dangerous. Er, we were very sorry to hear about the young girl, your friend. We're all very happy that she's all right."

I thanked him, and we talked for a while about the organization. Most of their people were right here in Luca, but they had small (fewer than five people) branches in Moontown and the Mi'ihan Valley, and a tiny operation (two people) in Bevelle, who had instructions to be very, very careful. It was a risk to have anyone so close to the Church, but the research facilities available in Bevelle made them essential.

We went over some of the most pressing projects I had given them, and then the proctor led me to a private room where the teams came in one by one to give me more detailed presentations. No word on the whereabouts of Masamune's sigil, except for some vague indications that it was somewhere in the north, "But we have some leads on other sigils and crests, Sir Auron!"

Great.

A short history of Baaj Temple, "We have some speculations where it might be located on the northeast coast, but nothing solid. There are some really old records that indicate the fayth of Leviathan might have been a young girl..." Interesting. But I suppose I should have told them that I already know where Baaj Temple is. Or rather, the Al Bhed do. "...Patti found a folk story about it. She's going to write an article when this is all done!"

Super.

"It hasn't been easy finding anything hard on the Forsaken, Sir Auron. Not much more than lurid stories. It might help if we told our people in Bevelle to look into it."

"It won't help anything if they're dead, and that's what they would be," I said.

"The Forsaken probably wouldn't even know, if they really exist."

"Denied. Move on." The Forsaken do exist, and probably already know about the young husband and wife researchers in Bevelle. The only reason the Forsaken haven't killed them is that they don't feel personally threatened. No, we'll keep that project right here in Luca. The real problem with the Forsaken and the Dark Summoner projects was too much bad information. It was difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff, but they were making slow progress. I ate lunch with them when the briefings were done, all of us sitting around one large table. After an initial shyness on their part, an unfortunate food fight broke out. Mainly rolls, unbuttered. After lunch I talked with the Spira Dawn liaison, and chatted with the young...Book Clubbers? I tried to have at least a few words with each of them.

It was a pleasant visit. These people reminded me of the New University faculty and students I knew back in Zanarkand. I might bring Rikku by one day. I think she'd enjoy it. My feel for these people was that they were in high spirits, happy in their work, and cheerfully loyal to Maechan rather than to me. That was acceptable. I didn't really doubt Maechan's commitment to changing Spira. They were optimistic and proud of their work, and the organization had been hardly touched by Ratcatcher...really just bookkeeping changes. I made a mental note to have Jordi divert some of his resources to keeping an eye on them. Positive first impressions are fine, but paranoia keeps you from being found floating in the harbor smiling a big, red second smile.

Besides, if they're as clean as they look, it's worth the effort to keep them that way.

Just before I left, I saw the proctor in his office again. I told him again that they had a good operation.

"Thank you, Sir Auron. I'm sorry that Maechan isn't here, but he's, ah...in the north. Investigating, you know...running down a lead, very tenuous...nothing solid at all...um..."

He ran down, and I watching him for a moment as he fumbled with his pen.

"Proctor," I said after a moment, "Are you trying to tell me something?"

He grimaced, and then leaned forward.

"This, this isn't even a rumor, Sir Auron. There's nothing there really, no evidence at all! But Doctor Maechan, he had a feeling that it could be important, even vital, and he was, well, curious. So he went to, ah, see what he could find."

I leaned forward a little in my seat.

"Exactly what are we talking about, Proctor?"

He shook his head, and lowered his voice further.

"If he had anything, anything at all, he would have told you, Sir Auron...but he doesn't have anything but a feeling...and a name."

"What name?"

He scowled, fiddling with a pen...

"The Djose Group."

**Next: Maturity**


	70. Maturity

Hey. Not much going on right now. Well, there is, but nothing, you know, pertinent. Oh well. There is one thing, but this is just about the writing. I've noticed that when I look at the story online, there are a lot of one- and two-line paragraphs. I know part of that is because the text is more bunched both in Word and in the text editor, and gets spread out across the screen when it's posted, but I'm not sure it's the best format for reading. So I'm experimenting with longer paragraphs, seeing how they look when they're posted. Now, all of us have seen the "bricks" of dense text paragraphs in some stories, some of which can go on for pages without any break. Obviously, that can also be a problem, making it harder to read. But there might be something better in-between. Maybe different lengths for Auron and Rikku's POVs, something else to make them sound different from each other to the reader. Dunno.

So, spoilers. FFX isn't mine. This is an aurikku. (It didn't start out that way.) This is about characters and the gradual growth of a relationship. Gradual...yeah, that's the word, gradual. It's rated -T-.

This chapter and the next one are for Telcontarian, for her reviews and comments. Thanks, hope you enjoy them.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

Things are more complicated now. I expected that, or course. Real life never goes exactly to plan. I expected there would be reversals, setbacks, opportunities and surprises. I allowed for all of that when I put together my plans in Zanarkand. But I never allowed for Rikku, and her effect on my...well, my life.

How odd...that I would find love, so near to the end.

* * *

**Maturity**

* * *

**Auron:**

We're on the airship now, on our way to the High Road agency. We should be there tomorrow. We've kept in touch with Tidus and the others through the sphere-net, and they're still four or five days away. We agreed that they wouldn't push too hard. For one thing, the whole point of the second pilgrimage is to show all of Spira that there's another way. To do that, Yuna has to be seen. So there's no point in going too fast. (Tidus gave me a little grief when I explained it, asking if now we finally had time to waste.) For another thing, they're taking the time to clear most of the fiends from the high road as they go. That accomplishes several things. It favorably impresses the people, it helps to take a little pressure off of the Crusaders, it allows the party to catch fiends for the zookeeper, and it harvests some spheres to feed Bahamut.

It also gives Rikku a few extra days rest. Right now she's still catching up with people she knows onboard. I'm up on the sky deck, trying to meditate...but thoughts and reflections of the recent days keep intruding. Bevelle, the Luca Network, this new Djose Group business, other things. I really haven't had much time to just sit down and reflect for a while. Not since the days of the first pilgrimage, I suppose, when Yuna still thought she was marching to her death and Rikku thought I was doing everything I could to lead her there. I miss those days in some ways. Things seemed...simpler. There were no dark summoners. I didn't know the crest was running my intelligence network. I could still quell Yuna and the others with a single raised eyebrow.

And Rikku was just a girl with a silly, simple crush. If it ever was really a simple crush. It isn't any longer. Maybe none of it was ever really as simple as I remember. I look back over the days and months of our history together, and I wonder how much I ever really committed to this...relationship. And it troubles me. Only a week ago I was ready to throw it away, ready to commit sins that I knew she would never forgive. And the only reason I didn't was that the crest convinced me that she might forgive the unforgivable after all, and wound her own spirit beyond healing when she did so. What does that say about me? Rikku was always the one moving us forward, unafraid. I was always the cautious one, going slow, denying my feelings. When she told me she wasn't ready to have sex, I felt nothing but relief. I told myself that I was trying to protect her, and I was. But...was I really trying to protect myself? I know that she's braver than I am. I have the courage to do what needs to be done, but she has the courage to hope for more than that, to hope for what is possible.

I have to think about this...and I think I have to speak to her about it, and some other things.

And I need to speak to the crest as well, about what happened. Cid is still asking questions about his dead crewman.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I don't know what to think.

Linna came to see me, and we had a big fight. I didn't even know she was on the airship, but...

Yaneth is dead. He was killed in Bevelle.

No one told me.

I was so happy to see Linna, I was all Hey Linna! And hugging her, but she didn't hug me back. She was all stiff and Hello Rikku. I didn't understand it. I tried to loosen her up, but she just looked kind of mad and said goodbye and started to walk away, and I grabbed her arm and she yanked it away and I said Hey what gives?

"You don't know," she asked, looking me in the face, "Rikku, you really don't know?"

"Know what?"

And she told me...she told me Yenath had been killed last week, in Bevelle.

I couldn't believe it. I just felt cold and empty inside, I couldn't even understand it. Yenath can't be dead! I've known Yenath since forever! I don't remember after that, and then we were in my cabin, and she was telling me what she knew, how she heard, what she went through.

"The manager at the agency told me in the morning," she said, quietly. "I knew it could happen...I mean, he was a marine, and I always knew it could happen, but...I wasn't ready. Even when they told me, it wasn't real for me. I packed some things, and waited for the airship to pick me up, and went aboard, and it was never like it was really real, you know?"

Linna had always been so pretty, and so animated. She was always full of life and energy, and all the boys were just drawn to her. But now she seemed a lot older, and tired. We sat on the edge of my bed and she spoke in a kind of monotone.

"And then I was on the ship with the others, the other...you know, next-of-kin," she said, "And I didn't go see his, his body. I didn't...I couldn't...and so it still wasn't real for me, all the time we were picking up the others. And then we finally went back to Bikanel, and had the ceremony, and poured out the ashes, and I realized...I just...realized that I would never see my big brother again. He was gone, and he wasn't coming back. And I was alone in the world."

She didn't look up. I couldn't stand seeing her like that, so...so dead inside, and I was hurting too, but I shoved that aside and I sat down next to her and pulled her close, and she slumped against me.

"You're not alone," I said, "You know you're not. And we miss him too."

She was trembling, then she was shaking, then sobbing, and I held her as she cried herself out, her face buried in my shoulder. She let out her grief, clinging to me until there was nothing left but quiet tears leaking down her face, and I should have been crying too, I know I should have—I was so desperately sad—but no tears came. She held me anyway...we held each other...she whispered something I couldn't hear...

"What? Linna...?"

...her lips brushed my ear, and then she leaned back just enough to look into my eyes, and I could small her sweet, delicate perfume, and then she was kissing me softly, her warm lips on mine, and it was different than when we were kids...she was pressing me back onto the bed, her body was on mine, her hands were tugging at my shirt...

I didn't know what to do...I was confused, and I was hurting inside too, and I needed someone to make it okay, make me forget...

I pushed her away, swallowing and shaking my head...

"Linna...no, I don't want to..."

She rolled over onto her side next to me, panting, looking up at the ceiling. Then she pushed herself up to a sitting position and quickly pulled off her tunic. Smiling, she turned and grabbed my hand and put it on her breast, and then she leaned forward to kiss me again.

"Linna! Please, no!" I said, shoving her away, maybe a little harder than I needed to. I got up and pulled my shirt back into place, trying to catch my breath.

She stood up and gave me a flat look, scrubbing her face. Then she turned away and put her tunic back on, saying something I couldn't make out under her breath, something about Yenath.

"What?"

She turned and glared at me.

"I said, Just like Yenath'!"

"W-what does that mean?" I stammered, confused.

"He wrote to me, Rikku. We always write to...wrote to each other. He told me what happened! He kissed you, and you yelled at him, you humiliated him!"

"I didn't humiliate him! He KISSED me! He was all over me!"

"He just wanted to spend some time with you! And you shove him away, just like me! Jut like you shove me away when all I wanted was some human contact! But you're too good for that!"

"WHAT!"

"Rikku the little virgin-girl, she's a GOOD girl!"

"I AM a good girl!"

"And I'm a WHORE!"

"I never said that!"

"You never had sex, Rikku—that doesn't make you special! It just makes you a sad little girl!"

"And you think being a sex-toy makes you all grown up!" I yelled back, hurt, "Oh, Look at me, I'm a big girl, I CAN SPREAD MY LEGS!"

She slapped me, hard across the face, rocking me back, and then she stood there, glaring at me. I was breathing hard, furious. I could take her apart, we both knew that. She was no match for me.

"Get out," I said, barely recognizing my own voice.

"Sure," she said, tossing her hair out of her eyes. "I have a date. A grown-up date."

Lucky him, I thought with a sneer as she finally left.

I sat on the bed, hurt and fuming, and then I jumped up and paced around the room. I slammed my fist into the bulkhead a couple of times and kicked some piece of machina, and then I threw myself back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I was still just furious, I hated-hated-hated Linna! And I was hurt and confused, and suddenly I missed Yenath so much, suddenly realized like Linna did that I'll never ever see him again.

Yenath...I've known him forever. I had a crush on him when we were young. Nothing ever happened. I mean, I had a crush on maybe every boy I ever knew, but Yenath was really good-looking and funny and nice. I used to practice kissing my pillow, and pretend it was him, until Linna taught me how to kiss, I mean. She said if I didn't know how, no boy would ever want to kiss me. Remembering all that now just made me all sad and angry and confused again, and I punched my pillow a couple of times!

Then...I fluffed it up a little. My pillow. I held it up in my hands, my pillow...looking at it. I put out my lips...

Yenath...was he asking for so much? I mean, would it have been so bad, to make him happy?

"_Don't go," she said miserably, sitting hunched in the window seat overlooking their little garden. Her arms were wrapped around her knees._

"_I think I have to," he said, not pausing as he placed his things into the small bag._

"_I made a mistake, Auron..."_

"_You made a decision," he answered softly, still packing. He didn't shout...he hadn't shouted or even raised his voice since she'd finally admitted the truth to him._

"_It didn't..."_

_It didn't mean anything, she'd started to say, but she couldn't say it. She didn't know how to explain, that Yenath was going into combat and he might not ever come back and this was all he wanted, and Rikku couldn't tell him no. Even now, even now that someone had told Auron and he asked her and knew when she tried to lie, she knew she would have regretted it forever if she had refused Yenath. Why couldn't he understand..._

"_I love you," she said instead._

_He stopped for a moment, and then shook his head and closed the bag._

"_I hope that isn't true," he said._

"_Why?" she whispered, "Why would you say that?"_

"_Because I don't like to believe that you would do something like this to someone you love," he answered simply._

_The miserable girl swallowed, and said, "I didn't mean to hurt you."_

"_I believe that," he said, standing and turning. "But you didn't care enough not to."_

_She clutched at herself, rocking a little as he started to walk away._

"_Auron...please don't leave me alone!"_

_He turned back to her, and after a moment he put his bag on the ground beside him._

"_Rikku, I'm sorry that your young man died, sorrier that I can tell you. I wish he was alive, and here for you, because you should be with someone you love. But I can't stay just because you—"_

"_I love you!"_

"_I don't believe you."_

_She felt like she'd been punched in the gut._

"_Rikku," he said with a small, sad, quiet smile, "You won't be alone. Don't be afraid of that. That isn't what the world has planned for you. If I'm certain of anything in this world, it's that you will find someone to love, someone who loves you, and you will be together. That's your story."_

_The words hit her like daggers. He didn't believe her. He didn't trust her. He stood there with his face full of concern and his wretched bag beside him full of his things. He loved her—she knew it, he didn't deny it—but he was leaving her, wouldn't stay with her, wouldn't even give her a chance to prove that she loved him. He was throwing away their whole life together, their love, their home, the family they would have had, because of one...decision._

_Tell him, she screamed silently to herself. Tell him that you're pregnant! He won't leave you alone when he knows! She opened her mouth..._

"_Get out," she said flatly._

_He nodded gravely and picked up his bag._

* * *

**Auron:**

I wanted to talk with Rikku, to see how she was doing with the reports from the Luca Network and to get her opinion. Her cabin was dim when I entered. Not dark, but dim.

"Rikku?"

She was sitting on the daybed, a little hunched over. She didn't look up as I came in.

"Yenath is dead," she said quietly.

I didn't know who she meant...a friend or a cousin. I crossed and sat next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Was he someone you knew well?"

She pulled away, angrily.

"He was my BEST friend!"

"I didn't know," I started to say, but she interrupted...

"He died in Bevelle, and I never even knew! No one even told me!

I didn't say anything, just waited for her to go on, letting her talk it out.

"Well?" she asked sharply, standing up and facing me. She seemed angry at me, and I wasn't sure why.

"I suppose they didn't want to upset you. You were still recovering."

"You don't care!" she shouted, and I should have seen tears running down her face, but there were none. Only anger. "He was my BEST FRIEND!"

"Rikku," I said, standing up.

"I KISSED him!" she yelled at me. "And I LIKED it! I should have DONE it with him but I didn't because of YOU and now he's DEAD!"

I know she was upset, but...

No, ignore it Auron...she's hurt.

"It wasn't your fault, Rikku. You don't have to feel guilty."

She glared at me silently, and I could see her thinking, and I saw the moment when the exact words she wanted came to her...

"How come it's not okay for me to be with a friend, but it's okay for you to be with a WHORE, huh Auron?"

I bit back the first five responses that came to my tongue. I took a breath.

"I think I'd better go," I said, turning away, trying to keep the ice from my voice.

"Auron, wait," she said stiffly as I reached the door. "I...I shouldn't have said that. I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt someone else, and, and you were here..."

She ran down, and sat silent, looking at the floor.

After a moment I said, "I suppose that's human, if it's not particularly nice."

She glanced up at me and then back down again quickly.

"That didn't make me feel better," she said tonelessly.

"I wasn't trying to make you feel any better," I answered, and left Rikku's cabin.

* * *

**Auron:**

I stalked through the corridors, trying to cool off.

Reason 27 that a grown man shouldn't date a teenager...they aren't exactly stable. They are unpredictable, hormone driven creatures of impulse.

I took a breath. I know that part of the fault in what just happened is mine. I know that I can put Rikku on a pedestal. She truly is smarter and braver than I am, but that doesn't make her perfect, and if I expect perfection then I'm only setting myself up to be disappointed in her. Like I was disappointed in her now. She is just a teenager when all is said and done, hurt and lashing out. When I was a young man, I wore my emotions much more openly. And that emotion was usually anger.

Look where it got me.

As I got older, I learned to guard my emotions. I harness them now. I get quietly angry now, quietly furious, quietly enraged. That's what I felt in Bevelle...cold, quiet, deadly rage. And right now I was quietly angry at Rikku. I suppose I should have been more understanding...she'd lost her friend. But I really thought it was despicable that she would hurt me for no better reason than because she thought she could, and to make herself feel better. Dating a teenager isn't exactly easy.

It isn't really worth it.

But...dating Rikku, that's different.

Mostly.

I think.

Yenath...I think I do remember him after all, seeing the body afterward, in any case. A headshot...death instantaneous, no chance of revival. I shook my head. I didn't want to think about this right now and I didn't want to think about Rikku. I might as well try to get a handle on Moontown.

Moontown is a smallish city at the mouth of the Moonflow River. There's always been some sort of coastal settlement there, but it was about a hundred years ago that the Church decided to base it's navy there, such as it is. They built extensive docks, warehouses, and shipyards for their large, lumbering ships. Those facilities now serve the coastal trade, and the trade up the river, and Moontown is the third largest city on Spira. It depends on trade from the sea, even moreso than Luca. There's a local council there, but the city is actually run by a factor appointed by Bevelle, usually from one of the Houses-Major. The present factor is one Camus, of the House Venii, the House most involved with trade. But he's been factor for over twenty years, and his loyalty to Bevelle and even to his House has grown thin. He's almost an independent ruler now, and there are rumors that now that the Church has withdrawn to the north, he'd like to break away completely.

We've had some quiet contact with Camus, but over the past few months I've gotten reports of heavy Al Bhed activity in the city. The Al Bhed were always tolerated in Moontown, both because the city needed the trade, and because the presence of Al Bhed ships helped keep the pirates under control—sea-banditry is the plague of that part of the coast—and there's even a small Al Bhed quarter within the city. The airship has been stopping there recently, and Cid has been meeting with Camus. Cid is up to something there, and I don't know what. If there's one thing you can't accuse Cid of, it's sitting around and twiddling his thumbs. In the last year the Al Bhed have been involved in Operation Mi'ihen with the Crusaders, launched a major salvage effort to retrieve the airship, pursued a plan to kidnap summoners on pilgrimage, and now something in Moontown. It might not be important, it might even be helpful, but I don't know that. It isn't a priority right now, but it is one more thing to think about, and since I was on the airship, I decided I might as well try to pick up some information.

I started with the marines.

The marines' attitudes toward me have changed a little bit. They still don't like me, they still wish I was somewhere else, but...we've been through something together. Combat forges bonds that they can't deny, nor do they want to. The marines are a young organization, started by Cid only twenty years ago as part of his effort to unify the Al Bhed. They need to build proud traditions. The bonds of shared combat are part of that. And it doesn't matter if you don't like the person that you shared combat with, it doesn't matter if you don't respect them or accept them...you're stuck with them. Like family. So when I tracked down a sergeant whose life I might have saved in some hectic little skirmish in Bevelle and asked for a quiet word, he just grimaced and jerked his head. I followed him to an empty corner of the ship where we wouldn't be disturbed. I had thought about how to approach this, what delicate questions to ask to get him to tell me things he probably didn't want to tell me.

But my first question surprised me.

"Tell me about Yenath. How did he die?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I was mad and confused and hurt and tired and hungry, and then when someone knocked at the door I thought it was Auron, and I jumped up with my heart thumping, ready to apologize if he was. But it wasn't him, it was a marine, and then I was angry because Auron should be here! Didn't he know I was hurting and wanted him around! He should know without my telling him! It's been hours! Stupid Auron should have come back and let me say I was sorry and told me it was all right and made me feel better!

The marine handed me a letter, and then just left.

A letter...

I turned it over in my hands...the paper was heavy...it said Rikku on the front, in his strong writing, and I began to panic, cause I didn't mean it! It was just a fight! I threw the letter on the bed, and backed away from it until I was in the corner. Why was Auron sending me a letter? He can say anything to me, so why send a letter? What do people say in letters?

People say goodbye in letters...

Then I was pacing around the cabin in small circles, never turning my back on the letter...I didn't want to read it, I didn't want to open it, I wanted to run away and see Pops or maybe Auron and pretend I never got it and everything would be all right.

Take a deep breath Rikku. You're being ridiculous, and you know it. You're letting your own stupid story and all the stuff stupid Linna said get to you, just like before in your cabin with Auron. Maybe...maybe it's like an invitation? Yeah! An invitation, like all formal and everything! To something fancy cause you're sad and he wants you to feel better!

Yeah...right...

Just read it.

_-The Airship-_

_Linna, Rikku...I thought you would want to know what I was able to find out about the death of Yenath, your brother and friend._

_The airship was down, and Yenath went out with the third wave of marines. The courtyard was secured and we were pushing forward into the compound itself. The marines were moving fast, running over the stunned defenders, not slowing or stopping for anything. A little way in, they met their first hard resistance—well-trained household troops that had a little time to get over their surprise. They were dug in and waiting. Everyone knew it was a critical moment. If the defenders could hold up our advance for just a few minutes, they would give everyone else time to prepare, and our job would be much, much harder, and much more expensive...moments, even seconds, saved now would mean lives saved later. The marines hesitated when the defenders opened fire. It would have been easy to stop, and call for reinforcements._

_But then a marine ran forward, charging the barricade. It was a narrow hallway, no room to dodge. He charged up the middle and was cut down, but other marines were charging behind him, also going down, but each fell just a little closer to the enemy. Yenath was the third or fourth to move. He charged the defenders and was hit and killed instantly. But the marines that followed took the strongpoint, and then went on and fought hard to clear the compound._

_The medics reached Yenath in seconds, but there was nothing they could do. No revival was possible. He didn't feel any pain. Perhaps it will be some comfort to know that without question the actions of Yenath and the other marines who charged the strongpoint saved the lives of many marines throughout the day. I know that he has been nominated for the Heart of Steel citation for courage. I know that medals, pins, honor beads are cold comfort, but the decoration shows that the marines believe that his death had worth, and meaning._

_Speaking to the marines to gather this information, I've come to better understand what their feelings were that day. It is their job to protect the Al Bhed people. That's why they exist. And in the last year, they felt that they had failed. They failed to protect Home against the Guado, and they were heartsick, and bitter, and angry. And then, one of their own was attacked from the shadows, this time their princess, their mascot, their little sister. All of those things. And once again, they weren't able to protect her, and they tasted bile. And then the shadows were ripped away, the enemy revealed, and Operation Sawyer gave them a chance for redemption. That's how they thought of it, as redemption for their sins, for their failure to keep the Al Bhed people safe. And that was the grim, bright spirit that moved them throughout that day. And Yenath shared it. Every marine I spoke to said it, Yenath was certain in those hours that he was where he was meant to be._

_I've seen the changes in the marines now, after the operation. They've put the past behind them. Never forgetting, but moving forward. The marines have rededicated themselves to their first purpose...their lives are a shield, held between their people and danger. They've come from out from a dark place and back into the light. And they know that Yenath played a part in that, and they will remember. I'm sure that Yenath didn't want to die. A few of the marines did, but he wasn't one of them. But he was willing to risk his life, willing to give his life, because he believed there are some things worth more even than life. Those are the things that he died for. Mourn his loss, but honor his memory._

_Auron, Guardian to the Summoner Yuna_

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I thought I would find him up on the deck. He wasn't in his cabin, and I know that the Al Bhed onboard don't exactly try to make him feel welcome. I wonder if it makes him feel lonely. I never thought about it. He doesn't seem type to let things like that get to him.

But I know he isn't really a legend. He's only human, and I should have asked.

He was there, meditating.

"Auron?"

"Yes."

"Um, I got the letter. It helped. Linna and I made up."

"I didn't know you had fought," he said, not looking at me, or even opening his eyes. Um, eye.

"Auron, I'm really sorry I tried to hurt you. You didn't do anything, but I was...no, it doesn't matter, does it? I was just wrong, and I'm sorry."

He opened his eyes, and turned to face me.

"That was a very mature apology, Rikku."

"Yeah, mature," I said, plopping down next to him on the deck, "That's my middle name. Mature. Uh, do you, um, accept my apology?"

"I do," he said, reaching out and taking my hand. We sat that way for a while.

"Auron...would you forgive me if I cheated on you...?"

He had been sort of running his thumb over the back of my hand, and now he stopped, and looked at me, studying me for a minute. I think my hand was trembling.

"I don't know, Rikku," he finally said, "I suppose it would depend on...things."

That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear. I dropped my head.

"Rikku...?"

"No, Auron, no," I said, shaking my head and looking into his eyes, "Never."

"Then why?"

I looked down again and drew a deep breath, clutching his hand harder, like I didn't want to let him go away.

"Because I'm afraid that I will. I'm afraid that we'll have some big fight, or that I'll get drunk, or that one day I'll just be really, really stupid."

I heard him take a deep breath of his own, and let it out, and then he said, "Tell me about it."

"Auron, I know you would never cheat on me, right?"

"Correct. I would not."

"I know that. I trust you, more than I trust me. I love you, Auron, really love you, and I know you love me...but I know that isn't enough. I remember back when my crush on you was turning into real love, and it was so great most of the time, and I thought that when we loved each other and we were together than everything would be perfect."

I snorted, and I saw him smile.

"Yeah," I went on, "So we love each other, and we're together, and I'm really happy about that, but...okay, I've never been with a guy. And you know that, I guess. But I mean, I mean I never been with a guy or even done that other stuff. But Auron, I've never had any boyfriend. I've never even been on a date before you and me, not really. Just some things a lot of us did as a group, like going to the beach, or the sphere theater."

I shook my head.

"I told you, right? That when I was young, some kids tried to be my friend because of my dad? And so I got careful who I got close to. And then I started to, uh, develop, a little. Not as much as some other girls. Not as much as Linna. But some, and then some boys wanted to be friends with me because of that. I didn't know it, and I thought one of them really liked me, and I had a crush on him. And something could have almost maybe might have happened, if Linna hadn't gotten into it to protect me. But so after that, I didn't really trust a lot of boys, and even the ones that I was friends with, I didn't, you know, date them."

I looked over at him. He was looking back, listening quietly, not judging me. Just listening to what I had to say. I sighed.

"But I've seen other girls with boyfriends, and, and they don't last, you know? Because, almost always because, someone makes a mistake. They have a big fight, and someone cheats on someone, or they do it to hurt the other person, or whatever. So they break up. But it's no big deal, you know? Because they're just kids, and it's not like they were going to get married or something. Maybe they were in love, but they get over it and move on. And they learn not to do things like that...well, some of them do. But I never did!"

"So, you're afraid that one day you'll do something you'll regret, because you've never been in a relationship before."

"Yeah," I mumbled, looking down. "I'm so scared I'll mess up really bad and then it'll be all over..."

I was sitting on the deck, sort of slumped against him, and he had one arm around my shoulders. Now he wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me closer. It was nice, and I felt some of the tension starting to drain out of me.

"It isn't easy, is it?" he said.

"Nuh uh," I answered.

And I really thought it would be. I thought when we were together, there'd be problems, but it'd always be us, you know? The two of us against the world, and then we'd live happily ever after. But...

"I'm realizing now that it's a lot easier being in love than it is being in a relationship," I said.

"Yes," he said.

"And you knew that, didn't you? But I didn't."

It's all so complicated now. And I don't want to cheat on him, ever. But I don't want to hurt him, either, and back in the cabin I did, when he was just trying to help, because I was stupid and upset. I'm just a bundle of teenaged hormones right now, and I don't trust me.

And I feel so selfish...I mean, Yenath's dead, and I'm worried about my boyfriend.

"He wasn't really my best friend," I said to Auron. "But I knew him since we were kids, and he was a friend. I never really had that many."

And he listened while I talked myself out, telling him about me and Linna and Brother and Keyyeku and Yenath and all my cousins when we were all kids together on Bikanel. He just listened while I rambled on and on, jumping from one memory to another...digging on the sand, visits to the ocean, fishing, the time we tried to build an airship slash submarine, the time we tried to take apart a travelers sphere, the boys going off for the first time with the salvage crews...he listened while I talked and I was so ashamed that I'd tried to hurt him and I was so mad at Linna for guilt-tripping me and getting me so confused and upset and then I was so sorry for her cause she lost her brother and Auron held me while I finally cried.

* * *

**Auron:**

She cried herself out in my arms, tears falling for her lost friend. And sometime while I held her, I forgave her in my heart for the small hurt that she had done me. But I know that we have to talk about Willa and all the other things that we've put off. Not now, not like this. But soon. For now, she lay quiet in my embrace, breathing deeply and evenly...

"Auron, Cid's trying to forge an alliance with the Factor of Moontown and set up a permanent Al Bhed base there."

She spoke in a matter-of-fact voice. I leaned back a bit so I could look at her.

"You want to tell me about Moontown?"

"Yes. Maybe. I mean, I don't know if it's the right thing to do, to tell you. For the Al Bhed, I mean. But I've been thinking about it for a while, and I guess I just have to make the best guess that I can, and gamble."

"Not a guess," I said, quietly. "A decision...the best decision that you can make with the information that you have. It isn't easy, but your people deserve the best that you can do.

"I guess. I mean, I suppose."

"No Rikku," I said, turning toward her. "You know it's true, or you wouldn't be telling me. This isn't some sort of test of whether you trust me. It's just your decision...your best decision for your people. And I think it is the best."

"Um..."

"Rikku, I know that Cid has something in mind at Moontown. We have people there, more now that the Luca Network is moving there. I know that there's a large Al Bhed presence there. I know that Cid's dropped off a lot of refugees there, and the city watch have been protecting them from the more fanatical Yevonites. I know that Cid's been meeting with the Factor and his people, and I know that over the past six months there have been between twenty and thirty Al Bhed ships in Moontown at any given time. Given all that, I have to act. And I think that the more knowledge I have, the better my decisions will be."

"But I know you'll hurt the Al Bhed if you think you have to," she said. "And I might be helping you to do it."

There wasn't a lot of emotion in her voice. She just sounded...drained.

"But the more information that I have, the better the chance I have of finding a better way."

"But I don't know what's best," she said.

"Most people don't, most of the time. So, you do your best. You make the best decision that you can, and go from there. And Rikku, the more you learn, the better you'll be able to make those decisions...what to keep and what to pass on."

"Yeah," she sighed. "Well, so Pops wants stronger ties with Luca, like you want, Auron. But he doesn't think we'll ever be, like, equal partners there, you know? He wants a permanent base on the mainland. Moontown was always a good fit for us, a major trade port, isolated and protected by the Moonflow River on one side and the Guado Forest on the other. But it was too far north...too close to the Church, and Yevon, you know? But when the Church pulled back, it looked perfect to Dad. The place can't really be attacked from the land, and if the Al Bhed navy uses the city as its homeport there'll always be enough ships there to keep it from being invaded by sea. The city can't be starved out as long as our ships can supply them, and keeping our ships in the area will help keep down the pirates. Dad had already found some of the pirate settlements with the airship and the Al Bhed have launched raids against them. And with the pirates suppressed, other trade will pick up, helping the city even more. So, the Factor has a trade port and Dad has Spira's best navy. It's, uh, perfect. Isn't it?"

I thought about it. It was in fact, not bad. It was a solid plan that would hold up to anything short of the Church returning to absolute power. And if the Factor and Cid worked it right, they might even continue to get trade from Bevelle, openly or smuggled. Of course things wouldn't be that neat and simple. They never are. But it was quite a good plan.

"Rikku, how close are your father and the Factor to a final agreement?"

"Well, pretty close. I mean, they're both happy with the plan. There are still a few details to be worked out. But the main thing holding them back is the Factor wants to wait and be sure the Church doesn't make a comeback, you know?"

"Yes, the Factor's a cautious man. Quite a contrast to Cid."

"Hey!" she slapped at my arm, showing a little life. "Well...yeah. Okay."

"So...now that I know, what do I do about it?"

"Yeah..." she sighed, and slumped back against me once more.

"What do I do, Rikku? I need to decide. Is Cid's plan a good one? Should I shut it down? Or quietly help?"

She twisted around to look at me in surprise.

"A-are you asking me?"

"You know the Al Bhed."

"But that's all I know! I don't know Guado or Bevelle politics, or about their military, or the Houses and Tree families and all that! That's why I told you, cause I thought you needed to know enough to make a good decision! I don't know enough."

"No..." I agreed. "Well, briefly, if Cid is successful, then having an Al Bhed stronghold so far north would be a constant irritant in the region, a potential flashpoint for trouble with the Yevonites. There are also issues between the Guado and the Al Bhed that won't just go away with the city sitting at the edge of the Guado Forest."

When I said this, Rikku looked down, frowning.

"But that isn't all bad," I went on. "We want to shake Spira out of complacency, remember? This would do that, and the Al Bhed would mix with people in the city, and they would learn about each other."

"Yeah," she said slowly. "Dad talked about that too, that maybe hiding ourselves away on Bikanel was kind of a mistake. He wants to rebuild Home, but he says we need to stay connected to the rest of Spira, too. Actually, the way he put it was like not letting them think they can run us out. He just thinks Moontown is better choice than Luca. And, um..."

"Rikku? What?"

"And well," she mumbled, "He was trying to keep you from finding out about Moontown cause he thinks you might try to sabotage the whole thing cause you want the Al Bhed tied to Luca, you know?"

"I see," I said, considering. "He's right that Moontown offers him more than Luca does, but dealing with Luca is less risky."

"Less risky?"

"Cid is attempting to establish a strong, permanent Al Bhed presence on the mainland. It's a bold move. Cid is a gambler, but sometimes his gambles don't work out. In Moontown, the Al Bhed could be in danger if the Church regains all of its authority. Also, they could be in danger if the Guado come under strong, vigorous leadership. And the greatest threat of all would be if both of those came to pass and the two combined against the Al Bhed."

"Yeah," she whispered, frowning again.

"So what do I do?"

"Oh, um..." she thought for a moment. "Auron, those things, the Church coming back and that...how likely is that, huh?"

Now I sat back a bit to think.

"Rikku," I answered slowly, "I don't think the Church is coming all the way back. A lot of our effort is going towards seeing to it that it doesn't. The Guado...are more of a question, but less of a threat. The north is in a rather delicate state of balance right now."

In Bevelle, the important factors are the Great Houses, the church bureaucracy, and the army. Mika might try to order the army against Moontown to avoid looking weak to the bureaucracy and the Houses. Benefice and others would certainly try to paint him as weak if he does nothing. But Mika would risk looking impotent if the warrior monks refused to obey. The Venii have a huge stock in Moontown. They might push Mika to try to recapture the city. They could offer him an alliance. Or they might try to reach an accommodation with the new leadership of the port. The Venii could go either way, and then the other Houses-Major would react. Mika's in a strong position right now...his instinct will be to avoid risk...

Taken all-in-all...

"Rikku, there's some danger, but right now, I see this as neither catastrophically destabilizing in the northern regions, or as a probable utter disaster for the Al Bhed even if it fails. I...don't...think...the army will leave their camps outside of Bevelle, and the Guado are nervous right now, and conserving their strength. They won't spend it on an assault against a well defended city, not unless Seymour orders them to."

"Uh, he could do that..."

"Yes, Seymour is unpredictable, but even if the Guado assault the city, the defenses are strong enough to hold them off. Unless the Church gets involved. Then the city could fall, unless the Crusaders joined the defense, and if that happens then the entire north could slide into war. It could be better for everyone in that case if the Crusaders stood aside and let the city be conquered quickly."

"Oh..."

I looked over at her. She was frowning, staring down at the deck, thinking.

"But Rikku, that's the extreme worst-case-scenario. I honestly don't think it's likely, or I would already be trying to shut this down. I judge that the risk is moderate, Rikku. What I need is for you to tell me whether the gain is worth that moderate risk. For the Al Bhed."

She looked up at me, and then back down, chewing her lip and sort of paddling her hands in front of her, something I hadn't seen her do in a long time. She looked absurdly young. And she didn't look very happy.

**Rikku's Diary**

Why do I have to decide this? I'm just a kid! I, I...

**Auron:**

"I think...it's worth it, Auron," she said finally. "It's good to have our own Home, but it isn't good to hide ourselves away from the rest of Spira. Cause nothing will ever change then."

"All right, Rikku. Then we'll let Cid continue...maybe give him some surreptitious help. And we'll see what happens."

She took a deep breath, and leaned back to lie flat on the deck, looking up at the sky.

Hey, Auron...?" she asked me after a moment. "Did I just make one of your godlike decisions that decides the fate of nations and shapes peoples lives for them whether they want it or not? People you've never even met?"

"Yes, Rikku, I suppose you did. Huh. Welcome to the bigs."

"Thanks. It sucks."

"I know."

**Rikku's Diary**

All right. I put a hand on his shoulder and pushed myself up to my feet, leaning down to give him a quick kiss when he looked up at me.

I've just decided...there's something I need to do.

* * *

**Auron:**

Eyes closed, I stood before the alter in the great cathedral in Bevelle, so many long years ago. My training was finally done and now I would be allowed to take my vows. I would protect and defend the Church, and all the people of Spira. I was first, and all my fellow cadets lined up behind me, all the way up the great nave. Their families were there, to see them at the start of their new life, to see them take up their sacred duties, and to share it all with them. I didn't have any family, but Lacey was behind me, and Kinoc was behind her. They would be my family, my brother and sister, with all of my brother and sister monks and Crusaders. The music swelled, and the High Priest stood in front of me. I knelt, head bowed. This was it. My life started here.

I opened my eyes.

I stood quietly, back next to the bulkhead, watching and listening. All the words were in Al Bhed, of course, and an archaic form at that, but I could follow what was going on even without really knowing what they were saying. Cid stood in the center of the vast compartment, one of the largest on the airship, performing the first part of the ritual. Today he wasn't here as the leader of the Al Bhed. He was here as her father. He would say something, and all the others would response in unison, their tones sonorous, the foreign words echoing and resonating around the chamber. I felt like I was back in my youth, attending a service in the Yevon Church. I watched the faces of the Al Bhed, I could see them drawing comfort from the familiar ceremony. I let myself drift back, to Evensong and Plainchant, remembering how the Hymn of the Fayth once moved me in the past. I was seeing one of the deeply-held traditions that had kept all the scattered bands of Al Bhed connected to each other in the days before Cid united them.

This is what ritual does for us, this is how it binds us together as a community. I wasn't part of their community, of course. I haven't been part of any community for a long time. This was their time, and their place, made sacred for this little while, sanctified by their devotion. I was an interloper, resented and ignored as far as possible. I was only here because Rikku insisted. And there was no one who was going to deny her...not today.

She stood apart from the others, waiting. She was surrounded by dolls and toys, the things of her little-girlhood. She couldn't say anything, not yet, but she smiled at me, and I lifted my hand a little, to let her know that I saw. Cid's words were coming without pause, now, and the responses of the other Al Bhed were growing longer...they were talking over each other, the words blending, resolving, suddenly coming together into a single, simple chant. And Rikku was walking to join them, padding barefoot on the sand. The entire deck of the huge compartment was covered with sand, from Bikanel. Rikku left all of the things of her childhood laying behind her, except...I leaned over to try and see better...

Except...a puppet. Two little puppets, that she carried with her. She reached the others, and the chant ended, but the Al Bhed kept up a low, even hum, that kept the echoes whispering around the room. Rikku's father said something in a questioning tone, and Rikku answered. Now two people from the others joined her. One was her brother, and the other was Linna. They both held cups, and, still humming, they handed them to Rikku. She took them, smiling, and they each kissed her on the cheek, and then stood back, as did her father. I saw Rikku take a deep breath, and then she solemnly poured out both cups, water from one, sand from the other, and they spilled and mixed at her feet. Then she began to speak. I still couldn't understand the words. I'm not sure how many of the Al Bhed understood them. No one actually uses this ceremonial dialect except in their observances. I know even with her phenomenal memory and talent for languages, it hadn't been easy for Rikku to learn these lines by rote so quickly.

I couldn't understand the words, but I knew what she was doing. The Al Bhed don't think much about the afterlife. Some believe in it, some don't, but no one gives it much consideration. Their focus is on this life, and accomplishing as much as they can, while they can. So, when they reach adulthood, they make promises...to themselves, or to others, or whoever. It is, in essence, how they define adulthood. An adult is someone who is ready to make their life's promises. Some make several, some only make one or two. Some only make one. But all adult Al Bhed have made them. The Al Bhed are a purposeful people. To be Al Bhed is to be goal-oriented.

Rikku tried to explain it to me once. An Al Bhed's life's promise is...a means to an end. It provides a focus for an Al Bhed's life. It defines them in many ways, but there are...nuances. The Al Bhed are a practical people, with a very bottom-line mindset. So in many ways, doing your best isn't good enough. If you cannot accomplish your life's promises, many consider you a failure. But no one respects someone who only makes promises that are easy to keep. To the Al Bhed, life is a challenge, that should be embraced. But then, if you make vainglorious promises, things beyond your reach, you're considered an impractical fool. Yet...if you reach high enough...if your promise embraces something great, then you can be respected for doing your best even if you fail. My glance rested on Cid momentarily. His promise was to build the Al Bhed a Home. Did he succeed? Did he fail? I suppose it depends on how you look at it.

I don't know what promises Rikku made. I know she looked at me once, and Cid frowned. And then she was done, and they were all crowding around her, her family and friends...the ones that are left now. I know that it's a hard world for the Al Bhed. They were laughing together, mixing together and sharing their joy with each other, her brother smiled and said something that made Rikku stick her tongue out at him, her friend Linna hugged her, followed by others. And Cid...her father held out his hand. She put out hers, and they shook hands. It is a hard world for the Al Bhed...and they treasure these moments.

They dragged her away, of course, out the hatchway to her party, where there would be cake and presents and music. Maybe dancing. She loves to dance. And she would spend the rest of the evening there, surrounded by the people who care about her. She gave one look back at me as they were leaving, and then they were gone. Afterwards, I wandered about the empty hold a bit. I looked at the little pile of discarded toys, and stood for a moment over the spot where she had poured out the cups.

I made my way to the upper deck, where I could meditate, and watch the stars. Old friends, they welcomed me. Meditation seemed to be beyond me tonight, so I just sat and thought about...

----Auron and Rikku on the deck----_Small Wonders_----Rob Thomas----

"Auron?"

My head jerked up.

"Auron, I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, Rikku, I wasn't asleep."

"Uh, no...I can see that now."

She settled down next to me, and I shifted to open my coat for her.

"Is the party done?" I asked. "You didn't leave?"

"No, it's done," she said. "Everyone's gone to sleep. I'm really sorry you couldn't be there. I wanted you there."

"I'm an outsider, and you have to pick your battles. It was more important to you for me to be at the ceremony."

"I should have insisted on both," she said, head on my shoulder.

"The party was for your friends and family. Rikku, you've been away from your people a long time...it was a time for you to be Al Bhed."

"I...it was nice, talking Al Bhed, and remembering stuff and catching up and all that, but...you weren't hurt? Your feelings weren't hurt?"

"I was fine."

She snuggled closer.

"How does it feel to be all grown up?" I asked.

"I'm...hm, Auron, did you see the puppets?"

"Yes."

"Well, the puppets meant...it means I haven't left all of my childhood behind, you know? I still carry some of it with me, inside. Usually only girls do that, carry a toy with them, usually some favorite toy they've had for years. But I wanted...Little Aurrie and Little Rikku."

"So, there's still a little piece of the old Rikku inside? The Rikku that did the funny little dance, and teased Tidus, and let all the air out of Wakka's blitzballs?"

"Mm hm!"

"I think I'm glad."

"Yeah, me too. I think I won't ever grow up all the way, like other people do."

And I think I am happy about that. We lay back together, silently looking up at the stars slowly turning overhead. I wanted to ask what her promises had been, but they might have been private. I could wait for her to offer to tell me, but maybe she's waiting for me to ask, hurt that I don't seem to care. I should—

"Auron?" she said.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"I'm ready."

"I...Rikku...?"

"And I know you're not ready yet, and you can't say why, and it's okay. And maybe even it'll never happen, and...well...but I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know. That, I'm ready. 'k?"

I took a breath, and let it out.

No, Rikku...it might never happen. Not when you know the things you have to know. But, for now...

"Okay..." I answered, holding her in my arms.

And we watched the stars slowly turn overhead.

**Next: Gifts!**


	71. Gifts!

Hey. I had some time on my hands recently, and I finally reconnected my PS2 and put in FF12. I pretty much didn't care for it the first day. Cut-scenes? No, little bits of

Hey. I had some time on my hands recently, and I finally reconnected my PS2 and put in FF12. I pretty much didn't care for it the first day. Cut-scenes? No, little bits of uninspired gameplay between scenes of a damn feature-length movie. The combat system was overly complicated, the map was annoying, and the characters were cookie-cutter. And finally, after all that, I'm suddenly some snot-nosed kid I haven't seen before in some hard-to-find-your-way-around city (with more cut-scenes). Well, I played some more the next day, and things got better. It actually let me do some playing, instead of forced-tutorials and even more background. The game did grow on me in time. The combat system worked better when there was more than one person in the party, I figured out how useful gambits can be, got a handle on the license-ability thing, and got to whack some stuff.

The game has some strengths. Obviously, it's huge. Much larger than FFX, the only other FF I know well enough to compare it to. Visually, it's better. It must push the absolute boundaries of what the PS2 is capable of. It eliminates some of the problems of FFX, like with the chain system. Ordinarily it's nothing but boring when you're just killing the same monster over and over, but the chain system gives you a stake in it, and keeps you involved. And the option to skip cut-scenes is a godsend. And the story and setting themselves are much deeper and more detailed. At the same time, there are places where it seems inferior to the earlier game. First, there's the whole opening. I wasn't wrong to more-or-less hate it that first day. There's far too little player involvement while they throw masses of information at us. The cut-scenes...well, I know they're doing a huge, involved story and they have to give us the background, but really..too much, too soon. It just takes too long to get into the game. And then, when you get down to it, the story for all of its detail is really pretty pedestrian. (So far. It's not like I've finished it.) FFX was less detailed, but more original. Spira itself as a setting is distinctive, having its own personality (not a nice one) that to a large extent drives the character actions. Spira itself almost becomes another character, the way settings do in some movies and books, like New Orleans in Anne Rice's books or Boston in the movie _Good Will Hunting._ In the same way, the characters in FF12 still seem cookie-cutter to me, more stereotypes than the FFX chars. Maybe I've just invested so much time into the FFX characters that I'm projecting, but I don't think so. Take Rikku. She's up and bright and cheerful, but she also has these serious depths in her that you see in places like Home. Now, Penolo lost her family in the war and all, but so far that's just something I know because I was told. It hasn't seemed to inform her character yet. Same with Wakka, happy-go-lucky, but with sorrows and regrets and he's forced to reevaluate his beliefs during the game and does so. If Balthier is that character (with a lot more polish and an at-least-more-recognizable accent) I haven't seen anything like that sort of conflict inside him. The Fran character maybe comes closest so far, showing something beside standard courage-nobility-steadfast devotion to duty. (I could do without the bunny ears, though.) Also, I personally like the Sphere-Grid system more than leveling, although the licence boards are kind of cool.

Overall, given the aspects that are most important to me (characterization and good storytelling) I would have to say that FFX is the better game. But I think that FF12 is probably more playable, and almost certainly will have much greater re-playability, especially if you keep a save just after all that intro.

Anyway.

So, spoilers. FFX isn't mine. Oh wait..have I said that already? This is an aurikku. (It didn't start out that way.) This is about characters and the gradual growth of a relationship. It's rated -T-.

Like last chapter this one is for Telcontarian, for her reviews and comments.

**

* * *

**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

Birthdays come once a year. Now they're special, of course, but they come once a year, you know? Now, an Al Bhed coming-of-age ceremony, well, that only comes once in a lifetime, right? So it's even more special than a birthday, right?

So let's talk presents!

* * *

**Gifts!**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

Devii gave me a pair of goggles he picked up on his last salvage trip, and Jun gave me a new pair of gloves for digging and Rej wrote me a poem just for me, cause he's like that, and Aunt Kaylee was still on the ship and she gave me a charm that was like one that used to belong to my mom when they were kids, and Jora gave me a scarf. Rin gave me a sack of gil and told me to buy something nice! Brother snuck me into the control room late one night and let me drive the ship! It was just between us, not even Auron knows! HA! The marines on the ship...well, they gave me all the spheres they collected in Bevelle. Al Bhed don't really use them for much, and they knew that I was traveling with a summoner. And they gave me a scroll, wishing me congratulations, signed by every marine on the ship! That was so nice of them.

And Dad gave me a door to tomorrow! I don't know why they're called that, you know? I mean, they look like a little, waxy box, about one-inch square, but it's really, really rare! I know I can use it for one of the really powerful mixes, one called Hyper Mighty Guard, if I can figure it out. I know because I did it accidentally once when I was just a little kid! (I don't think Rin's ever really forgiven me for that. I used his inventory to do it.)

So the gifts were great! And I know Auron's gonna give me a little party when Yuna and the others get here. But, well, there was one gift...um...

Well...

"I never thought you'd do it," Linna said, grinning at me as we entered my cabin. She was helping me haul away my loot. "You swore you'd never have the ceremony, never grow up. You'd always be you."

"Hah," I declaimed, "No ceremony can defeat my essential Rikku-ness! And once I figured that out, I thought, well, why not do it for the presents! Mwuhahah!"

"Makes perfect sense to me," she smiled, "And it so happens that I have a present just for you, Rikku."

"Oh, thanks, Linna!" I said, dropping my stuff everywhere, "But, you already gave me a new belt?"

It was a nice belt.

"Well, that was just for show," she said, smiling and pulling out a brightly wrapped package, "This is my real gift. Open it!"

"Oh, okay."

I tore off the pretty yellow wrapping and opened the box that fell out. It was a piece of machina! A flashlight, maybe?

"LIN!"

I dropped it and jumped up and it fell to the floor and rolled away. Linna picked it up.

"It's fine," she said, "It isn't broken. These are really tough.

"Lin! I, I..."

I was blushing!

"It's a good one. I use one like it myself. It has four different speeds, but you really only need two. I've wanted to give you one forever, you know. Now, uh, do you need me to show you how to use it?"

"LINNA! NO!" I took a deep breath, "Lin, I, I can't!"

"You can't get rid of it," she said calmly, "It's a gift. Now I want you to take it, and I want you to use it!"

"Uh! Uh, Lin, Lin, I, I..."

Oh man, was I blushing!

She looked up at me with a little smile, and I gulped.

"Lin, you, you know I like you, really like you, we've been friends forever, but, but I just don't want to..."

"No," she shook her head, still smiling, "Not with me. I mean, it'd be okay if you wanted to, but that's not why I gave to you."

She pressed it into my hands.

"Oh, well...well, okay then. Wait! I mean, uh..."

It did seem...well built.

"Lin...I never...I mean, uh, with something..."

I heard her sigh.

"Rikku," she said, "I need to be serious for a moment, and say something to you. Will you listen?"

"Sure," I said, a little surprised, "Of course I will."

"Rikku, I'm worried about you. I have been for a long time."

Eh? She must have seen I looked puzzled.

"Rikku, just listen. I know you don't approve of the way I live my life...all the sex."

"No, it...it's just not right for me," I said, looking down, color coming to my face again.

"Well, okay. Fine. But, you know, I don't guess I really approve of the way you live your life either."

My head snapped up to look at her!

"What! Why not? You think I should be having sex?"

"It's not that, exactly, Rikku," she said, shaking her head, "It's just...I've seen so many girls, our age, you know? And...Rikku, they're married to guys they don't love...they just thought they loved them because they were trying to be good girls and wait and they got, uh, horny...really horny. A lot of them are, you know, Yevonite girls, who go to church and they were seeing this guy and they liked the guy, and they had these feelings and these hormones running all through their bodies, and they think it's love, and they end up married and pregnant, and they're teenaged mothers..."

"I'm not..."

Linna reached out and took my hand. Oh, uh...

"Rikku, if they just, you know, knew how to take care of themselves then they wouldn't end up like that, having kids when they're just kids themselves. So yeah, for a couple of years I wanted to give you this, and have this talk. I wasn't exactly looking forward to it, but I'm your friend and friends look out for each other."

"Lin, you know, it isn't like that with Auron and me! I mean, I guess it might have been, maybe, but it isn't! We both decided to wait, you know? I mean, I love Auron, I know I do, it isn't just being, uh, horny. And I know he loves me!"

"Maybe so, Rikku, but even if you do, well either way, if you've decided to wait then this will help you wait and not do it with him.

Um...I, uh, don't know. I mean, it kinda makes sense, but...

"Rikku," she said, "Please, do it for me! Well, that's not exactly what I mean, but you know what I mean! Besides, I don't think Auron would mind. You can ask him."

Okay, no! I mean, just NO! Huh-uh! I was shaking my head no no no no no!

"Okay, okay, Rikku! You don't have to tell him, but I bet he wouldn't mind. I bet he does it."

LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-I-CAN'T-HEAR-YOU!

"FINE, Rikku! FINE!" she said, pulling my hands away from my ears, "Just, just think about it okay? Promise me? Please?"

"Um, well...okay," I muttered, my face still all red.

"Okay," she smiled, getting up. She sort of patted me on the head and walked over to the door. "Thanks. So, are you sure you don't want me to show you a few tricks?"

I almost threw it at her! She laughed and ducked out, pulling the door closed behind her, and I just sat there on the bed trying to pull myself together.

I was still holding it in my hand.

Um...okay...

Well...

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I was sitting out on the point, looking out to sea, looking at the ruins out there. They tell stories about a treasure hidden in those ruins, you know. I mean, there are lots of ruins on Spira, and I guess they tell stories about hidden treasure in all of them, but it was still fun to think about, me and Auron going out there one day and finding tons of gil, and maybe some shiny jewelry.

I looked out over the blue ocean and thought about all the things that have gone on recently. My coming of age ceremony, and what I told Auron afterward. I told him I was ready now...and I am, you know? I mean, I'm still not absolutely certain, but when is anyone ever one hundred percent certain? All the stuff that Linna had said made me think about it some more, and I guess she's right. Not about...! I mean, what she said about girls who rush into things for the wrong reasons...that makes a lot of sense, but I really don't think I'm rushing into anything just because I'm, uh, horny. I really think I love Auron, and he loves me, and it'll be all right if we both feel it's all right.

And if I'm making a mistake...well, it's an honest one, you know?

And then there's the other thing I'm still thinking about...Moontown. That worries me too, because if I make a mistake there, it isn't just me and maybe Auron that I'm hurting, it's, well, it's everyone. Not even the Al Bhed. Everyone. I know I wanted this, I wanted to start helping Auron with his work, but...well, I'm just worried that if I screw up with that sort of stuff, it's other people that will suffer.

I'm not sure I could live with that. I'm not sure I'm that grown up.

I think I'm getting a headache.

Oh.

The crest...the crest has sorta been keeping a low profile since the whole Ratcatcher thing. Maybe it was sulking. And there were some times I coulda used someone to talk to, but I guess all the warnings Auron gave me maybe got to me.

But I pulled out the little bag, and I looked at it a moment, and then I shook out the crest into my palm.

"Uh...hi."

_Hello, Rikku._

"I, um, we haven't talked much lately, I guess."

_No. You've been busy, and I was meditating._

I stared.

"You can't meditate!"

_I bow to your superior information._

Stupid sarcastic crest.

"So, uh..."

_I wish to congratulate you on your coming of age, Rikku._

"Oh! Thanks!" I smiled down at it.

_And I wished to give you my gift._

I blinked. I guess I didn't expect that.

"Oh, well, you don't have to. Uh, but if you really want to, well, thank you! Um, what is it?"

_Close you eyes, Rikku._

Okay...

_Now turn your head. A little more. Lift it a little. Now...open your eyes._

I opened my eyes.

_Look, Rikku._

Huh?

* * *

**Auron:**

Someone tell me what I'm doing here, hanging from a rope with a teenaged girl, hundreds of feet above the ocean, being lowered onto probably unstable ruins from an airship. Someone tell me, because I really want to know.

"WAHOO!"

At least she didn't yell directly into my ear that time. On the down side, she was swinging us both from side to side now.

"WHOA HOO! AURON! ISN'T THIS GREAT!"

Yeah. Great. And by the way, do you know the state of my swimming skills?

"AURON?"

"It's great, Rikku."

"WHAT?"

"IT'S GREAT, RIKKU!"

"YEAH!"

The last dozen feet or so were an adventure. Rikku just jumped off, twisted a little, and landed lightly on her feet like a cat. I didn't, but Rikku's brother is a gifted pilot, and I only hit the surface moderately hard. Rikku was already looking around as I cast off the rope. It didn't help that the entire surface was canted to a 35 degree angle.

"Okay," she said briskly. "Let's look around. Should we split up?"

"Can we?" I asked, glancing over the nearby piles of debris. The entire structure was covered with what looked like broken machina. It was even underfoot, crunching as we walked. I wasn't sure there was enough relatively open space to allow us to split up.

"Hm, maybe not. Okay, you stick by me, I'm the scout!"

True. Rikku set off in the lead, looking for the traveler's sphere the crest had told her about, creeping uphill through the piles of whatever, stopping occasionally to check the ground carefully. I followed, alert for fiends and trying to remember how she talked me into this expedition. A gift from the crest...I know that didn't convince me. She said something about exercise. That must have been it.

The path we found over the surface of the structure was rather narrow, but we made steady progress until we the open space seemed to peter out. We were at a standstill. Rikku looked around, trying to find a way through, or perhaps something of monetary worth, when suddenly one of the nearby piles of machina rubbish heaved itself up, and resolved itself into four combat machina.

"Auron! Look out!" Rikku immediately rushed into disable the largest...she's very good at that. But while she was doing that, two others started toward her while the last one turned in my direction. She slipped aside from one, but couldn't get out of range of the other...

"Ughn!"

"Auron!"

The combat droid slammed into me as I threw myself between it and Rikku. She started toward me, but before I had time to shout for her to finish him she was already turning that way. We were still tangled up, it was mostly on top of me, and the others were trying to find a way around us to get to Rikku.

"Auron, hang on!"

"Rikku, just finish them!"

She did something to cause the big machina to collapse just as the other two decided to go over us rather than around us. I scrambled out from under, shoving the dead machina into the charging one and knocking it aside while Rikku dealt with the third. The last machina righted itself and went for Rikku, but I threw myself in front again. We bounced off each other, and before it could attack again, Rikku rushed in, slide under in and back out quickly. Rerunning it later in my head, I realized she had reached up and done something in the instant she was underneath it. It quivered for a moment, gave a rush of black smoke, and then collapsed in on itself.

Woo.

Hoo.

"Auron, are you okay?" Rikku said, leaning over me with a worried expression and a potion in her hand.

"I'm fine, Rikku. You?"

"I wasn't the one throwing myself in front of those things!"

No, you were the one playing tag with killer machina. I shook my head, and levered myself to my feet.

"No, Auron, you stay down and rest a minute...I'll look around."

She was gone before I could reply, scrambling over a low spot in the surrounding rubbish. I realized it was the empty space where the machina had once been.

"Hey Auron! Look at this! It's a chest!"

So it was. When I reached her, she was carefully examining a standard looking treasure chest. I waited while she finished.

"It's safe," she said, pulling it open.

"Oooo!"

"Rikku?"

"It's a targe! A nice one!"

She lifted it out and examined it closely, turning it over in her hands, holding it close to her face, shaking it and listening.

"I think it's got elemental protection," she said. "I'll check it out when we get back."

She put it away and looked around.

"So, Auron, you think this was it? This was what the crest wanted me to find for my present? I wonder how it knew this was here."

"Hm, Rikku? The crest said to look for a traveler's sphere?"

"Uh, yeah," she answered, frowning a little.

"Well, I've known the crest for a long time, it tries to be precise. Do you see a sphere around?"

She scrambled to the top of a tall pile of junk. It shifted and settled a little under her, but she stood up straight and looked all around, shading her eyes with one hand.

"Hmmmmm...nope."

"Huh. Rikku, I know it might seem like, er, cheating...but why don't you just ask the crest?"

"Oh, uh...maybe we shouldn't do that..." she muttered, still looking intently at the horizon, face turning a little red.

"Rikku? Why not?"

She mumbled something that I didn't catch, refusing to meet my eye.

"What was that?"

"Well, I said I don't exactly have the crest. I...lent it to Rin, as a favor, you know?"

Hell.

"Rin asked you..."

"No no," she said, "The crest asked me. And well, it had just given me a gift, so I couldn't say no!"

"Right. Gift."

"Uh, you're not mad? Are you? It's just until we get back."

"I'm...not mad, Rikku," I said, standing up. "Let's find your sphere."

"You sound mad. Kinda."

"I'm not mad. This is what I sound like when I'm not mad. Let's go."

We made our way back the way we came, taking more time to look around, me assuring Rikku I wasn't mad, and thinking about what Rin and the crest were up to. Soon, Rikku was happily chattering about various Al Bhed salvage missions that she had been on, and the quote cool things they had found. And about her favorite music. And about pets her friends had had. We reached the place where we landed, and started working our way into new ground. The going was slightly easier in this direction. Things opened up a bit, the way wasn't as twisty and narrow.

"Hey, Auron? When's the last time you had pie?"

Well that's random.

Well so, when was the last time I had pie?

"I suppose," I said after a moment's thought, "I suppose it was when you and I had that picnic, back in the Calm Lands."

"Auron! That was ages and ages ago! You can't go that long without pie! Terrible things could happen!"

I didn't know.

"You should have had pie when we went to that all-night pie shop after the play in Luca! I had pie!"

"Rikku, it wasn't an all-night pie shop, it was a regular café, and they were too polite to close while we sat there talking."

"We should open an all-night pie shop, Auron! You should open one, and that'll—THERE IT IS!"

There it was. A travelers sphere shone at one side of a little clearing. I moved close enough to feel the healing energy remove the last strains leftover from the earlier combat. Rikku was looking all around, searching for treasure in some form or another.

"Auron, am I crazy, or is this a door?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

Don't answer that! Heh. But it was a door, ya know. It was the cutest little hidden door you ever saw, with a tough little lock that took me almost twenty minutes to pick. Auron was on the sphere, talking with the airship, telling them what was going on. More-or-less. (You know that you can use travelers spheres for real-time communication as long as they're in line-of-sight, right? Well, not exactly line-of-sight, cause like the spheres on the airship are inside, but I mean not below the horizon. That's why we could talk directly to the airship while we could only send overnight messages to, say Luca.)

"Got it!"

We went in together. Okay, so maybe it was kind of spooky. The inside was like a wide stone corridor, and it was lit up like the inside of the cavern of the lost fayth, sort of glowy.

"Rikku?" Auron said, stopping and looking around with a frown, "Do we know what exactly this is?"

Nope. Just that the crest pointed me here as a gift. I shook my head and took his hand (the right one...the left was in his jacket again) and tugged him forward a couple of steps.

"Auron, it's a dungeon, and I bet that means there's treasure!"

He shook his head, and I thought he maybe sighed, and followed me in.

**Auron:**

Rikku was animated and cheerful, more lively than I've seen her in a long time, and my heart lifted even as I wondered where the hell we were. She was bouncing with energy but still careful as she checked every few feet for traps and made small marks on the wall with a but of colored chalk. The place was hardly a maze, but fine. The Ronso Scouts have a saying...Arggh Ga Nohh. It translates roughly as, Be Prepared. Or, Be Prepared to Separate an Enemy From His Spleen. Either is correct, really. Good advice in any case, and I knew Rikku had elemental gems ready. They're her standard means of attack now. You know, she hasn't really faced any serious combat since...I suppose since Zanarkand, months ago. The fiends on Besaid and Kilika hardly count. I wonder if she's actually missed it.

I stayed close to her, watching for any attack as we made our cautious way down the corridor running south, both of us listening closely and trying to move silently. This reminded me a little of being in the Alpha and Omega dungeons, so many years ago with Braska. Pleasant thoughts, I grimaced to myself. Ten yards, twenty, thirty...about fifty yards in, the hallway branched. On the left, the hall went about twenty yards east and ended in a solid looking door, while just up ahead of us we could see that the main corridor turned off to the west. Huh. No doors in the Omega Dungeon. Rikku turned to me with a gleeful look on her face and carefully went to check the door. There didn't seem to be a lock. I stayed where I was, watched up and down the corridor, and tried to keep an eye on her at the same time.

After expertly searching for traps, she looked back at me and nodded, prudently stepping back to let me lead the way. In as natural a movement as I could make it, I opened the door and walked in, sword in hand, hoping if anyone or thing was inside, it would be taken off-guard by the casualness of my entrance. There was no one inside. The room was about thirty my thirty, stone wall, floors, ceilings overhead, the whole place a little better lit than the corridor.

"Oooo! Chests!"

Chests, three of them. The room was empty otherwise.

"Watch for traps, Rikku."

"Uh huh, sure, Auron," she answered distractedly, scampering over to the nearest. She started running her fingers over the surface, and I saw her frown a little.

"There's...something weird, Auron. About the chest."

Suddenly she was scrambling back, and the chest burst open, except it didn't, it burst into pieces and the pieces were hanging in the air and I heard a roar.

"It's a mimic!" I yelled to her jumping in with a slashing attack that it shrugged off. I think. Hard to tell.

"A what!" she yelled back, getting to her feet,

Mimic. The Omega dungeon was infested with them. Big and tough...

"Big and tough, hard to kill," I said, staying between them. "They pretend to be treasure chests."

It was swaying, first towards me, then her. There are different types of mimics. All I could really tell was that this wasn't the flyer. Then it was darting forward, past me, striking at Rikku, and I threw myself in its path.

"Ungh!"

I felt like a ton of bricks had smashed into me, then Rikku was there with a potion, and she was throwing a fire gem. It rocked the mimic, but like I said, they're tough.

**Rikku's Diary**

Why isn't he ducking!

**Auron:**

It flailed at Rikku, trying to get past me to her. I took the hits, and counterattacked while Rikku unleashed her elemental gems and healed me. It took time, but we eventually wore it down. It wasn't one of the Omega types after all, and it was notably weaker. But that didn't make it easy. I sucked in a lungful of air as it finally went down, and struck pose number two. That's the way it's done.

**Rikku's Diary**

Whew! So...what's in this chest?

**Auron:**

Rikku!

**Rikku's Diary**

Oopsie!

* * *

**Auron:**

After we finished the second mimic...

**Rikku's Diary**

Heh heh?

**Auron:**

...and rested, we went on past the western turn in the hall. Forty yards down, we saw another door to the north, in about ten yards, and the main corridor turned back to the south just ahead. I wanted to leave the room to the north alone, but Rikku argued with me.

**Rikku's Diary**

What's the point of exploring if we aren't going to see what here! Right? Right?

**Auron:**

Feeling this wasn't really the time or place for a furious whispered-shouting match, I gave in. Rikku checked for traps and I led the way through the door. The room was just about the same as the last one, including two chests. I grabbed Rikku as she jumped forward.

"Hey!"

"No, Rikku. You can search the room, check out everything except the chests!"

"Auron! We don't even know they're not real chests!"

I just looked at her.

"Auron! We got maybe twenty-five thousand gil each from those last ones!"

I didn't say anything.

"Auron, it wasn't even that hard! It's not like we were in any danger!"

I didn't speak.

"I mean, yeah, you got hit a couple of times, but...but...OH FINE!"

**Rikku's Diary**

Hmpf! I've got half a mind to show him my present! My special present! See him go all red in the face! Meanie!

**Auron:**

I sighed and leaned up against the wall as she pouted off to search the room. I didn't expect her to find anything, and she didn't. She was still looking wistfully back over her shoulder at the chests and making little whimpering noises as I dragged her out the door.

Lord, I'm glad she doesn't have her shovel.

We went around the turn carefully, and were moving south again. Thirty yards in we came to a short cross corridor. There were doors ten yards to the east and west, and another door ten yards ahead of us to the south.

"Rikku?"

"Um, the door ahead of us is, kind of fancy, isn't it?"

It was, I nodded. The east and west doors were the same as the ones we'd been through. The door to the south was distinctly fancier. We moved forward slowly, Rikku being even more careful checking for unwanted surprises, but without finding any. Soon we were at the door. It was just as solid-looking as the others, but carved with bas relief representations of people and fiends, and it did have a lock.

"Rikku?" She was examining it closely.

"No problem," she answered absently, pulling out some tools and going to work. "Just gimme a minute!"

It took longer than a minute, but not much, and then I carefully pushed the door open and looked in, Rikku behind me, peering past my shoulder. Nothing immediately jumped out at us, and in fact I couldn't even see any chests from where I stood, so we edged in. The room was round, larger than the others, about twenty-five yards across, with a high, domed ceiling. A line of bas-relief carvings ran around the walls about head-high, in too poor condition to make out easily. The room was empty except for another door directly across from us. I took a breath, but didn't smell anything in particular. I walked over to look at the second door.

"Auron, these are words!"

I turned to see Rikku examining the carvings.

"Look, this is a "P", and this is a "T"..."

I joined her, looking at the carvings she pointed out. She was right. We started puzzling them out. She was better at it than I was, able to see the patterns and make out words that I couldn't until she pointed them out to me. She pulled out some paper and started making notes, as happy as if this were a cloister trial. Twenty minutes later, she turned to me smiling.

"Okay! Here's what I think we've got! Ahem!

"Leave the first, it'll be okay

"Steal from the second to open the way

"Capture the third, and let the last stay

"And from that last one, you will run away!"

Alllllright.

At least she was enjoying herself. She was beaming. I almost smiled back, but as she finished the last words, the room dimmed, and I could feel more than hear a low rumble.

"Uh..." she started, looking around. I pushed her back toward the nearest wall just as the room went completely dark, just for a minute, then the light was back, and we were no longer alone, and the door was gone.

Cue the battle music

**Rikku's Diary**

Fiends!

What's going on! One minute we're all, you know? And then it's all dark, you know? And now there's fiends! Auron threw himself in front of a big bomb that was aiming at him anyway, but it's the thought that counts, and he swung in a counter-attack and yelled at me to stay away from the cactuar!

**Auron:**

Not just fiends, but annoying fiends! Have to watch out for 1000 needles. And an urn? I jumped to the right.

"Ungh! Rikku, take out the mech!"

**Rikku's Diary**

Um...um...wait wait wait! Uh, a cactuar, a mech, a bomb...the bomb moved again...

"Wait! Auron! Don't kill the bomb!"

**Auron:**

What!

**Rikku's Diary**

I've almost...GOT IT!

"Rikku?" Auron said, settling into a defensive crouch.

"Auron, do you still have the thing from the Zookeeper? The capture thingie?"

"Yes!"

"Then use it on the bomb! But nothing else, okay!"

He muttered something under his breath, but hauled out his capture thingie, still keeping between me and the fiends. I saw the mech coming at him, and I slipped in and reached out and twisted away slick as a greased ice flan and the mech broke into a tumble of parts. Huh? I got a key? Auron swung a huge blow, and the bomb exploded into pyreflies that were sucked into the sword-capture-thingie! Yeah!

"Auron, don't attack the cactuar! And leave the urn alone!"

**Auron:**

No kidding.

**Rikku's Diary**

The bomb and the mech were done, and the cactuar just sort of jumped at us a couple of times. My fingers kind of itched, but I managed not to rush in and steal from it. The urn ignored us.

"Rikku?" Auron ground out, falling back a little, "Explanation?"

"Auron, Steal from the second to open the way...Auron, I stole from the mech to beat it! Ahh!" I flinched as the cactuar jumped at me, and Auron couldn't help but swing at it, but it dodged, turned a little summersault, and scurried away.

"Where'd it go!" Auron asked, holding up his sword and looking around, darkly.

"It ran away! Leave the first, it'll be okay...that was the cactuar! Steal from the second to open the way, that was the mech! Capture the third...that was the bomb...and let the last stay! That means the urn! Leave the urn alone!"

**Auron:**

No kidding.

**Rikku's Diary**

"And now, we, uh, we..."

We both just stood there, sort of looking at the magic urn.

**Auron:**

I really hate these things. I really do.

**Rikku's Diary**

"Uh, well, let's just back away slowly, k' Auron?"

I grabbed his hand to keep him from doing anything stupid, and pulled him back. Then the room went all dark again, you know? And then it was lighted up again and the door was back and there was a chest in the middle of the room!

It was a puzzle! And we solved it! We had to deal with the fiends in all different ways! Steal from the mech, you can't hurt an urn, so leave it alone, if you leave the cactuar alone it'll run away eventually like no other fiends do, so that leaves the bomb that you have to capture! (What happens if you don't have a capture-thingie? Different poem?) And that leaves you alone with the urn, so you run away from it! I smiled up at Auron. He didn't have any expression on his face.

Then he shook his head and said, "Well, at least it didn't have anything to do with spheres and pedestals."

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

There was an agility sphere inside the chest! That could come in handy. Of course, we've already got a few, but Auron hasn't let any of us use them. He cocked his head a little to one side when I held it up to show him.

"Keep it, Rikku," he said, "For your collection."

But under the sphere was a note...

_Welcome thief, from the leader of your guild. If you got in, I know you're a thief, and if you got this far, I know you're good. But you can be better. But you have to be tough. Spira's a tough place. The next test is past the door, and the prize is past the test. Good luck, and best to ya._

I finished reading it, and turned and kind of bumped Auron who was right there reading it over my shoulder even though I had read it to him. He shook his head and sighed a little bit, looking at the door, muttering, "Games, why is Spira full of games?"

Huh?

"Auron, that's were we are! I mean, this is where we are! I mean, Auron, I know where we are! This is the thieves guild! Or, like, one of them!"

"Thieves Guild?"

"Yeah, Auron! You know I'm a thief, right? And well, there's like this guild that all the thieves are supposed to belong to! But, uh, thieves don't work together so good, you know? They don't cooperate much, so the guild can be kinda hard to find. I mean, well, I never ran across them before, or met any other thief who did. Except, um..."

**Auron:**

Oh.

**Rikku's Diary**

"Your mom?" he asked quietly.

"Um, yeah. She told me some stories. She was a really great thief, you know. Lot's better than me."

He put his arms around me and hugged me, not saying anything for a minute.

"I know she'd be proud of you," he said.

Yeah.

"So, um, this is one of their places, you know?" I said. "There's supposed to be another in the Sanubia Desert, and some others I think Mom mentioned. And I never knew, but now we're here!"

"All right, Rikku," he smiled, straightening up and looking at the door, "Ready?"

Oh yeah!

* * *

**Auron:**

I ducked under the ponderous swing, razor claws coming close enough to ruffle my hair, and cut at the boss, hurting it. It let out a low bellow of pain and rage but it wasn't badly hurt and it came at us. It was big, but slow, and I could attack and still have time to get back and guard Rikku. She stayed back as much as she could in the cramped room and used her elemental gems, but they didn't have much effect. It spit some sort of acid and I ducked underneath while Rikku rushed in to steal.

"Auron, should I do a mix?" she yelled, "I still have two gambler's spirits!"

Tempting, but, "No!"

I wanted to save those for—

**Rikku's Diary**

Uh, hey, Auron? Let's, uh, just shorthand this, 'k?

So, we beat the big monster!

**Auron:**

What?

Hmpf.

**Rikku's Diary**

Yeah...anyway...

After we figured out the fiendish puzzle (get it? get it?) we unlocked the door with the key and went through into the next room and beat the big old monster that was waiting there and when the lights came back on there was another door there in the far wall! No chest though. We healed each other up quick, and then I checked the door for traps. The note said this was the test, and maybe it meant some big trap was the test instead of the boss fiend, cause that would be clever misdirection, you know? But no, no traps here, so Auron and I looked at each other and he tried to stay all cool and stoic, but he was excited, I could tell!

**Auron:**

Hmpf.

**Rikku's Diary**

So we opened the door together and stepped through. And I'm not sure what I expected, but...

"Uh...hi?" I said.

The man looked up at us. I could tell he was short, even though he was sort of sitting on a chest. He was wearing bland brownish clothes and a stocking cap, and he had a big, long nose, and kinda close-set eyes.

"Hi. So...you want to be a better thief?"

"Uh...yeah?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, uh," I snuck a quick look at Auron, and he shrugged. "Well, for better cash and prizes!"

"Huh," he nodded. "And, which do you want more?"

"Um, cash or prizes?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, well, you know, cash is always in style!"

"Huh," he said, and then he faded away.

Well that was odd.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

A couple of hours later we were back at the agency. We'd gotten out of the, dungeon I guess, and the Dad picked us up, yelling about where we'd been and looking hard at Auron like he thought we'd been up to something. Auron went to get washed up and I was back at the overlook where this all started, sitting with the whole ocean spread in front of me, and a view of the ruins we'd jest left. After the guy had faded away, I got the chest open and—

"Rikku, have you figured it out?" Auron asked, coming up behind me.

"Yeah, I think so. I think they're something called designer wallets, and you know what?"

"What?" he smiled down at me. I smiled back.

"I think...I think...that I can use them to squeeze more gil outta the fiends that we kill!"

"Hm...how does that work, Rikku?"

"Magic!"

**Auron:**

Naturally. That's what people in Spira always say when they don't know how something works.

I looked down at her bright, sunny face and listened to her as she burbled on about how to mix this and that and these other things together, and all about the extra gil that it would bring us, and what we could do with it. I didn't pay attention to the words, really. I just nodded as she talked, and enjoyed the happy sounds. And I suppose I have to feel some gratitude to the crest for providing her with this amusing little adventure, this excuse to be happy. Rikku was made for happiness. She isn't happy all the time. Who is? But I think that it's when she's happy and full of energy and life that she is most truly herself. She is more...Rikku.

I worry sometimes about how she will feel when I am gone. I worry about bringing tragedy into her life. But Rikku's known tragedy before, and she's still Rikku. And now I know that when I'm gone, she'll grieve, but she won't weep the rest of her life. She will survive, and she will be happy.

She can't help herself.

"Hey! Are you listening to me!"

"Of course. And so all of this was a present from the crest, eh?"

She nodded.

"Mm-hm!"

Well, good.

"So," I said, settling down next to her, "Did you get any other interesting gifts?"

Huh.

Okay, so what does that look mean?

**Next: Old School**


	72. Old School

Hey. Not a lot to say. I've lost some momentum writing, but that's why I wrote ahead. I got my dates mixed up and thought the House soundtrack was coming out last month instead of this month. Oh well. I'm looking forward to getting it, and of course to the new season. Texans look better this year. I think Vegas is putting the over/under at five and a half. I think they'll beat that easily. Huh, guess that's all this time.

So, dosclaimer, the operating system isn't mine...sorry. Puns are, perhaps, a low kind of humor. Of course, it's FFX that isn't mine. It's an aurikku, but a gradual one. In fact, you know, I think one place where some aurikkus fall down a little is when they have Auron and Rikku start out antagonistic to one another, where she really hates him because whatever, and he holds her in contempt because whatever, which is fine...it isn't the way I went, but it's a way to go. But then, they become attracted to each other or they become friends really quickly, so quickly that it really strains the plot. I can't really say about Rikku, but it seems OOC to me that Auron would change his mind that fast. Well, it's just a thought. Uh, where was I? Oh yeah. AU, and rated -T-.

And this chapter and the next one are for vandevere, for being such a constant reviewer. Thank you. Hope you enjoy the chapters.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

The guys are here now. I missed them some, but, while we were waiting for them, Auron and I talked more. We talked about this and that, training and thieving and Spira and stuff, but also about some important stuff, you know? I mean, some stuff that's been bothering...well, no. That's not it. We just...we just had a lot to say, about a lot of things from a long way back, that's all been piling up, you know? Until it became a great big thing, you know? And so we finally talked, not about all of it, or even the most important stuff. But it's a start.

* * *

**Old School**

* * *

**Auron:**

We talked.

Not about, well...there are still things that I can't tell her. I still have secrets, and I don't know what will happen now when she finds them out. I thought I did, once. I was sure she would hate me. Not a childish, hurt hate. But a real, bone-deep hatred of what I am, that my not telling her would only exacerbate. But now I'm not so sure. She's surprised me so many times.

Am I fooling myself, thinking it might not be the end when she finds out? That I won't hurt her as badly as I think? I don't know. In any case, we didn't talk about that. In the evenings, we sat in the common room of the agency, sometimes playing board games, sometimes reading, but usually talking, about what she was learning from the reports, about the future of the Spira, about people and places, and about little things that had bothered us. She was angry that I never told her that the Zookeeper was unsent. I'm not sure why, but I apologized in any case.

We had been at the Mi'ihen Road agency about a day and a half, arriving late two nights ago. People here woke up that morning to the fairly amazing sight of the huge airship hanging overhead. They still stared up at it from time to time, Al Bhed and Yevonite both, as they went about their daily business. Rikku and I took rooms at the agency, but most of the Al Bhed would stay aboard the ship as we waited for Yuna and the others to arrive. Yesterday we went to those silly ruins offshore that I never even knew were there. It might have been a waste of time, but I couldn't begrudge it when I saw how happy it made Rikku.

Rikku still seems...not depressed, but quieter sometimes than she usually is. Not always...but sometimes. I knew she had made up with her friend, but I suppose she was still sad over learning of Yenath's death. That's understandable. And I think maybe her coming of age ceremony affected her more than she expected. Now she was officially an adult among the Al Bhed, and not quite sure if she should be acting different...more grown up. And of course, she still isn't completely well.

Rikku hides her sorrows like they're something to be ashamed of. Not from me...not any more...but from other people. It's not that she pretends to be happy, but that she pretends that she is happy always. No one is happy always. Many are happy never. And Rikku is not perpetually happy, no matter what some observers might conclude. She is not shallow, and she is not silly. Like all of us, she is made of parts. But more than other people, she has a great talent for happiness. She has a genius for it. Sometimes she is morose, and other times she is a petulant little teen-ager. She is unhappy in common little ways, as are we all. But when she is happy, that happiness is born somewhere deep inside her, it comes from some fundamental part of her being, and it shines out through her eyes and her smile, her face glows and her body seems to vibrate like she can't hold it in, like she'll burst if she doesn't show it, if she doesn't share it. I wonder what she will become...and I wish that I could be here to see it.

So we passed away the evenings in conversation while we waited for the others.

The days...

**Rikku's Diary**

The early-morning air was cool and the sun was warm on my back. I could hear the bees buzzing and the distant kwehs of the chocobos as I crouched low, my claw in place, targe ready...

Auron faced me, large and powerful, he looked like a mountain about to fall on me. He was barehanded. I was bouncing slightly on my toes, waiting for him to make the first move...I shifted to the left, his eye tracked me...don't look at his eye, watch his hands, watch his feet...

His hand darts up, slapping at my face, I twist to the left, get inside, my targe bashes the inside of his wrist while I slash his chest with my claw, then I twist again and I'm back outside his reach.

"Point," the Al Bhed marine master sergeant said. I stepped back, grinning. Auron didn't change expression at all. He stepped back too, to the edge of the training circle, and turned slightly to address the sergeant, never actually looking away from me.

"Do you see?" he asked.

See what?

"Yeah," the sergeant said, rubbing his chin and looking at me. What? What? "She's fast...but not fast enough."

"Hey! I'm plenty fast!" I said. "I just took you out!"

The sergeant shook his head, and Auron asked, "Rikku, how often have you been training with Tidus, recently?"

"Oh, well, we haven't really had a lot of time since the Calm Lands, you know. So, uh, maybe...twice? In Luca...um..."

Dammit, I was hurt! And you gave me all that homework! And, and stuff!

"Rikku, we were busy, it's true," Auron said, stepping out of the circle, ending the match. "But Tidus began tailing off your training because he thought you were reaching a crux."

"Huh?"

**Auron:**

I remember how Tidus put it back on Besaid...

"Auron, we're getting to a point of diminishing returns. She's about as good as she can get without going back to fundamentals. I can teach her some more tricks, but as far as the basics go..."

Yeah.

Tidus is a light fighter, much faster than I am. That's one reason he was training Rikku in the first place. What he was saying was that Rikku was fast, but she wasn't very well taught. After breakfast I suggested a training session to get her some exercise. I also asked one of the senior instructors from the marines to observe. I wanted his opinion on Rikku's skill.

"Piss poor," he said.

"HEY!"

No, tell me what you really think.

I nodded my thanks and he walked away, Rikku still shouting after him in Al Bhed.

"Auron!" she said, turning to me. "I'm not as good a fighter as you or Tidus, or I guess Wakka, but I know I'm fast!"

"You are fast, Rikku, but what Tidus saw, and what the sergeant saw, was that you don't really know the best way to use your speed. And what Tidus told me was that you've gone as far as you can unless we go back and correct the basics. I didn't want to do that before, because it will actually hurt your fighting for a while. But once you've learned, you'll be ready to get much better than you are now."

She crossed her arms and looked at me in a skeptical fashion.

"Auron, isn't fast, fast?"

"Rikku, let's go back to the circle.

No time like the present.

**Rikku's Diary**

Okay! We stepped back into the circle and I whirled around, ready! No taking me by surprise, like when I was a beginner! He just stood there, relaxed, waiting. Some small Al Bhed kids were watching, betting colored rocks with each other. Auron just stood there, like he was daring me to make a move. Damn it, I know Tidus beats him all the time in these practice thingies! I'm faster than Tidus!

Okay, I bouce up on my toes, feint left! Feint right! Ducklowandcomeinfromundernownownow—

"GAHHAHH!"

What are those yellow things with the feathers? Who's that guy? What am I doing on my back?

ARE THOSE YELLOW THINGS LAUGHING AT ME?

"Rikku?"

"Rikku...?"

That sounds kinda right...

Oh...yeah. Rikku...me.

"Auron? Uh, wha'happened?"

He reached out his hand and helped me to my feet. It wasn't the yellow things laughing, it was a stinking bunch of Al Bhed urchins! They ran off shrieking when I shook my fist, me almost falling except that Auron caught me.

"I'm afraid I happened, Rikku. We were sparring. You took a clip to the head. Your short term memory should catch up in a couple of minutes."

Ohh mannnn...score one for the old guy in the red suit. I always knew Auron was stronger than I was, and I knew he had more endurance, but I was faster! I always thought that meant something! Like maybe if we ever fought for real, I could, I dunno, maybe get lucky, or something. I know he says I'm smarter than he is, and maybe I am. But I just wanted to outclass him in one thing, physically! Just one! Is that too much to ask?

"All right, Rikku. Let me try to explain what happened."

"Yeah...sure...fine..." I said.

I heard him sigh.

I wasn't sulking!

We stepped back into the circle, and I flinched away, ready, as he reached into his coat. My eyes widened when he pulled out...a balloon? Uh...a red balloon? He pulled it between his hands, stretching it, and them put it to his lips and blew. Blown up, it was smaller than a blitzball. He tied it off, and reached out to an Al Bhed kid I hadn't noticed was still standing around. The kid handed Auron a stick, and Auron tied the balloon to the stick and handed it to me. I took it gingerly, cause this might all just be a distraction to get me to let down my guard and sucker-punch me, and then he'd tell me this was a lesson about not getting distracted...but no. He just handed me the balloon, and then took out a semi-short knife from his coat. He held out the knife toward me, and backed away until he was kind of turned toward me and his arm was extended all the way out.

"Okay, Rikku," he said, pulling his arm back and standing normally, "You're fast. I'm not. I'm going to strike at the balloon with this knife, all right? And you try to pull the balloon back in time."

All right, I nodded, cocking my head to one side and then the other.

Okay...okay...I was balanced up on the balls of my feet, I was shifting my weight slightly from left to right and back...I was watching the knife in his hand...I shook my head, I shouldn't be watching his hand, I should be seeing everyth—

His hand twitched, and it was coming at me, arm slicing towards me, his body twisting, throwing himself forward! I jerked the red balloon back and the blade missed it by two inches! HA! I stood there grinning as Auron stumbled a little, getting his feet back under him. I reached out a hand to steady him.

"Oooh, so sorry," I purred, "Guess those old reflexes just aren't up to it, huh?"

I saw him frown a little.

"Again," he said, tonelessly.

Hey, as many times as you want big guy.

We stood in the circle again, and this time I was watching his whole body, not taking any chances...I didn't want—

His feet twitched! He was crouching, twisting, throwing out his arm, the knife streaking in...it wasn't moving faster! I know it wasn't moving faster, I saw it not moving faster! I was pulling away the balloon, but it felt like slow motion!

Bang!

And then I was staring at some sad tatters of red hanging from my little stick.

"What did you see, Rikku?"

"You weren't faster!" I said, scowling a little...

**Auron:**

Pouting.

**Rikku's Diary**

Scowling!

"It was a trick," I said, "You weren't faster!"

I know people would think he was faking the first time, not going as fast as he could, but I saw! He wasn't any faster!

"I wasn't faster, Rikku, but the blow was. And yes, it was a trick. What did you see?"

I forgot this whole all-seeing master bit he can pull when he's training you. Hey, it was cute back when I had a crush on him, but we're in a relationship now!

"Show me again," I got out through grinding teeth.

Instead he turned to the kid again, holding out his hand, and the kid put a recording sphere into it. I opened my mouth, but Auron tossed me the sphere and I hadda let go of the stick and grab for it.

"It's all there, Rikku," he said, with a calm, piercing look. Then he turned away and left the circle. I was watching him walk away when I saw him stop and shake his head and turn back.

**Auron:**

Idiot! She's your girlfriend, not some warrior apprentice.

"Er, want to get lunch now, Rikku?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

I was sitting cross-legged on my bed in my room at the agency, shoes and socks off, looking at the sphere. I sighed, sparing a minute to look around at the big pile of reports I still had to go through. Maybe it wasn't actually all that big, but there was still a lot. I was learning a lot about Spira, about all the different people and places and how things really worked. And I wanted to know that stuff, so I could help Auron and help the Al Bhed too, and even help Yunie...I'm still her guardian, you know?

But right now, it all just felt like homework.

Okay, I told myself sternly, shaking a finger at myself, first you do your work, young lady. And then you can work on customizing a weapon with those thirty (drool) designer wallets! And maybe after that, if you're a good girl, you can work on trying to steal a few smoochies from Auron! Sound good?

Sounds good.

But first...

I held the sphere up to my face and activated. It was zoomed close on Auron, not his face, but his body. I saw him attack the balloon (that sounds weird) knife-hand slicing towards it, arm moving, body twisting, throwing himself forward...

I saw me pulling it away, Auron stumbling...wow, was that a bratty look on my face! I wanted to slap me! Recording cuts off. New sequence...it's still Auron with the knife...feet shift, pushing him forward, throwing out his arm, knife coming at me...he isn't moving faster, he might even be moving slower, but...suddenly the knife is there, and POP, no balloon.

Sigh. I'm missing something. Back to the start and watch it again. Knife slicing, arm thrusting, magnificent torso twisting...bratty grin. Then, feet shifting, body twisting, knife slashing...pop. Watch it again.

And again.

Again.

"Rikku!"

"Huh?"

Auron was standing in the doorway, holding a tray.

"I asked if you were hungry?"

"Oh, uh..."

My stomach rumbled, and I realized that I was hungry. I looked out of the window and saw the sun was getting low, and I hadn't had anything since lunch. So Auron came in and took off his coat and we ate together, sandwiches and fruit and little fruit pies for dessert.

"I can see something," I said, in between bites of Auron's fruit pie, "There's something different—I mean, duh, but there is something that isn't the same, but I swear it doesn't look like you're moving faster."

He nodded, then stood up, brushed nonexistent crumbs from his tunic, and pulled some sort of pen or something from a pocket of his coat. Then he went over to the wall and made a mark, about head-high. His head. Head high on me would have been a lot lower.

"All right, Rikku," he said, pulling a small knife from somewhere and turning to me, "Watch."

He was about four paces from the mark when his hand flashed out and the knife was suddenly buried in the wall, right where the mark was. He turned to me.

"Fast?"

I guess. I nodded.

Then there was another knife in his hand and he was twisting back toward the wall and his arm flashed out and there was a second knife in the wall, right next to the first. He turned to me again.

"Fast?"

I looked at him, playing it back in my head. There was something...

"Show me again," I said, and he walked over and pulled the knives put of the wall and repeated the exercise. Then he turned to look at me, and I pulled out the recording sphere and ran through this morning's session again.

Knife slicing, arm thrusting, body twisting...

Feet shifting, body twisting, knife slashing...

"You're moving your hand first!"

I looked over at him, he was standing there smiling at me.

"Yes, Rikku, I moved my hand first. What does that mean?"

I shook my head.

"I don't know," I said, "But that's what's making the difference."

Suddenly, without warning, he twisted and his arm flashed out and a knife sunk into the wall. He turned back to me.

"Watch," he said.

And then he started throwing the knives into the wall and pulling them out again and throwing them again, over and over, gradually going slower and slower, until it was clear what was happening. The very first thing he did was set his feet, and then he would twist his body around, shifting his shoulders, and then his arm was moving, and then his wrist. I never even noticed the wrist moving until he slowed things down.

After a while he pulled me to his feet and we started a practice session, right there in the room.

"No, Rikku," he said, "You're moving your hand and wrist first, and then your arm. You need to do it the other way. This is the difference that you finally saw."

He demonstrated. I tried it, but it just didn't seem natural, and I was way slower that way.

"I know, Rikku," he said. "Rikku, when you move your hand and wrist first, and then your arm, and then your upper body, you're dissipating energy. Some of the effort that you're putting into moving your shoulders is coming from the energy that you've already put into moving your arm, slowing you down. Not much, but some. But when you set your feet and legs first, then your entire body is already moving, you see? And so when you twist your upper body and shoulders after that, that movement gets added, and then you start moving your arm, adding that movement on top of the rest. And so your wrist and hand are already moving at great speed when you finally bring them into play. All of the movement and power of your body are concentrated in that hand."

"But it doesn't feel faster!"

"No, because you've been doing it the other way for your whole life. It will take time to retrain you, and you'll actually be slower until we have. But afterward, you'll move faster than you ever did before. You'll also have more power in your blows, but that's secondary for you. For light-fighters like you, it's all about speed. In time, you might want to not move your body at all, even your shoulders. But even if you only use your arm and wrist, the principle remains...arm first, and then wrist."

"And Tidus learned this way?"

"Yes, in Zanarkand."

And Tidus can beat Auron five times out of five...in practice.

"It seems awkward."

"It's subtle. You'll learn."

"Okay," I said, mopping my brow and falling back on my bed. Auron settled in a chair.

"Hey, Auron?"

"Yes, Rikku?"

"We just lost our security deposit on the room."

* * *

**Auron:**

For Rikku, reading is a very active pastime. She is never still. She constantly shifts from one position to another...now laying on her stomach, propped up on her elbows with her feet kicking aimlessly behind her...now on her back with one foot crossed over her knee, foot bobbing, her head hanging over the edge of the bed...now on her side, one arm curled under her, slim legs wrapped around a pillow...now on her back once more, papers held up in front of her face, her feet propped on the wall, legs...spread...wide...

I blinked. Don't think about that. I sighed mentally, and tried to put those thoughts out of my mind.

You know...Rikku is sixteen. In Zanrakand, the legal age of sexual consent was sixteen, except that if two people were within two years of each other it was thirteen.

But in Zanarkand you could buy a five year old girl on the street for enough gil, so I wouldn't take them as your model.

Zanarkand was a sick puppy of a place.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We finished eating and I figured it was time for me to get around to some of those reports. Otherwise, the pile just keeps getting bigger, you know? Auron stuch around for a few minutes and kept me company, but then he left suddenly. I don't guess it's that much fun just to watch someone reading. What would you think about?

I didn't feel like reading more about the Church or Bevelle or even Luca, so I picked out one that described Ronso society. That was kind of interesting. Ronso life centers around two things, the clan, and the mountain. The sacred mountain, Gagazet colors every part of a Ronso's life, but it seems to be a personal thing, private to each Ronso. It must have really hurt Kimahri to be exiled from Gagazet, even more than it would have hurt an Al Bhed to be exiled from Home. It must have almost been like he wasn't really a Ronso any more. I think he must have, I don't know, like transferred all of that feeling for the mountain to a feeling for Yuna.

The other thing, the clan, that's how Ronsos mostly relate to each other, through the clan and through clan relationships. The most important clan relationship is the family clan you're born into. That they are, I mean. I remember that those two Ronsos, Biran and Yenke, called Kimahri their brother. I don't think they were literally brothers, but they were in the same clan. It made them probably cousins, but they were clan brothers. Ronso are very loyal to their clans, but the idea of clans goes beyond family.

Ronso clans, except they call them societies, handle every part of Ronso life. Like, someone has to keep the area where the Ronso live clear of fiends, you know? So it's a society that does that. Actually more than one...the Yahrow Khah, the Eehaa ra Haugh, and the Hhaghah Ya (Bloody Horn, Hammer of the Sky, and, uh, F-you). And someone has to grow the food, so a society does that, the Full Belly, or Prryee Hhasaa. And Ronso healers are all in the society called Zeeghah Rhee (The Strong Survive...that name kind of bothers me for healers). The Ronso blitzball team, the Fangs, are actually a society. So a Ronso is bound on all sides with all kinds of clan relationships, his family clan, his society for whatever it is he does, some social society that they joined to relax and meet other Ronsos. (Ronsos are supposed to marry outside their family clan.) Like, there's societies for getting together and talking about scent boxes, a Ronso art form. And all of these clans and societies have their own rules and traditions. Some are more secret than others, and there are some really powerful and secret ones that no one knows much about, like even who's in them. And then on the other hand there are other societies for Ronso who just like to fly kites.

It all got me to thinking about all the things the Ronso and the Al Bhed have in common. We Al Bhed have clans. That was how we mostly lived, as separate clans scattered all across Spira, before Dad gathered a lot of us together to build Home. And our work-gangs are sort of like the Ronso societies. Clans are still kinda important, but not so much now. They work a little different than the Ronso clans. I belong in the Sun-Moon-Stars clan, aspect of sky, cause clans in the Al Bhed come down through the mother. Dad belongs to the Fire-Heat-Ashes Clan, aspect of flame. Like I say, it's not a big deal now, and if I wanted to marry another Sun-Moons-Stars I probably could, except I want to marry Auron. That thought made me smile and I sort of drifted off into thoughts about me and Auron, and the Al Bhed and the Ronso, just sort of drifting wherever my thoughts took me.

It all seemed strangely familiar, and then I was remembering little pieces from my dream...Preacher Mika, Miss Lulu, Colonel Auron...

There was something teasing me, something that happened up on the mountain...

Something important...

Something...

I remember!

Auron!

* * *

**Auron:**

"Rin."

His head jerked up and he stared just for a second, wide-eyed, before his normal urbane mask covered his features once again.

"Ah, Sir Auron, how may I help you?"

He had steady nerves. I will allow him that. I hadn't actually talked to Rin since the day I almost threw him from the airship. It seems as if he's recovered. I've rather been avoiding him since, not really trusting my self-control, and I get the idea he was staying out of my way as well.

"A word with you, Rin."

"Certainly," he answered with a bland smile.

"Short of killing you," I said, "I don't think there's any way that I can separate you from the Luca Network. You and your master are in too deep."

I thought I almost saw one eye twitch when I said the word master, but he stayed silent.

"And both Cid and Rikku would be upset if you turned up dead," I went on, "So, you may keep your connections with the Luca Network, and assist with the relocation to Moontown. You are to stay away from Luca itself. And you are not to look for the people that I have watching you."

I think his lips almost quirked in an amused smile.

"Of course, Sir Auron. Is there anything else?"

I held out my hand, palm up.

He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. Instead, he reached into his jacket and pulled out a small bag. He placed it in my hand, and opened his mouth again, and then closed it, bowed slightly, and turned and walked away.

Very well.

When he was gone, I made my way up to the top deck. I passed various Al Bhed crewmen and marines, but none of them spoke to me. I stepped into the open, and walked over to the edge of the deck, and then stood looking out over the Mi'ihen Road, the agency, and the sea. I still help the crest in my open palm. I felt a childish desire to force the crest to speak first, but that was foolish. I knew the crest could wait here for years without speaking.

"I want to thank you for yesterday," I said, still looking out over the ocean. "For the gift you gave Rikku, for the smile on her face."

I knew the crest was listening, but it didn't respond.

"That man, the one who spoke to me, that you spoke through him to me...he put his arm on mine and sent me visions. You were in Luca, and I know that your power doesn't reach so far."

The crest still didn't reply.

"You killed him," I said. "You used his energy, sucking his life out of him."

Silence.

"Don't have anything to say?"

_Think of him as a hero, Auron. He gave his life to save the innocent._

It wouldn't say anything else.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Auron! Auron, I remember!"

I was still on the deck of the airship, looking out over the water. I hastily stuffed the crest into a pocket and turned as she came running up to me, pony-tailed hair flying, face bright with excitement.

"Rikku, what? You remember...what do you remember?"

"Auron," she panted.

"Rikku, calmly! You're still not entirely healed..." she found the breath to blow a raspberry at me, "...now, what is it you're talking about?"

"Auron, (puff) from my dream, you remember? I told you about it, about you and me and Yunie and the Tidus Kid and Colonel Kelk, you remember?"

She was still breathing a little hard.

"I recall, Rikku. You said you didn't remember much, but that you thought there was something important in your dream."

"Right, and I still don't remember much, it's all just bits and pieces, but I was reading the report on the Ronsos, and it jogged a memory, or a part of a memory! About the mountain!"

"Gagazet?"

"Yeah! I mean, maybe. I just know there was a mountain with Ronsos on it, and we were there! You and me!"

"Okay, Rikku."

"Auron, there were Al Bhed there too! And they were fighting, not fighting the Ronso, they were fighting the Guado! And so were the Ronso! Auron, they were fighting the Guado together!"

I frowned.

"And this is what you needed to remember? The thing that was so important?"

"YES!"

"Rikku..." I sank down to the deck, pulling her down beside me. "Rikku, tell me what is so important about remembering that."

"The Al Bhed, Auron! This is how to keep the Al Bhed safe!"

"Rikku," I said slowly, "I've thought about an alliance between the Al Bhed and the Ronso. It has some interesting points, but there are also problems. The Ronso are not in good shape right now, and most won't be willing to enter an alliance with the Al Bhed that would lead to war against the Church. Many of the Ronso don't follow Yevon now, but many others still do. The community is divided."

She was shaking her head, impatiently.

"No no no no no, Auron, not an alliance against the Church or against Yevon," she said. "I mean an alliance against the Guado!"

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, so I closed it up again while I thought about that.

"It's perfect, Auron! Don't you see! Seymour destroyed both Home and the Ronso communities on Gagazet! They're both out for revenge anyway, so it makes sense to join together! And if they're not against the Church, how will the Church react to it?"

Yes. How?

"Relations between Gagazet and Yevon are delicate right now," I muttered, thinking. "The Church doesn't want to lose the alliance of the Ronsos, especially now when they have so many other problems. They've sent messages...damn it, there was something about this in the latest briefing papers I got, or maybe the bunch before that. Rikku, go get your reports and bring them to my room."

Grinning, she darted forward to peck me on the cheek, and then she was back on her feet and running for the agency. I turned to watch. She looked very happy. This all sounded very interesting, but...I just hoped at the end of it all, that I didn't have to tell her no.

I don't want to tell her no.

I wonder what will happen if I do.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We were in Auron's room going through the background reports on the Ronso and Guado and the Church and the situation in the north, and combing through the briefing notes that Auron gets, looking for relevant stuff. There was a lot of interesting things in there that I hadn't known about. Did you know there are still at least two summoner parties still trying to make the pilgrimage? They still believed the Church lies instead of the truth! Some squads of Al Bhed marines had landed in the Western Isles to protect the people there from fiends. It seemed like everyone in Bevelle was buying weapons and hiring fighters. No one knew where Seymour was. Someone thought they might have found a sigil for some celestial weapon. Stuff like that. But I tried to ignore all that and concentrate on the stuff that was important now. Auron and I picked out the things we thought could be important and showed them to each other, and we bounced thoughts and ideas off each other. I think I'm starting to see why Auron wants me to know this stuff. I think I really can help. I do seem to see some stuff that he misses. I mean, it might have come to him later, but some of it is obvious to me, and doesn't seem to be to him.

Could I actually be better at this stuff than he is?

"All right," he said finally, "Here's what we know. The Ronso have a blood-feud, but aren't entirely sure who with. Many of them blame Yevon and the Church, but others don't. They all, however, blame the Guado. Generally, the Ronso blood-feud is private, but the Ronso will accept that the Al Bhed also have a legitimate blood-feud with the Guado, and might be convinced to ally with them against the Guado."

"Check!"

He gave me an exasperated look over the tops of his lenses, and went on.

"The Church desperately wants to keep the allegiance of the Ronsos, especially with the current unsettled situation. The Ronso are weakened now, but if they survive the next five years, they'll rebuild rapidly."

"Check!"

Evil glance number two,

"What the Church is doing," he went on doggedly, "Has been to send messages to the Ronso trying to convince them that Seymour was acting as leader of the Guado when he attacked the Ronso, rather than as maester of Yevon. They're arguing that no one in the Church in their right mind wanted the Ronso's attacked. Which is true, by the way, and the argument has kept the Ronsos from blaming the Church so far.

"Chhhhhhheck!"

Gritted teeth.

"Rikku?"

I can really hear the teeth.

"Auron?"

"Is this really the time?"

Huh. Spoilsport.

"Okay, okay, go on," I said.

"At the same time," he said, "Most of the Church, especially Mika, doesn't want to lose the Guado alliance. The Guados are more powerful right now than the Ronsos and Al Bhed combined. If the Church regains control of the warrior monks, then the Yevon-Guado alliance is by far the most powerful on Spira. So what they've been doing is sending quiet messages to the Guado Tree Families urging them to lay all the blame on Seymour. Very few people in the Church are concerned with protecting Seymour Guado, even Mika. And the Ronso might just possibly accept that. Some of them are arguing for it, especially the Ronsos that have close ties with the Church."

"So," I said excitedly, "So if the Ronso and the Al Bhed make an alliance against the Guado, not against the Church, what will the Church do? Auron?"

I could see him thinking about it for a minute, calculating.

"Right now, the Church doesn't want to do anything to upset the Ronso. I don't think...THINK...that the Church would risk an open attack on Ronso allies, as long as the alliance wasn't aimed at the Church itself."

I took a deep breath.

"Okay Auron, so, with a secure base at Moontown, and with a solid friendship with Luca, and with a firm alliance with the Ronso...will the Al Bhed be safe?"

He put his head down, concentrating.

"Those three things," he said finally, "Plus the Al Bhed rebuilding their Home, should secure the survival of the Al Bhed."

I could feel a big, wide smile starting to spread across my face, when he said, "But, there are a couple of problems, Rikku."

Yeah...

"Um..."

"First, the Church wants to keep the allegiance of the Ronso. But is that what we want?"

Yeah...is that what Auron wants? Or would he rather use Seymour's attack to break the Ronso away from Yevon?

"Auron," I said slowly, "I know it can be important to break the Church and the Ronso apart, but...the Al Bhed are important too...right? I mean for your plans, whatever they are, doesn't the Al Bhed people surviving help? That's important too, isn't it?"

He didn't say anything.

**Auron:**

Who's making this decision? Is it the strategist who's trying to win a war?

Or is it a man, who loves a young woman?

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Rikku," he said, and then shook his head and said something under his breath, "All right, yes, Rikku, it's...important that the Al Bhed survive, to me and my plans."

ALL RIGHT!

I let out a relieved breath I hadn't known I was holding and smiled smiled smiled. I think I felt a little giddy!

I don't know...I don't know what I would have done if Auron had said no.

Whatever I had to, I guess, to keep the Al Bhed safe.

But he didn't say no, and now I know how to keep the Al Bhed safe! WE know how to keep the Al Bhed safe!

"There are still problems, Rikku," Auron said firmly.

Oh. Yeah. I slumped a little.

"It won't be easy to get the Ronso to do this," he said.

"It's a really good idea," I said.

"That doesn't matter, Rikku. The Ronso still have no leader. There's no one in a position to make this decision for them. And it is a large decision, and the Ronsos are sure to be divided over it. So what happens when one would-be Ronso leader comes out in favor of it?"

"The rest'll be against it?"

"Not all of them, but many. And then it's no longer a decision really, it's a political issue. Politics is somewhat...robust...among the Ronso, but it does exist. And we don't want this to become just one more thing that the Ronsos talk about and nothing happens."

"So...we can't do anything, even bring it up, until the Ronsos pick a leader?"

"It would be best if..." he paused, "The best thing would be a quick decision, giving the Church a _fait accompli_."

"Oh..."

Neither of us said anything for a moment.

"Auron...?"

"Rikku."

"Are you, uh, well...helping the Ronso pick a leader?"

He looked over at me.

"Do you mean, am I interfering," he asked flatly, "Manipulating the Ronso, plotting who I want to take over, Rikku?"

"Uh, uh, well, yeah, I guess that's what I mean. Are you...mad?"

He took a breath.

"I suppose I am," he said, turning away with a scowl. "I don't know why. You're right. I am plotting."

"Oh, well," I said, reaching out and laying a hand on his arm, "Well, so am I, you know? Plotting to keep the Al Bhed safe! It's...it's not so bad. We're only trying to help them!"

**Auron:**

Wonderful. Associating with me has brought her to a place now where she no longer sees anything wrong with mass manipulation. Oh well done, Auron.

**Rikku's Diary:**

His hand came up to cover my hand.

"Right," he said, "Help them."

"So, so what are we doing? We're not, uh, killing anyone...are we?"

"That would be counterproductive at this point," he said. He took another deep breath and let it out. "In fact, we are acting subtly to try to keep anyone from getting power right now."

"But don't they need a leader! Not just for this, but for a lot of things, like making them accept help!"

"Yes, but none of the candidates right now would be particularly good leaders—"

"In your judgment," I broke in.

"Right," he said, not looking at me, "In my judgment. And it doesn't help them even to have a leader who wants to accept help if he isn't strong enough to convince the others. Yes, the Al Bhed need a leader—"

"Al Bhed!"

He glanced up.

"No, sorry, I meant the Ronso. The Ronso need a leader badly, but a weak leader would be worse than no leader right now, now when so many critical decisions have to be made."

"Auron...are you still thinking about Kimahri?"

He didn't answer me.

"Auron, you know I think he'd be a good leader, but...how do you get the Ronso to accept him? You can't keep them from picking a new leader just on the off-chance? Auron? Auron, do you have, have a plan?"

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Huh.

You see, the Ronso have a prophecy. It's called the Kaagh-Go-Rhii. It's all about a great leader who'll come to the Ronso people in the time of their greatest danger. And there are signs so that they'll know it's him. Or her. He'll come bearing strong weapons, long hidden. That's why Auron sent Kimahri to Besaid, to find a hidden weapon. He's trying to fit Kimahri into the mold of the prophecy.

I don't think Kimahri knows.

I sat with my back to a pillar on Mi'ihen point looking out at the ocean and trying to think. This is Auron, trying to manipulate everything and everyone again, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I know the Ronsos need a leader, a good one. But it still...doesn't seem quite right. And Auron's not just manipulating the Ronso, but Kimahri, one of his friends. Maybe his best friend! Who isn't, you know, dead.

And I'm helping him.

Except that the big dope won't listen to me. I mean, hidden weapon? It's obvious, isn't it? It's talking about the Ronso celestial weapon. But Auron won't admit it! Man, he hates those things! Well, I know I can convince him, given a little time.

But, should I?

I need to help the Al Bhed.

But I don't want to manipulate Kimahri.

Or anyone.

I think.

I saw a speck of movement out of the corner of my eye, and turned. Someone was coming up the highroad. Of course, someone is always coming up the highroad, but...I felt a smile stretching my face.

It's them!

**Next: By the Fireside**


	73. By the Fireside

Hey. Sorry I'm behind on e-mails. To anyone affected, I 'll try to catch up soon.

You know, when I have time I like to read other Auron and Rikku stories. People are writing some nice one-shots, but I especially enjoy the multichaptered ones. It looks like some of the stories I've been following have been abandoned, which is too bad, but that's in the nature of fanfiction. It happens. But more surprising and encouraging is that several stories that I thought had been abandoned are being updated again, some of them after years. You can certainly look at that as a positive development, one that I'm happy to see.

I wasn't entirely happy with the last chapter. I've tried it before...that is, I've written that Auron was the greatest warrior of his generation, but I've tried to show it, in fight scenes and training scenes and so on, and that's what I was trying to do more of here. Not sure how well it came out. This chapter also has some issues. I didn't know where to put it. I've moved it around some, and pushed it back a couple of times, and finally decided to drop it here. (The chapter that I said would be here will be next chapter.) And I have to say that none of the conversations exactly went where I intended them to go, but that's how it is when you writing dialoge.

Anywho...

Disclaimer, FFX isn't mine. Spoilers. It's an aurikku. (That's not a spoiler.) It didn't start out that way, and if I hadn't made it an aurikku it would probably have been finished by now. Certainly it'd have been shorter. This is about a relationship that is built gradually. It's somewhat AU, and rated somewhat -T-.

Like last chapter, this one is for vandevere. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**Soldier Of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

It had never seemed like the right time, you know? Before this, I mean, the right time to talk about...stuff.

I knew—we both knew—that we had a lot of important stuff to talk about, and that we had to talk about it sometime, but there was always other stuff to talk about, y'know? Like, well, like sex. Or we had stuff to do and so we were all busy and stuff, too busy to talk. Or sometimes we even had a little fight or something and I didn't want it to blow up into something big by bringing up all this other stuff. Or if we were getting along real well, I didn't want to spoil it. And so we hadn't talked about some things, and then so much time had passed and it would be all awkward to bring it up, like opening an old wound, and I just never knew how to bring it up with him, and maybe he didn't either, y'know?

It just...never seemed like the right time to talk about it. But now, when it's just the two of us here on our own, sitting around the fire in the evenings, waiting for the others to get here, and we're talking about so many other things...now maybe it did.

**Auron:**

Hey Auron? Do these shorts make me look fat?

Why couldn't she have asked me that?

Yes, I would have said. Very.

But no. She had to ask me something awkward instead.

* * *

**By the Fire**

* * *

**Auron:**

I was keeping a close eye on Rikku, and I was prepared for trouble because of it. In Zanarkand, teenagers and younger people in general tended to think that the world revolved around them. It's a natural assumption in the young. It's one of the attitudes that defines youth. The realization that it isn't true, that the universe does not revolve around yourself has to be taught, either by your parents and your church and so on, or by time and circumstance. The second is called growing up.

Tidus lost both his parents early in his life, and he has experienced other hard things in his time. The aunt and uncle that he lived with didn't really want him there, and he knew it. They weren't cruel. But he knew. His first girlfriend was killed. And now he's found out the truth about himself, and about Sin. Tidus is young and loud, brash and full of self confidence, but he is a good deal less self-centered than most people his age in Zanarkand, because of the things that he's gone through. They forced him to grow up fast.

In Spira, it's hard to find any teenager who hasn't lost a relative to Sin or to fiends. It's not hard to find teenagers who've lost everyone. That's one reason why young people in Spira tend to be more mature than the people his age that Tidus knew in Zanarkand. It's one of the things that surprised him when he arrived here, that people Yuna's age and Rikku's age and Wakka and Lulu's age are out doing the things they do. Young people on Spira grow up fast. But of course, having said all of that, even a mature teenager is still a teenager, and in spite of her maturity, I try to remember how young Rikku really is so that I don't overburden her with unreasonable expectations. So when I kept my careful eye on Rikku while we waited at the agency for the others, to make sure she was all right and didn't overexert herself, I knew that she knew that I was doing it and I was prepared for her to be resentful and immature about it. And you know, it isn't only Rikku's maturity that marks her as special, but also her, erm, immaturity?

I, uh, I love, both things about her. The fact that even here in Spira Rikku can hold onto her childlike hope and innocence is remarkable. Here, in the face of her own pain and all that she's been through, she can still smile, and her face can fill with wonder at a rainbow or a simple spray of sunshine breaking through a cloudy day. It makes her very, very special.

But it also means that sometimes she's not grown up, sometimes she's just a whiney sulky illogical unreasonable teenaged terror. Not often, but sometimes. And she's been sick, recently. So I was prepared for her to pout or throw a tantrum because I was making sure that she didn't push herself harder than was good for her. But she didn't. She just looked at me sometimes and rolled her eyes and shook her head with a smile. During the days we trained together, lightly to begin with, and she started to build her speed. We also took time to explore the local area a bit and just spend some time together. In the evenings we sat together and talked.

"Auron, why do you manipulate people?"

What a...mature...question.

We were alone in the common room of the agency. We had wandered in after eating dinner together, and Rikku gravitated toward the fire as she always does. I glanced up and around the otherwise empty room before meeting her eye.

"Does it bother you very much, Rikku?" I asked.

"Well..." she said slowly, "It did, and now maybe it doesn't so much anymore, mostly, and well, that kinda bothers me. That it doesn't bother me so much now. Like I've gotten used to it or something, or just don't care. And then..." she trailed off.

"Rikku?"

She scrunched her face a little, staring into the flames.

"And then something happens and it kinda, I dunno, reminds me. Like...like with Kimahri, and the Ronso. I mean, I understand why you're gonna manipulate the Ronso, Auron, I really do, I guess. But..."

But she worries. So do I. I mean, I worry that Rikku is changing, because of me. I remember that I worried whether I was making my decisions as a strategist, or whether I was starting to make them as a man who is in love with a young woman. And that is something I have to worry about.

But I'm also worried about her.

I'm worried that she's becoming like me.

But she's waiting for my answer. I told her once, back in the Calm Lands. But maybe she wasn't ready to hear it yet back then. Maybe it's only now that she can understand.

"Rikku, I told you once that I don't want Yuna and the others to be puppets..."

"Hey, Auron!" she said, her head popping up to look at me. "I'm sorry I said that back then! I shouldn't have."

"No, it's all right, Rikku. I'm just trying to answer your question. I need Yuna to make her own choices, others too, but especially Yuna. If she doesn't make the choices herself, then it's all meaningless. But still, it's so vitally important that she makes the correct choice. Like whether to die at Zanarkand. I could have forced the choice I wanted. I could have just stopped her from getting the final aeon, and she would have lived."

"But then it's not her choice," Rikku said, nodding. "So you manipulate her."

"Yes, Rikku. I push her into a relationship with Tidus, I stress Lulu so that she'll be less persuasive, I keep the truth to myself until the moment when it will have the most impact on her, and I allow her pesky, perky cousin who will never never agree that sacrificing herself is a good idea to join her guardians. All so that when the time comes, Yuna will make the choice I need her to make."

"Lulu's got a crush on you," she said, not looking at me.

Where the hell did that come from?

"Lulu doesn't even like me."

"She—"

"She tried to use me as a distraction. She would have used me to keep her mind off other things, she amused herself by making you jealous—"

"I NEVER WAS!"

"—she possibly was trying to use her body to compromise me..."

"Did she?" Little smile.

"You know she didn't."

"Um, just making sure?"

"Rikku—"

"Okay, so that's Lulu! But what about Kimahri? He's like your best friend and you're manipulating him like you do everyone else!"

Her mind was jumping around all over the place.

Wasn't it?

"Rikku..."

"I mean he must really trust you and, and—"

"Rikku...are you afraid that I've been manipulating you?"

"Um, well..." she muttered. "Oh, Auron!"

Damn, she knows me too well. She saw that she had hurt me. No one else would have known.

"Auron, I'm sorry!" she said, eyes wide, her hand reaching out.

"It's fine."

"No, don't say that! Not to me! I hurt you! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it!"

"If you were worried," I said, sitting back in the chair, "Of course you needed to bring it up."

"A little worried, Auron! I was just a little worried, and I knew it was stupid, and I, I just wanted you to tell me it was stupid so I could stop worrying about it! I didn't think I'd, um, hurt your feelings. I'm sorry!"

"Rikku, it's fine."

"It's not, or you'd be trying to consol me, not sitting back in your chair being all It's Fine Rikku! Auron, I knew I was being stupid, and I thought you'd know I was being stupid too! You know I trust you!"

"I know you trust me, Rikku," I said.

"I do!"

"I said you do."

This is getting ridiculous.

"Auron," she said softly, and ran her hand gently up my arm, "I told you I was, you know, ready. Doesn't that show you how much I trust you?"

How does it always come back to sex!

She's a teenager, that's how.

"Auron, doesn't that show that I trust you? Doesn't it?"

"I said I believe you, Rikku. You don't have to prove anything to me."

She shook her head, annoyed now.

"Auron, don't you remember what you told me! That we can't be blamed for the way we feel, only the things we do? This was just a stupid little feeling that I couldn't help! Doesn't the other thing show that I trust you? Not just to, well, do it. But also that I'll wait, if you want to wait, and I won't even ask why? Doesn't that mean anything?"

I did say that. I told her that. And she believed me. She took me at my word. And now...

I'm an idiot.

I'm overreacting. This isn't some big thing, this is a small fight...this is slamming doors and angry silences, and maybe a husband sleeping on the couch for a night. That's all this is. So why am I treating it like something serious, blowing it out of proportion? Because I just wasn't expecting it, that's why. I wasn't expecting that I would care about little stuff like this, like that time on the airship a few days ago when I was angry at her when she lashed out at me because her friend had been killed, and now this. A couple of other times I can remember, too. I've never cared very much before, not with any woman. I always let the small stuff, the little everyday hurts and misunderstandings roll off my back.

But not with Rikku.

Because it means more? Hurts more?

Whatever. I sighed out a long breath.

"You're right, Rikku. I was being stupid. Acting hurt and stupid. I'm sorry."

It doesn't mean I'll let her get away with lashing out at me for no reason. But I'm supposed to be the adult here. I'm the reasonable one. She sat back on her heels looking at me with a funny expression on her face.

"Wow."

"Rikku? What?"

She shook her head.

"Just...just sometimes something happens to remind me that you're not like other people."

I beg your pardon?

"Like...?" I said.

"It's not the red coat and sunglasses, or the massive arms, or the fighting skills," she said. "It's things like this. Like making a mistake and owning up to it right then and there, no ego, no excuses. It's just...it's just one of the ways you're so special."

And there we sat.

Two people, each thinking that the other one is special.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We spent all of our time at the agency together, just him and me, talking and doing things and just looking at each other and being together.

Well...almost all of the time. I mean, we had to sleep sometime, y'know? And, well, I did have all these reports to read. And he did go off on his own sometimes to do secret stuff, and sometimes I visited with Pops or Brother or Linna or the other Al Bhed on my own. But we almost always ate together! Uh, except for that one time I stayed up so late reading stories I got off the sphere net that I overslept and missed breakfast. I found some about a spunky young girl who was involved with this totally hot older man! Those were good! Well, some of them were better than others, cause different people were writing them, y'know, and some of them were funny and some were really romantic and some were angsty and tragic. (And boy, some of them really put that girl through the wringer!) All sorts of bad stuff happened to her! Rapes and abuse and miscarriages and then sometimes he'd rescue her and sometimes she'd die in his arms.) And some of them were, um, kinda dirty! Hee!

But hey! We spent a lot of time together! Okay? Talking and stuff! Talking about...well, lot's of stuff.

A lot of stuff...

**Auron:**

One evening at the agency, Rikku finally told me about the worst day of her life. The worst day of Rikku's life was when I said someone else's name while I held her up on the mountain. That surprised her, that that was her worst day. She would have thought that it was the day she lost her mother, but somehow it wasn't, and she felt guilty that it wasn't, and maybe a little frightened that someone else had so much...power...over her. Losing her mother had been terrible, but it hadn't changed her. Rikku, I mean. If anything, it had made her more, hm, herself. More Rikku. The same with the destruction of the Al Bhed Home. It might have broken her, but even if it had she would still have been who she was. Just...broken. But when I said...someone else's name, it was like...

"It was like I, I dunno," she said, looking down at her toes. "Like I didn't want to be Rikku anymore, I wanted to be someone else, someone it didn't happen to, or someone who didn't care. I don't know. It's hard to explain."

The story poured out of her, and I watched expressions of pain and anger and despair flash across her face as she remembered. She finally opened up and told me what those days were like for her after that, her emotions on overload at first, just smashing her up inside, and then...empty. She told me about the hurt and the loneliness. It sounds like it should have taken hours to tell, but it was really a simple story, and it didn't take her long at all. I sat with her and listened to her and then when she was done, and after she had done, she was worried about me, said she felt guilty about telling me, because she didn't want to make me feel bad. She just needed to talk about it. She had been holding it in too long.

Of course it hurt me. Of course it did. But I wanted to hear it, because I didn't want her to be alone with those memories. They were a burden that I wanted to share.

"I'm sorry, Rikku," I said quietly.

That sounded...inadequate...

She was staring into the fire.

"I...don't think I am, Auron," she said, not looking up. "Sorry, I mean. That it happened, I mean."

"Rikku?"

I didn't understand, but she explained, wiping slow tears from her eyes. In the end, she said, she wasn't sorry, because—

"Because we got through it, and it makes us stronger. Not me," she said, smiling at me, "Except it does that too, but it makes US stronger, Auron. And that makes it worth it." She took a deep breath, that had a sort of hiccough in it. "The Al Bhed know that. It's the way you get strong, the only way, by getting through stuff. Auron? You know, well, you know what I'm scared of, between you and me."

I remember.

"That you'll make a mistake," I said, "And that I won't forgive you."

"Yeah," she said, looking down again, "That I'll make a stupid, stupid mistake with some other guy one day and that'll be it for us. And maybe that's a stupid thing to be afraid of, Auron, or maybe it isn't. Cause I think I would have made a really big mistake up on that mountain, if there had been anyone around except all our friends who really care about me."

She was shivering.

"Rikku..."

"And maybe, I dunno, maybe that's even part of the reason that I told you I was ready, now. I am, Auron, but, maybe part of it is so that if that does happen one day, well, it won't be as bad and horrible as it could have been, and whatever happened I'd still have that...that you were my, um, first. And you's always have that too. And you don't think so, you don't think that I would have made that mistake and I know you think that, but I think maybe you're wrong. But the thing is, Auron, because of all the stuff that happened up on that mountain, I think it's less likely to happen now. Because I care more about us because of it. And because I know how much I could get hurt if I lose you like that, and because I know I could hurt you, too, and I don't want to." She shot a glance up at me. "It was bad, I, well, I'm not ready to tell you all of it, not yet, but...I'm not sorry it all happened. It...scared me. I'm glad it scared me."

And then she was done.

What do you say to that?

It wasn't very coherent. It was what it was...a teenaged girl opening her heart and spilling it all out in front of me. All her pain and her fears and her hopes and her love and how do you answer that?

Tell the truth, I suppose.

"I am sorry that you were hurt, and, Rikku, now that we're talking about it, I want to explain something."

"Uh, what?" she asked, ducking her head a little anxiously.

"I was dreaming, Rikku. I remember that night that I went to sleep holding you on the mountain. I remember back then when I was actually stupid enough to think that I could hold you night after night and it wouldn't mean anything, not really..."

"Yeah," she cracked a smile, "That really was kinda dumb, Auron. I don't know how you could ever have believed it."

"I have superior powers of self delusion. But I remember that night. I was dreaming of Willa."

Her shoulders hunched a little when I said it, and the smile was gone from her face.

"It was a night in Zanarkand. I dreamed that Willa and I were coming back to the place where we lived after eating dinner out, and I remember she was in my arms and I was kissing her..."

"Great," I heard Rikku mutter.

"And I was surprised. That's what I remember, Rikku, how surprised I was in the dream."

"Um, why?" she asked, looking up, peeking at me from behind her blond hair.

"Because it felt right. Because it felt right when I was kissing her in the dream, like it didn't at the time that it really happened." I shook my head. "Like it never did."

Her face scrunched again, the way it does when she's working something out in her head.

"It didn't?" she asked me. "Ever feel right, I mean? Kissing her?"

"It felt, well, it was nice, but I never realized that it didn't feel right until right then, in that dream, when it suddenly did, and that's why I was so surprised. Because it felt right for the first time. And it took me a while to understand why it felt right in the dream, when it didn't that night when it had really happened in Zanarkand."

"Because...?" she whispered, and sniffed a little, and swallowed.

"Because it wasn't really her, Rikku," I said. "That was just a dream. That's why it felt right. Because it was really you, on the mountain. And it took me a lot longer to realize that than it should have taken a reasonably intelligent man to do, but I was still fooling myself back then. About how I felt about you."

And she smiled, there in the agency common room, next to the fire.

And her hand found mine.

And it was better.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I told him about those days, up on Mount Gagazet, you know? I mean, I told him most of it, but I didn't tell him the worst. I didn't tell him about those pictures I took, where I...around my...I didn't. I couldn't. I will one day, I guess. But not now.

I asked him about the worst day of his life, and he said he would tell me one day.

The next night we got to talking about Masamune, and Auron was telling me again about how he didn't trust the crest. I don't know how we got onto that. Hey, you know how sometimes you're talking, and you suddenly think, How did we get here? I mean, we're talking about breakfast cereals in Zanarkand, and you suddenly think to yourself, How did the conversation get here? And you try to trace it back in your head and sometimes you can and sometimes you can't and you have no idea why you're talking about red big balls or earthworms or your worst meal ever. So I don't remember how, but there we were talking about the crest and how it seemed to be keeping its head down recently and Auron was thinking it must be up to something.

I guess I didn't really understand why he was so worried about it, you know? It seemed to me that Auron had gone up against the crest a couple of times already and come our ahead, that time on Kilika and in the Ratcatcher thingie.

"It underestimated me on Kilika," Auron said, "And in the Ratcatcher...thingie. I took it by surprise. It won't let me do that again."

So one minute we're talking about the crest and then the next we're talking about Opehlia, and I have no idea how we got from one to the other.

**Auron:**

Rikku suddenly turned to me and said, "Auron? Do you think Ophelia is beautiful?"

Where the hell did that come from?

Rikku had been studying and training hard all day. I was proud of her, and the effort she's been putting in recently. I supervised her last few speed drills and then we stood together watching the sun go down before we went in to wash up. We shared a nice dinner, and Rikku ate both our desserts, and we went to sit by the fire for a while.

"Auron?"

Why do females ask questions like that? Be careful, Auron.

"Yes, Rikku," I answered casually. "I think Ophelia is very beautiful. On the outside."

"So, uh, did you and she ever..." she frowned suddenly, rewinding in her head my answer to her setup question, the question she had asked only so she could get to the question that she wanted to ask. "Um...on the outside?"

I glanced aside for a moment, into the fire, before I spoke.

"She is less attractive on the inside. Ophelia presents herself to the world, the small part of it that knows about her, as a very cool personality, collected and unshakable. In fact, she is utterly cold within. I do not find that very attractive."

"Like Shiva? I've seen how...boys...look at Shiva."

"Very like Shiva."

"Auron, since you brought it up, will you tell me why she looks like Shiva now?"

Small, inaudible sigh.

"I suppose I should. Rikku, you're Cid's daughter. Didn't you ever hear about Ophelia, and her place in the Church?"

"Well, no. I knew about Mika, and Jyscal, and that was about it. I, uh, wasn't really very interested in politics."

"I see. Well..."

"Isn't she kind of young? I mean, she's old, like twenty-five or thirty, but to be so powerful in the Church, I mean."

She stopped abruptly and blushed, looking at me and then quickly down.

"I didn't mean..." she started, and ran down.

"I know," I said, heaving a small internal sigh. She didn't mean to call me old. "Rikku, Ophelia hasn't changed at all since the last time I saw her."

"Oh," she said, still not looking up. "Well..."

"Rikku," I said, "Listen to me. She hasn't changed at all since I last saw her. More than ten years ago."

I saw her frown, thinking it over.

"Ophelia is unsent," I said, and Rikku's eyes flew open wide and her head snapped around to stare at me.

"WHAT! Auron, she's one of those THINGS! Auron, why didn't you tell me! She was...she was in my ROOM! I talked to her like she was a person!"

Thing?

"Rikku, I not sure that unsent are—"

"And the Zookeeper!" she flung the words into my face now, her spiral eyes blazing. "He's unsent too! Why didn't you tell me! Huh? They're just everywhere, trying to take this world away from us! Mika, Seymour, Jyscal..."

"Rikku, calm down!"

She was really upset...frightened and angry. She shoved me away.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" she shouted, and then threw herself into my arms. "Oh Auron, I'm sorry, but you should have told me!"

"I...didn't know it was that important, Rikku."

"Auron," she said, trembling in my arms from fear or anger or perhaps both, "They're like Mika and Yunabitcha and, and Seymour! They're a zillion times worse than fiends cause they can think!"

Well, some fiends can think. I held her while she ranted about the evil unsent and I tried to think. Braska warned me about this, months ago. He told me that Rikku had an almost pathologic revulsion of death. That's why they told him to tell me that I couldn't tell her. I wouldn't have listened to anyone else, but it was Braska. So I never told her, and now...

From what Rikku was saying it sounded like the entire Al Bhed culture feared and despised the unsent.

They never taught me that in monk school.

"The Zookeeper—" she was spitting, when I broke in.

"Mi'ihen."

"Mi'ihen, fine, whatever...uh..." her head pulled back and her eyes widened. "M-Mi'ihen? The Crusader Mi'ihen?"

"Yes, Rikku, the Crusader Mi'ihen. He was the one who started the Monster Zoo eight hundred years ago, and he's still there now."

"Why?"

"Well, that's an interesting question, isn't it?"

She opened her mouth, stopped, shook her head.

"I don't care. It doesn't matter why he's still here, he's unsent! That makes him one of them!

So much for distracting her.

"Rikku, have you ever known any unsent?"

Trying to get to the root of her feelings.

"Auron! Eww, no! Except for the ones trying to kill us!"

For a fleeting moment I wanted to shake her, and demand how she was any different from the Stalkers. But I held my tongue. I need time to think about this.

"She was in my room, Auron!"

"Rikku," I said, "If we meet Ophelia again, I need you to maintain you composure

"Ugh! No Auron, they're not real! They don't have feelings like the rest of us!"

"Rikku, we have to deal with them!"

"NO, Auron! THIS IS OUR WORLD! YOUR'S and MINE and our KID'S world Auron! Uh, I mean..." she ran down, mumbling, and then shook her head vigorously. "No, I meant it! Our world Auron, your's and mine and our kids. We're taking ot from them now and we're never gonna give it back! That's what makes it okay, Auron!"

"What?"

"You," she smiled, "And all your secrets and the manipulation and all the rest. It's always been okay, Auron, because it's war, your war, and I've always known what your war is really about! It's about life and death! I mean, all wars are life and death, but this is about Spira...does Spira belong to the living o the dead? Us or them? And I know it belongs to us but I couldn't even convince Yunie until that day in Zanarkand when I could because of you and I thought for so many years that I was fighting that fight all by myself while everyone else was just cheering and worshipping suicide like it was the greatest thing since machina sliced bread! And then you came, and I wasn't alone in the fight anymore! You and me, Auron, I know that we can win now! And now you're letting me help you, I mean really help you! I know we can win together!"

She looked at me, eyes shining with wild enthusiasm, chest heaving a little, out of breath.

"Auron?"

"Yes...I mean, right, Rikku. We'll win."

We'll beat...them.

Rikku is in her room now, in her bed, sleeping. She said she needed a lot of goodnight kisses to protect her from nightmares about the unsent. She wasn't serious, but...

I came back down to the common room and drew up a seat by the fire. The flames don't capture my eye the way they do Rikku's, but that night I stared into them for a long time. How could I have been with her all this time and not realized this about Rikku? I always knew that Rikku didn't care for the unsent. Few people do. But I never understood until that night that she had such a strong pathological hatred of them.

Us.

Rikku of course is the utter embodiment of life. Sp does that make me the perfect embodiment of death? Hoe...symmetrical. I thought it did once. But that was before I knew Rikku, and before I loved her, and I started to finally see myself the way that she saw me.

But did she ever really see me?

Suddenly, for just an instant, I wanted desperately to run. I wanted more than anything else to fling open the door and rush out into the darkness and flee as fast as I could, as far as I could.

I didn't move.

What will happen when she finds out, as one day she must?

Logically, she will hate me. As much as she loves me now, and I do believe that she loves me, she will hate me all the more because of it. And she will suffer greatly. I should have told her long ago, but Braska ordered me...asked me...not to. Too dangerous, he said. We don't know how she'll react. She could jeopardize The Plan. I had my doubts, but now I think he was correct. But we're past that now. The Plan is far enough advanced that Rikku might hinder it if she broke away, accused me to the others and split the party, took the Al Bhed off on some independent course, spread her story about me far and wide. She could do some damage, but The Plan can't actually be stopped at this point, only defeated.

She could break your heart, Auron.

Just like you'll break hers. Logically, that is what will happen.

What do I do? Close my eye and hope it all just goes away? Ignore the problem altogether, pretend it doesn't exist? What's the point to that? I don't see how this can turn out well.

But I continue to hope.

That isn't like me.

That's something she taught me.

I stared into the flames a long time that night.

**Next: The Highroad**


	74. The Highroad

Hey. I still haven't gotten the late e-mails answered. I'm sorry.

I got the _House _CD. I was kind of disappointed with it. There were so many good songs that it left off, and some (in my opinion) pretty mediocre songs put on. But after I listened to it a couple of times, I liked it more. That's not unusual. I guess I like about half the songs on it, or a little more. That isn't bad for a CD. (I was a little surprised that the theme music was actually from a song.)

So...

http:// www(dot)youtube(dot)com /watch?v(equal sign)Go9dcdn2Jv0

Obviously, I have mixed feelings about the above.

Okay, the following disclaimer is recycled. I'm not environmental, I'm just lazy. So. Ahem: Major spoilers. Yuna's pregnant in Kingdom Hearts 2. (I may have made that one up. Not sure. Never played it.) Disclaimer: FFX isn't mine. (Don't feel smug. It isn't yours either.) Follows the story, but kind of AU. (Hey, none of my characters are idiots. That alone makes it pretty AU from a lot of other fan fics, at least.) It's an Aurikku. (Didn't start that way.) This is about characters and the gradual building of a relationship. (They haven't even kissed.) Still pretty sure this is all -T- right now, or even less. (See last comment.)

(They've kissed since that disclaimer.)

Lastly, this chapter is dedicated to SkewedViolinist, because I'm sorry that I haven't replied to you yet. I like your story and I will reply, and I'll give concrit. (It looks like I'll be using the next few chapter dedications to apologize to people I owe replies to. Not all of them, but a few.) I hope you like the chapter.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

**

* * *

**

**Rikku's Diary**

It was really pretty there, at Mi'ihen Point. I missed the guys, but it was nice to spend time with Auron, not on meetings all the time, and not walking all day, or even trying to save the world, you know? During the day we trained, or studied, or explored the area a little. I did speed drills, and sometimes Auron trained with the marines. I got to know the chocobo trainer and all her chocobos. Heddy was better than any of them, but they were nice, except for this one stupid boy-chocobo that tried to peck me but the trainer said he was only doing it because he likes me but I think that's a stupid way to try and show you like someone, uh...

So we spent the days while we were waiting for the guys training and exploring and studying and I caught up with Pops and Brother and the other Al Bhed on the airship, and then in the evenings Auron and I would sit by the fire in the agency common room and talk. It wasn't really cold, but it was nice to sit by the fire and look into it from time to time and smell the wood smoke and hear the crackle and the pop of the flames.

We talked about a lot of things.

* * *

**The Highroad**

* * *

**Auron:**

When the others finally came up the highroad to the agency, the reunion was enthusiastic and loud. It lacked the sheer numbers from the sendoff when they left Luca three weeks ago, but may have surpassed that day in exuberance. Rikku passed out hugs and kisses all around, and the others greeted her like a long lost family member who had returned to them. Laughing and chatting, she dragged them all into the agency and ordered food and drink and made them go over every detail of their trip. It was only with difficulty that they escaped into their rooms to wash up, and we gathered again soon after to talk and play at Rikku's insistence, Monopoly, Spira Edition, a recent obsession with her. We stayed up long into the night.

"Rikku will come with us to the Crusader's Mushroom Rock patrol station," I said, and then if she feels up to it she can come with us to Djose."

"I'm fine!"

"We'll see," I said, as Yuna reached over and patted her hand, smiling.

"So, uh, we gonna take chocobos?" Wakka asked.

Lulu shook her head.

"That doesn't make sense if we're trying to catch fiends for the monster zoo," she said.

"Well, we could ride during the day, and stop early to hunt fiends, ya? Be easier on Rikku, maybe."

"I'm FINE!"

"No," Lulu shook her head again. "The whole point is not to go too quickly. We need for people to see Yuna, fighting fiends, not racing by on chocobos."

Yuna and the others nodded. Wakka is the better tactician. But Lulu more readily grasped the overall strategy of this second pilgrimage.

"Yeah," Tidus said. "So, what fiends do we still need? I know we got more than the limit on dual horns and bombs and—"

"It gave us spheres to feed to Bahamut and Shiva," Yuna interrupted the list, looking a little thrilled at her own daring, speaking right up like that.

Shiva? Oh well.

"And hey, we're helping out the Crusaders, too," Tidus said. "Rikku's fine."

"I'M FI— Uh, yeah."

Wakka shugged, and the conversation turned to how everyone would spend the next day, stocking up on supplies—we needed more distillers—training, exploring the area a little...

"Wonder if there's anything in those ruins offshore," Tidus said thoughtfully.

Rikku shot me a glance and a little secret smile.

"Nope, nothing there," she said brightly, and then burst into a fit of giggles while everyone stared at her.

Smooth.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary**

WE'RE OFF! YEAH!

Okay, so it's great to spend time with Auron, and with my family and friends, the ones who are left, but wow, it's actually good to be back on the road again, you know? I hadn't realized how much I missed it. It's like...it's like you get up every morning knowing you're gonna see and do new things, it's like the whole world is new everyday! I even felt like that that sometimes before, when I thought we were just all marching Yuna to her death at Zanarkand, but it's even better now, when I know we're building a whole new world.

Okay, maybe my feet hurt, a little. But they'll toughen up. I'm Al Bhed!

* * *

**Auron:**

I suppose it did feel good to be back on the road.

Tidus, Yuna and the others stayed one day at the agency before we resumed the second pilgrimage. Of course, many of our party are not exactly morning people. It took all of my and Lulu's resources, but we were all on our way shortly after sunup. Even Rikku was a little reluctant to leave her warm bed. She had always been one to burst out of her blankets and attack the new day, except in the coldest depths of Macalania. I was worried she might still be suffering the effects of her gunshot wound, but realistically it was more likely that she had simply become used to life in Luca, Kilika, Besaid...staying up later at night and getting up later in the morning. That sort of thing. She seemed a little awkward to my eye that first day back on the road, a little impatient and discontented as we walked and walked without getting anywhere. But I was confident that she would soon readjust to life on the march. I could almost see it happening as she slowly picked up all her old habits, smiling and talking with Yuna, then falling back for awhile to slip her hand into mine, then hurrying ahead to trade off scout duty with Tidus. She even made some of her truly horrible jokes, and even Lulu smiled as she shook her head. And I also felt myself falling into the old rhythm, one step after another, each one moving us all a little closer to our destination.

It felt like coming home.

We were on foot, climbing up into the cool hills, and I smiled as Rikku looked around her at the impressive view. You could see for miles around. They don't call it the highroad for nothing. We weren't riding chocobos, thankfully. Time is a factor, and chocobos would be faster, but this second pilgrimage is also an opportunity. We're helping clear the highroad of fiends, which helps the Crusaders a bit and keeps Yuna in the public eye. As a side benefit, it provides us with spheres with which to power up Bahamut and Shiva. As we walked, I considered the immediate future.

Right now, we were on the northern half of the highroad. The Western Sea was, well, to the west, past a range of hills. To the east was the Mi'ihen Valley, an area of farms and villages. There was only one small town, rather unimaginatively named Mi'ihentown. The Crusader Headquarters was there. Most Crusader recruits came from the valley. It was the center of their strength. Of course, the Mi'ihen Valley was only about a tenth the size of the vast Yevon Valley in the north, but its rich farmlands still fed Luca and the rest of the south. And north of us was the Mushroom Rock area. We would march up the highroad until we reached the Mushroom Rock Gates. There we would meet with a guide.

The Mushroom Rock region is the wildest and least settled part of the road from Luca to Bevelle. The Crusaders from the Mi'ihen Valley used to regularly run strong patrols through the region, but with their present manpower shortages, Ezar's Crusaders in Luca are now responsible for the entire road, and they're stretched wire thin. Ezar just doesn't have enough people, and the Mushroom Rock is at the extreme edge of their responsibilities. So the area has grown wilder and more dangerous, and there are guides operating there who keep up with the current state of the area. They can steer parties around the areas where fiends are most active.

"Rikku," I said, in one of the periods we were walking side-by-side behind the others, "Have you ever seem the Mushroom Rock region?"

"No," she shook her head. "I wanted to go with them back when we...um, tried..."

Her voice trailed off, and a saw her shoulder hunch a bit.

I'm an idiot. Operation Mi'ihen, where so many Al Bhed died...I had reminded her of it.

"I'm sorry, Rikku, I didn't mean to raise sad memories for you."

She took a sharp, deep breath, and shook her head.

"No, Auron," she said, giving my hand a squeeze. "No, I don't want to forget them. I need to remember them, all of them. And I'll be sad for awhile, because they're gone, but that's okay. Remember, Auron? It's okay to be sad sometimes. Remember you helped me see that?"

"You already knew it, Rikku," I answered. "You just needed to be reassured."

She smiled at me, and we talked of other things for awhile, before she ran up to talk with Yuna and Lulu. She is looking forward to seeing the region. She isn't afraid of ghosts.

From the Mushroom Rock area, it's a short march up the coast road to Djose, our next stop in this second pilgrimage. There, Yuna will once more prey to the fayth of Ixion, and we'll see what the little weasel has to say for itself. I also hope to find Maechan still there, doing his research. I want to know what he can tell me about this "Djose Group" of his. The name can be nothing but a coincidence. I only started calling the four of us the Luca Group because I had to call us something, and the four of us met that first time together in Luca.

I was the first one that started calling us that, wasn't I?

If Maechan is there, I'll speak to him about that, and about other things. I don't know how much of that I can let Rikku take part in. There are still many secrets I must keep from her. Her studies are teaching her much about Spira, but there is a whole other level of understanding that she knows nothing about. She knows now that the Yevon Church is a lie, and that Mika is unsent. She knows the truth about Yunalesca and the Final Summoning, and that Jecht is Sin. She is learning about the inner workings of Bevelle and the Guado and much else. But she doesn't know what Rin and Belgamine and Maechan know. She doesn't know about the War in Heaven.

And she doesn't know about me.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Uh, okay," Wakka was saying. "So that makes ten of the dog things, ten of the bomb things, ten eyes..."

We were cleaning up after a rather uninteresting encounter with three bombs. Kimahri and I were cleaning our weapons, Yuna was using her weakest healing spells on our minor bruises, and the others were in a clump. Wakka was updating his list of fiends captured for the zookeeper, while Tidus alternately looked over Wakka's shoulder, and making small practice cutting motions with his sword. I was putting him in every one of these little fights, and I had told him to use his special attacks as often as he could. Lulu was figuring out how much gil the zookeeper owed us, and making an entry in her ledger. Rikku was consulting her well-used copy of _Catching Fiends for Dummies._

I know the guy who wrote that.

"I dunno," Wakka said. "We got more that enough bombs and eyes and white elements and things, and even dual horns, but we ain't got even one, uh, ipiria, or voivre, whatever those are."

"Wait wait wait!" Rikku said, waving her arm, nose still in the book. "It says that ipiria and voivre are lowland fiends! Kinda rare and hard to find, cause they're not high altitude sorts. They like to stick to the lower levels where the air isn't as thin."

They turned as a group and looked around them at the sheer drops from the road to the ground far below. This isn't called the highroad for nothing.

"Um," Rikku said, "The book suggests looking in little draws or canyons. Hey, what's a draw?"

"Well, do we really need to catch all of the fiends?" Yuna asked, joining them. Wakka looked thoughtful while the other three turned shocked and scandalized faces toward her.

"Cool monsters!"

"Rare stuff!"

"Hard cash!"

"Oh, um, right. Sorry."

"Hey guys," Tidus said. "Didn't we fight some lizard thing last time? Remember?"

"That's a ipiria'" Rikku said, looking down at her book.

"Oh, hey, ya! It was, wait, wait, it was..."

"It was—" Lulu started to say.

"There's that place you took us, Sir Auron," Yuna interrupted.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Yuna interrupted Lulu! Wow, that left me just goggling with my mouth hanging open. I think Yuna is starting to enjoy interrupting people! She giggled a little and smiled apologetically at Lulu. "Um, the last time we were here? I think there were some lizard things there, weren't there?"

"Yeah," Tidus and Wakka nodded at each other. "I remember that place," Wakka said. Auron looked thoughtful.

"It was down in the valley where Auron led us," Lulu said, a little huffy, you know?

"YEAH! That was it," Tidus said. "So, we just go down that valley again, and find all the lizards and things we want."

We all agreed it was an excellent plan, and then we started moving again, but it was only a little while later that we stopped for lunch. You know, we got kinda used to having regular meals and good food. Lunch was okay, cause we brought it from the agency, but I'm not looking forward to the day when we have to depend on Lulu or Kimahri to cook again!

**Auron:**

We stopped soon for lunch. I wasn't very hungry—I'm usually not—but I ate a little, and then wandered off a bit to practice while the others finished up and talked together.

"Hey, old man. You're slowing down."

Tidus, of course, leaning up against a nearby tree with that annoying grin of his. I can't even wipe it off his face with a sparring match because he'd wipe the floor with me the way that he always does when we train. The last time I beat Tidus was when he was fifteen and stupid.

"How was the trip so far," I asked, resting against my sword. We hadn't really gotten a chance to speak the day before.

"No probs," he said. "We took it easy, cleaned out a bunch of fiends. And the people really seem to like Yuna."

Good to know.

"It was kinda cozy," he went on, "With just the five of us. You know, smaller group...more intimate. Not just for me and Yuna."

Oh? I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Wakka and Lulu," he said, nodding. "With me and Yuna getting a little alone time, and Kimahri keeping to himself, they were, I guess, I dunno, forced to spend time with each other. I thought maybe they were going to kill each other. Well, that Lulu would kill Wakka and feast on his corpse. You know, Brains...Brains...Heh. Well, maybe not brains."

He scratched his head.

"But you know," he said thoughtfully, as I stated going through my exercises again, "I think maybe Wakka is standing up to her more. I heard some arguments that first week, some of them pretty loud. About the Church, about blitzball, about Chappu, about pretty near everything, I think. Then the second week, I started hearing some silences in the evenings when Yuna and I went a little ways off. Some of those silences were pretty loud too."

Delicately put.

"I wonder if they're doing it," he said.

Less delicately put.

I shook my head.

"None of our business," I said, swinging my sword in high, wide arcs. The basest hypocrisy. It was in fact my business, and I intended to find out at the earliest moment. If Lulu and Wakka have finally become involved, I'll need to make adjustments. He'll be more likely to jump to her defense if I lean on her for example. Her attitude might be improved if she's not sexually frustrated, for another. I have been pushing them together all along, of course. In the long run, I want them to become involved with each other. It could help The Plan in several ways. And besides, I think they'd be good for one another.

And on a purely personal level, if she and Wakka have become physically involved, it might make Rikku feel more left out and more, hm, enthusiastic to join in. And that could be a problem. It's becoming harder for me to resist her advances. There have been times when I've had to...relieve my tension. And I'm sure she has too.

Don't think about that.

He drew his sword and stepped up to me. Great.

"What about you and Rikku?" he asked, jabbing at me quickly. The punk was trying to distract me. I twisted aside and brought my sword around, cutting across my front. He jumped back easily, and then jumped forward again.

"I restarted her training," I said, deliberately misunderstanding his question. I feinted, then swung up from the ground, aiming at his crotch and he jumped back with a yelp. "Took her back to basics. You can take over again now. Work her at the standard speed drills...you knew better than I do."

He gave me a dirty look, then a cocky grin that said he knew exactly what I was doing, distracting him from Rikku and me. He launched three quick attacks. I barely turned one, dodged a second, and the third...

The third caught me cold. His sword edge to my throat, I acknowledged the point with a nod, and we broke apart for a moment before staring again.

Lord, I was slow.

He did indeed kick my ass.

* * *

**Auron:**

Taking me apart in training always puts Tidus in a good mood. He was chuckling and making (bad) jokes as we started up the highroad once more. Rikku ran up ahead to act as scout and Tidus walked with me for awhile so we could discuss Rikku's training, and everyone's training. We also tiptoed obliquely around his relationship with Yuna, and then he expressed some concern for me, properly masked behind a façade of indifference. Disposing of that quickly, we turned to some of the quiet assignments I had given him back in Luca, most of them revolving around blitzball.

"Linna?" I interrupted, stopping and turning to him.

He noticed I wasn't beside him and turned back, looking slightly puzzled.

"Yeah, an Al Bhed chic—uh, gir—, uh, woman. Young woman. And she's hot."

A hot Al Bhed chi-gir-woman. Who do I know that fits that description?

Small world.

"She was there," I said. "On the airship."

"Linna was there? Hell. If I'd known that, I could have saved some trouble."

Yeah.

"Tidus, how important is Linna? Can we do this without her?"

"Well," he rubbed the back of his head and looked at me oddly. "Well, she IS way hot. And she's also about the best there is, you know? If you want this to work, she's pretty important. What's the problem?"

The problem is that she's Rikku's best friend, which could complicate things, and the problem is that she's just lost her brother in combat, so maybe this isn't the best time, and the problem is that her sexual proclivities apparently put Bianca's to shame, which means...I'm not sure what that means. But I know she's a loose cannon. The arguments she's had with Rikku show that, even if they did make up later.

I've seen men crushed by loose cannon.

"Auron," Tidus said, crossing his arms, "You gave me a job to do. I didn't like it, but I'm doing it, you know? And this girl, she's exactly what we need. She's exactly what you asked me to find!"

Yeah...

"All right, Tidus," I said. "Just...talk to Rikku first. Get her opinion. And be careful. Tactful. The girl just lost her brother."

"Oh," he frowned. "Well, maybe this will be good for her. Give her something to throw herself into."

Maybe, I thought as we walked side-by-side. Maybe it'll give her something to do other than throwing herself at Rikku or me or everyone else she meets.

Huh, more bombs.

* * *

**Auron:**

We sat around camp that night, all of us falling easily back into the companionship that we used to have. The others groaned a bit as Wakka and I chivvied them into training. They'd gotten out of the habit. Once all I would have had to do was raise an eyebrow to shame them into their exercises, but now I actually had to remind them of the oaths as guardians before they went a little shamefacedly to their chores.

"Sorry, Sir Auron," Wakka said, rubbing the back of his head. "Guess I let us get soft."

"We've been away from it for awhile," I said. "But constant training is how we keep ourselves and Yuna safe."

"Yeah," he said.

We didn't push them too hard that night. Wakka and I discussed everyone's training and worked out a schedule to bring us gradually back to our peak. Everyone was no more than pleasantly fatigued when we sat down to eat...box meals brought from the agency, and quite good. Rin has always paid the highest attention to the food they serve. I am not looking forward to the day when we are thrown back onto our own cooking. Few of us are great chefs.

I sat next to Rikku and listened with half an ear as she chattered with Yuna and Lulu. Kimahri was sitting silently, and Wakka and Tidus were talking about blitzball. I was thinking back over the day. The northern part of the Mi'ihen Highroad lives up to its name, with cliffs often falling away to either side, and naturally, Rikku came close to falling over those cliffs a time or two, but on the whole our journey was uneventful. We hadn't pushed, but we made decent time, and the people we met were indeed happy to see Yuna. Yuna kept a close eye on Rikku and proclaimed that the walking and the fresh air were good for her.

Rikku tried to draw me into the conversation a few times, but I resisted, answering mainly with, well, grunts, I suppose. I caught her looking at me worriedly a couple of times, but I just smiled a little and shook my head, and across the fire, Tidus caught her eye and also smiled reassuringly at her, shaking his head. And eventually one by one we drifted off to our tents and our blankets.

I was looking up at the stars when she strolled up to me in the dark, trying to appear casual.

"Um," she said, digging one bare toe in the ground, "Hey Auron. Um..."

I swept back my blankets, and I could feel her smile as she dropped to her knees and then crawled in beside me. She settled in next to me. I oofed as a wayward elbow poked me in the side as she settled herself to her satisfaction.

Our satisfaction.

Soon she was laying on her back, her hands behind her head, looking up at the stars. She was pressed up next to me, her side to mine under the blanket.

"Yuna and Lulu all right?" I asked.

"M'hm."

"Good."

"Hey, Auron?" she said after a minute.

"Yes, Rikku?"

"I missed this, Auron. Really missed it."

"So did I, little thief."

She snuggled in closer next to me under the coat, and I allowed myself a small smile in the dark. Deserve it or not, dangerous or not, I had missed this. I had missed being this close to Rikku in the night, under the stars, and now she was here with me and I felt something quite rare for me...even rarer than happiness.

I felt a moment of simple contentment...rare and precious—

"Auron, do you think Lulu and Wakka are doing it?"

Oh lord.

* * *

**Auron:**

It was the middle watch, and I stood looking up and watching the stars wheel slowly overhead.

This was something else that I had missed, these last months. People in the city don't look up. There's nothing to see. In the city, everything happens at eye-level. I remember standing on the roofs in Luca, but I wasn't looking up, I was always looking down at the people below, or at the other rooftops around me, always looking for threats, or assessing the mood of the city. Never just looking up, looking at the stars.

"Auron?"

"Rikku."

I had left her snuggled into the blankets.

"Did I wake you, Rikku?"

"No. Well, maybe a little, but I mostly woke up on my own," she said, coming over to sink down onto the ground next to me. She leaned up against my legs. "I missed this too, you know," she said. "This, you and me out here in the middle of the night."

"I did too," I answered.

And so she kept me company in the dark, as she has so many times before, leaning up against my legs as I let my other senses watch for danger. I looked down at the crown of her head, topped with it's messy, happy ponytail.

Once there was a girl, small and blond, full of hurt and hope, and very, very young.

In recent weeks I've found myself thinking more about how young Rikku is, and the problems, is she too young for me, am I too old for her. I was always aware of the gap, of course. It was always there. But it never seemed as important before as it does to me now, and I've realized why that is. It's because there was always something bigger for me to worry about. The other thing. And next to that, the age thing just didn't rate.

After Zanarkand and Yunalesca, when Braska told me that I couldn't tell Rikku that I was unsent, that complicated things even more, and made a bad situation worse. When I was denying my feelings about Rikku, it made sense not to tell her, just like I wasn't telling anyone else. Even after I finally admitted to myself up on Gagazet that I did love her, I believed her love for me was over and done, so there was no point in telling her. And then suddenly, we were in...well, we were in a relationship. How odd. It was the last thing that I expected, but we were. And I knew then that I had to tell her. She deserved to know. And if we were to have any chance at all, any chance for something real between us before...well, while there was still time, then she needed to know. And I would have told her. But then Braska told me I couldn't. I looked down at her again in the starlight, caught her looking up at me, small recurving smile on her lips, and she sort of...nuzzled me. My leg. Through the coat.

He was right. Braska was right. I've seen it...how strongly Rikku reacts to the idea of unsent. She wouldn't smile if she knew what I really was. She'd scream and cry and...I don't know. I don't know what she'll do when she finds put. And she will find out one day. I do know that every day, The Plan progresses. Every day it gathers momentum, becomes harder to derail. Moment by moment it's becoming unstoppable. Even if Rikku turns totally against me, she won't be able to hurt things to much, now.

Spira will change.

Isn't that more important than the love between two people?

But that love is important to me. What Rikku thinks about me is important to me. So, I would have thought I would obsess even more about not being able to tell her. I would have thought that I would dread and angst about the inevitable day that the truth comes out.

But I haven't been. I think...I think that being around Rikku, some of her hope has rubbed off on me. Rikku hopes without reason, accepting that sometimes she'll be hurt. I might have mentioned a time or two, Rikku is very brave. Maybe that's making me brave enough to just...hope...that everything will be all right between us in the end. I know she will hate me. And without any reason at all, I hope that in the end...everything will be all right.

That's not me.

If I desire a certain outcome, I act to make sure that it comes about. I plan and I execute. And I prepare for failure.

I don't just...hope.

But that's what I've been doing.

Had to have rubbed off from her.

My hand brushes against her hair, and she takes my hand, guides it so that I'm cupping her face in the dark. Turns a little...kisses my palm. Feels good. My fingers stroke her skin. Soft.

Young.

And there it is.

With all my attention on the problem of being unsent, I just never paid much attention to the age thing. But now that I'm just going on hope as far as being undead, well, now these last few weeks I've been thinking about the age difference. About the problems.

Because with me, it's always something.

Solve one problem, or ignore it, move on to the next. Natural as breathing.

That's who I am.

Still kissing my hand, turning it, palms and back, and...

She slips one of my fingers into her mouth...my middle finger...warm and wet, tongue licking, sharp little teeth gently nibbling, sucking it in, pulling it out, in, out...promising...

Damn!

"...damn," I mutter, pulling my hand away from her. I cross my arms, putting them up out of her reach.

She shakes her head with a little sigh. She props her hands behind her, leans back, and looks back up to the stars.

"So," she said after a minute. "So, we're back?"

Moving on. Changing the unspoken subject.

Good.

Hope I can hide my reaction behind the coat.

"What do you mean, Rikku?"

"I mean, we're back to this? We're back to being on the road, on a new pilgrimage now? I don't mind, Auron. I, I'm happy to be out here. I...I kind of wish we could stay out here forever, just traveling from place to place, seeing new things, not having to worry about Yuna dying at the end of it."

Sounds nice.

"I think I'd like that too, Rikku."

"But...?"

"But, no."

"Oh. Well...I really didn't think so."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Auron. I just...I dunno."

"I know, Rikku. Me too."

I shook my head, although she couldn't see.

"It's more complicated than that. Now we're on our way to Djose, where the summoners acquire Ixion. After Djose, we'll probably break again then. Yuna needs to get back to Luca for the launch of the magazine, and you'll probably want to go with her. The rest of us might need to do other things. I'd like Yuna to spend a little time in the Mi'ihen Valley, showing herself to the people there, but I don't know if we'll have the time."

"Oh. Um, I'd like to be in Luca when the magazine comes out, but...you'll be there too, right?"

"We'll...see, Rikku. But afterward, when we restart the pilgrimage, we must cross the Moonflow. Up until now, Rikku, our second pilgrimage has been relatively safe..." aside from a few trifles like dark summoners, Bevelle secret societies, and the appearance of the Masamune crest, "...we've been in the south, in lands under the control of our allies. But after Djose, we must cross the Moonflow River to continue the pilgrimage. We have to cross the Guado Forest—"

"Do we have to go into Guadosalam? That place is just creepy!"

"I don't know, Rikku. That's one of the things we'll have to talk about. Going through Guadoalam is the quickest way through to the Thunder Plain."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Ugh!

**Auron:**

"Going around will add close to a hundred miles to our journey, all of it through the Guado Forest. We need to decide which is safer. Or rather, less dangerous."

"Yeah. Auron? Couldn't we just, well, go around? I know we have to get to Macalania, but couldn't we just go down the Moonflow to Moontown? We could get on an Al Bhed ship there and it'll take us right to Macalania. We wouldn't need to go through the Guado Forest or the Thunder Plain—"

**Rikku's Diary:**

UGH!

**Auron:**

"—at all."

"I...don't think we can do that, Rikku. Remember, if it was just about getting to Macalania, we could go on the airship. But remember what it is that we're doing on this second pilgrimage. We're trying to write a new story for Spira. That story has to sing in the hearts of Spirans. It has to sing strong, to drown out a thousand years of sorrow and despair. If we turn aside, if we try to always take the easy way, then our story might not be strong enough."

"Auron, I know the, uh, the story is important. But, someone could be killed, you know? Is it really more important than Yunie's life? Or Wakka's, or Tidus'?"

"Rikku..." I shut my mouth with a small sigh, and started over. "Rikku, do you trust me?"

"Auron!" she said, with real anger in her voice. "You know you don't have to ask me that!"

"Yes, I know. Well, Rikku, then you have to trust me when I say that what I told you and Yuna and the others that day is true. If we kill Sin, but nothing else, then the story doesn't change. It will take some other form, but the cycle of death will continue."

"That's bad," she muttered.

Yeah.

"Yes, that's bad. So, yes, Rikku. Even if some of us die, I think that this new story is worth it."

Do I really mean that? I know I did, when I began all this, set it all in motion, drew up The Plan. But now? Now that I know these people? Now that it isn't some faceless Al Bhed I allowed to join the party because I knew it would make a better story?

Now that it's Rikku...did I still mean it?

In the dim starlight, I watched her draw her legs up to her chest, wrap her arms around them, and rest her chin on her knees.

"Auron?" she said after a minute.

"Yes?"

"You say, we'll decide. But do you really mean that? If Yuna and Lulu and Wakka and everyone decide to play it safe...will you let them? Or will we end up going through the Guado Forest anyway, because that's what you think we should do?"

That sank like a sword blade into my guts.

Yeah, Auron. What will you do?

"Because, Auron, you know I'll help you if you do. But, that doesn't mean it's right."

Ahhhh...

I only thought her other question wounded.

"Rikku..."

Someone has to make the hard choices.

"Auron, I trust you. Even when you're doing thing I know are wrong, I trust you that you have important reasons, even if you can't tell me. I made that decision a loooong time ago. But I just wanted you to know...um..."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Dammit! I don't know how to say it! I know what I want to say, but I don't know how to say it!

**Auron:**

She seemed to struggle inside herself...

"I...I want you to know that I'm not stupid when I trust you, Auron. I know how important all this is, and how high the stakes are, and all the bad stuff that could happen if I trusted you when I shouldn't have. I know. And I'm trusting you anyway, not because I love you, but because I think I know you. And I believe you deserve my trust. Okay?"

I...

Damn.

"I do understand, Rikku."

That kind of trust is a two-edged sword. Rikku was putting herself into my hands. She's giving me a heavy responsibility...a kind of burden. But, at the same time, knowing that she trusts me, it makes me feel like I can do what she trusts me to do.

She trusts me. To do the right thing? To even know what the right thing is?

Should she trust me?

Who am I even asking? The stars?

I take a breath, and reach into a deep pocket, and I draw out a sphere. I fold my knees and sit next to her, our hips touching. I could feel her jump a little in surprise, and she was looking at me when I turned to look at her.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Huh? What's happening?

**Auron:**

Our faces were very close.

"Um, hey, Auron," she said, eyes wide.

"Rikku."

**Rikku's Diary:**

UH! Is...is this it? Here, now? Under...under the stars! My...my lips are all dry now! Do I lick them?

**Auron:**

"Um," she said, her face inching closer. I could hear her breath quicken a little.

"Rikku, I...I need you to look at this sphere. Please?"

She went still, and then pulled away a little.

"Sphere?" she asked in a small, surprised voice.

"Please," I said, holding it out to her.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Okay, well. Got hold of the wrong end of the stick there, Rikku. No biggie, right? He doesn't even know. So, no harm, right?

Stupid Auron.

"Oh, okay, sure."

So what is this all about? I took the sphere and looked it over in the dim light. It was just a regular recording sphere.

Oh well, might as well see.

With my thumb I flicked the sphere on, still keeping a sneaking hope alive that it all might just be a present for me.

Who's that? Is that me?

Oh... No, it's just a girl that looks like me. Al Bhed, like me, about my age or a little younger. Well, it's not like green-eyed, blond Al Bhed girls are hard to find. We're—

What's she doing? The camera's pulling back now and...

SHE'S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES!

I spun to look at Auron, but he was looking away, not meeting my eye! I looked back at the sphere again and—

WHAT IS SHE DOING WHAT IS SHE DOING!

Why...why was Auron showing me this! I could feel my face getting all red. I bet you could see me from Bevelle! You could use me to guide airships. Was he...I mean, did he think this would maybe get me hot, or something, watching that girl sticking that huge thing into herself! Um, um, I mean, it's not like I haven't seen that kind of thing on the sphere net, but...HEY! I DIDN'T LOOK! Not exactly.

AHH! I almost turned on the sound! No no no no no! I turned to Auron again, opening my mouth to ask, to ask, to ask I don't know! Something!

He was still looking away, but there was something about the way he was sitting, the set of his shoulders...

Look, I know the guy, okay? And I knew that whatever this was, it wasn't some clumsy attempt to seduce me. So...what was it?

"Auron? Why...why are you showing me this?"

He spoke so softly that I almost didn't hear his answer.

"Sex sells," he said.

He still wasn't looking at me.

"Sells what?"

**Auron:**

Well, damn. Why do I sometimes forget how smart she is?

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Good question, Rikku," he answered me, and then let out a tired little sigh. "In this case...revolution."

"This is about the church?" I asked, tossing the sphere onto the grass in front of us.

"Rikku, you know this isn't a normal war. This is a war about ideas, and possibilities."

"And this?" I asked, gesturing to the sphere. In it, I could still see the girl pumping herself onto, uh, the thing. I think she was smiling, but I didn't look too close.

"Sex sells, Rikku. And this is part of the personal liberty that we're trying to sell people. It isn't all pizza and teen magazines."

"Personal liberty?"

"Rikku, do you think the church is the font of all things criminal and evil in the world? Things aren't that simple. I know you know that."

Just a few minutes ago we were all warm and playful and stuff, and now...it's not like we're fighting. We're still close. We're sitting close and I don't want to pull away from him or anything like that. But now we were just so...serious.

"Explain it to me, Auron. First, where did this sphere come from?"

"We made it."

"We?"

"Our organization. One of the parent companies that Rin set up in Luca. We're set up to produce and distribute these around Spira."

"Using young girls."

I wasn't trying to sound accusing, but he shot me a quick look.

"We didn't kidnap them off the street, Rikku. We place ads. We interviewed them, offered jobs to some, started making these spheres."

Uh...

"We...?"

"No, Rikku. Not me personally. All of that was done by people that we hired."

**Auron:**

People with a good eye for young girls...which ones which ones were eager, which could be talked into it. People who were good at their jobs. I was busy, and stayed out of it. Except for that one taping. It wasn't even the first, but I felt like I needed to be there. To do what? Apologize to her? Punish myself? Because she looked like Rikku?

**Rikku's Diary:**

"It has to be done," he said.

"Why?"

"Because it's war, and sex sells. I can't throw away one of our best weapons."

I was shaking my head.

"I don't underst—"

"It would have happened anyway. Rikku, the Church has always taken a strong moral stand against casual sex and promiscuity. It's part of their public image. When we win and the Church loses power in the south, the sex trade will explode. So will drug use. So will crime."

"Auron! You're making the Church sound like the good guy! It isn't!"

"I'm not saying it is. I'm saying that freedom has a price, and it isn't paid in blood."

"Auron, you—"

"Rikku, the rate of unwanted teenaged pregnancy in Luca is TEN times what it is in Bevelle. And there's more crime in Luca, because the Church has less influence there than it does in the north. These are real figures, that the Church gathers for its own use, not the stuff they release to the public. The Church has always been against exactly the thing that we're doing. That's why we're doing it. Rikku, in any free society, the sex trade thrives. Pornography, prostitution, strip clubs and topless bars. In Spira, the church suppresses all of that. And people want it."

"Men want it!"

He shook his head.

"Every day girls put pictures of themselves up on the sphere net for anyone to see, without anyone at all putting a gun to their head. It's their choice, and it's their choice to work for us. We're not forcing anyone."

"You're taking advantage of them."

"We're treating them like adults."

"Auron...you're taking advantage of them."

He looked at me, and after a moment he nodded, once.

"Yes, Rikku. We are. Most of them aren't as grown up as they think. Most are doing things now that they'll regret later in life...things they can't take back. That's life. Girls take pictures of themselves and five or ten or twenty years later they wish they hadn't. They give away their virginity to losers and wish they could take it back, but they can't. They get pregnant, or they get hooked on drugs. They get over it, and get on with life. People do stupid things. That's their right. That's the price of freedom. That's what we offer people, in defiance of the Church."

He pointed to the sphere on the grass in front of us. It was dim now.

"Every man who buys one of those spheres is taking a step away from the Church. That's what we need people to do."

"So are we hiring prostitutes, too?" I asked, still trying not to sound accusing, "And setting up strip clubs?"

He looked at me, not saying anything. There wasn't much light, but I could almost make out his face.

We are.

"Auron," I said quietly, "I'm, I'm not sure I want to be a part of that. I guess I understand why you're doing it, but...when I think about those young girls..."

"Legal adults."

"Young girls...like me. Auron, would you want me to take one of those jobs of yours?"

"Of course I wouldn't, Rikku. But in a free society, one where you don't belong to anyone, where you can make your own choices, I wouldn't have any right to stop you."

"So that makes it okay?"

He thought for a minute, and then said, "Ask your friend, Linna."

Linna.

I think she's made some stupid choices. I think maybe even she thinks she's made some stupid choices. But if I ask her about her right to make them, I know what she'd say.

But does that make it okay?

"Auron...you never answered my question."

"What question?"

"Why did you show me that sphere?"

**Auron:**

Yeah. Why?

"Because..."

Why? Why put her through al of this?

"Because...

Oh...yeah.

"Because I told you I would tell you what I could, about what's going on. And this is a part of it. And I want your input, like I do with all the rest. Rikku? I'm not trying to turn you into my conscience, leaving right and wrong up to you. I'd never do that to you. But I want your input, if you want to give it. and if you want to change my mind, I want you to have your chance to do it."

"Oh," I heard her say, in a rather small sounding voice. And she may have swallowed.

"The price of freedom, Rikku. So you tell me. We're just nudging it, putting ourselves in a position to use it, to help us win the war. But it's going to happen even without us. Sex, drugs, crime. That's the ugly side of freedom, and it's the price of getting rid of the Yevon Church. Should we stop?"

She didn't say anything. I knew she was really thinking about the answer, and whether it was worth it. And I really wanted to know what she would say. I thought I knew, but I just wanted to be sure.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I think I finally understand what it is that Auron's trying to do. I don't mean this sex stuff. I mean...

I want the Church dead. Every bad thing that ever happened to me and my family and all the Al Bhed was the fault of the Church and I know it's not true but you change the way you've though all your life go ahead I wanna see you do it if it's so easy! I hated hated hated the Church! Always have, always will! I can forgive the people, like I never really held it against Wakka that he was a Yevonite, even when he was bad-mouthing us Al Bhed. I just felt frustrated that he was brain-washed. But it was the Church that brain-washed him! I blamed them. I still blame them, and I want that Church dead and gone.

And I always blamed Auron...a little...because he didn't.

"Auron..."

I always blamed Auron a little because I knew he wanted to save a part of the Church.

"Yes, Rikku."

"Auron, what will Spira be if the Church is completely destroyed?"

**Auron:**

What will it be?

It'll be Zanarkand.

* * *

**Auron:**

Later, when the middle watch was over, and Rikku and I were back under our blankets in camp, she said quietly, "I won't try to talk you out of it. Maybe when I've thought about it some more."

I smile in the dark, where she can't see me. Her body is still awkward, and she still carries a little babyfat. But she isn't a child. She isn't a kid.

And I'm proud of her.

**Next: Our Past is With Us**


	75. Our Past is With Us

Hey. Well, I'm glad those two weeks are over. I don't like to think about how much work I had. Do you guys know how much trouble it is to avoid that much work?

By the way, I guess I might as well say now that I'll be taking another break sometime fairly soon...say between now and Christmas. It'll be longer than last time, months rather than weeks. But I am going to keep writing.

There's something in this chapter that comes from somewhere else. A lot of you will recognize it. I don't want to give it away, so I'll credit it in the next AN.

So, blah blah, don't own, blah, spoilers, blah, AU, blah aurriku, blah, relationship, blah blah rated -T-, blah, Auron, Rikku, clothing optional beach.

And this chapter is dedicated to psychostudent06, to whom I've owed a reply for a long, long time. I'm really sorry, and I'm glad to see the new chapters of your story. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

We met a priest on the highroad.

He smiled at me. He smiled at me and talked about how Yevonites and Al Bhed were gonna have to learn to live together and respect each other while he smiled at me and I listened and Yuna listened and even Wakka listened and I was just seething because what right did he have to smile at me after all these years and all these things the Church has done and he's smiling and telling me how we should all be friends now and work together.

I thought about that priest for a long time, afterward. I thought about him for days, trying to understand, because it was so weird, because it wasn't only him, you know? I mean, we met other people on the road, and they seemed...I don't know. They talked about the future. Like the priest. It was like...like...it was like they had hope.

And it was weird, cause for a long, long time...

I was the only person I knew who had hope.

* * *

**Our Past is With Us**

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Something came flying at me from the left! A pine cone! I swatted it out of the air with my stick, and then another came from the right, and then another from the left! And I swatted them! Ha! All fear my stick!

OW!

No fair! Silly pinecone hit me in the back of the head! It didn't hurt, really. I was just surprised.

OW! That one almost got me in the eye! That hurt a little!

"Rikku! Concentrate!"

Stupid Tidus, throwing three pinecones, one after the other! Grr! Fine!

I started paying attention for real. The pinecones started coming faster, and I almost couldn't get to all of them, and I had to move my stick around quicker. I wasn't supposed to dodge. I was supposed to knock them away with my stick. This was a weapon drill.

"Faster, Rikku!"

A speed drill.

OW! OW! That was Yuna! They were all there, throwing pinecones at me! Well, Kimahri wasn't, and Auron was off doing his own practice, but Yuna and Wakka and Tidus were all there giggling and throwing pinecones!

"No, Rikku! Don't track them with your eyes, remember!"

What? OW!

DAMMIT!

"Don't throw so hard!" I yelled. Pinecones were flying in now and I couldn't get them all! I should wear more clothes!

"Okay, stop," Tidus said, and he and Yuna and Wakka stopped throwing, and I caught my breath. "Rikku, unfocus your eyes! Remember?"

I muttered something in Al Bhed that I wouldn't have wanted Auron to hear, just as Tidus flicked a pinecone at my face, bouncing it off my nose!

"HEY!"

"Stay alert," he said.

We were in a clearing, not too far from the road, but screened off by trees. Pine trees. We had stopped for the evening, and we were practicing before dinner, a habit that was a little hard to get back into. Tidus was working my drills again. He was standing about ten feet in front of me. Wakka was on my left and Yuna was on my right. Lulu was behind me, and she wasn't supposed to be throwing, but I think she threw that one that got me on the back of the head! Kimahri was off training. Or scratching, or whatever.

I was in kind of a bad mood.

"How can I knock them away if I can't see them, you jerk? Am I supposed to use my special Al Bhed mind powers?" I asked, bugging my eyes out at him.

"No," he sighed, crossing his arms and then winging a pinecone at me. Ha, got it that time! He crossed his arms again. "No, you're supposed to use your peripheral vision, Rikku. I told you. Your eyes can't follow multiple fast targets if you try to focus on them. You lose track. You need to not look at them. Use your peripheral vision instead."

"But I can't help it! My eyes just look at them!"

"Okay," he said, "I was afraid of that. Lulu?"

CRACK! AHHHHHHHH! I jumped back about ten feet as a bolt of lighting crashed into the ground right in front of me!

"WHAT THE HELL!"

OW! WHAT THE HELL!

Someone hit me with a pinecone!

OW!

"Rikku, block it with your stick."

"DAMMIT, Tidus! I can't even SEE it! OW!"

"Sure you can. Use the corners of your eyes. The dazzle stays in front."

I said some other stuff in Al Bhed then, and I hope Auron didn't hear it, cause I was saying it kind of loud now.

OW!

Okay, okay. I stopped trying to see, which was just as well, since I couldn't. The dazzle did stay in front. The edges of my vision cleared first, so I started looking for the pinecones with the sides of my eyes. Looking isn't quite the right word, but you know what I mean. I would keep trying to focus on the pinecones and lose them in the dazzle, but I started to get the hang of it.

Tidus was fair. He only threw one at a time to start, and not too fast. He let me get used to it, and I started to knock the pinecones aside without focusing on them, without even moving my head much. And then he started sending them a little faster, and I was able to keep up. I noticed the dazzle was starting to fade, and I turned to follow one pinecone...

"Lulu?"

CRACK! AHHHH! DAMMIT!

Tidus made sure my eyes stayed dazzled, so I had to concentrate on using my peripheral vision. He started sending in the pinecones from both sides, and after a couple of times I was able to follow them both at the same time. It was weird, like looking in two directions at once! By the end of an hour I was really starting to get the hang of it, I was knocking away pinecones right and left, barely moving my head, barely seeing them at all. It was like my stick could see them for me!

Cool!

"That's it, you're doing great, Rikku!"

"Yeah! Fear my stick! Com'on, you're slowing down!"

"Oh hey, com'on, ya? I'm getting hungry! Time for dinner, huh?"

"FEAR MY STICK, WAKKA!"

"Heh, no," Tidus said, "He's right, Rikku. That's enough for today. You did really well. Hit the showers."

HA. Wimps! That's when I saw Auron standing nearby. I never noticed him joining us.

"Hey, Auron," I said, while the others wandered away, "Did you see me?"

"I did," he said, "I saw you doing very well. Peripheral vision has many uses, Rikku. Mastering it will come in handy to you, as well as increasing your reflexes and the speed of your attack and defense. I know you've been working hard with Tidus, and I'm proud of you."

I smiled, and felt a blush rise to my face. It was starting to get dark, so maybe he didn't notice. I knew I hadn't been training as hard as I could, and I promised myself that I'd start working harder. I gave Auron a quick, sweaty little kiss, and then went to join Yuna and Lulu at the pool freshening up.

We were all sitting around the campfire later, smiling over the day we'd had. Not that it was any different from the other days, mind you. In fact, the days were all kinda blurring together, to me anyway. Wake up with Auron, get breakfast, break camp, walk and catch fiends, greet Yuna's fans, break for long lunch, practice a bit, walk and catch fiends, set up camp, practice, nice dinner, talk, play games, fall asleep with Auron. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Of course, every time I tried to bring up Lulu and Wakka, he'd pretend to be asleep. But it was fine.

You know, I can almost see some of the changes that Auron is talking about...in the people, I mean. The people that we've met on the road over the last couple of weeks, it's different than before. We've met some Al Bhed. They're refugees from Home that Dad resettled here, temporarily. Except, I don't think all of them are gonna leave whenever we get around to making a new Home. Some of them sounded like they were starting their new lives here, and they were gonna stay. And the others, the Yevonites, most of them aren't looking at me like they want to cook me and eat me! Okay, seriously, they're not looking at me with hatred or contempt.

It's...weird.

I'm trying to get used to it.

So we were sitting around the fire after dinner, and Tidus and Yunie and Wakka were telling me about the last time they had come through here, and they told me about jumping their chocobos around from ledge to ledge and finding treasure while Auron was getting chocobosick! Ha!

"Sorry, Rikku," Wakka said, grinning, "We got all the treasure last time. This time, all you'd find is some empty chests, ya?"

Aw man! I miss all the fun!

I got to thinking about how far we've come, and I started to count up the days on my fingers, and since my socks and shoes were off anyway, on my toesies, and I realized we had been on the road for about two weeks, depending on whether I was supposed to count that toe right there or not. Yeah, that one.

"Um, guys? Are we almost to the Mushroom Rock thingie?"

"Yes, Rikku," Lulu answered. "We'll be there in a day or two."

Someplace new. Well, new to me. I was pleasantly tired, and I leaned back against Auron with a little, contented sigh. Seeing new things keeps me young.

So, wonder what we'll find.

* * *

**Auron:**

We arrived at the Mushroom Rock gates about midmorning. The last time I was there was when our party had come through on the first pilgrimage. There was a large Crusader presence here then. That was when they were preparing for the ill-fated Operation Mi'ihen. I didn't expect to find as many Crusaders there this time, but I expected to find at least a few. They have a post here, to keep the gate secure, and there's usually some merchant selling potions and whatnot. But the place was deserted.

"Hellooo!" Tidus yelled, hopping up on a piece of wrecked machina and cupping his hands around his mouth. We could actually hear his voice echoing back to us off the stone walls.

"Hello," a voice answered.

Tidus turned quickly, almost falling.

"Uh, hey, who're you?" Wakka asked, surprise evident in his voice. They were all surprised. Even I was a little surprised that I hadn't heard him, and I was expecting him.

**Rikku's Diary:**

I jumped and whirled around. Hey, give me a heart attack, why don't you, buddy? A man was stepping out from the shadows between some buildings. The first thing I noticed about him was that he looked strange.

He was...blue.

As he came out into the sunlight, I saw he had blue skin, kind of like Kimahri, and then he was close enough for me to get a good look at him and what shot through my head was O-MY-GOSH-HOT! HOT-HOT-HOTT!

He was tall and lean and the muscles in his bare chest rippled as he walked! He had blue skin, and white hair, sort of like Kimahri, and he was even dressed sort of like Kimahri. But he wasn't a Ronso, he was a man...a gorgeous man, I thought, with a funny feeling in my stomach.

"Vox," Auron said, nodding to the tall, stunning, hot...

"Auron," he answered.

Auron...

AURON!

**Auron:**

"This is Vox," I said, turning to the others.

"Oh, uh, hey, how you doing?" Wakka said. Tidus kind of waved, and Yuna...giggled. I looked over at her and caught a glimpse of Lulu, staring at the young man. I was about to say something when Rikku clutched my arm. Vox looked at her and she tightened her grasp.

I've seen this before. Vox is definitely striking. He's mixed blood. His father was a Ronso, and his mother was a Guado girl. It produced a unique combination, and one very attractive to human females. Our human females were standing closer than might strictly be considered polite, staring with half-closed eyes, rather as if they were in a trance. Rikku had left my side and moved a few steps closer, and was also watching him.

"Vox is a scout," I said. "He's here to guide us across the Mushroom Rock area, to the Djose road."

"Wonderful!" Yuna urbled, and Tidus frowned a bit.

"We didn't need a scout last time, Auron."

"Last time the area was full of Crusaders. They've had to pull back because of their manpower problems," I said. "They've set up scouts to guide travelers around the areas where the fiends are heaviest. Vox is familiar with the region, and knows where the fiends have been concentrating recently."

"Uh, we gonna have much trouble with the fiends, Sir Auron?" Wakka asked. "I think we can handle them, ya?"

"Yes, but I thought you wanted to collect samples of all the area's fiends for the monster zoo. Vox knows where to find the rarest fiends, as well as how to avoid them. He'll save us time."

"Oh, uh...ya."

While we had been talking, Vox had walked over to stand in front of Kimahri. The two stood a few feet apart, each impassively regarding the other. Vox was dressed rather like Kimahri, in a loincloth, with the addition of boots on his feet. Vox has spent his life in the wild places, away from the settled areas, and he was very fit, with whipcoard muscles. He stood a little over six feet tall, with silver hair that fell past his shoulders. He had blue skin like a Ronso, but the lean build of a Guado. His hands ended in pointed claws, like a Guado, but smaller, and he doesn't have a tail, or vestigial wings like a Ronso.

Kimahri suddenly turned, and stalked away towrd the open gates. Vox looked after him for a moment, then turned and followed silently. Yuna seemed to snap out of some sort of daze and followed Vox, and Lulu hurried to follow Yuna. Tidus and Wakka exchanged exasperated looks and followed after the ladies. Rikku started to follow after them all, then stopped suddenly and shook her head. She looked back at me and looked away again quickly with a furious blush on her face, and then hurried after them.

The next few days will be interesting.

* * *

**Auron:**

We traveled quickly through the area of weird twisted stone. Occasionally I would point out interesting formations to Rikku. She would usually jerk when I spoke to her, look at me quickly, and then look down, or away, while blushing. I don't know if the Al Bhed people as a whole have a great talent for blushing, or if it's just Rikku.

Vox would frequently be gone, scouting ahead, looking for fiends. When he reappeared, Yuna and Lulu would be the first to greet him. They seemed to be subtly jockeying each other to be the closest one to him. Neither seemed to want the other to be able to talk to him alone. Tidus and Wakka watched from the sidelines with increasing annoyance. Vox was polite enough, but more-or-less ignored the girls. I saw him shoot occasional glances at Kimahri.

We fought fiends, capturing them for the zoo. The battles weren't too hard, but we did take minor injuries, of course.

"You're hurt!" Yuna said, after one such. Tidus looked down in some confusion at the mild burn on his arm, but he wore a very satisfied look as Yuna fussed over him, healing him. After that, I noticed both Tidus and Wakka acting somewhat...recklessly in battle.

It was mildly amusing, but I still spoke sharply to Wakka about acquiring bad habits.

Rikku sometimes joined into these little games the girls were playing, but more often she stayed near me, refusing to meet my eye, responding to me in startled little mumbles.

We had stopped at midday for a break. I had things on my mind, and I walked a little away from the others. Rikku followed me and stayed nearby, but not too close. We sere both preoccupied. Vox seemed to appear out of nowhere, but he had actually stepped out of a small canyon.

"Auron," he said, and Rikku jumped a little and spun around and stared at him. I think this was the closest she'd been to him.

**Rikku's Diary:**

He...he has a little horn!

In the middle of his forehead!

Not, uh, not that I'm looking at him!

I'm NOT!

**Auron:**

She turned too fast. Her feet got tangled up and she stumbled, almost falling. When she looked up and saw us both looking at each other, she blushed furiously.

"Rikku," I said.

"I'M NOT!" she squeaked.

Not what?

"All right."

"I'm, uh, gonna go talk to Yuna. Bye!"

And we watched her as she ran back in the direction of the others.

"Cute girl," Vox said, turning back to me. "So, Auron. I told them I was going to scout around. We need to talk."

Right. And if Rikku tells the others that Vox is here, then Yuna and Lulu could show up any minute, and Tidus and Wakka after them. I nodded to him, and he pulled some papers from wherever he had been keeping them.

"This is the normal stuff, and Maechen said to tell you he'll wait at Djose for you."

Good. I was afraid he'd be gone by the time I got there.

Vox is a scout. He doesn't work for us. He isn't part of the Luca Group, or any of our other organizations, but he has no love for Yevon, and we hire him for some jobs. He can be trusted. Certainly I trust him more than, say, Lud. And we trusted him to carry more sensitive messages than our usual couriers.

"What else?" I asked.

"The big thing is the dark summoner. He was in Macalania. Your people don't know why. Someone there made a serious attempt on him. Didn't put him down, but it hurt him. He disappeared, but then your people got a tip."

Got a tip from Maroda, I'd guess. We never say his name out loud. Only a few people know he's...working with us. Lud knows, and some of his people know. I don't like that, but I didn't have any choice at the time. I had to use the resources that I had.

Lud knows the consequences. So do his people.

Hopefully, that'll be enough to keep Maroda safe.

"What tip?"

"Isaaru's on the Thunder Plain. He's waiting for you there."

Thunder Plain.

Interesting. Okay, why? Why the Thunder Plain?

"All right, that's important," I said. "Anything else?"

"Yes. Why did you want me here?" he asked, without expression. "It wasn't for this."

No...

"No it wasn't," I said, looking him in the eye. "It looks like we're going to have to go through the Guado Forest."

His face seemed to close down when he heard this.

"I don't know if we can avoid it," I said. "If we can't, I want you with us."

I didn't have to add that he knew the Guado Forest...knew it, and didn't like it.

* * *

**Auron:**

We were back on the trail. Vox had taken us away from the coast road up into the hills. This was the same area we had traveled through last time. We would need to double back to the coast later, but Vox insisted that some of the area's fiends could only be found in the uplands.

We had just finished fighting a garuda. Rikku was standing nearby looking at some smokebombs she had stolen when Vox walked by.

"You're very good," he said, stopping for a moment. She stared after him as he walked away.

_Auron._

Damn it.

"You should ask him to sign your book," I said to Rikku.

She jumped.

"Huh?"

_Auron..._

"_Catching Fiends for Dummies_," I said. "He wrote it. He's spent most of his life in the wilderness. He knows fiends."

"Um..."

Another blush, and then she turned and hurried away.

_Auron._

Shut up.

It isn't really fun, you know, to see Rikku so confused and embarrassed. I really didn't think it would be this bad for her. Later, we'll talk. I know she's worried, but this isn't a bad thing, her attraction to Vox. That isn't the reason that I wanted Vox here, but since he is here, I hope that in the end this will help her to understand that her being attracted to other men isn't a sin. It's natural, and I trust her.

_Welcome back, Auron. I knew you'd come._

Ignore it. We were ready to go. We only needed a couple more fiends.

_You can't ignore me, Auron. We both know that._

Concentrate. Focus.

_Don't make this harder than it must be, Auron. you can't win in the end._

Heard that before.

Damn it. Don't respond. Block it out.

_Is this your little girl, Auron? I didn't know you had a daughter._

Focus.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Step step step. Clop clop clop.

Concentrate on the sound of your own footsteps.

Focus, Rikku! Don't look at him. Don't look, don't look, don't look! Dammit! I don't want to think about him! Why do I keep thinking about him! It's like that time Linna told me not to think about a pink moogle, and then all I could think about was pink moogles and their pink moogle families and I made up stories about the lost city of pink moogles and their evil tea parties!

Step step step. Don't look don't look don't look.

Stick close to Auron. When I'm near Auron, I forget to think about Vox. Mostly. Dammit, why doesn't Lulu just jump him, so I can say, well, he's got Lulu, and I've got Auron, and that's that! I've seen how Lulu loooooks at him. So why doesn't she just go on and jump him already?

Cow.

Clop clop clop.

**Auron:**

_I think your little girl likes the half-breed. See the way she looks at him? Young love._

Focus.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Clop clop clop.

* * *

**Auron:**

_Auron._

Eh...?

_Is this where you lived, Auron? Is this where you've been?_

I was in Zanarkand.

Who...?

_You know who. You know why. Who is this?_

Paul. Paul's dead. He collected rainbows, so I killed him.

_Really? Tell me more._

I needed the rainbows.

This is a dream. I'm dreaming.

_Tell me, Auron. Who else did you kill?_

That wasn't Paul. This isn't Zanarkand. I'm dreaming.

_Look at all the people, Auron. All the dead people._

_Did you kill them all? Who are they?_

_Introduce me._

I need to wake up.

**Rikku's Diary:**

_And I didn't know how but he was holding me in the night, and his lips were finally on mine, burning, searching, hungry, and we were moving together, his arms around me like steel, his hands clutching my back, my fingers in his hair, our mouths tasting each other...we rolled on the ground, he was under me and then on top of me and I arched my body up into him...he was calling my name as we kissed and I was panting, moaning, gasping..._

**Auron:**

_What is this building Auron, so full of people? What is it called? Look at it come down, all the falling people..._

Wake up, Auron.

_Big people, small people, all the falling people..._

**Rikku's Diary:**

_Rikku..._

_My world is wild and red and crashing all around me, crashing inside me, and I can't breath, and I need to scream! My heart is pounding in my ears and my fingers are all tangled up in his silver hair!_

_Rikku, this is a dream! You have to wake up now, it's important! He needs you!_

_He's under me, inside me, oh...OH..._

_Rikku, wake up!_

_OH! OH! V-VOX! AHH!_

_RIKKU!_

**Auron:**

I woke up and Rikku was in my arms, her lips moving all over mine, her tongue pushing. What?

"Rik—" I tried to say, but she pushed her tongue into my mouth. Her hands were all over my chest and shoulders and in my hair, and I think she was trying to wrap her legs around me.

"Auron!" she breathed, and pressed her lips to my neck. I rolled us over and pinned her under me, pushing her down.

"Rikku, what...!"

She looked up at me, her eyes a little wild and shining in the dark. Suddenly she was shaking, really shaking and trembling under me like she hadn't done since...since I don't know when. It was a bad attack, and I held her tight for maybe ten minutes until it had passed. And then I held her some more, my hand moving in circles on her back, just letting her know I was there, and she wasn't alone.

After a few moments, she asked in a broken little whisper, "Did...Auron, what did I say?"

Say?

"I don't know Rikku," I answered her. "I don't think you said anything."

**Rikku's Diary:**

I didn't say it! I DIDN'T!

* * *

**Auron:**

As near as I can tell, Rikku had a vivid dream about her and Vox. Well, a wet dream. Which doesn't thrill me, but...she seems to be taking it much more seriously than she should be. She almost seems like she's afraid I'll break up with her because she had this dream.

I held her tight for a while, in the dark, and she calmed down a little, and talked about it a little. She didn't want to.

So, Auron. How's your plan working out?

"Rikku? Come on," I said, getting up. Neither of us was going back to sleep for awhile, so Rikku followed me as I went out early to take over the watch from Wakka.

"Hey, uh, everything okay?" he asked, looking especially at Rikku in the dim light.

She nodded, silently, and I said everything was fine. After he had gone, we stood for awhile, side by side, her hand holding mine tightly.

"I'm sorry, Rikku," I said, after a while.

"Huh...?"

"I'm sorry."

"W-what are you sorry about? I'm, uh..."

"Rikku, I'm sorry that I didn't understand how worried you were about...about what we talked about before. About you being able to trust yourself. I should have understood how Vox would affect you. But I didn't, and I'm sorry."

I could feel her hand trembling in mine.

"Auron, I'm the one who, who's always thinking about him, and can't stop looking at him, and even dreaming about him, and I'm sorry, Auron, I AM! I don't want to think about him! I have you! I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

And she sort of hunched in on herself, and took a small step away from me. But I gripped her hand hard and wouldn't let her.

"Rikku, listen to me. Vox...Vox is of mixed blood. Half Ronso and half Guado. It's a rare mix, but it happens, and he inherits some of their traits. For example, he has the acute senses of a Ronso, and also the magic using ability of the Guado. Rikku, let's sit down."

We sat together, and I put my arm around her.

"Those traits are useful in his profession. But the Ronso-Guado mix can also produce some unique and unpredictable effects. In Vox's case...do you know what pheromones are?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I thought you might, from your work with mixes. Well, Vox produces pheromones that act on human women. Not Ronsos or Guados, oddly enough, but they're very effective at...um, attracting human women."

**Rikku's Diary:**

Pheromones?

But then...

Then it wasn't really me at all!

"Rikku, right now, are you attracted to him right this minute?"

I thought about it. I still thought he was hot, but...no! It's hard to explain, but no, I didn't feel the same gut level attraction for him that I remembered.

I shook my head.

You're not in his presence. You have to be fairly close to be affected by him. Well, close enough to smell him. The closer you are, the stronger the effect."

It...it sounded good. And I really wanted to believe it. "But..." I said, a small doubt still inside me, worrying me, "But I wasn't anywhere near him, and I still dreamed about him, Auron."

"You remembered the smell in the dream. Smell is the most evocative sense."

I felt relief wash over me. I wasn't weak, and my love for Auron wasn't weak! I was so relieved...and angry! Suddenly I was angry at Auron!

"Why didn't you tell me!" I said, pulling away and standing up. "I was really worried!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know how worried you would be. I thought...I suppose I thought you knew I trusted you."

"Of course I know that!"

"All right. So, Rikku? Are you going to make a play for Vox?"

"NO! But, Auron, I thought...I thought what if he made a play for me? You know? I mean, I'd never let anything happen, but...there were all these feelings, and I couldn't stop looking at him, and, and..."

"You were worried. And that's why I'm sorry. Because I didn't realize that you would be. I thought..."

"Auron? What'd you think?"

"Nothing."

"What'd you think, Auron?" I asked with an edge in my voice.

"I thought it would be...amusing. Sort of."

"FUNNY!"

"Amusing. Sort of."

"FUNNY! Auron, I was worried sick that you'd see, and maybe be mad and we'd fight and end up broken up, and then, then, I dunno, maybe I'd be off crying or ranting or something and then HE'D find me and, and..."

"Don't make it a novel, Rikku," he sighed, not looking at me.

DON'T MAKE...Errghh!

I was worried, and he was laughing at me! All day!

He...he...

I looked over at him.

He looked tired.

I mean, I know I woke him up and all, but tell me any guy wouldn't want to be woken up like that! I felt a fresh spurt of angry, but I pushed it down to take a closer look at Auron. He was...slumped.

I know he gets tired. But he usually doesn't...slump.

I guess...I guess I've been kind of wrapped up in my own problems lately. I mean, I know Auron doesn't usually play stupid games with me, or try to trick me, or make me feel stupid.

He's too...grown up.

"Auron...? Are you okay? Is everything, um, all right?"

"I'll be all right, Rikku."

Be all right?

I sat back down next to him.

"Auron...you don't laugh at people. You just...don't."

After a moment, he said, "Sometimes I find them sardonically amusing.

Damn men. Never want to say when something's wrong!

"Auron? Tell me."

"It's the blade," he said quietly. "Masamune's blade. It's close."

Huh? What?

Did not expect to hear that.

"It...It's here? Is it after you? Or...?"

"It's not following us, or anything near that. But its hiding place...its resting place, we're very near to it now. You know the hilt is in that valley near the Calm Lands."

Oh, uh, right. In that little shrine. I nodded.

"Well," he said, "Now we're close to where the blade is hidden. Blade, hilt, sigil, crest. The blade is the strongest of all, and we're near enough now that it's been trying to talk to me. It happened the last time we were here, as well. So, I've been concentrating on resisting it, not listening to it. Blocking it out of my mind."

"Auron! Why didn't you tell me!"

"I didn't think there was much point."

"OF course there was a point! Here I've been worrying myself and obsessing over something stupid, when I should have been...uh..."

"Obsessing and worrying about something more serious?" he asked, with a tiny smile. I couldn't see it, but I could hear it in his voice.

"Well...yeah!"

Thinking back on it, maybe he has been kind of distracted all day. Maybe. I was distracted too, so maybe I didn't notice.

"You should have told me!" I repeated.

"Rikku, you're already too close to the crest."

"What?"

"You're already too close to the crest, Rikku. I didn't want you involved with the blade as well, and I don't trust the crest. I didn't want you caught between the two. We'll be out of range in a few days. Maybe tomorrow."

I didn't like that, but it was hard to argue he was wrong, cause I didn't know what all was going on. So, we just sat there for a while, not saying anything.

"Auron?"

He made a noise, showing he was listening.

"The crest...my dream? About...you know?"

"Yes?"

"I think I remember...the crest. It was there, it was telling me I had to wake up."

"Huh. Are you sure?"

"I think so. I think it said...he needs you."

"He?"

"You. That's what he meant. You needed me. Auron? What's going on? Did you need me?"

"Hm. Well, I was dreaming too, Rikku. It was the blade. I was able to keep it out of my head during the day, but..."

"It attacked you in your dreams?"

"Not so much attacked, as started rummaging in my head. It made me dream about Zanarkand. Tidus' Zanarkand, and the time I spent there. I knew I was dreaming, and I tried to wake up. I can always wake up when I know I'm dreaming, but I couldn't. But you woke me."

"I'm glad."

"So am I."

"It was the crest, you know. That made me wake up so I could wake you up."

"Maybe."

"It was protecting you."

"Maybe."

Stubborn.

We sat there for a while, but it was nice. Not like before, all tense and stuff.

"Auron?"

"Yes?"

"I always feel better when we talk."

"I'm glad."

My hand found his again.

"Rikku?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"Um, okay."

"Uh, Auron?"

"Yes?"

"Uh, about Vox..."

"Stay upwind, don't get too close, and remember that I trust you."

Oh. Okay. Fine.

He trusts me. Good. That's good.

But...

He could be just a little jealous, couldn't he?

Would it kill him?

* * *

**Auron:**

It's simple. I just won't sleep, for the next few days. I don't need to sleep. At least, not as much as other people.

I just won't sleep.

The next day we found the last of the fiends we needed for the zookeeper, and Vox lead us down a small canyon back to the coast road.

"Shouldn't we stay until we've captured ten of everything?" Lulu asked. I'm not sure who she was asking, but she was looking at Vox, and her voice was low and throaty. She was practically purring. Yuna nodded, smiling.

"Na," Wakka said. "We shouldn't waste time here, ya? We need to, uh, get to where there's more people, so they can see Yuna."

Tidus nodded, scowling a little at our guide, and Rikku nodded as well.

"Yeah, we should get back to the coast road," she said, but she was looking anxiously at me. She had been staying close to me all day, and she kept asking if I was all right.

When we got down to the coast, the voice in my head faded.

"Auron?"

"It's better, Rikku," I said, and she smiled. Then she faded away as Vox approached to ask me some questions.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Blue guy came over to talk to Auron, and I scooted away. It was a lot easier not to think about him now that I understood what was going on. And stayed upwind.

And besides, I was too busy worrying about Auron to pay any attention to Vox. Although it was kinda funny to see Yuna and Lulu hovering around him, sorta jockeying each other aside with their elbows to ask him about local fiends and his favorite foods. And you should see the looks on Tidus' and Wakka's faces! Ha! Tidus hides his feelings better. But actually, the one that Vox spends the most time with is Kimahri.

Not that I'm paying any attention to him!

Anyway, I'm too busy worrying over Auron and trying to get the crest to answer me. Every now and then, I pull it out and try to get it to answer, but it won't say anything.

"I don't think it's going to respond, Rikku."

"Oh, Auron! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Sorry."

"Why not," I asked as we started walking again, Vox in front, Yuna and Lulu right behind, the guys sulking along behind them, then Kimahri, then us.

"I think...I think it might be...I don't think it wants the blade to know that it's here."

"Oh...uh..."

He shook his head.

"Ask it to explain, Rikku, the next time it'll speak to you."

"Are you starting to trust it?" I asked, surprised.

"No, but even a lie could be useful."

Great. Should it worry me that I'm actually starting to understand when he says things like that?

We stopped for lunch, and Vox and Auron and Kimahri all worked out together, free-for-all. I watched, from a distance. The blue guy is hot. I accept that. And I guess I can say that, and not let it affect how I feel about Auron. And I already knew that really. It's just...I don't want to be attracted to other guys. I don't want to be tempted. And I don't want Auron to be attracted to other girls! Is that so wrong?

_Not wrong, just not practical._

Was that the crest, whispering in my ears? Or was it just...me...growing up?

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Hey, Auron," I asked, later that afternoon, "Do you remember that priest we met on the highroad a week ago? Was...was that for real? The way he acted, what he saud. The way they all acted? Like things had changed? Like they were going to be better? Can it...could it really be that...well, that easy?"

We walked along for a minute before he answered me. He does that a lot. He doesn't answer me right away when I ask him a question. I used to think he was ignoring me, back when I first met him. But then I learned, that if I wait long enough, he always answers.

"Yes, Rikku," he finally said, "It's real. And no, it isn't going to be that easy."

We were passing a rock outcropping, and he stopped for a moment and rested one hand on the stone and pointed back behind us with the other. The sky was clear, but kind of heavy, and could look out to the empty sea for miles and miles all around, at all the green waves rolling away into the distance.

"Back there, Rikku, is the Yevon Valley, back the way we came. We're still not very far from it now. It's to the east of the highroad. The valley is the home of the Crusaders, and the heart of their strength. You've never been to this part of Spira before, have you?"

I stopped when he did, and shook my head at his question.

"In some ways, Rikku, the Yevon Valley is the place in Spira where your people are the most accepted, even more than in Luca. The Church isn't as influential in Luca as it is in the north, so the prejudice against the Al Bhed isn't as strong there. But even in Luca there are some people who support the Church and who hate the Al Bhed. But here, close to the Yevon Valley, it's different."

"Wait, so that priest we met, he was from, uh, here? He wasn't like one of the Bevelle priests?"

I've always tried to stay as far away from priests as I could. That's one of the first things an Al Bhed learns when they travel around. So I haven't been paying a lot of attention, but I guess the ones I've seen in the south were, um, better? Treated me better? Maybe?

"I'm not sure, Rikku," Auron answered, "His accent was northern. But whether he's a local priest or not, the things he said are a sign that things are changing. What we need to do is accelerate the change, and keep anyone from interfering. And be careful that we don't try to speed things up so much that we trigger a backlash."

Oh, I thought, giving myself a mental shake. Yeah. I mean, I was just gonna, like, enjoy it, and maybe hope some more that things would turn out okay. I forgot that this is Auron. If he wants things to turn out a certain way, he doesn't just hope for it, he does what he had to do to make sure it happens.

"So, um, how do we do that?"

He turned and looked at me a little funny when I asked that. Did I ask something stupid? Do I have food on my face?

**Auron:**

We.

**Rikku's Diary:**

He...he reached out and took my hand, and kissed it!

I...I guess I didn't say anything stupid.

"You read the briefing papers, Rikku? About how the Church there in the Yevon Valley is different?"

"Well, some. I mean, there's a lot of papers, ya'know!"

"I know. Well, the Valley is the heart of the Mi'ihen cult."

"Mi'ihen?"

"Yes. The Valley was where Mi'ihen recruited his first followers, to protect the people there from fiends. That's why the Crusaders have their home here. The people in the valley consider Mi'ihen a saint, like Saint Bevelle, but the official church never accepted that. In the past, the official church has tried to suppress the Mi'ihen cult, but it never worked, and it's one reason that the people in the Mi'ihen Valley have always resisted the leadership of Bevelle and followed their own churchmen instead. Every year, many people in the valley travel the Highroad south on a kind of pilgrimage to visit Mi'ihen's statue. There are stories that it has the power to heal. Of course, there are also stories that it walks around at night, but the people believe, and make the journey. Of course, the regular church has never approved of that, and even tried to forbid the practice a couple of times. It never worked."

"And Mi'ihen...what?" I asked. "He liked Al Bhed?"

"Not exactly, but he didn't have anything against them. There have always been a few Al Bhed who lived in this area..."

"Sand-Sea-Sun clan," I muttered. I'm Sun-Moon-Stars. I share one kin-group with them.

"Right, Rikku," he said, "The Sand-Sea-Sun Clan lived in this area. Not a very large clan, and they knew not to challenge Yevon, and the Crusaders and the local priests never worried too much about the Al Bhed one way or the other. And the local people followed their example. And your people, Rikku, are still careful never to push them. I know that Cid gives strict instructions to any Al Bhed who travel to this area to leave the church strictly alone. The Mi'ihen cult has no tradition of hostility with the Al Bhed. In fact, there's...hm...there are a lot of stories, legends about Mi'ihen. One says that some of the original Crusaders were Al Bhed, back before they were called the Crusaders. It's just a story, but people believe stories, Rikku. Stories have power."

"Huh. I guess that's why we could work together on Operation Mi'ihen," I said, a little sadly, and Auron squeezed my hand.

"Yes. So, Rikku, to answer your question, one thing we can do is try to promote the Crusaders and the spread of the Valley's more tolerant version of the faith."

"Huh?"

"Your question, about how we help things to change. No matter what happens in Bevelle, there will be many people who will still wish to follow Yevon. If we promote the Mi'ihen cult, perhaps it can come to dominate."

**Auron:**

That's just one plan, and there are some obvious problems. Most of the personality cults in the Yevon Church are basically geographic. The Mi'ihen cult has its home in the Mi'ihen Valley, the Saint Bevelle cult is centered around that city, and the small Yunalesca cult is strongest in the far north. The high summoners have small cults too, like Ohalland's on Kilika and Yocun's in Luca.

And a new one, only a few years old, on Besaid.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Well," I said, "I guess a Yevon Church that didn't hate the Al Bhed might not be so bad. But, um..."

"Yes?"

I took a deep breath of high country air, and looked around.

"Auron, Mi'ihen isn't a saint. He's unsent! You told me he was the zookeeper!"

"Yes."

Yes? That's it?

I stared at him for a minute, leaning back against the railing. He looked blandly back at me.

"Auron! Isn't that...evil! They all think he's a great guy! And he's UNSENT! Shouldn't we tell them? Or someone?"

"No," he said, and I opened my mouth, but before I could say anything, he went on. "No, Rikku. They wouldn't believe us in the first place, although I think the highest Crusader leaders might already know. And if they did believe us, it would just throw confusion into the ranks of the Crusaders and the church in the Mi'ihen Valley. We don't need that."

"Auron, I get that you want to use the Crusaders, and maybe the Valley, so you don't want them all upset. I get it, I do. But...Auron, all those people are devoting themselves to someone, and he's not what they think. It's a lie. Auron, don't you think they'd want to know? Wouldn't you?"

He didn't answer for a little while. He just looked at me.

"Maybe...maybe we can tell them one day, Rikku."

Well, okay. It's just...

If it was me, I'd want to know.

"If you have some ideas, Rikku, about the Church, you might talk to Wakka."

"Wakka?"

"He's in the Post-Crisis working group that's trying to work out the best ideas for reforming the church."

And while I was trying to wrap my tiny little mind around that, we heard fighting sounds from up ahead where the others were out of sight.

Break time's over!

* * *

**Auron:**

"We're almost there, aren't we?" she asked me quietly, and I squeezed her hand.

Yes, we're almost there.

"I've never been there," she said.

She was dragging her feet a little.

"It's almost evening. We...we won't have to camp there, will we?"

I know Rikku still carries a lot of residual guilt, because she supported the plan, and because so many Al Bhed died there. And Crusaders as well. Rikku does not only care about the Al Bhed.

And then we were there, a huge piece of wreckage was in front of us and Vox told us that the battlefield was on the other side. Rikku hung back as the others started to clamber up, using ropes and handholds left by other travelers.

"Rikku, come on," I said gently, and she nodded and we started to climb.

Ahead of us, Yuna came to the top of the wreckage, and we heard her gasp. And Tidus said, Huh, and Lulu murmured, My, my. And then we were up on top, and Rikku inhaled in pure surprise.

Color.

Past the point where the Al Bhed weapon had once been, the beach was a mass of reds and greens, blues and yellows. Ribbons and streamers and pinwheels danced in the wind. Flags and bunting fluttered around hundreds of markers bright and brave with paint...all the colors of the rainbow, moving with the wind. By one marker, a blitzball decorated with paint. By another, a small model of a ship. A hundred little tributes.

For months, every Al Bhed ship that passed this way, every Al Bhed party that came to this lonely stretch of beach where so many stories had ended, had left their marks of respect. This is how the Al Bhed honor their dead.

With shy glances back at us, the others scrambled down the far side one by one, leaving Rikku and I alone up top. Her arm slipped around my waist, and I looked down and saw tears on her face. But also a little smile.

It seems a thousand years ago now that I sent Mika a message to leave the beach alone. And he did.

**Next: Djose**


	76. Djose Highroad

Hey. So, the guys I like for the new team are still standing on _House_. I personally want the black Mormon, manipulative bitch, and the plastic surgeon. Not that I don't like the others, but I think they'd make the best new team. I will be sorry to see 13 leave, and the overly enthusiastic former foster child. And the old fraud. And the twins. Man, I'll miss the twins. Really, I've liked all the new episodes this season. I even went to the _House_ section to see if anyone had written any fic for the new characters, but there isn't much yet (and no char category for them). It's still mainly Huddy, Hameron, and Wouse. (We thought we had weird names.)

So, if you're ever at an anime convention and you see a light switch and you're really curious what will happen if you switch it off, make sure there isn't a row of artists tables nearby that will be left in the semi-dark when their lights go off and refuse to come back on even after repairmen work on it.

Hey. Most of you guys probably guessed that that thing in the last chapter that came from another story was the Al Bhed burial customs that came from Guardian1's story "the naked dead and her". I really liked that idea, so I stooooo-used it here. I hope she doesn't mind. If she does, I guess I'll change it. (I've been reading some Yuffie-Vincent lately, I guess because people kept saying it was like Rikku-Auron. Anyway, I might mention that Guardian1 also wrote the best Yuffie-Vincent story, "sunshine in winter". It would make you guys cry. Not me, cause I'm a grownup man...but you guys.)

So, spoilers. FFX isn't mine. This is an aurikku. (It didn't start out that way.) This is about characters and the gradual growth of a relationship. In fact, it's so gradual that sometimes it goes backward. It's rated -T-.

I guess I'll dedicate this chapter to Viva La Kitty, cause I've owed her an e-mail for a long time. I don't know if she's reading the story, but if she is, I hope she enjoys the chapter, and I hope that her music studies are going well.

* * *

**Soldier of Spira**

* * *

**Auron:**

A modern day operations plan isn't what most people think. It isn't a list of orders and objectives and assignments and assessments. That's an op-order. Oplans generate op-orders, lots of them. But an oplan isn't an op-order. A modern day oplan is more a collection of lists and timetables than anything else. It's a blueprint for a flow of men and materials into an area. It's an allocation of resources. It says that on this day we need these formations in-country, and these engineer resources here, this much fuel there, this many chaplains, this many gravediggers.

Operation Mi'ihen needed more coffins. It's the mark of an amateur, not having enough.

I am not an amateur.

I am a military professional. I have been for thirty years. And we are winning. The Plan...my plan, that I drafted in Zanarkand...is within its schedule parameters. Events are happening as I predicted they would. There have been surprising developments along the way, but there always are. I allowed for such things.

And I ordered lots of coffins.

* * *

**Djose Highroad**

* * *

**Auron:**

Things have settled back into a kind of rhythm. We're past the Mushroom Rock region now, and approaching Djose on the coast road.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We've started seeing more people now that we're away from that weird rock area. I like it more. There are new fiends to catch, including this one that can turn you into stone, and I can steal something from them that lets me petrify things too! They can also let me stoneproof our armor if I can get enough, or put petrify on a weapon. Auron told me not to bather with stoneproof, cause they really aren't too tough, although they gave the guys a little trouble the first time they came through here. So I think I'll just save up till I have enough to put petrify on Wakka's capture weapon. That should make it a lot easier to catch fiends for the zoo.

There are other travelers on the road now too, and we always stop so Yuna can talk to them, and tell them about what we're doing and what's really going with the church and all that. It's like she's trying to get elected, the way they do in Luca! Really, she shakes hands and I've even seen her kissing a couple of babies! Not that there are many babies out here, but the ones we meet, Yuna kisses them!

I'm starting to get back to myself now. I'm not really bipolar, you know. It's just, the whole thing with Vox, and my dream, and I'm just getting over being sick, and I'm just glad we're out of the Mushroom Rock area. I mean, ordinarily, I love to see new places and new things. It keeps me young. I think maybe I'm at my best when I'm on the move. Really. Auron fell in love with me while we were on the way to Zanarkand. I suppose that could have still happened if we just met at a party, or something. But, maybe not. And I'd probably have still gotten a crush on him if we met at a party, or some get together on Besaid where Yuna had invited both of us.

But then he'd have gone his way after, and I'd have gone my way, and I'd never really have got to know him, and maybe that crush wouldn't have turned into something more if we hadn't been together day after day, you know? And I can't exactly see him chasing after a girl my age to try and spend time with me, so if it weren't for the pilgrimage, maybe we'd never have gotten to where we are. Well, probably not. I'd like to think it would have happened anyway, but I don't really think it would have.

So now we're back on the road and seeing new things (well, new to me) and we're seeing them together, and spending time together at night again just like we did before. And I was looking forward to that, and we were doing it, but then...a couple of things came up.

First...Vox.

I really, really didn't expect Vox.

Vox scared me.

I mean, he's perfectly nice. Well, I mean I guess he's perfectly nice. I've been trying not to get too close to him. (And staying upwind.) He's come up to me a couple of times, to ask a question, or say something like we needed to stop soon. Once he complimented me on my stealing.

I guess it is kinda funny to watch how the others respond to him. I mean, it's not nice when it's Auron thinking I'm funny, but Yuna and Lulu are always trying to be the one to bring him his food, or ask if he needs something to eat, and it's like they can't take their eyes off of him, and of course the guys are just watching them watching him and fuming. Heh. I know I heard Tidus telling Kimahri that he thought there was something about the guy and maybe they should keep him away from Yuna, but Kimahri wouldn't answer him.

Anyway, he's come up and talked to me a couple of times. I don't know why...maybe because Auron is really the only one he actually talks with and he knows Auron and I are together and it sort of rubs off on me? And Vox has a great voice, strong and smooth, but nothing like Auron. Believe me, the sound of their voice is one place where Auron definitely has it all over Vox. (Uh, I mean, there are lots of ways Auron beats Vox! I mean...I didn't mean...oh shut up! You know what I mean!) Anyway, well, it's just funny to see Yuna and Lulu shooting me dirty looks whenever he says anything to me. At least Lulu is so busy flirting with Vox that's she doesn't have time to flirt with Auron!

Honestly, the two of them are like teenaged girls! Well, Yuna is a teenaged girl. Um, they're like a couple of preteens! Yeah, preteens. In their tent one night, we played the game where you have to choose someone to be stuck on a desert island with, and Yuna couldn't choose Tidus, and I couldn't choose Auron. And Yuna and Lulu both chose Vox, and giggled! Well, Lulu came as close to giggling as she comes. I guess it really wasn't very close.

And then they looked at me, and...I dunno. I chose Vox, because there wasn't really anyone else. One of the Psyches, maybe? But it was different now that I knew why I was reacting to Vox. I mean, I don't want to be on a desert island with anyone except Auron, and I know that we're really just rating how hot guys are, it's just...now that I know about the phermones...phermons? Whatever, now that I know about them, is Vox really all that hot?

I mean, I know he's hot. He's got the lean, hard body, the think mane of hair, and when you look into his eyes (which I try not to do) you can see some quiet tragedy in his past. Plus, pretty much all he wears is a loincloth. So yeah, hot. But now I'm wondering how much of it is his being really hot and how much is the chemicals talking. I've thought about telling Yuna and Lulu what Auron told me, but...

Nah.

So, I can handle Vox now, and my own insecurities. I still wish he didn't make me feel the way he does, sometimes, and maybe when we get to Djose I can do something about it, if the airship is there. Still, the whole Vox thing didn't make my memories of the Mushroom Rock area fond ones. So that was one thing about the whole area.

The other...

Besides Vox...there was the whole battleground thing. I know that I'm, well, still feeling some guilt about Operation Mi'ihen, that I pushed for it so hard, and helped convince my dad to try it...and then what happened. So besides just feeling bad about it, because I lost so many people there that I cared about, besides that I was also feeling like it was all my fault.

I talked to Yuna about that once, and also to Brother, and to Linna once. Yuna's had healer training, you know, and part of that is, uh, spiritual healing. Healing the soul, when it hurts. And my soul hurt real bad when I heard what happened at Operation Mi'ihen. And then I read the letter that Auron posted on the sphere net, about the people that died, and what they had died for, and it helped a little, and my soul started to get better. You know?

But I still felt a little guilty, and like I had killed all those people. Yuna told me it wasn't my fault, and so did Brother and so did Linna. But Auron didn't say that. I remember when we first started to talk...really talk. That was back when I guess we were still getting to know each other, and I thought I was just getting a crush on a nice, older guy who wasn't as scary as I thought at first, and he thought I was just some flaky girl that he was starting to care about, but not that way. It was after Home was destroyed, and we had gotten away from Bevelle, that I started going out and keeping him company when he stood watch in the middle of the night, and we would just talk. And one night we were talking about Operation Mi'ihen, and I told him how much his letter had meant to me, and I told him about how I still felt guilty, like it was all my fault, and how I knew that was silly.

But he didn't think it was silly. He explained, really gently, that if I had supported it, then I did carry some of the guilt. He said that I was right to feel that way, but I was wrong to try to carry it all. He said that many others shared the responsibility. I remember sitting in the dim starlight, looking out over the Calm Lands, listening to his rough, smooth, smoky voice telling me that it's the act of a child to try and deny all responsibility, and pretend that nothing is their fault, and it's the act of a child to try to take all the blame, and cry that everything is their fault. An adult accepts their share of blame, but doesn't try and take more.

And I remember that when he told me that, it was like there was a weight on my heart, and most of it got lifted off right in that moment there in the Calm Lands. Not all of it. There was a little guilt still there, and I accepted that and knew that I would carry that much guilt with me for the rest of my life. But I felt...at peace with myself. Because I knew that it was only my true share of guilt that I carried now, only as much as I deserved and no more. And I knew I was strong enough for that.

That's what Auron did for me, instead of just telling me it wasn't my fault.

Sometimes I still forget...Auron isn't like other people.

But, so anyway, so I still had these feelings, strong feelings about Operation Mi'ihen. And that was just something that I lived with, mostly. But now, here we were, almost where it happened, and I knew we were getting closer and closer to the place where the battle had taken place and I just got this growing feeling of dread, you know? And it started out as just a little baby feeling of dread, you know, and then it grew and grew until it was like a big, giant, shoopuff feeling of dread! And I started worrying about what if I got there and there were all the dead bodies still there, even though I knew that they must have buried them all but what if they didn't and they were still there and what if I recognized some of them and...and...

I kinda talked to Auron about it. And he didn't tell me I was being silly. He just held me close that night and said that I wouldn't be alone. He'd be there with me, and the others would be there too. And I felt better, but I was still, uh, I dunno. And then we got there, and we climbed over the wreckage and I didn't want to see what was there, and then I saw.

It was...it was full of color, the way the Al Bhed honor their, um, our dead.

* * *

**Auron:**

We stopped to battle some fiends. We left the actual fighting to Wakka, Tidus, and Rikku. Between them they can easily dispatch the fiends, steal whatever items the fiends have, and Tidus is getting the experience with his special attacks that I want him to. Yuna was watching the fight closely in case anyone needed healing, and Kimahri was staying close to her. I was standing a bit apart and Lulu was hovering nearby because Vox had taken the opportunity to have a word with me.

Vox was telling me about a flyer that was relatively rare in the area. I saw his eyes flick momentarily toward the battle. Rikku ran in fast at steal something from the fiend, and I saw Vox nod.

"She's very good. Very fast."

"Yes," I said, irritated for some reason.

His eyes flicked momentarily toward Kimahri. I know something of the history there, but of course I couldn't bring it up with him. If anyone, I should speak to Kimahri. But I didn't want to do that. Even as I had that thought, anther part of my mind was wondering if I could use the situation for my own purposes, to help convince Kimahri to accept his role as leader among the Ronso, to convince Vox to accompany us willingly if we must go into the Guado Forest.

This is a part of me that I don't suppose I like. A part that manipulates friends and enemies as naturally and unthinkingly as breathing. This is the part of me that showed that sphere to Rikku, not only because she had to see it, but, I realized later, also because I hoped that if she saw it then she would stop...trying so hard to make out relationship a physical one. I wanted her to stop tempting me. So I showed her a sphere, and talked about consequences. And I never even realized what I was doing.

That is a part of me that I don't like.

But before...this...with Rikku...

...it never would have occurred to me that like or dislike might be an issue.

I looked back at the battle. It was almost over. Once again, Rikku rushed in to steal from a fiend, and Vox nodded approval.

Punk.

**Rikku's Diary:**

Something weird happened. We had just fought some fiends (and I stole some semi-cool stuff) but we didn't get going right away because there were some people there and Yuna was giving them her Talk #3—I'm Only One Person, All Of Us Have To Change Spira Together, and Tidus and Kimahri were hanging around her, and Auron was talking with Vox, and Lulu and Wakka were hanging around them, and I was just kinda hanging around with myself cause I didn't really want to be near Vox right then even if Auron was there, and I had already heard Yuna's Talk #3 lot's of times.

"Well, I haven't been a summoner for very long myself, you see! Still, I can't put myself down every time I fail! People are depending on me! They're depending on all of us! Everyone doubts themselves sometimes! I'm only a young girl, but I have to believe that I can succeed, and so can you if we all work together!"

Pause for cheers. Okay, so I was sort of standing on my own, looking out at the ocean and wondering if there were any Al Bhed ships out there and who might be on them, and if they would stop at the battle site, when a man came up to me, and said, "Lady Rikku?"

He wasn't young or old, tall or short, or anything at all really. He was just average. I think he was with the party that Yuna was talking to.

"Uh, yeah."

He smiled a little and held out a piece of paper to me. Maybe he wanted an autograph! I took it, and he nodded, and turned and walked off.

I told you it was weird.

So I open the paper (it was folded over) and there was something written there. It said:

_Who killed Paul?_

That's all. That was the entire thing. I looked around for the guy, but I didn't see him anywhere.

Paul? Who's Paul?

Am I supposed to answer this? Am I suppose to find out who killed Paul? Am I supposed to ask someone? Ask who?

Well, that one's probably obvious. It's probably Auron I'm supposed to ask, if I'm supposed to ask anyone. I glanced over at him still talking with Vox. If it wasn't him, then...Vox? Ask Vox? Or the crest, or Pops, or someone else.

Huh. I shook my head. I didn't need this right now. It was probably something to do with the Church, with Seymour or Mika or Benefice or Ophelia. It's probably some sort of attack on Auron, through me.

Well, I won't ask Auron anything, but I'll tell Auron about this when I get a chance.

* * *

**Auron:**

I know Rikku has been distracted recently. Part of it is Vox. I underestimated the effect that he would have on her. Or rather, I underestimated how upset she would be about the effect he had on her. I suppose it all comes from the fact that this is her first serious relationship. Actually, her first relationship of any kind. And she's insecure.

Willa was younger than Rikku when I first met her, but older than Rikku when we...became involved. But her circumstances were different. Willa was much, much more experienced than Rikku. She had come from a broken home, spent much of her time on the streets, had been a prostitute, and had been in a couple of abusive relationships all before she was the age Rikku is now. Of course, Rikku has also known tragedy in her young life, but different kinds of tragedy. But still...

How much experience had Willa ever had with a normal relationship?

She always told me that the reason she left was that it hurt too much that I didn't love her back. And I know that's true, but looking back now I can remember moments...fleeting incidents...times she seemed nervous, or even frightened. But she wouldn't talk about it. She always said she was all right. Someone told me once that she thought Willa worried a lot about messing up our relationship. I didn't think much about it at the time, but maybe Willa was worried just the way Rikku is. Maybe she was trying too hard to be the perfect, hm, companion.

Maybe that's why she couldn't stop her self-destructive behavior.

This is pointless, now. Except that, it's a lesson to me to take Rikku's feelings about this more seriously. And a reminder to me that Rikku can't do this. She doesn't have past relationships to learn from, to say, That was a mistake, I'm not going to do that this time.

So Vox was one thing bothering her. The other was the battle site. I know she wasn't looking forward to being there. She was afraid of her own reactions, afraid that she'd break down or something. When we climbed to the top of the rubble and she saw the Al Bhed style ribbons, streamers and the rest, I felt her trembling. But she was also smiling. We spent a couple of hours there, and I watched as she wandered among the memorials, looking for the names she knew, sometimes standing silently, other times talking as if to an old friend, hanging her own colored ribbons here and there.

"I wanna come back one day," she said, looking back a last time just before we left. "After I've had a chance to think, and time to get ready. There's a little bear I want to leave next to Xik's grave, and I wanna think of something for Senni. And I need more ribbons. And some colored feathers."

And she seemed better after that. Calmer. She started teasing Yuna and Lulu about having a crush on Vox, and teasing Tidus and Wakka as well. Once, we passed a chest down in a sort of ravine. Rikku was wild because there wasn't any way to get down to it.

"Rikku, we are NOT going to tie our belts together and lower you down. And it's too narrow for Valefor to fit. Maybe we can come back for it later."

"But AURON! What if someone ELSE gets to it FIRST!"

It took a while to drag her away, but I was glad to see her acting more like her old self. All in all, she left the Mushroom Rock area happier than she was when we entered. But I think she is still glad that we're traveling through more normal country now, closer to Djose.

Considering the battles we're fighting, the training we're doing, and Yuna's campaigning, we're making fairly good time. Vox has started joining our training sessions. He's very good, one-on-one, but has little experience fighting as part of a group. And he isn't very interested in learning. Instead, he spars with Tidus or Wakka or me, or sometimes with Kimahri. Watching Kimahri and Vox spar is like watching a mirror dance. The two styles are almost identical. Tidus and Wakka seem very...enthusiastic when they're sparring with Vox, especially if Yuna or Lulu are watching, which they usually are.

Of the ladies, Rikku was the only one who might have sparred with Vox, but she never wanted to. I've been watching at noon as she continues to train hard with Tidus. She's getting faster, and better. I think she would be able to hold her own against Vox, unless she allowed herself to become distracted by him. I know she's still avoiding him whenever she can, and I suppose I have mixed feelings about that. She's spending most of her time with me, and I enjoy that. But I don't like the idea that, in effect, someone has so much control over her.

I was speaking with Tidus one day after they finished their midday session. Rikku was nearby, cleaning herself up a little when Vox came up to her and quietly complimented her on her speed and skill. His words were simple and sincere, and I found myself frowning as she blushed a deep red.

**Rikku's Diary:**

"You are very skilled for one so young," Vox said, standing a little too close. I hadn't even noticed him coming over to me until he spoke up.

"Oh, uh, thanks," I said, looking around, looking everywhere but at him. I didn't want to meet his eyes. I could smell him. He smelled really, really good. Kind of like warm, exotic spices. "Uh...yeah, thanks."

Everyone was looking at us, and I just knew I was blushing. Yuna and Lulu were glaring, and that was kinda funny, but Auron...Auron was frowning, just a little, and I suddenly felt guilty.

"We should spar together," Vox said suddenly, and I turned back to him and then I was looking into his eyes.

Vox has beautiful eyes.

* * *

_Someone was pounding on her head. Just come in already, she thought. And her mouth tasted like...kissing a shoe?_

_She slowly realized that she had a hangover. She didn't drink that much that often, but it did happen sometimes. So that's why the pounding. (Is that why they call it getting hammered?)_

_Where the hell am I?_

_Blearily the young blond pried open her eyes tried to raise her head._

_Ouch. Okay, I'm in bed, lying on my stomach. Don't recognize the room...motel generic._

_Someone else shifted in the bed beside her, behind her, and she froze, realizing that she wasn't alone. The young woman felt a little chill run through her blood._

_Oh man, oh man, oh man! Who was that? She couldn't remember! Oh no no no no no, she didn't do anything that stupid! Why am I naked?_

_Naked?_

_Oh yeah, naked._

_And why does it feel...?_

_NO! No, that's just from the hangover! That's why it's sore! It, uh, gets sore when you, uh, drink too much. Your whole body is sore. It does mean anything, doesn't prove anything, right?_

_She could...NO! Do NOT reach down there. There's no reason to, uh, to...check, cause __nothing__ happened last night!_

_Oh hell._

_What happened last night?_

_She didn't move. Didn't breathe, not wanting to wake him before she figured this out. Him? She __hoped__ Him! (Didn't she? Which would be worse, Him or Her? Please lord, not Them. She couldn't have been that drunk.) Her? She didn't go that way, but who knows when you're that drunk. Maybe a Her would be better. What would Auron think?_

_AURON!_

_Oh __man_

_What __happened last night?_

_Okay, need to breathe now._

_GASP!_

_Did that wake Him?_

_Her?_

_Whatever. No, it didn't. Good._

_Rikku lay very still under the clovers, not moving, breathing shallowly, trying to not think about consequences or the future, trying very hard not to think about a strange man laying next to her in bed, and what would Auron say when he found out, and did he really have to find out? Rikku lay very still, just trying to remember what had happened last night. She remembered..._

_She sat at the bar, nursing a drink and a grudge. They had had a fight. They'd had a lot of those recently._

_Secrets. They fought about all his secrets, all the things he couldn't tell her. She had tried for so long to accept that he had secrets, she had tried so hard not to ask, not to wonder, to be a good girl. But she just got so tired of it and then it all blew up from a little argument over nothing—over dishes or something—and then she was screaming, accusing him of cheating on her on those trips he took, and he was all tight-lipped and biting off his words and calling her a child and a brat, and then it wasn't just a fight, it was a bad fight and she was screaming that he didn't love her he'd never loved her and she'd show him and two could play that game!_

_And she knew he was about to turn and storm out so she stormed out first, stormed out of their little apartment and out into the street where she walked around for a while trying to cool off, but just getting madder and madder until she ducked into a bar and ordered a drink._

_She bought the first drink, but someone else bought her the next, and the one after that. Men came up to her and flirted and bought her drinks with cute names and cute little umbrellas and pieces of fruit, and she let them. Why did she let them, Rikku wondered to herself, lying under the covers next to who-knows-who in some motel. What made that seem like a good idea? Was it because it boosted her ego, and she'd always had these self-image problems? It made her feel better knowing these men wanted her? Or was it because she knew Auron would hate it if he knew, he'd hate the idea of her sitting in a bar letting strange men get her drunk. Oh yeah, he'd hate that._

_She sure showed him._

_Next to her in the bed, someone shifted, and Rikku went stone still. And a little break appeared in Rikku's wall of denial. Up to now, she hadn't let herself think what this might mean. She hadn't dared to. She was married to Auron. She didn't want to hurt him, not really. Hell, she wasn't even mad at him any more. It was just a fight! She never wanted to cheat on him, but...she was drunk! And mad. And horny from the fight! And...and..._

_He'd never forgive her._

_Would he?_

_What if he didn't?_

_She felt tears starting to pull at the corners of her eyes. So now she was hungover and crying, lying naked in bed next...next to..._

_Was her marriage over? Was this how it ended? After everything they had been through?_

_Maybe he would forgive her._

_Would she have forgiven him?_

_Dammit dammit dammit, why'd she have to be that stupid! Why'd she let those guys buy her all those drinks?_

_She remembered leaving the bar, two of the men helping her because she was a little unsteady. Where was she trying to go? Home maybe, or maybe nowhere. The cool air outside cleared her head a little. The two—three?—men were leading her down the street, and she was going with them. They were holding her, their hands all over her. What the hell? She shook her head and pulled away._

"_Hey, hey, it's all right. Our place is just over here, and you can rest there."_

"_Yeah, and maybe we'll have some fun...you know, music, some more booze."_

"_Shut up, Pav. Come on, it isn't far. You can rest, slip out of those shoes."_

_He tugged at her arm, and she lost her balance, falling against him. He grabbed her, slipping an arm around her and holding her up._

"_Whoa, okay, you're fine."_

_His arm slipped down while he spoke, rubbing her back, and then his hand was cupping her rear. It felt kind of..._

"_Hey!" she said, shoving him away hard, falling against the wall of the alley._

_Alley?_

_They were all around her now, saying things, calling her things. Hands pulled her blouse up over her chest, grabbing at her breasts, pulling at the straps of her bra. She tried to push their hands away, but she was pinned against the wall, their bodies pressing against hers, and their hands were pulling at her belt, trying to shove her shorts down over her hips..._

_Suddenly something shoved her hard, and then again, and then the bodies against her were gone and she was sliding down the wall, sliding down to the dirty pavement when strong hands gripped her gently and pulled her up._

"_A-Auron?"_

_Then she caught the spicy scent of him._

"_Lady Rikku?"_

_Vox._

"_Lady Rikku, are you all right?" he asked, holding her up easily. A little thrill ran through her as she felt his strong hands and looked up into his eyes. She remembered him from their journey, years ago. He had always been kind, and polite. She trusted him.  
_

"_I...I'm fine. I...I have to...go..."_

"_Lady Rikku, you are not fine. Are you hurt? Is there somewhere I can take you?"_

_Was there? Her mind was still foggy, from the alcohol, from the...almost rape?...and from the scent of him. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. And he was...carrying her? How did that happen? But it was nice. And then..._

_Oh god...Rikku shivered under her covers, remembering._

_Then they were in his room, in a motel nearby. She sat on the edge of his bed, blouse off, while he knelt in front of her, bandaged all her cuts and scrapes. Her eyes closed as his strong, gentle hands moved over her skin. Then she felt him trail razor-sharp fingertips lightly up her bare stomach, tracing a line just under her breasts. She opened her eyes, and his face was close to hers. She shook her head, thinking this wasn't right._

_He was so close, she couldn't think straight. The room smelled like him. The bed smelled like him. He was tugging at her bra, pulling her close while he leaned down, and..._

_The bed shifted under her. He was waking up! Oh god oh god she didn't want to face the reality. She squeezed her eyes shut and curled away from him. She wasn't ready! Please, please be a dream, please, please, please..._

"_Rikku...?"_

_Her eyes snapped open, and her breath caught in her throat. Then she rolled over so fast that her head bumped against his shoulder. OW!_

_Was it...?_

"_A-Auron?"_

"_Rikku, are you alright?" he asked, reaching out to her._

_It was. She threw herself against him, slamming her still sore body against his hard ridged bare chest, clinging to him like a lost child._

_Thankyouthankyouthankyou she whispered over and over to herself, while he put his arms around her._

"_Rikku, what's wrong?"_

"_Auron...what happened?"_

"_Hm, what do you remember?"_

"_We...we had a fight," she said, face against his chest. Then she put out her tongue and softly licked one of his nipples._

"_Yes," he said, smiling. "You ran out. I should have gone after you, but I was too angry. I was starting to worry, hours later, when you called. You said you had had a fight, sort of with Vox. You asked me to come get you."_

"_A fight...?"_

"_From what you said when I got here, it sounded like he tried to...make an advance. And he didn't want to take no for an answer."_

"_I...I think I remember. I told him that if he hurt me, you'd literally tear him apart," she said, sucking on his nipple now, gently biting it. "And he believed me. He said he was sorry, I think."_

"_He, ah!, he was gone when I got here. I might have, ah!, gone after him once I made sure you were all right—I might still go after him—but you said something about him saving you earlier."_

"_He did, I think," she said, one of her hands slipping down to his lap, down under the covers. One of his strong hands was rubbing circles on her back, and the other was working its way between her legs. "So, I guess...I guess we made up."_

"_Not really," he said, leaning over to kiss her neck, "But we stayed. And we both said we were sorry. So I suppose the fight is over."_

"_I am sorry, Auron," she said, looking up at him. "I'm sorry for the fight, and I'm sorry for...I mean, cause...I'm, I'm sorry if something almost, kinda, maybe might have happened. I don't want that. I never want to hurt you. Never."_

_Auron lifted his head from her neck and looked back at her._

"_I trust you, Rikku."_

_She smiled._

_Yeah._

* * *

I guess...I guess it is okay t be attracted to other men. I don't really want to be, but I guess it doesn't make me a, uh, a slut, or anything. It doesn't msn something will happen. And I guess it's even okay for Auron to be attracted to other women. I guess it doesn't really mean anything, as long as we trust each other. 

"Lady Rikku?"

"Huh?"

"We should spar together one day."

"Oh, uh," I looked over at Auron real quick. He was still watching us. Hee hee! "Well I'll think about it. Cause I wouldn't want to hurt ya."

**Auron:**

I saw Rikku look at me, then back at Vox, and then back at me again with a small smile. Then she said something to him and they both laughed a little.

Now what does that mean?

"Jealous?" Tidus snickered next to me.

Of course not.

Punk.

**Rikku's Diary:**

We're getting closer to Djose now. Auron's been in kind of a grumpy mood. I know, I know. How can you tell? But I can tell. I think...I think...heeeee's jealous! Not a lot. Just a little.

I wonder how jealous he might be if I started talking to Vox more? Hee hee! It's a kind of an ego boost, you know? Oh, well, it might be better if I didn't try anything like that. I know Auron wouldn't like it if I played games like that, and I know he wouldn't play games like that on me. He wouldn't try to make himself feel better by making me feel bad. So I'm not going to do that to him.

But I SO could!

Oh well. It's nice to think about, anyway.

"Rikku?"

"EH! NOTHING!"

**Auron:**

What?

**Rikku's Diary:**

"Hm, I was wondering if everything was all right. You've been very quiet."

"Oh, yeah, sure. Totally."

Stupid face...blushing again. I wasn't gonna do it.

Oh yeah.

"Uh, well, actually, Auron, there is something."

"Yes?"

"Uh, this morning, while the rest of you were busy, a guy came up to me, and he gave me this. I don't know what it's all about."

Where did I put that note?

"Gave you what, Rikku?"

"Just a sec, just a sec. Here it is!"

I handed him the paper, and he took it and unfolded it and read it.

_Who killed Paul?_

I watched him read it, and it was like his face turned to stone. There suddenly wasn't any emotion in it at all.

"Auron?"

He didn't hear me, or didn't answer.

"Auron?" I repeated. We had both stopped now.

"Who gave you this, Rikku?" he asked.

"Um, it was just a guy. I didn't know him."

"What did he look like?"

"Well, he didn't really look like anything. He wasn't Al Bhed. He wasn't tall or short, or fat or skinny. He was just a guy...really ordinary. I don't even know if I would recognize him again."

He was still looking at me, but not really. He was looking through me, seeing something that wasn't here.

"Auron?"

"I killed Paul," he said, and started walking. Huh? I followed, but he sped up, and we caught up to the others and went right through them. Lulu and Yuna and Tidus and Wakka threw questioning looks at me, but all I could do was shrug at them. Auron went right up to Vox, who was in the lead. Vox stopped and turned to Auron, and I hung back a little, but still close enough to hear.

Auron turned to us and snapped, "Stay here," and led Vox off a little way. They talked, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Vox turned and looked at me once, and I think Auron said something sharp to him. After a while Vox nodded and jogged off down the road.

"Auron?" I said, as we walked up to join him.

"Sir Auron?" Yuna said, "Where is Vox going?"

"I sent him ahead. I had some messages that I needed him to deliver. He might rejoin us before we get to Djose."

"Hey, old man, is there some problem? Are we in danger? More than normal, I mean?"

"Is it the dark summoner?" Lulu asked while I clipped Tidus for calling Auron Old Man. I saw Yuna's eyes go wide.

"No," Auron said, "And I don't think we're in real danger, but keep an eye out while we travel."

"Do we need to, uh, hurry, Sir Auron?" Wakka asked, looking around him like he thought we'd be attacked any second.

"We don't dawdle, but I don't think we need to push too hard, Auron answered, "Just be careful."

"Do we—" Tidus started, but Auron didn't let him finish.

"No time to waste," he said, turning away, "Let's go."

And so we all followed.

Tidus took the lead and Kimahri, Wakka and Lulu closed up around Yuna. We were all a little more subdued than we had been. We talked less, and I saw the other's eyes darting around, making sure there was no unexpected danger. I guess all of us had been feeling kinda safe, you know, being in the south where people like Yuna, and the fiends are pretty weak. But now it was like back in the early days of the pilgrimage last year. I remember a while back thinking that I missed those days when we were all so close and had a simple sense of purpose, before things got so complicated.

I guess I forgot how scared I was sometimes back then.

"Fiends!"

"Hey! We need that one, ya!"

Well, after a few easy battles with fiends, we all started to loosen up again. It wasn't like before...we were still being careful, but we made a few jokes, and smiled a little. It was more like it was before, you know? Maybe part of it was that Vox wasn't here. It was just us again. Tidus said something back to us, and Yuna smiled at him. Wakka said something and Lulu pinched him! Ha!

But Auron slouched along at the back, not talking to anyone. Even me.

* * *

**Auron:**

"Auron?" she said later that night, as she lay on the ground next to me. "Do you want to talk about it now?"

Not really.

"Auron?"

It looked a little like rain. Clouds drifted across the stars, and there was a smell of it in the air.

"Sorry, Rikku. It isn't...I killed Paul. A man named Paul, in Zanarkand. Tidus's Zanarakand."

He collected rainbows.

"Rainbows?"

Did I say that out loud?

"Yes, Rikku. Rainbows."

"Why did you kill him?"

Maybe it'll rain tomorrow. No one likes marching through the rain, but, sometimes I enjoy it for a little while.

"I needed the rainbows."

She didn't say anything for a long time after that. I remember times I've stood, or walked, letting the rain slowly clean all the mud and dirt off me.

"Auron?"

"Yes, Rikku."

"I know you, some. And I know that if you tried to save someone and failed, you'd probably say you killed them. So...Paul..."

"I stabbed him in the chest with my sword, and dragged it down and out through his gut."

She didn't say anything...

...(when will it start raining?)...

...but she held onto my hand.

Eventually, it was time for me to take over the watch from Tidus. I got up, pulling my hand out of hers.

"Auron...was there anything else you could have done?"

Was there?

"No," I said, and walked away.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

I know that Auron opens up more to me than anyone else. More than Tidus, or Jecht, or that Willa chick. I know he does. But I still wish he'd open up more. I just want to help him more.

_Who killed Paul?_

Well, now I know it was an attack on Auron. An attack through me? Why give the note to me?

I asked Auron...I was careful what to ask him. I didn't ask if it was right, or if he deserved to die, or if it was an accident, or even why. I asked if he had any choice.

No, he said, and walked away.

I thought about that for a long time, and then I followed him out to keep him company, the way I always do. We didn't talk. He didn't and I didn't. But I sat next to him, and neither one of us was alone.

* * *

**Rikku's Diary:**

Auron was still being all quiet the next day. Well, it was a quiet day. The Djose Highroad is really bleaker than the Mushroom Rock area, at least this part of it is. At least the Mushroom Rock area had, uh, mushroom rocks. They were interesting to look at, even if I was distracted a lot of the time. Of course I couldn't stand the clop clop clop of our shoes on the ground there after a while.

We ran into a party of miners headed for the Mushroom Rock to search for gilstone, and Yuna buttonholed them and started talking and the rest of us sort of tuned out. I recognized the start of Talk #1, The Church Has Lied. I had support duty, so I was trying to nod and smile without actually listening.

"I have cast aside Yevon! I follow the temple no more! Yevon has warped the teachings and betrayed us all! No, we will not flee. We will fight, and continue on!"

Maybe tone it down a little, Yunie? I smile and nod. After we got moving again, Yuna was sort of off in a world of her own. She gets like that after she's been addressing the public, sort of smiling and zoning out for a little while. We sort of led her by the arm.

"Oh, Rikku," she said, snapping out of it, "One of the miners gave this to me while I was signing autographs. It has your name on it."

She held out a neatly folded piece of paper.

I took it, my steps slowing. It had my name written on the outside. I wasn't sure I should, but I opened it.

_Why did they fall?_

It was another one. I glanced back at Auron. He was looking down. I quickly stuffed the note into my pocket and hurried to catch up with Yuna. Man, I've spent the last couple of weeks avoiding Vox, now he's gone and here I am avoiding Auron. Why? Because I don't know what to do!

_Why did they fall?_

I guess he pushed them, or did something else to them, that's why. This note, it's an attack on him. Auron. I know it! Just like the last one was. So, do I give it to him? Why would I do that? That's what they want me to do. Right? And they're trying to hurt him, whoever they are, right? So why would I do that? Okay, but what else can I do? Ignore it? Burn it?

I'm getting a headache.

It took me twenty minutes to figure it out. The headache, I mean. Then I slipped my hand into a secret little pocket, and fumbled the crest out of its wrapping.

"Shh!" I whispered when I was in contact with it, "Wait til we take a break!"

A half-hour later, Yuna was giving Talk #6 to some Crusaders, and Auron was talking to their officer, and I slipped away next to the water and pulled out the crest.

_Tell him._

"Well, hello to you too!"

_Rikku, he needs to know._

"Know what? Tell me what's going on. And where have you been? Hiding from the blade all this time?"

_Yes. Now call Auron over here!_

"I will, but first I want some answers!"

_(Sigh.) Rikku...Rikku, do you have brothers?_

"B-brothers?"

"She has one brother."

"Auron!"

"She has one brother, and you know it," he said, looking back and forth between me and the crest in my hand. I looked around and saw the others were all busy.

"We're stopping here for lunch," Auron said, coolly, "It's a little early, but when I saw you chatting with the crest..."

Slowly, reluctantly, I reached my other hand into my pouch and found the note.

"Another one," Auron said, tonelessly. He looked back up at me, "Where did it come from, Rikku?"

"One of the miners gave it to Yuna, but it had my name on it, so she gave it to me." He took it. "Auron, don't open it! It's someone trying to hurt you! Why play their game?"

He opened it and read it.

_Why did they fall?_

**Auron:**

Why did they fall?

I pushed them.

_Auron, you know who is doing this._

"What! Who?" Rikku asked.

Yes. I know now.

The blade.

* * *

**Auron:**

I told Rikku I needed to speak with the crest alone, and asked her to give us a few minutes. She wasn't happy. She glared a little, but she agreed, leaving me with the crest in my hand.

It's the blade.

Paul, Red one...these are memories that it managed to pull out of my dreams. Memories of Zanarkand.

_Obviously. That isn't the question._

True.

Why is it going through Rikku?

_Auron, what does the blade want?_

To be whole. It wants me to put the sword back together.

_Are you planning to do that?_

No. Obviously.

_So the blade will try to force you to._

How? By threatening Rikku?

_I don't think so. It isn't really threatening her. Those men are obviously agents._

Obviously. The Mushroom Rock region is the heart of the sword cult. It's a lonely, uninhabited place. The blade is hidden there, and it is the most powerful piece.

_Much more powerful than I._

Obviously.

So if the crest can operate through and even control four, five, even six men...the blade can control...

_Hundreds..._

_The blade has put small pieces of itself inside hundreds of men and women and spread them through the region. Anyone you meet could be his agent. He could be speaking through any person you've talked to. In a very real way, Auron, the Mushroom Rock belongs to the blade._

Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't Rin?

_Rin didn't know._

And you?

_I had my own reasons. And I didn't think not knowing put you or Rikku in any danger, so I wasn't breaking my oath._

Convince me. Why isn't Rikku in danger?

_What motive does the blade have to hurt her? How does that help it? The blade wants only one thing, for the sword to be reunited. How does hurting Rikku further that?_

Is it threatening Rikku?

_That might make more sense, the only problem is that it's not. None of this has threatened Rikku. This is more subtle. I think...I think it's threatening you._

The blade never struck me as particularly thoughtful.

_I grant you that brute force is its more usual style._

What is Rikku's part in this? If it's threatening me, why not do it directly?

_Auron...what do you fear?_

Many, many things.

_Auron...the blade is revealing bits and pieces of your life to Rikku. That's the threat._

Yes...

Yes, I understand now.

That's the threat.

If I don't do what it wants...

The blade will tell Rikku that I am unsent.

**Next: Divergence**


End file.
